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circa aurora Throughout the disjointed time of lockdown 2020, I had the time and space to revisit some of my favourite songs, and learn some new ones. I was moved to create a collection of these covers, in a project I have called Circa Aurora - around the time of Corona. Whenever I felt the need, I will be added to this collection. These songs are ones I have generally not covered before, and in all I have endeavoured to put my own stamp on each by commissioning a tailored backing, changing the key, tempo or tune. Online initiatives such as @homegrownsuperstarsau on Instagram have encouraged me to look outside my comfort zone when it comes to song choices, styles and genres. I have relished the fresh task of allowing my imagination and creativity to run wild. Click on each image to listen to the track or hear them all in my Spotify playlist here

Sarah Hens Australian blogger S3 Ep93 Listen and subscribe on Spotify and itunes/Apple podcasts My guest this week is Sarah Hens, Sarah is a blogger from the Blue Mountains in NSW Australia, and a mum of 1. Following a pregnancy that almost claimed her life, Sarah was compelled to record her own experience with preeclampsia , eclampsia and birth trauma . She used wriiting as a way to not only record what happened so she wouldn't forget (at times being in the ICU and coming in and out of consciousness), but to work through her experience and to make sense of it. Initially Sarah's words were only for herself, and she didn't expect to share it, however as time went on, she found that through sharing her own experience she could help others, and particularly share a voice in Australia. She also shares other's through her blog The Pesky Placenta Society. ***Please be aware this episode conains a lot of discussion around pregnancy and birth trauma, perinatal trauma, PND, PTSD and a near death medical episode*** Sarah - Website / Instagram / Sarah's pre ecampsia story Podcast - instagram / website Downtown Abbey episode If today’s episode is triggering for you in any way I encourage you to seek help from those around you, medical professionals or from resources on line. I have compiled a list of great international resources here Music used with permission from Alemjo my new age and ambient music trio. When chatting to my guests I greatly appreciate their openness and honestly in sharing their stories. If at any stage their information is found to be incorrect, the podcast bears no responsibility for guests' inaccuracies. Podcast transcript at the bottom of the page Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode of The Art of Being A Mum Podcast. I'm beyond honoured that you're here and would be grateful if you could take 2 minutes to leave me a 5-star review in iTunes or wherever you are listening. It really helps! This way together we can inspire, connect and bring in to the light even more stories from creative mums. Want to connect? Take a screenshot of this episode and share it on Instagram tagging me in with @art_of_being_a_mum_podcast I can't wait to connect. And remember if you or somebody you know would like to be a guest on the podcast, get in touch ! I love meeting and chatting to mammas from all creative backgrounds, from all around the world! Thank you! Alison acknowledges this Land of the Berrin (Mount Gambier) Region as the Traditional Lands of the Bungandidj People and acknowledge these First Nations people as the custodians of the Region. Ch eck out more episodes ..... Welcome to the Art of Being a mum podcast, where I Alison Newman, a singer songwriter, and Ozzy mum of two enjoys honest and inspiring conversations with artists and creators about the joys and issues they've encountered. While trying to be a mum and continue to create. You'll hear themes like the mental juggle, changes in identity, how their work has been influenced by motherhood, mum guilt, cultural norms, and we also stray into territory such as the patriarchy, feminism, and capitalism. You can find links to my guests and topics we discussed in the shownotes along with a link to the music played, how to get in touch, and a link to join our supportive and lively community on Instagram. I'll always put a trigger warning if we discuss sensitive topics on the podcast. But if at any time you're concerned about your mental health, I urge you to talk to those around you reach out to health professionals, or seek out resources online, I've compiled a list of international resources which can be accessed on the podcast landing page, Alison Newman dotnet slash podcast, the art of being a mom we'd like to acknowledge the traditional owners of the land and water, which this podcast is recorded on as being the Bondic people in the barren region of South Australia. I'm working on land that was never seen it. And welcome to the podcast. It's so lovely to have you here for wherever you are around the world. Want to take this opportunity to remind you to subscribe to my weekly email. You'll be the first to hear about the upcoming episodes, who's on next week, and some other little gifts and discounts and other things that I'd like to share. Just head to the webpage Alison newman.net/podcast and you'll scroll down and see the signup sheet. This week. My guest is Sarah hens. Sarah is a blogger from the Blue Mountains in Sydney, New South Wales, and she's a mom of one. Sarah has a background as a social worker and has spent many years working in the department for Child Protection. Following a pregnancy that almost claimed her life Sara was compelled to record her own experiences with preeclampsia, preeclampsia and a tremendous birth trauma. She used her writing as a way to not only record what happened so she wouldn't forget at times being in the ICU and coming in and out of consciousness, but to work through her experience and to make sense of it. Initially, Sarah's words were only meant for herself. She didn't expect to share it. However, as time went on, she found that through sharing her own experience, she could help others and particularly share a voice from Australia. She also now shares other's stories through her blog that pesky placenta society. Please be aware this episode is quite full on. It does contain a lot of discussion around pregnancy and birth trauma, perinatal trauma, postnatal depression, PTSD, and a near death medical experience. I really appreciate Sara's openness and honesty in sharing in today's episode. Thanks so much for coming on. Sarah. It's lovely to meet you today. Thanks for having me. That's absolute pleasure. And I I have heard that this is your first podcast so it's exciting to have you all. Oh, don't be nervous. We just pretend it's you and me. We're just having a fun chat. With like literally 1000s of people listening. Not that many maybe. So good. So good fun. So we're about to finish Australia. I am on Derek country in the Blue Mountains in South Wales beautiful Yeah, yes. It's very lovely. I've been from Derek country my whole life so I was on a different different part in the Hawkesbury in the mountains gal. Beautiful I've never been a bit I've seen plenty of photos and yeah you neither is it the three sisters and we've got 45 minutes from there so I'm not going to lower like pretty much the first bit of the ego call Mountain is where it is and then there's lots more mountain often Yeah, right i Oh awesome. Oh lovely. That sounds like a nice place to live. So are you a fairway from Sydney? Where you are then? All the closer Yeah. Oh, that's good. Yeah. Do you go into Sydney much you have to go in? Often I was it was weird. So obviously with COVID we're all stuck you know for ages but I went to the opera house for two different shows like three weeks taught and I haven't been there for so long. I went there twice in one month so that was pretty good. I do love a city day because I don't really there I find the city very interesting and like you Yeah, I couldn't imagine living in a city. I mean, I've I mean Adelaide and and if you've ever been to Adelaide, but that's not exactly a proper city. It's like a bit country town. Basically, everyone chases Adelaide because it's yeah, it's easy to drive in. So it's not really a city. Fucking like a map of Sydney. No one knew literally, was the first place that any one job like anything. Yeah, yeah, they weren't, weren't considering the future when they made Sydney. Really were they, too but yeah, that's nice for a visit. I haven't been there for a long time. But yeah, nice for trip. But I would hate to live in a place like that. I just, it's not my thing. I like a bit of space around me. Yeah. Yeah. Ah, so you by trade, a social worker? When did you first get into that sort of thing? Was it something you're always interested in? Being when you're growing up? Not professionally, I think I have been like a little social worker from the beginning. My mom actually said years like after I decided to actually study it. She was like, I knew you were going to be that because I was just always that person that like the kids at school that are having my mom and dad were having issues or, you know, they'd always come and find me and like be crying in the bathroom. So via without me for a long time, but actually going into it because I didn't know what I wanted to do. I was never one of those people that was like, Yes, I'm going to be a doctor or a teacher. And then I remember when I was looking at different degrees, I thought, Okay, this sounds pretty broad. Like, I feel like I could make this work in lots of different areas. And then as I did my best placement was with in child protection. And I love that, which sounds weird, because it doesn't sound like a sort of job you should love. You know, actually, I can relate to that, because I work on the other side of it in early childhood education. Yeah, I have actually great admiration for what you guys do on the other side, I could definitely not do it myself. So yeah. It's definitely a job that makes or breaks you for sure. Sometimes you're not really sure where it's going. But I did my placement there. Did another placement overseas. And I thought, yeah, this is a job that I want to do. So I was there for nearly six years before I went on that week. Actually resigned my position a couple of months ago, because the circumstances surrounding my birth left me with some more pressure issues that it's no surprise child protection does not help your blood pressure. Stay down. Yes, sort of gave that out recently, which feels still, it doesn't feel real. Like I still can't believe I'm not going back. But yeah, social work can take me anywhere. So I know that I have heaps of options and lots of experience now. So I'm excited to see where I am. Yeah, not good on yeah, like I said, I think what you guys do on that other side, oh, my god, like I, I quit, I was working in a law firm, just before I decided to completely change and go into child childcare and early childhood education because I was finding out things about things happening in my town that I didn't want to know about. Like, I'm, I'm a very sensitive person, and I find it hard not to take on other people's emotions and situations and experiences. So you know, I'd be sitting there typing, affidavits of people who are coming through the court system for, for doing horrible things to children and young people. And I thought I can't I can't keep doing this. And I said to my husband, I need to I need to help the children. Like in my mind, it was like help the children he's like, but you are helping the children and you're putting their perpetrators to court, you're contributing to that process. Like no, but I need to have my hands on the children like I just had this feeling I needed to be able to hold the children and you know, pick up stuff and reports and do that sort of stuff rather than, you know, the real hardcore stuff, which I'm just not cut out for at all. Because I mean, I honestly like I look at people that are in education, and I just think you have the patience of a saint. I'll protect the kids but after them skills, I think knowing where you fit is so important because you know, otherwise you're just forcing a job you hate and then if you think it's really cool perspective to early childhood, like most people just kind of love little kids and love working with them but I think bring a bit of an extra skill to it. Kind of having seen We're helping kids don't? Yeah, absolutely. And yeah, it really, it really makes your days so much more focused and more productive. Because a lot of people have an idea that childcare and I mean, it kindy at the moment is literally sitting on the floor playing with kids all day. Like, they think it's just some, like fancy way out of doing nothing. And so oh my gosh, like, no, like, people come in and do work experience or the they do their placement and they just go oh, it's not what I thought it was gonna be like, it is really demanding work and physically but also emotionally and mentally. You know, you're focusing on these little people and it's not just, I don't know, it's, it's such a broad scope of what you're looking at, for this child. Like this do the same job as you I'm just hearing the amount of just the admin side of it. Yeah, that's writing individualized notes for each child. And every day I'm gonna be like, favorite anything otherwise apathetic parent ever. Did you have lunch? Great, great. Good. Like I'm, I'm in awe of people that can keep up with that. Like, it's just not what I'm seeing, you know, she makes all her little activities and stuff you're taking and there's so much passion that goes into teaching kids question that I do not have. Very impressed. It's interesting how it all fits together, isn't it? How we will play a little cards and yeah, now good Anya, I really have a lot of admiration for you guys story. I first discovered you on Instagram, with your very awesome named account the pesky placenta society, which is brilliant. Can you tell me how you came up with that day? So it was it was not my first one. I was actually thinking today. I will come with the page like and I looked at some of the graphics I did in the beginning. Ugly. I had. Yeah, I had another name initially. And that was like part of one of my favorite quotes, which I still love. But you know, it wasn't mine. And I think as the space started to grow, and you know, people actually seem to care about what I was. I thought, No, I want to I want to move forward as something that's just me. And from the beginning of my pregnancy, I had the anterior placenta, which is at the front, so I would always call it pecky. Because it meant that I couldn't feel as much movement. I had so many trips to the hospital being like, oh, my gosh, and then the second thing had gone who'd be like, Connie told my Microcenter pesky from from day one. But then I ended up diagnosed with preeclampsia. So it became like, super speed as pesky as it can be. And I think that having a I was worrying people would think I was making light of it, that sometimes I do, like, that's just how I am. And I think it's quite the and it's weird. And that's, that's me. Yeah, absolutely. You know, there are so many people out there that not just for vanity reasons, there's so many issues you can have with your placenta. It's just a fun little way of honoring the journey. Yeah. Yeah, no, I love it. I think it's really cool. Because I think, I mean, there's so many people out there, everyone's got a different way of dealing with or processing issues and an account that might be really clinical and crisp and coming at it from a, you know, medical area, whatever, that might not see everybody, you know, like I I sort of have a joke when I talk about my placenta, that it's been pesky as well. It's sort of had a I don't know what the official name is. I've been trying to find it but it basically the blood flow was compromised from about 28 weeks. So then that meant that the baby didn't develop. And basically he stopped growing was dental insufficiency. Placental insufficiency. Yeah. So I sort of make a joke about that myself because my son when he was born, he was four pound 14. But he was completely formed, you know, he had his lungs were formed, everything was developed. He was all there. But he was just really tiny. He had no fat on him. He come out like looking like a skeleton rabbit. Like these tiny things, and you could see his diaphragm like when he was breathing like you could see every little muscle and everything inside him. So when people were still here quite little now. And they'll say, oh, yeah, he's a little little tack here. And I'll just say, oh, yeah, my plus Cena kind of stuff working. You know, I say it is a bit of a joke like. So yeah, I can appreciate where you're coming from. I mean, it's good. I think it's good to share in that way do you want to share a little bit more about that experience for you finding out you had that anterior placenta and sort of how things progressed from that point? Yeah, so um, well, I looking back now I had high blood pressure from like the beginning of my pregnancy, because life was quite stressful, and I got pregnant and stayed. So for probably about half the pregnancy to similar things happening in life. So I was pretty frequently stuck in hospital for the blood pressure profiles, or they can be there for like three or four hours and check it. So I was used to that. And preeclampsia is something that like, it was mentioned when I booked in, because they run through the symptoms, just keep an eye out for these. But I didn't, they never really went through what it was what would happen like, anything like that. So I knew it existed, I knew it was serious, I knew I needed to look out for it. And I, on the anxious side of the spectrum. I was constantly worried. I mean, really, pregnancy just amplifies any mental health that you have what in my experience. So I was constantly, you know, panicking, that I was gonna get sick or something. And all that kind of thing. And then when I started to actually get symptoms, you know, I was going, Oh, my gosh, like, am I just making a big deal out of this? Because I'm anxious, or is this really a thing and, you know, every appointment, I've run all this stuff by the obese, and I wasn't seeing the same person consistently, because I was just booked into public hospital. And towards the end of the pregnancy, I stepped on weight really fast, which is another symptom because you start to swell, and you get the edema and all that. But the conversation sort of turned to like trying to make me go to an obesity clinic instead. And this is not the same, like, I know what's healthy and what's not. And I wasn't in like the peak of fitness. When I got pregnant, I'll be the first one to acknowledge that this was different, like it was just so quick. And I had all these other things. Like in all the great times the symptoms, there was only one or I didn't in the end. And so I just didn't feel like I was being taken seriously. And I went to a different hospital, which has been more focused on women's health. And they're the high risk hospital for a huge geographical area. And so I went in and I was diagnosed that day. And I was there for about a week. My blood pressure still is an extreme, like, every doctor I see. They're like, that's not possible. And then my son was born rather than 35 Lakes, I got very sick very quickly and died. And I actually went into the realm of fantasy, which is where you start to see ease. So that happened literally a few minutes after they came and checked me. So the timing was all just perfect. And yeah, so it was all very fast and scary. And and yeah, just crazy. And I think it took me a long time to reassess what had happened. But that sort of then led me to this world of perinatal trauma and the online space has been so helpful, remain silent, not anyone literally in my personal life who's had a similar story. Lots of people like to tell you, they know how you feel when they actually do it. Yeah. And it's always well mannered, but it's not the same. And so, yes, trauma, you own that, but it's not the same. And so I think finding people who could say actually, oh, my gosh, that happened to me. And there's so many intricacies in processing your trauma that I think a lot of people generalize. When you find someone who can be like, No, I had that exact thought like it's just really, it's comforting and it makes you feel like you're not crazy. Yeah, that's it, isn't it? Yeah, yeah. And I think too, like I've been left with lifelong problems like I will be on blood pressure medication till I die. We which is more likely to be from like a heart attack now. And, you know, there's just so many things that preeclampsia makes you vulnerable to forever. So it's, it doesn't end with the birth. I think for some people it does, and that's great. But for me, you know, I'm in that sort of tiny categories, people who just another gonna have normal blood pressure. And that's still something I'm cranky on some days. But it's easily manageable. I think it's just another thing that I have to think about now. And you become a parent, like your brain is just going 100 miles an hour as it is, and then you've got to try and remember your own health, which it doesn't come first anymore. So that's what like, I have to have reminders on my phone, like to take a pill and I've never had to do that before, but it's just how my brain works now. Yeah. That's a real, like, brief summary of it. I mean, I have the whole story typed up for people to read on my website. But yeah, sure. Yeah. That's probably the quickest I can summarize what happened. Yeah, that's interesting. You know, this, the preeclampsia, I was the same like people would mentioned. And so yeah, watch out for this wherever. But it was almost like a passing comment. And it wasn't explained that if this did happen, then this this, this would happen. And we'd have to do this, this and this, like, it was just really general. And I think I knew one girl that had to get induced because she had it. But it was like, I didn't really ever understand what it was. And then when you're saying there about, you basically went from preeclampsia to actual preeclampsia. And then it's the thing that now you're dealing with for the rest of your life. I actually didn't know that. So yeah, I'm pleased that you sharing misinformation, because learning suddenly, your clients your side of things is not, I mean, it's not as common like pregnancy as a five to 8% of all pregnancies. So it's like not a lot, but also a lot of when we think of how many pregnancies there are a very small percentage of that. And I think, on paper, I don't think they would have diagnosed me with that, because it sort of started to happen as they were delivering him. So I think they managed to sort of stop it in time, but I did. So it was like my bottom haul, started seizing change. It was like I was trying to do setups like that I couldn't control it. But that's not like talks about the only thing I knew was there's like an episode of Downton Abbey where one of the characters dies from eclampsia. thing that we're talking about? So like it's really not like preeclampsia in and of itself isn't talked about. But then for the people who have that next step. It classier like it's even more quiet. So I try to be as honest as I can just because people need that, like, I need your help. I'm gonna do this. Yeah, I'm very open book. Yeah. Yeah, no, I appreciate that. It's wonderful. It's wonderful. I often say that. It's like, the people that are capable of sharing. It's not like, it's not like yeesh you've obliged to do it, or you have to do it. But it's good. If you can do it for the people that can't share necessarily. So I love that you can do it. And yeah, thank you for doing just on that. Was that. Was that Sybil? Did she have preeclampsia? Yeah, yes. Yeah. So they, I watched the episode. After, I think my son was a few months old. I was watching through it again. And I was like, okay, like, I can do this. But oh my gosh, like the whole I just cried and cried the whole way through. Because I think I have these moments where, like, I just realized, oh, man, I'm gonna cry now. I just realized how close I was like, and that's such a scary thought and watching it, you know, in a big show with all these famous people, like it was just a bit surreal kind of going, Oh, my gosh, that was me. I mean, obviously, in the show, she passes away, and there's a lot of people that do and, and I was so close to that. And so I think the feeling of getting that close, and then coming back is like its whole own category of using being as open as I can about it. Because I know that no matter how stupid I think authority is or how dark it might be, like someone else out there has either had it or is having it right now. And I think that's you gotta have people who can go like, you know, with, you know, crazy, you know, what processing looks like is what trauma does to our brains. Yeah. Trauma is my bread and butter. Like that's what Yeah. And so I know it very intimately on an academic level. I'm personally but then I sort of have these two halves of my brain where, literally, we have two halves. It was sort of like a kid is the emotional side, it's freaking out. And you know, what's happening? I don't know who I am anymore. And then there's the logical brain, my brain like we studied this, we know this. We know what's gonna happen next. Hobbs that we're constantly surprising each other, indicating very well. So he was very strange going through that, like knowing trauma as much as I do. And that's when it's you. All bets are off. Like, it's just totally different when you're the subject of it. So, yeah, yeah, I think there's a lot, a lot of sort of niche stuff, I guess that I can relate to the people. And in the context, like the preeclampsia world, and the perinatal Tron world online is so dominated by the US, which is not a bad thing. Like, they have a lot of people. But I think it's really nice when you can find someone that understands your culture, and your geographical context, and our health system is different. And like all that sort of thing. So I think it's been nice to be able to slot into that space. That was kind of empty. And obviously, there are a lot of survivors and stuff that have accounts, but I think that's more about just their, their life and that kind of thing. Whereas I wanted something that was more open to help people have a space to be like, Oh my gosh, this happened to me, and it sucked. So yeah, I always get very excited when I find other creators. Yeah, for sure. We are literally in comparison to the rest of the world. So I think it's nice that this space is growing in a way that is relatable and accessible to everyone. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. When did you decide that you wanted to share this with others and create this account and get it out there? When was that sort of, in your mind, I started so writing has always not always, but as an adult, I suppose it's been my outlet. And I've never really thought of myself as an autistic person, I think of myself as a creative person. And in my head, they're different things. So I, I was that 2023. So 10 years ago, I was very chronically disliked mystery illness. So I used writing to kind of express that to people because it's really hard to just like sit and talk environment about what's going on. And I found that to be really helpful just for me to get my thoughts out, but also to be able to give them to other people and be like, This is what I'm trying to say. And so from there, you know, I do a few little topical EcoLog stuff over the years about different social justice issues or, or things like that. And then you know, that kind of stopped his life got busier and, and then when my son was born, and I got really sick, I actually started writing it down just to try and remember what happened because neurologically impaired, but also, so called fentanyl, which is a really heavy duty, because they had to start my C section before the anesthetic studying. So he was like, I'm gonna pump you with as much as I can. So I was really out of it for several hours in and out of consciousness in the ICU. And so when I woke up like in the postnatal ward, I was like, I have no idea what just happened. And it's just in flushes coming back to me, I started to just jot those down, knowing that at some stage, I was going to need to write it out properly, and you know, make it sound nice. And then as I did that, like, I didn't have the intention of publicly sharing it. I think I was going to share it like with some close friends and family and just kind of Yeah, there was so much like, particularly the postpartum period as well, like there's so much that I could have verbalized that I could write about. And so I had planned to share it with some and then a few ladies in my life who are midwives and community nurses that I knew who were were very lovely and cared for me very well. After my son was born, and they were like this is get this would help people like if you share this, it would help someone. Yeah, and I just thought you know what, like, on the off chance that there is one person raised there goes and goes, oh my gosh, like, and has that moment that I had reading all the stories? You know, it's what, like, it's worth the vulnerability is that what you say? And experience could help another person start to heal. And I thought, Okay, I'll just do it. And it was lovely. Like literally the day that I started the account, I got a message from someone on the Central Coast in New South Wales. Oh my gosh, like you're the first person in Australia that I've come across who has had a story that's a bit like mine. And I was just so like, it was just the nicest thing to hear obviously, not that they went through that. I know. What I wanted happens, like so fast. And and that's been, it's really been twofold. Like, it's helped me get a lot of stuff out that I needed to, but it's also helped a lot of people start to do that for themselves. And that's just, yeah, it's been really helpful. For me, I think having something to occupy my mind when you're stuck with, you know, a feed or a nap or whatever it is, like having something I can focus on, and still have that best that's beyond just being a mom like that. That's so important to me in a way that I didn't see coming. Like I expected to just be so in love with motherhood, and then it happened. And I was like, this is not what's in the movies. Yeah. So I think having this has been really like, salvation. For me, I think for my mental health, but just having something to do, like, you know, you just feel so the immobile sometimes as a stay at home parent. Having having an outlet to still create and share and stuff has been essential for me. Yeah, and it's led me to some really lovely people. So that's always a bonus as well. Yeah. And on that. I noticed on your, your web, your web page that you share stories from other mums? Yeah. And did that start to happen fairly quickly? Or is that something that you sort of happened as you went along? Meeting people and stuff. I think that wasn't like, an intention that I have, in the beginning, it sort of organically happened, I think. And not just about like people with preeclampsia. Like, there's so many things that I'm passionate about, like, as a social worker, you care about a lot of things. You know, there's not really a topic that I'm not happy to share. But I just started with, like my sister's story, you know, she had pregnancy loss, and then had my nephew on Christmas Eve, and had a really difficult postpartum period. And so he wrote that up. And, you know, the more I sort of started sharing, the more I thought, there's so many things that are just like, what I went through that someone else is sitting there going like, Okay, I didn't have preeclampsia, but I had a miscarriage, it stopped. So I think I like to keep it fairly open. And I know like, all the advice you get with like social media is assigned a nation stick to it. And it was like, there's too many things. Like, I looked at some other accounts that have these beautiful, like, stains with the colors. And you know, that one's spotty. And that one's got flowers. And I just thought pink, so I thought I might as well be like that with my website. Exactly. Yes. Yeah. So I think it's really cool. Like the amount of people who hoo do contact me and go, like, I want to, I don't know where to start, like, so at first, it was just sharing stuff that people had already written out. But now it's kind of at a, you know, guiding people through that. And that's been a real privilege to, you know, sit with someone, well sit with someone online, and kind of help them say what they want to say in a way that fits who they are, and their experience, and just the excitement and the emotion that they have in their story going out there. And, like, it's just so special when someone comes to me and says, like, I've never shared this before, but I really want to, and that's just beautiful. Like, it's a connection that, you know, I've never had in any other way. Yeah, so it's been great. And there's just so many people in my own life that I think like your stories and people need to hear it. Yeah. So I do not have nagged a few people. But it's great for them. Like I love seeing other people have that moment of like, okay, people hear my story, and I take it seriously. And, you know, my story has value. And yes, yes, storytelling is like the ancient form of communication. And I think we lost that a little bit over time. And so I think, sort of stepping back into that has been more emotional than I expected. And just an honor, like I always just feel so privileged when somebody trusts me with that, like, it's a really big responsibility. So I do take it very seriously. Yeah, that's lovely. I think people can sometimes think that what they've got to say isn't a value because they don't hold a status in society, or because they don't have 100,000 followers or, you know, because whatever reason people can sort of, what's that? That? Yeah, they can, they can really diminish the value of the, of what they've got to say, and it's even people that I've had on this on this podcast over the years, they are I'm not creative, I'm not good enough. I'm not whatever it's like, I can see that you are, you know, I'm not telling you, you know, I'm not going to force people, you know, you have to be on the show. And just give people a bit of time to think about it, like to support them. And then people will come back to me and go, actually, yes, I would like to come on, you know, and that's like, yes. Like, I feel like, I want you to see yourself as we see, you know, like, you have so much to add and even someone the other day, just as are wrapping up the episode that like, I hope that was okay, I feel like I, what I've got to say isn't isn't good enough, or isn't big enough. It's like, seriously, like, I like you sit with someone for an hour or an hour and a half. And you just take, like what they've got to say so valuable. Like I just I want people to feel like empowered that they have a space and they have, they have people that will find value in what they have to say, you know, absolutely, people. We are our own worst critics as women. We're taught to believe that we need to be bigger and better than we are. And so I do it myself all the time. Like, I second guessed everything I look at even stuff like my life story, like Medically speaking, I should be dead. Like I survived something that even my specialists couldn't make sense. So, like I know that to be and still understand. Oh, it's not interesting. You know, we played Dan Brown it was actually your, like, you know, your list of things that you talked about on the podcast? Yeah. Yeah. So when I read through that, and there's the whole section on McGill, and I was just like, I mean, I've been reflecting on that so much, because I think I had this realization of like, obviously, I can relate to mom guilt, but it's just this extension of like, woman guilt that I've had my whole life. And, you know, a Carlin's like yeah, I've been a bit obsessed with that idea, since I read that a few weeks ago, and I just thought, oh my gosh, like, so much mental energy goes into being a woman that, then is exacerbated as a mother because there's all these expectations on you. And no, we really have this like, No, I'm not enough of the stuff that I should be in a hole, but I'm too much of stuff. And we have this contradiction that we just sit in all the time. And yeah, like, just my own experience happened. And I still doubt it. Like, I went through, like, medical evidence that it happened, and I still kind of feel maybe I'm just making a big deal. But like, I shouldn't even deal with it. Because that's what it is. And that's the same of any story. Like anything that's happened to you is important and relatable, and I'm trying so hard not to or to challenge I guess that that little voice that I have of like, got to make sure everything's perfect. Why? Yeah, yeah, Little did you know that your email like unleashed this whole war. I'm so pleased. And my work here is done. Exactly. Then I read the rest of your list as I got to my mind. It really did make me think about like, how I where I placed my value as a mom and just as a person. And how much subtle stuff there is out there telling us what we need to be like I'm well and truly good enough for my son and I know that but I still you know, I don't know how many times a day I convinced myself that's not true. Particularly because like my postpartum, I did not like my baby for a solid two months of his life. And that still makes me feel horrible to say out loud. But it's true like I was so like wrecked from everything that happened and separated from him, you know, I didn't get to meet him for 24 hours. But even then my brain just doesn't when other people have to wait more than that, like some people have to wait a week. You trying to justify Yeah, I still didn't meet my babies for 24 hours. And so I think that really affected the way that I make sense of it is that it affected my ability to bond to him, because even though I didn't meet him, like I met him the next day or the next night, and then I was still in the ICU a day or so. And then I was on a different word to him because he was in special care. And like I say, session was so fast that I could barely walk like it was yeah, you know, I find out how long other sections went for. And I think Oh, my God, mine was not that long, like, so it was very rough. And like, physically, I was quite damaged. I mean, nothing was wrong, but it was just super and yeah, so it was, it was a full week, like until we went home. And then, you know, I had this tiny human, and I just look at him and be like, I don't want to feel these things for you. And I don't. And so that was like a whole journey. And I think that really affected how I could view myself as a mom, because in my head, I was like, what sort of doesn't like me, like, what sort of mom doesn't want to spend time with her baby, you know, because we get told this beautiful view of motherhood, which it can be like, I have those feelings now of just joy. And you know, I look at him and I want to eat him. And but when you don't have that, from day one, I think the world sort of wants you to believe that there's something wrong with you. And there was something wrong with me that was completely out of my control. And I needed a lot of help. But that didn't make me a bad mom, you know, I met his needs, and that sort of thing. So I think going into motherhood that way, it really, really made that voice very loud. That told me that I wasn't enough of this. I was too much of that my son doesn't. Like all that kind of thing was so loud for the first little while of his life. And thankfully, you know, therapy and medication has made that voice much more quiet. But it's still there. And I think that's what sucks thing a woman like that voice is always in the back of your head kind of telling you that it's your fault, or you need to do this and you need to Yeah, you haven't done good enough or you haven't done the right thing. Yeah. I think women have the role. We are given the role of making sure everything's great. We get no credit for that. And then if something goes wrong, we get blamed for that. Yes, it's like an impossible task. Isn't it? Like, you're set up to fail right from the start? Yes. Yeah. I even tried to do an experiment last week. I was like, You know what, because I can't be the only one that's done this. I bumped into like a chair, my ankle, like get the chair like and I apologize. Yeah. What? I just apologize for pieces. Like that's how brainwashed I've been to believe that. Everything is my fault just for existing. I was like, You know what, I'm gonna do an experiment in the next 24 hours. I'm going to count how many times I apologize. Not so like stuff because I've actually done wrong, but just as apologies that we make, like, as an instinct. I couldn't keep up not because there was heaps, I just, it's so natural in my brain to be like, I'm so sorry I exist, that I couldn't count them. And I thought that's so sad. Like, it's so sad. My husband doesn't have that problem ever. Like, I've never seen him apologize to a chair. I've seen any man apologize to a chair. So I think like there's so much work for me to do, but it's exhausting that I have to do. And then like trying to do all of this at the same time as being a mom like, oh, yeah, we have a lot on our shoulders and no one you can't see it. It's there. And yeah, I just think the more honest we can be about motherhood the good guy, but I don't think we just need to focus So on the yucky parts, but everyone has yucky parts. And if we pretend that we don't we just, we do such a disservice to each other as women, and as moms by convincing ourselves that we need to be perfect. And, you know, so I am so grateful to have found, I think, a community of people who are all trying to be really honest about the crap, because we're all gonna have it, you know, we'll all have the great times too. But I think we need each other, to be really honest about how hard it can be to transition into parenthood, and then to stay there like, yeah, yeah. And then all those stages that come through, you know, like, it's brought up, and then they change. And it's like, yeah, you're just constantly learning from scratch. And so I think, yeah, I think stay at home parents are like the backbone of society. Podcast, honestly, that that is another group of people I have so much respect for, because I couldn't do it, I literally couldn't do it, I think I have a certain amount of minutes in my day that I can be completely focused on my children. And then I've got to go do something else. Because it's like, my brain just doesn't have the capacity for that. I need that outlet, I need something for me. But I feel like the patriarchy and that system that's been set up, it encourages us to compete against each other, you know, it's pits us against each other, she's doing this, or I can do this, blah, blah, and what you're saying, I totally 100% agree with, like, sharing what's real, sharing the challenges and saying, It's okay, we all have crap times, you know, like, I'm, I'm getting so good. Now, it just, you know, laughing about the fact that my kids can't find their shoes in the morning. Like, it's just, you know, it's we never, ever really sprays morning, and that's what life is. And then also, you know, being kind to myself and going, you're not going to You can't expect this, like TV or Hollywood version of life. You know, I found that really tricky. with mine, having both my boys by never had a spontaneous, like going into labor. So I never got that moment of oh, my waters broken down the street or, you know, like, the on the on the telly. And never, I never had a normal, normal. I'll put that in air quotes, because that's such thing as normal, but a straightforward birth without complications. I've had one that was born in an hour and a half, and one that was born by emergency C section. And you have these images in your mind of what's going to happen when the baby's born, they put it on you, and this happens, and you go home and everything's, it's like, it's bullshit. It's just setting you up for trouble and failure in your mind. Because that's not life. It's not real. So the more we can tell each other, that what is happening to us is normal, and his life and things are gonna go wrong. And things aren't always gonna go the way we expect. And the better, we'll all be, I think, absolutely. You have your dream book. And this is something that actually my therapist, that's me, I think, you know, first session, I was very lucky that I was able to get into see a perinatal trauma therapist who actually knows what she's talking about. And she said, You know, I see a lot of women like me that have bursts that are just horrendous, but I also see a lot of women who have the birth that they wanted, and still were left feeling traumatized by something. And so like, you know, I believe that women can birth and they can do it safely, and they can do it freely. But I also believe there are a lot of us that even if all goes to plan, we're still gonna walk away traumatized, and that's okay. And yeah, I just thought, oh my gosh, you think about like, like, just the baby blues, the hormones and my when my sister was about to have the baby, I said to her, I was like, isn't gonna make sense now. But it will was like those first two weeks, you're going to feel like the world is ending and that it never going to change. But it will like it just will when you hit that sort of two week mark, and you're home and settle down, like, the fog will pass and be able to see everything again. So remember that first time, she was like, What am I done? I don't know what I'm doing, like, everything's wrong, and it's never gonna get better. I was like, I told you this was gonna happen. I was like, it's predictable. And sure enough, within a fortnight, she's like, Oh, this isn't so that. Things like that, where we try and we make this sort of beautiful newborn bottle that. I mean, some people have gone yeah, but a lot of us don't like I feel like more people struggle than not. And, you know, we shouldn't be honest about that. Because otherwise we make parents who just feel like they're broken from day one. Yeah, yeah, there's something wrong with you. Yeah, it sucks because it's like there's something inherent about you that's wrong. And that's had like fighting that and challenging that is It's a lot of mental work and needs to go daily to keep alive. Like, yeah, that's it, isn't it? It's all encompassing. Yes, yeah. You're listening to the art of being a mom with my mum, Alison Newman. When you said before about not having that sort of the connection with your son a little bit of time, I wanted to say something about that, but I'm not sure how to word it. And I don't want to keep talking about myself, because this isn't my show. But what it is, but you know what I mean, it's not my special episode. So I'm conscious of that. So I might, but I'm sort of trying to lead into it with it. I had an experience where I was because of this the second child emergency C section, I was so and I might be a little bit selfish, but I was thinking, I have to heal, right, my body has been cut open, how many other layers you go through, it's the most invasive surgery you can have. You know, and then I'm not allowed to lift things. I'm not allowed to drive. So I can't you know, I'm physically bound to my home. I couldn't really walk that well. Like, I was still recovering from that. And I thought, No, I'm expected to take care of this baby. And I thought this is bullshit. You know, how is this right? And I was quite, I guess, resentful. Probably the right word. So I found it difficult to sort of be all in, in this happy bubble land of baby because it was like, hang on a second. What about me? Yeah, you know, and then I thought, I can't say that, because it's all about the baby. You know what I mean? Did you? Yeah, I think because my therapist asked me outright, she was like, Do you blame your son for what happened? Like, do you because I was talking about this, like, I don't feel anything like, I know that I'm supposed to be all mushy and love him more than anything. And I don't feel it. And she was like to blame him for getting sick and nearly dying. And I could honestly say, No, what I did blame him for was taking all of that time. And I couldn't focus on healing myself, like that. I felt like every time, you know, I'd need to do something. And not just like, medical appointments, because I don't want to have appointments. So appointment to do for the first two weeks of his life. So obviously, I had to go to those. But every time I wanted to pay, he'd start crying. And I'd be like, Oh, my gosh, I can't even go to the toilet without failing you as a parent. And so I did, I have a lot of resent, I think towards him. Not, I don't know, because that sounds like a strong word. But that's what it was. You know, I just I looked at him. And I'd be like, because of you I can't be okay. That's just that was my reality at the time. And thankfully, you know, I have a husband who loves being a dad, and, you know, spent the first week being really the sole parent. And he took that on and has just run with it, you know, from day one, and not everybody has that. So I'm very blessed in that way. I had a mom who was at my house every day, you know, to do all the chores, like, you know, I have my little village that and I still was like that I need to be me again. That was like, I think after you have any kind of traumatic birth, figuring out who you are, is hard. Because you can't go back to what you were not who you want to be yet. You're just this like in between person that you don't recognize. And then you have this little squealing child that you know needs. They're relentless, relentless, and they should be exposed today. But when you're in that space of trying to just like survive, it's sort of the last thing that you need. And so I did, I felt really like a lot of that struggle to attach to him was because he was the barrier at the same time and overcoming that is difficult. And I had lots of support, and I still struggled. So there are a lot of people out there and it may be gave me so much respect for the families that I've worked with in the past. I was like, you know, the fact that like, your kid is five and like, I'm only hearing you that now it's like this is not so stressed that I was under with every possible support I could want. Yeah, it really made me realize who was in my corner. So that was a good thing, but I definitely you know, I'd look at this perfect little face and I'd be like yeah, and that just felt like I felt like a monster. I felt like some awful like, troll that had crawled out from under the bridge and like hated the baby. But like that Here's how I felt, I felt like I was on my own. I felt like, I'd made this huge mistake and brought this child into the world that I didn't want. And that, you know, I really felt like I never would like I'd look at, you know, moms loving their kids. And I'd be like, how do you do? Like, I don't have that, and I want that. And I did get there. But, you know, two months is a long time really, when you think about how much I had to do to get to that point. So it's just yeah, I think it feels like it goes against our nature as women to say out loud, like, I do not like my baby. And that is that we have to stay in, because people feel that way. Like, and that's what I mean, like, you can care for a child and meet all their needs and still not have that joy. And that's okay. Yeah, yeah. One day might not be swimming, but it happens slowly. And thankfully, I got there in time. I needed to have that space to heal. Like, I don't think I think I'd still be struggling if I didn't have the ability to prioritize like it was a bit of a weird silver lining of a traumatic birth was that I could leave him with people. And know he was okay. You know, I know so many moms that who have that beautiful oxytocin rush at birth, who they'd be thinking about their baby nonstop and your brains. Our brains are supposed to be wired that way. Right? And so and I just be like, yeah, that's, yeah, that's a good point, actually. Now you say it, I feel felt the same way. But I hadn't really put my finger on it. Cuz he, he, as soon as you know, he was born, he was whisked off to the little box thing they put him in to keep them warm. And he was also given formula. And that was like a weight off of my shoulders. Because not all on me anymore. I am like, the biggest formula fan. In the world, I literally had no choice because my milk never came in. But I was so desperate diversity, and again, fell to the mother because I couldn't. But formula meant that I could recover. But I could leave who was my husband and I could have four nights of sleep. Like, it just gave us something that I don't think we could have had. I addressed it. And honestly, if I have another one, I don't think I even want to try breastfeeding because I was traumatized by the process of it not working. But I actually reflecting not that long ago, and I this is one of those things, I'd totally forgotten that. That sort of really emphasized my, where I was sitting in terms of like, not having a lot of emotion for my baby. I took him for a six week noodles. And my sister was with me and you know, the nurse was like, giving me all this prep on like, you're gonna be really distressed because he's gonna cry and it's gonna upset you. And I said, No, I'll be fine. She was like, No, really, like, everyone says that and then they burst into tears. So just be ready. And in my head, I was like, I don't care. Like, I don't care if he cried. And then he did. He started crying. And she looked at me and she was like, patting my arm. She's like, he's okay. And I literally looked her in the eye and I won't be sad, worse. And she just raised her eyebrows and I can see what's happening. My sister's sitting there with tears pouring down and she's like, just sitting there so indifferent. I completely forgot that happened. And my sister the other day, she was like, Yeah, you would not okay. Yeah, yeah. That's how I felt like I listened to him cry, and I felt nothing. And like, I was just what happened? I can't change it. And, you know, it didn't mean that I didn't care about him or like, I think I was. I did a lot of distancing, I think because I was just expecting to die like at any moment, I was not real panic of you know, it's not over yet. Because preeclampsia you can develop up to six weeks after you have a baby. So yeah, so you can have postpartum preeclampsia or help syndrome or pregnancy, which are like the sort of more severe versions. And so I knew that I was still in that time frame like I so I think I spent a long time trying not to get to know him because I thought if something happens to me like it's going to be harder for you. You to them not have a mom, like, you know, here's this big you didn't know what was happening. But that's how I was rationalizing. And so it was hard like trying to survive and care for a baby and still be yourself and find things that make you happy. And you just get bombarded with all of these things. I just need to rest, restaurants appearances is difficult. But I'm glad that I prioritized it because I think it gave me strength to then try and make the other things more positive or whatever. Yeah, but I mean, again, back to like, being a woman, resting is nowhere else. So even though I just been sliced open to my very core and back together really quickly, and you know, all that stuff. I was still like, no, like, I don't deserve rest. But, you know, that's just what I needed. So I think my body eventually just gave out and would just go to sleep, like at a moment's notice. You know, yes, my son had to wait, sometimes it meant that I could do it. And now, you know, I lost him. And I have all of those feelings that I wanted. And you know, that stuff came in time. It's hard, when the only stories that you're seeing and hearing are people that, you know, have that moment where they're on their chest, and they kiss the partner, and they have this beautiful golden hour. And, you know, and that's all you see, it's very hard to see your own experience as worth anything or real or, like, you just kind of look with envy, or these videos. Like, I still feel weird. I still feel weird seeing videos of, you know, moms that have their babies immediately placed on them, or like, I just instantly still feel jealous. You know, obviously, I would not wish my experience on anyone. But I, you know, I wanted that for me. And I didn't get it. And that was its own grief, like processing the loss of experience that I felt good about was a huge part of coming to terms. Yeah, yeah. What happens when your baby? Let's see, isn't it? And the thing that annoys me is like, people say, Arpit, women have been having babies for 1000s of years, blah, blah, blah, and it's like, but hang on a sec. So many things would have gone wrong over those 1000s of years. And I wanted to ask, and I don't know if this might be an insensitive question. So you can tell me to bugger off if you want to. But did you ever say that you sort of had any sort of feelings about when you talked before about being so close to death and surviving? Did you ever think like, imagine if I was, you know, in a third world country, or imagine if I was stuck at home, or you know how things would have gone 100% Particularly because preeclampsia I mean, the fatality statistics, the vast majority, like are in developing countries, because they don't have prenatal care and all that sort of thing. But even like, if I had done what my OB told me to do, I will be dead. If I had just gone home and relaxed and you know, not thought about it, and like, there's no way like I would have had a seizure at home, my blood pressure went insane. And then I would have died at home. Like it absolutely would have happened. So yes, that was on my mind, a lot like the timing of it was, was just, I see it as a miracle as someone who has faith, but like I said, when you have preeclampsia in hospital, they check your blood pressure, at least hourly. So it's very frequent. And mine was very unpredictable. So the medication wasn't really working. And so they were checking me super frequently. In the space of half an hour I went from like not concerning to our version of the code blue, which is called a map call. And that's where everyone runs in and they do all your tests. And, you know, within 15 minutes of that I started seizing 20 minutes later, my son was born and I was off to the ICU. So like the speed at which all of that happened. And like the fact that I was in hospital like I'm so proud of myself while listening to my gut instinct being like, Hey, I know you see the paranoid with your health, but let's go get checked in anyway. I yeah, I just thought and I still think so often of women who don't survive because they don't have access to what they need. To whether that's a medical professional or medication or whatever, like I think I was in the absolute best place I could have been when that happened. And even then it was a close call. So I marveled at the timing of everything and I just, my heart breaks every time I read a story about a mum, either a mum who dies or a baby like this preeclampsia can very quickly lead to placental abruption, which is very difficult for a little one to survive. And just a number of stories that I've read that sounds similar to mine, but they end with somebody passing away is heartbreaking. And, you know, regardless of what country you're in, but particularly for vulnerable women, you know, whether that's your racial background, or geographically where you live, like, there's just so much that factors into what kind of care you get. And like, I can't fault the kid that I had, like it was absolutely spot on and save my life. But yeah, the amount of people that don't have that is just so upsetting. And preeclampsia is just such a weird, like, no one knows why it happens. Like, it's still this big mystery that affects so many people, and particularly, you know, in developing countries, or even in some rural areas where you're really far away from your health care, I just think, oh my gosh, like if I even I was thinking about, like, I brought my mat lay forward because of my blood pressure. And I was like, I could have still been at work. Like, I could have still been, obviously, it was a Saturday. So, you know, wouldn't have been at work. But like that could have happened on a weekday, like the first day that I got really, really sick, was a Wednesday at lunchtime. And so I just couldn't stop thinking about like, the what ifs? What if person? Yeah, most anxiety people are, but I think I have to dwell on them a little bit. Like I have to give them some space to play out. Otherwise, they just played my mind. So you work through them? Yeah. There's so many aspects of my son's birth that I was like, Oh, my gosh, what is that? What is that? And thankfully, none of them came to pass. But yeah, it's very surreal, I think to look at what could have happened very easily what could have happened? And I'm reminded of that, because every time they see a doctor, they want to know, like, what happened to my blood pressure? And they looked at me like, I don't think you're right. Like, I don't think that's possible. And yet, yes, yes, it's possible because here I stand. So like, I get this reminder at every appointment, I thought there's no way you could have survived that. I think, I know, that's not like, as a yay, but it doesn't make me feel better. I hope to that in my lifetime, we see an answer to how to prevent it. Like, because that's what's scary about everything. Nervous gutters, and you can still get it. How do you? How do you? How do you fight that? I'm very passionate about and research and all that kind of thing now, on a witness just because, you know, I had everything I needed to know what it was. And it still took me by surprise. So the amount of people that you know, if they have a dodgy healthcare provider, or you know, there's so many things that could lead to you not not taking any notice, or just pregnancy being uncomfortable. Like there's so many symptoms of preeclampsia that you could just go oh, well, you know, I'm pregnant. So yeah, what I'm supposed to feel like shit. And like, sometimes. But I think like, yeah, it's just it's so important for women to trust themselves. Yes, yeah. We know that we know when we got feel good. And I can pretty much guarantee that everyone in the world, or at least in the developed world, will have a experience of trying to share something with particularly a male provider and being told like, no, that's not possible or like to go for a walk in assumption, or something like that when we're talking about a life threatening illness. That people can I walk away feeling dismissed. And then like within a week, I nearly died. That's a big deal. And the reason I didn't was because I went, you know what stuff you I'm gonna go and get it anyway. And 10 years ago, I wouldn't have had that, like, I wouldn't have had the confidence to trust myself. So, because we are taught to believe that what we think is less than why because of it, because we tell ourselves that we're just making a big deal out of nothing, but yet someone else knows better. So we couldn't possibly be right. To be like our own hype girl, like I'm getting, that's my goal is to try and be like, yes. I don't care if you can get stupid. Yeah, look this off. There was a post. I don't know how long ago I saw it on Instagram. It was basically people sharing their stories of times when, and this was in, in labor, particularly when they weren't listened to. And the amount of stories it was just appalling. And some of the outcomes were quite serious. And I mean, I didn't have it, I had a little a little moment like that, where by my like I said before, my son was born an hour and a half. And the he was my first delivery. And the doctor sort of joked I'll see you in 10 to 14 hours, you know, he went off to do a cesarean or something. And I literally felt within about half an hour that I felt like, I needed to push like, I felt like this, like I needed to do a poll. Basically, I described it as though there was a bowling ball coming out of my bottom. That's how it felt. And I said to the nurse, I feel like I've got a push. And she just looked at me with a shock on her face. And she she just she freaked out. And she went and got him. And he come in and he just went surely not like this. And I just thought you fucker. Anyway, he did an internal and he could feel the baby's head. I was like, Why don't you listen to us? We know what's going on in our bodies, like, Damn, you all makes us so cross. Yeah, it shouldn't be revolutionary for a doctor to believe that you're not feeling good. Like, literally your job. Guess to deal with sick people. So if I'm sitting here, whether that's I'm ready to push, or whether that's like, Hey, Doc, I've had a headache and dizziness for like two years, and I don't know what's wrong. Like, it's actually your job to listen to me and to believe me. And you know what my husband's never walked away from an appointment being made to feel like he doesn't know what's wrong. He just, he's always, I love him dearly. He's always like, just shocked when he hears these stories of like, this actually happened. Like I had an appointment once I went in, because I have it's a form of tinnitus, that like you can hear your heartbeat really loudly and it was getting me up at night, like I couldn't sleep. So it was really bad. And you know, because I don't trust doctors. Sometimes I Googled it. And I was like, Okay, this could be a brain tumor. So I should probably go check. I went into this doctor, I explained it. And he told me that I probably just need to drink more water. Oh, and then looked at my file and saw that I have PCOS, polycystic ovarian syndrome. And so she talked to me about that. And I said, I know like, I'm not managing that, like with my other doctor. I'm just here because I want to check that this isn't serious. And he proceeded to lecture me on my fertility for about 15 minutes, we really should start thinking about like trying to have a baby soon at this point. I was not with my husband, I was not in a place where I wanted to have a baby, or anything like that. And I was like, I just hear about my ear. Like, I'm here to talk to you about a noise in my ear. And you're trying to talk to me about my ovaries like this actually isn't any of your business, right? You're overstepping your boundaries. So much like energy has to challenge that in the moment. Like I think, again, experience I hear so often, including my own as women, as you sit in this appointment, just completely astounded at what you're hearing that the first time you try and challenge it, they shut it down. And it's like, you know what, whatever, like, do you speech? I'll go home. I'll Google it some more figured out. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, we shouldn't have to resort to Google, we should be able to go to any doctor and say, Hey, these are my symptoms returned. What could it be? Yeah. And I think I look I've had these experiences with female healthcare providers to I think it's not just men but I immediately have like, my like antennas go up if I have to see a male doctor because I just my first ever experience that I was talking about at the start of this 10 years ago, I got Lyme disease when I was in America. Yeah, we don't have that here quote, unquote. So there's no testing for it. There's no anything so I was sick with this for nearly two years. But at the start of it, you know, I had all these symptoms. I went to a GP that I Just could get into. So I was 18 at the time, or sorry, just 19. So a baby, a baby with no backbone. And so I sat down and you know, they asked you if there's a possibility can be pregnant, which is fine, because they have to. And I said, No. And he came back to it. And he was happy. You sure? And I said, Yo, I've never been sexually active. So I'm pretty confident. And he literally he raised his eyebrows and said to me, I find that hard to believe. Ah, what do you say to that? Like, I dare anyone to say that to me now, like, with the amount of no crap given that I have now, you know, I hate him. But back then, like our baby, 19 year old with no self esteem. I just, I was like, What the heck. And that was my first experience of like, that feeling of going, okay, so you just think I'm crazy. Like you respect me at all. So I think like, it's it happens. It's real. And then, you know, fast forward to when I was pregnant. And I was being told that I needed to go to an obesity clinic at 33 weeks pregnant. And I was told, like, she told me I needed to lose weight. Like, these babies got another like kilo or two to go, like, in what way? Can I lose weight? She's like, What very least you can't gain any weight. I was like, Okay, again, my baby still got to like, chop out. Like, she was crazy. And what I mean, she was crazy. But it was just, it was mental. I was like, crying. So I was like, This is not like, you know, I had self esteem issues my way in anyway. I was like, Why? Why are we talking about this? You know, and then the next appointment, I was told all of these symptoms, just don't worry about it, you just need to relax more like enjoy your maternity leave. Can you just look at my flashing. That happened a week, I was gonna ask that actually, if any of these people you've come across again and be like, actually, I almost died. So get started, I haven't because I went, I switched hospitals. So I had like shared care with the high risk hospital. And that's where I ended up going because they had just completely redone. Like their birthing suites and everything and they have, it's really good. It's basically an emergency department, but for pregnant people. So I went there, because I was like, uh, you guys know, that I am trying to. And when I say trying to I mean, it's on my list and never at the top of my list, because maybe the Social Work team at the hospital, I burst that, like, open for feedback. So caliber long after your birth. And so I plan to have a meeting with them and just kind of go through. Because it's all in the same local health district. I can kind of point out like, Hey, can we have a look at like, who I saw at this thing, because they need to know that when I sat there, and I told them, that I had a headache, and that my vision was blurry. My right shoulder was hurting. And, you know, I was swelling up so much that like, I could push my finger in and it would just leave a dent like it was disgusting. And like all of that I was just told to relax and not to worry about it. And when you look at a list of symptoms of preeclampsia are all there like? So it's a matter of actual education? Like, I mean, I'd be lying if I said there wasn't a part of me that wanted to just be like, like, I nearly died, that. I also want them to do that. Like I wants to know that the next person they see that runs through everything that's happening. They don't just dismiss it and go, Oh, well, you know, you're pregnant, you're likely to be uncomfortable, you know? Yes, you're likely to be uncomfortable, but not to this extent. That's it. Yeah. So I do like, I'm quite passionate about health care providers, not just knowing more, because they know the symptoms. They know them, but seeing it and hearing it and actually taking it seriously. Yeah. Because you don't want to be the doctor that told someone they were fine. And not to worry about it. And then they die. And that's on you. Yeah, that's it, isn't it? It's like your job is there to catch this stuff. And to help prevent it and manage it. And if you can't do that, then maybe find another job. Yeah, that's it, isn't it? I really saw and just the way that they were treated like I had one midwife, she was lovely. She had probably in the late 40s. And she was the first one to catch my blood pressure during the weird thing where it like split and went into opposite directions. And so she went and grabbed like one of the old days and here's a young, a young guy. He was so dismissive to her work when she was telling him what had happened. And he was like, No, that's not possible. And then he checked my blood pressure and I did the same thing. And then he went on like announced it to everyone because it was So interesting. Like, like, he'd found it. Cool. And I just like, looked at her and I was like, what just happened? And she just sort of rolled her eyes and she's like, Oh, young doctors, like they're all the same. And I was like, I know that like, still, you know, I'm watching this guy who looked younger than me, right? A woman with 20 plus years new recruit experience, or, you know, a new thing that he hadn't seen. And I was like, no, like, like, the midwives are the ones that I was crying on, and that were helping me like, try and walk after three days in an ICU. They were the ones helping, because my C section was so fast that by the time I got back to postnatal, they, they didn't even have time to wake me up, like I was still covered, like, in my blood is disgusting. And so like, you know, I was grossed out by that. But obviously, midwives they've seen everything so gentle and calm and and like, the doctors would come in for 30 seconds every day and be like, yeah, right, by, you know, but the midwives, they were the ones that like I hadn't read, like, who the one who respected them that call. She came and visited me three days after, like, interface, Natal, or just check in and I was like, That's so nice. Like, I know that I could go and find the doctor and he wouldn't have a clue who I was he wouldn't days ago. So I think there's yeah, there's at every level, women are really disadvantaged and made to believe that we don't know what we're talking about. We actually make the world go round. Absolutely. Oh, my gosh, she could not have said it better. I feel like sometimes, like if we just went on strike, what would happen to the world? You know, if we just went up not doing it anymore, you guys sorted out countries have successfully passed some pretty significant legislation because women go on a sex strike. story seriously, it's like radicals will ever read. And it's in countries that would surprise you to like, this is not happening in the developed world. And I was just like, oh my gosh, I'm getting that sounds awesome. Power. Yes. When men don't get what they want, it's a bit how much you have. But it's not taken seriously when we're actually trying to like use it. You know, beneficial things. Yeah. Oh, absolutely. That's thing you can sometimes you can feel like so amazing and wonderful. Like we birth we bring the next generation to the world we raise them and then somebody's like, just take the piss out of you at the petrol station because you don't know how to put the hubcap on or you know, it's just something like that, like, and then you're like, This is where I've made in the world. If I say something, and then a man copies exactly what I say and then everyone is good idea. And I used to just be silent and now I literally go Oh, I wish someone else had said the first like I always have to point it out now because I just get so nabbed. Yes. You can't let it go. Like Yeah. Yeah. A lot of like, a lot of guys that I know and love, don't even realize they do it. Like that's how subtle it is. Yep. And I was, how's this for a proud wife a moment. So my husband, we were having dinner because I caught myself Nan's gleaning today halfway through the sentence, and I immediately apologize. A little feminist izany put on him. You have no idea how much has changed. It's been so good. Like, it's been really a loved one. And I'm happy to learn about privilege. Like I think it's, it's only a good thing. And there's actually if you've not read it, I feel like you'd like it. There's a book called, say what you made me do by Jeff Hill, and it's about domestic abuse. But her chapter on patriarchy is just phenomenal. Like, if you could isolate that chapter on its own, it is the best break down and she's an Aussie. So it's using all these statistics, which I really like. But I think just writing in such a way that like my husband, and was like, Oh my gosh, I had no idea. This is how much the patriarchy hurts me. And yeah, like that sort of thing. So it's definitely it's a resource that I recommend to everyone when I talk about this, which is Yeah, for sure. Yeah, it's really good. I think it's really powerful is if a guy can read something about patriarchy and not feel offended by it. It's written well, yeah, like he's not being attacked and it's kind of feel like his place is being threatened. I guess. Thank you so much for spending so much time with me today. I've loved chatting with you and going over some some big topics and breaking some stuff down was my favorite thing to do. I love it. Thank you for bearing with me. And thank you so much for sharing. So honestly, I really appreciate it and I know that the listeners will appreciate hearing from you. So thanks again. It's been wonderful. My pleasure and all the best and yeah, keep I'll keep my eye out on your Instagram and laugh along with you. Thanks for your company today. If you've enjoyed this episode, I'd love you to consider leaving us a review, following or subscribing to the podcast, or even sharing it with a friend who you think might be interested. The music you heard featured on today's episode was from Elim Joe, which is my new age ambient music trio comprised of myself, my sister, Emma Anderson and her husband John. If you'd like to hear more, you can find a link to us in the show notes. If you or someone you know would like to be a guest on the podcast, please get in touch with us via the link in the show notes. I'll catch you again next week for another chat with an artistic mum.

Ellie D Australian music publicist S2 Ep43 Listen and Subscribe on itunes , spotify and google podcasts Ellie D, is a music publicist currently in Bundaberg, QLD, originally from Adelaide SA and a mum of 3 children under 2. She is hugely passionate about the Australian music scene. Through her podcast, her internet radio station and her YouTube series, Ellie's pure focus is highlighting undiscovered Australian music artists. Ellie spent many years in human resources and promotion, but her passion was in the music industry. In high school Ellie's year 12 project was on Community Radio, in University she was hosting 5RTI's Italian programme. It was when Ellis was hosting Southern FM's Monday Breakfast that she realised there were so many Australian artists who were going under the radar, so used her show to promote and highlight them . Ellie brought her skills from her previous jobs to begin working as a manager and promotor for Aussie artists, which saw her attend the ARIA awards. Early 2018 when she left Melbourne she was touted as the next Molly Meldrum. When her family moved to Bundaberg, as a 36 year old she was basically retired, as the music industry was so different. During 2020 when her son was 4 months old she was reinvigorated to do something for herself, and started her YouTube and podcast series and on 1st March 2021 Ellie began her radio station. Often a thankless job, that does not stop her. Her passion for the Australian music industry is that strong. Ellie also discusses her 15 year infertility battle, IVF journey, complications with her twin pregnancy requiring surgery and going onto 81 days bed rest after her waters broke at 20.5 weeks and having her twins in the NICU for 5.5. weeks. This episode contains discussion around foetal medical procedures, premature birth and complications, twin to twin transfusion syndrome Watch Ellie's family's appearance on ABC's Catalyst here Connect with Ellie instagram / website / OzNow Radio / YouTube / Podcast Connect with the Podcast instagram / website Music used in this episode from your host Alison Newman and producer LT Balkin used with permission. When chatting to my guests I greatly appreciate their openness and honestly in sharing their stories. If at any stage their information is found to be incorrect, the podcast bears no responsibility for guests' inaccuracies. Podcast transcript at the bottom of the page Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode of The Art of Being A Mum Podcast. I'm beyond honoured that you're here and would be grateful if you could take 2 minutes to leave me a 5-star review in iTunes or wherever you are listening. It really helps! This way together we can inspire, connect and bring in to the light even more stories from creative mums. Want to connect? Take a screenshot of this episode and share it on Instagram tagging me in with @art_of_being_a_mum_podcast I can't wait to connect. And remember if you or somebody you know would like to be a guest on the podcast, get in touch ! I love meeting and chatting to mammas from all creative backgrounds, from all around the world! Thank you! Alison acknowledges this Land of the Berrin (Mount Gambier) Region as the Traditional Lands of the Bungandidj People and acknowledge these First Nations people as the custodians of the Region. Ch eck out more episodes ..... Welcome to the Art of Being a mum, the podcast where we hear from mothers who are artists and creators sharing their joys and issues around trying to be a mother and continue to make art. Regular topics include mum guilt, identity, the day to day juggle mental health, and how children manifest in their art. My name is Alison Newman. I'm a singer songwriter, and a mum of two boys from regional South Australia. I have a passion for mental wellness and a background in early childhood education. You can find links to my guests and topics they discuss in the show notes, along with music played a link to follow the podcast on Instagram, and how to get in touch. All music used on the podcast is done so with permission. The art of being a mom acknowledges the bow and tick people as the traditional custodians of the land and water, which this podcast is recorded on and pays respects to the relationship the traditional owners have with the land and water as well as acknowledging past present and emerging elders. Thanks so much for joining me today. My guest this week is led Ellie is a music publicist currently living in Bundaberg Queensland, originally from Adelaide in South Australia. And Ellie is a mom of three children under two, including twin girls. Ellie is hugely passionate about the Australian music scene. Through her podcast, her internet radio station and her YouTube series. Ellie's pure focus is highlighting undiscovered Australian music artists. Ellie spent many years in human resources and promotion, but her passion was in the music industry. In high school, LSU 12 project was on community radio. In university she was hosting five RTI as Italian program. It was when Ellie was hosting southern FM's Monday breakfast that she really realized there were so many Australian artists who were going under the radar. So she used her show to promote and highlight them. Ellie bought her skills from her previous jobs to begin working as a manager and promoter for Ozzy artists, which saw her attend the ARIA awards in early 2018. When she left Melbourne she was touted as the next Molly Meldrum. When her family moved to Bundaberg as a 36 year old she was basically retired as a music industry was so different. During 2020 When her son was four months old, she was reinvigorated to do something for herself and started her YouTube podcast series and on the first of March 2021, Ellie began her radio station, often a thankless job that does not stop her. Her passion for the Australian music industry. Is that strong. Today Ellie also discusses her 15 year infertility journey. IVF experience complications with her twin pregnancy, requiring surgery and going on to 81 day is bedrest after her waters broke at 20 weeks, and having her twins in the NICU for five and a half weeks. This episode contains discussion around fetal medical procedures, premature birth and complications and twin to twin transfusion syndrome. Music On today's episode is courtesy of myself, Alison Newman. See your face. I see everywhere. Thanks so much for coming on today, Ellie. It's such a pleasure to meet you and welcome you to the podcast. Alison, thank you for having me. I've been so excited to have this chat with you. And I'm an avid listener to your podcast. So it's really cool to be someone that's a guest now. I love that. Thanks for that. I appreciate it. It's always lovely to meet people that have been listening and then get to come on to be excited. I love your podcast. I've been listening, working my way through the episodes and every episode has something new for me to think about. Yeah, wonderful. I'm so pleased. That's just I love hearing that. That's like because I'm like I learned so much. I'm just learning so much about how to approach my own mothering and like how to change my mindset. And it's just been wonderful for me like, you know, yeah, it does. It does really, I feel like it gives you a fresh perspective because there's no one way to parent is that yeah, that's so true. And it's it's like yeah, you can you can it's like when you're first having children and people give you all this advice. You just take the little bits that that might resonate with you and I feel like this is the same thing if you pick up something that's wonderful. So tell us about what you're up to, you're very into music and creating, from that point of view, can you tell us what you actually do? Sure can. So I'm a full time stay at home mom, with three kids age two and under. And I am crazy about the Australian music scene. So I have a podcast, a YouTube series, and also an internet radio station. And my pure focus is to uplift, empower and shine a light on undiscovered Australian music artists. So I understand where you sit also in that community. Essentially, my passion is to focus on artists that are in development, to see that they get to that ultimate goal, which is to be known and heard, and followed by the Australian public in a broader sense. Hmm, that is so cool. Good on you for doing that. So it's honestly just, it's a passion. It's like a personal sort of personal passion that you've just decided, that's what you're gonna do. Yep, yeah, the three passion projects, I call them the LED trilogy, even though I'm not a Star Wars fan, but my own creative take on it. And I guess, you know, there's a story that led to me doing this. And, you know, circumstances have led to me bleeding, these Passion Projects carrying the cost. Without any expectation, I don't get any income. I don't make any revenue from this. It really is something that fills my cup. But also, the changes and the positive difference I see being created in the lives of others that are, you know, again, putting everything they have into their craft. That for me is it's incredible to watch to see that transformation. Yeah. So it's really a very rewarding experience for you to be a part of. It really is you can't put a price on the growth that I've seen in those that I'm supporting. Yeah, I put on Yeah, that is so good. The field, it's exciting. I've certainly, you'd be the first person that I've had on the podcast that's in this field in this area. Can you share with us? You said there's a bit of a story, a bit of background how you got to this point? Can you tell us a bit about that? Sure. And I'll try to keep it don't keep it short. Do what it say what you like. So you're ever in South Australia, right? Me? Sure I am. Yeah, in that game. So I grew up in Adelaide and I went to Adelaide Uni did a Bachelor of Social science, psychology. Because when I was 16, I lost one of my best friends. And I thought if I did psych, then I could save everyone. A very beautiful sentiment but very naive for someone who's 16. So I did uni and I fell into a job as a recruiter. By going to a family friend of a friend's barbecue, you know, that's, that was Adelaide at the time. Yeah. And after spending 10 years in HR, recruitment, employment and training, I got sick of working for other people. I found I hit the glass ceiling really fast. I'd move into a job and you know, in big bucks, and then I'd be like, well, this job's boring. I can do it with my eyes closed. So I just kept taking on more and more, and I never felt fulfilled in what I was doing. So around the time, it was actually the week that I turned 30. That's when my husband said, Look, I'm gonna start my PhD. If you want to go ahead and start a business, now's the time for you to do that. Yeah. So I quit. And the week after I was headhunted started in a contract. And, you know, the rest is kind of history until we moved from Adelaide to Melbourne in 2016. I had at that point, my HR consultancy was going great lands to the point where I had contractors working for me and, you know, I admittedly didn't have to work every day of the week or every day of the month. So I wanted to go back to my grass roots, which was community radio. Yeah, right. You need 12 Community Radio was my English project project. At University. I was contributing every Saturday afternoon to five, RTI, which was the Italian program in Adelaide. And I do four hours there on the panel as a youth program all in Italian you And I started volunteering at Southern southern FM in Brighton very quickly, the program director there, said, Let's get your doing Monday breakfast. And it was then that I realized, and I'm, I'd love to have a chat with you about this too. But, you know, there was so many press releases coming through, we've got em wraps Eret music coming directly to us. And I just felt so overwhelmed because community radios guideline is to play only 25% of Australian music. And I understand how that works. Because in a community station, you've got all different types of demographics and groups in the community that you know, you do need to really capture the whole community. So there could be ethnic programs, sporting, etc. I get that, but I couldn't understand how there was so many of the other sorts of just been missed. Yeah, so I started inviting artists to come in, like Mel cure, I remember they were one of my first invitations. Come into the studio, let's have a chat. So I do six to eight by myself, and then eight or nine, they come in with their instruments, we'd have a bit of a chat. That's a few songs. But at the end of these chats the artists assigned to me, Ellie, you've been, you know, okay, we didn't HR and you've been in marketing, but you've also been a career coach of every industry. So why don't you now coach us because you're very interested in radio and you're very interested in music. And I didn't quite understand what they were getting that and to be honest. Very quickly, you know, now I look back and I think how ridiculous I was giving other people the belief the empowerment that they could use their transferable skills in other industries. While I didn't think that for myself, I don't know. I very quickly started managing artists doing venerable canes, artist bookings, going to the ARIA awards. So really, all of a sudden, I kind of threw myself into this experience, which was flying the flag for Ozzy musicians. And by the time we came to leave Melbourne, early 2018, I'd gone to an art exhibition. And there I was introduced as the next Molly Meldrum. And that floored me because, yeah, someone obviously is recognizing because there was a lot that I was doing then too, that I was not paid for. The real reward for me, as I guess you could say, as a career coach, is to see someone go from I'm not really sure I'm self doubting myself that imposter syndrome, too. I am so confident myself. You know, at that time, we didn't have the pandemic I've got I've got a full calendar of bookings. And you know, people buy my merch. People are my following online is starting to grow. Yeah, when we moved to Bundaberg, I brought both my LED brand and my HR brand with me. And unfortunately, the Internet didn't work here like it did in Melbourne. So, you know, we moved here I was 37. And effectively, I have retired. Yeah, and the music scene here admittedly is very different to what I was experiencing in Melbourne. But 2020 came, and I found a notebook, which I had written in 2016. And that notebook had the blueprint for these three products. So my son was four months at the time, and I said to hobby, I gotta be honest with you. I love being a mom, but it's not enough for me. I need something else. My insanity, I miss helping other people. I missed the creative connection. So I started podcasting. And I started that podcast holding Dominic in my arms and recording while I was in his nursery rocking chair. And that, you know, now this year, I'm into producing season four. So that continued all the way through the YouTube series, I kicked off at the same time. That effectively is a video interview with a different group of artists about the real truths of what happens behind the music. That's why I've caught it behind the music with a lady. And then the radio station only came about the first of March 2021. Yeah, right. We're in a year new there. But I guess, you know, I did go down the path of Could I get a job in radio? I've got a lot of experience. But I'll be honest with you, and I'd say to the faces of the people here in this beautiful town. I've been met with very big fears of intimidation, that I'm gonna go in there and I don't know, put them out of a job. Yeah. I did volunteer here at the local community Station. And, and this was really the push for me to create my own station. I volunteered, I went from doing one, shift five, they wanted me to do drive shifts, you know, the Italian hour, I then had an Ozzie shift as well. I was invited to be on the board, I was doing their Facebook, like all the creative stuff. And then so someone from the post war era generation decided I was doing too much. And so we ended up with the CB double aid community broadcasting association of Australia's mediation team. And it turns out that the perpetrators did not want to have further discussions. So that's when the CB wa encouraged me to start my own station. Yeah, right. So that's sort of the the long and the short of it. You know, I have these skills. For me. Now, as a four year old, I think it's really sad, if I'm just going to sit here and let those skills not be used. I can give back to someone and make a difference. Well, that's, that's what I now. That's why I exist I suppose. It's such a cool story. It's like, You're doing this because you love it. And because of the passion that you have, and the reward you get from it. And it's just so admirable. I just love that. If I had a bad alcohol here, I'd say the reward is not a financial reward. Because as I said, I don't earn anything. I'll be honest with you, I did the count this morning. We have 133 featured artists. Over the first 12 months, we've had 3000 unique listens, which that tells me that's 3000 People who had not previously heard the artists, because I do get feedback. I get feedback from the listener, you know, where can I buy the merch? Or how do I buy the song? And I then point them to that artists website or Spotify or Spotify? It's not a word, isn't it? But you know, music wherever, wherever they can buy the music, I should say. But the reward, you know, in a verbal sense, I do get some thank you messages from the artists themselves. But admittedly, you know, that doesn't come through all the time, either. Sometimes I feel like I'm the Mrs. Christmas, you know, because if you think of like, Santa, Santa does all these wonderful things on Christmas Eve delivers all these presents to boys and girls, and never gets a thank you. And that's I've got a couple of colleagues that we all do the same kind of thing. And it gets to Christmas time when we say to each other. What do you really get many thank yous to see, do we? But it doesn't stop us. Yes, we know that that you know, the impact is most of the time, not something you can measure. That's it, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah. Good on. Yeah. Sorry, I keep saying that. I don't want to sound patronizing. But I think like, here's the thing, like community radio, is amazing, like, from my other thing that I do apart from the podcast you're aware of, but but some of the listeners might not be that I I'm a singer and songwriter, and I release music myself, mostly recorded in this room, pay people to play instruments for me, and, and if it wasn't for community radio, my music would not get heard, basically. I mean, it's on all the streaming platforms, but people generally just find that by accident, they're not going to go in there and search for me, because no one knows who I am. Yeah, and obviously, my music doesn't come under the banner of commercial radio. That's a whole a whole different industry all of its own. So if it wasn't for community radio, I wouldn't have an audience. So I'm so grateful. We've got an amazing station down here. 100.15 gdR FM is the air station in Gambia. And, yeah, they have the amrep show, Janet does the show and every now and then she'll get me on for a chat and there's the Thursday Night Live, where they get people from the MT to come in and either seeing or chat play the play their albums, and, you know, that just it's, it's small, but it's huge to us, you know, and I think that's wonderful. I mean, if, if, if our listener is in the same community that you are, hold on to and cherish those relationships of community radio, find someone that can fly your flag. Yeah, because it isn't. It is even I believe, even hard to get into community radio. I mean, I can remember back in 2016, we were getting press releases from Sony for Beyonce. And I'm pretty sure everyone knew Beyonce was. Oh, man. That's it. Sadly, that's the you're competing with. Yeah. That's it, isn't it? And when you say you only compelled to play 25%? Australian, easy. Yeah, it's a big, it's a lot of competition. It is a lot of competition. And that's where like, I could have gone down the path of seeking funding to launch my own community radio station. However, that would have meant that I would have had to rely on the local community to have the same vision to rely on government funding, which has its pressures. And, honestly, for what the cost is for me to carry us now radios and internet radio station is 24 hours pure, original Australian music, we don't have any ads. It's just music. So you know, in many ways, I can take the bull by the horns, and continue to lead it. It's not just me, I've got also a developer over in Melbourne. That's where the service is. So you could say we're headed up in Melbourne, but, you know, Joel is our administrator, you know, then I've got others that are about to come on board around middle of the year, we're gonna start having a show on a Sunday night. But again, it's only original Australian music, you won't hear anything. That's commercial, you won't hear anything. That's not Ozzie. That's so unique, isn't it? Like there wouldn't there wouldn't be many like that out there. I don't I don't think there is, but I'll be honest with you. I've never worked on any project in my life where I've been so worried about a competitor, or monitoring a competitor, I'm I kind of play my own lane, and focus on what I'm doing. And that means that I don't get distracted, I can just keep moving forward. Yeah, that's a really good point, too. That's probably something some of our listeners might be able to relate to, to that sort of, we don't need to look around and compare ourselves to others and be worried what somebody's putting out. We just do what feels right to us. And it's true to us, yeah. All right. Well, you've mentioned that you have three children under two, which is massive. Could you share more about that? When I when I talk about that, because it's a really common question when you meet new people, and they say, so how many kids do you have? And now I can say, well, I have two year old Dominic. And I have my four month old identical twin daughters, Amelia and Sophia. Because when I say I have three kids two, and under the first question people say is, are but are they all yours? mass, the mass in their head. Kids are amazing. And when I say that, you know, as a parent, as a mom, I can be really bias. We all we went through give or take about a 15 year infertility battle. Oh, wow. Where we had we got married when a kids and it was just unexplained infertility. And, you know, it got to 20 2018 and we thought, well, let's try this IVF journey. So that went really well. With Dominic. I thought that pregnancy was hard. But you know, when he came out and his, I mean, effectively, like a little potato, you know, you feed you change and just cuddle and they kind of sit there. And I mean, that's, that's when I launched the podcast. It was four months old, and he'd lay there next to me. He sat there for every interview, and certain songs even start to kick his feet. I thought this kid's going to be so into music. But then when we thought we try for a sibling, that pregnancy was really hard. So last year, I spent 150 days in Brisbane. We're currently close to Bundaberg were 2000 kilometers away from our family. They're all in South Australia. And we had a single embryo transfer that split and then the girls Sophia had no fluid around her so 16 weeks we moved to Brisbane 19 weeks I had surgery through Amelia sack, and then at 20 and a half weeks my membranes ruptured on on me Earlier, so I wasn't on bedrest for at one nights waiting for them to arrive. But I worked on AWS now, I was in hospital. So some some of these creative ventures are like a saving grace. You know, I don't have to do any of them because I am a mum and a mum is enough. Being a mum is enough. However, it gives me Saturday. Yeah, it's so important, isn't it? It's so it's so important. So important. Yeah, and I can imagine it would have been quite boring being in bed for that long. I toilet privileges, and I could walk a few steps to the patient Lounge, which is where I had, I was able to participate in, you know, craft classes, and cooking classes. But you know, it was very frustrating because I didn't know what was going to happen. All of the odds, we were given, you know, waters breaking at 20 and a half weeks, the babies were not viable. But through some miracle, I made it to 32 weeks in one day. You know, here I am. Now the girls are four months old, going great guns. I also identify myself that to spend every day, day in day out, talking, speaking and I don't speak to the children like they're, you know, four months old. I speak to them like I'm speaking with you. It'd be nice to have some dialogue in return. And so in the meantime, it's the conversations I have through my creative projects that really keep me going. Hmm, absolutely. And being in so far away from your family, too. It's like you need you need that. It's really important. Yeah, do you do for myself? Hmm, absolutely. Yeah, I wonder I was just thinking, as you were saying, you know, 20 weeks, the odds aren't great. But I wonder if because you were looking after yourself mentally as well. But it's sort of, I don't know, I'm probably drawing a really long bow here. But you kept yourself healthy. in all ways, I suppose. And that probably gave the girls a good chance you were able to stay, they're able to stay in for a long time. I don't know. I'm making sure to be honest. Because I was. I was devastated. I mean, we knew that was my only a year on so that embryo to split was like a miracle in itself. And knowing like they said to me, you know, okay, you've had your surgery 10 days ago, but if the girls come now, and there's a 75% chance that they will arrive within 48 hours, they will not be viable. So I what really kept me going the mindset thing, I mean, are supported by social workers, occupational therapists, pastoral care psychologist, a huge team of clinical support I had created for myself account down funnily enough to 32 weeks, so my obstetrician will come to see me and he'd say, don't do anything exciting. And I'd go Oh 73 sleeps till 32 weeks and he'd be like, This just gets you to 22 weeks and that you know, the goalposts kept moving I had two MRIs while I was pregnant as well. But whenever I felt like all hope was lost. I grabbed the MacBook that I'm currently recording with you right now. And I would you know, lay my bed you know, I couldn't really sit up but I would lay in my bed and plug away and do whatever I could. Knowing that I was creating a difference not necessarily just to someone else's life but also that positive distraction for me was helping carry me through a very difficult pregnancy. Yeah, absolutely. And Catherine Rama left you behind. You're down as a head. So I'm not sure if you want to talk about this or not, I might be prying. I'd say Tell me please if I'm not overstepping the mark. So when you found out that Sofia had no philosophy, you had no fluid. What was that conversation? Like when the doctor said to you this is what's happening. You're listening to the did they sort of say if you don't do anything, this is what will happen. Like what sort of odds Yeah, at that point. I that conversation was a terrifying conversation. Because there's more to the story I had just checked in, because the day the following day, we were to fly to Port Douglas. I was gonna celebrate my 40th birthday with my husband and my son. And we were going to have a little gender reveal party for the three of us to find out what gender the babies were. So, you know, I was at the hairdresser with color on my hair. And my obstetrician Ringling says I need to see you straightaway. We'd had a scan the day before. And, you know, to go to that appointment with my husband and have her say, I'm really sorry, but one of your little girls does not have any fluid. We've been having scans the week before, and we would see Sophia with you know, kind of like a hands around her face. And Amelia, you could see was kicking her and we thought our poor thing she's protecting herself, you know, not you're already fighting, you know. And we used to kind of joke and say, well, because we had baby, you know, bump names for them. And we'd say our, you know, maybe Tilly is going to be the quiet one and coil is going to be the outrageous one. But it turned out that Sofia wasn't moving much because she had no fluid to move in. Wow. So that in itself, you know, we had to cancel. And I still am quite disappointed a lot. What I missed out on during the pregnancy, you know, the things that you do the baby shower, the gender reveal the time we had planned in August to be with our family and Adelaide to do a gender reveal with them. It's kind of rituals I missed out on all of that we missed out on setting up the nursery. Yeah, you know, it wasn't as simple as I would just use Dominic stuff, because there were two of them went to get double double bassinet, double pram, double caught stuffing everything, little highchairs. So that conversation was really just the beginning of the terror. Because then we had to pack and we packed like it will go in for an appointment, only packed four outfits in my overnight bag, and I took my Mac because I thought you know what, like, we're going to be there for a few days, maybe I can work on AWS now. Like that was my thing. But then on the Monday, the 12th of July, when we had that conversation and my obstetrician was, he drew on the whiteboard, it's like, well, these are your options, termination. Or he said we just wait and see because he said you could lose the babies any day now. And this was the thing is while Sophia had no fluid, Amelia, his heart was working overtime, and she risked going into cardiac arrest, because she had too much fluid around her. Oh, wow. You know, and at 16 weeks and, and five days, I'm being told, Well, you know, you really need to get to 19 weeks, we were at stage two with twin to twin transfusion syndrome, which meant that Sophia, you couldn't see her bladder. She didn't have any fluid going through her. And we know how important fluid is for the development. So you know, scans twice a week to see is there a heartbeat? And even that early, you can't really feel movements. With twins. You don't know if they're both moving or anyone's moving. So we were really, really lucky that we got to be able to have the surgery. Which I was awake for under sedation. Yeah, right. And, you know, a lot of families don't even get to have the surgery. Yeah. That's incredible. Thank you for sharing that. Thanks for opening the opportunity for me to share. Yeah. And you were also the girls and you and your husband was on an episode of catalyst, which was produced by the ABC, which actually have watched and it's it's hard to watch, but it's also incredibly uplifting to watch because that you sort of realize they put into perspective how far Modern medicine has come to be able to make it possible for these little people to live basically and to have those options. Yeah, what was that like sort of having that? I mean, you're in hospital, the girls are still in hospital. And you've did it feel comfortable having that the camera crew there and you know, strangers talking to you. That was okay. At the time. I mean, Tom, the producer of the day, we had a bit of a chuckle together because when he gave me the media release ones that are very familiar with these, and at that point, Allison, you know, we had decided with Dominic that we will not put his photo on social media. Because we don't necessarily trust who's in receipt of that photo. We don't necessarily like the way social media uses photos. But my husband and I came to this agreement that we'll hang on, if we can share our story, this will be a story of hope for other people or the families. And so on that basis, we did the media release forms. I'll be honest with you, I was only discharged the day before. So I'd had a cesarean. And I notice now in my health app, that from the eighth of August, till the third of November, I had averaged 20 to 80 steps a day. Oh, wow. And that day that they filmed was my first day. Not all 20 to 80 steps, but 6000 Oh, my gosh, 1000 steps, because we had I've been discharged. And we've been we've we've chosen to rent an apartment a kilometer away from the hospital. So C section and all walking six kilometers a day, because I would go back and forth three times. And in for the crew, the most uncomfortable thing of that interview was the pain I was in at the end of it. Because we interviewed for about an hour and a half. Even though I think we're on the episode for about three minutes. It was an hour and a half of filming. I had booked my first COVID job that afternoon. And David had to go and grab a wheelchair to take me to it because I physically could not walk any further. So the opportunity to share was amazing, because Professor Helen lighly was her dad, as you saw in Episode her dad was who pioneered fetal surgery. And we're just so lucky that we had the outcome that we did. Because we were given other numbers. Yeah. So it was it was harder for us to watch it back. Yeah. Then it was for us to record it. Because we were kind of in a state of euphoria at that point. Yeah. You know, we'd been told that day that the girls would likely be coming home within say, four weeks, five weeks. Yeah. When your husband says we'll be home for Christmas. And it's like, oh, that was yeah, it's incredible. You've got that that to look forward to? Yeah. Yeah, that's pretty, pretty awesome. Again, like you're sharing, because you want to help other people. It's like, like you said before, like, it's what you're meant to be doing. It's like what you're put on it to do. And it's so good. And I've recently been in chats with the martyr foundation that I will also be working towards fundraising, to support that clinical support. They're providing the research so the story doesn't end there. Yeah. Now that's fantastic. Yeah, really good. Can you see you're listening to the art of being a mum podcast with Alison Newman. Having three children how do you find the time to do creatively? What you want to do? It's an arena Yeah, I have a way to multitask which I feel comes from my my day is spent working at McDonald's. I do streamline you know I do. I do streamline processes. For me everything feels like a process. And admittedly when the children are sleeping, so dominant goes to school five days a week. I call it school. It's eLC. But even when he's home on the weekend, if hobby is working, because have been an interventional cardiologist as well, so he's rarely home. Kids are asleep. It's my time to shine. And that's what I do. So I typically spend, you know, an hour on Mondays an hour on Tuesdays, I don't have big ticket, focus, you know what I mean? I don't have to sit because the radio station runs itself. Yep. It's me adding new music or me communicating with new artists. Now coming up next month, I start production of my podcast and my YouTube series. That's really big ticket stuff because I'm talking about you know, creating an episode where I'm recording my own intros my own outro is you know how it works. And again with that, you know, I've got a pretty good setup here at home with my studio. I really anytime there's an opportunity, I don't sleep during the day, I've worked out that my my ability and while the ways in which I can and recharge, is not through having a nap or recharge through being creative. What about you? How do you recharge, or lately it's been through napping? Actually just just coming into this room actually, just being in this room just gets gets me feeling good. Like, I'll open the I've got the window closed at the minute because obviously we're recording but I'll open that window, let the breezy and let the sun in. And I don't know just the smell of it just just being in here. And even if I'm not actually doing anything in particular, might just sit in here and fluffer and speeding. Yeah, it is. And it's so like, we've lucky we've got the room in the house where I can come in and, and I've got a fair bit of Lego in here still, but the boys generally take it out in the house to play with it. But it's like, people know, this is my space. And if the doors shut, don't come in, because that probably means I'm recording. Otherwise, the doors open and everyone barges in. It's like I'm, I'm here. I'm lucky I don't have to go anywhere else to do what I do listen to gig, but I'm still accessible to the family, which is, of course, important for me. I like to know what people are up to. And if they're not doing what they're doing. With two boys. I think that's really, really important. And I guess what you're saying as well the fact that we as mums need to be flexible. You know, because I say I'm a mum first and music publishers second. So you know, I'm sitting here, this is the first time I'm in my home studio since last July. So I was pregnant when I sat here last. And I'm looking at the door I have will not be able to fit the double pram through the tool. So it just brings to mind that I do spend a lot of time where I'm doing like the back end of the creative stuff. My desk is my kitchen table. Yeah. And my breakfast bar because the girls are asleep in their bassinet upstairs. Upstairs is our living entertainment area. Were in my office downstairs, this will likely be times when you know because I'm gonna have to carry them in here somehow. You know, and I have been really creative this season with my podcast where I've essentially I pre record my questions. And my guests pre record their answers, and I stitch it together as a conversation. I did that for season two of my podcast and no one will now I will visit people no secret between you and me. And that's the thing like I guess as as mums. You know, I feel it's really important that we have our own sense of identity. Because I personally want to pass it on to my children. Yeah, you know, I need to fill my cup so I can fill this. Yep. And it's this creative soul stuff that really fills my cup. And I want them to grow up just as fiercely independent in their own identity. Absolutely. That is so good. I'm gonna quote you on that. Thanks, Jamie. Yeah things happen again Yeah, cuz identity is, is a really big topic, I find that everyone has their own take on it, which is natural, because everyone's different. But I find that a lot of artists, because generally because you were doing this stuff before you had your children, it's part of it is part of your core identity. It's you grew up creating or meet playing music or painting, whatever, and it doesn't just go away. Just because you have children. It's not like that piling on disappears, you know? No, no. I want to say no, but I also want to say yes, like, no doesn't disappear. Yes, you're right. I mean, this a big debate that usually happens when I'm talking with another mum that I haven't met before. And as that friendship evolves, they'll say things like, Ellie, look, I'm a mum. And you know, I don't really care about work. I really just want to be a mom and I love taking them to school and I love taking them to soccer. You know, I love doing that mom stuff. And you know, I wouldn't mind doing a couple of hours a week work but for me, it's just the mum thing where you Ellie, you have that right? Your career drive you have that real passion. And I do push the envelope. But I think what you've just said is spot on. I mean, for me, I went from doing so much radio stuff to our I can't do it anymore. That's still in still ENADE still within me. But also I went through, you know, the best part of 15 years where I believed I couldn't get pregnant. But I knew that I had a career. And so for me, whilst it was a dream that I spent a lot of years crying for. I knew I had a career. Now, why can't I have both? I only came to that realization really in the last week. Why, you know, this is why I'm so headstrong about. You can be a mum and you can have a curry. Because why shouldn't you? Why can't you what's you know, think about what's possible? And really, if you want it, go out and make it happen. That's it. I mean, the way Yeah, look, I'm I'm in the situation where, you know, I have pushed and pushed and pushed and someone said to me a few years back, if you're walking through a doorway, you kept hitting your head on the doorframe, would you try and go through the door again? And I said, Oh, yeah, you know, I just keep trying and trying. And, and what they were trying to say was, if you're trying to do something, and it's not working, it's not getting to you to where you want to go. Be creative and think up a solution. Think of a different doorway. Yeah. For me, you know, I could have sat here 2020 When I was like, Well, you know, being a mums, not enough for me, I want more. I could have just wallow in self pity and feel bad for myself and I'm the victim, you know, and at the end of the day, I I kind of rose above those thoughts and went well can isolate costs, you can pocket. I've got a certain amount of assertiveness within myself. I have the self belief. I feel empowered. Fuck it, I'm going to make it happen. And I'm going to keep building on my empire of creative projects. And I'm not going to stop. Yep, no one's going to stop me and I hope if anything on the feedback I get that I do, I hope I inspire others who are maybe feeling you know, ripped off shafted, screwed over. Because it does happen where you're in a role and all of a sudden it's not there anymore. Go out and make it for yourself. Yeah, don't step back. Oh, I didn't understand that up until we were in Melbourne. I always realized that I was in control of where I was going in life and I was in control of opportunity because I created them something about coming to this town completely changed my thinking in that I needed someone to give me an opportunity yeah and now just because I'm a mom does not mean I can't keep creating opportunities. Absolutely yeah, that is so well said that deserves to be added I would have pressed applause on my stream deck if I had I'm still got like I said this is my first time in the studio and I've got all these USB cords and at least I knew how to use my ring light Oh I love that love that. So sue me and golf me me have a feeling I'm gonna know the answer to this next question, but I'll let you answer it I'll just keep my thoughts to myself. The topic of mum give it something I'd like to explore with all my guests. What's your take on mum guilt Hmm I don't feel mum guilt. And that makes me feel guilty I can remember I went for my six week checkup with Dominic and I said to my obstetrician I don't know this doesn't feel normal. But I don't feel bad like when he cries i don't feel guilt that I need to run to him. I don't feel you know if I'm gonna take a bit longer in the shower. If I want to go leave him with his dad and go to the shops farmer. I don't feel it. She said no, that is quite normal. It and not with the girls. It's even, it's even worse because you know, I had to leave them in the NICU for five and a half weeks. And at that point I had to say to myself, Elena, you know, you can't look after them right now. They've got nasal gastric tubes for feeding. They've got an inline, they're an isolettes. I mean, there's no way I could have brought them home. But that detachment has gone so far, that like, Now, I could leave the house and not even acknowledge that I'm leaving. Obviously, like, laters, you know? And then it's not until, because I'll be at the shops, and I'll be thinking, Oh, lotto would be nice now. And I'll take my time. And it's not until I walk, you know, driving the driveway, and I walk in the door, and I go, hang on, I never said goodbye to them. So I think the mom guilt thing comes from this is my personal opinion. I think it comes from our upbringing, and our relationship with our own mothers. My mom, I would say, would have instilled in me, you know, this thing of mum guilt, not for any reason of badness. But, you know, I know the way mum put us before her. And I associate that with mum guilt. Yep. Where, you know, here I am. I've got my animals here at the moment. And I'm like, Well, I'm going to get my hair color. I'm gonna get my facial. I'm getting my nails done. Because I need to take care of myself to look after the girls. And I don't feel any guilt about that. Yep. Absolutely. And why should you? Like, you're still a person that that needs to be nurtured. And yeah, yeah. And I do want to be at that point, you know, in 20 years time, where I'm still getting my hair done getting my nails done doing the things that make me feel a person. Because, admittedly, you know, I would have preferred that my mum looked after herself. So that today, she would feel better about herself. You know, it when he's put everyone else before you? How are you supposed to look after yourself how you're supposed to do that self care. And I do feel for her that, you know, I really wanted her if we could rewind the time, let go of that mum guilt. Put yourself first mum. And I suppose that's what I'm telling myself. Yeah. Yeah. Do you think that an element of what your mum experienced was a cultural and sort of of the time that that's what was happening? To all the moms? Yeah. And I think look, when we, when we look at generation wise as well. You know, really, mums parents came from overseas. So it was a different time to be growing up in Australia. You know, I suppose that generation mums generation needed to parent their parents. Yeah. While whilst parenting us kids. Yeah. And that's through no fault of their own. Where he here we are. We're, we're not, you know, we could care for our parents, but we're not parenting our parents. We're parenting our children. And who knows where it'll be when our children have the dead children. But it was a different time to be growing up in Australia, Arthur? Yeah. Yeah, that's a really good way of looking at it. Actually. It's made me sort of have a bit of one of those lightbulb moments actually. That my family I knew you were gonna say that about Mum, you. You. For You, I think mum gets bloody load of shit. I just think it's a stupid thing that we're all supposed to buy into. It's like, no thanks. I'm allowed to, I'm allowed to love my children and not be with them. You know, it's part of their journey, or, you know, they have two parents, you know, I don't know. It's true. And I guess, you know, for me, I want the children to grow up, like I said before, fiercely, independent, strong in their identity. But also that as they grow older, they know that mom is strong and her identity. I have seen and I've heard through others, where you know, the mom has this fierce mom guilt and doesn't pursue a career and doesn't pursue other things. As the children are growing up and then the children go to school and what that mum then is kind of displaced. Yeah, that's it. Where did they fit in? Yeah, yeah. And that's the thing I don't want. I don't want that for me. I don't want to set that as an example. There's more to life than that. She's enjoying talking to you this is we could almost spin off into our own podcast. Hey, I'm always open to new ideas to you going down the drain today have to choose between hunger and the lie between the day. And the darkness of the night. There won't be more. Support, I want to touch on that you talked about having your own families like 6000 cases 1000 2002, you said you're further they've been they've been New Zealand or further. So a long way away. It's not like you can just call them up and say, Hey, I need you to like go to the shops. Has that been very challenging being on your normal answer on your own? Because you've obviously got got your husband? Well, how's that? Yeah, that's that's an interesting point, too, because it's very rarely home. He has been very involved career and really his career is what is our lifestyle. It's been, it's harsh. I'll put it, I'll try and put this in the nicest way possible. It's hard. It's sad. The family not being able to experience the children growing up. It's also for me, What's hard is not so much that I can't ring someone to help me. It's when I hear other family members say, I'm so tired. And they have family members who can help them. You know, I guess I've just grown into this situation, which is relying on myself and myself alone. My husband helps whenever he can. He's super supportive, supportive of my career supportive of the children and our family goals. But realistically, Alison, the problem is for me that that kind of lack of recognition from others. Hang on, you know, you have a husband who works nine to five and has every weekend off. You have parents and in laws and siblings who live five kilometers away from you. You can dump the children there and go back home and have a three hour siesta. Don't complain that you're tired. You know, I'm so tired that I don't even know I'm tired anymore. I just know that I could fall over at any point. It's like literally I had blood tests done last week because my dizziness is out of control. Oh gosh. But no, I'm healthy. I'm just really tired. Really tired. It took me eight months to find a nanny. We are so blessed to have been introduced to a beautiful woman who is a nurse by day. I mean you couldn't ask for a better Mrs. Doubtfire. She's a registered nurse during the day. And then she comes over for an hour in the afternoon. She cuddles the girls? I picked Dominique up from school. That is life saving for me. Yeah, that in itself is the best type of help that I can get. And she's she's only been with us for maybe six weeks. But she's like family. You know that for me is everything. Yeah. Because it's true. I can't I can't just ring up and you know, we actually I sewed this was nuts we I sewed twice within four weeks because hobby downstairs for a week me upstairs of the three kids. And then we did it again just for shits and giggles a few weeks later, but that time Dominic had COVID and so did so did happy so you know again, I had family saying to me in Adelaide, like just bring up the nanny get her to come over Can't you ring someone can't someone come and know when you have COVID or your close contact and you're an ISO Mr. Wall was can't even walk through the front door. Yeah, that's it. Yeah. Yeah. That was a you know, again, that was frantic, but I'll be honest with you. While that was happening, and I had the three children for 24 hours for a week. I was still working on those now. Nothing's gonna stop you. Good on your nine. Kinda love it. Honestly, if anyone is feeling unmotivated, all they have to do is listen to you Talk about how you make things happen. And they'd be like, right, I'm doing it. I'm pumped now, at least got me fired up. But sometimes, you know, there's that whole theory of momentum, you may not feel like doing it. But when you start doing it, you'll feel like could eventually, I have little hacks where if I put on some citrus oil, yep. Or, you know, in Melbourne, their house, the kitchen was off the lot laundry was off the kitchen. And if I put one of those pods in the washing machine, of course, with clothes in the washing machine, that citrus smell was like, you know, kind of like starting the lawnmower for me. Hmm. So that's, you know, I've picked up on Oh, I don't feel like doing that. Now. I will be the queen of procrastination, if I look back 10 years ago. But like I said, I said, I'm happy. Being a mom of twins and a singleton toddler is totally doable. You just have to be organized. So I do admittedly have a lot of, you know, citrus smelling oils and citrus smelly melts, that I burn and what have you so that I can keep motivated during the day? Yeah. So coffee, lots of coffee to change. It's not ignore this. List. I just call that let's say that yeah, it's like, when things don't, when you do have those times, you've got your toolkit to say, right? I've got to do this. I want to do this. Let's make it happen. Again, it's like you're making things happen. And I think joined with that is you also need to listen to yourself. So even though I say I don't recharge through napping, there was one day in the past month. Where I'm sorry, I just can't do today. Yep. And I lacked when the girls napped. I've never listened to my body quite as much as I have since I've become a mum. Because I know I am there for my children. Yeah, so I have to listen to myself. It's that thing again of I have to fill my own cup. Yep. Yeah. You don't have a day off. There's no annual leave it isn't it? They don't go away. They're always hanging. Could you imagine? I know you're only four months old but I really need today off yeah, they come back tomorrow and I'm feeling a bit better. Okay change your interface some way to sing a song. Yeah, we lose track of time. Sharon some day comes my way. Just to reinforce really is always consider what is possible. Yeah, that for me has been the biggest thing through my whole journey and continues to be with the three passion projects that I'm working on. What else is possible? Because I think we get stuck in you know, things only happen this way. Because that's the only way it's been done before. As a mum who is a creator, not just a Creator as a mum creator in the you know, YouTube podcast radio sense. You know, every day I find myself asking that question what is possible it's okay to challenge the norm. That is what it is to be a mum. Yeah, someone has to do it get special you talked about you're gonna get stuck into YouTube. A bit more. We're in your podcast, what have you got sort of coming up that you can share with us? Yeah, so I have season four of my podcast coming up in June. And around the same time, I have season three of Behind the Music with LED coming up on YouTube. So the distinct difference I think I you know, I kind of made a boo boo, because I called them both behind the music with LED, but the podcast is audio only. And then the YouTube is video. And it's not like a video of the audio recording. It is like watching a mini series. So it's a completely different artists. I throw my questions at them, they give me their raw responses. And then, of course, my next suggestion is you can find them online, you have a listen with us. Now I'm also in the process of developing the schedule where we're going to have a Sunday night show. I can't share too much there. But I can share that I've got a couple of announces. Funnily enough, they're all in Melbourne. I'm the only one in Queensland. And we're going to dig deep into the library and really bring out the talent. Because this is the thing is songs get announced. There's no intro, there's no outro every six songs on AWS now you'll hear someone say, Hey, I'm the artist name. You'll listen to us now or keep it tuned to us now. We don't have you know, because again, it's not for revenue. It's there for the purpose of discovering new music. So yeah, that's currently what I'm working on. And the production stuff was the YouTube is more challenging for me than the podcast, but I love watching it when it goes live. So I go to my local, I go to my local better electrical store. And I'm like, What's happening with the TVs that I can I give them a go and then all of a sudden, they turn around and 12 TVs have my series on there. Fantastic when they're all on at the same time. Okay, it's cool, actually in HD. So the good guys to bring up all the stores. Get my views up. That is awesome. Yeah, the site can you tell us like obviously YouTube? Where can people find you radio, like oz now radio, you go to us now radio.com that I use. So that's Oh, Zed like the Wizard of Oz. Oz now.com.au. There, you'll find and you can press play on the web player, or I haven't shared yet. I'm also working on an app that you can download. So at the moment, you can hear us now if you listen to one's like my tuner on tuning, you can program it. I mean, I've got a son OS that I've used my tuner to listen to it stream is cast as radio gardener has a ton of streaming platform. But yeah, I'm just quietly working on an app. I forget about that. And that way people can download the app. And you know, you don't need to go looking for it to scrub the app. That's wonderful. Good for you. Thank you for for the podcasts and the YouTube series. Just go to Google and type in behind the music with LED and it's not led like the light E double L IE, space D for dog. Beautiful. Thank you for sharing that. That is so cool. I'm excited for that. It'll be really cool when I've taken off the generic branding of someone else's radio station. I've loved talking to you today. It's just been such a joy. I've got sore cheeks from smiling and laughing. So it's been wonderful. We'll have to do it again. And I'd love to feature you on ours now radio, so we should have more returned about that. Thank you. I would absolutely love that. Thank you so much, Ellie. It's been a pleasure. Thanks again. Thank you. Thanks for your company today. If you've enjoyed this episode, I'd love you to consider leaving us a review, following or subscribing to the podcast, or even sharing it with a friend who you think might be interested. If you or someone you know would like to be a guest on the podcast. Please get in touch with us via the link in the show notes. I'll catch you again next week for another chat with an artistic mom

Singer, songwriter and mum of 2 Alison Newman chats to artists, musicians, writers and other creatives about what it is like being a mother - and being an artist. Juggling the day to day, retaining your identity, how their work is influenced by motherhood, "mum guilt", the pros, the cons and everything in between Podcast Shop Here are displayed the products used by, or created by our guests. The Art of Being a Mum is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Programme. Some of the links on this site are affiliate links. If you choose to buy a product from any of our recommendations by clicking on one of those links, we stand to earn a small commission, at no extra cost to you. Books The Competition written by my Season 2 guest Katherine Collette The Mother Fault Written by my Season 1 guest Kate Mildenhall Skylarking Written by my Season 1 guest Kate Mildenhall The Helpline written by my Season 2 guest Katherine Collette Bird of Paradise written by my Season 2 guest Emily Johnson Inner Compass Mom written by my Season 2 guest Danielle Kloberdanz Life: It Is What it Is written by my Season 2 guest Lisa Sugarman How to Raise Perfectly Imperfect Kids And Be Ok With It written by my Season 2 guest Lisa Sugarman Untying Parent Anxiety written by my Season 2 guest Lisa Sugarman Art Supplies Matisse Acrylic paints Used by Season 1 guest Melanie Cooper Liquitex Acrylic paints Used by Season 1 guest Melanie Cooper Atelier Acrylic paints Used by Season 1 guest Melanie Cooper Mont MarteAcrylic paints Mont MarteTable Top Easel Jo Sonja's Acrylic paints Used by Season 2 guest Andrea Rees Used by Season 2 guest Andrea Rees and host Alison Newman Used by Season 2 guest Andrea Rees Derwent Pencils Used by Season 2 guest Andrea Rees Staples Matte Paper Used by Season 2 guest Charlotte Condie Micador Acrylic Paint Brushes Used by Season 2 guest Andrea Rees Rit Dye Used by Season 2 guest Sami Lange Winsor + Newton Watercolour Travel Set Used by Season 2 guest Fiona Valentine Lizbeth Threads Used by Season 2 guest Sami Lange Legion Stonehenge Paper Used by Season 2 guest Sami Lange Moleskine Art A4 Watercolour Notebook, Black Used by host Alison Tech Supplies Apple iPad 10.2inch Used by Season 2 guest Charlotte Condie Apple Pencil Used by Season 2 guest Charlotte Condie Canon Pixma PRO-200 A3 Printer Used by Season 2 guest Charlotte Condie Podcast Supplies As used by host Alison Newman for producing the podcast and for vocal album recording Ambient Reflection Filter Yamaha MG10XU Mixer w/Digital FX and USB Vonyx Studio Nylon Pop Filter XLR Cable Behringer B-5 Condenser Mic Behringer C-1 Studio Condenser Mic NEEWER Microphone Suspension Boom Arm Stand, Zoom H1n Portable Recorder Hard Case for YAMAHA MG10XU

Tamara Seeley Australian singer songwriter S4Ep98 Listen and subscribe on Spotify and itunes/Apple podcasts My guest this week is Tamara Seeley a singer and songwriter from Mount Gambier, South Australia and a mum of 2. Tamara has been a singer since the age of 15, crediting her Scottish heritage as what brought her to singing as well as The Bodyguard movie. After leaving school she went to Melbourne to start her training, from then she has spent time living and performing in London, Doha and South Korea, being flown to from London to New Zealand to act in a commercial and performing on the Disney Cruise Ship in the Carribean Islands. Oh and she sang back up vocals for Right Said Fred of 90s "I'm too Sexy' fame and was an extra in a Bollywood movie too! Her philosophy at that time was to try anything she had the opportunity to. Tamara has 4 releases under her belt, her 2015 EP Gold Armour, singles Eileen and Old Skool Love, and her latest release of a 10 year special remix of her track Release Me which is out now. Even though she has seen some amazing places and travelled so widely, amongst her proudest career achievements is recording and producing her music video for her latest single in home town of Mount Gambier, a regional town of but 28000 people. Tamara - facebook / instagram / music Podcast transcript at the bottom of the page Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode of The Art of Being A Mum Podcast. I'm beyond honoured that you're here and would be grateful if you could take 2 minutes to leave me a 5-star review in iTunes or wherever you are listening. It really helps! This way together we can inspire, connect and bring in to the light even more stories from creative mums. Want to connect? Take a screenshot of this episode and share it on Instagram tagging me in with @art_of_being_a_mum_podcast I can't wait to connect. And remember if you or somebody you know would like to be a guest on the podcast, get in touch ! I love meeting and chatting to mammas from all creative backgrounds, from all around the world! Thank you! Alison acknowledges this Land of the Berrin (Mount Gambier) Region as the Traditional Lands of the Bungandidj People and acknowledge these First Nations people as the custodians of the Region. Ch eck out more episodes ..... Welcome to the Art of Being a mum podcast, where I Alison Newman, a singer songwriter, and Ozzy mum of two enjoys honest and inspiring conversations with artists and creators about the joys and issues they've encountered. While trying to be a mum and continue to create. You'll hear themes like the mental juggle, changes in identity, how their work has been influenced by motherhood, mum guilt, cultural norms, and we also strain to territory such as the patriarchy, feminism, and capitalism. You can find links to my guests and topics we discussed in the shownotes along with a link to the music played, how to get in touch, and a link to join our supportive and lively community on Instagram. I'll always put a trigger warning if we discuss sensitive topics on the podcast. But if at any time you're concerned about your mental health, I urge you to talk to those around you reach out to health professionals, or seek out resources online. I've compiled a list of international resources which can be accessed on the podcast landing page, Alison Newman dotnet slash podcast the art of being a mum we'd like to acknowledge the traditional owners of the land and water, which this podcast is recorded on as being the Bondic people in the barren region of South Australia. I'm working on land that was never seen it Welcome to another episode of the podcast it is so great to be back for episode 98 Lovely to welcome you from wherever you are around the world. My guest this week is Tamara Seeley. Tamara is a singer and songwriter from Matt Gambia in South Australia and she's a mom of two. Tamara has been a singer since the age of 15. crediting her Scottish heritage is what brought her to singing as well as Whitney Houston in The Bodyguard movie. After leaving school, she went to Melbourne to start her training. From there she spent time living and performing in London, Doha and South Korea. She's been flown from London to New Zealand to act in a commercial and she's performed on the Disney cruise ship in the Caribbean islands. And she sang backup vocals for right said Fred of 90s IMT sexy fame and was an extra in a Bollywood movie to her philosophy at that time was trying anything that she had the opportunity to, and she certainly did that. Tamara has four releases under her belt, her 2015 EP gold armor, singles Eileen and old school love and her latest release of a 10 year special remix of her track release me which is out now. Even though Tamara has seen some amazing places and traveled so widely. She credits amongst her proudest career achievements recording and producing her latest music video in her hometown of Mount Gambia, a regional town of about 28,000 people. Hope you enjoy today's episode. You'll hear tomorrow's music featured throughout thank you again for listening. The old tree welcome, Tamara, it is such a pleasure to have you on the podcast. Thank you for coming on today. And thank you for asking me this is my first podcast. So very excited. Even more exciting. That's awesome. And when you say thanks for asking me I have I have had you in my mind for a very long time. So I'm glad we were able to make it work. Yeah, it's great. You're actually one of the first people I thought of when I was starting to do this. And I thought Who do I know and I wanted to go with a an industry I felt comfortable with. So I was just reaching out to musicians to start with them like yep, tomorrow, tomorrow. And it's funny because I messaged you and you're like, Yeah, I'm not right now. You know, whatever was going on. And then Thankfully, he messaged me recently because I forget what's the message so thanks. And life just gets in the way cuz I think when you first asked me, I can I just had Jasper and I was working on my 90s mixtape show. So I was a bit like, Yep, it's all happening. Juggling a few things. So yeah, that's the main thing. Yes. And it's wonderful, wonderful to speak to you even though we're in the same town with zoom in it today just because it's good with the kids and in life. So making it work. Yeah, absolutely. Sorry. I have the internet. Yes. So before we jump in talk about exciting things that are happening right now. I want to go back to how did you first get into music? So my answer used to be that I stumbled into music because I came from a sporting background. So my mom's side of the family were very sporty. I was very much a tomboy. But I used to sing with my dad and my dad is Scottish. And his mother was a beautiful singer. And he was actually in a BGS tribute band. Oh, yeah, right. Yeah. So when they were living in while they did a few gigs, the karaoke machine still comes out at all of their, like family dues. And like, they're just amazing singers. So I sing because of my Scottish heritage. Like, that's just I do believe that that passes through. Yeah. Yeah. It's not a I just fell into it. Like, I think there's a deeper reason as to why I got into it. I really first connected with singing when I watched the bodyguard. Oh, yeah. Right. And I heard Whitney Houston sing. And I used to sing with that, but I never thought anything of it. And then I watched that, and I was like, singing her songs. And I was like, Yeah, this is pretty cool. But I didn't come from I don't come from like a stage school background. So I didn't do a Stanford's. I wasn't in a choir. So I just didn't, didn't even think that singing could be a possibility. So I just sort of would do it in my bedroom. I know that sounds cliche, but I would just, you know, sing along. And didn't think anything of it really, until I went to boarding school in Hamilton when I was 15. And they had, like a music and drama program, which wasn't, wasn't at Tennyson at the time. And a friend of mine overheard me sing and she's like, why didn't you audition? I'm like, Well, why are you got a really good voice? And I auditioned for it and just fell in love with it ever since then. So I think I was I think I was like, 15 or 16 when I had my first Singing Lesson. Yep. Yeah. But from then I was like, No, this is what I would like to do. Yeah. So it was like it. It was like an instant, like moment of oh my gosh, like, you can all this this singing that you've done your whole life. This can actually turn into something that you do in your future. Yeah, absolutely. And I think my family would get shocked because I was quite shy as a kid. And like I said, I came from that sporting background, though to then all of a sudden, like, you know, into year 12. I was like, Mom, I'm moving to Melbourne. I'm gonna have some singing lessons. I think that's what I want to do. And that's just how I got started. Yeah, right. This to me, led me me so I can stand Yeah, what happened when you move to Melbourne had it? Because I know you've you've been overseas, you've done things like gigs on cruise ships, like how did it sort of evolved from from that point on. So when I was 18, I moved to Melbourne had singing lessons. And I just practiced so hard. I was just like, I'm just loving this. And I'm actually wanting to get back to that point. Because I feel like the better you get, the further along in your career that you get, there's like, it feels like more of a job like and just because it's your passion doesn't mean that you'd love it all the time. So I just remember like, being right in the thick of just like singing to different styles and singing in different keys and just just showing up the craft, you know, without any sort of pressure or expectation. So I just did that solid for I reckon, two or three years. And then I had spent 12 months at dance world in Melbourne. Yeah, right. Yeah. Certificate no so random. They're like, Oh, this is a really good call. Most singers like it's dancing, but it's, you know, for singers, no, it was more the other way around. And I was like, way out of my depth, but I got so much out of it. And I think I'm comfortable on stage because I did that. Yeah, right. You know, you do notice that sometimes with singers that haven't had like a movement background that they can be, you know, a bit awkward. So even though I was never going to pursue dancing, I still, I feel like that's what you have to do is you just give things a go. And that all adds to how you're shaped as an artist. Yeah. Yeah. Makes sense. Yes. And then what happened? Then, then I moved back to Matt Gambia, actually. Yeah, so I was just like, broke all the time. Like I was in between, you know, doing shitty hospitality jobs. And also, I'm just going to move home for a bit and save some money. And I remember this clear as day I was at Holies, in Kmart, the Yes. And I've run into Dennis O'Carroll, who I hadn't seen in years and I went to went to school with his daughter, Chelsea. And he's like, oh, so he, you know, you've been doing a bit of singing. He's like, go to Dale Cleves, because Nick Aslan, who's in bariatric is looking for. They're looking for a new singer. And I'd never heard of heard of bass Rec. So I dropped in my my CD with it. I think it had a Christina Aguilera cover on there. And I auditioned to be in that band. Yeah. So that was what my first first paid gig. Yeah, right. Yes. Digging in that Gambia. Yeah. I remember those days, like go down and dance it away. So much fun. It was so and it was a thriving scene. Yeah, like you could not move in fine. Again. You could not move in shadows. The Gambia like, yeah, I was gigging a lot. And I think that was just such a huge learning curve because singing into in your bedroom. singing in a band. Yeah. And some of those songs were rock. So getting your voice to cut through but still using the right technique and then throw a few drunks in the mix. You know, like it's, it's and back then. People would have been able to smoke in pubs as well. So that would have been a horrible for your voice. Yeah, like not it's survived. Just like when he did he did get shadows. I think our set started at 1230 at night. Yeah. Three to four o'clock. Oh, god. Yeah, those days are long gone. That's okay. I'm not yearning for that time even though that was awesome. I'm like the thought of doing that and then having to you know deal with two toddlers not happening Sunday session by you know, finish. Finish by for six o'clock at night. Yeah. Back home for bedtime for the kids. witching hour started. God. Yes. So, how long did you spend doing like gigging you met Gambia before you moved away again. So that was, I reckon, two years. But whilst I was here, I went in my first trip overseas and my first overseas singing gig was in South Korea. Ah, so I reckon I was 21. Yeah, where I got a job in a trio singing covers six nights or six nights a week. Oh, Jesus. Yeah. How does your voice hold up during that? Like back to back to back to back? Not too bad. Yeah. I never really I'm lucky. I think if I tried to do it now, I think I would feel like I've because I was gigging a lot down here. And doing those like big pop rock songs as well. I felt like I was good fit for it. And not all of the songs were like, say your big, big numbers. They were like, you know, sometimes more like jazz ballads. So you could sort of go easy. Yeah. There was another singer as well. So it wasn't just all on me. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that would have been good. Old school memories and nothing like the modern days. Yeah, move back to my Gambia for 12 months. And I moved to London. Yeah, right. Yeah. So I was in London for five years. Working, you know, various jobs. I worked for the Halifax Bank of Scotland. Yeah. Right. Which ended up giving me an awesome opportunity. So every year, the Halifax Bank of Scotland would recruit colleagues for their TV commercials. TV commercials, and it used to be used to be you know, they'd get them to sing. Yep. The year that I auditioned, we had to do these stunts. I actually probably should post this advert that I was in because it was an absolute incredible experience. For us, they were like, are you scared of heights? I'm like, no, like, you know, I was quite sporty and we grew up in the country. That's not a problem. Like that's a bit random that you're asking that. Ended up getting. Getting selected to be in this TV advert got flown from London to New Zealand to film this advert. Oh, wow. And my part of the scene was leaping over these massive human pillars to pass someone a five pound note. Oh, his cat, Paula Halifax. Bank of Scotland was you know, giving you extra type thing. Oh, my God. But I had to like train for this. I worked with the stunt team that worked on Australia. Then the movie with Nicole Kidman like it was a huge production. The director has then gone on to be the director for Lion the movie. That's one? Oh, yeah. Because I've worked with him before. Like, that's what it was. Exactly like it was such an incredible experience. Yeah, I feel like I've seen it. I've recognized sight like you have shared it. And I reckon I've seen it but I can't I'm you know, vaguely remembering. So you didn't get to singing it. But you got to like throw yourself for it. Yeah, how to harness on was flying through the air. It was pretty cool. Experience. Oh, it really was like, I feel like I went to London. And I feel like I probably always had this attitude. I'm just going to show up and give things a go. You know, I was in my 20s. I was like, This is what it's all about. This is what the traveling life's all about. So I was in a Bollywood music video as an extra. Yeah, I just literally signed up to everything. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I love that. Actually studied music there as well. Yeah. Which was an incredible experience. So I did a diploma in popular music and tech, music schools, I think it's called something different now. But they also have. So they had tech vocals, drums, bass guitar. And once a week you had to, you'd have to learn a song. So the singers would have to learn the song, the drummer would have to learn the song guitar player, bass player, and you had to learn the backing vocals and you just have to get up and do it. Yeah, right. Yeah, so it was, yeah, it was pretty intense. But what a what a great discipline to be prepared. Probably lacked some of that in my early my early career not like being prepared for auditions for getting my words get becoming like overly nervous. And that was like a huge learning curve. Like not you need to learn your shit. So that when you can get up there, you can nail it, and you can be confident and I think that's the key to confidence. And this is what I when I was was teaching singing why you have to practice this, you know, you have people like, Oh, don't be nervous. Just get up there. Just be confident. Well, that doesn't really know does that. I find if I'm overly nervous about something, I've it's not the right thing, or I'm not prepared for him. Because I've made that mistake before so like I still to this day, like if I've got something coming up. I have to be prepared. Otherwise, I'll just be be an absolute wreck. Yeah, I can. I can relate to that. Like I had someone asked me once if I get nervous, and I said, I only get nervous if I don't know exactly what I'm doing. Like I feel like if you know what you're doing, and I don't know if you do this, but I visualize myself in whatever space it's going to be even if I haven't necessarily been there. I can just imagine myself being on stage. And then I sort of just feel comfortable that I know where I'm gonna be. I know what I'm doing. And so then there's really no need to feel nervous, you know, like, and that's not a conceited or an ego thing, but it's like, you know, your voice, you know what you're doing? You know? Yeah. So, yeah, but then I've heard other people say, are you if you're not nervous, it means it's not important enough to you? And it's like, well, I don't know about that, either. Because? I don't know. So yeah, I think you can channel nerve like it. I think it's normal to be nervous, but you're excited about it. Yeah. But this my moment, because I'm prepared. I've put in the work. I love to do this. And all I have to do now is be in the moment and enjoy it. Because if I'm enjoying it, everyone else is like, there's nothing worse than seeing another performer suffer on stage. And you can see it. Oh, yeah. Yes, yeah. Horrible. Because you know what that's like, you know, so it's, um, yeah, and it doesn't. And for me, it doesn't actually matter what the size of the gig is. Yeah. Yep. It's just what I have to put in place. So I can enjoy it. So I'm not an absolute, you know, nervous wreck, yeah. I'm gonna follow the slide. So we'll come back to you. other bits and bobs that you've done. But I want to ask that putting things in place. Now, as a mom of two. That would also be who's gonna look after the kids? And how am I going to rehearse when I've got two kids? Like, all that sort of stuff? Adds a massive new element to it, doesn't it? massive new element. But I think being a musician and artists, I can practice around them. Is it easy? No, it is not. You get to grab the moments when they're there. But yeah, I just do my best to work around them. I also don't get this right all the time. But I try to not have the old tomorrow head on. Like our before kids, I was able to work at this pace. I think that's where, you know, I can become undone. I think other mums can come undone as well because they're trying to perform at a level before motherhood. And it's pretty much an impossible task because your life is different. Yeah. And I'm not saying you can't still do what you love to do. And I think you need that to be you know, a good mom. I feel like I'm a better mom when I sing when I've got like side projects. I feel like I'm and I love that I can include my kids as well. Yeah, right. Yeah. Because quite often they'll come into band practices. I remember when they I can Jasper was four months old and Marie and I were practicing my 90s mixtape and or doing the chorus medley at the end, which was like 20 courses back to back in one song. The last songs absolutely everybody by Vanessa amorosi. And yeah, singing that note at the end. I'm breastfeeding Jasper at this time, like doing all the like, oh my gosh, but I actually felt really empowered. I'm like, I can do this. Yeah, it just is showing up differently. And that's okay. And not putting those, like you said, comparing yourself to the life you had before. So I feel like that just it just makes you feel bad or guilty or something. It's like there's no point trying to drag yourself back into that space. Absolutely. There's no going back whether you decide to be a mom or not. There's no going back, but how I feel like there's so many people that are so attached to their old life. Instead of embracing what's happening now and being in the moment now. Like I'm not, I'm not, you know, 25 in London anymore. I'm not, you know, seeing on a cruise ship anymore. I don't want to do that either. Because I have done that that chapter of my life was bloody awesome. But then you tapped out you The music's different now. And I'm showing up in a different way now, but I think that's exciting instead of being a I'm not my old self wasn't a man before. Yeah, I am. That's a great way to look at it. That is a great way to look at it some holidays down by the drink and lemon jello, making promises we won't. So you mentioned the cruise ships there. Let's have a quick chat about what you were doing and how long you were doing it for. Yep. So when I was living in London, I auditioned to be a lead singer in a band on Disney for Disney Cruise Line. Yeah. So I got so I got the I got the gig. And I spent three months traveling around the Caribbean. It was terrible. Would have been raining the whole time? No sunshine. Best and after that. A bit. Mean amazing. Yeah, it really was. And that was yeah, a huge learning curve, because it was Thursday night. So sometimes it was, you know, Motown jazz. We did one set a week in front of the goofy pool, and we'd perform with the Disney characters or Magica days we die. Allison, it was like, the joy on everyone's faces. And you would you know, get lost in the moment as well. It was. Yeah, it was a really, really good gig. Yeah. Though, living on the ship is not my cup of tea. I think I always knew that. But I was like, I want to do this once. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I'm glad I did it. But now I want to be living on the land. Not mindspace. Not in a cabin right down the bottom with no windows. Oh, oh, that'd be hard. Like did you get do you get seasick or like, queasy down there did a couple of times when it was rough. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But in the Caribbean are pretty calm. So it wasn't too bad. Yeah. Yeah. You wouldn't take a job like that if you suffered from. I can just imagine, like, I get pretty seasick as it is. But if you were down somewhere with no window, I recommended just do your heading. You just feel like you're in a box. That was the worst, I would say. Like, quite often. I'm just going up to the top deck. I just need some sunlight. Yes, not. Not great. Yeah. Oh, there you go. So sorry. How long did you do that for? You said three months? Yeah, right. Oh, that would have been amazing. Yeah. It's so good that you've got all these wonderful experiences you can look back on and just like you said, you can say that was amazing. I'm not doing that. Now. I've moved on life. But you've got all these awesome things and all these stories. I can that's so cool. Oh, love it. And I guess you would have probably learnt heaps like working with different people along the way to like picking up things from different musicians and, you know, just keeping them in your back pocket for next time sort of thing. Absolutely. I actually think it's a great masterclass for songwriting. Yeah. Right. You know, cuz you watch what the audience get into. So like, when does that when, you know, a song lifts or certain hooks and phrasing and styles, like just all those types of things? I find some, you know, in the singer songwriters really turned their nose down, you know, have a band singers, but I think, how are you meant to learn? If you don't try every flavor of ice cream, you know? And, you know, doing cover gigs? You do you have to sometimes sing songs you don't necessarily like sometimes you quite often will find songs that you really like and connect with that you didn't? Didn't think you would. So I actually think it was. Yeah, an amazing experience to do that. Yeah. Do you find that? I mean, this is my personal experience that I think the best way that I've learned my, what my voice can do and my range and what I'm capable of is singing other people's songs because I wouldn't write songs, like the other people that I sing their music, you know what I mean? So it's actually been really useful to be singing lots of songs over many years to sort of see what you can do and learn where you can push yourself and where you can learn more. Absolutely, and I I have loved doing that because I like I said, I love like Whitney, Mariah I'd never change the, like, I probably sound like a, you know, animal in the paddock that's practicing it. But how are you meant to know what you're capable of if you don't go there? Yeah, yeah, for sure. Yeah. So I runs Oh, how do you you know, seeing that height? Because I let myself go there and practice that. Yeah. You know, I mean, everyone's voices are different, like, I don't have a low voice. Like, I probably wouldn't ever tackle like a Tracy Chapman song in the original key because it you know, I just can't sing that low. So I think that's what makes us all you know, special and unique. That's the beauty Beauty and the voice, you know that everyone has different, you know, colors and textures and sounds and yeah, I love Yeah, absolutely. And I, I know, there's like, no, like, you talk about that sort of stigma of being a cover singer. But I don't know people. People love hearing songs that they know. And this is something I've struggled with placing original songs in sets over the years because people love and I do it too. When I go out. I love to hear some unknown, you know, tap a foot and sing along. So this this, people should stop bagging it. They probably love it too. Exactly. Like, I'm not ashamed to say that I'm, you know, my guilty pleasures are power ballads. Yeah. I went to say Celine Dion in Vegas. It was amazing. Yeah, right would have been pretty special. Do you know what you're not just one thing? Yeah. Oh, that's exciting thing, you know, with being a singer that you can decide what you want to do like you can. And I've seen that with the work that you do. You can sing on dance tracks, you can do jazz, you can do folk, you can do acoustic, you can do whatever the hell you want to do. Yep, that's it, isn't it? That's why sometimes hate that question. Who are you as an artist? Well, I don't, you're huge. I mean, yeah. Sometimes I want to sing this. And sometimes I want to sing that. And it's like, I don't like I don't think I'd put out an album that like the first song was a you know, it was death metal. And then it was a power ballad. Like, I think that would be a bit confused. But I'm just, I'm not into those labels. I've actually gotten less and less keen on, like labeling genres. And to the point where I'll start putting myself in competition. So as I want to know what your genre is, like, I can't tell you I just It depends what mood I'm in. But I feel I'm working with and you know, I know that sort of, say it's very restrictive. I wish there was less less of that sort of talk in the industry, but they've got an eye. It's like, they've got to work out how to deal with you. They've got to know what you do. And it's easy for them if they can pigeonhole you into something. And why do they need to know how old you are? Ya got you? Yes, yes. Yeah. I think the I think it's getting better. yet. I found like, you know, I when I was in Melbourne I can't remember what audition it was and I was like 18 or 19 Oh, no, you're too old for that. Oh, Lord. Oh my god. So young and I believed it for a long time. So I never really took myself like that seriously cuz I just thought like I'm never probably going to have a career in it because you clearly have to be to to get signed. It's bizarre what does it matter love has changed. Me You're listening to the art of being a mom with my mum, I listen. I think the older you get, the more life experience you have. And I've know personally, the better songwriting I'm doing as I get older. I think even since I've had kids, it's like this whole new perspective on your life. And it's so much richer, you know, and to be able to reflect on that and but they want us all to be young and I don't know single and not have kids and but that's mainstream say Eric and the amount of people I've talked to in the indie indie world. No one gives a shit like people, people if you've got a good song and you like people like what you're what you're putting out there. That's all that matters. And I feel like a lot of people, people that I to talk to anyway I just really not even bothering with mainstream stuff not even trying to knock down those doors. Because it's just the first thing. How old are you? They see you're a woman. Have you got kids? Like, that's the interview? Yeah, it's, yeah. And there's no point even like trying to go there. Like, I'm not trying to be the next Teen sensation to appeal to a younger audience, because there's actually some really amazing young artists coming through that are tapping into that market beautifully. Let them own that. I just think there's, you know, enough room for all of us. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. I need to be pegged up against each other. Yeah. We all have, you know, different stories to tell. Different songs to put out there. That can't really you can't compare it. Because they're not the same, you know? Yeah. Let's hear. So I just, yeah, I, it doesn't that doesn't bother me anymore. But it really did back then. And because I was so young when now. I don't I don't care. Yeah. Yeah, no. Heat. I think if I'm authentic to myself, and I'm proud of the work that I'm putting out there. And I get to work with all the amazing people in this community. And in you know, in the in the music world that I've connected with tech, you've already won. Could you proud of that? Yeah, that's a garment. You know, the followers the views? Yeah. Yeah. You could get 10,000 views on my YouTube. Yeah. It's it's a funny one. Yeah, that's it, isn't it? Yeah. So you're talking about songwriting. I want to talk to you about when did you start start writing your own songs? When I was studying in London, yeah. Right. So you know, we would take songwriting classes there, we perform original songs. Then I sort of stopped because I was getting quite a lot of, you know, cover band work. And that's when I went, you know, on the Disney ship. And from the Disney ship. I got a job seeing in the Middle East. Ah, that's was that Doha? Yes. Yeah, right. Yeah. Yep. So I got a job seeing six nights a week with that same band that I worked with on the on the Disney cruise ship. Yeah. At the Intercontinental Hotel in in Doha. Yeah. Right. And we were one of the first western bands there. Oh, wow. So like, we were treated like rock stars. Like that was my rock star moment. Oh, cool. Yeah, it was so cool. was so two weeks into the gig. They had the Big Day Out festival. On the beach. They had like home staying top loader. Like got in like a couple of other big bands. I can't remember off the top of my head. But it was like this massive Festival on the beach and like, Oh, can you open up for them? And we're like oh my god. It was just like a scene from a movie. Like it was just like, huge budget massive stage. Big audience. Like the sound was epic. It was just hot, balmy weather on the beach. I'm like, this is a vibe. Oh, man. Come home from what you learn to being in this industry. It's not all highs. Yeah, yeah. And it's very easy to fall into the trap and I'm guilty of it. of always wanting that feeling. Always wanting that high. And it's nice not like that. And it's not all about those big gigs. You know, I've done gigs where like literally playing to nobody tables and chairs. Singing everybody oh wait, there's no one there. You know, like it's just yeah. But you know, it makes you appreciate when you do get opportunities like that because they're not all you know, The showstoppers. Yeah, let's see. And that's, and that's okay. Because it's about it. This is what I've learned since having kids is enjoying the process more. Recently, did a music video and remix of my first single release me, it's gonna ask you about that. Let's talk about that now. Yeah, so I wrote that in Doha. That's, that was my first song I'd ever written, released. I was 28. Yeah, right. I was like, I've got to push myself here. You know, I've been doing this this cover band gig for a while, which I've enjoyed, but I wanted to challenge myself and the opportunity to work with a producer there. Came up and then a friend of mine who, who is a videographer, just out of the blue said, are you working on any originals? I might well, actually, I do want to shoot a music video. Sure. Um, and I think from that moment, I'm like, Oh, I really want to explore songwriting more, I really want to, you know, go down this path. Yeah. So when you were writing at that point, what was Where were you drawing your inspiration from as compared to now? I guess. So that's that song's about that's heartbreak. It's a ballad. It's about you know, an old find having a hold on your heart. So it was sort of weird singing it now. I'm happily married. I've got two kids. Like, life's cool. Live in Gambia. Very different to, you know, what I was going through at the time. But you can always put that hat back on, even if you're in that place. I don't know if you find that, Allison. Yes. And I think there's something beautiful about that type of vulnerability like that heartbreak. I think that's why people bloody love Adele. She's willing to go there. Yeah. And it's just so beautiful to you know, hear that vulnerability in music like I really connect with, with songs like that. Yeah. Yeah. And that's why I wanted to strip that song back a bit more as well. Yeah, congratulations on that. When I heard it. For the first time. I just thought, Oh, this is lovely. Because I actually listened to the original few days before I was driving at drive to Rome. And I thought, let's listen to the original just to prepare myself for for the change. And it's beautiful to our congratulations. Thank you, hopefully. And yeah, you talked about your film clip. Tell us about that. Because that is amazing. I'm gonna put a link to that in your show notes because people need to see this. It's a piece of art basically. It's DEVAR. Thank you. You know, it was a team effort. Yeah. You know, like my sister in law had that beautiful Roberto Cavalli game gown hanging you know, like, you know, so lucky to that was a, you know, an art piece that suited the venue. Unlike these dress and the venue belong together. You could not have done it any more perfectly seriously. It's just incredible. Yeah, and to film it. Yeah. Have you ever been to Yellin Park? I haven't actually ever been there. No. Didn't go. So Young Park is just outside of Panola it is one of I think it's Australia's best preserved Victorian home. Oh, really? I didn't know that. Let me rephrase that mansion. Yes. Absolutely spectacular. You know, the old piano, the furniture, the original wallpaper. That staircase with the stained glass window. Like it was just you feel the magic when you when you walk in there? Yeah. Yeah, it was, you know, because homes aren't built like that anymore. So just to, you know, feel like you're stepping back in time and like to do that down here is really important to me, because I always thought like, I don't know if I could ever live, you know, in Mount Gambier again, is this going to fill me enough because I, you know, lived in London and traveled a lot but it's actually been the best thing for me to be able to, like work with the people that I've been been able to work with in that time. But we're so lucky down here. Like, we don't have to go to the city. Sometimes you do. And you have to source that work outside of the community. But we're just so lucky. Yeah, there are some seriously talented people you won't get. Like, just, yeah, you don't have to go far to find someone that's got a skill that can help you with something fun. Like, you know, I've worked with Katy Fox, but yes, like, she's just so beautiful. And like, she's just so much fun on set. And we just have a laugh. And yeah, it was just yeah, really special to, to do that with all my, my favorite creative. Yeah, yeah, that's really nice. I've often thought of that, like, you think are now I've got kids, I can't go away and record in Melbourne for two weeks non stop, you know, all this sort of stuff. And you sort of think, yeah, it's actually you feel really proud when you do something down here. Because it's like almost saying, you know, and up yours to people that think you have to leave a small town to achieve things. You don't? You really don't look, logistically, is it a bit challenging? Like, I'm thinking off? I'm going to do a tour at some point. What's that gonna look like? But you can still make it happen. And I think sometimes making it happen in your own small way. It's not about you trying to be the biggest and the bestest, you know? Yeah, yeah, it's like what's achievable in your world, and it may not look like what it is for somebody else. But that's another thing that I've been talking before about, as you get older, not worrying so much about stuff. And like, I used to be really competitive, like think, Oh, someone's doing that, oh, I wish I could do that. In my 20s. And now it's like, well, good on them. Like you actually look at someone and appreciate what they've done and what they're doing. And it's it's a really great way to be because you're just, I know, you're not caught up in, you know, all this, especially on this on social media with all the things you see from people. But you can sort of just, you know, I can't remember where I was going with this. I've gotten there now. And I can't remember what my point was at the start of it. Might come back to me, but yeah, basically. Oh, yeah. Ego. You see, I've got to do this, too, in this way. Because such and such did this way. And this is how people expect you to do a tour but it's like no, actually break it down. What's worked for me, my family, my location, and just don't worry about what people think. Because it matters what you think. You have to live with you at the end of the day. Yeah. And why you go down a path that's not authentic to you. That's going to actually make you probably end up hating music, because you're not staying true to who you are. Yeah. Yeah. And I think you know, we're there. You know, we live in a society that's obsessed with busy and being hustled hard and do this and you want to, you know, like pulling you in, in directions that actually, you don't want to go. But that's, you know, what I've realized, especially since having kids I'm in the driver's seat here, I get to decide not people pulling me in other directions of where I you know, want to go Yeah, that's incredibly empowering. Isn't it? Really is like, you know, you don't have to be signed anymore. We have the internet so even though that's you know, with the streaming and making money's a little bit more challenging but your reach is absolutely endless so there's so many there's so many positives Yep. Yeah stands at the desk I want to take you on down different path. about this topic we have I love to talk to my guests about the Old Faithful mum guilt, which is something that it's an interesting one because I've had I think I haven't had two guests who genuinely didn't know what it was. And I thought this is amazing actually had one had to google it. And when asked me to explain it, and that that's all well and truly in the minority but yes, it is awesome. And there should be more like it going on. But yeah, share your thoughts what you think about monkey monkey. Mom guilt is very real. I've definitely experienced it. Do I believe in it? I don't I think it's toxic. Why would we should be shaming moms for taking time away from their family? To do something that they love to do? Or to go for a walk down the street? Or where are your kids? I can have time away from my kids, you know, but you don't say that to their father. Tell me about it. Why it's such Dustin is it really is. I feel guilty. If I'm feeling stressed about something and I take it out. And my kids, if I'm a bit short with them, that's when I feel bad. I'm you let them down in that way. But I don't feel I don't feel bad about being creative. I include my kids in that. I share my music with them. How is that a bad thing? I think it's just another layer of making moms feel like shit, putting them up on this ridiculous pedestal of trying to be absolutely everything to everybody. And it's an impossible standard to keep. And men are drowning because of it. Yeah, you know, it's Yeah, so I do feel it. It is there. But I don't spend much time going down that path because I don't genuinely believe in mom guilt. It's fair on mums. Yeah, that's so well said. It's like it is it is. It's like a thing that someone came up with, just to add another layer of you know, we don't feel bad enough about things. So let's just put something else on to moms. Yeah. It's horrible. It is horrible. It really good on you for fighting against it. Because it's crap. I think a lot a lot, a lot of women and a lot of mothers are speaking out about it in that way as well. Like, this is BS, it is. Why, why should I feel bad? It doesn't make any sense now. And like you said earlier, it actually helps you be a better person. And therefore a better mother, when you are being creative and your own needs are being met. It just, it sends you out in the world in a different headspace. Absolutely, and how cool that I get to share this with my sons. You know, motherhood and being creative can exist together doesn't have to be one or the other. And our kids are here to teach us a lesson or to look at their imagination. Look at them just being present in the moment. They're not going, Ah, I've got to go the supermarket by this time, and I've got to do this, I've got to do that there's something so special about being around young children. Oh, I totally agree with that, is I spend my days working in a kindergarten and it's just, it really humbles you. It's like, all the stuff that you thought in the world was I mean, it is some stuff is bad, but you know, the stuffs on your mind, like the trivial things. And then you've got a child who's looking at a leaf, and just studying the veins on the leaf. And it's just like, Ah, okay, right, get back to basics. You know, it just really brings you back down to earth. Absolutely. And it's, you know, it's about making big things out of the small things. It's not about this, you know, unachievable goal that's put that like that we're being fed this narrative that, oh, if you wake up at this time, and if you eat this food, and if you do this, if you do that, if you do that, and it's like, by the time I get through that bloody list over the last 24 hours, yeah, yeah. And if you read another list, it would be conflicting, it'd say, Don't eat that before such and such but do this before and it's just like, hello, we have to actually live our lives. Yes, on that as well. Like it's too much. We are consuming content at a rapid rate. We need to have those output days where we're just, you know, playing around on a keyboard writing a song right, you know, playing outside with our kids without being Oh, someone so said this on Instagram and I'm just going to watch this video. I'm just going to do this. I'm just going to do that and you're just not being in the moment and I think there's a huge disconnect in society. because it is. Yeah, I can the biggest scary thing for me is the, the like this tick tock era where the what's the word concentration spans are being shortened? Because you fed this information and it turns over so quick. So I see the mind kids, it's like they'll watch half of a, there's like a big long video, maybe I'd know half an hour and they'll only watch like 10 minutes and then decide they don't like that anymore. It's like, hang on, what about the rest of it? And like, be an hour day you're watching the television. That was all you had to watch channel eight, and ABC and you create a connection? Yes, good. Oh, gotcha connection. You know, it's like, they just they expect to have more and more and different and different constantly asked them, you know, and it's like, no, no, no, we have to stop this to scary. And now you know, artists are writing songs for Tik Tok. They're not even writing whole. Bloody Kylie Minogue. Did you see what she's done? I don't think she's even released her latest song, she's just put it out on Tik Tok, and basically got people to make a dance out of it. So that's what's getting the track viral is because they're all doing this dance. It's like she knows how to run the show. You don't need a record label anymore. You just say tick tock account online. And that's why it's important. I think as an artist to like I've said before, write songs that you're proud of. That you can connect to. Because what's going to be the next trend? I can't go there. I'm not gonna write a song for Tik Tok. I'm not gonna write a song in a you know, in hoping that it's gonna go viral. I can't go there. Yeah, you know if I can be vulnerable, authentic, like, I love writing about the human experience. You know, love loss, adversity, being brave that type of thing. I know that that story, those stories connect with other people because I've been through it as well. Yeah. So you know, I'm willing to dabble production wise do something a bit different. But I'm not I think yes, you're chasing your tail if you're trying to write songs just because this is you know, tic TOCs the latest thing or Instagram or do this do that? Like I think that's not gonna that's not an enjoyable process. Yeah, I was actually going to say that it did start to feel more like a chore and a job. And it's not meeting that the need that you have to express what you need to express, you know, yeah, so yeah. I don't even have I don't even have a tic tock account. I don't even want to go there. It's just I'll just find out have you Yeah. Yeah. I don't know how to use other major rookie here. Oh, goodness way. Change there was a quote that you had on your Facebook recently, and you said that, that it spoke like the process had sparked your creativity. And it was something that you thought was gone since having your kids so have you? Have you basically put this aside for How old's your oldest sorry, I haven't asked how old he So Max is three and a half and Jasper's Yeah, right. So for the past three and a half years have you done anything for yourself with your music? Not a lot. So that's why I was really nervous to put this out like I really enjoyed the process of you know, doing this remix during the video. But then when it came for the launch, I'm like I'm freaking out here. Like I haven't been in this headspace for Ohio have been you know, my mode so it was it was a challenge for me to do it. I wouldn't say that that was a walk in the park. You know because we all had plenty gastro two weeks before the release and all this shit basically literally. All this is so hard to try and do both. It's just feels like such an impossible task. But I was just had to keep reminding myself. You can only do your best you can do come and quiet the mind because there's so little but yeah, it was was a challenge. But I was also refreshing as well as well. I've needed this, huh? Yes, yeah, yeah. Because you like since you were 15 music has been pretty much your life. So then to have that big break from it that would have liked did you have times during that time where you're like, Oh, I really feel like I have to get back to it or like what was going through your mind at times. I made the point though, of always having a little project. So I'm was not back doing gigs to what I was doing previously. And at the moment, I'm not either and that is totally fine. But like always. Oh, my kids are back on that ground. Reality Check. When I fell pregnant with Max, I still had my mobile caravan business limoncello caravan bar, which was still operating. I had staff that would work in the van for me. And he was four months old. And I did the band Christmas show. I did a limoncello caravan bar cocktail Christmas party. So I I knew I could do two gigs. Right. I just made sure that I had a couple of little projects in the pipeline. Yeah. Yeah. And I think that has helped because if I didn't do that, well COVID kicked off in March. Yeah, yeah. And then I fell pregnant with Jasper in the June halfway through COVID. Yep. And then what I was working on my 90s mixtape, so we did that the part of the 2018 Matt Gander in Adelaide fringe. And we performed that again, but that I reckon that got Reese Yeah, that got rescheduled. Yeah, right. COVID. Yeah. A week. And then we finally did it again last year. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, man. Yeah, that was a long time goes by how much time has gone by Don't ya like Oh, my God isn't work. It's so funny though. Having kids in COVID Because we're like, Oh, how's how's your child going? I'm like, which one? They're like, did you have another one? I'm like, yeah. What else? Gotta keep busy somehow. Otherwise Oh, that's classic. Oh, that's so funny each and every day the distance the time is all we need your brain makes of release me is out. What do you see the cup coming up? Have you got anything sort of happening in your brain? Like, I want to do this and what indeed there are lots of things. That's the like I've, I've always been like this, like, going back to childhood like my imagination is wild. And Nick can tell when I'm off on one because it's like I'm talking to myself is that we're used to thinking something or doing something. I'm like, Yeah, I was I just go into this. This other world? Yeah. So on. Yeah. Got a few ideas in the pipeline. Yep. But I don't want to say what I'm going to do because it's very early stage. That's okay. You don't have to tell me all your secrets. I would like to drop a single by the end of the year, but if that happened, that's okay. The songs got to be right. Anyway, so I've started you know, penning a few ideas down so yeah, we'll just see what happens. Oh, good Anya, and yet look honestly, when I saw what you were wearing, and that the location for your film clip I was like, oh my god, like you could seriously not have found two more perfect things to put together like that dress. Oh my gosh, like did you feel like like, I don't know, like a goddess or something you met Jessica is it bloody hell? You look good. Like, I felt like a million bucks because like, you know, I've been in nursing tops, sweatpants. Rock Mumbai, been for the past two years like, actually not The cameras have my hair and makeup done. I'm like is this is what I needed at this moment in time? So like kickstarted, like you said, it's kickstarted that creativity. And now it's like the balls rolling and all these things are happening in your mind. It's exciting, isn't it? It is. But then it's like I'm dealing with two toddlers at the moment. So they, yeah, that's sort of stealing the show. Might be able to feature them in the next film clip just for a second. Yeah. Well, Maxis in one of my film clips. Oh, I see. Yeah. And I was pregnant with Jasper as well. So did you see Eileen? The Tribute? I did to my grandfather? I did. Yes. Yeah. Yes. Oh, I mean, like, my kids and family are a part of my music. Sound legacy and how bloody cool is that? Yeah. I love that. Like mom said to me, probably the best thing you'll ever do is sing with the kids. And at the time, I was probably quite young. I was that. Oh, really? And then I'm like, nah, this is cool. I call that I can cue on this journey. And like Max's like, Oh, mommy, you're gonna go singing now. And I want to come and see me is that as well as being their mom? is super cool. Oh, yeah. I feel like that is for me personally. That's where I find the most pride I think that they can see that their mother is not the mother still, Allison is still their own person, like mom still May. And and my life does not exist to solely do one. You know, role. I do all these other things. And I love that the kids know that. I think it's so important for like, I say feminism moving forward. But it's, it's I think it's really important for them to get that that women just because they have children. Does it make them obsolete in our society? Absolutely. And that's inspiring. And that success. You're allowed to say that. I feel like you can't say, oh, I love I love being a mom like I really do. Like I absolutely love it. Am I perfect? No. exist. Like and you know what? I don't want my kids to think that I'm perfect. So if I'm, you know, get a bit totally at them because they've you know, spilled my my load down the wall or put a golf club through the TV, like, and I get it across about it. Yeah. I apologize and go oh, sorry, I did get a B cross. Because we're all human. We're not perfect. I don't want to be put up on that pedestal. Yeah. Yep. So feel like you're sending your kids out with unrealistic, unrealistic expectations of what you know, relationships are and what you can expect from other people. That's like, we are actually allowed to get shitty and annoyed at each other feel these emotions, you're allowed to feel this stuff? I don't know. I feel like the previous like, when I was a kid, you know, you wouldn't see your parents in these ways of expressing themselves. They were just mom and dad. And they didn't know anything else about what they did. But, you know, I want my kids to know that I'm a full whole person with all these other elements to me. And I love you, regardless of what you show me. Yeah. You're angry. That's okay. I want you to come to me. My doors always open ask me anything. Yeah, I was by far the, you know, perfect teenager. I get it. Man that got the t shirt. You know, like, I don't? Yeah, I don't want them to strive for perfection. And I, I don't either. You know, how many moms are trying to be the perfect mom? Yeah. There's a really good Carrie. Oh, it is. And I had an episode with Sophie Brock, who's a Dr. Sophie Brock, who's a motherhood sociologist. And she said, the perfect mother myth, like the perfect mother does not exist, because there's an exercise she gets you to where you write down all the things that you think makes up a perfect mother and putting that in air quotes. And you'd when you look at that, and you read that back, it, that person cannot physically exist. But you know, we're all told we're meant to do these things and be certain ways and behave this and don't do that and make sure you do that. So what the hell. Well, you know what I hate, especially from people that don't have kids. Well, you chose to be a mom, or Yeah, yeah. No. It's like you're allowed to complain about your office job. Yeah. Like, you two feelings can exist at the same time. Mike, I'm grateful but also you're doing my bloody head in I'm sick of cleaning up all this food off the floor. This mess is making me feel good. overwhelmed and overstimulated, we're allowed to have these honest conversations. Yeah, you're allowed to say that. It's hard because it bloody is. Yeah. Yeah. But also, it's amazing. Yeah. Yeah. Like when you meet your child for the first time, like, how could I love something so much? Yeah, I experienced this before, you know. It's at all look that ambivalence that two thoughts at the same time that are both true is one something I find incredibly fascinating about being a mum. Like, I'd be like, Oh, geez, I could I could literally throw myself in front of a moving car to save your life. But could you just eat your bloody tea? Please? Stop it's you're at an eight you're totally extremes. It just it contains. It really is. Oh, man. Oh, that's funny. Yeah. The sorries we begin. Yeah, if you got anything else you wanted to share before I let you go because I'm conscious. We're rolling on to the witching hour. So screaming in the background, clearly someone's hungry. So I'm obsessed with flamingos. I love them. Ah, that's a lovely mug. And I found this amazing quote on Instagram about flamingos and I want to share with you just beautiful. So flamingos lose their pink when they're raising their babies. Because it's such an intense process. Eventually it comes back. If you're deep in postpartum motherhood right now, Mama, remember you will get your pink bag. Oh, I love that. Oh, yeah. Like, when you said that? Oh, but it's so true. Like it's actually okay. To surrender to to motherhood and being that because it is so full on you don't have to, you know, try and still have a full time career like it's, it's okay. Yeah, yes, you know, you and you will get your shine your shine back. Just to tell our listeners what you're wearing. I'm wearing a sequin bomber jacket. Yeah, that's serious. And like, yeah, being patient and knowing that time. Yeah, you know, we move through life and people get older. And I love people who say that the seasons change. You know, I'm in a different season in my life. Now. It's like, yeah, and sometimes it's hard to do that, you know, to, to go Oh, but I remember this. And I remember that. And it's okay to give yourself a break, you know, and, yeah, you Pinkel. I think art is better for it. Sometimes when you take a break. Why are we talking about this enough? Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. The stillness, that your priorities do change. Doesn't mean it's lost forever. Yeah. You know? Yeah. Yeah. Could you say some good things. I'm gonna have sandy quotes, but that Flamingo one isn't mine. I stole that one. That's okay. But you said it today. So that's cool. Like, I feel like as a mom, we're holding on to a lot of shame that's not necessary. Like pursuing our creative dreams. We're also carrying on like, these old stories and old narratives that don't that don't serve us. I think it's, you know, when sometimes they just shatter a legacy that's holding us back. That and that that's, you know, belief system. Doesn't doesn't work for me. And it's okay for me to and what's important is to do what's right for my family. And that might not be what some someone else would do, but that's okay. And I think you have to be comfortable in that, because everyone's got an opinion. Everyone will tell you what they think. And you know, especially, you know, I look at my grandmother's generation, they lived in a different time, of course, they're gonna have a different perspective on what motherhood should be or what life should be. Some of those values are amazing, but some of them don't hold up in, in modern society. So it's really important to stay in your lane, and to be comfortable in the choices that you make as a family. Yeah. You know, my kids feel loved. They're seeing, they're heard. They're happy, my husband's happy. I'm happy. Yeah. You know, that's the main thing. Yeah. That is, that is awesome. Yeah, I saw I saw a quote the other day, sort of similar to that, like, I'm not going to get this wrong, I'm going off by heart, but I can't remember was something about how were the really the first generation of mothers who have got this, this thing coming out and saying, Oh, you can do it, or you can do this, you could do that. So that, that sort of post feminist movement of that, you can do it all. But then our mothers didn't do it all, they probably had jobs, and then stopped working to have kids. And now we're at this point where we do want to express ourselves, and we do want to do other things apart from the mothering role. So we're just caught in limbo of how like, I don't wanna say, how do you get it right? Because I don't think you ever get it. Right. But how do you make it work? You know, like you were saying, like, for your family, and it's really hard not to look around and seeing what other people are doing listening to other voices. It's like, put your blinkers on and just do what works for you. Like you said, Stay in your lane. And if you if you're all happy, then that's all that matters. Absolutely. Yeah. Because you're always gonna feel that pool. Like how often do you hear or backing, backing out? And we didn't do this? Yeah, there was a different life completely different circumstances. Absolutely. And I want to make sure that when my kids, especially when they're a bit older, that I'm up to speed with what's going on in schooling. They're living through a different time than I did as a child. Yeah. Yeah. I think that's really important. Not projecting your experience onto your kids. Like our parents did. Like, you know, my my parents parents did. Yeah, some of those values were good, but some of those things are not. Yeah. Yeah, that's so true. That is a really good way to put it get that baby thank you so much for coming on tomorrow. I love chatting with you to save me. It's been lovely. It's nice to actually have a conversation because we always see each other in passing at gigs and shows and things. It's lovely to sit down and chat with you. And thank you for sharing on thanks for having me. Like this was such a safe space to have very, you know, a very open conversation. I've never done a podcast before, like, natural you have to do more of them. But I didn't you know you make it made me feel comfortable. Or Thank you. I appreciate that. And I do you know, follow your podcast and you've done a really good job to be proud of it. Oh, thank you. That's so nice of you to say. Thanks for your company today. If you've enjoyed this episode, I'd love you to consider leaving us a review following or subscribing to the podcast, or even sharing it with a friend who you think might be interested. If you or someone you know would like to be a guest on the podcast, please get in touch with us by the link in the show notes.

Onnie Michalsky US councellor and podcaster S3 Ep83 Listen and subscribe on Spotify and itunes/Apple podcasts On the show today I welcome Onnie Michalsky, a podcaster, coach and licenced counsellor from Montana USA and mom of 6 children aged from 23 to 8 years old. Onnie began as a counselor in the mental health field. When she decided in 2019 to start a business it was inspired by her own challenges. Things like, the house would fall apart if she stepped away that she had to control everything, and that nobody could do the job as well as here. She thought that being a good mum meant everyone else's needs were taken care of often at the expense of their own. Her online business Moms Without Capes brings plenty of her own strategies and experiences with "Supermon syndrome", or "the perfect mother myth" and her progress with overcoming it. To let go of the negative self talk the perfectionism the people pleasing and the unrealistic expectations, discovering along the way who you are, and learning to truly love yourself and your life and to finally hang up that Supermon cape. Onnie helps overscheduled stressed out mums to slow down recognize their worth and find their way back to themselves. Sounds pretty good to me. Onnie Mom's Without Capes website / instagram / facebook group Podcast - instagram / website If today’s episode is triggering for you in any way I encourage you to seek help from those around you, medical professionals or from resources on line. I have compiled a list of great international resources here Music used with permission from Alemjo my new age and ambient music trio. When chatting to my guests I greatly appreciate their openness and honestly in sharing their stories. If at any stage their information is found to be incorrect, the podcast bears no responsibility for guests' inaccuracies. Podcast transcript at the bottom of the page Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode of The Art of Being A Mum Podcast. I'm beyond honoured that you're here and would be grateful if you could take 2 minutes to leave me a 5-star review in iTunes or wherever you are listening. It really helps! This way together we can inspire, connect and bring in to the light even more stories from creative mums. Want to connect? Take a screenshot of this episode and share it on Instagram tagging me in with @art_of_being_a_mum_podcast I can't wait to connect. And remember if you or somebody you know would like to be a guest on the podcast, get in touch ! I love meeting and chatting to mammas from all creative backgrounds, from all around the world! Thank you! Alison acknowledges this Land of the Berrin (Mount Gambier) Region as the Traditional Lands of the Bungandidj People and acknowledge these First Nations people as the custodians of the Region. Ch eck out more episodes ..... elcome to the Art of Being a mum podcast, where I Alison Newman, a singer songwriter, and Ozzy mum of two enjoys honest and inspiring conversations with artists and creators about the joys and issues they've encountered. While trying to be a mum and continue to create. You'll hear themes like the mental juggle, changes in identity, how their works been influenced by motherhood, mum guilt, cultural norms, and we also stray into territory such as the patriarchy, feminism, and capitalism. You can find links to my guests and topics we discussed in the show notes, along with a link to the music played, how to get in touch, and a link to join our supportive and lively community on Instagram. I'll always put a trigger warning if we discuss sensitive topics on the podcast. But if at any time you're concerned about your mental health, I urge you to talk to those around you reach out to health professionals, or seek out resources online, I've compiled a list of international resources which can be accessed on the podcast landing page, Alison newman.net/podcast. The art of being a man would like to acknowledge the traditional owners of the land and water, which this podcast is recorded on has been the Bondic people in the barren region of South Australia. I'm working on land that was never ceded. Hello, and welcome to another episode. I say it every week. But it really is a pleasure to have you and to welcome me into this world of encouragement and support for fellow creative mums. Today, I just want to give a quick mention to the email that I've been sending out every week. I'm really conscious of the fact that whatever we put online, we don't really own. And it could disappear at any time. And Instagram is the main way that I communicate with you all. So if you'd love to keep up to date with what's going on, in the event that you know, someone like Elon Musk takes over Instagram and recs that as well, or the simple thing like I get hacked and I lose all my data and have to start again, please go to my web page, Alison newman.net/podcast. And sign up to the weekly newsletter, where I give a little bit of a more detail about who's on each week and a heads up about who's coming in the following week. And I also have a few little different bits and bobs on there that I don't share on the Instagram page. If that's not for you, no worries. Let's keep chatting on Instagram where I'm most active. And you can find that link in the show notes or just search for the art of being a mum on Instagram. Come say hi. On the show today. I welcome ani Michelle ski ani is a podcaster, a coach, a licensed counselor from Montana in the US and she's a mom of six children aged from 23 to eight years old. Five girls and one boy only began as a counselor in the mental health field. When she decided in 2019 to start a business it was inspired by her own challenges. Things like the house would fall apart if she stepped away that she had to control everything, and that nobody could do the job as well as her. She thought that being a good mum meant everyone else's needs were taken care of often at the expense of their own. Her online business moms without capes brings plenty of their own strategies and experiences with Superman syndrome with a perfect mother myth and her progress with overcoming it. To let go of the negative self talk. The perfectionism the people pleasing and unrealistic expectations, discovering along the way who you are, and learning to truly love yourself and your life and to finally hang up that Superman cape. In her business mums without capes on he helps overscheduled stressed out mums to slow down, recognize their worth and find their way back to themselves. Sounds pretty good to me. I hope you enjoy today's chat with Arne. Thank you so much for coming on the podcast Ani. It's such a pleasure to meet you and to welcome you today. Yeah, I'm excited to be here. Ellison. Oh, that's awesome. I'm really pleased. Yeah. Tell me whereabouts you are in America. In Montana, which do you know what that is? Because I didn't know where it was. It like not fully south but in the middle somewhere. No, it's not in the north like it kind of is right Canada is right above us. Okay. Where the third state from the west. Yeah, right. I'm from the East Coast though. So when I met my husband, I had no idea where Montana was. I'm learning so much about about geography, like American geography. It's really quite interesting. So what's the weather like man at the moment? Today was actually in the 50s 50 degrees Fahrenheit Yeah, People are wearing just like jeans and sweatshirts, that kind of weather. But usually, it is, you know, two weeks ago we had to, like below zero temperatures, and it was absolutely frigid out. Usually we have ice packed roads through the winter. Right now we're just experiencing a little bit of a rarity these days. Yeah, so that's 10 degrees for us, which is cold. Like that's cold for us here. For me here. That's a cold winter's day. We don't get that very often. I still wear my coat even though I like the true Montanans like jeans and a sweatshirt, but I'm still bundled up with me, wherever he from originally. So from the I'm from outside of Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Yeah, right. It's the same except our winters aren't as long or as cold. I don't think so. We still get snow and stuff. But yes, longer summers there. Yeah. So when, when I saw on the news a few weeks ago, you guys had really, really like ridiculously cold. Temperatures. Did you guys like lose power and all that sort of stuff and have storms or anything? No, I don't think we lost power. It was just so frigid. Like we didn't even want to go outside. I pretty much like hibernate from October through. It takes a lot to get me out of the house. And I had to invest in a good pair of snow boots and snow pants and everything when I got here, because for the first few years I like did not go out of the house for real. Yeah, it's cold. Yeah, well, I'll tell you here today, it's all worked out before it's about 71 in Fahrenheit, and beautiful blue skies. Some shining. It's just it's a really nice day apart from it's a little windy. That's the only thing. But the other day it was have to convert it. Hang on. It was 36 centigrade, or Celsius here. So what's that in? You? Know? No, not here where I'm from. We don't get anywhere near as cold. Yeah, I wouldn't like that either. 9896 96 Fahrenheit. It was here just a couple of days ago. So it really fluctuates. Yeah, we'll have like days, a couple of days really hot. And then we'll go back to sort of meet whatever. 70s No talking at all. No wonder you guys are all sick all over there. Oh, I honestly, I swear it has something to do with it. Yeah. And you get you just get used to something and then it changes on you. And that messes with you. With everything in your body and name. But anyway, enough about that. I actually find it really interesting. When I talk to people I want to know what what the weather's like. It's just something that I find really interesting. I don't know. Funny, cuz like talking about the weather is like consider like that small talk. I know what I know. Because it's when I was a kid, I had a lot of pen pals from around the world. And I just loved knowing what what the weather was because like, it's so different. Like, obviously, we're just talking about you know, I don't get snow. You guys get snow. I find that it's a whole different world. And I just find that really interesting and exciting. Have you ever seen snow like have you ever bit experience? Yeah, we did go once but we didn't. We didn't ski like we just went to literally say the snow. And it was different to what I thought like it was really wet. Like I thought it would be I don't know what salary but like, yeah, like, Yeah, I like sat down and just got saturated. Because we weren't planning. Yeah, we just had normal clothes on. We just went for a drive one day when we're in Melbourne. Yeah, but I'd like I'd love to go skiing. I think it would be really fun. I don't think I'd be very good at it. But I'd like to try. I went in high school for my first time we tried to take the kids every year. A few years ago, my husband and I decided to try snowboarding. Yeah. Well when I went in high school, it wasn't until the very last day that I actually got the hang of it. And then it was years and years afterwards until I got to go try again. And I am not an avid skier at all but a few years ago we tried snowboarding and that I was even worse. My calves were killing I really was like the most awkward thing was getting up on the snowboard. Yeah, it was just awkward my whole butts up and I wouldn't be a cool snowboarder and it wasn't happening. Yeah, I love watching them on the Olympics and stuff how they just like raw down here and then they just stop like they turn themselves in. They just stop so effortlessly. That would not be me. Oh god, that's classy you're cold mums without cakes, which I think is fantastic. Can you share with us what the premise and the sort of ideas behind that? Sure. So I created a whole business moms without capes. And what it is, is I help super moms who moms who think they have to be doing everything and taking care of everything. And with the huge like mental load and all of thinking they have to do all the things, and I help them create margin in their day for themselves. I helped them put themselves on their, on their to do list and give themselves permission to focus on themselves. So that's, that's really my huge mission is to help moms recognize their own worth, and give themselves what they need. That is that is so important. Like that is the biggest thing that we talked about on this show, it always comes up is that people mums need time to still be the person they were before they had kids, you know, that side of you just doesn't disappear and fly off into the distance. It's like it's particularly go there. Yeah. Creative and I've always had a passion for making and creating and doing trying to find that space within the you know, the role of mothering can be tremendously difficult. But it's so important to do it because, you know, just helps you be yourself I suppose. It's It's so true, like moms tend to lose themselves when they're sacrificing their, their identity. For the for being a mom, right? It's almost happens naturally you had to fight against it. But I helped moms like recognize themselves in the mirror. Because you get to a point where you're like, I don't even know who I am anymore. I don't know what it is that I like, because for so long, you're just doing everything for your family. And you turn around one day and you don't even recognize yourself who you are what what your purpose is beyond being a mom? How did this come about for you? Is this from like personal experience or anything like that? Yes, absolutely. So bite fi trade, I guess or I am a licensed counselor here in Montana as well. And so in the mental health field, and when I decided in 2019 All right, I'm gonna start a business right like that was like, as if I was just gonna know exactly what to do. I started learning more about you know, coaching and how to create a business and everything's like, everyone's like you have to niche down. And, you know, after I learned what that word actually meant, I had niched down to weight loss was what it was, because as part of my story, which we'll get into in a second, I had lost weight. And so I was like, Alright, I'm like, I'll do weight loss, right? So I started with that. And then I started gaining weight and I was like, this is not working. Well, I can't even get like a handle on like my own weight. I felt like it was worse than imposter syndrome. So I decided to do some more exploring and some more just you know, journaling, some talking to other moms and like just realized like trying to see like, what can I bring to the table? What can I create a business about? And who do I want to serve? So I knew right away even with weight loss, like I gravitate towards the helping moms. So I am a mom of six we have six kids. So I create a Mazda that capes as a way to bring my own experience because back in 2011 when I had lost when I started my like weight loss journey or started that I struggled with a lot of perfectionism and people pleasing and all the things that kept me from even taking a Zumba class. That was where it started. I wanted to take a Zumba class. and I couldn't figure out how to get the stars to line up for me to walk out the door. Because everything I did, I was homeschooling, I had to, you know, I was the primary, making sure the meals were all done making sure the house was all clean, like I had so many things on, like so many plates, I was spinning. In addition to like, I volunteered around the community and stuff that I couldn't figure out what it was that I needed to. So that really started my journey of like self development, and learning to get past those excuses that I was telling myself the lies that I was telling myself, you know, that I, you know, everything that I had to control everything that the house was going to fall apart if I stepped away, that nobody could do the job as good as me, right? All these things, these expectations that we hold. And I really had to do a lot of deep diving into all of that. And so yes, moms without capes, brings plenty of my own struggles and experience with the supermom syndrome. And much like my progress of overcoming it. Actually, I say overcoming it, but I still struggle. I just wrote an email to my my mom's and I was like, yesterday morning was like one of those moments where I was like, Oh my gosh, like, everything was everyone needed me within a 10 minute span. And I was just like, I can't do this. I can't do this. Sorry. So like, I have to continually keep myself in check. But where before I would just continually to like give give give. I've gotten to this point where I'm like, Okay, what do I need, and I give myself that. So like, in that case, yesterday morning, I was like, Okay, I need to walk out I need to breathe, I need to communicate to my family, like the effect that this is having on me like feeling like claustrophobic almost like, you know, you know, and I was able to rebound a lot faster than I would have 10 years ago when I was really like just thinking that, you know, to be a good mom, I had to make sure everybody else was taken care of. So I've done a lot of progress that way. But at the same time, I know that I it's not it comes back, the overwhelm comes back at times, you know, it's just the seasons, it's the seasons of like, you know, and the thing is our oldest is 23. And then we've got a 19 year old to 16 year olds, a 12 year old who's about to be 13 and eight year old. So by the time I get to the year, I'm like, I'm just tired. Yeah, you know, and like, I'm a completely different parent than I was 12 like 23 years ago, right? Like our older kids, like, never video games. Like I was always like, no, like that would make me a bad mom. And like, you know, try and like that the rains I was like home holding thinking that the world was going to collapse. Like I was able to definitely loosen up and when I say let Fun Mom sure face, you know, like, back and relax and like, enjoy company like enjoy like the company of my family and do things that before? No, because I always had to be the Enforcer. I always had to be the one that it was a lot of communication with a lot of personal work. Yeah, good on you. That's, that's so inspiring that you've been able to do that. Now Good on you. Because I think you took equal like the Superman syndrome by this perfect mother myth that the good mum, in our mind, I think we've got all these stories we tell ourselves of what this person looks like. And there's a fantastic sociologist over here name's Dr. Sophie Brock. And she talks a lot about this and that person, they don't actually exist. Like, if you write down all the things that you think is makes the perfect mother, that person does not live on this earth, like they do not exist. But we keep beating ourselves double standard. Yes. And I think a lot of it, like, you know, the comparison that we we look at other people, we think, Oh, they they're doing that on my I should be doing that. Oh, you know, you're talking about the screen time or my kids on screen time. This long? Oh, maybe I shouldn't do it. A lot of it's, you know, brought on by this judgment of others or social media, you know, shows us these ideals that were supposed to be Yeah, literally a highlight reel of 10 seconds of someone's life. And, and we compare ourselves to that. So being really conscious of what we want to do as our own self, you know, not doing what the neighbors doing or what the person on social media is doing. It's it's really hard to do. But I think I don't want to say that's what it boils down to because it's so much bigger than that. But you know what I mean having the faith in yourself to say right, this is what I want to do for my family. These are the rules in our house regarding whatever Uh, you know, the expectations we have or the morals that we have or whatever, and trying to do it without looking. So that goes down to you know, you have to know yourself to trust yourself. Yeah, with a point where you, you don't know yourself, yeah, it's really hard to trust yourself and then you get caught in that compare game. It reinforces that feeling or that belief of being inadequate, or like never measuring up, right. And then we have these huge to do lists that also create this feeling of like, I'm never good enough, or I'm never enough. And so by removing that, and recognizing, like collecting the evidence that says otherwise, because there's plenty of evidence that says that you are a good mom, right? Like you said, like looking at that definition. And you're like, No, like, why am I holding myself to this double standard, but you've got to be aware that you're doing that, because so many times we do it in our mind. And we can we compare ourselves to other people, we compare ourselves to this definition. And it's not getting us anywhere, except feeling worse about ourselves. It keeps us in this like, perpetuating cycle, where it's awareness is one of the very first step of realizing like, I don't have to be this doesn't have to be the norm. Yeah. Yeah. Which is, yeah, can be really challenging to do. It's sort of I can't think, well, it's called there's a Maslow's hierarchy of needs. And it's like, you get to the top menu, like self actualized or something. And it's like, how do you know if you are that? You know what I mean? It's sort of that thing of looking at yourself. From outside in? And I don't know, it's a weird, I can't describe what I'm trying to say. But anyway, right. Right. But like, that's self awareness, PS. Yeah, like, but first of all, like, give yourself that permission. Like, it's okay for me to spend some time on myself and in reflection, and asking myself what I need. Because, you know, I'm working with a lot of people pleasers that have a hard time setting boundaries. Yeah, I have a hard time like, you know, stepping away from that people pleasing, saying no, because, you know, you're saying no to other people, you're saying yes to yourself. And so you've got to, you've got to do the work, you've got to be aware of what what can change and have that belief that things can actually change? Absolutely. There's a quote that I read on your website, about putting out putting our needs first without feeling guilty. How is that possible? is a massive topic that I love talking about. I find it incredibly fascinating. That's so funny, when you just pull that coin like, oh, gosh, what's she gonna say? Everybody says, everybody, when they hear me start going, they think, Oh, what is it? Everyone's caught off guard one time when I saw them. Say, like, they wanted me to name the like, the seven things that like I just done like a Facebook live about. And I'm like, I just did it the week before. And I was like, ah, like, I don't have my notes for that. And then she's like, well, let me remind you to remember and reason about guilt. This was, this was something I really struggled with. And that is something that I also like, I see the progress that I have made, because I feel way less guilty. And let me tell you a story about when I first moved to Montana and my mother, like my my own mom rarely took her kids and we moved here when I was pregnant with number five. So when we were there, like we had four kids and my mom would like rarely take more than one at a time. So when we moved here, my mother in law called me up and she's like, I want to take the kids for the weekend. And my defenses went up now my mother in law is a great mother. Like she you know, she raised my husband like no problems whatever like I I went into a panic like because I had all these things like nobody can do the job as good as me and my a good mom because I'm like letting my kids go like leave me like that was like a touch. Separation anxiety on my part, but like, I all of these things were coming through my mind to the point that I got off the phone and like, cry to my husband. Like she can't take them like that. You know, we've got, I just had all these things, right. And so I, then I was crying to my best friend who lived in Pennsylvania. And she was like, Are you crazy? Like, let's talk. She's like, What is the worst that's gonna happen? Like you, you are going to enjoy this weekend like, let her take the kids, right. So she talked some sense into me, thank goodness because they went. And the overwhelming feeling that I had felt at that point was guilt. I felt like this tremendous guilt like of letting my kids like go. And they went, and it ended up being a really good week. Came back, we survived, everything was good, right. And it was doing those kinds of things like over and over. And even in small spurts. Like I talked about the Zumba class. Like, I felt like, I felt like one night the stars did line up, everything was good. There's meal in the slow cooker. The house was clean. The laundry was folded. It was a very rare moment. And I went to the class. And it was like I came back and like it was kind of like testing those expectations that I had or like that definition of good mom, and then taking the time to reflect on it and be like, holy smokes, I got away with that, right. Yeah, I started like collecting the like, things that like, where those expectations that I was holding weren't holding true. And it was at that thing that my, my belief started shifting. And when my belief started shifting, my thoughts shifted as a result. And then the guilt became less and less. And I also learned to ask for help. That was something that I was not able to do for a long time. And it's not that I'm perfect, and I still struggle at it. But I'm so much more able to ask for help. At this point. I've learned how to ask for help. And I gave myself permission to ask for help realizing that I can't do it all. And if I want the family that I want to, like have with the values in place, I want my daughter we have five daughters and one son so I'm like I want my daughters to learn that it's okay to ask for help. And I want my son to realize like that his wife is going to need help. Like we're always talking about like, you know, the other day we were watching a show my husband my son's like, it was about purpose. Did you ever hear the thing fairplay? Yes. Yes. We were just talking about this on an episode I recorded a couple of days. Oh, yeah. I'm actually thinking of becoming a facilitator for that. I was like, this is a game changer, right? About a practical tool to communicate the division of labor in the household. So anyway, so we were watching the documentary, I'd read the book. And so I knew what it was about. My son came in my 16 year old son, and he's like, we got this whole conversation about purpose. And it brings us back because he was like, Well, don't we give you a purpose? Try to lay the guilt on. And I'm like, Well, you do. But I made for more like I'm more than just a mom. And so yeah, like, being able to ask for help and have like that collaboration within the household allows you to live your purpose, more freely and more guilt free, like feeling like that. It's okay. It's okay to do that. It's okay to give yourself time and it's okay to give yourself space and it's okay to I know, you, uh, you know, your singing and your art and like all like, it's okay to discover yourself and to lean into your passions. And for so many moms. I've had moms cry to me. I don't even know what it is that I like to do. And I'm like, that's, that's okay, like, it's normal. It's sad as that is. There's so many other moms that are in the same boat. Yeah, like, Yeah, but let's, let's get out of there. Because you are men for so much more. Your family deserves a mom who leans into her passions. You're doing your family a disservice when you're putting yourself on the back burner or you're putting yourself not not focusing on what it is that you enjoy. So, particularly moms that have had that, you know, mums that I speak to a lot, obviously creative and have had that outlet, usually before they have their child. And I find that myself included in this if we don't do that creative outlet. We're just not the people we want to be you know, and then even not just for ourselves, but then you actually have to go out of your studio or wherever you are, and then parent and be a partner as well. It's like if you don't have that outlet for us. Do you just, you know your feet all over the place. So it's so important. I just, I'm taking piano lessons right now. And I love it. I love just sitting there like, I'm not really that good at I just started a few months ago, so but I do know a few songs and it's so relaxing. I took out my sketchbook and I was like, I need to start sketching like this was like two years ago. And my kids are like, you know how to draw. So just like, create, like finding those creative pursuits, and even like business, like I just remember, like, just even making posts and like graphics. Oh, Canva Oh, I love it. No die on that. Like, my rabbit hole, you know, like, it's like, yeah, just finding those ways to be able to express yourself and just create and get in the flow are so important, especially for moms. Yeah, absolutely. You're listening to the art of being a mom was my mom, Alison Newman. How'd you find your sort of adjustment to being a mum? Did you sort of have any sort of like identity shift like not identity crisis? But you know what I mean, like this going from? From from Nanta. Mum? Yeah. So Oh, my gosh, a huge identity. And I would I think crisis was the right word. Yeah. It really was, like, really tight. You know, none of our kids were planned there, you know, 23 years ago. So totally different place. Like I was 22 when I had gotten pregnant, you know, and it was just like, it was a very scary time. I wasn't, we weren't married, I'm actually so with him. 23 years later, I ended up falling in love with him. And all of that, kind of did it backwards. But it all worked out. He's like my best friend everything. And we had five more. And I feel like every single time I was like, my editor really shifted. I was because I was in different parts. I was different places in my life. None of them were planned. Well, number two, we were like, well, maybe we'll have another one. And then I thought two or three years later, I'm like, Well, maybe not. We'll focus on my career. Because at that point I had was, had got my Master's in Counseling, and was working as an as an intern at a domestic violence shelter. And I loved it. Like I loved the work I was doing. And I was like, maybe I'll be one of those career moms, you know, it's trying to find out what kind of mom am I going to be? And then, you know, of course, how it happens, I got pregnant. So like, I kind of made my decision, I still, you know, is working and everything. And then I had not worked then we had twins, four years later, twins. And that was a huge adjustment, you know, and I feel like, every time I became and then you know, and then we moved to Montana, every time we became got the news, you know, like I was I was gonna be I was pregnant. It was, you know, a huge adjustment for our family and for who I was. And I mean, even that, even our last one, like, each time, you know, I had to figure out like, how am I going to do this? And what do I what do I see is like, important and what do I want to what do I want for our family? And then, you know, in 2011 That was when right after I had number five and so when I entered entered like pregnancy with number six, I had already discovered like the world like self care. And so I had really put that emphasis on making sure it's probably like my healthiest pregnancy. Yeah, cuz I continue to like, make sure that I was taking care of myself throughout it. Yeah, yeah, that's yeah, that's a really good point. Actually. It's like, I can actually relate to that. After you've said it. I never thought of it. But yeah, I've got seven years between my two. And I was completely different points in my life, you know, and had different careers and different levels of experience. So yeah, that's it like every time you have another child, you basically find yourself again at a different place, wherever you are at that time. I was like, you have the experience, though, like you're able to, like, kind of adjust a little bit differently than you did before. Because you've got that past experience. Like yeah, like I knew, like, this doesn't have to do with identity. But I knew by like, when I had the twins, like, there's no point of going to the hospital until I'm ready to like, drop, and I went and 15 minutes later I delivered. I knew, you know, by the time I had them, I was like, Okay, we have to go get something to eat, because I know I'm gonna have ice chips. You know, like, and, like, just this is not related to anything at all. I'm just interested to know, each time you have your baby. Does your labor get shorter? Each time you go? Yeah, yeah, I was. The last one was very strange, because that was the only one I got induced, because we lived an hour and a half away. And from the hospital, and I was so like, I think the doctor was afraid to that I was gonna go because we couldn't really judge when. And so it was really strange to just be like, All right, family, I'm going to have a baby. I'm gonna have a kid like, and to like know that at like six o'clock, I was going into the induced, like, that was the street and we hadn't found out the other ones, we found out the gender. And the last time we were like, well, we were kind of prepared for both at that point, a boy could work or pink and we don't have the swings. And like all the baby equipment that we had in our first few were like, we basically knew that, you know, when you have a baby, you don't need all that equipment. As a new mom, like a new fresh mom like you. You think you need all this stuff. And then by the time six, we're like, well, we can get by with like, you could probably run I don't know, you might have already been write a really interesting article about the stuff that you actually do not need, like that much experience. It's like, yeah, done a really good point. Like we had already tried the Diaper Genie like, they're all the gadgets and stuff. At one point. The thing is with having the kids like so far apart, like having the kids 23 to eight, like, at this point, like our eight year old gets robbed of like a lot of like, say for like the Easy Bake Oven. Like I'm like, I refuse to buy that. And I'm sorry, like, you won't have that experience, because I know it's junk. We'll just take a real cake and put it in the regular. It's hard to like Christmas shop for the younger ones. Because I'm like, at one point, we've had that and I'm like, and it's just not worth it funny. Yeah, I like that. Yeah, you're like, Yeah, this this thing won't last long. You know? We're not getting these. Oh, that's really funny. So growing up, what were you from a big family? You so um, so my family I had we had three kids? Yeah, I was the oldest, I was the oldest. My My parents had me when they were 20. So, you know, kind of grew up with, like, when I look back, it's like last night we were looking through pictures, old pictures. And such babies. Like when I looked back at like murmurs or 20s. Like, oh my gosh, you're so young. I'm saying my husband pictures, like, Look at this. But anyway, so my parents were 20. And then I was the oldest. And then I have a brother who is 13 years, 13 months younger than me. And he is mentally handicapped. So he grew up, like we grew up, where they say Irish twins or whatever. Yeah. And then six years younger, my other brother came along. And then I thought our family was done. And, you know, I grew up, up until I was 16. When my parents both, both same parents decided to Well, they didn't decide they had, you know, an oops. It wasn't good. It was plastic. It was almost like, but it's so funny because when I was growing up, like all I wanted was a little sister, like I used to. With my dolls like that I had there was this doll called kids. It was like my buddy. And then it was I think it was like kid sister or something. And like, I cherish like my Cabbage Patch Kids. I always pretend like we're my sister. Like I always wanted a little sister. And then when I was 16 my parents found out that they're pregnant and ended up being a girl. I remember it was so embarrassing. I remember going into the bank and the lady at the bank said I bet you didn't even know your parents did it anymore. Yeah. I just 16 years old Allison. I was like worried. I still remember. Like, you don't want to think about that at 16 I remember just being so excited though, to finally had that little sister and it was a cool thing because my my mom, one of my parents, let me come into the delivery room. Oh, wait. So I got to see the birth of her and I, you know, I wrote like, a whole memory book, like every day of her life, her first year, like, I just like, loved it. But then it was hard because I went off to college. Yeah. And I wasn't able, like I wrote her like letters, like when she learned how to go potty, or like, in kindergarten, like I was able, like, it was like, from a distance and I wasn't able to enjoy like a baby sister. In the everyday thing, like I was I was like, dying. Like, I wish that happened sooner. But it didn't happen now. She's 30 now. So she, yeah, and you know, we're not we're not that close. We're not as close as we want. Like, as I would like to be. We also live a country like a whole country across. They still live in the East Coast. here next week, I still go back and visit. But um, yeah, having that relationship, like so far apart. So I see that with my own kids. Yeah, like the oldest ones. And the youngest ones, like I know that they're, you know, even though like now, like our oldest will come to the little ones like, little like, any kind of school functions, like a Christmas concert and stuff. I'm like, I know that having that so far apart. That age difference is going to matter. But it's going to make a difference. But yeah, I mean, I can see with my own kids like the ties, the twins are like incredibly close. Yeah. And then like the different sibling combinations that exists. And beat Yeah, the dynamics between them. And yeah, yeah, I we've just the seven years between my two I just think I mean, I think I was mad for going back again. But, you know, that's the way it worked to circumstances. And that's how it happened. But yeah, I think as they get older, they'll get closer, because at the moment, I think they just drive each other crazy. You know, Alex is, like the every day like just tolerating. Yeah. And they seem to stare each other up quite a bit. which buttons to push each other? For sure. Yeah. But I think yes, they get older. I think it'd be lovely for them to have have that. Because yeah, at one point, we thought we just have we just have one. And that'd be the end. And then my dad said to me once, do you realize that, Alex, because that's my oldest that he won't have aunties and uncles or something is sort of there was some relationship that he pointed out that he wouldn't get because he was an only child. And I sort of went, Oh, shit, like, that's, I'm like the cousins. And it was like, I'm denying my child, this part of life, or relationships with people because of my decision. And it didn't make me all of a sudden, go. Yeah, but it just made me realize how responsible I was for parts of his life that I might never even experience or may never see. And I thought, Damn, you dad put me through. It is lost. And also like, I think as we get older, as parents like, for them to have to organize, you know, like health care as we age or put us into a home or whatever, you know, it'd be nice for them to have each other to make decisions and talk to about stuff. And they just need that now with my mom and like, she's one of five. So she grew up in a pretty big family and like now with grandma, who's 93, like her having like those other siblings to bounce things off and like to kind of share that care across siblings. So you're kind of like providing for your own security. We got half a dozen kids. Maybe hopefully one or two of them will care. Yeah, by planning craft. Like, parenting like my mom. My mom was a stay at home mom for the whole time I was growing up up until I actually had our first my first kid when we had areolas that my mom decided to go back to work. And then so she's been like a working for so for my sister. She's been a working mom like her home. So we even have that different. That different dynamic right there. Yeah, it's interesting, isn't it? Yeah. Obviously, it's important for you to do what you do, as your own person as Ani, without being a mum is important that you're we've talked to before about, about role modeling to your children, but it is important, particularly for you girls that they say that, that you're doing your thing that mom does this and has nothing to do with that at all. I think, in fact, when I, when I talked to other moms about self care, I do a self care challenge in my Facebook group. And that's one of the big things is like you are an example to your children. Like, like I mentioned before, you're an example to your, to your daughters, how like that they don't have to lose themselves, they don't have to lose their identity when they become a mom, or when they get married. Like they can be their own person and develop them. Like they're, they can continue to grow. Even, it's even more important after they change their role, or add a role to their life. And then for their for the sons as well. Like showing them like that, you know, that their mom doesn't have to, or his wife doesn't have to give up her, give up herself. For him. Like, it just kind of it provides that example or that model being a role model. So when I do practice, I'm like my kids know self care, like because they all it's all they do is hear my eight year old actually for Christmas, she she's not getting an easy Baker. She didn't get an easy bake oven. But she did get a self care journal. We were like, you know, like, Okay, well, what's your plan? Like, you know, do you when are you going to do meditation, like it lays its adult journal. But like, she sits there, like we were trying to fill out the spots that she was able to plan, like how she was going to take care of herself that day. I think that's so important. Like for kids to understand that that's a thing, right? From a very early age. And like it's it actually exists and it's important to do. Yeah. eight year old takes it to extreme though, that right now, right now she's in the middle person, not at this moment. But this week, she's been personally training my husband and she's like, become this like personal trainer. And I walked out the other day. They're both sitting on the carpet, like in the rug in the living room in like, in lotus position, meditating. And like, she's leading him in like so guided. Oh, yeah. That's so funny. Like, it's good on it and good on your husband for accepting that too. Because I think can be hard sometimes for for men to slow down and take meditation seriously. Just like, are you gonna do my class? Mom? Are you gonna say that she started saying that was gonna be $1. And I was like, No, I'm not taking your class. She's like, why not like because you're bossy I hear you just love that. She's gone places that anyone could. So tell us, if anyone that's listening is got really excited about this. And they want to catch up with you online and find you and get involved in what what you're doing? How can everyone find you? So moms without capes, I've got a podcast and I talk all about different mental health things. A lot of you know, when I mentioned the perfectionism that people pleasing all the things that keep us from being able to hang up or keep. And then I also am on Facebook, I'm on Instagram too. But Facebook's my main platform. And that's where I have a fun Facebook community that I would love to invite your listeners to join me in. We do. I have a book club that goes on there. And you know, I tried to do some fun events. And one of those is included, like a self care challenge that I do where I give prizes, and I help you to find what self care is for you and help you make time for yourself. Yeah. Oh, that's all happens on Facebook. Yep. All right, well, I'll put all the links in the show notes so people can find you and can click away. Is there anything else you want to mention? That I think was on your mind that you want to? I just want to you know, I feel like my main mission is to help moms recognize their own words. And it starts by just asking yourself, what do I need? And so making sure that you are asking yourself each and every day, setting yourself up living with intention and instead of Just like zooming through your day with making sure that you're checking all the tasks that you need, think you need to be doing. Take a step back and just ask yourself, what do I need to feel fulfilled? Or what do I need to feel like me? Not Not me feel like you. First off that, and then start taking steps to get back to who you are, because your family deserves you. To be you not to be some shadow of who you used to be. Yeah, that's a lovely note to end on. Thank you so much, Annie. I just love chatting with you today. I feel like I've got so cheeks are laughing I keep wiping tears out of my eyes. And laughter It's been lovely. All the best. I should ask you, if there's anything in the future that you want to mention, it's coming up or anything in particular, come join the group. Because our Facebook Our challenge is actually kicking off February 20. So I will be right in Provo mode when this episode drops. So definitely come just search moms with that case right there on Facebook, where you said you're gonna throw the link in the show notes. And then that way you can come join the challenge. Oh, Mom's got capes.com yet backslash challenge and just get registered, but y'all couldn't do it all happens in the group. Anyway. So beautiful. Thank you so much. It's wonderful. I'm gonna check it out, too. I think it's, it's really important to, even if you feel like you've got a handle on things, it's nice just to check in and just, you know, because like you said things ebb and flow and you have, you know, different times when things are going good. And then other times things might not. Everything's falling apart. Like, am I doing? I have no idea what the heck I'm doing. I've never been. I feel like that's the thing. Like we're all in this together. We're all just doing our best at the time. Like whatever the present time. We're all just doing what we can. And it's lovely to have that support and to feel like you know, you're not alone. You know, we've all got the same struggle as well. We're all thinking about how much time our kids had screen time. You know, we're all doing things. Lovely. Thank you, Ronnie. Thanks again on. It's been an absolute pleasure. Yeah, thank you so much for having me.

Meet The Team Australian comedian + announcer Zach Mander Listen and subscribe on Spotify and itunes/Apple podcasts Read More Bass guitarist for rock band Weezer Scott Shriner Listen and subscribe on Spotify and itunes/Apple podcasts Read More US educator, playwright + dramaturgist Jenn Book Haselswerdt Listen and subscribe on Spotify and itunes/Apple podcasts Read More Indigenous Australian artist Emma Stenhouse Listen and subscribe on Spotify and itunes/Apple podcasts Read More Irish Australian singer, songwriter, author and playwright Damien Leith Listen and subscribe on Spotify and itunes/Apple podcasts Read More Australian singer songwriter Tamara Seeley Listen and subscribe on Spotify and itunes/Apple podcasts Read More Australian musician and podcaster Claire Tonti Listen and subscribe on Spotify and itunes/Apple podcasts Read More US author and educator Breanna Churchill Listen and subscribe on Spotify and itunes/Apple podcasts Read More Australian authors Mary Sotiropolous and Jessie Ann Elliot Listen and subscribe on Spotify and itunes/Apple podcasts Read More Recap of Season 3 Season 3 Special Listen and subscribe on Spotify and itunes/Apple podcasts Read More Australian singer, songwriter and musician Jo Maloney Listen and subscribe on Spotify and itunes/Apple podcasts Read More Australian blogger Sarah Hens Listen and subscribe on Spotify and itunes/Apple podcasts Read More Apply Today This is a Paragraph. Click on "Edit Text" or double click on the text box to start editing the content. info@mysite.com 123-456-7890

Wedding Reviews Alison, it was a honour and privilege to have you sing on our special day. I couldn't have imagined anyone else to share our day with us. Alison is amazing and you definitely won't be disappointed. -Jess, happy Bride Alison sang at our wedding and was it absolutely beautiful. She is very professional, organised and went above and beyond for our special day. We try and catch her when she is singing around town as it always guarantees to be a great day - Tennille, happy Bride I first heard Alison sing on the night my now husband proposed to me. She was singing for a function at the Lakes Resort Restaurant, Mt Gambier. My husband and I loved the tunes and the atmosphere and I knew this was what I wanted my guest to experience on my own wedding day. Alison has such a marvellous voice I can still hear her singing “my song” A thousand years by Christina Perri to this day. My guests were blown away with her beautiful voice and I commend her for creating a magical ceremony.I would whole heartedly recommend Alison for any function or wedding as she is the “finishing touch.” Claire & James Buckley Alison recently sang at our wedding and it was absolutely beautiful to listen to her. She is incredibly talented and so friendly and easy going. Thank you again Alison for being part of our special day - Siobhan, happy Bride Alison is a professional, fun and flexible performer, with significant experience in helping couples set the soundtrack to their special day. I've loved working with Alison and highly recommend her calm and adaptable approach to delivering a professional and entertaining service at any venue. Tim Gerritsen—Pianist/Organist Alison performed at our wedding in 2009. The addition of live music meant that our songs were arranged by Alison in styles that we loved. Alison's professionalism saw this part of the day run smoothly, and we didn't need to worry about any part of this, including the volume or the quality of the sound. We would highly recommend Alison's singing to add a personalised and special touch to your wedding day, or any event. Emma and John Anderson

Season 3 Special Recap of Season 3 Special Listen and subscribe on Spotify and itunes/Apple podcasts Enjoy this episode where I take a look back on the last 4 months of episodes in this season ending special, featuring some of my favourite quotes from my Season 3 guests. Featuring quotes from: Bec Feiner - Australian illustrator Lena George - US author Rebecca McMartin = Australian podcaster + mental health advocate Holly Norman - Australian professional musician + wellbeing practitioner Alisha Burns - Australian podcaster + author Onnie Michalsky - US councellor and podcaster Eliza Hull - Australian musician, author and disability advocate Ayla Simone - Australian fiction author Bethany Kingsley - Garner - UK ballerina Paula Borsetti - US mixed media visual artist Edwina Masson - Australian vocal loops artist Natalie Harrison - Australian jewellery designer Hannah Olson - US artist Elora Viano - UK based photographer Jennifer Donohue - Irish painter and writer Sarah Hens - Australian podcaster Jo Maloney - Australian musician Podcast - instagram / website If today’s episode is triggering for you in any way I encourage you to seek help from those around you, medical professionals or from resources on line. I have compiled a list of great international resources here Music used with permission from Alemjo my new age and ambient music trio. When chatting to my guests I greatly appreciate their openness and honestly in sharing their stories. If at any stage their information is found to be incorrect, the podcast bears no responsibility for guests' inaccuracies. Podcast transcript at the bottom of the page Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode of The Art of Being A Mum Podcast. I'm beyond honoured that you're here and would be grateful if you could take 2 minutes to leave me a 5-star review in iTunes or wherever you are listening. It really helps! This way together we can inspire, connect and bring in to the light even more stories from creative mums. Want to connect? Take a screenshot of this episode and share it on Instagram tagging me in with @art_of_being_a_mum_podcast I can't wait to connect. And remember if you or somebody you know would like to be a guest on the podcast, get in touch ! I love meeting and chatting to mammas from all creative backgrounds, from all around the world! Thank you! Alison acknowledges this Land of the Berrin (Mount Gambier) Region as the Traditional Lands of the Bungandidj People and acknowledge these First Nations people as the custodians of the Region. Ch eck out more episodes ..... Welcome to the Art of Being a mum podcast, where I Alison Newman, a singer songwriter, and Ozzy mum of two enjoys honest and inspiring conversations with artists and creators about the joys and issues they've encountered. While trying to be a mum and continue to create. You'll hear themes like the mental juggle, changes in identity, how their work has been influenced by motherhood, mum guilt, cultural norms, and we also strain to territory such as the patriarchy, feminism, and capitalism. You can find links to my guests and topics we discussed in the shownotes, along with a link to the music played, how to get in touch, and a link to join our supportive and lively community on Instagram. I'll always put a trigger warning if we discuss sensitive topics on the podcast. But if at any time you're concerned about your mental health, I urge you to talk to those around you reach out to health professionals, or seek out resources online, I've compiled a list of international resources which can be accessed on the podcast landing page, Alison Newman dotnet slash podcast, the art of being a mum we'd like to acknowledge the traditional owners of the land and water, which this podcast is recorded on as being the Bondic people in the barren region. I'm working on land that was never seen it. Thank you so much for tuning in to this very special episode, a look back at season three of the podcast. I'm gonna take a short break over the next week. And then be back with season four. I hope you enjoy this recap, my favorite quotes from my guests of season three Dec finer, Australian illustrator. And to all the parents out there. Like I thought that by the time I was quite when I got when I first got pregnant. And I was I mean I was young was 30, which is young. Now by today's hearing. I just thought my luck, I hadn't reached my potential and it was too late now that I was becoming a parent, I remember feeling like so sad about that. And I only really came into I found my purpose at about 35. And I think that's quite young now that I think of it. But at the time, I thought if I didn't hit my stride when I was like 25 then I hadn't made it successfully. And it was just such a nice feeling to know that you don't have to, like with maturity comes so many more insights into the world they've allowed me to be to create this poster my kids you know. So that was great. Lena George, a US author. I was I think even from the beginning, I was thinking okay, when am I going to phase it back in before he was born. So I quit my job like a couple of months before he was born to finish the book that I was working on and you know, get do things for myself because I knew that that was going to be more difficult. But I also remember saying to someone, yeah, I'm thinking I'll take a couple of weeks totally off and then you know, I'll like get back get back into it. And now I tell people if they're expecting their first I'm like Alright, so this is what I thought was gonna happen. And it is so absurd I feel embarrassed even saying it now. Don't expect that of yourself at all, like the first three months are like just don't even it's it'll just be a black hole in your memory. And then the first year actually is like really hard and then it starts to get a little easier. But it's so the first year was that was a tricky negotiation. Because and I was I was kind of like full time parent, but I was still trying to like wedge the writing work in and it sometimes was not successful. And it's just as soon as I guess it's when my son was two. He started going to preschool two days a week and then three he went three days a week and now he's in school five days a week and I can have a much more like adult schedule Rebecca McMartin Australian podcaster and mental health advocate. Like even if you don't have mental ill health, it is okay to acknowledge that motherhood and especially that newborn stage can be shipped. Yes, it can be awesome. It can also be really, really hot and I think It's so important that we talk about that because there are mothers out there who feel alone, like, yes, they might not have a mental illness, but they still feel like they're suffering on their own. We don't want anyone to feel like that. And that whole sort of pressure that society has on us that it's, like we've touched on, it's got to be a certain way, mothers should be able to do it. And if you ever complain about how hard it is, oh, well, you wanted to have children, you know, this way that society just shuts lately, completely, like, oh, but you wanted to have a job? Why are you complaining about your job? Like, it's the same bullshit, but we don't say that to someone who's got a nine to five and is complaining in nine to five. You know, we, it is ridiculous. Holly Norman, a professional musician, and wellness practitioner from Western Australia. So I went away to Tasmania for 10 days. And I did a creative music intensive with the Australian Art orchestra. Which, when I applied for it, I mean, I started the year last year, like, I was still breastfeeding, like, I breastfed until she was just under two. And I just applied for it and thought, you know, what, if this is meant to happen, I'll get in, they'll give me a place, I'll rediscover what it was like to be a museum again, and like be a creative person, because I'm really deprioritized being a creative in my own right, that whole time, really, I'd say I was living in Melbourne, like I just really focused on festival work, and which is a different type of creative work and problem solving. But it's not writing and playing music. So that was a really, that was a really big thing, you know, going away for such a long time. And I'd waned her by then, but still, I remember right up until I got on the plane, I was like, I'm gonna turn around and go home. This is crazy. Like, who am I to take 10 days away from my child and to put that load onto my partner? And yeah, I did. I did have a lot of guilt for sure. About what, like I said before, what the cost of that was for everyone else. And, you know, we're lucky that we have so much family support, so I really just didn't have to worry about her. She could not have cared less than that was gone. Definitely was harder for me. But yeah, I it was, that was a big shift for me going on that trip. I'm so glad I did it. Alicia burns, a podcaster. And author based in Australia, I didn't realize how much I would love being a mum, and how much I became myself as a result. And it just made me really want to help other women make that choice as well. The amount of women that I met who are a bit older than me, will I wish that had been an option or that I'd gone down that path. I didn't want other people to be in that situation. So I thought this is a resource that I could help create. And what was most important was that there was an Australian voice for it, because there were many podcasts around the world, but not specifically with an Australian voice. And of course, every state is different what you go through and just want to provide a variety of stories, but also give people hope. On a McCaskey, a US counselor and podcaster point where you you don't know yourself. Yeah, it's really hard to trust yourself. And then you get caught in that compare game. Yeah. And it reinforces that feeling or that belief of being inadequate, or like never measuring up, right. And then we have these huge to do lists that also create this feeling of like, I'm never good enough, or I'm never enough. And so by removing that and recognizing, like collecting the evidence that says otherwise, because there's plenty of evidence that says that you are a good mom, right? Like you said, like looking at that definition. And you're like, No, like, why am I holding myself to this double standard, but you've got to be aware that you're doing that because so many times we do it in our mind. And we continue we compare ourselves to other people, we compare ourselves to this definition. And it's not getting us anywhere except feeling worse about ourselves. It keeps us in this like perpetuating cycle. Eliza Howell, a musician, author, and disability advocate from Victoria in Australia. I really don't like to feeling when I'm at an airport or in a different city. And I say, mother with a child. It's just like yeah, I'm just like, why am I not that mother? Why am I here? Why am I doing all of this? Like it just yeah, it feeds into that guilt can be really a horrible feeling. And then you kind of realize that who knows what that mother's reeling in that moment and maybe No, tomorrow she'll be going on a trip or you know, I guess it just for some reason you always think that you are doing the wrong thing. I Lusamine Australian fiction author write quite a lot in my job. But to have that sort of also hobby creative writing is so important. And I feel so much better. You know, I've had a bit of time to write, and usually, actually always my writing time, like, in bed with a baby on me writing on Google docs on my phone. How I wrote this book, the whole thing. So you know, it's just fit in somewhere, but then the rest of the afternoon is like, oh, you know, I've done something for myself. Yeah, can be a better mother for it. Definitely. Bethany Kingsley garner a ballerina from the UK. My first season back, I did the ballet called My scandal at Miley. And I play two roles. And one of the roles was a bride that actually was a you know, it was a bedroom scene, but it was extremely rough environment. And this is my first season back. Oh, after. So I felt a lot more in shade of where I was being touched. Right. And whereas pre birth, I guess, physically, I would have just ran into that not even second. And then it was yeah, it was a little bit more tentative. I wasn't in my own skin yet. Now I am. But this unit, you're talking maybe seven months after birth? So you're really like, is my leg coming with me? Or is it still on the other side of the room? On the floor today, or are they going to be touching? Like it was really sort of, but I had heart and soul in it. But yeah. So physically, that's, I'm not as carefree as I was, with my body, letting maybe awesome fight or flight mode. I'm a bit nervous being lifted, heavy. But now I have something to seriously not get injured for. You're listening to the art of being a mom with my mom, Alison Newman. Poehler Bosetti, a mixed media visual artist from the US. Was that something that you were sort of? I know what I wanted her to say that I must put this in air quotes. You weren't just her mom, because we never just met. But that you also doing things for yourself? Yes, that was really important to me. Because I always wanted her to have a strong opinion of who she was as a person, and not other labels attached. And so I wanted her to know that, you know, I was more than, you know, I'm not just my job, I'm not just a mother, you know, I have things that I'm passionate about. And then I'm going to pursue those things, because those are the things that light us up and, and fulfill our lives. And so it's always worth chasing that dream. And that passion. And, and that other things, you know, may not be as important as we think they are, you know, so I wanted I always took her with me, she knew that I was doing other things. And on the other hand, on the flip side of that, though, when I was teaching and I had to go back to school a lot and be taking courses, you know, there was a time where I was going for my masters that it was weekend courses. So I would be gone Friday night, all day, Saturday and all day Sunday. And some of those weekends were birthdays, you know, her 10th birthday, I was in class and so I had that difference difficult time of trying to figure out you know, how do I balance this and make it okay. I can remember being in a class and giving a presentation and just cry, you know, like bursting into tears because it was her birthday and I wasn't there you know, to celebrate it with her but that mom guilt right. Dwayne and messin Australian vocal loops artist and musician. And the thing that I have struggled with the most is the fact that I used to spend my entire week, if I had any creative idea, I could write them in there, stick with it, and create. And that was just, oh my gosh, it was so hard for me to have to, like locking key ideas and be like, later, later, later, later, because I was that person that was like, I'd have an idea in the morning and it would be recorded in the evening. Yeah, yeah. So that's been something, the amount of creativity that I am able to do is significantly less but because I think I went from so much to nothing. I can two days a week feels like absolute heaven. I'm like, I'll take it. I'll take it. Oh, my God, one hour, fantastic. Like cam can take focus out for like, for an afternoon on the weekend. And I just get to stay home and do like anything to do with my art. And I feel like a different woman. Yes. And so it's been like, hard fought to get to this. And I'm, I think I'm, like very grateful. I'm really quick at doing stuff now. Like, even quicker than I was before. Because I go, Okay, you have four hours, and you have to get all this done. Go. Yeah, it's like, I don't I don't go with this work. I could trust the idea. Trust the idea. Naturally, Harrison, a jewelry designer and maker from South Australia. before I had kids are was very, very career oriented, orientated. And I remember feeling, you know, I'd go home at the end of the week, and I just couldn't wait to go back to work. Yeah, and it was just me and my partner and adults. So you know, it was nobody really kind of relying on me see, so I was very self centered in that respect, it was just, I just want to go back to work and, and, you know, I had projects that I was really passionate about, and I was trying to progress my career. And you know, I was feeling very successful, I guess, in my own right, in that sense. And then I had my daughter and I stayed home with her until she was about eight months old. And then it was at that point, I started kind of itching to go back to work. And I went back and it was just like, like, somebody flipped a switch. It was just I think when I, when I went back in the beginning, I thought it was just, you know, a transitional thing, because I was getting used to being away from my daughter all the time. And I was driving down into the city every day. And I kind of put it down to that. But then, after a while, I kind of realized my drive for my career had kind of stalled. And it wasn't everything to me anymore, um, for obvious reasons. And, yeah, that that whole being, you know, a single career driven woman. It just wasn't there anymore. Hannah Olson, a painter based in the US when I had my first after, you know, after a month or so, we kind of got in a little bit more of a rhythm. And I was able to set aside like a cat, I'm going to wake up an hour earlier, and focus on myself and have an hour of painting and get that done. And that was really helpful for me. But I discovered, the more kids you have, the less you can plan. It is so difficult to plan when you have three little mines, completely different to yours. Elora VR, noi, a UK based photographer, I always needed to like have a space where I could lock myself in and just do something for me, which usually ended up being something creative. Yeah, it happens. But I kind of lost that for a while. Especially when the girls were really little. It was just either I was mom. And between naps. I was trying to get this business off the ground. And then it was kid and then it was the business and then it was the kids and then it was the business and that's all it was it was either work or family. Yeah. And for a while there and I was like at a certain I was I need something I need to do creative outlet. I need to do something for me. And although I was doing like little photo project kind of mini things for me like taking you know, I have a 365 project, which is a photo a day basically and then I put it in a little album. Yeah, at the end of the year and it's just like the Year in Review kind of thing. So I was still I was kind of doing that, but I wasn't really doing anything else for me, Jennifer Donahue, a painter and writer from Ireland, I think it's important to address all the emotions. Motherhood isn't just joy, it is grief, there is loss, whether whether you've lost pregnancies or loss, or you know, I mean, there's a sense of, you know, like, you lose yourself a little bit because you gain a new you, it's important to talk about my journey because you know, that is very came from you there is loss and grief and stuff associated with being a parent being a modern with there's so many happy moments are so many nice moments, and it's just working on what never diminished and just, it's all flowers, it's like, it's based on I can't wait to meet you. So you know, all these like new moments that you have with your kids. So obviously, the first moment we've seen opened our newborn, and they just arrived what beach stepped into child's life is kind of a new step for you and your relationship with your kids, you know, and it's, it's amazing. Sarah Higgins, an Australian podcaster obviously, I can relate to mom guilt, but it's just this extension of like, woman guilt that I've had with my whole life. And, you know, a cousin's like, I've been a bit obsessed with that idea, since I read that a few weeks ago, and I just thought, oh my gosh, like, so much mental energy goes into being a woman that then is exacerbated as a mother because there's all these expectations on you. And we really have this, like, I'm not enough of the stuff that I should be, you know, focusing on too much of stuff. And, you know, we have this contradiction that we just sit in all the time. And yeah, like, just my own experience happened. And I still doubt it. Like I went through, and I was less evidence that it happened. And I still kind of go maybe I'm just thinking big deal. But like, yeah, I shouldn't have been deal with it. Because that's what it is. And that's the same of any story, like anything that's happened to you. It's important and relatable. Joe Maloney, Australian singer, songwriter, and musician. It took them a long time to understand. They would see me go to choir. Yeah. And every every Monday night, and it would be sort of quickly shoveling down my throat and off I went. And for a long time, it would be like like a movie. Why are you going and they just didn't understand that. And I distinctly remember one day doing something writing something and and Max coming out. I don't even know how old he was. He probably was about seven or eight coming into the end is going, Mom, you shouldn't be making music. You should be making my lunch No, I think it's very important for them to see that. I have other interests outside of being a mum. And I know lots of mums will agree when when you say that. It makes you a better mum. Because you're happy. Thanks for your company today. If you've enjoyed this episode, I'd love you to consider leaving us a review, following or subscribing to the podcast, or even sharing it with a friend who you think might be interested. The music you heard featured on today's episode was from LM Joe, which is my new age ambient music trio comprised of myself, my sister, Emma Anderson and her husband John. If you'd like to learn more, you can find a link to us in the show notes. If you or someone you know would like to be a guest on the podcast, please get in touch with us via the link in the show notes. I'll catch you again next week for another chat with an artistic mum.

3 Elena Zima Russian painter 3 Article # 30 June 2023 My name is Elena Zima. I'm an artist. I live in Moscow. My mother dreamed that I would learn to draw. So through me she tried to realize what she herself was not available in childhood. She sent me to an art studio at the age of 6. I was good at it. Perhaps painting is the only thing that I was good at as a child and brought only positive emotions. As a teenager, I studied with the best artists. But at the same time, it was considered impossible to "become an artist" in the family and in society. This is not a profession, but condemning yourself to a poor life. So I went to study and work in a completely different direction. I graduated from the Faculty of History and Philology and went to work in the media. But wherever I was, I was always drawing. People noticed this and often asked to draw something for them. Orders began to appear, then I realized that I could earn more by painting than by working in a magazine. As a result, I quit and began to look for my own style in painting and develop as an artist. I paint in the classical realism and in the style of magical realism. I use magical realism to show the secret life of nature and objects. Every painting has an additional artistic layer: different reality, other life of objects and their history. Just like in childhood, looking at clouds, we saw different shapes. The same way the shadows in the foliage of the trees could fold into a shape of a person. The purpose of my art is not just to depict the outer shell of things but to reveal the inner world and personal history of objects. I have not big family: myself, my husband, our ten-year-old daughter Anna and a cat. My family is my main characters in my paintings and they often serve as models for my future artworks. They help me and inspire me. Well, except for those moments when they complain that I like painting more than them. My workday at the moment looks like this: I get up at 6:30 in the morning, see my daughter off to school, spend about an hour on myself (breakfast, checking email and social media), then I go up to my studio (I'm lucky - my studio is on the third floor of my house) and work on a painting until about 2 pm. I have lunch. If it;s not a busy day, I might go out for a walk. Then my students come into the studio and I give lessons. In the evening I help my daughter with her homework; we talk, do something about house, and have dinner as a family. Of course, this is an example of a perfect schedule where everything goes according to plan. But quite often the schedule changes: we have to take a painting to an exhibition or go to a colleague's exhibition opening in the evening, the child or I may fall ill and then the whole routine changes. To be honest, I have a hard time dealing with the sudden change in schedule. If I don't get to work on a painting in a day, I get very anxious. I'm just learning to let myself rest from the daily grind. And of course it wasn't always like this. I was able to work fully only when Anna went to kindergarten. Now my daughter is big enough to go to exhibitions with me. Of course, she does not always have the patience to endure a long event, but at least she is very interested in what her mother does. My husband helps me build an optimal daily routine - he often picks up my daughter from school, helps me prepare lunch or dinner, and I have extra time to work or rest. "I believe that my art will teach my daughter humanism, a humanistic view of the world. It will teach her to respect her vocation and her interests, regardless of finances or society's opinion. It is important to be yourself and to love yourself." I have many artist friends who also have to combine art and family. Some of them had to stop their creative work for a long time and work at another job to raise a child. But then they came back to art anyway. It helped me to stop being afraid that if I interrupted my artistic work for a while, I wouldnt be able to go back. I realized that sometimes artists (both men and women) can pause to solve their problems and then paint again and be fully in the art profession. Being a mum The birth of my daughter played a huge role in my development as an artist. If before the birth of Anna painting was more of a hobby for me (I did not participate in exhibitions, I painted mostly only to order), then after the birth of daughter, I realized that I need to find my own style of painting, to formulate what I want to convey to the viewer through my art. I must take part in exhibitions. I need to evolve. To become better and cooler, to make my daughter proud of her mother. While my daughter was baby and couldn't get along without me, I felt terrible because I really wanted to get myself back as a person as soon as possible, to stop being an "app"; to serving the child and to get back to being creative as soon as possible. I was in a big hurry and felt guilty that I was a bad mother and could not fully immerse myself in my child's life. When Anna was about two years old, we had a babysitter come over three times a week for three hours at a time. Those nine hours a week became my salvation. I was slowly getting myself back on track. I realized that I would only be a good mom if I had the opportunity to do what I loved. I learned how to leave for a few hours without “mum guilt”, to completely immerse myself in my world for that time, and then return to my child energized and ready to spend full and sincere time with my daughter. Probably the hardest situation was when my husband and I had to fly out to another country for a week for an exhibition, and left my daughter with her grandmother. She was too small to take with us. But my priority at the time was to develop my career as an artist. I don’t regret that I didn’t give up this trip, because then a year later there was a pandemic, problems with flights, obtaining visas, etc. And if I hadn’t taken advantage of this opportunity then, I still wouldn’t have had the experience of a foreign exhibition. What about Anna - she had a wonderful time with her beloved grandmother. There were no tears or heartache. She knows that her mum goes to exhibitions, it’s her job. And she always proudly tells her friends about me. I feel much more “mum guilt” when I do chores (washing dishes, cooking, cleaning) instead of spending time with my daughter. It really is a waste of time - no fun for me and no attention for the child! Fortunately, she;s old enough now that we can, for example, cook something delicious together. When a baby is first born, the first year (and more) a woman is completely devoted to her baby. Breastfeeding, caring for the baby, walking, sleeping - all this fills a woman's life completely. It is really hard to find time for yourself. And it's hard to believe that there will ever be time for yourself. You don't feel like a separate person, but like an infant's attendant. It was a really difficult period for me. I was used to a multi-faceted life - painting, equestrian, work, meeting with friends. All that had to be forgotten for a while. And then to return slowly back into my life. To choose what is most important and what to wait for, or what to give up. Of course, with the baby, life will never be the same again. Now there was the most important thing in it - a new life, for which you are responsible. But my life has not become more boring or monotonous. Now, 10 years later, I can definitely say that with the birth of a child, I have more things in my life, I just learned how to combine them all. And I also realized that only by my own example I can show my daughter what it means to live a full life. Do I want Anna, when she grows up, to devote her life to housekeeping? Absolutely not. I want my daughter to live an interesting and fulfilling life. And only from me she can learn how multifaceted a woman's life is. Not from my stories, but from the way I live. Because children are educated not by words, but by what happens before their eyes. "While my daughter was baby and couldn't get along without me, I felt terrible because I really wanted to get myself back as a person as soon as possible, to stop serving the child and to get back to being creative as soon as possible. I was in a big hurry and felt guilty that I was a bad mother and could not fully immerse myself in my child's life. " To be an artist is not to have a steady income. Of course, this is very damaging to one;s ego. When there are a lot of successful, well earning peers around, and your sales are down, or your online account is closed because of the political situation, you feel worthless, as if you've achieved nothing in life. Every time you fall down, you have to get back up and move on. But I believe that my art will teach my daughter humanism, a humanistic view of the world. It will teach her to respect her vocation and her interests, regardless of finances or society's opinion. It is important to be yourself and to love yourself. My mother's fate and her actions greatly influenced my character and attitudes. In my childhood in Russia it was not customary to divorce, it was considered shameful. But a man could simply leave a woman with children and not help them. But for a woman to file for divorce herself - that was rare. So my mother divorced twice, ecause she did not agree to tolerate bad treatment of herself. She was always very different from ordinary people. She was able to build a brilliant career as a lawyer on her own and she is still working today. Everyone admires her now, but few people shared her views then. She is strong and independent. Apparently that;s why it's important for me to be financially independent, too. It;s true that with the profession of an artist, this is hard to achieve in my country. Now I started two new series of artworks. The first is portraits painted on uncoated canvas. The lack of a background allows focusing as much attention as possible on the subject of the image. The hero of painting is captured in the process of working or interacting with the world around him. It is important to catch the character, or rather, one important detail through which the whole image is revealed. And the second is about the inner world of man. This inner world is not constant. It changes depending on our moods and the moods of the people around us. A person;s inner space can be very different from the outer space. This resonance of the internal feeling and the external environment is the main theme of the new series of paintings, in which silhouettes of people are filled by the second background, reflecting the general mood. Contact Elena My Instagram accounts: @elena_zima_artist – about art and life @elena_zima_art – only art BACK

Rachel Charge Australian ceramic artist, writer and multidisciplinary creative 10 Article # 8 September 2023 READ Britt Australian designer 8 Article # 18 August 2023 READ Magdalena McGuire Australian author 6 Article # 4 August 2023 READ Sarah Bailey Australian author 4 Article # 7 July 2023 READ Cherie Harte Canadian interdisciplinary artist 2 Article # 23 June 2023 READ Article # READ Thea Rossen Australian musician 9 Article # 24 August 2023 READ Chelsea McCrae Australian podcaster 7 Article # 11 August 2023 READ Stella Anning Australian guitarist 5 Article # 28 July 2023 READ Elena Zima Russian painter 3 Article # 30 June 2023 READ Diane Kazakis Australian mixed media artist 1 Article # 3 June 2023 READ LOAD MORE

Ayla Simone Australian fiction author S3 Ep85 Listen and subscribe on Spotify and itunes/Apple podcasts Ayla Simone is my guest this week, Ayla is a contemporary fiction author and digital copywriter and a mum of 2 from Brisbane , QLD, Australia. Ayla grew up writing, but like many creatives, couldn't see how writing was going to be full time job. She turned instead to marketing, content creation and copywriting to utilize her creativity. She began writing her debut novel Marigold Milk when her her son was a baby, he was a contact napper and she would write while he was napping on her lap, using her phone to write. Marigold Milk drops the reader into a tumultuous and trans-formative time of Mariella Gold’s life. Grief-stricken by the loss of a child, Mariella loses her floristry business and applies for a nannying position with a twist. The unusual and lucrative role sees her helping care for the baby of widowed local doctor, Dr Jamie North. The job is a welcome escape from the despair of her lifeless marriage, but Mariella is surprised to even find joy and purpose with Jamie and his son, in a way she couldn’t have expected. Ayla has 2 more books in the works and her work aims to examine themes of modern life that are often silenced within us; with a particular focus on women and motherhood. **This episode contains mentions of pregnancy loss and wet nursing** Ayla - instgram / book Podcast - instagram / website If today’s episode is triggering for you in any way I encourage you to seek help from those around you, medical professionals or from resources on line. I have compiled a list of great international resources here Music used with permission from Alemjo my new age and ambient music trio. When chatting to my guests I greatly appreciate their openness and honestly in sharing their stories. If at any stage their information is found to be incorrect, the podcast bears no responsibility for guests' inaccuracies. Podcast transcript at the bottom of the page Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode of The Art of Being A Mum Podcast. I'm beyond honoured that you're here and would be grateful if you could take 2 minutes to leave me a 5-star review in iTunes or wherever you are listening. It really helps! This way together we can inspire, connect and bring in to the light even more stories from creative mums. Want to connect? Take a screenshot of this episode and share it on Instagram tagging me in with @art_of_being_a_mum_podcast I can't wait to connect. And remember if you or somebody you know would like to be a guest on the podcast, get in touch ! I love meeting and chatting to mammas from all creative backgrounds, from all around the world! Thank you! Alison acknowledges this Land of the Berrin (Mount Gambier) Region as the Traditional Lands of the Bungandidj People and acknowledge these First Nations people as the custodians of the Region. Ch eck out more episodes ..... Welcome to the Art of Being a mum podcast, where I Alison Newman, a singer songwriter, and Ozzy mum of two enjoys honest and inspiring conversations with artists and creators about the joys and issues they've encountered, while trying to be a mum and continue to create your hair themes like the mental juggle, changes in identity, how their work has been influenced by motherhood, mum guilt, cultural norms, and we also stray into territory such as the patriarchy, feminism, and capitalism. You can find links to my guests and topics we discussed in the show notes, along with a link to the music played, how to get in touch, and a link to join our supportive and lively community on Instagram. I'll always put a trigger warning if we discuss sensitive topics on the podcast. But if at any time you're concerned about your mental health, I urge you to talk to those around you reach out to health professionals, or seek out resources online. I've compiled a list of international resources which can be accessed on the podcast landing page, Alison Newman dotnet slash podcast. The art of being a man would like to acknowledge the traditional owners of the land and water, which this podcast is recorded on has been the Bondic people in the barren region of South Australia. I'm working on land that was never ceded. Thank you so much for joining me. It is a pleasure to have you here from wherever you are all around the world. My guest today is ala Simone. ALA is a contemporary fiction author and digital copywriter from Brisbane in Queensland, and she's a mom of two. I grew up writing but like many creatives couldn't see her writing was going to be a full time job. She turned instead to marketing, content creation and copywriting to utilize her creativity. I began writing her debut novel marigold milk when her son was a baby. He was a contact Napper and she would write while he was napping on her lap using her fine marigold milk drops the reader into a tumultuous and transformative time have Mariela gold's life. grief stricken by the loss of a child, Mariela loses her floristry business and applies for a nanny position with a twist. The unusual and lucrative role sees her helping to care for the baby of a widowed local doctor. The job is a welcome escape from the despair of her lifeless marriage, and she is surprised to find joy and purpose with the new doctor and his son. In a way she could never have expected. Ayla has two more books in the works. And her work aims to examine themes of modern life that are often silenced within us, and a particular focus on women and motherhood. This episode contains mentions of pregnancy loss and witnessing. Hi, Isla, thank you so much for coming on the podcast. It's such a pleasure to welcome you today. Thank you for having me. I'm so excited. So we're about to you leaving. I'm in Brisbane in the suburbs. Lovely. Yeah. My sister spent a bit of time up in Brisbane few years ago, and we went to visit it the first time I'd ever been up there. I just loved it. It reminded me of like, be like Adelaide with it sort of easygoing, but the weather being a lot better. I just found everyone was so friendly. And it's just a really lovely place. It is quite like a small town. Most of my family's in Melbourne. So going to Melbourne. It's like wow, this is a big city. Brisbane, you probably feel similar seems Adelaide. It's more laid back. Yeah. Very hot out here though. Yeah. Now and because you guys don't have daylight savings. Do you know? Yeah, because that was something I noticed when I was up there. How it got early. So like got bright and light so early. And it was just that okay, we're up. Yeah. On the flip side, you go to some of these daylight savings and the kids don't want to go to sleep until like nine or 10 o'clock because it's bright. Yes. That's that's us at the moment. It's like half past eight. Oh, maybe even caught nine before it gets dark. So they're just like, but it's too late outside. We don't know like I've got nothing left. You have to do it. Yeah, that was literally my last night because the bubblegum back to school today. Down here. So last night, the day please just go to sleep. I see a great day for you that it's a wonderful day is such a nice day. It's just nice to have done the school drop off and then just go do something that doesn't involve looking after other people. And the silence when you leave them and it's like I don't have to talk to anyone for a little while. Yes. Gosh, yeah, you take it for granted. You really do. Yeah, yeah. You're an author, can you tell us a little bit about how you got into writing? Is it something that you've always done? Like as a kid growing up? Yeah, writing has always sort of been my thing, I guess I remember in primary school, going to little writing camps. And in high school, I was in, you know, the kind of extension English writing thing. And that was my thing. Like, I could not do math to save my life at all. Writing has been, it's like, probably close. Next, I was like, Oh, I can do this. Yeah, and I've always loved writing, I always wanted to write a book. Yeah, and I've just finally now done it, I think some probably other people in the arts can relate to this, you have an interest in something creative. And growing up, there's a lot of noise around, okay, but you've got to kind of make that a job where you can actually make a living, you know, for the kind of consumer society you can't, you know, you can't cut off into the woods and write a book. Like, that's not what you're going to do. So yeah, I've done marketing and content creation and copywriting. So I guess that's how I kind of made it a job. And then, yeah, recently got to what I wanted to do originally, which is writing a book, congratulations. That's pretty exciting. Yeah, that that theme of, of sort of putting your passion on the back burner, or like, in your case, in many others, to finding a way to sort of slightly incorporate that into their, like, paid job. It's such a common theme, just, you know, parents will be like, oh, you know, how you're gonna pay the bills, you know, that's not a real job, all that sort of stuff. And then they find themselves coming back to it, you know, as an adult, because you just cannot you get to where we cannot not do it, you know, it's like, yeah, it just makes you do it. So, tell us about your book. Well, my food, I feel like this is a common theme with authors. Or it might just be me because I'm a shy author. But when someone asks, What's your book about? That's like the worst question. Oh, amazing. Like hard to condense? Yeah, probably. So in like internal. But basically, it's about a main character. And she's just lost a baby. And then she's lost her business, and her husband of 10 years has turned on her and become a really awful person in her life. So she's desperate to find a purpose. And she decides that she wants to donate her breast milk online after hearing about it from a friend. And then she meets with a widowed man who's just lost his wife. So he has a baby to feed, and he's desperate for help as well. And he asked her to fulfill the quite unusual position these days of being a witness for his baby. And the reason behind that is the baby has a lot of allergies, and he's really struggling, you know, to find something that will help his baby be healthy. So she's sort of propelled by her grief and wanting to escape her household situation, and she accepts it and joins his family. And she starts to find purpose and happiness again, but then sort of the truth of her own motherhood. And what has happened in her past starts to unravel slowly, she has to kind of face her demons and see if she can overcome them to find her own purpose in life again. Yeah, right. That's a really cool storyline, like, Yeah, that's really cool. I don't usual when I started writing it, I, it was kind of the whole point was, you know, I was at home with my baby nursing writing. I was just thinking, I've never read a book, really, where there's a character, even books that have mothers, there's not really a character that mentioned, you know, the breastfeeding the nursing or, you know, feeding the baby. It's not something that's mentioned that often and for me, at least, it's like a huge part of being a mum, like, I mean, no matter how you feed your baby, especially at the start, you're spending hours every day, like feeding your baby, whether it's a bottle, you're breastfeeding them to hear. So I sort of wanted to incorporate that and I started writing it as historical fiction, because, you know, witnesses that was an old time. Yeah, but then I think it was like 20,000 words, then I'll say is this isn't gonna really help Modern mothers like this is, you know, a historical story. But if I was to kind of juxtapose that with modern times, where it actually makes it something a little shocking to some people, I'm sure. I think it has more value for mothers to kind of read it in a modern setting. Yeah, cuz I was gonna ask you sort of what you said. Yeah. And for those who don't know, a witness, basically is it's a mother who's lactating who feeds another mother's child, basically. Yeah. And in my story, I've been very careful to not not to say this. It's not just, I wouldn't even say it's the central theme of the story. And I think that was important. For me, for Mother's reading it, it's not the hero of the story is not that she breastfeeds a child. And it's definitely not the villain of the story. And it doesn't ruin anything for her. It's something very special. And that's highlighted. But yeah, it's not the be all end all, she has so many other facets to her other than that she's feeding a baby. But the fact that her client kind of needed her to do that to help him. But it also very much helped her because she was grieving the loss of a child. You know, if you lose a baby quite late, you may lactate. So this is what's happening to this character. And I think it's just been a huge comfort for her that she could use that milk. For your identity was important for you to keep that writing process going when you had your children. Yes, it definitely. I mean, I write quite a lot in my job. But to have that sort of also, hobby creative writing is so important. And I feel so much better. You know, I've had a bit of time to write, and usually, actually always my writing time, like, in bed with a baby on me writing on Google docs on my phone, how I wrote this book, the whole thing. So you know, it's just fit in somewhere. But then the rest of the afternoon is like, ah, you know, I've done something for myself. Yeah, it can be a better mother for it. Definitely. And I have a, I have a baby, but I also have a seven year old. So it's been pretty cool. telling her about the book and her seeing it and see like, oh my god, I'm gonna write a book. Like she's so excited. So that yeah, that is awesome. That is really cool. Do you sort of feel like it's important that, that your seven year old sees you as something else other than as a mother? You know, you're still you're still a person that does things in the world? Yeah, definitely. And maybe that's why it was even more surprising to her. I sort of said to her while I was writing it, like, oh, I mean, writing this story. I think I might actually get it published into a book. And it's that sort of an abstract idea or seminar or like, What do you mean? Like, you know, not Roald Dahl. You can't write a book. And then when it arrived nice, she showed her Yeah, cuz you're gonna face like, wow, my mom like does stuff other than look after us? Yeah. Yeah. Especially for a little girl. Like, I don't want her to think she'll have kids one day. And that's it, like hanging off your cowboy boots. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Other aspects to a woman obviously. Didn't know that. That's really cool. I love that. And I sort of feel like that with my sons. It's like, it's for them as they grow up to be able to respect a woman as other things apart from just having children. You know, like, I feel like there's, there's certainly a, you know, that misogynistic sort of element to society that, you know, like you said, you take a few breaks, you're done. Yeah, it's really important. Yeah, absolutely. So How old's your youngest? He's 16 months. So he actually a toddler is probably my last one. So it's me. He's a baby. Yeah, love. So when did you start writing when just when he was really, when he was really a baby? Both my kids have been contacted snafus. So, you know, stuck in bed for hours. And I think he was just a few months old me scrolling Facebook, whatever. It's like why why don't I do something that's actually going to benefit my mental health and you know, if I can turn into something my future So yeah, I just started writing the story and I just loved it and every naptime occasionally after bedtime, that's just what I've done. Yeah. That's awesome. So sorry, I didn't say the book's title. It's Marik old milk. So I'm guessing marigold is the main character. Her name is Mariela gold. Right? Yeah, that's very gold comes up because she had a floristry business that gets shut down. And one of the other characters says to her, Oh, like, Why didn't you call it you know, something like marry gold, because your name makes up Mary gold. And that's sort of a pivotal moment. And then after that, marigolds kind of pop up through the story as symbolism for how her story is unfolding. So yeah, let's go. How did you come up with the idea? Was that just something that came to you? Or are you like, are you really into flowers and flowers? And I love symbolism. So I think it didn't come quite organically. I wrote her in as a florist. I think I've always been fascinated by forestry. Like, it's just such a beautiful art to work in. Yeah. And then as kind of the marigold play on words came up, it all just started unfolding. And I've planned out my next few books, and they're both flower related as well. Sort of like the same, the next two books? I mean, I don't want you to give any secrets away. Are they an extension of marigold story? Are they just brand new characters? Well, I didn't want to write a sequel. I'm not sure why I just prefer a standalone story. And it is quite closed books. And when it finishes, it's kind of like, okay, this story is done nice and late, really tied up. But I have made the next few books have a slight overlap in characters. So there's sort of like a very sideline character in Marigold, milk. And then the next book is her story. So they sort of mentioned each other, which I think is a cute little tie in. But that I mean, the stories are not related at all. The next book is actually got nothing to do with motherhood, or babies or anything, which has actually been really fun. It's like, oh, this is really an escape. I'm writing like a 30 Something single spinster with a cat and like I'm on it. Anything. It's sort of like you're living in this universe, what could have happened? You're listening to the art of being a mom was my mom, I was. What's it like the process to get a book published? Well, I mean, it's different for everyone, there is the traditional publishing route, which I dabbled with. And then I think I read so much about it from other authors. I was just scared out of it. And it might be something I pursue in the future. But it's a very lengthy process, you've kind of got to find an agent. And then once you've got an agent, they contact the publishing houses and then even if you do get a deal, you usually have to wait like two or three years before your book is actually out there. Yeah, and I think because I spent just like day after day, hours and hours writing this book, when it was finished, I was like, No, I'm getting this out there. This on me anymore. I need to get it done so I can move on to the next thing. No, I ended up self publishing my book which has been really interesting and exciting thing. Yesterday it's amazing how accessible it is to publish a book now. Yeah, quite simple. This we have this topic that I love to talk about to all my guests and I put it in air quotes, the old mum guilt. What is your take on that? I do remember after I had my first baby, another mum made a throwaway comment something like Oh, yes, you'll you know, you'll have mom guilt. It's always they're always going to feel guilty, you know, doing anything, right. And I remember at the time, my baby was about six months old, and I was I really couldn't relate to what she was saying. Maybe just the naivety of it. You know, as kind of like, I know, I'm doing everything I can for this baby. I don't feel guilty. Everything's great. But sort of since I've had the second and it might be about you There's more of a juggle, because you know, especially with the age gap, I have this seven year old that wants to chat all day and make bracelets and little intricate things. And then I have this 16 month old boys just destroying everything. And I yeah, I have definitely found now a bit of mum guilt. This is like, there's not enough of you to go around at all. But I wouldn't say ever feel guilty about writing or doing things like that for myself. And it might be because it's so limited. Like, you know, I'm not going down to get a pedicure. And you know, I haven't much time. And that's my little bit of time that I do that. So I think I feel pretty good about it. Now good on Yeah, I love hearing those answers. And it's the sort of thing, everybody has a different take on it. And I think that's why I love talking about it, because I just love hearing, you know, the differences in the variances and yeah, I love that I had, I think I've had two guests that didn't even know what it was at all. And as the hell no, I can relate to that. They is sort of the age gap. You have to I've got seven years between my two. And they have their moments they they fight like cats and dogs sometimes. Yeah, they both have cute moments. They don't they? Ah, yeah. is lovely to watch it really? Yeah. I think it's nice having a child that's old enough to remember their sibling getting born and things like that. I reckon that's pretty cool is lovely. Although I don't know about your children, but my older child remembers being an only child. So she's sort of like, she brings me photos of us just my her dad and I and her together on holidays. She's like, so can we leave Leo somewhere? And like do that again? Probably not like his duty a little brother. Oh, God. That's hilarious. I love that. Yeah, that's good. I've never actually thought about that. I should ask I'll make a note to ask at least. Yeah. Yeah, it's good fun. So something else I'd like to talk about is sort of the cultural norms of, you know, the traditional roles of the mother and the father and who goes to work and who stays home? And what role modeling did you have about what a mother could look like when you were growing up? Didn't sort of inspired you to do what you're doing? Well, I would say my family unit when I was growing up is quite different to probably what my now family unit is in that it was very traditional. So my mum was basically home with us, I think, till I started primary school. So we very much had, like the mother at home and the dad, you know, that went to work. And my mom was just excellent at being you know, a stay at home mom is baking and cooking and my memory always seem to be cheery and happy to play with us, which is a hard thing to aim for. Yeah, whereas it might be a little bit because of what my job is like, I know I can do my job on my phone or on my laptop home anywhere. With both kids. I've gone back into some kind of from home work within six months to a year of having them. So although I am staying at home, just like my mom did, I think yeah, I'm I don't have the mental space to be like babe. Yeah, if anything. Yeah, I wish I was a bit more like my mum. But I think the times have very different now. You can't really you're damned if you do and you're damned if you don't now, basically, you know, if I was staying at home not working, I'm sure someone would have something to say about that. Or if I was working full time putting the kids in daycare, you know, that would also be mortifying for some people. So yes, just trying to strike a balance in these crazy modern times, isn't it? Yeah, I think yeah, we're all just doing the best we can out we like have no there's so much. I think that's where a lot of people do feel the mum guilt is like the judgment of others that someone's comment will make you feel bad about yourself. But you know, deep down like you said before, about you know, you you know you're doing the best you can you know, you you're giving your children everything you can. So it's these sort of offhand flippant remarks, and really make us question ourselves and it's like social media makes it even worse when you see your people doing whatever and you think, oh, I should be doing that or I shouldn't be doing that or whatever. You know that Yeah, should Africa. Yeah. And that's a big part of, I guess why I wanted to include a little like reality about motherhood and breastfeeding, that sort of thing in my book, because also similar with that breastfeeding, sort of damned if you do damned if you don't, as well, you know, as a mother, you might feel so ashamed to try to breastfeed your kid in public. But then you'll be, like, equally ashamed to go and buy it in a formula. There's no winning in our society, you can't do the right thing. So yeah, I just wanted I guess, to include a little reality where kind of bubbles under the surface of the rest of her story. And it's not the be all end all, but it's quite, I would say, it's quite realistic for the story, which I think is helpful for young women because, like, I'm a 90s, baby my, like growing up seeing moms in media, it was like Rachel on friends. Yeah. Babies represented like they would come into the apartment and just look at this baby sleeping in the cot by itself and like, Oh, that's a cute baby. Like, that is so not what happened for me, baby. Well, why wasn't Rachel contact? Nothing? Or like having vomit all over her? Like, where was your reality? Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Yeah, I'm having my first baby. I just was so oblivious. I had no idea what to expect. So, yes, a bit of reality, I think is nice. Yes, I can relate to that. It's like you see people with babies and you hear you hear stories and and you just have no, you really have no idea, do you? Like even if someone tells you, you don't really even listen, because you're just not even in that headspace. Like, you just don't take it in. And that's probably how human race continues to reproduce. If you really took it in and you knew what it would be like, you might not want to do that. That's just surgery. Want to ask you just you just piqued my interest with something with marigold in the book. Does she copy any flack from other characters in the book about her choice to be the witness? Yes. So she does not actually tell her husband, her husband and her have quite a toxic relationship. So she's sort of jumped at the opportunity to move in with this doctor to help his child. But she tells her husband, she's just a live in nanny, because she knows he would be, you know, really weirded out by that. And within the actual household that she moves into. He also has a sort of housekeeper that helps with cooking and stuff while he works. And she's very judgmental of marigolds. So she's, you know, sort of like, you're getting paid, you know, this obscene amount of money to lay around breastfeeding a baby. So she thinks it's just ridiculous and thinks they should have tried harder to find the right formula and all this sort of thing. So yeah, she definitely faces quite a lot of backlash. And also sort of she has an inner dialogue going, this is just bizarre, like, what am I doing? I've just lost a baby. And now I'm in someone else's house, breastfeeding their baby who's pretty much the same age as what her baby would have been at that point. So yeah, it's a very conflicting position she's in. Yeah, that would be Yeah, like she she would she'd just think this is really weird. What am I doing and made me feel really uncomfortable physically about doing it, but then at the same time, it would just give us so much. I don't know, comfort, I guess. But at the same time, could be also then. A bit weird to that she's imagining it's her own child. I don't know. There's so many. Yeah, there, isn't it? Yeah, there are definitely little moments like that. And it's been so touching. I've had a few reviews from mothers that have read it. And you know, I've had one who is breastfeeding, I believe her toddler. And she was just like, oh my gosh, I feel so seen like, I've never read a book where that you actually, you know, the actual latching on and everything like you actually know what the baby's doing. I've never read that. And I was like, that's amazing. And I had another review, which just made me cry or mother that has two healthy kids, but she lost a baby in between them. And she was just, you know, so thankful that I included that in the story and I've been careful not to. I guess I didn't delve too deeply into it because I haven't experienced it myself. So I was really hesitant to go far into one What happened, you know, kind of doesn't really say exactly what happened. It's really in the background. But I have tried really hard to include, you know, the emotions of what she's gone through. And the most important part for me was giving her a story where she finds purpose again, she finds happiness. And although you know, the pain of that will never go away. She does continue on in her life, which hopefully is comforting for people. Because it's such such a common thing that women go through. And it's not. Isn't I've never read it in a book personally. So yeah, just think that argument is fantastic. Good. Only fintona? Did you did you feel torn at any stage about not writing it in that way? Would you think that this is I'm doing it like this? I was told there was a little while where I thought, you know, I haven't experienced this. Maybe it's the wrong thing to write about it. You know, maybe she gave her baby up for adoption or something like that. But then I thought, you know, there's, there's a lot more women that can relate to this story. And it would be I think, a lot more helpful for women, if that's just what happens. So just stuck with it. And hopefully, I've done it justice. It sounds like from the from the feedback you've had that's really positive. Well done, that's awesome. So tell us where people can get the book. Yes. So right now it's available on Amazon. So it's available as a Kindle ebook, or it's available as a paperback so you can get either format. And I'm this year, I'm getting it into a few more physical stores in Brisbane, it will be available at a little shop called marigold house coincidentally. So that was a very happy coincidence and that it'll be available from next week there that's in the gap in Brisbane. And then yeah, hopefully a few more physical bookstores as the year goes on, which is exciting. Fantastic. Marigold milk, buy a list of mine on Amazon. Yeah, that's where it is. Awesome. Well, I'll put some hyperlinks in the show notes so people can click away and Oh, great. Awesome. Thank you so much for chatting with me today. It's really lovely. It was lovely. To talk to an adult. It's really it's been a lovely experience for me just to be able to do something about my children. Happy first day of school. The music you heard featured on today's episode was from LM Joe, which is my new age ambient music trio comprised of myself, my sister, Emma Anderson, and her husband John. If you'd like to learn more, you can find a link to us in the show notes. Thanks for your company today. If you've enjoyed this episode, I'd love you to consider leaving us a review, following or subscribing to the podcast, or even sharing it with a friend who you think might be interested. If you or someone you know would like to be a guest on the podcast. Please get in touch with us via the link in the show notes. I'll catch you again next week for another chat with an artistic mom