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Mezz Coleman Australian indie musician S2 Ep48 Listen and subscribe on Apple podcasts (itunes) Spotify + Google podcasts Welcome! My guest today is Melbourne songstress, songwriter + vocal coach Mezz Coleman, mum of 2 children, aged 16 and 11. Mezz grew up with music all around her. Her parents took a leap of faith and began a music therapy business, her siblings played as did her friends. It was so normal to see people make a living from music. Having been immersed in it from a young age, it was quite organic that Mezz would spend her life making music. She began playing the piano from a young age, dabbled in the flute and guitar. Straight out of high school Mezz went to Uni to study a jazz improv course. Her son was born in her final year of Uni, so Mezz has never experienced her music career without having children. Mezz has released 3 studio albums, Parts of You, Parts of Me in 2010 , Words in 2015 and a Christmas Album in 2015 . Mezz is currently recording her third studio album, a chamber indie-pop record, produced by Rohan Sforcina (Oh Mercy, Kate Miller Heidke, Ali Barter, Ferla) Adored by folk festival audiences around the country and celebrated as “a musical treasure” ( Bendigo Blues & Roots Festival ), Mezz has a unique ability to conjure worlds, transporting audiences with her powerful vocals and straight-to-the-heart lyrics. Her career has seen her appear on national television on Carols by Candlelight , and open for the likes of Kimbra, multi-award-winning songwriter Sara Storer and iconic Australian artist Shane Howard (Goanna). When she’s not performing her own material, Mezz’s experience as a backing vocalist and session vocalist, has given her the opportunity to work with many international and national artists including Nana Mouskouri, Brian McFadden, Marcia Hines, Delta Goodrem, Barry Humphries, John Foreman and the Melbourne Gospel Choir. In 2021 Mezz toured as backing vocalist and keyboard player for The Marrollo Project’s “Uninvited: The Songs of Alanis Morissette” . Mezz website / music / linktree Podcast - instagram / website Music heard on todays podcast is from Mezz, used with permission When chatting to my guests I greatly appreciate their openness and honestly in sharing their stories. If at any stage their information is found to be incorrect, the podcast bears no responsibility for guests' inaccuracies. Podcast transcript at the bottom of the page Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode of The Art of Being A Mum Podcast. I'm beyond honoured that you're here and would be grateful if you could take 2 minutes to leave me a 5-star review in iTunes or wherever you are listening. It really helps! This way together we can inspire, connect and bring in to the light even more stories from creative mums. Want to connect? Take a screenshot of this episode and share it on Instagram tagging me in with @art_of_being_a_mum_podcast I can't wait to connect. And remember if you or somebody you know would like to be a guest on the podcast, get in touch ! I love meeting and chatting to mammas from all creative backgrounds, from all around the world! Thank you! Alison acknowledges this Land of the Berrin (Mount Gambier) Region as the Traditional Lands of the Bungandidj People and acknowledge these First Nations people as the custodians of the Region. Ch eck out more episodes ..... Welcome to the Art of Being a mum, the podcast. It's a platform for mothers who are artists and creatives to share the joys and issues they've encountered. While continuing to make art. Regular themes we explore include the day to day juggler, how mothers work is influenced by their children. Mum guilt, how moms give themselves time to create within the role of mothering and the value that mothers and others place on their artistic selves. My name's Alison Newman. I'm a singer, songwriter, and a mom of two boys from regional South Australia. You can find links to my guests and topics we discussed in the show notes. Together with music played, how to get in touch, and a link to join our lively and supportive community on Instagram. The art of being a mum acknowledges the Bandik people as the traditional owners of the land, which his podcast is recorded on. Welcome to the podcast. It is really great to have you here. My guest today is Melbourne songstress, songwriter and vocal coach, Mezz Coleman, who's also amother of two children aged 16 and 11. Mezz grew up with music all around her, her parents took a leap of faith and began a music therapy business her siblings played as did her friends. It was so normal to see people make a living from music. Having been immersed in it from a young age. It was quite organic that Ms would spend her life making music. She began playing the piano from a young age, dabbled in the flute and guitar. straight out of high school Mezz. went to uni to study a jazz improv and her son was born in her final year of uni. So Ms has never experienced her music career without having children. Ms has released three studio albums, parts of you parts of me in 2010 words in 2015 and a Christmas album also in 2015. Mercy is currently recording a chamber indie pop record, adored by Folk Festival audiences around the country and celebrate it as a musical treasure. By the Bendigo blues and Roots Festival. Mays has a unique ability to conjure words, transporting audiences with her powerful vocals and straight to the heart lyrics. Her career has seen her appear on national television on carols by candlelight. And I prefer the likes of Kimbra multi award winning songwriter Sarah Stora and iconic Australian artists Shane house of Goanna fame when she's not performing her own material mess his experience as a backing vocalist and session vocalist has given her the opportunity to work with many international and Australian artists such as Nana Maskuri, Brian McFadden, Marcia Hines, Delta Goodrem, Barry Humphries, John Foreman and the Melbourne gospel choir in 2021. Mears tour is backing vocalist and keyboard player for uninviting the songs of Alannis Morissette. I hope you enjoyed today's episode. And thanks for your continued support. Welcome to the podcast today, mares. It's a real pleasure to have you. Thank you. Thank you for having me. It's so nice to meet you. Yeah, it's nice to be able to chat to you because I've been following you for a while after I sort of connected with Georgia through the Motherlode, Georgia fields, and then I saw that you were a guest on there. So I was like, oh, because I'm a musician. So I like to follow people that I can connect with in that way. So yeah. love watching you. You're playing the piano and singing the songs. Yeah, well, yeah. And it's amazing. What Georgia has set up with the mother lode. And it's like, extra special for me, because, um, I've actually known her for a really long time. We're at the same high school together. Yeah. And it's not like we've, you know, hung out throughout all the years, but we've actually known each other for ages and to just see what she's building there. That community for mother musicians. Yeah, amazing. It is. It's so it's so valuable. And it's one of those things that like, there is no rulebook of what to do. It's like you learn from each other and trip over on the way but then you sort of go, oh, I can learn from that. Or I can Yeah, take that on. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. So you're, you're a musician, singer and a songwriter. When did you first become interested in music? I think in many ways, I was quite lucky. I have a very musical family. So my parents It's so funny, this is a story that I've only really recently realized is quite amazing, because when it's just your normal life, you don't really think about it. But when my mum was a stay at home mum for a long time, but you know, loved singing, and my dad worked, I think, a fairly uninspiring office job somewhere. And then when we were sort of when me my brothers were sort of like, early teen years. My father's whole office got retrenched. And so he was looking for other work. And I think it was, you know, a little bit disheartening. And then just on this sort of, like, it's sort of, I think it hit him and my mum at the same time, like, we love playing music together, we should do something with this. Oh, and they ended up like, for 1015 years, like, I think they really stopped doing it maybe five or six years ago. So maybe even longer. They actually built a business playing music together. So my dad would play guitar, my mom would sing. And I guess you would say they were like music therapists, they would go into a lot of aged care places, senior citizen places, maybe I'm not sure, maybe hospitals as well, I might be wrong about that. And they would sing for people, and they would and people would join in, and they would like do the songs that would you know, maybe trigger a lot of memories for older people. And so I grew up just thinking it was totally normal to make a living, playing music. That is awesome. Yeah. And when I say totally normal, like, it was tight, sometimes, you know, like, they'd have good weeks, and then then have not such good weeks in terms of, you know, financial, so, but yeah, like I just sort of learnt from an early age that you can play music and make a living from it, and also makes such a big difference in the world with that, I think that's the other thing that they were doing was it was so much more than being like, perfect, or technically brilliant. It was about like sharing a real gift with people. And so I sort of grew up with that idea. And then on top of that, I was really lucky that both of my brothers are quite musical. So we would often just jam together and play together. And then when I went off to high school, a lot of my friends were musical and musicians. And I don't know, I I feel almost like spoiled now that I've met other people who haven't had that experience and really had to fight to kind of play music, even in terms of like, sort of going against maybe what their families, you know, would like them to do and stuff like that. Yeah, yeah, very lucky that musics just been around me, and I've been immersed in it. And if anything, I probably just came to it because there wasn't much else I could do. I'm just like, quite good at this. I'm not quite not very good at much else. So. Yeah, sort of how I'm sort of, yeah, found music. It was very organic. Yeah, that is such an awesome story. I love that so much. It was so normal for us that I thought nothing of it. And if anything, I just shrugged my shot I did. And it's only been in the last year or two. That's amazing. That's a really amazing and inspiring thing to see your parents go off and do. Yeah, and that thing to that, you know, in them. I'm not sure exactly how old they were, but just say, midlife they've gone, I'm gonna totally change my career, I'm gonna take this, maybe take a risk, you know, financially, it's like, let's do this, just do something that we love. And that is so inspiring is fine. Yeah, they would have been a fair bit older than I am now. And so to think that there's, I think sometimes as an artist, and maybe especially as a female artist, I'm not sure about that. Maybe I should talk to my male friends and see if they feel the same way that you can feel like time is running out. And that clock is ticking. And oh, shit. Um, you know, I'm turning 40 Soon, and I haven't done the things I wanted to do, or a bit of probably not the same thing when I was like, in my late 20s, about turning 30. And, actually, yeah, to sort of go up, I've got plenty of time. Yes. Sort of, like, try other things. And yeah, and get this stuff done that I want to get done. You know, it's really helped me not feel like there's this mad rush. Yeah, it's really, it's almost like an empowerment that you can take the pressure off yourself. And I can sort of relate this to the kids like my son's in high school, and they start sort of on their paths of what they're going to do when they leave school. And so I keep saying to him, like I was what was I foot nearly 40 When I finally found the job that I loved, you know, you don't have to know straight away, or they do they put so much pressure on these like 1617 year olds to make these, you know, really important decisions to pick a perfect subject and your whole life will depend on it. And I just, yeah, say the same thing to my son. I'm like, whatever. You just work, you know, just do whatever you like, you know, whatever you're doing at the time, try and do your best but it's not this sort of Yeah, it's not a life or death situation. That's it, isn't it? Time to explore the world and yourself. Yeah, that's it, isn't it? You actually have to get out in the world and see how you feel in the world. And absolutely, maybe what are the things you enjoy? Right, I'm gonna leave school and go to uni and I'm gonna drop and that's it your whole life Smackdown was like, that's just so unreasonable, unreasonable and like the stories you know, just like friend after friend after friend who went and started a uni course. And within a year had gone this is so not for me. So like, you know, there's yeah, there's just no rush. It's a really nice Yeah, absolutely. Gosh. Being exposed to the music with your parents, did you start playing particular instruments? At that point? What were you playing? Yeah. So again, when I was quite young, there was this. I just feel so lucky for these rich experiences that I totally took for granted as a child, but there was a woman in my neighborhood who was she played piano? Like, I think back in Dancehall, dancehalls, back in the day, and so she just like, as a very local little business, just all the little kids in the area would go to her house and learn the piano. And you'd get your lowly and you learn your scales, and you'd go through your books, but the thing about her that really set her apart is like she was, you know, I thought of her I think she was you know, quite, she wasn't old, she's still with us. So she's not like that, you know, she was quite a lot older than say, like my parents at the time. And she was so different to so many, like, sort of music teachers in that it didn't take her long to work out that my heart wasn't in all the technical stuff. And also that, you know, I like to sing. So from a really young age, she kind of worked that out. And she was like, Well, I'm going to teach you how to like play chords and accompany yourself, and I'm going to teach you how to improvise. And like, you know, we're not just going to play fair release. And the entertainer and I did do a bit of this wonderful piano teacher who like really picked up early that I wanted to learn that kind of stuff. Maybe even before I knew that, that's what I wanted. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, so I've played the piano forever and, and have learnt piano in a way where I've been able to accompany myself to sing since I was practically a kid. And so that's always been a part from my voice. I'm a singer first, but piano would be my secondary instrument. And that's generally the instrument that I write with. And when I'm writing music, and then, you know, just in those sort of primary school and high school years, I dabbled in the flute. And I wasn't bad at it, but my heart wasn't in it. So yeah, yeah. Yeah. The guitar. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Oh, there's always time. I love that. That story about your music teacher that that is such a gift for her to give you because so many music teachers, it's like theory. You know, like I, I, my experience was with teachers that basically you had to learn your scales yet to know what all the notes were called, and how long you held them for. And I just wanted to play stuff by ear. And it was like, really, like, my, my teacher wasn't as amazing as yours. But I think back now, like, I would have loved to have just learned how to accompany myself, that would have been amazing. Well, she was yeah, she was quite an amazing woman. And actually, a few years ago, I felt really compelled to reach out and thank her and I wrote her this letter, just like, Oh, my God, you're amazing. Thank you. And I got this beautiful letter back. And I think she'd be in her like late 80s by now. The funny thing is, though, when she was teaching me what I think she must have been quite brilliant. Because while she kind of adapted the lessons to suit me and my needs, she somehow was sneaking that theory. And I actually have got a fairly good, you know, theoretical foundation, but really kind of managed to do it in a way where it was helpful or making sense to the end. Yeah, relative to what you wanted to do with your music like, yeah, she's, yeah, she whatever she was, she was working her magic. That's for sure. What a gem of a woman honestly. That's honestly, we should all have a lady like that in our lights. Just be amazing. Marge Williams is her name. Good. Good on your Marge. Give her a shout out. I wish I had met Marge when I was when I was a little girl. That would have been amazing. Yeah. So the game All right. at the moment with your music is your music your life? That's what you do you. Yeah. So, in a roundabout way, I've managed to get to a point in my life where I can sort of comfortably say that I make my living as a musician. But like, realistically, that, Oh, quite a fair percentage of that living is coming from being like, like working in the teaching field, as well as performing and recording and all of those things. I'm really fortunate to have quite a good teaching job at a university here in Melbourne, where I teach mostly singing, like a one on one singing lessons to the students that come through. But I also help, you know, work with bands, and, you know, mentor some of that, you know, mentor the students through some of those processes and classes. And then on top of that, yeah, my, so, artistically, the thing that I'm most passionate about, and I'm always working towards, sometimes slowly, but is my own music that I write. And that I really, yeah, I pour a lot of myself into. And then I guess the other thing, and obviously, work has been quite quiet in the last couple of years due to COVID. But as a singer, like, as a vocalist, I can Yeah, I often work in that field, I guess for other people. So doing session work in studios for like, people that need a, you know, a vocal line on this particular track, or a harmony or a demo and, and working as a backing vocalist for other artists as well. So through or So like most, I think, not just me, I think like most artists, you generally you don't have like that sort of nine to five, steady job, you just you have your fingers in all of the pies, and you kind of slowly build whatever it is that you're building that way, which in some ways is kind of stressful, because you can't remember what do I do on Wednesday. And, you know, there can be dips financially, of course, especially when we're in COVID. But even before that, to be honest, but I also know I wasn't built for a nine to five job. So in many ways, it's thrilling to be doing a few different things. And I get quite excited when I'm looking in my diary and I'm like, Oh, I've been booked for that session next week cool, like different people different kinds of environments. So yeah, yeah. Without the teaching work It'd be impossible Yeah, yeah. But yeah, that you but you're still so involved in music like it's not like it doesn't probably doesn't feel like a real autonomous a real job because it is a real job but you know, you're you're really enjoying what you're doing. Absolutely. I there are things about teaching that can be quite draining and you know, because I put a lot of myself into it. But there are also like yeah, I'm still like I'm surrounded by music every day many of my students inspire me I work I have amazing peers so like other teachers that I work with they're all musicians so I'm sort of like spending time in that world still yeah work yeah sounds awesome yeah day and God fashion keep it to myself most days I struggle to this crew good. Kids my thing carefree was counting on. But it's a bit of an intro into your children. I came into what were you doing at the time when you had your children? Oh, goodness, okay, so I have, my son is almost 16. And my daughter is 11. And my son in particular came along in a very interesting time. I was studying music at university. So I went straight out of high school into a music course that I studied is like a jazz kind of improv course, which was interesting. And in that final semester, of the entire course, I discovered I was pregnant. And that was quite intense. Because I was trying to like, sort of start this music, career, whatever that is. The same time, I suddenly had this, like, human being that was like, gonna need my care. So I had him when I was 21. So nearly my, so my entire music career really has coincided with raising a child, which has been, which has had some real positives, and has also obviously presented quite a few challenges. Yeah, he's sort of been with me every step of the way. And, yeah, it's been. Yeah, overall, it's been a really great thing. And yeah, I guess the main, the main thing that I now know, looking back, not that I would change a thing, but I never really got those years prior to kids to build something up first. Yeah, for sure. Yeah, you know, like my 20s. You know, for instance, I didn't spend my 20s being able to just say yes to every opportunity, or like, just be like, yes, we'd all go on that tour. See, everyone, I had to be from sort of day one, I never stopped, like, I always like, you know, I released an EP not long after he was born, which, kind of like, Oh, my God, how did I do that. However, I probably never had quite the capacity to take things as far as I would have liked. Because like, the child comes first. Like, that's the reality. And so like, my music always played, like a really close second to my number one priority, which was, you know, raising this beautiful boy. So. Yeah, that's, that's just how that's just how it has been for me, like music and parenting have always had to coexist. I don't remember ever. Yeah, obviously, like, I've got an amazing partner. We've been together for a long time. And so I've never had to do it all alone, which is great. But like just little things, like, I don't know what it's like to book a gig without also going, who's gonna watch the kids? I actually never had that experience. It's always been those two things happening at the same time. So yeah, it's a unique perspective, isn't it? It's a little different. Yeah, and I can definitely see how it would have its positives. It does. Yeah, there have definitely been positive. So the positive that I'm feeling now and the so like, you know, the positive place that I find myself in now, is I'm currently at a place with an 11 year old and an almost 16 year old who are pretty independent. And I now have this time and space and energy to be really going for it. And so where a lot of my friends who like have done a lot of their now maybe like they've got toddlers, or they've just had a baby. And so well, while a lot of my peers are probably like slowing down a little bit, which is so fine. They should, they've got kids that need that care. I'm at a place now where I'm really like, much more sort of time rich, and kind of really go for it. And the fact is, I think my music is better now than it was when I was 2122 23. So I could have you know, the energy and the time that I could have poured into my art back then I'm sure it would have been great. But actually, I think the work I'm making is better now with maturity. And now I have this energy also to kind of Yeah, kind of play with I guess. I think the other thing that helps sort of having children along pretty much from the beginning is you. You tend to I don't want to say you use your time well, because people who know me would know that I'm not great at that. But I guess like as in I'm a terrible planner, and I can, you know, procrastinate like anybody's business. But I guess the thing that I do know when you know if you've got to babysitter, and you need to be, you know, so you've aren't, hey, I've got a rehearsal. And I've asked someone to watch the kids till you know, this time, you don't just wander into that rehearsal and blah, blah, blah and wait, like, so you have shorter pockets of time. And so you bloody well use them properly. And so what I found is like, yeah, like, so? Yeah, you it's almost like you get these pockets of time, you don't have just like this rich expanse, expensive time just before you when you can do whatever you want. And slowly, you know, kind of work on songwriting, or rehearsal or recording session, like, sometimes your time is limited, generally, always, to be honest. And as a result, you get quite good at working pretty fast. If I'm honest. Like, yeah, I'm pretty good at getting in and out of the studio, like, position work. And I reckon, part of that has just been through experience where I'm like, Well, I've got to leave it midday. So I think I've got that skill where I can be a little bit like, when I really have to focus on time, creatively, I can kind of just get it done. Same with songwriting, like I really, I mean, I don't, I'm not a prolific songwriter, like, I don't write heaps. But I do feel like when I'm like, Okay, I've got this time, I've got this energy and like, say, when the kids were younger, you know, the kids are occupied, or away or whatever, and I've got these few hours, I would generally walk out of there with a song or two, because it was like, I have to, really, ya know, so that kind of time pressure can work. to your advantage. Also, there's the flip side to that, where the time pressure can be a massive disadvantage in terms of just not having the space and the time that you would want to give to your art. Yeah, so there's like the payoff of that as well. But I think yeah, really fast. Yeah, yeah. It's it's instilled those skills in you and then you can you can take that through the rest of your life really. Because you just want to be. conscious. You mentioned because you had your son, like, you've never known your career without your son. What was that like then for you being in that world with other musicians, other women who weren't mums yet? Was that how did that feel for you being in that environment? Yeah. So there were, again, musicians, like, especially female musicians, are just beautiful people. And so while I was, for a long time, the only one in my peer group with a child, you know, I used to, like I'm thinking back two years ago, like a long time ago, when he was quite little. And I was actually in this singing group with three other singers. And one of them has gone on to just be absolutely amazing. I'm sure you've heard of it. Ainsley wills. She's like, the best. Anyway, and I remember, I would just take the baby to rehearsals, and they were so lovely. They would like hold him that because it was so cute. Get a lot of like that kind of, oh, we'll hold him and we'll look after him and using that. And so I remember back in the day, actually having a lot of support in the moment, like the other musicians were absolutely amazing. I had an I had a band at the time, and we would rehearse weekly and sometimes I just have to bring, you know, my top baby or toddler with me, and you know, and actually everyone else in that band would dudes. Yeah, some of them were my brothers. So they were like uncles to the to the baby. But you know, our guitarist wasn't and I don't know, he could have just been like, this is crap. I'm, you know, I didn't sign up to kind of come to the studio and keep climbing all over my face, so generous and so kind about it. And so musicians in general, were pretty lovely, and pretty welcoming. I think where it became a challenge was more than just the industry wasn't set up for it. So while individuals within the industry were like, so beautiful, so kind, really found Yeah, the whole situation, I'm sure they were all a bit like, Oh my God, but you know, they were like, is like, our friends got a baby. It's so weird, but um, yeah, everyone was lovely. But it was more when it came to things like geeks and knights and just being like, we can't bring him here, you know, it's dirty, there's no way to breastfeed or change a nappy. You know, I really found that within Melbourne, like, where I live, I was very active in the music scene, and, you know, still am. But if I've never really felt I had the capacity. I know, some parents do. And I'm just like, wow, they're amazing, but I never really felt like I had the capacity to tour. So I've never really even even now like, have never really too much. Or like, sort of been able to spread further than that, because I just didn't feel like there was much space or capacity there to like, take him with me, or, you know, the alternative, I guess would be to leave him for long stretches of time, which again, like, I've thrown no shade on parents who can do that. Like it's just each to their own. Just with, I guess, my parenting style and his personality and needs. That actually didn't feel like an option either. Where I could sort of almost be like, Alright, you're staying at Nando's for two weeks, I'm off. That was just, that was just not a way that we could do things for him. So yeah, I don't know if that answers your question. But like, no, yeah, other women and like my peers, my friends. They were so lovely. It was actually divine, like the way they kind of embraced this little baby and toddler who was sometimes at rehearsals, and sometimes it gigs. And, you know, even though none of them had kids, so they'll probably all a bit like, I don't know what to do, but they would hold him or Yeah, you know. But it was more yet the industry as a general kind of beast, I guess. Yeah, my, my, my place there felt a little. I don't know, where Be quiet anymore. Yeah. I'm going off track slightly. But do you think that is because it's mainly a male dominated industry? Or has been in the past? Yeah, I think so. Totally. And I think it's changing. And I think that's really exciting. Yeah, like men, you know, historically, can have kids, and still go off and do their own thing, you know. And, yeah, I think that's definitely, you know, how the world works, too. This is not just the music scene, it's the patriarchy and action. But I do feel like it's changing, I just think the changes are slow. And I think it's different. Now I see friends who sort of musician friends with babies now. And I think that the capacity that they have, and the understanding that they have from other people, I think, is better than probably I had at the time. Also, I've gotta remember, I was very young, I wasn't hugely educated. And so I probably didn't have the capacity personally to like, advocate for things that maybe I would now as a 37 year old woman, like, hey, use rehearsal space, I'm going to have to bring my child wet, you know, like, I'm gonna have to feed him, what are you going to do to help me like, you person to begin with, and especially when I was 21, and probably much more overwhelmed than I allowed myself to kind of think I was, I wasn't gonna ask that I was just gonna, like, yeah. Or, or, or see that as an opportunity that I couldn't have or I don't know, feed him in the car, or, you know, so I think sometimes, you know, having a little bit more, you know, a few more years behind you, and just a bit more confidence. I've advocated for myself a little bit more and being a bit more assertive, but I think the industry is changing. Like, there are so many more women speaking up in the industry, about and not just about motherhood, but just about sexism in general. And just small things like, you know, there are more I'm seeing more females working in manager, you know, like artist manager roles who are female, so they're just gonna have a, I'm sure, just more empathy for the say, their female clients around some of this stuff. I'm seeing more female sound engineers and producers, and I think that is really, really important. publicists did just seem to be a whole bunch of dudes back in the day. Doing that stuff. Yeah, yeah, maybe it's changing but I just think like anything in life changes are slow. So especially when you're trying to change Something that's been endemic since the beginning of time, but seems like we're looking at like this tiny little kind of music industry. I don't know, from my perspective in Melbourne even like, yeah, yeah, that's it. We're talking about an issue that is like, just the way humanity has been built for a very long time. So, yeah, yeah, I can see. Yeah, but I think more more and more women, a lot of performers who have children, I guess it may be being like, if I'm maybe social media, I think social media can be a bit. Yeah, um, but I think sometimes social media might be great in that way that they might post like, they're on tour, but you can see the kid in the backseat of the car, or, you know, I don't know. So maybe, maybe like, you know, female artists sharing their experiences of like, motherhood and the road or motherhood and recording or just motherhood in any sort of arts practice. Just makes it again, it just normalizes it. That's it, isn't it? And it makes it sound achievable for yourself. Because like you said, as a 21 year old, though, that that wasn't in you at that stage. But maybe if social media had been around, or if you had seen someone do it, you would have thought hang on a sec. That's, that is acceptable. I'm gonna have a crack at this sort of, sort of mentality. Yeah, yeah, just seeing some art. Okay. There are a few other artists, you know, doing this as well, because yeah, I definitely felt while everyone was so kind, you know, my other musician, friends, I think, you know, when you're in something, it's very hard to really know how you feel. Because I know when you've just had a baby, sometimes you're in survival mode to a certain extent you just like, head down doing what you got to do. And so I think now that sort of time has passed, I can be a bit more reflective. And I think I was, I think there was still a sense, even though no one overtly excluded me, ever. I do think I felt very alone. Because I didn't have other peers really having that same experience. And then the few people I would look up to and like, oh, wow, that person is a mother and a singer, songwriter, too. They wouldn't maybe I still felt alone in that a little because maybe they'd had their kids a bit later. And so they still had maybe a bit more of an established Korea. Look up to them. Okay, I'll just do what they do. And then I just almost find that really disheartening. Almost more so because I'm like, they're like, doing it all like, and they've got kids and I'm not doing it all. Yeah, so yeah, it was a bit lonely at times. Buried, you came alone with your shop, silent, said, get out, get in, just get to your beauty, your voice your take on a magic. I want to ask you about when you said before, that you you did your AP, when your son was young? And you said I don't know how I did it. Yeah. How did you actually do it? Was he? Is he coming with you a lot? Yeah. Like, how to physically manage it. The first thing to know about my son and my daughter. And it is what it is like. And again, like when it comes to parenting and how we do it. I just have no, I just people do what they've got to do. Like, I just do not care how other people like feed their kids sleep their kids like you do what you got to do. For me, personally, neither of my kids. So it wasn't because like of my own belief system around feeding, but neither of my kids would take a bottle. So the only way they were fed was via me for you know, 18 months, both of them my daughter a bit longer. So they were breastfed, which just meant they couldn't not be with me for long. So the hours so how did I do that EP, I think I had started recording it before he was born. Which helped so I think a lot of the work had been done. And then I think I did little short recording sessions in around feeds Due to finish off some of the vocal stuff, and then when it came time, I guess to like launching it, you know, like playing it playing like some shows and try to build up a bit of publicity around it, which again, like things have changed a bit, I probably would now, looking back, hire a publicist, which I didn't at the time, so it was just a lot of email, beat magazine, and whatever else it was. I just sort of it was just in snatched moments. i Yeah. And I don't know if that's the most sustainable way to do it. But I don't know any other way. I could have done it. Late nights when the babies are finally asleep. That was often when I would sit on the computer and email out my, you know, although Admony type parts of music rehearsals were Yeah, like, he'd be there. And just thankfully, my musician friends were cool with that. Yeah, the actual launch. I remember, I remember the gig, it was a great gig. It was really, you know, everyone came it was, I was so blessed. You know, like, it was a really beautiful moment. And yeah, we brought him. And so yeah, it was sort of this bar. I'm looking back, nothing was even allowed in there. I don't know. But you know, like a band room and a bar. And it was really crowded. And, you know, it was a great show. And yeah, just with this, I think by then you might have been walking, you know, like, sort of toddler age, just sort of this little toddler near the front of the stage. And it was stressful, because like, I think what we sort of had arranged was like, he'll come but people, they're sort of watching him like my mom or whatever. But no one quite watches your child the way you would. So I remember just being on stage and just being like someone grabbing plays, you know, like, he was too close. But like not like just all like I'm literally performed. Internally, almost just yelling at people like, move him grab him. He's too close to that, or whatever it was. Yeah. Looking back. That's not a way to perform. Hey, but yeah, so in hindsight, I probably would have just booked a babysitter and not had him there. at them, you know, in the moment, it felt like the right thing to do to have him there with us. Yeah, yeah. So yeah, I think snatches of time is probably the best way to describe, especially those early days when you know, you're fairly sleep deprived, or, you know, they're very kids are very young. Yeah. Like parenting is like a lifelong journey. Like you're never not a parent, you're always on. But those early years, that, like the time that is required of you is very demanding. Yeah, that's it, that changes when they get older, which is really great. And I'm sort of, I think, you know, enjoying the benefits of that now. But also, they become more complex human beings. So I find it emotionally more challenging now. Yeah. But I am getting sleep. And I go somewhere during the day, and my son, gets himself to school, gets himself home, if he wants to go out on the weekend, like, we're at that stage where I'm just like, Oh, my goodness, like so independent. It's brilliant. I love it. And I'm so happy for him because he's obviously enjoying that independence. And yeah, when you think back to just like, oh, you couldn't leave me for more than two hours? Because it is so nice to be in that space. But yeah, then you I don't know. Because you you said you've got a 14 year old that I worry one out or I'm not emotionally like, oh, yeah, it's a whole different ballgame. Isn't it? Like it's? Yeah, like, yeah, the emotionally draining is a good way of describing it. Because you're, yeah, you're just you're trying to solve problems for him. I help him through things and issues with mental health. And yes, yes. This Yeah. Like you become a psychologist. And yeah, my sister in law, Nicole said recently because her kids are sort of my age, but we have nephews and nieces. Who are that younger age, that sort of baby toddler. And yeah, like, she just sort of commented like in a family thread recently, like, Oh, those beautiful days. I miss them. Like, yeah, they were demanding, but they weren't complex. Like, Oh, I feel every word of that. Yeah. So it's a different type of energy that you're pouring into your children, but you never stop. And I'm sure when they're 20 3040. Like, you'll That's it, isn't it? Yeah. It'll be it'll be something it'll be different again. It'll be Yeah, another thing. seems insane to say this, but then maybe there'll be grandkids and you're like, yeah, what's my role here? But I'm gonna use to believe that I'm still way too young to even consider that. So. Yes, I'm sorry about that. Yeah, I'll come back to you in like 30 is time when you're doing the grandmother artist. thing. That's awesome. Well, I won't have to worry about one of my kids, because my eldest has told me that he's never having children because it's just too hard. He's seen what we were going through. He's living with a six year old. So he's like, I'm not having kids. We're modeling like, how hard it is. Yeah. Yeah.Because you're gonna want to tow back to? So one of the questions I asked my mums is about before you had kids, what was your influences for your art? And then after you have kids? So asking you this is going to be a little bit different? Because I mean, I'm sure you're going to have some, you know, obviously, to music when you're a child, but in terms of what's influenced you, have you noticed that that has changed? Or how you look at your music? Or I don't know what what sort of changes has your own creativity gone through? As you became a mom? Yeah, I think I think the thing? That's a great question. Like, musically, my influences were pretty broad growing up, and I don't think that's changed. You know, like, one day, all I want to do is listen to Abba. And then the next thing I just want to listen to, like, you know, I actually listened to a lot of classical and choral music, and I don't make that music. But it's often what inspires me the harmony in that is so rich, I love harmony. Actually, that's like probably a big part of what I'm drawn to as a musician is harmony and melody. And so I listen to a lot of music that feels quite dense and rich in that way. As I said before, like before my son came along, I was training more in that sort of jazz wealth, and so was playing quite a lot of jazz music. And a lot of those sort of early jazz singers really inspired me in terms of their vocal sound. So like I absolutely I do absolutely love Ella Fitzgerald and Sarah Vaughan and Billie Holiday. huge Beatles fan of course. Yes. My parents pretty much raised me on on the Beatles. And again, their harmony always three. In terms of the Yeah, what inspires me now I think the one thing I feel like my 20s were a little different, right? So a lot of music that's often about like, heartbreak and breaking up, or will we or won't we like just for whatever reason, like I kind of, I found my partner quite young. And we had quite a different experience, like in our 20s. And so I guess sometimes that music even I can really love it. It's not necessarily themes that I'm super drawn to. I guess I'm drawn to themes, like Yeah, so I really loved clear that Bowditch I've never known whether it's Bowditch about it, by the way, but you know what I mean? Yes, I do know, album that came up, actually, when my son was quite little. That was the whole theme was grief. Yeah, I, that had a huge impact on me, because I was like, Oh, you can write a whole album on grief. Like, you don't have to write a whole album on like, you broke up with me, and I'm gonna break up with you. And now we're back together. Because I guess a lot of like, songs in the popular culture are still like, some version of a love song. Yet she wrote this incredible indie pop album on grief. So do you remember what the name of that album was? I do now it was what was left. So it was. That's funny that I just said it. Yes. So she made the album in 2005. And my son was born 2006. So I really remember listening to that. I don't even remember that I was stuck in a lot of grief at the time. But it was more like there were growing up themes. You know, there were real life themes. And they were themes that I kind of that really resonated with me so that that album actually had a huge impact because it showed me that there were other things I could write about. And I could write about things that were really real to me. You know, one of the songs that is on my new album that is still you know, in we're in the process of making and releasing is actually just all without boundaries, I would not have written a song about boundaries when I was 18. Because it's not very sexy at all. I really like it. You know, like, that stuff's important to me. Yes. So, so that album had huge impacts and a huge impact on me. from more of a lyrical perspective, yeah. And then like, musically, my tastes have just never really changed because they were always broad to begin with. And they remain really broad. So I listened to a lot of music that I know I'll never make, like I listen to a lot of neo soul. I'm probably not going to make me I mean, I love it. You know, Jill Scott is one of my favorite singers. And I also just know straight up that I will never sound anything like Jill Scott or make me look like us. But I still love absolutely love her. So I don't. Yeah, don't necessarily always listen to a lot of music that's similar to the music I make. But I don't know, I think that can really make help you be really well rounded to when you're really open to all sorts of styles. And, yeah, I'm so sorry. That's my dog. Oh, hey, puppy. Sorry. I had my cat in here before and she's got a little bell on a collar. And I was like, Don't scratch your head. It's actually not much of a back and normally I think maybe another dog walk by what sort of dog is he? He's a stuffy cross. We don't know what we use in rescue dog. Yeah, and he's one my heart big. Heart. Yeah, he's funny. Yesterday, I interviewed a lady and she had a stuffy as well. Oh, really? And it my son's been on this bandwagon that he wants to get a stuffy and I was like maybe the universe is telling me something. While banjo is a real sweetheart. Yeah, like he was pretty full on when we got him because he was a rescue and hadn't. Yeah, he we pretty much were starting from scratch with him. Yeah, yeah, he's just Yeah, cuddly and but anyway, I think he's still packing now. Good job AJ. You're listening to the art of being a mom was my mom. I was a new member too. Yeah, when you saying before about influences, but they're not necessarily what you put in your music. I appreciate the Beatles so much because of what they've allowed me to understand about how you can present your music. Like, you can do whatever the hell you want. Like, honestly, I play this. And like if you want to, like play, record your guitar solo, and then play it backwards. You can do that. And then you can. But the thing that got me was like, changes of tempo within songs and different elements that go together to make the same song but it's like you're just grabbing stuff from everywhere. And I was just like, I don't have I had a poster on my wall. I've got my Abbott poster up there. And I did have one but it failed. Me Oh my God, and harmonies, harmonies just a massive thing that I love so much. Yeah, it's just like, can just be shown what's like, same thing with your example. With clear it's like, you can write an album on whatever you'd like. Like, I call it the Taylor Swift music like the we broke up and we're getting back together. And then you didn't call me about you know, all this, which I see is really frivolous now, because I'm, you know, happily married and have lots of, you know, security about my life. But I think you know, I can understand where that fits in. But yeah, there's just so much depth to stuff and a singer songwriter that I really admire. Jen lash, I'm not sure if you've heard of Jen. She's a South Australian artist. And look her up. I think you'd really like her music. She's, and she's been a guest on my podcast, and I kind of see her as a bit of a mentor. I don't know if she knows that. Hi. All my mentors have no idea that they might Yes. She inspired me to be able to write songs about really difficult subjects, but make them really listening. So the musical in her words, the musical treatment that she gives that song allows it to be like received by people sort of thing. And about a topic that's very jarring. Yeah, maybe maybe the music can be jarring, too. But maybe you're gonna let more people in if allows that. Yeah. And so yeah, she really inspired me With a song that she wrote about postnatal depression called called Wolf, and when I heard I saw she sang it live. She came down here as part of a sort of a was called Palomino nights at the wall shed it was in this old watershed down in Glencoe. And she performed in this space and when I heard that song, I just went, oh my god, like it was like someone had slapped me in the face and gone. Yeah, you can do stuff about anything. Yeah, so she's really inspired me. Jen lash. Okay. Look her up. Jen's amazing. I love Jen so much. And she's listened to her episode, because she's got such an amazing way of speaking the way she articulates things. She's just such a wordsmith like, Ah, just love. I will definitely listen. Yeah. Yeah, just knowing that you can write about anything, I think was really? Yeah, that's definitely what that clear album did for me. And then you've got that album. She bought out years later, which was the winter I chose happiness, where the theme was almost about this kind of like, so she done his album about grief. And then years later, she did this album. But it wasn't that frivolous happiness. It was, like real choice. Like it was like an oyster kind of. And so again, that another album she might use later also had huge impacts on me like, oh, you can write about happiness without being cheesy. Yeah. Yeah, that's it. Yeah. So yeah, just, yeah. How good is music? So lucky? This? Pretty much you will never hear it all, you know? Yeah. Yeah. People always, actually, because I work with students. They're often like, oh, have you heard blah, blah, blah. And I'll be someone a bit younger. So someone I haven't heard of. And, you know, my mind is just continually blown. Yeah. Let's see. I go through phases, like where I deliberately don't listen to current music, because I want to stay in the past in some way. Yeah. Yeah. And I don't want to admit that I don't know what's happening right now in music. Like I just I like to know, I like to be able to sing along and I know what's coming. But then sometimes I think I'm missing out on so much, if I don't you know it, because there's so much amazing stuff being done. Some of it's a lot of crap. But there is a lot of crap. There is a lot of crap. And I think therefore we sort of go, it's all crap. Yeah, you can kind of like wade through the crap. There is also just some amazing. Yeah, there's sort of amazing music being made at the moment. But it's also not the music that's necessarily in the top 20. So yeah, that's it is more. Yeah. And I think over the years, I've become a lot. Obviously, as you get older, you understand things, you understand how things work, and the thought the whole thing about the NSA pop, you know, in inverted commas, because it's not necessarily I don't know, any music can be popular, but I'm talking about in a commercial sense. Yeah, it is really is just a big business. You know, it's just about producers, people, finding people, people making money off those people and, and the person themselves becomes the product. And yeah, always freaks me out a bit, you know, like, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I've come, I've come quite jaded of that. And, and not wanting to care. Like, I know, like, commercial radio is literally commercial radio. Like, it's just people, they pay the money to have the songs on. And so I've had a bit of a wake up call, like, for many years, it's like, I just want to be, I want to be on the radio, I want my songs on the radio. And then when I understood it, I was like, no, actually, I want my songs on community radio, because that's where the relationships are. And that's where your people care about the songs they're playing. They have a choice about the songs they're playing, you know? Yeah, so that yeah, no, that's it. Yeah, you're so right. Like, I mean, yeah. Also, I think just the way music and how people listen to music is changing. So I'm not even sure anymore, that being getting on the radio isn't necessarily the golden ones. Still space for it. And especially think there's space for community radio, like here in Melbourne, we've got like PBS and triple out there, and they're huge stations, and they're amazing. And you know, to be on one of those stations. I think it's fantastic. But yeah, I don't know, you know, there are so many ways people can access music now that, you know, yeah, I don't know, it's probably one of many ways you can reach an audience, but maybe not sort of the only way. Yeah, it used to feel Yeah, absolutely. Quite, sort of, unless you were on the radio. It was like no one ever heard. You know, you can pay people to put your music on things and they were know, yeah, totally. But I mean, it's the world, isn't it? Yeah. Do you very expensive to be an independent musician, you know? Yeah, that'sthe thing. Isn't it no one tapped me on the shoulder and goes, Hi, here's heap of money to record. Yeah, women? Oh, no, I'll do this and that for you. It's very parenting into the mix. I think it's, and I think that's part of the challenge is, I really believe in my music, I really do. I really think it's pretty good. You know, like, I'm not saying I'm the best out there or anything like that. But I know I can sing. I know I can write I know, I'm making a pretty good record. But when my confidence starts to fall down big time is actually when I start realizing like the costs in like releasing it and releasing it. Well. You know, whether it's paying a publicist or making a video or whatever, yeah. And then when you have children in the mix, it can be really hard to justify those costs when, you know, you've got to buy school uniforms, and CDs in classes and soccer, you know, like, it can seem really self indulgent, that you're really selfish. Yeah. So it's so that's probably where I'm finding myself at the moment a bit like, the confidence in the music is there again, which is so nice, you know? Because obviously, we have times where it's not. Yeah, but it's that kind of this is, this is such an endeavor to embark on. And how can I justify I can totally appreciate that. Like my husband said to me, when I print because I like to print say days and albums, because I think people's people still like to put things in means. I found what I when I used to play a lot of folk festivals, and I found that the seat Yeah, you still needed CDs. So like, yeah, so obviously, they're not gone. Yeah, I don't think they're gone. For them to be gone. Yeah, people are also buying finally again. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. People like a tangible thing, man. Yeah. And I think that the amount of effort that I end the people I'm, like, work with to do my artwork. I think that it deserves a bigger, you know, platform than just a tiny little square on the iPhone or whatever. You know, the actual your actual artwork. Yeah. Yeah. But yeah, my husband is like, have you worked here? How many? So I should preface this, my husband's a financial planner, right? We can be really handy are really annoying. We could not be different worlds, honestly. So yeah, it's like, how many CDs do you have to sell to be able to make your money back? I'm just like, I am not thinking about this. I'm thinking about creating my music and giving it to the world. That is, I know, thinking about and I remember like me with my like pea size, math brain. first EP and sort of trying to do the maths and in the arm, like I can't do the bloody maths, I'm just going to do it like, yeah. And, you know, probably to be honest, years later, having a few boxes of CDs still stashed under a bit. Think it's the same for everybody. It's always a boxer CD so. Now I guess that this topic is sort of leading into something that I love to talk to moms about. And it sounds nasty when I say I love to talk to you about your mom guilt. But I find it such a fascinating topic. Yeah, we put ourselves aside like literally what we've just been talking about, like, we feel like we have to justify ourselves because you know, that money could be paid for the school fees, or could be for the groceries, you know, how how do you sort of approach that mom guilt thing? First of all, for years, I really resisted the term. And even with credit, I'd be like, Well, I don't have no guilt. Good on me. I don't believe in it. It's bullshit, and I don't have it. And then in the last few years, like of course I have, I experienced guilt as a human being and part of that is around my mothering. So yes, technically, I experienced mother guilt. I experience it often around time. So even though my kids are a lot older, my daughter in particular, she really misses me when I do things. And in many ways that's very sweet. And in other ways, it's really had, um, I can be like, you know, spending a fair amount of time and energy on my art, which I think is really fair, because I also give a lot of energy to other people. And she'll actually like, you know, if I'm, I don't know, maybe I was at the studio all day and all night and didn't get home like, and I try my best to like, you know, communicate that in advance that maybe once or twice where like, because they're not home like, you know Dad's home. So it's not like they're home alone. But that can be a real, like, she can be really upset with me that the next day was just like, I didn't know, I didn't know you would be out too late and well, and I feel really bad around that stuff. So I'm trying to get trying to get better at like, not changing what I do, because I think it's really reasonable that I'm sometimes busy doing stuff that almost I think I could, yeah, so I can experience guilt around that, kind of like the time away that it can be. And like I said before, I don't even know if it's guilt, but it's maybe like the justification around like, the financial side of things. Like I think the reality is, like, we sort of, we grew up in a world where the idea of being a musician, so 2025 years ago, it was like, Well, you just get good, and then you meet the right people, and then you get signed to a contract, and they'll give you lots of money, and you'll make records, and actually realizing that happens to such a small percentage of including musicians who we would consider to be quite big and successful. Like, they're still doing it in a very different way, I have friends who I would consider like, on paper to be much more successful than I am as musicians, and they're still working other jobs or, you know, looking for funding for certain things, you know, so it's a very, most of us not doing it that way. And the reality that I'm sort of facing at the moment, really, with this album that I'm making is that it's costing quite a bit to make. So not only am I not making money, at the moment, I'm actually spending money to make my own art, that's not a job. It's not like it's when you think about what a job, you go to work, and you get paid. I'm going I'm I'm doing a lot of work. And also forking out money. So so the whole kind of, what am I actually doing? And why am I doing it can kind of creep in sometimes because it's not if you're if you know, I call it work, I call it like, you know, I'm an artist, and I'm working and I'm this is my project. But if I'm really honest, right now, it's sort of not work. It's, it's not bringing in, it's not bringing home the bacon. So I think the guilt can then arise when because we live in a capitalist society, where we value money. So I find it much easier, even now, even after all these years, it's much easier for me emotionally, to ask, for instance, for someone to babysit my kids, because I'm teaching because teaching brings home money. And so there's like, this is the most important thing in the world that we all need to do, we all need to make money, because that's the society we live in. And I need to go and make that money. So I feel quite justified. There's that word again, in getting help with the kids because we've got to make that money. But then I really can struggle with the same kind of asking for help or reprioritizing things to say, like make this record because it's not bringing in the money. And I think that comes down to Yeah, like we live in a society that still doesn't value things. Paying. So I trying to really, really kind of remind myself that this is an important expression of who I am. And that's why I have to give it time, and maybe that's why I even have to give up. You know, money. Because, yeah, it's I don't know, I hate talking about money, it makes everyone feel really uncomfortable. But I think it's also really important. It's a huge part of it can be a very big barrier to making art. And, yeah, when you have a family, it can be a barrier that you put on yourself because it just doesn't feel kind of right. But I'm really sort of trying to lean into the feeling that I have that for me at the moment. It is right and it is okay. But yeah, so I think it's really interesting, I think, yeah, how what we value in this society still often comes down to like, how much money you make from it. But why not just think of all the great artists you know, like, I mean, it's such a it's such a cliched example. that Van Gogh, you know, didn't make any money and we all now know that he's just the most brilliant artist. So just trying to like remember that this art is important and to try and not feel that guilt, whether it's the financial guilt or the time away guilt, which is a big one that I tend to feel. Well, the other the other guilt that I can sometimes feel is when I'm, and I'm sure a lot of parents might relate to this is when I really go for it, like I'm diving into a really creative space, whether it's just like, oh my god, like these songs are just churning within me or like I've booked out a few days in the studio, I'm just going for it, I'm the the first thing to kind of fall apart is just all the shit at home like dishes, washing, yep, eating healthy food. And again, I think that's a very sexy thing to talk about, like it's pretty boring and unglamorous. But part of our job as parents, I guess, is to kind of keep on top of some of that stuff. And I'm very, very aware that I have a partner who does more than 50% of that stuff. So I really can't complain. Especially, you know, I speak to a lot of females with male partners and, and find out that even though it's 2022, they still seem to seem to take on a huge percentage of that, and I know that I actually don't so I'm very, very fortunate. However, yeah, I can still feel like when I'm really kind of diving into some artistic spaces, mentally or emotionally, the house just turns to absolute shit. And, and that can actually bring up a bit of guilt for me too. Like, well, we're eating takeaway again, because I don't have time to cook because I've written five songs. Yeah. Yeah, so that's just another aspect of mom guilt that I definitely feel and I try to be okay with. exists, and we just have to, like, kind of know that it exists and acknowledge it. Like, I'm feeling guilty right now. Why is that reasonable? Am I being too hard on myself? Actually, it's, it's really fine that I've done those things, and it's fine. And then, you know, the, the other thing we've got to remember is occasionally guilt is healthy, and it is telling us something. Yeah, maybe I'm feeling mom guilt, because I actually haven't spoken to my kids for days. And I need to fix that, you know, like, so actually, like, might Yeah, I just try to be aware of how I feel, and then kind of sit with it, and then work through whether it's like, you know, a feeling that I need to kind of listen to or a feeling that I can sort of go that that's just like your kind of inner critic getting pretty loud in your head. Yeah, it can really your inner critic has one or two important things to say as well. So just knowing you is unhealthy, and when it might actually be just telling you something that you better like, come on. Yeah, no, that is the fourth time this week. They've beaten junk. So maybe it's really important tomorrow to prioritize some vegetables. You know what I mean? Like, so? Absolutely. I think yeah, I think you're right, I think you can definitely serve a purpose. It's definitely not a place. Yeah. But then when it turns into this, and I, whenever I say, ma'am, you I do the air quotes, because I feel like it's just the term has been constructed by a new social media hashtag, you know, it's this theme. This this plan, and, and that's why I hate saying it, but I feel like it's when I say, Do you feel guilty? That sounds really creepy. You know? You're not really, I think I would love to live in a world where the term mum guilt is just not a thing. And if we're gonna have anything, it's parent guilt. And I don't even think parent guilt should be a thing, but at least that crosses genders and roles, you know, like, why, for instance, because I'm a woman should I feel really bad about, you know, the dishes piling up and you know, an unhealthy dinner. If, like, you know, a male parent really doesn't. Now I'm not saying they don't. And I'm not saying it's that simple. But yeah, like, what is it about? Like, why have we been conditioned to kind of carry that burden or that guilt? Yeah, so yeah, if we, if we have to feel guilty. Can we all please feel guilty together? It's just on the women. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. You know, we'll see. Yeah, that's it, isn't it? over last year, I did a couple of Father's Day episodes, especially ones where I chatted to dads about and it's it's a different kind of guilt. Yeah, they certainly feel it. But just, I think they're not expected to feel I think that's the difference. We're the ones who are supposed to wear it. Yeah, yeah, totally. And even like, I'm, like I said before, like, we've sort of really set our lives up, in a way, you know, in our family where I guess we don't necessarily play those traditional gender roles. Like, at the moment, I work more than my husband, like an extra day, he does all the washing, because I'm really bad at it. I don't know, he's actually much better at like remembering the admin sort of stuff around, you know, our that notice needs to be handed in. And we've got to pay that, you know, I'm pretty bad at all of that. So even though I live in a relationship that has really kind of, we've really intentionally tried to not just play those roles that can fall on you, because you are male, or female or whatever. Even within that year, I think I experienced more of the emotional kind of guilt. Maybe I'm wrong, maybe I'll ask him and find out that. Maybe, yeah, maybe. So even if within your kind of nucleus family, you've got something really going on. That's pretty kind of countercultural, or whatever. We still are in a society that puts pressure on women and mothers to do it all and be at all. Yeah. And so yeah, that's it, isn't it? Yeah. I'm not feeling guilty about the parenting and I'm really focusing on the parenting and, you know, doing great there, then I sort of start to feel a bit guilty about, oh, I'm not really doing any art or singing. So like, it's a little. A little sometimes that's just a load of crap. Whoever said that. He was the first person that said that should just because it mean, you can't you can, I heard someone say you can do it all. But you can't do it all at the same time. You know, like you go through phases in your life where, you know, your children are young. So you're focusing on your children, then you do your art, like, you can't, you can't do it all, you physically cannot do it all and also, mentally and in your heart. You can't do it all because you're torn all over the place. You know, totally. I also think I think just the way my brain works is I'm not very good at multitasking. So I think those people like I'm really good at like, diving in deep. So if I'm so I'm writing today, I'm probably just long writing. And if I'm just like, all in with like, hey, it's my day off, and I'm going to clean the house and I'm going to cook a really nice dinner and I'm going to pick my daughter up from school and we're going to go out for a milkshake, then I'm going to do that really, really well to not very good at trying to do both of those things at once. Yeah, I've always said yeah, you can do it all if you want to do it all pretty badly. Yeah, that's it, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah, you spread yourself so thin that nothing gets done. I don't wanna say well, but to the way that you probably want it to be done. You know? Yeah. Nice myth, isn't it? It's an urban myth. So going back to your your music and your identity, how you see yourself as a mother and as a musician and an artist, is it really important to you that your children's see, and I don't want to say I'm putting it in quotes, again, that you're just a mom, because you're never just a mom, that you are contributing to the world. Your your voice is being heard what you're saying is a value. Is that something that is important to you? Yeah, I think it's extremely important to me, both of my children in very different ways, obviously, showing to me that they're very creative people. And so I we really want to nurture that in them. Like my son is an amazing writer, like really incredible writer. My daughter is a natural dancer. And actually, funnily enough, I think she's also a really good singer, too. I have to like, listen out when she doesn't know I'm hearing it. Because I'm a singer. Yeah, there's some stuff there that we'll probably have to unpack that one day because yeah, she's a really great singer. When she was really little, I'd hear her in her room, listening to music, but harmonizing Oh, what? Oh, okay. Um, but she's pretty. She's done it a bit in the past in the last few years, like, if I'm like, Hey, John is seeing this, she's actually pretty reluctant. And that's fine. Like, I'm so not gonna push that. But I think she does have some natural talent there. Anyway, they're both really creative. And I think that's so beautiful. And so I would hate to be kind of creating an environment where they don't see that that's a really normal thing that you would want to foster their dad to. He's very creative. He he like, he wouldn't call himself a professional musician, but he loves music, and he plays in the past. He hasn't done it for a while, but he used to do like, some street art. He's always building things, you know, I'll say something like, oh, we need a box to plant some daffodils in and literally the next day. He's just found some wood and made a box. So and yes, he's a good visual artist. So pink growing up. I hope seeing that art is something that nourishes you. And, and yeah, I hope I hope I'm not I hope I'm modeling to them that I really love music, I guess the one worry I have is that they might see all the stress behind it. Yeah, I think they Yeah, so I know, it's really important to me that they know that creativity in whatever way or shape, you know, like, it doesn't have to be music. But creativity is something to be that we should honor and chat and spend time on. And that doesn't have to make you money. And if you make your living, you know, my son grows up one day to be a writer, my daughter grows up Monday to be a dancer. Wow, how amazing. But that's not even what I mean. It's it's about expression and about, you know how happy they are actually, when they do those things. And actually, I think when they see me when you strip away or they're like, I'm trying to be an independent music in the world, and I'm applying for funding, and I'm very, very strict like that when they actually see me like sit at the piano and just play and just seeing this seeing me really in my most pure kind of happy state. And they see that all the time. Yeah. So. So I think I'm more I'm hope that I'm modeling to them that in whatever way it looks like for you. And it can change as you change that creativity is just a really important thing to nurture within yourself. Because I think everyone is creative. Actually. Everyone. Yeah, but not all of them have been taught that that's okay. Or it's worth fostering or looking after? Yeah, I think. And maybe this is, I think, based on my experience with some people I've met along the way that a lot of angry people I know, are people who are not allowing themselves to be very creative and switch somewhere. And they just sort of hate everyone. And I really think that if you are if you allow yourself to, you know, yeah. Be creative. However, that is. I think you just yeah, like it's a bit cliche, but you're sort of tending to your soul a little bit. And then I think you just live in the world in a more well rounded, happy away. Yeah. So yeah, put that so well. Thank you. Very important to us, actually, as a family that we yeah, we do it and therefore hopefully, they just naturally do it, too. Yeah, that's it. Like like yourself growing up in your family, you saw that that is just part of a normal, everyday existence. This is not something that's out of the ordinary. You maybe didn't realize that till later. But, you know, this is a perfectly acceptable way to live your life like you don't have to be afraid of this. Yeah. And there have been times you know, when like, the kids were little aware, I wasn't spending heaps of time on music, but I actually was always being creative. So when I wasn't making music, I was I was writing the scenes. And when I wasn't writing scenes, I was like, bought a sewing machine. And I was trying to sew think I wasn't very good. But like I was sewing. Yeah, quarter like gardening now for me is a big one, like, so it's also like music is the thing that I come back to because I think, I don't know. It's like, it's in my DNA. It's who I am. And it's how I express myself in the world. But also just there are so yeah, showing them that there's just so many ways to be creative. Yeah, they can be small. They don't have to be big. Yeah, that's it and they don't have to be for anybody else. And they don't have to be clever monetary value placed on the me that they can be something. It's something for yourself, you know, so important. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. No, I love that. Best Use of my garden and losses, concert was born? Can you share with us what you might have coming up? You mentioned about your album that you're working on? Yeah. Have you got? And also have you got? I mean, I guess shows us starting up again in the world have you got anything you want to share that you've got coming up? Oh, so that Yeah, so the big, big one for me at the moment is the album that I've been making. And it's been a really long labor of love, like I always knew it would take time. But then right in the middle of it, we had a two year pandemic, which has had so many impacts a, it has impacts on time, because you can't like get to the studio. And then the other thing, like we've talked, we've talked about money a little bit today. But one of the things I do as a singer is, you know, when I do that backing vocals gig or I go on tour with that person on BBS, or I do that session work, that all generally gets generated back into the art that I make. So I lost all of that work. So then so so it's not just the time factor has slowed the record down, but it's actually the the income coming in to generate back into it slowed down as well. So COVID has really impacted it in a really huge way. However, we're really close to finish, like we finished recording the music, we're now mixing it and mastering it. And the hope was to release it at the start of this year. And now it's like we're going to release it towards the end of this year. And again, like you can have a plan. I don't know, I'm actually feeling really good about that. Now, I'd like you to have said right at the start, like, you've got time, you don't need to rush. Yeah. And I, I had a bit of an opportunity last year where I did something on TV. And so I was like, right, I've got to release it now because I got to ride that wave I'm gonna work out and I was like, Oh, I really disheartened by that. But in hindsight, it would have been rushed. And it actually wouldn't have been very good. And, and now I feel really good about sort of almost mapping out, you know, I don't know, like a six month plan and, you know, sharing the music, my music with the world really well and properly. So I don't have any gigs booked at the moment, because I'm super focused on the album. And what like, you know, as much as I hate to say it, social media plays a really big role in building my audience. So like, if anyone listening to this wants to follow me on the socials that would really be amazing. Or even sign up to my mailing list. Yeah, yeah, definitely put all the links, I'll put all the links in for people there. Cool. That would be really great. You know, that is sort of these days, I guess how we reach to a certain extent, at least, our audience, and of course, I would like to be gigging again. But I'm also really pacing myself, I want to do things well. Yeah. I don't want to just be throwing things together and quickly hopping back on stage. So we yeah, we will definitely be playing some shows when the album comes out, or there's single release or whatever. But yeah, choosing to take my time choosing to remember. Yeah, that I've got time. Yeah, that's what I think I think we can all take something from that, that it's, you know, we have got time. We don't have to rush. It's not a race and not to do things at our own pace. Yeah, totally. And obviously, the flip side to that is like, sometimes you need to give yourself a deadline. Otherwise, maybe I'll just be doing this for the next 10 years. So I know the deadline for me is by the end of this year, but what that looks like I still don't know. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So that's the main thing and yeah, maybe yeah, if people find me on social media, then yeah, if a gig pops up, and sometimes I'm doing gigs for other people, you know, like, I might be backing vocals for someone and I can share that as well. Yeah, but at the moment, I'm actually yeah, just tucked away doing all the behind the scenes work. Yeah, all the really hard work. Oh, my God, I know, right? Jumping on stage at the NCAA. Put me in front of like 1000 people or 2000 people and tell me to sing no problem. Put me in a room with like two people where I'm like asking for funding and I'll be days before Yeah. And that's the thing too, like, unless you're in that musician, where Old, or even the artists will, all you see is that in result, all we see is that in product, so you don't understand all the stuff that goes in behind the scenes to make that product, you know? True and like, you know, I think I think I read it somewhere that way, often comparing our kind of, like, we know what we're doing behind the scenes. So we know how hard it is and how messy it is and how not not ready it is yet we can get that to like what everyone else's end product that they're showing online is, and I think it's we're gonna do that too. Like, eventually, when I released this album, it's probably going to look quite nice and shiny and like, hey, look, but like, yeah, we're hearing the journey, you know, to the destination of others. And that's not a very smart thing to do. Probably not very helpful. Your, your album journey sounds like mine, mine is just taking forever. And I don't care because I hate sitting. I hate setting deadlines, because I hate that pressure. Because you know, life happens and you have children. And you know, you can't just go by, I have to do this for my 14 year old having a breakdown, like Italy's life, and it's so good. So I'm working with these producers who are overseas, and they just only because we have nothing here and that Gambia we don't have access to any sort of recording studios or anything. And again, I'm not going to tell you I know this is the world now. You know, it's amazing. And sorry, I'm just gonna blog for a sec. But yeah, they're in Spain and Argentina. So I basically send them a video of what I want, I bang out the chords on my old Casio and say, this is the idea I've got, then they send back their idea made on computer instruments. And always I say yes, that's amazing, because it always is. And so then they, they organize the musicians to play it properly. Then they send it back and I do my vocals and then they mix it. So they're doing everything apart from mastering it. So it's just like, and I can just sit here in my little room in the middle of nowhere. And this album and I'm, it's so wonderful. I think, you know, there's so much stuff around technology that can bother me and just, and then I hear a story like that. And I'm so excited. I'm like, that's now a possibility. You're working with producers saying, you know, and me years ago, to know that this was coming that this was possible, I would never have believed it. You know, I always had this idea that I live in this little town. I didn't I never wanted to leave my little town because I love it. You know, I was born here. I've got my kids here. Even Adelaide, it's only five hours away, or Melbourne five hours away. But it's a different world. So I've never wanted to pick up and go right, I'm gonna go there and make my career. It's like, No, I want to do it in my, in my own terms in my own way. And it's like, finally the time has come. I can do it. You know. I love that. Yeah. bloom where you're planted, you know? Yes. You know, other people might have a completely different, you know, they do want to move and they want. And that's great. But I agree like, you know, you don't have to, you don't have to. That's the cool thing about being an artist. You can forge your own way. There's actually no real like, we think there's a way you've got to do it. But then when you start to talk people, everyone's winging it. Yeah. That's for some people that's moving overseas for other people. It's so not that. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I think that's really exciting. Well, I can't wait to hear it. You'll be waiting a bit longer. I know these things take time. Okay, with that, I think yeah, and that's thing too, if you if you're the sort of person that can be settled and go, Okay, when it's ready, that's fine. You can you can do this. But if you're the sort of person it's like, I have to do I have to get done. You could not do this. You'd be off to wherever to record but you know, that's the great thing, too. We're all so different. And that's what makes the world go yeah, we're all doing the same thing. Today, Ms. It's just been such a joy chatting with you. I really loved it. Thank you so much. You're so lovely to talk to me about music and I love talking about my kids. So it's a pretty it's a pretty nice thing to do to sit down and have a chat with you. Yeah, no, thanks. It's been great. I've loved it. Always good. Always good to get a bit of Beatles chat in there somewhere. Anytime, Ill have to tell you my Paul McCartney story another time. Oh, okay. All right, To be continued. Thanks for your company today. If you've enjoyed this episode, I'd love you to consider leaving us a review Are you following or subscribing to the podcast? Or even sharing it with a friend who you think might be interested? If you or someone you know who'd like to be a guest on the podcast, please get in touch with us by the link in the show notes. I'll catch you again next week for another chat with an artistic mum.

Kate King US counsellor + art therapist S2 Ep60 Listen and subscribe on Spotify , Apple podcasts (itunes) and Google Podcasts My guest this week is Kate King, a licensed professional counsellor and a certified art therapist, and a mom of of 2 based in Boulder Colorado. USA Kate grew up with a lot of art around her, her grandmother was always very creative as were her parents, her dad was a stone sculptor. Her family supported expression through creativity. Kate had a number of black sketch books that she would always carry around with her. Kate was actually doing a lot of art therapy already before knowing what it really was. Her formal schooling began at the University of Denver where Kate graduated with a dual Bachelor’s Degree in Psychology and Art. It wasn't until she completed College that she googled what to do with these studies and found art therapy. From there Kate eagerly pursued post-graduate education at Naropa University (a Buddhist-inspired school in Boulder, CO) where she earned a Master’s Degree in Transpersonal Counselling Psychology and Art Therapy. Kate is a Licensed Professional Counsellor and Board Certified and Registered Art Therapist. Her private practice is a colourful, creative, cozy space located in the Ken Caryl area of Littleton, Colorado. Under the umbrella of her business, The Radiant Life Project , Kate offers a holistic, preventive health perspective which incorporates verbal, creative, and body-centred therapy skills and techniques. She operates from a perspective that considers each person in their mental, spiritual, physical, and emotional entirety. It is her genuine belief that each person is capable of choosing their life's path, and re-creating their story along the way. Kate began writing her book The Authentic Mother - Creative Art Engagement to Support the New Parent when her son was 3 months old, as she was unable to find a book that could help her in the creative way she was seeking. Kate has also created a set of oracle cards, The Ink & Wings Oracle Deck , and I was fortunate enough to receive a reading from Kate in this podcast! If you are interested you can take a look at the cards she drew for me here Connect with Kate website / instagram / facebook / youtube Connect with the podcast - website / instagram *** This episode contains discussion around mental health, anxiety, post natal depression and birth trauma. *** If today’s episode is triggering for you I encourage you to seek help from those around you, or from resources on line. I have compiled a list of great international resources here Music used with permission from Alemjo my new age and ambient music trio. Podcast transcript at the bottom of the page Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode of The Art of Being A Mum Podcast. I'm beyond honoured that you're here and would be grateful if you could take 2 minutes to leave me a 5-star review in iTunes or wherever you are listening. It really helps! This way together we can inspire, connect and bring in to the light even more stories from creative mums. Want to connect? Take a screenshot of this episode and share it on Instagram tagging me in with @art_of_being_a_mum_podcast I can't wait to connect. And remember if you or somebody you know would like to be a guest on the podcast, get in touch ! I love meeting and chatting to mammas from all creative backgrounds, from all around the world! Thank you! Alison acknowledges this Land of the Berrin (Mount Gambier) Region as the Traditional Lands of the Bungandidj People and acknowledge these First Nations people as the custodians of the Region. Ch eck out more episodes ..... Welcome to the Art of Being a mum, the podcast that's a platform for mothers who are artists and creatives to share the joys and issues they've encountered, while continuing to make art. Regular themes we explore include the day to day juggle, how mothers work is influenced by their children, mum guilt, how mums give themselves time to create within the role of mothering, and the value that mothers and others place on their artistic selves. My name's Alison Newman. I'm a singer, songwriter, and a mum of two boys from regional South Australia. You can find links to my guests and topics we discuss in the show notes. Together with music played, how to get in touch, and a link to join our lively and supportive community on Instagram. The art of being a mum acknowledges the Bondic people as the traditional owners of the land, which his podcast is recorded on. Thank you so much for joining me today. It really is a pleasure to have you. My guest this week on the podcast is Kate King. Kate is a licensed professional counselor, and a certified Art Therapist, as well as being a mom of two based in Boulder, Colorado in the United States. Kate grew up with a lot of art around her. Her grandmother was always very creative, as were her parents. Her dad was a stone sculptor, her family supported expression through creativity. Kate had a number of black sketchbooks that she would always carry around with her. And Kate was actually doing a lot of art therapy already, before really knowing what it was. Her formal schooling began at the University of Denver, where Kate graduated with a dual bachelor's degree in psychology and art. It wasn't until she completed college that she Googled what to do with these two modalities and found art therapy. From there, Kate eagerly pursued postgraduate education at Naropa University, a Buddhist inspired school in Boulder, Colorado, where she earned a master's degree in transpersonal, Counseling Psychology and art therapy. Kate is a licensed professional counselor, and board certified and registered art therapist. Her private practice is a colorful, creative and cozy space located in the ken Carroll area of Littleton in Colorado. Under the umbrella of her business, the Radiant Life Project, Kate offers a holistic preventative health perspective, which incorporates verbal, creative and body centered therapy skills and techniques. Kate operates from a perspective that considers each person in their mental, spiritual, physical and emotional entirety. It is her genuine belief that each person is capable of choosing their life's path and recreating their story along the way. If today's episode is triggering for you at all, I encourage you to seek help from those around you medical professionals or from resources online. I have compiled a list of great international resources on my website, Alison newman.net/podcast. This episode contains discussions around mental health, anxiety, postnatal depression and birth trauma. The music used on today's episode is from my new age, Ambient Music trio called LM Joe and is used with permission. Lm j is myself, my sister, Emma Anderson, and her husband, John. I hope you enjoy today's episode. Thank you so much for being a part of this. It's really it's lovely to meet you. It's lovely to meet you. I'm grateful to be here. Yeah. So whereabouts are you in the US? I am in Denver, Colorado. Yeah, right. That's pretty nice there, isn't it? It's beautiful. And very close to the infamous Red Rocks. concert venue. So I don't know if you've heard of that. But it's really pretty place. Yeah, right. So what time of year is over there now? You're in your summer, aren't you? Yes. This is the hottest time of the summer for us. Yeah, right. So jealous of where you are. I would love to be winter right now. Don't be jealous. It's horrible. Here. It is just fair. I just, we've just come back from a week up in Queensland where it's like nicer. Because it's just so gray. Like I can deal with cold but I just can't deal with lack of sunshine. Like it's just just gray. And it just makes me annoyed. And yeah, you're like in Colorado. We have like 300 days of sunshine here. Oh my goodness. Yeah. Don't tempt me. That sounds really. Maybe it's time for a vacation. Yeah, I've actually never been to America. So there you go. And I've never been Where You Live either so I would love to visit. Australia is pretty good. A lot Australia. Yes, I've heard beautiful things you after your name, you've got lots of letters. Can you just just tell us what, what you what you do? Yes. So the M A is representative of my master's degree, which is in transpersonal, Counseling Psychology and art therapy. Transpersonal Counseling Psychology is a form of psychology that considers where the psyche and the spirit meet. And so there's a lot of influences around spirituality and just kind of open mindedness and open heartedness into different traditions and modalities. So that's the MA, the LPC is my Licensed Professional Counselor certification. So that's my therapy license here in the state of Colorado. And the ATR since I wrote this book, actually, I have a new credential now it's ATR dash BC, which stands for board certified registered art therapist. And so that's a art therapy designation. Excellent. So going right back to the beginning, I guess, how did you first get interested in? Was it the art that came first? Or sort of the thinking about people? Like how did you sort of get drawn into this sort of area? Yeah, it was the art. My my family is sort of creative at the roots. My grandmother was always very creative. My dad is a stone sculptor. And so I had a lot of art surrounding me growing up, and my family really supported just expressing that way. And I used to have these black sketchbooks that I just would fill with drawings, I would carry these with me everywhere I went, I had bookshelves filled with them. And, you know, they were, I wouldn't go anywhere with them. They were always with me. And so I think I was doing art therapy on myself before I knew what it was. It wasn't until I was about to graduate from college. And I had a Bachelors of Arts Degree and a psychology degree in a double bachelor's focus that I was like, What do I do with my life? And I actually Googled, what do you do with an art degree and a psychology degree? And that's how I first learned about art therapy from Google. Yeah. And then did you sort of go, this feels very familiar to me, like, Was it something that just sat naturally with you anyway? Yes, it resonated so strongly that I just, I stopped really looking and I just started looking for a graduate program where I could really studied what I wanted to study. And I ended up at a school here in Colorado called Naropa University that was founded by a Buddhist monk. And it has a strong background of meditation and different kinds of spiritual practices. And so the coming together of science and spirituality and creativity and psychology, it was just like, everything that I was interested in. Yeah, that sounds amazing. I didn't actually know that places like that existed. That is really cool. It is very cool. I did not know either, until I plugged them into Google. So for people who aren't familiar, how would you describe art therapy? Art Therapy is it's a form of, there's actually two different schools of art therapy. One is considered art as therapy, which is that the art is inherently healing, and you don't really need to talk about it, do anything, you know, just creating heals things within us because it helps us to sublimate or move the energy through our body and out from us in a way that's productive. And the other school of art therapy is art as psychotherapy, which is more of what I do in my private practice where I would provide specific directives, kind of projects for people that are designed with the intention of helping them investigate what's going on in their lives and have sort of a visual representation of that, rather than just the talking that we normally do in therapy, which can so often, kind of people can Avoid talking about certain things, or they can hide information from themselves from their therapists that way. But art therapy is just a really gentle kind of backdoor into the psyche that allows you to work through the metaphor of color, and line and shape and image. So you see what you're ready to see in your art. And the art therapist can sort of gently reflect like, wow, it looks like you only used you know the color blue today, what does blue mean to you? And then we can sort of have a collaborative dialogue about what this symbology looks like in your life and how your art can be kind of a roadmap for your psyche? Hmm. Do you find then that people that what actually comes out of people is often it's it's things that you can't put words to generally, because it's so deep, maybe people don't even realize what they're bringing out of themselves? If that makes sense. Yeah, sometimes, sometimes, people, they don't know, they don't expect the art to move through them in the way it does. But usually, once they do create something, it's easier to talk about it because it already exists in some form. Now that they've made it, it doesn't feel so pent up. And sometimes talking about things through metaphor just feels a lot safer. Instead of someone talking about their trauma, they can talk about the, you know, the lightning bolts that are in their imagery, and that holds the kind of energy of that trauma without it feeling so triggering that it shuts them down. Hmm. Yeah. So it's a really good way for people to communicate without feeling. I don't know, scared, I suppose that. Yeah, wonderful. It's like a natural titration process where they can, they can kind of go as deep or as as intensive as they want to go. And they don't have to do anything they don't want to do their art kind of helps to guide their comfort. Yeah, yeah, that is really cool. Because I've had my fair share of, of therapy over the years, but I've never done art therapy. And it's sort of a kind of wonder, it's just to see what happens. Especially as a creative person, I'm surprised that surprise, you wouldn't do that. Although, you know, you don't have to be a creative person to benefit from art therapy, I actually, I really enjoy seeing people come to art therapy, who have no art background at all, because they don't have any picture in their mind for making something beautiful or frameable. It's just expression for the sake of expression. And sometimes that takes a lot of pressure off. So for people who are already artists, sometimes we need to move through the layers of like, releasing some of the pressure. And so I'll have them make art with their nondominant hand or with their eyes closed, things like that, so that they don't have that pressure to make something beautiful. Sometimes you need to make something messy or ugly. Yeah, cuz that's the thing is in a restaurant, you're not really addressing the issues. I mean, you're showing new issues, I suppose the the lack of letting go and control and the pressure that you feel and the expectation, whatever. But yeah, perhaps not then allowing you to go into that next layer of what you kind of might need to work through, I suppose. Yeah, yeah. But it's all it's all good work. And I think whatever is ready to be worked on comes up in this session. And so we don't really have to dig too deep. It just shows up, because ultimately, our systems want to heal. Yeah, I've heard that actually like that, that I can't, I don't know how to describe it. But it's like your, your inner, whatever that is, knows where it's supposed to be. And it will do what it needs to do to try and get you there. But then the humaneness of us and the ego stops us from getting there. Right, exactly, yeah, we get in our own way, a lot of the time. Art is a really great way to help to sort of release some of those narratives and just let you connect with the part of you that knows what you need to heal and express and grow. Yeah. Coming back to your own art, what sort of style or is there a way you can describe like the mediums you like working with what what's sort of your art? Yeah, so my art has sort of changed over time. It's interesting. As an art therapist, I know now that the different kinds of art I made over time were reflective of how healed I was in my own psycho emotional process. So what I do now is I love watercolor and goulash like a like the pigmented like the tubes of watercolor, not the palette necessarily because I like it when it's really vibrant. And I also like to draw I like a lot of detail and I love just black rollerball pens, and then sort of working with them together with watercolor can be interesting. But in the beginning for the longest time, most of my life, I it was just black and white, really intense, patterned, organized drawings. And I now know that that was my way of containment and of kind of holding myself together. And as I went through my own therapeutic journey, I was able to explore more with, you know, watercolor that drips and bleeds and it's less than control. I also really liked colored pencil, just colors really vibrant colors are important to me. And lately, I've been drawing a lot of imagery about goddesses and the divine feminine and sort of the celestial. I have pictures with like a goddess with horns and wings and a sun, you know, solar systems. So it gets a little magical for me. Oh, that's so cool. It's interesting, isn't it, there's probably people out there now thinking, they're thinking about the stuff that they make, that they're starving, they're thinking, Oh, I wonder what that means. Like, we can, we can draw so much from what we're doing. And it's interesting, you say how it changes like I, I have times when and this is just me personally, and I'm sure there's people, you know, we change all the time. But there's some days I really like to draw, and I can't draw like I'm not a draw at all. But I love coloring and I love the sound that it makes. And it makes me feel really grounded. Almost like I have an urge to write in lead pencil like that kind of feeling where I don't know back to the earth where you know, it's I don't know how to describe it anyway. And then other days, like the watercolor, you happy to let things just wish wash everywhere and you don't mind if something dripped somewhere? Or well, maybe then you do. And then you go, Oh, actually, no, I don't want to do this today, I need something that's going to stay more I want it to stay. So we sort of change, even, you know, day to day of what we're using, based on how we're feeling and what we're going through, I suppose. Yes, the materials can mirror what we're feeling. And they can also be used to sort of like nudge us when we're ready for growth. So a really controlled person, when they're stable and resourced. Watercolor would be great for them, because it would sort of push them to become more comfortable with less control. And when you practice that with art, your brain starts to become more familiar with that. And then it's more likely to repeat that in other areas of your life that are not art, like maybe your relationships, you don't have as much control. And you're more okay with that. So it kind of pairs well with all of life. Yeah, that just reminded me of a lady I had on the podcast just a couple of weeks ago, Fiona Valentine, and she's in Australia. And her and her husband do classes for businesses, like groups of employees, who want to try and extend their creativity. So they, they get them to draw, and it's something that's achievable. So it's not going to make people feel like alienated that they can do it. And then when they realize that they can actually draw, then it changes those neural pathways. And then like you say, it flows over to the other parts of their life. So the idea is that then it might help them in their work to think differently, or, you know, see things in a different way, I suppose. So it's absolutely a thing, isn't it? It's amazing. Yeah, yeah, our brains are really malleable. And so if we can find some mechanism that helps to teach our brains to think differently, it affects our whole life, it has a ripple effect that reaches really far. Now, I want to start talking about some of the things you've created. And I'm gonna start about your book fairs, which you've kindly sent me a copy of thank you so much. It's called the authentic mother, creative art engagement to support the new parent and I have read through this and it is sensational. It is really, really, like I was blown away. I really, I wish we shouldn't say things like this, but I wish I had had this when I had my first child because I think it would have made a massive difference to my mental wellness and my journey through mental illness. Can you see We've asked what the sort of impetus was to create it and telling us in your own words, rather than me, telling people what it is to share, share what it is all about. Yes, absolutely. And thank you so much for your kind words, it really, it really is a labor of love. So, I wrote this book in the very beginning stages of my motherhood journey, after I had my first child, probably when he was, I don't know, maybe three months old, I started writing it because I needed a book. And because I was feeling really, like, shocked and lost and overwhelmed by motherhood, because it was not the beautiful picture that everyone said it would be. The birth was totally traumatic, like it was very, very challenging. And so I kept trying to find a support resource. And everything I looked for it was either kind of shaming or not really validating for the truth, it really didn't give a lot of creative support, which was very important to me at that time. And so I just started to journal and write about my experience. And one day when I was journaling about it, I had left it on my computer, and a friend of mine came over. And she saw it, and she's like, What is this? And I told her and she was like, Kate, you have to publish this. This is what so many moms need. And I'm like, no, nobody wants to read this. And so ultimately, that was the beginning. And she said, Yes, moms need this, for sure. And so because it's an art therapy book, it talks a little bit about the neuroscience and kind of the psychological aspects of what happens in the brain in the body when we become mothers, fathers when we all go through this, but it felt important to have real artwork in it. And so I sent out a beacon to moms and I ended up getting over 35 Real moms who don't identify as artists. And they I sent them the directives that I write about in the book. And they made art for the book. And so I have real, real pieces of artwork for the projects and directives that I've designed to help support moms, dads, just new parents, as they're navigating everything from body image stuff to mental health challenges to issues with your family and your in laws and boundaries, cultural expectations. So it's a really wide variety of directives. And the intention here is really just to support that the motherhood experience is very vast and broad and unique for everyone. And it's important that we have a creative outlet for that, so that we don't spiral down to a place where we feel isolated, and things get worse. So literally, that was this book is what helped you and stopped you from doing just that. Man, thank you for sharing it with the world. That fringe, whoever you are, thank you. Because it is so valuable. It's I don't know, I, I, when I was flipping through it, I just kept thinking, I wish I'd known this, I wish I thought like this, I wish I'd had, I wish like literally I wish I had it would have even with my second child when I was seven years older, I had more experience in the world, I was now working in childcare. So I physically knew how to take care of a child. And I kept telling myself, it's not going to be the same, it's gonna be totally different, you know, for all these, whatever reasons, and my personnel depression was far worse than it ever was when my first child. So the talk that like, and you're saying, Hey, you talk about I guess, what's the word, the jargon? I don't know if that's the right word, but of your background, you know, the the psychology behind things, and you know, the neural pathways and what have you. But that's not overwhelming. It's not like you pick it up and you feel alienated by the words, if you know what I mean. Anyone can pick it up without having any understanding or any background or knowledge in that field. So that's really good. So you don't feel you know, you're already going through enough as a new mother. Like, I don't know this, and I don't know that. But you pick this up and it feels familiar. Which is lovely. It's like, if I'm getting really sloppy now but it literally it feels like you're right here next to me if you know what I mean. Like it feels like you're right here. So I'm getting really emotional. Really does it really feels like that and, and I love that you call it the authentic mother because it's you know, because we have all these, you know, versions of what a mom's supposed to be and the good mom and the bad mom and you're not doing this you're not doing that and you're not doing it right. It's like Get rid of all of that those labels, and you go back to who you are, in your core. You're this child's mother and how to sort of look after yourself and keep yourself well. Sorry, that was really blurry. I appreciate it. No, I It really warms my heart that the book has touched you because that was, that was what I so needed. And that was my intention. I wanted people to feel with this book, like they were talking to a friend. And I wanted it to feel accessible to people who wanted to kind of understand what was going on with them, but didn't have the psychology background. So I'm happy to hear that it doesn't feel dense and jargony accessible to you. Because that's, that was my intention. Now, it's lovely. Sorry, I've just raved on so much. But honestly, I just even as I'm sort of thinking that because I want I want to do this stuff in it, I want to use it in a way. I'm not gonna have any more children. But I feel like I could benefit from doing the the exercises and like you said, the directives in here, thinking it from looking at through another lens, perhaps as other issues going on in my life. So Oh, yes, all of legally. All of these directives are applicable outside of early motherhood as well. I mean, I couldn't really honestly flip to any of them. I just flipped to one that was about just creating this called the insecurity image. It's on page 138. And this is just about creating imagery about what you feel insecure about. A new mom to feel insecure. This could be about your workplace, your relationship, your your new gray hairs, like I don't know, it could be about anything. Yeah, let's see, I've just got glasses. I don't want to wear them. Yeah, so any of these are applicable inside of motherhood, outside of motherhood in groups. I've done a lot of these directives with my friends. I've done them with my husband. I've even done them with children because they're really fun. Yeah. So there you go, everyone, even if you're not having another child, you can definitely gain something from this. And something else you you've got that you've made, which you just shared with me before we went live is your I don't want to come to do a column tarot cards, or you call them Oracle Card, Oracle Card. Sorry, yeah, this is the ink and wings, Oracle deck, because you know, my art is magical. And it includes wings. So there you have it. So this is a deck of cards that is comprised of my artwork. And it is very, sort of spiritually rich, and it helps with insight and just gaining navigation for your for your life. I I pull cards almost every day and my kids love it. We pull cards for what you know what's gonna happen today, or what do I need to focus on right now? And it seems like it's always really spot on. I love doing my cards. I often do them overnight when about when I'm about to fall asleep. And I'll do the three card spreads. I will do like the past, present or future. And then other times just there'll be another card that's like poking its head out and like okay, yes, you obviously need to tell me something. And then I've just end up with like, all these. Oh, just one more, just one more. But yeah, I love them. We might. We might talk about them a bit later and possibly do a reading if you're up for that. Oh, yes. I would love to do a reading. That will be a first for the podcast to no one's ever done. I love it. It's always so fun when I do those because I'm like, is this gonna work? And then usually it kind of does. So we'll see if it works. We'll test it out. All right. Ready? Now you mentioned one of your children there when you said he was sorry, he or she I'm not sure was three months old when you started writing the book. Can you share a little bit more about your children? Yes. So my son is named Bridger. And he's nine. So he in this book are about the same age. I birthed them at the same time at the same time they birth myself as a new mom. So I have Bridger who's nine and I have Heidi who is six, and no more babies for me because my hands are so full with those. I can relate to that. So you said you you share your sort of experience with the oracle cards, you're obviously quite sort of open and communicative with the children and share a lot of your things you enjoy, I suppose. Are they into do some art. They do the artwork as well? Yes, yeah, we have set up a designated art space in our home. And so sometimes when it's a weekend and we have some extra time we get Really excited about having our time together. And I had a teacher in graduate school in my art therapy program that always said, you have to lay out your art materials like like you're in a candy store, so that they all just look so enticing, that you just can't wait to dive in. And so we keep our room like that in our home where everything has its place, and it's colorful, and the boxes are open, and you can see what's inside. So the kids will just go into the art space with me, and some days will paint some days will make a big mess, some days will, you know, be very, very tidy and neat. And we'll do collage, we'll do everything. And it is such amazing bonding time. Even my husband will join us sometimes. And he I don't think he identifies as being very creative. But I think he really enjoys it when he's there. What not what I would read it, yeah, and you just kind of get lost in the art process. And we do have, at the end of every year, we have a family vision board kind of ritual where we all go through collages and create imagery about what we want to bring into the next year. And so that has become something my husband has really enjoyed. And he actually invited his father to join us a couple of those years. And it was so fun just having the whole family make vision boards. And then you put up all our vision boards. And it's interesting to see what everyone wants that's similar or different and how they overlap and how they kind of coordinate. So when you had your daughter, then I don't want to say you breeze through it. But did you find it easier because you have those tools and you knew what you needed to do to incorporate your art to help you manage the transition to have? I think it was easier for me? Yes, I think having the tools was a big a big deal. And it really supported me. And also, I think it also helped me that I had already sort of stretched my life around one baby. And so I felt like, you know, there's no, there's no selfishness left, like might as well throw another one in here. While we're while we're the bottomless pit of caregiving. Yes, but it definitely was interesting to have art. When I had my daughter, my son was two and a half. And so he was active in the art process. So we would be able to make art together at that period, which was really a kind of neat thing. So that when the baby was, you know, nursing or sleeping, I had something to do with my son that actually benefited both of us. That's really important, isn't it? Because I feel like a lot of the time, pardon me, the the first child, depending on their age can sort of feel a little bit shafted, like there's a new baby here. And now I'm number two, and I don't like this, and then you can see the sort of perhaps some changes in behavior, you might not like putting it that way. But yeah, to be able to do that you keep your relationship really strong with him. And I guess to its, it allows him to realize that this new little person isn't a threat to him. So he's might be more anonymous and more accepting. But maybe I don't know, it sort of helps all of the three of you together to create, you know, a little unit as a three rather than a, it's me, it's mum time, or it's not my mom time, you know that that conflict? Right? Yes, the art can be sort of like a joining force. That's a really good word. Yes. That's really good word. I like that. I'm going to take that quote. Yes, go for it. I also think it's good with when when babies are around moms who are creative, then creativity is a normal part of life. And so it feels more accessible to the kids. It's like, if you grow up, you know, eating vegetables, then vegetables are just normal and you just eat them, right? It's the same thing with creativity and moms get to model that by their own creative process and the inclusion of their kids through that and sort of joining. Absolutely. And I think then as you as the kids get older, perhaps then realizing, seeing that deeper meaning behind the art, like sneaking into that art therapy sort of realm that it's not, I'm not just making marks on the paper. I'm not just painting I'm actually using this as a tool in my life, which is Powerful to give kids from a young age, isn't that, right? Because we all have this tool, even the people who identify as non creative, we are all creative if we tap into it, and if we allow ourselves to be and it's, it can be completely free, you can go make art with nature, it does not have to be expensive, it does not have to cost really anything. And so I think it's accessible. And a lot of us just forget, or a lot of people are really traumatized by their kindergarten art teachers. So I get a lot of clients who come in and they're like, I am not an artist, I'm not artistic. My kindergarten art teacher told me that I'm bad at art. So I haven't made art since. And I'm like, Oh, my gosh, it's time for a corrective experience. Because art is about being expressive. It's about making, it's not about the end product. Yes, I'm really glad you said that, actually. Because as you were starting that conversation there, something came into my head and what you just said to completely confirmed it. I come from a background of working in childcare, I was in childcare for nine years. And our center had this really big philosophy about, we had this art room that was available all the time to any child of any age, or like the candy store, like everything was there, you could pick what you wanted to. And you didn't have to have an idea of what you're going to make before you went in, which I think is really important, because I think some people can be like, to the children. Now what are you going to make, it's like, well, you don't really no till you there and you're experimenting and experiencing, then something might come out. But then a lot of kindergartens and I know a lot of like early, maybe reception in new ones, teachers would have just like a cut out like a printed stencil, each child will get the exact same picture, maybe just say it's Christmas time and everyone's got to make a Christmas tree. And it all has to be green. And it all has to have the same things on it. And it all has to be folded the same way. And we used to have this poster up in our staff room, and it was like a picture of a child created a painting of whatever. And then it had this, you know, repetitive, exactly the same image. And it said, This is art, this isn't and it sort of helps you realize that it's not about the end product, it's not about having that whatever looking tree to give to Mum and Dad, it's about, you know, I always valued like you can see behind me, you might not be able to cause the sun, but I've got I put most of my kids paintings around the room. And a lot of them are just I have no idea what they are. Or they might be just some whatever's on a page, but I love them and I value them so much more than I value, you know, that stencil carbon copy, because I know that they haven't done that. That's the teacher's intention is to make everybody make the same thing. And I just think it's damaging to the little imaginations that want to run wild and be magical and be inventive. And maybe your tree has horns, maybe it's purple, maybe it has six trunks, you know, we need to be able to have that expressive freedom. Yeah, maybe it's not actually a tree, maybe it's a rocket ship. Or, again, if it was my chart, if you like you're picking up. Right. Right. And, and having a place where they can have, you know, the sky be the limit to their creative ability and capacity is so valuable for kids. Absolutely. And I think I've spoken about this with a lot of moms is that fear that we can have about and probably coming from our sort of, perhaps issues with control and having things done. Right and not having mess is it's really can be really challenging to set your children up with with paints and sit there and not freak out because it's going everywhere. And it's on them. And it might not be on the paper that can be quite challenging for for moms to get over as well. Yes, I think I tell moms who have that, that kind of issue with the messiness piece to go outside and make art in the grass or to have a designated set of clothing. That's art making clothing that we just don't worry about, or to put down a giant piece of tarp or a sheet that you don't care about so that you really you can let go of that. But it's also valuable for the mom to notice that that kind of anxiety around the mess, and to do her work around that too, because the art is actually helping her to see an area where she still needs healing. And so the art therapy is happening for her even if she's not the artist, she's the witness. But she she has a thing revealed. So it's notation back into herself. Hmm, that is so true, isn't it? You're listening to the art of being a mom with my mum, Alison Newman. Two topics that I love to sort of delve into with my guests on this show. One is identity. And we've spoken briefly about that, but we'll talk about it more. And the other thing is mum guilt. How do you feel about that? I think mom guilt is a real thing. And I think most if not all, moms feel it. And I love that it is something that's out in the open as a real thing. So that it takes the shame out of it, if possible. And if you can name your experience of having mom guilt, I think just the power of naming it takes some of the charge out of it. But yeah, I think we, I mean, I think you're in a different culture than I am. But I think collectively, many cultures on our globe have these sort of predetermined rules and expectations and structures that mothers are supposed to fit into. And it really does us a disservice. Because it doesn't allow us to be who we are. And so that's a big reason why my jam is authenticity. Because I really, I want to see what, what is real for people. And if someone is inundated with guilt, about working a lot, or not working a lot, or not being creative or not lending baby food in their home, blender, whatever. I think it's really important that they not avoid that, and that they actually say, Gosh, I feel really ashamed and guilty that I'm feeding my kid food from a pouch instead of you know, homemade. And what's that about? Right? It's another example of how we can kind of turn the arrow back at ourselves, and really invite ourselves into inner work around. What is this guilt? What is it reflecting about me? Where did it come from? Maybe it's even a lineage pattern that has been alive for generations in my own family. And how many women in my family felt unsupported as mothers? I don't know, because they didn't talk about it until maybe this generation. That's so true, isn't it? And I feel like because we're all talking about it, it takes the sting out of it a bit. You don't have to feel guilty for feeling guilty. You know, for one of a better description, it's, you know, it exists. I hate it. I think it's a load of, I hate it so much. I wish it didn't exist, but and I think that's why I like talking about it, because the more we talk about it, you know, like I said, it, it takes a feel like it takes the power out of it. Because once it's named, it's almost like I don't know, I'm trying, I had this thought come through my head, like, you know, like, if it's a monster, it doesn't exist, but it scares you. But then you discover that it exists. And then you realize it's actually doesn't have power over you. I don't know, that's a really long pole to try. And I've been watching a lot of Avengers lately. Like you said it, you'd name it, you own it, and then you can do the work on and it doesn't hold that control power fear over you because you like facing it head on and, and doing something about it. Yes, I think even though so many moms are now talking about mom guilt in a way that's really supportive and compassionate, there still is a huge part of the world that isn't talking about it. And that's laying those old narratives on motherhood. So I think it's really important for moms to find their people who can support them, and who can align with the type of authenticity that lets you feel guilty and supports you in your guilt and helps you to not feel alone and to work through it. Because if you're an authentic person, in an inauthentic system, it's gonna feel really invalidating and it's gonna, it's gonna crush you in you're not going to continue to express that because it's, it's not being validated. You just have to feel like you're pushed down. Yeah, that's really important. Isn't it about finding, finding the people that share your views? And have that, again, that authenticity? It's keep coming back to that word, but it's so true, isn't it? Yes. And I think there's a lot there about aligned relationships. You know, people like the buzzwords like toxic relationships, or that person's a narcissist or whatever. But if you just take all the labels away, and it's just about alignment or misalignment, you know, it doesn't make anyone bad or wrong. It just makes them misaligned with you. So then you go find your people who you can be more aligned with so that you have that congruence. See and that feeling of resonance when you're with people who actually see you and support you for who you are not for some charade that you're pretending to uphold. Yeah. Pardon me? That is That is so true. What sort of role do you feel like social media has to play in all this sort of guilt driving and judgment sort of thing? I think it's kind of the both sides of the coin, I think you can find that support and that authenticity. I think there's people like you and like me who are on social media trying to spread this compassion and this authenticity. And I think you can easily get down the rabbit hole of really narrow minded, rigid thinking that is related to old narratives and a lot of guilt and shame. So I think you have to be discerning with social media. Yeah, it's that same thing, as in real life is in finding those people, finding your tribe, and following the people that you don't allied with. Right, yeah. And I also think it's important to remember that what you see on social media isn't always the truth. It's hardly ever the truth. So it's everyone that you see on social media is smiling with their new baby, and they look so happy. I think it's important to remind yourself like, maybe that's partially true. But what am I not seeing about what's hard for this person, and just know that the snapshots on Facebook or Instagram are just snapshots there, they don't have depth of reality. And if you want more depth of reality, find real live humans to go spend time with instead of social media feeds. Yeah, that's really, really good advice. Because there are a lot of rabbit holes to fall down into, on social media. I find in terms of unfollowing, I'll go through phases where I felt I'll be on a different sort of tracks or follow a lot of people in that sort of area. And then all of a sudden, one day, I'll just go, Ah, no, I don't want that anymore. And I will just go through and unfollow, unfollow, and then another day, I'll find something. It's really interesting how you like, depending how your thoughts have evolved, you know, maybe you've been surrounding yourself with people that have allowed you to see things in a different way or opens your mind to a different way of thinking and then you go, Oh, actually, that stuff doesn't feel right anymore. You know, it's there's nothing wrong with doing that. Yes, that's clearing, right? So when we grow and we learn new things, we see the world through a new way, we naturally need to let go of what no longer aligns, so that we can create space for what does align, because you can't just fill yourself and your social media feed endlessly, you have to clear to let in. I once heard, I've had a few readings with psychic mediums over the years. And one of my favorites, he told me, you only have a certain amount of room in your backpack. So you know, you have to take out things sometimes to be able to fit those new things in. So I sort of use that sort of visual analogy that, you know, you can only carry so much. I love that. And it's important to be discerning. Yeah, absolutely. The other topic about identity and you touched on it. When you were talking about writing your book when your son was three months old. Let's just talk about that a bit more. So that shift that we go through. And I everyone feels this differently, too, which is awesome. Which, you know, we talked about earlier, everyone's motherhood journey is so different. Personally, the feelings you were feeling, can you sort of share a bit more about that? About what felt hard at that time? Yeah. And I guess about how, if you felt like, you know, your previous say, your previous self, you're still the same person. But, you know, you were changing into this, this mother role. How that sort of felt that transition? Oh, yes. Well, I think what made it so hard was that it was so abrupt that you know, during pregnancy, I was so happy. I loved with both of my pregnancies. It felt like an immensely spiritual experience. I felt like a vessel I felt like oh my gosh, like if the aliens could see how we make people they would be amazed. It's just so it's incredible. So even when I felt nauseous or, you know, when I was 30 pounds heavier than I was used to being, I was like, This is amazing. Yeah, I had such a great experience. And then, right at the end of my pregnancy with my son with my firstborn, our midwife found out that he was breech. And they were like, Oh, well, we're gonna have to flip this baby. And I'm like, what is that a thing. And so I tend to get very urgent about, like, when something is abnormal, medically, I just have my own anxiety triggers around health and medical stuff. And so I was like, Okay, we gotta flip this baby. And it pregnancy stopped being enjoyable, and it started feeling stressful. And I kid you not, I read somewhere that I was supposed to do a handstand and go upside down in a swimming pool to turn my baby. So if you can imagine someone at eight months pregnant, like trying to do a handstand, in the swimming pool, in like, community swimming pool with all of these people, it was humiliating. But I was so committed, I'm like, You're gonna turn this baby. Like, it didn't work, you know, it's such a silly thing. And so I tried that I did Chinese Chinese medicine called moxibustion. And I was, it's like this little, like a charcoal lit charcoal thing that you put close to a chakra. And it energetically is supposed to help, whatever it didn't do it. But what it did do is it triggered labor. And so I went into labor, just in this really stressful state of being like, my baby's not coming out the way I want my baby to come out. So that went into a birth, that was a cesarean after I was really attached to the idea of a vaginal birth. And then my baby was born with a bilateral pneumothorax, which is a puncture in each of his lungs. And so he had to go to NICU and we didn't get to bond. And I didn't get to hold him. And I was like, strapped down on a table with a open surgical wound. And it was just so different than what I envisioned. And so I was set up for motherhood, like with this trauma. And so I think, I actually think now, you know, nine years later, I look back and I'm like, Well, I learned my first lesson of motherhood, right off the bat, that I'm not in control of everything anymore. And my rigid thinking and my attachment to what I want and how I want it needs to soften and it needs to be more flexible. And so that was probably the hardest transition for me was that it was just this very abrupt sort of message that was in my face, like you are not in control. And you have got to learn how to be more flexible. Just while you're saying that I'm getting goosebumps, because that literally feels like the message that I was given. similar sort of, you know, I had all these expectations I had my first baby was a vaginal birth, but he was very quick. So I had this idea that this time my waters would break, everything would be, you know, planned and go to nap, we had a very traumatic scenario. And same thing, he was a, he was very tiny. But he, he was fully developed. But he was very tiny. Because it turned out my placenta had stopped working after 26 weeks, and no one don't know how no one discovered it. So then he was away from me for a while. So I had this, I just kept like, right from the beginning, he had to have formula. So that control I had in my last, my last baby, that I had to feed him against all odds, I was going to feed this child that was taken away from me. So it was like, Okay, you are really not in control of this. And you you're being forced to let go of these, you know, these beliefs that you are holding on to. And then when I got him back, I just had these, I just kept hearing in my head, just keep him close, keep him close. So I would just sit and hold him and nurse him and he'd sleep and I'd miss him. And it just was completely different to my first child. And I'm so glad that I was thrown all those curveballs because it just made me completely relaxed and and go, there is no routine, there is no predictability. And I was happy with that. And it was weird because I've never been happy with that. Like when I was five years old, on my first gig performing on stage, it was just at a school Christmas concert. The teacher held the microphone for me and she wasn't holding it in the right spot. So I pulled it closer. You know, this has been me my whole life. It's good. Try it Hmm, yeah, very suddenly and violently, and traumatically. That was all taken away from me. And I'm so grateful for that. Now, you know, in hindsight, the lessons that I've learned, although at the time was pretty full on that, you know, I've always, I've always felt like the, like our babies, teach us the lessons that we would not learn from anyone else, we would not let anyone else get close enough and honest and vulnerable enough as we let our children get to us. And so some of our biggest issues will never come up for healing. If our kids don't reflect them back to us, you know, and control is a really big one for a lot of moms. And it's really healing to be able to finally sort of unpack it and work through the layers. It's amazing, isn't it? Because I save the children choose us for the lessons we have to learn in this life. So it's prevalent? Yeah, I think we choose our families. So talking more about yourself in the work that you're doing? Can you share what you've sort of got coming up or anything you want to share about the work that you're doing? Yes, I actually have a huge movement that I am in right now with my business, I am in the process of transforming my private therapy practice into a large scale mental health platform called the Radiant Life project. And the Radiant Life project is all about helping people find that radiance, and that glow. That is part of our human birthright. But we forget, and we get stuck in our mental illnesses, and we get stuck on autopilot. And so this is about really getting unstuck, whether you're a mother, whether you're not a mother, whether you're a man or a woman, or non binary, anyone, this is about lighting your life up from the inside out and feeling full and resourced. Not without challenges in your life, but with the challenges and feeling empowered to live as a whole person. So I have a new book that I'm working on, that's almost ready to go to publishing called the Radiant Life project. And it's a big download of my 15 plus years of clinical experience, plus some of my own personal journey. And I've also got some courses coming up that will be available on my website. And I'll be offering retreats and workshops that are all geared toward helping people build a radiant life. Wow, that sounds awesome. I'm really excited for you. That's fantastic. Thank you, I am so excited by it, I actually took a three month sabbatical from my therapy practice because I got really burned out working sort of on the frontlines as a mental health person in the pandemic. And I thought I was just going to spend my sabbatical like curled up in bed watching movies, but actually, I have felt so energized and so excited about the Radiant Life project that I am just writing, and building and creating and making art and talking to people like you and it feels, talk about alignment, it feels very aligned. That's wonderful. I can just see your face like literally radiant, as you told me about it. It's just wonderful. Thank you. So share with us, what's the name of your website where people can best find you and find out more information. Yes, the website is the Radiant Life project.com. And you can also follow me on Instagram at the Radiant Life project. I'm I'm posting reels every other day with little therapeutic tidbits and kind of helpful, helpful little gems for people. And I have a free newsletter that I'm sending out once a month that gives inspirations and little offerings and keeps people up to date with my new releases and the progress of my book. So if you want to be part of my mailing list, you can sign up for my newsletter on my website, which is the Radiant Life project.com And that's probably the best way to reach me. Awesome. I'm glad you mentioned about your Instagram because I do enjoy your reels. And there's something very soothing about your voice too. I must say when you're sharing you know little tips about I think one was how you had to give a good apology like the three steps and there was another one about boundaries that I really liked. But the way you present them is just so it makes To stop scrolling and just go, ah, like, it's just so calming. And I don't know really connective, if that's not the word, but you know what I mean? Like, it's, again, it feels like you're right there, you're talking, you're talking to me. And you're saying, Allison, this is this is a thing you should be listening to. Thank you. That is my intention. And I am trying to, I'm trying to give away free support for people and Instagram as a great resource for people. And so I really am, you know, these aren't like promotional videos that I'm trying to hook people, I'm really just trying to give away knowledge that people can use to support themselves. Because the Radiant Life project is not about using anyone else as a crutch or expecting anyone else to rescue you. It's about doing it from the inside out. And, and being so radiant, that it extends through and beyond you and affects the world. Absolutely. We need to sit there about doing the work yourself. And there's no one's going to do it for you. When I was in the real depths of my postnatal depression, with my second child, I had that exact feeling I had, and it was incredibly daunting, and scary. But on the other hand, it was so empowering, it was like, no one can help me, and a fearful thing, but then it was like, Uh, no one can help me because I'm capable of doing this, I can do this. So it was like, flicking the switch. It's, it's scary, when you know, you've got to do it yourself. And when you're not in a great place, you know, in your own head, they can feel like the worst news in the world. Like, literally, you want someone to save you, you want someone to fix you. But working with someone like yourself, you know, a trained professional, you will have assistants, but at the end of the day, it is you that goes deep inside you and changes, you know, whether it's, you know, the habits or the way you think about you yourself, think about the world, all that sort of stuff is on you. And I think I learned that during my sabbatical it, it took me 15 years of clinical practice to realize that, oh, I don't want these people to need me, I want these people to not need me. Yo, now I'll be going back to this Radiant Life project with the new perspective of I'm here as a guide and as a supportive resource. But ultimately, this is your show. This is your life. So reclaim it. Yeah, let's see. So well said I love that. And also just a point I wanted to mention, you are trained and experienced, like you said, 15 years of clinical experience, it really annoys me when I see people on Instagram sprouting out do this, do that, whatever. And they know they have none of that. So just to point out the you actually know things. Thank you. You're right, there are a lot of snake oil salesmen out there. So make sure you know as people are being discerning about aligned relationships and the right resources, make sure that the support that you receive is from credible places. All right, well, I'll let you lead the way, Kate with this reading using your beautiful deck. Okay, thank you. So what I always do with this is, I just want the cards to know that this is for you and not me. So I just sort of say to the cards. This is a reading for Alison. Okay, so would you like to stick with your your three card? Pull? You do whatever feels right over there. But I'm gonna leave it up to you. Do you have any specific questions or any specific? Anything that's on your mind that you're curious about? Look, I'd like to just know that where I'm at right now I'm actually feeling because I see my full disclosure, I see my therapist monthly. So I do a lot of work. And I feel like right at this moment in time, I actually had a mental health check with my doctor this morning. And you know, we have this thing over here called a I think it's called K 10. And you check, no, based on the last four weeks, have you experienced different emotions or situations. And mine was the lowest score I think it's ever been ever so right now I'm going really good. So I guess I just like, you know, some feedback on that, I suppose. Yes, that's perfect. How about like, why are you feeling so well? What's working? Yeah, And what are some areas of? Oh, I got it. Okay, what's working? What is an area of growth that you can work through now that you have so much strength? And I'm wondering if maybe there was something to let go of now. So maybe I'll pull three. Yep, that sounds awesome. Okay, so the first one is Why are you feeling so good? Okay, and the second one is what area of growth feels accessible now that you're so resourced? Okay, and the third one is, what can you let go of? What do you no longer need? All right. So I'll give you these three. And then if we need an additional minute, sometimes we need one more card. So we'll see. So why are you feeling so good. This is the card that I pulled. And this is the card of companionship, this is a relational card. And for you, this could mean anything from like, either not being codependent, like just coexisting peacefully with people or it could mean that you have a new kind of support or a connection that's really sustaining and filling you up. But this is about kind of like peaceful coexistence and relationships. Yeah. And I'll screenshot these these cards and put them in the show notes for everyone. But it's, it's a pair of Dragon is it to dragonflies and flowers, and then color that is my color, that background? That's like that aqua, sort of It's a mixture between throat chakra and the heart chakra. It's kind of that that really beautiful Aqua. Love that. That's beautiful, by the way. Thank you. Okay, so number two, now that you're in a strong place, what work can you do? So this is the card that's about being both rooted, and also free. So the work now is kind of working with this binary that you don't have to be so grounded that you don't fly, and you don't have to be so airy, that you're ungrounded. So the work now is about having both Hmm. It's finding that balance, isn't that? Which kind of Yeah, you should, one sorry to cut you off. I'm usually one way or the other, I made the Full Tilt one way or nothing. So this card is telling you that now that you're in such a strong place in your life, it's time for you to kind of have a fusion of Mind Body Spirit, and not be only in one or the other. Yep, yeah. So where can you can you describe that? That beautiful picture? Fairly? Yes. So this is a an image of a figure that has sort of golden energy coming in through the crown chakra at the top of their head and moving through the body, and actually growing roots that reach down into the earth all the way down to sort of the molten lava core where there are pure crystalline energies and resources. And the figure also has large wings that are open and expanding and kind of taking off. Yeah, I have a thing with wings, we fly with feathers, I collect a lot of flat Earth, this flower girl articulates a lot of flowers, too. But wings is a big thing for me. Yes, I also love wings, well, then you're gonna like this one, too. So your third part, which is about what to let go of. This is an image that's about like magical thinking, this is about I think what this message is, is that you should let go of the sort of spiritual bypassing of avoiding things by being too kind of too spiritual, and not actually facing what's real. There is magic in the world. And there is spirituality in the world. And we can also use them as avoidance mechanisms. So I think that this card is asking you to release that. Hmm, that definitely makes sense. I love how you're, you're female, I guess presuming it's a female figure there has got the wing on one side. And then it's sort of like it's reality, and, and sort of the spiritual world sort of shining one figure and if that makes sense, and the columns and it's similar to your second card with sort of a feeling of grounding, but also flying at the same time. And I think that's part of the message with With when you don't want to let go of all of your magic, you don't want to let go of your spirituality that's important. You just want to let go of the parts that are keeping you from doing the work you need to do. Hmm, yeah, that makes sense. It's almost like I can use it as a justification to avoid things. I think you just said that. Yeah. Yes. John Wellwood has a term called spiritual bypassing. And it is just all about how we use spirituality to avoid things. And it's not that's not a healthy use of spirituality. Yeah. I love that. So do you need do you need another car? Do you feel like there's any anything lingering? No, I don't actually, I feel like that's, that's actually incredibly spot on. That's, and it's really not, I've always felt really reassured after having cards pulled like, it just feels like a nice warm hug from the universe. And, you know, there's, there's never, I don't know, all the all the decks I've ever read. If they want to tell you, you know, to improve on something, it's always in a kind way, you know, they're never gonna pound you on the head with a with a horrible, you know, mean thing. But you know, they're looking after. So if there's things I need to say, they'll tell us, you know? Yes, I talk about it as like the shadow side and the sunny side where everything has the shadow like Carl Jung talked about in his in his groundbreaking psychological work. But there's a dark side to everything. But there's also a bright side to everything. And if you can find the place where you can hold both and glean the gifts from both than that's like holistic, balanced living, right is not getting too lost in the shadows or too blinded by the light. It's getting that union the Yang sort of just it's balanced. Yes. Balance. Yes. Oh, look, thank you. That is just, ah, I feel very special. And everyone listening, you should feel special, because that's the very first time we've ever had a reading on the podcast. So thank you, Kate, for sharing that with us. You're welcome. And you'll be can people purchase your cards from your website as well? Yes. So at the Radiant Life project.com There's a page where you can purchase the deck, you could purchase the book, the authentic Mother, you can also purchase prints of my artwork. Oh, lovely. Excellent on thank you I have just had a such a lovely morning chatting to you. Thank you so much for coming on. It's just so welcome. I've enjoyed it as well. Thanks for your company today. If you've enjoyed this episode, I'd love you to consider leaving us a review, following or subscribing to the podcast, or even sharing it with a friend who you think might be interested. If you or someone you know would like to be a guest on the podcast. Please get in touch with us via the link in the show notes. I'll catch you again next week for another chat with an artistic mum.

4 Sarah Bailey Australian author 4 Article # 7 July 2023 By day I’m the Managing Director of a creative advertising agency called VMLY&R and in the time I have left over I’m a novelist. My role at VMLY&R sees me lead a team of 160 across our Melbourne and Sydney offices and my responsibilities centre around team performance, client relationships, commercial success and maintaining a high standard of creative excellence. I’ve been working in advertising since 2003 and I really enjoy it. I like the mix of creativity, business, and people management, and have been lucky to work on some incredible campaigns and initiatives over the course of my career. I’ve been writing seriously since 2016 and since then I’ve had five crime fiction books published, with two more contracted to delivered over the next two years. I’ve always loved to read and write and often toyed with the idea of trying to write a novel throughout my teens and twenties. I attempted starting to write a book a few times but life got in the way. It wasn’t until my early thirties that I decided that it was something I really wanted to do and so I set myself a goal to publish a book by my thirty-fifth birthday. I made a few people aware of my goal and started carving out time to write around work, on the weekends and afterhours during the week, plus I enrolled in a writing course as well as joining a few local writing organisations. Once I got started it took just over a year for me to get my first draft complete and then another year to secure an agent, a publisher and complete all of the required edits. My first novel was published the day after I turned thirty-five. I have three children, all boys. I had my first son Oxford when I was twenty-seven, my second son Linus when I was thirty and my third son Ripley five days before I turned forty-one. It’s interesting having a teenager, a tween and a newborn and I’m looking forward to navigating the full spectrum of parenting over the coming years! I’m currently on parental leave and re-adjusting to life with a newborn and two older children. I’d forgotten how primal the first few months are, and how centred on logistics. In some ways the days become smaller, and my focus feels very limited: it’s a continual loop of feeding, sleeping and admin tasks, but as was the case the last two times I was on parental leave, the creative part of my brain has kicked into overdrive, and I have a bunch of new ideas and a reinvigorated sense of ambition. I have edits due on my next book in July and another to write within the next twelve months. There are also a few other projects I’d like to explore before I return to work in 2024 so we’ll see how I go easing back into writing over the next few weeks. Typically, I write around my full-time work and whatever obligations I have with the kids. Usually this means I write on the weekends and one or two nights per week plus I try to ring-fence off at least a week over the Summer holidays. I try to use the time I have rather than bemoan the time I don’t, and consider every word I produce as progress. My full-time job is very demanding and does limit the time I have to write but I think it also provides a healthy perspective and in a counterintuitive way gives me more energy to dedicate to writing. Advertising is a very social, very inspiring fast-paced industry and I feel like being a part of it works to feed my other creative projects. Over the next few years I’d like my creative pursuits to be a bit more strategic and for the time I do have to be used more effectively so I’m working through what needs to change about my current approach to achieve this. I can’t deny that finding time to write is one of the biggest challenges in terms of my writing output, but I think that worrying about this can take on a life of its own if you let it feel like more of a blocker than it is. I’ve got to the point where I know it’s about being smart with the writing windows of time I can navigate around everything else. This might be early morning before work, in the car while I’m waiting at soccer practice, at a bar while I wait to meet a friend for a drink – anywhere I can get out my laptop really. I draw creative and time management inspiration from a lot of people, both high profile personalities and people I know in my everyday life. I love finding out how others fit in their art and I enjoy hearing about the challenges they face and what works for them. Regardless of profile, I think that most creative people juggle their projects alongside work or family responsibilities, illness or study, and while I know it’s often hard, I think this tension tends to make the end result all the more satisfying. I am lucky to have a supportive family who regularly step in to look after the kids when I’ve needed time to finish a draft or finalise edits and have looked after them when I’m at writing events, as well as a supportive manager at work who has allowed me to take the occasional day off to promote my book. The freedom this support allows is priceless and enables me to balance and enjoy the competing priorities in my life. "Having three sons I’m especially conscious of them having a healthy attitude toward working women, motherhood and fatherhood and parents making time for their art." Becoming a parent has influenced my writing in a few different ways. In practical terms I think the forced career pause of maternity leave gave me time to reflect on what I had achieved up to that point, it prompted me to think about my unrealised ambitions and to dig into what makes me happy. This self-review absolutely led to my decision to actively pursue writing. From an emotional point of view, I think that motherhood has given me an insight into the unique intimacy of a parent/child relationship and the ability to realistically bring that to life in my writing. I think parenting has also given me more scope to consider things from the perspective of a child and that also helps me to craft realistic stories and scenarios. I actively reject the concept of mother guilt and have spoken about it regularly with my older children over the years. I figured that if I openly communicated the concept with the people who were likely to make me experience the guilt, it was less likely to manifest and become insidious. As a result of these conversations my kids understand how important my work is to me, and how important my writing is to me and that I have hopes and dreams and passions, just like they do. We talk about how critical finding purpose is for everyone and that sometimes my work will mean I can’t be at a school activity or a sporting event and that’s okay. Ultimately I think that everyone is doing their best with the time and flexibility they have. I make hundreds of decisions each week about where to direct my attention and I don’t want to spend too much time fretting about the division. If I intuitively feel like one of my kids needs some extra support I lean in, but I have no qualms about letting them know if I have an important writing deadline to meet or have to travel for work. They understand I have responsibilities beyond parenting and their dad and grandparents are and we talk about what this might mean in practical terms I don’t see ‘me time’ as selfish, I see it as critical for me to be a good parent and a happy human. I felt like a fully formed person prior to becoming a parent and I don’t feel like I’ve fundamentally changed since having kids. I see having kids as a new role so in that regard I think it adds more depth but doesn’t change what was already there. It’s very important to me that I continue to work toward my goals and pursue things that I find rewarding and I feel that would be the case whether I had children or not. I ensure setting time aside for making art is never done in an apologetic way, it simply needs to be scheduled in like everything else. I talk about my interests and book ideas with my kids and encourage them to share theirs with me, I think it’s nice for family members to know what floats everyone’s’ boat and to be a part of the desire and excitement, and to share in the ups and downs, Having three sons I’m especially conscious of them having a healthy attitude toward working women, motherhood and fatherhood and parents making time for their art. I think I will always write in some capacity. I enjoy the craft and find it to be a helpful way to organise my thoughts. I particularly enjoy creating characters and stories and find the process of novel writing extremely rewarding. It’s also very time-consuming and takes me over twelve months to develop a first draft and another twelve months to get the book publishing-ready, so for this reason I’m not sure if I would write books if there was no financial payment. I’m not sure I could justify dedicating that much time to something that did not have commercial value, especially not at this stage of my writing career and considering my current financial position. "They understand I have responsibilities beyond parenting and their dad and grandparents do, and we talk about what this might mean in practical terms I don’t see ‘me time’ as selfish, I see it as critical for me to be a good parent and a happy human." My mum has always worked and only just retired this year after fifty years in the field of nursing so I’ve always been exposed to the idea that women work and can pursue a meaningful career. While my father was the primary earner it was never questioned that my mother worked. She actually completed further study and secured an additional degree in HR when I was I was young, and I remember feeling inspired by her desire to continue learning and improving her prospects in the workplace. From a young age I was aware that my dad’s job was the big job and that he was away from the home more often but I simultaneously knew that my mother was ‘needed’ at work, just like she was needed at home and the fact that she worked just like my dad did I’m sure is part of why I place a lot of value – both financial and emotional – on women being an essential part of every modern workplace. My next book, the fourth in the Detective Gemma Woodstock series, will be published in March 2024 with Allen & Unwin. I’m currently finalising the new Gemma Woodstock book and will complete various editing milestones until it’s published in March 2024. Then I’ll be working on a new manuscript, a sequel to crime thriller, The Housemate. I’m also working on a few other creative projects including a rom-com mystery concept as well as being part of a writing team on the screenplay of my first novel The Dark Lake. Contact Sarah Website: sarahbaileyauthor.com Instagram: @sarah_bailey_author BACK

Emma Stenhouse Indigenous Australian artist S4Ep100 Listen and subscribe on Spotify and itunes/Apple podcasts This week on the podcast we are celebrating 100 episodes ! Hip hip horray! My guest is Emma Stenhouse, an Indigenous artisan and Ngarrindjeri Woman who is the mother of 3 children. Emma can be described as many things - indigenous artisan, Ngarrindjeri Woman, artist, weaver, printmaker, designer and sewist. Emma Stenhouse is taking the first steps on her journey in belonging and becoming connected with her Ngarrindjeri heritage. Her work is predominantly inspired by nature and connection to country using elements of contemporary art and traditional Iconography. Emma ignites the flame of love for Country in other hearts and minds. A multifaceted creative, she explores diverse practices. Each piece is braided with learning, exchange between artist and viewer, a continuation of culture - a platform for cross cultural exchange An experienced early childhood educator, Emma imparts her knowledge of culture, implementing programming including traditional indigenous creative practices guided by Gunditjmara elders. A gatherer and sharer of knowledge, she uses this to guide her own journey. She builds capacity for others to learn and develop their own connections. Emma's story spans across four decades, desert and sea; as she explores the challenges and monuments of her cultural growth, connection to Country and being an Artist. Moving through time and space, from the bush to the beach her stories are formed by her deep relationship to land and guided by strong female role models in her community. **Emma’s epiosde contains mentions of the loss of a child** Emma - website Podcast - instagram / website If today’s episode is triggering for you in any way I encourage you to seek help from those around you, medical professionals or from resources on line. I have compiled a list of great international resources here Music used with permission from Alemjo , my new age ambient muic trio. When chatting to my guests I greatly appreciate their openness and honestly in sharing their stories. If at any stage their information is found to be incorrect, the podcast bears no responsibility for guests' inaccuracies. Podcast transcript at the bottom of the page Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode of The Art of Being A Mum Podcast. I'm beyond honoured that you're here and would be grateful if you could take 2 minutes to leave me a 5-star review in iTunes or wherever you are listening. It really helps! This way together we can inspire, connect and bring in to the light even more stories from creative mums. Want to connect? Take a screenshot of this episode and share it on Instagram tagging me in with @art_of_being_a_mum_podcast I can't wait to connect. And remember if you or somebody you know would like to be a guest on the podcast, get in touch ! I love meeting and chatting to mammas from all creative backgrounds, from all around the world! Thank you! Alison acknowledges this Land of the Berrin (Mount Gambier) Region as the Traditional Lands of the Bungandidj People and acknowledge these First Nations people as the custodians of the Region. Ch eck out more episodes ..... 1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:08,520 Welcome to the Art of Being a Mum podcast where I, Alison Newman, a singer, songwriter and Aussie mum of two, 2 00:00:08,520 --> 00:00:15,400 enjoys honest and inspiring conversations with artists and creators about the joys and issues they've encountered 3 00:00:15,400 --> 00:00:18,480 while trying to be a mum and continue to create. 4 00:00:18,480 --> 00:00:25,000 You'll hear themes like the mental juggle, changes in identity, how their work's been influenced by motherhood, 5 00:00:25,000 --> 00:00:33,440 mum guilt, cultural norms and we also strain to territory such as the patriarchy, feminism and capitalism. 6 00:00:33,440 --> 00:00:39,600 You can find links to my guests and topics we discuss in the show notes along with a link to the music played, 7 00:00:39,600 --> 00:00:46,440 how to get in touch and a link to join our supportive and lively community on Instagram. 8 00:00:46,440 --> 00:00:54,120 I'll always put a trigger warning if we discuss sensitive topics on the podcast but if at any time you're concerned about your mental health 9 00:00:54,120 --> 00:01:00,840 I urge you to talk to those around you, reach out to health professionals or seek out resources online. 10 00:01:00,840 --> 00:01:08,840 I've compiled a list of international resources which can be accessed on the podcast landing page, alisonnewman.net. 11 00:01:08,840 --> 00:01:13,400 The Art of Being a Mum would like to acknowledge the traditional owners of the land and water 12 00:01:13,400 --> 00:01:17,160 which this podcast is recorded on as being the Bowendig people. 13 00:01:17,160 --> 00:01:26,200 I'm working on land that was never seeded. 14 00:01:26,200 --> 00:01:31,880 Hello and welcome to episode 100 of the Art of Being a Mum podcast. 15 00:01:31,880 --> 00:01:37,960 It is an absolutely amazing experience to say that I have stuck with this for 100 episodes 16 00:01:37,960 --> 00:01:46,600 and that I have been lucky enough to have 100 mums and a few dads hang out with me and want to share openly and honestly. 17 00:01:46,600 --> 00:01:52,920 And for you guys to listen. Thank you so much for being a part of this, it is such a wonderful experience for me 18 00:01:52,920 --> 00:01:59,800 and I hope it can continue. My work hours are getting a little bit more flexible so fingers crossed 19 00:01:59,800 --> 00:02:06,440 there'll be more podcasts to come. But of course in the meantime please enjoy my written article series 20 00:02:06,440 --> 00:02:12,120 which is pretty much the same as the podcast but it's completely answered by my guests. 21 00:02:12,120 --> 00:02:19,400 So I give them the questions, they write back the answers and I collate them and put it into the website. 22 00:02:19,400 --> 00:02:25,240 So you can check those out at alisonnewman.net slash articles. 23 00:02:25,240 --> 00:02:32,600 My 100th guest this week is Emma Stenhouse. Emma's an Indigenous artisan and Narangjerri woman 24 00:02:32,600 --> 00:02:40,200 and she's the mother of three children. Emma can be described as many things, Indigenous artist, 25 00:02:40,200 --> 00:02:47,240 weaver, printmaker, designer and sewist. Emma's taking the first steps on her journey to belonging 26 00:02:47,240 --> 00:02:53,800 and becoming connected with her Narangjerri heritage. Her work is predominantly inspired by nature 27 00:02:53,800 --> 00:02:59,160 and her connection to country using elements of contemporary art and traditional iconography. 28 00:02:59,880 --> 00:03:05,960 Emma ignites the flame of love for country in other hearts and minds. A multi-faceted creative 29 00:03:05,960 --> 00:03:12,120 she explores diverse practices and each piece is braided with learning, exchange between artist 30 00:03:12,120 --> 00:03:18,040 and viewer, a continuation of culture and a platform for cross-cultural exchange. 31 00:03:18,920 --> 00:03:24,520 An experienced early childhood educator Emma imparts her knowledge of culture implementing 32 00:03:24,520 --> 00:03:30,920 programming including traditional Indigenous creative practices guided by Gundurama elders. 33 00:03:30,920 --> 00:03:37,000 A gatherer and share of knowledge Emma uses this to guide her own journey. She builds capacity for 34 00:03:37,000 --> 00:03:44,360 others to learn and develop their own connections. Emma's story spans across four decades across 35 00:03:44,360 --> 00:03:50,440 desert and sea as she explores the challenges and monuments of her cultural growth, connection to 36 00:03:50,440 --> 00:03:56,840 country and being an artist. Moving through time and space from the bush to the beach her stories 37 00:03:56,840 --> 00:04:03,160 are formed by her deep relationship to land and guided by strong female role models in her community. 38 00:04:04,440 --> 00:04:09,240 Please be aware that Emma's episode contains discussions about the loss of a child. 39 00:04:10,920 --> 00:04:17,000 Throughout today's episode you'll hear music from Indigenous Australians, our First Nations people 40 00:04:17,720 --> 00:04:23,640 and this is used with permission. Thank you so much for tuning in again it is such a 41 00:04:23,640 --> 00:04:29,160 such a momentous moment such a moment to be celebrating 100 episodes and I'm so thrilled 42 00:04:29,160 --> 00:04:54,520 that you're here and I hope that you'll hang out with me again in the future. 43 00:04:54,520 --> 00:05:03,400 Thank you so much Emma it's a pleasure to welcome you to the podcast today thanks for coming on. 44 00:05:04,440 --> 00:05:10,440 Thank you very much for having me I'm very excited. Oh awesome so you're in Western Victoria 45 00:05:11,240 --> 00:05:15,160 in Warrnambool which isn't that far from me which is pretty exciting. I think you're the 46 00:05:15,160 --> 00:05:21,000 closest person I've had on apart from people in my own town. Oh wow um yeah I've been to Warrnambool 47 00:05:21,000 --> 00:05:26,200 I've been to Mount Gambier a couple of times um just for work so I haven't really been over there 48 00:05:26,200 --> 00:05:30,440 to check it out too much but um I'd love to go over and have a wander around there's some lakes 49 00:05:30,440 --> 00:05:35,640 or something close by to you guys that I want to go yeah swimming in. Yes oh yes so we've got the 50 00:05:35,640 --> 00:05:41,320 Blue Lake which is like our water source which is like the most beautiful blue sort of November 51 00:05:41,320 --> 00:05:47,160 onwards um but yes the little blue lake is that's our like local swimming spot that we love to go 52 00:05:47,160 --> 00:05:52,840 like our family um and it's like a just a just a sinkhole in the middle of a paddock out in the 53 00:05:52,840 --> 00:05:58,520 middle of nowhere and it's freezing most of the time but for a very short period of time in summer 54 00:05:58,520 --> 00:06:04,120 it's really really good so it's pretty popular. I'm used to the colds um yeah I actually don't go 55 00:06:04,120 --> 00:06:09,560 in the water here without a wetsuit so I'm a country kid I'm originally from Broken Hill so I 56 00:06:09,560 --> 00:06:16,200 grew up um in the desert and loving the heat so it's been a real um shock to the sister moving 57 00:06:16,200 --> 00:06:23,320 here and adjusting to the climate because it's always so cold. Oh yeah look I can I can relate 58 00:06:23,320 --> 00:06:26,680 to that and you're probably even colder than what we are because you're right near the ocean like 59 00:06:26,680 --> 00:06:32,760 on the ocean there aren't you? Yeah we're literally um a block back from the beach so the wind is you 60 00:06:32,760 --> 00:06:39,400 know always quite strong and very chilly. Yeah now my um mum used to have a horse that used to get 61 00:06:39,400 --> 00:06:44,280 trained over there and they'd always send us videos of the horses like paddling in the water and I 62 00:06:44,280 --> 00:06:50,840 always think god that looks so cold those poor horses. I know I know I walk the beach every day 63 00:06:50,840 --> 00:06:57,560 and um watch them train the horses and yeah often just shudder looking at them and the jockeys who 64 00:06:58,200 --> 00:07:04,360 who do actually like get in with them and oh yeah not my not my cup of tea but it is lovely to watch. 65 00:07:04,360 --> 00:07:10,280 Yeah yeah no it'd be good having that around um so do you mind me asking what what brought you to 66 00:07:10,280 --> 00:07:17,480 Born & Poop? Yeah so my husband's job we um both of us are born and bred in Broken Hill um and 67 00:07:18,440 --> 00:07:23,080 I guess we went on a bit of a five-week holiday along the south coast of New South Wales 68 00:07:23,080 --> 00:07:28,600 with our two sons um in a camper trailer and kind of did the off-grid thing a little bit 69 00:07:29,240 --> 00:07:35,880 and then sort of moved back to town and thought oh why are we living here like it's beautiful 70 00:07:35,880 --> 00:07:45,400 um and it's home but just the opportunities um for our kids just yeah I guess it's quite isolated 71 00:07:45,400 --> 00:07:53,080 to live you know um in the far west of New South Wales so yeah my husband decided to try for a 72 00:07:53,080 --> 00:07:58,200 sea change so he applied for the job in um Warrnambool and we told everyone a big fat lie 73 00:07:58,200 --> 00:08:03,080 and told them we were going to Melbourne for the weekend and we secretly came to Warrnambool and 74 00:08:03,080 --> 00:08:07,240 spent three days here and he had his interview and we you know scoped the place out and checked out 75 00:08:07,240 --> 00:08:12,280 the schools and you know wondered if it would be okay for us to live here and then yeah um 76 00:08:13,000 --> 00:08:17,320 he sort of got the call and said you've got the job and he left within sort of two weeks and 77 00:08:18,680 --> 00:08:24,040 yeah I stayed home in Broken Hill with the kids until Lucky finished high school and then we moved 78 00:08:24,040 --> 00:08:31,000 yeah just before Christmas so um I haven't looked back I mean it's the complete opposite um but I 79 00:08:31,000 --> 00:08:35,960 feel really blessed I guess to have two beautiful homes that are so different to each other 80 00:08:35,960 --> 00:09:02,200 um yeah absolutely I love that that's a great great yeah best of both worlds yeah that's it 81 00:09:06,040 --> 00:09:12,360 So you're an artist can you tell everyone what sort of style of art that you make 82 00:09:12,360 --> 00:09:18,520 and what sort of mediums that you use? Sure so um I'm an Indigenous artist um a contemporary 83 00:09:18,520 --> 00:09:25,640 Indigenous artist so I use traditional iconography um in a contemporary way I guess and my art is 84 00:09:25,640 --> 00:09:35,000 about storytelling uh and the stories that I um create I guess uh sort of speak to um my journey 85 00:09:35,000 --> 00:09:40,920 um in connecting to culture but also the strong women that have um guided me through this process 86 00:09:40,920 --> 00:09:49,800 um I guess I was I sort of always knew I was Aboriginal but hadn't had that really strong 87 00:09:49,800 --> 00:09:55,400 guidance in my life up until I turned 40 and sort of went oh this is missing in my life so 88 00:09:56,280 --> 00:10:03,240 yeah just re-established those um family connections and um yeah now really lucky 89 00:10:03,240 --> 00:10:11,800 to be a full-time artist so um as far as my artwork I paint in I paint with acrylics um but 90 00:10:12,680 --> 00:10:17,800 I kind of I can't limit myself I like to have a go at everything so um I've been making my own 91 00:10:17,800 --> 00:10:22,200 ochre um watercolour that's sort of been happening the last couple of weeks um 92 00:10:23,720 --> 00:10:33,000 with sort of guidance from lovely um Aboriginal elders and yeah I love printmaking just any 93 00:10:33,000 --> 00:10:39,000 any sort of medium I guess um I'll have a crack at it. Well that'd keep things interesting though 94 00:10:39,000 --> 00:10:44,120 wouldn't it like if you said I don't get bored at all. Yeah absolutely I've actually got one of your 95 00:10:44,120 --> 00:10:49,880 when you said on the email that your your artwork is at Green Door here in Mount Gambier and I've 96 00:10:49,880 --> 00:10:56,280 actually got um I can't remember what it was called now but it's um it's pink and it sort of 97 00:10:56,280 --> 00:11:02,200 goes in an arch. Oh yep. And there was a blue one that was kind of similar and um yeah unfortunately 98 00:11:02,200 --> 00:11:06,840 I'm not in the normal place I am for recording you'd be able to see it behind me which would 99 00:11:06,840 --> 00:11:15,880 have been really cool. I'm very grateful to Annie um she's been um a wonderful support to me but 100 00:11:15,880 --> 00:11:23,000 not just me I mean female artists in general she has just really helped just all I guess um 101 00:11:24,760 --> 00:11:27,480 yeah put ourselves out there a bit more and have that sort of 102 00:11:27,480 --> 00:11:34,120 just that kind support she's she's just such a lovely warm person and really genuine um so yeah 103 00:11:34,120 --> 00:11:38,520 I do feel really lucky and I know sort of um some of the other artists who have their work there 104 00:11:38,520 --> 00:11:43,240 feel the same so very blessed. Yeah shout out to Annie if she's listening. 105 00:11:43,240 --> 00:11:56,120 Oh dear. 106 00:11:56,120 --> 00:12:10,520 Were you always um into painting and creating growing up? 107 00:12:11,640 --> 00:12:19,160 Absolutely I can't actually remember a time where I wasn't making something so I remember 108 00:12:19,160 --> 00:12:23,160 being a kid and you know just doing little drawings for my aunties um 109 00:12:23,160 --> 00:12:32,520 my Nan was a dressmaker so I loved to watch her sew um and that's sort of something I had to go 110 00:12:32,520 --> 00:12:38,600 at I guess um in my 30s that was that became quite a passion for me learning to sew and um 111 00:12:39,640 --> 00:12:46,120 getting my all my Nan's old beautiful buttons and things like that and just um developing a real 112 00:12:46,120 --> 00:12:54,840 strong sort of sense of textile and pattern and surface design um and then I've yeah I've 113 00:12:54,840 --> 00:13:00,120 went through another stage where it was all about screen printing so I went and you know got when 114 00:13:00,120 --> 00:13:06,440 I did some courses and um yeah I had a little shop in Broken Hill where I used to run screen 115 00:13:06,440 --> 00:13:14,840 printing workshops and I'd teach you know anyone I guess from sort of five years old up to 101 was 116 00:13:14,840 --> 00:13:19,320 I went out to the nursing home and did a um we made tea towels with the residents out there and 117 00:13:19,320 --> 00:13:25,000 yeah I was really lucky to I just yeah meeting people through my arts practice is like the biggest 118 00:13:25,000 --> 00:13:31,160 gift ever. Yeah yeah and having that community and being able to share common a common interest 119 00:13:31,160 --> 00:13:37,320 with people. Yeah absolutely yeah. So you mentioned that you're you've got your Indigenous heritage 120 00:13:37,320 --> 00:13:46,120 has that always inspired what you're creating? It's always uh it's always been there in terms 121 00:13:46,120 --> 00:13:51,800 of like I've had such a strong connection to country and nature like I think that's just an 122 00:13:51,800 --> 00:13:58,680 innate thing that I've I've always had I've always been that outside kid and been fascinated in in 123 00:13:58,680 --> 00:14:03,960 nature like you know just the simple things like a leaf you know the veins on a leaf they they're 124 00:14:03,960 --> 00:14:10,360 captivating um you know dragonflies lizards all sorts of things I was the kid that was always 125 00:14:10,360 --> 00:14:14,840 came home with you know a pocket full of rocks and a stick and you know a leaf or a feather 126 00:14:15,480 --> 00:14:22,120 um so just having that real connection to country I think and then sort of you know in the last few 127 00:14:22,120 --> 00:14:30,360 years really connecting with um with my family and learning learning about culture but on so many 128 00:14:30,360 --> 00:14:37,320 different deeper levels um and just I guess allowing myself to acknowledge that knowing that 129 00:14:37,320 --> 00:14:44,520 I've always had but um haven't had the guidance from family to to help me explore that. Yeah yeah 130 00:14:44,520 --> 00:14:51,240 and yeah to sort of to take you into those deeper places and you talk about the um the traditional 131 00:14:51,240 --> 00:14:56,040 imagery that you use was that something that you'd always sort of done or has that sort of come in 132 00:14:56,040 --> 00:15:03,080 more since you sort of connected? I've always I've always had a like I don't know I've always had 133 00:15:03,080 --> 00:15:09,400 like um like questions and are wondering like where does where do I fit in in all of this 134 00:15:09,400 --> 00:15:17,320 um like growing up in Broken Hill my dad um was Aboriginal but he left so I sort of grew up um 135 00:15:17,320 --> 00:15:22,280 just with my mum and my brother and we you know we lived in a commission house on the outskirts of 136 00:15:22,280 --> 00:15:28,040 town um there were a lot of other Aboriginal people and families that lived in our street 137 00:15:28,040 --> 00:15:33,880 but I had really fair skin compared to them so I didn't sort of feel like I fitted in there 138 00:15:34,920 --> 00:15:40,600 and then I was sort of too dark to be you know like one of the white kids I suppose so I've 139 00:15:40,600 --> 00:15:45,560 always had this sort of feeling that I never sort of quite fitted in and I think that's led me to 140 00:15:45,560 --> 00:15:52,200 want to explore like in a lot of aspects of life just I've always had that curiosity I suppose 141 00:15:53,080 --> 00:16:04,520 and so yeah I've really um consciously been I guess just peeling back layers if you will trying 142 00:16:04,520 --> 00:16:10,040 to find out as much as I can not just about my family but um you know but culture in general and 143 00:16:10,040 --> 00:16:17,240 and the traditional practices and how they've um how they've evolved over the years um you know 144 00:16:17,240 --> 00:16:22,280 things even though we're still practicing the same art forms they've obviously you know evolved and 145 00:16:22,280 --> 00:16:29,080 changed so I guess celebrating that and that learning where it comes from because that's 146 00:16:29,720 --> 00:16:33,880 I guess that's the essence of it for me like that that the traditional stuff. 147 00:16:33,880 --> 00:16:42,040 Mm-hmm yeah and I think um look coming from someone that has no education sort of not a 148 00:16:42,040 --> 00:16:47,000 great understanding of Indigenous culture I like I love the patterns and the colours that people 149 00:16:47,000 --> 00:16:55,000 use like the contemporary Indigenous art and it's just it seems so um flippant to just say 150 00:16:55,000 --> 00:17:00,040 that I like the patterns and the colours because it's such a there's so much deeper meaning in that 151 00:17:00,040 --> 00:17:05,400 and the story that that that it actually tells if you know what I mean like there's just so much 152 00:17:05,400 --> 00:17:10,360 depth in this that it's like you can't just look at it and go that looks nice you know what I mean 153 00:17:10,360 --> 00:17:16,760 that would be just doing it like a disservice if that makes sense. Yeah absolutely yeah um and 154 00:17:16,760 --> 00:17:23,960 that's interesting just because I don't know I think you know in the past sort of 10 years people 155 00:17:23,960 --> 00:17:30,440 are becoming more aware and more connected to Aboriginal art like it's been viewed you know 156 00:17:30,440 --> 00:17:37,800 around the world with such like wonder and you know the beauty of it but I guess people are 157 00:17:37,800 --> 00:17:43,080 understanding that connection now so when we paint you know we're painting our story so um 158 00:17:44,360 --> 00:17:50,920 yeah I think I think it's changing at the moment and that's really nice because that allows us to 159 00:17:50,920 --> 00:17:55,320 connect with each other and I think you know after COVID we're all sort of like 160 00:17:55,320 --> 00:17:59,640 leaning into that a bit more. Yeah looking for that looking for that connection and 161 00:17:59,640 --> 00:18:20,920 meaning deeper meaning of life I think in general yeah people are striving for yeah. 162 00:18:30,040 --> 00:18:35,880 So you mentioned uh your children briefly how many children you said you had two boys? 163 00:18:36,520 --> 00:18:43,880 Yeah so I have um my eldest is 18 um and he's just finished high school and I feel really old but I 164 00:18:43,880 --> 00:18:50,200 have an 18 year old son and can't believe it because it just happened in the blink of an eye 165 00:18:50,840 --> 00:18:57,480 um and I have a 12 year old um son as well and he's just started high school so 166 00:18:57,480 --> 00:19:04,680 it's that's all very new um and I just do want to acknowledge like I also have um a daughter who 167 00:19:04,680 --> 00:19:11,160 would have been um 15 this year and she yeah she passed away um the day that she was born but she's 168 00:19:11,160 --> 00:19:17,880 sort of been a very big part of my life and I acknowledge her I guess in all that I do um 169 00:19:18,840 --> 00:19:25,400 having that experience um sort of changed me profoundly in a lot of ways but it's given me 170 00:19:25,400 --> 00:19:30,360 the perspective that like life's short and if you want to do something then you just you should just 171 00:19:30,360 --> 00:19:36,120 jump in and have a go like you don't really have anything to lose you like what's the worst that 172 00:19:36,120 --> 00:19:40,760 can happen I feel like I've already been through the worst so yeah you know just having that 173 00:19:40,760 --> 00:19:44,920 different perspective and and again you know that's what I guess that brings me back to like that 174 00:19:44,920 --> 00:19:49,080 wanting to connect to family and knowing more about myself and where I've come from and 175 00:19:49,080 --> 00:19:54,600 yeah I'm sorry sorry to hear about your daughter that's thank you um thank you for sharing it 176 00:19:55,240 --> 00:20:01,560 with us it's a it's you know it's a heartbreaking thing to live with um 177 00:20:02,840 --> 00:20:07,960 I guess all I can say is that I've tried to focus on the positive things that have come from that 178 00:20:07,960 --> 00:20:13,000 like the beautiful relationships that I've um have with other women and families who have been 179 00:20:13,000 --> 00:20:21,560 through the same thing um and just my work with Red Nose so I um I work with Red Nose 180 00:20:24,040 --> 00:20:33,240 at the moment through their Reconciliation Action Plan so um their WRAP um and just anyway I 181 00:20:33,240 --> 00:20:37,480 and anyway I can support them because that like they've been a great support to my family. 182 00:20:37,480 --> 00:20:43,160 No that's not that's really lovely so for people who who might not be familiar the Red Nose um 183 00:20:43,720 --> 00:20:49,800 involved with the SIDS. So they were they were they're formerly um SIDS and KIDS yeah and they 184 00:20:49,800 --> 00:20:56,280 amalgamated with SANS which is a South Australian organisation as well so they provide sort of 185 00:20:56,280 --> 00:21:02,760 education and support um and wonderful programs I guess for families like mine who were quite 186 00:21:02,760 --> 00:21:08,120 isolated at that time we in Broken Hill we didn't have any like we didn't even have a grief counsellor 187 00:21:08,120 --> 00:21:15,640 so um I sort of took it upon myself to um get some help not just for me there are a lot of other 188 00:21:15,640 --> 00:21:21,800 women in the community as well so um I reached out to Red Nose and was lucky enough to have an 189 00:21:21,800 --> 00:21:26,920 educator come out to Broken Hill and spend time with families but also the health professionals 190 00:21:26,920 --> 00:21:32,760 as well um just giving them education on how to better support um families who have gone through 191 00:21:32,760 --> 00:21:40,280 the loss of a child so yeah as much as things were you know really hard at that time I feel like I 192 00:21:42,200 --> 00:21:51,560 tried to I don't know make positive choices in that situation yeah um sort of helped me 193 00:21:51,560 --> 00:21:57,320 get through that time yeah and to be able to gain that help for other people and 194 00:21:58,120 --> 00:22:02,760 I guess there's always a sense of you know you don't you wouldn't wish this on anyone sort of 195 00:22:02,760 --> 00:22:07,560 feeling so you know you're giving that that help to other people in your community as well 196 00:22:07,560 --> 00:22:17,720 yeah absolutely but also um I guess you know we've come a long way I have in my family I guess I 197 00:22:17,720 --> 00:22:23,640 was the third generation who had like lost a child so I had an auntie who'd lost a child and my 198 00:22:23,640 --> 00:22:31,000 grandmother had lost children as well so just knowing their experience and how unfortunately 199 00:22:31,000 --> 00:22:37,560 how it was dealt with you know back in those days to how far we've come right now um and the work 200 00:22:37,560 --> 00:22:42,440 that I'm doing with SIDS and Kids is now about you know getting education out to remote communities 201 00:22:42,440 --> 00:22:47,720 as well so particularly um you know our remote Aboriginal communities all over the country who 202 00:22:48,600 --> 00:22:57,160 yeah just need a bit more support and um yeah it's it's a it's a tricky thing there's a lot 203 00:22:57,160 --> 00:23:04,200 sort of culturally that's you know it's hard like language you know barriers and just just distance 204 00:23:04,200 --> 00:23:09,080 I guess and access to services so uh that's something I'm very passionate about as well 205 00:23:09,080 --> 00:23:13,880 hmm yeah good on you for doing that 206 00:23:40,040 --> 00:23:45,240 when you had you when you first became a mum did you go through like a really big sort of shift in 207 00:23:45,240 --> 00:23:51,640 your identity where you sort of went who am I now you know am I still Emma I'm someone's mom like 208 00:23:51,640 --> 00:23:58,680 where do where do I sort of fit in to this yeah oh and I think we all do like it's just that's just 209 00:23:58,680 --> 00:24:05,720 um goes hand in hand with when you become a parent I when I had Lockie um 210 00:24:05,720 --> 00:24:13,400 um oh gosh I remember just being so full of anxiety you know am I doing this right what am 211 00:24:13,400 --> 00:24:18,680 I doing oh he's crying all the time he won't settle for me you know just that total lack of 212 00:24:18,680 --> 00:24:25,320 confidence um that you have when you're a new mum even though like I had an amazing group of 213 00:24:25,320 --> 00:24:33,320 friends and my my mum was amazing like I had lots of support um but I found like the first probably 214 00:24:33,320 --> 00:24:40,200 12 months sort of quite challenging um and then I don't know has as he got older and I felt like 215 00:24:40,200 --> 00:24:47,000 things got easier and I sort of found my way um I just loved every minute like him and I had such a 216 00:24:47,000 --> 00:24:54,200 close um relationship you know I stayed at home until he went to school um and then I sort of I 217 00:24:54,200 --> 00:24:59,800 studied early childhood education as well um because I just thought well I don't have the tools 218 00:24:59,800 --> 00:25:04,680 so if I go and do a bit of study that's only going to help my relationship you know with my kids so 219 00:25:05,800 --> 00:25:11,800 and that's been that's been a huge part of my life and still is like that the education and 220 00:25:11,800 --> 00:25:18,600 that sharing with children is just I don't know they're just amazing like they just have that 221 00:25:18,600 --> 00:25:24,840 joy that we sort of lose as we get older um and working with them just keeps that sort of relevant 222 00:25:24,840 --> 00:25:30,120 for me it's still it's always there that joy that they have that sense of wonder at the world and 223 00:25:30,120 --> 00:25:35,160 yeah I love that totally relate to that I'm an early childhood educator I work in a kindy at the 224 00:25:35,160 --> 00:25:41,000 moment and it's like they just keep you so like grounded on what's actually important in life and 225 00:25:41,000 --> 00:25:46,280 what's happening right in front of you oh absolutely you know the worst thing might have happened this 226 00:25:46,280 --> 00:25:50,280 morning like at home if you know not the worst thing but you know the boys might have given me 227 00:25:50,280 --> 00:25:54,200 trouble getting them up they didn't want to get up or they can't find their shoes or whatever but 228 00:25:54,200 --> 00:25:59,880 at work it's like someone finds a rock and that is like the center of attention like this rock 229 00:25:59,880 --> 00:26:04,920 where did it come from what is it what does it do you know it just brings you back to this 230 00:26:04,920 --> 00:26:10,120 basis that sense of curiosity and I think that's why I've just been really passionate about early 231 00:26:10,120 --> 00:26:15,720 childhood education for like the best part of 15 years it's played a huge role in my life 232 00:26:15,720 --> 00:26:25,000 yeah and I'm really lucky now that I get to go and work in schools sort of with my arts practice and 233 00:26:25,000 --> 00:26:34,040 sharing like my art techniques and just you know general art I guess techniques and different 234 00:26:34,040 --> 00:26:42,120 mediums but coupling that with culture as well and just they're like little sponges you know like 235 00:26:42,120 --> 00:26:47,240 they have just you share one thing with them and you know that that's the thing that they're going 236 00:26:47,240 --> 00:26:52,200 to go home and talk to their parents about like it's yeah it's amazing it's so much fun it is 237 00:26:52,200 --> 00:26:57,000 isn't it I just absolutely love it I only came to the industry probably 10 years ago and I just wish 238 00:26:57,000 --> 00:27:03,720 I had a founder earlier because it's just the best it just keeps you just so I don't know on this other 239 00:27:03,720 --> 00:27:10,680 level of looking at life I don't know oh and they definitely keep you grounded as well like you know 240 00:27:10,680 --> 00:27:14,520 you can't like if you haven't been to the hairdresser for a little while and you've got some 241 00:27:14,520 --> 00:27:19,080 sparkles on the side you know first thing they point out oh geez emma you're looking a bit 242 00:27:19,080 --> 00:27:24,440 your hair's looking a bit strange today or you've got sparkles in your hair oh yeah I know 243 00:27:24,440 --> 00:27:40,920 oh nothing gets past them does it they're just so honest so honest 244 00:27:54,440 --> 00:27:58,360 do you like I know I think it's formally called like artist in residence like do you go into the 245 00:27:58,360 --> 00:28:04,200 schools and like work in on that sort of capacity with the children yeah well essentially yeah I've 246 00:28:05,160 --> 00:28:12,760 we I do still call it like an artist in residence so um I have been who in the last little while so 247 00:28:12,760 --> 00:28:19,240 I went out to work in a bill um you know again that's that like just that when you live remotely 248 00:28:19,240 --> 00:28:24,760 you don't have the same opportunities as what you do like when you're in a more regional area so 249 00:28:24,760 --> 00:28:28,840 I'm passionate about you know going out and sharing that with with those kids and they're like 250 00:28:30,520 --> 00:28:36,360 yeah they have a completely different perspective on everything as well um last week I was over in 251 00:28:36,360 --> 00:28:47,720 Camperdown and helped um Camperdown college we had six students um in the junior school and then 12 252 00:28:47,720 --> 00:28:54,360 in the senior school and we created two murals so um yeah it's just expanding I guess their knowledge 253 00:28:54,360 --> 00:29:03,320 about culture but also reminding them to like not lose their wonder about how amazing nature is um 254 00:29:03,320 --> 00:29:09,080 yeah and it's interesting like I present a nature collage and just you know when they come up and 255 00:29:09,080 --> 00:29:14,040 grab the different uh bits and pieces of nature that I've collected you know that just that 256 00:29:14,040 --> 00:29:19,560 oh like remember when we went to the beach and you know I went to the beach with my family and I saw a 257 00:29:19,560 --> 00:29:27,160 shell like this or um you know just different bird feathers you know they'll talk about like the one 258 00:29:27,160 --> 00:29:34,200 time that they got swooped by a magpie and you know just the stories and then I guess that just 259 00:29:34,200 --> 00:29:41,640 reminds them to be yeah more connected to what's actually around them you know we're such a tech 260 00:29:41,640 --> 00:29:48,040 a tech heavy society these days so getting back to nature is beneficial like on so you know there's 261 00:29:48,040 --> 00:29:54,520 there's a gazillion studies about it but just go for a walk and yeah pick up a leaf and have a look 262 00:29:54,520 --> 00:30:00,520 at it or just go to the beach and have a wander you never know what you're going to find so um 263 00:30:00,520 --> 00:30:09,480 yeah just that just that gentle reminder to be aware and um be connected. Yeah and the noticing 264 00:30:09,480 --> 00:30:15,480 of things like I've like we're doing this term we're doing a book called um garden stew so it's all 265 00:30:15,480 --> 00:30:21,240 the ingredients are all things we find in nature and there's this lovely little quokka that's like 266 00:30:21,240 --> 00:30:26,360 the star of the book who's gathering all these things together so I've been asking my children 267 00:30:26,360 --> 00:30:31,080 about just things they notice not necessarily at kindy but when they're on their way to kindy or 268 00:30:31,080 --> 00:30:35,720 at home and some of the things that they share it's like you plant that little seed and then they 269 00:30:35,720 --> 00:30:39,800 just start that it's like the whole world's open and like oh I noticed this and I noticed that and 270 00:30:39,800 --> 00:30:45,160 there's a tree in my backyard I never realized it has these different color leaves and it's just so 271 00:30:45,160 --> 00:30:50,200 I just love that it's just like boom and it all comes and seeing things in a different way and 272 00:30:50,840 --> 00:30:56,840 yeah yeah I love it that just that's I guess that's the stuff that fills my cup up um yeah 273 00:30:57,560 --> 00:31:04,680 so yeah I've done I did camp it down last week I'm heading into work with um two Catholic schools 274 00:31:04,680 --> 00:31:13,080 in Melbourne and then I come home Friday night and then I head off to Ararat for um a week to work 275 00:31:13,080 --> 00:31:21,880 with students over there again um we're creating a mural and um I guess I just sort of see my role 276 00:31:21,880 --> 00:31:26,600 as a facilitator the work the work is like their story and their voice I just sort of give them 277 00:31:27,400 --> 00:31:32,520 literally the tools and a bit of guidance to help create their own story because I think um 278 00:31:32,520 --> 00:31:37,880 um it's always really important to share your own story but to hear other people's as well 279 00:31:39,320 --> 00:31:47,000 yeah that's it isn't there's no point going into to a particular area um and you know putting out 280 00:31:47,000 --> 00:31:52,680 what you you think or what you feel or whatever it's yeah because we are so different and you 281 00:31:52,680 --> 00:31:56,760 talked about you know these tiny towns like this Warwick and Beale and Camberdown like they're in 282 00:31:56,760 --> 00:32:02,120 the middle of like literally nowhere you know it's very different to you know say Waterville so 283 00:32:02,120 --> 00:32:06,760 everyone's got their their own particular stories that relevant to where they are and how they 284 00:32:06,760 --> 00:32:12,440 experience life yeah absolutely and it's interesting I guess like just going to Warwick and Beale you 285 00:32:12,440 --> 00:32:18,280 know the pride that these kids have that they're farm kids and you know they grow they grow the 286 00:32:18,280 --> 00:32:25,480 stuff that helps the rest of us you know each like it yeah they're so proud of that um and even you 287 00:32:25,480 --> 00:32:30,040 know in Camberdown you know they they all have farms like they're on dairy farms you know that 288 00:32:30,040 --> 00:32:37,000 they have whole industries and they know so much about it that you know I was like oh well tell me 289 00:32:37,000 --> 00:32:41,080 you know what what happens here and what happens there and how many times a year do you guys you 290 00:32:41,080 --> 00:32:46,680 know harvest your crops and yeah and it was just amazing and these little kids at kinder you know 291 00:32:46,680 --> 00:32:52,200 their parents were bringing in bags of grain and um chickpeas and stuff that they'd grown at their 292 00:32:52,200 --> 00:32:58,840 house and I was it was fascinating like really fascinating like just to have that okay it goes 293 00:32:58,840 --> 00:33:06,840 from like a dust bowl out here in Warwick and Beale on their farm to you know like in our food it's 294 00:33:08,040 --> 00:33:14,600 but kids have made that connection and it's yeah it's amazing just the pride that they have knowing 295 00:33:14,600 --> 00:33:21,240 that like their family's contributing that they're literally feeding the rest of Australia yeah it's 296 00:33:21,240 --> 00:33:25,400 pretty massive thing isn't it I guess it's easy to kind of feel forgotten about when you're you know 297 00:33:25,400 --> 00:33:31,800 you know um living a bit more remotely than other people but yeah that was and we we really 298 00:33:31,800 --> 00:33:37,880 celebrated that like in my time there that that um you know they they are really contributing and 299 00:33:39,000 --> 00:33:46,600 like I would love to go back out there and spend some more time um I guess from me personally just 300 00:33:46,600 --> 00:33:53,800 learning from them I mean I've not grown up in that environment so yeah yeah that's good isn't 301 00:33:53,800 --> 00:33:58,520 it and I do love that they're so proud and they should be it's it's wonderful and I think actually 302 00:33:58,520 --> 00:34:03,560 a lot of city people could kind of learn a lot from them about you know your food doesn't just 303 00:34:03,560 --> 00:34:08,760 appear in a box or in a packet it actually comes from somewhere and from people working hard and 304 00:34:09,320 --> 00:34:16,120 you know like I said she actually brought me in you know um all the different things that they 305 00:34:16,120 --> 00:34:20,360 grow on their farm and the kids were like can you take when you go into the city can you take this 306 00:34:20,360 --> 00:34:25,960 you know to show the kids and I was like yeah absolutely love that yes yeah yeah because it 307 00:34:25,960 --> 00:34:29,720 was something I can't even remember what it was now but something's in my mind about the number 308 00:34:29,720 --> 00:34:33,960 of kids that didn't really know where milk came from I don't know if that I'm thinking of an 309 00:34:33,960 --> 00:34:38,520 American thing or not and it kind of I thought how could you not know where your milk came from 310 00:34:38,520 --> 00:34:44,280 like to out to me it's just it's obvious but you know maybe it's not that obvious and then 311 00:34:44,280 --> 00:34:51,080 someone's told you or you've seen it I don't know I don't know it's like you're right and then I 312 00:34:51,080 --> 00:34:57,160 guess we talked a lot about um you know they're they're growing things they're living off the 313 00:34:57,160 --> 00:35:03,880 land and I guess then we link that back to you know um like Aboriginal culture like bush tucker 314 00:35:03,880 --> 00:35:10,360 that we've we've had these things available to us and if we look after country then you know country 315 00:35:10,360 --> 00:35:16,680 looks after us so it was really nice to explore those two things sort of side by side as well and 316 00:35:16,680 --> 00:35:25,720 them then sort of understanding that I mean I grew up sort of you know in a really sort of remote 317 00:35:25,720 --> 00:35:31,560 place and you'd go out like we were on a property at times and you'd go out there and you'd think 318 00:35:31,560 --> 00:35:36,360 there's nothing out here like nothing grows and then you know you'd go for a little drive in the 319 00:35:36,360 --> 00:35:41,080 car and there'd be like a few kwangdong trees you know and then like say like there's food there's 320 00:35:41,080 --> 00:35:46,360 stuff out there if you know about it so yeah you know that's been interesting for me I guess on my 321 00:35:46,360 --> 00:35:51,880 own personal journey just um like learning about all the different sort of bush tucker and and 322 00:35:51,880 --> 00:35:57,640 things like that I've always had that interest anyway but um yeah like digging a bit deeper into 323 00:35:57,640 --> 00:36:10,520 it so it's been great 324 00:36:27,640 --> 00:36:44,520 so 325 00:36:44,520 --> 00:37:00,200 yeah and you mentioned before about um your watercolors that you're making your ochre 326 00:37:00,200 --> 00:37:05,480 watercolors that would be fascinating too like finding out what color what things make what color 327 00:37:05,480 --> 00:37:16,600 and that sort of thing yeah and just I guess um like the fascination in how it was made traditionally 328 00:37:16,600 --> 00:37:21,320 so you know like I go to a school and I'll say to the kids you know what what can you tell me about 329 00:37:21,320 --> 00:37:25,640 aboriginal art and they'll say you know oh they made paint from rocks and I'm like yeah yeah 330 00:37:26,280 --> 00:37:29,960 that happened you know so do you know how that happened like oh you know yeah they ground it 331 00:37:29,960 --> 00:37:35,880 up and they add a bit of water and the second that you tell them that like it needs a binding agent 332 00:37:35,880 --> 00:37:40,280 you know like it needs to stick together and you and you tell them that you know like traditionally 333 00:37:40,280 --> 00:37:46,520 we might have used um animal blood or tree sap you know the eyes got bigger sources and you know 334 00:37:46,520 --> 00:37:54,040 oh how does that happen and you know so just even in exploring like the traditional processes in my 335 00:37:54,040 --> 00:38:01,320 learning I'm able to then share that with um the kids as well and I went to the Northern Territory 336 00:38:01,320 --> 00:38:07,960 last year and just was completely fascinated by the rock art and just to know that like that's been 337 00:38:07,960 --> 00:38:16,440 there for 600 years and that paint that ochre has lasted you know 600 years in a cave yeah and yet 338 00:38:17,000 --> 00:38:22,360 you know we can go and paint a house and within five years it's faded so yeah it's pretty amazing 339 00:38:22,360 --> 00:38:28,520 isn't it it's pretty amazing that those just those basic you know elements of nature and you're able 340 00:38:28,520 --> 00:38:35,080 to create something that lasts you know well beyond our own years and then you've yeah it's amazing 341 00:38:35,080 --> 00:38:40,280 and I think you know growing up being that collector I've always like yep oh there's a red 342 00:38:40,280 --> 00:38:45,720 rock or there's a you know that one's white or you know I've always I actually have a collection 343 00:38:45,720 --> 00:38:54,360 of rocks um probably a bit odd for a 44 I could relate to that too yeah and when you grow up in 344 00:38:54,360 --> 00:39:00,760 a mining town it's kind of you kind of just yeah it's another it's just a thing yeah it would just 345 00:39:00,760 --> 00:39:06,360 be part of your of your daily life like just finding interesting rocks it would just you know 346 00:39:06,360 --> 00:39:15,960 it'd be great yeah I know it's yeah it's weird I quite often laugh that I like just 347 00:39:16,600 --> 00:39:23,080 innately am like a gatherer and a collector and I think about my ancestors and the women who went 348 00:39:23,080 --> 00:39:31,320 before me and that was kind of their role as well and it's comforting I guess to know that 349 00:39:31,320 --> 00:39:36,920 like I'm still doing that and that's going to be passed on in my family as well that yeah just that 350 00:39:36,920 --> 00:39:43,720 value in nature. Absolutely I love that um I've got a thing like that like with your rocks mine's 351 00:39:43,720 --> 00:39:50,200 feathers I'm obsessed with feathers and I just oh my oh I just I don't know what it is about and 352 00:39:50,200 --> 00:39:56,920 whether it's I don't know I like I love birds I think birds are just the most amazing things and 353 00:39:56,920 --> 00:40:02,040 I have my little favorites that come around to the house and whatever and have a chat with the mag 354 00:40:02,040 --> 00:40:06,920 pots and things and so I just I don't know it's like you've got this there's this they're so 355 00:40:06,920 --> 00:40:11,560 unattainable because they can just go you know then they can go wherever they like and they're 356 00:40:11,560 --> 00:40:16,840 free and to just have a little piece of that is I don't know maybe that's why I like I can hold it 357 00:40:16,840 --> 00:40:21,080 close to me I don't know it's a funny thing. I know it's a treasure it's a treasure because it's 358 00:40:21,080 --> 00:40:27,160 a moment in time that's just just that moment I suppose. Yeah yeah and you can't replicate it 359 00:40:27,160 --> 00:40:35,960 you know as much as I try. And it's interesting like why um you know different different mobs and 360 00:40:37,000 --> 00:40:43,800 stuff have different um totems and mine is a Willy Wagtail. Ah that's so interesting because 361 00:40:43,800 --> 00:40:49,640 I've had a Willy Wagtail never before in the last three or four days has been at my front door with 362 00:40:49,640 --> 00:40:54,920 his beautiful little whistle and I'm like what are you here for like it's still very interesting. 363 00:40:54,920 --> 00:41:01,800 My family have explained to me that they're messenger birds um so like black and white I 364 00:41:01,800 --> 00:41:07,080 guess you know good messages bad messages when you when you're a Willy Wagtail you don't have a choice 365 00:41:07,080 --> 00:41:13,000 to have to share the message whether it's good or bad that's that's kind of your your burden or your 366 00:41:13,000 --> 00:41:20,840 your role I guess so um yeah just fascinated I love birds as well just fascinated by I guess again 367 00:41:20,840 --> 00:41:28,760 that's another just a deeper learning that that I've been lucky enough to um have had shared with 368 00:41:28,760 --> 00:41:34,840 me and yeah. Yeah just on birds just slightly off topic though do you get um carawongs over where 369 00:41:34,840 --> 00:41:43,720 you are? No we don't we have the most amazing um superb fairy wrens you know the little good ones. 370 00:41:43,720 --> 00:41:49,880 Yes yes they're divine but it sucks out only the boys get to be beautiful don't they and the little 371 00:41:49,880 --> 00:41:55,000 girls. Oh I'm just saying with peacocks it's funny oh yes that's so true. I take peacock feathers um 372 00:41:55,640 --> 00:42:00,360 in my little nature collage kit and I always say to the kids you know so these beautiful ones are 373 00:42:00,360 --> 00:42:05,640 they the boy ones or the girl ones and the boy and the boys like oh no yeah they're the boy ones 374 00:42:05,640 --> 00:42:11,720 because they use them to attract the girl ones like yeah they do like you know they show off for 375 00:42:11,720 --> 00:42:17,720 the ladies and they just get hilarious. Yeah I always find that interesting in nature that the 376 00:42:17,720 --> 00:42:23,160 boys get to be so bright and exuberant and then the girls are brown it's like hang on a sec. 377 00:42:25,240 --> 00:42:30,280 I know we're too busy right we're too busy oh I don't know what it is I have to show you 378 00:42:30,280 --> 00:42:40,040 while we're chatting and you know yeah um my auntie sent me these um oh they're magnificent. 379 00:42:40,680 --> 00:42:46,840 Yeah are they oh treasures like they are beautiful so yeah I'll share with the listeners 380 00:42:46,840 --> 00:42:52,040 they're um they're well they're red black what are they called black red black oh you say it. 381 00:42:52,040 --> 00:43:03,160 Yeah the the cockatoos you know the red tail black cockatoos yes the black ones yes oh they 382 00:43:03,160 --> 00:43:10,040 are the most amazing birds but they are divine so yeah I'm like oh my god they're a treasure but 383 00:43:10,040 --> 00:43:15,160 like I want to use them but then like they're too precious you don't want to use them yeah I know 384 00:43:15,160 --> 00:43:20,040 what you mean yeah I've got one like that but it's the yellow one um we get the yellow tail ones 385 00:43:20,040 --> 00:43:25,560 they fly yes between because we've got a lot of pine you know pine plantations here and they fly 386 00:43:25,560 --> 00:43:29,640 between the plantations and every afternoon they come right over the top of my house and there's 387 00:43:29,640 --> 00:43:35,080 only about four sometimes five and they just call to each other as they're going I'm like oh there 388 00:43:35,080 --> 00:43:42,280 they go again it's just so special. And every crazy bird people oh I'm sure there's someone 389 00:43:42,280 --> 00:43:49,160 else listening that gets this isn't there there's got to be. Well I don't know I'll own it anyway 390 00:43:49,160 --> 00:43:57,320 I have no shame. I don't apologize for it I love it and I tell the kids about it at work and last 391 00:43:57,320 --> 00:44:03,480 year there was one little girl who just loved cockatoos and I told her that my mum has a pet 392 00:44:03,480 --> 00:44:10,440 cocky and she ended up just becoming so attached to this bird like I'd bring in photos and videos 393 00:44:10,440 --> 00:44:15,720 of this bird and I said to mum do you think we could bring her in for a visit and mum's like oh 394 00:44:15,720 --> 00:44:21,480 I don't think so Alison because she can be quite moody you know she's got a bit of a bite on her 395 00:44:21,480 --> 00:44:28,040 yes so we decided against that but even yeah this year even though that little girl's going to school 396 00:44:28,040 --> 00:44:33,720 one of her little friends often asks me how's cocky going it's like it's just so lovely that 397 00:44:33,720 --> 00:44:38,440 they remember this and because she's got such a personality and in some of the videos she'd just 398 00:44:38,440 --> 00:44:46,280 do the funniest things and so oh my gosh she's just a cracker she just loves life like that bit 399 00:44:49,480 --> 00:44:52,520 yes that's what I was about to say I think that's why I like them so much because they 400 00:44:52,520 --> 00:44:57,960 they do have distinct personalities and they're just they're they're just like people like 401 00:44:57,960 --> 00:45:01,480 they know what they like and what they don't like and what people they like and what people they 402 00:45:01,480 --> 00:45:08,760 don't like I love emus as well I think you know growing up I was always like oh they're so 403 00:45:08,760 --> 00:45:15,880 beautiful and and then you go to tower hill here which is um just outside of warnable and you know 404 00:45:15,880 --> 00:45:20,680 they're so used to people they sort of come right up to you and you think oh god they're gonna like 405 00:45:22,680 --> 00:45:26,600 for that second that little bit of fear creeps in and you're like okay I'll just put my hand 406 00:45:26,600 --> 00:45:33,240 out so that I'm taller than them and that'll scare them away and and then at the same time I'm like 407 00:45:33,240 --> 00:45:39,720 following them hoping that they might like drop a feather or something I did that recently actually 408 00:45:39,720 --> 00:45:45,880 it's my son my eldest son Alex he loves emus he's just got this thing for emus wherever we go if he 409 00:45:45,880 --> 00:45:50,920 sees one he'll just go over to it and just like like obviously this isn't in the wild because 410 00:45:50,920 --> 00:45:57,400 they run away from us um but yeah like where were we we're on the gold coast recently at the uh 411 00:45:57,400 --> 00:46:04,200 carowar no what was it called um carumbin burn sanctuary and there was this emu up there and I 412 00:46:04,200 --> 00:46:09,560 was patting him and I was hoping that one of his beautiful feathers would just fall out conveniently 413 00:46:09,560 --> 00:46:13,880 accidentally you know I kind of got a hold one I thought no Alison don't do it 414 00:46:13,880 --> 00:46:20,760 it's like my son's up up at his face and like distracting or like trying to nick 415 00:46:20,760 --> 00:46:25,640 feathers no that wouldn't have been very kind so no I didn't do that but I did cross my mind 416 00:46:27,960 --> 00:46:33,640 oh my gosh I'm a forager I'd be too scared I don't take yeah I only take what's what's already 417 00:46:33,640 --> 00:46:40,600 dropped on the grip yes yes yes no that that's very funny um yeah thanks for indulging my bird 418 00:46:40,600 --> 00:46:46,840 talk there oh that's okay that's fine I've actually like I've been painting emu feathers like just 419 00:46:46,840 --> 00:46:56,200 so inspired by them um just the little detail and how fine and soft they are and yeah they're pretty 420 00:46:56,200 --> 00:47:01,960 amazing like I don't know if people might have to google them but they are incredibly small like 421 00:47:01,960 --> 00:47:06,920 when like you see this bird but then the like when you take it like they're like ostrich feathers 422 00:47:06,920 --> 00:47:11,160 kind of where they've got like all the strings but then on the strands they're just so minute 423 00:47:11,160 --> 00:47:15,880 I know incredible aren't they yep they make them go blind painting them like 424 00:47:18,760 --> 00:47:25,080 could have picked a simpler feather so and then you know they're okay emu feathers and then dragon 425 00:47:25,080 --> 00:47:37,960 fly so yeah yeah yeah all those tiny little veins detail it's all about the detail oh goodness 426 00:47:55,880 --> 00:48:03,560 did you find that after you became a mum that your painting changed like whether the way you 427 00:48:03,560 --> 00:48:12,440 had to do the work or what inspired you changed after you became a mum well that's a good question 428 00:48:14,040 --> 00:48:22,840 um I think I don't know my poor kids whenever I do something they're just it's just around them 429 00:48:22,840 --> 00:48:31,160 like they're just yeah so at the moment like we're in a small townhouse and I've literally got you 430 00:48:31,160 --> 00:48:36,760 know seven or eight canvases on the go around me so yeah they've always been surrounded by whatever 431 00:48:37,480 --> 00:48:42,760 um whatever I'm creating so you know whether it's sewing you know when they were 432 00:48:43,320 --> 00:48:48,120 younger and I was screen printing you know we'd like we would have fun doing it together like 433 00:48:48,120 --> 00:48:54,920 I feel like that they've always been um involved in some way like and I've 434 00:48:56,920 --> 00:49:02,280 I've really tried to nurture that in them you know and I guess they're a bit older now and it's not 435 00:49:02,280 --> 00:49:07,400 really their their thing but that was a really strong connection for us to have like when they 436 00:49:07,400 --> 00:49:15,320 were younger that we did these things together and they were a part of yeah whatever whatever I was 437 00:49:15,320 --> 00:49:20,920 doing and even now you know like I'm making the ochre and stuff and Fraser who's 12 you know he'll 438 00:49:20,920 --> 00:49:28,280 come over and like so what what are you doing you know um yeah I think I just I don't know I think 439 00:49:28,280 --> 00:49:34,680 again it's that I just have the I just want to share what I'm doing with them like and so then 440 00:49:36,680 --> 00:49:42,760 yeah they they are a part of it as well um and it's hard when you work from home to separate 441 00:49:42,760 --> 00:49:49,080 those two things as well um and I've been lucky that I have been able to spend a lot of time in 442 00:49:49,080 --> 00:49:56,520 my arts practice working at home so yeah um yeah I don't know it's I think it's an inclusive 443 00:49:57,400 --> 00:50:03,320 sort of style I guess that I've wanted to include them as much as I can in whatever I'm doing 444 00:50:03,880 --> 00:50:10,760 yeah and teach them as well I mean you know they've they both can sew and they probably could 445 00:50:10,760 --> 00:50:17,480 whip up a screen print if you reminded them how to do it but you know that's not cool now but you 446 00:50:17,480 --> 00:50:24,440 know yeah I know what you mean so they'll be able to darn their socks get hold of them 447 00:50:24,440 --> 00:50:30,680 when after a lot of maybe I don't know I don't know some things might have gone in one ear and 448 00:50:30,680 --> 00:50:44,440 out the other but anyway skills for life right yeah that's it yeah 449 00:51:01,000 --> 00:51:07,640 So within that it was there an element of also wanting them to see that their mum can also do 450 00:51:07,640 --> 00:51:13,000 things that don't involve being their mum so you can do things just for yourself? 451 00:51:14,280 --> 00:51:19,160 Oh I think we've I think my husband and I have raised our kids to 452 00:51:21,400 --> 00:51:25,640 want to explore things like whatever it is you know whatever their passions are yep go and have 453 00:51:25,640 --> 00:51:32,200 a crack you know like if you want to try karate go and go and try it like have your own identity as 454 00:51:32,200 --> 00:51:38,680 well like you you know home and your family will always be your safe space but don't be scared to 455 00:51:38,680 --> 00:51:45,000 go out and try other things and I and I think that probably sort of was amplified after Asher died 456 00:51:45,000 --> 00:51:53,640 like Loki was three and a half when that happened you know so I guess for that that couple of years 457 00:51:53,640 --> 00:52:04,600 after that I guess like sewing became my grief work that was what I sort of used to help me through 458 00:52:04,600 --> 00:52:14,760 that time and so it's always been my sort of safe place to come back to and I think my kids just see 459 00:52:14,760 --> 00:52:21,080 that as my creativity is just part of my identity and you know they're kind of they're not really 460 00:52:21,080 --> 00:52:30,040 separated yeah but I guess yeah it just comes back to like have a go at something if you want to 461 00:52:30,680 --> 00:52:33,960 if you want to try it have a go like you don't have anything to lose 462 00:52:35,160 --> 00:52:39,960 yeah it's great advice isn't it like you said life's short and you just if you want to do 463 00:52:39,960 --> 00:52:46,840 something just make find a way to do it yeah I mean look I you know I probably in hindsight 464 00:52:46,840 --> 00:52:51,960 there's probably a few things I maybe should have pondered a little bit more like um you know when 465 00:52:51,960 --> 00:52:57,160 I had my shop in Broken Hill I started it with like 70 bucks and I was like oh yeah I'll just 466 00:52:57,160 --> 00:53:03,640 have a shop and you know you know rounded up a few bits of furniture and had a friend make me a bench 467 00:53:03,640 --> 00:53:09,720 and away we went we sort of you know just yeah you don't have to have the best of everything but you 468 00:53:10,440 --> 00:53:16,520 you can still try things it's it's not necessarily about you know going out and buying all of the 469 00:53:16,520 --> 00:53:22,600 stuff for whatever it is it's just having a little taste of everything and and sort of really finding 470 00:53:24,200 --> 00:53:30,520 what makes you feel content yeah yeah and you can always build on things as you go you don't 471 00:53:30,520 --> 00:53:36,680 always have to have it all ready to go right at the start yeah yeah and I think also as well just that 472 00:53:36,680 --> 00:53:44,920 um that creativity is so good for like self-regulation not just for adults but 473 00:53:44,920 --> 00:53:52,760 for kids as well and I think um you know maybe COVID highlighted that for all of us like we 474 00:53:52,760 --> 00:54:01,000 we did have that time to slow down and and stop and go slow and take things in um 475 00:54:03,160 --> 00:54:08,040 yeah I don't know yeah just something I'm throwing out no but that's the thing isn't it when you've 476 00:54:08,040 --> 00:54:13,240 got time you can actually think about what you enjoy doing and what sort of like you said fills 477 00:54:13,240 --> 00:54:19,400 you up and makes you feel good and yeah having I think in life we don't get those times unless we 478 00:54:19,400 --> 00:54:25,480 truly seek them out yeah it's like life just goes and goes and goes and goes um yeah so I think 479 00:54:25,480 --> 00:54:30,200 yeah it's so important to have something that's yours I really think especially as a mum and even 480 00:54:30,200 --> 00:54:36,200 in a partnership you know having something that that you know you don't always have to do everything 481 00:54:36,200 --> 00:54:39,960 with your partner you don't have to share every single interest you can have things that you want 482 00:54:39,960 --> 00:54:47,640 to do that don't involve anyone else uh my husband's just um started a punk band that oh good for him 483 00:54:47,640 --> 00:54:53,960 so like he's just you know that's his thing he goes off and does that um I think our kids 484 00:54:54,920 --> 00:54:59,640 I don't know they they always say to us you know how proud they are that you know like dad's 485 00:55:00,280 --> 00:55:04,360 dad's got the guts to get up and sing in front of other people whereas I there's no way I 486 00:55:04,360 --> 00:55:11,960 could do that um but you know being in situations I guess with my um arts practice and 487 00:55:13,160 --> 00:55:18,120 you know like collabs and different things where it's been quite public my kids are really proud 488 00:55:18,120 --> 00:55:24,840 of that that I've like put myself out there um and even you know when you do those things sometimes 489 00:55:24,840 --> 00:55:31,400 like they can be quite challenging as well so I think modeling how you handle that's really 490 00:55:31,400 --> 00:55:38,680 important as well for your kids you know I think they're always like you know sunshine and lollipops 491 00:55:38,680 --> 00:55:44,520 and you've got to learn to navigate the hard things as well yes that that's it isn't it if 492 00:55:44,520 --> 00:55:49,160 they're not just seeing the outcome if it's all positive that's great but they're actually seeing 493 00:55:49,160 --> 00:55:54,360 the process and you know working through things like you said if things aren't quite going how 494 00:55:54,360 --> 00:55:59,080 you expect how you deal with that and that's that's so important because as we know kids 495 00:55:59,080 --> 00:56:04,440 they learn from what they see you're not necessarily what you tell them so very true 496 00:56:04,440 --> 00:56:27,400 a 497 00:56:27,400 --> 00:56:37,480 One of the things I like to talk to all my guests about is this concept of mum guilt 498 00:56:37,480 --> 00:56:42,680 and I put that in air quotes because it's such a contrived term, like it's a term that's 499 00:56:42,680 --> 00:56:54,120 been made up, I think, by Western society. Do you have any thoughts on mum guilt? 500 00:56:54,120 --> 00:57:05,440 It's almost palpable at times for me, just that, I don't know, I guess in the last couple 501 00:57:05,440 --> 00:57:11,760 of years I've really like travelled a lot for work and I've been away and last year 502 00:57:11,760 --> 00:57:16,480 I was away a lot while Lockie was doing Year 12 and I sort of thought, oh I really need 503 00:57:16,480 --> 00:57:24,320 to be at home more. But then I was really proud of him because he was able to achieve 504 00:57:24,320 --> 00:57:29,800 great things even when I wasn't there, I mean, I wasn't physically here, I was obviously 505 00:57:29,800 --> 00:57:36,240 like calling and all that sort of stuff. But yeah, I do find it really tricky to have that 506 00:57:36,240 --> 00:57:44,400 balance where you're giving everyone enough of yourself and then still filling your own 507 00:57:44,400 --> 00:57:51,840 cup up. So yeah, I do feel like I get pulled in a lot of different directions quite often 508 00:57:51,840 --> 00:57:58,240 and I know my kids are proud of me for going out there and doing things but then I guess 509 00:57:58,240 --> 00:58:03,440 it's something that I put on myself, that I have that, oh I should be at home. But then 510 00:58:03,440 --> 00:58:10,320 I don't, I've never had that traditional sense that I need to be a homemaker either, that's 511 00:58:10,320 --> 00:58:20,360 not part of my life that I've sort of, I don't know, wanted to explore. Like I love being 512 00:58:20,360 --> 00:58:25,820 at home and I am a real homebody when I'm at home but I also love getting out and like 513 00:58:25,820 --> 00:58:32,320 experiencing new things. But even when I've been able to do that, I guess like last year 514 00:58:32,320 --> 00:58:35,160 I said I went to the Northern Territory, I would have loved for my kids to have been 515 00:58:35,160 --> 00:58:44,240 there and so yeah, I don't know, it's a tricky thing. I don't know if it's something that 516 00:58:44,240 --> 00:58:50,680 I like let anyone else sort of put on me but I certainly feel a bit torn at times, you 517 00:58:50,680 --> 00:58:55,360 know, am I spending too much time away or am I home enough or yeah. 518 00:58:55,360 --> 00:59:00,920 Yeah, that is something that someone said the other day, those exact words, it's not 519 00:59:00,920 --> 00:59:07,280 something anyone else is putting on me, that's me saying this stuff. And it's like then it 520 00:59:07,280 --> 00:59:11,400 makes it tricky then because it's like it's up to you to try and not think that stuff, 521 00:59:11,400 --> 00:59:13,920 you know, it's challenging. 522 00:59:13,920 --> 00:59:22,160 It really is but you know, we're lucky now in that you know, like our kids have phones, 523 00:59:22,160 --> 00:59:28,200 you know, you can always just give them a ring, your FaceTime or whatever and you know, 524 00:59:28,200 --> 00:59:35,160 you can maintain that connection I suppose that maybe you couldn't have a few years ago. 525 00:59:35,160 --> 00:59:36,680 Yeah, that's so true. 526 00:59:36,680 --> 00:59:44,920 It's easier to stay in touch and I think I made a very conscious decision like this year 527 00:59:44,920 --> 00:59:49,080 to wherever I can involve my family a bit more in, you know, if I'm travelling into 528 00:59:49,080 --> 00:59:53,200 Melbourne or whatever and if I'm in there for a couple of weeks like the boys come in 529 00:59:53,200 --> 00:59:59,600 and we go to the footy or something so you know, it's that balance of doing things together. 530 00:59:59,600 --> 01:00:07,000 Yeah, that's it isn't it? Because it's like, I guess you probably, fair to say like it's 531 01:00:07,000 --> 01:00:12,160 you couldn't give up that part of your life because then the rest of your life would suffer. 532 01:00:12,160 --> 01:00:16,240 You know, you couldn't give up your artistic endeavours because then you wouldn't be the 533 01:00:16,240 --> 01:00:17,240 person that you are. 534 01:00:17,240 --> 01:00:25,280 I'd be miserable. When we first moved here, you know, everything was in storage because 535 01:00:25,280 --> 01:00:29,280 we were waiting like we had a little unit and then we were waiting to move into our 536 01:00:29,280 --> 01:00:34,200 house and everything was in storage and I reckon it was about almost a year later and 537 01:00:34,200 --> 01:00:40,960 I got my sewing machine out and I just had that huge like reminder of, oh, I have missed 538 01:00:40,960 --> 01:00:44,200 this so much, you know? 539 01:00:44,200 --> 01:00:51,600 And I felt like my old self again. Yeah, like, yeah, it's weird that just doing that thing 540 01:00:51,600 --> 01:00:56,880 that's always been there and that creativity just made me feel like me again. I felt like 541 01:00:56,880 --> 01:00:57,880 I'd been missing. 542 01:00:57,880 --> 01:01:03,680 Yeah, yeah, absolutely can relate to that. Yeah. I think that's a pretty common thing 543 01:01:03,680 --> 01:01:09,760 that people I chat to, it's like it's just an integral part of who they are. 544 01:01:09,760 --> 01:01:14,200 Yeah, you can't separate. I don't think you can separate it when you're a creative. I 545 01:01:14,200 --> 01:01:16,720 don't think there is that separation. 546 01:01:16,720 --> 01:01:22,840 Yeah, which makes mothering all the more difficult. You know, it's like you've got half your brains 547 01:01:22,840 --> 01:01:27,560 in mum mode and half your brains in art mode and they cross over and then, you know, one 548 01:01:27,560 --> 01:01:29,560 takes over and the other one takes over. 549 01:01:29,560 --> 01:01:33,920 Yeah, and that takes over your whole house as well when you have no room and you're painting 550 01:01:33,920 --> 01:01:38,400 on the kitchen floor and I can't remember the last time we actually sat around our kitchen 551 01:01:38,400 --> 01:01:43,240 table. Yeah, we ate a meal together because like it's covered, like it's literally covered 552 01:01:43,240 --> 01:01:49,040 in paint brushes and paint and yeah, I've got canvases all over the place and, you know, 553 01:01:49,040 --> 01:01:53,920 they just walk around stuff now. It's not even like, are you going to clean this stuff 554 01:01:53,920 --> 01:01:58,800 up mum? It's just like, oh yeah, we'll just step over the canvas and moving right along. 555 01:01:58,800 --> 01:02:00,800 Yeah, that's it. 556 01:02:00,800 --> 01:02:06,200 But it's not like, you know, when Fraser gets home from school, I usually like stop 557 01:02:06,200 --> 01:02:12,920 for an hour or so just to, you know, wind down with him and yeah, like Lachie's studying 558 01:02:12,920 --> 01:02:18,760 from home. So, you know, when he comes up and has lunch and stuff, you know, just yeah, 559 01:02:18,760 --> 01:02:23,560 being at home and touching it, touching base and you know, checking in on how he's going 560 01:02:23,560 --> 01:02:29,800 and stuff. So yeah, it's, I'm very lucky to work from home. Yeah, I feel very lucky to 561 01:02:29,800 --> 01:02:30,800 have that experience. 562 01:02:30,800 --> 01:02:36,040 Yeah, yeah. No, that is nice, isn't it? It does make it tricky that I've talked to people 563 01:02:36,040 --> 01:02:40,240 who work from home. It's like they're in the middle of painting and they might hear the 564 01:02:40,240 --> 01:02:44,680 dishwasher stop or the beef of the washing machine. They're like, oh, I better just do 565 01:02:44,680 --> 01:02:48,040 that. And then it turns into, oh, I better just do this and better just do this. And 566 01:02:48,040 --> 01:02:53,160 then it just rolls on me like, oh, that's right. I was meant to be doing my painting. 567 01:02:53,160 --> 01:03:00,320 What's the opposite in my house? I start painting, I become obsessed and then it's like, oh, 568 01:03:00,320 --> 01:03:04,960 we're out of clean undies guys. Hang on, I'll have to quickly do a couple of loads of washing 569 01:03:04,960 --> 01:03:14,440 and you know, like, oh, just that tidying, you know, like I get so, I'm just so into 570 01:03:14,440 --> 01:03:18,920 like my artwork. What you're doing. Yeah. And I'm, you know, I'm so lucky my husband 571 01:03:18,920 --> 01:03:23,840 does the cooking and so, you know, I don't, I kind of don't have to stop. So I guess the 572 01:03:23,840 --> 01:03:31,800 tricky thing in that really is that it's hard for me to know when to clock off and actually 573 01:03:31,800 --> 01:03:37,720 just tools down for the day and separate work from, you know, just chilling out at home. 574 01:03:37,720 --> 01:03:42,320 Yeah. Just sitting here, it'll be like, oh, well, I'll just do another coat on that or, 575 01:03:42,320 --> 01:03:47,320 you know, add a little bit here and then, yeah. And it's, oh, it's time to go to bed. 576 01:03:47,320 --> 01:03:54,320 Oh, sorry. I haven't actually talked to my family tonight. Sorry guys. Oh dear. So is 577 01:03:54,320 --> 01:03:58,240 that pretty common that you'll have like so many different ones on the go at once? Is 578 01:03:58,240 --> 01:04:04,120 that sort of how you like to work? Yeah, I think that's just how my brain works. And 579 01:04:04,120 --> 01:04:14,080 also like there's so many layers to Aboriginal art. So, you know, I might have a base coat 580 01:04:14,080 --> 01:04:19,920 on this one happening and then be blocking in things on the next one. And, you know, 581 01:04:19,920 --> 01:04:27,000 then you've got to wait for the things to dry in between. And like, I might have, you 582 01:04:27,000 --> 01:04:32,680 know, works happening for a show and then a commission piece as well. And then I'm like, 583 01:04:32,680 --> 01:04:38,000 like I said, I'm trying out different ochre. So I'm like, I just, yeah. And then I'll have 584 01:04:38,000 --> 01:04:41,760 a little play, like a little like reward, I suppose, you know, like I've worked really 585 01:04:41,760 --> 01:04:46,760 hard on this one and now I just want to have a play. And I think that's really important 586 01:04:46,760 --> 01:04:53,760 to give myself that time to just like mess around and not, because when it's your full 587 01:04:53,760 --> 01:04:58,960 time job, I don't ever want it to feel like a job. And I'm lucky that it doesn't because 588 01:04:58,960 --> 01:05:05,360 I absolutely like, I'm just so lucky to be doing what I do every day. But then I, yeah, 589 01:05:05,360 --> 01:05:10,800 I don't want it to get stale. So yeah, yeah. It's important to have those times we almost 590 01:05:10,800 --> 01:05:15,240 like that curiosity of, well, what happens, what happens, you know, messing around, like 591 01:05:15,240 --> 01:05:20,760 you said, about all the different things you like to do. It's like, that keeps you fresh. 592 01:05:20,760 --> 01:05:26,520 That keeps you going. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. Yeah. And just like talking to other, talking 593 01:05:26,520 --> 01:05:32,860 to people, you know, when I go and do a weaving workshop or something, like just that connection 594 01:05:32,860 --> 01:05:36,520 that you have with other people and hearing about their life experiences as well. I think 595 01:05:36,520 --> 01:05:44,160 that's like, that's amazing that I get to do that. And I, yeah, I just feel really grateful 596 01:05:44,160 --> 01:05:52,960 that people are willing to share their experiences as well. Yeah. Yeah. It's that, I guess that 597 01:05:52,960 --> 01:05:58,680 connection. Like I've grown up in a massive family and like my mum has six sisters and 598 01:05:58,680 --> 01:06:02,720 a brother, you know, so there was heaps of aunties and uncles, heaps of cousins, and 599 01:06:02,720 --> 01:06:07,600 you had to sort of be loud to be heard. So it's nice when you go and work in a small 600 01:06:07,600 --> 01:06:12,720 group and everyone sort of, you know, gets their little moment to share and... Yeah. 601 01:06:12,720 --> 01:06:17,480 You're not competing with the airtime. I'm very, I can be very loud. I'm very aware 602 01:06:17,480 --> 01:06:22,320 that I can be very loud. So, all right. Just need to tone it down a little bit. Well, that's 603 01:06:22,320 --> 01:06:52,240 funny. Yes. So you mentioned some things you're working on. Do you have anything 604 01:06:52,240 --> 01:06:57,840 specific coming up that you're working towards? Like anything you want to mention that's coming 605 01:06:57,840 --> 01:07:02,960 up in the near future? I have a few projects on the go, but I can't, I'm not allowed to 606 01:07:02,960 --> 01:07:12,480 talk about them. Yeah. And they're like, they're amazing things, amazing opportunities. And 607 01:07:12,480 --> 01:07:20,840 I just pinch myself, you know, I'm this chick from the bush, like just, it blows my mind 608 01:07:20,840 --> 01:07:30,080 often that I, I'm in the situation that I'm in. And so, you know, to be like working with 609 01:07:30,080 --> 01:07:36,280 companies like Maya, you know, like to have my work in their shops, like nationally, like 610 01:07:36,280 --> 01:07:45,240 that's just pinch me stuff. And like that just, yeah, it still just blows my mind. And 611 01:07:45,240 --> 01:07:51,280 working with, you know, like the South Side Flyers, the women's basketball team, you know, 612 01:07:51,280 --> 01:07:57,680 I was so grateful to go and spend a week with them in Tassie last year for the indigenous 613 01:07:57,680 --> 01:08:03,920 round, you know, design their Jersey and had such a strong connection with them. And just 614 01:08:03,920 --> 01:08:11,040 spending that time, it's like, like, I never would have dreamed of this when I was a kid, 615 01:08:11,040 --> 01:08:23,240 but I could be, yeah, living this amazing life and meeting really interesting people. 616 01:08:23,240 --> 01:08:30,280 And I guess connecting with other women who are doing the same sort of thing, and then 617 01:08:30,280 --> 01:08:35,160 just the experience of the flyers, like these are young female professional athletes and 618 01:08:35,160 --> 01:08:42,400 learning that, you know, the disparity in their pay rate, what the men earn and, you 619 01:08:42,400 --> 01:08:48,680 know, I'm not a raving feminist, but, you know, just little things like that, I guess 620 01:08:48,680 --> 01:08:53,720 it's an eye opener and you don't pay much attention to it until you get to see it up 621 01:08:53,720 --> 01:09:00,520 close and personal, like how hard they work and all that sort of stuff. So, yeah, I love, 622 01:09:00,520 --> 01:09:09,080 I love that there's an element of like, being able to support other women in what I do and 623 01:09:09,080 --> 01:09:17,000 being a role model for young girls as well to just to have a go at things and don't let 624 01:09:17,000 --> 01:09:25,460 your own self like hold you back because we do that all the time. And I think that's something 625 01:09:25,460 --> 01:09:32,520 that has frustrated me about myself for a lot of years, like my own insecurities, I 626 01:09:32,520 --> 01:09:38,720 don't think I can do that. So yeah, I think just, but you know, that comes with age, doesn't 627 01:09:38,720 --> 01:09:39,720 it? 628 01:09:39,720 --> 01:09:41,720 Oh, absolutely. Oh, yeah. 629 01:09:41,720 --> 01:09:44,960 Eventually get to that stage where you're like, no, I'm just going to do what I want 630 01:09:44,960 --> 01:09:45,960 to do. 631 01:09:45,960 --> 01:09:50,920 Yeah, I feel like in your 40s, you literally don't give a toss. You're just going to do 632 01:09:50,920 --> 01:09:54,260 what you want. You don't care what people think anymore. You know, you've gone through 633 01:09:54,260 --> 01:10:00,240 those years of worrying what, what people's judgment is going to be like, nah, I'm just 634 01:10:00,240 --> 01:10:01,240 going to do stuff. 635 01:10:01,240 --> 01:10:08,600 Yeah, for sure. Yep, absolutely. That's yeah. I don't know. So I guess in terms of projects 636 01:10:08,600 --> 01:10:16,320 coming up, yeah, I've got lots of schoolwork that I'm really excited about. I've got a 637 01:10:16,320 --> 01:10:24,440 trip to the Northern Territory for early childhood education, which like that's amazing just 638 01:10:24,440 --> 01:10:30,600 to connect with other educators and hear, hear about different things that they're doing. 639 01:10:30,600 --> 01:10:39,200 I've been quietly working away, I guess at some early childhood resources as well. Like 640 01:10:39,200 --> 01:10:44,800 your inner service, things that I would want to use. And I'm like, oh, they don't, it's 641 01:10:44,800 --> 01:10:50,160 not here. So, you know, how can I create something that will fill that space? 642 01:10:50,160 --> 01:10:51,160 That's exciting. 643 01:10:51,160 --> 01:10:55,360 Yeah. The other stuff I can't really talk about. 644 01:10:55,360 --> 01:11:01,280 That's all right. Damn it. We understand. You just have to keep an eye on your, on Instagram 645 01:11:01,280 --> 01:11:02,720 or Facebook. Where are you most active? 646 01:11:02,720 --> 01:11:06,560 Yeah, I'm on all of those things. On the socials. 647 01:11:06,560 --> 01:11:13,440 Yeah, beautiful. I'll put links in the show notes of your, all your socials and things 648 01:11:13,440 --> 01:11:15,120 so people can find you. 649 01:11:15,120 --> 01:11:20,320 But I have got my work in some galleries around the place, which is like, I'm really lucky 650 01:11:20,320 --> 01:11:24,600 to have their support and their sort of promotion as well. And then yeah, I sort of have my 651 01:11:24,600 --> 01:11:29,000 print work and all that sort of stuff through my website. But I guess the big thing at the 652 01:11:29,000 --> 01:11:37,440 moment is yeah, launching my fabric. So I was, that's a childhood dream and that sort 653 01:11:37,440 --> 01:11:38,440 of happening and 654 01:11:38,440 --> 01:11:40,440 Yeah, that's fantastic. 655 01:11:40,440 --> 01:11:50,920 Wow, there's a lot to learn. And being, you know, very environmentally conscious and, 656 01:11:50,920 --> 01:11:54,920 you know, wanting to know the supply chain and all of that sort of stuff. So that's been 657 01:11:54,920 --> 01:12:03,080 a very steep learning curve. Just, yeah, huge loads of information that you have to try 658 01:12:03,080 --> 01:12:08,640 and absorb and then work out which direction you want to go in. But gee, it's like, it's 659 01:12:08,640 --> 01:12:13,480 a, it's a whole feeling when you wear something that you have designed yourself like that's 660 01:12:13,480 --> 01:12:14,480 just 661 01:12:14,480 --> 01:12:17,000 Yeah, that'd be, that'd just about top it off, wouldn't it? That'd just be the best. 662 01:12:17,000 --> 01:12:21,680 And I think, you know, having that, like watching my nan sew with all those beautiful fabrics 663 01:12:21,680 --> 01:12:25,600 all those years ago is just kind of stuck with me that like that's something I always 664 01:12:25,600 --> 01:12:30,800 wanted to do. And now I've realised that it's like, wow, that's actually happening. 665 01:12:30,800 --> 01:12:36,560 Oh, congratulations. That is exciting. So that people can see that through your website 666 01:12:36,560 --> 01:12:37,560 as well. That's all 667 01:12:37,560 --> 01:12:38,560 Yeah, yeah. 668 01:12:38,560 --> 01:12:43,360 And they're beautiful. That's awesome. No, thank you. It's been lovely to chat with you. 669 01:12:43,360 --> 01:12:44,360 Thanks for coming on. 670 01:12:44,360 --> 01:12:50,400 Thank you so much. Thank you so much. Yeah, I love your work. 671 01:12:50,400 --> 01:12:55,480 Thanks for your company today. If you've enjoyed this episode, I'd love you to consider leaving 672 01:12:55,480 --> 01:13:01,000 us a review, following or subscribing to the podcast, or even sharing it with a friend 673 01:13:01,000 --> 01:13:07,120 you think might be interested. If you or someone you know would like to be a guest on the podcast, 674 01:13:07,120 --> 01:13:11,680 please get in touch with us by the link in the show notes. I'll catch you again next 675 01:13:11,680 --> 01:13:40,240 week for another chat with an artistic mom. 676 01:14:11,680 --> 01:14:33,840 I don't know what's on the weekend, even though wanting a rebrand, kicking it up on the rampage. 677 01:14:33,840 --> 01:14:54,660 And the 678 01:14:54,660 --> 01:14:58,660 Collect all this gold energy 679 01:14:59,660 --> 01:15:05,660 Boil my energy, as I press the gold energy 680 01:15:05,660 --> 01:15:09,660 Collect all this gold energy 681 01:15:09,660 --> 01:15:13,660 Collect all this gold energy 682 01:15:13,660 --> 01:15:28,660 Collect all this gold energy 683 01:15:28,660 --> 01:15:43,660 Collect all this gold energy

Jillian Lauren US best selling author + journalist S2 Ep70 Listen and subscribe on Spotify and itunes/Apple podcasts I am thrilled to welcome Jillian Lauren to the podcast this week, a writer, investigative journalist, adoption advocate, rock + roll wife + mother of 2 based in Los Angeles, United States Jillian grew up in Livingston, New Jersey and graduated from Newark Academy in 1991. She then moved to New York City as a 16 year old, where she studied acting at New York University. Soon after, she started exotic dancing in New York at the Kit Kat Club + became an escort. This led to Jillian being selected to join the harem of the Prince of Brunei for 18 months. When Jillian returned from this incredible adventure, she attended Antioch University and graduated with an Masters of Fine Arts in creative writing. This saw the beginning of her writing career, with Jillian's work since appearing in The New York Times, Vanity Fair and Los Angeles Magazine. Jillian is a New York Times Best Selling author of 2 memoirs Some Girls: My Life in a Harem , about her experience as The Harem Girl, and Everything You Ever Wanted about her journey of adopting her son Tariku from Ethiopia in 2009. Tariku came to the family as an 18 month old, and brought with him intense trauma responses and during the next few years Jillian learned so much about advocating for her child and trusting her instincts. Jillian and her husband Scott Shriner (bassist from Weezer) added to their family in 2015 when they adopted through the US foster system their second son Jovi, who has a history of trauma and abuse, and has an autism diagnosis. She has also written a fiction novel entitled Pretty and has an upcoming novel based on her personal account of confronting serial killer Samuel Little called Behold the Monster coming out in 2023 . Several of Jillian’s manuscripts are being developed into TV + Film projects the most recent being Confronting a Serial Killer released on STARZ. The five-episode series tells the story of the relationship between Jillian Lauren + the most prolific serial killer in American history Sam Little, and her work to bring out the truth and the identities of the 93 women he murdered, before he passes away. **This episode contains discussions around infertility, pregnancy loss + miscarriage, childhood trauma, a serial killer and does contain a bit of swearing** Visit Jillian's website Podcast website / instagram Music used with permission from Alemjo , Australian new age + ambient music trio. When chatting to my guests I greatly appreciate their openness and honestly in sharing their stories. If at any stage their information is found to be incorrect, the podcast bears no responsibility for guests' inaccuracies. Podcast transcript at the bottom of the page Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode of The Art of Being A Mum Podcast. I'm beyond honoured that you're here and would be grateful if you could take 2 minutes to leave me a 5-star review in iTunes or wherever you are listening. It really helps! This way together we can inspire, connect and bring in to the light even more stories from creative mums. Want to connect? Take a screenshot of this episode and share it on Instagram tagging me in with @art_of_being_a_mum_podcast I can't wait to connect. And remember if you or somebody you know would like to be a guest on the podcast, get in touch ! I love meeting and chatting to mammas from all creative backgrounds, from all around the world! Thank you! Alison acknowledges this Land of the Berrin (Mount Gambier) Region as the Traditional Lands of the Bungandidj People and acknowledge these First Nations people as the custodians of the Region. Ch eck out more episodes ..... Welcome to the Art of Being a mum, the podcast. It's a platform for mothers who are artists and creatives to share the joys and issues they've encountered, while continuing to make art. Regular themes we explore include the day to day juggle, how mother's work is influenced by the children, mum guilt, how mums give themselves time to create within the role of mothering, and the value that mothers and others place on their artistic selves. My name's Alison Newman. I'm a singer, songwriter, and a mom of two boys from regional South Australia. You can find links to my guests and topics we discussed in the show notes. Together with music played, how to get in touch, and a link to join our lively and supportive community on Instagram. The art of being a mum acknowledges the Bondic people as the traditional owners of the land, which his podcast is recorded on. Thank you so much for joining me today. I'm thrilled to welcome to the podcast Jillian Lauren. Julian is a writer, investigative journalist, adoption advocate, rock and roll wife and mother of two based in Los Angeles in the United States. Jillian grew up in Livingston, New Jersey, and graduated from New York Academy in 1991. She then moved to New York City as a 16 year old, where she studied acting at New York University and soon after started exotic dancing at the KitKat club and became an escort. This led to Jillian being selected to join the harem of the prince of Brunei, where she stayed for 18 months. When Julian returned from this incredible adventure, she attended Antioch University and graduated with a Masters of Fine Arts in creative writing. This saw the beginning of her writing career with Julian's work now appearing in The New York Times, Vanity Fair and Los Angeles magazine. Julian is a New York Times best selling author of two memoirs, some girls my life in a harem about her experience as the harem girl and everything you ever wanted about her journey of adopting her son tariku from Ethiopia in 2009. Tarik, who came to the family as an 18 month old and brought with him intense trauma responses, and during the next few years, Julian learned so much about advocating for her child and trusting her own instincts. Jillian and her husband, Scott Shriner, the bass player from Weezer, added to their family in 2015. When they adopted through the US foster system, their second son Jovi, who has a history of trauma and abuse, and an autism diagnosis. She's also written a fictional novel entitled prissy, and has an upcoming novel. Based on her personal account of confronting serial killer Samuel little called Behold The Monster coming out in 2023 Several of Julian's manuscripts are being developed into TV and film projects, the most recent being confronting a serial killer released on stars. The five episode series tells the story of the relationship between Julian and the most prolific serial killer in American history, Sam little and Julian's work to bring out the truth and the identities of the 93 women he murdered before he passes away. This episode contains discussions around infertility, pregnancy loss and miscarriage, childhood trauma, a serial killer, and it does contain a bit of swearing. If you're triggered by anything we discussed today, please reach out for help, either to those around you, or by seeking assistance online. I've compiled a great collection of international resources. If you're looking for a place to start, you can head to the podcast landing page, Alison newman.net/podcast. The music you'll hear on today's podcast is from my ambient new age music trio, LM J, which is comprised of myself, my sister, Emma Anderson and her husband, John. I really hope you enjoyed today's episode. Thank you so much for coming on the podcast. Julian. It's a real pleasure to meet you. It is so nice to be here. Yeah. And it's funny. I feel like I kind of know I don't know you but I know so much about you through the memoirs that you've written. How did you first sort of get into writing? Well, I have kept a journal since I was eight. So I always wrote always, like I had that, you know, muscle in place. But you know, I wanted to be an actor. I wanted to be director I want to be anything but a writer and it really took you know, a journey through some unusual places until I landed where I belong, you know, until I I said to myself, like, what is it that has been consistent in my life for all these years? What do you think? What do you think you were sort of pushing back against the writing that you didn't sort of validate it really hard? Really hard. It's, it's, it's hard to finish. It's hard to start. It's just hard. Like, if you can possibly choose anything else choose anything else? Well, that makes sense. Yeah, that makes sense. And, and being a memoirist, it's, you're very, you're being very vulnerable, which I want to commend you for too, because the things that you're sharing, you know, people can relate to, and it opens these opportunities for conversations, which are really important. Did you find was that the first sort of style of writing that you went to? Like, I guess, because if you're journaling in your diary, no, because I couldn't sell my first novel. Yeah. That's the memoir. To tell you the truth. I wanted nothing more than to never write that memoir. Yeah. Why to never write some girls, because I knew I knew was sensational. Like that it would get bought, very likely, you know, because I'm not the only woman who was over there. But, you know, I'm also a real writer. Yes. There are so many book clubs I go to where they're like, do you write your own book? I'm like, I'm the writer. Yeah. I'm not like a celebrity with a ghostwriter. Um, yeah, that's it. But it was really scary. And I knew what I was doing. And I tried very hard to eat much more New York curry. And that's always you know, how I saw myself, you know, at the Algonquin club or something, and I'm like, okay, given the times. And, you know, and they were like, nah, nah. And I had just gotten out of graduate school, and I started librarian school, I started to get my master's in library science, because I was starting to think like, you know, I need a plan B. And my husband was like, you know, when I said, I would support you through graduate school. That wasn't like, forever of graduate school. So, like, can you tell me what the plan is here? And, and I was like, you know, what gave me three months. Give me just give me three months, I have this one card left to play. And I talked to my agent. And you know, she's like, I can't sell this. I'm sorry. I love it. I can't sell it. And I was like, Well, you know, I've been thinking writing a memoir, this really interesting thing happened to me, I was the Mistress of the principle and I when I was a teenager, and she was like, what? Job was on the table, you know, like, how have you not told me this before? And I was like, I didn't want to write about it. That's why and, you know, and she was like, Well, do you genuinely feel like you're ready to write about it now? Like, consider all the consequences? Consider, you know, what it means to become memoirist. Consider you're going to be the heroine girl for the rest of her life. When she did you get to a certain point where you're like, okay, not so bad. Not so bad harem girl but I that was actually a quote from one of the other women who was who was in printer, who I still keep in touch with and yeah, you know, she said, like, I mean, thank God, I just something crazy. That's something like that. Not many people could say that. They've had an exciting experience like that. And it's such an exciting life. There is definitely an element of, of edge pushing to my life. You know, I'm an adrenaline junkie. I'm super curious. I always want to see the things that people aren't looking at, you know, I want I want to see the man behind the curtain. Ilana, like, you know, just like I just have the urge to have that kind of bite out of life and it doesn't was winding up in the best places, you know. But it has given me some very interesting stories the next memoir that I've read that you wrote was everything you ever wanted. Can you share with the viewers the sorry, not the viewers, the listeners, what that books about? Everything You Ever Wanted is about the process of adopting my older son. He's 14 Now, his name is tariku. We call them T. And he was adopted from Ethiopia. And before that, we had an extensive history with infertility and that and miscarriages. A lot of miscarriages. We were just sort of reflecting on it the other day. Now that's so far in the past, and like, there was a minute, my period was late. And I was just like, oh, wow, like no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Oh, gosh, yeah, I do not have enough notice for this right now. And we were just laughing and you know, of course, you know, we would have just accepted it as a blessing it was but yeah, and you know, whether it was miscarriage, just like period or whatever, like it hadn't happened in years. So we were reflecting on how painful that journey was. And, you know, now we have teenage boys, and it's not painful to me anymore, but I can remember. Yeah, yeah, it felt like and also like, your concerns get so different. Yeah, yeah. You know, try like listening with a glass trying to figure out who's a girlfriend? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, gosh. Yeah. Any wants to go to Annapolis? He must be like a navy combat pilot. Yeah, right. Yeah. No, and like, he's a whole person. But, you know, I wrote this book every day, I sat down and people criticize, I'm sure as you know, you know, people, women who talk about parenting, right about parenting, or podcasts about parenting mate material about parenting, like, we're exploiting our children. And I'm like, you know, parenting is as valid and experience you know, motherhood is as valid and experience as climbing Mount Everest, or anything else, or bagging groceries, or, you know, might be kowski worked at the post office. So what I was going through was early motherhood. And, you know, and adoption, which was, you know, really exciting, an interesting process, and I was dying to write about that. And, and our beautiful like, we consider our family that we met during that trip who really changed our life. We were there were nine families all together. And we really went through something together and not to like give any spoilers but for instance, they did our paperwork wrong. So we went through the whole week there and Addis transitioning him out of the orphanage you know how painful and difficult that was and of course I have 1000 funny stories about like, you know, like he's not pooping die people other people in the house that were already parents so they were Yeah, lets us but um you know, I mean, we all still keep in touch. Yeah, that's from and when our they had written your, we were like, supposed to adopt a child up to four years old. Like that. You You know, except they wrote four months old. Yeah. This the paperwork. So we're standing there like at the embassy, I am like, I have like the baby, and ergo, we're like ready to get on a plane the next day. There's nowhere to sit. It's just like, there's nowhere to go. Everyone else got their stuff. And they just kind of like walked away from us. And we were like I mean, I was running around, like, it was, you know, like, like, there was like, an alarm that nuclear missiles were coming. Like, I was like, shaking people. They're like, where did that man go? That man who was right there? Where did that man go? Anyway, so the whole group had a chance to go home, you know, we would have had just stayed there. And they come back for us, obviously, we're going to stay there for a long time. And they all stayed with us. Yeah, could pay for. I mean, it was like, it was most unlikely group of friends. And we all still, you know, love each other kids still know each other's incredible process. So, you know, I wanted to write about that those friendships. And then, you know, realizing that T was, you know, had special needs. And there's been diagnosed and re diagnosed column what? calm a lot of things. You know, diagnoses aren't magic. They can just maybe help you communicate with people. Right? About what might help. You know, I mean, basically, everything. We're like, Alright, so for $5,000, you just told us exactly what we already know. Thank you so much. I'm just, you know, the screening, screening and just learning for me to settle into this, you know, acceptance, which we all do as mothers, but I'm like it, I am a very imaginative and a kind way to myself, but, you know, also sort of a controlling person, I would like to, I would like to, like, set the diorama stage and, you know, bring my baby home and have I done all the reading all the, you know, I had to like mill to do the organic baby food and shit. I was canning, I don't know what happened. I really doubt. But, you know, what, he didn't give a shit about organically milled anything. And anything, or, you know, and I was like, we're gonna make homemade bread. Um, and, you know, that wasn't what you wanted or needed. It was, you know, that was my idea. Yeah. Do you want a given what her need? Do you think that some of that is sort of brought on by what, like society expects us mothers to be and the standard that they expect us to hold ourselves to? Yeah, I mean, really, I mean, not all of it, because I'm a little hyperactive myself. So, you know, it's like, you know, Scott will say, like, you know, I'll, I'm writing an article about Tango. So I, all of a sudden, like, all do is Tango for two solid months, like, I'm out every night till two in the morning, smelling like Argentine gangsters when I come home, you know? And, and then article came out and like, I haven't dance. And so, you know, it's like, I picked up on every, every parenting trend, every one of them, you know. And in Los Angeles, it's like, I mean, I imagine like in most major cities, you find you're sort of, you know, you have to find your sort of niche. If you want community to support us. So, you know, we had friends that were into Waldorf, we had friends that were into something called dry. I don't know if you know what that is. It's basically like, put your babies in an octagon and just like, let them work it out. Let the curiosity out. Okay. It's a new one for me. I went to this Oh, I mean, and the baby yoga and ever, and all these kids are like, you now and my kid just gets in there and just wants that toy. And Bob said, Can the head and takes it. And you're supposed to sit there and watch, right? That's like the whole idea of a thing. Like you don't interfere with their their growth or their interaction during the group. And at some point, I was just looking at, I was like, Do you guys want me to get my kid because he's gonna hurt your kids. Like, this is not a principle that works for everyone. You know, but everyone thinks the thing that not everyone, there plenty of people have had multiple experiences, you know, the thing that they find that whatever methodology of parenting or schooling, works for them is the only way and it's hard for me to explain to them, like, my kid would have been kicked out of a Waldorf school and a week, you know, and, like, the French school. Like, wouldn't just already knew that we're going to kick them out. But we are going to kick them out. Yeah, you know. So it was about that journey for me. And, you know, as all my books are, and people find it hard to be written about not t he loves that book. Yeah. But he, you know, he knows, he knows what happened, you know, and he knows sort of my version of it. And he has his version of it. And he's really proud of the book. And so my No, and that was my goal. When I wrote it. I was like, This is a gift to my son. Yeah, you know, I'm talking about all this stuff, warts and all. But this is a gift to my son, ultimately, that, you know, the first, like, almost three years of his life are really pretty. You know, like, the major points are pretty well documented in that book. And I would hope that you know, that that that'll be special to him someday. Jovi's book coming, I'm like, No, I'm so done. Do you might get an essay, like second child syndrome Yeah. You just mentioned JB, how old? Is he idea? Yeah. So he, he came to you in a slightly different way was through. Right. So we adopted tea from Ethiopia when he was 11 months old. We thought, you know, Ethiopia would be a great choice again, because there's so much you know, it's a rich culturally, and he's really into it. And, you know, there were no more adoptions happening in Ethiopia at the time. I was just going over there and doing kind of grassroots work in communities and, and, and orphanages and stuff. So, I mean, that was best I could do like to be close to his culture, but we'd have to Jovie out of the foster care system here. DCFS. And we had really, we knew that the likelihood of black boys being adopted after the age of two, I mean, the likelihood of Blackboard is being adopted at all. But after the age of two, like it's almost nothing. Percentages are so low. And we had been through so much with T. And he was really kind of out the other side of it by then. I mean, he's still like struggling attention and stuff. But you know, he wasn't. I mean, now, like I said, you you would never guess. Yeah, yep. No, it was just like, I'm like, here's the perfect. Here's the perfect example. She the minute I open Christmas ornaments for the first time. And he looked at them, he just picked one. Just a ball looks like a ball rather than the wall. Oh, yeah. goes in like tiny shards, a really thin glass all over the living room. Yeah. Joe V, we adopted to DCFS because, like, we felt really moved by that. And also, we thought like, if not us, then who? I mean, really, we've been through so much. We have these resources. You know, like, we have resources for another child. And we have resources for, you know, therapy with like, no, the best therapists we have done all this training. And, um, and it was still so scary. Yeah. You really, really scary, like Skarner those, you know, we both have, we're both prayerful people. We don't often pray together. There have been only like a handful of times in our life. And we come from different traditions. So like, pray differently. But like after the first time, we met Jovi, and we realized he couldn't really talk. You know, like, half his mouth was all rotted out. I changed his diaper stone diapers. I mean, he was wearing a size two, us three and a half. Like, there was no hand soap in the house. He was getting the shit beat out of him by older kids. And it was really scary. You know, and we pulled the car over and just like, held hands and just prayed for guidance and and, you know, and sad sat there for a minute together. And he turned and looked to me and he said, you know, someone's gotta believe in someone's on time. Live Let's believe in this kid. It's making that's yeah. Oh, yeah. Such an asshole. Sometimes she really nails it like the times that he nails it, he nails it. One of them someone's gonna believe in someone sometime. And you know, and the first months with Jovi for us were like, we would just hold him while he screamed and scream and like, sweat was covering his body. Like he was so slick. Like, we were like, human hold on to him. And you know, who's screaming cry, he would lie under the bed. Like, I would just go and kind of lie next to the bed. Like, I'm just here. You know, we're gonna talk. Like you didn't even have any words. You didn't know a cow said Moo. Yeah, and 123 or ABC, you know? So not only is he in this totally unfamiliar environment doesn't understand why. Um, he only now barely understands why. Yeah, wrap his head around what happened? You know, the events life that led us here. And he's only just starting to ask. But yeah, it was like, I mean, he was always so funny. Yeah. So funny. And so adorable. I mean, all these are survival skills, you know, the same way like a big shining bright star. Um, and you know, in, in traumatic situations for children, they'll often get really big and now there'll be the one that gets the attention. Or the one that gets more food maybe or the one that you know. Yeah, yeah, so Jovi. I'm thinking it really started to turn around for us. Like three years ago, you know, we took him to, he got an autism diagnosis, we took him to a really specialized preschool that was almost like one on one. Yeah. And there were like, only five kids in the class. And you know, it was specifically for kids with autism. For the most part, you know, or symptoms presenting that way. And we had to attend with him for like, the first six months. I know. I know. Like, you are fucking with me right now. Like, I can't even drop this kid off at autism preschool. Like, what do you do here? Please, God, someone helped me. But it was amazing. It totally changed things. He did, you know, he matriculated in kinder, and we had a really supportive school, really supportive Public Charter School, who love the kids and aren't scared. They, they're not scared of a diagnosis. They're, they do IEPs, which are individualized education programs, if your kid needs, you know, because every kid is supposed to get the education they need. And so they do their own IPs. They have great people who work with Jovi and he plays a violin and he dances and he knows how to take breaks. And I mean, he is he's brilliant. He's working at and above grade level. Yeah, like you told me the other day like I don't want to be in this baby math class anymore. failing math class. School is not necessarily separated by grade all the time. Like they'll have like a b and c mat and and like they might have kids from different grades in like who are just at that level of math right. So I you know, I called the school I was like me, can we have a meeting because Joby feels like he's in the baby math class? And they're like, Joby, you are the youngest person in your class. You're not in the baby math class, and you're not ready for the next one. But what a what a miracle. Oh, yeah. It's, it's wonderful, isn't it? Yeah, I love soccer. He loves our animals. Yeah. And the trauma stuff, it's all there. No, and for both of them, it comes out. At different times, there are different triggers, like the job aids, a lot of medical stuff, hospitals, things like that. Like we had to take them to the hospital, he had a really high fever and hell get bronchial stuff. It changed the hospital recently, and that check blood and he for two days was like, a one year old. You know, if you progress you know, and so different things would trigger it. And it'll come popping up but I mean, I don't think about it every minute of every day anymore. Yeah, yeah. That's pretty cool. So it's I mean, you you've been through so much. And you know, I think it's like it's a credit to yourself and to Scott that, you know, you've got so much love to give your children and you know, like you said you've done certain training like you've learned how to assist them when they need it and it's just it's a joy like you're experiencing now. You know, the other side of it. It's wonderful Jovi when his soccer game, even though I had to pay I have six. You know, I'm just like, you're supposed to like it just being an all star team is just parent torture. Like I made all stars. Yay. Yeah, we have to do I have to like drive an hour 630 On a Sunday. But um, how old are your kids? So Alex, he's 14 and Digby seven. So if we ever get, but I can relate to the likes. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. But yeah, degrees just started playing tennis and it's the first time we've had any either child play a Saturday morning sport. So we're like, geez, we did want to get out of it for this. Now. Now I do. Yeah. Got like, I pulled the curtains at six this morning. You know what Soccer League? is what I think about you cycling Yeah. Nik, I know you've you said before we started recording, you've been talking a lot about your serial killers and things. But I sort of without talking specifically too much about that. But I want to talk about how it's affected you as a mother. It's pretty full on. It has been, it has been really hard. And I can't say I feel like I have an answer for you. That worked. Yeah, no, I was totally successful. Because everyone in my family was affected by me working on that story. You know, and it happened like that, like at the very end of it. When everyone was like, like, this is like enough of this poison in our lives, even though the work I was doing was so amazing and wonderful and gratifying in terms of the victims. Like, I was talking on speakerphone to a serial killer every single day. And then COVID hit, and everyone's in the house all the time. Yeah. And so like, it's not that big of a house. I can know and it echoes and stuff and like, and they know who they know what I do. And they know who I'm talking to it. Like, I mean team more than Jovi, you know, but T asks and I answer and I say you know, this is like, disturbing. disturbs me. And I love that you're curious because like Alaska, how they solve the case or something. Like I love that you're curious. I love talking about this stuff. But like also do you want to talk about how it makes you feel? Yeah, yeah, yeah, Mama dog bite out makes me feel that, you know, he's like, he's like junior detective. So like, he'll get into the, you know, is a really good linear critical thinker. So like, he'll get into the, like, the stories leads and stuff with me, but I'm really, you know, it, it affected the most, because I wasn't around the piece that involves a lot of traveling. And it was just also present involved like me working 12 to 14 hours a day. So I wasn't around. And I was like an on hyper vigilance. Getting these calls from a serial killer every day. Yeah. Um, and you know, which was both for audio content for the documentary and stuff, but it was mostly, you know, to have a record of the kind of details I was getting from him to give to law enforcement. Because like I work very closely with law enforcement during the scene. Um, little case, because like I had his year, you know? Or he had my year end in a case. Yeah. Um, so I wasn't around a lot. I was when I look back, I can see it more than I saw then that like, my anger was coming out. Yeah. You know, because it's like they can deal with sadness. And just like if if you're crying, they don't mommy cries like that. It's like a joke. Mommy cries, right. Like, like, if there's ever a scene in a movie that's sad. Like, like, I mean, don't even talk to me about Mallanna. Okay. Ana has like four huge crime moments like to and you get over him fast, but Mallanna. So they'll be like, are you crying and crying? But I think I was. I was angry. No. And that was coming out in a way that I am from New York, I'm sarcastic. i If you have dinner with my family, you are going to have to, like raise your decibel level to get heard. Um, you know, and like, we razz each other all the time. And it just, it's an East Coast thing. It's just it's just how my family is. Oh, do I know my biggest parenting tip? Yeah. You want to know how to get your kids to not swear? Swear all the time? Really? I mean it. Yeah. And brown who's also whose parenting counselor says the same thing. She has a really filthy mouth. You know, like, Fuck was every other word. My house. So you know, I'm like, sorry, Mommy's not gonna go changing and this is parents don't talk like that do they don't? You're listening to the art of being a mom was my mom, Alison Newman. Yeah, that's the thing is that like you? You talked about that anger. And I guess that's thing you're processing all your emotions that you're going through, and you're speaking to this man and finding out all these things and, and dealing with the families of, of people that he's harmed. And then you're trying to process that volume of it. Overwhelming. I mean, there were 93 confessions. Like it's hard enough to deal with one. That's just you can't fathom, like sort through this. I mean, I had 40 notebooks, it was glitzy making. And I think that, you know, what I didn't have was that tiny bit of extra space. Like, that was there for a really long time. That could always like make a beautiful dinner, you know, and just like reconnect, or sit and watch movie with Jovi or play cards or something. And like, you know, I wound up just like, shoveling soup into my mouth in front of the computer for you know, I mean, years. So we're just sort of trying to get a routine back here. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. But I do want to sort of shine a light on the work that you've done. It didn't commend you for that. And thank you for that. Because it's such important work and obviously the families of the women would be incredibly grateful for the work that you've done. I mean, I I know that you know, I know them I mean, not, you know, there were a few victims into which I did a really deep dive, and then a few victims that I helped solve the cases. And when I saw it from top to bottom, I figured out it was in a different jurisdiction. Yeah. And, and with that, I was able to find some articles that look like they matched, and that I went to the place. And it was exactly what Sam described. And you know, and I was, and that was Alice. And I'm really close with Alice's family. They came to town, her sister came to town with her two nieces. You know, they, they took me out to lunch. And, you know, like, they said that until they realized, like, until I called them and told them, you know, and I do it very, very slowly, like, the Navier sisters come up in some of my research. You know, and would you like to know anything about it? And then I'll, you know, I'll give him a chance to say no, I don't want to hear that. Yeah. Yeah, that's it. It's not like you just bled all. Even with Debbie with Alice's sister. You know, she asked for a couple of days. And, and as a journalist, you're like, you know, you want to like you just have this instinct and this training to like, never walk away you walk away and give someone a couple days, then they're gonna decide not to talk to you. Yeah, that's right. Then if you let anyone think about it, they're gonna do it. She actually called me back and was like, okay, like I'm ready to talk about this I talked about with my kids talked about it with my husband. Like I'd like to hear everything you have I'm a member of the military and I'm have a very strong backbone and you know Tamera thing and and she's just remarkable and then Denise brothers, I went to Odessa, Texas just like drove there on my own and you know, and her family like welcomed me into their kitchen and showed me their pictures and love letters and you know Audrey Nelson's daughter and I do think that my kids understand that I mean, regardless of you know Sam little not being the last project of my life you know, we're gonna move on I will stay in this field continuing to find missing persons and you know just get it out there as much as I can and restore names to women who have been lost Yeah, good on you system etc. Yeah, I'm with you know, they're gonna they're gonna have to get behind. On that is it do you find that it's important that your children see you as more than a library air quotes is just mom because we're never just mom but that you're also contributing so much with your work that you're doing and your writing and your investigation. I imagine that their feelings about it are going to change over time. You know, Jovi will say things like you're always working mad like made me feel horrible. I don't know what they'll think and I don't think It's I think it's important that your kids see that you're leading a meaningful and engaged life. You know, there's no such thing as just mom. You know, if you're meaningful and engaged, and your primary you know, your primary activity is taking care of your children, you know, then I think that that would be wonderful and nurturing. And at the same time, that's not me. I was never gonna give up my career. You know? And, like, T asked me a few days ago, because I was like, Oh, over there baby pictures. I don't know why there was some out. Yeah. And there's, but we're both the cutest thing in the world. And, and, you know, of course, like all kids always want to hear about how cute they were when they're babies. And when the funny things they said, and they love their own mythologies. And he said, Well, you know, did you like it better? Or we got a new puppy. And he said, did you like better? Having a baby or having a teenager? And I said, How many teenager? Yeah, you know, and he was like, what? Like, how would you say like, I guess I was supposed to say, you know, I love him all like all those years. But I didn't. Like, I liked them. I mean, it's not like I liked them more. Now. I just liked my life more now. If they consider a restaurant, or I like our life as a family more now we went to a friend of mines been named spa the other day, and they were able to sit through the whole ceremony and I almost you could have knocked me over with a feather. Yeah. And and they're both like, into their things. And they're super interesting. And like, I don't have to, you know, be the party clown all day. My mother never understood, like, this parenting generation at all. She was like, What are you doing? What are you talking about? Because I was like, No, I gotta go this group and that group in this group in that group. She's like, can you just give them a choo choo? And like, put them in a play pen? What? Go home at Virginia slam and have a bottle of red wine which is just like your own nuts. You don't? Then but then again, you know, I did go and walk the route that I used to walk to school. Last time I was home and I was like, trying to get me killed. Seriously, that is a lonely path through a dark wood. Oh, no joke. It's got to be something in between, you know, but yeah, that battle, you know, now now that they're into their own things. I mean, of course, you know, I love babies and love baby smell. I love other people's babies. I love my grandbabies. Hopefully one day. But that's nice. I tell them the truth. And it was like, Oh, you're so horrible. I could do say that. Like, personnel and I really like you. Yeah. And see, that's the thing. I don't think there's anything wrong with being honest with your children. Like, you know, we don't have to sugarcoat everything and make, you know, pleat. People please another night just can be honest with them and life's great now, you know, like, you'd be happy about that. I think that, you know, at the same time, I like to try and be conscious of, you know, I mean, maybe like the totally honest me is, is not to me, my kids need Yeah, like Vanita mitigated me, like so does everybody know I'm on to me, like full force. But, you know, they definitely bring like a consciousness to how I talk, you know, and, like, I know, I know that when I do it right. And don't like, you know, shames Graeme, all that stuff. When I do it right, and like, you know, have a conversation. I mean, there have been times like it actually worked recently. Yeah. Like, you're gonna have to learn to put your clothes away. Like, I'm not like I will, they will sit here in a pile until you do like you want to go to the Navy. By the way, get up and do some push up. Yeah. Oh, close away. So yeah, that sounds very similar to my son, he's wants to be in the army but never makes his bed fixed. Like, hang on a sec, that's not gonna cut it. You know, I, I think that he's been starting to be able to hear it. Like thinking about his future a little bit. That's been the biggest difference this year. He's 14, you know? And I've been like, Listen, I need you to hear me because you're like college, this in college, that when I'm in college, and I was like, colleges doesn't happen magically. Um, and we can't pay for a private college for two children for four years. Like, who can't who can't write. So I was like, we're gonna have to think creatively. You know, I don't want you in debt for the rest of your life, either. You know, so let's start to really think about this, you know, what scores do you need to get into what schools and and then you know, and all he wants airplanes, airplanes, air. And just like one day, I was like, What about the Air Force Academy? And he was just like, Huh. Like I was doing for ROTC program, which is like, where they start doing, like some military training when they're still in high school. Like, Yeah, boy scouts, but soldiers. Yeah, right. Yeah. And he was like, Huh. So then he got on to that. And then, you know, I started finding out about the Navy pilots, Annapolis, and then, you know, we worked up going to and we called my friend who was a pilot. And, and he said, you know, is there such a thing? Is there really such a thing as Top Gun? And my friend was like, There absolutely is. It's not called that. It's called, like, the flight defense superveloce Law, some stupid thing, like somebody in Hollywood camp, a Top Gun. But it isn't an absolutely real thing. And he said, but you're not going to get into it. It's like, the top 1% of fliers in the country. And, you know, it's like getting into Harvard, or like, you know, becoming president or something. Like, it's not quite that hard, but, you know, is, but it's like getting into Harvard. It's like, yeah, and, you know, the, the likelihood is, you won't get it. And you said, okay, you know, and they talked more and blah, blah, blah. And, you know, we were just talking I was like, so how does that make you feel? You know, when he says it's impossible? And he was like, um, I don't know. I was like, because when someone tells me something's impossible, it kind of makes me feel like proving them wrong. And I just watched his eyes light up. And oh, no, this one my friends. It's like pitching for the Dodgers. Right? Or like joining the NBA. Ya know, and I was like, you know, what, you you're 14. We know you're not pitching for the Dodgers. Sorry. You're not You're very good pitcher. But you're not pitching for the Dodgers. You know, and you're not in MBA either. That's not going to happen. I was like, but we don't know. What if you're, if you are going to be in the NBA of fliers. Pilots like you very well could be like the the amount of time he puts in on the flight simulator. And I was like, so. I mean, we could have a lot of different plans. But if that's what you want to do, let's go for it. You know, Oh yeah, that's awesome. It's so fun, you know, and then to have them be like, Yeah, I'm gonna be the Dodger pitchers of combat pilot. Good on him. So, it's really thrilling. It's really fun. I try not to get like, too excited though or like, show it about anything they're into. You know, because moms are not cool by their nature. Don't embarrass them. You tell me what you think, like this generation of kids are really different from me, like when my parents were 35 they were old people. Like they were total grownups. You know, who like stockbroker housewife, dinner parties, grownups and kids were like, you know, listen through from the upstairs. Um, and, like, and, and there was this combativeness between, you know, like, you make yourself like Adley and punk rock clothes are listening to punk rock music, or my parents really a hidden problem with that, like, why? Yeah, it seems like such such a tiny thing to sacrifice a relationship with your child for, um, but they were just raised by different people. But like, our friends, our group of friends and our kids, like, all hang out together. Yeah, it's definitely different. Like, I remember the same thing like Mum and Dad would have, they had, we had a passage door that sort of divided the living area and the bedrooms. And that whenever we went to bed that would always be shut, and we'd hear the, they'd be out there with their friends. And we could We'd sneak to the door and listen, you know, it's just, I feel like, like, us, our, our parenting styles have changed so much that we include our children in so much more now. And I think that also allows us to, I don't know, I don't wanna say not grow up, because we, you know, we physically grow up, but we were still ourselves. We don't have to take on this role of the big serious parents that you know, blah, blah, blah. You know, and that's also not me. You know, like, I mean, you know, entail I was doing some really serious journalism and traveling, like, the Deep South and stuff, and I took my hair back now, I had blue hair till just a few years ago. And man T would like be on the road and get our hair done together and matching blue hair. And it was just like, you know, how fun and also like, we don't listen to all that much different music than they do. Yeah. Yeah. Like, we're into superhero movies. I love Star Wars. So was his number one. Yeah. And that's driven by me. We are Marvel Universe here. Yeah. Yeah. All about Marvel. Yeah. We are like we already have tickets for Black Panther opening. Yeah, it's like, we're not that. I mean, now you know, T likes to just talk to his friends on the phone. Actually, one of his friends is going to show up any minute. But um, nice talk to his friends, you know, and just on his iPads I mean, he could do it all day long. So it's not like he wants to hang around us all the time. But like, we had a couple of nerf wars lately. Yeah. And you're my husband is veteran and a lot of our friends are also veterans. So they are extraordinarily serious about like, organizing the teams and you had to like each have a little, you know, space and you gotta go get the flag and get back and if you get hit twice, whatever. Yeah, um, you know, but like, they wanted the parents to play. Yeah. Last the last birthday party. We went to parents played kids in kickball. Yep. And great. Yeah. It's like, you know, like, parents versus kids. Like, I don't think. I mean, when I was 14, are you kidding? Like, yeah, it'd be just no way. Hey, we hated them. And we they wouldn't play kickball. Are you kidding? We're like busy smoking at the mall. Yeah, it's good. It's great. I'm so pleased. Like, I feel like I've got a really good relationship with my 14 year old like he, you know, we're very close. And it's really good. And I hope it stays that way. As he gets out of me, it goes up and down. You know, my 14 year old and I've always, we're both stubborn. And we've come to blows for sure. I'm not actual blows. But yeah. You know, we like to say lock horns. Yeah. And so, you know, it's been kind of up and down. But right now, I'm just enjoying them a lot. Yeah. So it's kind of them and they're trying, you know, we've been just sort of talking about how, you know, we all need help. And they're old enough now. To like, participate, you know, their babies, like, they don't need to be taken care of every single second of every day. And, you know, and that we're all participating in this house in this life. And we have to, like, act politely toward each other. And you know, not have to be asked seven times to put on your shoes or to go to bed or to like, it's just it's time for that all to stop now. Yeah. I can relate to that so much. Yeah. And put in the laundry away. And, you know, it's just yeah. And like we took Jovi to soccer game this morning and left to home alone. Yep. And I was just like, one. And Scott was like, He's 14. He's fine. He'll wake up, make his breakfast. He knows where we're going. You know, back in two hours. Yeah. And I was like, oh my god, I guess I was babysitting when I was 12. Yeah, right. Yeah. You know, so I think they're like, the kids are kind of younger now too. Yeah. I mean, little group and this little school. Very thankful for. Yeah. I told you that I I left home and went to college when I was 16. I did. And, and he's like, that doesn't sound like a very good idea. Oh, man, I was like, You know what, you are exactly correct. That was not a very good. I know, he said, Where was it? And I was like, it's it was in New York. It was in in Greenwich Village in New York. And he was like, you were living in New York when you were 16 That doesn't sound like a very good idea. Oh. And I was like, Yeah, you know why? Because then I told him I sneak out of the house and take the bus into New York. I was like, you don't have to do that you like you're like I'm gonna go to a concert dad gets on the phone with his manager. You know, obviously if you guys have a box you know, I You really don't have any reason to get out of the house. Yeah. on that, but I can't let you go without mentioning. You've mentioned Scott a few times and his connection to music, that he's the bass player for Weezer, and full disclosure, I'm a massive what he's a fan. I've got my little ways of paying for the fair club. And I've seen him sing them twice. They've come to Australia a couple of times, but my, I've got to share with you my funniest Weezer story was when they first came out, I think it was 96 or 97. And I just started going out with, like, my husband, obviously, we weren't married then. And we were playing in Adelaide, which is five hours drive from here. And I said to him, I really want to go see this band. And my favorite band, like this sweater song was out. It was blue Album Era. And he said, Ah, you know, if they're big band, they'll they'll come back again soon, you know, we'll go next time, you know. Anyway, 14 years later, I waited 14 years to see them play in Melbourne, and I'm lying. Now I just got to the same thing that they hadn't been to us ever wanted to go so badly. And it was actually, like, one of the times that he was like, you know, I'd like to stay here a little longer. Like, there's some beach. That's supposed to be like, really cool. Is this Sydney? Or like Bondi Beach in Sydney? Maybe? Yeah, yeah, that sounds right. Yeah. And he's like, I just want to go like, stay there for apps like do, please. You know, but it was like, too long of a flight for tea at that time. Yeah. Everywhere. Yeah. So I was gonna say I saw on your socials that he went on the last tour. With the band. Yeah. It's so great to juvie. Yeah, and it's perfect. Kind of for now. You know, like, I can go and fly to the shows in like, major cities that we want to see. Or, like, I have my own career. I've taken two kids on tour. Bus Tour, like three times, like, months of living on a bus. As just like, I'm gonna, like put out a shingle and start telling fortunes or something like, I I can't do this anymore. You've done the hard work. Laughing like, you've been less schlepping now because they're old. But the schlepping of the baby crap. Yeah, yes. It's like That's the worst part. Yeah, that's why I hate the beach. Yeah, there's so much stuff. There is so much stuff. Yeah, I can relate to that. Yeah, then like, you know, you've to date the car seat. The car Student Oh my god. Yeah. Yeah, there's so much to consider last you are new mothers out there. That's something I don't miss. I'll tell you. Neither, but then, you know, I look at the baby pictures. And I go. I'm a monster. About these angels. Yeah. Look, I'll thank you so much for coming on. Julian. It's been such a pleasure chatting with you. And you too, and we'd be happy to be in touch again. Oh, thank you. And just before you go, do you want to share is it you've got to your books coming out my book, Behold, the monster is coming out another thing next July. Um, and there is also a documentary called confronting a serial killer that's streaming on most major networks right now. That's about me. Like it's limited, you know, five one hour episodes directed by Joe burrow injure and it's just about my relationship with Sam and and solving some of the cases. And super excited for the book. I'll be around talking a lot about crime. And strangely enough, you know, even moms have interests beyond macaroni collages Yes. We were true crime fans. Um, we're just like this part is relaxing. Are you getting turned on the DOM or documentary? You know, my website, Julian lauren.com. You can find everything there. I'm on Instagram actually and Lauren I'm on Tik Tok. Don't even ask. They talked me into it. It's kind of fun. It's really fun. Yeah, I haven't gotten you don't you have to do this mom. Like you have to do this. Or you're just not anything. Get with the time. Not going anywhere. Mom's ticked off. Anyway, good. Just Julie and lauren.com. Everything's there and preorder the books. Great. Yay. Thank you so much, and all the best and yeah, I'd love to chat again one day and yeah, keep doing what you're doing and and say hi to Scott for me. Yes, and go see Weezer. It's great. Thanks for your company today. If you've enjoyed this episode, I'd love for you to consider leaving us a review, following or subscribing to the podcast, or even sharing it with a friend who you think might be interested. If you or someone you know would like to be a guest on the podcast. Please get in touch with us via the link in the show notes. I'll catch you again next week for another chat with a Nazi stick mum

Season 2 Special Recap of Season 2 Special Listen and subscribe on Spotify and itunes/Apple podcasts We've come to the end of another year. As we say goodbye to 2022, I thought I'd take this opportunity to relive some of my favorite moments from the podcast over the past 12 months. It goes without saying that without my amazing guests, this show would not happen. They put so much trust in me. They open themselves up, make themselves incredibly vulnerable. They hand me all of their thoughts and their feelings. And they trust me to put it together and present it to the world to complete strangers, like you, dear listener. And it goes without saying that if it was not for you, then I probably wouldn't keep doing this podcast. Thank you so much for listening. Thank you so much for giving these incredible mothers your time for inviting them into your homes. And I hope that by hearing their story, it gives you courage, it gives you confidence and it sends you a big virtual hug, to know that wherever you are in the world, we're all in this together. We all feel the same way. Enjoy this special episode to round off Season 2 of The Art of Being a Mum **We discuss mental health issues, miscarriage, body image and diet culture on this recap** Podcast - instagram / website Music used with permission from Alemjo , Australian new age and ambient music trio, Georgia Fields Australian indie artist and guest in Season 1, and Scott Maxwell Father's Day episode from Season 2 Podcast transcript at the bottom of the page Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode of The Art of Being A Mum Podcast. I'm beyond honoured that you're here and would be grateful if you could take 2 minutes to leave me a 5-star review in iTunes or wherever you are listening. It really helps! This way together we can inspire, connect and bring in to the light even more stories from creative mums. Want to connect? Take a screenshot of this episode and share it on Instagram tagging me in with @art_of_being_a_mum_podcast I can't wait to connect. And remember if you or somebody you know would like to be a guest on the podcast, get in touch ! I love meeting and chatting to mammas from all creative backgrounds, from all around the world! Thank you! Alison acknowledges this Land of the Berrin (Mount Gambier) Region as the Traditional Lands of the Bungandidj People and acknowledge these First Nations people as the custodians of the Region. Ch eck out more episodes ..... Welcome to the Art of Being a mum, the podcast. It's a platform for mothers who are artists and creatives to share the joys and issues they've encountered. While continuing to make art. Regular themes we explore include the day to day juggler, how mother's work is influenced by the children, mum guilt, how mums give themselves time to create within the role of mothering, and the value that mothers and others place on their artistic selves. My name's Alison Newman. I'm a singer, songwriter, and a mom of two boys from regional South Australia. You can find links to my guests and topics we discuss in the show notes, together with music played, how to get in touch, and a link to join our lively and supportive community on Instagram. The art of being a mum acknowledges the Bondic people as the traditional owners of the land, which his podcast is recorded on. We've come to the end of another year. As we say goodbye to 2022, I thought I'd take this opportunity to relive some of my favorite moments from the podcast over the past 12 months. It goes without saying that without my amazing guests, this show would not happen. They put so much trust in me. They open themselves up, make themselves incredibly vulnerable. They hand me all of their thoughts and their feelings. And they trust me to put it together and present it to the world to complete strangers, like you, dear listener. And it goes without saying that if it was not for you, then I probably wouldn't keep doing this podcast. Thank you so much for listening. Thank you so much for giving these incredible mothers your time for inviting them into your homes. And I hope that by hearing their story, it gives you courage, it gives you confidence and it sends you a big Virtual hug, to know that wherever you are in the world. We're all in this together. We all feel the same way. And we all at times have a lot of trouble expressing that to other members of society. Thank you again. Enjoy this special episode to round off season two of the art of being a mum Kate Mildenhall, Australian writer podcaster and educator. I'd had this moment when the book came out of kind of re identifying as as as a writer and well I'm a professional out in this world. But also then I just come home and back to packing snacks and feeling guilty about them not being organic and the rest of it. Monica Crowley, Irish printmaker, oils, artist and visual artist, I find it very hard to do a picture doesn't have some kind of personal or autobiographical meaning for me, I don't just sit down and do something that looks nice. Which is it's a weird layer to put on myself. i Some people are just able to enjoy the process of painting. And but, uh, sometimes I feel like, you know, I think about it, I overthink things maybe I don't know. Is it sort of like a way of processing experiences or remembering things or making sure you remember things is anything like? Yeah, I think actually, my art is really therapy. For me, it's how I work through my own emotions. Like, initially, I know my, my print practice, I started, I was actually doing a lot of prints of places I traveled and using photographs I took him I think when I became pregnant with my first child, just this huge wash of terror and emotions. And you know, this, the weight of expectation of, you know, actually, I often say is, in my like, artist statement, like, my work is all about identity crisis. And you know, and I think that was the point when my art practice changed to become this personal thing, where I needed art to work through my own emotions to try and make sense of them. And sometimes I'll do like a body of work and then step back from it and go, Okay, now I understand what that was about. And this is an I can totally see. When I finished where it all came from, and kind of understand myself that little bit better, right. Jessica Mendez, Canadian water colorist and illustrator. Well I started was more, like I said, when, like our evenings became our own again, like when my daughter was around six months. And at that time, I've just kind of like, use the time that you need to, like, clean or do laundry and just boring things. Or if I wanted to, like sit down, I would just, you know, like scrolled the news, which is so negative during this time. So I just, I just wanted something that was fun and more positive. And it ended up being like a really good thing that I chose to do. Charlotte Conde, US artist, Illustrator, and designer. You're worrying about someone else all day, and you're meeting all their needs all day long. It feels almost like you're disappearing as a human being the roughest part for me. While it was so hard when they were little, and I felt lost sometimes was when my son went to school, though. Because then I was like, What am I gonna do with my life? Like? It's not like, they don't need me now. But it's a different need, like that kind of self sufficient. And they're going to school for a good chunk of the day. Like, what am I going to do? And that is when the art got pretty intense for me, because I needed to explore that for myself. Submit the red fin, British expat mixed media visual artist, this recurring dream, where we had a house and one day just discovered this door and opened a door. And it's this whole wing, like a house. Like there's stuff that we didn't even knew we had. And it's like, Oh, my God, when did we get bought this house this week. And you just like, I had this dream so often. And then looking into it and doing a bit of research. And they say it's when you're, there's a part of yourself that you're ignoring, and neglecting. And it's there the whole time going, come on, come discover me. And it made total sense. And like, because this is I've done, I've literally shut myself off. My interests, my creativity just was like, just not being utilized. I used to tell my kids stories and made them up and that kind of thing. So it was creative in different ways. But in terms of actually physically creating an art piece, it was totally neglected. Semi line, us mixed media, paper artist. Life feel like I could sprinkle mom guilt across the world. And that's leftover like so then after after I hear all these other people say that they don't have it. I'm like, Okay, well, what is mom guilt to me? You know, because then it's like, kind of this really interesting question of like, well, what does that mean? And? And then when do I have it? And I never have it with the creative stuff. I think it comes back to you know, when I talked about sort of the core identity of being a creative and like, this is a lifestyle, instead of a choice. Yeah. And so I think where I have had the most trouble with mom guilt is, I feel like I always want to look at each individual kid, and try and make the best choice for that kid, you know, and in the pandemic, I feel like there were no good choices. Rosie Rutherford, British clarinetist and freelance musician. What's your thoughts about mum guilt? I feel like we shouldn't have it. But I think so many of us do. I think it just stems because you care. And you want to make the right choices for your children. And I think as mums, there's this thing isn't in there anything that you do for yourself. It's at the expense of doing it for your children. And I feel like now my attitude towards it has developed after like being on my third child, because I know, when I just had Ruby, you know, kind of anything feel really, really bad. And I wouldn't, I'd be like, Oh, no, I can't do anything for myself. I can't go for a run because the house is a mess. And I've got to do this. I've got to do the washing and everything before I do this little thing myself. And now, I'm a bit like, well, if I want to play my bass clarinet for 10 minutes, the house isn't there, then I'm just going to do it because I only have one life and it's not fair on everyone else that I'm resentful because I don't get to do it. Then Lin, Australian pianist and influencer in China Social Media what they tried to say that woman needs to wake up. So I guess it's a bit late, but at least they asked me to have this slogan. Woman You have to wake up. You're not just a mom. You're also different. So I guess the Australia this is so natural, like, I saw my friend like yesterday, they get butts today they already you know, grabbing the baby just at the workplace. Yeah. And you cannot do that you turn up people just like what are you crazy and that's why I love Australia because I just feel like I can race and I can do whatever I want. So I know I was born in China, but there are things I don't like. And what I'm doing now is I don't judge about the things I don't like I just support the things I like and let more people know about it. And I wanted to let people know about it no matter how many children I have, I'm still a woman get and masa kindler, Hungarian born flautist, composer, and pianist people around me, reduce me from this to this biological being, you are now a mother, you have to do this, this and this and this, and you should not do more. And we don't want more from you. This is now what you have to do. This is your responsibility now, to be your biological being. Not a person, not a woman, and not an artist. And in the first few months, I felt it. I was on the road with with my baby in the pram and you know, that people seeing in you just the mother, you will not recognize. Like, like a woman. This is this is a mother with a small child. And that was Kelly knives, Australian professional stylist. And I just thought, you know what, I just I need something I need something to take my mind off of just motherhood to make me feel like me and I, I genuinely think you know, it was the best thing I ever did in everyone's different some people are like, Yep, I need to get back to work for the same reason other people are like, No, I need to just give motherhood, my all and that's my focus. And I don't think there's a right or a wrong, I think it's about what what you feel is best for you and what you think is best for your family and your mental health. And I know I said that to my daughter quite a few times. And like, you know, it's not just about the baby, it's about me too. And sometimes when I've said that I almost felt a bit selfish because I felt like oh, you know, like, I should be giving motherhood, my absolute everything. Alex McLaughlin, Canadian acrylic and watercolor artist. So is that where the watercolor started to come in a bit. Like you're just sort of testing out what else you can do. And that does have a lot to do with just like incorporating my practice into my life and trying to be more efficient. Because I've never really been able to involve my kids in the studio too much. I have two really active boys. I tried I really did try to to just be casual about it and set them up and then but yeah, my oldest was could not sit still he'd get into the the worst things, you know, like climbing the walls. So and I didn't want to say no, I didn't want to say no all the time. Right. So we kind of avoided being in the studio too much. earlier on. Now I am learning with a prefer rose Dela Cruz, New Zealand photographer. It was important for me to have a project for myself. That is outside the routine of taking care of baby taking care of everything, you know, running the household. Yeah, you know, something that was for myself a break because then once I once I had that, it was kind of like I was able to I don't know be more relaxed. Yeah, when I take care of her and she could feel that. Dr. Erica ball, US classical music composer, violinist pianist and educator. I've been to concerts by myself and people who knew me and they would you know make remarks like oh, you're missing bedtime. I'm so glad you came to the concert. Like I'm so sorry. I'd missed bedtime and I love missing bedtime. It is my least favorite part of day. Hi, I'm so glad to be here. My husband is perfectly capable of putting our children to bed. Yeah, he does it most states even if I'm home. Isn't that it's Interesting have the judgment people just assume that it's like, that's what you should be doing your mom, that's what you should be doing. It's like, hello, they have two parents like, exactly. Ah, it really frustrates me and comments like that they just don't go very far to help Donna Stevenson, senior dancer with the Australian ballet. And also that first appointment, I think, you know, I had all these questions about the babies and you know, this feeding this and, you know, sleeping in their tummies, all this stuff, you had this list of things like all every new man does. And she's like, I don't want to talk about babies. It was so amazing. So experience is I want to talk in my mind anxious me, I just wish we could get to the things I want to talk about. So long getting to know both of us. myself lucky, our stories, how we got to this point, and you know, obviously with the traveling and the quarantine and all of the know driving on the highway and all of this and Jessica and and she's like, you know, it's a pyramid structure. And she said, everyone thinks that the parents are, you know, come last. And they're at the bottom, but it's actually the other way around. If you're at the top and it filters down, if you guys aren't okay, no one's okay. And then when it came to me, if you're not okay, no one else is okay. And that's not a burden to you. That's just where we need to put you in this picture. Because you're going to be putting yourself down here and everyone else comes first. And that the baby's needs come first. And as someone who does like perfection in that way, whenever they'd cry, I'd feel like a failure. When I couldn't settle them, I'd feel like a failure. And like lots of mums do because that's your feedback. And you equate that to how well you're doing at being a mum. And when you've got two of them at once doing that. Or when you've just got one settled and the other you think your status quo is constantly being disrupted, so therefore, you must be doing a terrible job. And someone else wouldn't be doing this better than you. Heather McClelland, UK based singer, songwriter, musician, composer, and music educator, I'm very much someone that like feels I'm very much someone that likes to be doing stuff, you know, I've got this quite a lot of pressure of like, oh, I need to be, you know, I like to achieve things I like to do. So it's like, we're quite driven. And then like, always, like, oh, I should be trying to do this and do that. And I want to like this. And I want to, you know, there's always a sort of drive. And I think with, when you have a child, it's been quite good for me to learn to like, just be in the moment as well jamming and not feel guilty that like, I haven't been creative, like on that day is like, oh, yeah, you can get some foam out and play on the tray or whatever, you know, it's like, you're just like, in the moment doing stuff with him and kind of discovering things of having like, these days, so yeah, you know, and he's gonna go to school in September. So it's gonna be like, this whole new chapter of like, getting sort of, you know, different time back and stuff. Chapter. Yeah, it's exciting to look forward to that too. Because yeah, definitely. Yeah. Five days, five days. Louise Agnew, Australian photographer. A lot of people believe and I added to that, once you're a mother, then you're complete. So there's this idea, this idea that becoming a mother will solve everything. But then once you become a mother, you don't feel like you're doing that job well enough all of the time. So therefore, you're not complete. And you have to keep this cycle of Yeah, that was just a thought that popped in. Ideal that you're working towards this thing, and that's when you reach the top, but it just keeps getting higher and higher. That point. The goalposts keep shifting, I thought it was Anjali Gan, Tasha mula, Karen Mila, and Camilla flurry representing mother Wilde, a global collective of women who believe deeply in helping mothers to Mother themselves. I really fucking love myself. And I also really care about my well being. And feeling guilty does not serve my well being, and it does not improve me as a human in any way. Guilt is for when you're doing something wrong, something bad, something malicious. So when a mom feels guilty about going out for a date night, instead of being with her kid, you're trying to tell me that her pleasure and her well being isn't a value. Or when a mom is with her kids and she's not working. She should feel bad about that. No. How does that help her in any way? I can try my best to be as healthy as I can and curate a beautiful childhood for my children. But at the end of the day, you can experience it in their own way. And that's not mine to choose, right. But the one thing that I can control is I'm not going to give them a mom, who is resentful, who is depleted, and who, you know, is, is, yeah, just just unfulfilled and unsatisfied in her own pursuit, and life, that part I can do. And my hope is from there, those are kind of some keys and some tools for them to do that in their own way in life. We wanted to make sure that we had like the big dreams, you know, like the maybe the once in a lifetime dreams, but we also wanted to have the dreams like just being able to have a bath by yourself without being interrupted. So I think it's just the act of dreaming versus what the dream is. And, you know, we kind of say that as well, like, whether you go off and do it or you know, like, it's not the point, it's just reminding yourself that you know, to dream. And then, you know, it was at a time when I was like, I had a four year old and a two year old and I was about to go on to one of many things that the spiritual curious seeker was looking for. And it was just like, Oh, these voices, and it was just like one man along the way, who was like, Oh, where are your kids? And who's looking after them? And it's like, why are you leaving them? And I remember like, oh, my gosh, he's right, why am I doing this. And then it was like, wait a minute, I have given so much already, through the pregnancies through the daily mundane things that I can ask for little bit of time away, and I didn't need the permission of my husband, they were thumbs up, didn't need the permission of my parents, they didn't know where I was going. And, and it was just culture at large that I just had to get away. LED Australian music publicist, if you're trying to do something, and it's not working, it's not getting to you to where you want to go. Be creative and think up a solution. Think of a different doorway. For me, you know, I could have sat here 2020 When I was like, Well, you know, being a mum is not enough for me, I want more. I've got to just wallow in self pity and feel bad for myself. And I'm the victim. You know, at the end of the day, I I've kind of rose above those thoughts and went well, Can I switch? Course you can pocket. I've got a certain amount of assertiveness within myself, I have the self belief. I feel empowered. Fuck it, I'm going to make it happen. And I'm going to keep building on my empire of creative projects. And I'm not gonna stop Catherine Colette, Australian author and podcaster I think Mum, guilt is hard to escape, on some level. What has made a massive difference for me and I would say it's probably in other writers lives as well is publication. So pre, it's like that gives something a legitimacy and a validation that all of those years where, you know, you might get an article here or a short story here and all that sort of stuff, is the real turning point in terms of perception, because I think there is a relationship and, like a real life relationship between perception and and that that kind of valuing of what you're spending your time doing. There's also an element that is in your head as well. Danny van Australian hosts presenter and Master Chef staff, like I remember dropping off Harlow to daycare when I was doing that job I was talking about earlier going and chopping veggies and making these organic meals for people. I felt so bad about doing that. Like, I light up when I got there. You know, I felt good. I was able to just go into a job that I didn't really have to think about too much. And it made me feel good. But God I felt bad about just dropping off at daycare and picking her up. Light really light. And I feel like Yeah, it's like do we carry this guilt? Like why do we carry this guilt? I don't know if fathers are carrying as much guilt. I don't know. I don't know. I don't like Yeah, it's hard. But I feel like I do I have less guilt now. I would say so I think I've, I've think I've tried to accept that, you know, things are as they are. I'm still my own person. My kids are their person. We're all just trying to do our best. But yeah, there's still guilt around. SHAN Rong Janessa Jovic tore us violinist and music educator. Also I won't let my identity that's part of me. I don't want that to go. I want my children look at me in the future, when they answer understand. I'm in their eyes, I'm not only their mom, I want them to see that. During the hardest time, I never give up what I love. Because playing a violin teaching is what I love. And making music, be able to play with people is what I love. And I want my children to see that even through the hardest time, I have to make choice to give my life my time and attention to them. But I never give up what I love. And I always come back to it. Andrea Reyes, Australian mixed media visual artist and creativity coach. Well, here I go, like I'm into the next stage of my, my life and like I'm becoming a mother. And this is who I'm going to be now. Like you kind of all for me, it was a very confusing period where I just didn't know what I was doing or who I was, I felt like, kind of, yeah, I was out of control life was happening to me not like I wasn't in control of it kind of so now I've realized that actually, you can do whatever you want. You have full control of everything and Ms. Coleman, Australian indie musician, I think I would love to live in a world where the term mum guilt is just not a thing. And if we're gonna have anything, it's parent guilt. And I don't even think parent guilt should be a thing, but at least that crosses genders and roles, you know, like, why, for instance, because I'm a woman should I feel really bad about, you know, the dishes piling up and you know, an unhealthy dinner. If, like, you know, a male parent really doesn't. Now I'm not saying they don't. And I'm not saying it's that simple. But yeah, like, what is it about? Like, why have we been conditioned to kind of carry that burden or that? Yeah, so yeah, if we, if we have to feel guilty, can we all please feel guilty TKF. Just on the women, John Cook Father's Day episode, US conductor and educator, but the generation of our parents. They had to give up stuff. I'm sure that you know, like, my mother never went out on our own. And my father, who was in the restaurant business was out every night. And come home till two three in the morning. So I wish they almost did some stuff for them. You know? Yeah. And that certainly is not you know, your parents or my parents reality they had to give up things that they might may have wanted to do. But I feel bad for that. You know that that was the case then. But it's not now. Mercedes roaches us claim maker and Potter. As a woman, it's a strange thing like the post feminist woman like we're no, we're, we're still expected to be these amazing moms. Keep a good house not look like a big mess. Right and like, show up for everybody all the time. And I think it does create a huge amount of guilt. We're like, we are never enough. There are never enough hours in the day for us to do all of the things for all the people and then I think the more than anything, we don't like there's no value on recharging for ourselves, right? Like it's almost like a like this weird luxury like, Oh, you're gonna go have quiet time for yourself for an hour and that's a priority for your life. What about your dishes, you know, and it doesn't create this like, very uncomfortable level of guilt. And it's like, Well, why don't you ask my husband about the dishes because he's a partnership. It doesn't matter how much we do. It is never ever enough. Shweta based Indian born photographer based in the United States, even now like every day that passes I, I see it better. I I see I see myself better now than I did then. And I was lost and I was very unhappy. And only I knew that. And I was I felt guilty that I had everything that I needed. I had a I had healthy children, you know how it is like you have a you have a happy family in a sense and And saying why do I still feel so empty? And and you know, I said, I'm a thinker. So what do I like what's going on? My children are flourishing and I was diminishing. There was something wrong there. And I think I had to acknowledge that Danny Oh, covenants Netherlands born author based in the US, technically I did, it looked like that on the outside, I had exactly a good list, a great husband, Healthy Kids, great neighborhood, beautiful home, good schools. And something was still missing. And I wasn't happy. And I, for the longest time, I would beat myself up. Stop being so ungrateful. Be grateful for all the gifts in your life. You should be happy, you should be happy, you should be happy, why you're not happy. But at some point, when my youngest was in preschool, I realized, stop, you got to start listening to yourself. Because if you don't make a change, now, you're going to end up being bitter and unhappy and resentful, and you do not want to go. You don't want to be that person. Emily Johnson, US author. It's hard. I mean, that's the you know, people think physically being a mother is hard. But there is a lot of emotional second gasoline. And you know, and I'm doing this correctly, what you know, am I a terrible mother? Am I a good mother? Am I you know, am I completely screwing my kit up for the future? And unfortunately, a lot of people don't talk about that unless their moms themselves. Fiona Valentine, Melbourne artist, and artists business coach, I think we're experts at coming up with guilt, over all sorts of things, and mothering right? Am I living, right? Have I done enough? Am I enough, and just recognizing that part of the journey, particularly when you pick up creativity, for some reason, creativity is just opposed. People have written books about it, it's not even just internal. It's, it's something outside of ourselves, and recognizing that gives you a bit of something in your backbone that says, this does matter. This is good for my kids, when I'm being a whole person when I'm being creative when I'm modeling joy for them. Simone wise, South Australian visual artist, I'm encouraged by there are a lot of artists, female artists who are going strong into their older years, or even like, fully come into themselves as artists later on. So while I do get frustrated that I don't have the time to dedicate that I would like I still feel like I've got the foundations of skills in who knows what will happen in the future, I might have more time to push things further. Amy Siegfried, US podcaster and entrepreneur, my mom and I talk a lot about how being a mom has shifted so much since she was since I was little till now, because a lot of the, you know, in her from her perspective, a lot of these women's movement movements have really taught us to take care of each other, versus fight each other when it really comes down to it. And so, I do think the mom guilt looks a little different. You know, I joke that, you know, we we, the cookies come out of the little package that you buy from the store, and you put them on the pan and my mother takes my son and makes them with a mixer and the whole nine yards. This is how mom does them. This is how Grammy doesn't and they're both okay. And that's okay. And we go do this where you guys don't do that. It's it's truly one of those things. And I think the challenge is probably getting out of our own heads. So much us feeling like we need to put ourselves in this box and her whatever that might be or, you know, we see people on Instagram who you know, cut their children's sandwiches into fun shapes and sizes every day. And then they also take the zoo, but somehow they work full time. And then they go and you're like how how do you possibly make dinner and go to the zoo and go to work from nine to five and then cut their sandwiches to look like the Taj Mahal? Like I don't understand how this works. So yeah, I think it's just it's setting our own perspectives of what we're able to do and what we just have to let go. Lisa Sugarman us writer, more and more people are starting to show their real selves on social media, which I love. And saying, I'm actually not okay. I'm actually a disaster. And I'm this and I'm bad and that's owning it and being honest. In the same way. I think moms are starting to recognize that this whole guilt thing is complete bullshit that they shouldn't buy into you because it's just going to chip away at your soul and your confidence and your self esteem. Because if you don't, and this goes back to perfection if you don't, if you don't do everything the way you think you're supposed to do it, now you're riddled with guilt. And now you're in capacity. So it doesn't know what, yeah. Bianca, Mara, US photographer and podcaster. The other night, my two little boys are in the tub together the most adorable thing you've ever seen. I just wanted to go on the bed and be scroll on my phone. I just wasn't I, how many times are they going to be in the battle, it's like, you go into the role of like, I know, I know, A, B, C, D E, I know why I should be there. But I'm not right now being present for me and to my needs, is to go lay down on the bed and not handcuff myself to this moment to like, keep my energy where I want it to be to feel like I can actually appreciate them when I'm in that space that I want. And I think about when I first drove the coast to California, for the first time ever, I've never been to the West Coast. I drove from LA to San Francisco. At first I was like, Hi. I was not literally but like, I just felt like I was like, Oh, I never seen such beauty in my life. I was like vibrating. By halfway up. I was like, literally nauseous and I don't think it was carsick. I was like, I can't it's too much. Like I feel like I need to, and I close my eyes. I was like, I can't see anymore. I can't I can't take it anymore. Like, I'm you know, and that's kind of what I feel like about, about guilt and about. It's this, it's the knowing, it's that wise, like I get it. I know all of the reasons why I this is amazing, but I'm just not, I'm not there. And I think the more that you can feel confident about choosing yourself in those moments, makes you even more richly there for the times where you choose that moment, you know, that is brilliantly put, honestly. Dr. Sophie Brock, Australian motherhood studies sociologist, what I really hope to try and do in my work and for us to do as a culture is to break open this dichotomy of, you're either a mother and you love your children, and you have this connected relationship and you've lost yourself, or you need to actually break away and step away from the mother. In order to be the self there's these two polar opposites set up and it's like actually know that there's a third way here, there's a way for us to flexibly move between our roles and to integrate our sense of self without mothering. And how much of a gift that is for our children. Right that we we don't need to break away pieces of, of who we are, and have our own authenticity in order to somehow hold up a mirage of them of who we are like that doesn't actually serve them. Kate King, US counselor and art therapist, I've always felt like the, like our babies, teach us the lessons that we would not learn from anyone else, we would not let anyone else get close enough and honest and vulnerable enough as we let our children get to us. And so some of our biggest issues will never come up for healing. If our kids don't reflect them back to us, you know, and control is a really big one for a lot of moms. And it's really healing to be able to finally sort of unpack it and work through the layers. Scott Maxwell Father's Day episode, Australian musician and educator. I know through experience that, you know, kids love kids like to sing, but sometimes they may annoy their parents. And it might be just natural for the parents to tell them, hey, you know, you sound like a dying dog or something like that, you know, and the kid might sound like a dying dog too. But that can really pay detrimental to that the psyche of that. So, a lot of the times, you know, I like to tell parents that if your kids if your kid is learning music, and it sounds horrible, then that's probably good because they're actually probably trying something that they've never done before. Some of my best singers and their parents will say that they make really silly noises a lot and that's that's experimentation of, of the voice or whatever. It is part of what my studio is still, I'm still experimenting. You know? I'm 50 years old and I can't stop Since I was 11 years old, Steve Davis Father's Day episode, marketing consultant, comedian, educator, and podcaster. Alexandra was born, Nadia was taken to a room to sort of recover. And I was taken back into the room and there was AJ, in a little caught. And I was quietly getting my laptop out to do work. And just as it was about to open, I was struck by fear that the first thing AJ would hear was the Microsoft music when the computer opened, and I slammed the lid, I couldn't let that be the case. And so I reached into my bag and brought out the complete works of William Shakespeare as you do, as you do, and I went over by her, and I read a sonnet to her. So that that was the first thing they actually heard. And then I opened up and I played Alexandra leaving, which is the Leonard Cohen song that she's named after. Fleur Harris, an Australian illustrator and designer, I realized that taking taking time for myself is important. And, you know, a couple of times, I've said to my husband, you know what, I'm gonna go and get a hotel room in the city. And I'm gonna go out for dinner by myself, and I'll be home tomorrow. Look, I've only done it a couple of times. But it's been at those points where I've thought, oh, my gosh, I am. I'm really maxed out here, like, stress wise. As or, you know. And I've gone and done that. And I've thought I haven't felt guilty about actually need is for the sake of, you know, my sanity and, and also, I'll come back, you know, better. And I almost feel like not doing those sorts of things is actually would actually be remiss of me in being a good member of my family. And a good mom. Janelle Thomas, Dubai based singer and songwriter. So then with Hendrix, I actually was back on stage six days after he was born. Oh, we had a gig that were waiting for us. And I was like, yeah, yeah, I'll be there next Monday. Yeah, I'm coming. That is incredible. That is amazing. How did you do it? Like physically, like we did? You must have like, a good birth and everything like good after? Or was it like really? I did. Like, I really, you know, I had great pregnancies. And the actual deliveries were a little bit tough. At times, I have babies who really enjoyed their accommodation. So they kind of had to be like, convinced to join us on Friday, you know, but then once they were out, they were perfectly healthy. I was healthy. I was moving around, you know. That being said, like I had, I had said, I'm gonna be back on stage. Everybody was going, Are you sure I was like, that is the wrong thing to say to me. I've said I'm sure you know, I'm just going to do this. Obviously, the week between birth and actually having to leave newborn baby for, you know, the six, seven hours that is required when you're when you're doing again, even if it's in town. That week was just so stressful. All I could think was I just need to pump enough. I need to be ready. I mean, one of the things that made it easier is we've had the same nanny since Theo was born. So at least she was really ready for that, you know, feels perfectly comfortable with her. So there wasn't any of that kind of stress of who's going to mind the baby like I had someone I trusted implicitly, but still. Yeah. And then on the day of just, I was getting ready for work, and I didn't have a single pair of shoes that fit because my feet are so swollen. And I thought and you know, and it's a jazz gig in a nice restaurant, and I thought I'm gonna have to go there in like, trainers that aren't even done up because I literally can like I was totally miss piggy. You know, I was just I couldn't even put my feet in anything and so I found this like, ghastly pair of slip ons that were really stretchy. And all I could think is please everybody look at my huge massive cleavage. Don't Don't look down at my terrible footwear. Just keep it all up here and then the top half. I'll be fine. Yeah, but, but I got there. And I really, we you know, we played three sets and I really spent the first two sets thinking that I was gonna take Like I was on stage thinking, this was not a great idea, I maybe shouldn't have done this. And I'd had an episiotomy. So I was still healing from stitches, so I couldn't use it. Also, you know, sitting was actually really uncomfortable. So everyone was going to want to steal. I'm like, no, no, no steal, that's worse. So I've just kind of, you know, trying not to, like, cling on to the mic stand for the first few seconds. But, you know, Felix was great. And the staff were great. It was a place that we we love we play there a long time. And so everybody just welcomed us back with open arms are so happy to see us, you know, even six months since we'd been there, because of COVID. And the audience was amazing. Like the audience were so ready for live entertainment to after COVID. So actually, the third set, good. The third set was better, and it was kind of, okay, well, this is the power of music that, but oh, yeah, I was in like the fall on adult diaper for that show. Now, when I look at it, I'm like, that was kind of a terrible idea. You know, and I can't believe that all of you guys, let me do you know, and my husband is just like, oh, yeah, like, I'm absolutely not going to tell you that you're crazy person. You know, you were doing it. So you did it. Suzanne Kohlberg Australian writer, and coach, my mum never had friends. She never had hobbies. I don't want to say she was just a mom. That sounds horrible. I remember looking at her. And I was thinking, I don't want to become a mom, like, honestly, your wife kind of ends, you don't have anything. And it was interesting. I met my husband, when I was 18. When we got married when I was like 22. And we were never sure on the kids thing. I could be really honest. Like, I love my kids and everything. But we weren't sure. And then we decided we wait till I was 28. And then we would decide. So we had, you know, by the time I was 2810 years together. And then we were like, Okay, we have kids got pregnant the first month, I had a very lucky journey in that respect. But it was kind of like, I remember when we got the positive pregnancy test, he was over the moon. And I was just sitting there kind of like, whoa, because I didn't think I do is like this is what we wanted. And I was like, yes, but like there was a little bit of mourning there. And then I was like, I don't have to be the mum that my mom was Judy Richards, Australian mixed media artist. When when you're a mum of three young children, there's plenty it isn't out there. That you stress yourself out, because your house doesn't move a certain way. Don't worry about it. Don't let the things of other people's things get to you. I don't judge people by their homes. If I want to be friends with someone, and things get on top of them. My CDs now and visit them for them don't make people because that what happens is then you stop wanting people to come to your house. Because you put yourself in a box and you go, Oh, if that's what people think I don't want them to come and visit you. I'm not good enough to have people into my mind. Yeah, that's right. And it's not this not a nice feeling to have. Leah Franklin, Australian plant based chef and entrepreneur member having a discussion on the humanities floor at Grant High School in year 10. And you know, you're all standing around on What's everyone doing, and you're picking your subjects and all that. And I didn't realize it was going to be such an embarrassing topic. But everyone was saying, oh, you know, what are you going to do and someone was going to be a teacher and someone was going to be a pharmacist and you did it at air and, and I set out and it came around to me and I said, I just want to be a mom. And like it was just this deathly quiet because even then, it was an unusual thing for someone in year 10 To say they wanted to just be a mum. And it was just, you know, air quotes again. Yeah, just be a man. And they said, oh, and I said yeah, I can like I just want to have the house with the fence in the whole thing. And it's it's truly all I saw for myself. Khalifa Holland, Australian entrepreneur and business owner. I've always loved working in what I do. But I made that I always knew my mom was very much there for us like even though we had coffee shops and that my mom was a sort of person. Get off the bus. We had a massive drive thru on a farm. Don't be riding with get inside and nominate harmala When somebody called me up before us, so I knew that if I was able to I wanted to have that fortune. Rachel Lawson waiver us photographer and artist educator. I thought when I didn't see people like me in TV, or movies or magazines or catalogs I didn't think that, that the problem was them and representation, I thought that the problem was me. And if I could just make myself thinner and different, then I deserved to be represented. And, like, That's bullshit. And so, now that I have like a little bit of a platform, a little bit of a way to make images, a little bit of wit, a way to share those, I'm like, and I had to start, it's one of the reasons I'm, like, pretty passionate about self portraiture, because I wanted people of different sizes, and abilities and bodies to hire me. And I felt like well, I have to start by showing mine. Like, I feel like it's one of those things that especially photographers, if you want to be telling people, like, I want you to feel comfortable in your body, you kind of have to like, walk the walk and prove it a little like they can see through your BS. And so if you haven't really done the work, to love and accept yourself, the best thing I can do is model that. And then when I show up, I kind of show up and I give people permission to be like, I get to do this to Jillian Lauren, us best selling author and journalist, I think it's important that your kids see that you're leading a meaningful and engaged life. You know, there's no such thing as just mom. You know, if you're meaningful and engaged, and your primary, you know, your primary activity is taking care of your children, you know, then I think that that would be wonderful and nurturing. And at the same time, that's not me, I was never going to give up my career. Sally refun, Australia's highest selling female author and illustrator. In the years where I did carry a lot more guilt than I allow myself to now, I used to worry a lot about working a lot, because I worked really, really, really hard. And so often I might be away on tour, or I might have to, after dinner, go back into the studio to work or, and would sometimes mean that I've missed some school things or, you know, and then I would feel bad about that. But I think all my working mothers can relate to that. But I guess what I hoped is that what I'm role modeling is that if they have a female partner in the future, there won't be an assumption that it just falls on one person to do the domestic labor or the childcare, that I can model what it's like to be an independent person in the world. I've always been financially independent, I've always, you know, worked really hard to forge a career for myself. And so even though I have sons, not daughters, I think it's as important to role model that for them, as it would be if I had daughters, Liz Morton, US event florist podcaster and entrepreneur, I've learned that my mom wasn't exactly a like well rounded eater, she ate a lot of spirits, a lot of the same things. So I'm finding like, as a mom, myself, that my kids eat everything that I eat. So if I'm showing them that I'm eating broccoli, and like home cooked meals, they're going to want to eat them too. So if I'm not giving them those options, they're not going to eat them. And they're not encouraged to because if I'm drinking soda, my daughter wants to drink soda. If I'm eating a nice polite with turkey bacon, she's gonna love to eat that too. So it's just a matter of introducing them to the right things and setting a good example. Katie Callahan, US singer, songwriter and artist, so I felt like a little bit of like a conflict, you know, in that, like, I'm gonna write about who I am and who I am includes being a woman and includes being a mother and includes like, acknowledging that I have those roles. And I'm not going to pretend like I don't because they're really important parts of my life. They dominate most of my time, you know? But those I feel like a lot of women have to pretend like it's not the case like when they're writing and, and like maybe that's a choice maybe maybe, you know, maybe you know, either other songwriters or like this is my way of reclaiming, you know, an individual identity is to write was to not write about them. Not like them. But because my, my, my, the way that I write and what I write about is so immediate, and often very responsive to where I am in my you know, environment and circumstance then they show up they keep showing up those girls and maybe not like overtly like this is the song about my daughter because only country singers can get away with that but uh, Elise Adlam, Australian philosopher and feminist women and mothers are really put in this catch 22 situation you can't win either way, right? If you stay home, you want to be a stay at home mom, no, you're not doing anything meaningful, you're not producing. And then you're in your, you know, even some people will say, Are your bad feminists, which is completely not true, because feminism should be about women choosing what they do with their lives, as long as they're not harming anyone else. And then on the other hand, you have, if you want to go back to work, you're abandoning your child, your, your role as a woman is to look after your child. So yeah, women really can't win in this bed, Steven, Australian singer and songwriter, everyone needs to be on the same team to make it work. So this year, for example, you know, we've had a baby at the beginning of the year, everyone has needed to be on board for for it to be successful, you know, so, and that's, you know, partner, System Manager, you know, all the people who are involved in the team, to be on board to make that work and to be happy to make that work. And for that to be successful. Alex cynic is an Australian designer and engineer. One of the reasons why we don't you know, know that much is because we don't invest in the research to learn that much. If we researched the lactating breast, like we researched other body functions, the same amount of money, we would know a lot more, there would be much more coherent programs. And, you know, part of this is, you know, we have no problem saying All women should breastfeed, and it's best for baby bla bla bla bla, but then, you know, where are the programs and funding to support having someone there in the hospital who's not run off her feet looking after all the other babies that just got born? Where's the funding to provide you homecare, like we do have these people who are super skilled and really good at what they do, but we don't have funding for them? Are these problems that can feasibly be solved? You know, in science? Are these like problems that can feasibly be solved with just a bit of cash? Yeah. And it's just you haven't chosen to prepare cash in that area? It's a little cynical, but I think it's true. genogram, US clinical social worker, and photographer. Yeah, yeah. So I was kind of, you know, like I said, I had taken a little bit of a break, when my kids were babies, I was kind of trying to juggle, you know, like life as a mom working in a very clinical, you know, very kind of demanding field at the time, I was in private practice work. And, you know, so it was just kind of me servicing these clients that had a lot of needs. And you know, it was a pretty high risk population, I've always worked, treating the field of eating disorders, and you can have a lot of medical complications and a lot of extra things, you kind of have to kind of keep tabs on from a medical perspective. And so I was juggling a lot at that time when my babies were small, and, you know, was just kind of increasingly able to work less and less because of difficulty with finding the right childcare. And, you know, my husband works in a job where he travels a bit and you know, commutes into the city, and sometimes it's gone long hours. And so, you know, it became obvious to me that, I just kind of felt ready to take a little break, I felt ready to kind of be home a little more and not try to do that juggle. So I was, you know, fortunate enough to be able to take a couple years, and step away from that work. And in that time, I was loving being a mom. But I think I kind of had a combination of, you know, just all of the emotions that gets stirred up when you're a mom, and you're raising kids and wanting to capture it and seeing how fast it goes. And then I think I just kind of started to get really curious about, you know, it's like that I think the expression is like the date, the years are short, but the days are long, and I had some like long days at home with two very active young boys. And I just kind of got curious about what I was interested in. That could be a part of that day that could also be kind of meaningful. Thanks for your company today. If you've enjoyed this episode, I'd love you to consider leaving us a review, following or subscribing to the podcast, or even sharing it with a friend who you think might be interested. If you or someone you know would like to be a guest on the podcast. Please get in touch with us via the link in the show notes. I'll be back on the sixth of January, with a new season of The Art of Being a mum

Jedda Glynn South Australian florist, designer and small business owner S1 Ep19 Listen and Subscribe on itunes , spotify and google podcasts Jedda Glynn is a designer and small business owner from Burrungule, South Australia and a mother of 3. Jedda Grew up in a small country town, surrounded by a creative family. She’s been a dancer her whole life, running the Kongorong Calisthenics Club for many years, and recently starting her own small business, The Springs Creative, where Jedda arranges rustic dried flowers, with the help of her young children. We chat about how being creative kept her sane during a difficult time in her life, the joy of sharing the creative side of the business with her children and the importance of having a supportive family around her, and the perks of living in the country and raising children on a farm. **This episode contains discussions around domestic violence and an abusive relationship** Connect with Jedda on Instagram Find out about Squib Group Find out more about the Kongorong Calisthenics Club Connect with the podcast here Music used with permission in this episode is from Alison Newman and Alemjo When chatting to my guests I greatly appreciate their openness and honestly in sharing their stories. If at any stage their information is found to be incorrect, the podcast bears no responsibility for my guests' inaccuracies. Podcast transcript at the bottom of the page Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode of The Art of Being A Mum Podcast. I'm beyond honoured that you're here and would be grateful if you could take 2 minutes to leave me a 5-star review in iTunes or wherever you are listening. It really helps! This way together we can inspire, connect and bring in to the light even more stories from creative mums. Want to connect? Take a screenshot of this episode and share it on Instagram tagging me in with @art_of_being_a_mum_podcast I can't wait to connect. And remember if you or somebody you know would like to be a guest on the podcast, get in touch ! I love meeting and chatting to mammas from all creative backgrounds, from all around the world! Thank you! Alison acknowledges this Land of the Berrin (Mount Gambier) Region as the Traditional Lands of the Bungandidj People and acknowledge these First Nations people as the custodians of the Region. Ch eck out more episodes ..... elcome to the Art of Being a mum, the podcast where we hear from mothers who are artists and creators sharing their joys and issues around trying to be a mother and continue to make art. Regular topics include mum guilt, identity, the day to day juggle mental health, and how children manifest in their art. My name is Alison Newman. I'm a singer songwriter, and a mother of two boys from regional South Australia. I have a passion for mental wellness and a background in early childhood education. You can find links to my guests and topics they discussed in the show notes, along with the music played, and the link to find the podcast on Instagram. All music used on the podcast is done so with permission. The art of being a mom acknowledges the Bondic people as the traditional custodians of the land and water, which this podcast is recorded on and pays respects to the relationship that traditional owners have with the land and water, as well as acknowledging elder's past, present and emerging. Thank you for joining me. My guest today on the podcast is Jeddah clean. Jeddah is a designer and small business owner from barren gold, South Australia, and a mother of three jeder grew up in a small country town surrounded by a creative family. She's been a dancer for her whole life, running the conga and calisthenics club for many years. And recently, she started her own business, the springs created where She arranges rustic dried flowers with the help of her young children. Today, we chat about how being creative kept her sane during a difficult time in her life. The joy of sharing the creative side of the business with her children, the importance of having a supportive family around her and the perks of living in the country and raising children on a farm. Please be aware this episode contains discussions around domestic violence and abusive relationship. MUSIC Today is used with permission from Alison Newman, and LM Joe. Welcome, Jenna, thank you so much for coming on today. Thanks for having me. Your project is called the springs creative. Can you tell us about that and how you got started and what you make? Um, well, it's very, a very new business. Earlier in the, my partner took myself and our kids on a little holiday up to Victor Harbor. And I just snuck away from them for a while and went through a little market that they had along the foreshore and I noticed a lady up there was selling like bunches of dried wheat and little ponytails and things which we see on the side of the roads down here everywhere. Like it's a very rainy, a lovely little nature. I concept I guess. Yeah. And that's, I don't know identities, were something that I can do here on the farm. I can go out exploring with kids. And we can cut down the branches of trees that we like or that have flowers in the garden. And we just tried to dry some and it worked out really easy. So I decided, oh, let's sell them for Mother's Day. So I put together I think it was 30 odd little recycled jars with some bunches in them and started a little Instagram platform. And it sort of escalated from there. And I had it was messaging me for weddings coming up this season. And then I decided to create a website. And yeah, the little businesses grown and grown from there. So we called it the springs creative because that's where we are in Baringo it's called a little area code the springs and where we live runs alongside the Springs Road so it's sort of just clicked that little Yeah, idea. Yeah, that's great. And yes, have a look on on the Instagram. Anyone that's listening to this because they're just gorgeous. They're They're very, it's it's different, isn't it? They? I guess because they're dry. They're gonna last and last and last. They're not like the fresh flowers that are gonna do they're gonna wilt in and die. They just look amazing. You've got a real talent to for these. Putting them together. Have you always been sort of a creative person making things? I guess so. Even as a little girl I didn't have that many dolls I was writing to pencils and paper and drawing and in my room and making things my my mum and my And both bananas are right into quoting and making. So I've always had that, you know, a home I guess my dad's even quite creative being he's a farmer as well. Making things out of junk like building things and building machinery very clearly like that. And then when I was younger, my mum got me into calisthenics. So I've been in dance my whole life. I'm also a part of the conquering calisthenics club and running that club by myself as a coach. Yeah, so I've been into making costumes and sequencing and creating teens and yeah, smart my life I guess I love I love being a being hands in mind and in our guests during high school. I was in love with all the art subjects and design and things before before I go to maths and science like me, so yeah, it wasn't a great fan of school. But yeah. I can totally relate to that. Say you mentioned that your children help you gather and collect things for your work? Tell us about your children. I have three kids. I've got a son and two daughters. Yeah, what are they nearly nearly six nearly four and just turned one. Busy but a lot of my making and business planning I guess is done when they go to bed. So you spend all night doing your hypnosis because your daily times for your kids your day times for school drop offs in washing and housework. Yeah, it is. It is a big a big commitment to decide to open a business because you do have to give me your free time to to that. Yeah. That's it, isn't it? And especially having a little one too. I guess you're not. You're not guaranteed a full night's sleep either. So no, I am honestly very lucky. All the kids are great sleepers. They go to bed at seven and they they wake up at about seven the next day. So yeah, I am pretty strict on their routine. So I can by eight o'clock jump on in my office and get some stuff done. Yeah. Well, that's great. You mentioned about the farm. So do you do actually have a farm as well that you run? Yeah, my partner's a part of a family trust. So we're surrounded by family. There's Yeah. Every day there's something happening was sharing to be done. There's harvest and silage, there's Yeah, sheep work or whatever needs to have happen. They've also got a theory that they run as well. Yeah, so I am surrounded by a lot of business minded people. So it's been really great to bounce ideas. And they've actually shown quite a great interest in what I'm doing, which is exciting and encouraging. Yeah. Yeah. It's great to have that support, isn't it? And especially with having three children, you'd sort of you'd need to have a pretty good support network around you. Yeah. And my parents lived down in Congress, they're not far away, as well. So yeah, my mom has my kids a lot for me to do my calisthenics. So yeah, go away to competitions and things like that. She Yeah, she takes all that on talking about the concept of mum guilt, you know, this idea that yeah, just supposed to be doing mum stuff all the time, and we're not supposed to do anything for ourselves and Yeah, my eldest three kids from a previous marriage. So I went through a lot of dv relationship. And I left that relationship when my daughter was only, not even one years old. So I've had them longer for a long time. I don't remember much of my daughter's life, because I was going through a lot of things behind the scenes. But I feel that the calisthenics especially, was my escape from what was going on in my home, I could go to castings, and be creative and find my happiness, then come home, and it wasn't okay. So then I moved in with my parents and I could, I could let go, I could be who I wanted to be, and find my happiness again. And I still, I still have a lot of mom guilt. Because I chose to be creative over being there for my kids. But now things are a lot different in a lot happier relationship, happier home, I can juggle both I can be creative, and I can be I can be mum, and can be present. Like it's been very different. Having my youngest and going through bringing her up and, and a little the joys of breastfeeding and things we support around me. It's been a lot. lot different. Yeah. Yeah. And I guess creating the springs creative. He's also something I can do with the kids like exploring the farm, going going out into nature, and oh, look at these wondering what that's going to look like in a couple of weeks after we've hung it up and dried it, or what color could we try and make this grass because we've been experimenting with dyes and food coloring and things to try and suck up into the stems and create new colors and things like that. So that's been fun to do with kids? Oh, yeah. It's almost like a little like, like a science project or so. Yeah, definitely. I mean, it was, it was great to do through COVID as well, not their way here in South Australia had much COVID dramas, but it kept us saying that we could do a little bit of schoolwork in the morning and then get out in the garden. And we'll go for a walk around the paddock and see what we can find. Yeah, for sure. And it's like, I guess, I mean, the kids probably aren't on social media, the ages. But can they sort of delay See, they see the finished product? And they they sort of have an understanding that what they've Yeah, has made this beautiful product, I guess. Yeah, let my my daughter especially, I'll make up a bunch of flowers, and they've got to be delivered up to the hospital. Let's say this to a new baby. And she gets so excited that we're going to Yeah, make someone say brighter with something that we've made. Yeah, that's beauty. And that whole, that whole giving concept that it gives the learning that you can spoil someone without it being a toy or something materialistic it can be a bunch of flowers is enough for somebody as well. Yeah. Yeah, that's really lovely. Do you mind if we delve into this previous relationship a bit more? Is that appropriate? Obviously, if there's anything you don't want to talk about, I'm just interested this the connection that you you raised about the way that being creative was like your outlet. It was your escape. Yeah. Yeah. Can you talk a bit more about that? Is that? Yeah, well, at the time, I was teaching classes at the Congress home. And, like it was a commitment, good scribble gene for classes, two or three times a week. I had to go. I couldn't be having a worse day. But at four o'clock, I had to be there to open a hole up for these kids to come in for their classes. Like when I opened that whole door and walked in. It was I'm free, like, I can do what I want to do for the next year and a half. But when I shut that door and walk out, I have to go back to reality. So I guess it was it kept my, my my I know my gears going it kept kept me alive. You could be honest that. Yeah. And then when I guess when things got to that point where I decided that enough was enough, it still was my, my my little I was my therapy, I guess I could I was going through counseling, going through mediation and things. And yeah, I can be really stressed out. And it was my Yeah. A little a little escape from what was really going on in my life. Yeah. forever grateful for those those kids. I have no idea of what they helped me through. But yeah, they got me through some of the darkest days. Yeah, yeah. And that sense of community. I suppose having having people around you that valued you. And looked up to you. Yeah, yeah. With Yeah, definitely. I love being a part of small communities, because for that reason, your next door neighbor knows what's going on in your world. And they're there for you. Yeah. Well, yeah. My parents were my brother, my sister in law. And then, after 12 months of living with my parents, I moved into a home with my kids, just me and the two kids. And we're only a few doors down for my parents and my brother like it was a little safety net. And yeah, we got we got through it. Yeah. I met my current partner and moved down to Cancun for the first time in my life. When he moved 10 minutes up the road into Boingo. Yeah. Well done. Good for you. Yeah, that's a great, it's a great outcome. You know, you hear a lot of a lot of things not going going the other way when it comes to domestic violence. And I always consider myself one of those lucky ones. Yeah, I felt I felt like I had people behind me to push me through through that mountain because a lot of girls get to that point and they turn around if you go back to like it. I totally understand why girls go back. And it's not only girls it's guys too. But when I took those steps it was crazy how many doors were open for me with counseling. Support hearing about Gambia there's a lot a lot of things I didn't even realize to exist for people ya know, I met some amazing humans who encouraged me to keep going to keep climbing Yeah, I got there in the past I guess yeah, let's go yeah you born and bred in Congo wrong. Usually I've lived here my whole life and even the ceramics which is a beautiful area. It's only what would it be from the man it's like 15 minutes would it be yeah if that Yeah. So we're right on the highway so pretty much where the Grand Council turns to what arrange Council? Yeah. And there's the old springs hole that's still there. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Often drive past that and think Oh, wonder how many lovely you know, dances and parties and stuff. They have their history around this. Phenomenal No luck there. The beautiful old homes at the old Baringo homestead there on the hill. Yeah. Love beautiful properties, like the hills and green grass and the scrub lands and stuff like that. And then like then all you can see is the bluff as well. Yeah, some fucking mornings. It's really quite eerie. When you look at over. Yeah. It's a beautiful park. That's the thing. I guess. Most people would just drive straight through there. They're on their way to somewhere else. And they just, you know. Yeah. I always did like living here in Congo. He drafted like, oh, every now and then to go to football or netball. You never paid any notice to him? Yeah, yeah, that's it, isn't it? We used to spend a lot of Sunday drives driving around with mom and dad that was just sitting on a Sunday. Go for a cook For, ya know that that tracks between here and anywhere, my dad knew them. So we spent a lot of time driving around, which I probably took for granted as a as a teenage girl or even a bit younger like I was, this is so boring. And it's my going home. And now I love it. Driving around, we decided to go in a different way home every now and then. Yeah. Yeah, that's really cool. And like, yeah, you kids, you kids who grow up with that different sort of view on the world, too. I suppose that there's all these hidden hidden places that people don't know about and all this cool stuff. It's a great lifestyle raising kids in, in the country and on a farm that they they see and learns things so differently. My son knows about the birds and bees now like he's just worked out for himself. Like when I was pregnant with my youngest, Haney how it all happened. So the Rams in the shape have it. That's one less conversation you've got to have as anyone have to even think about it. I guess to then the concept of death to life and death. It's not a dog. Because they see it, you know, often, I guess, yeah, like that we eat our own meat off the farm like lamb and pork. You know, kids know where it comes from. They know. They know what goes into what they have to they may the hard work that goes into raising the lambs to be that to that point, and when they go on the back to the abbatoirs. Or if the when the pigs go to the piggery from the piggery to abiqua. And they know what's happening where they're going. Yeah, yeah, definitely. Yeah, that's a great thing to teach children. I think too, because there's no denial then. You're not hiding things and no wedding milk comes in this year. Oh, I know. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's that's a that's a good one. I think. Not recently, even a couple of weeks ago, I think my pop said to me Oh, I saw this article the city kids they don't even know where milk comes from. And it's kind of like a joke but I think it's true. You know, like there's so many kids that are detached from from that they don't understand they probably think it just goes it's in a factory in squirts out of some big machine you know, it's not Yeah, connection. Yeah, yeah. But then we don't know what goes on in city life like what it's like to ram or bus or gosh, like, yeah, yeah, what it's like to drive around you around in a car park at the shopping center trying to get apart. We don't have to deal with that. Yeah, that's a great way of looking at it. I've never thought of it that way that's really good. perspective or even when it's like to walk to school we drive to school or drive the bus stop or not that we're hugely remote but we are in a way Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's it isn't it? All these little differences and we just I guess we take for granted what we know and don't think about what we don't know the concept of identity is something that I love to chat to moms about on the podcast. Yeah. How do you feel about that? Like is it important to you to sort of put in air quotes to be more than just a mum to have your own your own identity and your sense of self? I guess I guess I know Facebook keeps reminded me of my what my life used to be before kids Saturday nights it shadows or I don't know even just little adventures I used to do back in the day is a total lifetime ago for me. Yeah, and I guess when you do become a mum you have to let go of that life yeah. You your your life comes second to your kids slow development and their their health and well being is above above yours. Yeah. But you do have to keep it leveled enough that you are your best self where you're at can't be can't be distant you can't be unwell. You've got to be that for that therefore them which I guess I've learned from the past that are needed to put my kids first to get out of that for them. Yeah. Yah, yah, yah. Yah, I love being on I probably love I love being a stay at home mom, I'm very lucky that I can have that role. But yeah, you don't can't get a break. I don't get to go to work and have seven hours without my kids. I've got to be with them. 24/7 so that so that time when they're in bed and you're doing, you're doing your thing that is that is really precious. Isn't it that time that you get? Yeah. And that that they use my time? Yeah, that's my, my. My therapy. Yeah. Yeah. And I guess you you've got to look at look at it like that, that you can use the time that you aren't with your kids to be productive, but also using it to have your time out of work. You've got to go to trade like that, like your time and Once Upon a Time was going out for dinner with friends are going out getting your hair done, but you're going to look at it differently that that's a trait it's not your everyday. Yeah, yeah, that's it. And even even having an opportunity to go to Woolies and get some groceries without the kids such Some. Some new time. Yeah. Yeah. You're still doing your mum work. It's it's your chance to Yeah, timeout or that moment before school pick up and you see the car on your phone. But your your time? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's it, isn't it think things take on this new perspective? And? But yeah, you're right. Like it's in finding those little moments, and then being aware of how they're fitting in for you. And not just sort of not just sort of going through the day, like mindlessly I guess. Yeah, yeah. Really pinpointing those moments saying, right, this is my time and you know, owning it and making the most, I suppose. Yeah. Yeah. Like, it could be a morning the kids sleeping that little extra 20 minutes, and you get to watch sunrise on TV and have your coffee hot? Like it's yeah, those things. Yeah. Yeah. That's your time. A little things before before the answer. It's working, really getting down to the road. It's a little five minutes of freedom. I think that that sort of shifting perspective, it's, it's challenging, but I think that looking at it that way will help a lot of people too. I think just just shifting, shifting the way because yeah, life life is not going to all of a sudden say, Hey, I'm gonna look after your kids for two weeks while you go on a holiday. You know, it's an if you've got to, you've got to sort of find those little moments in the in the mundane every day, day to day activities. Yeah, and you also got to find that. I guess in your relationship to that mum and dad can have their time out when they want to, it's okay. If dad wants to go fishing or whatever mums allowed to go, go for a walk or go do what she likes to do. Yeah. Yeah. It's not just all about mum. Both and the kids, the kids also need to see that. We both we both can go do what we're gonna do. We don't have to be at the same time, I guess. Like, yeah. Yeah, like, we both can go do our own things. As parents, we don't have to rely on each other. I guess. Like, yeah, you can have something for yourself. Do something by yourself. It doesn't have to always be with someone. Yeah, yeah. Like, yeah, like our relationship is like dunking, going go fishing, or go catch up with his mates or his brothers in so so it's okay. Like, it's not. We have to do everything all together all the time. Yeah. And if I go down to the sick, catch up with my friends, or go to dancing or whatever, that's, that's okay. It's yeah. Yeah, it's great for the kids to be able to say that it's not to stand like the strength in relationships. You know, you don't have you have to be with each other all the time. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I guess I guess the lock the lifestyle around. Things don't stuff on the farm. You can't have Saturday and Sunday off. Things still need to be done. The weather's right after the sun been near like this weekend. We weren't planning on doing anything as such, but we ended up sharing 15 games, but yeah, the kids and I had planned to go to narracott yesterday, so we still went and yeah, we still got to do what we plan to do. Yeah. But yeah, things on the farm still have to be done. Yeah. Yeah, that's it, isn't it? Yeah. And I guess that teachers, sort of models, I guess, like that adaptability and that resilience. I suppose that if whatever is thrown at you, you've you've just got to deal with it at that time. And yeah, yeah. And it teaches the kids too, that plans change, as well, that it's okay. It's not something you fit. Yeah, it can be disappointing, but you keep up and walk on. And it goes on. Yeah. Because change is a big a big thing for anyone, for adults, but for children, especially when plans change. So I think that's, that's a really valuable thing for for kids to grow up with that idea that it is okay for things to change. And, and it's not a thing to be scared of, because I think a lot of people are asking. Yes, yes. Yeah. I've never thought of this stuff before. It's really cool. It's like your children are getting this their own special brand of, of life education, I suppose. Will these these little thick tools? Yeah. Yeah. Yep. And I guess I was, I was brought up the same like I was brought up that you talked about what you want to talk about, get it sorted out, there's no worrying, there's no need to go round and round in circles so that you can you can find a solution to a problem. Yeah, work it out and move on. Or? Yeah, yeah. And talk it out rather than, you know, dwell on it, hide it and internalize it and go around around around forever. Sometimes I still overthink everything. It's what we do as humans. A blurry that things are the same things. And then ends and you move on you just Yeah. Yeah, I'm blown away with our area, like, how supportive other small businesses are of small business startups. Yeah, it's fantastic. That you can reach out to other little businesses and they'll give you a heads up on things or CVS, things like I had, had a couple of girls. Say, Go for it, go to the library, market, get yourself and your branding out there and see what happens. But just Instagram alone has been amazing for me. The followers and the shares. Yeah, the inquiries for weddings has been amazing and exciting. It's exciting to share that happiness with those people. Because a lot of them have had their weddings canceled because of COVID. And to be a part of that excitement for them, and then they're still worrying that things will get canceled. But yeah, yeah, that's, I'm really looking forward to got my way our first wedding coming up on the 20th of November. So yeah, I'm super excited to. Yeah, bring all those ideas out and show what we what we can do. Yeah. Yeah, that's crazy. Yeah. And then to see where things go, like if we can get more into the wholesale of dry flowers. The boys this year have a lot of wheat crops in two of my partner's brothers own a business in Millicent called squeak group, which is a stock feed plant so they make a lot of canola meal and canola oil and other products as well, which has been super exciting watching them growing their business. Like it's a multi million dollar thesis, but my little flowers is flooding along but it's so good having family that around, like who are very business minded and say you should be doing this you should be doing that. Have you thought about this or? Yeah. How much did you make on it this week? What was your profit like? You should be looking at this. You shouldn't be doing that. Like I'm just a little, little, little check making some flowers. It's no big deal. No. It is great having having people like that to bounce off decisions, I guess. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's thing even though you you're the scale might be a little different, but they might, you know, have a suggestion of something and you go, Oh, I didn't realize that. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, one night, every now and then they have a fire and catch up at our place. And I was saying how much dried wheat is on the wholesale market. And they all is what you can make a driveway in their crops and firewood with scissors, cutting down wheat. So I'll make a profit off their crop, so it shouldn't be fun. And even like, fracking, we've got all our scrub weeds that we spray for weeds. Yes. Huge, popular over in America like looking at the summer. And bouquets they've got those in there bouquets. Like that's something I've got my back door. Yeah, easily. Yeah. So it's cool watching trends from overseas that come into Australia and yeah, trying to get my head around things and what all the whatever on locks and yeah, that's, that's awesome. Again, that perspective shifts like something that that we spray we get rid of, because it takes you know, takes up room in the grazing and it's just a pest. People People love and they want in their bouquets. It's like the Pampas grass and things like that. Like it's, it's classed as a weed. Yeah. And I've been looking at, had a lot of people inquire for me to post them bouquets or post them arrangements, so looking by security in different states, and each state has a different role. It's amazing how Australia can be one country but have all these different laws in different states. Yeah, okay. Hey, Sydney. I've really liked to get into his posting them, but it's going to be very complicated to do it. Yeah. Oh, it sounds like you've got some fun coming up in the future. Yeah, hopefully, building and growing. Yeah, hopefully. I feel like I've finally found my little niche and my little, little thing and laughter run when I left high school in 2008 with no clue at all what I wanted to do following year 12. So it is nice. It's nice to finally find my my life but yeah. life a life that I can still be mom and still be there. For school pickups and drop offs or volunteering at the canteen or whatever. I can still do both. Yeah, I need to see where things go. That's for sure. Yeah, well, absolutely. I'll be I'll be watching. I'm sure a lot of people will be after this. Because yeah, it's a great story. And I'm really, yeah, and your products are beautiful. You know. I just thank you for having me. Yeah. I love listening to your thought your podcasts and very interesting guests you've had on so yeah, and it seems foreign to someone like me. I'm just a little little piece of the pie out here so young. It's nice to Yeah, listen to other people's journeys and find inspiration from what they've done. Yeah, it's good. If you or someone you know, would like to be a guest on the podcast, please contact me at the link in the bio. Or send me an email. Alison Newman dotnet. Age to Ellis Cafe is a fortnightly ish, long form interview based podcast featuring conversations about politics, environment and mental health in a world on edge with Ben heavy. Ben is an international relations researcher, environmental educator, mental health advocate and longtime friend of mine who enjoys having a yarn over a hot coffee. The podcast tries to make sense of the different kinds of edges that define us, divide us and shape how we interact with each other. In a world that's gone a little bonkers, and what it means to be a little different. Check it out at pod bean.com or wherever you get your podcasts

Jenn Book Haselswerdt US educator, playwright + dramaturgist S4Ep101 Listen and subscribe on Spotify and itunes/Apple podcasts My guest this week on the podcast is Jenn Book Haselswerdt, a multi passionate creative and mum of 2 from Missouri USA. Jen is an Arts integration teacher, playwright and dramaturgist , but also enjoys doing all kinds of creating, from pottery to knitting and baking. Jenn was first drawn to the theatre through 'Annie' the musical. She was a professional through College, had a short time as a professional actor but then realised that she wanted to teach and write in the theatre. Jenn holds an Undergraduate Degree in Theatre, and a Masters Degree in Theatre, History and Criticism. She works with companies on new play development, reading scripts and doing research into the histories behind plays. She also works with a gallery to teach about the history of the art pieces. **Jenn's episode contains mentions of anxiety and depression** If today’s episode is triggering for you in any way I encourage you to seek help from those around you, medical professionals or from resources on line. I have compiled a list of great international resources here Music used with permission from Alemjo my new age and ambient music trio. When chatting to my guests I greatly appreciate their openness and honestly in sharing their stories. If at any stage their information is found to be incorrect, the podcast bears no responsibility for guests' inaccuracies. Podcast transcript at the bottom of the page Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode of The Art of Being A Mum Podcast. I'm beyond honoured that you're here and would be grateful if you could take 2 minutes to leave me a 5-star review in iTunes or wherever you are listening. It really helps! This way together we can inspire, connect and bring in to the light even more stories from creative mums. Want to connect? Take a screenshot of this episode and share it on Instagram tagging me in with @art_of_being_a_mum_podcast I can't wait to connect. And remember if you or somebody you know would like to be a guest on the podcast, get in touch ! I love meeting and chatting to mammas from all creative backgrounds, from all around the world! Thank you! Alison acknowledges this Land of the Berrin (Mount Gambier) Region as the Traditional Lands of the Bungandidj People and acknowledge these First Nations people as the custodians of the Region. Ch eck out more episodes ..... Welcome to the Art of Being a Mum podcast where I, Alison Newman, a singer, songwriter and Aussie mum of two, 2 00:00:09,000 --> 00:00:19,000 enjoys honest and inspiring conversations with artists and creators about the joys and issues they've encountered while trying to be a mum and continue to create. 3 00:00:19,000 --> 00:00:28,000 You'll hear themes like the mental juggle, changes in identity, how their work's been influenced by motherhood, mum guilt, cultural norms 4 00:00:28,000 --> 00:00:34,000 and we also strain to territories such as the patriarchy, feminism and capitalism. 5 00:00:34,000 --> 00:00:42,000 You can find links to my guests and topics we discuss in the show notes along with a link to the music played, how to get in touch 6 00:00:42,000 --> 00:00:47,000 and a link to join our supportive and lively community on Instagram. 7 00:00:47,000 --> 00:00:55,000 I'll always put a trigger warning if we discuss sensitive topics on the podcast but if at any time you're concerned about your mental health 8 00:00:55,000 --> 00:01:02,000 I urge you to talk to those around you, reach out to health professionals or seek out resources online. 9 00:01:02,000 --> 00:01:10,000 I've compiled a list of international resources which can be accessed on the podcast landing page, alisonnewman.net slash podcast. 10 00:01:10,000 --> 00:01:18,000 The Art of Being a Mum would like to acknowledge the traditional owners of the land and water which this podcast is recorded on as being the Boanduk people. 11 00:01:18,000 --> 00:01:30,000 I'm working on land that was never seeded. 12 00:01:30,000 --> 00:01:37,000 Hello and welcome to another edition of the podcast. Thank you so much for joining me from wherever you are in the world. 13 00:01:37,000 --> 00:01:43,000 It is a pleasure to have you. My guest this week on the podcast is Jen Book-Hasselswert. 14 00:01:43,000 --> 00:01:48,000 Jen is a multi-passionate creative and a mum of two from Baltimore in the USA. 15 00:01:48,000 --> 00:02:00,000 Jen is an arts integration teacher, a playwright and a dramaturgist but also enjoys doing all kinds of creating from pottery to knitting and baking. 16 00:02:00,000 --> 00:02:04,000 Jen was first drawn to the theatre through the musical Annie. 17 00:02:04,000 --> 00:02:15,000 She was an actor through college and had a short time as a professional actor but then realised that she actually wanted to teach and write in the theatre instead. 18 00:02:15,000 --> 00:02:22,000 Jen holds an undergraduate degree in the theatre and a masters degree in theatre, history and criticism. 19 00:02:22,000 --> 00:02:30,000 She works with companies on new play development, reading scripts and doing research into the histories behind plays. 20 00:02:30,000 --> 00:02:36,000 She also works with a gallery to teach about the history of various art pieces. 21 00:02:36,000 --> 00:02:41,000 Please be aware today's episode contains brief mentions of anxiety and depression. 22 00:02:41,000 --> 00:02:56,000 I hope you enjoy episode number 101. Thanks again for tuning in. 23 00:02:56,000 --> 00:03:01,000 Thank you so much, Jen. It's such a pleasure to welcome you to the podcast today. Thank you for coming on. 24 00:03:01,000 --> 00:03:03,000 Thanks for having me. 25 00:03:03,000 --> 00:03:09,000 Such a pleasure. And we were just chatting before we hit record that I'm in your future right now. 26 00:03:09,000 --> 00:03:15,000 It's Saturday at 1pm in Australia and what time did you say it was over there? 27 00:03:15,000 --> 00:03:18,000 It is Friday night at 10.30pm. 28 00:03:18,000 --> 00:03:23,000 There you go. Well, we're still here. The future is still guffing. 29 00:03:23,000 --> 00:03:27,000 It's so bizarre to think like that. 30 00:03:27,000 --> 00:03:34,000 I always love on New Year's Eve when, because we're one of the first, apart from Auckland, Sydney is one of the main first ones to go. 31 00:03:34,000 --> 00:03:40,000 And I love just sitting there through the day and just watching all the other countries go through their big fireworks. 32 00:03:40,000 --> 00:03:48,000 And it feels so weird when you're sitting in bright sunshine on a really hot day and you're watching people in the snow in the dark. 33 00:03:48,000 --> 00:03:50,000 It is so cool. I love it. 34 00:03:50,000 --> 00:04:05,000 Well, I have to tell you, my son is 12 years old and he is really excited that I'm talking to someone in Australia right now because a video game that he was really looking forward to came out today. 35 00:04:05,000 --> 00:04:11,000 And all the YouTubers who he knows have gone to Australia so that they could get the video game first. 36 00:04:11,000 --> 00:04:13,000 Oh, wow. 37 00:04:13,000 --> 00:04:15,000 And record all of their YouTube. 38 00:04:15,000 --> 00:04:20,000 Yeah, like reactions and what game is that? Do you know what it's called? 39 00:04:20,000 --> 00:04:23,000 It is Tears of the Kingdom. 40 00:04:23,000 --> 00:04:25,000 Yeah, right. 41 00:04:25,000 --> 00:04:27,000 It is the new Zelda game. 42 00:04:27,000 --> 00:04:29,000 Oh, yes, yes. I know the one. 43 00:04:29,000 --> 00:04:35,000 Yeah, yes. That is a very popular. That's been going for a long time too, hasn't it, Zelda? 44 00:04:35,000 --> 00:04:45,000 I mean, yeah, I'm I'm 43. And like I remember playing a Zelda game back on 8-bit Nintendo back in the early 90s. 45 00:04:45,000 --> 00:04:53,000 Yeah, yeah. Good old Zelda. She's still going. Good on her. 46 00:04:53,000 --> 00:04:57,000 So what part of America are you in, Jane? 47 00:04:57,000 --> 00:05:05,000 I am in Missouri, which is in kind of like the middle of the country. 48 00:05:05,000 --> 00:05:15,000 Kind of fraught right now. But I'm from Baltimore, which is in Maryland close to the East Coast. 49 00:05:15,000 --> 00:05:16,000 Oh, yes. 50 00:05:16,000 --> 00:05:18,000 Yeah, I was from the Atlantic Ocean. 51 00:05:18,000 --> 00:05:22,000 You would be amazed the amount of people I've had on here from Maryland. 52 00:05:22,000 --> 00:05:31,000 I can't say it right. I say Maryland. Yeah, I reckon I've had three, three episodes with people from like Baltimore or near Baltimore. 53 00:05:31,000 --> 00:05:36,000 Yeah, there's something going on in that part of the world that's just coming to me. 54 00:05:36,000 --> 00:05:42,000 We embrace kitsch in a way in Baltimore that like no no other place does. 55 00:05:42,000 --> 00:05:46,000 And so I think we kind of breed arts loving people. 56 00:05:46,000 --> 00:05:49,000 Yeah, I love that. It's so cool. 57 00:05:49,000 --> 00:05:54,000 Yeah, and I'm starting to get better with my geography of America. 58 00:05:54,000 --> 00:06:00,000 So yeah, I appreciate when you say you're sort of in the middle. That's my mental thing. 59 00:06:00,000 --> 00:06:02,000 Yep. Yep. 60 00:06:02,000 --> 00:06:06,000 So my parents live in Maryland. My brother lives in Los Angeles, California. 61 00:06:06,000 --> 00:06:16,000 And so I'm about 1500 miles from each. From each of them. Yeah. Yeah. That's a beautiful visual. That makes sense. Yes. 62 00:06:16,000 --> 00:06:23,000 But I still forget which side is Seattle on the West Coast. It is. Yeah. 63 00:06:23,000 --> 00:06:26,000 Sometimes I get confused because New York's on the East Coast, isn't it? 64 00:06:26,000 --> 00:06:28,000 Yes. That's cool. 65 00:06:28,000 --> 00:06:33,000 And Seattle's in Washington State and Washington, D.C. is on the East. 66 00:06:33,000 --> 00:06:36,000 How did you manage that? 67 00:06:36,000 --> 00:06:43,000 There are too many, you know, wanting to name things after the same exact people. 68 00:06:43,000 --> 00:06:48,000 Why there, you know, I'm in Columbia, Missouri, and there's Colombias all over the place. 69 00:06:48,000 --> 00:06:51,000 Everywhere. Yeah. Yep. Yep. 70 00:06:51,000 --> 00:06:57,000 Oh, there you go. It's interesting. I love all these things I get to learn. It's all fun. 71 00:06:57,000 --> 00:07:02,000 Actually, when I was a kid, I used to play this game. It was called Where in the World is Carmen San Diego. 72 00:07:02,000 --> 00:07:09,000 And that was one of my favorite games. Yes. And I used to love like I liked that one more, the original more than the time travel one. 73 00:07:09,000 --> 00:07:15,000 It was something I did like the time travel. But yeah, that just made me realize all these amazing places in the world. 74 00:07:15,000 --> 00:07:21,000 And I think that was the start of me being fascinated with I had to get pen pals so I could talk to people. 75 00:07:21,000 --> 00:07:25,000 And then my fascination with the weather, what it's like in other places like I don't know. 76 00:07:25,000 --> 00:07:30,000 It's built from that that game. It's opening my eyes to it. Yeah. 77 00:07:30,000 --> 00:07:36,000 It's the only way I know nation's capitals. Yes. Yeah. That's so true, isn't it? 78 00:07:36,000 --> 00:07:44,000 Hey, on weather, what what's it like there at the moment? What's your right now? It is humid and muggy. 79 00:07:44,000 --> 00:07:53,000 Yeah, it is. We had a really cold snap and very late cold snap with the garden. 80 00:07:53,000 --> 00:07:57,000 Gardens kind of froze up and none of the plants knew what to do. Yeah. 81 00:07:57,000 --> 00:08:05,000 But now it's 85 degrees and very, very humid. I'm just going to work that into my conversion. 82 00:08:05,000 --> 00:08:11,000 Yeah, I'm still I'm still I don't have a match. Oh, yeah, that's nice. 83 00:08:11,000 --> 00:08:16,000 Yeah, that's warm. Yeah. But muggies. Yeah. Yeah. Make it a bit uncomfortable. 84 00:08:16,000 --> 00:08:22,000 No, not muggy. Yeah. There we go. All right. Enough of my random questions. 85 00:08:22,000 --> 00:08:36,000 I have nothing to do with anything. I just indulge myself. I love it. Oh, dear. 86 00:08:52,000 --> 00:09:02,000 So you're obviously a mother, Jen. And I love on your your Instagram how you say you like like the coziness of creating things that are cozy. 87 00:09:02,000 --> 00:09:08,000 And so you do all sorts of different things. So, yeah, share with us what you like to create. 88 00:09:08,000 --> 00:09:16,000 Sure. So I stole the phrase from this influencer named Deanna Joy, which is multi-passionate creative, 89 00:09:16,000 --> 00:09:25,000 which I think sounds so much better than dilettante. So I my first love is Twitter. 90 00:09:25,000 --> 00:09:33,000 But when we're talking about the the creating I do with my hands, I love baking. 91 00:09:33,000 --> 00:09:39,000 I love pottery. I love quilting and other sewing. 92 00:09:39,000 --> 00:09:46,000 And kind of all those things that make you feel warm and cozy. Yeah. Now, I'm sorry, I cut you off. 93 00:09:46,000 --> 00:09:53,000 What did you say your first love was? Well, my first love was theater and still is. Oh, magnificent. 94 00:09:53,000 --> 00:10:02,000 Oh, we're going to get on very well. So, yeah. So straight theater or musical theater? 95 00:10:02,000 --> 00:10:15,000 Mostly straight because my voice was never well, my voice is OK, but my dance skills were never at a place where I could. 96 00:10:15,000 --> 00:10:20,000 Nine years of ballet didn't do anything for me. Yeah. 97 00:10:20,000 --> 00:10:32,000 But yeah, so straight theater. I actually have my undergraduate degree in theater and master's degree in theater history and criticism. 98 00:10:32,000 --> 00:10:44,000 And I work with companies on new play development and reading scripts and doing research into the histories behind plays and things like that, which is 99 00:10:44,000 --> 00:10:54,000 really the most nerdy fun you can possibly have. But that just sounds so fascinating, like getting to delve into stuff in such a deep level. 100 00:10:54,000 --> 00:11:03,000 And you said criticism. So that means you can be like a proper critic and give like proper critiques on plays and things. 101 00:11:03,000 --> 00:11:24,000 Yeah. Yeah. And my sort of my sort of outlook on things, which informs the way I teach to is, you know, saying I like or I don't like really doesn't help anyone in their creation of theater and their creation of whatever. 102 00:11:24,000 --> 00:11:35,000 I also work with a gallery in town to do similar work with some of their gallery shows teaching about the history of the art pieces. 103 00:11:35,000 --> 00:11:53,000 But to ask questions about the creation and ask questions that might lead to more questions that might lead to playing with what answers might be is just such a fun collaborative way to work that playwriting doesn't have to be 104 00:11:53,000 --> 00:12:01,000 a solo endeavor. And, you know, you can it's called a play for a reason. It should be fun. 105 00:12:24,000 --> 00:12:37,000 This particular guy in Australia, his name's Peter Gers and he's very, I don't know, well known in South Australia, not probably the rest of Australia and certainly not internationally, but he's a theater critic. 106 00:12:37,000 --> 00:12:56,000 And over the years, he's he's he's made it. He has a radio show and he used to be an actor. And he basically I remember him saying once about critiquing theater, that there was absolutely no point in belittling people or saying, you know, they did a terrible job. 107 00:12:56,000 --> 00:13:12,000 You know, it's all about recognizing the amount of effort they've gone to, what their intention was behind the piece. Maybe the delivery wasn't, you know, quite what they had hoped or, you know, beyond the level of what he might have expected or whatever. 108 00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:22,000 But there's no, there's absolutely no point in just bashing people, you know, when they're having a go. Is that something you could sort of relate to? 109 00:13:22,000 --> 00:13:27,000 Absolutely. I think I was taking a professional development one time. 110 00:13:27,000 --> 00:13:45,000 And there was an article that we read about the power of positivity in working with something like this with with art criticism, and I absolutely burst into tears in the middle of class, because I had always been called, I don't know if you do you know the movie 111 00:13:45,000 --> 00:14:04,000 Pollyanna? Oh yes. Kaylee Mills, like the 60s or 70s. So I'd always been called a Pollyanna because I am very positive about things. And it had never, you know, being a teenager in the 90s, when, you know, it was cool to be aloof and ironic. 112 00:14:04,000 --> 00:14:20,000 Yeah, but being a positive person was really difficult and being positive about things, you know, people kind of looked at it as though you didn't have a critical bone. That to be critical meant to be nasty. 113 00:14:20,000 --> 00:14:34,000 And, you know, darn it, I was 15 years old, I like the Spice Girls and I wanted to be able to like the Spice Girls. Yeah, yeah, you know, but I couldn't. 114 00:14:34,000 --> 00:14:55,000 You know, reading this article about the power of positivity just struck such a chord with me that it should be about buoying up what's good about things and striving to make those things that aren't at that level, to that level, rather than bringing everything down. 115 00:14:55,000 --> 00:15:09,000 Yes, yeah, that's a really good way of saying it, isn't it? It's like you're, I don't know what the word is, it's this constructive criticism, I guess. It's things that can help people to make changes or, you know, look at things in a different way. 116 00:15:09,000 --> 00:15:21,000 It's not just a straight comment that's, you know, with no possibility for any further, anything. It's like, a statement that's not helpful at all. 117 00:15:21,000 --> 00:15:37,000 I think like when we're talking about, you know, being, you know, so criticism doesn't have to be critical, right? So like, when I'm working with a playwright on developing a new script or a new piece of theater, you know, who cares what I like? 118 00:15:37,000 --> 00:15:51,000 What I like isn't necessarily going to be the same thing that an artistic director is going to like, or that the lady in row six is going to like, or the man in row seven, they're all going to like different things. 119 00:15:51,000 --> 00:16:09,000 So what's the purpose of saying I like this or I don't like that? But what we can do is say, hey, I noticed that in Act One, your character says such and such, but that never comes back in Act Two. It seemed really important in Act One. 120 00:16:09,000 --> 00:16:17,000 Was it important in Act One? And being able to ask those questions to help structure that piece. 121 00:16:17,000 --> 00:16:26,000 And play, you know, I keep coming back to the word play. Play around with those answers and hopefully ask more questions. 122 00:16:26,000 --> 00:16:41,000 You know, it's kind of like a, I guess, like, I mean, this is a person who knows nothing making this statement, so correct me if I'm wrong, but it feels to me like it's like a book editor kind of like you're looking at with eyes outside of who wrote it. 123 00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:54,000 And you can pick up stuff like, like you said, like, is there a theme that seemed important then didn't get continued or something come up all of a sudden or where did that come from? Like, there's no background to this, whatever. 124 00:16:54,000 --> 00:16:59,000 That's kind of, I guess, a layman's way of describing it. 125 00:16:59,000 --> 00:17:12,000 For sure. So like, so the it's called like Dramaturge, which is the same as it's the German word for playwright. 126 00:17:12,000 --> 00:17:34,000 And so, but we, I mean, I do write plays, but when I'm Dramaturging, that's not being the playwright. And so I kind of, so someone who practices metallurgy shapes metal into something beautiful. So someone who practices dramaturgy helps shape drama into something beautiful. 127 00:17:34,000 --> 00:17:36,000 There you go. 128 00:17:36,000 --> 00:17:39,000 That's so cool. I love that. 129 00:17:39,000 --> 00:17:43,000 I learned a new word today too. 130 00:17:43,000 --> 00:18:08,000 That's awesome. 131 00:18:08,000 --> 00:18:16,000 Do you recall being a child and just like how you got into your love of theater? Where did that come from? 132 00:18:16,000 --> 00:18:39,000 I, that's a great question. I remember going to, I remember whether it was watching the movie Annie or going to see a play, but I remember that it was Annie specifically and looking at the children on stage and going, I could do that. 133 00:18:39,000 --> 00:18:46,000 And so I started going to theater camps when I was five. 134 00:18:46,000 --> 00:19:06,000 And, you know, just kind of being in plays and my theater camp that I grew up with was also at a swim club and did kind of sports stuff too because it's trying to be all things to all people. 135 00:19:06,000 --> 00:19:10,000 And then John Waters movie was filmed there, speaking of Baltimore. 136 00:19:10,000 --> 00:19:14,000 So that was super fun. 137 00:19:14,000 --> 00:19:26,000 But, you know, they were very specific that we had all of us had to take music and dance and make the sets and the props for the play. 138 00:19:26,000 --> 00:19:31,000 So kind of, kind of, you know, well rounded in that way. 139 00:19:31,000 --> 00:19:48,000 And then I was in all the plays in middle school, which is sixth to eighth grade here. Yeah. And then in when I was going into ninth grade, a new school was opening up that was arts focused. 140 00:19:48,000 --> 00:19:54,000 And so I went there. And so I've been a theater major since the time I was 13 years old. 141 00:19:54,000 --> 00:20:03,000 And John never told us that there was anything beyond you could be an actor or you could be a director. 142 00:20:03,000 --> 00:20:13,000 I mean, I guess I knew in my head that you could make scenery and things like that. But really like when you were studying, you're either going to be an actor or a director. 143 00:20:13,000 --> 00:20:29,000 And I was like, you know, with acting all the way through, you know, graduating from college. And then I was a professional actor for a hot minute. 144 00:20:29,000 --> 00:20:49,000 And I had always wanted to do and what I've been saying since maybe second grade was I want to teach. I want to write. I want to do theater. And when I found dramaturgy and also teaching. 145 00:20:49,000 --> 00:21:09,000 I'm an arts integration teacher for my full time job. Those things. That's what it is. It's you know, dramaturgy is using teaching to fulfill the arts and arts and teaching arts integration is using the arts to fulfill education. 146 00:21:09,000 --> 00:21:21,000 And so those things really. It's what I wanted to do since I was in second grade. Yeah. And it was like, it was just. 147 00:21:21,000 --> 00:21:25,000 You just hadn't discovered that that was a thing yet. 148 00:21:25,000 --> 00:21:45,000 And it was actually my roommate when I was 22. She was she told us that she was leaving to move to another state because she got literary management as dramaturgy internship at a theater out of state. 149 00:21:45,000 --> 00:22:01,000 And at the same time, one of my friends from high school got a gig on Broadway in the show Mamma Mia. Oh, wow. And I was jealous of my roommate, but wanted to congratulate my friend who was going to be an actress on Broadway. 150 00:22:01,000 --> 00:22:09,000 Yeah. I thought, wait a minute. Yeah, perhaps I need to examine my life. Yeah. 151 00:22:09,000 --> 00:22:25,000 There you go. Oh, how cool is that? Yeah. And that's the thing. Like I found in. I don't know this all these little worlds that you have no idea about. You know, like in talking to people just through this podcast, like discovering all these other things you can do. 152 00:22:25,000 --> 00:22:42,000 If you know you want to be involved in art, you know, you don't. Sorry. There's not just, you know, the actual painter. There's all these other things you can be. And one of my favorite chats I've had on here was with an art historian, which I found so fascinating. 153 00:22:42,000 --> 00:22:59,000 I was like, I feel like I've missed my calling because I love art. I don't make it very well, but I'm really fascinated in the history behind things and the symbolism and the imagery and how they, I don't know, express their ideas through different ways and all the different styles of art. 154 00:22:59,000 --> 00:23:14,000 Yeah. So this is really cool that I'm learning something. I bet you there's no one listening that has ever heard the word dramaturgy before. So, hey, and if you have, send me a message on my Instagram and I'll give you a prize or something because this is cool. 155 00:23:14,000 --> 00:23:40,000 Yeah. 156 00:23:40,000 --> 00:23:59,000 I'm going completely off path now that I know this stuff. Whoa, that I love it. I love it. What are your like favorite plays or things that have influenced you the most like actors or themes or anything? Just share with me things that you love about theater. 157 00:23:59,000 --> 00:24:15,000 Well, I always, I think about musicals. I always think about musicals first because they are musicals are what I don't know captures everything. I don't know. I love Sondheim. Stephen Sondheim's work. 158 00:24:15,000 --> 00:24:18,000 Into the Woods is my favorite. 159 00:24:18,000 --> 00:24:22,000 The first act of Sunday in the Park with George. 160 00:24:22,000 --> 00:24:25,000 The second act is not my favorite. 161 00:24:25,000 --> 00:24:29,000 The first act is great. 162 00:24:29,000 --> 00:24:41,000 I think that there is something in the way that he works his lyrics and music together. 163 00:24:41,000 --> 00:24:46,000 Being the person who who is able to do both. 164 00:24:46,000 --> 00:24:57,000 And I think his command of rhythms are are amazing. I felt very 165 00:24:57,000 --> 00:25:10,000 content is not the right word, vindicated I felt vindicated when I was listening to an interview with him and the interviewer asked, you know, how do you come up with your rhymes and he said I use a rhyming dictionary. 166 00:25:10,000 --> 00:25:13,000 I was like oh me too. I felt I was so excited. 167 00:25:13,000 --> 00:25:16,000 So he's, he's wonderful. 168 00:25:16,000 --> 00:25:19,000 His work is wonderful. 169 00:25:19,000 --> 00:25:27,000 Little Shop of Horrors is another favorite of mine, Howard Ashman and Alan Menken. 170 00:25:27,000 --> 00:25:32,000 You know before they ever wrote the Little Mermaid. 171 00:25:32,000 --> 00:26:01,000 Their work adapting and when I write plays I do adaptations, mostly their work adapting just this weird little B horror movie into this amazing, kitschy work of musical theater is incredible and there's a moment in the movie where Rick Moranis, 172 00:26:01,000 --> 00:26:21,000 he does a little riff, because he's you know very nerdy, the character, and he goes, I don't know, I don't know, and his voice just changes into this amazing passionate singer. 173 00:26:21,000 --> 00:26:26,000 And being able to pull that out is is wild. 174 00:26:26,000 --> 00:26:34,000 I am a big, I've always been a big fan of Wendy Wasserstein, who passed away. 175 00:26:34,000 --> 00:26:49,000 Oh gosh, probably almost 20 years ago now but her work was one of the first, her, she and Carol Churchill I think were the first two sort of feminist playwrights that I had read. 176 00:26:49,000 --> 00:26:53,000 And so their work was really influential on me. 177 00:26:53,000 --> 00:27:14,000 And there's some fantastic stuff going on in small theaters. Nowadays I really wish that Broadway would go back to championing new works and not reviving the old ones I will die on the hill that Oklahoma is a subversive piece of theater. 178 00:27:14,000 --> 00:27:16,000 It really is. 179 00:27:16,000 --> 00:27:21,000 But we don't need to revive it every two minutes. 180 00:27:21,000 --> 00:27:35,000 It's interesting you say that I had a conversation with, back in season two, Dr. Erica Ball, who writes contemporary classical music in the US. 181 00:27:35,000 --> 00:27:49,000 And we were having this conversation about that, why people keep putting on all these shows of Mozart and Tchaikovsky and when there's all these people that are alive today, and a lot of women too, 182 00:27:49,000 --> 00:27:56,000 and people of color that are writing new music and why aren't we listening to that and why aren't they being put on. 183 00:27:56,000 --> 00:28:12,000 And, yeah, it was this sort of this push and pull between the audience that wants to hear something familiar, because I think they will enjoy themselves more if they know what they, you know, they know it and they feel familiar with it, or the audience that wants to feel challenged 184 00:28:12,000 --> 00:28:23,000 and wants to be pushed out of their comfort zone and it's a real quandary. And I guess it probably is a similar thing because at the end of the day, these things have got to make money. 185 00:28:23,000 --> 00:28:27,000 Absolutely. 186 00:28:27,000 --> 00:28:47,000 Yes, and there's this whole conversation about how like the older people have more of the money. And so if we want to make money, we have to do what the older people quotes. Yeah, what they want to see is what they're comfortable with but what we're forgetting is that younger 187 00:28:47,000 --> 00:29:06,000 people want to be part of these conversations they want to support the arts people who, you know, can't necessarily afford, you know, to, you know, wear a suit to an evening of $500 theater. 188 00:29:06,000 --> 00:29:23,000 They, they also deserve the arts they also deserve to see themselves on stage, be exposed to these different worlds and so there's, you know, yes, the arts need to make money. 189 00:29:23,000 --> 00:29:40,000 And we need to, you know, keep bringing in the people who are going to pay for the things, but also not forget that there's a new and diverse audience out there who also needs to see this work. 190 00:29:40,000 --> 00:30:07,000 And there's a theater company in town here that does incredibly avant garde fantastic works and I've worked with them with dramaturgy a few times, kicking myself that I wasn't able to work on their new play, which is up this weekend, but they do these 191 00:30:07,000 --> 00:30:28,000 quite specific works, and, you know, both that theater and the community theaters in town and the other professional theaters in town, make things very accessible to a diversity of audiences which I think is a really wonderful thing about our local 192 00:30:28,000 --> 00:30:44,000 community here that you know yes you can go and see ragtime and Susickle, and also an immersive Frankenstein, you know, really fantastic. 193 00:30:44,000 --> 00:30:52,000 Yeah, it's interesting isn't it's like the bigger things get the more mainstream they have to get to have an audience. 194 00:30:52,000 --> 00:31:20,000 And it is kind of disappointing. 195 00:31:20,000 --> 00:31:28,000 So, thanks to the purpose of our discussion today, which I'm not apologizing at all for going off track and I'll probably do it again. 196 00:31:28,000 --> 00:31:32,000 Thank you for having a grown up arts conversation with me. 197 00:31:32,000 --> 00:31:35,000 I love it. I do love it. 198 00:31:35,000 --> 00:31:38,000 Yeah, so how many kids have you got Jen. 199 00:31:38,000 --> 00:31:49,000 I have to. I have Mickey who is 12 and Eloise who's 15 months. Oh, gorgeous. I love that name Eloise that is such a sweet little name. 200 00:31:49,000 --> 00:32:01,000 Oh, that's beautiful. So, two kids at completely different stages of their, of their growing up, how, how you finding that the gap and I'm asking that because I've got seven years between my two. 201 00:32:01,000 --> 00:32:08,000 And at times it can be very challenging, but how do you sort of navigate that the differences I suppose the challenges of that. 202 00:32:08,000 --> 00:32:23,000 Yeah, we were very wishy washy for 10 years about whether or not we wanted to have another baby. And all of our friends were having pandemic baby so we thought let's have a pandemic baby and so we had a pandemic baby. 203 00:32:23,000 --> 00:32:38,000 And, you know, we were really, you know, honestly nervous about how Mickey was going to handle, you know, not being an only child anymore after being an only child for 10 years. 204 00:32:38,000 --> 00:32:44,000 And their relationship is so sweet. 205 00:32:44,000 --> 00:32:49,000 She started giving real hugs, just a couple of weeks ago. 206 00:32:49,000 --> 00:32:59,000 And she loves they they run at each other and he picks her up and she hugs him around the neck and it's, it's super sweet. 207 00:32:59,000 --> 00:33:08,000 And I really like that you know there are things that you know that we do with Mickey that Eloise can't be involved with. 208 00:33:08,000 --> 00:33:19,000 You know I took him to see wicked at a theater where two hours in either direction from the closest like big city. 209 00:33:19,000 --> 00:33:27,000 So I took him to one of the big cities to see the tour of wicked, and she can't come. 210 00:33:27,000 --> 00:33:38,000 Or, we're taking him on a behind the scenes tour of the zoo because he wants to, he wants to be a zookeeper. 211 00:33:38,000 --> 00:33:40,000 And you have to be. 212 00:33:40,000 --> 00:33:53,000 He is, we're specifically taking him behind the scenes of the reptile house. And you have to be over eight to come to go to the reptile house so there are these things that we only do with him. 213 00:33:53,000 --> 00:34:04,000 And I think that really helps, you know, strengthen that relationship, since, you know, a lot of attention has to be on her. 214 00:34:04,000 --> 00:34:17,000 You know we can't do the same nighttime routine with Mickey anymore that we used to do because Eloise has an earlier bedtime and honestly, I fall asleep with her, a lot of the time. 215 00:34:17,000 --> 00:34:24,000 And, but yeah, their, their relationship is really fantastic. I was just thinking the other day that when she graduates from high school. 216 00:34:24,000 --> 00:34:29,000 I'm going to be 60, which is very old. 217 00:34:29,000 --> 00:34:35,000 You know, it'll be fine. Yeah, I've done that actually maintain that. 218 00:34:35,000 --> 00:34:48,000 Yeah, yeah, that's love. That's really nice. And when you talk about that thinking to the future. I remember one day I was sitting in the car waiting at school pickup, and I worked out how many more years I'll be sitting in the car at this spot for school. 219 00:34:48,000 --> 00:34:55,000 I was like, Oh my god, like, it freaked me out for a second, but you don't think about that every day. 220 00:34:55,000 --> 00:35:08,000 Yeah, you just, you just get on with your life but yeah I think the saddest moment for me though like I'd never had sort of any, like, sort of regrets or anything about the age gap because it just literally it happened how it had to happen, you know, it couldn't have happened any 221 00:35:08,000 --> 00:35:22,000 other way. And, but then when I realized they'll never actually go to school together. I thought, Oh, that's a shame because I really liked, you know, having my sister at school and, you know, just, I think the ease of the drop offs and the pickups you know, one location. 222 00:35:22,000 --> 00:35:31,000 But I was like, Oh, and that was really the only time I sort of had a bit of a moment but apart from that. Yeah, but how did you feel. Oh sorry you gone. 223 00:35:31,000 --> 00:35:38,000 It's interesting to I work at, at a small private arts based school. 224 00:35:38,000 --> 00:35:58,000 And there's a preschool and I work at the elementary I used to work at the preschool. And Mickey was already in elementary school when I started working at this school so we've kept him in public school and he's really thriving in public school. 225 00:35:58,000 --> 00:36:08,000 And, Eloise is already registered at the preschool for when she turns to. So for all it's 2024. 226 00:36:08,000 --> 00:36:29,000 And it's just a very different, you know, kind of, kind of thing I know from being an extracurricular teacher of Mickey's he's taken some of my theater camps and I used to teach an artful yoga class where you, the kiddos do yoga and then they do an art project that gets 227 00:36:29,000 --> 00:36:33,000 into the creative space. 228 00:36:33,000 --> 00:36:39,000 And it's just it does not always work out for me to be Mickey's teacher. 229 00:36:39,000 --> 00:36:55,000 And, you know, it might be completely different with Eloise that you know she might be able to be my student and so just kind of thinking about the differences between having a child in public school and having a child in private school. 230 00:36:55,000 --> 00:37:00,000 I mean I don't I don't know how she'll be, but you know, 231 00:37:00,000 --> 00:37:08,000 Yeah, no, it's, and I've noticed the differences in how children are educated in the gap. 232 00:37:08,000 --> 00:37:24,000 Like, I don't know just the things that Alex used to bring home the eldest about how he was taught to read and particular things around maths and then Digby the little one, it's like they use completely different jargon about talking about things and sometimes I'll 233 00:37:24,000 --> 00:37:34,000 find myself saying a thing that Alex used to do like with these called chunk it up when you had a really big, really big word, and you break it into two and it did be looking at what are you talking about. 234 00:37:34,000 --> 00:37:51,000 I'm like, Oh, sorry, you don't say that you say something else now. And just get just these all these little differences. It's like, it's been quite interesting because I have my backgrounds in early childhood education so I found it really interesting to see how, you know, these new, I guess new 235 00:37:51,000 --> 00:38:04,000 research has been done and things like that over the years about how you deliver your content or whatever and all the all the new technology that's around now which wasn't around when Alex was a little tucker. 236 00:38:04,000 --> 00:38:14,000 Yeah, Mickey, Mickey asked the other day. He was like, Why do you keep changing my rules about how much screen time I'm allowed to have, like how much time on the switch and how much time on the iPad. 237 00:38:14,000 --> 00:38:26,000 Because we don't know what we're doing. No one has ever had to do this before. Yeah, we have no idea. 238 00:38:26,000 --> 00:38:45,000 I love that. Oh, I love that so much. Yeah, I'll try to figure it out. Yeah, yeah, we're the guinea pig generation when it comes to this. Oh my gosh, it's funny. 239 00:38:56,000 --> 00:39:13,000 Talking about differences, I want to chat about when you when you had Mickey and your transition to becoming a mother, compared to when you had Eloise. 240 00:39:13,000 --> 00:39:22,000 How, how did you go with your own identity, I guess and the adjustments in changing from Jen to somebody's mother. 241 00:39:22,000 --> 00:39:33,000 Yeah, that's great. That's a great question. Um, when I had Mickey, it was you know it's 31. 242 00:39:33,000 --> 00:39:39,000 And most of my friends hadn't yet had children. 243 00:39:39,000 --> 00:39:47,000 Being in the Washington DC area at that time people have children, very late. 244 00:39:47,000 --> 00:39:56,000 So, I think I knew one couple who had a baby. And so kind of being like you said the guinea pigs. 245 00:39:56,000 --> 00:40:02,000 At the time, and kind of having to figure this all out. 246 00:40:02,000 --> 00:40:14,000 My parents were relatively close by about 45 minutes away at that time and my mom was one of Mickey's primary caregivers. While I was at work she came three days a week. 247 00:40:14,000 --> 00:40:22,000 And he had sitters the other two days, or with my husband, and being able to have my mom there. 248 00:40:22,000 --> 00:40:38,000 Being supportive and being really my role model of being a parent because I didn't have well because she's awesome but also because I didn't have any real peers to look at as role models. 249 00:40:38,000 --> 00:40:44,000 And just kind of trying to figure it all out at that time. 250 00:40:44,000 --> 00:40:53,000 Between when we had Mickey in the Washington DC area, and having Eloise here. 251 00:40:53,000 --> 00:41:03,000 You know we lived, we've kind of slowly gone halfway across the country we made a stop in Michigan which is the little mitten shaped. 252 00:41:03,000 --> 00:41:15,000 Up by Canada. And so we made a stop there for two years, and then moved here. And within that 10 years in between Eloise and Mickey. 253 00:41:15,000 --> 00:41:20,000 You know now that I'm in my 40s my husband's in his 40s now. 254 00:41:20,000 --> 00:41:31,000 Most of our friends are finished having babies. Yeah. And so, you know, we don't feel like we're starting from scratch we don't feel like we're starting. 255 00:41:31,000 --> 00:41:43,000 Not knowing anything and in fact, our friends are very thankful that we're helping them clean out their basements and garages and giving us all the things. 256 00:41:43,000 --> 00:42:02,000 But it feels. Even with all the changes you know there there are apps for everything now and, you know, having online communities now that didn't exist back in 2011. 257 00:42:02,000 --> 00:42:13,000 Feels less like we're reinventing ourselves and more like yeah this is just how this is. 258 00:42:13,000 --> 00:42:15,000 Yeah, that makes sense. 259 00:42:15,000 --> 00:42:22,000 Yeah. Yeah, yeah, I could kind of relate to that and the way you've heard that that kind of makes sense. 260 00:42:22,000 --> 00:42:30,000 Yeah, because it's new, but it's not new in a way, you know, it's, yeah, it's familiar at the same time. 261 00:42:30,000 --> 00:42:40,000 Did you have children. Yeah. Yeah. So like, you know, Mickey was sleeping in his own room at two months and sleeping through the night at four months. 262 00:42:40,000 --> 00:42:48,000 Eloise moved out of our room at six months, and still isn't sleeping through the night. Yeah. 263 00:42:48,000 --> 00:42:58,000 And never got the crib transfer and so we're using a floor bed with her instead of a crib and things like that. There are definitely new things to learn but it's not a complete reinvent. 264 00:42:58,000 --> 00:43:09,000 Yeah, see that's interesting isn't it like my two are completely different, same sort of thing like, I know what you said then just, yeah, sounds very similar. 265 00:43:09,000 --> 00:43:25,000 And it's like, you're getting to know the child, like you sort of you know the ups you know the, the physical, the caring role the routine, but it's getting to know this little person and that's something I found really actually quite exciting about having another child. 266 00:43:25,000 --> 00:43:39,000 I love to putting it off for so long was that it's like, oh, I get to meet a new person and find out what they're like and what they like and what they don't like and all this sort of stuff. It was actually something I hadn't really thought of when I'm, when I, you know, the 267 00:43:39,000 --> 00:43:42,000 overwhelm of having your first child. 268 00:43:42,000 --> 00:43:52,000 It's just like, and you stop to think, yeah, when and being older to, did you find that like have physically being older yourself being older like I had digs. 269 00:43:52,000 --> 00:44:00,000 I was 29 I reckon I had him a few months before I turned 30 and digs. What's that seven years after that. 270 00:44:00,000 --> 00:44:12,000 I just felt like so much more content in myself as a person, you know, especially moving quite close to 40s when I think that's the time when you literally decide you don't give a shit about anything. 271 00:44:12,000 --> 00:44:32,000 Absolutely and feeling so much like, like I don't have to prove anything to anybody that I was when I was pregnant with Mickey, I was, I was the education program manager of a regional children's theater, and I was teaching theater classes, five days a week, 272 00:44:32,000 --> 00:44:47,000 and I would still, you know, eight months pregnant squat down on the floor and things like this is what I do for my job and I'm with Eloise, I was at like six months I was like I can't walk up the hill to the playground anymore. 273 00:44:47,000 --> 00:44:49,000 Get me a chair. 274 00:44:49,000 --> 00:44:53,000 What else is going to happen that sorry. 275 00:44:53,000 --> 00:45:02,000 Yeah, just like, I'm going to ask for what I need and people are going to understand and that's going to be okay. Yeah, yes, that's okay. 276 00:45:02,000 --> 00:45:04,000 Now go and you go. 277 00:45:04,000 --> 00:45:09,000 Yeah, I think like a big thing for me though is that I wish. 278 00:45:09,000 --> 00:45:27,000 I think this is this is always the case with people who have second children, third children, fourth children, whatever, I'm not going there. 279 00:45:27,000 --> 00:45:41,000 I'm not going to be the living part, but I wish that, you know, in between the time that I had Mickey and the time that I had Eloise, my understanding of early childhood education fine motor skills gross motor skills. 280 00:45:41,000 --> 00:45:43,000 The arts. 281 00:45:43,000 --> 00:45:47,000 How to provide experiences to children. 282 00:45:47,000 --> 00:46:02,000 And the physical location that we're in has changed so much that like now, you know we go on nature walks, and there wasn't that in. 283 00:46:02,000 --> 00:46:19,000 That I knew of in Washington DC, or, you know, we, you know, have these, you know, tactile experiences and toys that, you know, are more open ended and things like that. 284 00:46:19,000 --> 00:46:29,000 You know I know how to create things for Eloise that I know how to create for Mickey. And so I wish that he had been able to have those experiences as well. 285 00:46:29,000 --> 00:46:50,000 Yeah, yeah, I can relate to that too. 286 00:46:50,000 --> 00:46:58,000 You're listening to the art of being a mom with my mom, I was a human. 287 00:46:58,000 --> 00:47:04,000 Do you, I guess, this mom guilt thing it's a big one that I like to talk about. 288 00:47:04,000 --> 00:47:08,000 What's your thoughts about that whole thing. 289 00:47:08,000 --> 00:47:15,000 Oh it absolutely exists, at least for me, I can't speak for anybody else but so I'm Jewish. 290 00:47:15,000 --> 00:47:21,000 And we have lots of guilt everywhere all the time. 291 00:47:21,000 --> 00:47:25,000 generational trauma. 292 00:47:25,000 --> 00:47:39,000 But I think it comes from so many different places that you just internalize it without meaning to. 293 00:47:39,000 --> 00:47:45,000 I have my husband is incredibly supportive. 294 00:47:45,000 --> 00:47:58,000 He's a wonderful dad, a wonderful partner, and I still feel bad telling him that I want to take a pottery class, because it's going to take me away from the family. 295 00:47:58,000 --> 00:48:16,000 It is absolutely nothing that he has done or expressed or would do or express in fact when I tell him, hey, I really want to take this pottery class he goes, good. You should in that tone of voice. 296 00:48:16,000 --> 00:48:23,000 But I feel guilty about taking that time away. 297 00:48:23,000 --> 00:48:29,000 I was just talking about the positive influences of having online communities. 298 00:48:29,000 --> 00:48:47,000 But there's absolutely negatives with that as well. It's, you know, I found some wonderful supportive communities but, you know, I still feel the need to say like, oh we watch such and such. 299 00:48:47,000 --> 00:49:01,000 We're not a no screen time family. Like I feel like we're not no screen time or, oh, Eloise had, oh she had a peanut M&M the other day. 300 00:49:01,000 --> 00:49:10,000 And I watched her like a hawk. I mean like, yeah, it's like this caveat. Yeah. Yeah. 301 00:49:10,000 --> 00:49:23,000 And so there are wonderful things about that online community and then just things that make you stop for a second, not that anyone is necessarily actually judging you. 302 00:49:23,000 --> 00:49:40,000 Yeah. The assumption that someone will. Yeah, that culture that we've sort of become familiar with I suppose that that's what we should expect to happen when we share things like that. Yeah. 303 00:49:40,000 --> 00:49:53,000 I found I've deliberately stopped following people that make me feel challenged like that. I feel like, oh, if such and such read this or somebody saw this, I'd feel uncomfortable. So I've really done. 304 00:49:53,000 --> 00:50:07,000 I do it every now and then. Just go through the list and go, no, actually not feeling it. And try to try to have on my feed people that I don't know, are very similar to me in their values, I guess. 305 00:50:07,000 --> 00:50:13,000 It's a good way to put it. Yeah. We just started with a new sitter. 306 00:50:13,000 --> 00:50:25,000 And she has a reggio Emilia background. I have a reggio Emilia background. And, you know, that can go a couple of different ways. 307 00:50:25,000 --> 00:50:42,000 You could be super crunchy, you know, all the super crunchy things. Or you could potentially be, I call myself crunchy but realistic. Yeah. I exist in this world and this is where I am. 308 00:50:42,000 --> 00:50:56,000 So we were interviewing, I would say, oh, you know, we're not no screen time. And she goes, you watch Bluey? Oh yeah, we watch Bluey. Oh, love Bluey. Oh, love. 309 00:50:56,000 --> 00:51:15,000 Bluey is not as into it yet as I am. But oh, it's the best. These parents. Yes. I'll tell you, last night we were watching, we had Bluey on and everyone else left the room but me. And I just sat there and watched it. I watched it for about two hours by myself laughing my head off. 310 00:51:15,000 --> 00:51:23,000 Can I ask though, do you guys get the humor, the Australian humor, like that, because Bandit can be quite colloquial. 311 00:51:23,000 --> 00:51:36,000 I don't think we get all of it. But I think like what goes over our heads, just like we don't know. You don't know that you don't know. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I just want to be a chilly healer when I grow up. 312 00:51:36,000 --> 00:51:40,000 You know. She's awesome. Good old chilly. 313 00:51:40,000 --> 00:51:54,000 I love the stickers in her car and like it's just feels very real. Yeah. Yeah. And I love that her car is so messy. The messy car is what I can relate to. And there was a joke in one of the episodes where her sister comes to visit and the kids have never met the sister. 314 00:51:54,000 --> 00:52:10,000 And somebody, I think it was Bingo, had a onesie on that turned her into a cheater or something. Anyway, they were hiding in the car. That's where I'm going with this. And chilly said, that's okay. We won't die because there's food under the seats. 315 00:52:10,000 --> 00:52:19,000 And I was like, yes, you can see it in my car. Like, I feel really validated right now. Not judged. 316 00:52:19,000 --> 00:52:27,000 Absolutely. Oh, dear. Yeah. Sorry. I hijacked. You were talking about Bluey and then you were going to say something else and I just jumped in. Sorry. 317 00:52:27,000 --> 00:52:39,000 And I have to tell you that this is the way that parents in America also respond when I say Bluey. Everyone always goes do do do do do do do do. And like everybody does it. 318 00:52:39,000 --> 00:52:53,000 Yeah. Yeah. This woman. I say, yeah, she goes, you watch Miss Rachel. I'm like, yeah, we watch Bluey and Miss Rachel and Sesame Street. Yeah. Oh, yeah. 319 00:52:53,000 --> 00:53:12,000 And then there was something else. We're talking about food and how we both have the same. We have the same kind of outlook on food for our kids where we like, you know, we try to be nutritious, but also where everything in moderation. 320 00:53:12,000 --> 00:53:27,000 People set the kids up for positive associations with food and positive relationships with their bodies. And so it just made me feel real good that like, here's this person with this background in early childhood education and the arts. 321 00:53:27,000 --> 00:53:36,000 And we have the same kind of outlook on on things and that she's not going to make me feel like I should have cloth diapers. You know? 322 00:53:36,000 --> 00:53:50,000 Yeah, that's it, isn't it? And when like when you go, she does all this different stuff. It's like, oh, I'll do this while she's not here. And when she gets back, it'll be like, you know, yeah. And I don't know, like, I've been looking after kids for a long time in my job. 323 00:53:50,000 --> 00:54:14,000 And I don't know, I feel like most people are, I don't know what the word is, they are the screen time parents, they are the snack parents. Most people like that. Like that's what we are. But then the voices in the not that section are really loud and then they make us feel bad about our choices or what we do with our kids. 324 00:54:14,000 --> 00:54:26,000 So I don't know how you block out the noise, but yeah, it's a hard one. It is a tough one. Yeah. No, thanks for sharing that about that. I find it really interesting. 325 00:54:26,000 --> 00:54:43,000 I shouldn't say I feel it. It's interesting talking to people about their guilt. I sound like I'm like some sort of creeper. But I just find it fascinating how, you know, people's, their cultural background, the location, their upbringing and everything that goes into creating a person. 326 00:54:43,000 --> 00:54:51,000 How that affects how your parent and I just find it so fascinating. So yeah, thanks for indulging me there. 327 00:55:13,000 --> 00:55:39,000 Do you find that for you to create, to continue to create and not just in, you know, your profession, but also the things you do at home, like you're talking about all the things you like to do. Do you feel like that's really important for you to maintain for you, for yourself? 328 00:55:39,000 --> 00:55:53,000 Yeah, I think a big thing for me, I'm a person with anxiety and depression. And I think, and I know that that's something that comes up a lot in these conversations. Yeah, it's very common. Yeah. 329 00:55:53,000 --> 00:56:11,000 I, when I found pottery, you know, I'm a perfectionist. That's part of how my anxiety manifests in perfectionism and then procrastination. Because if things can't be perfect, then why do them? 330 00:56:11,000 --> 00:56:30,000 When I found pottery, you can't be perfect with it, especially when you're first starting out. And if you make something that's awful, and you fire it, then your mom will want it. And that's great. 331 00:56:30,000 --> 00:56:42,000 And your mom always, my mom, I don't know about other people, but my mom always makes me feel good about stuff. So she's got a couple of really terrible things that I've made. 332 00:56:42,000 --> 00:56:49,000 My dad also, my dad is also very excellent. They share the bathroom, but I give them to my mom. 333 00:56:49,000 --> 00:57:03,000 And if something flops on the wheel, or it doesn't work out when you're hand building it, you squish it, and you let it dry out a little bit, so it's not completely full of water. 334 00:57:03,000 --> 00:57:20,000 And then you do something else, and you try again. And just knowing that it's not going to be perfect, it can't be perfect. And that is okay. And then you can squish it. 335 00:57:20,000 --> 00:57:36,000 It was just so, like my very first class, it was so just affirming. And now I can make things that you can use, and I made this mug that I'm drinking out of. 336 00:57:36,000 --> 00:57:40,000 It's gorgeous. Is that blue? Is it blue and brown? 337 00:57:40,000 --> 00:57:44,000 It's like a Tiffany blue. 338 00:57:44,000 --> 00:57:45,000 Yeah, it's gorgeous. 339 00:57:45,000 --> 00:57:56,000 And then brown and I, you know, and I thank you. And I keep learning things and you can hold it and put something in it that will nourish your body. 340 00:57:56,000 --> 00:58:03,000 And, you know, I keep learning new techniques and I learned how to facet. 341 00:58:03,000 --> 00:58:18,000 I found that I was like, oh my gosh, that's so cool. I want to make everything. And right now I'm taking a class about surface decoration and I'm learning how to scratch away colors and how to do lino prints and things like that and clay. 342 00:58:18,000 --> 00:58:28,000 And it's, it's just fun. And if it doesn't work out, the stakes are so low. 343 00:58:28,000 --> 00:58:29,000 Yeah. 344 00:58:29,000 --> 00:58:34,000 But if you make something beautiful or something useful. 345 00:58:34,000 --> 00:58:51,000 Those stakes are super high and like you've you've done this thing that can help nourish your body or your, your home. I find that the things that I like to do. I was thinking about this today. 346 00:58:51,000 --> 00:59:05,000 The things that I like to do theater, pottery, quilting, baking, require other people's active participation. 347 00:59:05,000 --> 00:59:22,000 And so it's this nurturing instinct. These are things that sometimes maybe I do them by myself, but the people, the other people involved aren't passive participants. 348 00:59:22,000 --> 00:59:36,000 And so I find that, you know, maybe I read somewhere someone said, you know, people think I like embroidery because it's soothing and meditative but really I just get to stab something over and over again. 349 00:59:36,000 --> 00:59:40,000 And I felt that very deeply in my soul. 350 00:59:40,000 --> 00:59:43,000 I've never thought of it that way. 351 00:59:43,000 --> 00:59:55,000 Me either until I read that and I was like, yes, that is exactly. Yes. And when I make my quilts, it's I completely hand piece and hand quilt. 352 00:59:55,000 --> 00:59:59,000 I can't be bothered to load a Bob and I don't know how to do it. It's fine. 353 00:59:59,000 --> 01:00:01,000 It's more trouble than it's worth. 354 01:00:01,000 --> 01:00:14,000 You know, I really feel that. Yeah, I am looking at my sewing machine right now. I don't use it right there. I'm not even sewing by hand. 355 01:00:14,000 --> 01:00:39,000 But I can take it with me to a waiting room and do that there. But then when I finished a quilt, you know, you can you can snuggle or you can say, where's Eloise, or you can, you know, take it to a picnic and sit. 356 01:00:39,000 --> 01:00:50,000 And so there are these. And then with baking you eat it. That's better than having to bake. My husband does baking most of the time. 357 01:00:50,000 --> 01:00:55,000 But I, making a cake, man, that's the best. 358 01:00:55,000 --> 01:01:11,000 Oh, yes. My, my little one. He loves making cakes because he gets to lick the beaters. And that is, oh yeah, that's it. He doesn't eat it afterwards. So we make these cakes and they're sitting there like, oh, better eat this cake as I can't let it go to waste. 359 01:01:11,000 --> 01:01:13,000 You know, damn. Yeah. 360 01:01:13,000 --> 01:01:26,000 But yeah, it's and then we may. Yeah. And if we make something else with the batter is not that consistency. He's not interested in helping me at all. Like, it's like he just has to lick the beaters. And it's like this ritual. 361 01:01:26,000 --> 01:01:39,000 I remember as a kid, like getting to lick the beaters when, when we'd, Mum had finished her cooking and, you know, I probably always wanted the one with the most on it. So, you know, I always make sure I give him the one that he wants. 362 01:01:39,000 --> 01:01:53,000 I think the one that whatever I get, you know, I don't know. It's just creating those, the traditions, I suppose that, you know, to teach him how to do it properly too. Cause you don't, you got to not waste any of it. So, you know. 363 01:01:53,000 --> 01:02:06,000 So Mickey knows when I'm baking, if he's not involved and I go, Hey, Mickey, I have a really important job. He knows that means he gets to lick the beaters. Like that's the, he knows what his important job is. 364 01:02:06,000 --> 01:02:23,000 I love that. Cause that's the thing when your kids get older, like things that they were quite happy to do when they're starting to be on a teenager, it's like, Oh, I'm actually not interested in that anymore. But that's a lovely way that he'll probably always continue to be involved. Cause who can say no to licking the beaters? 365 01:02:23,000 --> 01:02:26,000 Right? Right? 366 01:02:26,000 --> 01:02:54,000 That's so lovely. That's really nice. I love that. 367 01:02:54,000 --> 01:03:21,000 So with that, I mean, this next question probably won't apply so much to Eloise at this stage of her life, but with Mickey, do you find it important that he sees you as someone who's not just there? And I say just, I shouldn't say just not there only to be in a mothering role for his benefit or for the household's benefit, but you're also your own person and you do things that don't involve anybody else sometimes. 368 01:03:21,000 --> 01:03:41,000 Absolutely. I think my mom is the most incredible role model in a lot of ways. But one of those is that she, you know, she was a stay at home mom. And then when I was 10 years old, she went to college. She hadn't gone to college. 369 01:03:41,000 --> 01:04:03,000 So this wasn't going back to school. This was her first go. And so seeing that she was going and getting a degree and doing that set that as a role model for me. I mean, also partly that like, I would be struggling with my homework at the same time that she was struggling with her homework. 370 01:04:03,000 --> 01:04:20,000 And so that was a really great. It wasn't great that she was struggling. It was a great thing, a great thing to see that she was, you know, making these efforts to do something that she really wanted to do. 371 01:04:20,000 --> 01:04:42,000 And so that was sort of my role model in that way that, you know, you can be a mom, which is really awesome and also be your own person. And I always kind of struggle a little bit when I'm writing like the Instagram tagline or an artist statement. 372 01:04:42,000 --> 01:04:56,000 What do I put first? And if I don't put mom first, what does that mean for my identity? But if I do put mom first, what does that mean for my identity? 373 01:04:56,000 --> 01:04:59,000 Yeah, it's a double edged sword, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah. 374 01:04:59,000 --> 01:05:16,000 Yeah. Do I want to be in an outward facing way? 375 01:05:29,000 --> 01:05:35,000 Can I get a little bit political? Of course you can. Absolutely. I'd welcome that. Yes. 376 01:05:35,000 --> 01:06:01,000 So Missouri has been making some laws that are against what my family and I personally believe about the right for every human being to be a human being. And there was a trans rights rally in the state capitol, which is just about a half hour away from where we live. 377 01:06:01,000 --> 01:06:15,000 And it happened to be a day that neither Mickey nor I had school. And I asked him, I was like, hey, but do you want to, neither of us have school. Do you want to go to the trans rights rally? And he was like, yes, absolutely. 378 01:06:15,000 --> 01:06:34,000 Oh, good on him. And Eloise came too, but didn't have a choice. So, you know, but it's, you know, important. I think, you know, he can be whoever he is, whoever he wants to be. 379 01:06:34,000 --> 01:06:50,000 But I think it's important that he knows, you know, that we are all political beings and that we make choices in this world to speak up for ourselves and to speak up for other people. 380 01:06:50,000 --> 01:07:08,000 So, you know, talk about like life is politics. You can't leave politics out of a conversation. I actually just commented that on a parenting message board where they were like, oh, shouldn't, you know, can't we just have one space where we can keep politics out of it? 381 01:07:08,000 --> 01:07:20,000 I don't understand why. I just, life is politics. My body is political. My parenting is political. My teaching is political. Like life is politics. 382 01:07:20,000 --> 01:07:28,000 Yeah, literally. It's all, it all overlaps. Like we can't be who we are. We couldn't be who we are if it wasn't for the political environment that we're in. 383 01:07:28,000 --> 01:07:39,000 So absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. My parents were protesters in the 60s. So I found my dad's conscientious objector card from the Vietnam War. 384 01:07:39,000 --> 01:07:41,000 Beautiful. Yes. 385 01:07:41,000 --> 01:07:45,000 Which is pretty rad. 386 01:07:45,000 --> 01:08:00,000 But, but yeah, I think that for, for kids to know that their parents are caregivers and also that it's important for them to take care of themselves. 387 01:08:00,000 --> 01:08:04,000 Never thought about it that way until it just came out of my mouth. That's what it is. 388 01:08:04,000 --> 01:08:15,000 It's amazing in a nutshell, literally, isn't it? Like that's it. Because if you don't look after yourself, you don't care for yourself, you can't look after anybody else. 389 01:08:15,000 --> 01:08:21,000 And going back to what you're saying about involving your son in the politics, I think it's really important to do that. 390 01:08:21,000 --> 01:08:33,000 And I was having this conversation with someone, I can't remember, a while ago maybe, about the way the generation's, certainly in Australia, I'm not, you know, obviously familiar with, with how it's been going over there. 391 01:08:33,000 --> 01:08:42,000 My parents and my grandparents would never tell me who they voted for. Like they wouldn't, we have the, we have the two parties here, the main parties, you've got the Liberal and Labour. 392 01:08:42,000 --> 01:08:54,000 And Liberal is meant to be Liberal, but it's not the right word to describe that party because they're not, they're not modern, they're not progressive, they're not for the people, they're sort of the opposite. 393 01:08:54,000 --> 01:09:05,000 They're the right wingers. And the left wing is the Labour Party, which is, you know, for the working man and for the arts and for all the good things that I believe in. 394 01:09:05,000 --> 01:09:20,000 Yes. And yeah, so yeah, I didn't find out who my family voted for for a very long time. And there's also this culture over here, and I guess it's the same everywhere, that you sort of, you don't necessarily vote for who your parents voted for, because they voted for that. 395 01:09:20,000 --> 01:09:26,000 But you're brought up in that particular way that it's more likely you're going to vote that way, I guess. 396 01:09:26,000 --> 01:09:34,000 It'd be pretty radical if you sort of went off the other way, I guess. So yeah, I sort of worked it out just by accident as I got older. 397 01:09:34,000 --> 01:09:42,000 And I remember asking my Nana once, like, because it was voting day and they went off and voted. And I said, who do you vote for? She goes, oh, no, you don't ask people that. You can't, you can't ask people that. 398 01:09:42,000 --> 01:09:52,000 And I'm really glad now that the politics is such an open conversation, because, you know, my son's almost 16. We voted 18 over here. 399 01:09:52,000 --> 01:10:00,000 And it's, I don't want him walking into a polling booth one day just going, oh, OK, so what's this all about? What do I do here? 400 01:10:00,000 --> 01:10:09,000 You know, like, I want him to grow up understanding the culture that we live in and how the politics obviously, as we said before, it's a fundamental part of our lives. 401 01:10:09,000 --> 01:10:18,000 And we often joke, you know, my husband has been a Liberal voter for a long time and I've been a Labor voter forever. 402 01:10:18,000 --> 01:10:32,000 And we chat to my son about the differences and why, you know, a political in a certain circumstance or over a particular issue, why I feel the way I do and why the way dad feels the way he does, you know. 403 01:10:32,000 --> 01:10:49,000 So I'm not telling him he has to vote for either or whatever. I simply want him to have an understanding of how these parties and what they believe in will affect him as a person and the decisions that he'll make in his life moving forward and in his children's life if he has them. 404 01:10:49,000 --> 01:10:57,000 So, yeah, I'm I'm all for it. I think it's wonderful to get kids involved as early as you can, as early as is appropriate or as you believe. 405 01:10:57,000 --> 01:11:05,000 And I think it's also for your child and your family, because like you said, it's it's all intertwined. You can't have one without the other. 406 01:11:05,000 --> 01:11:13,000 My husband is actually a professor of political science. That's what brought us to Missouri. Awesome. 407 01:11:13,000 --> 01:11:31,000 And his father is also a professor of political science. Yeah. And so like he knows who his father and whose parents had voted for because, you know, he was out on campaign trails and, you know, doing research and things like that. 408 01:11:31,000 --> 01:11:46,000 With Do you know the American sitcom from the 80s? Family Ties? Oh, yes, very much. Yes. Yes. Yes. So with Alex P Keaton, who was a Reagan Republican, while his parents were hippies. 409 01:11:46,000 --> 01:12:02,000 And so I think about that pretty frequently that like, you know, you can be anything you want to be, but like, don't don't do that. It's been over the last several very scary years. 410 01:12:02,000 --> 01:12:17,000 Yes. With, you know, people are changing from what, you know, they had traditionally been voting either for better or for worse. 411 01:12:17,000 --> 01:12:32,000 And people have started having these conversations more and more frequently as, you know, you become empowered to tell, you know, especially older relatives like, hey, it's not okay that you talk that way. 412 01:12:32,000 --> 01:12:37,000 Yes, we had a member of our family come out as transgender. 413 01:12:37,000 --> 01:12:52,000 And, you know, a couple, was it just last year? I think it was just last year. And, you know, having to, you know, teach their 90 something year old grandmother. 414 01:12:52,000 --> 01:13:12,000 You know, the other relatives who are of our parents generation, you know, what that means and that they are still the same person. They just, you know, have a name and a, you know, and other stuff that fits them better now. 415 01:13:12,000 --> 01:13:22,000 And, you know, we, plus this current generation that like, we, we told Mickey, we're like, hey, here's, here's what's going on with this member of our family. 416 01:13:22,000 --> 01:13:26,000 Do you have any questions? And he's like, no. 417 01:13:26,000 --> 01:13:30,000 And we like randomly ran into this family member. 418 01:13:30,000 --> 01:13:44,000 We knew that we were going to the same place on a family vacation, but we didn't know we look around into them on the beach. Yeah, and we hung out with them for a while and then they went their way and we went our way. 419 01:13:44,000 --> 01:13:49,000 And we looked at Mickey we're like so see same same exact person. 420 01:13:49,000 --> 01:13:54,000 He looks at me he goes, I know. 421 01:13:54,000 --> 01:14:04,000 Yeah, no, like, no, like nerves or anything. It's like, yes. No. Yeah. Yeah, it's wonderful. Isn't it. 422 01:14:04,000 --> 01:14:10,000 We are, you know, of minority religion. 423 01:14:10,000 --> 01:14:15,000 But we don't wear our minority on the outside. 424 01:14:15,000 --> 01:14:19,000 I am also of a minority gender, I am a woman. 425 01:14:19,000 --> 01:14:29,000 But, you know, for all intents and purposes, at least as far as we know now, Mickey is cisgender straight white male. 426 01:14:29,000 --> 01:14:41,000 And we have spoken pretty frequently about, you know that, you know, he's got a responsibility to speak up for people who don't have those appearances. 427 01:14:41,000 --> 01:14:43,000 Yeah, yeah. 428 01:14:43,000 --> 01:14:49,000 And, you know, I'm sorry that we've had to have those conversations. 429 01:14:49,000 --> 01:15:11,000 My husband, but I'm glad that we have had them. My husband is not Jewish. And when, you know conversations about, you know, there was a right wing awful protests where they were chanting the Jews will not replace us. 430 01:15:11,000 --> 01:15:18,000 And things like that. And he was like, well, you know, conversations about the Holocaust and things like that. 431 01:15:18,000 --> 01:15:22,000 He's like, well, isn't Mickey too young to hear about these things? 432 01:15:22,000 --> 01:15:25,000 And I'm like, I don't ever remember not knowing. Yeah. 433 01:15:25,000 --> 01:15:29,000 Like, I don't remember a time in my life when I didn't know what the Holocaust was. 434 01:15:29,000 --> 01:15:31,000 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. 435 01:15:31,000 --> 01:15:44,000 It wasn't like this moment where you remember getting sat down and told it was like part of your culture, part of your, it was there. A very visible part of, of, yeah, knowing. Yeah. 436 01:15:44,000 --> 01:15:57,000 Yeah, yeah. It's an important part of being a human being. And, you know, when people talk about bringing it back to the arts, you know, when people talk about the arts, well can't they just not be political. 437 01:15:57,000 --> 01:16:04,000 Why do actors have to talk about politics? Why do the arts are political? The arts have always been political. 438 01:16:04,000 --> 01:16:15,000 When we read Richard the third, we have to remember that, you know, Shakespeare's patron was Queen Elizabeth the first. 439 01:16:15,000 --> 01:16:23,000 And her, now I'm going to get the lineage wrong. It was either her grandfather or her father. No, it wasn't her father. It was her grandfather. 440 01:16:23,000 --> 01:16:33,000 Her father was Henry the eighth. It was her grandfather, who is the hero who slays Richard at the end of the play. Richard the third is political propaganda. 441 01:16:33,000 --> 01:16:36,000 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. 442 01:16:36,000 --> 01:16:42,000 Theatre is always political. Art is always political. Period. Yeah. 443 01:16:42,000 --> 01:16:54,000 We actually had this big thing happen in Australia recently, or not recently now, a few, few months ago. Was it last year? I can't remember now. Time's just a construct really. 444 01:16:54,000 --> 01:17:01,000 As we were saying before. But yeah, there was this lady. She's the richest person in Australia. 445 01:17:01,000 --> 01:17:09,000 I'm not going to honour her by saying her name because I don't believe in her beliefs and her thoughts and her things. So, 446 01:17:09,000 --> 01:17:14,000 she won't be listening, so it doesn't matter. But Australians will know who I'm talking about. 447 01:17:14,000 --> 01:17:17,000 She has a lot of minds that she inherited from her father. 448 01:17:17,000 --> 01:17:24,000 And anyway, she was sponsoring one of the netball teams. 449 01:17:24,000 --> 01:17:31,000 And one of the netball players is an Indigenous Australian First Nations person. 450 01:17:31,000 --> 01:17:40,000 And she made a comment that she wasn't really impressed by the comments that this rich person's father had said about Aboriginal people. 451 01:17:40,000 --> 01:17:46,000 He'd said it back in the 80s. And it wasn't appropriate then, but never obviously got called out then. 452 01:17:46,000 --> 01:17:58,000 But so this woman's sort of response to that was to take all the money away from them, took all of their funding away so they didn't have a sponsor. 453 01:17:58,000 --> 01:18:05,000 And most women in Australia that play professional sport, they have a day job because they can't get sponsorship. 454 01:18:05,000 --> 01:18:11,000 So they're not full-time professional athletes, unlike the men who get a lot of money. 455 01:18:11,000 --> 01:18:21,000 Anyway, this rich person made the comment that sport and politics should never mix. 456 01:18:21,000 --> 01:18:31,000 And it just reminded me when you said about the arts, it's like, particularly in a country like Australia where sport is like a religion, it is like a way of life for people. 457 01:18:31,000 --> 01:18:38,000 And politics overlaps everything, like we've said. It just reminded me of that. And I thought, I'll mention it. 458 01:18:38,000 --> 01:18:43,000 I don't know why it's taken me so long to get it out. But that was my point. 459 01:18:43,000 --> 01:18:55,000 Yes, absolutely. No, I totally and I have all of these thoughts spinning in my head about like, it's the same thing has happened in America. 460 01:18:55,000 --> 01:19:01,000 We play the national anthem before all of our sporting events, which, yeah, let's take politics out of it. 461 01:19:01,000 --> 01:19:06,000 Why do we play the national anthem before all of our sporting events? Yeah, whatever. Yeah. 462 01:19:06,000 --> 01:19:14,000 But then a few years ago, people started kneeling during the national anthem. 463 01:19:14,000 --> 01:19:27,000 They don't really stand for what the national anthem stands for and got kicked off of teams and their sponsors taken away and things like that. 464 01:19:27,000 --> 01:19:39,000 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know. That really annoyed me. That did that whole the taking the knee, like, honestly, it's a wonderful thing to do. 465 01:19:39,000 --> 01:19:48,000 And then it just got turned into this, I don't know, white persons again, taking over and saying what everybody can do or can't do. 466 01:19:48,000 --> 01:19:55,000 It's like back to the colonial days. Sorry, that's not a very nice thing to say. But that's what it reminded me of. 467 01:19:55,000 --> 01:20:01,000 You are absolutely I 100% agree with you. Yes. Yeah, it's horrible. 468 01:20:01,000 --> 01:20:07,000 Well, thank you. No, thanks for talking about that stuff. I like a good chat about politics. 469 01:20:07,000 --> 01:20:20,000 And I do. Yeah, it's and it's I do like to hear about other countries, how they're going with stuff too, because I mean, I, I consume a lot of media, particularly independent media, but there's nothing like hearing it. 470 01:20:20,000 --> 01:20:33,000 Not from the horse's mouth. I'm sorry. You know what I mean? Getting a person's perspective, living it right now. Yeah. But Jesus, some stuff going on over there. 471 01:20:33,000 --> 01:20:42,000 I watch what's happening in America and Jesus, I feel sorry for you guys. I just think, oh, can you imagine do you think one day it will actually become two countries? 472 01:20:42,000 --> 01:21:00,000 Like, is it that bad that people just have to not be near each other? And that's a really simplistic thing to say. But yeah, it's wild because like where I live would absolutely be the part of the country that I don't agree with. 473 01:21:00,000 --> 01:21:18,000 Because that's, yeah, that's who I am. And it's so interesting because the two major cities, St. Louis and Kansas City, St. Louis, in particular, is so much more liberal, liberal, like actual liberal. 474 01:21:18,000 --> 01:21:31,000 Than the rest of Missouri. But just the way that political lines are drawn. That's the thing. Our political lines are drawn just horribly. Yeah, right. 475 01:21:31,000 --> 01:21:54,000 And you know, there's, you know, Missouri is one of nine states in the country that has a compulsory Holocaust education. Right. Which is wild to me. Like, it's amazing. Yeah. But that's 100% because of lobbyists in St. Louis. Yeah, okay. 476 01:21:54,000 --> 01:22:12,000 And, you know, where I live right now in Columbia is this like, so the left is blue and the right is red. So we're in this tiny little blue dot in the sea of red. Yeah, right. 477 01:22:12,000 --> 01:22:32,000 And apparently, you know, for a major part because the university is here. But yeah, it's wild. Like it is. Yeah. It's, and like I don't, you know, people say like, well, if you don't like it, go someplace else. 478 01:22:32,000 --> 01:22:45,000 So well, you know, but then I couldn't make change happen. Not that I one person I'm going to make change happen. I know what you mean though. It's like you're abandoning the opportunity to be involved in challenging what they're happening. What's happening here, I guess. 479 01:22:45,000 --> 01:23:00,000 Yeah. But at the same time, like I know families with transgender children who are leaving the state because they have. Oh, you'd fear, you'd fear for your safety. Like, from what I've seen over here. Yeah, if that's accurate. Yeah, it's pretty appalling. 480 01:23:00,000 --> 01:23:04,000 It's really, it's really appalling. Reproductive rates as well. It's. Oh, yes. 481 01:23:04,000 --> 01:23:21,000 Oh man. All the things. Yeah. Yeah, jeepers. And it's funny though. I would say, oh, this is a reasonable guess. Almost 100% of people I've talked to on this show. I don't know if it's an arts thing, but they're always left leaning voters. 482 01:23:21,000 --> 01:23:39,000 If it's a thing about compassion and, you know, listening to people emotion sharing, supporting each other. It's always the arts people. It's just an inherent thing. Yeah. Well, it's interesting reading or I was wearing. 483 01:23:39,000 --> 01:23:55,000 I have a shirt that says I'm with the band, but it's B-A-N-N-E-D. I love that. Band books. I wore it to work the other day and one of the fifth graders said to me, you know, is that about band books? And I said, yeah. 484 01:23:55,000 --> 01:24:05,000 And she said, why do people ban books? And I said, because they don't want to ask questions about things. They just want to get rid of things that they don't understand. 485 01:24:05,000 --> 01:24:33,000 And then she gave me a big high five. But I think that that brings it all back to the power of positivity and asking questions. And I think that artists are in a specifically a uniquely appropriate place to be able to ask those questions and try to understand things that aren't necessarily part of their world. 486 01:24:33,000 --> 01:24:59,000 We talk about in education, we talk about providing children with windows, mirrors and sliding glass doors in our libraries. So the books that we have on our shelves should give a mirror so that they see themselves windows so that they can see other people's experiences and sliding glass doors so they can walk through and experience themselves with empathy. 487 01:24:59,000 --> 01:25:10,000 And I think that that is something that left leaning people are more willing to do than right leaning people are. 488 01:25:10,000 --> 01:25:37,000 Yeah, yeah, that was very well said. I love that. 489 01:25:37,000 --> 01:25:52,000 I actually have we have a family from Australia in our school. Yeah, and students because we have an emerging curriculum. We get to just answer the questions that the kiddos are interested in exploring. Yeah, give them education. 490 01:25:52,000 --> 01:26:09,000 And we were talking about, try to remember what exactly we were talking about. Oh, we were talking about if cultures all over the world celebrate things in December in exactly the same ways. 491 01:26:09,000 --> 01:26:22,000 Yeah, and so they understand their celebrate, you know, we don't celebrate holidays at work, but obviously like most of the kiddos in our school celebrate Christmas. So we talked about Christmas a lot. Yeah. 492 01:26:22,000 --> 01:26:33,000 And so they're like, well, Christmas is snowmen and reindeer. And so we talked about how reindeer are from Lapland and where Lapland is. 493 01:26:33,000 --> 01:26:44,000 And then I asked Karen, who's the mom from Australia, I was like, Can you come in and talk to my class? 494 01:26:44,000 --> 01:26:55,000 How you celebrate Christmas in Australia? Yeah, absolutely. So she brought like Christmas crackers and stuff and it was super fun. They were all like, wait, there's no snow. 495 01:26:55,000 --> 01:27:05,000 And he's like, no, it's summer. It's super hot. We're sweltering. But we wish there was snow. Yeah, it's fascinating. 496 01:27:05,000 --> 01:27:34,000 Fantastic conversation. 497 01:27:34,000 --> 01:27:43,000 So one of your questions that you had on your website was me to find new ways to work so you could continue creating. Yes. Yes. 498 01:27:43,000 --> 01:27:52,000 I thought that was super interesting because I actually didn't start doing any of this until I had kids. Yeah, right. 499 01:27:52,000 --> 01:28:16,000 So I was a theater, so I was doing all the theater stuff, which has definitely changed since I had kids. Yeah. But I didn't discover the visual stuff until when I was teaching in the theater and realized, 500 01:28:16,000 --> 01:28:27,000 Oh, if I was going to teach theater to kindergartners and first graders, I was going to need to learn how to teach visual arts. Yeah, because I was going to have to have them sit down and draw things. 501 01:28:27,000 --> 01:28:38,000 And I was going to have to, you know, have them create things. And so it wasn't until I was in my late 20s that I started doing those things. 502 01:28:38,000 --> 01:28:53,000 And that was completely inspired by my students I was teaching. And just having discovered I didn't pick up a ukulele until I was pregnant with Mickey because I wanted to have an instrument that I could play for and with my child. 503 01:28:53,000 --> 01:29:17,000 Yeah. And so, you know, baking came about after I had Mickey really because I wanted that sensory thing to do with him. And all of these things have come about relatively recently quilting in December 2020 because I wanted something that I could do during the 504 01:29:17,000 --> 01:29:32,000 pandemic. Yeah, at my house. And so I knew myself as a theater creative, but I didn't know myself with these other things until I was already a mom. 505 01:29:32,000 --> 01:30:00,000 Oh, hey, that's really cool. Yeah. 506 01:30:00,000 --> 01:30:12,000 It's been so lovely chatting with you Jen. I've really really enjoyed it. It's been great. And yeah, again, thank you for indulging me in the political side of things because that is one of my favorite things to talk about. 507 01:30:12,000 --> 01:30:22,000 But it's been fascinating and learning all about the dramaturgy which I didn't even know was a thing. And I just yeah it's it thank you for sharing so much I really appreciate it. 508 01:30:22,000 --> 01:30:28,000 Absolutely. Thank you for having grown up conversations with me they can be few and far between. 509 01:30:28,000 --> 01:30:35,000 I'm happy to indulge anytime you need one just let me know. 510 01:30:35,000 --> 01:30:48,000 Thanks for your company today. If you've enjoyed this episode, I'd love you to consider leaving us a review, following or subscribing to the podcast, or even sharing it with a friend you think might be interested. 511 01:30:48,000 --> 01:31:00,000 The music you heard featured on today's episode was from Alemjo, which is my new age ambient music trio comprised of myself, my sister Emma Anderson and her husband John. 512 01:31:00,000 --> 01:31:05,000 If you'd like to hear more, you can find a link to us in the show notes. 513 01:31:05,000 --> 01:31:12,000 If you or someone you know would like to be a guest on the podcast, please get in touch with us by the link in the show notes. 514 01:31:12,000 --> 01:31:18,000 I'll catch you again next week for another chat with an artistic mum. 515 01:31:42,000 --> 01:31:44,000 Yeah. 516 01:32:12,000 --> 01:32:13,000 Yeah. 517 01:32:42,000 --> 01:32:43,000 Yeah. 518 01:33:12,000 --> 01:33:13,000 Yeah. 519 01:33:42,000 --> 01:33:43,000 Yeah. 520 01:34:12,000 --> 01:34:13,000 Yeah. 521 01:34:42,000 --> 01:34:43,000 Yeah.

Breanna Churchill US author and educator S4 Ep96 Listen and subscribe on Spotify and itunes/Apple podcasts My guest this week is Breanna Churchill who is an educator, author and mother of 2 boys from Illinois USA. Initially Breanna thought she was going to be in the performing arts area, or journalism, however her desire to serve was overwhelming and she went into the field of early childhood education. She holds a Bachelor of Science degree in Early Childhood with a concentration in Child and Family Services. Her professional experience includes working as a teacher, child-care director, tutor, and family/community service worker. Breanna is now a full-time home educator, Sunday school teacher, author of children's books and founder of The Brown Bear Book Club. The club empowers parents/guardians and educators with book ideas, activities, tools and tips for young children. Parents/guardians and educators can stay connected with her latest book releases and early childhood resources, One of Breanna's missions in life is to empower, educate, encourage, and inspire parents and guardians and educators of young children. Breanna - instagram / website / youtube Podcast - instagram / website If today’s episode is triggering for you in any way I encourage you to seek help from those around you, medical professionals or from resources on line. I have compiled a list of great international resources here Music used with permission from Alemjo my new age and ambient music trio. When chatting to my guests I greatly appreciate their openness and honestly in sharing their stories. If at any stage their information is found to be incorrect, the podcast bears no responsibility for guests' inaccuracies. Podcast transcript at the bottom of the page Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode of The Art of Being A Mum Podcast. I'm beyond honoured that you're here and would be grateful if you could take 2 minutes to leave me a 5-star review in iTunes or wherever you are listening. It really helps! This way together we can inspire, connect and bring in to the light even more stories from creative mums. Want to connect? Take a screenshot of this episode and share it on Instagram tagging me in with @art_of_being_a_mum_podcast I can't wait to connect. And remember if you or somebody you know would like to be a guest on the podcast, get in touch ! I love meeting and chatting to mammas from all creative backgrounds, from all around the world! Thank you! Alison acknowledges this Land of the Berrin (Mount Gambier) Region as the Traditional Lands of the Bungandidj People and acknowledge these First Nations people as the custodians of the Region. Ch eck out more episodes ..... Welcome to the Art of Being a mum podcast, where I Alison Newman, a singer songwriter, and Ozzy mum of two enjoys honest and inspiring conversations with artists and creators about the joys and issues they've encountered. While trying to be a mum and continue to create. You'll hear themes like the mental juggle, changes in identity, how their work has been influenced by motherhood, mum guilt, cultural norms, and we also stray into territory such as the patriarchy, feminism, and capitalism. You can find links to my guests and topics we discussed in the show notes, along with a link to the music played, how to get in touch, and a link to join our supportive and lively community on Instagram. I'll always put a trigger warning if we discuss sensitive topics on the podcast. But if at any time you're concerned about your mental health, I urge you to talk to those around you reach out to health professionals, or seek out resources online. I've compiled a list of international resources which can be accessed on the podcast landing page, Alison Newman dotnet slash podcast. The art of being a man would like to acknowledge the traditional owners of the land and water, which this podcast is recorded on as being the Bondic people in the barren region. I'm working on land that was never ceded. Hello, and welcome to another edition of the podcast. It is such a pleasure to welcome you for whatever you're listening all around the world. This week, my guest is Brianna Churchill. Brianna is an educator and author and a mother of two boys from Illinois in the USA. Initially, Brianna thought she was going to be in the performing arts area or journalism. However her desire to serve was overwhelming. And she went into the field of early childhood education. She holds a Bachelor of Science degree in early childhood with a concentration in Child and Family Services. Her professional experience includes working as a teacher, a childcare director, a tutor and a family community service worker. Breanna is now a full time home educator, Sunday school teacher, and she's an author. She's also the founder of the brown bear book club. The club empowers parents and guardians and educators with book ideas, activities and tools and tips for young children. caregivers can stay connected with her latest book releases and early childhood resources through the club. One of Brianna's missions in life is to empower, educate, encourage, and inspire parents and guardians and educators of young children. I hope you enjoy today's episode. Thank you so much Brianna, for coming on. It's such a pleasure to welcome you today. Oh, I'm so glad to be here. So glad to be here. Thank you. Oh, no, it's my pleasure. So we're about to you in America. So my family and I we live in Illinois, in the Midwest of the United States. And we were just chatting before that it's it's quite nice. The weather there at the moment about you're saying like 80s Fahrenheit, so about 26 degrees in the Celsius. Yes, very nice here right now. I'm a bit jealous. I was just just saying I just been away in Queensland for a week in the sunshine every day swimming, swimming in the ocean swimming in the pool and just, I don't know, just the best and then come back here where it's today. It's 13 Celsius. So I'm just gonna look at what that is for you guys in the Fahrenheit. Yes, we're interested to see what that conversion is. About 55 Just a little cool. Yeah, I mean, we don't get like we don't get snow here. So it's not this is probably the coldest maybe 10 to 13 in winter during the day. Uh huh. But it just it just seems to last so long like it'll this will be like us now till probably October maybe September October and I just feel like half the years just like yes. I totally, totally understand I can only imagine. But no, nevermind is worse things in the world. So I should really shouldn't complain about weather. But when I used to live in Chicago, it would get below zero negative 17. Oh, yes. Free say yeah, yes. Oh my gosh. That's not that's still complaining. Yeah. Yes. So cold. You can feel the frost on your face. Oh, man. Yes. That's a whole new one. Tea All right, so now tell me about what you do. I know that you're an author. And you also run the brown bear Book Club, which is pretty cool. Share with us. Yeah. What you too? Yes. So I'm the founder of the brown bear Book Club, which is all about empowering parents and educators with resources, books and resources for young children. And through the brown bear book club, I have a YouTube channel I, I write children's books, I design, adult notebooks and journals. Because as we know, as parents and educators, we need our tools to keep us refreshed. So we can be ready for the little ones. Yeah. And yes, so your background, I was reading your you're trained as an early childhood, or I guess, early childhood educator, that's what my words over here in Australia. Yeah, it is. Yes. If you've always been interested in in children in that those early years of learning? Yes, I would definitely say I've always been interested in creating fun things with children. So I would I'm very much so hands on. Educator and so music and art, and I love the messy painting. I love creating musical instruments with recycled materials. And so I've always enjoyed. Even as a child, I was very just love writing love. Just engaging in just fun sensory activities outside. And so now, as an educator, I would say the interesting thing, though, when I was in high school, I honestly thought I was gonna go to a performing arts school. Because my passion was really in acting and journalism. But when I got to college, I do have a passion to serve and, and help children as well. And so I kind of use the creativity of being in drama club and writing. I've always I've been writing probably since I was eight years old. And I put all those things and I tried to create a fun learning environment for children and my children as well. Yeah, I love that. I'm, I'm trained as an early childhood educator to, and probably not to the same level as you. But I work in a kindergarten at the moment, like the preschool. And I can totally relate to what you're saying. Because, like, I find that my experience in performance and singing and just having that ability to share yourself really vulnerably I think is really important when you're with kids. There's a lot of yes, a lot of people I've met over the years, they get really nervous about singing in front of kids. And it's like, you don't have to put on a performance for kids. You're literally just sharing your voice. And the kids don't care what you sound like they just want you to be involved. So I sort of I can I can totally relate to what you're saying. Because I feel like kids, they see right through you if you've if you're have got a persona that's not genuine or you know, you're trying to pretend you're someone else, like you're not being true to yourself that kids will see right through you. So I feel like having that confidence in knowing yourself and feeling comfortable in your own skin, which I think comes from being a performer as well. It just works so well with your kids. Oh, yes. Oh, yes. Yeah, yeah. So you have two children of your own, how old are your boys? So my oldest is four and my youngest is two. So just two boys. So we are full of lots of adventure over here. Oh, I bet. Yeah. So you will be actually starting kindergarten in the fall. Oh will be. Yeah. I love it. So do you find since you've had huge Children that you've got like a whole new level of like inspiration when it comes to what you're creating for, you know, the kids that you're serving? Absolutely, especially with children's books, all of my children's books have been inspired by my children. And so they definitely have a huge influence. And then the other half is the after becoming a mom, I wanted to be experiences that I gained classroom, and in the field of early childhood, I wanted to still share that. So that's why the brown bear book club came is using the education experience to share that with others. And then I feel like once I became a mom, I also gained another level of experience, and being able to relate with parents of young children from a parenting perspective. And so I take all that into consideration when I write children's books or any type of resource for families or educators. Hmm. Yeah, I think that's really important because some some books that you read, and I'm sure you've come across them in the past to some books you read, you can just tell, there hasn't been a lot of consideration given to, I don't know, a lot of things that you know, the person that's got to read this book, you know, they've got to, you know, get something out of it, too. And actually, I was speaking to some ladies yesterday, I was interviewing for the the episode that will come out this week, that they've written a children's book, but it's actually aimed at mothers. So you know, there's so beginning in you know, different layers of content and things to make you think. And then things that are spark conversations and that sort of stuff. So yeah, there's it's a whole, it's, it's a lot more complicated than it sounds, isn't it? Really when you think, yes, writing book kids, but there's so much goes into it? Yes. Yes. It's so many components to think about, you know, and actually, with my newest book, The little bird who wanted to fly it was my four year old who even helped me come up with the title. Yeah. Just because I mean, that's to the book is designed for young children. And I think, yeah, definitely, you want to make sure you are targeting them in a way that they can stay engaged? Oh, yeah. That's it, isn't it? Yeah. So what sort of themes do you like to explore within your books. So some of the topics that I like to explore is I try to, I always try to, when I write children's books, I always try to, number one, make sure that it's captivating. So the element of literacy, whether it's kept captivating language, whether it's colorful illustration, some of the concepts, as I'm thinking about my latest book, is life lessons. So teaching children, you know, not to give up the first time you try to be patient to persevere the challenges. But then I also tried to include, you know, interactive moments where children can move and they can dance, and there's like, the birds are singing. And so I tried to have a mix of, you know, life lessons, especially in the last book that I wrote, mixed with movement. My second book had a lot of onomatopoeia, so lots of like, expressive words, wash, and bang, and boom, and we were actually I've created my own song. So that went to my second book. And so, yeah, I'm a I'm a musical educator, so everything has a song. I sing all the time as a mommy. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. I love that. And I noticed in one of the photos that you sent me that when you're reading the book, and it's almost like you're performing the book, you know, you're standing up, you've got your props, you know, it's a nice experience for the kids. Yeah. Oh, yes. Yes, I tried to captivate and engage children, we get up, we dance, we move I have my little bird puppet. And so I think, especially with young children is super important. Absolutely. So I find that, you know, depending on the age or the experience of a child in a certain setting, it's really hard for kids to sit down and concentrate for long periods of time. And, like you like what you're talking about is amazing. And you're not only like in Australian and you've probably got you guys have it there too. But in Australia, we have all these particular things that you have to teach, you know, like curriculum based stuff so you can you can relate to see, you're covering like your movement expression and, and all that sort of stuff. So it's like, really good. Yes, yes, I try. And I think When I'm writing, I try to think about well, as a teacher and as a parent, what are some concepts that I want to put in there along with the story. And so, like the latest one, it has math, it has color recognition, it has, you know, movement, music, all the different things, anything, I can try to encompass the full package to make it easier. So yeah, that's brilliant. I love that I'm gonna have to get hold of some of your books being here. I love it. It's just like you said it. It's, it's literally you're getting all of that. All of that education, all of that knowledge and value for children into one book. And they haven't even noticed you doing it to like, they just, you know, now. It's really easy, creative ways. Yeah. It's funny. On a completely side note, my seven year old had to come with me to work the other day. And he was playing and he said, Ah, he said, it's at kindy it's different to school. They don't teach you anything. And I said, Oh, yeah, I said, you don't realize that you're learning like because you're learning through class and right away this is so important. So it took talking about when you became a mum, did you find your transition to motherhood? I don't want to say it was simple because I don't think it's ever simple. But how did you find like the change in your identity and and how you saw yourself sort of adjusted when you became a mum? What a question. Um, I feel like when I became a mom, a mother, I felt like I wanted to be present. And so that so I went from teaching full time to my last my last school year, I knew that I always wanted to be home with my kids after we had children. And so I was actually I think I was very excited to be a mom. But then, once motherhood came, I realized that it was harder than I thought. And I found myself kind of hard on myself. Because being in the early childhood field, you think about all the different things that you know, you want to expose your, your child to, and so far is my identity. I felt like I just wanted to be a I just wanted to be this great educator, mom, like I wanted to do all the things. And the idea of well, after I became a mom, maybe within later within that year, I said, Well, I want to share these activities that I'm doing with my baby. I want to share these activities with the world. And shortly after. It wasn't the brown bear book club, it actually started as our home our classroom. Yeah. And I would just share activities, whatever music or art activities we were doing. And eventually, when my son was a young toddler, we were trying to learn the alphabet. And that's when the ABC my first ABC transportation book, that was my first book, and that was born. But as far as my identity overall, I think I was just in a place of, I just want to be this great mom that educates her children. And but I think it it was lots of twists and turns and it was harder than I thought. Yeah. I often joke with people that childcare educators, early childhood educators have the worst behaved children. And I'm not saying I'm not making preservatives. It's funny, like, you know how to talk in a particular way to kids, and you do it all day long. Yeah. And then you talk to your kids like that, and they they don't listen to you. It's actually joking with the mom last night on the way after we finished work, because I couldn't get my son to open the gate. He was just being so silly. He just wanted to shut the gate, you know? And I'm like, yeah, like, I don't know. It just reminded me that when you were talking about how you want to give the kids so much, and it's like, I don't know, do you feel like oh, you've got nothing left for because you give it to? No, that is so true. I mean, and I'm all about apologizing even such hildren you know, even to my children, and I feel like I mess up every day. And I'm just like, I'm not perfect. And I apologize. And but you know, I think children need to see that because then they learn what from us and my son. Now he's heard me say, Will you forgive me? Sometimes he when he makes mistakes, he says, Mommy, do you forgive me? And I'm like, oh, so yeah, yeah, it can definitely be difficult at times. But it's so worth it's such an adventurous journey. Motherhood? Absolutely. Yes. And all the twists and turns and. So at the moment, is this something that you're you're spending all your gleichen basically a full time, sort of days on? Or you're doing some classroom teaching? Or how's it sort of look for you? Well, right now. So as an author, and an educator with a brown bear with my business at Brown Bear book club, I get up early mornings. So usually, I'm up before, up by between 430 and 5am. So I start Yeah. So I usually start my morning, I started my morning usually have a little bit of a quiet time. And then after I have some quiet time, I will. Sometimes I'll exercise just kind of depends. And then after that, I'll work for a few hours. And then usually my kids are up somewhere around 839 o'clock, and then I homeschool. So we start with, you know, our activities. And then I'll work again in the afternoon for just a couple of hours. So part time. Yeah, very flexible. This is kind of how I wanted it to be. That's lovely, isn't it, that you've got that and you've got your children with you. And you're also sharing, you know, that love that you have the passion? How awesome? Do you ever like pinch yourself like, This is amazing. My life is so good. Ah, I don't know, if I pinch myself. I think I'm always I think for me, one thing I'm learning about motherhood and being an author and an educator is I'm kind of just like children develop in each phase. I feel like I'm also developing as a mom. And so I find myself rearranging my schedule, based off of their development. And so I think that's what's been helpful, and I'm still learning, I'm learning every day. And that's the thing that children like, you know, obviously, you know, they they change so quickly, you know, they get into a video phase, and then all of a sudden, that's gone and something else is happening. So yeah, but yeah, just it's like a skill really? Yeah. Yeah. Do you find that, in addition to, you know, doing your Homeschooling with your boys, you're obviously using your creativity in that element, but do you find it, it's really important that you have something for yourself? You know, that's, honestly, it's just yours because obviously sharing it with others, is something that's yours is yours, you know? Yes, I think it's important. Honestly, I think that creativity is part of keeping a healthy mental health as a parent, as a mother, especially those who are creatives. Like if you are a creative mom, doing something creative is part of your self care. You know, it's something that fuels you it refreshes you. And so for me, like what I journal almost every day, so if I'm not writing a children's book, I'm journaling or I'm reading or music, singing or something, because I feel like that's as a mom that I feel like I thrive off creativity. I used to make jewelry, too, but I had to make a decision, either. Continue making sure We are focused on my career as an author and right now that's kind of where I'm focusing on right now. But, um, yeah, so I think it's, it fuels me as a mom, you know, refreshes me to be to have that outlet of okay, I'm just gonna write for a little while and it's so calming, it's soothing. And I love writing. Yeah. And designing to like when I designed the journals. Just yeah, it's just like, yeah, so much fun. I could absolutely relate to that. It's like, you're literally it feels like you just get this fresh energy and whatever, whatever you were doing out there. sort of disappears. And then you can get back like super refreshed and yes, you can handle anything. Oh, yes. Yeah. Yes. You talked about one of your boys helps you come up with the title for the book of Hana. They sort of feel I'm gonna say how they feel about it. But is it exciting for them? Do you think that they can see that their mom is creating these things? You know? So I think they just now realized that I'm an author. Because prior to like, my first two books, I didn't even tell them because I wanted, I wanted to see if my book was going to actually captivate them. It wasn't going to be a book that they liked, regardless if they knew that I was the author behind it. With this last one, because I'm doing more bookstores and breeding everywhere, they know, like, okay, my oldest particularly he knows that. I'm writing books, and I'm an author. And he oftentimes I bounce ideas off of him. Yeah. So but, but no, I think right now, they're still so young. I don't think that they really, totally understand the fullness and, and that's fine with me. I'm not a person that wants to be like, Hey, I'm, I'm an author, or, you know, I'm, I'm kind of fine with, you know, being behind the scenes. And yeah. Yeah, so, yeah, I haven't a lady on an author think it was last year. And when her son realized that she was writing books, he was like, telling everybody on my mom write this book, take it. My mom can come and read a book to you at school. We're like, so proud. So beautiful. I love I think it's important for children to see their mums do from you know, mothering them? Yes. Yes. And I and I, one of the things that I'm hoping to do, especially as my children get older, is invite them more into the process of like, especially like when I'm doing the story times, if they want to help me, you know, do something pass out stickers to the kids or, you know, well, in the stories, they're usually part there, they know how the story ends. So they're very interactive. They come to the storytimes. But it's, it's refreshing because it's a career that I feel like I can do with my kids because it is picture books right now. So yeah. You're listening to the art of being a mom was my mom, Alison Newman. So one of the things I like to chat to my moms about on the show is this concept of mom guilt or mommy guilt or however you want to term it. Is that something that you've got some thoughts on? Is that something you've you feel or don't feel or? Yeah, what do you think about that? I feel I think in the early stages, I felt it a little bit more. Mom guilt, especially if I felt like I didn't get everything done that day, like in the house. Like if things were just kind of Yeah, No, gotta go. But the house is a wreck. Not done, but I gotta go to writers group tonight or, or if I feel like I wasn't as engaged with my kids that day. Sometimes, sometimes that can make me feel like mom heal. But here lately, especially after having my second child, I realized that when I do step away, like when I go to writers group or if I have a book interview that my kids can't come to. I have, I've learned to be okay with it. Because I'm like, I was with them. We had quality time, I will be back. I'm only gone for an hour. I'm usually most interviews are don't take very long. And so I tell myself, my children are safe, they're fine. And I don't feel guilty because I know that, well, I'm not gone every day. It's not like I'm, you know, I purposely chose to be an author so I can control my, you know, my schedule, you know, even as an educator, I'm not gone all the time. I think that if I had a more demanding career where I'm gone all the time, then I think it would be harder for me to leave. But I think because right now everything is pretty flexible. I don't feel as bad No, I don't feel bad at all anymore. Really. Because I feel like I yeah, I've given you know, mommy will be back, I'll be back in an hour. And I always tell them that I'll be back. Like when I have writer's group out, I'm going to write this group back here, or Mommy has an interview with someone, I'll be back in there with their dad, my husband is very hands on. And they love their daddy, and I don't leave them with anybody. So it's usually daddy or their aunts. And they usually have a blast with them. And that also helps me feel great knowing that they're in good hands. And you know, yeah, yeah, no, that's good to hear. I think mom guilt, just this thing that I didn't know, they could suck us down if we let it. But you know, yes, it can. It can. But we have to give ourselves grace. You have to give yourself grace to know that. When I it's kind of like when you go to create something, whether you're an artist, and you're painting or writing music, me writing stories or journaling. Knowing that when I leave and when I come back, I'm going to be refreshed and ready to be better for them. So it's not like, I'm leaving, and then I come back and I'm like, Alright, um, you know, yeah, but I think it I think when you do something that you love, and I even believe when you're doing the thing that God has called you to when you do it, you come back refreshed and refueled as opposed to you know, I'm not to say you don't feel tired, but you know, and you're in a better mood as opposed to a bad mood. Yeah, absolutely. Yes. It Like It fills you up and it lights you up so that yeah, lights you up. Yeah, yeah. So you said earlier bet that, you know you're working full time, but you knew that you wanted to be there with your kids, like when you had kids? Is that was that like a role modeling thing that you experienced? Or have seen other people do? Or like in your own family, when you were growing up? That made you sort of want to say, No, No, quite the opposite. I grew up. My mother was a single mom. And so she worked a lot. You know, she was working a lot she was going to school and so she did the best she could with being being present with my with me and my brother. So for me, it was the fact that my mom was gone a lot. And I was like, Well, I appreciate the fact that I got to learn the importance of hard work and being professional and all the things career wise. But I knew that when I had children, I wanted to be able to be there. You know, I wanted to be present and so that was actually an inner desire that I had as a before motherhood, I'm like, I want to be the I want to I want to be that mom you know they can make the games and be there for T ball practice and, and so for me that was my desire because I grew up in the opposite situation. My mom did work a lot. And I didn't get a chance. But But I think even with parents who work a lot, because I'm sure maybe some of the listeners here, I think that you know, there's still grace because I feel like when you are with your kids, it's not always the quantity of time. It's the quality. So, yeah, that's it, isn't it? Yeah. And it's sometimes, you know, your circumstances don't allow you to necessarily do yes, you know, you do things that you really want to do. So, yeah, like you said, you do the best that you can with what you've got at home. Yeah, absolutely. And I wanted to ask, too, I've noticed here in Australia that homeschooling is becoming a lot more popular. And I don't know if that's because of COVID, like when we had all the shutdowns, and everyone got used to having their kids home at school. But it's pretty popular over there, isn't it? It's a it's a real thing, isn't it? I definitely think it's a growing trend, I guess you can say, I definitely did not know that I was going to be homeschooling, this was kind of something after having our children. Then this was pre pandemic. It was kind of like, we just the church that we go to a lot of the women there were already homeschooling, and I just kind of got exposed through the community. And people start telling me about it. And I'm like, Oh, I never thought you know, I always knew that I wanted my children to go to, you know, either a private school or a Christian school, but I didn't know that I would be homeschooling. So honestly, it really came through the influence of my community, as I was connecting with other moms and families. And I'm like, okay, yeah. And then also, as an educator, and as you know, Allison, I don't know what it's like in Australia, but in the in the Illinois. Um, yeah, the education system is, you know, it's some school districts are better than others. And so I think that was also a driving force, knowing that I'm not satisfied with what I'm seeing, and in the turn, and what's going on in my current, the education system here, but there are great teachers, I do want to, I know that was a big bomb, I just dropped some great teachers. There are some wonderful teachers, my friend actually teaches kindergarten and she's amazing and love her. I still teach on Sundays, and I tutor and a commute a small group learning community. But yeah, yeah, I feel like sometimes, like the overall system, and I can think of this in a number of things like over here, the healthcare system is a bit screwed and different things. But within that, there's always really good people who are just trying their best, you know, under really difficult circumstances so I can understand what you say about the teachers. Yes, and seriously, teachers have to be the most underpaid and underappreciated group of people. I feel like for what teachers do is seriously there needs to be more recognition and yeah, more monetary recognition for them. Yes, more recognition. That is so true. I don't know in Australia. Do you guys have Teacher Appreciation Week? Is that happening this week for you guys? No, I don't I think we only get a day actually. And I'm not even sure. Okay. Teacher Appreciation Week? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But I was actually thinking when I saw when, when Joe Biden became the president and his wife was a teacher. For many, many years, I thought, Oh, this is good. You know, having someone up there that gets what it's like to be on the ground in the rooms, you know, dealing with it day to day? Yes. So I don't know if that's been a positive or not that. Well, honestly. You know, I I think it's so many things. I think, you know, it depends on the district that you're in. I think there's a lot of great resources out there. But I think we also have a lot of children that are coming in from different backgrounds that some teachers, a lot of teachers are not prepared for, for what what types of stuff you might be dealing with. And so I think that I mean, I don't know if you've heard but in the US teacher shortage in certain in some states is worse than others people are quitting the fields. overworked, overwhelmed and underpaid. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's a thing here particular year in the early childhood, that's the biggest thing. We can't get childcare workers. That is the biggest thing at the moment. Yeah. And it's just the same thing. They're just totally overworked and realistic hours and expectations. And the pay is just not reflective of the amount of effort that you're putting in. And you're literally raising people's children, you know, you're educating last generation, and I feel like it's absolutely undervalued. I don't know. Yes. start ranting. Yes, no, I agree with you. It is undervalued. I think the teachers pay should be fair with doctors and physicians pays if not higher, because you are educating the next doctors, the next lawyers, the next judges, the next teachers, the next musicians and artists you are putting into all of that, and it's definitely undervalued. But I think parents during the pandemic, I think a lot of parents appreciate teachers a lot more than what they did. Yeah. When they can say what? Yeah, let me know what they do like a tiny, tiny snapshot of what they do. Yeah, yeah, I actually had this conversation with a fellow educator, a couple of years ago, when all this pandemic stuff was happening. And we had over here, I'm not, you guys probably had something similar, where there were particular, like, workers who were considered essential, so you could still go out and work. But then there was others that had to quarantine. And, of course, you know, teachers educators, were essential. So we were out there looking at this was when I was in childcare. And I said to, I said to this fellow educator, like, we should be the highest paid people in the on the globe right now. Because if, if yes, if these people don't have anyone to look after their children, they can't go out. And you know, be a doctor, be a lawyer, be a policeman, you know, politicians running the country who's looking after the children, you know, just blew my mind to think, like, we are so essential, if you didn't have us would happen. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Parents would have to switch careers, people would have to take their children to work. I mean, there would be without teachers. Yeah, it would not be good for a lot of families. Absolutely. I mean, imagine the amount of people that probably the mums, that wouldn't be able to, you know, pursue their dreams and their careers and, and, and also within that adding, you know, contributing to society and it would become it would take a step backwards. Like that would be like, yes, tremendously damaging. So there if anyone says, that can make any changes. Yes, that's right. That's so right. That is so right. Now, within you know, I'm saying all this stuff, but it is such a it's an incredibly rewarding field. It is it is the bed really, as thing I've ever done, you know, took me till I was nearly before I discovered this, I'm not 40 I would have been 35 Maybe discovered this whole this whole new field journey. Oh, it was amazed. Yeah. And like, why didn't I discovered this when I was, you know, out of school? I think I had to go through so many things and experience all these other things to get me to where I wanted to be. Ya know, it's it's so amazing. Yeah. Not surprising, because some of the best teachers are artists. Yeah, the best teachers are creatives people who are creative. Yeah, absolutely. Ya know, it's, especially for the early childhood years. It's just so fun. I mean, it's a lot of work. Don't get me wrong, but it's so fun. Like, I I work Wednesday, Thursday, Fridays, and I find myself on Mondays and Tuesdays thinking think about the kids are what are they up to today? And what are they going to tell me? When I see them? You know, you get really you make these beautiful connections and build these relationships with the kids and it's like, Oh, I wonder what they do? Coming up in the future tell me have you got any more books in your in the works that have? I have so right. Yeah, right now I'm in a stage so right now I'm still marked up by like this book, The Little Bird one aniseh Fly, but I am drafting up a few ideas. And so I'm in the drafting brainstorming stage of it. I have a couple of stories, a few ideas that are in the brainstorming phase I, one thing I try not to do is rough the creative process. I try to I have, I have quite a few stories that I've just written and said, I don't know. And I mean, even my last this book that's out right now, I wrote it over a year ago, and I didn't touch it for a while. And it was actually a fellow educator, one of my friends and she's like, children meet this book, you need to pick that back up. And, but sometimes I just write and I'll put it aside, and I do pray about it. And I talked to friends and I talked to my children. I'm like, What do you think about this idea? And so I don't rush it. But yes, there will be more more books. I do have a blog on my website that I've been writing more on. And I do have a YouTube channel. So I try to stay engaged with the early childhood community, especially parents and educators. So I try to keep those keep it going all year round. And yeah, there'll be more books and journals as well. So awesome. So what is the best way for people to find you? What's your website. So the best way is WWE dot Brown Bear book club.com. And I always encourage parents and educators to join the club, it's totally free. And when you join the club that just keeps you in the loop of I send out early childhood activities, book ideas, encouragement, freebies, and giveaways. And so and then any book update so as I began to work on next book, or as I'm still putting up book, marketing wise, I include people part of that journey as well. But then I also want to give back so I try to you know, whatever, like right now it's May so I just talked about teachers appreciation, freebies, and Mother's Day, different things like that. And so yep, that's how people and then the brown bear book club. Pretty much on any social media, YouTube, Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, all that you can the brown bear book club, and you can find me there too. Awesome. I'll put all the links in the show notes for people to click away and check out what thank you so much for coming on today. Brianna. It has been so lovely to chat with you. I really enjoyed it. Yes. Oh, thank you, Alison. I'm so I'm so glad to meet you as well. This has really been awesome. Thank you. Thanks for your company today. If you've enjoyed this episode, I'd love you to consider leaving us a review, following or subscribing to the podcast, or even sharing it with a friend who you think might be interested. The music you heard featured on today's episode was from Elim Joe, which is my new age ambient music trio comprised of myself, my sister, Emma Anderson and her husband, John. If you'd like to hear more, you can find a link to us in the show notes. If you or someone you know would like to be a guest on the podcast, please get in touch with us via the link in the show notes. I'll catch you again next week for another chat with an artistic mom

Alisha Burns Australian podcaster + author S3 Ep82 Listen and subscribe on Spotify and itunes/Apple podcasts My guest this week is Alisha Burns, a podcaster and author based in Melbourne Australia, and a solo mum by choice (SMBC) to her daughter Lexi. Alisha was born in New Zealand and moved to Australia 8 years ago. After getting married, going through a stressful IVF journey, and then experiencing a pregnancy loss, Alisha's marriage broke down. She spent the next 6 years searching for 'Mr Right,' on all the dating apps, even moving countries. It was during a time of great loss for her family that Alisha made the realisation that what she was looking for wasn't actually a husband, it was to become a mother. Alisha then began the journey of having her own daughter Lexi using a donor. After appearing as a guest on another podcast for SMBCs, Alisha became inspired to not only share her own story, but of those who had also experienced this journey, and also to make available resources and information for those thinking of taking this path. Thus began the No Need for Prince Charming podcast and online communty. Alisha is also an author, with her book My Perfect Family available now . Her book aims to normalise the language around families, that all kinds of families are perfect, no matter how they are made up, and that all children are really just the same. **This episode contains mentions of IVF and pregnancy loss** Connect with Alisha - podcast instagram / podcast website / listen to podcast Her book instagram / book website Podcast - instagram / website Alisha would like to offer a special for podcast listeners - 15% off her book. Use the code ART15 at checkout before the end of February 2023 If today’s episode is triggering for you in any way I encourage you to seek help from those around you, medical professionals or from resources on line. I have compiled a list of great international resources here Music used with permission from Alemjo my new age and ambient music trio. When chatting to my guests I greatly appreciate their openness and honestly in sharing their stories. If at any stage their information is found to be incorrect, the podcast bears no responsibility for guests' inaccuracies. Podcast transcript at the bottom of the page Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode of The Art of Being A Mum Podcast. I'm beyond honoured that you're here and would be grateful if you could take 2 minutes to leave me a 5-star review in iTunes or wherever you are listening. It really helps! This way together we can inspire, connect and bring in to the light even more stories from creative mums. Want to connect? Take a screenshot of this episode and share it on Instagram tagging me in with @art_of_being_a_mum_podcast I can't wait to connect. And remember if you or somebody you know would like to be a guest on the podcast, get in touch ! I love meeting and chatting to mammas from all creative backgrounds, from all around the world! Thank you! Alison acknowledges this Land of the Berrin (Mount Gambier) Region as the Traditional Lands of the Bungandidj People and acknowledge these First Nations people as the custodians of the Region. Ch eck out more episodes ..... Welcome to the Art of Being a mum podcast, where I Alison Newman, a singer songwriter, and Ozzy mum of two enjoys honest and inspiring conversations with artists and creators about the joys and issues they've encountered. While trying to be a mum and continue to create. You'll hear themes like the mental juggle, changes in identity, how their work has been influenced by motherhood, mum guilt, cultural norms, and we also strain to territory such as the patriarchy, feminism, and capitalism. You can find links to my guests and topics we discussed in the shownotes along with a link to the music played, how to get in touch, and a link to join our supportive and lively community on Instagram. I'll always put a trigger warning if we discuss sensitive topics on the podcast. But if at any time you're concerned about your mental health, I urge you to talk to those around you reach out to health professionals, or seek out resources online. I've compiled a list of international resources which can be accessed on the podcast landing page, Alison Newman dotnet slash podcast, the art of being a mom we'd like to acknowledge the traditional owners of the land and water, which this podcast is recorded on has been the bone dig people in the barren region of South Australia. I'm working on land that was never seen it. Thank you so much for joining me today on another episode of The Art of Being a mum podcast. It is a pleasure to have you here, wherever you are all around the world. As I record, this is the final week of school holidays here in South Australia. We've had six weeks and I'm ready to go back to work and my kids are ready to go back to school and I think most of you, if not all of you in South Australia or Australia, probably feeling the same way. It's been a long six weeks. My guest this week on the podcast is Alicia burns. Alicia is a podcaster and author based in Melbourne, Australia, and she's a soccer mom by choice to her daughter Lexi. Alicia was born in New Zealand, but she moved to Australia eight years ago. After getting married, going through a stressful IVF journey and then experiencing a pregnancy loss. Alicia his marriage broke down. She spent the next six years searching for Mr. hight on all the dating apps, and even moving countries. It was during a time of great loss for her family that Alicia made the realization that what she was looking for wasn't actually a husband, it was to become a mother. Alicia then began the journey of having her own daughter, Lexi using a diner. After appearing as a guest on another podcast for solo mums. By choice, Alicia became inspired to not only share her own story, but of those who had also experienced this journey, and also to make available resources and information for those thinking of taking on this path. Thus began the no need for Prince Charming podcast and online community. Alicia is also an author, with her book, my perfect family available now. Her book aims to normalize the language around families, that all kinds of families are perfect, no matter how they are made up, and that all children are really just the same. This episode contains mentions of IVF and pregnancy loss. I hope you enjoy today's chat. Thank you so much for coming on, Alicia. It's an absolute pleasure to have you welcome. Thank you so much for having me today. Yeah, it's my pleasure. So we're about to you can detect your necks in you in Australia or New Zealand. I'm in Australia. I'm in Port Melbourne. I've been here coming up eight years. So they're still I think it's ease I can't say properly apparently. But a lot of the time people don't pick it. I haven't read anything for accents. I really love imitating and doing accent. So it's like, I'm really like listening to how people talk and how they shape their mouth when they talk. So yeah, don't take it personally. It's not a while I still pretend that most people can't tell. I'll go with that. Yeah, cool. Idea. So whereabouts were you born? Or where did you grow up? So I grew up in Wellington and I moved over here when I was 35. But yeah, I spent most of my life in Wellington City for a little stint in Palmerston North when I went to uni, and that was it. In other words, yeah, Wellington for most of my life. Yeah, you are a podcaster can you share with us what, what your podcast is about and how it all came about? So my podcast is interviewing Australian women who have decided to take motherhood into their own hands by having child using donor conception. So it's called no need for Prince Charming and basically Plan A didn't work out or maybe that wasn't even your plan or you just didn't want to partner and you've gone on to to have a child alone. It was inspired because that's the journey that I've been having to take. It's been a long road to get to that point but at 30 I decided to have a child on my own because Plan A wasn't working out, though this will hopefully help inspire and empower other women who are considering this journey, because it's something I wish I had when I was going through. Yeah, it's I mean, it's certainly a lot more common than I think people realize. It's, I mean, personally, I've known I mean, I, my, my town's only got a 30,000 people. And I know two people, like friends of mine, that that have taken that journey. And I'm sure there's so many more, but we just don't hear about it. So yeah, like having having the podcast. In the end, you're very active on your Instagram, sharing the stories and sharing experiences. And I think that's really important. I think going into it, I knew one person that I worked with who had done it, but I didn't really know her to have a proper open conversation about it. And I had a different perception in my mind about who does this sort of journey. So I was very big on joining the Instagram community and finding a lot of other like minded women. And then once I start the podcast, I'm just blown away by the variety of people, and the variety of ways and stories that they've had to go through it. But at the end of the day, they all tend to be very strong, very determined woman. So I'm building an amazing village of incredible woman surrounded with which is fantastic. The reasons that that mothers decide to do this, what sort of reasons are they very varied reasons paths are for for quite a few. It's just, they've tried the internet dated, they've been married, they've had relationship failures, whatever else. And they just get to the point where they just haven't found the right partner to have a child with. And for me, personally, I am divorced, I went through a pretty, pretty rough time and went through three years of infertility, a lot of IVF and ended up unfortunately, my son was stillborn. And after that my marriage didn't survive. And what was it? Six years later, I still hadn't met anyone. I even tried moving countries to see if I could find my elusive Prince Charming. I've done all the dating sites, I've done everything, but just nothing close to a relationship. So the day my dad died was actually the day I decided to do this. I thought what was most important to me was finding a partner. But actually what was most important was having a mother. And I'm glad that it happened when it did. Otherwise, it could have been too late. And yeah, and now I have my beautiful little Alexandra and having a partner is probably the last thing on my mind. At the moment. I don't know how he'd fit in, to be honest. But my life is so full, and I feel so content and just feel how I was always meant to be. So if anyone else is in the same situation where motherhood is the most important thing to them, rather than compromise or do something slightly dodgy, like doing a one night stand or something. There are other options nowadays, and it is a lot easier than it used to be. Yeah. on that. Are there particular sort of rules in different states in Australia, about accessing the treatment or the procedures to get pregnant by yourself? Yeah, so all states are different. Of course, there was one thing that really surprised me about Australia. And so I'm in Victoria, which is one of the most regulated in Australia, you basically can only use clinic referral recruited sperm. So every donor will be based in Victoria themselves, they asked darling to tweak the rules a little bit that they might be able to do overseas sperm, but it does mean that each individual clinic has to recruit its own donors. And it can be quite hard for them to do that. So you might have, especially after the pandemic, people are finding very hard to get access to sperm. So whereas I had a choice of, I think, 30, and 14 of which were Caucasian, and I wanted my daughter to look like me, so I wanted a Caucasian donor. So I could have like a fun party with my girlfriends and have champagne and, you know, made sperm cookies and sperm, bruschetta, toasts, and we, we went through all the profiles and, and worked out which one we want to cut out heads for magazines, and we gave them names, you know, made a really big deal about it to try and make it really fun. Women going through it today might have a choice of two, if they're lucky. So it's a little bit different. So any men if you're listening, and you would consider being a donor, please go and contact a clinic. And there's a definite need for it. Now, there are quite a few rules in regards to how many families can be created from a donor as well. So you would have probably potentially seen a lot of media, especially coming out of the states, where you know, there's donors that I've got hundreds and hundreds of children all around the world. In Victoria you can only give to 10 families so potentially there are nine other families that my daughter has half siblings created. and they can have unlimited children in their family, but it's only 10 families total. Yeah, there are other ways, I suppose that you could go down this path using a known donor, or there are some that aren't clinic recruited, that are doing through websites and that sort of thing. And just have to be very careful, if you are going to go down that route is just there are a lot of legal potential implications and other things that could come about. So the safest way is to go either with someone that you know, and get the proper legal documentation, or to do it through a clinic. So also in Victoria, there's a governing body, I guess you call it called Vatta. And they look after managing all of the donor donors and donor recipients. And then in the future, if my child wants to make contact with her donor, they'll help manage that for us, because you can't actually be an anonymous donor anymore. So you have to be what's called an ID release. So when the child turns 18, they can get access to contact you. I was actually going to ask about that, like, what's the ramifications down the track if if a child decides they'd like to meet their, their biological father? Yeah, right, it's really interesting with that are as well, they do counseling and things before you make the donor. So they help facilitate their contact in the first place. And then you do counseling for yourself, your child and the donor before those meetings happen as well. So everyone's going into it in the best frame of mind to get the most out of it. A lot of donors will say that they are open to contact before the child is 18 as well, if the child wishes that. So that's something you can push through again through Varta. And I think all states are different. But I think Victoria is the best for that sort of support, which is great for us because we live here. Yeah, absolutely. And is there also screening or testing to make sure there's no genetic abnormalities or illnesses or Yeah, so it's actually quite a process. If you're going through a clinic recruited donor, I think they have to have they do a lot of blood test, and they do a donation, and then they have to wait six months, and they do another donation and do more health checks, just to make sure nothing's changed in that time. And when you get the donor paperwork, when you're selecting which one you want, it's got the full family history in that as well. So if they had some sort of, they're a carrier for some sort of, say chromosomal issue, potentially, they wouldn't be allowed to be a donor, or it will be clearly displayed on the billing profile, so you knew what you're getting into. But you can see you know, that your grandmother, the grandmother had cancer, or their father died of a heart attack, all of that sort of thing. So you've got the full medical history, if you're going clinic recruited, that you can see exactly what you're getting yourself into, because some people might have in their family a high chance of cancer. So they might want to avoid a donor that's got that as well to try and minimize and passing things on. So you get a lot of information if you do the clinic, recruited path. Yeah. Just another question. I'm finding this really interesting. When when you get that the little book to look through to see who you're choosing from, do they give you information on what they're like, personally, like, their traits and stuff like that? Like how much information do you receive about the donor, the mind is going back, what, three, four years now. And things have changed a little bit. But I got you get a list of the profiles was very simple information, like the age height, not the age, just the height, hair color, eye color, nationality, I think. And then from that list, you would narrow it down to the ones you want to get full profiles for the full profiles, then give the demographic demographic information for the parents as well. So you can see so I could sit there and do like my fifth form biology and I've got brown eyes, my dad had blue, there's a chance that you know, and hit his mother had green so and it worked out because she got Hazel, so bad, but you can do that sort of thing better than it also they answer some questions. And then it's up to the donor, really how much information they put in there. Some are very short answers. Some are very long, but it can give you a bit of an indication about their personality, my donor, specifically when I read his profile as that I know, I feel like I know if I met you in real life, we'd get on really well. We had very similar values. He was all about family and animals. And just the way he'd written his answers. I could have written that myself. So yeah, and there's there's a wide variety there's, you know, highly educated there are some concrete workers there's there's everything. So there should be someone for for everyone, because everyone has different tastes and what they're looking for. But you do get quite a bit of information. And since I, what had my success well, for my daughter, though, they have changed things and they have a new sort of donor Bank, which they call Adam, I went through City Fertility and that's that's who they use. And when I rang up because you can ring and find out if there are any siblings, you can't get much information, you can just know that there's one or not. And they had more information from him, including toddler photos. So I now have title photos of my daughter's donor, which is really interesting because I always thought she was identical to my dad. Yeah. And then I saw the donor photo and it's like yeah, so some some clinics give you a lot of information. I think if you're in other states, but particularly in Western Australia, they use more American sperm banks and you get a lot of information. Some people even get recordings so they can hear the voice of the donor. So there is quite a bit that you get. But it's not quite like the movies where you've looking through the books. Oh, that's so interesting. Thank you for sharing that. So I want to go back a bit to obviously you went through the journey, and you were compelled to share it. Why did you choose podcasting? Like, are you do you have a background in like, writing? Or have you done anything like this before? Or? Not really? No, I was actually asked to be a guest on a podcast, a girl in America who runs a similar podcast called The single greatest choice. And I did the first half of my episode, the day before I got induced, know, the day I got induced, I think, Oh, yeah. And then six months later, I did the follow up to and so from that, then I sort of started listening to them. I hadn't really listened to podcasts a lot. Before that, I used to listen to kind of self help motivational ones, maybe on my walk to work, but nothing specifically to pregnancy, or solely mom by choice. And then it just got me thinking, and I think I had her in the beginning of the pandemic. So I first year maternity leave was basically the two of us at home, and couldn't leave the house more than an hour a day. Yeah. And I didn't realize how much I would love being a mum, and how much I became myself as a result. And it just made me really want to help other women make that choice as well. The amount of women that I met who are a bit older than me, will I wish that had been an option or that I'd gone down that path. I didn't want other people to be in that situation. So I thought this is a resource that I could help create. And what was most important was that there was an Australian voice for it, because there were many podcasts around the world, but not specifically with an Australian voice. And of course, every state is different, what you go through, and just want to provide a variety of stories, but also give people hope. I have some people who got pregnant they first IUI I have people who've had to go to South Africa to get egg donors as well. You know, there's a wide variety. So no matter where you are on your journey, or what you're contemplating, hopefully you can find a story relate to. And that's fantastic. I think that's wonderful. On to the more about your podcasting, how did you find setting it up and getting into a week? Are you the sort of person that I was talking to someone else the other day about when they started their podcast, and we're comparing our styles? Do you need to have everything like organized ready to go before you do it? Or are you the sort of person that just does it, and then sort of works things out? As it comes up as you're going? I think I watched quite a few YouTube videos that I found. I didn't even know how to do the RSS feed or how it even got on to Spotify. So I just did a bit of Googling and research and I'd work that much out and was like, okay, so I need to get a website where I can do this all and then I need to find some guests and how am I going to record it. So just Googling again, I found some great YouTube content and just watch that and my garage band. Sure. That's already on my computer can't be that hard. Need a microphone. Okay, buy a microphone. And then I just put the call out on Instagram and just said, you know, if I was to do this, would anyone volunteer and immediately I had I think 15 woman go yes. It was like, Okay, I've got the bass, I can do this. And it's just, I just backed myself and the first one probably took the longest to record because that was my story. Yeah, yeah. You're always so critical of yourself and what you sound like and everything else. And I think honestly, one of the biggest surprises is people keep commenting on how nice my voices never had that my whole life. Like I could listen to you for hours. You're so relaxing. I'm like, Am I okay? My dad always told me off for talking too fast. So maybe maybe I've grown up with a microphone in front of me. I don't know. But yeah, it's and then yeah, I just I just winged it. I don't get it. A lot of it. I have basically the same format for all and it seems to work. I have some feedback along the way which I've tried to incorporate so making it less about pregnancy and more about the conception and then life. So yeah, same kind of format everyone kind of know As what's coming if they've listened to an episode? Yep. And just whatever they're talking about, I guess which is probably the same for you. Yes. Very similar. Yeah, I find it's good. I like to have the the rough idea of the way I do each episode. Same thing people know what's coming, but then yeah, wherever it goes, it goes and I like that because I think people will talk about what they need to talk about. And same thing I don't eat it too much for takeout in my library and you stumble over my words, so do be careful you, daughter, how old is it? You call it Alexei? I've noticed on your Lexie on your Instagram and she calls herself Alexandra though so she will be she was Alex to start with but she was had no here for so long. Even though she was wearing a lot of pink. Everyone thought she was a boy. So my favorite Grey's Anatomy character. Or I loved I was actually watching that this morning. I've been rewatching it rewatching all the rewatching it for like the fifth time. Yeah. That's easy background noise when you're doing other things. You know what's coming? So yeah, that's thing you you miss a little bit. You've you've sort of know where they're going to be at when you come back to it. They're not going to do anything radically different. I'm actually I'm up to the what I don't even know what season it is now lose track. But Christine has just like quit. And so Derek's taking her fishing, and it's like this. It's just hilarious. So anyway, so far, I'm at the point where Christina and Burke are just about to get married. So ah, yeah, that that's that's that's a long time back. Yes. But now it's it's really I love that show. I never used to love it. I thought I'd watched it because everyone else was watching it. And I was like, oh, what's the so I'm gonna watch it. And then I sort of got off of it. But now it's up and you can watch everything on streaming and just sit there and watch it all day long. And Shonda Rhimes is another Solomon by choice. Oh, there you go. He's up via adoption. But yes, she has three kids by herself. Yeah. So there are a lot of inspiring, very successful woman who have gone down this path as well, which I think that's an interesting lessons just on it, Natalie. Yeah, baby guy. And I think that, can that be? I don't know, I was gonna say it can be inspiring, but it's at the same time. Could that make? I don't want to say normal people, because we're all normal in some, you know what I mean, but non celebrities who have access to buckets of money, you know, you might think, well, they're doing it because they've got a nanny or, you know, that sort of thing. Like, so I guess it could go either way. Couldn't? Yeah, I made a real a long time ago, which had a lot of different celebrities that most people weren't even aware of had done it by themselves. Yeah. And I think it's just if you see a powerful, successful woman, and she has been able to have do it as well, because of my Hollywood romances don't seem to last very long do they? But there are other options. And if they can do it, why can we? Yeah, no, I think that's that's fantastic. So How old's your daughter now? She will be three at the end of April. And times three year old? Oh, yes. I've been seeing your journey with a giving up the debris. That's fine. It has gone surprisingly well. Very glad. But now we're battling. I don't want to go to bed. And now she's climbing out of a cot. And yeah, I was at 1030 last night, and I thought was 10. And in my bed, which I'm not overly keen on. But it also means that I'm not getting any time for me, which I struggle with a bit mentally because that's, that's when I have my creative time and go after all my passion projects that I'm doing. So you know what it's like with a two and a half year old, if you're in the room, they need to be doing whatever you're doing. So you can't do anything for yourselves. Yeah, I had some really good routines previously. Yeah. Yeah. They like to throw spanners in the works, right. So I'm about to start recording the next season is like, how am I going to fit this in? If you're not going to sleep? I don't want to just stick you in front of an iPad or night. It's not the best habit. So hopefully, we can get that sorted in the next couple of weeks. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I was gonna ask like, how what? When do you fit in doing the things that you'd like to do? So when, when she's in bed, you just go to go to work? So I get up at five in the morning now. Oh, wow. So I have to read two to two and a half hours to myself in the morning and most of that the last year has been spent on the podcast or my book. But this year, I need to start prioritizing my health so I'm going to try my gets on doing some exercise in that time as well before I move on to the passion project, so yeah. And then I used to be able to do it when she went to bed at seven. And that gave me a few hours at night as well. But yeah, that's not going to work if she goes to bed at 10, so I can get that fixed soon. So your book, I'm guessing that's about your journey and your experiences? No, no, tell me what it is. It's actually an illustrated children's book. And it's trying to bring awareness and normalities and language associated with donor conception. So it's showing that that all families are beautiful and perfect, no matter how they're made, and that all kids are just the same as everyone else. So there is 12 families in it. And I've got everything, same six families, divorced families, widower, and solid mom by choice and just normalizing the language. So you know, if the same sex family they had their child as a result of a surrogate or it's written better than that, but and then with me, it's with the help of a donor. So just normalizing that language that ideally, kids will get to the stage where they say, oh, Lexi doesn't have a dad, she has a donor and not think anything more of it, and possibly comments and just completely normalized. So yeah, I'm just waiting for my first print run to arrive. Really excited. Oh, congratulations. That's so exciting. So did you did you illustrate as well, you knew, you. Give me another surprise. That was probably the hardest part out of all of it. So when you asked him before how I went about doing the podcast, this was something I've had ideas about writing books for, oh, my God, I don't know how long I've started my memoir, probably about 50 times, and never done it. But then I had the idea of doing a children's book. And then this idea kind of came to me that there's nothing really in the market that normalizes that language. I think my target market is, shall we call air quotes, normal, traditional families. So then if they've got, you know, little Sammy comes to school, and he's got two dads, how do I explain that to my child? Here's a book that just shows you all that. And it makes it really normal and really fun. So a woman that I'd met through Instagram had published some donor conception books, which are more targeted to couples who've had us donate eggs, or sperm, or I've done it by themselves and and talks more for the child about how they were conceived. And I didn't want to do another book like that, because there are a few out there. But I had a really good conversation with her to understand exactly what she went through. And then I got over that whole paralysis of how, and they had a clear plan. Okay, this is what I need to do to get it. The words were probably the easy part was finding an illustrator, that was the hardest. Yeah. And I went through a few through on Fiverr, and everything else, and I ended up putting a call out on LinkedIn and Instagram to see if anyone knew anyone. And then I got recommended my my beautiful illustrator through that. She's got a friend that's actually solid mom by choice, it was following me. And so then I got in contact with her and Oh, my God, I loved the process, like both here and I miss it. Because like, every day, she'd be drawing different pictures. And we'd be having calls on it and going, Oh, what about doing this and these changes and tweaks and, and she learned a lot on the process as well. She's comes from a very traditional family construct her husband's a detective, she's got three kids, she lives in a small town, Victoria, you know, very different from the world that she was, she was illustrating. But she managed to take the pictures out of my head onto paper. And I just love the result. And the collaboration that we did to do it as well was just a really beautiful process. So fantastic. So what did you call the book? My perfect family? Yeah, right. I love that. So when will people be able to get their hands on it? So pre orders are open now. And I'm just waiting for the first print run to arrive. And so yeah, you can order it now. And by the time this podcast comes out, I'm sure it'll be in my hot little hands. And I'll be sending it out and spending my nights fighting a toddler to package up books, but you know, that's okay. Oh, fantastic. So you've got a website? What's your website called? It's my perfect family. book.com beautiful. All right, I'll put a hyperlink in the show notes for people to click away on. Oh, well download. It's fantastic. I work in early childhood education. So I've worked in childcare, long daycare setting for nine years and now working kindergartens. And I'm really amazed by I want to say the quality of children's books and then the knock quality of children's books. There are some really really poorly written books and I think how the heavens did this ever get printed, like how did this get past the checking of what's appropriate? You know, and then there are some lovely books but I've never seen a book that is doing what you're doing so well done. I'm really excited on the graphic Copy. Yeah, I think there's some beautiful books out there that show different families. But they don't talk about how they made. Yes, yes. Hopefully just solve that little gap as well. And I'd love to get it into daycares and schools. And yeah, like I say, I think their target audience is actually more traditional families so that they can help explain to their children, that families made all sorts of different ways. But every family is perfect, no matter how they're made. So yeah, absolutely. And I've spoken a bit lately to particular people about getting children involved in social issues, and from a young ages possible, because when they get to a certain point, they're really led by what adults, what sort of beliefs that they hold, so then they put them on their children, they change, you know, the innocence of that what that child held before that point. So I really think it's yeah, this will be really, really helpful for adults too, because it can be a little bit confronting and confusing to know how to refer to people and how they like to be referred to, I think it's the whole thing of my daughter doesn't have a father, she doesn't have a dad. It's not that there, he lives in a different house, or overstays, although I don't know who he is, is that she doesn't actually have one, she has a donor. So the more we can normalize that language, and that kids just say she doesn't have one share the donor. And there's, there's an acceptable alternative that they can put in there instead of dad, then hopefully, that will help build acceptance out of everyone. So like you said earlier, you can get that information into kids, the better. Yeah, and then be like, Oh, they've got donor, oh, well, this, this family's got two mums, or they had to use a donor as well. Okay. Donors are useful for lots of people. Yeah. And it just becomes that's just the normal way of speaking. It's not, Oh, don't say that. Or do you know, like this dad, and I think it when I was growing up, yeah, growing up in such inclusive times anyway, then it's not going to be like, what it would have been for us in the 90s. You know, if someone didn't have a dad, it would have been very strange. And now we'll just be like, I have one. And yeah, it's really great time to be embarking on this, because there's so many different families. And I feel that they are all really accepted no matter how much how they constructed. Yes, great. No, I love it. And I put on Yum, that's fantastic. You're listening to the art of being a mom was my mom, Alison Newman. Now, I want to talk about your identity before you became a mom. So you mentioned before, it was really a really positive thing that becoming a mum allowed you to be become who you are sort of thing. How was that experience for you? It really, really positive, positive thing really? Yeah. So I think when I look back on it, as long as I can remember, all I wanted to do and all that determines success was for me was to get married and have children. I don't know where that's come from. If that was just, you know, I grew up in the 90s. And watching Beverly Hills nine to one, I don't know. But as long as I can remember, the most important thing was to find that husband. So I found a husband, and got married, when he eight turns out he wasn't the best husband for me. And I probably just settled because I wanted to tick those boxes, and have the husband had the white picket fence, everything. I also wanted the career. And that was kind of what defined me. So once I lost the husband and the big house, and the only thing that was left was my career. So I started focusing really strongly on that, and doing everything possible, and usually not in the best ways to find the new man and the husband. Number two, I was convinced. So New Zealand, you have to be separated two years before you can get divorced, I was convinced I would be engaged by the time, you know that I was divorced. And I think so much of my self worth and everything else was determined by whether I had a partner or not. Which is, in hindsight, very sad. But I haven't got to the point, I moved to Australia, and I contemplated freezing my eggs, but I thought no, what's more important is that I find that other person to share my life with and if it's meant to be a workout. And that was I think just probably bearing down the trauma of having to go through infertility for so many years. And Lester Watson and the rest of that. When I made this decision that night when I when I got pregnant, I had quite a bit of anxiety throughout the pregnancy after obviously, pregnancy after loss. But once I could start feeling her move and that sort of thing. I relaxed a bit more into it and I just I just had this overwhelming feeling that it was going to work out. And I just had faith from that one that I was going to and then went to it was just me and her. So like I said it was full pandemic. I think my last seven weeks of work. I was at home and then my neighbor dropped me at the hospital. So I could have stayed in the hospital for five nights came home. And then it was basically just us for the first six months. And it was just a beautiful little bubble, I didn't have to worry about work, I didn't have to worry about proving myself to anyone, I couldn't have visitors. So my house ended up being the tightest it's ever been. But you know, it wasn't that pressure because people were here or just because I had nothing else to do. They were so relaxed, she was a great sleeper. And either and I don't know, I just I just felt so content in myself and my own little life. And I still feel that way. Now. I mean, it's a bit bit of a hustle at the moment, because I have a full time job, as well as all my side things. And her and I want her to experience as much as possible and do things that, you know, interests here. So we're doing swimming lessons, and dancing, and all of that stuff. So it's a pretty busy life. And the thing that's gone is my social life. Yeah. But I don't need that. Like I used to. I used to fixate on that being a definition of how popular or how like there was whatever else and it's like going out to a bar is the least interesting thing possible to me right now. I want to spend it with quality people and doing quality things. And ideally, that involves my daughter as well. So yeah, life has changed considerably. And then a element. Yeah. That's wonderful. That's wonderful. So sure, I keep looking at your cat sitting there. Teresa. What what breed is she is Burmese and she had her teeth done last week, so it's just a bit too late today. She hasn't been very quiet since normally. She just jumps up and down on my desk and cries the whole time. So yeah, at least quiet. But yeah, she's seen a lot of meetings, like Jilin like, oh, I used to have a bit of maize. And his name was Teddy. And he was because she's gorgeous. What's your name? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, he was he was a beautiful boy. But he, when he came, sort of matured, he started attacking my other cat that he had leaving with us and older cat. And we ended up having to find him a new home. But she had a lovely home as a single cat. He just wasn't the sort of cat that could live for you. That was she had a brother, who I lost last year, a year ago. And then I got the dog. And they were not happy about that. And the old cat that her brother used to beat up the dog when we lost Rodrigo. Now knocklyon Let me like cuddle up together and things and nothing they protecting each other from the toddler states. Oh, love it. topic that I really like to talk about with mums is the concept of mum guilt. And I'm wondering what you think about that, if you have any thoughts on that. It's interesting one, I don't feel like I have much mum guilt. But then I questioned whether I'm doing a good enough job quite a bit lately, as and I think maybe the mum, guilt will come more as she gets older. And I think if I do not have the downtime to be able to have time to myself and pursue my things, that really starts taking a toll on me. And unfortunately, that can come out on her as well. So you know, if she's not going to be detained 30 My Yeah, not my best morning, I have never felt guilty about going back to full time work. And my mum and dad both worked full time, what I am very conscious of is that I don't want her to see me working and prioritizing work over here. So going back to work, I've had very strong boundaries, and I've managed to stick to them. So previously, before her, I would be working sort of 60 to 80 hours a week, sometimes now, you don't get me out of nine to 530. That's it. And I think going back to work and working from home for most of it because of the pandemic did help make that transition a lot easier. And we have really strong routines that mean that we have some quality time in the morning and we have quality time when I pick her up at night as well. And we try to do the same sort of things. So don't think that daycare is actually the best thing for her as well like being with your little buddies and what she's learning in that social interaction. So I don't feel guilty about that. And I don't think I'd be a very good stay at home mom anyway. My dream would be that I don't have to work for someone else. And then my book and whatever else I pursue, can allow me to have sort of an income where I can be the more present especially when she goes to school and she has no shorter days. I would love to be able to drop her off and pick her up each day and take Get your whatever activity she's doing and be more involved in her life rather than leave that to someone else. But my mum actually moved over here when I had my daughter. Yeah, so she lives 10 minutes walk away. So if it's not me, it will be it will be grandma. So I'm very, very lucky for that. But yeah, ideal world, by the time she's at school, I'll be able to be even more involved. She definitely is the priority when I'm not at work. So you're trying to get that balance between working from home and work in the office makes a big difference, as well for trying to have that quality time at home to just focus and do work and do most of my meetings. They when I go to the office, it's just back to back meetings all day. But take all those things off so that my days at home, I can just focus and get work done. So again, and then trying to do so like do the washing during the day, that sort of thing. That's always waiting for a meeting. Yeah. So again, when it's my daughter and I, it's just quality time, it's not doing bullshit chores and that sort of stuff. I knew you wouldn't put on your truck, that monkey, I just had a feeling that that wouldn't be like feel like it. It's yeah, I think that's awesome. I love that I once had someone, give it to people on who didn't have it. And one of them had to google it, because they just didn't even know what it was. And I thought that is so awesome. That's what we all should be like? Well, I think most of it is sending them to daycare, isn't it, but I think that's the best thing for him. Honestly, I feel guilty about that. I never feel guilty for that. Because I've been like I've been in that industry. And it is wonderful that the children thrive, the social interaction, what they're learning, and just the stuff that they can do there that they could never do at home. You know, it's just when you pick them up, you get these lovely compliments, and it's like, well, I must be doing something. No. And then the thing the other thing is by working full time, it means that I can afford the lifestyle that I want to give so I'm not gonna feel guilty about that. Yeah, I would rather have that and then struggle and have to worry about you know, if I had enough food to feed or or pay the bills, I'd rather be able to, you know, go to Fiji. Yeah. Yes, that'd be excellent. Have you done much traveling? The two of you. We went to New Zealand at the end of last year. I'm gonna say that was a trip not a holiday. It was it was hard work. New Zealand is not a great place for toddlers. And I think we probably went too long. But it was really important for mum to go. And it helped her solidify that she had made the right decision. So that was good. And it was lovely for me to be able to introduce Lexi to my friends that you know, haven't seen in years. But know next time I want kids clubs so that I get a holiday to sound sounds perfect. And I'm actually going with another solo mom friend that I've met through Instagram. It's one of those people like she feels like your bestie but we've never actually met in real life, but her daughter's similar act. So I think we'll have a really great time together. Oh, lovely. That's exciting when you get when you're doing that in June, so I'm going for my birthday. Love anymore does it so and you'll be escaping the Melbourne weather in winter two, which we love with that's usually not too bad. By this ages. I've could have lifted longer to really escape but it no good on Yeah, you got to do these things. So do you find that? Um, no, I think people and even families with young kids, regardless of whether they're, there's one parent or two can be really reluctant to do things with young kids because they're put off you know, this is going to be hard or whatever. Like do you have any advice for for people listening that might feel like that? No, I'm already feeling like it's gonna be hard. I'm hoping this time though, she'll be a bit more open to just sitting with the iPad on the plane. But the first time it was like this is all new. I did have to make a big call on it though. Stupidly, if I went via Sydney it would save me $1,100 Oh, so I had to really wait out but that's a lot of money. Yeah, to a save it and take nine to 10 hours to get there and have to get through like Sydney Airport with a bag and potentially sleeping toddler because we were getting to Melbourne and live 11 o'clock at night or something or do I just pay the money? And it's like, no, I'm just gonna pay the money. It's just easier just to fly direct get here hopefully have lounge access if I can Wingull that. And then just like direct and be there not two flights, having run in between and all the rest of it because it's the time at the airport I found was probably the hardest. When we went to New Zealand was coming home she just knows time of day. So it's like if you can get an early flight I think that we're really helped us or when they're going to likely sleep. But yeah, there's just no easy way I think to travel with kids. So just suck it up and go, because it'll be amazing once you're there. Let's see theory. Don't let it stop you from doing it. Just do it. Yeah, and it depends on the kid to like, they're so different, like my two, I've got seven years difference between mighty. And one, you could do so many things within the other one you've just been, you'd just be a full believer and try certain things. Oops, you know, it's it's like, you just never know how things are gonna work out. And you just don't know how much they're gonna change. And that time as well. I mean, that's six months from now. Yeah, be like a little angel. That's the or she could be a complete terror that wants to run around the whole plane. I'm not sure. Let it put me off booking. So yeah, that's what you said a time. Yeah, no good on. Yeah, I think that's really good. Other things that I wanted to trips we want to take, but I just need to wait till she's older. Like I can't wait to take it to Disneyland. But there's no point doing that until probably about eight and actually appreciate it properly. Yeah, that's it, isn't it? Yeah. So you talked before about the needing to do your passion projects like that as your outlet is that is that something that you really hold on to is as something that's really important to you and, and part of who you are? I think so I think previous to Lexie, it was my outlet was sewing in the did a lot of that. And when my first year maternity leave again, I still did a lot of sewing and I was making a lot of things for her. But now it's going to, I've got a why, since I've had her. It's I'm so passionate about creating these things. And actually having follow through as well. I think I've been someone who's always had a lot of ideas, but just not the courage to back myself to follow through with them. And I want her to see me as someone who does that, so that she can be encouraged that she has ideas, she can just go ahead and go after her dreams as well. And I think maybe it started with my dream was to become a mom and I had the follow through to have it on my own. So if I can do that, I can do anything. And I think getting really clear. So I did some some dream life work through an is Kiki K book or something and that I would love, I would love to not have to work for someone else. And so it's finding one of those things, and I guess getting over the imposter syndrome a lot of the time as well. To say, you know, I can be that person and I can do these things and that there is worth and what I'm doing and I think the podcast was the first start, the fact that I have people volunteering, I haven't really had to go out too hard or chase people down. And I've got enough to do the full season. And I've already got, you know, the first few months of next of this year, done, I just have to eat at them. Sure you put that off to like, I can do that. And that was successful. I just need to work out a way to monetize it. And it's like, now I've got an idea for a book. Why not? It's just understanding the how to do it. I'm getting the networks that will back what I do as well. And it's helping them help their kids. So yeah, yeah, good on. Yeah, I love that. It's very inspiring. It's awesome. Have you always felt like that throughout your life? Or is that something that's happened as you've gotten older, do you think? I think I've always had ideas, and I've always ideally would work for myself. But I've just never had the courage to do it. And I haven't I think I've been surrounded by the cheerleaders that I needed to do that. And now, I guess I've got the cheerleaders in the online community, but it's also I've become my own cheerleader with things. Yeah, but it's also who I've met, that can help and to actually ask for help. So you know, talking to Nat, who'd already published her book to understand how she did and I basically just completely copied exactly what she did. It's just with my illustrations and my words, but you know, the same size book so that I know that all fit into a certain size envelope, so that I can put it as a large envelope instead of having to pay package, you know, postage and all those sort of things. Yeah. Consider things when you can just learn from someone who's already done it. So yeah. And then doing a few kind of self development courses as well. Just to really get clear what my vision is. And what why I want the life that I do for Lexi and I and I think it's because I want it so much for her. Yeah, it just gives me that real drive to try and create it. I've got it really clearly in my head what it looks like and I can't wait to have that with her but it's gonna take some work so she needs to go to sleep that's a part in the plan because she all she has to do is go to sleep. Go to sleep and we're going to have an amazing yeah, yeah. I have funny. Oh, that's great. So obviously, in the future, you've, you've got the book coming out, which is so exciting. I'm really excited to get a copy of that, actually, and to take it to my work T. What can you share this coming up, I would love to actually write my memoir. Like I said, I've started about 50 times, I would think there'll be really, and I think the ending has changed so much, and what the focus would be has changed so much as well, that exists every, every year, it evolves a little bit more. And I think I'm probably getting to become one of the best versions of myself at the moment. So the journey of how I got to that, and maybe it's just part a, I don't know, but I'd love to do that. But again, that's going to take considerable amount of my child being asleep to write that. I've got other ideas about building a body more resources and community for other women embarking on this journey, and, and to help support them just to kind of have everything in one place, really. So if you're thinking about, you know, finding information needs, maybe some online courses and that sort of thing. But again, for that it's time and getting over impostor syndrome, I think is the biggest one for them. I've got the domain name and I've got the Instagram page. I just haven't done anything with it. It's got to coming soon. So yeah, right. It makes you do solo solo mum society. So Oh, I love it. I've got a cool name. Yeah, do something. Yeah, no good on. Yeah. That's awesome. Well, thank you so much for coming on today. I really love chatting with you. And I've learned so much. And I'm sure a lot of my listeners have learned a lot to you. So thank you for sharing. So honestly, it's been great. Yeah, and all the best so I'm really excited for you. If you want to learn more, no need for Prince Charming is the podcast on my Instagram page. So I share probably way too much on that but good on. Yeah, that's awesome. Thanks again, if the music you heard featured on today's episode was from LM Joe, which is my new age ambient music trio comprised of myself, my sister, Emma Anderson, and her husband, John. If you'd like to hear more, you can find a link to us in the show notes. Thanks for your company today. If you've enjoyed this episode, I'd love you to consider leaving us a review, following or subscribing to the podcast, or even sharing it with a friend who you think might be interested. If you or someone you know would like to be a guest on the podcast. Please get in touch with us via the link in the show notes. I'll catch you again next week for another chat with an artistic mum.

Aleathia Holland Australian entrepreneur and business owner S2 Ep67 Listen and subscribe on Spotify and Apple podcasts (itunes) I am delighted to welcome Aleathia Holland to the podcast, Aleathia is an entrepreneur and business owner from Mount Gambier SA, and a mum of 3. Aleathia grew up in what she would describe as an entrepreneurial family. She was always encouraged to follow her ideas and try new things. She would make and sell potpourri as a child. She opened a clothing store in the late 1990s with a passion for selling one off, exclusive designs in a world that hadn't quite evolved to online shopping, in a town 500kms from a capital city. Her earliest memory of tea is of her Grandma using her very cold very black tea to add to the Christmas pudding, once she added a cup of tea all the grandchildren would get to have a stir and make a wish. Aleathia thinks it was this magical tradition that started her love of tea, although she didn’t realise this at the time. Aleathia's husband's work has taken her family around the globe. In Singapore and discovered TWG tea, luxurious tea tins, decadent high teas and divine blends. It gave her new appreciation for quality tea blends. From there she moved to South Korea and discovered traditional tea ceremonies, and green tea - the plantations were lush and green and filled the country side. That’s where she really discovered the difference between a top grade and low grade of tea, steamed, fermented or pan. It was amazing how much went into creating teas that we drink everyday, not really thinking about how they came to be in our homes. In 2020 when Covid struck, Aleathia's family needed to move with a weeks notice to Western Australia for her husbands work. Suddenly with extra time on her hands, Aleathia had the opportunity to start up her tea obsession! Aleathia opened her tea company Athella, driven by her passion for providing high quality, organic and ethically sourced tea, and she takes pride that she is able to run her business from a regional centre, and mix the tea herself. She entrusts the help of a Naturopath to ensure her teas aid wellness and are full of health benefits. When her family moved back to Mount Gambier, her business was embraced by the supportive people in her regional home. She is passionate about educating her tea drinkers. and has hopes to provide an accessible employment environment for working mothers in her home town. Connect with Aleathia - website / instagram / shop tea Podcast - instagram / website Music used with permission from Alemjo my new age and ambient music trio. When chatting to my guests I greatly appreciate their openness and honestly in sharing their stories. If at any stage their information is found to be incorrect, the podcast bears no responsibility for guests' inaccuracies. Podcast transcript at the bottom of the page Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode of The Art of Being A Mum Podcast. I'm beyond honoured that you're here and would be grateful if you could take 2 minutes to leave me a 5-star review in iTunes or wherever you are listening. It really helps! This way together we can inspire, connect and bring in to the light even more stories from creative mums. Want to connect? Take a screenshot of this episode and share it on Instagram tagging me in with @art_of_being_a_mum_podcast I can't wait to connect. And remember if you or somebody you know would like to be a guest on the podcast, get in touch ! I love meeting and chatting to mammas from all creative backgrounds, from all around the world! Thank you! Alison acknowledges this Land of the Berrin (Mount Gambier) Region as the Traditional Lands of the Bungandidj People and acknowledge these First Nations people as the custodians of the Region. Ch eck out more episodes ..... Welcome to the Art of Being a mum, the podcast that's a platform for mothers who are artists and creatives to share the joys and issues they've encountered. While continuing to make art. Regular themes we explore include the day to day juggler, how mothers work is influenced by their children. Mum guilt, how moms give themselves time to create within the role of mothering and the value that mothers and others placed on their artistic selves. My name's Alison Newman. I'm a singer, songwriter, and a mom of two boys from regional South Australia. You can find links to my guests and topics we discuss in the show notes. Together with music played, how to gain touch, and a link to join our lively and supportive community on Instagram. The art of being a mum acknowledges the Bondic people as the traditional owners of the land, which his podcast is recorded on. Thank you so much for listening to my podcasts today. It's really a pleasure to welcome you. My guest today is Alethia Holland. Alethia is a mom of three from Mount Gambier South Australia, and is an entrepreneur and business owner. Lithia grew up in what she would describe as an entrepreneurial family. She was always encouraged to follow her ideas and try new things. She would make and sell potpourri as a child and she opened a clothing store in the late 90s. Called a Linus with a passion for selling one off exclusive designs in a world that hadn't quite evolved to online shopping. And in a town that was 500 kilometers away from a capital city. Her earliest memory of tea is her grandma using her very cold and very black tea to add to the Christmas pudding. Once she added a cup of tea, all the grandchildren would get to have a stir and make a wish. Alethia thinks this was the magical tradition that started her love of tea. Although she probably didn't realize it at the time. A lady's husband's work has taken her family around the globe. In Singapore, she discovered TWG tea, luxurious tea tins, decadent high teas and divine blends. It gave her a new appreciation for quality tea blends. From there she moved to South Korea and discovered traditional tea ceremonies and green tea. The plantations were lush and green and filled the countryside. That's where she really discovered the difference between a top grade and low grade of tea. It was amazing how much went into creating teas that we drink every day, not really thinking about how they came to be in our homes. In 2020, when COVID struck a lathe his family needed to move within a week's notice to Western Australia for her husband's work. Suddenly, with extra time on her hands. Alethia had the opportunity to start up her tea obsession. She opened her tea company, a fella driven by her passion for providing high quality, organic and ethically sourced teas, and she takes pride that she's able to run her business from a regional center and mix the tea herself. She interests the help of a naturopath to ensure her teas aid wellness and a full of health benefits. When her family moved back to mount Gambia, her business was embraced by the supportive people in her regional home. Alicia is passionate about educating her tea drinkers and has hopes to provide an accessible employment environment for working mothers in her hometown in the future. The music you'll hear on today's podcast is from my ambient music trio called LM Joe made up of myself, my sister Emma Anderson and her husband John. And that's your cue to pop the kettle on and get cozy as a luthier spills the tea on what it's like for her to be a creative mum. I really hope you enjoy this episode. We had a lot of fun recording it. Thank you, Alicia. It is a pleasure to have you here. But I'm here in your space today. So thank you for welcoming me. I know I love it. I'm so excited that we've got our tea. Can you tell us what teas we've got today? We've actually got your favorite tea, which is our organic peppermint teas and Gyptian mint tea, and it's beautiful and smooth. And while even though I have put some of these sweet levels out he is meant to help with sweet cravings. See how we go it doesn't help me. Do you? So take How did you first become to love tea so much? What was the draw for you? The draw for me really is tea has been around my whole life from my sitting down with my grandma and having a cup of black tea with all those lovely tea leaves in it because we didn't have strainers and that's how she drank it. Yeah, I used to think but I didn't mind you used to let me put milk and sugar in it. You know it was it Get a treat. And then from there really, tea has just been a staple lot. When my mom and her sisters would get together, the cattle would go on, everyone have a cup of tea. So it's just become such a familiar part of our lives. When something's happened, we're all you know, something's happened up at Mom's, we're all up there, the candles on, everyone's having a cup of tea when my friends come to my house, the tea pot goes on. If we've had a party, and it's 2am we end with a cup of tea. That is my like, you don't realize what a staple it is apart from the every day. It has just become one of those things. That's when I started doing this business, I realized what a big part of was of my life. And then I think to what have massive parties for for a lot of people. And then you could share in that too. Which is really lovely. Because I know a lot of people don't drink coffee. So you know, sometimes you can, you know, get a bit stuck. You go to someone's house, and let's say your tea or coffee and you say I'll have a tea and they're like, Oh, I've just got this old lectins or some generic brand. And you get on. I'll take that. But you know what I mean? Like, especially when you you enjoy good quality tea, then you're stuck with something that's not quite the same where you go. Do well and truly, it's just created and did you like a lot of people actually because coffee is everywhere, right? And you know, getting this type of coffee, a lot of people will have a coffee, but they don't tea the rest of the day. Because I've never drank coffee, but tea is actually the most consumed hot drink in the world. Yeah, so even Trump's the coffee absolutely well and truly Trump's coffee and being able to get good quality tea and and look, I didn't grow up on good coffee tea, supermarket tea, because that's you just didn't you didn't know you had access to I was gonna say I don't think there really was that stuff around back then. No, especially make him here like, no, no, there wasn't, there wasn't specialty cheese. And it was yeah, it was quite generic. And that was great for a first experience. But that's really what started me on my tea journey because I do love my herbal teas. And I've always struggled with quality tea. But I do love my stable black tea. And I sort of got a couple of years ago, I got to the stage where I could no longer stomach black tea. And that's what really started me on that quest as I didn't want to give up that luxury. And I actually after investigating and researching, I found out that I'm actually allergic to the chemicals they used to map when they do mass production of tea. Ah, so I can drink organic clean black tea, which is what our Ceylon is made of. Yeah, no problem. But I cannot drink the mass produced tea. So in that, and I think that comes down. And that's what I'm a firm believer in is educating our little tea community because people drink numerous teas a day. Yeah. And you know, sometimes they're at those that don't have great stuff, you know? So that's really true, isn't it? Is that education process as well? For me that's important to me. Is that what I've learned? I'm able to pass on to someone else. Yeah, that's it. Yeah, cuz yeah. I don't know. I don't know how many years ago it was when it started to become quite mainstream, that everyone was talking about, oh, what's in our food, you know, all of a sudden, it just was like, bang. Nutritionists. And, you know, people from the eastern side of medicine been saying for decades. Yeah. But all of a sudden, like, mainstream caught up. And yeah, all the things like what goes into making a tea bag and the chemicals that are in that paper, eat whatever it is. Yeah. It's actually lung plastic. Yeah, right, and the stream. And then sometimes, if you're not careful, you you label fuzziness. Well, you know, goodness knows what you end up actually steeping in your water. It's a whole host. And you could be all drinking that every day, maybe up to three or four cups. Yeah, unless you're drinking looseleaf. And then, you know, as long as it's organic and clean, you're fine. And that's another big part of education is educating towards looseleaf even though I do do the clean teabags, you can't get better. Yeah. And I think too. Now, a lot of the companies now making an effort to put the little taste drainers in the top of drink bottles, because it's so popular, and they're catching on that people want to drink clean, and they don't want to have all that mess. Yeah, yeah, it's just the little extras. And I think, look, I'm the later into 40. And you do start to as women, we do start to have things that come up in our bodies that we need to clean up. And we start having reactions to things Yeah, it does put us on a pathway of finding a better way to eat healthy, I guess, as well. Yeah. And that's the thing like you say you might have, you know, myself, maybe, you know, five or six cups of tea a day. And if you're doing that every single time, yeah. So you are consuming a lot of plastics and your tea bags and things like that. If they're not, you know, biodegradable or native plant based product. Yeah, so it does it does make a difference Yeah. Now I remember back in the, I want to say 90s, late 90s, you had a clothing store in the main street or not all just off the main street, which I used to come to because I loved it. He was called Elena's my saying that right? Yeah, for a long time. Yeah. So you've you've always been like an entrepreneur and doing your own thing you like to sort of create, you know, business ideas. Look, I grew up in what I would call an entrepreneurial family, you know, from the age of 12. I was probably younger, actually. But my family had coffee shop with a couple during my growing up years. And the first one I used to make rose petals and sell them and this little guy had in the Hi Fi arcade as on my boat. Okay, I think it was, I can't remember what Okay, that was it's not it's not existent now. But there was a guy that sold badges. And he used to let me sell my little bags and pop furious probably 10 or 11. I did that with a friend. And you know, made myself some pocket money. Because, you know, that wasn't, there wasn't disposable income for lots of things back then. And so, you know, I always watched my parents work very hard. Like they both had great work ethic and had multiple jobs at times. And, you know, I think all of our schools work, I grew up in a family where anything was achievable. So that was that was something my dad was a real ideas person. And, you know, if we wanted to do he's the one that encouraged me I was living in, in Adelaide at the time. Yeah, running a store for witchery. And he's like, you've got to come down and doing this, and he's gonna do a hairdressers. You can do the clothes. And I'm like, why not? Go? Yeah, that was always I had the backing of my parents. So always and I think that's really important. Yeah. It's it's harder to achieve without some backing off support. Yeah. Oh, absolutely. I found is everything. Oh, absolutely. That's it, isn't it? And, yeah, I got some really good here from your show. Because it was different. And there wasn't many of each size. So it wasn't going to be heaps people wearing them, which I found really good. Because I went to check it once somebody's 21st or eight, I can't remember it was about three, the girls all had the same dresses. Because you know, you may Gambia and this was before the internet, you know. 1999. Yeah. We were a little bit. So I appreciate it that the point of difference that your clothing heard so nice. That was again, that was a lot to not be the same. Yeah. So that was really important to me that while I could have sold 10 of the same thing, I didn't want to do that. I wanted my clients to feel special. You know, I think that was really important. It wasn't about making x amount of dollars. It was me it was making, you know, building that community and making people feel special in their clothing. Yeah, absolutely. It doesn't matter what I do. That's what is the most important factor. That's what drives you. That's yeah, is that happiness that you get from seeing someone loving how they feel? And I noticed too, I hope I'm guessing this right, when you create the names of your business using your own name along for time. Is that too much? I don't know. I love that though. I mean, names have to have a connection for me personally. And yes, I'm proud of my heritage. I'm proud of the names that you know, my parents gave to me and that connection and I, I love having that connection to my name. I think that's important. So when I was coming up with this business, a thriller, it really was a struggle because you know, I had all these other different names that relate to tea, but I didn't feel connected to those names. Botanical Tea Company and things like that, which were great. But I didn't feel connected and this is a family business, my son's coming down here at 14. As much as he doesn't love it works on Tuesdays and Thursdays with mom. You know, he does the deliveries, oh, my delivery man much is doing you know, he's 14 comes and cuts up the boxes. He doesn't love it. But he has to understand the value of the dollar and family and then we help each other out, he gets paid to do it. I think it's really important that if it's outside, do jobs at home, I don't use my kids pocket money. That's part of their being part of family. And I get paid to do their washing, that when they come and work, that's a really good point. I don't get paid. Yeah, that's it, isn't it? You know, you never thought of it like that this house, we work as a family routine, you help out. I mean, not to say I didn't try the pocket money thing. I've tried everything, charts. You name it bribery. And we've all tried it. But it's just got to the point now where I'm like, the jobs at home, when you come to work with money, you get paid for the hour. And that's yourself by like, you know, that's his satisfaction on the jungle. So that's his first job. So yeah, and that's great. Because he loves that work ethic, because he's coming through, you know, you said about your mom and dad, to you to him, it's like, you're training him so well for the world, you know, you're giving them all those amazing skills that you've had. That's awesome. Can I make you know, to raise well adjusted children, is all we can hope for in, in this in the world we live in, it's really can be a struggle at times. This world of, of always outside influences that. I mean, I certainly didn't have any probably the same growing up, there was no, you know, social media, or carry on on YouTube. And you just think my God, it's like we're competing against all these other forces to try and keep our children, you know, and to influence our children are very vulnerable to what information goes in and who their influence five. Yeah. So it's really important that that we are still their biggest influences. You know, they'll have mentors and teachers and sports coaches, and, you know, people outside of us as well, uncles and artists. But social media can be a really good or really dangerous influences. We have to learn a way you can't limit it. You always have to learn. I mean, I'm not adults, but we have to learn how to embrace it. And help our children to navigate it. Yeah, exactly. That's really easy. You can't just go that can't have switch it off. Yeah, learning how and often that's learning together about what what your child is capable of. Because I know, at one point I, I sort of, I don't know, I might have underestimated Alex will be he's 14. And he's like, Oh, no, no, I, I know what he sees when I have to do it. And I was like, Oh, my God, it was and I thought, okay, you're actually more sensible than I thought you were. So yeah, that's okay. Sometimes it's nice. Isn't it? Surprised? Okay, job done. I out there, doesn't it? It is really hard. I really feel like when my kids were young, and social media was around, it wasn't really a thing. Because my oldest was born in 2002. The first time they got iPads is when we moved to America. So they were allowed to have those iPads on the plane if we traveled. And then they went away. There was no nothing during the week. I didn't have that because just wasn't done. But this next generation that's coming up, I didn't have a phone that I was on all the time either. Yeah, you know, very different so and it seems it's happening so quickly, like it's just the speed of technology inside for whelming. So you mentioned America so you've done a little bit of living overseas with your husband's work. So I guess that's why like when we were talking about aligners and the clothes store like I loved I've always loved working in what I do, but I met I hate that I always knew my mum was very much there for us like even though we had coffee shops and that my mom was the sort of person get off the bus, we had a massive long driveway that felt like forever, because we lived on a farm, you raining, we get inside and mum and have a hot Marlo and something hot out the oven for us. So I knew that if I was able to, I wanted to have that for my children. And it just happened that we had to move away when I got pregnant with Dagon. And so it sort of I wasn't able to do it, I was able to have a life where I was home for the kids, which was really great. So you know, not for everyone. But it was 100% something that I really wanted to do so so and moving countries to Yukon, we we've lived in three other different countries. We as a as as part of my husband's work, we weren't able to get work visas. So we weren't actually because we were in each country for about 18 months to us. So we couldn't get work visas, which is fine that I you know, had money blogs or something. I've always tried to keep a little part of the 100% there for my children, but also keep a little part of myself. It's very important. Yes, yes, yeah. Especially if you're over in a country, and you don't really know many people, and it's a foreign place. You know, yeah, it'd be challenging, challenging to set up to find yourself, I guess, you keep the sexism container myself, right being to look at, you know, us as sisters, who had all of our kids at the same time, I was able to stay home, and she wasn't, and it hasn't made a difference to our children. And I think that's because we learned the values from our mom. And one of those values was, was being the keys to the present and listening in the moment when your children need you. So that that's really important. My mom was always there for us when we need to. She was having a coffee running a coffee shop or not. And I feel like you can't have it all, like I think women it's been really hard for women is that we feel that we have to work, we have to be an amazing mom, we have to go to all the school functions have to be there for our partner still have a friend group. We have to do all these juggle all these boxes. And it's really a tough gig. And staying home is a tough gig and going to work as a tough gig. And I think there's been this mentality mentality, which is changing now. But I feel like it was like, yes, you're a woman, you can have it all, you can do it all. You're amazing. And I've really, I thought when I first had babies that I would be able to do it all. And I soon realized that wasn't a possibility. Not for my mental health, not for anything. I've realized that I can have it all, but just not right now. So I had the stay at home when I had the kids younger. And now I'm having the career. Yeah, even though I'm probably more tired to have a career. I love what I do. So do you know, I feel like I'm changing as women? Do we understand that? We don't have to do it all right now. Yeah. I the way I say it, I feel like we can have it all, just not at the same time. You know, like you said, yeah, that period with your children that was really important to you. And, and now they're sort of growing up. And now it's your time to have a little bit more time, you know, to do what you want to do. One of the ladies ahead on podcast. In Season One, Rachel Power said an amazing quote about, you know, post, the post feminist movement made us feel like we could have it all. No, all these worlds have been opened up towards this all these opportunities, but then as soon as you become a mother that just goes out the window. It's not it's almost like it's not relevant to you if you're a mother, because this notion of having always just completed neath, you know, yeah, so I think a lot of it is just, you know, being kind to ourselves and knowing that, you know, life does change, you know, I know that can be a lot of sort of an order use the word resentment, but it's like, you know, that this time is not your own. When you've got little children. It's like, okay, I'm gonna give everything to my children. And then knowing down the track, life's gonna change, you know, there's always this constant cycle of change. Yeah, I don't know where it's going. But I 100% agree with you. I love that. I love that if you're able to give that time to your children, if that's what you know, is like I said, it's not for everyone. Not everyone has. Every you know, some people need their time away, and they thrive better as a mother if they're working. So everyone thrives in different ways. But if You have the ability to give that press especially from those one to five, know from baby to five. If you can do that, then it's a great benefit. To be able to. Yeah, I think the important thing is is that we all do what suits us and, and neither side devalues one another females doing I feel like I felt it a lot when you know, obviously this is early 2000s. It was like, oh, no, I always remember this guy. We read it. I went to a hairdressing conference or something. container at the time was doing. And I said, I'm just a mom or something like that. girlfriend. Don't ever put the word just in front of you know, stay at home mom. And I like, Yeah, okay. Yeah, I was like, Nope, just to stay at home mom. Like that. It's how I felt at the time that what I was doing wasn't valued by society. Yeah, I don't feel like that now. Yeah. But at the time, because I'd had a career before. And I chosen to be and it's not very glamorous. stay at home mom. Yeah, I mean, going to it's and routine based. And it's a bit monotonous. And you know, it's the same day in and day out. But this is just those beautiful little moments that I got to have you with my children that, you know, I cherish. Yeah. And that time that you never get back again, which I've learned very quickly as they grow so fast, and they don't think their mother anymore. You think, oh my gosh. Well, then they turn into what I like to say, toddler adults. Because, yes, it changes you go, Okay, do everything for a toddler, and you have to do everything for little ones, right? Like go into primary school, and then start to become the independent, or the last at the table or the laundry, the dishwasher and help you clean up and this is all lovely. And you know, you know where they are. And it's, you're in control of everything, you know, you're it's all your influence, really. And then you come teenagers, and there's a real, you know, back and forth. And a lot of that goes on. And there's social media involved. And it's a whole different world where they're pushing back on your beliefs, because they want to explore their own beliefs, which is great. And I love that about, you know, kids in general. And then they become they turn 18 still living at home, which is I love it. But suddenly, there's clothes everywhere, and there's a cup left and it just packets of food everywhere. No one knows how to put a dish in the dishwasher. I don't know how they think that happens. They forgotten how to do that. Yeah. And then they do need you all the time because they're out in the workforce and then navigating how to communicate with other people and clients and adults. And it's like mom is a person that they revert back to so even though I'm busy at work, I'll sometimes get 100 phone calls a day, which you know, I'm like, okay, so it's like yeah, I like to say toddler adults because they're not that they revert back to needing mom for a whole range of things. That's really interesting. So unless they go off to uni or something like that, because my two oldest are still at home. Yeah, I do feel like I love them dearly, but they just picked up off themselves to be better. So when you kids, can you share with us how old they are, or Dagon will be 20 next month, and Ariella is a team and thing exporting. They're all beautiful ages. And yeah, they're, it's, it's so interesting having added, like your kids become adults, it's such a transition. And it's another beautiful different way in which you communicate and bond with them really enjoying, essentially living really Mowgli and just to see them grow, and I guess, you know, try and help them guide them to the right path, and then just seeing them make the right, you know, their own independent decisions that you've helped guide it. And I think to really notice, a lot of like mine and my husband's influence coming out in the way that they speak their beliefs and, and actually feel proud that of that as well, that they've got these beautiful mindsets in a way that I mean, they've moved on from it from us, and then just tighten because you want your children like you want your children to what I you know, I feel like I want my children to achieve and be better than what I've done, like last year, so I want them to improve, there's a lot of things that I fall over on, there's a lot of things that haven't, you know, I've had to change the way that I think, or my beliefs and things. And it's great, you know, you have to grow continuously as a person, you can't get stuck in, in certain ways. So it's really good to see this, the kids and they've challenged me on things. You which I love. I'm like, okay, all right. Yep. That's actually a great example. You know, so it's been really good, the way that they think about the world is very different to how we have thought about the world. Yeah. And I love their perspective on it. Yeah, that's, that's interesting, isn't it? It'd be it'd be, you'd have some really interesting conversations, you know, as they grow up, yeah. How they, how they think about things and how they see things. And because the world they're in now, like, obviously didn't exist when, you know, we were there, OSH is a completely different place in so many ways. Like, like, for example, Australia days, such a big difference to you know, what, how we grew up. Yeah. And my kids have just such a different thing. It's my gift to change it for them, it's just an instant just change. It's a no brainer, it's a no brainer for this next generation, like they are so worth the vault evolved than what way we are and have such a deeper understanding of hurt and pain. And I just when we talked about it, so I love that isn't that that's the next generations way of thinking about things because they're not stuck in the past and not know, not like, oh, just because it's always been done this way. We'll keep doing it that way. It's that's very encouraging to hear, isn't it? You know, not to and that they're not threatened by change. Yeah, right. They're not they don't feel that it's anything to do with them. You know, part lucky even though it's it's generational stuff that's happened there that I've seen how past generations have seen. So this is really a Yeah, I love that. And I hope as we move forward, this generation is going to make big changes. It sounds very promising. And that comes through the education system, and schools as they evolve more and everything. Yeah, absolutely. Yep. Yes, yes. When you were overseas, I think it was in your in Korea or Japan, South Korea, South Korea. You found some tea over there that you really like, is that the rice tea? I love all the green teas and the rice teas and everything. But I actually fell in love with tea in a more organic way when I moved to Singapore. Ah, right. Yeah, there was some beautiful teas that I got to try while we were living in Singapore. And from then in South Korea, I've seen they had all the green tea fields and plantations and to see how beautiful they were and, and, you know, falling in love with all the different kinds of the magic team. All these beautiful center. There's just so many beautiful green teams that because for me creative, yeah, like, oh, you vine, it's like, I just can't drink this. But I know that I shouldn't because it's full of health benefits. And it's like, and I just didn't like it. But then it just completely opened my eyes to a whole new world. So I really got into all the different teas and the tea ceremonies, the history. It's really just such a beautiful culture when you get into, you know, the ceremonies and rituals of tea and where it truly comes from. And that beautiful calmness about tea. And you're preparing a tea like it's just, it's all of that that can be really soothing. See, I think a lot of people would sort of be familiar with the way Japan sort of honors tea and uses that they use that the same South Korea is quite Yes. teas, teas everywhere. Yeah. Right tea is is very similar in the way that they create their tea rituals and teas very big for health benefits. Again, it's you know, it's used in all herbal medicine and everything, it comes back from all of that that needs. It was used in the original medicine, that was all the beautiful herbs and teas. It's just we've forgotten along the way as Western medicine has taken over. And everything has been packaged down. Convenience, that it all that all those pills are packed, they all have an ingredient of hers. So it's all that beautiful that we can actually get by off the shelf. As long as it's organic and clean. Then you're getting health benefits from it. So is that where you sort of sparked for you that you want to create this business? How when did that sort of come up that you thought, right, I'm going to do a team business we did that. That was when we had to move to we've moved back to negative you been here for three years and then COVID strock. And we had to move to my husband's job. So I spent 2020 in Perth. And I sort of like Perth, there was another drop of COVID there was no restrictions there were no mas, it was just the polar opposite of Victoria really was really different. And that's when I was really having the bad side effects from the black tea. And I had time to play around I had all these beautiful herbal and organic stores, I was living in the city again. So you know, I had this lovely chance to score. And I've been looking at, I really feel like I want to do something again for myself. That coal to business was really pulling at me and I was looking for opportunities of what I can do. And so then I sort of started playing around with things that I originally started with mixing collagen protein because it's really into collagen. So that's sort of where it started. The collagen tea was a whole nother whole thing. I am releasing that this year. But I had to get food technologists on board and I've had to learn so much into it. I'm luckier that Santi business is so much bigger, anyone that's listening knows, it's not so easy just to start a business from scratch. Like, you know, just the packaging alone is a massive thing to design and produce and you know, all the things that go with it. So, but back to Starling T, I started playing around with herbs. I was looking for clean organic teas. I looked into plantations, I knew that I wanted to work with single state plantations. I'd like to work with one that does Ceylon tea she doesn't like to enjoy. And they also do sustainable farming. So they don't DeForest, right? They just replant among so you'll see their plantation and I'm very transparent with where my tea comes from. And the So that was sent out newsletters with little videos of the farmers talking about the tea. And third, I work with third generation farmers. So they've really honed their skills over the years. And so they work around the forest, they work around the trees and everything. And I love that water gets reproduced in, you know, they're really conscious of their environment. And so that was really important. I didn't want to buy where I didn't know what was being produced. So they go, they show you the whole process of how they don't use pesticides, they don't use artificial fertilizers, and all these things that are now used in mass production teams. So I you know, connected with some really great people, I was working with a friend at the time, we also talked to a naturopath and got some naturopathic teas on board because I'm not skilled in those areas. But I knew that I wanted to create a sleep team. And I knew that I wanted something for mental clarity. Because, again, brain fog is afternoon is something that I really struggled with. So I knew that those two teams were really important. And I and I wanted to make sure that I had them right. So we went we started off by going to Fremantle market, which is really clean, organic, sustainable, and thought, let's see, let's see if we get anyone coming back. And of course, I was doing tea tasting, I was talking to people, I've done more research. I've also studied tea as well. That's ongoing golf course. And my next video is going to go on to finish my course. So I wanted to make sure that I was educated as well. Because I'm not trying to the naturopath or herbalist or anything like that. So we wanted to have my own background besides my tastebuds. Yeah. And what feel good in my body. So we found that people kept coming back and they would buy the whole range. So they weren't coming back for just their favor. They were trying and coming back for the whole range. So once that happened, I felt like Yeah, I suppose. So the workout the packaging, and I knew that I already wanted to do wholesale so I'm one of these people that go okay, let's do global domination. Make it small think big, right from the start thinking big, right? I just didn't realize how much it would take to get to global like thinking big, but it's it's been quite a few setbacks along the way. But we are definitely getting there and moving back to South Australian having such a beautiful local community throw their support behind me has been amazing. Yeah, it's been really amazing. So so that's sort of been my journey, we've had a name change along the way and, and a move into feeling more like it was part of me and my background and aims and values and, and it is like my husband works when he's home from work. He works away. So we, you know, we were the TeamMachine together, my daughter's coming to work with me next year after 12 She's having a gap year. So it's really very family oriented, which is wonderful. He's wonderful. Yes. And I've got to say I'm a big supporter of your team because I love it so much. I love it so much and it's so nice to be able to buy proper good tea that's made like from a person in my own town like I think that's so awesome. You can just get it right I can go did did it on the computer and the next day I get a nice little person I'm just actually speaking to I'm gonna fill your cup up here a bit more of this tea and you're right that is my phone. Well I knew that it was gonna like should I get something different today beautiful all throughout the time when you're building your business and you've got the kids Are you saying you need some coffee? So? Did you ever feel like, you know, this little horrible thing? The mom guilt was that ever in your mind that on I've got to focus on the kids and can't do this, you know, it was ever conflict. I love to talk to all my guests about this. Because I just find it's the most interesting concept in the world. I know that mom, you friend, your family guilt, parents, I mean, I think guilt is something that I'm not sure it happens as much with men as it does for women, I know my husband gets up, go, if he has to go away, that's all he has to do, to pack his bag and walk out the door. Whereas I'm like, Okay, our kids, what else needs to be done Washington down the house clean, like, our mom, your doesn't stop. And even though this is the thing that I've really noticed with having older children, is that that mom guilt doesn't stop. Yeah, it really doesn't stop. But some nights I do work, you know, six to seven days a week in my business and I at the start, and I really had to find a work life balance, because I love what I do so much. It does consume me at times, and I get so excited about what I'm doing that I just want to work 24/7. And I've found that, you know, there was that sense of everyone wanted me home, regardless of whether they were sitting in their room watching TV or off riding their bike, there's a sense of the kids do want you to be there in the moment they get home. And so I really had to battle and we've had lots of discussions around this. And just everyone you know, helping out taking interns to cook tea and things like so that we everyone understands that you know, what's going on at the moment that mums working for your band together, you know, it makes my job easier, it makes them feel more involved in the house, if you might their cooking. You know, like my oldest son cook a meal. My youngest is he does Taco Tuesday, you know, he will cook that up, you know, the taco meats and everything. That's his thing. So it just, it helps with the monkey. I mean, I try not to work on weekends now at all, unless the kids are all gone, which a lot of the time they are off doing their own things. And I tried to hold try to finish up by like, five 530. So that I'm home, you know, at home with the kids, but school holidays is hard. Because even though my youngest is 14, it's just like, they still like you at home. So I do feel good, because I've always been available for my kids. But I'm I'm at the stage right him being a little bit. I'm gonna take this time for myself as well, because I love what I'm doing. And it does build resilience and independence and your children to like, I'm I've always felt you that. I do think they need to be independent, and resilient. So that helps with the McGill. Because I feel like at least I'm teaching them some valuable lessons that they need to also aspire to do. Yeah. So when you're saying about cooking the meals, there's no reason why they can't cook like children can't cook meals for adults. Like I think we've got this thing in our head that because we're the grown ups or whether the mom we have to do everything is like why can't the kids cook, you know, they're old enough. They're capable, they know what they want to make, you know, and like you said before about contributing to the family contribute to the home. I feel like that's a really sort of previous generation thing that we're carrying down that we don't have to know. And they feel proud. I mean, yeah, I have been my youngest loves to cook. Well. He did a lot more. Say when we moved back to Australia one of the days I think he would have been about nine. Anyway, were mum and I were both building so we're all living in a house together. And we had a big glass door and glass window at the front and I've been down the street for whatever and came home. And Phoenix informs me that a lady had knocked at the door while he was standing on a stool cooking bacon and eggs with no top on over a gas stove. And she said he answered the door sales report. And she said Do you think you should be doing that with no telephone? How mortified Sweeney on the worst mom in the world. I'm like you cannot cook my monster mine because I was hungry. Like myself and bacon and eggs. Oh my god, that was devastating. But yeah, that because they are independent and that's something he would do with me in the kitchen. Not a problem because I'm around but you know we talked about don't cook a monster here but he was just extra hungry that day. Pretty good. And it's just yeah. So there are those things and they do take it on board and, and Pete most people go, Well, you know, that's not okay because he's too young. But I find value and I'm excited that he's able to do that for himself. Like I said, the pride that you take in that library makes it everyone team. Yeah, it may be just meant to the taco. You know, there might not be any salad with it is that he's made? Yeah, that's amazing. And that takes so much from me as well. He's doing that. And then someone else cleans up. It's just as little thing, and you're teaching him valuable skills that he's going to take on, you know, men need. Hopefully his partner this is I grew up an old girl family. My mom was pretty so like, she did everything for us. You know, so I, and I've got boys. So I really want my boys to know how to look up to be able to do their own washing clean a bathroom. Yeah, that's a big one. clean a bathroom? And you know, be able to make a meal. Yeah, it's all learning because it makes it look, because you know, how is it makes their relationships better, as well, because they're able to shoulder a lot of the load. Yeah, that's it isn't. And, and I think it just shows it's a, it's a sign of the times, you know, that life is changing, and that, that men, the traditional roles are changing. And I think if you can be a part of that, you know, by the actions that you do yourself, but also the skills that you give your sons, it's like, you're sending them out into that new world, you know, ready to roll? It's, it's wonderful. I feel the same that my boys Yeah, I just yeah, I'll say my head. I mean, my sister. Yeah, I've got two boys. Yeah, it's a different way, is a different world is so different. Some of the stuff they come out with, I just say to my sister, we never spoke like that, like just some of the ridiculous jokes and are and they are honestly the amount of things I've had broken inside my house. Yeah, the ball. Yeah. It's just like, there's a football that's been juggled around my poor indoor little garden that I've been cultivating. It's got stems missing, and I'm like, who's kicked the ball in my pants again, now? The dog the fairies? So yeah, sounds good. And look, you know, Chad's really good with helping as well. So I think if you're a partnership that the kids can see mom and dad work here. So that helps with a lot of you know, going back to that mom guilt, you know, when he says that travels away a lot when he's home, it makes a difference, because he will call me also the kids like dad's cooking meal when he steps up in those roles. So yeah, that's so important, isn't it those role models and seeing it in action Yeah. When you're talking before about when you when you had you by your first child, and you have this idea because of society's conditioning, that we can have it all we can do anything, whatever. And that then perhaps didn't turn out the way the expectation that you had were leading to ease. Was there a identity shift for you? Because you've been, you know, basically, an entrepreneur working almost a full time, probably more than full time because you're in business. And then you become a mother. And that all stops even though you did want to be there at home with them. Did you have that change in identity case or yourself and how Alethia sort of changed or has been changed by becoming a mum? No, we've I recognized it as being an identity shift because I wanted it. Yeah. You know, so I loved what I was doing to an extent. I knew that that. Yeah, that's a really hard question for me, because I know a lot of the women now really are aware of that going on with it, you know, there's so much talk about it. Whereas I don't really feel like I knew that I certainly had times that were harder, especially between babies. And that were harder at times, and that I struggled with, and I also moved to a town where, you know, one, yeah, so I had two kids 19 months apart. Where, you know, I was pregnant with Ariella had Deegan, who was, wasn't too. And with my support system, or so there was certainly difficult times, but that sort of became my whole world. And I didn't really, I still organized skills, weekends and things, I did make a huge effort to keep in contact with my friends. And I was always the one organizing events or trips away. So I still did all of that. Those things, but just probably not on a regular basis. And I didn't, at the time, I didn't want to Yeah, I didn't have that. I didn't want to remember my husband organizing a 10 year trip to Queensland, Phoenix was like two and I'm like, no. But I mean, I did everyone was like, he goes off organized, everyone, you know, Mom's gonna be here, and, you know, your sisters and all of that. But at the time that I just didn't want to be away from that's just how I feel personally. Yeah, that's how I felt really connected to my family in that way. Yeah. Yeah. Cuz I was gonna talk about like support because you you come from a family where you're very close, or grown up, they gave you three deals together. And then when you're in a completely different place with your own children, that would be really challenging. Like you said, you didn't have your family there. Yeah, yeah, definitely, like, willing to fill a pylon for three or four years. And that was definitely my hardest time. Because I didn't have and my parents were amazing. They came over all the time to support me then, because they, they're very good like that. And but yeah, I really, they were definitely hard times. And they were a real struggle. And it would have probably been great if I certainly made friends and I made connections. But nothing's like your family. But that's how it is for me. Not everyone has it. So we've got to go out make a real effort to make those connections. So yeah, we did all of that. But I was in a bubble. It wasn't a real bubble back then. I think. And it just Yeah. Was there anything you were doing for yourself as like a creative outlet doing you talk about your blogging? Were you doing that back then? Does it I wasn't, but I did that that's when eBay was really big. Ah, yeah, I would be like, I was always doing something. Yeah. So I'd be like selling like kids clothes and everything on eBay. Like just having a secondhand store. And it was really crazy about some stuff you sell for more than probably had children shopping addiction anyway. But you find something I remember having like a wiggles jumper and from Kmart, and it sold for more on eBay than one affordable. Secondhand. It's crazy. It's crazy. But yeah, so things to keep you're always done something. Yeah. There's never really been a time where I haven't been a motivation. Yeah, exactly. That's it, isn't it? If you grew up with parents that are hardworking, and show you the value, you know, how you earn your money by working hard, you know, it's instilled in you and, you know, stuff but yeah, and it just is just is how you feel like it's hard to sit idly you know? Yeah. And even now, I'm not you can easily go down the social media rabbit hole, and I am on social media a lot for work. Yeah, you know, I have to build these rules and everything now that you've got to keep updated. I'm definitely not a dancer. You're gonna see me do that. But it does take up a lot of time. So you know, and it's really hard. That's another thing For women with their family, and they're running a business, and then you go to social media, talk to so many women that feel at breaking point, because of all these extra things now that we have to do just to have a business, I love creativity. I don't even get to do all the team lens that I've got in my head that I want to get out. Because there's so many other aspects of running a business, besides just being creative. Yeah. So it's, it's, yeah, that sign of that. And social media and everything else is really hard. Yeah, there's was you were saying that Ronnie for post I saw about the follower artists, painters, and they were saying something like, become a painter so that you can spend half of time making rules for tick tock, can you the secret? Yeah, yeah, it's so true. It's so true. It's so and you know, it, it would be really hard even to be like a mom, and have that downtime, with social media and everything else, you can just go, oh, wow, two hours ago, oh, there's so many distractions for us these days, it's hard to be focused. That's very true. Yeah, I'm glad that I had my kids, I feel I really feel for the moms today. Because it would be really hard to be able to have time for yourself, time for your family time for your work. Time for your partner. It's really hard. What I feel for the people nowadays, like getting married these days, or having any sort of event like, everything's got to be Insta worthy, you know what I mean? Everything's got to look a certain way. I think God that when I get married 2003, or something like that, that obviously that didn't exist, but you just did what you wanted to do and what you could afford or what, you know, whatever was trending at the time. If you can't about trends, you know what I mean? Like, you just did whatever. But now it's like, you know, I've heard a particular people stories where they've got all of these chairs, like a white chair, and the bride's husband said to her, but no one will see it because they're sitting, I'm just like, that doesn't matter what could in the photo, just everyone's consumed by this, what things are going to look like? And and I feel like with little babies, like, everyone's got to have the best little clothes for the best photos. And I don't know, it's like, I'm glad that I'd I do you care about things looking good, but I'm not consumed by that. Because I think if you were, you would have a difficult time, you know, with comparison and judgment and that sort of stuff. I think, absolutely, it'd be so hard to step away from the bubble. And the whole Keeping Up with the Joneses thing, yes, escalated tenfold because of social media, and it's really kind of a really strong mindset to be able to take a step back from that. And just be who you need to be for you and your family, your authentic self and, and try and ignore. And that's sitting off by feel sorry, for mums. At any stage of life, I was gonna say new mums, but you know, can be at any stage about people say, Oh, you shouldn't do this, and you shouldn't do that. And, you know, all these experts are putting in air quotes, you know, don't rock your bed, you sleep and make sure you sleep with you, right? Like all these conflicting stuff is all over us from every angle. Yeah. So how are you supposed to just get back to your own? Like what's in your, your heart and your intuition to parent your child? You know? Yes, that's so true, especially about intuition, because I think we did that gets blocked, somewhere along the line. And I know with my first son who had colic, terrible, I don't think we slept for the first eight weeks. It was just like, the girls saying that I just was walking away, you know, asleep. And I was like, Yeah, but I remember someone saying just trying on his tummy. You know, and that was like a massive nono. And I remember putting him on there and just sitting watching him the whole time. And then I think he moved into his head to the side. So it was like, Okay, I feel okay about that. But the judgment and he stopped screaming after like, we just had screaming. He stopped screaming and was able to sleep I was able to sleep, but even in his pram, he's just like, when his belly, but the judgment I received from that was horrendous, because, you know, you know, and then I'd hear all the statistics and, and, you know, it was not a fun time. But at the same time, I was his mom. Yeah. And I was making that call. And like you said you'd sat there and watched him because it didn't feel right to you because you know, everyone says don't want your baby on the belly. Just leave always the seats, rolls, commendations and it's like, you didn't just chuck you in there and leave them and off you went like, yeah, you know Like people down the street to be like, but it was our people from our high levels of my family all the support system I had, it was, it was people I didn't know, you know, seeing him use pram and things like that it was, it was more of that. And I always found that judgment. It taught me that lesson anyway, you know, not to just judge a book by its cover, I guess he didn't come from, you know, in smoke and come from a smoke filled room that was not in conditions with him. So, but it's just a real, yeah, we really get a lot of judgment at home in from other women. Yes, he's actually from our PDS isn't that moving forward? If we can just support each other, and not judging each other? We might have a beautiful world, like you were saying earlier about, you know, some mums stay at home, some moms go to work, some mums work from home, some mums work, you know, like, and not throwing judgment on each other, because it wants you to actually so different and nobody knows what's going on in that family? Or, you know, in that height, no one knows. And but we're also quick to get oh, she don't know, you know, she's always on social, even the social media or she's always on social media. What if that makes her happy on social media? You know, she might have done an hour of footage, and she's just paid for their kid the rest of the day? Yeah, we actually don't know. But everyone is so quick to judge about what people need to sustain a healthy life for themselves. And I think that's where that stuff needs to take a step back. Yeah, we just need to be happy for someone because we don't know the full picture. Exactly. Yep. No, I love that? Having your children involved here. Do you hope that they see you? As an I'm going to say more than just monkeys? Like when you're just man? No, I don't either. Like just but you know, they recognize that you, as this person who has involved mothering in their life also does other things and can do amazing everything. Yes, absolutely. And I think one of the reasons why one of my thought processes was when I started this business, is I guess, my children, I wanted them to know that you could raise a family. And then you could still have a career. Like I said before, not everything at once, but they were stepping stones to life, that you can have different achievements through. And definitely having a business and, and showing them hard work. Creates reward, too. I think a work ethic is very important. Like, you know, you can be the smartest kid in the room. But if you don't have work ethic, or some passion along with it doesn't matter. Because that's the driving force that drives you to greatness is having a work ethic UCS, you know, the sports stars, this kids can be so talented, but they don't want to put in the training. They're not going to be a superstar. So I wanted my kids also to see, you know what comes out of hard work, because that's really the really important foundation and building block to having a better life. Because nothing comes easy. Life is hard, and it's there's going to be lots of stumbling blocks. So yeah, that was part of it. And also if they helped me out, like we just went to Melbourne and did the boho Luxe market over there, which was huge. And Ariella came and worked with three days and travels out a little Lackey and he built the stand and refilled and ran around did all that sort of stuff for us. But we literally Didn't, by the time we got there in the morning to the afternoon, we didn't eat, we didn't have a break. We just talked to people the whole time. Yeah. So she understood what it takes and how much work you've got to put in, to sell the product. And she also seen how passionate I was with talking about TV, you know, so that was a big thing as well. So I definitely think the curve, the kids don't resent what I'm doing, and that they also enjoy it. They don't necessarily want to take it on their own. No one's gonna, you know, take this business on and 09 and one that I want for them to create their own businesses and create their own life paths. Absolutely. With this awesome, sort of I can't think what the word you know, what we actually should have had folks, we should have focused, that was I was going to make our brains would have been on fire. Oh, man, I often have a focus team. When I'm doing this, I do that. What was it golden was a goal was a goal. Is that having that clarity? And you do get to afternoon and it's like, something happens now? Yeah. And you get tired? Yeah. And it's just like you just need that spark? has been influenced the way that you work, or the way that you do business or the way you think about your business? Yeah, I mean, being a mom has changed. So many thought process, processes, beliefs, you know, how I go about things and, and compassion. You know, one of the big another thing that I wanted to create coming back to my hometown, I knew that as I grew, so something like T is a really great person business that you can source actually create your blends, and then you can get a code that factor on who they then you send all your blends to they package, they do everything. But a really important aspect of my business I'm invested in is buying attention, because I want to be able to create jobs for females here and our local mums in particular, that have a school aged children. Because I think that's the hardest hours to come by. And not enough people show compassion around your children being sick, having school, certainly sports days, all of that. So if if I'm able to, my aim will be to grow my business, and be able to hire women, that we have a compassionate workforce more. And along those lines, where if there is a school assembly, or you need to take sick days, I get that I still run a business. But I want to be able to run one that work for women who also want to be there for their children. And then they don't have to make those hard choices. Yeah, between earning $1 and being there for their kids. Yeah, that's, that's if I'm able to do that. So we've already started the investment by buying the team machine. And then yeah, so being able to grow, I'm about to move into another space where I'll be able to do a bigger wholesale operation and hopefully be able to keep manufacturing to our local area. And you know, like it obviously costs a lot more being regional. Yeah, anything that gets sent here gets so much hammered with postage and everything. But yeah, I think in business and at the age, I've been very fortunate that if I can be able to create something for my community, then while running a business, yeah. So sort of want to wanted to have a charitable aspect to it. Yeah, I guess if if, you know, in that way that we're able to run it in that way. Well, that's so awesome. That is so good. That's my passion. Yeah, that's really what I want to create. It's hard work to try to get there. But that's that is my motivation and aim for growing up years your year. I would love to be able to run a business as compassionate to women who just find so many women are torn by on nine to go on your school excursion. And one of the other influences from that is because when I've always been involved in the parents committee of schools, and when my kids were at school, you had to fight to go on, you know, a school excursion. There's so many moms, where's now? Oh, no one. Yeah. There's no one to go on the school excursions, and it's so cute to go with the kids. I even get to go on one. Yeah, but there's one. And I really feel for all the mums just aren't able to do it. Yeah, yeah, they're able to do it. Yeah. And so yeah, and look, it's only gonna be, you know, a couple of people that might be able to help or whatever, whatever it grows, do you think too, it's, it's, it's that mentality, and then that, that sort of run on effect of having that mentality? Other businesses will see that and go, Oh, that's what we that's what people expect now that this is what Yes, you know, to get good people. This is what we have to give, you know, absolutely. And I think if COVID has taught us anything, it is that we can still be productive, and not work in a three by three office space. So I can't see why people can't work unconventional hours, if that happens, or, you know, work around different times and enable people to still have a family life. There's really no argument against that now, is that, like, it's literally been proven now. That things can still happen. Yeah, if not every single person goes into an office. And you can get stuff done between eight and 330. Yeah, 830 3 million, like, yep. There, there should be a way that women are able to have a bit of both worlds. Because a lot of women don't have the choice. And they have to go to work. Yeah, that's it, isn't it? It's just too expensive for everything. So yeah, so that that is part of my business plan. Yes. In my business plan. Yeah. Love that. She used to love that mentality. That's like, you're just talking about stuff. are you actually doing something about it? You know, actually changing the system? Yeah. Well, if we can look it, wouldn't it be amazing if one business tear and then another another business, when you know what we can have two days a year, you can choose to go with your child's function that you're allowed to take time off, to go to your charity event, sports day or whatever, like, take them to the show, which they're all going to go to soon. Yeah, I got that form the other night, and I looked at and if you weren't going on a Wednesday, I'd be able to go, you know, just those little for, ya know. So it's just, it's just little things that we can't like, you know, we can't do it all. But if it's one or two events a year, that's not a law that we're at, because somebody would never get to go to anything. Yeah. They just don't get to go to anything. And say, you know, they make up the hours by working through that lunch break, one of the weeks or whatever it is, it works for at least flexibility, the flexibility to have the opportunity to ask to have it written in there. To have that. Yeah, just have it have it has, because that's the thing. People are always too scared to ask because it's just someone will say no. So you don't even bother asking. Yeah, you know, and it's hard to ask. Because you don't because you may value having time off to go to a school assembly, this little Johnny's getting an award. But you don't feel that anyone else values that but we wouldn't be surprised a lot of people value that. Yeah. And it is important and you should ask for that. Yeah. Yeah, that's really good. I'm very impressed by that. still chasing me. I like it. I mean, I'm looking forward to trying it is rasberries, medleys line, the whole whatever fruit I've got flying on, I put in that. Orange is beautiful. I hope love orange on the weekend. Because it's just really refreshing people to them, I said, I would just like you put it if you do want to get bags, I said, I have a leader in there for the week. And just use it whenever you want. So you can get your tipsy. I'd like you to tell us what's coming up. For this amazing why haven't we got counting? My brain is exploding because there are so many things coming up that are just like was there was a first obviously we had a name change, because I went to a fella because there's so many different things coming in. And I wanted a name that really recognized all those things. It also gives us the opportunity to branch out to different countries as well, having a name that is unique to us. So the big thing that will first be coming under the umbrella, as I like to say will be Yeah, the college and T which was been my baby from the start, this is something that I've been very passionate about. There's so many, there are a lot of colors of collagen products out there. But there's no a lot of education around. So I just see collagen all the time and what they're telling people. And what they're putting out there is is not always correct. So we're really hoping that we can educate along those lines. But it has been a long process because I want to make sure it's right before I put out a product there. So the collagen t will be coming out. And that will be available in the teabags and the loose as well. So very excited, we've got a new packaging. So how to work on new packaging, I've got a lovely Kate Sutton who wears me on all that she's amazing. I've I couldn't do it without a group of women behind me helping me with this business. So that's been a really huge part of being able to move forward. We've got like I'm working on a Christmas plan, which I'm very excited about. As well as a Syrah that is used to make mocktails or cocktails, whatever you'd like. So we tried it last year, and I'm just refining that. So that will hopefully come out in the summertime. I'm also moving to a subscription based business, because I really want to reward people that buy on a monthly basis, so that they get an ongoing discount. So and I really want to create, like we do do a newsletter, but I want to make it more interactive as well. So really create that exclusive little community where we bring on collaborators, naturopaths, wellness, holistic coaches, and people that you can get information without having to buy a whole package together, or do a masterclass or anything like that, like you're getting that information when you need that, you know, community. So, education and information is super important with what we're putting in our bodies. And you know, all that information around plant based and everything like that. So getting back to the subscription. I know we get sidetracked all the time, don't we? So that we'll have quite a few of our I've got 14 wins now. So there's quite a few and there's more being released all the time. So it's something that I want to keep going as you know, some might be more popular than others and things like that, but I always want to bring something new. And you know, we've got the purity and things like that they're really different and ancient base Chinese teas and things like that. So you're always gonna get something That's you won't find in the supermarket. You know from me, you're always going to get a different tea or a different combination. So hopefully this Christmas tea comes together. I'm very excited about it again, it's going to be able to be iced and everything like that will have a subscription base. And yeah, there's a few good a whole new website changes photoshoots and everything I'm really coming, I just don't know how to fit them all in. Yeah, that is my biggest thing is I just, it's trying to fit everything in that we want to do. So I just got to tailor my ideas back. So I'm like, oh, let's do this. Oh, let's do that. And it's like, Okay, stop. Me and do it. Very difficult for me. I'm hitting all the trade shows next year as well. Yeah, we're hoping to do one in Singapore. So there's a lot a lot on the To Do lists. where it all happens. Somebody list good on Yeah. Love it. So what's the website so people know where to go. So if you go to WW dot, Leland t co.com. And you we asked you under the Lila Tico banner. So Lila Tico. Sue has its own Instagram and everything we've got, it's the basically sister companies, more about sisters, you know, love a little sisterhood. You know, my we've got my sisters and our friends and family. And yeah, I think that's really important to me. So that's why I created the sister companies. So because we do wholesale around Australia, people will just still be able to wholesale, the Leela Tico. And because the other thing, the big thing about that was, I still had a lot of packaging, because I've got new packaging for Lila Tico. And then just had this brain boss thing that when I have to change my name, so And sustainability is really important. So that's why we've still kept Lila Tico as a wholesale branch. So when the website changes that will be all a filler. So it doesn't matter what name you type in, whether it's a fella with an A, all in a Tico it will direct you to the same site, because it's all streamlined. But eventually a fella will be the number one was what you'll be seeing everywhere. Fantastic. And I'll put the links to the to all the things you've mentioned in the show notes so people can thank you click away Thank you so much for having me here today. It's been such a pleasure chatting with you. It's an honor for you to ask me to have a conversation and I think thank you for having me eautiful taste thanks for your company today. If you've enjoyed this episode, I'd love you to consider leaving us a review, following or subscribing to the podcast, or even sharing it with a friend who you think might be interested. If you or someone you know would like to be a guest on the podcast. Please get in touch with us via the link in the show notes. I'll catch you again next week for another chat with an artistic mum.

Bethany Kingsley - Garner UK ballerina S3 Ep86 Listen and subscribe on Spotify and itunes/Apple podcasts My guest this week is Bethany Kingsley-Garner, a ballerina from the UK and mother to her 18 month old daughter.. Bethany was born in Devon, England and moved to London as an 11 year old, leaving her family to train at the Royal Ballet School. She joined Scottish Ballet in 2007, was promoted to Soloist in 2013, and to Principal in 2016. She has been there ever since. She was first drawn to dancing through the music, her mother would play Classic FM at home and she recalls as a 3 year old being moved by the music. She used to follow her sister to ballet lessons and always tried to copy her. Bethany graduated from the Royal Ballet School with honours in 2007 and received the Wyre Drawer company leavers prize, as well as the April Oldrich Award for Most Dynamic Performer and receiving First Commendation and Young British Dancer of the Year. Throughout her 17 years in Scotland, Bethany has been involved in over 36 productions, from Swan Lake to The Nutcracker, and recent performances of The Snow Queen and the upcoming tour of the US of The Crucible, in the role of Elizabeth Proctor. She's also been involved in developing and creating many productions and characters throughout that time. Bethany - website / instagram Podcast - instagram / website Throughout this episode you'll hear music from various popular ballet procductions, used with permission thanks to my APRA AMPOS licence. When chatting to my guests I greatly appreciate their openness and honestly in sharing their stories. If at any stage their information is found to be incorrect, the podcast bears no responsibility for guests' inaccuracies. Podcast transcript at the bottom of the page Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode of The Art of Being A Mum Podcast. I'm beyond honoured that you're here and would be grateful if you could take 2 minutes to leave me a 5-star review in iTunes or wherever you are listening. It really helps! This way together we can inspire, connect and bring in to the light even more stories from creative mums. Want to connect? Take a screenshot of this episode and share it on Instagram tagging me in with @art_of_being_a_mum_podcast I can't wait to connect. And remember if you or somebody you know would like to be a guest on the podcast, get in touch ! I love meeting and chatting to mammas from all creative backgrounds, from all around the world! Thank you! Alison acknowledges this Land of the Berrin (Mount Gambier) Region as the Traditional Lands of the Bungandidj People and acknowledge these First Nations people as the custodians of the Region. Ch eck out more episodes ..... Welcome to the Art of Being a mum podcast, where I Alison Newman, a singer songwriter, and Ozzy mum of two enjoys honest and inspiring conversations with artists and creators about the joys and issues they've encountered. While trying to be a mum and continue to create. You'll hear themes like the mental juggle, changes in identity, how their work has been influenced by motherhood, mum guilt, cultural norms, and we also strain to territory such as the patriarchy, feminism, and capitalism. You can find links to my guests and topics we discussed in the shownotes along with a link to the music played, how to get in touch, and a link to join our supportive and lively community on Instagram. I'll always put a trigger warning if we discuss sensitive topics on the podcast. But if at any time you're concerned about your mental health, I urge you to talk to those around you reach out to health professionals, or seek out resources online. I've compiled a list of international resources which can be accessed on the podcast landing page, Alison Newman dotnet slash podcast. The art of being a man would like to acknowledge the traditional owners of the land and water which this podcast is recorded on has been the bone take people in the barren region of South Australia. I'm working on land that was never seen it. Thank you so much for tuning in today. It's such a pleasure to have you. I've been feeling a bit under the weather so I've been putting off recording this intro to haven't had much of a voice. But today, I'm feeling pretty good. My guest this week is Bethany Kingsley Garner. Bethany is a ballerina from the UK and a mother to an 18 month old daughter. Bethany was born in Devon in England and she moved to London as an 11 year old, leaving her family to train at the Royal Ballet School. She joined the Scottish ballet in 2007 and was promoted to soloist in 2013 and two principal dancer in 2016. She has been there ever since. Bethany was first drawn to dancing through the music. Her mother would play classic FM at home, and she recalls as a three year old being moved by the music. She used to follow her sister to ballet lessons and always tried to copier. Bethany graduated from the Royal Ballet School with honours in 2007 and received the wire drawer company leaders prize as well as the APR which award for most dynamic performer and receiving first commendation and young British Dancer of the year. Throughout her 17 years in Scotland, Bethany has been involved in over 36 Productions, from Swan Lake to the Nutcracker, and recent performances of the Snow Queen and the upcoming tour of the US presenting the crucible in the role of Elizabeth proctor. Bethany has also been involved in developing and creating many productions and characters throughout that time. Throughout this episode, you'll hear music from various popular ballet productions, which I can use thanks to my APRA amcos Mini online licence. I really hope you enjoy today's episode. Thank you Bethany. It's such a pleasure to meet you and to welcome you to the podcast today. Thank you for having me. Thank you. Hi, thank you for Gabby God, I'm excited to speak to you because in in whole time I've been doing this a couple of years. I've only had one other. I'm not gonna say ballerina because I don't think that do you like to be called a ballerina? I can be called ballerina you can be okay because I had a principal dancer from the Australian ballet. And she didn't want to be called a ballerina. She just want to be called principal dancer. So I've had two ballet dancers on my podcast now which is really exciting. So we're about to you at the moment to paint a picture for the listeners. I'm currently in Scottish ballet HQ, which is in Glasgow in Scotland. And we are back in our studios. We are mid tour of the strangeling at the moment so we are leaving to Newcastle today. Oh wow. Literally in the thick of it right now. Yeah, we're nearly at the end. We started about two months ago so we are we're close to the end and we had 74 shows of The Snow Queen this year. Holy moly. Is that how many days a week he performing that so we have a performances Wednesday to Saturday and there's three double show days. Where houses Batson that I mean this is the thing I discovered. Data Stephenson who As the other ballerina I've had on the show, she blew my mind with how much work you guys do like not just the performance, but then all of the rehearsing. And then like you rehearsing probably new shows while you're performing. The show the doing it was like, blew my mind. How are we on the show on the road? We don't stop then making it better or rehearsing or keeping the stamina up. So yesterday, I still rehearsed for Newcastle this week, even though I've done how many shows? Yeah, keeping it fresh, keeping it in the body? Tell us how you first got into dancing. How did you get first into the ballet music? Yeah, it was my mom used to play classic FM at home. And I remember even from the age of about three or four. So my first memories of just feeling something in my veins in my DNA and wanting me to move almost out of my control. And that was I guess the start of me developing into the ballerina I am today. So I was had a very supportive family who supported me all the way through that journey. And I went to the Royal Ballet School in London, at 11. And now I can't even imagine being a mother. That kind of pain that my family went through, but they knew that that's what I wanted to do. And I graduated with honours in 2007. And then I came straight to Scottish ballet. But it was a really beautiful journey. I had an I had a lovely time. I had a lot of time at boarding school. I think it's when you're around people that love this art form and around people have the same interest. And that really makes it because before when you're kind of a normal primary school, you're juggling both you're doing academic you may be any two in your year group that like to dance. So all of a sudden you're put into this world of the whole year group doing all together so that was really lovely. And you wouldn't have those outside distractions to you'd be like supremely focused on that you want to attend. I mean, I'm extremely homesick especially for the first time I say three to maybe four years. But something kept me there. Something in my you know, my heart my soul. I remember counting down the days before the weekend. Every night but I once I was into it, I was fine. Yeah, so we're about the suit was you're like Where were your family in relation to where were you in in you being in London. So they are in the south country. So in Devon, so it's around a drive around three hours drive. And very different countryside beaches, very rural. And then kind of you're in the centre of what especially the Upper School of London, you're in Covent gardens, you're already in the hustle and bustle. So two very contrasting worlds. Hey, just Well, you've mentioned Devon is that I went to London many years ago and we caught a train. I'm not very good with this geography. It was a place called pool is that anywhere is that we're even further down so right at the very bottom you've got Cornwall and then Devon so it's really the bottom of Southwest. Yeah, right. Is it got like big cliffs and stuff like that? Yeah, yeah, right. Yeah, I can I can visualise I reckon. I think it might be a popular place for people like making movies and stuff and TV shows because I swear I've seen I've Googled it before and I would have done yeah, did you so you live you've lived up in Scotland since you joined by going on to my my 17th season next year with squid. That's my that's awesome. Wow. And I noticed you haven't really picked up an accent. No, I really haven't. I my husband's Scottish and he's quite roared. No, I really haven't. Maybe because it's still I'm still surrounded by not, you know, in our work environment. We don't have really broad Scottish accents and maybe that's why on the webpage for the Scottish ballet, your, your your page that features you, there's this amazing photo of you, which I if you'll let me I want to share with the listeners in the in a link. You just like it's black and white. And you've like got wings as part of your costume and you're like, you look like this bird of prey, basically. And you've got these massive beautiful eyes like really dark makeup diamonds on Oh, it's just stunning. It's just like, whoa, was that for role was that for like a photoshoot? That that was for the role of the self and Matthew Barnes Highland fling. Wow, I'm gonna have to read to you. I actually made it. You know, I was jumping on a trampoline. Yeah, right? You try and just kind of using my arms like wings, and they and they got the perfect. Oh, it's just unreal. I was just, and it like, it like slaps you in the face. When you come on to your why'd you like, Wow, that's incredible. So, as part of your dancing, I guess in addition to the music and the costumes, there's quite a lot of acting. And like detail encompassing the character? Do you really enjoy that side of it as well, I love that. There's not, I don't believe there are many jobs out there where you can actually transform into someone else for you know, a few hours and become that kind of emotional connection. And emotive and then come out of it and go in character in there. And I guess be a mom. That's what makes you into your kind of your depth character as well. You keep digging deeper into roles, especially now that I'm on my, you know, going into my 17 season. There's roles that I've done before. So that's nice to keep coming back as now I feel completely different to how I felt, you know, a few years ago. Yeah, absolutely. Before we start talking about you, your transition to motherhood, I really want to ask, do you have like some particularly favourite roles that you've played over the years. So the most challenging is probably Swan Lake. And I think that dancers love a challenge and the physical challenge. But also, it's one that you just feel like you have left everything on the stage. So you could almost walk off and you could see your blood, sweat and tears line there. So you really give everything one that's very close is the Snow Queen what we're doing at the moment, I was part of the creation process three years ago. And it just has a real special place in my heart and I feel otherworldly when I perform it really, really connected to the work. Yeah, that's cool. Do you find with Swan Lake, do you feel any sort of pressure because people know it so well? Like your audience has probably seen it or heard of it before? Do you feel that pressure to? I don't know, live up to maybe people's expectations? Probably not cracker. I actually feel that everyone knows music. Yep. But no, actually, I didn't feel that was Swan Lake. I felt very much I am. This is this one I'm going to be? Yeah, I felt empowered with that. Yeah, you bring your own and your own take on I guess. I have a daughter Elizabeth, who is 18. She's 18 months where? So how did it go then? And I'm just going back to I guess the previous conversation I've had had with Jana that you can feel so much pressure as a dancer that your career is going amazing. And it's usually at that same time is when you're in your childbearing years. So it's often a real pool of what do you choose to do? I guess Did you feel anything like that when you're thinking about having your daughter? No. Maybe I'm on the I'm on the other end. I feel that I'm the it for now. So maybe I left it to a point where I felt as if I had reached a certain level in my career. There's no you never go into thinking about having a child. Knowing that you'll definitely come back? I think because you don't know. So I think that probably had more of an impact on me, then, kind of where I was. I mean, it was very quick for me to feel that I knew I wanted to come back. But I always had that had, at the back of my heart, in my mind, be prepared to have something else in your, you know, ready. If this wasn't the life you wanted with your family. Did that did that sort of bring you a lot of sadness, thinking that you might not go back to dancing was that like a really big decision to sort of, to think that that might happen? I feel that I will never not want to do it. Because it's part of who I am. It's, it's in my, you know, I've mentioned, it's in my DNA. That's how that's how I feel. But I know that I would like to do something else. And I look back, and I feel extremely proud of this length of career and what I've given it so far, there will always be sadness, because it's something that you've dedicated your life to. But now as a mother of it's, I feel it lated now and so much love for another another life also, huh? Yeah. Did you have it in your head? Right from the start that you try and come back? I guess it did things go well, then that you're able to come back when you want to I had about, I talked to my director and I had about five different scenarios. ABCD and you know, all because, you know, respectfully, they're also running a business. So for a principal dancer to dip out for a long period of time, I'd always want to let them know. Roughly when they're thinking about the planning and, and everything we actually did go with Plan A, which was very surprised. But I had, I think the smooth the birth was ever so smooth. Yeah, the recovery was very smooth. So that all went into factors. But you you know, you have no idea. You need that many different scenarios, because each step of the way something can happen. emotional implications of when you're suddenly there with your child have the thought about going back to work, huh? Yeah, yeah. All those all those things, but I, I never really stopped moving. Even when, when I was she was home and maybe two weeks, I had her in the sling rocking, I used to sign on to, you know, some ballet classes from home and just enjoy that movement. And that bonding time with her. I was sharing that world that life. She was now in it with me. And that was lovely. Now that's That is awesome. And I think like, a lot of the moms I have on the show. They like you that you have something that you love so much. Like you just think you've got to keep doing it. You know, it's just part of you and you couldn't you couldn't really imagine not doing it and you sort of find ways to keep doing it and make adjustments you know, now that you're a mother she obviously knows that. I was a dancer. Yeah, she died when she was a few weeks old in my tummy when I was doing class, but yeah, she does. Yeah, she's always by my side. So we are a touring company. So she tours with me. And it's actually quite nice because we kind of get a little bit more time on tour on my hours or less with performing so I'm kind of not in the you know, in the studio all day and she comes to the theatre she may be watching the end of class laughs I take her on stage to watch a show. And that's just things like that, you know, I was sat with her on the set of snowpine. It's got a beautiful throne. And at that moment, when you're in the performance, you're sat there looking into a piece of ice. Just about to do the last part of the really tough on your point, you're really tired. And I had her with me sat there, and we just had a picture. And I was showing her the throne. She was playing with the fare on it. And now I'm on stage and I'm sat there and that's my memory. I have almost I can smell her. And it gives me so much strength. Yeah, yeah. Oh, that's beautiful. I got goosebumps when you talk about that. Like, it's it's beautiful. Like, she's literally part of that world. Like, yes, she's there. Yeah, that's, that's wonderful. Do you feel like it's important to you that she sees what you're doing? Like, I mean, I guess at her age, she hasn't got this concept of perhaps identity, the way we construct in our minds, but she's not, you're not just her mom, you have a life where you do things just on your own. I'm always knew. And you know, very much the same path as Stewart, my husband as well, that we wanted her to come in to our life. But in a way our life is how it is. Because it's the happy it's working. It's full of love. And I was quite strong on having that connection of who I am in the ballet world in the studio, that she was also in it. I think it's not a great territory when you try and keep them to separately. Because it, I find that I have no kind of stresses or worries, because if I need to have her here, then I'll bring her if I need to step away, then I will go and I think it's taking that control and that's that's my family life and that will come first. So you're talking about you're a touring company. So how far away do you go? Like what sort of an average tour I suppose an average tour is not too far. It's about the weekend at the Scottish main cities like Edinburgh, Aberdeen, Inverness, and then we come further down south to Newcastle. But we are going to America next year where she will be coming. So that'll be fun for that flight. Yeah, so we do we tour about three times a year. So that's like kind of our main bulk everything. Yeah. And then the rest of the time you rehearsing. Always rehearsing and we're seeing ballet class. Oh, yeah. That's unreal, isn't it? Do you? Do you sometimes think about your life and think this is amazing that I get to do what I love so much. Like do you have those moments where you just, I think like when I put my bike tights on in the morning, I think this is bizarre. Like it's sometimes you know, when I look around the room at people early in the morning doing doing a play is weird but wonderful world that it's just acceptable to be wearing lycra all day. And feel comfortable in it, I guess. Yeah. Yeah, there's no judgement. like to talk to all my moms on the show about this concept of mom guilt, and I put that in air quotes, because I know some people don't feel it and that's awesome. And then others have issues and struggles with it, but I wanted to know what your thoughts were about it. My first emotionals reaction to feeling that I wouldn't be with her all the time was when. I mean, we actually had to put her in her own room. We knew It was time. And it was I was by her crib, she'll bedside crib and just crying for so long. The thought of her being on her own three steps away from me was, you know, heartbreaking. And I guess that's the kind of the process isn't it of finding the independence between mother and child. But that was a huge I really was. I guess it took me a little bit of surprise how physical I reacted to that feeling of just of just pushing her having her own space to sleep. Which she absolutely loved. So it was totally on me. Nothing on her. Yeah, she was fine. Then, when I first went to the theatre I had been waiting for this moment for so long. I'm gonna be back the smell of the side stage, the laying out my changing room. And I was in the car. I left it so my husband say that she would have been asleep. It was late in the evening, we had dinner and I gave my first dress rehearsal. And out just out of nowhere in the car. The tears tears came. And it was I stopped for a minute and thought is this is this? What you want to do? Is this right for her? Is this right for the family everything. And it was just it was all our I was the only one feeling there. You know, she was touched up at home. And I knew that then when I went back the next day. Well, she would when she broke up. I would have felt so good. That I was I managed to do both in a in a way that was still no one lost out except for maybe my emotions, but I would take that for anything. Yeah, I think that's how I kind of just constantly going back thinking okay, is this life is this spy world? Is this job working for the family? Is it making us happy and, and loving? And are she getting? We're getting the most time together? And it always comes back to Yes. So the feelings I'm feeling it and you just take the brunt don't you? Just go I take it. Yeah, yeah, that's that. That's that's really good. Because I feel like there's no escaping. There's no escaping that emotional pool. There's no escaping that. And then I think it's like gorgeous. Yes. I mean, it's what makes us a mother, isn't it? You know? But then it's that next step of like, you could have turned around and gone back home that night, you know, in the car. Oh, yeah. But it's like that what we do next? That's that's our beat. Then we go ride a lot. And like you said, we were that that emotional pain. We go oh, that, you know, you're but then we go on? And we do and like you said you felt you knew you were gonna feel amazing. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's a funny old thing that that mom guilt, isn't it? Someone said, there's a lady I had on the show. I can't remember who it was now. So apologies. But she she had this idea that mom guilt was this. It was a innate ingrained thing from biological evolution that basically made us not forget the child, you know, like, it was just, you know what I mean? Like, it was just something that had to be in us to make us you know, not leave it out, where it could be endangered, you know, in, I don't know, in the caveman days or something, you know, like something like that? You're listening to the art of being a mom with my mum, Alison Newman. The another thing I like to really chatter about is the changes in our own identity when when we become a mom. How did you cope with that? Now, I'm a very different person, but I didn't see that I didn't feel the change, it just happened. And the differences is I definitely know who I am. I think when you go through something that's like a child. And it's you're just giving everything and you're not thinking it's not you in that moment. It's not you in that time, it's you're giving you reach a point in your life. But you know, the people which have been able to have this amazing thing happened to them. Very rarely are you at that point where you would do anything? You're doing everything to have a this dispersed. And just, I think more I use the word empowered, but not in a way of Yeah, gritty. Yeah, it's, you know, it's, it's in a way of mothering, of embodied and gathering, I feel the strength from everything that I'm, I'm doing, I can arrive at work, and I've been up to six hours, just silly things, but it makes you feel like, okay, I'm a, I'm okay, today, I'm what you knows is everything settled and happy. And so that's how I feel, and nothing to lose, I now have nothing to lose. For myself for her and, yeah, no, I love that. That's really that's really cool way of putting it. So before we talked about, that, you've done a couple some roles that you've done more than once. And I wanted to take you back to that about him. You said how when you're at different stages in your life? Have you had any sort of times where you've been very conscious of the fact that now that you are a mother that you approach the rolls differently? Or is it just something that happens with time? So I didn't prep you for this one. Um, my first season back, I did the ballet called My scandal at Milan. And I play two roles. And one of the roles was a bride that actually was a you know, it was a bedroom scene, but it was extremely rough and violent. And this is my first season that year after. So I felt a lot more in tune of where I was being touched, right. And whereas pre birth, I guess, physically, I would have just ran into that not even second, and then it was cool. Oh, yeah, it was a little bit more tentative. I wasn't in my own skin yet. Now I am. But this unit, you're talking maybe seven months after? So you're really like, is my leg coming with me? Or is it still on the other side of the room? On the floor today, or are they going to be touching like it was really sort of, but I had heart and soul in it. But yeah. So physically, that's, I'm not as carefree as I was with my body. Letting maybe awesome fight or flight mode. I'm a bit nervous being lifted. Never used to. Yeah. But now I have something to seriously not get injured for. Yeah, that's it, isn't it? Is it bigger? There's a bigger picture. Somebody gets scared of flying or you know, height. And it's that similar thing of, I'm a bit more careful with myself. That's a really that's a really cool observation, isn't it? Yeah. Because I guess if you weren't in the inner city ration where you were really shocked around and you might not ever notice the basic things like when you're crossing the road by yourself or when you're crossing the road with your child. You're very different. Oh, yeah, yeah. Well, can I make the lights off? Nope. We're gonna wait for the Green Man. Yeah, I think it's that similar thing. But she was in me, even though she wasn't in the studio at the time, just as I was getting back. So that's the main shift I found out, huh? Yeah, I thought that's really cool. There's a lot of us that may or may not be able to relate to that. Because it's the level of physicality that some of us may or may not have. But that's a really cool observation. I really liked that. I also wanted to ask, how did you find, you know, when you're pregnant, and you get that, like, I can't think what the thing is. It's like elastin or something happens in your hormones release these. What's it called? relaxing? Relaxing? Yeah. Did that change your your body heat, and it took so long to go? Yeah, right. So where I think you just feel more gooey. But you know, you're carrying you want, you don't want the body to be whole, stiff, you want it to be looser, I felt a lot at the back of my knees. So when we straighten things, normally, they would kind of lock and I had so much still in it still, when I was back that seven months that my legs were a bit like chicken legs, they were still sort of rebounding back. Yeah. And structurally, physically, you know, my physical shape has changed, probably not to, you know, an audience member. But to my own, maybe the people closest around me. It's that hip structure. It's the the widening the ribcage, you know, when you go through something like breastfeeding. It's the more broad you get in there. Yeah. Huh. Yeah. And that's yeah, and being doing something that you you're so aware of your body, it'd be interesting to to see those little nuance changes. And yeah, I did a lot of them. I worked with my physio through the whole time. But just that was really interesting. Just working on things like my turnout. So you know, in dance, classical ballet, the main thing is we have to rotate from the tops of our legs. Well, if my pelvis changes just a tiny bit, how would that how would that tweak that? Yeah, yeah, that's very interesting, isn't it? I find it really fun. I guess Yeah. Somebody else I've started talking to moms about lately, especially moms who you know, have who work it use their art as you know, a career when you were growing up, what sort of role modelling did you have from from your own upbringing about what a mother could look like? What you sort of options were as a as a mother I guess. So my mum was so passionate, so passionate to let us fulfil our dreams and confidence building and I think I can see myself now with Elizabeth just imparting little things. I know you can do you know what walking, you can do it? No, you can. So I had that kind of structure and I had an older sister who was very fat, very musical, but very outgoing and confident. So I think those those things in your life they rub off on you. They are an upper New and then I guess in the kind of artistic world. There were just so many so many dancers from the Royal Ballet that used to watch and see teachers as he used to impart a few words of wisdom, I do a little bit of teaching now. And it can make or break students. And that's, you know, a such a powerful role of being a teacher. Especially when you're maybe more of a vulnerable age, as a giant where you hold on to every word, I think we can probably all remember, a praise. And we can all remember a negative thing that has, you know, it's so important. Definitely, you think about that when you're raising a child of the implications of words. And think of what they will pick up on. So important. It's pretty powerful, isn't it? Because I think a lot of time we sort of, we might use a term as a throwaway term or say something we don't necessarily mean, but that's what your child he is. And then they hold on to that. Yeah, so yeah, it's when when you just said about you'll always remember praise and, you know, a negative comment straightaway, I just went, went back to little Alison doing singing lessons like it just straightaway, back to that space. Like it's yeah, it's good. Yeah. Yeah. It's crazy. It is, isn't it? Yeah. stuff. I haven't thought about it for years now. But okay. Thanks. I'll leave that bit. So, tell us where you're going. We will be going on to our spring season, which is the Tennessee Williams story of A Streetcar Named Desire. Oh, awesome. Oh, love is a ballet that we have done before we actually created it a Scottish ballet a few years ago. So I'm revisiting it, which is going to be so lovely. And I love the story ballet. And then we will be touring that in the spring, around to Aberdeen, Inverness and Glasgow, and the spring seasons, always the nicest because of the blossoms and blooms and the weather. Just start starting in Scotland. It's not always great, but it just starts to free up the frost. Yeah, and you get blue skies. And then we will be preparing for our American tour in May, which is to Washington, Charleston and Nashville, like so. And will that be the same show that you were to the crucible? So another story? Yeah, right. It's funny. We were just talking about that today. Sorry, on a completely different I'm just I was just talking about that today with my son. Yeah. Because it's something which Charles Yeah. Elizabeth proctor? Oh, pregnant. It's just I mean, you know, I couldn't play a more authentic role. Really? It's just lovely. Oh, how exciting. Have you done that one before? Is that a new one for you? I actually created an Elizabeth proctor around about four years ago. And I have performed it now being a man we performed it back in London. Yes, and this has been my second time now. Oh, lovely. Oh, that's exciting. So I'll put some links in the show notes where people can check out where you guys are and if you're in the neck of the woods, I say hello. All moms just sometimes just pat themselves on the back and be like You're awesome. I think to your friends, you maybe don't have children. I think it's it's a really lovely trait that they you know, they try and you keep those conversations and you try and understand and still meant bringing your children into because that's also another huge dynamic shift. I'm actually the only dancer in the company currently with a child. Yeah, right. So just just things like that, but I don't feel it's a, because she's constantly in the conversation or they ask and I think keeping things like that open is important. Yeah, she's a part of it. It's not. It's not like this this taboo subject that we don't talk about with Bethany. You know, it's, she's, she's part of it all. Yeah. All thank you so much for coming on. Like, it's just been so lovely chatting to you, and all the rest with your dancing and on your tour and everything and oh, yeah, I'll keep I'll keep my eye out for you. If you ever come to rescind your Alia, I know. Please. I mean, I will keep you know on social media with you. And if it's anything else, from a UK tie in, I'm here and I'm for you. And yeah. Oh, thank you. Appreciate that. Thanks for your company today. If you've enjoyed this episode, I'd love you to consider leaving us a review, following or subscribing to the podcast, or even sharing it with a friend who you think might be interested. If you or someone you know would like to be a guest on the podcast. Please get in touch with us via the link in the show notes. I'll catch you again next week for another chat with an artistic mum.