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Janelle Thomas Dubai based singer + songwriter S2 Ep64 Listen and subscribe on Spotify and Apple podcasts (itunes) This week I welcome Janelle Thomas, a singer, songwriter and performer based in Dubai, UAE. and a mum of 2 boys. Janelle begin performing at the age of 5, at a ballet school in her hometown in Canada. She took piano lessons, and played in the high school Marching Band playing clarinet and trombone. Janelle spent her 20's deciding if music was going to be her career. She studied a Bachelor of Fine Arts in Music at Concordia College in Montreal. Her day job wasn’t satisfying her, and fortunately, out of the blue, she was offered a lead vocalist gig in Oman for 4 months. Without really knowing where Oman was, she said yes! That was 16 years ago and she has performed overseas ever since. She met her husband Felix while on a short break back in Canada after that first contract, when he joined the band as the guitarist and they have been together ever since. Janelle and Felix have performed more than 2500 shows together throughout Asia and the Middle East since they teamed up in 2006. Residents of Dubai since 2015, they continue to perform hundreds of shows together each year, working as full time performers, while somehow remaining pretty happily married and parenting two wildly energetic small boys. Although they now mostly gig as a compact jazzy duo, they spent the first decade of their relationship fronting their loud, high-voltage 5-7 piece pop cover bands (as bandleader and musical director, respectively). Under the guise of "Lady J Duo" they combine jazz standards, blues and soul classics, and reimagined pop songs of any style to create a contemporary, good-vibes-only listening experience that is elegant, yet funky. In the Autumn of 2012 they released Noise Rises (Strange Cat Records), an album of retro-inspired funky soul, featuring ten original songs they wrote together. In the spring of 2020, during the Dubai Covid-19 lockdown, Janelle and Felix began live streaming as a way to connect with fans and keep their sanity, showcasing their favourite tunes, taking on-the-spot requests, and cameos by their firstborn Theo (a natural show-stealer). They continued these for 18 months. You'll hear Janelle's amazing voice through the podcast today, and her music is used with permission. Connect with Janelle website / facebook / instagram Podcast - instagram / website You'll hear Janelle's amazing voice through the podcast, and her music is used with permission. When chatting to my guests I greatly appreciate their openness and honestly in sharing their stories. If at any stage their information is found to be incorrect, the podcast bears no responsibility for guests' inaccuracies. Podcast transcript at the bottom of the page Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode of The Art of Being A Mum Podcast. I'm beyond honoured that you're here and would be grateful if you could take 2 minutes to leave me a 5-star review in iTunes or wherever you are listening. It really helps! This way together we can inspire, connect and bring in to the light even more stories from creative mums. Want to connect? Take a screenshot of this episode and share it on Instagram tagging me in with @art_of_being_a_mum_podcast I can't wait to connect. And remember if you or somebody you know would like to be a guest on the podcast, get in touch ! I love meeting and chatting to mammas from all creative backgrounds, from all around the world! Thank you! Alison acknowledges this Land of the Berrin (Mount Gambier) Region as the Traditional Lands of the Bungandidj People and acknowledge these First Nations people as the custodians of the Region. Ch eck out more episodes ..... Welcome to the Art of Being a mum, the podcast. It's a platform for mothers who are artists and creatives to share the joys and issues they've encountered, while continuing to make art. Regular themes we explore include the day to day juggle, how mother's work is influenced by the children. Mum guilt, how moms give themselves time to create within the role of mothering and the value that mothers and others placed on their artistic selves. My name's Alison Newman. I'm a singer, songwriter, and a mom of two boys from regional South Australia. You can find links to my guests and topics we discuss in the show notes. Together with music played, how to get in touch, and a link to join our lively and supportive community on Instagram. The art of being a mum acknowledges the Bondic people as the traditional owners of the land, which his podcast is recorded. Thank you so much for tuning into the podcast this week. It really is a pleasure to have you. My guest today is Janelle Thomas, a singer songwriter and performer based in Dubai in the UAE, and a mom of two boys. Janelle began performing at the age of five at a ballet school in her hometown in Canada. She took piano lessons and played in the high school marching band on clarinet and trombone. Janelle spent her 20s deciding if music was going to be her career. She studied a Bachelor of Fine Arts in music at Concordia College in Montreal. her day job wasn't really satisfying. And fortunately, out of the blue, she was offered a lead vocalist gig in Oman for four months. without really even knowing where Oman was. She said yes, that was 16 years ago, and she's performed overseas ever since. She met her husband Felix while on a short break back in Canada after that first contract when he joined the band as the guitarist. Janelle And Felix have performed more than 2500 shows together throughout Asia and the Middle East since they teamed up in 2006. Residents of Dubai since 2015. They continue to perform hundreds of shows together each year, working as full time performers, while somehow remaining pretty happily married and parenting to wildly energetic small boys. Although they now mostly gig as a compact jazzy duo, they spent the first decade of their relationship fronting their loud High Voltage five to seven piece, pot cover band as bandleader and musical director respectively, under the guise of the Lady J. God, Lady J. bein Janelle, they combine jazz standards, blues and soul classics and reimagined pop songs of any style to create a contemporary good vibes only listening experience that is elegant yet funky. In the autumn of 2012. They released noise rises through strange cat records are an album of retro inspired funky soul, featuring 10 original songs that they wrote together in the spring of 2020. During the Dubai COVID-19 lockdown, Janelle And Felix began live streaming as a way to connect with fans and keep their sanity showcasing their favorite chains, taking on the spot requests and featuring cameos by their firstborn Theo and natural show stealer. They continue these for 18 months. You're here Janelle is amazing vocals throughout this podcast today, and their music is used with permission. I hope you enjoy today's episode Gavin lane, got a fistful. Gonna run that bill will be the end of a long route backwards dad. No place my hands. Man and we're all gonna say welcome Janelle. It's a pleasure to have you on the podcast today. Thanks so much for having me. Allison. I'm excited. Yeah, so I can I can hear your lovely accent. You're from Canada. Is that right? I am. I'm from Canada, but I live in Dubai. Alright, so what how like, how long have you lived there for what sort of brought you there? So while the music Yeah. So my husband and I have been together 16 years. He's also Canadian. And we started traveling in a band. So So we were playing hotel residencies in the Middle East and throughout Asia. We did that for about eight, nine years. And then it brought us to Dubai. So we've been here since January 2015. And we're residents here now. And we've had two little boys here. So this is this is home for the time being. Yeah. So these are really hot there. Let the moment super hot. Yeah. I just got in from the pool. So I'm okay at the moment. But yeah, summers are very long they and very hot, especially with small kids. You really feel it so much more, because you're basically just inside for five months? Yeah, but it can get up to 50 degrees Celsius. Sand humid. Yeah. Yeah. So it's, the outdoors is kind of non existent, aside from if you're doing something in the water. Yeah, yeah, it's interesting. With us being from Canada, we do have a bit of that experience. Because you'll have really cool times in the winter, where you don't go outside, you're not gonna go take a stroll or take your baby out or anything. But they don't tend to be constant, you know, you'll have cold days, and then it kind of warms up enough. And you pack on your layers and you go outside, whereas when it's hot, it's just hot. Yeah. Because you can't do anything you Yeah, yeah. So, um, so we used to find this. Okay. And since we had kids, we just find them brutal. So we're just counting down till October. Oh, my gosh. So what's like an average sort of when it when it's not so hot? What's the weather like, then? So lovely. You know, there's kind of six months of a year where it's gorgeous. And you kind of can't think about living anywhere else. So I would say sort of the coolest it gets probably in January, maybe days that are around 20 to 25. But Sunny, and gorgeous. It's perfect. Yeah, I mean, those are the times where I find it too cold to go swimming. I say that as a Canadian where I grew up swimming in icy lakes. But yeah, I get I get in the water now. And it's the season you sort of, you're sort of forced to do things that you wouldn't necessarily do if you had your own choice. If you lead with me. Love you. So tell me about how you got into music because it's something you've always done. Yes. And no, you know, probably like a lot of musicians always been a music lover. There was always lots of music in our house, my parents, neither of whom are musicians, but we had, you know, huge record collection. And there was always lots of singing and dancing that was encouraged. So, actually, I started performing. From age five, I lived in a really small town, and we had we had little ballet school. And that, for me was everything like those ballet recitals at the end of the year, you know, with costumes and makeup and lights. So I would say that that's where it all started was was there. So for the first few years, I danced, I took piano lessons, as you do. And then when it was time to go to high school, actually, I chose to go to high school in the big city, which was Montreal. My dad used to commute he drove back and forth. So actually I commuted with him like super early mornings and stuff like that, to go to high school. But I really wanted that school because it was the only one in the city that had a marching band. I was in the marching band and nerd for years playing the clarinet. And I played the trombone for a year. And then after that, you know sort of spent my 20s I think sort of struggling with am I going to be an artist? Can I be an artist? Or should I get a real job? You know, I did do a Bachelor of Fine Arts in music. Yeah, because when it was time for university, I thought I really like to do something I enjoy. I might spend three years enjoying myself and then need to become an accountant or something serious, but give it a go, you know? Yeah, and then just sort of bounce back and forth, did some contracts, then some admin work and then would be, you know, kind of happy with the lifestyle of neither. But it just kept pulling me back in I really was miserable when I was being an administrator even though I had some great jobs and lovely people. Have you know, and there was just a moment where I realized, like, I cry before I go to work every day at this very nice job. It's just such a nice job for somebody else. It's not for me, I can't do this. I'm only 26, whatever, to have given up. And so actually chance meeting with a musician I knew. And he said, We've just lost our singer. And we have a gig in Oman. And do you want to join our band and travel for four months? And I said, okay, and then said, Where's omen? While it's kind of next to Dubai, it was okay. But I never heard of it. So that was 16 years ago. Yeah, like when, and it was really different experience starting to travel then I mean, we had an app and there was no, YouTube, there was no Facebook, there was none of that kind of even the amount of information that you'd have was limited. It was people's blogs, and, you know, blurry photos and that kind of thing. So it was a relatively scary and endeavor to embark on. I think the thing that saved me is the four guys in the band that I went with, had all been there the year before. So they did have lots of first hand experience. But of course, coming from Canada and traveling to the Middle East for my first real big overseas adventure, let some preconceptions about how it's going to be and I thought, well, I'll just do four months, and then I'll go home. And then 16 years later. Still here. So your husband's musical as well. You guys played together? Where did you make the line? So I met him after that first contract. So actually, I did one conch. I did one more than he's done. So I joined here Monday. Oh, yes, we're totally keeping score, who's played more show? So I joined the band in January and somehow got asked to be the bandleader. I really feel it was by default, because everyone else in the band was French Canadian. And I was the only one who spoke English. And with my administrative background, I spoke good business English. So, you know, I would have the current bandleader coming to me and saying, Can you help me formulate this email? And I'm like, Yeah, you can't start it with Pedro. You know, it has to be a little more formal than that. So he kind of went, well, could you just do it? I was like, Okay, I guess so. So I certainly took on all the admin tasks, which also involves liaising with any of the agents or hotels that we were, you know, that we were dealing with, because these are five star properties, you know, the Grand Hyatt and Hilton and everything, like you needed to kind of be a little bit more on it than that it was the time. So we did the one gig. And then we went back to Montreal for this summer and made a couple of changes to the lineup, the guitars that we had was leaving. And so we went through about oh, my gosh, seven guitarists trying to find a good fit. And finally got Felix who was recommended by a friend of a friend. He was only 22. At the time, he lived in an even smaller town than the one I was from, like, 500 people. And, you know, 20,000 Cows was kind of where he was coming from. He'd never been on a plane. And so for him, it was an equally big adventure. And he, but he was kind of in a place in his life where he wasn't really happy and had just finished his musical education, you know, informally in college, and that, and he sort of same as me with, well, I'll do it for four months. And yeah, and then we got together pretty much right away. So that definitely helped us both feel like this was something that we wanted to stick with. And so yeah, so we've been together a long time. Oh, that's an awesome story. I love that. And isn't it just so typical in the music world? It's like, it's a friend of a friend or someone new this person or it's just the way it goes? Isn't it? Just this connection of people? Yeah. Yeah, it's funny, we're very lucky. But that and it's also funny, too, that there's, I'm, you know, the more that I have, the longer that I am a musician, the more I'm amazed by stories of bands who have that longevity, you know, like bands like YouTube, where they have the same members forever. Because I know even in a couple, it can be really hard to have exactly the same vision for the music and the same vision for the timing of how you want things to go. You know, when we had mostly we play as a duo now, but But we spent most of our time together playing with larger groups. And there were lots of fantastic musicians we played with, who would say I'm tired of traveling, I want to go home and be with my other half, or we had someone leave to go to med school. And it was kind of doable, but you're an amazing keyboard player, he was okay. But I want to be a doctor. So, so to realize that not only does the music have to work, but where you are in your life at that time. It has to work like that for people could do that for 30 years. It is it's incredible, isn't it? When you break it down like that you think of all the things that could have changed or gone wrong, or like it's, it's amazing, isn't it? Yeah. And it's still we actually liking each other and getting on like, right. I'm not saying that about you and your husband? I mean, I'm talking about you too. No, no, no, you can say it about us too. Yeah. Gosh. Adding up your misery causes in the shop, you've been dumped by text, then being slipped. You're wondering what's next, baby. Though life's looking great. You can choose not to decide. I have listened to some of your tracks online, you have got a powerhouse voice. I love your voice. It's I love a bit of built voice. It's so good. passion and energy. Yeah, so did you have like formal lessons for your voice? Or did you just sort of instinctively feel it out and work it out yourself? I've had very few, very few. So I went to university in jazz boys, but have had zero lessons. Before I started I had they went to Concordia, University of Montreal and one of the things I love about their program is they want it to be more inclusive. So unlike some of the other universities that really kind of only take you if you've been through the conservatory stream, or what have you, they just sort of said, if you want to play come audition, first, show us what you can do. And then we'll teach you all the back end, after you know, so. So I was kind of on the edge because I'd had quite a I had a fantastic teacher in high school, you know, but but wasn't quite there. So still needed to do more training, you know that you're training and theory and harmony and all of that to come. So they call that sort of like a zero level to get up to level one to be with everyone else. But but in terms of the singing, I did have contract wasn't really, it really wasn't much. There's only about two semesters of vocal lessons with Jerry Brown, who was their vocal jazz instructor. One of the things I'm really grateful to her for it is she she just gave me a lot of opportunity to get onstage, which I think I really I really needed at that time. As you can see, that's the part that I've hung on to like, gosh, don't ask me any harmony theory now that's long forgotten, but it's still performing. And, and then after that I did. I did a musical review from point and there was a really great vocal coach there as well. So she I mean, the coaching was quite specific to the songs for the show. But she was she came from a musical theater background. So that kind of helps with all that. Belting and being on stage and having to really, again, like project and in a very much like onstage performance way as opposed to recording or anything like that. Yeah, yeah. And it is so different, isn't it? It's yeah, two completely different things. Yeah. Yes. So in terms of the music that you do, I know, I've seen that you write your husband and yourself right together. And you do have this, but I think the way I can't remember how you worded it now on your website, but it was really clever. It's like you could take any style of song and turn it into your own basically, is that how you look at when you're, you're doing your comments. That wasn't how we started. But that's very much Where to now that we've seen too, just in general, I think I think YouTube has been great for for that for introducing the general audience to kind of the magic of reinterpreting you know, reinterpreting styles, so, especially groups like postmodern jukebox, and we're big fans of scary pockets who do funk covers of whatever, you know. So we've found in recent times, that's gotten a lot of traction for us. And it's also cool because when we spent a decade basically just playing pop music, and lots of songs that we love, and it was, you know, full on big songs, Sweet Child of Mine and Highway to Hell sometimes and all these kinds of things. And now we don't have to lose that repertoire because we can translate it. So we do funk version of sweet child of mine, we do a jazz version of, you know, you shook me all night long. And, and, and sort of, you know, all kinds of other things. And so it's a lot of fun for us, I find in that way, it's a more creative process than it used to be where we were just sort of the cover band who had to, as best as we could reproduce what was on the record. You know, that's what we kind of did for a long time trying to bring life to the album version, but but it was pretty much you know, in the box, and it's not so much now. Yeah, that is good. Because like, I don't, obviously, I don't know what the audiences are like in Dubai, I can only speak from my, my tiny little town, but my sister and I had a lot of experience singing in bands, my sister more than me, but, and I did a lot of covers as a soloist. And sometimes your audience just wants to hear the songs that they know, done in the way that they know. And it can be really challenging to get them past that, and to push them a little bit. So it sort of can be hard to know, like, unless your audience is ready for it can be really daunting to try and put in something else and even like putting in originals is like, you know, is that you can sort of relate to that very much very much. And, you know, the audiences in Dubai are high maintenance, I find that way. They're great. And they love live music. And we, I mean, we have a career as purely full time performing musicians, you know, we don't have other jobs we don't teach, we're so lucky. This is what we've been able to do for 16 years. But at the same time, I think that demands are such from us, the as you said, like if it's Hotel California, just play the solo, don't do anything else they want to sing along, maybe they know this solo, you know, they need to hear it as they know it. So there are some songs where we just kind of were like, we're not even gonna attempt that, that you guys just you need it the way you need it. So that's fine. But actually, it's been surprising that they've been as open as they, as they are to hearing different versions of things, we find there's very few opportunities where they're really open to hearing things that they don't know like in that sort of why we don't one of the reasons why we don't do more original music here. The other reason is we have two small children. We got like no time or brain space to write anything. But also there really isn't the opportunity for that you just and you know it's hard when you're playing and you see everyone's eyes kind of glazing over. Yes, I know that feels like you feel like I've got these people they go and really good and then you put in you think I'll take a chance now putting this out and then it's like dammit, I want to stop halfway through despite all the fire alarm. Oh, it's funny, isn't it it was the story that drew me in. Hell you were so inspired by the man with a Viking didn't know it was just you using views and trying to confuse So you mentioned that the two small children How old are your children? So we have two boys who is four and a half and Hendrix is two. Oh, I love it is a great night. Oh that's good. We figured we have to get away at least we're both your parents are musicians. Yeah. Do something a little little left to center it to each night. Yeah, it's almost like it'd be a shame if you did it. Right. So did they like they enjoy sort of hearing you guys playing the guitar or singing at home? You know what, it's funny actually, we don't do nearly enough playing at home. I think that that's one of the for us. One of the hard things about maybe gigging as much as we do you know, and I hate to say there's anything hard about it because I know we're very blessed but like we're we're tired during the Ha, we're good. So I know other people will say, Oh, you must just grab a guitar and sing along all the time. And I'm just, I'm just trying to keep it quiet. And I talk too much during the day, because I gotta go work tonight. You know, when we do, they love it, obviously, they're totally exposed, you know, there's instruments around, they can play what they want, they can sing a lot. We, during COVID, one of the things we did to sort of stay in touch with people is we started live streaming, it was new for us. But we were locked down here in Dubai. And like, when we had our lockdown, it was locked in a locked down, like we did not go outside of the apartment for 35 days, at one point, everything is very delivery oriented in Dubai, even before COVID. So it was quite easy. So you can still get, you know, your medication or groceries or whatever, it all came to the door. But so we were struggling with being trapped in the house at the time, I was four months pregnant and you know, being trapped together with your husband and your two year old. Boy, it was like, Okay, we were feeling really lonely. You know, so we thought, let's try live streaming. And it just got a great reaction. And we realized, actually, that we'd spent so long making music and traveling for people all over the world, but not are our families and our, our people at home because what we do go home for our one month of holiday. Most years. We're like we don't, we're on holiday, I know, I need a break. And I'm what we used to play in a band, it was always really loud music six days a week. And vocally, I needed a massage, you know, so I could do the next 11 months, that kind of thing. So, so those people just, they don't know, they don't know what we do. So our family and friends were just tuning in in droves, you know, and people also to have their own, you know, lockdown of whatever degree. So we found, especially people who are alone, so, you know, kind of in the moms category, but a lot of these are women who live alone, who were really, really isolated. So being able to come on and see us and and we started bringing Bo on and then it was like, forget it. Like we felt like we played a 55 minute, like opening act. So they didn't come on for the last five. You just have people chiming in, in the chat going to have the open arms. And other people like No, no, it hasn't come yet. Okay, like whatever, like we're just the warm up. But this was lovely. Yeah, it was great to see that, that he had fans. And it was a way to, for us to also share what we have, like it's so we kind of got released, you know, into the wild, maybe sooner than in Canada or the UK. So we were back out and doing activities. You know, before people there were. And so then actually, we sort of started this whole new feature of also just filming the activities that we did. So if we went we took to the or to the aquarium, or we went to the pizza or just rode the metro or whatever. We just filmed them. And it was just kind of, you know, life in Dubai, and he would come on and he would narrate the whole thing, which people love. So he tell him, you know, if we went to the petting zoo, and all that, so yeah, he was super into that. So it's a bit sad that now that we've gotten busier, we don't have the same kind of time to do that. Because I think it was a really special features special time that we ended up doing. Probably about 100, like full hour or hour, it became an hour and a half because an hour wasn't enough, you know. And we played games, we did like a quiz show, and we did all kinds of stuff. I'm disappointed because that would have been amazing. Our Australian friends did have trouble turning it because it was like 12 It was midnight or one in the morning for you know, maybe my nurse friend coming off shift at the hospital. So you catch a bit but that was awkward on is that oh, yeah, I could certainly relate to that. Like, you know, you're doing it for yourself because you need something to keep that creativity sort of going, you know, but yeah, like you said the the upside of that is people on the other end are getting so much out of it. So yeah, my news for Don Yeah, it's really valuable. Yeah, it was good. And it's it was really nice to that over the course of the probably about 18 months that we ended up doing it You had to it was kind of starting at just about two, not even two and a half. And so that for me now has been such great memories to preserve to really see him growing. And you hear him singing, and he's singing more in tune as the time goes along, and then his baby, and I'm getting more and more pregnant, you know, and then his baby brothers, and then his baby brother is coming now and singing when we do you know, the two of them sing together and all that. So it's been, it's been really nice to be able to share that with with people for whom it's that's also really meaningful to them. Yeah, it's a very small, but very important and significant audience. Yeah. Well, that's lovely. That is, it's a lovely little snapshot to have, isn't it of that period of time in your life yeah. How did you go singing when you were pregnant? Did you find you your breath was affected, like the diaphragm and all that from having this baby? Good times. For out of breath. And super out of breath. Like, both times, actually, I think I was more out of breath in my first trimester than I was at the end, you know. So that was, so when I was pregnant with Theo, we were actually still on our hotel are the very last of our hotel residency gigs. So it was here in Dubai. But it was still three or four nights a week, nightclub Smokies still jumping up and down that kind of thing. Still being expected to do shots with people like I just had to constantly be making excuses for why more I was telling people that I was pregnant, you know. So that would be jumping up and down still having to do, you know, Highway to Hell. And whenever that was tough, that was tough in that sense. And I think once you start showing and you're pregnant, it's, then people understand, oh, yeah, okay, well, you're going to take it easy, you're not going to jump around so much. So then just my feet were killing. But with deal I performed up until so this was 2017. So I performed up until two days before he was born. Because he came three weeks early. Yeah, I was it was supposed to be my last go. And, and even had my friend, our great friend who's the drummer at the time, and he said, you know, you better take it easy, because you don't want your water to break onstage. I think it's totally said as a joke. And it didn't, but it did 20 hours later, like it nearly did. And I thought oh my gosh, it just would have ruined that status. All the cables, like I could just imagine everything's covered in like goop, you know? Yeah, so I did my last show. And then he was born less than 48 hours later. Was it supposed to be like that, but anyhow, he had other plans. So that was, it was great. Like, actually, I love being pregnant and still singing, I felt really good. I felt really healthy. My feet were sore all the time. But But aside from that, the guys I worked with, were super supportive, you know, and, and people loved it, too. You know, we like we are played at Hard Rock Cafe at that time, which is a very, very much a family venue out here. And so you just have women coming up all the time and and remembering their pregnancies. And it just felt really wholesome, kind of like family, family values sort of thing. And that was definitely my plan being pregnant with Hendrix too, but you know, COVID can kind of hit when I was about four months pregnant. So So one of the things they did here in Dubai is in addition to the lockdown then even when we were, you know, kind of free to go out again, there were still really, really tight restrictions on entertainment for quite a long time. So. So even though I was ready, I was like, you know, we've been out of work, went back at it, even though I'm seven months pregnant now or whatever. I couldn't and so, so then with Hendrix, I actually was back on stage six days after he was born. Oh, we had a gigs that were waiting for us. And I was like, yeah, yeah, I'll be there next Monday. Yeah, I'm coming. That is incredible. That is amazing. How did you do it though physically like we did you you must have Like, good birth and everything like good after, or was it like really? I did, like I really, you know, I had great pregnancies and the actual deliveries were a little bit tough at times I have babies who really enjoyed their accommodation. So they kind of had to be like convinced showing us on this Friday, you know, but then once they were out, they were perfectly healthy. I was healthy. I was moving around, you know. That being said, like I had, I had said, I'm gonna be back on stage, everybody was going, Are you sure I was like, that is the wrong thing to say to me. I've said Hampshire, you know, I'm just going to do this. Obviously, the week between birth and actually having to leave newborn baby for, you know, the six, seven hours that is required when you're when you're doing again, even if it's in town. That week was just so stressful. All I could think was I just need to pump enough. I need to be ready. I mean, one of the things that made it easier is we've had the same nanny since Theo was born. So at least she was really ready for that, you know, feels perfectly comfortable with her. So there wasn't any of that kind of stress of who's going to mind the baby, like I had someone I trusted implicitly, but still. And then on the day of just, I was getting ready for work, and I didn't have a single pair of shoes that fit. My feet were so swollen. And I thought, you know, and it's a jazz gig in a nice restaurant, and I thought I'm gonna have to go there in like, trainers that aren't even done up because I literally can. Like, I was totally miss piggy. You know, I was just, I couldn't even put my feet in anything. And so I found this like, ghastly pair of slip ons that were really stretchy. And all I could think is, please, everybody look at my huge massive cleavage. Don't Don't look down at my terrible. Just keep it all up here and then the top half. I'll be fine. Yeah. But, but I got there. And I really, we, you know, we played three sets. And I really spent the first two sets thinking that I was gonna faint. Like I was on stage thinking, this was not a great idea. I maybe shouldn't have done this. And I'd had an episiotomy. So I was still healing from stitches. So I couldn't sit. Also, you know, sitting was actually really uncomfortable. So everyone was going to want a stool. I'm like, no, no, no stool, that's worse. So I've just kind of, you know, trying not to, like cling on to the mic stand for the first few sets. But you know, Felix was great. And the staff were great. It was a place that we we love we play there a long time. So everybody just welcomed us back with open arms are so happy to see as you know, we've been six months since we've been there. Because of COVID. And the audience was amazing. Like the audience were so ready for live entertainment to after COVID. So actually the third set, good. The third set was better and it was kind of okay, well, this is the power of music that what it can actually do for all of us. But oh, yeah, I was in like the fall on adult diaper for that show. Ah, I'll take my hat off to you. Honestly, that's that is amazing. Good on you. Was there ever any question in your mind that you weren't going to do it though? Did you ever think? No, I just No, I cannot do it was like that. I'm doing it. Yeah. Yeah, I'm doing it. It's happening. And you know, I will say that, like six months of unemployment is a really good motivator for that, too. You're just like, yeah, no, no, we need to start having the ball of finances you know, ball financial ball rolling, like ASAP so, yeah, I'm gonna get on stage. Now when I look at it. I'm like, that was kind of a terrible idea. You know, and I can't believe that all of you guys let me do you know, and my husband is just like, oh, yeah, like I'm absolutely not going to tell you that you're a crazy person. You know, you were doing it. So you did it. Good. Take up drinking is Elton cloud syncing, trial fun and give thinking, wow. Get out and founded by Anna less than wrenching. You go up to your head. Do them. How long did were you away from the station before you came back? Four weeks, maybe four weeks? Five weeks? Yeah. It took it took longer. I will say at that time. But I felt good. You know, I felt like I was ready to be back. But of course the first time. I just couldn't imagine the legit sticks of having to leave him like it wasn't even necessarily that I was nervous to leave him with somebody else. Because of course, like, free COVID, right, he was kind of everyone had helped him and everybody, you know, we used to just like people cough, germs all of our babies all the time. So, you know, that was okay, I was comfortable with that. But I could barely figure out like how to get out of the house, in under four hours, you know, when we would have a doctor's appointment? Like I would literally be preparing for that. Hours and hours ahead of time and still be late all the time. You know, I think one of the the differences too is I was breastfeeding exclusively. The he didn't do any auto feeding for the first two months. So that too, I was just kind of like, how does that work? How are they gone? So actually, the first gig that I did with Theo was one that had come in, and it was in our neighborhood. So it was like 10 minutes walk from the house, it just happened. And I thought this one I can do, you know, I can live and it was one that had a kind of a strange pacing for the evening. So in the middle of the evening, there was like a one and a half hour break. And I thought I can do that. I'll just run home, like in my show clothes, and then feed my baby and then run back to the gig and then come back after. Yeah, so it just kind of worked out that that was one and then you know, quite quickly realizing I have to make a compromise somewhere like I can't just be exclusively breastfeeding. If I want to also be on stage I have to be able to be away for four gigs. So but that's a hard, a hard, you know, thing to work out in your head the first time whereas then by the second baby, I was more comfortable with the idea of bottle feeding and then it was easier to step away. Yeah. Oh, good on you. That is awesome. Like, I'm so impressed by that. I'm gonna put a round of applause sound effect through that. But I will tell you on that gig, which was a bit of a venue that anyway, I was very dark for a reason, let's just say and I was literally in the bathroom, like, you know, pumping milk at one point and watching a cockroach crawling across the wall. And I thought, Here I am making food for my baby like I'm trying like I have the hand sanitizer I'm trying to keep everything is getting there's just a cockroach crawling across in front of my eyes. I thought oh my god, what am I doing? But having said that, yeah, exactly. You know that they they survive like, I don't know, I think we get really scared that they're not going to survive without us. And then when they do you go. Oh, actually, this is great. What else can I do now? Let's meet Well, I did anyway. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. You're listening to the art of being a mom with my mum, Alison Newman. Sean. Stone, opposing forces. And predictable unknown. Is you the sound? Man, I'll see you on Monday. Was it important to you that you got back to your pre I want to say you pray baby life, because it's never the same, but holding the things that are important to you. You're performing you're singing? Was that like, the top of the list? This is me. I'm going to get back to this as soon as I can. Yeah, very much. I'm, you know, I'm a relatively old mum, as they you know, as they go. So, I was 39 when I had the Oh 42 When When I had Hendrix, and one of the reasons that I hadn't started a family any earlier was that I was the bandleader like I, and the dynamic I think in the band because Felix, the musical director, and I was kind of all the admin bandleader side of things, we were very much Mom and Pop, you know, in kind of the structure of whoever we worked with. So we'd work with basically like five to seven piece bands. And for the most part, like, I felt like those people were my kids, you know, kind of dealing with the feelings and drama and scheduling and making sure everybody had clean clothes and you know, that kind of thing. Because also too, when you're traveling that as a whole other aspect of you know, there are a whole other host of issues that come up where you're kind of like living with people and they're living away from home and all of this so sometimes it was a lot to handle and I thought there's no way I could have a real baby that I need to take care of where this band is my baby, you know, and I also for myself, I If I didn't want to not be able to do everything that I was doing, and, and I knew having a baby would change my life, and I knew that there would be compromises that had to be made, and I was just not in any way ready for that. So, for that reason, too, it was really important to me to perform the whole time I was pregnant, you know, kind of up until the bitter end, it was like, I'm still, I'm still doing everything that I could do, you know, with the exception of bending to plug in cables, to a point where I just cannot get down there. I and so then after baby, it was like, Yeah, I'm back, I'm back. Nothing has changed, you know, of course, everything has changed. But that I really kind of had like a death grip, I think on that element of my identity. And that is, the thing that I think I struggle with most really, is I still get really frustrated that I'm not able to do all the things that I used to be able to do, there was a moment where I was thinking maybe that I would have to even give all this up just because of so unhappy with how that all had gone, it kind of coincided with just sort of what happened in the market here in Dubai, you know, for such a long time, Felix and I had been leading a band. And then some of the people we worked with, left the band because they wanted to move on. And also just in the market, the budgets just got a lot smaller. So all of a sudden, there weren't gigs for five or six people, it was no Oh, to Navy, we can stretch to three. And so I was left feeling. And I know it's an all makes sense, but you know, really feeling that I took my hands like off the crank to have a baby. And it all fell apart. Just like I knew it would, you know, and and it was. And so I felt like a lot of that was my fault. Like, we would have still had van and we would have still had gigs, we would have still been just as like, busy and happy had I not done this, you know. And so that took me a while to get over and to sort of you know, it's not all about me. Like there were also other factors at work just like the economy, that's not all my fault. Yeah, yeah, how you would feel like that, yeah, it's very high. And it's having to kind of work my head around to, to appreciate and, and adapted to what we do now. So. So that was a thing kind of as things shrunk, you know, we sort of went six, five, all the way down to it just being feeling SCI. And and then the gigs changed, you know, and COVID was a big part of that, too, that we've, you know, we were lucky enough for most of the last two and a half years to actually have that live entertainment has been allowed, there was about 10 months where it was, you know, kind of band completely. But because Felix and I were now a small unit, we were more affordable. And because we also moved away from playing the pop music, the B student big band. And instead, we were doing these, like, Jazzy, you know, covers but still have pop music. We found that there were a lot of and also to one of the rules that they only brought back fairly recently is that there was no dancing allowed anymore, because they didn't want people kind of like being close together mingling. So restaurants were allowed and restaurants could have music with the tables had to have social distancing, you know, and all of that. But then actually, we found ourselves really well positioned because we could just set up husband and wife like in a little corner and play these songs that would still have people sort of dancing in their seat, you know, by not getting up it was all at a quieter value. It was actually really popular, you know, and the other things that came with being in a restaurant like gigs that start at 730 I want to be in bed before midnight. Definitely. Certainly, because you know, I have to get up at six o'clock in the morning. No, and there's none of that, you know, slip until all hours so. So I've worked my way around to really appreciate it but it mentally it's there are times there has been a really hard slog you know, and it's probably been about three years of lots of talking to myself and re The assessing if I'm happy with where things are and where they're going, yeah. Well, I mean, it's not to say that there were, you know, not moments of serious self doubt. And, and us really questioning things, you know, even even at the very beginning of COVID, where they were closing the airports, right, you know, and, and gosh, our prime minister on TV, say Canadians come home, that was exactly what he said. So, of course, our parents are like, get on a plane and come and, and, you know, and we're just going well, do we, though, but we have we live here, you know what I mean, you have an apartment full of stuff. It's not just, it's not like we're on a holiday, you know. So that was a hard decision to sit tight and say, Okay, we're going to stay here. And staying in a place where, you know, there's no, kind of like social safety net for foreigners here. So there's no employment insurance, there's no child, like, kind of welfare thinks that you're on your own. So we had to just try to, you know, tighten our belts manage our savings to make them last as long as they, as they could, you know, borrow money when we had to, to get through it. And of course, the whole time, you're thinking like, is this it? Is this just the end? Because that was one of the things that was so hard about COVID to it was, maybe this is the end forever? Have in person performances, like the repairs were like, is this? Is it just all gone now? And if so, what are we hanging on for like, then we need to be pivoting and learning to be accountants, like, this is what has to happen. And so if they're, there have had so many long periods of just not knowing what the hell we're doing and what the hell's going on. Now, of course, in hindsight, like we see, okay, no, we were, we we made the right call to is to stick it out. And stay here, I think, actually, one of the big factors that, you know, factored into a stain was that I was pregnant. Because it was also I don't have a doctor in Canada, you know, my doctor is here, the quality of care is, is excellent here, and it was still really accessible, you know, whereas in Canada, they kind of like, locked everything down. And my sister was pregnant at the same time. So we really, so I have a nephew who's only three months older than Hendrix. So we really were kind of, you know, compare and contrast, like through the whole thing. And she was having tele health visits, and I'm like, no, no, I still go in for my, you know, twice a month ultrasound. Like, I'm still allowed to do that. So you know, I think that live streaming was really great to show us that we have a another way of, of reaching people. But I feel like it's not over, I feel sort of that, like our deciding is not over, you know, we really feel like we're here. We're here for the immediate future. But also, I personally know that I'm left with a lot of anxiety and kind of, like a form of, you know, PTSD, almost just the stress of the insecurity of the last two years is, is something that I really struggled to shake, to, to feel secure. Again, in as secure as you ever feel when you're a musician. I mean, I've spent the last 16 years of life on contracts and having like, zero, real financial security, you know, as many artists, you know, that's our life. Right. But this has added a whole like other layer to it, which is kind of permanently stressful. Yeah. Yeah. And that's thing. It's so it's so unknown, because it's like, I know what you mean, like, it's winter, next gig winds, you know, in normal times, but then it's like, Will there ever be gigs? Like, it totally changes the whole way? That you think about the whole thing, so yeah, I can I can empathize with you there because that's, yeah, and that's thing. It's COVID Still ticking along like things are still happening. And yeah, we just we have no idea where it's going and what's going to happen and yeah, it's full on in it's been a really, it's been a crazy time to be alive. You know what I mean? Like it's it is one of those hopefully once in a lifetime occurrences, you know, like a war like, something like that, that this is is you know, the thing we'll talk to our grandkids about, basically. Yeah, and, and, um, yeah, I'm still not sure how we're the lasting changes, you know, that this This will make like, one of the things that I was sort of surprised at is how quickly kind of the online side of things really like online performances really dissipated once in person performances were a thing again. Which is great, because I mean, hey, we're like, that's our job is to be in person performers were in the room. But, and in a way, it's fantastic. Because it thinks that it shows me that there's nothing that can replace being in the room with the people making the music, you know, it's just, you can't put that on a record, you can, you know, put that on on a screen, it just you have to be there. So good for us. Because that means people still want to see us in person, but also to is kind of stressful, because it's like, well, then, is there ever really a plan B for for us? Or is it always because certainly when we were live streaming, we made a little bit of money, but it was, you know, dribs and drabs, it was not like enough to sustain us so. So that's kind of where I am now. It's just to feel that over the long term, not sure how much longer we'll be able to kind of get away with doing what we're doing, you know, because if ever to the market changes again, and we're now not so well positioned for what people want, then that's tough. So I mean, this is like a story of all you know, performance artists also sample if you lead with me, me, me love you you know, that I find it Oh, so hard to let go. Change my mind when you say in your sweet baby one of the topics I really like to talk to guests on the show is about mom guilt. And I put I put it in air quotes because I recorded an episode with an artist this morning who had to Google what it meant because she literally did not experience it didn't know what it was. And I thought that was awesome. That's the first person I've met that hasn't known. So I'm really that was awesome. So that just goes to show the broad range of experiences that we have with this thing. What's your thoughts? Oh my gosh, I'm the polar opposite of the poster child for Mom You're getting both ends of the spectrum today. Yeah, yeah, no, mom. Definitely. I mean, I have all kinds of, you know, anguish about things. You know, I have like, bandleader guilt and all this kind of things, too. So it's just another one that I add to my my collection. The mom guilt. Yeah. Where does it hurt? Oh, my gosh. It's, you know, I was listening to to yesterday, I was listening to the podcast you done with Ms. Coleman. And she was talking about it really for her seems to revolve around time. And I think that's, that's absolutely yet you know, feeling that that I'm not giving my boys enough time or feeling that I'm not giving them quality time. That one is, you know, certainly is trouble. I see. So I kind of the logistics of it. Right? You know that our gigs do finish even getting home at midnight, but you know, you're not to bed for 130 or whatever. So when someone comes because they've wet the bed and then the other ones crying the knees. So you know, I mean, there's lots of nights where we're still, you know, maybe up three or four times. So then starting the day at seven, it's like okay, well we've had like five broken hours of sleep, you know, and my husband and I share duties and he's up, you know, with as well. But still we both just find really, really tired in the mornings a lot and That's hard. So then I think I see too that with Hendrix, I don't spend the same time there's a lot more TV. A lot more TV. Do it would be like 12 minutes, one little episode, you know that we're trying to get off and we're working on colors and stuff to with Hendrix, I'm like, Dude, how do you not know any of your colors? Like how do you not know these animals? Right, because no one has taught us that that was the kind of thing with do that I would sit and I would do. And now with two of them, I'm just kind of like, oh, the TV's just gonna have to teach you something today, because I don't go to the realities. The reality but I feel guilty about it, you know, I feel guilty that I'm not kind of there for my second one, in the same way that I was for the, you know, for the first child. And, and it's, it's hard. When we get busy with work, you know, we're lucky to have maybe six or seven gigs a week, regularly, you know. So sometimes we'll only have one night off. And that's hard, where I'm giving them their bath and putting them to bed once a week. And just the feeling that like there's another woman who I love and trust, but somebody else does this all the time, who gives you nighttime cuddles. So those periods are hard, but they're also kind of necessary, sort of the reality here, like, in general, there are summer season, which is about five months long. workwise is quite quiet, you know, there's less tourists, a lot of the families that are here, if they can, they, they'll take their holiday, so they might be gone back to Australia or Canada or UK wherever for two, perhaps two months. So then they're not here eating in restaurants and going out. So we do have a lot less gigs in summer than we do in the over the winter period. And that's hard to the the feeling that we have to take all the work that we can get, you know, when it's offered. I don't find that we have a lot of balance, like either summer, and we're kind of, you know, to in our fingernails a bit going, Okay, hope we can we make it by the end of the month, or it's winter. And we're just like, you know, out every night kind of thing, just just working all the time not feeling dizzy the kids? And if so, and then I think it translates into other ways, right? You know, maybe there's too many trips to McDonald's or too many little presents, or little, you know, ice cream or whatever, because it's like, my, I feel like I don't see you enough. So I just want to just want to treat you. And there are other options. You know, like here in Dubai, there's quite a nanny culture, they don't really do babysitters, and of course, because all of us, like kind of the entire population are away from our families, right? You know, like, everyone has come from all over the world to work here. So you don't have sisters and aunts and uncles and brothers who can watch the kids, you know, so you have a nanny, and they're with you, all the time. And for many people, it's not our situation, but many people have many live with them that and we often have people saying that, but if you had your nanny live with you, she would get up in the morning with the kids and you know, hey, we think about it, but also to the Trade Office, then then I do lose that part, I do lose that access to my, my kids. And you know, there's a part of me, which feels like, if certainly if we had kids in Canada, we'd be doing it all on our own, you know, we would be up and we would be tired. And we would be just like everybody else, you know, and so trying to still may have that kind of Canadian life, but at the same time, the reality is like, I get to bed at two o'clock in the morning when I'm tired when I wake up at 630 So there's no escaping. Yeah, but that's the thing that I like. I haven't heard you say once in this, even though there's always stuff I mean, obviously thinking about, you know, the how the market is gonna go but you're not saying that I don't want to do this anymore. Because of, you know, the sacrifices, the compromises that I might be making with my children. You know what I mean? Like it's, this is what is important to you at the end of the day, you know, this is this is you This is in in your heart and soul and yeah, I hope I'm getting Yeah, yeah, it was interesting because I quite recently have asked myself, you know, if this is if this is right for if this is right for me, if this is right for us, and it's sort of that feeling of a lack of balance, you know, I would like to feel more balanced and and I mean, also to that logistically, the reality of it is just financially, it makes more sense for the two of us to be going out and gigging. And for us to then hire a nanny than for me to stay home. But that's not the whole story, too. When I see things like, Oh, my two year old doesn't know his car, you know? And I'm like, well, maybe I need to be here, and be teaching him those things. And, and is that what's right for us now? And also to in the sense that, you know, we think someday we'll move back to Canada, probably, you know, in the next five years. And we know, we can't do this, when we're there. So there's also that to have, do we need to be putting in place, whatever kind of work, things need to happen, you know, does it obviously involve some kind of retraining or something? And is that what I should be spending my time doing now? So that we're kind of ready for the next step. But, you know, as he said, it's kind of the, it has always pulled me back in like, I can't imagine not putting on the makeup and doing the hair and going out and, and making music with Felix, you know, it's the the reason that we're that we're together. You know, he'll he'll occasionally have other gigs with other people. And as much as I love it, and I'm happy for him. And he needs more variety than I do. Like, I'm like, No, I'm happy to just work with you to know exactly what I'm doing to have someone who I rely on 100% I don't need any kind of instability. In my life. I'm good. I got it. Whereas he'll go, he's happy to jam and happy to take on new projects and learn new things like No, no, I don't have any of that desire. But when he does things, I'm happy for him. But also there's part of me that, like, it really doesn't like that, you know, that he's gone off and is having a life without? Yeah, I mean, we literally in 16 years, like we pretty much, you know, kind of spent every minute together for that time. So yeah, it's if for better, it's far better for us. You know, it really it really is. No longer gonna backtrack, just exam that you chose wrong. Now you go back and get over it Yeah, was gonna ask you what you've got coming out. But I know, I've I don't know how to ask that. Because you've got gigs all the time, haven't you? Like? Yeah, yeah. So it's not like, because I had a look at your page of all your shows. It's like, oh, my gosh, you like that. And then, so like, it's just, it just flows on and on and on. Like you said, you have this portion of the year where it's full on full on full on, and then it's the little break time. So yeah, you just sort of ride the waves. And, yeah, it's like, you know, we describe it as a marathon out here. Right? You know, because it doesn't ever really stop. And which is great. Is you know, as you said, like it does have high season and low season to it. So, for us coming up we're getting into this season probably won't start really full on until October. Which is okay, because Theo is starting school in September. So he's never been to nursery, he was kind of about to go to nursery and then it was COVID. So then he stayed home for that two years with us. Which is a whole other like, Mom, thing my sister laughs at me, she's really okay with sending her eldest to school and I just choked all the time. I'm like, buying, you know, glue sticks and googly eyes, like crying in the grocery store. filling his school list. I, you know, he needs a uniform and I'm kind of dreading going to the store. I just don't I can't like deal with seeing him in that little uniform for the first time. So yeah. So I think actually, it'll be okay that he, you know, we'll start that and we're not super busy yet. So we'll have time to kind of transition him into that and transition us because he has to get up even earlier for us to drive him to school. You know, Oh, it's so I'm nervous about it. Because I think like, already, I'm tired. And already, it's not amazing for me, you know? How is that going to be when now we have to be up even earlier five days a week. And then when I have more gigs, how's it all gonna work? So I'm, I am really nervous about this fall season, coming in and figuring that we will just have to figure it out, as you know, as it goes along. But for us, musically, we have just started our first gig in like, four years with a full band. So that's been exciting for us to actually have, you know, bass, drums and keys again, because most of the time, and although we say most of the time as a duo, Felix is the band. So he is a guitarist, but he does all the drum programming, we work the drum machine that he plays Live, and then he does bass loops and guitar loops on top of that, and then he's doing back vocals, and he's saying the vocals, I'm just singing. I'm playing a little bit tambourine here and there. And then doing all though, like, admin stuff on whatever social media time. Yes, I do. That's all me. But, but so to have a full band is musically is really exciting again, logistically is difficult. It's kind of like, oh, yeah, and people's scheduling and issues and all this. Oh, okay. Yeah. So, so it's great that we're working on that working in a new venue to so getting adjusted to, what did they want? What does the audience want? What do we think is going to work? We've just been asked to perhaps put together a gypsy jazz trio, which would be new for us, we do a little bit of gypsy jazz, but not like full on things. So trying to see if that's something that we can that we can manage. And aside from that, yeah, just mostly have work either as a duo or as a trio. We do have a few different keyboard players that we that we work with. And yeah, most of most of our gigs are restaurant or kind of restaurant lounge, this new full band one is the first one that we seen a long time where people really there's sort of like a dance floor space for them, you know. So that too, has meant Okay, well, we kind of need to rework and bring back in some of that repertoire that we haven't really bothered with for last few years because they weren't allowed to. Yeah. Yeah, and it'll just lead up by Christmas. Usually our week of Christmas is absolutely nuts been rammed, which is I just find crazy challenging. It's with two kids. So also trying to find time to steal like, create the magic of Christmas and, and it's Theo's birthday, he's a Christmas baby. So he's also kind of like finding a way to make him also birthday, maybe birthday party and, and playing, you know, Christmas Eve, usually we'll do two gigs. And Christmas day, we'll do two gigs. And every night of the week and everything. So it is, it's a tough, it's a tough time of year for me. I mean, you want to talk mom gills is kind of astronomical and have our nanny, you know, reading the Christmas story, and I really struggled with that this last year, you know, that we, we move Christmas as we need to, you know, like we celebrated on the day that we don't have to get up and go to a gig. So we did it on the 26th this year, but that still meant that on Christmas night, like she's putting out cookies for Santa and getting them in their pajamas. And I was just kind of all over the place that night. Like it was to the point where Felix even said to me, he said, you know, do we cancel that gig like you're this upset, you know, in the weeks leading up to it that you're not that you're not going to be able to be there and you know, it's a tough call right like these well paid holiday gigs you know, they're not at our usual rate. They're better than the usual rate and, and having to and maybe it'll be different every year. You know, maybe I won't make the same choice this year as to am I okay with her just sending photos of look, they're in their Christmas jammies. I'm sort of toggling between sets and then going okay, here we go, you know, celebrating Christmas with other people who are there with their families also too, which is just like that. You know, really hard on my heart and, and I, you know, I think maybe in later years it if we're still kicking around and doing this, it will be the kind of thing where maybe they can come and be with us, you know, on the on those occasions just be at those games. But right now there's just so little that, you know, and their bedtime is still early and all of that. So it's, it's, I know that it's better for them to be at home where they're well taken care of and she's doing as much of the tradition is as I have, like, left instructions were hard to do. But, but it's hard like Felix and I both are moms or elementary school teachers. So they had summers off, they had two weeks off at Christmas. So we both kind of have these very strong like holiday traditions of the families always did this and that and Christmas Eve was this kind of celebrating and then Christmas Day was that kind of celebrating. And for us we're just absent, you know, on those times. So find hope Yeah, find the holidays hard. But you know, in the other sense like we're still financially recovering from COVID so it's work work work, work, work work, work much as we can Yeah, you just sort of do what you can at the time that you make the decisions as you go and like you said next year you might feel different and then a year after you might feel different so it's like Yeah, going with what you need at the time. Yeah. And trying not to feel guilty I really love talking to you today. It's it's such a routine energy and I like have you got videos on YouTube where we can watch you perform, I want to watch you perform like your vibe is so welcoming and energizing is like awesome to have a say on stage. You know what I mean? What if you do want to see the videos with feel of which honestly, I swear there's like at full length shows there but they're on our Facebook page. So you can feel free to like scroll through the years. Seriously, just check the last five minutes because that's the start. You can skip ahead. It's fine. We're used to everyone else like tuning out and then coming back five minutes to the hour. I'm University thanks for your company today. If you've enjoyed this episode, I'd love you to consider leaving us a review following or subscribing to the podcast or even sharing it with a friend who you think might be interested. If you or someone you know would like to be a guest on the podcast please get in touch with us via the link in the show notes. I'll catch you again next week for another chat with an artistic mum now tomorrow we live saw so simple if you lead with me love you used to be the one always man trying struggling still good seem so sad with you maybe. Monroe I love to also sample if you lead with me love me for me design but love you You know that I find it oh so hard to let go change when you say in your sweet baby start let's let them roll while we while we live in today in some some so simple if you learn to be with me they're gonna love you ever decide that you're gonna love you

Louise Agnew Australian photographer S2 Ep41 Listen and Subscribe on itunes , spotify and google podcasts Louise Agnew is a photographer based in Millicent, SA mother of 3 children. Louise came to photography professionally 10 years ago after a career in psychology and social work, after the urge for a creative outlet took over. Louise loves capturing the relationship between mothers and their children, and is a champion of encouraging mums to get out from behind the cameras and into the photos! Her candid style and genuine relationships forged with her clients has made Louise a local favourite, cemented by the many community collaborations she takes on. Today we chat about how Louise was able to make a big shift in her mindset and identity around mothering, body image and the media and the high value she places on having a therapist you can talk to. You'll also hear some chatter with her 8 month old son George :) **This discussion contains mentions of mental health issues** Connect with Louise - website / instagram Connect with the Podcast - website / instagram We also mention : Mamma Matters Dr Sophie Brock Music used in this episode is done so with permission from Alemjo When chatting to my guests I greatly appreciate their openness and honestly in sharing their stories. If at any stage their information is found to be incorrect, the podcast bears no responsibility for guests' inaccuracies. Podcast transcript at the bottom of the page Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode of The Art of Being A Mum Podcast. I'm beyond honoured that you're here and would be grateful if you could take 2 minutes to leave me a 5-star review in iTunes or wherever you are listening. It really helps! This way together we can inspire, connect and bring in to the light even more stories from creative mums. Want to connect? Take a screenshot of this episode and share it on Instagram tagging me in with @art_of_being_a_mum_podcast I can't wait to connect. And remember if you or somebody you know would like to be a guest on the podcast, get in touch ! I love meeting and chatting to mammas from all creative backgrounds, from all around the world! Thank you! Alison acknowledges this Land of the Berrin (Mount Gambier) Region as the Traditional Lands of the Bungandidj People and acknowledge these First Nations people as the custodians of the Region. Ch eck out more episodes ..... Welcome to the Art of Being a mum, the podcast where we hear from mothers who were artists and creators sharing their joys and issues around trying to be a mother and continue to make art. Regular topics include mum guilt, identity, the day to day juggle mental health, and how children manifest in their art. My name is Alison Newman. I'm a singer songwriter, and a mum of two boys from regional South Australia. I have a passion for mental wellness, and a background in early childhood education. You can find links to my guests and topics they discuss in the show notes, along with music played a link to follow the podcast on Instagram, and how to get in touch. All music used on the podcast he's done so with permission. The art of being a mom acknowledges the bone tech people as the traditional custodians of the land and water, which this podcast is recorded on and pays respects to the relationship the traditional owners have with the land and water as well as acknowledging past present and emerging elders. Thanks so much for joining me today. My guest on the podcast is Louise Agnew. The Waze is a photographer based in Millicent South Australia and a mum of three children. Louise came to photography professionally 10 years ago, after a career in psychology and social work, after the urge for a creative outlet just took over. Louise loves capturing the relationship between mothers and their children, and is a champion of encouraging moms to get out from behind the cameras and into the photos. Her candid style and genuine relationships forged with her clients has made Louise a local favorite, cemented by the many community collaborations she takes on. Today we chat about how Louise was able to make a big shift in her mindset, and her identity around mothering body image and the media and the high value she places on having a therapist she can chat to. You'll also hear some chatter with her seven month old son George. This discussion contains mentions of mental health issues. Thanks so much for coming on today. Louise. It's such a pleasure to have you. Thank you for having me. Yeah, so you're well I shouldn't say you from Gambia. You're in Millicent, aren't you? Yes, I did. I grew up in that Gambia moved away, went to uni. And then didn't think I'd ever moved back but met a local tantan oh boy in Adelaide, and we moved back lived in them out for I don't even know how long, eight years, 10 years or something. And then we only just moved to Millicent about six months ago, maybe? Yeah. Six to 12 months ago. I've lost my marbles. Were very good. So you're a photographer? Can you tell us a little bit a bit about sort of how you got started and the sort of style of photography that you like to do? Yep. So I've been shooting for probably over 10 years now, professionally, but it probably started well. I mean, I've always sort of was the person with a camera in their hand. My whole life pretty much. I've always enjoyed it. But basically, yeah, so I went to uni, studied psychology, and then went on and did my masters in social work. So I was working in that field, and absolutely love the work I did, but then also needed that creative outlet as well, which is where I was doing my photography. And eventually, it sort of took over or didn't take over. But I had to share my time across two jobs, basically. And one of them had to give so yeah, I went with the photography. Yeah. So do you do all styles of photography like weddings and portraits and so I used to do weddings. And then if we're talking about being a mother, once I had children, it became quite difficult for me. I would have people wanting to book two years in advance, and I did you know, in that baby making phase of my life and I thought I want to cancel on people. And then I did take on a last minute request for a wedding. After I had my firstborn Rosie and I think I don't know how old she was somewhere between six and 12 months. But I was still breastfeeding and said I can do it but you'll have to be okay with because she wouldn't take a bottle. Mom had to drive her out to this wedding and it was 40 something degrees. She was sitting in the car waiting for a fee. The wedding was running late. And I went out and feta and I I thought Nope, this is like I loved the work. But it just wasn't. It's not the time of my life at the moment. So I'm still not doing weddings. So my main focus is families and businesses. And I really love to capture motherhood, actually, which. Yeah, I think that passion sort of began has begun since becoming a mum myself. Yeah. Do you think a bit of that I noticed, obviously, follow you on Instagram? There's this sort of, you seem to have a sort of push for the mums to make sure they're in the photos to that it's sort of Yes. Seem to be always the ones taking the photos, but they're not. Absolutely. And I think we always have these excuses for all the reasons that we shouldn't be in the photographs, you know, like, I need to lose more weight, or we will, that's the biggest one. But you know, there's always something behind the reason that you Oh, wait till this child is older, or we might have another child, so we should wait until that child's born. You know, it's it's that classic, self sacrificial thing that mothers do. Yeah. Thinking that they don't deserve to be in photographs. But I know when I look back at photographs of myself, you know, four years ago with Rosie and I was a very different look at that stage in my life. You know, I don't hate those photographs. I'm so glad to see. I mean, my favorite thing to capture is that connection that mums have with their children. And that's what I think I look back on and reflect on when I looked at the photos of myself. Not judging. Not judging myself. Yeah. Yeah. easy thing to do at the time, I think but it's more about having that history record of how things were when the kids were tiny or, or bigger. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. And maybe it's so hard to to get past that initial. Oh, geez, look at me in that photo. Oh, you know, stuff. It's like, look, look past that and see, see it for what it is, it's a mother with their child and they have a great relationship different. It's a great memory to have. Yeah, it is and I think to these days, because nine times out of 10 The reason that we're in a photograph is because we've taken a selfie with our children not an actual stand over there and capture and so the way that we perceive ourselves with filters and then having such control over how you can make yourself look on an iPhone with your reverse camera on shooting a selfie. It can be confronting sometimes to see so if for how the whole world sees you know, yeah, when you lose that control, don't have the filter you know, overhead angles. Yeah, that's it looks looks good for me. Yeah, yeah. That's my classic one. Whenever people take photos make sure you're ever beaten highest. The way you like to show is quite candid. Then you like to capture people just in the moment. Do you do a lot of outdoor or studio? What's your sort of main preference? Mostly outdoor. I really love shooting in the golden hour. Either early in the morning or late at night late at night tends to be the guy and often people freak out and think Oh, my kids are gonna you know, they're not really good. But I think I love that wildness of children. I don't want them to sit there like little statues being you know. Yeah, I don't that studio style is probably not my thing so much. I mean, some there's a time and place for it. You know when I'm taking headshots or newborns are a bit different because you don't want the kids being wild around a newborn too much. So, but at the moment since moving to Milton, I don't actually have a studio anymore. So I'm definitely yeah, definitely not a studio at the moment. Yeah, I don't really have this new obsession with film and the nostalgia that I don't know. I recently borrowed a camera from another photographer and shot some film on there. And I don't know I just Yeah, I love that. That's probably my current feel. I think in my images, that nostalgic feel. Yeah, right. And does that then mean that you basically what you shoot is what you get like it's not. Can you study match? Yeah, I just sent my first roll off the other day. So it could be a disaster because you initial feedback. I've no idea reminds me of my wedding I had mine was shot on film. And it was like, it just feels like the olden days when, like, yeah. I was taking a photo of Rosie and she was like, Can I see it? And I was like, No, you can't, like not till we finish this role, send it off. Like there's a real, I think current generation don't know how to wait. And I'm guilty of that too. Not just not just kids. We want everything now. It's like, No, you have to wait for something magic in that, I think. Yeah, it's like, it's like when you go out as a teenager, and I'm not sure there's might be a bit of age difference between you and I but you take your little pin taxi out to shadows and then have to wait to see. Like, yeah, no, I will cameras out. Yeah. And then you think oh, what is going to come back on this field or this farm system and judge me? You've briefly mentioned your children a little bit. Can you tell us more about your children? How many others that you have for Rosie? Yes. So yeah, so Rosie is nearly five. She's just started Primary School. Patrick, or as we call him, Patti. He doesn't even really know that. His name's Patrick. He is two and a half. And George is seven months. Yeah. nearly eight months. Yep. So he's the new the new section. He's the newest and the final addition to kids, his two kids, but three kids is 20 or something. And it's very true. The scales for us. Oh, goodness. So you use your children a lot as your inspiration I guess in your work? Yeah, I do. Yeah. If I want to try something new, or you know, I'll often take one of the kids out and, you know, play around with white or? Yeah, a new style of editing or whatever it might be. Yeah. And they're bright. I was gonna say Do they enjoy that? Like with Rosie asking if she gets tired, obviously used to. Yeah, the feedback. And I do respect them. Like if they don't want to, then I won't. Yeah, and I always ask, but because my style was very candid, too. Sometimes they might just be out running under the sprinkler or you know, just not doing anything. And yeah, they love seeing them. Love seeing the photos that I've taken afterwards. Oh, that's so cool. Yeah. So with with the three Now you mentioned not being able to your weddings, how does it sort of work? I mean, I guess you're still on maternity leave with George. But how's it worked with the other children going back to work, but trying to fit that in some? It's interesting. So I have gone back to work now officially. GEORGE We start childcare in about two months, which breaks my heart the other two didn't start to though 14 months. But I burnt myself to a crisp both times thinking that I could work around their naps and you know, which is what I'm doing at the moment basically, but I'm only taking out a very light workload. But yeah, Paddy goes to childcare and roses at school. So that's how I make it work. I shoot like I've mentioned before, during the golden hour so often that's when Tom time so he'll have the kids then so nine times out of 10 I try and shoot when Tom's home and edit when they're napping or in care. Yeah, yep. So you mentioned just then about it breaks your heart do you? Do you feel that sort of the psyche guild but that pool of Oh no, my child's going to talk here. So I can do what is that? Yeah. Yeah. Yes, I know you've you talk a bit about guilt in lots of your episodes. I do feel guilty. It's not a guilt. I feel guilty because I know I don't know. I don't know if To give that a feel for sending him to childcare, because I don't have a choice. So I know that it's something that I have to do. And I want to do like, I think sometimes saying that we feel guilty is our way of making ourselves feel like we're a better mother because oh, we can't possibly do something for ourselves and then have this like, you know, does that make us a bad mum for wanting to go back to work or for wanting time for ourselves? Well, no, it doesn't. That's okay. We're people in our in our own right. We should have time separate from our children. Yeah, so it's more that I feel guilty. Because the other two got more time before they went to childcare, I think. But I know, again, putting myself first that I will fall apart if I try and do it all again, this time. So yeah, so lots of work on since the other two on what it means to be a good mum. And I don't know if you've read much into the good enough mother. There's a sociologist that I follow on Instagram, Dr. Sophie Brock, do you follow her? No, haven't seen her. Yet, br o CK. Rodeo making? Yeah. And she, her whole thesis is based on motherhood and what it means to be the ideal mother. Yeah. And basically, she breaks down. But that's really a myth that we are all good mothers and having time to ourselves. And you know, we all we're not the perfect mother. That's what she calls it. That it's that that perfect mother thing is this thing that we are constantly striving to be but it just doesn't work like that. No one's perfect. And yeah. You have to listen to her because I'm not very good at explaining it. Oh, no, that's fine. Oh, definitely does talk about that guilt, Mother guilt, and that it's a cycle. In she says that we need to shift our guilt to ambivalence, basically. And saying, you know, it's okay, that I that I want to go and do something for myself or be, you know, we need to have that time away creatively and, you know, whatever it might be that you want to do to perform better as parents. Yeah, I couldn't agree more. That is honestly that's, that's awesome. I'm definitely gonna get on to that lady. Now. She has a podcast too, actually. Yeah cool. Because you've got your background in your psychology and social work as that. I don't want to say it's been easy because Nothing's ever easy. But is that been? You've been able to sort of understand it in a way that most other people probably couldn't? Because you do have that education and training? I guess, the motherhood guilt thing. Yeah. You're able to sort of quantify it a bit differently. I think so I am still obsessed with learning. Anything psychology based. And neuro sciences like was one of my favorite things to work with. When I was working as a therapist. I think sometimes it can be hinderance as well, because I do read too much sometimes. And yeah, but then when, when I'm in one of those wraps, then I'll also be able to come back to Okay. Yeah. This is Paul to constantly be this perfect mother, I think and sometimes we know too much. And then we think oh, I've yelled at the kids too much today or you know, I'm not doing things how I should be doing them. That should yeah, we constantly throw in there. I should be doing this. I shouldn't be doing that. I shouldn't be doing this. Yeah, so I think there's positives because I feel well educated but also sometimes it's there is a thing about knowing too much. Yeah, that sort of ties into the concept of identity about how you sort of see yourself as a person, I suppose. And you said before that, you know, we're people in our own right. Even though we're a mother, we're still our own person. Is that something really important to you? It is, but it's taken me a long time to get to that point. After I had Rosie, I was very self sacrificial, and literally put everything and everyone before myself. And was doing that, again, after I had Patty as well. And probably I can, when he was about six months old, I just started to, I saw someone that's close to me, taking time for herself. And I remember initially thinking, how can she do that? Like, how can she go to the gym for like, an hour, every, however many days, whatever it was a week, I remember really thinking that that I couldn't understand. I just, I didn't judge it. But I could not understand how you could do that. And then I started doing it myself. And I was like, Oh, my God, I can't believe I wasn't doing this. I am a better mother for it. I'm, it just changed me as a person that changed me as a mother. And, of course, you can spend an hour a day, if that's what you choose to go and move your body and, you know, help yourself like, Yeah, it's funny how you can stand on the other side of the room and think something's impossible until you start doing it yourself. And then think, Oh, this is actually how you should be living. Yeah, yeah, I know, I'll notice if I haven't, because I like to try and go for a walk every day. And maybe this is perceived as a little bit self sacrificial, but I try and go before everyone wakes up. But um, but still, I know that there's a chance that they might not and it's something that I do for myself. And it just makes me such. Yeah. In such a good mindset. And, yeah. It has taken me a while to get there. Yeah. Oh, good on you. Good on you for feeling that way. It's awesome. Yeah. But of course, there's still guilt for everything else. It's like a never ending thing, isn't it for? Yeah. But that's so true. Like we all whether you're a mother or father, or just in a relationship with our children, everybody needs to have something just for them. That separate, separate every thing else and everyone else, I think it's Sorry. It's so hard to do like you, you're hitting the nail on the head. They're like, it's, you're just, you can see other people do it. But you can't quite make sense of it, how it's going to maybe work for you or how you can let yourself do it, I suppose. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, definitely. No, yeah, he's so important. It's definitely a common theme. Like, we want to be able to do it, because we know it's important. But then it's like, or, you know, that all those little things target you to challenge you, I guess. And I find, it's really great. I think as a mom, it's really great for the dad to have that time. Because I know that I mean, maybe not all moms do it. But we're very good at saying I'll, I'll do that that's okay. Or I will just, you know, and how do we let dads have a chance to, to parent if we're stepping in over the top all the time. So it does give them that space? I think which is nice. Yeah. One on One and yeah, absolutely. It's like yeah, like that relationship for them is really important. You know for but yeah, it's for the child and the TED so yeah, absolutely yeah. You're listening to the art of being a mom, my mom, I. So you mentioned before you've got your husband as your support. Did you have any any other sort of role models? Maybe within your circle? photography industry of how to juggle it how to manage having the children and doing your work, or was it just something get through on your own. I have had actually been meeting up with a psychologist since having George, I've had a couple of sessions. And she's helped me so much with this, because that was the reason for my referral. I was feeling overwhelmed. And I basically said, I have to it's teach me over having three. My ability to juggle everything like I was like, I don't know how to have to do the shopping, the washing the groceries, you know? Yeah. And fit in work and fit in me and fit in the time with the kids and you know, and not park them in front of the TV. Yeah, very overwhelming. Yeah, so she, she's been really, really great. And just having someone there to say it's okay for you to do something for you. Sometimes you just need to hear it from someone outside your circle, I think. Yeah, that's so true. Yeah. But yeah, one of my best mates is also a social worker. And she's a very strong advocate for for mums. And yeah, she's great to talk to about all of this stuff. I probably lean on her too much sometimes. On Instagram, Mama matters is her. Handle. Yes. You follow him? Yes, I do. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So she's up in the Gold Coast. Yeah, so she gets the occasional phone call or Mike. Oh, what have I done? I'm terrible mother. Oh. Yeah, she talks me down. She's like, too hard on yourself. Come on. We need we do need that I don't we'd like someone just to sort of, to give us that confidence that it is okay. What we're feeling is normal, how we behave, it's normal. There's nothing wrong with what we're doing. You know, you just need that little bit of reassurance. And you really do. Yeah. puts this thing up about once a week that says, like, you know, asks people to reply on her stories, and says, I'm still a good mom. And, and then you have to fill out the box. So it might be like, still a good mom. And my kids ate McDonald's for tea every night this weekend. Or, you know, and it shifts that, that feeling of guilt to ambivalence, and yeah, it's really wonderful. Yeah, to see it there, too. Like that they will be everyone's in the same boat. It just really normalizes. Yeah, that there is no golden mother, Mary, you know, whatever. Yeah, but you know, yeah, not you. It's like, there's no, there's no, there's no one that's doing it. Absolutely. right all the time. And I made a mistake. And it's balancing everything in their life. Amazingly. I remember when someone in my home was the lady that ran our mother's group, when I had my first child, she says, You're not a real mom until your babies rolled off the bed. Excellent. Um, definitely a real it's just no one's able to come in, like, Oh, I did this. And I've done that. And she's like, that's fine. That's what happens you shoulda never gonna remember. And they're never going to be harmed by that. But yeah, we've got we're so worried about how to do things. And, and, and even when I had my first there wasn't a massive social media like Facebook was around, but it only sort of just started. So it wasn't being used constantly. And there certainly wasn't Instagram. And so I didn't have that sort of sense of judgment. But then when I had my second, it was like, Oh, my God, like, just coming at you from every angle. And you're just yeah, really hard to block that out. And I did unfollowing of countless weren't really helping and a lot of falling ones. And yeah, it's interesting. I think the thing about social media is there has been that bounce back hasn't they're like, when it first sort of started getting bigger. You know, it would be this is the perfect body or this is the perfect x y Zed. And now there's, you know, lots of people saying well actually, you know, yeah, like this true and be beautiful, or you can No, no, no, the Yeah, you can pair it like this and or this is normal or this is okay. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. You've just mentioned something that just reminded me and I haven't asked you if it's okay to talk about this or not. So it's up to you if you want to, but you're involved in. I want to support a campaign or project. Oh, yeah, I'd be out I'm sort of, how would you word it? What's what's the best way to describe it? If you want to? Really? Yeah, yeah. body positivity? Yeah. Yeah. Share with us how you got involved and what you did for that? Um, so Oh, actually, she wasn't I made a friend through doing. So, re Weatherall who also has a pod, well, she did have a podcast, it's not running anymore, she has another baby, as well. So she contacted me and said, I want to do something about you know, making women, you know, normalizing bodies. And, yeah, we sort of started talking and came up with this idea that I would, you know, photograph all types of women, whoever wanted to be involved, basically, and just sort of wanting to share that every single body is beautiful. And there's no ideal that we should be looking, you know, to, I mean, I do think that we should all try and be healthy, and we weren't sort of trying to promote. Yeah, it was more about look after yourself, and be happy with what you've got, you've got basically, I don't know how to, like that sort of self acceptance that you don't have to wait to love yourself to, like the perfect size, or what you think the perfect size is, you know, and that you can still, you know, be working on improving your body and love it at the same time. You don't have to wait, you know, to reach. Yeah, that that was really amazing. There was so many local women involved. And they received an incredible response, didn't it? It was really deeply amazing. Yeah. Yeah. And the girls who were in it, actually, I shouldn't say girls, one of the people who was in it doesn't identify as female. But all of the people that were involved in the shoot were just felt so liberated afterwards, and said that they just felt comfortable because only wearing their knickers. They just felt so comfortable. And if they just felt like that really celebrated their bodies, no one was standing there judging other people. It was just such an amazing energy. Yeah. And I think then outsiders were saying, you know, it was so amazing to see these people that they knew. Yeah, you don't see what's under people's clothes. Yeah. And to say there's a woman I follow, called birds, the birds of papaya or something. But she has this beautiful black. I don't know if if we call it beautiful, but her tummy postpartum tummy looks exactly like mine. And to see that, because through her clothes, and through Michael as you can't say that. It just makes you feel normal. And yeah, it's so nice to see that instead of this. Yeah. ripped body that people have to spend their entire life, you know, working towards and that's okay, if they want to do that. But that's not what everyone looks like. Yeah. And that's the thing. Like, they're certainly I'd say in the minority of, like, certainly people that I know. So it's sort of nice to realize that it's okay to have stretch marks on your belly after you've had children. Yeah, yeah. person I photographed who you know, is what people would idolize as you know, this perfect in what you call this inverted commas, body, but she's got lots of stretch marks and stuff, too. So you know, it's that. Yeah, there is no perfect buddy. Is there? Everybody's beautiful. That was Yeah, yep. Yes. Like enough of the sheet. Yeah. So how did you find that personally taking the photos for them? Was that? Was that a really fun experience for you? Or was that challenging for you to try and pump them up and help them feel? Okay, or were they already feeling like that sort of Jay came in feeling nervous. And once I took the boys off, everyone, yeah, it was really easy. It was just fun. Yeah. Really, really fun. Yeah. Yeah. That would have been nice. music pumping and we had a glass of champagne. And yeah, it was good. Yeah. That's so wonderful. And you had a photo as well, didn't you? You did a photo. Yeah. So we re and I photographed ourselves. And that was confronting, but also so liberating. Like I felt good. I felt good being able to share my normal buddy. Yeah, yeah. Oh, I love that. There's a lady I follow on Instagram. I can't think of her name now. But she says she has this saying about how to get a Beachbody. Put your bathers on like, that's a lot of money. Like, we don't have to write like I was I was involved in the fitness industry for many years instructing and coaching and I got really caught up in the whole culture of it. And then and all of a sudden, I started to see it for what it was and had this massive change because like you say, It's okay to be healthy. But then it was to the extreme it was to the detriment of everything else in your life, basically. And whenever I hear people say, you know, oh, it's only six weeks till Christmas, so, yeah, it's gonna be we're gonna get our legs ready for summer. And I'm just like, you know, just so cross. Yeah. Yeah. And it was interesting for me, like upstairs was hardcore. Everyone was looking themselves in the mirror had the light is like Lauren Jane gear, it was all very full on. And then, after I had my second child, I was approached to go back and do Aqua aqua aerobics downstairs. And it was the best thing I ever did. Because I met Eric. And I go grab me grab me. Otherwise, you'll just make that noise over your audio. Yeah. Go for it. Elijah, we love it. Look at that smile. Yeah, I was just say when when I went downstairs and met real people with real bodies and real issues. It was wonderful for me, I made some amazing friends. And I looked at the fitness in a whole different way. It was like, fitness to be able to live your life not fitness to be prance around. And sorry, I'm being rude. But it was just it was such a game changer. I think everybody that that's hardcore fitness should go and do an AquaClass and just be around people who, if they don't do this AquaClass they won't be able to walk like they've got. So you know, yeah, just do you think that was a really big mind shift for me when I did start because I was not in a good way. In my head. And physically. My health wasn't great. I wasn't looking after myself at all. And I started to eat better move my body. And my goal was just literally just to go for half an hour walk whatever pace I wanted, didn't have to flog myself sweating it out or jumping around or doing burpees like it was just, you know, getting back to the basics of how I should be looking after myself from the inside out. And that was the best thing it wasn't I need to look like, you know, I think that's terrible. But yeah, yeah, it's not about you know, yeah. Didn't need to look like Heidi Klum. I just needed to start looking at looking after my insides. And you know, if you are looking after yourself, doesn't matter what size you are. It does be mounted for you, doesn't it? Oh, yeah. Absolutely. That's it very general. Like it comes from within like, it's like you can see people are a fired up from within. It's just agenda changes everything about your life. It's just so amazing. So the whole family takes better. Yeah, yeah, my kids are happier and happier. And yeah, you should, you should put time aside for yourself because everyone benefits from it. A lot of people believe and I added to that, once you're a mother, then you're complete. So there's this idea, this idea that becoming a mother will solve everything. But then once you become a mother, you don't feel like you're doing that job well enough all of the time. So therefore, you're not complete. And you have to keep this cycle of Yeah, that was just a thought that popped in. Yeah, that's a really good point. It's like you think I'm gonna get married and have kids and then life will be amazing. And I won't have any problems anymore. It's like just yet. So new problems. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah. Yeah. I once had a friend who thought that quitting her job, she hated her job. So her solution was to quit her job and have kids and that would make her happy. Ya know? Yeah. Yeah. It's ideal that you're working towards this thing, and that's when you reach the top but it just keeps getting higher and higher. That point doesn't keep shifting the way you thought it was. Yeah, that's it, isn't it? It's incredible. You. I feel that when I've been pregnant or postpartum in the early stages of postpartum, it does affect me and my ability to be creative. I think you do get exhausted in pregnancy and in those initial postpartum phases. And I feel like I go back to doing the standard, which is still beautiful, and I still enjoy what I do, but my ideas don't flow. And there's like this block. That happens in my head. Yeah, yeah. I don't know if other artists, other artists feel that way as well. Absolutely. Yeah. Because it's like, all of your energy is, goes towards keeping a child alive, basically, like you sort of yeah, you go to some sort of, what's the word? I'm thinking of? Like a primal, a primal behavior. And really, it stops the creativity part of your brain because you don't need that to keep a child alive. Yeah, you just need day to day action. So it's yeah, it's very, very common. Yeah, you're there you go. Very, very. Yeah. And then I almost feel like this veil gets lifted. Yeah. And then, yeah, my ability to create and think of new ideas and try different things. And yeah, almost new ideas come and new inspiration comes because I've just been through that. Yeah, yeah. And I feel like that's where I'm at at the moment, which is exciting. Yeah. It was a funny little chat. Not until I put myself first, you know, six months after Paddy was born, the part of the time, I feel like that's when my identity shifted from, I am a mother to I'm a mother, and I'm, you know, a photographer, and I'm someone who enjoys Pilates. And, yeah, it took me a long time to separate myself from just being a mom. And it was a really good place to get to. And then I think that helps to, maybe that is what aligns with that veil lifting postpartum, because you are separating yourself as from just being a mother. But, you know, it does have its merits with my work too, because I feel like I miss what I used to do before photography, like, you know, being a therapist, and I'm Miss having a newborn. So you know, getting to photograph newborn say I get to I feel like I get to have those really deep postpartum chats with mom sometimes and talk about breastfeeding because, you know, I'm very, like, pro a pro breastfeeding, I'm a pro. Trade is best, but I've been lucky to have been able to feed. So you know, giving mums advice if they want help with that, but then also being able to be creative. Like I feel like I'm very lucky that my job has led me you know, well, what I like to do creatively has become my job and I've been able to merge all those things in together. Yeah, that's so cool. Like you actually, basically um, create relationships with your clients is slow. Yes. You're not going there clicking the button. It's actually yeah. You know. Yeah. And I really think that's such an important part, you know, in? Well, I feel like that has a massive part in the success of my work because people feel comfortable with you. And you're going to get well, for my style of photography going to get those shots that you're looking for. Yeah, people are just being themselves, they feel that they can be themselves be at ease connect with the people that they love. Yeah, it's good. Oh, that's good on. Yeah. A lot of work, and you're reaping the benefits of that. So well done. Yeah, that's good. Yes. No. Do you feel very lucky? Yeah. There are a lot of times where I think what am I doing? Yeah. Yeah. Hence the psychologist that I mentioned. Yeah. And, you know, that's something important to mention, too. I think like, I personally see my psychologist and keep on top of my mental health. And I think it's something that's really common and really important, and people don't need to be afraid to seek help. From outside. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's a huge stigma. I think that if you, if you see a shrink, there must be something severely wrong with you. And well, it can just be a healthy part of, you know, keeping, you know, just like drinking enough water or whatever, you know. Yeah, absolutely. It's either as part of a healthy lifestyle, looking after yourself mentally. You know, you're going for your walk. You know, healthy eating. It's just part of the whole holistic. Looking after. Yeah. Yeah. I think that stigma, I don't know if he's getting. He's getting less but definitely, as the generations roll through. Yeah, yeah, definitely. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. All right. Oh, let you go and have fun with that little man. Yes, he's getting busy using your intuitive, aren't you? Right? Is he on the move? Is he easy all over? He's up rocking on his knees, but not moving at all. I really want to, you know, hope that he will have achieved before he starts childcare, I'd like him to be crawling, no, darlin, God. And as time went on that to Trump is at the bottom. Want to ask you, if you've got anything coming up that you want to share? Like, I'm not sure if that's, you know, applicable? If you've got any projects, or you know, well, we do have one, I think happening in the later stages of the we haven't met about it yet. But it's gonna be more directed at mental health. Yeah. And I'm really excited, I think because of my background as well. I'm not sure what it's going to look like yet, or anything like that. But yeah, well, that's it, you have to watch this space. Oh, for sure. So you really do enjoy getting involved with other sort of like minded people in your community, there might not be photographers, but it's like, you'd like to collaborate and create. I do that with people. But it's very hard to find that balance, too. Because it does take up a lot of time. And it's not paid work. You know, that's just creative work. So balancing, you know, taking on enough work to pay the bills, and then doing enough creatively and then having enough time as mom that you know, all the things we just talked about. Yeah, it's not an all the time thing. Yeah. But it's you've got to have those those different outlets to I suppose to satisfy your creative you personally what you want to create as well. Like he wants to have a chat to you, don't ya? Thanks for your company today. If you've enjoyed this episode, I'd love you to consider leaving us a review, following or subscribing to the podcast, or even sharing it with a friend who you think might be interested. If you or someone you know would like to be a guest on the podcast, please get in touch with us via the link in the show. Noise I'll catch you again next week for another chat with an artistic mum

Ellie D Australian music publicist S2 Ep43 Listen and Subscribe on itunes , spotify and google podcasts Ellie D, is a music publicist currently in Bundaberg, QLD, originally from Adelaide SA and a mum of 3 children under 2. She is hugely passionate about the Australian music scene. Through her podcast, her internet radio station and her YouTube series, Ellie's pure focus is highlighting undiscovered Australian music artists. Ellie spent many years in human resources and promotion, but her passion was in the music industry. In high school Ellie's year 12 project was on Community Radio, in University she was hosting 5RTI's Italian programme. It was when Ellis was hosting Southern FM's Monday Breakfast that she realised there were so many Australian artists who were going under the radar, so used her show to promote and highlight them . Ellie brought her skills from her previous jobs to begin working as a manager and promotor for Aussie artists, which saw her attend the ARIA awards. Early 2018 when she left Melbourne she was touted as the next Molly Meldrum. When her family moved to Bundaberg, as a 36 year old she was basically retired, as the music industry was so different. During 2020 when her son was 4 months old she was reinvigorated to do something for herself, and started her YouTube and podcast series and on 1st March 2021 Ellie began her radio station. Often a thankless job, that does not stop her. Her passion for the Australian music industry is that strong. Ellie also discusses her 15 year infertility battle, IVF journey, complications with her twin pregnancy requiring surgery and going onto 81 days bed rest after her waters broke at 20.5 weeks and having her twins in the NICU for 5.5. weeks. This episode contains discussion around foetal medical procedures, premature birth and complications, twin to twin transfusion syndrome Watch Ellie's family's appearance on ABC's Catalyst here Connect with Ellie instagram / website / OzNow Radio / YouTube / Podcast Connect with the Podcast instagram / website Music used in this episode from your host Alison Newman and producer LT Balkin used with permission. When chatting to my guests I greatly appreciate their openness and honestly in sharing their stories. If at any stage their information is found to be incorrect, the podcast bears no responsibility for guests' inaccuracies. Podcast transcript at the bottom of the page Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode of The Art of Being A Mum Podcast. I'm beyond honoured that you're here and would be grateful if you could take 2 minutes to leave me a 5-star review in iTunes or wherever you are listening. It really helps! This way together we can inspire, connect and bring in to the light even more stories from creative mums. Want to connect? Take a screenshot of this episode and share it on Instagram tagging me in with @art_of_being_a_mum_podcast I can't wait to connect. And remember if you or somebody you know would like to be a guest on the podcast, get in touch ! I love meeting and chatting to mammas from all creative backgrounds, from all around the world! Thank you! Alison acknowledges this Land of the Berrin (Mount Gambier) Region as the Traditional Lands of the Bungandidj People and acknowledge these First Nations people as the custodians of the Region. Ch eck out more episodes ..... Welcome to the Art of Being a mum, the podcast where we hear from mothers who are artists and creators sharing their joys and issues around trying to be a mother and continue to make art. Regular topics include mum guilt, identity, the day to day juggle mental health, and how children manifest in their art. My name is Alison Newman. I'm a singer songwriter, and a mum of two boys from regional South Australia. I have a passion for mental wellness and a background in early childhood education. You can find links to my guests and topics they discuss in the show notes, along with music played a link to follow the podcast on Instagram, and how to get in touch. All music used on the podcast is done so with permission. The art of being a mom acknowledges the bow and tick people as the traditional custodians of the land and water, which this podcast is recorded on and pays respects to the relationship the traditional owners have with the land and water as well as acknowledging past present and emerging elders. Thanks so much for joining me today. My guest this week is led Ellie is a music publicist currently living in Bundaberg Queensland, originally from Adelaide in South Australia. And Ellie is a mom of three children under two, including twin girls. Ellie is hugely passionate about the Australian music scene. Through her podcast, her internet radio station and her YouTube series. Ellie's pure focus is highlighting undiscovered Australian music artists. Ellie spent many years in human resources and promotion, but her passion was in the music industry. In high school, LSU 12 project was on community radio. In university she was hosting five RTI as Italian program. It was when Ellie was hosting southern FM's Monday breakfast that she really realized there were so many Australian artists who were going under the radar. So she used her show to promote and highlight them. Ellie bought her skills from her previous jobs to begin working as a manager and promoter for Ozzy artists, which saw her attend the ARIA awards in early 2018. When she left Melbourne she was touted as the next Molly Meldrum. When her family moved to Bundaberg as a 36 year old she was basically retired as a music industry was so different. During 2020 When her son was four months old, she was reinvigorated to do something for herself and started her YouTube podcast series and on the first of March 2021, Ellie began her radio station, often a thankless job that does not stop her. Her passion for the Australian music industry. Is that strong. Today Ellie also discusses her 15 year infertility journey. IVF experience complications with her twin pregnancy, requiring surgery and going on to 81 day is bedrest after her waters broke at 20 weeks, and having her twins in the NICU for five and a half weeks. This episode contains discussion around fetal medical procedures, premature birth and complications and twin to twin transfusion syndrome. Music On today's episode is courtesy of myself, Alison Newman. See your face. I see everywhere. Thanks so much for coming on today, Ellie. It's such a pleasure to meet you and welcome you to the podcast. Alison, thank you for having me. I've been so excited to have this chat with you. And I'm an avid listener to your podcast. So it's really cool to be someone that's a guest now. I love that. Thanks for that. I appreciate it. It's always lovely to meet people that have been listening and then get to come on to be excited. I love your podcast. I've been listening, working my way through the episodes and every episode has something new for me to think about. Yeah, wonderful. I'm so pleased. That's just I love hearing that. That's like because I'm like I learned so much. I'm just learning so much about how to approach my own mothering and like how to change my mindset. And it's just been wonderful for me like, you know, yeah, it does. It does really, I feel like it gives you a fresh perspective because there's no one way to parent is that yeah, that's so true. And it's it's like yeah, you can you can it's like when you're first having children and people give you all this advice. You just take the little bits that that might resonate with you and I feel like this is the same thing if you pick up something that's wonderful. So tell us about what you're up to, you're very into music and creating, from that point of view, can you tell us what you actually do? Sure can. So I'm a full time stay at home mom, with three kids age two and under. And I am crazy about the Australian music scene. So I have a podcast, a YouTube series, and also an internet radio station. And my pure focus is to uplift, empower and shine a light on undiscovered Australian music artists. So I understand where you sit also in that community. Essentially, my passion is to focus on artists that are in development, to see that they get to that ultimate goal, which is to be known and heard, and followed by the Australian public in a broader sense. Hmm, that is so cool. Good on you for doing that. So it's honestly just, it's a passion. It's like a personal sort of personal passion that you've just decided, that's what you're gonna do. Yep, yeah, the three passion projects, I call them the LED trilogy, even though I'm not a Star Wars fan, but my own creative take on it. And I guess, you know, there's a story that led to me doing this. And, you know, circumstances have led to me bleeding, these Passion Projects carrying the cost. Without any expectation, I don't get any income. I don't make any revenue from this. It really is something that fills my cup. But also, the changes and the positive difference I see being created in the lives of others that are, you know, again, putting everything they have into their craft. That for me is it's incredible to watch to see that transformation. Yeah. So it's really a very rewarding experience for you to be a part of. It really is you can't put a price on the growth that I've seen in those that I'm supporting. Yeah, I put on Yeah, that is so good. The field, it's exciting. I've certainly, you'd be the first person that I've had on the podcast that's in this field in this area. Can you share with us? You said there's a bit of a story, a bit of background how you got to this point? Can you tell us a bit about that? Sure. And I'll try to keep it don't keep it short. Do what it say what you like. So you're ever in South Australia, right? Me? Sure I am. Yeah, in that game. So I grew up in Adelaide and I went to Adelaide Uni did a Bachelor of Social science, psychology. Because when I was 16, I lost one of my best friends. And I thought if I did psych, then I could save everyone. A very beautiful sentiment but very naive for someone who's 16. So I did uni and I fell into a job as a recruiter. By going to a family friend of a friend's barbecue, you know, that's, that was Adelaide at the time. Yeah. And after spending 10 years in HR, recruitment, employment and training, I got sick of working for other people. I found I hit the glass ceiling really fast. I'd move into a job and you know, in big bucks, and then I'd be like, well, this job's boring. I can do it with my eyes closed. So I just kept taking on more and more, and I never felt fulfilled in what I was doing. So around the time, it was actually the week that I turned 30. That's when my husband said, Look, I'm gonna start my PhD. If you want to go ahead and start a business, now's the time for you to do that. Yeah. So I quit. And the week after I was headhunted started in a contract. And, you know, the rest is kind of history until we moved from Adelaide to Melbourne in 2016. I had at that point, my HR consultancy was going great lands to the point where I had contractors working for me and, you know, I admittedly didn't have to work every day of the week or every day of the month. So I wanted to go back to my grass roots, which was community radio. Yeah, right. You need 12 Community Radio was my English project project. At University. I was contributing every Saturday afternoon to five, RTI, which was the Italian program in Adelaide. And I do four hours there on the panel as a youth program all in Italian you And I started volunteering at Southern southern FM in Brighton very quickly, the program director there, said, Let's get your doing Monday breakfast. And it was then that I realized, and I'm, I'd love to have a chat with you about this too. But, you know, there was so many press releases coming through, we've got em wraps Eret music coming directly to us. And I just felt so overwhelmed because community radios guideline is to play only 25% of Australian music. And I understand how that works. Because in a community station, you've got all different types of demographics and groups in the community that you know, you do need to really capture the whole community. So there could be ethnic programs, sporting, etc. I get that, but I couldn't understand how there was so many of the other sorts of just been missed. Yeah, so I started inviting artists to come in, like Mel cure, I remember they were one of my first invitations. Come into the studio, let's have a chat. So I do six to eight by myself, and then eight or nine, they come in with their instruments, we'd have a bit of a chat. That's a few songs. But at the end of these chats the artists assigned to me, Ellie, you've been, you know, okay, we didn't HR and you've been in marketing, but you've also been a career coach of every industry. So why don't you now coach us because you're very interested in radio and you're very interested in music. And I didn't quite understand what they were getting that and to be honest. Very quickly, you know, now I look back and I think how ridiculous I was giving other people the belief the empowerment that they could use their transferable skills in other industries. While I didn't think that for myself, I don't know. I very quickly started managing artists doing venerable canes, artist bookings, going to the ARIA awards. So really, all of a sudden, I kind of threw myself into this experience, which was flying the flag for Ozzy musicians. And by the time we came to leave Melbourne, early 2018, I'd gone to an art exhibition. And there I was introduced as the next Molly Meldrum. And that floored me because, yeah, someone obviously is recognizing because there was a lot that I was doing then too, that I was not paid for. The real reward for me, as I guess you could say, as a career coach, is to see someone go from I'm not really sure I'm self doubting myself that imposter syndrome, too. I am so confident myself. You know, at that time, we didn't have the pandemic I've got I've got a full calendar of bookings. And you know, people buy my merch. People are my following online is starting to grow. Yeah, when we moved to Bundaberg, I brought both my LED brand and my HR brand with me. And unfortunately, the Internet didn't work here like it did in Melbourne. So, you know, we moved here I was 37. And effectively, I have retired. Yeah, and the music scene here admittedly is very different to what I was experiencing in Melbourne. But 2020 came, and I found a notebook, which I had written in 2016. And that notebook had the blueprint for these three products. So my son was four months at the time, and I said to hobby, I gotta be honest with you. I love being a mom, but it's not enough for me. I need something else. My insanity, I miss helping other people. I missed the creative connection. So I started podcasting. And I started that podcast holding Dominic in my arms and recording while I was in his nursery rocking chair. And that, you know, now this year, I'm into producing season four. So that continued all the way through the YouTube series, I kicked off at the same time. That effectively is a video interview with a different group of artists about the real truths of what happens behind the music. That's why I've caught it behind the music with a lady. And then the radio station only came about the first of March 2021. Yeah, right. We're in a year new there. But I guess, you know, I did go down the path of Could I get a job in radio? I've got a lot of experience. But I'll be honest with you, and I'd say to the faces of the people here in this beautiful town. I've been met with very big fears of intimidation, that I'm gonna go in there and I don't know, put them out of a job. Yeah. I did volunteer here at the local community Station. And, and this was really the push for me to create my own station. I volunteered, I went from doing one, shift five, they wanted me to do drive shifts, you know, the Italian hour, I then had an Ozzie shift as well. I was invited to be on the board, I was doing their Facebook, like all the creative stuff. And then so someone from the post war era generation decided I was doing too much. And so we ended up with the CB double aid community broadcasting association of Australia's mediation team. And it turns out that the perpetrators did not want to have further discussions. So that's when the CB wa encouraged me to start my own station. Yeah, right. So that's sort of the the long and the short of it. You know, I have these skills. For me. Now, as a four year old, I think it's really sad, if I'm just going to sit here and let those skills not be used. I can give back to someone and make a difference. Well, that's, that's what I now. That's why I exist I suppose. It's such a cool story. It's like, You're doing this because you love it. And because of the passion that you have, and the reward you get from it. And it's just so admirable. I just love that. If I had a bad alcohol here, I'd say the reward is not a financial reward. Because as I said, I don't earn anything. I'll be honest with you, I did the count this morning. We have 133 featured artists. Over the first 12 months, we've had 3000 unique listens, which that tells me that's 3000 People who had not previously heard the artists, because I do get feedback. I get feedback from the listener, you know, where can I buy the merch? Or how do I buy the song? And I then point them to that artists website or Spotify or Spotify? It's not a word, isn't it? But you know, music wherever, wherever they can buy the music, I should say. But the reward, you know, in a verbal sense, I do get some thank you messages from the artists themselves. But admittedly, you know, that doesn't come through all the time, either. Sometimes I feel like I'm the Mrs. Christmas, you know, because if you think of like, Santa, Santa does all these wonderful things on Christmas Eve delivers all these presents to boys and girls, and never gets a thank you. And that's I've got a couple of colleagues that we all do the same kind of thing. And it gets to Christmas time when we say to each other. What do you really get many thank yous to see, do we? But it doesn't stop us. Yes, we know that that you know, the impact is most of the time, not something you can measure. That's it, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah. Good on. Yeah. Sorry, I keep saying that. I don't want to sound patronizing. But I think like, here's the thing, like community radio, is amazing, like, from my other thing that I do apart from the podcast you're aware of, but but some of the listeners might not be that I I'm a singer and songwriter, and I release music myself, mostly recorded in this room, pay people to play instruments for me, and, and if it wasn't for community radio, my music would not get heard, basically. I mean, it's on all the streaming platforms, but people generally just find that by accident, they're not going to go in there and search for me, because no one knows who I am. Yeah, and obviously, my music doesn't come under the banner of commercial radio. That's a whole a whole different industry all of its own. So if it wasn't for community radio, I wouldn't have an audience. So I'm so grateful. We've got an amazing station down here. 100.15 gdR FM is the air station in Gambia. And, yeah, they have the amrep show, Janet does the show and every now and then she'll get me on for a chat and there's the Thursday Night Live, where they get people from the MT to come in and either seeing or chat play the play their albums, and, you know, that just it's, it's small, but it's huge to us, you know, and I think that's wonderful. I mean, if, if, if our listener is in the same community that you are, hold on to and cherish those relationships of community radio, find someone that can fly your flag. Yeah, because it isn't. It is even I believe, even hard to get into community radio. I mean, I can remember back in 2016, we were getting press releases from Sony for Beyonce. And I'm pretty sure everyone knew Beyonce was. Oh, man. That's it. Sadly, that's the you're competing with. Yeah. That's it, isn't it? And when you say you only compelled to play 25%? Australian, easy. Yeah, it's a big, it's a lot of competition. It is a lot of competition. And that's where like, I could have gone down the path of seeking funding to launch my own community radio station. However, that would have meant that I would have had to rely on the local community to have the same vision to rely on government funding, which has its pressures. And, honestly, for what the cost is for me to carry us now radios and internet radio station is 24 hours pure, original Australian music, we don't have any ads. It's just music. So you know, in many ways, I can take the bull by the horns, and continue to lead it. It's not just me, I've got also a developer over in Melbourne. That's where the service is. So you could say we're headed up in Melbourne, but, you know, Joel is our administrator, you know, then I've got others that are about to come on board around middle of the year, we're gonna start having a show on a Sunday night. But again, it's only original Australian music, you won't hear anything. That's commercial, you won't hear anything. That's not Ozzie. That's so unique, isn't it? Like there wouldn't there wouldn't be many like that out there. I don't I don't think there is, but I'll be honest with you. I've never worked on any project in my life where I've been so worried about a competitor, or monitoring a competitor, I'm I kind of play my own lane, and focus on what I'm doing. And that means that I don't get distracted, I can just keep moving forward. Yeah, that's a really good point, too. That's probably something some of our listeners might be able to relate to, to that sort of, we don't need to look around and compare ourselves to others and be worried what somebody's putting out. We just do what feels right to us. And it's true to us, yeah. All right. Well, you've mentioned that you have three children under two, which is massive. Could you share more about that? When I when I talk about that, because it's a really common question when you meet new people, and they say, so how many kids do you have? And now I can say, well, I have two year old Dominic. And I have my four month old identical twin daughters, Amelia and Sophia. Because when I say I have three kids two, and under the first question people say is, are but are they all yours? mass, the mass in their head. Kids are amazing. And when I say that, you know, as a parent, as a mom, I can be really bias. We all we went through give or take about a 15 year infertility battle. Oh, wow. Where we had we got married when a kids and it was just unexplained infertility. And, you know, it got to 20 2018 and we thought, well, let's try this IVF journey. So that went really well. With Dominic. I thought that pregnancy was hard. But you know, when he came out and his, I mean, effectively, like a little potato, you know, you feed you change and just cuddle and they kind of sit there. And I mean, that's, that's when I launched the podcast. It was four months old, and he'd lay there next to me. He sat there for every interview, and certain songs even start to kick his feet. I thought this kid's going to be so into music. But then when we thought we try for a sibling, that pregnancy was really hard. So last year, I spent 150 days in Brisbane. We're currently close to Bundaberg were 2000 kilometers away from our family. They're all in South Australia. And we had a single embryo transfer that split and then the girls Sophia had no fluid around her so 16 weeks we moved to Brisbane 19 weeks I had surgery through Amelia sack, and then at 20 and a half weeks my membranes ruptured on on me Earlier, so I wasn't on bedrest for at one nights waiting for them to arrive. But I worked on AWS now, I was in hospital. So some some of these creative ventures are like a saving grace. You know, I don't have to do any of them because I am a mum and a mum is enough. Being a mum is enough. However, it gives me Saturday. Yeah, it's so important, isn't it? It's so it's so important. So important. Yeah, and I can imagine it would have been quite boring being in bed for that long. I toilet privileges, and I could walk a few steps to the patient Lounge, which is where I had, I was able to participate in, you know, craft classes, and cooking classes. But you know, it was very frustrating because I didn't know what was going to happen. All of the odds, we were given, you know, waters breaking at 20 and a half weeks, the babies were not viable. But through some miracle, I made it to 32 weeks in one day. You know, here I am. Now the girls are four months old, going great guns. I also identify myself that to spend every day, day in day out, talking, speaking and I don't speak to the children like they're, you know, four months old. I speak to them like I'm speaking with you. It'd be nice to have some dialogue in return. And so in the meantime, it's the conversations I have through my creative projects that really keep me going. Hmm, absolutely. And being in so far away from your family, too. It's like you need you need that. It's really important. Yeah, do you do for myself? Hmm, absolutely. Yeah, I wonder I was just thinking, as you were saying, you know, 20 weeks, the odds aren't great. But I wonder if because you were looking after yourself mentally as well. But it's sort of, I don't know, I'm probably drawing a really long bow here. But you kept yourself healthy. in all ways, I suppose. And that probably gave the girls a good chance you were able to stay, they're able to stay in for a long time. I don't know. I'm making sure to be honest. Because I was. I was devastated. I mean, we knew that was my only a year on so that embryo to split was like a miracle in itself. And knowing like they said to me, you know, okay, you've had your surgery 10 days ago, but if the girls come now, and there's a 75% chance that they will arrive within 48 hours, they will not be viable. So I what really kept me going the mindset thing, I mean, are supported by social workers, occupational therapists, pastoral care psychologist, a huge team of clinical support I had created for myself account down funnily enough to 32 weeks, so my obstetrician will come to see me and he'd say, don't do anything exciting. And I'd go Oh 73 sleeps till 32 weeks and he'd be like, This just gets you to 22 weeks and that you know, the goalposts kept moving I had two MRIs while I was pregnant as well. But whenever I felt like all hope was lost. I grabbed the MacBook that I'm currently recording with you right now. And I would you know, lay my bed you know, I couldn't really sit up but I would lay in my bed and plug away and do whatever I could. Knowing that I was creating a difference not necessarily just to someone else's life but also that positive distraction for me was helping carry me through a very difficult pregnancy. Yeah, absolutely. And Catherine Rama left you behind. You're down as a head. So I'm not sure if you want to talk about this or not, I might be prying. I'd say Tell me please if I'm not overstepping the mark. So when you found out that Sofia had no philosophy, you had no fluid. What was that conversation? Like when the doctor said to you this is what's happening. You're listening to the did they sort of say if you don't do anything, this is what will happen. Like what sort of odds Yeah, at that point. I that conversation was a terrifying conversation. Because there's more to the story I had just checked in, because the day the following day, we were to fly to Port Douglas. I was gonna celebrate my 40th birthday with my husband and my son. And we were going to have a little gender reveal party for the three of us to find out what gender the babies were. So, you know, I was at the hairdresser with color on my hair. And my obstetrician Ringling says I need to see you straightaway. We'd had a scan the day before. And, you know, to go to that appointment with my husband and have her say, I'm really sorry, but one of your little girls does not have any fluid. We've been having scans the week before, and we would see Sophia with you know, kind of like a hands around her face. And Amelia, you could see was kicking her and we thought our poor thing she's protecting herself, you know, not you're already fighting, you know. And we used to kind of joke and say, well, because we had baby, you know, bump names for them. And we'd say our, you know, maybe Tilly is going to be the quiet one and coil is going to be the outrageous one. But it turned out that Sofia wasn't moving much because she had no fluid to move in. Wow. So that in itself, you know, we had to cancel. And I still am quite disappointed a lot. What I missed out on during the pregnancy, you know, the things that you do the baby shower, the gender reveal the time we had planned in August to be with our family and Adelaide to do a gender reveal with them. It's kind of rituals I missed out on all of that we missed out on setting up the nursery. Yeah, you know, it wasn't as simple as I would just use Dominic stuff, because there were two of them went to get double double bassinet, double pram, double caught stuffing everything, little highchairs. So that conversation was really just the beginning of the terror. Because then we had to pack and we packed like it will go in for an appointment, only packed four outfits in my overnight bag, and I took my Mac because I thought you know what, like, we're going to be there for a few days, maybe I can work on AWS now. Like that was my thing. But then on the Monday, the 12th of July, when we had that conversation and my obstetrician was, he drew on the whiteboard, it's like, well, these are your options, termination. Or he said we just wait and see because he said you could lose the babies any day now. And this was the thing is while Sophia had no fluid, Amelia, his heart was working overtime, and she risked going into cardiac arrest, because she had too much fluid around her. Oh, wow. You know, and at 16 weeks and, and five days, I'm being told, Well, you know, you really need to get to 19 weeks, we were at stage two with twin to twin transfusion syndrome, which meant that Sophia, you couldn't see her bladder. She didn't have any fluid going through her. And we know how important fluid is for the development. So you know, scans twice a week to see is there a heartbeat? And even that early, you can't really feel movements. With twins. You don't know if they're both moving or anyone's moving. So we were really, really lucky that we got to be able to have the surgery. Which I was awake for under sedation. Yeah, right. And, you know, a lot of families don't even get to have the surgery. Yeah. That's incredible. Thank you for sharing that. Thanks for opening the opportunity for me to share. Yeah. And you were also the girls and you and your husband was on an episode of catalyst, which was produced by the ABC, which actually have watched and it's it's hard to watch, but it's also incredibly uplifting to watch because that you sort of realize they put into perspective how far Modern medicine has come to be able to make it possible for these little people to live basically and to have those options. Yeah, what was that like sort of having that? I mean, you're in hospital, the girls are still in hospital. And you've did it feel comfortable having that the camera crew there and you know, strangers talking to you. That was okay. At the time. I mean, Tom, the producer of the day, we had a bit of a chuckle together because when he gave me the media release ones that are very familiar with these, and at that point, Allison, you know, we had decided with Dominic that we will not put his photo on social media. Because we don't necessarily trust who's in receipt of that photo. We don't necessarily like the way social media uses photos. But my husband and I came to this agreement that we'll hang on, if we can share our story, this will be a story of hope for other people or the families. And so on that basis, we did the media release forms. I'll be honest with you, I was only discharged the day before. So I'd had a cesarean. And I notice now in my health app, that from the eighth of August, till the third of November, I had averaged 20 to 80 steps a day. Oh, wow. And that day that they filmed was my first day. Not all 20 to 80 steps, but 6000 Oh, my gosh, 1000 steps, because we had I've been discharged. And we've been we've we've chosen to rent an apartment a kilometer away from the hospital. So C section and all walking six kilometers a day, because I would go back and forth three times. And in for the crew, the most uncomfortable thing of that interview was the pain I was in at the end of it. Because we interviewed for about an hour and a half. Even though I think we're on the episode for about three minutes. It was an hour and a half of filming. I had booked my first COVID job that afternoon. And David had to go and grab a wheelchair to take me to it because I physically could not walk any further. So the opportunity to share was amazing, because Professor Helen lighly was her dad, as you saw in Episode her dad was who pioneered fetal surgery. And we're just so lucky that we had the outcome that we did. Because we were given other numbers. Yeah. So it was it was harder for us to watch it back. Yeah. Then it was for us to record it. Because we were kind of in a state of euphoria at that point. Yeah. You know, we'd been told that day that the girls would likely be coming home within say, four weeks, five weeks. Yeah. When your husband says we'll be home for Christmas. And it's like, oh, that was yeah, it's incredible. You've got that that to look forward to? Yeah. Yeah, that's pretty, pretty awesome. Again, like you're sharing, because you want to help other people. It's like, like you said before, like, it's what you're meant to be doing. It's like what you're put on it to do. And it's so good. And I've recently been in chats with the martyr foundation that I will also be working towards fundraising, to support that clinical support. They're providing the research so the story doesn't end there. Yeah. Now that's fantastic. Yeah, really good. Can you see you're listening to the art of being a mum podcast with Alison Newman. Having three children how do you find the time to do creatively? What you want to do? It's an arena Yeah, I have a way to multitask which I feel comes from my my day is spent working at McDonald's. I do streamline you know I do. I do streamline processes. For me everything feels like a process. And admittedly when the children are sleeping, so dominant goes to school five days a week. I call it school. It's eLC. But even when he's home on the weekend, if hobby is working, because have been an interventional cardiologist as well, so he's rarely home. Kids are asleep. It's my time to shine. And that's what I do. So I typically spend, you know, an hour on Mondays an hour on Tuesdays, I don't have big ticket, focus, you know what I mean? I don't have to sit because the radio station runs itself. Yep. It's me adding new music or me communicating with new artists. Now coming up next month, I start production of my podcast and my YouTube series. That's really big ticket stuff because I'm talking about you know, creating an episode where I'm recording my own intros my own outro is you know how it works. And again with that, you know, I've got a pretty good setup here at home with my studio. I really anytime there's an opportunity, I don't sleep during the day, I've worked out that my my ability and while the ways in which I can and recharge, is not through having a nap or recharge through being creative. What about you? How do you recharge, or lately it's been through napping? Actually just just coming into this room actually, just being in this room just gets gets me feeling good. Like, I'll open the I've got the window closed at the minute because obviously we're recording but I'll open that window, let the breezy and let the sun in. And I don't know just the smell of it just just being in here. And even if I'm not actually doing anything in particular, might just sit in here and fluffer and speeding. Yeah, it is. And it's so like, we've lucky we've got the room in the house where I can come in and, and I've got a fair bit of Lego in here still, but the boys generally take it out in the house to play with it. But it's like, people know, this is my space. And if the doors shut, don't come in, because that probably means I'm recording. Otherwise, the doors open and everyone barges in. It's like I'm, I'm here. I'm lucky I don't have to go anywhere else to do what I do listen to gig, but I'm still accessible to the family, which is, of course, important for me. I like to know what people are up to. And if they're not doing what they're doing. With two boys. I think that's really, really important. And I guess what you're saying as well the fact that we as mums need to be flexible. You know, because I say I'm a mum first and music publishers second. So you know, I'm sitting here, this is the first time I'm in my home studio since last July. So I was pregnant when I sat here last. And I'm looking at the door I have will not be able to fit the double pram through the tool. So it just brings to mind that I do spend a lot of time where I'm doing like the back end of the creative stuff. My desk is my kitchen table. Yeah. And my breakfast bar because the girls are asleep in their bassinet upstairs. Upstairs is our living entertainment area. Were in my office downstairs, this will likely be times when you know because I'm gonna have to carry them in here somehow. You know, and I have been really creative this season with my podcast where I've essentially I pre record my questions. And my guests pre record their answers, and I stitch it together as a conversation. I did that for season two of my podcast and no one will now I will visit people no secret between you and me. And that's the thing like I guess as as mums. You know, I feel it's really important that we have our own sense of identity. Because I personally want to pass it on to my children. Yeah, you know, I need to fill my cup so I can fill this. Yep. And it's this creative soul stuff that really fills my cup. And I want them to grow up just as fiercely independent in their own identity. Absolutely. That is so good. I'm gonna quote you on that. Thanks, Jamie. Yeah things happen again Yeah, cuz identity is, is a really big topic, I find that everyone has their own take on it, which is natural, because everyone's different. But I find that a lot of artists, because generally because you were doing this stuff before you had your children, it's part of it is part of your core identity. It's you grew up creating or meet playing music or painting, whatever, and it doesn't just go away. Just because you have children. It's not like that piling on disappears, you know? No, no. I want to say no, but I also want to say yes, like, no doesn't disappear. Yes, you're right. I mean, this a big debate that usually happens when I'm talking with another mum that I haven't met before. And as that friendship evolves, they'll say things like, Ellie, look, I'm a mum. And you know, I don't really care about work. I really just want to be a mom and I love taking them to school and I love taking them to soccer. You know, I love doing that mom stuff. And you know, I wouldn't mind doing a couple of hours a week work but for me, it's just the mum thing where you Ellie, you have that right? Your career drive you have that real passion. And I do push the envelope. But I think what you've just said is spot on. I mean, for me, I went from doing so much radio stuff to our I can't do it anymore. That's still in still ENADE still within me. But also I went through, you know, the best part of 15 years where I believed I couldn't get pregnant. But I knew that I had a career. And so for me, whilst it was a dream that I spent a lot of years crying for. I knew I had a career. Now, why can't I have both? I only came to that realization really in the last week. Why, you know, this is why I'm so headstrong about. You can be a mum and you can have a curry. Because why shouldn't you? Why can't you what's you know, think about what's possible? And really, if you want it, go out and make it happen. That's it. I mean, the way Yeah, look, I'm I'm in the situation where, you know, I have pushed and pushed and pushed and someone said to me a few years back, if you're walking through a doorway, you kept hitting your head on the doorframe, would you try and go through the door again? And I said, Oh, yeah, you know, I just keep trying and trying. And, and what they were trying to say was, if you're trying to do something, and it's not working, it's not getting to you to where you want to go. Be creative and think up a solution. Think of a different doorway. Yeah. For me, you know, I could have sat here 2020 When I was like, Well, you know, being a mums, not enough for me, I want more. I could have just wallow in self pity and feel bad for myself and I'm the victim, you know, and at the end of the day, I I kind of rose above those thoughts and went well can isolate costs, you can pocket. I've got a certain amount of assertiveness within myself. I have the self belief. I feel empowered. Fuck it, I'm going to make it happen. And I'm going to keep building on my empire of creative projects. And I'm not going to stop. Yep, no one's going to stop me and I hope if anything on the feedback I get that I do, I hope I inspire others who are maybe feeling you know, ripped off shafted, screwed over. Because it does happen where you're in a role and all of a sudden it's not there anymore. Go out and make it for yourself. Yeah, don't step back. Oh, I didn't understand that up until we were in Melbourne. I always realized that I was in control of where I was going in life and I was in control of opportunity because I created them something about coming to this town completely changed my thinking in that I needed someone to give me an opportunity yeah and now just because I'm a mom does not mean I can't keep creating opportunities. Absolutely yeah, that is so well said that deserves to be added I would have pressed applause on my stream deck if I had I'm still got like I said this is my first time in the studio and I've got all these USB cords and at least I knew how to use my ring light Oh I love that love that. So sue me and golf me me have a feeling I'm gonna know the answer to this next question, but I'll let you answer it I'll just keep my thoughts to myself. The topic of mum give it something I'd like to explore with all my guests. What's your take on mum guilt Hmm I don't feel mum guilt. And that makes me feel guilty I can remember I went for my six week checkup with Dominic and I said to my obstetrician I don't know this doesn't feel normal. But I don't feel bad like when he cries i don't feel guilt that I need to run to him. I don't feel you know if I'm gonna take a bit longer in the shower. If I want to go leave him with his dad and go to the shops farmer. I don't feel it. She said no, that is quite normal. It and not with the girls. It's even, it's even worse because you know, I had to leave them in the NICU for five and a half weeks. And at that point I had to say to myself, Elena, you know, you can't look after them right now. They've got nasal gastric tubes for feeding. They've got an inline, they're an isolettes. I mean, there's no way I could have brought them home. But that detachment has gone so far, that like, Now, I could leave the house and not even acknowledge that I'm leaving. Obviously, like, laters, you know? And then it's not until, because I'll be at the shops, and I'll be thinking, Oh, lotto would be nice now. And I'll take my time. And it's not until I walk, you know, driving the driveway, and I walk in the door, and I go, hang on, I never said goodbye to them. So I think the mom guilt thing comes from this is my personal opinion. I think it comes from our upbringing, and our relationship with our own mothers. My mom, I would say, would have instilled in me, you know, this thing of mum guilt, not for any reason of badness. But, you know, I know the way mum put us before her. And I associate that with mum guilt. Yep. Where, you know, here I am. I've got my animals here at the moment. And I'm like, Well, I'm going to get my hair color. I'm gonna get my facial. I'm getting my nails done. Because I need to take care of myself to look after the girls. And I don't feel any guilt about that. Yep. Absolutely. And why should you? Like, you're still a person that that needs to be nurtured. And yeah, yeah. And I do want to be at that point, you know, in 20 years time, where I'm still getting my hair done getting my nails done doing the things that make me feel a person. Because, admittedly, you know, I would have preferred that my mum looked after herself. So that today, she would feel better about herself. You know, it when he's put everyone else before you? How are you supposed to look after yourself how you're supposed to do that self care. And I do feel for her that, you know, I really wanted her if we could rewind the time, let go of that mum guilt. Put yourself first mum. And I suppose that's what I'm telling myself. Yeah. Yeah. Do you think that an element of what your mum experienced was a cultural and sort of of the time that that's what was happening? To all the moms? Yeah. And I think look, when we, when we look at generation wise as well. You know, really, mums parents came from overseas. So it was a different time to be growing up in Australia. You know, I suppose that generation mums generation needed to parent their parents. Yeah. While whilst parenting us kids. Yeah. And that's through no fault of their own. Where he here we are. We're, we're not, you know, we could care for our parents, but we're not parenting our parents. We're parenting our children. And who knows where it'll be when our children have the dead children. But it was a different time to be growing up in Australia, Arthur? Yeah. Yeah, that's a really good way of looking at it. Actually. It's made me sort of have a bit of one of those lightbulb moments actually. That my family I knew you were gonna say that about Mum, you. You. For You, I think mum gets bloody load of shit. I just think it's a stupid thing that we're all supposed to buy into. It's like, no thanks. I'm allowed to, I'm allowed to love my children and not be with them. You know, it's part of their journey, or, you know, they have two parents, you know, I don't know. It's true. And I guess, you know, for me, I want the children to grow up, like I said before, fiercely, independent, strong in their identity. But also that as they grow older, they know that mom is strong and her identity. I have seen and I've heard through others, where you know, the mom has this fierce mom guilt and doesn't pursue a career and doesn't pursue other things. As the children are growing up and then the children go to school and what that mum then is kind of displaced. Yeah, that's it. Where did they fit in? Yeah, yeah. And that's the thing I don't want. I don't want that for me. I don't want to set that as an example. There's more to life than that. She's enjoying talking to you this is we could almost spin off into our own podcast. Hey, I'm always open to new ideas to you going down the drain today have to choose between hunger and the lie between the day. And the darkness of the night. There won't be more. Support, I want to touch on that you talked about having your own families like 6000 cases 1000 2002, you said you're further they've been they've been New Zealand or further. So a long way away. It's not like you can just call them up and say, Hey, I need you to like go to the shops. Has that been very challenging being on your normal answer on your own? Because you've obviously got got your husband? Well, how's that? Yeah, that's that's an interesting point, too, because it's very rarely home. He has been very involved career and really his career is what is our lifestyle. It's been, it's harsh. I'll put it, I'll try and put this in the nicest way possible. It's hard. It's sad. The family not being able to experience the children growing up. It's also for me, What's hard is not so much that I can't ring someone to help me. It's when I hear other family members say, I'm so tired. And they have family members who can help them. You know, I guess I've just grown into this situation, which is relying on myself and myself alone. My husband helps whenever he can. He's super supportive, supportive of my career supportive of the children and our family goals. But realistically, Alison, the problem is for me that that kind of lack of recognition from others. Hang on, you know, you have a husband who works nine to five and has every weekend off. You have parents and in laws and siblings who live five kilometers away from you. You can dump the children there and go back home and have a three hour siesta. Don't complain that you're tired. You know, I'm so tired that I don't even know I'm tired anymore. I just know that I could fall over at any point. It's like literally I had blood tests done last week because my dizziness is out of control. Oh gosh. But no, I'm healthy. I'm just really tired. Really tired. It took me eight months to find a nanny. We are so blessed to have been introduced to a beautiful woman who is a nurse by day. I mean you couldn't ask for a better Mrs. Doubtfire. She's a registered nurse during the day. And then she comes over for an hour in the afternoon. She cuddles the girls? I picked Dominique up from school. That is life saving for me. Yeah, that in itself is the best type of help that I can get. And she's she's only been with us for maybe six weeks. But she's like family. You know that for me is everything. Yeah. Because it's true. I can't I can't just ring up and you know, we actually I sewed this was nuts we I sewed twice within four weeks because hobby downstairs for a week me upstairs of the three kids. And then we did it again just for shits and giggles a few weeks later, but that time Dominic had COVID and so did so did happy so you know again, I had family saying to me in Adelaide, like just bring up the nanny get her to come over Can't you ring someone can't someone come and know when you have COVID or your close contact and you're an ISO Mr. Wall was can't even walk through the front door. Yeah, that's it. Yeah. Yeah. That was a you know, again, that was frantic, but I'll be honest with you. While that was happening, and I had the three children for 24 hours for a week. I was still working on those now. Nothing's gonna stop you. Good on your nine. Kinda love it. Honestly, if anyone is feeling unmotivated, all they have to do is listen to you Talk about how you make things happen. And they'd be like, right, I'm doing it. I'm pumped now, at least got me fired up. But sometimes, you know, there's that whole theory of momentum, you may not feel like doing it. But when you start doing it, you'll feel like could eventually, I have little hacks where if I put on some citrus oil, yep. Or, you know, in Melbourne, their house, the kitchen was off the lot laundry was off the kitchen. And if I put one of those pods in the washing machine, of course, with clothes in the washing machine, that citrus smell was like, you know, kind of like starting the lawnmower for me. Hmm. So that's, you know, I've picked up on Oh, I don't feel like doing that. Now. I will be the queen of procrastination, if I look back 10 years ago. But like I said, I said, I'm happy. Being a mom of twins and a singleton toddler is totally doable. You just have to be organized. So I do admittedly have a lot of, you know, citrus smelling oils and citrus smelly melts, that I burn and what have you so that I can keep motivated during the day? Yeah. So coffee, lots of coffee to change. It's not ignore this. List. I just call that let's say that yeah, it's like, when things don't, when you do have those times, you've got your toolkit to say, right? I've got to do this. I want to do this. Let's make it happen. Again, it's like you're making things happen. And I think joined with that is you also need to listen to yourself. So even though I say I don't recharge through napping, there was one day in the past month. Where I'm sorry, I just can't do today. Yep. And I lacked when the girls napped. I've never listened to my body quite as much as I have since I've become a mum. Because I know I am there for my children. Yeah, so I have to listen to myself. It's that thing again of I have to fill my own cup. Yep. Yeah. You don't have a day off. There's no annual leave it isn't it? They don't go away. They're always hanging. Could you imagine? I know you're only four months old but I really need today off yeah, they come back tomorrow and I'm feeling a bit better. Okay change your interface some way to sing a song. Yeah, we lose track of time. Sharon some day comes my way. Just to reinforce really is always consider what is possible. Yeah, that for me has been the biggest thing through my whole journey and continues to be with the three passion projects that I'm working on. What else is possible? Because I think we get stuck in you know, things only happen this way. Because that's the only way it's been done before. As a mum who is a creator, not just a Creator as a mum creator in the you know, YouTube podcast radio sense. You know, every day I find myself asking that question what is possible it's okay to challenge the norm. That is what it is to be a mum. Yeah, someone has to do it get special you talked about you're gonna get stuck into YouTube. A bit more. We're in your podcast, what have you got sort of coming up that you can share with us? Yeah, so I have season four of my podcast coming up in June. And around the same time, I have season three of Behind the Music with LED coming up on YouTube. So the distinct difference I think I you know, I kind of made a boo boo, because I called them both behind the music with LED, but the podcast is audio only. And then the YouTube is video. And it's not like a video of the audio recording. It is like watching a mini series. So it's a completely different artists. I throw my questions at them, they give me their raw responses. And then, of course, my next suggestion is you can find them online, you have a listen with us. Now I'm also in the process of developing the schedule where we're going to have a Sunday night show. I can't share too much there. But I can share that I've got a couple of announces. Funnily enough, they're all in Melbourne. I'm the only one in Queensland. And we're going to dig deep into the library and really bring out the talent. Because this is the thing is songs get announced. There's no intro, there's no outro every six songs on AWS now you'll hear someone say, Hey, I'm the artist name. You'll listen to us now or keep it tuned to us now. We don't have you know, because again, it's not for revenue. It's there for the purpose of discovering new music. So yeah, that's currently what I'm working on. And the production stuff was the YouTube is more challenging for me than the podcast, but I love watching it when it goes live. So I go to my local, I go to my local better electrical store. And I'm like, What's happening with the TVs that I can I give them a go and then all of a sudden, they turn around and 12 TVs have my series on there. Fantastic when they're all on at the same time. Okay, it's cool, actually in HD. So the good guys to bring up all the stores. Get my views up. That is awesome. Yeah, the site can you tell us like obviously YouTube? Where can people find you radio, like oz now radio, you go to us now radio.com that I use. So that's Oh, Zed like the Wizard of Oz. Oz now.com.au. There, you'll find and you can press play on the web player, or I haven't shared yet. I'm also working on an app that you can download. So at the moment, you can hear us now if you listen to one's like my tuner on tuning, you can program it. I mean, I've got a son OS that I've used my tuner to listen to it stream is cast as radio gardener has a ton of streaming platform. But yeah, I'm just quietly working on an app. I forget about that. And that way people can download the app. And you know, you don't need to go looking for it to scrub the app. That's wonderful. Good for you. Thank you for for the podcasts and the YouTube series. Just go to Google and type in behind the music with LED and it's not led like the light E double L IE, space D for dog. Beautiful. Thank you for sharing that. That is so cool. I'm excited for that. It'll be really cool when I've taken off the generic branding of someone else's radio station. I've loved talking to you today. It's just been such a joy. I've got sore cheeks from smiling and laughing. So it's been wonderful. We'll have to do it again. And I'd love to feature you on ours now radio, so we should have more returned about that. Thank you. I would absolutely love that. Thank you so much, Ellie. It's been a pleasure. Thanks again. Thank you. Thanks for your company today. If you've enjoyed this episode, I'd love you to consider leaving us a review, following or subscribing to the podcast, or even sharing it with a friend who you think might be interested. If you or someone you know would like to be a guest on the podcast. Please get in touch with us via the link in the show notes. I'll catch you again next week for another chat with an artistic mom

Pariya Ziakas Australian visual artist and art educator S1 Ep06 Listen and Subscribe on itunes , spotify and google podcasts Pariyah Ziakas is a painter and high school teacher, perhaps best known in Mount Gambier for her stobie pole project. She is mother of 2 "gremlins' and in this episode we chat about how her children are an integral part of her art, how they support her practice and encourage her to see the world through different eyes. Pariyah shares how she encourages her children to chase their dreams, and how she has built a family unit where everyone contributes. **This episode contains discussion around premature birth** Connect with Artscapes Creatives to find upcoming events instagram / Website Pariyah instagram - Podcast - instagram / website Music in this episode used with permission from Alemjo When chatting to my guests I greatly appreciate their openness and honestly in sharing their stories. If at any stage their information is found to be incorrect, the podcast bears no responsibility for my guests' inaccuracies. Podcast transcript at the bottom of the page Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode of The Art of Being A Mum Podcast. I'm beyond honoured that you're here and would be grateful if you could take 2 minutes to leave me a 5-star review in iTunes or wherever you are listening. It really helps! This way together we can inspire, connect and bring in to the light even more stories from creative mums. Want to connect? Take a screenshot of this episode and share it on Instagram tagging me in with @art_of_being_a_mum_podcast I can't wait to connect. And remember if you or somebody you know would like to be a guest on the podcast, get in touch ! I love meeting and chatting to mammas from all creative backgrounds, from all around the world! Thank you! Alison acknowledges this Land of the Berrin (Mount Gambier) Region as the Traditional Lands of the Bungandidj People and acknowledge these First Nations people as the custodians of the Region. Ch eck out more episodes ..... elcome to the Art of Being a mum, the podcast where we hear from artists and creative mothers sharing their joys and issues around trying to be a mum and continue to make art. My name is Alison Newman. I'm a singer, songwriter and mother of two boys from regional South Australia. I have a passion for mental wellness and a background in early childhood education. Thank you for joining me. My guest today is Perea. Z. ARPUs. Perea is a painter and high school teacher, perhaps best known in Mount Gambier for her Stobi poll project. She is a mother of two children, who she affectionately referred to as the gremlins. This episode contains discussion around premature birth. Welcome to the podcast prayer. It's wonderful to have you here today. Thank you for coming on. Thank you for having me. Yeah, it's a pleasure. I'm a little bit familiar with you as an artist, I follow you on Instagram and see what you're up to. But for those people that might not be familiar with you and your work, could you give us a rundown of this sort of art that you do. You're also a school teacher, so maybe just sharing a little bit about how you got into art? what you've been up to that kind of thing? Yeah, of course. So I guess not many people would actually probably know my art practice, they probably would know me more as that lady that painted the Stobi poles and the art teacher as well. So it's kind of when I was at university. Obviously, I was studying an undergraduate but that was when I kind of really found my passion. Had lots of exhibitions Miss met lots of like minded people as well. Unfortunately, with everything that happens life, you know, move back to mat Gambia after my mom had passed away. And all of those other aspirations kind of put on were put on the back burner, and I did my teaching degree. So it wasn't until recently, probably about 2019 that I've actually returned to my own artmaking. So it's been a very long process. So I've always had this interest and passion for the body and movement. Law lot of the artwork that I was producing at university was based around my husband and my relationship. So I used to do a lot of figurative work. So linking in the bodies, and then kind of went into abstraction, a lot of surrealist pieces. However, now I'm finding that more of a lot more of my artwork is becoming more about my environment around me and the influences of the Gremlins, obviously, still my husband, but just you know, that my external environment around me at the moment. So do you remember how you got into art when when you were younger? Was it something that was sort of in your face? I do. I remember, we lived in Lucerne Dale when I was younger. And I remember my teacher and Ted did this candle making. And they entered the into the little Delfield days and I won. I won, I won 50 cents an hour. It was amazing. But I just I mean, it wasn't just the money, but I just remember I remember thinking how much fun I had with the whole making experience. And then I guess from then I just I remember as a kid just doing lots and lots of sketches and just having copious folios just, you know, scribbling in all the time, and definitely in my teenage years, obviously, studying art and design as well. And I had a brilliant teacher when I was in Year 12, who I currently work with as well. So Leah Fox is amazing. So yeah, so that's always been a big part of my life. I guess. It's just, you know, finding that time to explore and experiment. Yeah, for sure. And you're not only being a school teacher you also run classes and events for the community as well like anyone can come along and do do classes with you. So recently a another local artist and myself So Ruth Stevenson and I work colleagues but we're also local artists and she and I have been providing second paint sessions in my Gambia. So we we kicked off with the fringe event this year, kind of feels like Yeah, so we kicked off our fringe event and we we are hashtag two girls painting so Artscape with one works is what we call ourselves and we've had such a positive some feedback from the community that we ran another session with one Suncoast pantry as well. And another question that Caroline hills and then another one at NARA, obviously, you know, we did have unplanned for this weekend. And unfortunately with the lockdown, we've had to postpone that for now. So but we are still most definitely looking at creating more and more experiences for their community to actually be a part of. So yeah, definitely jump on board, check us out on Instagram. And you'll see more and more of us coming out lately, the projects? Do you think that the concept of being able to drink wine while you paint is a really tantalizing sort of draw for people who might be nervous about painting, but then the inhibition sort of disappear a little bit with that with that one? I think I definitely think so. And I think the space that we that Ruth and I are providing is a fun, safe space. So you know, people feel as though they are not being judged. You know, there's there's no real criticism, they can basically express themselves. And a lot of these sessions have seen groups of people coming in and enjoying that time together. So you know, whether it's a birthday, or it's just a girls night out, we've had also we've had, it's not just for females as well. So we've had male participants as well who have really enjoyed themselves. But yeah, definitely, as you say, we've definitely found that, you know, that glass of wine helps sort of free those inhibitions. However, we also have a number of participants who don't partake in that alcohol sign and you know them I have a mocktail, or they're just completely experienced, so, which is really nice to see. So in the support, everything that we perceive has been amazing. Do you so obviously you're finding more women are coming to the classes? Yeah, I think so more, obviously, more women than men deciding to participate, I think just because it's a little bit more of a, you know, that whole idea of a girls night out, you know, the afternoon with the girls as well. So, however, the event we had at Canara, we had a handful of male participants there as well. And they were really surprised with the night and how they actually went and what they were able to actually create as well. And what we love is what I'm loving is that the intimate the individuality that's coming out out of all of these sessions as well. So, you know, we give guests samples and you know, this is potentially what you could create. However, at the end of the day, if you want to do a landscape, but we presented you with a still life, then go for it. It is all about that artistic interpretation. So yeah. Expressive. Yeah. Yeah. Fun. Yep. That's that's social aspect and that community sort of aspect more than it's not about creating something that has to be perfect and it's going to be critique. That's, that's wonderful. So you mentioned briefly your Gremlins, you affectionately refer to your children? Yeah. Tell us about them. The gremlins? Yes. So, my oldest daughter is her name is Ciara and she is eight. And then my son Trey is seven years old. And yes, I affectionately call them the gremlins. I just remember, you know what I was like, I remember when I was babies, and they used to feed. It was just this. It was like they could not stop that were like little animals. Just, I just remember saying to my husband once. Well, they like gremlins. They're just in anywhere and it just kind of stuck. And yeah. So but they're amazing. They probably one of my biggest supporters throughout this whole artistic venture. They just yeah, they love seeing what mums going to create. What's what's you know, what's the next project and our our lounge room slash kitchen slash dining area is now mums, makeshift studio space. It's everywhere. It definitely involved in it. It's right there they are. Yeah, yeah. They are very much a part of my making process more so than I realize I think especially with the concepts and the ideas that I have. A lot of work come from them. They're such they're such animated individuals, those two they could play for hours and hours on end, just imagination play. They, it's amazing to watch. And we still the conversations that we have. I remember doing a concept. And it was, you know, my daughter just asked me her mom, what does? What does the rainbow tastes like? You know, what about clouds? You know, what do you think they taste like? And then what would happen if we nibble this together? What if we took them camping would be so amazing. But yeah, it's it's that childhood imagination. That's pretty magic. It allows you to sort of think about things in a different way that you probably haven't thought of for a long time. Oh, absolutely. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Not take life so seriously, sometimes. And your children actually appear in your work as well. I've noticed on the Stobi polls, they you're a little Yes. If you're in there. They do they. As I said, they have such a big part of my art making, I guess that whole experience of you'll notice I've already I've got two concepts on the poles. One's on my daughter, she's in her dance gear. You might notice that baby panda is their toy. Yeah, her toy. Teddy is the fifth member of our family. And I swear, that is the luckiest Panda, toy panda ever, that PanDa has been to Europe, Asia, it's been around all parts of Australia. My husband has run back to blocks in Rome, because she left it at a b&b in Rome. So he's during the back, we've been home and he's driven all the way back to Millicent because she left baby panda at the playground. Oh, I know. So yes, they are very much a part of my artmaking I think I kind of feel like it would be a real disconnect if they weren't. For me, personally, as I said, it's, you know, you're with your children, a lot of the time and the conversations that we have, and I feel as though you know, from when I started from 2019. Until now, I'm really starting to see my skills and my art practice start to develop a little bit more, as well. And they are very much a part of that as well. Is it important to you that they are a part of it, like you want them to know what you're doing? And that art is so important in your life? You want to give them that sort of appreciation for having having a an outlet, I suppose. Different to you? Yeah, absolutely. I definitely do. I, you know, everything that I do, artists, not just artistic way, but the events that we've that I've been running with roof with a sip and paint. I don't keep anything like that from them. So they know exactly what I'm doing. And they helped me with my Instagram posts, because I'm not great. And it takes a really long time. And I'm still learning up. I've only joined Instagram in the past two years. And Facebook as well. So it's it's been an eye opener for me, but they are such an encouragement. And they also tell Mom, you're doing a really good job. But what do you think about using this picture instead of this picture? And then they'll come out with colors? And it's just it's yeah, it's a really nice, I want them to be able to see that if they are passionate about something, then they can go for it. And there's no, there's no limit. I don't want them to just settle for oh, well, you know, this is life. So but you know, something they can they need to go and work for and make it happen that makes them happy. Mom guilt or that sort of, I know that that's a word that the society sort of throws around. Yeah. How do you feel about that? Ah, I've always had that mum guilt, even before I became a mum or even before I started that are making. I'm a very sort of, you know, give 150% to everything that I do. And when I started teaching, that was very much how I was, you know, I wanted to really sort of feel comfortable in that space. And I remember returning back to work, I returned full time because my husband and I husband and I swap so he stayed at home with the gremlins. So he was at home for four years and then I was at work and you know, the teaching teachers and teaching life is very, it seems to be continuous. You know, you don't kind of just Nish walk out that door at four o'clock. You don't you know, your mind doesn't quite always switch off so it's when I'm not playing it's, you know, I'm marking or I'm planning I'm always doing something so yeah, there was always that little bit of guilt. They felt and I I always have that anyway, I think, I don't know whether you have that as well. But it's not just that mum guilt. It's like, it's the wife guilt. It's the friend guilt. It's the WHEN DO WE it's very hard to make time for everybody. I think now I think more. So it's important for me to realize that not to think of it as mum guilt anymore, but but realize that I think they need to have a better version of mum. And if Mum needs to be in that creative space, then they're going to get a better version of me, rather than me sort of trying not to be in that creative space, if that makes sense. No, it makes perfect sense. So it's something that you require for yourself to make you the person that you want to be to present to your children, I suppose. Absolutely. Yeah, absolutely. And they can see, you know, they see the difference that makes in me, as well, as my husband is the same. It's, I've, I now understand, you know, I will be 40 next year. But now I understand how important it is just to have that time and to take that time. And it's, you know, we shouldn't feel guilty about it. Because when we don't take that time, it's like, you bottle all of that energy up. And then unfortunately, that becomes really toxic. And I don't want that to happen. So often, I can't be creative. And I'm not the the best version of myself for them. Absolutely. You mentioned about your husband, being at home with the kids while you went back to work, that level of support that you had, it's it's so important, isn't it having having that around you to be able to achieve what you want to do not just in your art, but you know, your your working life, which is so much to do with our kids too, to see that. There are other ways for families to function. Isn't this just traditional mom stays at home or dad goes off to it? Yeah, absolutely. They he Yeah, he is a an amazing role model for the gremlins. You know, it's, we'll try to see that, like you said, it's not just the females role to do the cooking and the cleaning, and do the washing and take care of the kids. It's, you know, we share that role. And we we are a family units like everyone contributes as well. And, you know, we'll raise the Gremlins that way as well. Mum and Dad Don't do anything for you. We you know, we don't call it chores, it's about helping the family unit and helping us function as a really positive family unit. So, you know, there are times when my and my son has said, you know, I didn't like clean my room cleaning my room, but I know I have to get it done. I'm like, Yeah, exactly. That's right. And if you don't get it done, I'm gets really angry. And then she uses that really loud mumble is that you don't like so just cleaning up. So yeah, but no, it's been such an amazing support and through everything I am. I'm like, Oh, my ideas are like, whoa, I've got so many things going on. And then I said, Hey, I've got this idea. And when I make this happen, I want to do this, I'm gonna do that. And then he'll just really calmly go, okay, so how are you going to make this happen? What are some of the things to think of so he's very much that town, he'll bring back down to earth and go, I think, Ah, damn, so right. Okay, hang on. What I can do this part of it. Maybe not just all of it right now. The and he got any remarks? And he says, Well, you know, remember you are you work full time. When are you going to do the rest of this? Okay, well, do you know what? There's some of the weekends, I can do things on the weekends, and I can do things work, and I can. But he never says no way, which is great. Yeah, so he's like, he's that little sort of balance the balance to your enthusiasm, but without shutting it down. It's it's molding and finding the ways that it can you actually happen. Yeah. He just, I think, because he knows if he shuts it down. I'm just like, oh, but what is? What if we did this instead? Like what do you think about this instead? So yeah, I said to him in lockdown when I said, I really want to paint the stove with poles. And he said, right. Hey, and do that might just email counsel and see what happens. So and I kind of scrolled on from there so he would prime the stove poles and pressure clean them and bring things bring me things when I forgotten things when I'm at the polls. I need I need this creek. Can you read this? Yeah, yeah, that's what I was like when I was at crowded streets. So I've left this color at home. Could you please just bring it really quickly? Just pop the Gremlins in the car won't take very long. Do you find yourself? Like when you're moving around town, whether you're driving or walking, you're just constantly looking at blank spaces like I could paint on there. It's like you read my mind all the time and the grandmas say it now too. They go, Mom, he would love that worldspace Mom, there's this fencing and it's just plain. Yeah. So this, they find the spaces all the time. And because I started in our hallway, as well, so painters, it's not quite finished yet, but we made it a bit of a family project. So they started I let them have a space down the bottom of each of the walls and then I would just go over the top and create but yet that I haven't finished. After that I went to the letterbox. After the letterbox I went to the store reposts. And then you went to the arcade as well. You've done? Yes, yeah. Yeah, so Ruth and I collab did a collaboration with that one. So we applied for the Creative Arts Fund last year to be able to work in that space. And I, I don't know if you remember, like, it's almost I vaguely remember what it was like, but just walking through that space, it was just so gloomy and just didn't have that inviting appearance about it. And the idea of a celebration of dance was actually roofs, main idea. And then we worked in together to actually create the actual mural space itself. It's like, over 20 meters long. So yeah, it's amazing now and I walked in there last week, or maybe the week after, to the Gremlins down there, to pick up dinner and just had been down there at night time. And I had to record it because it just it just looks so much fun. And they still love it. They still love sort of weaving through the polls and, you know, running along and you know, doing all the little poses of the silhouettes. So yeah, it's just opened it up. And so many people have just said that it's become such a more inviting and a real a lot safer space, they feel a lot safer in that space to walk down as well. That's a good point. Yeah. When you had your children, were you using art then as a sort of a tool to to spend time within yourself like as your own sort of outlet? No, nothing. I had, it sounds really odd, but I I was not doing any form of art making. So when I finished university, as I said, after my mum passed away, I spent one more year at uni wasn't a full year. So I finished my degree, and then we moved back to my Gambia because I had a younger sister. So I wanted to be with them. And then I didn't do anything. I just went and did my teaching degree. And then I needed to be here I'm at Gambia, and then I got a teaching position. And just from there, I just went, I went straight into teaching and I just sort of gave that 100% And then I had the Gremlins and I just remember when Chara she or she didn't sleep, so she liked the first I remember saying to my sister, when I got home, I rang my sister and I was not happy. I said how I said you're a bitch. You didn't tell me any of this. You didn't tell me that this was what it was going to be like she said to me, I keep I'd said anything. You wouldn't have any kids. I just that first night we bought her home, she slept for 15 minute intervals. And like when we were in the hospital, she was the only baby that you could hear crying. Myself and my husband quite a bit of time to actually get her settled in. I didn't know I was so naive. I just thought babies did the wrong thing. I thought all they did was eat and sleep. And they had to teach them how to breastfeed. Oh, yes. Sasha. Emotional you know motherhood Is it strange enough? Uh, but you know, it doesn't come with a manual and it's yeah, it just took me a really long time to get my mind around that but then we had Chara and try so close together. So I got pregnant with Trey when Ciara was six months old. And then he was born with the earliest so he was born at 26 weeks. So we had such a tumultuous time like we spent 10 weeks in Adelaide. Ah, just so many things were going on. But I did keep a journal though I kept a journal when I used to do lots of little sketches in there. So here's two books are filled, which I've actually learned to two other friends who've had kids prematurely. So they've really got a bit of support from that and be the help from that. So, but yeah, I didn't, and then nothing happened until, yeah, sort of end of 2018 2019 I started kind of, you know, they'll both backups, they were both at school. So I felt as though I had a bit more time for me. And then the other big thing is putting yourself out there, as well as not just a person, but just as an artist, you know, actually, I've always been really self conscious about doing that. So it took me a while to go, Well, you know what, I can do this, I, you know, if people want to judge and that's fine. And then, yeah, I set up the account, my sister helped me out. It was like back and forth over the phone for about a month. And she's, I know, you're not doing this right, you get up like this. And then, anyway, yeah, I'm 2019 I started creating work. And I'd entered a couple of competitions, all unsuccessful. I've entered a few art competitions, and none of them have been successful. But I'm really proud of myself, because I'm getting myself out there. And practicing, I'm making I'm, you know, being critical of myself and challenging myself, which is, I think, a really big move for me, you know, three years of actual actively making for me, but also for my family has been just exactly what my soul has needed. So you briefly mentioned the Gremlins are doing the we're helping out with the painting in the hallway? Are they like artistic, they're following your footsteps in that sort of way they love their painting and, and that they do? Yeah, they I think my son has a bit more patience, when it comes to sort of the more hands on sort of sculpture work, he loves that side of it. Whereas Chara has a lot more patience with with renderings, so blending colors together. So she's really finding that knack. However, I can't tell them, you know, just because I'm an art teacher, and myself doesn't mean that they're gonna listen to me because they know better. I'm just back off. And I know, I know what I'm doing. I know what I'm doing. I don't want to try and blend, you know, these two different tones of green together because I know what I'm doing. But ya know, they any sort of that that creative side, they both have piano lessons. And she does calisthenics? Yeah, they're very, very creative, but they will often make me these little notes with characters and you know, it's Have a nice day, Mom, you're the best mom in the world kind of type thing. So which is really, really sweet. So yeah, I am. That yeah, I definitely that artistic side. I can see from both of them. That's wonderful. 26 weeks is very early, isn't it? Yeah, it is very early. Yes. He was a big surprise. Yeah. Big surprise. I I remember that day, we were doing Christmas photos. So we're trying to get Chara to stay on. Just stay still, essentially. And she kept like so anyway, they wouldn't have gone out to mow the lawns. And I just when I woke up that morning, I didn't feel right. I felt really uncomfortable. And I felt a bit sore. But, you know, after you have the first one, you always kind of think, oh, that's normal, because body's already shifted in so many different ways. And you've got this other child that you're carrying. Sorry, I just didn't think anything of it until I actually went to pick her up and I dropped him I couldn't actually yeah, it was I was in that much pain. So he came in and but yeah, it was by the time we got to the hospital. I was already four and a half centimeters dilated. So yeah, they tried to stop all my contractions and everything but I didn't work so they I had him here. It just so happened that day that I had him every single specialist was actually in town. Yep, highly recommend having a baby during the day. That's really helpful. So he was born on Tuesday afternoon. And yeah, but they were amazing. Dr. Weather all delivered him. And they I saw him for about five seconds, and they put him into a sandwich bag, he fit into a little sandwich bag, put him into a little sandwich bag, and MedStar came and got him. And he flew to Adelaide with my husband. So then I had to stay that night because I had an emergency C section. So and then my sister in law kind of got Chara, and she and that's the longest that we've actually the first time the longest we've actually spent away from beer. So she stayed in that Gambia for seven days. And then they drove up to Adelaide after that. So yeah, wow. an ordeal? Absolutely. But it's lovely that you were able to use your journals that you wrote to share with others to help with them experience. Yep. Yeah, I just, I remember what it was like. And I first deal on if we can offer them any sort of support. I said, I'll do it. So yeah, I've always said the moment that's my sister's friends that are in Adelaide at the moment. So they've got the journals, and they've got the little Teddy's that he's had, as well. So yeah, it's not a it's not an easy, easy thing to go through. It's like, you know, up and down, and I couldn't imagine. And these couples, the two couples that are going through it, this is their first child. So you imagine, you know, not even have that not even having that experience first, and then having your very first child and not knowing whether they're going to survive is just heartbreaking. Having to make so many decisions for your child is Yeah, it's really, yeah, as I said, heartbreaking. Yeah. Yeah, but he is like, if you meet him, he is you won't even you won't even tell that he was Prime baby. He is like 200% My me like things happening all the time. For me. He's He's exactly like me. He is like, he cancelled his brain off. He's, he's like, City's active all the time. He has to be moving. To the point where even when he was a toddler, he would fall off his dinner chair quite often because he just can't sit still. Always. raring to go. He just wants to get in and get things done. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. And I always say that that's why he came early. Because he just yeah, that's it just couldn't why? Oh, yeah. Think I, I actually have a really strong network of friends like a very strong group of friends. So and they amazing women who are so creative, not specifically artistically, but the creative in their own way. You know, they run their own businesses. One is a works with hair and makeup. She's built her business from the ground up, another one, runs her own restaurant with her husband, once again, built their business from the ground up. Another one has just recently opened, started her own business from home. And my other girlfriends are just so strong, not necessary. Ly, about that. female empowerment, but it's just about the strength that they have. Individually and not realizing it. I think that's just, I think I really wanted to be able to talk about that and just say that, you know, they, I'm so proud of them. And they inspire me more than they know, I think. And they're all mothers and they all have their own beautiful creative side. But they as I said, they're so strong and they don't even realize it most of the time I think that is exactly what I did for so long. I think you know, not valuing my own process for a long time and not realizing that I actually really need this as well. And now that I'm doing it, I am so much better for it. And the family unit is so much better for it. I mean, not all the time because mom is always busy behad in a good way. You know they love going to bed and I've just started a piece and then they wake up in the morning and they see it and they just go wow Mom, did you do this awesome. Oh, okay, yeah, I'm Sam. Um, I've got, um, like magic magic wand, and it just happened. So they so proud of you. It's pretty sweet. Yes, beautiful you have anything else coming up that you wanted to share? Well, definitely had to take your girls painting Artscape. So Ruth and I are definitely still going to be working with and planning more events, obviously, just with the COVID locked down restrictions at the moment, it just means that it's just been pushed back a little bit, but we're still, it's all still happening. I'm still going to be making. So I've actually got a canvas that I actually started last week. So that's pretty exciting. So I'm definitely still, as I said, earlier, I'm still entering all these different art competitions, and I'm just gonna still sort of not be successful, but I'm still gonna do it. It's, you know, what's out there? What is important? So, yeah, it is a big step. Isn't it though saying, I'm willing to fail, basically, like you're willing to say, I want people to know who I am. And I don't mind, you're not the best at it. But I just want to share what I've got, I suppose, yeah, I'd like to see my artwork out there. I think I love that's the great thing about social media about Instagram is that you can make connections with somebody from across the world. And even with everything that is happening out there happening now this pandemic that we're seeing ourselves living through, you know, I'm making connections with artists from England, and I'm making connections with artists from all different parts of the world. But the fact is that at the moment, he made that artistic process, it's getting a lot of people through COVID. And the loneliness that some people might feel, you know, being on that online platform is, is that little bit of support, as well. And you know, if you can scroll some of those pages and see some artwork, some amazing processes coming through, and that might help somebody then I think that's beautiful. Absolutely. And it is it's so important right now that we do stay connected, even though we're not, we're not next to each other. But we're we're still communicating. And like you said, if someone can see something you've painted, and just take some comfort from that, I suppose. And again, they make that so important. Yeah. bring a smile to someone's day. I always say choose kind. Thank you so much prayer. It's been an absolute pleasure having you and sharing with us and all the best. Thank you so much for having me. I've loved talking to you. I thank you. Yeah, it's been great. Take care of yourself, and stay safe, and enjoy time with your family. Yeah, thanks so much prayer. It's been lovely. Thanks, Alison. Perea would like to thank Tracy Davies from gorilla art group in Adelaide, who helped her with her Stobi poll painting project, not a new concept, but a new initiative in the Gambia. And Perea was really proud to have brought

Eliza Hull Australian musician, author and disability advocate S3 Ep84 Listen and subscribe on Spotify and itunes/Apple podcasts It is my great pleasure to welcome Eliza Hull to the podcast. Eliza is a musician, writer, speaker and disability advocate, and a mum of 2 from regional Victoria, Australia. Eliza is an award winning musician. Her music has been described as ‘stirring, captivating and heartfelt’ She is regularly played on radio nationally and internationally including on ABC, RN, BBC, double j and triple j. She recently performed her new song Running Underwater on ABC’S Q & A and performed at SXSW in Austin, Texas + Big Sound Festival. Her songs are also featured in ABC KIDS TV show ‘And Then Something Changed,’ ABC ‘The Heights’ and American TV shows ‘Awkward, ‘Teen Wolf’ and ‘Saving Hope.’ Recently Eliza was awarded the Music Victoria ‘Amplify’ Award, the APRA mentorship for women in music, the National Leadership Award from the Australia Council + Arts Access Australia + The Women In Music Award. Eliza’s debut EP, Dawn, came out in 2012, and showcased her eclectic approach to sound. Later in the year, Eliza recorded her 2nd ep, The Ghosts You Never Catch, which is full of the intensity, emotion, ad story telling which characterises her music. Eliza has her fifth studio record coming out soon, which will feature ‘Here they come’ and ‘Running Underwater.’ Eliza is making change in the music industry. The time is now for greater representation of disabled musicians, and Eliza is a huge part of this movement. As an author Eliza has been involved in 3 books, Come Over To My House is a picture book that explores the home lives of children + parents who are Deaf or disabled. Eliza is the editor and creator of ‘ We’ve Got This – Stories by Disabled Parents’ is the stories of 25 disabled parents from around Australia. The book was developed after a very successful podcast series on ABC's Radio National Eliza is a contributor to Growing Up Disabled in Australia. - One in 5 Australians has a disability, and disability presents itself in many ways. Yet disabled people are still underrepresented in the media + in literature. In the book compiled by writer + appearance activist Carly Findlay OAM, more than 40 writers with a disability or chronic illness share their stories, in their own words. Eliza is a panellist and speaker and has spoken at the Human Rights Convention ‘Free and Equal,’ for the NDIS and the Changes Music Conference. Eliza was a panellist on ABC’s Q&A. Eliza is also an access consultant for live music venues and organisations. Eliza - Website Podcast - instagram / website Music used with permission from Eliza. Podcast transcript at the bottom of the page Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode of The Art of Being A Mum Podcast. I'm beyond honoured that you're here and would be grateful if you could take 2 minutes to leave me a 5-star review in iTunes or wherever you are listening. It really helps! This way together we can inspire, connect and bring in to the light even more stories from creative mums. Want to connect? Take a screenshot of this episode and share it on Instagram tagging me in with @art_of_being_a_mum_podcast I can't wait to connect. And remember if you or somebody you know would like to be a guest on the podcast, get in touch ! I love meeting and chatting to mammas from all creative backgrounds, from all around the world! Thank you! Alison acknowledges this Land of the Berrin (Mount Gambier) Region as the Traditional Lands of the Bungandidj People and acknowledge these First Nations people as the custodians of the Region. Ch eck out more episodes ..... Welcome to the Art of Being a mum podcast, where I Alison Newman, a singer songwriter, and Ozzy mum of two enjoys honest and inspiring conversations with artists and creators about the joys and issues they've encountered. While trying to be a mum and continue to create. You'll hear themes like the mental juggle, changes in identity, how their work has been influenced by motherhood, mom guilt, cultural norms, and we also strain to territory such as the patriarchy, feminism, and capitalism. You can find links to my guests and topics we discussed in the shownotes along with a link to the music played, how to get in touch, and a link to join our supportive and lively community on Instagram. I'll always put a trigger warning if we discuss sensitive topics on the podcast. But if at any time you're concerned about your mental health, I urge you to talk to those around you reach out to health professionals, or seek out resources online. I've compiled a list of international resources which can be accessed on the podcast landing page, Alison Newman dotnet slash podcast. The art of being a mom would like to acknowledge the traditional owners of the land and water, which this podcast is recorded on has been the Bondic people in the barren region of South Australia. I'm working on land that was never seen it. Welcome to another episode. It really is so great to have you. Thank you for joining me. It's my great pleasure to welcome Eliza Hall to the podcast this week. Eliza is a musician, a writer, a speaker and a disability advocate and a mum of two from regional Victoria in Australia. Eliza is an award winning musician her music has been described as staring captivating and heartfelt. She's regularly played on radio around Australia and internationally, including on the ABC Radio National the BBC Double J and Triple J. She recently performed her new song running underwater on a BCS q&a TV show and performed at SX SW in Austin, Texas and big sound festival to showcase and present a panel on accessibility. Eliza songs are also featured in ABC Kids TV show, and then something changed ABCs The heights and American TV shows awkward Teen Wolf and saving hope. Recently Eliza was awarded the music Australia amplify award the AHPRA mentorship from women in music, the National Leadership Award from the Australia Council and Art Access Australia and the Women in Music Award. Eliza his debut EP dawn came out in 2012 and showcased her eclectic approach to sound. Later in that same year. Eliza recorded her second EP The ghosts you never catch which is full of the intensity, emotion and storytelling which characterizes Eliza his music. Eliza has a fifth studio record coming out very soon, which will feature here they come and running underwater. Eliza is making change in the music industry. The time is now for greater representation of disabled musicians and Eliza is a huge part of this movement. As an author Eliza has been involved in three books. Come over to my house with Australian author Sally Wilson is a picture book that explores the home lives of children and parents who are deaf or disabled. She's the editor and creator of we've got this stories by Disabled Parents. It features 25 stories from Disabled Parents from around Australia. And the book was developed after a very successful podcast series on ABCs Radio National. One in five Australians has a disability and disability presents itself in many ways. Yet disabled people are still underrepresented in the media and in literature. Eliza was a contributor to growing up disabled in Australia. The book compiled by writer and appearance activist Carly Findlay oh am and in the book more than 40 writers with a disability or chronic illness share their stories in their own words. Eliza is also a panelist and speaker and a spoken at the Human Rights Convention free and equal for the NDIS Brunswick Music Festival, the wheeler Center and the changes Music Conference. Eliza was a panelist on ABCs q&a TV show, and she's also an access consultant for live music venues and organizations. I sincerely hope you'll be inspired by Eliza to make positive changes in your own workspace, community or perhaps even your own mindset. The music you'll hear today is Eliza is owned. And you can find more by going to her website Eliza whole.com Or I've placed a link in the show notes. I really hope you enjoyed today's episode and thank you again for tuning in. Oh EB legs will now move. It's just the way it's gonna be. Maybe I don't feed Why don't you want me to be all these cookie cutter version? not doing me any welcome alive. It is such a pleasure to meet you and to have you on the podcast. Thank you for coming on. Thank you for having me. I gotta admit, I've been a fan of your music for quite a while you've got incredible voice it reminds me like of a bit like Janis Joplin with that sort of growly kind of thing you got going on. Thank you so much. He actually has a big influence in what I'm actually so nice to hear. So, we're about to you in Victoria. So I live in regional Victoria in Castlemaine. Yeah, right. Yep. How many is in Castlemaine? Is that like a big one? No, no, I don't know the exact figures. And I know that they're constantly changing. We're getting a lot of people coming to Castlemaine from Melbourne, especially during COVID, which we still are in but, you know, a little bit posted, I guess. And we're still getting that real influx of people, especially from the northern suburbs of Melbourne, moving to Castlemaine. It's about an hour and 20 minutes down the freeway and you can get an express train for an hour to Melbourne as well. So it's quite close to Melbourne, but also has the real qualities that a regional town has. So it's really beautiful. Yeah, that's nice. I just came back from a week in Ballarat. Which I don't think you're further north. I think that's right. Yes, awesome signs actually. And we have this like in South Australia, we say Castle, we don't say castle, but my mum's Victorian. So she often just reminded me straightaway when I saw this a lot. That's quite funny. So as I said, You're a singer, but you're also an author, and you're a disability advocate having disability yourself, and you do speaking. So what sort of came first for you to was it the writing or the music that that you sort of got into first. So the music came first. It was kind of the deal with my parents. So I wouldn't be able to leave the home my hometown of Albury Wodonga unless I had a uni degree to go to. And so I enrolled into a Bachelor of Communication in journalism, which I'm really glad I did. Because in the end, I've really used those skills anyhow. But I kept just deferring the course and just joining various bands and playing lots of shows, because that was really what was calling me was singing and music. I really wanted to just be a singer. And so yeah, really from the age of 18. That's what I've done. And I've done lots of various projects as a singer and performer. But now, I've gotten into more of the writing space. So I started by putting out a parenting anthology called we've got this, which is about Disabled Parenting. And I shared my own story and interviewed various other parents. And they also wrote their own stories. And then I've just completed an international version of that so with British and American and Canadian writers and interviewed those people over there, which will come out in February of this year. And then yeah, I've worked worked on a children's book, as well with Sally Ripon, who is a good friend of mine, and also lives in Castlemaine. And it was just my idea to create a book that represented various families with disability in a way that was authentic and fun and lively. And she was really on board with the idea and it was very collaborative working with Sally. I think people often question how can you co write a book with somebody but it really is a co write with Sally, because we sit around a table, we share our ideas, we go back and forth. You know, she writes a bit then I write a bit then we go, you know, so it was very collaborative and such an enjoyable process that we're working on our second book now. Oh, great. I actually had Sally on my podcast last year, and she was talking about your book, come over to my house and I thought it was great because I work in Early childhood education, and there's not very many books, I wouldn't say there's hardly any if there, if any, that use the language and make people aware of, of all the different ways families can exist and homes can exist, and to also make, to make parents aware of Yeah, of that language so that then they can educate their children, and they can be educated themselves on appropriate ways to talk about different families, which I thought was fantastic. And it's good, you know, for educators to to have the right tools to be able to communicate with children. So just find the kids kid to know everything, and they're so clever. And then then adults get their get their views into the kids heads, and they all change and it's terrible. It's so true. Can you tell us what the next book is about? Or is it a bit of a sacred at this stage? It's about the social model of disability really. So the social the social model is that the world is disabling. So that really was like a real aha moment for me when I learned the social model. So it made me think about what how is the world disabling. For instance, when I arrive at a building, and because I have a physical disability, it means if there's stairs up into that building, that's a building I can't get into. Whereas if there was a ramp up into a building, I would feel less disabled by my environment. And that really was like, Oh, wow, like, it's not up to me to change and that I don't need to be fixed. And you know, I don't have a problem and a deficit, it's actually what if we change the world to be more accessible, change the world to be more inclusive. And, you know, that can be lots of different reasons, reasons, ways. For instance, having an Auslan interpreter for people that are deaf, or having image descriptions for people that are blind, that's all the way that we can change the world to be more inclusive. So the children's book is really in a way a explainer of how we can change the world. And it's has two characters, a disabled child and a non disabled child. And it happens due to the disabled child inviting, so rather than non disabled child inviting the disabled child over for a play, and realizing that their house isn't accessible, and so feeling really bad about that, and not talking to the child for lunchtime, because they feel so embarrassed and bad about it. And then they then go to the playground, they decide that that's the best way to meet after school and the playgrounds inaccessible as well for this wheelchair, wheelchair user. And so that's when they decide that they're going to build an accessible world together. And they do that in a really beautiful way. And I guess, yeah, just to show how we can just change the world and we don't need to change the person. Hmm, that's a that's a really powerful message. That social model of disability that I had, I'd never heard it described that way. And when I've, I think it was Carly Finley that I first heard it said three and I just thought, ah, like, it's obvious, it makes so much sense. But why is our world reluctant to do this? Like, why do we have to only cater for particular people? How about okay, you know, that's fantastic. You're doing that. Because like I said, like the kids that are amazing, and get the kids keep to keep doing what they want to do, the world will change and Exactly, exactly, be fantastic. Yeah. And I think you know, the kids are the future so that I feel like it's so important that that's where we start really with changing the way the world sees disability. That brings me to a song that you performed on q&a. I'm not sure when that was actually when was that? A good question. So it's like, what year is it? It was the end of 2021. Yeah, right. And I actually watched that again this morning, because I remember when I first saw it for the first time, and it was just had me in tears, and had me in tears again this morning. But that's, that's literally, that's the description of how it feels to try and fit into a world that doesn't include you. And that sounds a horrible thing to say, but it's true, isn't it? Yeah, I feel like that that analogy of running underwater was just a way to say how heavy it can feel at times when you feel really good. A friend. But not only different when you feel like you don't belong really, and you don't feel included in a world and you feel discriminated against. And yeah, that's when it becomes really hard. I think that when I did the parenting book, we've got this it really showed that the greatest obstacles parents with disability face, it's not what happens inside the home. It's actually what happens outside the home where you face medical discrimination or people staring or inaccessible, inaccessible spaces. And yeah, so I think that it's really up to society to start in a recognizing that we are 20% of the population and that we deserve to include and be included in the world. Absolutely, yes. from you I remember when I was five, they told me the podcasts that you did, we've got this did that come after the book was that before? So it was always an idea, my idea that it should be a book, first and foremost, that was because really, it was just that I wanted a book like this to exist when I was deciding to become a parent. And I couldn't find anything out there, there was absolutely nothing. And so luckily, at that time, I saw that the ABC was offering scholarships for regional people with disability. And so I applied with the idea to make a series on parenting with disability and got chosen, which was great. And that then became, we've got this after the audio series went so well. I then pitched the idea as a book, but it was always my idea that it would be a book. So that was great. That happened. That's wonderful. Now Good on you. So you mentioned about being a parent, How many children do you have? So I've got two children. One is seven, and one is to Oh, awesome. In the midst of full on parenting, young children, yeah. Oh, that's awesome. I love that that age gap. I've got seven years between my two. Fun fun times, I've got seven and almost 15. And it's just you just feel like, I don't know, you read two worlds at once. You feel like that time is absolutely on learner and a seven year old Yeah. Have you found then that the children have fit into your career, I guess doing your music and doing your writing? Did that sort of take a break at all when you had two kids? Or was that something that you used to sort of keep going, I suppose and keep your identity while you became a mom? Yeah, I haven't. I haven't really stopped to think the first pregnancy and birth. So that was my daughter, Isabel. I think I took a bit more time off, I gave myself that break, after giving birth, I might have had nine or 10 months. I mean, there's not even that much. I've just doing absolutely nothing. But then started to make more music and released my album at that time. So that was already recorded. So record the last song when I found out I was pregnant. So I kind of felt like I needed to get that out anyway. And then with Archie who's you know, two and a half now. I took maybe six months off, and then just kept going. And I guess the way it's fitted in my life is that because I don't really worked for a person. I'm kind of freelancing with my music and my speaking engagements. And my writing. It just kind of fits around them. And that's really worked really well. So for instance, when he naps for the two hours in the day, I just get a lot done. And I think having that constraint of time has actually been really beneficial for me because it's like, Okay, two hours go. And then I took 10 I also work the other two hours of the night in the night. But yeah, sometimes it can be challenging, and we haven't used any childcare up until this point, but that's because I've got such an incredible mother in law. So at any time, I'll be able to say can you come stay we've got a really great luckily When we bought our house is a guest house at the back of the house. So she, she gets to be in her own space and come and stay. And she'll do that anytime I go away. Yeah, that's awesome having that support massive, isn't it? I wouldn't be able to do what I do without her. Yeah, yeah, I can definitely relate to that. I mean, my family here. I was thinking about that the other day, like, the times when you've got gigs on at night and or at rehearsals or anything, like, just how would you do it? If you didn't have help? Like, you just couldn't? Exactly just take for granted sometimes I think that I don't know, it's pretty important. Something I like to talk to all my guests about is this concept of mum guilt. And I put that in air quotes, because I think it's a I don't like the word, because I hate the word guilt. But have you got any thoughts about that? Well, yeah, man, it's a huge thing. For me. I think for me, it was, it's one of my way I feel it the most. So I really don't like the feeling when I'm at an airport or in a different city. And I see a mother with a child. It just like, Yeah, I'm just like, why am I not that mother? Why am I here? Why am I doing this? Like it? Just yeah, it feeds into that guilt can be really a horrible feeling. And then you kind of realize that, who knows what that mother's feeling in that moment? And maybe, No, tomorrow, she'll be going on a trip or, you know, I guess it just for some reason, you always think that you are doing the wrong thing. And I guess what I've realized is when I'm at home, I'm sometimes feeling like, Oh, I really want to do some work. And then when I'm working, I really want to be at home. I think that ultimately, being a mother makes you really feel very divided. Yeah, so it's just a constant. And I went to America in March last year, that was a big thing to go for. I went for 11 days without the kids and yeah, that was really very tricky. And only because it was such an incredible opportunity and that I had got the funding to go did I go? But they were actually fine. It was me that struggled the most. Always away. Yeah, so I'm off to the UK in May this year for a tour for the month of May and I've decided we're all going to they're gonna go as a family this time. Just make a trip of it and really enjoy it. No good on Yeah, yeah. I that it's very common thing. People talk about this. This when you when you're doing your work, or doing your art or creativity, you feel bad, because you're not with the kids. But then when you're with the kids, you think Oh geez, I really want to be guided to do that. Constantly constant battle in your head isn't absolutely yeah, thanks even half and then I say is it there's no answer to it. You just got to say different air we deal with it say call me a silver timer. Wrong. pill has becoming a meme changed? Or has it changed the way that you write your music? Approaching music? Yeah, I think that is kind of what I was saying before. The fact that when you have time constraints, you generally you cannot you can either go two ways for somebody, it could be that, that in the end is like you know, you can't be creative because you feel like you're under the pressure. But for me, it's worked really as an advantage. Because it's given me that kind of like, okay, you can't just sit here and the piano for a day anymore. And you know, maybe think of a verse, you really got to like, get it out. And so I think that that's what's helped me the most. I've also just wanted to do it really right this time. So for this next record that I'm about to put out, which has running running underwater on it, that I did on q&a, I just made sure that it was really well executed and like I looked into every lyric I can just I guess it was a bit more want to do if I'm going to be away from my kids, I'm going to leave the house and spend all that time and spend all that financial money into into my music, that I really should be putting everything into it and doing it really? Right. So I guess that's what has led to that. Whereas, perhaps before children, I just would have been like, that's fine. Like, you know, let's just experiment. Whereas now, it's very, yeah, I don't know, I guess what the word is just. It's, it's has to be a bit more professional, probably. Ultimately. I was thinking the other day, when I make my music, I always think it might be the last guy that I get to do something. Because now that I have two children, and I'm getting older, you know, so I feel like that, that I take, I have that sort of mentality, because I feel like I might not get another 10 If you know what I mean, it's good to do this, because I've always wanted to do this. I've always wanted to put this into songs I've got to do at this time, because I'll never do which sort of makes you feel old. Me I'm saying? No, I really relate to that. Absolutely. Waking up with a natural, dry yo. Promise one day do you find that you need your music and your creativity to keep you going as mum to have that outlet? is really important for you? Yeah, yeah, I think it. I mean, I feel like mothering is creative, though, as well. I think being you know, doing craft activities, or even just the way that they look at the world is really creative. And then we spent almost half the day looking at the clouds making images from the clouds the other day, and I was like, wow, we really are, they really can't be present vervain in the moment. And so I find mother mothering creative just like I find cooking creative. But I think you know, that outlet of singing for me is just something that I just always wanted to do and have always really done since I was little. And it's just an outlet. It's like a you know, if you're like, feeling like emotional or if you're feeling heightened, or you just it just expressing that enables me to feel like I'm getting it out. So what inspires you when you write your lyrics and write your songs, your obviously your, your, your disability and your place in the world do you do kids come through as well in your writing? Not Yeah, no, not really. And actually, that's a lie. The record that I released last, how we disappeared was really about moving away from Melbourne away from the city and there was one song on there that's called Valentine. And that was because my daughter was born on Valentine's Day. It actually kind of seems like a bit of a love song that you could think it was about a relationship but yeah, it's about her. So yeah, I haven't read a song about my son yet but maybe one day this particular record that's about to come out Yeah, it doesn't touch on the kids at all it's about Yeah, like unraveling my you know my true self being authentic identity my disability Yeah, just kind of things from the past as well. How old were you when you started writing? I got given a piano luckily, well, unlucky unlucky and that somebody passed away, but lucky and that they left it for me. When they did in there. They wanted somebody that was wanting to be a musician to take it. And that was I think when I was about 14, and so when the day that arrived, I sat on it and wrote my first song. It just kind of poured out of me. Yeah, and I look back at that time because I'm like, wow, the chords for that song not really quite advanced, to be honest. Maybe not so much theoretically. But it was just like, you know, angsty song that I wrote About heartbreak. Hmm, we've very close to the sinuses getting person you can you can tell me if this is appropriate, the person that passed away to have the PR, did you have a connection with them at all? No, not at all. So that's why I didn't I might have felt a bit disconnected by that. But um, it was actually just my father owned a business screen printing business and his graphic designer. That was his mother. Okay, so it was really just like a Yeah, connection to the family. And is he's a piano because your daughter is a musician. Oh, that's nice. That got got passed down. And yeah, it's still my piano. Yes. I've still got it. In the studio outside. And yeah, it's great. I still play. Well, that's nice. Do your kids play music at all really? Interested in it? Yeah. So my daughter's learning piano and we just got her a keyboard for Christmas this year. And yeah, she's absolutely loves it. So that wasn't something I pushed. Or it was like, you know, she does karate she does piano she does. So because it was like, these are this is on offer. What would you like to do? And we always check in and say, so want to go there? Because we can stop that. But not absolutely loves them. But I don't want to be one of I guess I didn't want to be the one that pushes her to do to be to do what I do. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I can relate to that. I tried for many years to get my son to I put didn't push him. I just say, Oh, do you want me to show you something on the piano? Or do you want me to teach your song or any my husband plays? Guitar? Do you wanna play dad's guitar? No. And then he picked up the recorder, which turned into the bagpipes. Oh, wow, there you go. And I have a feeling that he might deliberately pick something that neither myself or my husband knew anything about. So we couldn't do it. It's not like, I think as a as a you know, a musical parent you like you want your kid to experience it. Because you know how great it is, you know, you know how much you love it and how much it gives you. And you know, it's not about being good at something. I think you just want them to experience how amazing it can be. Yeah, so I was very pleased when he decided to play something. Even though it's actually, in monastery, it's one of those instruments, you just when he plays it, sometimes you will take it out in public, and people just love it. Like they just people love hearing it. You know, when it's played? Well, it's listening to the art of being a mom, with my mum, Alison Newman. So with your, with your music and your writing, do you sort of want your kids to see what you're doing? As a Liza, sort of, in addition to what they see as mum, like, is that important to you? That they they see that you? You do things other than mother? Yeah, I think so. I think that. Yeah, I think it kind of comes as a surprise in a way when they finally realize that you are an individual. I think that my son is two and a half he has no idea that I've had any individual hope for him at the moment. But yeah, it's about my daughter. I feel like she's starting to really get it. And it's yeah, it's really beautiful to for her just to witness my you know, songwriting process and the shows to come to the shows and see what I do and yeah, and in regards to your advocacy, is that important that the kids see that that you're really trying to create a world for everybody, but it's inclusive space. Yeah, I'd almost say that's more important actually. Yeah, I think that disability is is really ingrained in this home the word what it means how we treat people. So I feel really hopeful that both my kids Archie and Isabel will be just really inclusive children and I've already shown me that Yeah, I think they just like they care really ultimately about me and yeah, they just see disability as something that would have to be celebrated and not feared and yeah, I can really see that already playing. Now that's awesome. So won't do that. And I wanted to ask you do because I learned this with Sally, I must admit, I'm very naive when it comes to the world of inclusivity. And how to how to engage with people on how they like to be referred to do you like to say you have a disability or you're a person with a disability? Yeah, I mean, any, any of those. Generally say I'm a disabled person or person with disability, disabled. So that's like identity first language. So, basically, you know, for a long time, so for instance, 80s, there was a lot of words that we use instead of disability, for instance. differently, you know, I guess even just differently abled, or handicapped. There are a lot of worse terminology and some disability slurs that were used. And so people within the disability advocacy space, were fighting for people first language to remind people that disabled people were people, because we were being called so many other things. But now we're moving into a space where we don't feel we need to remind people that we're people, you don't need to say, people with disabilities just to say disabled person is that, you know, I'm proud of my disability, I'm proud of the identity. And I don't have to remind you that I'm a person. And if by, you know, saying that I'm disabled, you can see the barriers that we need to change as well. So yeah, I feel like that's, you know, it took a little while for me to say disabled person, because I just realized that I was actually holding on to a lot of ableism, around disability, I was thinking that disability was a bad word or a negative word, or that it meant that you were less than that it was something that I had really had to work through and realize that that was just because that's what I'd been shown time again, in media, or I've been taught at school, and just by people's attitudes, so it's always you know, what's wrong with you? Instead of, you know, like, can you tell me about your disability, it's always like, that kind of perceived as, as a negative, people will often say how sorry they are and how bad they feel that I, you know, I'm disabled, whereas I just feel like that actually, in the end makes me just feel worse about myself. Like, I think it's more like, I feel terrible that you live in an inclusive sorry, rather, that you live in an inaccessible world. Like I think that that's what our we need to phrase it. Like, when we really look at the world, I mean, diversity in all its forms is really what makes the world I think, a great place to live in. We wouldn't want everyone to be the same. Yeah, it's interesting that and, and this is so true in so many sectors like schooling and military, anything that I can think of right now, but everywhere in, in sort of white male culture is things have got to be the same because that's easy and you can control it, I suppose. Does that make sense? Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. It's very yeah my into deep, biggest Abadi projections, I'm all about sponsors, reactions and feelings this. So when you're growing up, like you said, your dad had the screen printing business, were you sort of inspired by that, to think that you could, if you want to sing, you could see, you know, people can have their own plumbing business, but you know, you don't have to work someone else or anything like that. Like was that? Um, yeah, I think maybe like seeing that. I also my mom was a drama teacher at school. So I think, you know, having her be so creative, and I was actually her student at it in year 11. So I think you're being in her classroom and seeing the way that she made art and drama, really fun and enjoyable, and you can get paid to do that. Yeah, so I think I got those kinds of skills from her. But I think they ultimately, they were being realistic as well in the way that they sort of singing for me. They saw it as something that really we're proud of It may and but but ultimately maybe something that would have to be a hobby, and I think I'll probably surprise them that as to how much I've just a kept the determination and the need going but also just how well it's done in many ways. Yeah, good on you. Because that is something that a lot of people I have on the show, they set out, like as you know, teenager, high school, they're going to make art their career. And then their parents might say, oh, you know, you know, might not pay the bills, you know, get a real job, that sort of mentality. And then in their sort of midlife of maybe after they've had kids, they go back to that creativity. And it's like, I don't care so much, you know, I mean, obviously, money is important. But, you know, enjoying yourself in your life is pretty important as well, exactly, I think, you know, you realize that as time goes on, like, how, you know, let's just be happy, instead of feeling like we have to do certain things. And I think I went to a, it was actually by a publisher, and they were looking ahead at the future generations. And I think more and more from what they're predicting, we will see young people choosing what they love instead of what they think they need to do. And it'll be workplaces that are based on what your talents are, instead of, again, what you think you need to do, or you think you should do. I love that. It gives you hope for the future, isn't it? Yeah, exactly. People. Yeah, because that's all I know, my son, yours a little bit younger, but my son's at the point where he's got to start choosing subjects for year 11 and 12, for what he wants to do when he leaves school. And I was like, might just pick stuff that you enjoy, like, know what they want to do like it until I was 40. Something to find a career that I really love. So, thankfully, I feel like we do better at the subjects that we love freely. Yeah, that's it, isn't it? You got to be passionate about things. And yeah, I think that's why I didn't do very well at maps, because my brain doesn't work that way. But I just had no interest in it. That's my friend at all. Oh, god. Yeah, it's funny. Dr. B, lives one. When you go over overseas in May, is that for the international version of the book? Or is that further? Yeah, I think that's like tying that in, as well as doing a tour. So I'm doing shows. Yeah. All through much. About not much. May. Yeah. All around the UK. Yeah. So lots of different theaters and also at The Great Escape festival. Yeah, cool. But yeah, that'd be incredible. Well, I'll put some links in the show notes, because I do have international listeners. So if anyone in the neck of the woods Yeah, I'd highly recommend. Like, just say, thank you. You're pretty awesome. Is there anything else you wanted to share before I let you go? No, I think we touched on everything. Yeah. Thank you so much. Thanks for your company today. If you've enjoyed this episode, I'd love you to consider leaving us a review, following or subscribing to the podcast, or even sharing it with a friend who you think might be interested. If you or someone you know would like to be a guest on the podcast. Please get in touch with us via the link in the show notes. I'll catch you again next week for another chat with an artistic mum.

Madison Foley Australian trumpet player S1 Ep12 Listen and Subscribe on itunes , spotify and google podcasts Madison Foley is one of Melbourne’s most sought-after trumpet players. Madison began performing professionally from the age of 16 and Madison was a long-time touring member of alt-pop outfit Architecture in Helsinki and has worked with many of Australia’s greats such as Ash Grunwald, Jazzlab Orchestra and Big Scary . Upon returning to gig life after the birth of her son, Madison faced the pressures of not only performing as a new mum but the pressures of pumping breast milk during gigs. The immense challenges she faced were evident with Madison pumping in some thoroughly unsuitable locations and experiencing a lack of support from venues and organisers. She realised the best way to engage venues and fellow musicians was to create an infographic that highlighted the challenges. We also discuss the challenges of being pregnant and having a baby in the midst of the covid-19 pandemic, and the judgement faced by gigging mums - that dads don't have to contend with, and why she doesn't get caught up in "mum guilt" Connect with Madison on facebook and instagram Read Madison's The Mother Lode article and infographic here Find out more about Madison's bands Fools and JazzLab Orchestra Connect with the podcast here - https://www.instagram.com/art of being a mum_podcast/ Music in this episode used with permission When chatting to my guests I greatly appreciate their openness and honestly in sharing their stories. If at any stage their information is found to be incorrect, the podcast bears no responsibility for my guests' inaccuracies. Podcast transcript at the bottom of the page Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode of The Art of Being A Mum Podcast. I'm beyond honoured that you're here and would be grateful if you could take 2 minutes to leave me a 5-star review in iTunes or wherever you are listening. It really helps! This way together we can inspire, connect and bring in to the light even more stories from creative mums. Want to connect? Take a screenshot of this episode and share it on Instagram tagging me in with @art_of_being_a_mum_podcast I can't wait to connect. And remember if you or somebody you know would like to be a guest on the podcast, get in touch ! I love meeting and chatting to mammas from all creative backgrounds, from all around the world! Thank you! Alison acknowledges this Land of the Berrin (Mount Gambier) Region as the Traditional Lands of the Bungandidj People and acknowledge these First Nations people as the custodians of the Region. Ch eck out more episodes ..... Welcome to the art of being among the podcast where we hear from mothers who are creators and artists sharing their joys and issues around trying to be a mother and continue to make art. My name's Alison Newman. I'm a singer, songwriter, and mother of two boys from regional South Australia. I have a passion for mental wellness and a background in early childhood education. Thank you for joining me. My guest today is Madison Foley. Madison is one of Melbourne's most sought after trumpet players. She started performing professionally at the age of 16 and has been a longtime touring member of alt pop outfit architecture in Helsinki. She's worked with many of Australia's greats such as Ashkelon world, jazz lab orchestra, and big scary. After returning to gig life after the birth of her son, Madison faced the pressures of not only performing as a new mum, but the pressure of pumping breast milk during gigs. The immense challenges she faced were evident with Madison pumping in some thoroughly unsuitable locations, and experiencing a lack of support from venues and organizers. She realized the best way to engage venues and fellow musicians was to create an infographic that highlighted the challenges. We chat not only about this infographic, but we also discussed the challenges of being pregnant and having a baby in the midst of the COVID 19 epidemic. The judgment faced by gigging mums that dads just don't have to contend with and why she doesn't get caught up in mum guilt. Welcome to the podcast Madison, it's lovely to have you today. Thanks for coming on. Thank you so much. I'm very happy to be very excited. So you played the trumpet. Tell us how you got into playing the trumpet. So my, my dad was a brass band still is a brass band leader in the community and Tom music at school. And so he came around to our primary school actually. And they had all the instruments out so they were starting a primary school band program. I was all of five years old at the time, I think maybe six. And I walk up to the guy, I'm precocious little six year old and I go hi, I want to know, which is the loudest instrument I want to play that one and so they had me a corner the rest is history. You know so going up through you know, started in primary school went through the local community bands and into high school played the whole way through. You know, I ended up doing it at university and you know, just never put it down again since I was five years old, basically from a couple of small breaks but yeah, that's pretty confident in my life. So what how many instruments do you play? Well look, well I played the trumpet Well, poorly a lot of them I can play very bad keyboard and very very bad bass. Nearly no mostly bad drums can play a little bit of trouble I can play most of the brass instruments I can play a bit of trombone a bit tube or a bit of French on although my trombone playing sisters would probably beg to differ. But you know, they've not none of them really get a lot of love. Now it's mostly just the trumpet. Because at some stage in your life, you kind of have to focus in on one thing which has never been my strong point. I've always been someone who does everything so well I can play the trumpet so I read that you started playing professionally when you were 16 So what sort of gigs we did you start off with what was sort of the stuff you were doing at that age. Um, so at 16 I was my mom would take me down to the pub to go and watch Friends of mine Johnny wonder Pat, who I still play with now all of what that 16 years later so that was they were some of my first gigs I go down to the pub and just sit in with them. I learned a few horn lines to some tunes. They just played covers on a Sunday afternoon and they you know, they thought it was great there was this you know little 16 year old super key and little Maddie going Hi, will you let me play with you. And then I also at school we formed a little jazz group and did you know gigs for like 50 bucks each or whatever, just whoever would hire us just playing some jazz standard. So which that group actually have gone on to all be quite prolific muses themselves. There's Cleo Rana, who now plays rock winds and tours around the world with Angus and Julia Stone as Nick Abbey who's over in mapa. Now and I think he teaches there and will Morrissey, who played He's with Vance Joy, and it's all just, you know, everyone from that little group just ended up going on to do amazing things. It's pretty cool to look back on that now. But you know, there those were mostly my 16 year old gigs either at the pub or at random corporate events that wanted to hire some kids really cheap, basically. Do you so what did that sort of been leading to? You mentioned other people that you've you were with did certain things What have you done then since since those 16 year old days. So since then, I, I studied at the VCA. So I did the improvisation course there, which is jazz. And, look, I'm basically, I'm a freelance music. So I will do literally anything that anyone calls me up to do so long as it sounds like a bit of fun, but there's a bit of money in it. So I've, you know, I've done small, small group jazz, I've done plenty of big bands. So currently play with the jazz live orchestra, and helped organize that one as well. Both Dan McKenzie big band, and a few others around the place. I was in the touring band for architecture in Helsinki for years and years, which was really, really fun, we got to play some amazing concerts to 1000s of people. And, you know, I've done plenty of corporate gigs, or a lot of corporate gigs. Plenty of them going around. My current my current project, which is probably the thing I'm most excited about, in all of my music career so far is a band called falls. And it's a 13 piece, Americana, pop, rock, everything. So extravaganza, it's just the most joyful band I've ever played in without any offense to any of the other major bands are playing. It's just, it's a, we call it the love cult, because everyone just loves each other and loves making music together. So that's been that's been getting really big and going really well. But of course, with COVID, a lot of our grand plans of keep falling away, we're supposed to be touring in about six weeks time, up to New South Wales and Queensland, to do Caloundra and, and a blues fest, and Nashville, but all of those things are not looking super likely. But hopefully, hopefully fools keeps getting out there and keeps getting some of those very cool gigs and planning tours overseas and everything. So it's exciting times for that. And that's nice, because that's something I get to be really creative with as well, all the other, you know, pop groups I've been in have been more, you know, this is the song, this is your home lines, play them now kind of thing. Whereas this one, I'm helping to write all the phone lines, we're writing songs off together. So it's a real kind of combined effort with 13 people, it's very, that'd be like controlled chaos, almost 13 People input. absolute chaos. It's hilarious, but it's just the most fun I have doing anything musically. It's so great. Oh, that's awesome. Because I guess you're doing a lot of corporate gigs, you'd sort of be doing the songs that people know you'd stick to your standards. And, you know, you'd be limited, I guess to what you could do. So this would just be like, you know, open the floodgates off you go have fun with that. Yeah, absolutely. I mean, you know, the jazz stuff is really creative as well. And, you know, if, if I was so inclined, you know, there's, there's plenty of creativity, I could follow in there, but I just don't have I don't have the focus to kind of sit down and write a whole set of tunes myself and you know, kind of get that all together. It just takes so much work. So it's something that I have done in the past, something I maybe would do in the future. But for now I'm kind of letting that one, you know, the the jazz side of things. I'm just doing the big bands and then letting the creativity come out in falls. Wow, that sounds awesome. So I've got to ask you, did you ever come to Mount Gambia for generations in jazz? Yes. As Gambia tragic I still am I've you know, I forced my school to let me take my big band there. That was like, now Gambia was a life that was I lived for me, you know, that early weekend, in May, every year, I went to Wellesley College, which was you know, a big kind of big band school, my dad actually took the band there. So it was all we ever talked about from like, you know, about October through to May everything was about generations in jazz and you know, going into there and getting like just getting exposed to all those amazing music shows on the stage was amazing. And then going back as an as an adult and as a teacher has been really lovely as well and kind of seeing it change and into something completely different now. It's been really nice to be part of that and share that with my students now and see them experience that joy. Pretty cool. It's growing so much. I remember mom taking me when we were kids, when they used to be Girl, I think her name was Kelly. And she played saxophone on on her head Sunday. And I remember seeing her play. We're only at this Robert Hillman Theatre, which I'm not sure if you're familiar with, but it's basically your normal size data. Yeah. And now it's grown to I don't know how many 1000s people, it's the biggest tent in the southern hemisphere. Like all this, it's gone bonkers. And it's so wonderful. We've missed a couple of years. I remember seeing Kelly early as well, I've played in a lot of women's section with her since she's one of the ways to play with the mice. So if you ever see her, tell her I remember seeing it when I was a little girl, I would have only been probably, I don't know, to 1213, maybe maybe a bit older. But yeah. It's such a generational thing. And my whole family are involved, you know, because my dad took the Wesley guy and now takes the St. Leonard's band, my sister was taking the law, the whole band, to just schools in Melbourne, my younger sister was taking the band from Caulfield, like it was you know, we had all of us there, my uncle was volunteering there. So when you you know, every year we get a family photo at generations in jazz, and just all have a laugh about the fact that the whole family is still there, we just can't get away from it. Just let me speak for union come together in my life, it's a real shame that hasn't been able to happen the past couple of years you been able to do any teaching during COVID, like you're you locked down in, in Melbourne, it's great. Because I've been basically I've been filling in for the girl that was filling in for me at the school, so I I've been able to, you know, do my teaching, go back look, after Sam come back, you know, do another class go back and kind of share those duties, which has been really nice. It's actually been quite handy for me in terms of the thing locked in. And, you know, I've got all my resources from last year. And I'm probably one of the few teachers who actually quite enjoys online teaching, I love the challenge of it, you know, having to find different ways to present it and different ways to engage students using the technology. And it's just incredible how much we can do from home, you know? Yeah, I've been doing a fair bit of teaching from there. And then all these other little bits and pieces of you know, everyone's getting into the lockdown recordings again. So I did one last week, I think, for all day for it, which is like a kid's band slash jazz band, which is pretty fun. Falls, we're doing another one this week. We were doing one every couple of weeks back last year, which was very fun. So you know, it's, it's kind of, it's nice to do things in a different way and just change it up a bit. So I like looking at the positives here. And you know, just different sets a different way of living, but I kind of like it. My partner and I were supposed to get married last year, and then we're going we're gonna go on a great European adventure. We put all this cash aside, we've been saving our butts off to, to do all of that. And none of it happened. So and then I was getting maternity leave. And he's, he's kind of back at work now. So we've been lucky throughout all of it that we haven't had to struggle with gigs being canceled and stuff. I mean, we've lost plenty of money. But yeah, it's we've been thought more fortunate than others. So you mentioned Sam then so tell me about your little person. Sorry, my little person he's about is just about 10 months old. He is the absolute life of my life is the best thing that's ever happened. You know, I was very happy and very fulfilled person before having a kid. But I always knew I wanted a baby. I always not always know so I was terrified of children until I was about 23. And then I actually looked after one of my trumpet idols Ingrid Jensen in New York. I actually helped babysit her baby a few times just through you know, mutual friends and I was there and I didn't have a job and ended up kind of nannying for a couple of weeks. And I was like, actually, I love children. This is amazing. And from then on, it was like, Alright, this is something I want to do in life. So then, yeah, being with my wonderful partner, Carlo. I mean, we knew each other back when I was probably 1718 Just hanging out in the music crowds because he's a saxophone and woodwind player. He does all the jazz gigs and stuff but more so now he does in musical theater. So he plays for all Big shows. So we just knew each other through mutual friends for years and years, and then actually, jokingly got engaged about 10 years ago, I called the bouquet and I said, I'll call I don't have anyone to marry. And he said, Don't worry about it, I'll marry you. And I know, okay, and then, you know, like another, like, five or so years down the track. We ended up, you know, finding each other and going, Oh, this is a pretty cool little thing. And, you know, as things went along, and you know, from the start, I was like, I want to have kids just so, you know, this is a thing, and we were both very, you know, by very happy with that path. And then yeah, we kind of decided to, you know, not stop trying, but you know, not prevent anything and just see what happens, just throw caution to the wind. And, you know, lo and behold it a year and a half later, little Sam came into the world. So we found out we were pregnant, just at the very start of COVID. So it was kind of pretty scary times. And, you know, it was a bit of a surprise, because like, yeah, we've been going along for however long and going okay, like, you know, it's not gonna happen yet. That's all right. And we've been planning our wedding. So at the start of last year, we actually went, you know, what, maybe this year isn't a good time, maybe we should like, wait a little bit longer. And you know, until the timings a bit better. And as soon as we said that, of course. They got me pregnant. And yeah, then had, you know, nine months later, we had little Sam and so he's, you know, he's crawling now he's walking. Now he talks a lot like his mum. And like his dad, really. But he looks like me. So he's, he's good. Because of the pregnancy found out on the first of March, which, you know, thinking back to the timeline, that was kind of when things were starting to creep out of China and into other countries. It hadn't quite come to Australia yet. There was only maybe a couple weeks shy of that. But it was on its way. I remember coming out of staff briefing in the morning. So I was working. At the time, I was working full time as a head of Performing Arts. And I was also studying part time, 20 hours a week and doing gigs as well. So I was pretty busy. And I just I just handed in an assignment on the day, we found out I'd handed in my second last assignment, so I was exhausted. And we came out of a briefing like the next day and, you know, our, our principal and said to us, Look, we have to start being really careful, this thing is going to come to us, it's going to get very serious. And I was walking with a colleague and she said, Oh man, my my sister in law's pregnant, how much would it suck to be pregnant right now, and I just started bawling my eyes out on my way to my house drove off is just cry. Because I just thought, this is such an unknown. We don't know what this thing is. We don't know what it means for pregnancy for you know, an unborn baby, for a young baby, we just don't know. And so it was a pretty challenging time, mentally and emotionally. You know, and then in the weeks to come, you know, I had a lot of gigs that I just, I was so scared of what would happen if I got COVID. And it turned into almost like an anxiety about you know, if I get COVID The baby's not going to be okay. So I had to cancel geeks, but I couldn't tell anyone I had to I was working from home for school well before anybody else was, but I couldn't tell anyone why I couldn't come in from meetings. I couldn't come in, you know, it was all very, like, keep me away from everyone. And my principal was really supportive of that. But I think my pregnancy was probably the worst kept secret in Melbourne. Everyone just just looked at me when I okay. Yeah, we figure why you can't come in, but nobody can say anything. Yeah, so it was tricky, because we had to like, you know, keep up pretenses of I've just got a pre existing condition, but everyone knew exactly what was going on. So yeah, you know, then moving along, it was it was tricky, kind of going through and not being able to have family around during the lock downs. I mean, my My poor mom, you know, didn't really get to see me pregnant very much. I just send her photos all the time. And that was that was really tough for her as well to because she lives all the way over the other side of town. There was no way we could even catch up for walks or anything like my sisters live close, Carlos family live close, but my parents live quite far away. And so just not getting to see them. I think I didn't see my dad through the whole or maybe once through the whole pregnancy. It was really tough and definitely took it out. I'll emotionally and in, played on those anxieties a lot. And then I've got a bit sick later on in the pregnancy I got had gestational diabetes, which was an it was a late diagnosis, and I had to be admitted to hospital. And it was all of these things, and it kind of all just snowballed. And, you know, it was, yeah, by the time he came, I was ready to not be pregnant anymore. But then at the same time, you kind of look back and you go, you get to those last few days, and you go, Oh, I kind of like him being in there. And like feeling the cakes, and I like, you know, not having a baby to look after 24 hours a day just yet, you know. But yeah, we ended up ended up getting induced because of the gestational diabetes. And they thought that he was already four kilos at 36 weeks old, or 36 weeks gestation. So they were like, We need to get this child out. Otherwise, he's going to destroy, he did anything. He destroyed me coming out, they had to use the forceps. And, you know, he was he was in all kinds of all kinds of stress and whatnot, but still managed to have a vaginal delivery, which was wonderful. And had the epidural already. So I was having an absolute ball in that room. I just like, I got in there. And I was like, put this thing in my back auto kit as early as possible. I just don't want to feel a thing. And I'll tell you what, we were sitting there. We had disco lights going. We had like people on FaceTime. We were playing games, we're watching TV, we're hanging out chatting a few naps, by the time you just like, ah, be cool, that's fine. It's great, I would highly recommend doing it. I want to ask you, I have never played a winning strip. I'm a singer. So I struggled a lot when I was pregnant, breathing and getting the air in the diaphragm. Really? Was that an issue for you like physically being able to play? Absolutely. I mean, I think in some ways, I'm kind of grateful for having been in lockdown for a lot of the pregnancy, especially the lighter part for that reason, because I didn't ever have to push myself to a point where I went, No, I can't do this anymore. Because all I was doing was, like I said, like ISO recording, it's kind of thing. And so I could do as many tapes of them as I needed, I could do them in a few shots. And I was like if you say that the law schools recording, I had call it pregnant Tammy and continue to be like I mean, it was hard enough, just going for a walk around the block, let alone getting enough air to play the trumpet. So I think if if I hadn't been in normal life trying to do that, I think there probably would have come a point where I just would have had to go no more. So it's kind of nice that I never had to make that decision and and push it to that point. I just got to maybe 30 about 34 weeks and I just mind you this column I can't do anymore. That's fine. I've gotten up I don't need to I was still playing for work up until that stage just playing along with my students and whatnot. But yeah, definitely the breathing thing is hard. Luckily, you know, as soon as the baby's gone, like that all goes you know, your organs move back into place, and it's like they're so similar singing and brass playing. It's all about the diaphragm and all about the, you know, the way that you use it air and the speed of the air and everything just would be really hard. But I've read about people playing trumpet up until 3839 weeks, you know, I think it can happen, but I think those people are very special. I first came across you on the motherlode website. And you've done this amazing article and infographic about the challenges of pumping while you're digging, and I just related to that instantly, and I was like, oh my god, I get this totally I understand. I've pumped in some wacky places and some weed times and I thought, This is wonderful. Someone's actually done something about it. So tell us how that came about. Well, I'm trying to do something about it. You know, it's it's such it's probably the biggest challenge I've faced as a parent. Which sounds like it sounds so trivial, but people don't understand how hard it is and how demoralizing it is to spend all of your break sitting in dingy toilet stall, trying to keep all your beautifully sterilized equipment still sterile when you know the pits all over the floor. And it's like, it's really tough. It kind of came about I have when so when I was pregnant through lockdown, I had to really seek out some opportunities to talk to people who are also pregnant. And it just so happened that there were seven other female users in Melbourne, who I knew who were also pregnant. And like so one kind of emailed me and then said, Hey, Maddie, I saw you're expecting a baby. So a week. And then another one that hey, Maddie, yeah, we're also pregnant. All right, like, and so it just kind of, they all started writing to me, and I went, Wait a second, maybe we could turn this into a group. So we started our, our, what do we call it music moms group. And it was a, like a Facebook Messenger group, pregnancy support group, we do zooms kind of every week or two, and just talk about what was going on how we were feeling shared, you know, experiences of pregnancy, all of our fears about, you know, post, you know, giving birth and what that would look like, how we were going, you know, everything and it was just the most beautiful group, and they still are the most beautiful group of humans who just kind of pump each other up and keep each other going. And so now it's turned into from a pregnancy group, everyone's now had their babies, and it's a, it's a, you know, parents group, and we catch up, you know, pretty locked down, we we catch up every so often we get our Barb's together, they have a play, we have a talk or a drink, or beer or whatever we can do. All the guys come along, as well. They're mostly musicians, as well. And so it's turned into this amazing kind of support group. So when I was, you know, early on, when doing lots of gigs, through that kind of, you know, summer, you know, February, March, April, May season when things were really busy. And I was going out, you know, two, maybe three nights a week, and, you know, pumping in all kinds of places. And it was just feeling so hard. I mean, I got to the point of wanting to either give up and just, you know, go with formula, or, you know, if I'm doing it felt overwhelming, you know, having to take all of the equipment, you know, you're in these, you know, you're in a nice dress for the gig and you have to get the whole dress off, you have to put everything on you have to strap the things in, you have to plug them in, you have to turn the thing on, then you have to sit there for 15 minutes, then you have to wash everything. And then you have to get all back into your little box and into the bag. And the whole process takes the entire break if not longer. And I just so I'd be writing to my news. Oman's groups just being like, guys, is anyone else finding this really hard? And it was it was a shared experience that we were all going? How, like, how can we make this any better? How can we then it's so hard to, you know, keep pumping and keep doing this in the way that we're doing it. Some of the mums are amazing. And they will just like pull out all their gear and pump in front of anyone and sit there in the front row during the set break or whatever, and do it for me. I couldn't I couldn't get across. I ran having like literally having my nipples out in front of people. I'm very happy breastfeeding in front of people because there's a baby's head there, you know, but pumping feels a lot more exposed. And so I tried to think about how we could possibly just inform people of what you know what, what it is why it's important how they can make it easier. I was inspired by a Linda chintzy, who's in our museum moms group. She's going back. She's the leading Moulin Rouge. And she was saying you know that the the company have made all these amazing accommodations. She's got a five month old, I think I'm really sorry, forgot that wrong. But she's got a little Holly rose. And they've made all of these accommodations to make sure that she can keep pumping and have Holly there to feed and have her partner there to bring her in and all of that. And I thought, you know if they can make those accommodations, maybe other people can do. So I was doing I did three gigs for four gigs for the mid summer festival in Melbourne. And I just put it out there and I just wrote to the people who are organizing the gig and said, Hey, I'm a breastfeeding mom. Here's some things that would be really good if I could have my own room to pump in or just a private room with a door that I could just say to people hey, I'm going into pump right now. You know if I could have a fridge to store the milk in if I could have access to a sink so these are just all the things that the the IDA or the you know, Fair Work actually say that you need to have in your workplace, but obviously it's harder when your work pace changes every week. And you know what? They came back and they said yes, and they they gave me those things and I went ah But this is possible. It's not always possible. But it is possible a lot of the time for people to actually organize these things. And they were beautiful about it. They had my name on the door and they have my partner's name. They'd put everything in there that I could possibly need. And I just, I thought, let's try and make this people know that they can ask for these things. And so I started to become more vocal about it. And then, using those new moms groups, I actually workshopped and found out what they were finding hard, what their suggestions are that we could put into it and came up with this infographic that basically just says, Here, here's a bunch of things you can do. Firstly, here's why it's important, we need to keep our milk supply up. And to do that, you have to pump every three to four hours, we need to be able to have a space to do it, it takes 25 minutes, at least, you know. And so here's a list of things that you can do as a bandleader, as a venue manager, to make sure that people who are pumping or breastfeeding can feel comfortable to do it at your venue or at your gig. And the the response when I put it out to Facebook was just amazing. Like I was overwhelmed, I thought a few people would sit and be like, oh, cool, that's great. I might borrow that and show it to some people like it got shared over to New Zealand, it got shared all around Melbourne and, and a bunch of different places. And I think people have really taken it on board. I know a lot of people that I work with have been like, you know, we're going into a set and the set time has been changed. They've been like, hey, Maddie, if you need to leave early to go and pump, you know, that's fine, but set time has changed. Just leave whenever you have to. So they're making those accommodations. I mean, I really do, but it's nice to just be considered in that way and know that we have the option to like, hey, if I really need to park right now I can just walk off and go kind of thing. So it's it's been quite a journey and then during the motherlode motherlode interview was amazing as well, Georgia fields is incredible. And you know, made it all sounds so lovely and succinct or my you know, ramblings but it's, it's been a real journey. And I kind of coming over the other side of it now, you know, being 10 months old. You know, he's he's getting to the stage where he only has like, a few feeds a day. And it's like, wow, I survived that I survived that having to pump and having to feed every three hours, when those days where I was out at a gig out of town, and I was, you know, out of the house for 12 hours. It's like, it's a lot. And I feel quite, I feel quite proud of myself and all the other moms that have done that and been through it and made it you know, made it work. Yeah, absolutely. No good on you. I was so impressed when I saw it. And it probably I can think of times when it would have come in really handy because I, I guess I never thought to ask it was never it never occurred to me that that I could ask it was just like, well, this is your thing. So you need to sort it out. I never sort of thought I never Yeah, it just never occurred to me. So well done you round of applause. On the interview with the motherlode, you said something like times when you've been pumping in a really yucky toilet stall and, you know, close to tears, and you wondered, was it worth it? Probably not at that moment, but later did you sort of you obviously thought that it was because you kept going it was really important to you to be able to maintain that milk supply for your baby. But also, you know, it was important for you to keep playing and to to keep that part of your life really active as well. Absolutely. I, I, I know that I'm a better mom, because I have my music as well. I really feel that deep down in my soul that they're having the music especially, you know, and like doing the corporate gigs and everything, it's a bit of fun, you get a bit of money, it's pretty good. But they're things like falls and those jazz gigs that really feed my soul. I come back home and I'm completely revitalized as a parent, you know, getting that time away from Sam, who is the most important and the most beautiful thing in my whole entire world. But getting the time away from him, actually makes me appreciate him so much more. I mean, I was he was six weeks old when I did my first recording session back. And they were I was out of the house for maybe eight hours. I mean, I hadn't been away from him for that long, obviously. And it was you know, I thought I would really struggle. But it was it was an amazing recording session, syncing south with falls and I came home and I just felt I felt like myself again. After six weeks of being completely attached to this small human and just being at his whim, whatever he needed. He needed. Get on that moment. And, you know, I got to go away, step away from it and come back. And I was so grateful for that time. And I'm also so grateful that my amazing partner Carlo, you know, does everything he's, he's not scared and looking after the baby out or you know, and he's been hands on from the very start. I mean, because there was no theater, you know, for the first eight months of Sam's life Carlo has been with us, aside from his teaching pretty much full time. So we've been able to really manage that between the two of us. But yeah, they're having the gigs to go to, I think keeps me sane. You know, before I went back to teaching, it was the thing that kind of made me feel like me again. And I think that's so important for, for creative parents to still have those things I, I was never going to put down my trumpet and not play as a parent. And also, I'm a really stubborn human being. And if someone tells me like, Oh, you're not going to want to play much once here, once you have your baby, you're going to want to just stay home. I was like, I heard shorts your show. Cool. Cool. Cool. All right, watch me go. And so now I'm gonna be a bit more determined than before, I think I've been practicing even more than I was, before I had a baby, because I'm just like, You know what, I want to go out there and show people that being a mum. I mean, being a parent in general, but especially being a mum does not stop you from being an amazing musician, and amazing artists and amazing teacher, whatever it is that you do. It's another thing in your life that is very, very important. And yes, your priorities change. But it doesn't stop you being amazing at what you do in that moment. And I've had people kind of, you know, second guests that I've had people be like, oh, so all your backup gigs. Oh, really? That's, that's soon? Oh, that's interesting. And you know what I just say to them, I'm like, why wouldn't I be? Actually, I think you'll find I'm paying better than I was beforehand, so that you've put so much effort into, like all the background, they just see you at the gig, they haven't seen you prepare everything at home, have the milk ready, you know, do everything you need to do to make sure you can do this gig, because the similar thing happened to me. I did my first gig that we did the when he was seven weeks old. And same thing someone said to me, oh, where's your baby? And I was just like, if you knew what I have, I've moved heaven and earth to make this day possible. So I was playing up at Coonawarra, which is about an hour away. And I was there for about five hours. So I was away from him for a while. thought you've got no idea. I That's my that is my pet peeve. And people ask it in a nice way. And they ask it with the most like sincerity and they go, oh, where's the baby? And that's one question that I just can't stand because it just kind of grates on me because it makes you feel like, oh, I should be looking after, should I be looking after the baby, we're like, you know, it's like the babies with his dad, he's fine. You've done so much to be able to, you know, go into a gig now isn't just like you know, or you've done your practice on the days before you just you know, get your tribe and walk out the door. Going to a gig now means scheduling time in for practice every day leading up to it to make sure that you're on top of it, which I reckon I'm more on top of my gigs now because I have to schedule things I have to make that time doing all the pumping, getting the bottles ready, getting the food ready, making sure the babysitters sorted, making sure everyone knows where everything is, you know, what's the bedtime routine? You know, have I fed the kid now? Should I feed him right before I go? It's such a different thing now. And, and for people to be questioning that and be like, oh, where's the baby? It's something that really great for me. Maybe I should make another infographic about not asking that question. I think I just I'm very passionate about you know, I am you know, Loki quite a feminist. And one of the things that really bugs me is, you know, when I think about would people ask a dad about that? Would they say do you know, is their dad guilt? Or, you know, Dad comes into a gig gig or goes to work and someone says, oh, where's your baby? That doesn't happen, you know? Or someone says, Oh, you're back getting already Wow, that's amazing, like, hold on you. That just doesn't happen. And so you know, the mom guilt thing. I think dad should be feeling it just as much and I'm lucky enough that my partner feels a lot of dad guilt. He comes home, you know, when he goes out to work and he calls me and he says, Can you send me a photo? I miss him? You know? And I think that the the feeling that it should be all on mums to be there and to be looking after everything. It's not fair. It's not equitable. Having said that, you know, we do of course, we miss our kids. Like, I miss Sam so much when I go out to a gig, I do miss him and I look at photos and I show everyone photos. You know, I miss him and I go, Oh, but no part of me ever feels like oh, I should be at home. It's not fair to him, because it wouldn't be fair to him if I was at home all the time, and I was a sad person because of it. And so that's why I just think you've got to look at the balance of things. Yeah, he's gonna miss me for a few hours, but I'm going to be a better mom because of it. And I really, truly believe that making, like doing the work that we do anything that makes you feel happy and passionate, you know, that makes you a better person and a better parent. And so you can't feel guilty for taking that time. And I really do I look at music completely differently. Now, you know, when I go out to do my gigs, it's not like, we're gonna go do a gig. Now it's like, this is my time, this is my time to do something that makes me feel really good, and nourishes my soul. And that's going to make me feel better about being at home. So, I don't know, if I answered the question at all, but my take on mom guilt, you know, don't feel it just don't cuz we're allowed to go out and do these things to our souls to, it's so important. I think moms often get put in until a man box. And people go, you should be looking after your kid, you know, you shouldn't be doing things for yourself. And that's that, that kind of thrown on my heart, like, you know, we completely surrender were expected to completely surrender everything about ourselves to be apparent. But it's just not feasible in the long run, if you want to be a happy and whole person. I am a trumpet player. And I'm passionate about that. I'm a music teacher. And I'm very passionate about that, too. And I'm a mom, and I'm very passionate about that. And I can still be all of those three things. And they don't have to, I mean, they're going to impact each other. Of course they are, but they don't have to cancel each other out. You can't only be one of those. I mean, you don't have to just be one of those things. And, you know, I think keeping my identity has, like I said earlier, it's kept me sane, it's it kept me feeling like parenting is the most amazing thing on earth. And it truly is. Because I've been able to keep that part of myself and share with Sam to like, he's coming out to a bunch of gigs. He's got his little headphones on. I think the first thing the first gig he came out to potentially was New Year's Eve, and myself and Carlo were playing together. So my mom and my stepdad came along and held sat there, and he watched us play. And he of course, would have had no idea was going on because he was only like eight weeks old. But playing for Sam felt amazing. It just felt like a completely different experience to be able to share my craft with him, you know. And so I want that I want him to grow up knowing that that's a part of me, and also having that be a part of him and want him to be proud of me to I want him to see me on stage and see his dad on stage and go, Hey, that's, that's my mom. That's my dad, how cool is that? I just really want him to think I'm cool. That's what? Well, my musicians as well. So you know, I always saw them on stage. And it was just, I was so proud. I thought they were the coolest people ever. I was like, Oh my gosh, look at that singing and dancing around. It's so cool. And, you know, I just think it's such an amazing thing for kids to grow up seeing their parents, you know, pursuing their like, the things that make them happy and doing it publicly as well as even better. Did it surprise you? You know, there's been so much change in terms of how breastfeeding has been accepted over the years. It's taken, you know, it's taken a while. But breastfeeding is commonly accepted pretty much everywhere now. Even if it might annoy someone. But Did it surprise you then that the pumping of the breast milk was just no one had any idea about it? It? It surprised me because I didn't know anything about it. Yeah. So I had Sam and I like I knew about breast pumps. And I knew that you you could pump milk so that you can feed them from a bottle. That's all I knew. I didn't know about maintaining supply I didn't know about you know the supply and demand part of breastfeeding. I just thought the milk was always there and you just get it out when you want it kind of thing. And so finding out that this would be part of you know, leaving the house and leaving Sam alone was that I'd have to be doing this pumping. It was actually quite upsetting. Because you know, when I started the pump, I was like wow, this is pretty intense. It takes a lot of effort to Get everything on. And then you know, when I first started pumping, nothing was coming out. And so I really had to work on relaxing and you know, looking at pictures of Sam to try and you know, get the letdown happening. And then getting out and talking to people and finding out then that they knew nothing about it too, I actually wasn't surprised that they knew nothing, because I knew nothing about it. I'd never seen somebody pump before. I'd never talked to people about pumping before. So me being the loudmouth. I am, I went out and started telling everyone all about it, I get to a gig and be like, right, guys, I need to pump it this time. I need to pump it this time. Here's why I need to do it. You want to see the equipment? Look, here's some of my milk. Isn't this amazing? Like, how cool was the human body? And you know, a lot of people just said, Wow, I had no idea. But it didn't surprise me because neither did I. It's not really talked about everyone knows about breastfeeding. But not everyone knows about the pumping side of it. You know, or Yeah, it's, it's kind of it almost feels like it's a bit taboo. It's in the background, it's things that people don't see. And, you know, I've got a great friend of mine who had to exclusively pump for six months. And she said, by the end, she'd just walk around wearing a pumpkin no matter who was around because you just have to when you when you're exclusively pumping every three hours, it just takes up so much of your time and so much of your life. So it'd be great for that to become a little bit more visible. And that was part of you know, me getting this out there was trying to help people make it feel more normal. Hmm. Yeah, that's great. When you did find out about the effort that was involved, did you ever have a moment where you just thought, Oh, it's just it's too much. I just did you ever have that moment where you thought now I can't do it. Like, it would have only been fleeting moments, I think, once I was pumping at and no human being to this venue in Melbourne, the night cat, it's known as one of like, the dingy highest venues, but also super fun. But you know, those are the nightcap toilets. So the way I used to go as a 17 year old when I was too drunk to like, you know, open a door and be like, you know, and I was pumping in there and sitting on the thing and just going, Oh, I can't touch anything. And I was like, this sucks. This sucks. Like, should I just do formula, but I really, I really just wanted to, and it was almost like a challenge within myself. I just wanted to see how long I could exclusively feed for and, you know, I just felt I feel so privileged that I was able to breastfeed, and not everyone can, you know, for medical reasons for you know, mental reasons, mental health reasons, there are so many people that just can't do it. And I you know, it came so easy to me, I was like, I'm not, I'm not going to take this for granted. It's amazing that I can give my kid the very best nutrition in the whole world. For him. There's nothing better than breast milk. I'm gonna make the most of this. And so I you know, I had my moments of wanting to give up, but they were fleeting. And you know, I kept going with it. And I'm still going with it now I still periods about, Gosh, about six times a day at 10 months old, which is a lot. But you know, we just do it. And it's, I've not ever been, you know, some people. You know, they say I love breastfeeding so much like it's a really beautiful bond between me and my baby. I'm not one of those people. I don't know why I didn't get that gene that was like, Oh, this is so beautiful and loving. I do it because it's easy and because it nourishes him and you know there are bits of it that I like it's just a lot easier mostly. You know, but we've we've kept going and I'm really glad that I did. Like you don't yeah. There's a Fire Island article on the motherlode of he's sitting on your lap, got the trumpet and it's absolutely beautiful. Well, my partner's in that photo as well. He was he was filling in with full so the two of us were at rehearsal. We were like What are we going to do we take the kid with us we put on his little headphones and he came into rehearsal. It was actually it was a pretty special moment for him to be you know, for my my whole family to be there with my full family. It was it was really lovely. And that's that photo is actually you know, the first one on social media of him is we haven't put any photos on but that just felt so special. We need it to share it. It is lovely to be able to continue that family tradition like your parents involved in their you and involving your son I think that's just beautiful, musics awesome. Always been such a such a positive thing in my world in every way possible that it just it feels like something that I want him to experience as well not necessarily to become a, you know, not to become a professional musician, but just to be able to have all of those amazing social skills that come from working in a team, you know, the the cognitive skills that come from learning music, and just the joy that comes from making music. I mean, if if you can, if you can do it, why wouldn't you? Why would you share that with your family around the piano when we were kids and dad would be playing, playing songs to us. And we just thought it was the most amazing thing ever. And I looked back at that, and I go, I'm so glad that we were introduced to music at such a young age and given the option and it was always an option, but we were given the option to pursue it in whatever way we wanted to. And we all ended up as brass players doing music degrees. Sorry, dad, he wanted doctors and lawyers. So he started the the trend of the brass in your family. Then my oldest sister started on the trombone. And then I did the trumpet. I'm the middle one. And then the younger one started on the corner as well. But I actually when I was in about year seven, I got the album's which is like the trumpet book. It's the book, you know. And I sat down and tried to play some of it with my poor little sister who was only in grade four at the time going, oh my god, I can't play there's nothing you just gotta you just play it you just do it like that. I wasn't a very good teacher then clearly. And the next day she put down a trumpet never picked it up again and picked up the trombone instead. I'm not playing the trumpet anymore, but it made me feel bad about it. Find matches a trombone player. Scottish philosopher have a lot of guilt about that. You talked about mom guilt. I've got sister guilt. Very good at the trombone now though, so it's okay. Maybe it was meant to be maybe that was her path in life you just had to guide her slightly she doesn't usually follow in my footsteps so you had to try other ones. Also want to ask you you said before about you, your muse Imams? Did you find because you were friends before you had children? Did you find them? Did you find that that there was little comparison with your muse? Oh mums group. Absolutely like that the museum moms group is super supportive. Everyone, you know, it's very real, we write about all of our challenges, you know, we write about all the really bad things, and we tell each other about the good things too. And everybody is like, there's no comparison, there's no, you know, oh, my, my child seems better than yours. Otherwise, I'd be losing pretty bad. I'm very, very high, you like it, you're right, like being already being friends. I mean, some of the a couple of the girls in the group, you know, I didn't know so well beforehand. And now we're also close, we, you know, text pretty much daily and just build each other up and just make each other feel like everything's okay. And everything's going to be okay. And I'm really lucky. Absolutely. My local parents group, there's a couple of girls in there who have become, you know, some of my closest friends, you know, and we, we really look after each other as well, you know, or living on the same street and, you know, supporting each other in that way too. So I think you can get lucky with the people you end up with, you can get unlucky, it just really depends. And I've had absolutely lucked out in finding, I even have a third mother's group. Another one. Everyone's just really amazing and supportive, and no one ever makes me feel like what my child is doing isn't okay. And I think that's such an important part of being, I think, especially among, you know, because we tend to be the ones kind of, you know, and this is generalizing, and it's not in every situation depends on your circumstances and the set of parents and whatnot. But we do tend to be the ones who kind of know where the milestones are meant to be. And we're the ones waking up generally every night if we're breastfeeding all through the night to feed the baby. So we tend to be the ones that end up getting sucked into those comparisons and those kind of competitions. And I think just being really mindful of making other people a never feel bad about what their child can or can't do. That be not, you know, not saying my child can do this to try and you know, show off but to be like, Hey, let's all rejoice in this together, my child can do this what new, you know, what is your child during this week that's really amazing and really special. Because I think it can turn into a bit of a competition. And that's, that makes me sad. But I'm so grateful that I ended up with all people around me who are just beautiful, and supportive and amazing, and I love them all so much. Life after baby really has made me kind of consider how much free time I had beforehand, even though I was working, like I was doing like 70 hour weeks, and still getting to the gym three or four times a week and still had free time outside of that. And now it's kind of like, probably the biggest surprise has been just how time consuming a child is, you know, I kind of thought you put them down for a nap. And then they'd sleep for a couple of hours and you get stuff done. And then you come back to them. And my child, beautiful Sam, he is the most incredible child on the world does not like sleep, I think he's allergic to sleep. So you know, his naps are sometimes only 15 minutes. You know, if we get really lucky, it's an hour, it really, really lucky. I think once or twice, he's done an hour and a half on his own. And I think, you know, the big thing as a musician has had to be prioritizing and scheduling. So sometimes now I have to practice the trumpet with a mute in at 11:30pm. Because that's the only time I get to do it. And I think, you know, everyone said to me beforehand, like you, you you weren't even know what you used to do with all your free time. And I was like, Dude, I'm pretty busy. Like, I know what it feels like to not have free time. Now after having a kid it's like, I know what it feels like to never have a moment to yourself. Because literally now any. And I say literally in the actual way it was meant to be used. If I have free time I'm off into the studio to practice. If he actually goes down for a nap, it's practice time. And so now I pretty much don't ever have any time to myself without the horn on my face. And that's been that's been a bit of a shock to me. I think, you know, I would I would have loved to know that beforehand that it really is that intense. And I'm sure it will get easier as we go along. And as he gets older, you know that then if we add another one to the mix, we go through the whole thing again, and then it's even more chaotic, I'm sure. But yeah, I think that's probably been one of the most surprising things as a as an artist and a mum, kind of just how much I need to use any little scrap of free time to make sure that I can still maintain my craft. Yeah, when I used to sit down and do half an hour of practice, I reckon probably 20 minutes of that was like looking on Facebook or, you know, rearranging my books or, you know, playing with a little thing on the trumpet. Now, if I sit down to practice for half an hour, I am practicing hard for half an hour, because I know that there's not going to be another half hour or if there is that I've got to use that half hour really well, you know. So it really does change the way you kind of focus and knuckle down things because there's just no, there's no room for faffing. You just can't. Alright, yeah, laughing is faffing is canceled the moment that child comes out of you. Sometimes my sisters come over to look after Sam just so I can go and practice if I'm having a particularly hard day they live close, which is lucky. But I'll just be like, Hey, guys, I haven't been able to get anything done today. And they will just come over, they'll sit with them. You know, for an hour or two, I'll get some washing done, I'll jump in the studio or have a shower or whatever it is and, and having that support has made it all possible. You know, you just need people you need, you know, you need a village to make it all work. I'm so lucky that I have an amazing village around me. You know, and I know it would be harder for people that don't and I know of people who don't have family here and it's bloody hard. And I just I don't know how they do it. You know, single parents, I am absolutely in awe of anybody who raises a child alone. I can't even fathom how hard that would be. You know, so I'm very privileged to be able to make it work. And I feel I feel very lucky for that. So there's some really exciting stuff coming up with falls. Hopefully we'll be doing a little mini east coast to the start of October may or may not happen. But then also we've got a gig in Maine in in mid October and another one in Brunswick, I think in November. So that will be very fun. Jazz lab orchestra is about to do recording for a new album, and they play at the jazz lab every month as well. COVID permitting. We've lost our first yard originally our last few unfortunately. But yeah, that's the main things coming up. They get on board. Madison, I've thoroughly enjoyed chatting with you. It has been so much fun. You've given me lots of laughs today. All the best with your full ski and well done again for opening people's eyes to the challenges of pumping and returning to gigs. So yeah, thank you so much. Thank you so much, Alison. It's been an absolute pleasure to be on the show. If you or someone you know would like to be a guest on the podcast, please contact me at the link in the bio. Or send me an email at Alison Newman dotnet

Rebecca Smith Australian content creator and brand ambassador S1 Ep20 Listen and Subscribe on itunes , spotify and google podcasts Rebecca Smith is a brand ambassador and content creator from the Central Coast of NSW and a mum of twin boys. Rebecca has a background as a copy writer, writing for Mindful Parenting Magazine and freelance model , and started her personal blog @ThatAchellesGir l (pronounced: A-KILL-EES) on Instagram, which has since morphed into a boutique content creation service for small businesses, most of them being in the fashion industry. We chat about how becoming a mother lead to her current work role, the need for mums to be honest and ask for help and support when they need it, and why she is an advocate for sharing your mental health struggles and reaching out for support. ** This episode contains discussion around post natal depression and anxiety ** Rebecca's website and instagram Read more about Monti and Me toys Find out more about LifeBoat SE and Alison's podcast .Connect with the podcast here - https://www.instagram.com/art of being a mum_podcast/ Music in this episode is used with permission from Alemjo- https://open.spotify.com/artist/4dZXIybyIhDog7c6Oahoc3?si=pTHGHD20TWe08KDHtSWFjg&nd=1 Podcast transcript at the bottom of the page Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode of The Art of Being A Mum Podcast. I'm beyond honoured that you're here and would be grateful if you could take 2 minutes to leave me a 5-star review in iTunes or wherever you are listening. It really helps! This way together we can inspire, connect and bring in to the light even more stories from creative mums. Want to connect? Take a screenshot of this episode and share it on Instagram tagging me in with @art_of_being_a_mum_podcast I can't wait to connect. And remember if you or somebody you know would like to be a guest on the podcast, get in touch ! I love meeting and chatting to mammas from all creative backgrounds, from all around the world! Thank you! Alison acknowledges this Land of the Berrin (Mount Gambier) Region as the Traditional Lands of the Bungandidj People and acknowledge these First Nations people as the custodians of the Region. Ch eck out more episodes ..... Welcome to the Art of Being a mum, the podcast where we hear from mothers who are artists and creators sharing their joys and issues around trying to be a mother and continue to make. Regular topics include mum guilt, identity, the day to day juggle, mental health and how children manifest in there. My name is Alison Newman. I'm a singer songwriter, and a mother of two boys from regional South Australia. I have a passion for mental wellness and a background in early childhood education. You can find links to my guests and topics they discussed in the show notes, along with the music play, and a link to buy the podcast on Instagram. All music used on the podcast is done so with the art of being a mom acknowledges the volunteer as the traditional custodians of the land and water, which this podcast is reported on and pays respects to the relationship that traditional owners have with their lending, as well as acknowledging elder's past, present and emerging. Thanks for your company today. My guest today is Rebecca. Rebecca is a brand ambassador and content creator from the Central Coast of New South Wales and a mom of two printing. Rebecca has a background as a copywriter, writing for magazines such as mindful parenting, and has worked as a freelance model. She started her personal blog, that Achilles girl on Instagram, which has since morphed into a boutique content creation service for small businesses, most of them being in the fashion industry. Today, we chat about how becoming a mother led to your current work role. The need for moms to be honest and ask for help and support when they need it. And why she's an advocate for sharing your mental health struggles and reaching out for support. This episode contains discussions around postnatal depression and anxiety. So today, I'd love to welcome Rebecca Smith to the podcast. Thank you so much for coming on, Rebecca. Hi, thanks so much for having me. I'm excited to chat. So I've been following you on Instagram. That's where I first came across you on Instagram, at that Achilli scale is the name of your site. So is there a bit of a story how you came up with that Achilles girl? Is that like, is there a story that you're saying it probably that's so music to my ears? Yeah, so Achilles is my maiden name. So I started doing all the work that I've been doing years before I got married, obviously. And I just kept that Achilles girl, as my instagram name, for two reasons. One was I just wanted to continue, I didn't want to lose all the work that I'd done. So I figured if I changed my name to that Smith Bell, who's that I had to start all over again, with all the stuff that I'd written online for publications, like I'd have no Google anymore, like, you know, history. And also, I did go to checks I felt guilty about not when I got married, I did become Smith. I took my husband's last name, but then I felt guilty for not using it on social media or all that crap. And some of our friends would say, I use Smith or Achilles. So I did go and check is that Smith girl available and it was not so even if I wanted to change it. I couldn't have so I just kept going with that Achilles girl. Yeah, yeah, she's just my family name. Yeah. And it's a memorable name, too. Like that Achilles girl, like you sort of, you know, sticks in people's minds, too. It's a good, good. Well, yeah, yeah, I hope so. I don't know. It's more it just feels like it's me. Whereas that Smith girl is a new Smith is a new identity for me. It doesn't feel like me. So, yeah, that's where the name came from. Anyway. Yeah, for sure. So, on your Instagram, you sort of brand yourself as a content creator, a brand ambassador. You haven't been doing that forever. What did you sort of start off with? Yeah, so I started off with creative writing and copywriting so copywriting is like a form of advertising and marketing. You know, copywriters, they they write thing not everyone knows it's not anything to do with legal stuff. Like copyright law. It's actually a form of writing that encourages someone to buy a product or booking your service. So it's salesy. I mean, that's like, that you might hear on Yeah. Yachty Yes. Yeah, I did a little website copy. So I started my own business as a copywriter while I was working as a PA for like a criminal lawyer. So I did both jobs for a long time. And I loved copywriting and then basically, to summarize what happened, I got pregnant, and was I had really severe fatigue. So I couldn't really just do anything and couldn't make my brain work. I just decided to just throw in the towel and relax and enjoy being pregnant. So I stopped Everything for a couple of years. And then it wasn't till I came back. After giving birth and becoming a mother that I tried copywriting again, it still didn't really my brain was just not there. I couldn't get myself to write like I used to. And that's when I went into content creation. Yeah, right. So like social media. Yeah. It's interesting. You talk about that sort of brain fog. That's a big thing is when you're pregnant, it's like the baby's supposed to suck out. Part of your Yeah, you're cognitively, not only not only when I was pregnant, but then after I gave birth, it's still lingered with me and only lifted lack. When we started sleeping properly, again, and the boys, our boys didn't really start sleeping properly until they were two and a half. Yeah. So now I feel like I'm getting my brain back a little bit. But it's crazy how much sleep deprivation affects everything. Yeah, it's interesting. Like, I remember when I had had my first and someone made a joke that remember, sleep deprivation is a form of torture. That's where all my problems started. Honestly, the sleep deprivation. decline from there on once once I realized we weren't sleep, like gonna get any more sleep so you have twin boys, yes, be full on job. They're very full on. So they're turning three next month. So they arrived like a couple days before Christmas. So they're almost three. In a lot of ways, it's easier now that they are toddlers, and they're speaking a little bit. They can get snacks for themselves, you know, I found the newborn stage really hard. So I'm really loving the toddler stage, actually. But they still Yeah, they're just really high energy, really high energy and want your attention all the time. So it's, I find it very difficult to sort of try to get any work done. If I'm home alone with them, I pretty much just have to give up on getting anything done, which I really struggled with for a long time. Yeah. So in a practical sense, how do you manage your day to day trying to achieve what you want to achieve with your worksite? Yeah, well, I just make sure that I save my work for the middle of the day, when I know they're going to have about a two hour sleep. I actually work first thing in the morning at like 5:36am for an hour while my husband is home, and I'll have a coffee and I'll be in bed doing whatever emails or something just for an hour and then I wait until midday and do some more two hour in the two hour window. That's just pretty much how I do it. I've got two jobs. So one I need to be out of the house. And I'm you know what I mean? I'm not actually it's not a freelance job. I work in the salon doing beauty services twice a week. So you know, that's easy. My kids are either at daycare or with my parents, so they're not there. But the other freelancing stuff like content creation with brands, it is pretty tricky to there's so many things I want to do and I have to remind myself to you know, go slow and also not ignore the kids make sure that I'm spending quality time with them and stuff like that. So for that it's mostly when my husband's home or when they're napping any little minute I get I just sort of Yeah, I work actually. Try not great. You do you do what works you do you do what works. You touched on briefly there. Sort of I guess the the shift in identity from being able to do the things how you wanted whenever you wanted and then you've got these two little children and how to sort of adjust your thinking I suppose of this new life that you had. Yeah, how did you sort of approach that that change in identity? Not very elegantly, I found it really, really difficult. And I think because we had the twins it was like even more of an adjustment like it's not just one baby that you need someone to help you look after it's two seni two adults I'm still I honestly to this day, I still struggle with trying to work it out. And this is my new life and I just have to like, you know, do both but I'm very adamant to make it work to do both. I got as in I don't think that I would be happy being a stay at home mom, because I often think to myself like Even last week when I get really anxious if I'm really busy, and I go along, and I think, look, you can stop anytime No one's forcing you to do all this work. But then I think, well, I don't want to be a stay at home mom, I like having projects I like I like, you know, having that side of my life. So it's just a matter of taking the anxious days when they come and trying to be patient with myself and moving my work to another day, if it's all just not working out. It's yeah, I still sort of, I still struggle with it today, basically. Okay, you're not the only one that's that's a really common theme that comes up in these chats is that, and mums, I think it's so important to not forget that mums are still an actual person, we're not just a mum that exists just for children. So yeah, a lot of mums talk about having something that they need for themselves to keep themselves you know, fill up your cup and make yourself feel really fulfilled and excited about doing something for yourself. And then that sort of thing, obviously, helps you then go on with the other part of your life. Feeling, you know, feeling good about yourself, I suppose. If that makes sense. We'll say yes. Say my mom always told me. She didn't make time for herself. She didn't insist that she wanted to return to work when me and my brother were toddlers, my dad and her had an arrangement that she would be a stay at home mom and just focus on us kids. And my mom said to me later, when I was going through all this with my kids, I said to I just can't Mom, I'm like, I feel bad that I can't be a stay at home mom, but I just can't. I want to do the things that I want to do. And she said, You know, I support you because I really wish I'd done that. And that was really, I think she probably doesn't even remember that she said it to me. But it was it. I remembered it. And it was really special. That she did say that to me. And it made me feel better. And I thought it's not weird that I it's not weird that I want these things. And I you know, because I thought is am I Does anyone else feel like this? Like I no one just sort of bounce off because a lot of my friends were not having babies at the time. So I had to make new friends. Yeah. And then I learned that it was normal. But you know, in the beginning, I was just like, wow, what is this? Yeah, that's the thing. No one sort of sets you up in, you know, you do your prenatal class, and you learn all about baby stuff. But you never know and actually says to you, this is what you'll do. And this is normal. And you know, yeah, yes. You mentioned you, Mama, do you have people close by you to be able to help with the boys so that you can, you know, have some time to yourself? Yes, I do. I literally have my entire family helping me and my husband. And we're so lucky. I've got his parents that help every week, my parents and then my husband also is he's really good with the boys. He's super patient. He's like a swim teacher. So he, he's around kids all day, every day, you know what I mean? So it was less of a shock for him than me was never around children. So he's patient and he knows what to do when they tantrum and scream and he's just great. And he always wants to help me. You know, he does things he would get up in the night and bottle feed one twin while I said the other one, you know, when he still had to go to work the next day and stuff and didn't complain about it. So everyone helps me. Really lucky. That's yeah, that is so good. Yeah, yeah. I have a couple of friends who are like from the UK and they just have no family here. And no help. And I just think Well, I don't know how they do it. Yeah, honestly, I I'm the same as you. I've got my family. Sort of Yeah, you do. And I yeah, my mum. She moved from Melbourne to Matt Gambia. We're in this little town halfway between Adelaide, Melbourne. She moved over here, and had no one knew nobody apart from my dad, and then had these two children as a How the hell did you do that? Yeah, I take it for granted, I think because they're here that they're always able to help. But I think my goodness, you know, I take my hat off to people that that don't have help. Because that's, you know, yeah, it's important for the kids too, though. Like they it's nice for them to grow up with. You know, it helps you as the mom but it's nice for them to have, you know, other people around as well that they know, love them and are there for them. So, yeah, yeah. I mean, it's a big it's a big commitment to help with grandkids and things I guess for some people but it's also a pleasure. So on both sides. Oh yeah. And it's interesting to see to see your own parents in this completely different relationship with the child. Totally. I don't even it funny. Yeah, treat like my dad especially. It's like who is this man? He's not. He wouldn't talk to me like that. Like he's just this different. Yeah, until the soft side comes out. Yeah, I mean saying that my dad always says I he's never changed and happy of me and my brother I don't think and then he will not change my son's either. I think he would get a hose out if he had to do anything when my mom wasn't there he's just hopeless with vomiting poo anything like that? Runny nose. least he knows his limitations. And you know he's prepared. Yeah. And with it. Do you agree entertainer? Switching back to the identity topic we were talking about when you were pregnant? Did you sort of have that in your mind? Like you were thinking at all? How life was going to change? Like Were you conscious of? I mean, I guess no one prepares you when it's different when the babies come out. But did you sort of start to think anything about you know what, how your life would be, or I totally pictured one thing. And I we decided to serve as my partner like 10 years. We got married when we were six or seven years into dating or something. And so it wasn't until we were married that I thought okay, yeah, I think we, I think I'd like to have a baby. And then so I pictured One thing, though. And then when I found out it was twins, it was like, all the anxiety kicked in. Because I felt like, well hang on. What does that mean? To me returning to work can I return to I won't be able to return to work, you know. And then you have all the stress about how's my how's my body going to change with two it was I felt great with one baby and I was happy with being pregnant. But then once I found out it was twins, it did really slow me and I had to really adjust to getting excited about it and not being too anxious. So I'm very lucky that I had twins and I think that now and I love their bond and I love being twin moms. But I didn't. You know I didn't initially I really I feel bad that I think that but I really was upset and I was really anxious. I had pretty bad anxiety when I was pregnant. Actually, once I found out. Look, that's understandable. I'd be exactly the same. So we've got we've got twin, my husband's family's got twins. His dad's okay. And then his brother had twins. So I was like, Oh, sweetie, but Yeah, same thing. Of course. In the end, I would have been, you know, delighted to have my children. But if Yeah, you have that that is that anxiety like, oh my gosh, like, I guess you're thinking how am I going to manage? You know, what's it going to be like? Double the work? And of course already, how's your body going to, you know, manage having two babies? Like it's huge. Yeah. It Yeah, it Yeah, it was really I had to get used to it. But I remember when we were having the scanned on the eight week mark and she said that there's two heartbeats. I like was trying really hard to not cry because I was so upset and my husband was like laughing and clapping his hands and he was so excited. And I was just thinking like, Oh, what are you excited about? But at the same time, I thought maybe this is okay. Because he's excited it would have been terrible if he was you know, reacting like I was so I'm very glad looking back that he was very positive about it. Because I was freaking out. Oh, my goodness. Talking about body and you do like modeling with for your brand work that you do now? Is that right? I do now? Yeah, I do now, but that's a new thing. I guess when I was a teen like 16. I did model and I was with an agency and I modeled for a few years. But I left the industry because I was very, I had really bad shyness and I wasn't very confident. My mom suggested I try modeling and sort of put me out there and I did work but I would just be so anxious and I did not like it if I left and I've only sort of found that confidence. Now that I'm like, nearly 30, so I'm happy to do it, but I'm only doing it on my own terms. So I don't I you know, I work with a photographer who is my contact and I know him and we work together for brands and I pick what I do. I don't do swimwear, I don't do laundry. You know what I mean? I do things that I find fun and they're gonna make me stressy or, yeah, that are not too out of my comfort zone. Yeah, for sure. The concept of mum guilt is something that I love to talk to my guests about too, is this whole idea. And, and it does tie in a fair bit with identity. But yeah, how do you feel about this? This mum guilt term and how it makes us feel, I suppose. Yes. I actually, I wrote an article on this. I used to write for mindful parenting magazine, you know, love at love. It's media. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. No. And I wrote an article about having mum guilt, but doing something anyway, that I had to guilt about. And it was basically you know, I, to answer your question, I do experience it all the time. And this particular time, our twins were teething, and they were just waking every hour overnight, and we had not slept for, I think, like, two weeks straight. And I was just like, on the verge of break down like I was, you know what I mean? You know, when you're so tired, it's just like, I can't do anything anymore. I need to just go. So I said to my husband, like, this is how I'm feeling he knew I had postnatal depression and anxiety at the time. So he was very supportive with helping me. And I know that he would have been exhausted too. And I had to just say to him, like, I know that you're tired. And I'm sorry to ask, but I need to just go sleep somewhere else for just one night. And I said, when I get back, you can go and do the same thing. But can I just go and I need to go now. And he was just like, yep. And so yeah, I wrote this article. It was, it was funny, though, like, I tried to make a lot hot, like, you know, a lot of it and I ordered a pizza and I had a bath and put my feet up and ate pizza in the bath. At this Airbnb that I stayed at, like, only 10 minutes away from our house. And just sort of in trying to encourage other mums to ask for help if you are experiencing something like that, and not feel guilty about it, but everyone does. So it's it's a constant thing. Yeah, that's so true, isn't it? I think that the thing you say about how you feel it, but you do it anyway, I think that's really important. Because we are allowed to feel emotions, you're allowed to feel we are allowed to feel guilt. But yeah, unless it's something, you know, really bad. Why should we let that stop you from doing so if it's something like I feel bad about working and not being at home with my kids, or I feel bad about going and having a night away? Because I'm so sleep deprived? It's like, you've got to tell yourself, yes, but doing that? Well, I knew at the time, I'm going to come back as a better mother to be able to focus on my kids, if I can have a night off or, for me, I'm like, I'd be way happier way, way more present parent, if I can have my two, three days a week working. And, you know, focus on new kids the other days. So you know, things like that. You just got to have a little pep talk with yourself. Yeah, that's it, isn't it? Yeah. And if it is really bad, you wouldn't do it anyway. Because you know that that maternal instinct is so strong, you know? Exactly, you know, it's not that bad drive down to the bottle shop and get a bottle of wine. Come back, you know, I like stuff like that and you said, as well about encouraging other moms to be able to be honest and open and ask for help. I think that's something that we don't do enough of because, I mean, I know I do. And I'm not sure if this is because I'm overthinker I'm a cancer so I tend to anticipate what other husbands are cancer. Oh, I love kids. Yeah, we're good. We're good sometimes when we're not being moody. Scorpio I'm apparently moody all the time, too. Yeah, right. I know. Everyone says that qualities too. My downfall is I tend to anticipate or make up a story in my mind, of, of what the other person's thinking. So instead of just I Once again, I'll go through this great big thing. Oh, they should know. You know, just Oh, yeah. Instead of just saying, Hey, can you put the kids to bed tonight? Because I really needed an early night, you know, as we would go, Yeah, no worries. And be like, yes. Why did I turn that into such a great thing? You know, we had so many of those arguments. So my husband said to me, I'm not a mind reader. Can you please tell me? Tell me this? Oh, tell me that. And I'd say you should know. And he'd be like, No, but like, I don't I'm sorry, but I don't. So can you just tell me next time? And I was like, office groundbreaking to me, like, ask I mean, sorry to tell you exactly what I'm thinking or I want and I was like, Oh, I can do that. Okay. Yeah. Like I just hadn't. I'd be sitting there like rooting like, oh, like Khan hate. I don't know, whatever it was at the time. Everything's a big deal when you got a newborn and you're tired? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. It's groundbreaking, isn't it? You can actually open your mouth and ask. I know, that's how I feel. Right? I just, I don't naturally do that. You know, I learned I'm learning to sort of do that more. Yeah. Yeah. I think that's a that's a woman thing. I think. I mean, I'm not speaking. I think so too. It's like, you feel like you should be able to do everything you should, you know, you're the mom, you should have everything under control. And you should be able to do it, but and then to ask for help is some sort of sign of weakness. So you don't you just suffer through and get all shitty and, you know, yell at everyone and just keep doing it funny because my mom does the exact same thing with my dad, and my mom will complain to me about this, that or whatever. Every now and then. And I will sit there thinking like, actually say to her now I just, you just got to speak your mind more Mom, you've got to tell him if you don't want there. So you don't want that? Or, you know, and she's just like, oh, yeah, she does exactly what I do. Yeah, it's interesting. Maybe this this generation of arrows because we've, we've seen our moms, perhaps be that final generation that doesn't speak their mind doesn't speak up. Maybe. I mean, I'm generalizing again. I know every relationship is different. But you know, the women that that may be, you know, got told that you meant to be a good wife, and you do the right things. You look after the kids and look after your husband, and then you keep everything happy. And an on the live. Yeah, you don't ever question before like 1950s housewife? Yeah, yeah. So maybe, because we're starting to break the mold that will help, you know, the generations coming after us? Well, we're seeing like, we're seeing the aftermath. Okay, that this is what it looks like he is on after you've done what our mothers have done and sort of just, you know, make everything look nice. And just make it comfortable for this, that and the other but not yourself. And yeah, maybe yeah, I don't know. The instead of sacrificing yourself for everyone else's happiness. You're actually Yeah, our lab to say, hey, come and do something. But we have social media too. So like, everyone's screaming about this on social media, and I think other women are reading and watching on going, oh, yeah, you know what I mean? Like, I didn't have social media back then. And wouldn't have known what other women was thinking. Because now we, we we do wherever and so much more connected through that. Absolutely. I mean, that can go both ways to being a positive and, and a drawback. I think, too, and especially with this mum view, I think a lot of the judgment that we place on each other, can manifest itself in that social media, because you're sharing so much of your life. And people are going, oh, oh, she's gone and done this again. Well, who's looking after the kids, you know, or someone might look at and go, oh, good for her. She's gone. And done this again. You know? Yeah, because we say that. Funny you say that? Because I was where was I was somewhere a couple weeks ago with family and some friends were there as well. And we're all having drinks. And they'd had these particular friends and had a few more drinks. And I'd had and so they one of them made a comment, like, I'm talking about how often I make reels on Instagram, and I'm showing up on social media. And like, so how do you, you know, how do you get that? How do you get that done? I remember thinking like, oh my gosh, I thought you were my friend. And really, people are watching what I'm doing and sort of thinking, you must not be a very good mother because you're just, you know, making reels all the time. And you're always on social media. And I'm like, Well, it's my job now. So yeah, I'm sure if you're getting paid to do reels and do you know, show up every day on social media. I'm sure you, you do it too. That's my job. Yeah, but your job is, you know, Office admin or whatever it is you're doing or work In a cafe making coffee like this is my job. Yeah. And I don't know shows that that judgment people, people will make make assumptions about people without actually knowing. You know everything. Yeah. Particularly when you're a mom. Yeah. Oh, yeah, absolutely. And yeah, and yeah, you get a tiny glimpse into someone's life through social media and then that can, you can No, no, build a whole idea in your head about what this person's life is like, without knowing anything. So, yeah, that side of things I find interesting. Yes. Certainly the positives, you know, sharing, sharing things like this, you know, when, you know, the topic about, you know, asking for help, you know, if enough people talk about it, it builds on itself. And, you know, people can share, share that just just an example, I suppose, you know, a positive of this social network, I suppose. I like several mum mums sort of personalities on Instagram, who do talk candidly about being a mum and, and nothing, you know, it's not all rosy. And, you know, that makes it like that. It's more relatable. It's not the fake, like, beautiful selfies with your child in a beautiful seat outfit. You know what I mean? Like, oh, yeah, I don't know, I just surround my page with people that I want to follow. I'm very big on, there might be a feed that's really curated and beautiful. But if they sort of aren't being real, and I won't follow them, and I try my best to be real online as well. Yeah. Yeah. Being genuine. goes a long way, I think. And you're actually building a connection, then you're not just, you know, yes. Putting up a shiny pretty trying to model or sell something. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. And I think yeah, in this day and age people, people will buy or connect with people who they have some sort of relationship, they feel something about someone. Totally, whereas, you know, my dad would go to the person with the best price. So you know, that sort of thing. But I think now so with my dad. Yeah. Yeah, different. Yeah. So that's Yeah, that's really interesting. I want to link that into, I guess, your the work that you're doing. So do you sort of do you kind of vet the people you're going to work with to make sure they're, they're the right fit for you. You're there. Does that make sense afterwards? I do. Yeah, I do. Yeah. 100%, I have had a couple of people who I feel just maybe when I was new I and my prices were quite reasonable. I feel like they were just trying to squeeze every, you know, worth, you know, every cent worth out of me and want a million things in return demanding. And you can sort of, you can sort of see now pick and choose who you want to work with, on their vibe, because we have like zoom meetings with businesses before we start working with them to ask what they want. And so you can it's like a half an hour chat, but you can sort of see what kind of person they are through that chat. And I also like to I don't like to work for like fast fashion brands, I prefer to work for designers who have actually, you know, Australian designers who put their heart and soul into the designs and like this one I'm wearing, you know, that's a local designer, and she designs all of these herself in Australia, and it's her brand. So I do pick and choose things like sustainable and ethical fashion brands. Australian, I prioritize as well, just because I want to support Aziz. Yeah, so yeah, I do. I do pick and choose. And I also don't have heaps of time. I only can work part time. So naturally, I do pick and choose who or who I take on. Yeah, even not being that big or that busy right now. I still have the opportunity to pick and choose so I do. Yeah, now that's good. I mean, you're picking the people that align with your own belief so yeah, I'm not trying not to be a bitch about it. I just I do I pick people who align with what I'm doing and yeah, I'm not gonna go work for a fast fashion brand whose stuff comes from China and just has you know, this just imported from them. They're not you know, yeah. Yeah, there's no carpet so it's not Yeah, it's it's that connection thing again, isn't it? It's like, yeah, yeah. Yeah, absolutely. So sorry, I'm just gonna I'm skipping back again. We were getting through it but we're doing it in really? Your mind what what? You just you do you and I'll just answer whatever you want. Oh, good. No pressure. No. Good. I wanted to go back to when we talked much early hear about the support that you had. And you mentioned that you had you don't you didn't have any friends who were at the same sort of time in their life having babies at the same time when you did. And you sent us the words, I had to find new friends. Yeah. How was that? Like? I mean, you you expressed that you had postnatal depression and anxiety was that? Was that really a challenging? Sorry, I don't want to bring up things. If you're not, you know, I want to make you make you feel sad. Like, I'm not gonna say to you that I don't already write about us say to other people. So like, I don't care. Look, I did have friends who had babies, but they weren't close friends that I had, like, everyday contact with him feel like they were close friends that I could talk to them about how I was feeling. But also I didn't, I didn't know anyone that had had twins. And most, most women and most of my friends were really excited had a joyful pregnancy. Positive positive, you know, and I just didn't really I was careful with who I spoke to. Because I didn't feel like that for most of the pregnancy. Yeah. But what I did do is join a facebook group for moms that moms of multiples and parents of multiples. And so I got my feel from that, to be honest, rather than you know, and to maybe real life best friends who's who I've known forever. And were there for me with whatever I was feeling. So I did have them with my husband, my family. But yeah, I also use these online groups to sort of see how other mothers were feeling. And they were all very honest. So I realized it was normal and okay to be feeling anxious. Yeah, that's very important, isn't it? Because you'd be, you'd sort of be really questioning each question yourself to start with, but then you'd be like, Oh, hang on a second. Everyone else around me is all happy. Is this okay? You know, like we touched on earlier, like, yeah, no, that's really good. That's great. So another good social media positive connecting? Yeah, it's very important to me at that time, and I still check in on it every now and then, you know, like googling how to toddler had toilet trained toddlers, and it's like, oh, that group will know. They'll have some tips. I just, you know, yeah. That's it. Because it's not just that, you know, baby, the baby part. But then as they grow up, it's like, you're gonna have these different questions. Other things? Yes. Do you put twins in the same class at school? Like, you know, little things like that. When you go to a birthday party with your twins? Do you take two presents or one? Like silly little things, but it's nice to have somewhere that you can look? Yeah, slowly? That's so true. Yeah. Do you work with any, like children's brands? Like, are you drawn to doing things with children? Because you know, you've got your children? Yes. So like, basically, I got the job that I got working for that magazine for the parenting mag, the parenting magazine, I got that job because I was a mom, and I wouldn't have otherwise gone for it, or probably even been considered. So that was the first thing that sort of changed. I wanted to find a way to keep writing and blogging because like, I'd write articles and blogs, right. And so that was a way for me to continue writing, but still, in this new part of my life, and now with content creation, and working for brands and things. There has been several baby boutiques who have reached out and so I will incorporate the boys into photos and videos. I prefer to do toys. So there's one brand Mantine me and they have like, Montessori type. What's it called interactive toys and educational toys, and activities you can do so that's fun. And I enjoyed filming stuff like that, because I get to play with the kids with the activities and the tripods just holding my phone recording stuff. And then I edit it later. You know, I like that. Yeah, other than the fashion stuff, that's me. I'm not sure like, I love doing it. So it's so it's so cute, but it's harder. I prefer to do the playing activity things with them. And then I'm sort of doing stuff with them as well. That's it's a spontaneous, spontaneous reaction to like, they're going to be asked about the toy so much, and I have all those videos as as the boys grow up, and I have all those videos now. Like, it's like memories that I'm recording as well, to me. It's not just about work, and I get paid for that. And this and that, you know, I like having those memories that I'm sort of recording to Yeah, that's that's such a good point is that look, that's very cool. Well, yeah, I just thought about it the other day when I was on my phone, just you know, scrolling through stuff, and I was like, Oh, I remember that. Caleb and I remember this and that and it's nice to have those in my phone. You know that you otherwise probably wouldn't make the time to like, do Oh, yeah, that's, that's so true I like parents and working mothers following me. And I like connecting with them on Instagram as much as they don't have brands. So maybe I can't create content for them. I like having them in my feed and reading about their motherhood journey. And I hope that they like reading about mine. So I do try to like 30% of the time talk about motherhood and kids stuff on my Instagram, and then you know, 50%, I talk about work stuff and whatever else, but I like to sort of keep that open as a pillar or whatever you want to say, for my social media stuff. So yeah, well, you know, I actually predominantly work with fashion brands with the content creation business that I have. You know, handbags, clothes, even baby products, they'll send me stuff, and I'll photograph it or make reels, whatever they ask of me. So while that doesn't necessarily matter, to some mothers who are listening to this, yeah, I do like to talk very openly about being a mom and working while being a mom. And also I'm honest about trying to overcome, you know, postnatal depression and anxiety and have medication for it. And I'm very pro, like, if you need to have medication and you feel the same. That's okay. You know, things like that. Yeah, there's people, a lot of people have said to me, why weren't you nervous about starting medication and not being able to come off it? Or some people actually said, like, I heard that any depressants can make you like, put on heaps of weight. So I don't want to and, you know, I just sort of had all those kinds of conversations with people and what what medication do you take because all the ones I taught made me feel sick. And so I like to just sort of be encouraging with that stuff, too. Yeah. Without saying too much. Because I know it's not spoken about a lot either. Yeah. Yeah. Interesting. I have had quite bad personal repression. And I take Feistel take my own. Now, am I Yeah, six now, but honestly, I, my daughter in a pandemic at the moment to like, seriously, but that's the thing. Like, I think people are scared of medication. And I know it's not for everybody. Yeah, that's fine. But I don't, yeah. I'm not scared people knowing that I take medication, because I think that helps to normalize the stigma around mental illness and, and how to work through it's like a tool to help you get through. Yeah, so but some people also describe how they feel to me, I think, because they know that I have experienced it, maybe. And I can see from what they described to me that they it's quite alarming, like they're quite anxious, or they are feeling really low. And it's like, wouldn't you rather just feel better? And if you have to have some medication temporarily. Why don't you just try it like? Yeah, it's a tough one. It is. Yeah, yeah. Because that's thing you don't know. Who in their life is maybe giving them their own opinion? You know, like people? Yeah, you may be someone's going on. You don't need that. Yeah, right. Oh, I had that. Yeah, I ended up just not saying anything to anyone and going to the doctor and getting it myself and taking it and seeing then I'd started to tell family afterwards after I was already on it, so that they couldn't try and talk me out of it again. But yeah, I just think it's Yeah, important to talk about normalize, like you said, not not be judgmental, if other people want to have medication or need it, and be encouraging about, it's okay, if you do need it, you know, things like that. Yeah, absolutely. I think we'd be in a lot better place as in as, as a society if we were just so much more open and accepting of other people's, you know, issues and problems and just being supportive of people is even, even my dad like I, I work with a, there's a local group there called lifeboat and it's basically they gathered up a lot of sort of people in the community that people recognize, like, not fake, I want to say famous, but you know, we're a small town. Most people know everyone. So they gathered up a heap of people and said, Let's do some podcasts to talk about your experience with mental health. And, and my dad said, Are you sure you want people to know what happened to you? And I said, Yes, that's why I'm doing it because I want people to know that average, ordinary everyday people, everybody has issues, you know, and yeah, don't be scared to talk about because there are people out there to help you. And you'll get you'll get the support you need. You know, instead of just being scared of what people think of you, so that said that I reckon that's the generational difference, because my parents are very private like that, too. And they, I don't know how they feel about what I say, and things like that. But I think it's courageous to just be brave and just say how you're feeling. I mean, doesn't help anyone just doing what maybe our parents think we should do? Which is just, you know, suffer in silence Be quiet. Yeah, I don't know. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Another way we can sort of help. The shift in the thinking, I think moving forward on new cost sharing. Yeah. Thank you. And you too. Yeah. Nah, thanks. So it is it is good. I mean, it's hard, but it's good. You know, after that, after I did that podcast, I got so many messages from people just saying, yeah, thank you for sharing that. I this is what makes it worth it, you know, and that that was the That's what I said to the host. I said, you know, if if one person gets something out of this, it's been in here, you had people message him saying, you know, my wife had this. This was like, 60 year olds, right, saying my wife had this, but nobody knew what it was. We didn't know what to do with it. You know, this, this, this whole shift that's happening in caring for for mental unwellness you know, it's just amazing. So yeah, I was really pleased that they asked me to do this. I really Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, but that's the thing, the more we can talk the better. Absolutely. I agree. Yeah. If you or someone you know, would like to be a guest on the podcast, please contact me at the link in the bio. Or send me an email at Alison Newman dotnet. Edge dwellers Cafe is a fortnightly ish, long form interview based podcast featuring conversations about politics, environment and mental health in a world on edge. We've been had it. Ben is an international relations researcher, environmental educator, mental health advocate, and longtime friend of mine who enjoys having a yarn over a hot coffee. The podcast tries to make sense of the different kinds of edges that define us, divide us and shape how we interact with each other. In a world that's gone a little bonkers, and what it means to be a little different. Check it out at pod bean.com or wherever you get your podcasts

Charlotte Condie US artist, illustrator and designer S2 Ep29 Listen and Subscribe on itunes , spotify and google podcasts My guest today is Charlotte Condie- an artist, illustrator + designer based in Atlanta, Georgia, USA, and the mum of 4 kids. Her experience in creative arts has spanned over two decades, 3 US states and multiple media including chalk, linoprint, quilting, collage and mosiacs. The bulk of her work is now digitally created, which has proved to be a great option for her as a mum of a young child, when she is frequently holding a baby and unable to fumble with inks, rollers, paints, brushes, and canvases. We chat about how her art practice has adapted to suit her current situation, how her yoga practice influences her artwork, using her art to to aid surviving through the pandemic. and reflecting the simple day to day events through her art. **This episode contains discussions about depression, anxiety, panic attacks and a brief mention of domestic abuse** Visit Charlotte's https://www.instagram.com/charlottecondieart/ and - https://charlottecondieart.com/ . View Charlotte's piece " Protection " - https://www.instagram.com/p/CYMdwTSF58g/ More information about the mudrahs - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mudra Read more about Meg Conley - https://www.instagram.com/_megconley/ Shop art supplies Charlotte uses here Connect with the podcast - https://www.instagram.com/art_of_being_a_mum_podcast Music used with permission from Alemjo https://open.spotify.com/artist/4dZXIybyIhDog7c6Oahoc3?si=aEJ8a3qJREifAqhYyeRoow When chatting to my guests I greatly appreciate their openness and honestly in sharing their stories. If at any stage their information is found to be incorrect, the podcast bears no responsibility for guests' inaccuracies. Podcast transcript at the bottom of the page Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode of The Art of Being A Mum Podcast. I'm beyond honoured that you're here and would be grateful if you could take 2 minutes to leave me a 5-star review in iTunes or wherever you are listening. It really helps! This way together we can inspire, connect and bring in to the light even more stories from creative mums. Want to connect? Take a screenshot of this episode and share it on Instagram tagging me in with @art_of_being_a_mum_podcast I can't wait to connect. And remember if you or somebody you know would like to be a guest on the podcast, get in touch ! I love meeting and chatting to mammas from all creative backgrounds, from all around the world! Thank you! Alison acknowledges this Land of the Berrin (Mount Gambier) Region as the Traditional Lands of the Bungandidj People and acknowledge these First Nations people as the custodians of the Region. Ch eck out more episodes ..... Welcome to the Art of Being a mum, the podcast where we hear from mothers who are artists and creators sharing their joys and issues around trying to be a mother and continue to make art. Regular topics include mum guilt, identity, the day to day juggle mental health, and how children manifest in their art. My name is Alison Newman. I'm a singer songwriter, and a mum of two boys from regional South Australia. I have a passion for mental wellness and a background in early childhood education. You can find links to my guests and topics they discuss in the show notes, along with music played a link to follow the podcast on Instagram, and how to get in touch. All music used on the podcast is done so with permission. The art of being a mom acknowledges the bone tech people as the traditional custodians of the land and water, which this podcast is recorded on and pays respects to the relationship the traditional owners have with the land and water as well as acknowledging past present and emerging elders. Thanks so much for joining me today. My guest on this episode is Charlotte, Condi, artist, Illustrator and designer based in Atlanta, Georgia in the United States, and a mom of four children. Charlotte's experience in creative arts has spanned over two decades, over three US states and multiple media, including chalk line Oh print, quilting, collage and mosaics. The bulk of her work is now digitally created, which has proved to be a great option for her as a mum of a young child, when she's frequently holding a baby and unable to fumble with inks, rollers, paintbrushes, and canvases. Today, we chat about how her art practice has adapted to suit her current situation, how her yoga practice influences her artwork, using her art to aid surviving through this pandemic, and reflecting on the simple day to day events through her art. This episode contains discussion around depression, anxiety, panic attacks, and a brief mention of domestic abuse. Welcome along Charlotte, it's lovely to meet you. Thank you so much for being on the show. Yeah, sounds exciting. Yeah. Never done a podcast before. Oh, you guys. It's cool. I think you might only be my third guest from America to which is which is cool. So I'm starting to Yeah. and broaden the horizon. Time. Is it there for you? Is it breakfast time? Yep, it is. It's 7am. Okay, can you same breakfast so actually got? Yeah, I'm Mark my moments by just what I'm going to be eating. Oh, that's cool. So you're in my right. So you're in Atlanta. Is that right? Yeah. Lana metro area. Yeah. Right. So that's like, that's a that's a big, big cities. And it is. I mean, we've lived in bigger. I'm actually from Southern California. And so I grew up in Orange County, just outside of Los Angeles, which to me was large. And I guess this it's not as big as LA but it is. It's you know, you have downtown and then it sprawls for quite a while. So yeah. Yeah. Lots of people. Can you give us a little bit trade to what you do? You're the sort of style of art that you may right now I'm almost exclusively digital. And it's, it's, I guess you would kind of classify it as illustrative. And I really enjoy like, retro style, like I draw a lot of inspiration from like, old illustrations, comics, ad art, stuff that, you know, people would would sell things with. I don't know why I think just because I'm a kid from the 80s and so that stuff is so I don't know. Comforting. Yeah. Old, old stuff. Yeah, rotary phones and that sort of thing. Like, yeah, yeah, that's so familiar and comfortable for me. Yep. So that, that kind of informs my style. But subject wise, I tend, I tend to kind of sit somewhere in kind of spiritual, but also like, fun. It's rough, because the style, like, I love spiritual art, and I love like symbolism, especially, it's kind of an obsession. For me. The challenge is that, when you when you want to sit in that space, it's almost like there's a requisite for what your art should look like, right? And, like, mine, almost maybe I feel like could be considered crass. If I want to approach some of those topics, because it's almost gross. Like, looking next to other people. I'm like, well, they have these gorgeous images of, you know, God or, yeah, handlers or whatever. And that's not what I do. I could, but that's not and it's funny, because I have that stuff in my home. And I love putting that kind of thing in my home. But that's not what I that's not how I think it's weird. It's almost like, a bit of a juxtaposition sort of thing. Like, yeah, it's a bit of, I don't know, yeah. Yeah. Because that's like, approaching the divine, from a very human way. Like, we're still we're animals, we're, we are very gross in our, in our behavior and our approaches. And, and that's, that's not necessarily anything to be ashamed of. And I think I'm trying to still find the balance of how can I? How can I approach those divine aspects of myself, while also recognizing that I'm still a human being, and that I have human experiences, and I'm very much a product of my time and my society? Yeah, absolutely. So that was like that, that's really reflected in the way that the Euro looks. It's like, it's very real. And it's, it's not, I don't wanna say sugar coated, but it's like, this is what it's like, this is what life's like, right now in 2020. Yeah. So really cool. So how did you get into Chintu? Yeah, I've always been a really creative person. I've always been a creative kid. My dad graduated from university in studio arts, he was an artist. But that was never anything he made a living off of. But he was like that point person in early childhood that introduced me to creativity and music was a big part of my childhood. And you know, it still is a part of our lives. I have a daughter, who is all she plays almost anything she touches, she can turn it into a musical instrument, and she's gonna graduate high school with a it's like a musical diploma, sort of, and. But like, so the creativity has always been part of me. And I was the kid that was always drawing and you know, the friends come to me, can you drive this, can you drive this and, but it wasn't something I was able to pursue at university, my my mom who resented my dad for being an artist. And having trouble finding jobs was like, I don't want you to do that you're gonna do this. And it was, it's an irony because mom didn't want any of us to go into the arts. And while we didn't, we also didn't get a job in the thing we went to school for either. So like, you need to be realistic about what you're expecting for your children. Because, like, just because you get a bachelor's degree in something does not mean that that's what you're going to be doing for the rest of your life. So it's a good lesson, I think, because it's, I feel like, I've know what it's like over there. But there's so much pressure here for kids to know what they're going to do when when they get like up to year 12. Where you're both here. It's like you have to feel like no one realistic to do. Yeah, like, and that's a common thing like it maybe it's just because we're products of a Western civilization where they're like, What do you want to be when you grow up? And, like, can't expect a child to know what that is? Or to understand what that means. And yeah, we'll have dreams that's fine, have dreams. But I'm like, we're not all going to be astronauts and we're not I'm going to be to Vinci or the president. And, and that's fine like I want, I want them to aspire to things, but then to also expect them to understand even at 18. What they're going to be doing, like, my, so my oldest is 18. She's a senior, she's going to graduate in five months. And so she thinks she wants to do architecture. And I'm like, you know, great, go do your generals, if you still want to do that. Yeah, go ahead and do that. But I'm, I'm leaving the room open for you to change your mindset real time. Yeah, I certainly did. That's the truth, isn't it? And when you get out there in the world, and you actually see what there is, it's like, you know, yeah, you don't even know what you don't know, when you get out there. Right? You don't even know. And, like, I remember, when I graduated, I was like, I want to, I want to do anthropology, because I love cultures and history and all that. And then I got into that department. And I was like, this is the driest thing I've ever seen. Like, my teachers were so boring. Like, I can't do this. To be stuck in. Like, this is not my cup of tea. And I and I married my husband while we were in school, and he's an accountant. And he's like, You should take an accounting class and like, Yeah, okay. And I took basic accounting, I'm like, No, that's not my style. Do you know, when you know, you know? Or you just, you know, by trial and error, you're like, No, that's not me either. I love that. So you started to you mentioned about your daughter's. He's 18. Tell us about your family. So we have four kids. We have three teenagers and a 20 month old. Yeah. So, um, our oldest three, we adopted all of them as infants in our 20s. And and then I got pregnant when I was 38 and had a baby at 39. So yeah, I have an 18 year old, a 16 year old, my son will be 14 next month and then the baby. And so that's, that's a fun dynamic. Like, it's not that bad. It. The thing I love about having the baby again, is that she brings up and reminds me of all the times with the other kids, which was nice, you know, because like it was so long. It was 12 years since I had had a baby. And I had forgotten a lot of those things. And so she'll do things I'll be like, Oh, we remember when, you know, my son did this or the other girls did this and like it just I feel I feel bad that like every single moment with her I'm just grabbing on to because I feel like she's probably the last one and I like often go to bed crying because I'm like, Oh, I've just missed this and I'm so sad that it's gonna go away soon. And my husband's like, what's the problem? Like, she's gonna go to school and a year and a half. He's like, you're gonna be okay. At the end of the day but isn't that nice? They like you say you, you sort of it's like you're appreciating every all these moments. Yeah, present and you're really experiencing everything. Like that's really lovely. Yeah, I regret that I wasn't as present for the older kids as I am for her. I didn't appreciate it when I was in my 20s. And I was, you know, trying to juggle three children close together. They're all they were all two years apart each of them and so I remember taking my oldest to school. I would walk her to kindergarten. She'd be like I had a double stroller. So I'd have the two girls in there and my son was like on my chest. And I would walk you know, like a mile to the school and people would look at me and their cars like what is she doing? Like fumbling all these children. And it was crazy times, like the one story that like one morning so my son is huge. He's so he's Tongan in Samoa and big boy. And he was a big boy at birth, but he learned how to crawl out of his crib at six months. And so I couldn't contain him at that point. And then naptime was like, well, you're just gonna sleep forever, because they can't keep you anywhere. So one morning, I remember he had crawled out of his crib, down the stairs into his sister's room. And suddenly, I'm still in bed, and I hear this screaming, and I run down there. And he had pooped on one of my daughter's beds. My oldest daughter, and my oldest daughter had rented the living room. She's cowering in the corner, like screaming. And then my other daughter who is like a, like a compulsory vomiter, like, started barfing, because it grossed her out. So kids craving one kid barfing, and another one who just pooped on the sheet. And my husband looks at the situation and he's like, I need to go to work. I'm like oh, my goodness. Oh, that's brilliant. Well, that's parenting in a nutshell, isn't it? So I hesitate to ask, but during that time, will you need to do any? Yeah. Not at that exact moment. But you know. So the creativity has evolved and changed over time, and it certainly accommodates to the situation. When I was with them, when they were little, there was a lot of I did like collage stuff, mosaics. I did a lot of quilting, like aplicadas, stuff like that. But it was also things like gifts and stuff for me or the home. And when see my son was for it was right before we left California. So my husband is he wasn't in public accounting. So he worked for a large accounting firm, out of Orange County, Los Angeles area. And we were there for eight years. And it was, it was a good life. But we certainly couldn't afford to give the kids the life. We wanted to give them there. And it was his job was so demanding. It was often 18 hour days. Oh, it was it was not. Yeah, it wasn't. When we got married. It wasn't this was what we wanted. And so we're sitting there reevaluating that with children. And we're like, you don't want to do it this way. And he he recognized he's like, you know, the thing I do enjoy is teaching the new recruits every year when they when they would go out. They would bring in new employees and they would train. And he's like, that's the part I love the most was teaching the new people. And so we decided to go to graduate school, in the middle of that. And so we took three children with us to Madison, Wisconsin, and he pursued his PhD so he could then teach so now that's why we're here in Georgia is he teaches in the business school, he teaches accounting. And that has been Wow, that was a tremendous challenge to to go through. That was definitely worth it because now he can take my son to football practices and be there and he can come to concerts with the girls and he can and this is the most time he has spent with one of the children ever at this age this little age like he missed a good chunk of the older kids early years because he wasn't around And so that's been nice. But I'm sorry. And that wasn't even really the answer to your question. But before, right before we left, right before we left California, I had started doing competitive chalk, mural competitions. California is like the perfect environment for that, because it's almost warm all year long. And the weather's nice, like, it's very rare that you don't have a wet season, certainly. And so we lived in Mission Viejo at the time, and they had a chalk festival. And I was like, I should try this. And it was so fun that I went out of my way to like, find other ones. And so I would do several year. And I did two with my dad in Salt Lake City. That was usually over the Father's Day weekend, which was really fun. I knew he would enjoy that. And then and oftentimes we are, I would win some of them which was validating, like, especially if they were a cash prize. So but that was something that I was able to do. When we were living in Wisconsin, it was a little more of a challenge, because part of the year you certainly can't be outside. But I remember kind of the beginning of the end of it, though, was when I drove I think it was three or four hours to Iowa. For one, and I, I want it but it was gift cards to the town that it was in. Oh, like I don't even live. I'll never be back. And I was like, Okay, I need to weigh like my costs and expenses for this like, because it was not just time, but it was like just money and time away from my children. And so yeah. I think things definitely picked up in Wisconsin, I had a good friends. Still a good friend, I just haven't been able to communicate with her as much since we've moved. But she was a designer for American Girl and the doll company. And she she made a Christmas card one year doing line Oh print. And I was so like, struck with that. That method, I was like, that looks like something I could do. And it was and I got into that couple years before we left Wisconsin. And that's when I actually started selling things was with that. And it was something I could do. I kept all the supplies in my basement next to the washer and dryer and I would go down there after kids would go to sleep and work or I would do it. Like if they were at school and I was off work or whatever. Then I would take a few hours and do that. The way that you draw now, I noticed on your on your socials, you talk a lot about using your iPad, like doing digital drawing. Yes. So it's like your practices evolve to suit. What's going to happen? Yeah, so the iPad. My husband bought me an iPad for Christmas in 20 I think it was the Christmas of 2019. So it was a Christmas I was pregnant. And I'm actually to back up a little. When I first got pregnant. I was so tired. And I couldn't do anything. Like I had, I had bought all the supplies to actually start screen printing. Because I wanted to start doing that. And I had made screens and I had all these things already. And I suddenly got very tired. I can't I didn't produce anything those entire almost nine months. I didn't do anything and and I know that sounds crazy and I I would wake up I'd be like how do people go to work? be pregnant? Like how did they show up at work? Because I had to take a nap every single day and I was lucky that I have that option. Like I'm just gonna lay You're down here and just take a three hour nap because I couldn't do it. And luckily, I was selling stuff at a local blue peak at the time. And they were like, oh, yeah, take the time you need. And that was really nice. So I bought the iPad, though. That was a game changer. But it took almost a year to figure out what I was doing. Because I didn't. I knew there were programs, and I didn't know what they were, and I know who to who to talk to. And so finally, I sat down and I, I got, I use procreate. And then I got a Skillshare subscription to learn how to use these things. Because I was like, I can't, I used to be able to pick things up. I learned how to use Adobe Photoshop, and I was like, 16 years old. And without tutorials before there were tutorials. And now I don't know if it's because I'm old. But I'm like, I I can't just I was it took me nine months of sitting here. And I was like, I don't know how to use this. Like, I would try and even even the the company's own little walkthrough how tos. I was like, No, I need I need a YouTube video or something. So finally I yeah, I just got Skillshare. And that that's, that's where it took off. So like, and I need to post something about this. Because looking at just what I had started doing last year in January, to now it's huge. I'm just being able to understand the medium. That was a huge learning curve. On Yeah, I love watching your little videos, we actually show how you. Hey, yeah, that's so cool. Because like, I'm not far at all. So I love I love seeing people draw and paint and yeah, that makes me happy. Yeah, it's, it's rough, because it's easy for me to share the videos from the iPad. The rough part is setting up a tripod to actually videotape me doing it because then I'm like, I gotta do this during nap time, when she's not around to like knock over the tripod. And so it's just like another I need to actually plan to do. Oh, no. So at the moment when it comes to creating is it it is it's literally around naptimes bedtimes is that so Hey. So it used to be that first year of her life before she started moving. I had a baby in one hand and the iPad in the other hand, and I would draw, and I would hold her and it was very like, I was like I could do this forever was great. And then she started moving, and then things got a little more challenging. So now like sometimes she'll get distracted for an hour, like we'll sit and watch a show or whatever. And I'll just kind of grab my iPad and draw. But usually it's when she's napping or she's sleeping. That's when like, serious stuff gets done, especially if I want to record anything I'm doing. It just has to happen when she's She's asleep. Can't do it when she's awake. Very grabby. Oh, I work in childcare. So I completely can relate to the age. But I mean, the medium is great, because like, I realized after she was born, and I had my studio still, everything was still out. And I looked at it and I said you know, I don't think I can do this for a while, like I can't come back to printing for a while because it's just not conducive to the current situation that I'm in. So like I packed it all up. I also started oils. It started oils. And then I was like, Yeah, this isn't gonna happen for a couple years. So I just packed it all up and put it away. And it's fine though, because I can take the iPad anywhere and cleaning that up as a matter of a split second, I can just close it and She can't get hurt. I don't lose anything. It doesn't hurt the house. It doesn't hurt her. So, yeah, it's just it works perfectly. Can you see yourself going back to that more, you know, hands on physical stuff I do. And I want to I am putting a piece together actually, for an organization that is like a physical piece, it's going to be like a mosaic. And that's it's just rough going, because it's something I have to keep away. And I only can do it when no one is around me. So yeah, just limit my time. And it's also tough, because by the end of the day, I'm exhausted. And I'm like, I just can't do it. Yeah, that's the thing. There's only there's only so much that you've got to give isn't there? You can't have too far or you just, you just crack unfortunately. What I wanted to ask, I was looking at your amazing pace, protection. As soon as I saw that, I just thought all these things came to mind. Like, I thought this lady knows about the Madrid She must know about yoga. So this is cool. But just the way that it looks, it's so I'll have to put a link for people to have a look at this page. Because it's just incredible. Like you you're basically linking something that's 1000s and 1000s of years old, with something incredibly relevant. That's happening right now with with Derek Yeah, can you can you tell us a bit more about the piece? Oh, that makes me feel good. So yeah, like, so Yoga is a big part of my life. Even though like right now it's hard to even get to but, um, so I felt so one, I guess, this year, kind of like a personal goal was just to really start doing stuff that spoke to me that that could say something that I couldn't really say with words, and, but that also was putting parts of myself out there. And because for me, spiritually, I come from a lot of places, and yoga feeds and a lot of that. But I think these last two years, and it's been rough, because I had a baby at the beginning of the pandemic. And it's already challenging to be a parent of a small child. But then you're a parent of a small child, and you just don't know what's going on. Like, like, I understand the science, and I understand only as much as, you know, any epidemiologist is going to share with me and, and put it in terms that I understand. It's, it's scary and, and my my baby can't be vaccinated yet. And so, like trying to navigate what feels like a brand new world. That's very scary. I feel like I need to draw from the things that I've known for as long as I can remember that. I feel comforting. And I feel like give me peace inside. And pairing that with what I do understand logically will keep me safe as much as it can, you know, and it's like, every day I have this kind of have, you know, ever we all have these mental conversations with ourselves all day about, you know, how am I going to keep going? When I don't really know what tomorrow is going to be like, I don't really know. Am I going to be safe? Is my family going to be safe? Is my country going to be safe? Like yeah, it's it's an exhausting environment to live in. And I, the people I feel most sad for are my teenagers who are going to be remembering this for the rest of our lives. I don't think my baby will, I hope. I would hope that she'd be resilient enough to do This will be normal for her. This, this isn't she won't know any different, but my older kids do. And I've seen how this has been a real struggle for them. Like, I had to get everybody in therapy, the last year, I had to get everybody on medication this last year. And so for me, this concept of protection, it's, we have to arm ourselves with everything we know, in order to move forward into the unknown. You're listening to the art of being a mom, with my mom, I was amazed at some of the other pieces I saw on your website, you sort of looking at day to day things like there's things about anxiety, self love, postpartum, the garden is just every day experience bass. Yeah. Yeah, and those are, those were all part of a series I did for a gallery in Utah. Yeah, I mean, because when you're a mom, when you're a parent, I feel like the world kind of shrinks for you, right? And you're focusing on just that, that one little person, or, you know, maybe a couple of little people. And you are so involved with all of their needs, because their needs are immediate, and they rely on you completely for everything, and, but it's been fun to be present in that this time. Like, you're not to really worry about all the other things maybe I want to do, because I know I'm gonna get to do them again. And I like, really recognizing how short these moments are with her right now. I appreciate all these little things. And so she just loves walking down the street. And so we'll go out to the street, and she loves to look up at the planes that fly by. And she, she tells me about the birdies that are in the trees. And she loves like, people, some people still have Christmas decorations up and she'll want to go look at the Christmas decorations. And like just appreciating all those little moments. And being able to be a little kid with her is very soothing and just simplifies. Like I just kind of keeps my brain calm. Because yeah, like, especially, it feels like right now it's so isolating, which we've tried to be so careful. I don't get a lot of social interaction. And so it's when when you're isolated, you tend to get more depressed. And there's a lot of self talk that ends up being, you know, not, I mean, maybe negative, but certainly not helpful or productive. And so, I mean, parenting is so isolating, but so is the was living in. And it's like, I don't know. I like to be honest about all those feelings. But also recognizing the they're not forever. They don't have to be forever. Yeah, it's, it's hard because when you're depressed, or when you're, you're living in this heightened sense of anxiety for months at a time. It feels like it's just gonna, it's never gonna end. It's never gonna end. But I do I know that that does. And so I mean, I've only do things at depression for over 20 years, and we have taken medication for it, and I still do. Well, the hardest parts about being pregnant was I couldn't, and I had to get off it as quickly as and safely as I could. But I was I was a mess when I was pregnant. And I mean, I loved being pregnant, which is so crazy. That like you're miserable, but you're also just so in love and like I would love to be pregnant again. But I also recognized that I was a mess. And like I just somedays just, I couldn't get out of bed. I was I was just so deeply depressed or was just so anxious. And that was before the pandemic. I don't know how I could be pregnant now. Women do it. The topic of mum guilt. Do you? Do you have any thoughts on that term? That topic? Yeah, I've been thinking about that. So like, I think that's a real thing. But only because we've made it. Right. Like, I feel like it's such a product of our society. Yeah. Like, especially in societies that don't serve women. And, and I can, I don't know, Australia's system very well. So I'm not going to speak at all to you. Mostly just to mine where we, the one thing I've noticed, okay, so the big eye opening thing for me about this pandemic was it truly revealed how much my country's economy relies on the free labor of women. And I say that because of the way it went down when schools couldn't meet. And people had to quit their jobs. And it was mostly women who quit their jobs. Because someone needed to be home with all these kids who had to go to school. And what hurts is no one's said anything about that in the government's like, no one's recognized that plenty of women are saying, Do you see how like, crippled the economy is because you are relying on half of us to leave our workplace and stay home to make things move forward, as best they can. I and so certainly, when you have a system like that, that doesn't value, the the work and the impetus of half of the population, of course, we're gonna get guilt, we're asked to raise human beings, and also contribute to society as if those two things are different. As if, as if parenthood isn't a contribution to society, it's not valued, because there's never been a monetary value placed on it. But it's obvious now. Because no one noticed that people are working at home to raise human beings for the society without any kind of financial compensation or recognition. And, and then we're punished when that job is done. And we want to go back into the workforce. were punished because we had been home the whole time, like, Well, we've certainly been doing things like, yeah, we've been economizing. We've been transporting, we have been, like, we've been doing accounts and receipts, like, can you cannot tell a parent, that they're not doing stuff for the economy, just because they're a parent. So like, of course, you're going to have guilt in that kind of situation. I just feel like now. And especially now, I'm like, I am not at all guilty for staying home right now. And I'm not at all guilty about taking time for myself when I need to. Like I I'm, I'm fortunate enough that we don't need two incomes right now. We did when we're in Wisconsin, and my husband was in graduate school. And I worked I was I worked at an elementary school and I worked on a farm. I did that for over three years. And that was rough. And I mean, it wasn't just that like we also needed government assistance for food like because we we were students and we have three children. I just feel like We need to pull ourselves out of our heads, even though our society may tell us or subconsciously tell us that we are not valuable as parents. That's not at all true. Because without us, this society would fall won't even exist. I feel like every parent needs to take comfort and pride in that. But also, it should move us to maybe request more, demand more. I feel like, what, what gets me so fired and angry right now is that, like, my government is trying so hard to pass things to help families and it's not happening and I'm, I'm so mad. I'm like, this has like, exacerbated and exposed all of the worst parts of our system that we've been relying on. And we're not doing anything about it. Like, it's obvious. It's clear, like the numbers are there, but they're not doing anything about it. And it's, I think, I think it's Meg Conley, she's a writer, if I should send you her stuff. She's amazing. And she has talked about this a lot. And it's, it just like puts fire in my mom bones. Like, it's just this is this is not the podcast for that I'm sorry. Not so good. Don't ties in. I mean, this is, this is what you know, your thoughts and your opinions, that's what influences your your work. So you know, yeah, what I mean, and it to be a parent, like, you're, I feel like you're in the trenches of economies. Like it's just that that influences every part of your life as a parent. So the other topic I love to hear about is identity. So that idea that I mean, we've sort of we've sort of talked touched on it briefly, in this last the last topic we spoke about, but when you become a mum, that's it. That's all you are. You're just a mum, you're not. Did you ever feel like we're at the moment feel like when we as a mother, what happens to Charlotte, who you were before, for sure, especially when I was a young mom, like I wanted to be a mom, like, obviously, we went out of our way to be parents, because we adopted, but that still happened. Like I still. You're, you're worrying about someone else all day. And you're meeting all their needs all day long. It, it feels almost like you're disappearing as a human being. And I, I felt that and I get that argument too. But I do have to swing back to now how quick that time is, like, in the moment, it feels like eternity, like, the days are long. But the years are so short. And the roughest part for me. While it was so hard when they were little, and I felt lost sometimes was when my son went to school, though. Because then I was like, What am I going to do with my life? Like? It's not like they don't need me now. But it's a different need, like the kind of self sufficient and they're going to school for a good chunk of the day. Like, what am I going to do? And that is when the art got pretty intense for me, because I needed to explore that for myself. And I certainly had other responsibilities, like I had to go to work and stuff to jobs I hated. Like, I loved the farm. I loved and that was that's a job I would always take. But working in an elementary school. I hated that job. And the kids were cute, but if you ever want insight to like another failed system of a large government, public education like I will I will die on the lines for any teacher who works in public education. And because those people are underpaid, and they are unprepared for all of the things that happen there, I was, I was verbally and physically abused by children for several hours a day. And it's like, no adult is prepared for this. Like, they don't prepare you even even as a parent, I was there and I'm like, How can you be this way? Like, I understand you're someone's baby, why are you so mean to me? I needed that job. So the art, though, has been cathartic, therapeutic, and an opportunity for me to come back in touch with myself. And especially that inner child work that I felt like really needed to be done. I had a pretty abusive home wife as a kid. And, like, kind of sorting that out for myself, and still doing it. The art is what gets me through that. Like that's. And I know, even people who aren't creative or don't, don't turn to creativity, to help themselves through that, that sense of sell. Like, there's always something right. And and I'm not saying that work is the answer. Because it isn't always. But I think maybe maintaining the perspective that our life moves in seasons and cycles. And it's, it's easy to say, especially as a female, where we we literally have a season and a cycle every month or whatever. But knowing that our life if we can, if we are lucky enough can be long. And there are things I'm doing now, I'd never imagined I was doing 20 years ago, and I'm sure there will be things I'm doing in 20 years that I've never even thought of like maybe I'll I'll maybe I'll go back to graduate school. I don't know, like, the their possibilities are endless. And I think we don't need to necessarily peg ourselves into one little box. Because we're always growing, we're always changing, just like our children. And that never stops if we're if we're lucky enough. We never have to stop growing. We never have to stop learning. And just because we're not the same person we were 20 years ago doesn't mean it's a bad thing. Maybe it's a good thing. Yeah. I like that. That's good. Yeah, and I like that you articulate that we're always growing and changing just like our children like you. And that and being that sort of ties into being really present, experiencing the experiencing the moment and then knowing that that will pass and then you'll have another moment. Yeah, it's a really good way of things. And I guess that helps to stop people like feeling really overwhelmed. Because you can be stuck in a moment and be like, Oh my gosh, this is just so it's never gonna end well, you know, but it's like, actually, it's okay. Because yeah, for sure. I mean, and that's what I love. The basics of yoga, breathing and your mind, you can't stop your mind from thinking you can't stop thoughts from coming, right. But if you just focus on your body, breathing for a minute, just just think about your lungs, filling with air and coming out again, just being in that moment with your body. Recognizing that this is what you're doing, and that's okay. And it's hard like I suffered terrible panic attacks. When we were preparing to move down here and after, like, I had thyroid disease for over 10 years, and then my thyroid started to make some thyroxin again, and I became hyper to the point where I was having panic attacks and, and then when you have panic attacks, you feel like you're dying, like you don't really understand what's going on with your body until you've had one. And then. So then when I was having them, I recognize, okay, something's definitely going on with my body, and I had to go to the doctor and get that taken care of. But in those moments, like when you are overstimulated, you're panicked, or you feel like you can't get out of that moment. It is hard to focus on just breathing. But that's like the only thing you need to do. And like, I'm not a doctor, and I'm not a yoga teacher or anything, I just, I just know that if you can just try and focus on that basic thing that keeps you alive in that moment. And then do it the next moment, and do it the next moment, like helping helping my children, you know, this last year, like overcome real mental health challenges. reminding them that you know what, it was a bad day today. It was a really bad day. Let's go to bed. And we'll wake up in the morning. And we'll just try again. You know, and that's all you can do. Yeah, absolutely. Yep. And that's really good to like tools and skills to be able to pass on to your children that you know how to manage. As I heard, it's similar experience with my eldest this year. He's four, Lizzie now 13. So last year, we started my school here that just complete overwhelm where you can't Yeah, you can't think you can't process stuff. You just get in this panic state that just come back to you breathing, we would call this the square breathing. So you live in for for four hours before and just just bring yourself back to the present moment what's actually happening? You know, it's such a powerful, like, it's so simple, that it's ridiculous, but it's just, you know, yeah, it's so powerful. And you forget that it's there. You forget that you've got this breath. It's keeping you alive. You don't even have to think about it, you know? Yeah. Because if you don't have to think about it, it's a really, it's a really good tool. When it comes to you, yeah. Probably not so much your littlest one. But for your older kids, do you feel it's important for you that they see your contribution that you're making? What you're putting out to the world? Yeah. I mean, I think one's definitely important that they see that I am taking time to do something that I like. Because I think that's like vital to maintaining, you know, yourself as an adult. You need to be able to have those times to do that. Even if it's just watching television. But being productive, not that your value is based on productivity, but doing something you enjoy and having people's to do that. I think that's valuable. And I think that helps them because then that gives them permission to do the things that they want to do like my son who loves football right now. And like, more than pretty much anything else. And and we have had to have talks about look, I still need you to work on school. I still need you to focus on that because that's kind of important. I love that you love football but I also need you to get a good education. Then Then my my daughter who loves Music and, and, and I think we all we all try and support each other in the things that we love. And I mean, if you're lucky enough, you'll get to spend your life even making money doing the thing you like. But even if you know, that's going to be something that's going to be part of your life forever, that's gonna be enriching and therapeutic and help you just help you feel you like you yourself. You know, I mean, it just feel comfortable in yourself in your skin. Doing what it is that you like, and and then for them, they're all on social media do which is fun, and come to me and be like, Mom, you swore on Instagram today, I'm like, Yeah I did this, I have people watching me, but then they, they'll see the stuff that I put out there, and they'll see they'll even watch, you know, me explain things about it. And it's not like we have those conversations about my work at all. But, um, I think it's valuable because when you see other people doing things they like, and then also getting an insight into the way they think about it or, or how they're thinking about it. Something maybe you'd never thought about. I mean, that's what I love about social media is that I get to meet people I would not have otherwise ever met in my life. And I get to learn about them and what's makes them tick. And, and I have like, these relationships with some of these people that are so like, dear to me. And like I think about them when I'm not on social media and like, I wonder if they're doing okay today or, and that. That's, that's super sustaining, especially right now when I don't get out to meet people, and I don't get to do that. But it also it just kind of opens my mind to people I've never met or people I have not experienced like, and getting to know them. Like I love that and learning things about them helped me change my behaviors like this last year. I've had like a hard time, for the last couple of years, celebrating American Thanksgiving. And really listening to indigenous people talk about what that holiday means to them has definitely helped me reflect on what I can do in my own life, to better support them and to to be the type of friends that I would like for myself. You know, like I want to be a friend to them and and i i Just what changes do I need to make for myself to be the person I'd like to be? Yeah, so some real sort of some navel gazing I suppose. Just so see ya for sure Yeah. I, I've had this goal for a while actually to start putting out some illustrations for children's books. And that's like, I really hope I can get that underway this year. Like, I think about it, and I think about it and then like another project comes up or whatever. And so it just never gets to my plate. So I, I want to do that. But the other thing I really interested in doing is illustrating some I don't know if you've ever heard of Howard then? He is I think so. Yeah. So he's a social scientist. He wrote The People's History of the United States and it's it's a lot more comprehensive history of our country that is often not taught in schools. I think it's actually a college level book, but I read it and I was like, I love this book so much and There is a children's primary school equivalent that they created. It's like the Howard's in education project. And they have like, and I had bought the children's version for my kids, but it's not like a children's version. It's more like high school level, I think. So I would love to maybe start doing some illustrations of those stories. Yeah, even just to share on social media, like, I love that. It's it's tragic that social media is now like a default education system. But at the end, it's tricky, right? Because there is that tremendous possibility of misinformation and disinformation. And like, there's stuff that definitely is absolutely bonkers. That's not real that's out there. But if we can somehow teach each other how to find reliable, adequate sources of information and share those, I can only think that's benefits everybody, right? Oh, yeah, for sure. Yeah, there's a lot of education to be had. I had decided, at the end of last year that, like, I really need to start moving towards people and bodies like, I can do them. I just don't because I'm so I don't know what tone to strike yet with them. And so it's like, well, I'm gonna start with hands. And I know mudras. And I know symbols. Well, and I'm going to start with that. So there will probably be more like, protection coming out. Yeah. Yeah. Look forward to that and be awesome. That's not the word. You know what I mean? It's gonna be one thing. I do know what you mean. It to at least two big words. You know, that's all right. I'm about I'm about to wind down mentally. Like it's about time for me to make dinner and yeah. After dinner, I'm like, Alright, I got about two hours before I can put the kid down. And then I'm just going to ease into my bed and like, listen to podcasts and draw like it really is really lovely. It is good. Thanks for your company today. If you've enjoyed this episode, I'd love you to consider leaving us a review, following or subscribing to the podcast, or even sharing it with a friend who you think might be interested. If you or someone you know would like to be a guest on the podcast. Please get in touch with us via the link in the show notes. I'll catch you again next week for another chat with an artistic mum. Edge to Alice Cafe is a fortnightly ish, long form interview based podcast featuring conversations about politics, environment and mental health in a world on edge with Ben heavy. Ben is an international relations researcher, environmental educator, mental health advocate and longtime friend of mine who enjoys having a yarn over a hot coffee. The podcast tries to make sense of the different kinds of edges that define us, divide us and shape how we interact with each other. In a world that's gone a little bonkers, and what it means to be a little different. Check it out at pod bean.com or wherever you get your podcasts

Katherine Collette Australian author + podcaster S2 Ep44 Listen and subscribe on Apple podcasts (itunes) Spotify and Google podcasts Welcome! My guest today is Katherine Collette, a writer and podcaster from Melbourne VIC, and a mum of 2. Katherine spent her childhood writing, whether that be poetry, in diaries, stories or to pen pals. Throughout high school it fell away until her 20s when she would write a little play or comics for friends, An engineer by trade, when Katherine turned 30, she reflected on the long held hope that during her life she would write a book, so she began. Her first book The Helpline, based around the people she had met in her work life. was published in 2019 and she followed up with The Competition in February of this year - 2022. Her style is described as light but clever comic writing with a bit of punch. Katherine also co hosts the First Time Podcast with fellow writer and previous guest of mine, Kate Mildenhall . Katherine - website / The First Time Podcast / Purchase / Instagram Williamstown Literary Festival / Bendigo Wriers Festival / Queensliff Literary Festival Varuna Writers Retreat / The Divided Heart by Rachel Power / Rachel Power's podcast episode Podcast instagram / website Music used from Alemjo with permission. When chatting to my guests I greatly appreciate their openness and honestly in sharing their stories. If at any stage their information is found to be incorrect, the podcast bears no responsibility for guests' inaccuracies. Podcast transcript at the bottom of the page Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode of The Art of Being A Mum Podcast. I'm beyond honoured that you're here and would be grateful if you could take 2 minutes to leave me a 5-star review in iTunes or wherever you are listening. It really helps! This way together we can inspire, connect and bring in to the light even more stories from creative mums. Want to connect? Take a screenshot of this episode and share it on Instagram tagging me in with @art_of_being_a_mum_podcast I can't wait to connect. And remember if you or somebody you know would like to be a guest on the podcast, get in touch ! I love meeting and chatting to mammas from all creative backgrounds, from all around the world! Thank you! Alison acknowledges this Land of the Berrin (Mount Gambier) Region as the Traditional Lands of the Bungandidj People and acknowledge these First Nations people as the custodians of the Region. Ch eck out more episodes ..... Welcome to the Art of Being a mum, the podcast where we hear from mothers who are artists and creators sharing their joys and issues around trying to be a mother and continue to make art. Regular topics include mum guilt, identity, the day to day juggle mental health, and how children manifest in their art. My name is Alison Newman. I'm a singer songwriter, and a mom of two boys from regional South Australia. I have a passion for mental wellness, and a background in early childhood education. You can find links to my guests and topics they discuss in the show notes, along with music played a link to follow the podcast on Instagram, and how to get in touch. All music used on the podcast has done so with permission. The art of being a mom acknowledges the bone tech people as the traditional custodians of the land and water, which this podcast is recorded on and pays respects to the relationship the traditional owners have with the land and water as well as acknowledging past present and emerging elders. Welcome to the podcast. My guest today is Katherine collet, a writer and podcaster from Melbourne, Victoria, and a mum of two. Catherine spent her childhood writing, whether that be poetry in diaries, short stories, or to pen pals. Throughout high school, it fell away until the early 20s When she would write little play or comics for friends and engineer by trade. When Catherine turned 30, she reflected on the long held hope that during her life, she would write a book. So she began her first book the helpline, based around the people she had met in her work life was published in 2019. And she followed up with the competition in February of this year. Catherine style is described as light but clever comic writing with a bit of a punch. Catherine also co hosts the first time podcast with fellow writer and previous guest of mine, Kate Miljan. Hall. I hope you enjoyed today's episode. Thank you so much for coming on today. Catherine. It's a real pleasure to have you. Ah, thank you for having me. I'm very excited to be here. Yeah. Must be nice to be the subject of a podcast rather than interviewing someone. Yeah, it is the I think that events add things to, I think the harder job is being the host, rather than being the guest. You got to be a lot more agile in how you're thinking and think of the next question. But if you're the guest, you just wait for the question and answer. It's great. You can relax a bit, just switch off a bit. And yeah, hopefully not too much of like, if you if you don't. So tell us about what you do. Sure. So I am an author. I have written two books. My first book came out about four years ago. And my second book, which is called the competition came out just over a month ago now. So I do writing. I write fiction, the type of fiction that I write is humorous fiction. And I also co host a podcast called the first time, and I believe you had my co host on the show a couple of episodes ago. She'll say, we know Yeah, it was lovely to make a she's, you guys must have so much fun when you make that podcast. It's I think it's well, I mean, we've been doing it for about four years. It started out the concept of the podcast was my first book was coming out. And she was the only author that I knew. So I kept asking her all these questions about what to expect. And yeah, we ended up making a podcast about it. And the podcast has continued since. But during the last and it's always been fun. But during the past couple of years with COVID. We're both in Melbourne, we've spent long periods of time locked down, as I suspect have, you know many of your listeners. But she really was my main touch point, aside from my family, my husband, my mom, it was Kate that I spoke to every week. And a lot of those chats are recorded. And we listened back. She made a little compilation a few episodes ago. And we listened back to the conversations just snippets that we had when COVID first hear it and then over time during lockdown, it was just a it was a really fascinating thing. She definitely kept me going but you could also hear the fatigue in our voices over time. Yeah, it's interesting to have that like little time capsule almost of that, that moment in time and sort of reliving the emotions and the uncertainty and all that sort of thing as as it went through. And yeah, I think it was fascinating because I think that period particularly at the start, you know of so much uncertainty. Yeah, to reflect back and think. Wow, I'm glad you didn't know what was coming in many ways. Yeah. So strange. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. I just want to let you know that I messaged you and let you know. But I am reading the competition. I haven't finished it yet. I'm sorry, I didn't get to finish it. But I love it. I mentioned you and your message I love your sense of humor is so relatable to me. I just I read it. And it's like, I could have said it myself. It's just love it. So. Oh, thank you. That's so nice. Thank you. I really appreciate that All right, so let's go back to the beginning. How did you become a writer. I was a kid who always liked writing. I, I wrote, as a, you know, pretty early on, I would write in diaries, I had a lot of pen pals. Often people didn't realize they were pen pals with B. So they, you know, didn't always write back. But I wrote a lot of letters to people. And I also read a lot of poetry in those letters, terrible sort of rhyming stuff. So it was something that was really a part of my life early on. But it fell away, as I think it maybe is a fairly common experience in high school I was more interested in I played a lot of basketball. For one, I was probably also more interested in meeting boys. So I did, I did some writing, but mostly it was assessment based. So there was some creative stuff in there, but but not, you know, not heaps. And then in my 20s, I would do little bits and pieces, sometimes for gifts for people, like I might write a little play if they were going away, or I might write comics for them. So I had this creative element. But I mean, I'm, I'm 41 Now, when I turned 30, it just not I had a crisis, but I had this moment of thinking, my whole life, I thought I would write a book. And I realized that no one's ever just gonna tap you on the shoulder and say, Hey, you'd be amazing at writing a book. If you if you buy a if you write a book, we'll publish it, you have to just start writing the book. And so I did, and I didn't shut start with short stories. I just plunged straight in. I had met. I'm an engineer, but I was working for a brief period of time at a council doing community development sort of stuff, which I was really very good at. But there I met this president of this local senior citizens club. And she was a really intense woman a little bit problematic. I remember that she I think the first time I met her she was furious because the Chinese subgroup of senior citizens had been playing mahjong in the bingo room. And she had gotten so angry with them for doing this that she had, they had sandwiches in the communal fridge. So she threw out all their sandwiches. And, and told them that it was her fridge and they weren't allowed to keep food in it. So I met this woman, I had this desire to write. And so I wrote a story that was set around a council worker who encountered this senior citizens club. And I was obsessed. I wrote, I didn't have I, this was pre kids. But I got up every morning, I'd get up at five, I'd write for an hour, then I'd go to the gym, and then I'd go to work. And slowly that would encroach into weekends. Like I do writing on weekends. I wrote a bit on the holidays. My husband was like, it's kind of annoying. She would not do this. But yeah, so that was how I got the first draft of my novel down. And I was madly redrafting, wanting to start to send it out. When my daughter was born, that felt like a really big hurdle. But basically, I sent it out. You know, I had a few hurdles and hits and misses along the way. But that novel ended up getting published. And when it was purchased by the publisher they purchased it was a two book deal. So I I was in at that point. Yeah. Is that scary though? Knowing that you've got to then turn around and do In other words, well, I had a draft of the other one. So that certainly helped. Yeah, but it is it is daunting. Yeah, I've heard people say that it, it probably is a better example of it, that do weekly columns. And so that feeling of like, you just sent one in. And then the next day, it's like, oh, I have to do another one. Like I just finished the first one. So did definitely have that. Yeah, right. So not wanting to spoil the competition for people who haven't read it yet. Was that inspired by real life people as well, as they helped me it was, it was so the competition is set around. Public speaking club, people might have heard of Toastmasters. It's a very similar environment. But basically, I had swapped jobs, essentially, from going from engineering to working at the council. And suddenly, I had to do a lot of public speaking. So I joined the local Toastmasters Club. And I don't know if you've been to Toastmasters. I know people I know people who have. Yeah, so I so it's, it's a funny little world. I think that a public speaking clubs probably always going to be pretty awkward. And you would want a public speaking club to be awkward. Both because people are trying something that is inherently awkward. But also, if it was to cooler space, you wouldn't feel comfortable to get up like it has to be this really accepting friendly, kind of gentle place. But that also adds a layer of unusual newness I suppose like if I guess my first impression of Toastmasters was like, Oh, this would be easy to satirize. Because, well, it's awkward, it's enthusiastic, it's really positive, it sort of came out of a probably predates the self help movement on us, but it's definitely a part of it. But at the first meeting that I went to, there was another woman who had just joined and she was a, she's a transgender woman. And she was in the process of transitioning. And she talked about why got to know her over time. But basically, in that process of transitioning, she picked Toastmasters as the place that she would start that so she sort of said to the group, listen, my name is this here. But outside of this, I've called David. And if you see me in the street, don't mention, you know, my name is Greer here, don't don't mention the two things. And that always struck me that Alongside this, this place, that could feel a little bit ridiculous at times, there was something about it, that was really beautiful. If someone who is doing something that's really brave, and I imagine it's really difficult, but they feel that this is the best place to start that journey. And so I always had this view of Toastmasters. And it was a view that I maintained over time, that it was a place where people found their voice, and that there could be elements of that, that were really funny. But there were elements of that, that were really sweet and positive and important. And, and so I started writing a book about it. And the book, the competition is set around a public speaking competition in a Toastmasters like environment. And there is a character in it. It's a really minor character that is based on that original woman that I met. But that's not the focus of the story. Yeah, yeah. Do the people know that they're in your books? Like, are they aware that they've had them? She's the only one that is based on Well, I did have a senior citizens club president in the previous one but I suspect she's is dead and and she was heavily fictionalized. The this is really the only character that is more closely based on a person but she's a really small character before it before the book came out, I had because I had interviewed Gregor is the woman same before writing the book. And I said to her, Oh, would you like to read the bits that I've put this character in? And I've set up copies of the book in my she said, No, she wasn't fast. But she my launch comes up in a week's time and she's going to come to the launch, which was nice. That's but it wouldn't be. It is lovely. It would be very daunting though. If I hadn't done those things, the idea of writing about something and not being I open about that. And I can see why people, you know, could make that choice just because it feels harder. But I'm glad I did. And I mean, it was a positive portrayal. Yeah, that's the thing. You're not You're not hiding it because it was, you know, you turned it into a negative or anything. It's like, it's quite positive. And you don't mind if that person is very aware that that is them? Or based on Yeah, that's right. That's right. I guess the challenge with that, though, in that kind of example, is that it could feel very random to have a book that is set in a public speaking club. And there is just a transgender character walking around, like, it could feel like a really labored form of diversity or something like that. So I just was a bit conscious of that. Yeah. Yeah, that's good. So, share a little bit about a bit more about your first time podcast with I mean, I don't want to give away your secrets, because I want people to listen to it. But tell us the sort of the gist of it, I suppose. So as I said, when my first book was coming out, I had all these questions. And so I would routinely be like, okay, you know, like, my launch is coming up. What am I meant to do at the launch? Or they want me to give a speech at the booksellers conference, what should this speech be about? Or, you know, just all of these different things that I wanted her view on, I wanted to know the answers to because I think it's, I think it's a vulnerable thing for anyone releasing any type of art into the world via books, or music, or sort of visual art, those kinds of things. And so you, you sort of, I really wanted that from her. But I also was very much in this space of being a writer in a community of writers, and a lot of them were emerging writers, that would be going through the same things because, you know, they would have books published, if not now, but they just had books published. So both of us were like, Well, we think there's kind of a bit of space in this. And I think authors, particularly emerging writers also like hearing those stories of how people's books came to be sitting on the shelf. And did you get an agent? Did you enter a competition? Like, you know, was it on the slush pile, all this sort of stuff? So we started the podcast, and it always had these two parts. One part was our experiences. So me saying it was, I think, particularly in those early days, because we recorded a lot, before we had an audience, and we're releasing episodes as their audience was growing. We were both very vulnerable and saying, I feel really daunted. Yeah, so we had this one part, which was about us discussing me asking questions, the two of us discussing pretty candidly the experience of being published. And then the other part was interviewing authors, other authors about what it was like their first time. And so that was the initial starting premise. Initially, we had to not beg people to go on the show. But we certainly had to question please come on, you know, podcasts people can be a bit dismissive of, but we were like, ah, Could you could you come on our podcast and in people very kindly said, Yes. And so now I think we're into our fifth season, we are overwhelmed with people pitching like it, that part has really evolved, evolved. And you don't have to ask anymore, you've got people knocking down the doors to you to be a part of it. RedBubble. And the best part of that is, is that you get st people's books. So you just have we get lots and lots of books. So as someone who loves reading, as well as writing that, I just I constantly pinch myself and going to the mailbox and having all these books there. It's great. So that was where we began. We are now five seasons in we still interested in people's first time, and that's sort of what we're known for with our guests. We always ask them about that first time. But I guess as we've evolved as writers, we ask also about the craft of writing, as well as the publication experience. Yeah, it's been really nice. And I think what's nice about it is that you start to build a community around it, so it's got a really beautiful community and it's been such a nice thing to do. Writing can be really solitary, but this feels a bit more like a team sport. Yeah, absolutely. And it would be so rewarding to like knowing from your own point of view, what it's like, for your first time and how daunted you are, you're actually helping other people as well. I think that would be amazing feeling. It is, it's lovely. And some of the letters that we get, and emails are so touching. I keep mentioning COVID. But I think COVID is really dominated life. And we've had so many people that have messaged and said, You really got me through COVID I couldn't write I didn't feel creative. I was I couldn't meet with my writers group. But having you and Kate talking and being able to listen to you guys and hear the same struggles. And here also the your defeat your challenges in being creative at such a strange time. Yeah, so it's like they were they were, they were hearing from familiar figures in their lives. You know, it was they felt reassured, and yeah, it's like you. Even though you weren't there, you were there for people, you know. It's true. And I feel that myself with a podcast that I listened to podcasting in audio is such an intimate medium, because it's intimate. When you create it, it's just you and I sitting here, it's intimate when you listen to it, because it's generally most people listen on headphones, or, you know, maybe in the house, but they're generally listening on their own. It's only when you then realize that, you know, it's 1000 people listening on their own, that you realize what's not, you know, probably only to say everything. Not good on you that that's really awesome. I think yeah. COVID was, and it still is, you know, it's it's a time that's divided people like physically. And so having those, those connections that people can tap into, it's just been everything, it's been so important for people and yeah, good on you. And I think that community has helped us too. I remember early on in COVID, we had a listener that wrote a letter in and was saying they had just been at for Runa, which is a very well known writing retreat in the Blue Mountains. And it was in a house that was formally owned by Eleanor dark, who was a writer. And this listener that wrote in was saying that she had read Eleanor darks, diaries or something from the Second World War. And in them, Eleanor was saying that for the duration of the war, she couldn't write because she felt this creative malaise. Survival was sort of front of mind. And it just sort of felt frilly to be writing amidst all that, and something that really helped me when I was struggling to hear someone say, yeah, that is really difficult in times of hardship to want to write, but also that that malaise goes away, and that as as things in life get better. It comes back. Yeah. But yeah, it's, it's, it's like a, it's not a thing that's sort of reserved for this era of COVID. Like, this is an experience that people have had for many, many generations. So it's sort of reassuring in that way, you know, that you're not alone. And what you're feeling is normal. And you can feel exactly, yeah, exactly. No, that's, it's interesting. Because I found in people that I've spoken to, through this podcast, it can go either way. It's like, some musicians go bonkers. And just they've got to express how they're feeling through their art, or painters, and, and such, and others that just go nuts. Like survival mode, like you said. It's like daddies that it's like almost the primal brain kicks in. And it's just day to day looking after yourself. Looking after your family. Yeah. And everything. That's really true. Yeah. And I guess, to everyone's experience with the COVID, throughout Australia and around the world as being different to like, even you guys compared to me here in South Australia, I've had nothing compared to what you guys have gone through. So I sort of touched with that. You know, we've been really fortunate here and yeah, I don't know. It's just interesting. I think that's really true. I think it's also if you err on that side of that, I can't write I can't do anything. I've got nothing. It's really hard seeing people that Oh, my God novel fell out of my head overnight. And I've you know, written it in three days. I think we often feel that since well, I think jealousy is always a part of creative life, how much you try and engage with that and be calm. Just not to let it in, but you can feel like you're falling behind Yeah. All right, so let's talk about your family and your children. You mentioned briefly that you had your first child when you were sort of the helpline was getting going places and happening and things. And yeah, tell us a little bit more about your children. Yeah, so I've got two children, the eldest, Matilda is eight now and Oscars, six. So they're both at school. This is Oscar's second year at school. So he's in grade one. So I feel like now is a really exciting time creatively, because I get two days a week that they're both at school, and I'm not doing other types of work. So that's really exciting. But yeah, so when Tilly was born, I took a year off work, you know, stayed at home, I wrote a lot in that time, she was a good sleeper. So I was really lucky in that respect. I feel like I've been able to maintain my creative practice through motherhood, probably the bigger blip in that was having two kids, because most people with multiple kids will know, you have this idea that maybe they'll have a nap at the same time, but think that ever really happened. So I think that felt that sort of first year of Oscars, life felt like far more of a hit in that respect. But I wouldn't change it for the world. I feel lucky, like those. I feel lucky to have both to both be able to maintain a creative space and energy and be able to do that. But also to complement that with family life. I feel that one enhances the other. It can you elaborate on that a bit more? Well, I think that pre kids, that was a fear for me, like I had this sense of urgency when Tilly was going to be born, that life would change. And I had a sense that what if I can't write anymore? What if? Or what if I can't write for a long time, what if it's not until they're both at school that I can sort of pick up a PIN, I really didn't know how that would work. And I think those early days of motherhood are so hands on, there's so much sleep deprivation and all those kinds of things that whilst I enjoyed all that I I had framed it around loss, in some ways that I would lose this ability to be creative. And, and a lot of that was related to time. But increasingly, I think having kids is enhanced my creativity, both from the point of view of productivity and the lesser time that I have. But kids also awaken a different sense of curiosity in you and a sense of play, which I mean, you reading different books and seeing different words in that way. But I don't know, like, just how a child will spend an hour balancing a beanbag on one foot, or you know, those sorts of the game of life, you know, games in nothing. And there's something that's I remember being a kid and thinking, encountering adults that I knew had forgotten what it was like to be a kid and thinking, I'm never going to forget what it's like to be a kid. I'm never going to forget what it's like to be a kid. But I think for me, it wasn't until I had kids that I remembered what it was like to be a kid like I had forgotten. Yeah, because life takes you in that direction, doesn't it? Like life expects you to be a certain way and behave, you know, this level? And it doesn't encourage times of play and and it doesn't. You wouldn't the things that you do with kids. Like I don't know, it's sometimes it's boring, like you're playing in a sandpit and that repetition of activities that really little kids like But the delight they will take in playing with an adult is really a joyful you're listening to the art of being a mom. I started doing improv comedy last year, just they do a series of like terms, basically. Yeah. And improv, particularly in the early stages has lots of games that you'll play it. And they're really fun. So something very small might be one person you're in, say, pairs. One person says, well, well, if it isn't there, and then you have to think of like an adjective, and then an occupation or a type of thing. So well, well, well, if it isn't that angry bus driver. And then the other person has to say something that an angry bus driver will say, like, oh, you know, I haven't got a good ticket to get off the bus, something, something small. But I do that. And I take a lot of those games, but that sort of thing with my kids, where you'll say, well, well, well, if it isn't there, something something. And it's just really fun seeing what they come back with and what. Yeah, I would feel silly, potentially doing that with adults, but kids are always up to that stuff. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I love it. I work in childcare. And I, it's the perfect environment for just being yourself, like truly being yourself. Because you can be as silly as you want. You can have in the staff it everyone's the same. So there's all these banter and silliness. Like I could imagine going into my work and doing something like that, because people are just in that headspace that, you know, your inhibitions are gone. No one's judging you like, a kid's not gonna look at you and go, Oh, that's not very funny. Like, you know, it's so good. I do. Like there are certain friends I have that, that you can do that sort of stuff with my publicist for the book, the competition, we've traveled around a bit since the books come out. And she was saying when she was a kid on long car trips, obviously, you had the radio, but the radio would go out. So her family used to play this game where one of them would pretend to be a talkback radio host and the others would call in. And she said, the great joy of it was just in the name this so you sort of drive past a church and say, Oh, we're looking at churches today. Have you ever been in a church? What's the funny thing that's happened in a church? Do you like churches, you know, this sort of thing? And just the ridiculousness? We did it for hours. Like, just as we were sort of being driven from place to Oh, suitcases. Do you have a hard suitcase? You have a lost a suitcase? You know, just Yeah. So I tried doing that with my, my kids, and they have never heard talkback radio. We listen to podcasts and things. Yeah, that's interesting, isn't it? You sort of that's that generation. Yeah. Oh, I should try that with my kids. They would love that actually. So much fun. Yeah. Like, the more inane that it gets is just and because talkback people are so like, have such an opinion, such a singular point of view. Yeah. I can imagine your lady you said about before that it's like, yes, she'd be on Mars young into being gay. Right? Exactly. Oh, my goodness. One of the things I like to ask my guests is about how having children or being a mother sort of might have changed the way they create. And that's how it sort of has influenced you, I guess is that it brought back that ability to play and look at things differently. Maybe look at things through the eyes of a child and yeah, I think that's the real. Yeah, that's, that for me, that's what kids have brought. I think also that I've had much greater exposure to kids books. Kids books have changed a lot since I was a kid. You still have I mean, I love Roald Dahl. And I still love Roald Dahl. But even when I pick him up, I'm like all It's pretty harsh at times. You know, a lot of it is sort of carried through. But other things like I don't know if we'd get away with that now. Yeah, that's actually that's a really good point. You see some of the stuff. Yeah, I've noticed the same thing and like reading to kids at work over the years. It's like it's gone from like, almost like an adult way of writing to this completely the other way that you think you'd hear that in? Like, you know, the schoolyard like, it's not even formal enough for a book, you know what I mean? Yeah. This Yeah, the, my kids read a lot of Ra sprat, who does nanny Pickens. And anyway, she is very funny. Just listening to kids books is really fun. We listen to a lot of them on audio, on podcasts or on borrowbox, like library apps. tightenings. So I think, not only that sense of play with my own kids, but being exposed to authors who play a lot in their writing. I think there's so much more of that than there ever was, before you look at the tree house books or books that are just a bit absurd or, Yeah, funny books. Yeah. You talked before about not really knowing what to expect, like, you're thinking of things in a point of view of loss, like, will I get this back? You know, maybe how it's going to fit into my life? Did you have other members around you at the time, who were writers that you could sort of glean information from? Or are you just basically making it up as you went, I suppose I had, I had just started a writers group, there were four of us in the writers group. And I know I didn't have that, then that's a lie. So I had gone to RMIT. And I was doing some creative writing courses there. But I didn't have a group at that point. But it must have been fairly early on. When I went back, so Tilly must have been about 12 months old, and then met a couple of people. And we set up a writers group that was separate. So that was a really pivotal moment for me, in having other people around me who were writers that I could talk to, they were obviously less established writers. So they were also had pretty young kids. And we're figuring those things out. So I think it was a more lonely endeavor. By the time we're not a lonely endeavor, but probably everyone has to figure that balance of stuff out for themselves. But when my son was born, one of the girls in the writers group was Kate actually gave me a book by Rachel power coat, ah, what's the name of the divided heart. I remember breastfeeding at night, and just devouring this book, which is a book, it's a collection of interviews with creatives, writers, musicians, all different sorts that talk about particularly those early stages of motherhood and motherhood and how they fit it in. And so you would have people who were sort of literally breastfeeding to the side of the stage before going out and playing a set, and others who really had struggled to be able to do everything to be able to do anything. And, for me, that was the greatest education because it was this breadth of experience of how people had made it work. And so it sort of did reinforce that idea of you just have to figure it out. But it presented a vision of it can coexist. You don't have to give one up. You can have both, and it will be a juggler. And here are examples of what the juggler looks like. But yeah, yeah, that was huge for me. Yeah. And in fact, I've tried to give it to people who've just had babies and who are creative, and it's very hard to get. Yeah. I had Rachel on the, on the show on the podcast in season one. And gosh, she's an amazing woman to speak to. She's just, I don't even know how to describe her. She's just incredible. And the gift that that book keeps giving to people. It just it's endless, like so many people had had mentioned this book. And I actually had it I hadn't read it. I'd heard of it, but I hadn't read it. And I reckon the first three people I've spoken to had mentioned this book, I'm like, I need to read this book, and then I read it and like I need to talk to this lady that wrote it. I need to get inside her head more. And yeah, she was so generous with their time Um, it was wonderful to speak to it. It's such a known book among, like, I want to say it's niche, but it's kind of not niche because it really applies to so many women. It's just that it applies at this particular gets you at this particular stage of life. That's it isn't. It's yeah, it's an incredible book. Yeah. I approached my interview with with Rachel, like, I didn't want to be complete fangirl. You know, you might be like, actually, when you speak to authors, it's like, I need to contain myself. But I'm so excited to speak to it. And I just wanted to to really understand from a layperson, that what she's done is just been incredible. And the gift that she's given to so many people, and yeah, just how grateful we all are, you know, for does she know that I imagined check and save a lot. Does she think? Yes, I hope she does. If you're listening, I hope you get it. Push it really to me. What in, in what I have seen, it is the only book of that kind of milk that I have discovered. And it is a very beloved book. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. So. So yeah, like, I think what, what I've sort of taken from that, what you're just saying is like, you can see what other people do, you can't exactly copy what they're doing. Because everyone's life is different. But it's reassuring to hear everyone's going through it. And we can make it work. And like you said, these are some ways that you can sort of manage that, that juggle. And I think it helps with that. You can feel very judged in that juggle at times, particularly in a creative juggle is very distinct from a work juggle, because at least a work juggle is bringing money in. Whereas the creative juggle, might not bring money in at all, or a very small amount of money relative to return. So that tension, I think, is what profound in that space. It's a whole, like, I can never say it right? It's not a kettle of worms. It's a can of worms, can I get my kettle of fish in my cameras? But that is it like the value that artists have been honest, a forced in inverted commas, because I don't really believe we bring it on ourselves. It's something that society and external judgment has brought upon us that we, if things are only a value, if that's a monetary value, and that's a horrible thing to say, unless you can commercialize it, unless it's part of capitalism, society, it's what is it worth, you know, and that's a really, really sad thing with so I think it's so deeply ingrained that in many people that many people don't even realize like one of the things people always ask you, when your book comes out, or when it's been out for a little while, it's generally not other writers or other authors that would ever ask this, but just kind of people that are outside of that world is Oh, what a sales like, Did you which, and I can understand that compulsion to ask that. But it's, it's such a fraught question for someone producing creative because it's so diminishes the worth of something to this volumetric measure, when equally, they could say, you know, what's been the response? or what have you, you know, like, there's so many other ways that you could measure the success of a thing to talk to sales is, is Yeah, yeah, it's interesting. Some of the moms I've had on this show, have felt the judgment from not their own parents, but like parents in law, about there's one example of a lady that the mother in law would look after the brother's children because the mum was going to work like an actual job, but she wouldn't look after her children because what she was doing wasn't deemed as being worthy enough to have childcare. You know, it's like this, this massive judgment that comes at you from all angles. That kind of ties into one of the things I love to talk to moms about is this whole concept of mum guilt. What's your sort of take on that in relation to, to creativity? I think, I think Mum, guilt is hard to escape on some level. What has made a massive difference for me and I would say it's probably in other writers lives as well is publication. So pre, it's like that gives something a legitimacy and a validation that all of those years where, you know, you might get an article here or a short story here and all that stuff is the real turning point in terms of perception, because I think there is a relationship. And, like a real life relationship between perception and and that kind of valuing of what you're spending your time doing. There's also an element that is in your head as well. Yeah, I don't suffer majorly from guilt. Because I guess for a lot of years, I tried to make my writing as invisible as possible. So I would get up at five o'clock or 430. Before kids, pre COVID, I would leave the house, we have a 24 hour McDonald's nearby, I would spend that, you know, be back by 7am, which, you know, I'm in a privileged position to be able to do because I have a partner who was in bed at that time. So I did work really hard to kind of make that as invisible as possible. Because I have now got two books out, I've been able to carve out more time. But I remember when Tilly was I think she was about nine months old. And she might have been 10 months. And I got my very first fellowship to go to a writing retreat at Bruna at this retreat that I've mentioned before, and it was a full week all on my own. And I was so unbelievably excited, because it was a really validating thing to have one in the first place, but also because I had a 10 month old baby like to be away from that child was like hard, but I was gonna love every minute of it as well. Yeah. And I think I even weaned Tilly in order to go, which I would not have told people at the time, but I didn't want to be pumping milk and being at this retreat the whole time. Yeah, a week. Oh, my God, having is the worst. Anyway, so my husband and I were in Sydney and I was going to catch a train to Verona. And so I was in this like, great, joyous mix of excitement and all the rest. And he got up at sort of 5am put to leave the car and they drove off. And so I lay luxuriating in bed and was just about to get onto the train, and was just pure, pure excitement. And you know, like, I'll miss you, but I'm so happy. Anyway, he called me at like 730. And something had happened with the car. And they've been driving. And he what had happened, the brakes had failed. So he was trying to slow the car down and pushing on the brake and nothing was happening. So he was stuck on the freeway with no way of like slowing down. And so he managed somehow to get the handbrake to go on. We just got to get like 100 kilometers now. So it's like this real near death experience. And it was so like, it was awful and crashing on multiple levels. But I remember feeling really worried but also, if I hadn't have been if I hadn't have been going off to do my writer's retreat or why myself that would like it was such a guilt laden moment, even though it was complete chance. And me having been there or not, wouldn't have made a difference. Yeah, there's just yeah, like, did you get to go on your retreat still? Or did they did and I still had a great time. But I always whenever I think of that retreat, I think of this need if that was it, the cruise control got stuck on and he couldn't turn the cruise control off my God. So it just kept the car kept barreling along so it's it's really frightening thing. But whenever I think of that retreat, I also think of the two of them having this near death experience. And it is overlaid with joy and guilt. So as much as I sort of am conscious of it and try not to feel it. It's it's yeah, it rears its little head. I love that. And I love that you didn't go back and save them in the lucky which rich rage because like, like you said, like what would have been nothing would have changed. If you were in that car, the same thing would have happened. It's like I would have made it worse because I would have been like ah like I didn't die. So it's probably better for everyone that I was I had topic that I like to raise with my guests is about identity about how the concept of how you saw yourself changed when you became a mum. Did you sort of have any To sort of experience where you went, I mean, you did talk about before, how you were concerned that you may not be able to write again. Yeah, identity is an interesting one. I think that I have never been a person that has, when I became a mother that that became my single identity. And I'd probably say that from even when I worked, I worked as an engineer, I really struggled to say I'm an engineer, were to take that honest identity, like some people do really take their job on as an identity I never really did that. I struggled to take on I'm a writer as an identity, which probably is more impostor syndrome, you know, is, is probably the source of that more than anything. So with motherhood, I was obviously a mother, but I never saw that as a singular entity to how I was. And I think part of that was, I was able to write in those early days of motherhood, you know, a couple of months in that sort of stuff, I did go back to work. So I didn't spend, I spent a year off, but I didn't spend a prolonged period of time. So I think that really helped. I have a tendency to obsession, like I could very easily focus singularly on art, like I have to be very conscious of what is important to me in life. And I want to have strong relationships with my kids and my partner and be in the world. But I have to really be conscious to balance that and to not let obsession with writing and those kinds of things overtake it's a really conscious effort for me. Yeah, yeah. It's you find that but like, how do you I'm an all or nothing person that my psychologist has told me that many times, I, I get fixated on things, and I have to do them. Or conversely, I just couldn't do it about anything. Like it's really odd. Yeah. Like, if I've got something in my head that I want to achieve, I'll do it. But that's very rare. I'm a very unmotivated person generally. That's like, when I watched the Olympics, and you hear people their story, like, they broke their leg, but they came back, and then something else happened. And they came back, I just think, God, I would have just given up after the first thing, you know, I'm not that person at all. So I have so much admiration from people that do that. But yeah, I I'm a bit I'm a bit the same sometimes. And then I sort of think, ah, who's cooking tea tonight, you know, like, just getting this. I'm just doing doing doing and I'm like, Oh, I lift my head up and go, Oh, what's happening in the world? You know, I think it's as well like, the tension we often have in my house is my husband is a much neater person than I am. So, yeah, I can really, I can live in fields, but like, as long as there's no like dirty food and dishes and that sort of stuff. Like I can absolutely, I can tune it out. It doesn't bother me and I sometimes think, like not to overstate it. That's a gift in life, too. Because I was not someone who when the child was napping, I wasn't like, I'll quickly tidy that never occurred to me. I was there was not going to happen. I can completely relate to that. Like right, what can I do now in 45 minutes? Jumping this just exactly which I think is what you have to do, like, in those early stages in those early days of motherhood. If you are the stay at home and the babies you're doing 90% of the caregiving oh my god you can't be cleaning your house in the 45 minute nap that that child has. No, absolutely. Just makes me weary thinking about it actually. I know. But you also have to be tolerant like you have to be able to stand the mess Oh, that's the thing, isn't it? You do but you do you get you get used to a level of discomfort that then sort of disappears it's like I can handle that being there can i Yes, I can but I don't even say anymore it's absolutely spotless. Oh my gosh. It's hilarious. So do you feel I know your children are six and eight, they're very capable of seeing what's happening around them. Is it important to you that they see what you're doing and what you're contributing to the world? Yeah, I think I think it's really important. And they are really proud of that to my son in particular, is, I think, my best PR agent in the world, he will always tell when he talks to his teachers and says all mums, you know, last year, he was saying all mums written a book. And this year, he was like, Can I take the book in for my teacher and to this fit, like, he tells everyone, we went into a bookshop recently, and my book was on the shelf. And he was quite a small shop. And he was very loudly, ma'am, there's your book, and I was sort of, like, cost cash Don't, don't don't. And then when we came out, and he's like, You should be so proud. Why why, you know, like, really, really sweet. So I think it's really positive for them. I think I didn't grow up in a household that, you know, when people talked about where they were artistic people in it, people read a lot and, you know, went to theater and shows and likes things, but the idea of doing it yourself was pretty foreign. So I really liked that that's a possibility for them. But they also, and I think this is good to see that you're generally not going to make a living from it, it will bring you great joy, you can have a lot of success with it. But from a fiction writing perspective, it would be 20 authors in Australia, you know, a pretty small number that get to write full time. Yeah. Yeah. So they're learning early on the realities of hanging out? Well, that it's it coexists. And it's an important part of life. But it's you might not want to put all your eggs in that basket, but also, equally, you might want to retreat, arrange your life, so that there's space for that. So you know, you can, you don't have to work full time, you don't have to, you know, be ambitious, I think we look so much to work as to give people fulfilment. And I think that's not a message that my kids get, not to say that you can't enjoy work. And that work, you know, I work in the environmental space and sustainability stuff, I think is, is really important. And so I want them to understand that responsibility. But also that, that creativity is an important thing, too, because we look so much to sport in Australia. And, and, and I know sport has a health dimension, but so did the arts. And you can pick up all those skills around teamwork by being in the theater or dancing or, you know, it's doesn't need to be so singular. Yeah, I had a conversation with the, for the podcast with a lady who is overseas, and we were talking about what happened during COVID. What stopped and what didn't stop. And I was just like, reflecting on the fact that even though they were locked down to the restrictions, hundreds of male footballers were allowed to move around this country like COVID didn't exist. But then on the other hand, every performer, you know, anyone who was doing something in the public eye that wasn't bored, just had the rug pulled out front of them, it was just really, really showing what caught our culture in Australia values. And it was really sad. Absolutely. And meanwhile, you know, 99% of the population are watching Netflix and consuming the culture that that artists produce is when I said to someone, like, everything that we touch, everything that we listen to, and we consume has been made by someone, a creative person has made that and I think we forget that, that. It's like, if we cut the arts off, you wouldn't have the radio, you wouldn't have the TV, you wouldn't have your Netflix, you wouldn't have music, you wouldn't have, you know, houses, you know, everything would start you wouldn't be driving a car because now we'll be creating, you know, beautiful cars, it would just everything would stop. And no one thinks about it in that way, like the government said. It's yeah, it's hugely disappointing. And I think that valuing of not only sport, but male sport, yes. Is just makes it particularly disappointing particularly, you know, given the role models that sports men often playing, there are a lot of issues that I think the creative types are Uh, you know, more across. You don't see them in the paper, you know, upon sort of sexual assault or harassment charges and those sorts of things, or sitting sitting in hotel rooms, snorting cocaine or something. I don't know. Sorry, maybe maybe they're doing it, but we just don't know. better at not getting caught. That's right. No, honestly, it really has been a massive eye opener, and not in a very nice way. Would you do you have anything else that you wanted to share? Like what you've got coming up? I mean, you mentioned that you've got like your official launch? Do you want to share? Sort of? I think I've got a few festivals there'll be at I could share about Yeah, so I will be at Queenscliff and Williamstown writers festivals at those. I'm talking with Tony Jordan, who is an author that I'm a huge fan of. So that feels like a very special moment. And I'm also going to Bendigo, where I will be thinking a session with Kate talking about the first time podcast, I think we're doing a live recording. Oh, cool, beat a lot of fun. And so those are coming up in May and June and the details will be on my website. Awesome. That is so cool. Thank you so much for coming on. It's just been so nice. So nice. So nice to think about creativity and kids. Like this feels like the podcast version of Rachel's book. That's incredibly flattering. Thank you. I think that's what we need. Like it has a bigger impact on women than it does on men to adventive children. Absolutely. Yeah. He's good. Keep up the good work. Likewise, thank you. Thanks for your company today. If you've enjoyed this episode, I'd love you to consider leaving us a review, following or subscribing to the podcast, or even sharing it with a friend who you think might be interested. If you or someone you know would like to be a guest on the podcast. Please get in touch with us via the link in the show notes. I'll catch you again next week for another chat with an artistic mum.

Rachel Gresswell New Zealand expat illustrator S1 Ep16 Listen and Subscribe on itunes , spotify and google podcasts Today I am joined by the delightful Rachel Gresswell. Rachel is a visual artist based in Melbourne VIC, and a mum of 2. After initially training in painting in New Zealand, Rachel transitioned to drawing, and drawing for animation - creating moving image works out of drawings, or a series of drawings. She was particularly taken by the tequnique developed by William Kentridge. In this episode we deconstruct the concept of mum guilt and what it means to Rachel, how she uses her art practice to record the day to day moments of her children’s’ childhood how she find wonder and inspiration in the everyday mundane events of our lives and the shift that took place in her mindset in relation to how her art and her work and home life actually could co-exist, and even enhance each other. **This episode contains discussion around post natal anxiety** Rachels website and Instagram - http://www.rachelgresswell.com/ - https://www.instagram.com/rachelgresswell/ Connect with the podcast here - https://www.instagram.com/art of being a mum_podcast/ Music used with permission - Alemjo - https://open.spotify.com/artist/4dZXIybyIhDog7c6Oahoc3?si=pTHGHD20TWe08KDHtSWFjg&nd=1 When chatting to my guests I greatly appreciate their openness and honestly in sharing their stories. If at any stage their information is found to be incorrect, the podcast bears no responsibility for my guests' inaccuracies. Podcast transcript at the bottom of the page Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode of The Art of Being A Mum Podcast. I'm beyond honoured that you're here and would be grateful if you could take 2 minutes to leave me a 5-star review in iTunes or wherever you are listening. It really helps! This way together we can inspire, connect and bring in to the light even more stories from creative mums. Want to connect? Take a screenshot of this episode and share it on Instagram tagging me in with @art_of_being_a_mum_podcast I can't wait to connect. And remember if you or somebody you know would like to be a guest on the podcast, get in touch ! I love meeting and chatting to mammas from all creative backgrounds, from all around the world! Thank you! Alison acknowledges this Land of the Berrin (Mount Gambier) Region as the Traditional Lands of the Bungandidj People and acknowledge these First Nations people as the custodians of the Region. Ch eck out more episodes ..... Welcome to the art of being among the podcast where we hear from mothers who are creators and artists sharing their joys and issues around trying to be a mother and continue to make art. My name's Alison Newman. I'm a singer, songwriter, and mother of two boys from regional South Australia. I have a passion for mental wellness, and a background in Early Childhood Education. Welcome to the podcast. Today I'm joined by the delight from Rachel Cresswell. Rachel is a visual artist from Melbourne, Victoria, and a mom of two. After initially training in painting in New Zealand, right to transition to drawing and drawing for animation, creating Moving Image works out of drawings or a series of drawings. She was particularly taken by the technique developed by William Kentridge. In this episode, we deconstruct the concept of mom guilt, and what it means to Rachel, how she uses her art practice to record the day to day moments of her children's childhood, how she finds the wonder and inspiration in the everyday mundane events of our lives. And the shift that took place in her mindset in relation to how her art and her work, and home life could actually coexist, and even enhance each other. This episode contains discussion around postnatal anxiety My guest today is Rachel Cresswell. Thank you so much for coming on. Rachel, it's lovely to welcome you to the podcast. Thank you, Alison. It's my pleasure. Fantastic. So for those who are not familiar with you and your work, could you give us a little bit of a rundown on what kind of art you create? What kind of mediums you work with that kind of thing? Yeah, sure. So I'm a visual artist, and I initially trained in painting. But really, over the last few years have worked mainly in drawing, and a lot of drawing for animation, as well. Yeah, so creating Moving Image works out of drawing those areas of drawings, and just starting to dabble back into painting now as well. So that's, I guess, an overview of my work. Yeah. How did you initially get into to drawing in the painting, I did a Bachelor of Fine Arts in my late teens and early 20s. And in New Zealand. I did that straight after. After high school, I had some really great teachers all through high school, and they sort of encouraged me to apply. And I was accepted. And yeah, I absolutely loved my undergrad years. Four years of just yeah, having a great time. And yeah, I've maintained a practice since that period. Which, yes, it's quite a long time ago now, I guess. But I've just this year started my MFA. So my Master of Fine Arts at the Victorian College of the Arts here in Melbourne. So it's been a long sort of hiatus between study, but just really thrilled to be back in that environment again, and yeah, hoping to see, you know, what comes out of it and what the next stage looks like, I guess. Yeah, sure. So as a kid growing up, we always sort of an arty person. You're always into touring and things like that. Yeah, definitely. Yep. I loved. Yeah. All of that stuff. I love sewing, as well. You know, working with textiles, any kind of craft thing. My mom is really creative. So she always still, you know, we'll always have loads of projects on the go. So was definitely, yeah, all around me. And certainly encouraged. And, yeah, definitely, from early, early primary school years through through high school. All sorts of all sorts of different projects, I guess. Yeah. Oh, that's really good. I, when you said about your animation, I was just completely taken by your animation I saw on your Instagram account. I was just, ah, I was just blown away. My son. He's, he likes to draw and create things. And I said, Alex, come and look at this. And he was like, Oh, wow, that is so cool. Yeah. Can you explain just a little bit about that, like, I could explain it but I'm, I don't speak the same language. Sure. Yeah, absolutely. I'm, there are just so many possibilities with animation, moving image and and drawing and, you know, there's so many tools now that are also available. You know, with iPads and stop motion animation software, and, you know, Apple pencils and things like that. So the, I guess the possibilities are kind of endless, but my sort of technique is very old school. So that's literally, you know, drawing a frame, rubbing it out redrawing the next one and sort of photographing them all in between. And then they get laid out on a on a timeline and editing software. And you notice a shift between the small shifts between the drawings that create this sense of motion. And that's a technique. Really, that came to the fore, I guess, through William Kentridge, who is a South African artist. And he's made, you know, huge numbers of films, dealing with, you know, situations of apartheid in South Africa and all sorts of, I guess, geopolitical themes, and he's exhibited widely through, you know, in Australia a lot. So, I've been lucky enough to see a lot of his work in the flesh. So is that yeah. Are you into that style? Initially, when you discovered his work? Or how did you sort of get into salutely? Yeah, yeah. So I had a couple of lectures at whitecliff went when I was in work with college and Auckland, when I was doing my undergrad who, you know, shared his work and a lot. You know, we've talked a lot about it. And yeah, it really piqued my interest in I was just was captivated. really captivated by the magic of it. Yeah, yeah. I just love it. It's like, the the images are over. I think it's easy to steal five more recently on Instagram, a different technique, which has been super fun to discover. So that's, yeah, they're just using an Apple Pencil in procreate, which is just a little program that I got on the iPad. So they're fantastic. So they're just literally drawing over that that still image and that just seems that my boys playing? Yeah, I guess I'm gonna get the things that we've been up to and locked down. Yeah, just slower. And that's really funny. Actually, I've been finding that making those little animations are kind of almost like triggers for memory, I guess. So when I look back at those I can remember in quite in quite a lot of detail. Like being with the boys in that situation, whether it was you know, jumping in the puddle or playing in the backyard with a leather that type of thing. So, yeah, I have a terrible memory. But I find when I've invested the time to create, you know, these these drawings, which, yeah, they do actually take a bit of time work. But I find like, they really cement that event into my memory, which I'm super glad because you know what it's like with little kids like moments are so fleeting and anything that can help you to remember these day to day experiences as gold. Yeah, it really helps you to hold on to those. Those they seem like maybe, like you said, like, day to day experiences, but they are so special, because that's all those little experiences going to create, you know, their child. Yeah, it's an incredible way to record them growing up really. I mean, I'd be pretty psyched if I looked back and my mom was doing that sort of stuff for me. It's pretty special for before you had your children, like you just mentioned how the children are, they come out in your work. Can you talk about where your inspiration has sort of come from and I'm, I've always been really interested in the the idea of the every day so I guess the things that take up our day that necessarily special or memorable but that is They they take our time Our time has invested in doing these things every day. And I guess from after having kids, a lot of that does become very domestic just because you're in the house or around the house so much with them, and you're doing so much for them. So I guess it's me being interested in the everyday that's sort of channeled my attention that way. But I guess before having kids. Yeah, I was interested in things around work and around memory and kind of family and those sorts of things. It's almost hard to remember, in some ways, because I guess having kids is such an all consuming kind of thing. And it's such has such a profound effect on your life. Yes, it's almost hard to remember. Before that. What I would say at the moment is my MFA my, is a research program. So the theme of my research, or what I'm looking at investigating is more around representations of faith in contemporary visual arts practice and Australia at the moment, and I guess, looking at how that shifted in recent history, in line with Australia becoming a more secular nation. So I guess there's those two points that have influenced my work both before kids and now it's, it's, it's around questions of faith, and it's also around the idea of the everyday, and certainly how those things are connected, and how they influence and speak to each other. So that's words that you but yeah, quite well. Yeah, cuz your example, one of your work, so I was looking at it from above, it's at a desk, so the person might be moving the mouse or moving the pen. And it's like, it just makes you stop and think about, like you said, it's, you know, a lot of people might document like a birthday party or, you know, something a big event like, yeah, yeah. That you do, over and over and over and over again. You know, it just that when I saw that I just made me stop and think, oh, wow, like, that's an incredible thing to me, because you would have had to put so much focus into that to draw that many times. And, you know, I just found that yeah, incredible. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And that was a work. That was literally about work. And that was about, I guess, when you know, when you're growing up, and you think of being an artist or something like that, you think, yeah, you know, I'll be an artist, that'll be my job. But it's like, no, the reality is, I'm going to have to have a job, like a job job to support the arts practice. So I guess in that particular work that you're referring to, it's, yeah, it was me grappling with, I guess these two parts of my identity, or not even identity but the things that I do and I'm looking at one through, I think I said in the statement looking at one through the lens of the other, I've always seen them as two quite distinct camps, and in some ways, but this was an attempt to kind of reconcile that for myself, I guess. Yeah. So let's jump on in and chat about your children. So you've got a couple of boys. Yeah, two boys. They six, four. So currently at home with us with with lockdowns? Yeah. But now they're good. Most kids probably they're just big energy. People. Lots of lots of fun. Lots of nice, yeah, lots of everything. Before we had kids, I was working full time. And in some ways, I've found that more of a challenge to have an app practice With full time work in some ways, there's something about the energy that you expend, or that I found I needed to have in my job was just kind of greater than them what it is to be with kids all day. And in some ways, yes, kiss. Yeah. So so there's that I found it hard to come home after a day of work, I guess and, and sort of reset, and do a second shift with that, which I did do. But I found that I did find it really challenging. And then, when I was pregnant, I naively thought that, yeah, I'm gonna not work I'm gonna have all this time and it's gonna be amazing. And the baby's just gonna, you know, sleep quietly, and it's quite famous last was totally different, didn't happen. But in some ways, I you know, even with little babies still had tiny pockets of time through the day when Remi eldest son was born, I sent myself a little challenge of, of doing these contour drawings of his first 100 days of life. And they were just tiny, like little a five drawings and I've got this really clear memory of, you know, sitting beside the bassinet and he had quite a routine 25 minute sleep cycle that the first sleep cycle so I remember like at 20 minutes, I'd start rocking the bassinet trying to get them across that get to the next sleep cycle then I used to do these little contour drawings while I was doing that and then as they've gotten older I I only work three days a week now so yeah, I guess times just shift it around a bit but certainly on the days when I'm at home with the boys Oh, they definitely won't have more energy for that for that night shift on that yeah yeah, it's just everything's different at the moment because of COVID and lock downs. Yeah, like everything's just a giant kind of mess and we're making making the rest of it and trying to squeeze in things here and there but there's no real routine at the moment I guess I'll have them work there's a workers and yeah, every day's a school day I feel for you guys over there My goodness. Because your children in your art, do they like to look at themselves in your art? Like do they get excited to be part of Yeah, yeah, they do. They do. They love it. Actually. I love looking at it. And I've been surprised even some more abstract things they've been able to, you know, pick each other out. So yes, yeah. They're involved. I know that I do it. You know, we often paint together or not often we sometimes paint that's not a sort of a stressful activity. Yeah, you prepared for things like that? Don't you have to get ready to clean up and have not have to go everywhere? I work in childcare so I can understand what you're saying. Oh, goodness, childcare is amazing. I love my job. I get to like it's it's kind of a relief that the kids get to do all those types of activities at childcare because Oh, yeah. Okay, but you got to you got to get it out of childcare. And then you can get changed and it's fine. You can go home looking like you haven't touched any paint or text lately A couple of the big topics I like to chat to my guests about are mum guilt, and identity. I guess I can just ask him, What do you feel about the topic of mum guilt? It doesn't really resonate as a term so much with me. I guess. Yeah, I mean, of course, I would have worries about the kids or, you know, certain things that are going on on with them that you you worry about. I think after I had Remi, our first child I had, I had quite bad postnatal anxiety. Um, so I definitely would think that I had a lot of guilt then about certain things. And a lot of that was tied into breastfeeding issues. And I had all sorts of things that were misdiagnosed, and it kind of came to a head and I switched over to bottle feeding. So I definitely had guilt around those sorts of issues quite early on. And just the classic, you know, expectations on your stuff that, in hindsight, are unrealistic. And but, you know, it's very hard to see that for yourself. Yeah. But I guess now, I think my practice has always fitted in around the kids, probably, and especially until this year, when I started doing my masters. So I've never, I've never felt guilt in a sense that, you know, time that I've been investing in that has been taken away from them, because it's always been something that I've done at night. You know, occasionally, might have had a few hours in a day type of thing. Also, I think, when I think about the word guilt, it, it feels to me like it's something that you would feel after you've done something that you knew intentionally was wrong, or misguided, or bad or something like that. Whereas I think being a parent, you're always acting in their best interest you. You're trying to do your best even if, you know, maybe it's not, maybe it's, it's not quite right, but yeah, so I guess there's a term but it's not something that would sit, sit with me, I really am. I think if there was something that was bothering me, you know, be quite quick to talk to Simon and my, my husband about it and you know, thrash it out together type thing. Yeah. It does feel like a label. And it feels like it. It, it does a disservice to the very real and deep feelings that you would have towards your child. Like it feels like it kind of almost glosses over that depth of feeling that or concern that that you have for your child. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I don't. Yeah. Yep. It's so much more complex and detailed and unique. Individual then, you know, then being able to apply a label like that, I guess. Not all love that answer. Age dwellers Cafe is a fortnightly ish, long form interview based podcast featuring conversations about politics, environment and mental health in a world on edge with Ben had it. Ben is an international relations researcher, environmental educator, mental health advocate, and longtime friend of mine who enjoys having a yarn over a hot coffee. The podcast tries to make sense of the different kinds of edges that define us, divide us and shape how we interact with each other. In a world that's gone a little bonkers, and what it means to be a little different. Check it out at pod bean.com or wherever you get your podcasts. So then leading into identity and I you did mention it earlier, talking about your work and your art practice. When when you throw motherhood in the mix. Do you feel like that it's important for you to retain that the part of yourself that isn't the mother? Yeah, absolutely. So I guess like I was saying earlier I use I used to think about things being more siloed in these kind of camps, like I had my art practice and I went to work and those two things didn't really intersect, but over the last few years, and maybe it's an impact of having kids, I'm not sure. But when I think of all those different types of, perhaps of identity or other roles and embedded comments that that I would have, you know, as, as a mum, and as an artist, and as a spouse, daughter, everything, yeah, I see myself as being all those things equally. And fully, I don't see them as part of the jigsaw either that that would fit together. But, but that I'm all those things. And practically speaking, of course, they have different kind of biting, you know, different stages of life, or even through the course of the day, like those things fall into a natural kind of balance, but they're all part of an integrated life. And I've, I think I've finally gotten my head around that a bit more, and that they don't, they don't have to bite up against each other. It's just all they can sort of all everything all the time. Yeah, yep. And but they definitely feed into each other. So if I've, you know, had some space and time through the way to, to focus on my artwork and to be quiet in the studio, then absolutely, that reflects in the way that I am with, with my kids in the sense that I think it helps me to be more present. When I am with them. I'm not so much thinking about. But it allows me time and space, I guess, to really focus on them. So I think they shifted from thinking that they all these different things take away from each other, but they don't they all support each other and work together. Like I said, as part of an integrated life. So that's been a big shift for me, and, and being able to shift my thinking around there. And I think it's helped. Yeah, help me manage my expectations. I guess I've myself. Yeah, I think it just, it kind of satisfies that desire, I guess to for that part of your life that then enables you to concentrate on another aspect. And that's, that, that sounds very kind of cut and dried. But thanks, unconsciously, it's, it's all those things feeding into each other. And, and, yeah. It's a wonderful abs and no one's ever answered it in quite that way. I think that's a lovely thing. Yeah. That's really cool. Especially because, yeah, you've adjusted your thinking, and you've come to this realization, I think that's awesome. Yeah, helping me to be a bit more, a bit more settled, I think. Yeah, yeah. And not always, not always feeling like things are taking away from each other. I think that's a big thing. Things are not at the expense of each other. It's just a different balance of time and space in that moment. And then I guess you can feel quite comfortable with whatever you're doing at that time. Yeah, you like sort of keep saying it again. But you can actually be quite settled in that moment and not have your mind racing off. Elsewhere. Yeah. Yeah. That's, I think that's gonna help a lot of people actually. Hearing you say, that's something a lot of people's do struggle with. Yeah, definitely. It's, and it's not saying time for that as something selfish or only fulfilling yourself, but it has a broader impact out into kids and family life. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. Yeah, a lot of people talk about needing that something for themselves, so they can feel fulfilled. And then that helps them present. I hate saying the word best version of themselves, but the version that they want to present to their children or to their spouse or to their work. So they they need that to fill them up. So then they can go out in the world and how they want to be, I suppose. Yeah. 100% agree with it. And it manifests in all sorts of different things. You know, for some people, it's exercise or cooking or whatever it is that I guess is is good for the spirit. Yeah, that's Sitting here. Yeah, absolutely. We talk a lot in childcare about having a cup filled up, like with the children have that emotional cup filled up and it's so important as adults not to forget that we actually do need that. Yeah, absolutely. Have you got other mums that have had a similar experience juggling the art and, and mothering that you've sort of been added to? Yeah. Probably not in my immediate network or my immediate friends group, but certainly call it colleagues or other people that are at school that you come into contact with. But I think what I found most valuable is just the friends who are juggling some sort of balance between being a mother and also like, we were talking about continuing to invest in those things that they feel it feels fills them up. So, you know, for some it's work completely and it's it's about maintaining that balance between work life and home life. And you know, for others, it's, I guess, different sorts of hobbies, but I guess yeah, there's probably no one specifically. With Ah, that's, that's close to me. But I would also listen to a lot of podcasts and things like that not not even so much to do with being a parent and managing an app practice. But I, I guess there's this so much available you can be you can kind of always find something that that helps you in some aspect of your life. I really enjoyed that episode you had with Rachel power. Yeah, I read her book. Very early on, when after we had me a son, that that was a real game changer for me because I was really struggling with postnatal anxiety. And I just lost myself in that book. I just, I just loved it. You know, just, I think, just realizing, which seems so obvious now. But realizing that you know, so many people are in the same boat juggling, dealing with the same issues. And I think having your first child, it's such a shock. Well, I found it's such a shock to the system. Just completely turned my life upside down. And I know it's the same for everyone. But I think reading that book. It really helped me early on. I think, yeah, yeah, a lot of people have said that to me that it almost it gave them validation that what they're experiencing was actually okay, and normal. And you know, this Yeah. And I told him to Rachel was amazing. She's such a generous person. To lovely to talk to. Yeah, and that's thing I think, even like, we know, everyone has kids, like, we know lots of people have children, but when it's happening to you, you can feel so alone and so confused and lost and just takes you know, in that case, one thing to say actually, this is normal you get liberated, you know, because there's so much information like there's so much information and and to find something that really help is helpful and really resonates it's that's yeah, it's worth the trawling through all the other stuff that you find yourself googling it. Three o'clock in the morning when the baby won't sleep or feed, but certainly you're taking advice from some, you know, mother and Midwest, Texas. Some time What am I doing? Oh man So my main focus at the moment is my MFA. I'm doing that part time. So it's going to be a four year process, which is great at the moment, because, you know, so much time has been consumed with lockdown and homeschooling and just being on full time as a parent. But definitely in the background, I'm chipping away at, at work that I'm developing as part of my, my studies, and some working with my, I have two supervisors as well, who I meet with, you know, kind of every three to four weeks to look at things. So I'm working on a new series of drawings, which are taking that concept of animation, so of sort of things moving through time, and, and displaying that kind of, or working with that visually, but they're not drawings that are layered on top of each other, as they have been previously for making animation. So I guess, I'm exploring the possibilities of, of time, like the passing of time in in drawing without the final outcome being an animation, so they'll stay as a suite of drawings that will, I think, be like the final outcome, but still dealing with these with the ideas of, of times, passing and how to represent that visually, and aesthetic to deform. Yeah, so that's sort of where I am at the moment with, with, with my studies. And, and, as I said earlier, my research is, is looking at representations of face I'm working with identifying artists who work with those sorts of things in their work currently, and, and also looking at the sort of working back in into recent history and, and looking at how questions of faith have been articulated in, in art. Yeah, it's really interesting. So yeah, it's almost like you're being a bit of an art historian. Yeah. And drawing threads from that into my own practice as well. You know, things that you you read and, and think about, you know, have a way of weaving themselves into your own practice. Certainly, that's, that's been my experience anyway, so it's quite loose. I don't have, you know, an endpoint mind at all. It's just starting to flesh out some of these. These ideas, I guess. Yeah. But it's very slow. And a lot of it is just going on and in my head, because we don't have the bandwidth at the moment to, you know, be spending a lot of time in the studio. Yeah, yeah. When this damn COVID moves or moves on. You'll be back. Yeah. Yeah. If you or someone you know, would like to be a guest on the podcast, please contact me at the link in the bio. Or send me an email at Alison Newman dotnet

Sami Lange US mixed media paper artist S2 Ep31 Listen and Subscribe on itunes , spotify and google podcasts Sami Lange is a mixed media paper artist living and working in Phoenix, Arizona, and she's mum of 2 children. Sami grew up in a creative home, and sees art and creativity as a fully incorporated part of family life, with her children having access to her studio. Her paper artwork is made of hundreds and sometimes thousands of paper circles and shapes stitched together. Each shape is hand-cut by Sami with scissors, dyed multiple times in water baths, and then dried, taped and stitched. Sami has worked with paper dyeing for over 14 years. She has also done furniture painting, drawing, collage and print making. After an evacuation of her hometown of Santa Rosa, California in 2017, Sami's family was blessed to have their home spared after the Tubbs fire swept through the city and burned down over 5,000 homes. This life changing event forced Sami to re-evaluate her art practice, reflect on what is truly important and what makes a thoughtful piece of art worth making. **This episode contains discussions about post natal depression and anxiety** Visit Samis website - https://www.samilangeart.com/ Instagram https://www.instagram.com/samilangeart/ Frogmans http://frogmans.net/ Shop the art supplies Sami uses here Connect with the podcast - https://www.instagram.com/art_of_being_a_mum_podcast Music used with permission from Alemjo https://open.spotify.com/artist/4dZXIybyIhDog7c6Oahoc3?si=aEJ8a3qJREifAqhYyeRoow When chatting to my guests I greatly appreciate their openness and honestly in sharing their stories. If at any stage their information is found to be incorrect, the podcast bears no responsibility for guests' inaccuracies. Podcast transcript at the bottom of the page Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode of The Art of Being A Mum Podcast. I'm beyond honoured that you're here and would be grateful if you could take 2 minutes to leave me a 5-star review in iTunes or wherever you are listening. It really helps! This way together we can inspire, connect and bring in to the light even more stories from creative mums. Want to connect? Take a screenshot of this episode and share it on Instagram tagging me in with @art_of_being_a_mum_podcast I can't wait to connect. And remember if you or somebody you know would like to be a guest on the podcast, get in touch ! I love meeting and chatting to mammas from all creative backgrounds, from all around the world! Thank you! Alison acknowledges this Land of the Berrin (Mount Gambier) Region as the Traditional Lands of the Bungandidj People and acknowledge these First Nations people as the custodians of the Region. Ch eck out more episodes ..... Welcome to the Art of Being a mum, the podcast where we hear from mothers who are artists and creators sharing their joys and issues around trying to be a mother and continue to make art. Regular topics include mum guilt, identity, the day to day juggle mental health, and how children manifest in their art. My name is Alison Newman. I'm a singer songwriter, and a mum of two boys from regional South Australia. I have a passion for mental wellness, and a background in early childhood education. You can find links to my guests and topics they discuss in the show notes, along with music played a link to follow the podcast on Instagram, and how to get in touch. All music used on the podcast is done so with permission. The art of being a mom acknowledges the bow and tick people as the traditional custodians of the land and water which this podcast is recorded on and pays respects to the relationship the traditional owners have with the land and water as well as acknowledging past present and emerging elders. Semi Lang semi is a mixed media paper artist living and working in Phoenix, Arizona, and she's a mom of two children. Semi grew up in a creative home and sees art and creativity as a fully incorporated part of family life, with her children having access to her studio. Her paper artwork is made of hundreds and sometimes 1000s of paper circles and shapes stitched together. Each shape is hand cut by Sammy with scissors died multiple times in waterbirds. And then dried, taped and stitched Sammy has worked with paper dyeing for over 14 years. She's also done furniture painting, drawing, collage and printmaking. After an evacuation of our hometown of Santa Rosa, California in 2017 semis family was blessed to have their home spared after the Tubbs fire swept through the city, and burned down over 5000 homes. This life changing event for Sammy to reevaluate her art practice, reflect on what is truly important. And what makes a thoughtful piece of art worth making. This episode contains discussions around postnatal depression and anxiety. Thank you so much for doing this. So it's just lovely to meet you and to have you on so much for having me. I'm so excited. So you're in Phoenix, Arizona. So what's it like there at the moment? Is it is it cold and snowing or anything? Live it? So Gloria, so in Phoenix, it doesn't usually snow, I mean, not really a couple hours north it will. But here it's about 65 degrees in January, that's about 18 degrees Celsius. And it's just so glorious. It's basically the perfect time and weather. We've only lived here for about a year and a half, we essentially moved the day everything shut down when the pandemic started. That's when we moved out of state. Yeah, so it was a little bit of a wild ride. And it was very, very hot, like 120 degrees for what felt like two straight months, and that's about 48 degrees Celsius. But they always joke that the whole state is air conditioned. And you know, it was a little bit better this last summer. So we transitioned really well now, I think. So where were you before? Where did you move from? We were in Northern California, and I was there for close to 20 years. So as a little bit of a change of pace, but the fires hit where we were at. And so we just we kept having to evacuate. And we knew a lot of people that were losing their houses, and we just eventually decided that we really couldn't raise our kids there. You know, we just we just was really stressful. And so I was actually a tenured librarian there. And I decided, okay, I'm giving up tenure, we're just going to start over, we'll just do whatever. And so we put our house on the market even before I had a job. And then thankfully, everything worked out because then the pandemic hit, and then the job almost didn't come through. And so it was a little wild there for a while, but we're settled. And, you know, we're grateful that we've kind of had, you know, as much luck as we've had, but I mean, you know, it's been rough for all moms everywhere. Oh, yeah, goodness. Yeah, that sounds really scary. The fire's like, we've got like, we get quite a lot of bushfires here in Australia, so I can appreciate what you say. I've never been in that position personally, but I'd certainly understand what you're saying. We had to evacuate. We actually chose to be one day and then that afternoon all of the police came around our neighborhood and told everyone to get out. Well, there was one night where we were we were thinking about if we wanted to or if our home was going to burn down we didn't know and And we're kind of reflecting like what choices we wish we'd made. You know, that was 2017. So was the Tubbs fire. So I had a lot of friends and colleagues lose their homes in that fire and it just sort of hit randomly. Yeah, I remember that night thinking about the studio and thinking about my work and be like, well, that's okay. If we lose everything, you know, that's fine. We're safe, which of course, that's, you know, the truth. And then we got back and it just was this very surreal experience. There was ash everywhere, you know, and then I went into the studio, and I was like, Oh, my gosh, like, it made me question everything. And of course, the whole community was in trauma, and then it just kept happening. You know, it just kept like, every year we would evacuate and then someone else we knew would lose their house. And it was a really stressful way to live. I don't know how people do that year after year, and it dangerous things like that. So you are a paper artist, I've never chatted to anybody that does your kind of art. So this is cool. Can you tell me about what you do in the process and all that kind of stuff? I would love to and I it's so funny. I have such a hard time deciding what to call myself. Occasionally, when I'll send out emails, it'll say simulating paper artists. And then next week, I'll send you mixed media, paper artists. And then I'll say print maker and mixed media artists. You know, it's just, I mean, when I think of paper artists, I don't think of my work, but I'm making work out of paper. So I'm actually a printmaker, which is kind of where the mixed media piece comes in. I I consider myself conceptually a print maker by trade. And that was what my BFA was in. That's what I went to school for. And about 15 years ago, I did some assistantships at print and press workshop called Frog man's in the US. And it's this amazing workshop. And it lasts for two weeks. And I had gotten an assistantship for three weeks. And so you go and then you kind of help run a class. Yeah, so I had been in a class with an artist, Tim high. And he does these amazing screen prints. And what's so interesting is he basically takes like a wood stipple. So it's kind of as almost a sharp as like a very sharp pencil point. And he'll block out the parts. And he basically stippled an entire scene in a gradation gradient of screen printing, which is just insane from a technical standpoint. But he would start that by dyeing the paper, which I loved, because it's like, instead of being a white printmaking paper, you just went to pastel yellow, or you just went to PDH, or, you know, and he would kind of just let the process flow. And so that was the first introduction, I got to the paper, dyeing it all. And then I sort of like did that, you know, it sort of became this tool that I would use for, I guess, about 11 years, but I kind of didn't know what to do with it. You know, it's like I do a painting. And then there would be this cut shape that I like, glued on the painting. And then I finished me like, okay, but like, why is that glued piece of paper? They're like, what is? Yeah, and so then I then we had the fires. And then I had that night where I thought, gosh, you know, what happens if the studio burns down? That would be okay, so then when I got back, I just had this sensation of thinking, Okay, well, if I was okay with it burning down, then like, what are we doing? You know, at that point, I've been an artist professionally for about 13 years, but I was working in education full time. So it's always on the side. And I just, I thought, Okay, well, maybe this isn't me, it was sort of the first time that I'd ever questioned if I was an artist, or if that was my identity or anything like that. Yeah. And so I took a break, I took like a three month break. And that was the biggest, that was probably the only break I can think of in my entire life of not making art. Yeah. And then I've always had a home studio. And so I did at the time, my kids were really little, they were like two and three. And so we had a baby gate up on that studio, which was a room and I would just I would walk by like 30 times a day because I was always chasing them. And then one day, I saw a little circle that was on the ground. And it's like something clicked and I thought, oh my gosh, the work is the paper like stop putting in a drawing, stop putting in a print, stop putting it on painting, stop doing it. It's just the paper. And so it sort of was this avalanche of creating what I call the paper quilts. I don't really know what to call them but they're basically hundreds and sometimes 1000s of cut paper that I hand cut with scissors, and then I dye them 123 times in water baths I'm just using die in like jars with the shapes put in them and then I dry them. Thankfully in Arizona they dry really quickly. And then I tape them down and then stitch them and so they just kind of become On this piece that's created from, you know, white printmaking paper to start. So that's an incredibly intense, like labor labor intensive process, that's incredible. When it comes to like, choosing your colors, is it just a really intuitive thing, like when you're mixing up your dyes, it's a really intuitive thing. I, sometimes I wish I was a more organized, you know, methodical color picker, sometimes I have this vision that I'm going to make all of these color formulas and have this book and I go through it and I, but it never works. That way, there's something that's so that is so out of my control when I do the water bath. And I feel like the process in general is so controlled, that it's this way that forces me to not have control. And so I need to keep that incorporated. And there will be sometimes I mean, I kind of learned my lesson repeatedly with this because sometimes I'll do you know, a light read or kind of a reddish orange. And then I'll do maybe a deep dark blue purple dye, I don't think this will be so beautiful. And then it comes out and it's basically mud. It's like they died over each other and it looks horrible. And it's like, oh, well, they're just hand cut 100 circles, and then I killed them and that way around. Like, I know that. But there's something kind of exhilarating even though this is not a big risk. It's like this small risk way to have fun. And so because the process and the cutting and the dying is just so a part of our daily lives, I always have a home studio. So it's always like there's something in the die pads or something that I'm cutting. I think when I didn't, didn't do as well, with my time when I was younger in the studio, that would have bothered me. But now I just sort of embrace all the failures. It's almost like I'm trying to fail a lot. Because when I, when I feel big, sometimes I fail forward. And so that really helps my practice. And so even though the work is really tight, there's a ton of play, which is refreshing and you know, uplifting. So, yeah, absolutely. I love that. So does that challenge you like your own thinking then? Like, is that been a process for you to work through of accepting? When things don't work? It's okay, that sort of stuff. Yeah, I think I've had to do that for like seven straight years. I feel like my my youngest is, or my oldest is seven. And I feel like this idea I had, what being an adult was is hysterical. I look back to being a kid and thinking, oh, when you're an adult, you can choose everything. I feel like, you know, I had really bad postpartum depression after my kids were born. And so that was a real shocker. And that lasted for several years. And then kind of right when I sort of came out of that in the fog it cleared and I was feeling good, then the fires hit, then that lasted for like four years, then we you know, we transitioned to an out of state move, I gave up a job that I thought I would basically have my whole career and then a global pandemic hits. So it's like seven years of this like straight sort of, you never know what you're gonna get. And I would say in the past couple of months, it's been sort of exhilarating because I'm just like, Okay, we never know what we're gonna get let's just go for broke in the studio you know, it's like this safe space to just go why Oh, yeah, it's almost like it's just it gives this giving you permission just to just to just take the pressure off and have no expectations because you know, the unknown is there and it could happen at any moment. So it's like well, okay, let's just go for it. Go for hot pink in the water bath. So you've always been a creative person, like as a child and growing up you've always been making? Yeah, I would say it's a it's a serious core identity. I think I mean Some of my earliest memories were like looking at art books. My mom was primarily a stay at home mom. But until I was seven, she was a graphic designer. So some of my earliest memories are going with her. And I'm at the age and she's at the age where nothing was digital. So it was all storyboard. So like, I remember going into her work office and seeing all the transparent paper and the different layers taped down, you know, like, kind of the more old school graphic design. And so she was always doing art stuff with me, and she's more of a realist er. And then I got into I mean, I took art classes all the way up through high school, then I I was doing like furniture, painting and mosaics, I mean, just something always creative. And then college is really where a printmaking head, and I sort of happened into it accidentally, I didn't, I wasn't, I was not planning on being an art major. But then you go to college and things happen, and then I got a BFA so. I was gonna ask you about your children. So you briefly mentioned your oldest is seven. So how many children have you got? I've got two, I've got a girl that seven and a boy that six. Yeah, right. And they are yet the same age as yours. They're hysterical. It's a, I have to say someone told me years ago when mine were babies that these were sort of the golden years. And they were right. I mean, I just I absolutely love, I love that they can tell me what they want. I love that we're past potty training. I love that. They can hold a pencil and a paintbrush, like in a different way. You know, because we do a ton of creative time. I get up early before I go to my librarian job. And I'm in the studio every morning. And we just, I think, I think because I grew up with such a creative mom. And in such a creative household. I never sort of questioned that as, as how you live, you know, it's like, that was how we lived. And my dad worked full time in the government and then retired and became a teacher. And he was always writing, you know, it's like creativity was just the lifestyle. And so I never, I never had any other expectation of what I would be like and how I would raise my kids. And so and we didn't have kids right away. My husband and I, we waited like 10 years not not as a plan, just, that's when we decided we were ready. And you know, and so then I had always been art making. And so then my kids always made art with me. And I remember right before I got married with my husband, we were just talking about this the other day, and I said you remember, like the week before we got married, and we got married really young. I was 21. Or I thought that was young, because I freaked out. I'm like, we're too young. I'm like, This is crazy. We should do this, what are we thinking? And then I said, you know, I just I need to tell you, I'm never going to make less art. I said, I'm not going to get married to you and you know, clean or something like that. I was like, I just need you to know, this is who I am. And you guys I know, this is who you are like, we're good. You know, and granted, I will occasionally clean now. I did go back on that. But but as far as the studio time, it has never changed, you know, and so even when they were babies, it's like they were painting with me and they were in the studio and I've always had a home studio, which I have to say is really really important. I mean, that's just a total game changer. And so there's always we've always had a room that's been my studio, the dedicated space and that it's just super important. You know, we were talking about how you have all your kids artwork. I have drawers in my flat files that are theirs. It's like they know that those are their drawers and there's their paper and there's their work and you know, so it's just kind of how we live I guess which makes it possible to make the work and also work so I'm grateful for that so you get up early, you do some in the morning. Do you do do you then go back to it at night? I do. i i This is so I have this funny story. And it has to do with me wearing a bikini to work, and it will, like we're going on a tangent, but really, it's going to come back, if I can remember to get us back, it's gonna come back. So Right. So right after my son was born as a college librarian, you do a lot of teaching. And so I had gone back, and I had both my kids at my last job when I was on the tenure track. So I had, you know, I was trying to get tenure, I was teaching or student observations. And I was teaching a class and I was wearing, I remember this beautiful blue linen dress, it was so beautiful. And underneath that I was wearing a bikini, because I had just returned to work. And I had not done laundry. And so I remember be teaching in this class, and like, you know, pointing to something on the screen. And in my mind, I'm thinking about this bikini that I'm wearing, and the fact that I have no backup bikini. And it's not like it was a bikini that fit. It was like the pre pregnancy bikini. So it's like, dire, you know, and so I'm, I'm like, Okay, what should I do? I had to stay late teaching that I'm like, should I go to Target and buy a backup backup bikini, or should I, like I because I didn't have time to do laundry, like, forget that they were the kids are gonna be up all night. At that point, my son was five months old. And my daughter was 19 months. Yeah. And I was like trying to, you know, teach and all this stuff. So then as I'm trying to teach this class, I'm like, You know what, clearly, this isn't working. Like you need to figure out a way to change your schedule, cut stuff out, do whatever it takes, so that you're not thinking about backup bikini is like is your emergency work plan. And so I ended up just getting totally into productivity research, and like trying all these different time hacks and all this stuff. It got to such a point that then I started talking about it so much at work that then one of my supervisors was like, Could you start doing some productivity trainings, then I started making videos and classes and like kind of creating these mini cohorts. And so then I started doing all these very enjoyable, small groups about productivity and how we think about our energy and what choices we make. And that how much time and energy our decisions take us and cognitive load, and like, and all that stuff. And so that kind of helped me reset everything after my kids were born. So I started just really focusing on the art making, as opposed to worrying about this idea that the dishes had to be done, or this idea that like, there was one year where one of my strategies was, I thought, I don't need matching socks, who cares if I have matching socks, so I stopped doing all map all socks hurting, like, you know, but then I realized I'm like, You know what people actually can see your socks. Like, maybe that's not the strategy that you want to do, you know, like, a snowflake sock. And like, you know, like, so. So anyways, I tried a whole bunch of stuff. And I ended up cutting a whole bunch of things out. And then kind of over the last year, I realized that I had gotten really, really good about managing the time so that I could have studio time and Eve, like in the morning and night. But then I realized I was tired at night. And I was like, alright, well, what's the deal, like, You got everything down, you need to get down and you have this time. So what's the block and so then I just sort of started paying more attention to my energy. You know, like, when we're at the park, normally I'm, you know, talking to the kids and engaging with the kids and, and then I started taking more photos, there's some really beautiful photos on my camera, things like bark, you know, things that are kind of make, they're the textures, and colors and stuff that will eventually make themselves, you know, back into the studio and back into my water baths and things like that. And so it just sort of started checking in a little bit more about how I was feeling and how my energy was, which one makes me a lot more patient. And two, I feel like then it gives me that little push so that when the kids are asleep, then I can go in and do like 30 minutes in the studio and listen to a podcast or, you know, Pandora or like just a little music, and then I can go to bed. And then when I get up early, I'm ready to roll. You know, like that early time with coffee in the studio. That's probably my favorite time of day. Aside from the hysterical jokes and questions were like, I don't know how to answer that. And I know you're six. But I don't know how to answer that was like constant skill testing as a parent, like, what's the answer here? When when Diggs asked me he asked me really wacky question the other day, and I had I could not think of a thing and I said, Well, what do you think? Because I just thought, I cannot think of anything to say, Hey, this is ridiculous. And then he came out with this great big, long winded explanation. Excellent. That sounds good on you. So we're going to use that strategy. My daughter asked me last week, how was man created? She gets one question at bedtime. And I'm like, um, what was your other question? Oh, you know, using your strategy. It's dates, definitely. Because then the main probably bedtimes not the greatest time for it because it gets them thinking again, but Why is that at bedtime? All these questions come out? It's like I wrote this ridiculous Facebook post years ago. And I don't know how I can remember exactly what it was now but Digby asked, How do you make bricks? What is this thing happened where the colors come from? He clearly thought of the language why do we talk in this accent? All this stuff just one after the other understanding going tomorrow we'll do this tomorrow so I'm guessing the the, the key dyes and stuff that you use then like non toxic and stuff like were you able to keep keep doing that while you were pregnant? Like there was no sort of worry there. So I use red dye, you know that really, really common dye that you can find with fabric and at all the craft stores and, and I've used both powder and liquid but right now I primarily use liquid. And as a printmaker, you know, I just threw down the hours in the studio, I mean, I would go to the shop and be there for like 12 hours, and I would leave with these horrible migraines. And so when I graduated college, I just decided I wanted a totally non toxic studio. So after college, I transitioned to essentially everything non toxic, non toxic print inks, acrylic paint, you know, so, and that was kind of part of the plan with having a home studio was that I wanted everything to just be comfortable. And so I've never fortunately had to transition any of the materials when I was pregnant, I could just use everything. Yeah, so that's been really, really helpful. Just having the kids around, and they use all my supplies. I ran into a photo the other day, my son when he was two, and he had, you know, those little edges, sketch those magnetic things gone. So he was too and he hadn't shirt off. And he was so proudly holding up on his little belly, that I just sketch with, like some circles cut on it. And at the time, I was excluded or drawn on it. I was exclusively doing circles. So he was like, so proud that he had his circle. And then I started finding and we got them into looking back, probably they were really little we got them into using kid scissors really young. Yeah. And so I would find these really jagged edges, like circle square shaped things in with my servers. I'm like, Oh, he was contributing to my pile, like he got on scissors. And so it's nice, because they just think they make merit. And sometimes I'll find these piles of glue and circles. And they're mine on like, something I'm like I didn't make has been in here stealing my materials. But it's pretty, that's beautiful. Isn't it like that, obviously, it's, you know, they see it, and it's made such an impact on them and that they want to they're a part of it, you know, that's their way of being a part of it. And that's lovely that they're welcomed into that space that they they can be there. And it's not like oh, you have to stay out because it's either it's not safe, or I don't want you to touch or whatever. Like it. That's lovely. It's such a beautiful environment. They're like little human bodies of glue. It's like wherever you go. They go. Attached to I had a funny conversation with my daughter the other day. We have, I have these rules. Like one rule is don't talk to mom while she's in the bathroom. So that's to me, like even if I don't need to go the bathroom. That's a safe space. So I was walking to the bathroom. I've I like announced I put my arms up and they go, I'm going to the bathroom. My arms are up. I'm like announcing to the household. And I'm walking and she's finally and I'm walking and I go I'm going to the bathroom. She's following still talking. I go I'm going to the bathroom and she goes, Yes. And she stops and she kind of puts her finger up and she goes, but you're not in the bathroom. And I go you know what? You're ready. You are so right. Okay, what do you need so that I can go to the bathroom? Oh my gosh, it was so hysterical. That's gold and not bad. You're listening to the art of being a mom with my mom, Alison Newman. So if you don't mind would Is it okay if we talk a little bit bit about your postpartum depression? Is that okay? Talk? Yeah. Yeah, I can definitely relate, I had had it bad with the first one, but super bad with the second one. So. So did you did you find at that point that you are either ramped up or sort of went the other way and decreased? How did that sort of impact? Ya? know, I've always been pretty consistent with the practice, I think, I honestly don't even remember. I mean, that was such a dark time, but I probably leaned into it more at that, at that time, I wasn't doing the paper quotes, I was still doing a lot of drawing and a lot of hand printed printmaking. I do remember because I had kind of tried everything for the postpartum depression, you know, it's like, everything that you were supposed to do, I just, I feel like I was in a hole. And I was like, trying to climb out of it. And, I mean, I did the journaling, and I did the exercise, and I get I got a therapist, and I, you know, I did the art and I did the walking like, I just, I tried everything and, and for me, I just kind of had to wait it out. You know, it's like, I did everything so long, and so consistently, and then one day, the fog just sort of cleared. But it wasn't like a switch, it just was like, gradually, eventually, everything sort of worked. And I had a therapist at the time. And I use this a lot. So my work is so much about color, you know, it's so much about color, and emotion and color really brings out, you know, feelings. And so she would say to me sometimes she said, we'll just sit there, you know, because we would talk about my art. And she would say what color are you? You know, and I would have to think about well, what color do I feel like? Am I read on my, you know, what color do I want to be? And so I started meditating a lot at that time, too. That was one of the strategies. And so then when the fires hit, and we came back, and everything switched to the paper quilts, I used a lot of the quilting as meditations, you know. And so a lot of those blues and most common greens, that was kind of what I hit first, because it's like, I just needed the space to sort of watch my community heal, to see what was gonna happen, you know, was such a shock. So I, I really did make a lot of art, but not necessarily that much different. I've just been this massive producer, I used to try and recycle everything because I used to make a lot of really ugly, like a really hideous work. I mean, I didn't like it, but it was like I was trying to get to something. And so I'm finally at the place where I'm making what I want to make. But I mean, it was like, it was like 12 years of just junk. And I would put it in the recycling bin and I would like tear it off and throw on the trash. Like that was nice when I transitioned to non toxic because I feel like I could recycle more stuff. But, you know, it was a real push there. And I just kind of had to wait it out. Yeah. Good on you. You obviously had a lot of support that time. Yeah. Husband helping out a lot. Yeah, I'm an only child. And my parents were, you know, in really close with them. When we moved from California to Arizona, we actually said that I'm like, Are you coming? Because you know, we kind of need you to come like are you going to come in. So now and they came. They're now neighbors. So they knew Yeah, it's just amazing. And so they knew what was going on. And I had some really close friends that knew what was going on. And then my husband, I kind of hit the jackpot. And he's the Marriage and Family Therapist. So he like kind of had this language, you know, there's a sort of a therapist language that he has never he can help me identify things or talk to things and, and you know, therapy is actually really hard. I mean, therapy is really charged to especially if you're going through something like postpartum depression. And it's funny, but like, I basically found the therapist that I needed to help me through that time. And it was so hard that she was just an amazing person. But I think sometimes people need therapy and they try a therapist, and then it's not the therapist, they should do it. So then they think therapy doesn't work. Yes, I'm grateful that I had a husband who could be like, well, you need support. And so why don't you find a therapist, but then if you don't like that person, keep looking. And so even that is a simple idea. I have no I had never heard of that. I would have never known that. You know and so, so I kind of had everything going for me as far as like the support network, which I'm super grateful for. Yeah, it's hard. Like transitioning from motherhood and having postpartum depression or postpartum anxiety. It's hard. Yep, absolutely. Oh, yeah. Talking about that transition, like, did your identity or how you saw yourself did that sort of go through some some adjustment, then as well, I think mine was more of an adjustment that I will not be able to plan myself into a relaxed life. It's like I'm such a planner, in life in general, and I am one of the most efficient people. And so it's sort of like, well take that really nice attractive schedule to do you write that up, you throw it up in the air, and you see what lands a chair, and then that's what you're going to do that. So I think just that idea of being flexible, and now I've, I would say I'm very comfortable with it. I also think that now that my kids are a little bit older, and now that, you know, we do so much creative stuff that actually really helps a lot. There was so much diaper changing and breastfeeding and like, oh my gosh, what am I supposed to do with that? Oh, my gosh, what do I do with the crying or that this or that getting up, or those sort of walking zombie exhaustion in those early years. And my kids are so close that it was like, we had an under two for three straight years. I mean, they're 13 months apart. And so just the sleep deprivation, it was like a free for all, you know, it was just like, What day is it? Yeah. So I've really acclimated. And I've really, they're really good sleepers. Now, I kind of have one night owl and one early bird, which is okay. Because there's like a solid time in there to sleep. So I think just my idea of getting stuff done how to transition. But as far as the creative part, or, you know, I kind of never lost that part of the identity that just sort of carried through with me, yeah. One of the topics I really like talking about is mum guilt. And I'm going to I'm guessing that it's sort of, from who other people have talked to you from America, that it's something that's quite universal? Is that something you've ever experienced? Or sort of? What's your opinion on that? I love this question. And the reason I love it is because of course I listen to your podcast, and there's a couple artists and creatives that you've had on that say they don't have it. And then Mike, Ooh, what's that, like? Triumph on that idea. And I think no, can't even can't even put it on. It's like a try. And I just, I feel like I could sprinkle mom guilt across the world. And that's leftover like. So then after, after I hear all these other people say that they don't have it. I'm like, Okay, well, what is mom guilt to me? You know, because then it's like, kind of this really interesting question of like, well, what is that mean? And? And then when do I have it, and I never have it with the creative stuff. I think it comes back to you know, when I talked about sort of the core identity of being a creative and like, this is a lifestyle, instead of a choice. Yeah. And so I think where I have had the most trouble with mom guilt is, I feel like I always want to look at each individual kid, and try and make the best choice for that kid, you know, and in the pandemic, I feel like there were no good choices. You know, it's like we wanted to pod we moved here, one to get away from the bears, but to also to be with my grandparents and family. And, you know, we chose to pod with them during the podcast. Until then that meant online school. And we didn't want to do zoom school because we didn't think that would work for our kids. So then we didn't you know, so it's like you, you pick, you keep picking the best choice of all these choices you just don't want and so then we ended up homeschooling my six year old son in kindergarten, you know, it's like, it just gets to this point where you're like, Well, how did we get here? And it's sort of, I think that's where my mom guilt goes up, like, Okay, I want us to eat healthy, but I, I don't want to argue about this cookie or you know, it's like just those little things that then by the end of the day, you're tired. And so I'm always trying to tell myself well, that's okay. Because you're gonna refresh at night like get back, good sleep if you can, and then just start over and start fresh. So the module is more about just trying to look at every like, look at every like I have, like 10 look at each one of my kids. And just try and do the best by them. Yeah, if I had more or a dog, heaven forbid, like, I'm, I'm working on it to do. Yeah, I actually thought when I, when we talked, when I was leading up to ask the question, I thought to myself, I don't think you're gonna have any guilt related to your artwork, just because it's part of your life, your children are included in it. You're not doing your art at the detriment of anybody else. So I knew that was coming. Yeah. So it's so funny, you knew that because I had to process it. I was like, What would my answer be to this? Because in my mind, I'm like I've done so long ago. But then when I started noticing what it was, it was really those small individual things, you know, that just add up, and then you feel this collective weight? Yeah. Yeah. And it's interesting, you say about, you know, resetting the next day. But this is, this is the same sort of topic that came up with another lady that I interviewed just the other day, and was saying the same thing. It's like, you when the kids were little, you always knew the sun would rise. And you could start again, and see what happens if you just wipe the slate clean and start again, the next day, and then you felt like you were doing that every day. You know, there's always hope, because you can have that time to reset and then off, you go again. Or there's a locked door to our chocolate, like whatever it takes. I'm here and yet. So have you got some projects that you're working on at the moment that anything in particular that you want to share with us about that up? Yeah, I have a magazine article that I'm working on. So I'm working on a feature article for women's artists magazine, which I'm super excited about. I just got invited last week to a local show, which I'm super excited about in Chandler, Arizona. And then last year, in the last quarter, I just got invited to practical art, which is this absolutely amazing and really neat community of artists. And it's like a gallery and a little art shop in Phoenix, Arizona, and they just love them. It's about 100 local artists. And so now I'm one of their artisans that's featured at their shop, and they're open, which is nice. And so they have like gallery exhibits all the time and sort of like wearable, livable art. So yeah. Oh, that's psycho. So you're very active in your, like, your local community with your art, getting it out there. And, yeah, I'm really trying to be you know, it was odd moving in a pandemic, and then trying to build an in person community. So we kind of, but now I feel like you know, we're almost two years and I am back physically in work at my library and job, which is just glorious. It's so nice to work with people in person. I've just been trying to make as many connections as I can in Arizona and in Phoenix, I want to start going to shows and, you know, just really trying to connect with this art community, it makes such a difference. As an artist, being a member of a community. It's so inspiring studio time can be really lonely, even if you've got kids in there. And you know, it's like, even if you have a ton of ideas, it's just so nice to see other people's work and their creative energy and support them too. So I'm looking forward to doing that more. Yes, thanks. Yeah, for sure. Yeah, someone else I spoke to talk to about how their art changes when they do when they're not in isolation, like when you're around other people. And even if you're not doing the same style of art, you can sort of feed off each other and someone might make a comment about your piece. And it's like, you can take it in another direction that you never thought of, you know, having a fresh pair of eyes look at it or someone that has no understanding of your what you do that, you know, it's can be really good thing. So 100% agree and a lot of my pushes have been based on just sort of one side comment or one observation and right now my stuff, I don't know where it's going, but it used to be behind the frame. And now it's out from behind the frame. And it's just sort of, you know, the open so you can see all the texture and nothing is protecting it. It's just hanging on the wall and then it sort of getting into these more sculptural pieces for the while and stitched in wood and so we'll see where it goes. We're still in experimental phase, but that was just kind of Based on one person's comment of how nice it was to see the texture, and sort of have more visual access to it, so it's always so interesting what creative juices are flowing from other people's comments and their minds. And yeah, absolutely, you put that very well. I couldn't find the words what I was trying to say. It's still early IV. It's not really bad. I'm, is it over there? Well, it's nearly 10 o'clock. But you know, it's early, let's do it. That's early. That first time that you saw that circle, and then you went into down that path? Is there anything you sort of find an imagery of the circle? Do you find yourself like, is there any deeper meaning in that, that circle for you? There initially was, you know, when I started doing the circles, when I started cutting the circles, it was only circles. I mean, it was only circles. And I was, in my mind, because I'm such a, I'm such a planner to the court was like, I'm going to cut circles for the rest of my life. And I will be a circle cutter. Like, I just, I go really deep in this stuff. Like, this is the plan. Yeah. And so, and I remember walking, I walk a lot with my dad. And I remember one day, he's like, Have you ever considered like, a square? And I stopped, and I looked at him, and I was like, why would I do that? Like, I cut circles. We have very funny conversations. And we're, he's a very enjoyable, and it's funny, because now I cut every shape, you know, it's like, I don't want to give him credit for that. But, you know, it's sort of like there was, there was something that was so meaningful about it never ending, you know, there was something that was very peaceful. And with all the meditation, when I first started doing all the circles and all the die, I had a totally silent studio. So I wouldn't listen to music, you know, it's like, I just used it as a full meditation. And so it's like, you could also because I was hand cutting these, and now the circles are really clean, you know, they're very circular. But when I started, I was making really bad circles, ovals. These, like lobby egg things, you know, it's like, it takes you a while to kind of clean up your, your free hand cutting. And so there was something that was so also freeing, where you could just keep editing, it's like, you just keep cutting that circle around and around and around until it looks like something that it should look like. And so I think that was really peaceful. And so it was just more sort of this personal process of meditation, and kind of getting, you know, back into the studio and back into making what I wanted to make. But there's not like a final symbol of it just being a circle. I mean, I know, there's a lot of, you know, like eternity symbols and like the circle of life and things like that, but not from a conceptual standpoint. And now I'm doing just all different shapes and trying out different dye techniques, and just sort of really experimenting with what imagery comes out. And the colors and the my palette is never consistent. I mean, it's like, it'll be hot pink and black, or you know, and I'm starting to incorporate a lot more of my printmaking. That's kind of the direction that I'm going and then doing a lot of hand printing now and then drawing the circles and then printing on top, and then taping and then stitching. And so just the processes the process, I guess that's lovely. It's quite freeing, isn't it just to be able to say, I'm going to do it this way? Or I'm going to do it that way. And that's probably probably you mean, you don't want to give the guy credit for it. But it's probably good that he said that, because it sort of gives you permission to say, well, this isn't what I'm going to do forever. I can fiddle around and and try different things and different techniques. So yeah, thanks. Thank you, Dan. So when it comes to retail, you've got all these these shapes, they're dyed, and they're ready to go. What's your sort of thinking or your process when it comes to laying them out deciding where they're going to, to lie on the paper. So there's a lot of decision, there's probably like 10 or 12 important decision points, but one of the most important is how big the final piece is going to be. Because because I don't use formulas. All the dyes are really specific. So it's like I'll die 400 things. And then okay, you have 400 things, so I didn't so I'm kind of thinking about how large I want that final piece to be before I ever even do it and then usually I'll make templates. You know, I'll cut out paper. I do a lot of drawing in my sketchbook that never makes it to Instagram because it's nothing that anybody wants to look at my guiding path and so I I kind of know all the shapes that are going to be and I Use color a lot just to think about the world. I, you know, I work in education. And sometimes education gets a little contentious people get really in, you know, rightly so about certain issues. And I've been in some very contentious meetings before and environments that are really stressful. And to try and sort of step back from some of that stress, I usually go to color. And so sometimes I'll just ask these not almost nonsensical questions of like, if that person was like, a blob of color, what would it be right now, you know, and so it's like, I'm constantly kind of drawing out these visuals or asking these questions are like relating things into shapes. And so some of that comes out into the work. Some of it is just that I'll be on a walk, and I'll see a visual or I'll see a gradation with, you know, a cactus, and then its variation with what's on the ground. And I'll take a picture of that. And then those are the two colors that end up in the work or the piece, and then part of that line, or that shape, or that feeling, then is the shape that shows up in the piece. So a lot of it is a reflection of what I'm seeing, and what photos that I'm taking or how I'm cropping things. Basically, I try and pull inspiration from everywhere. Yeah. Yeah, I will say to that, even though I'm super intentional, there's always an element of surprise, because when you dye stuff, you're putting it in the full water bath. So there's always two sides. It's like, I might, you know, do a pink and around, but then I pulled the water back, I pulled it out really quickly for half of the batch, and I left it in overnight for the other half the batch. Even though the overall shape might have been a circle, what I end up with is like a really beautiful, soft brown and pink combo, and then like an almost black and pink combo. And so then I might decide when I'm laying it out, but then it's going to be striped. Yeah, it's sort of like I'm making a decision every single time even though I have the templates, and I have the overall colors. And those are fixed. Yeah, then I'm still doing a ton of experimentation. And then I actually take the back of it, flip it over, and then I obviously am stitching the top. Yeah. Ben from the top. So what sort of material do you use to stitch with? Like, whoa, you know, I have a brand. Let me look, I think it's the Lisbeth I do used a lot of different threads. And I had a quite a bit of difficulty over the pandemic, finding some of the papers and threads that I was using, like with production delays and stuff. So I ended up switching to Lisbeth thread, which I pretty much only use now it's, this will sound funny, but it's actually super important. They, they treat it in a way I think it's something called gasps injure, it's some process that they do that makes the thread rounder. So when I'm stitching with it, you know how sometimes of embroidery thread when you stitch it on paper or wood or something and you stretch it out. It's sort of like it lays flat. I know that that's a very detailed observation. But I need it to be round, because the mark making is important. I choose the colors of the thread really carefully. If I don't have a color of thread, then I die. I individually hand die the thread. And so I want that crisp color. And it just needs to pop like that, because it's sort of like I'm drawing on the paper boats, but it happens to be with thread. And so that I'm I now just exclusively use that thread. Yeah, so you want it to sort of have that three dimension where it actually sits up a bit. It's not, it doesn't fade into the work, it's sort of up on top of it. So adds that texture as well. I just hope that people keep going, I think, you know, I think I struggled for so many years making such bad work for so long. Because I could have given up like at so many points. And I'm grateful that I did it because I I honestly feel like it took me 13 or 14 years to figure out the type of work that I wanted to make. And so sometimes I just I think people really have to be in it for the long haul and just sort of the eye on the prize is that you'll find your path whenever it decides to show up. And I'm so grateful that I kind of had the practice you know, the practice of just showing up to the studio and making really bad work for many many years. So that I could kind of come into this nice space you know, now like, not the physical space but just the emotional space with my kids. You know, now we can share it and now it's kind of this enjoyable thing. That and I just I'm so enjoying your podcast. So listen to other mothers like honestly It just being a mother being a creative is so lonely sometimes. And so hearing podcasts of other women creatives, it's just awesome. You're just you're doing such a nice job. I just love it. Thank you. I appreciate that. And that's a sentiment that a lot of women have said that it's like, it's so nice to hear that other people are going through the same thing. Because it like even a lady that I spoke to the other night both in Belfast, not Belfast, Dublin, in Ireland. And she said, it's lovely to hear that everyone around the world is going through it too. You know, it's just this universal thing that we're all struggling with. And yeah, it's that support in knowing that we're not alone is just so important. Yeah, absolutely. Oh, that's a beautiful night to finish our phone. Thank you so much, sir. It's been an absolute pleasure chatting with you. Yeah, I really enjoyed it. Thanks for your company today. If you've enjoyed this episode, I'd love you to consider leaving us a review, following or subscribing to the podcast, or even sharing it with a friend who you think might be interested. If you or someone you know would like to be a guest on the podcast. Please get in touch with us via the link in the show notes. I'll catch you again next week for another chat with an artistic mum.

Beck Feiner Australian illustrator S3 Ep78 Listen and subscribe on Spotify and itunes/Apple podcasts Welcome to the new season, season 3! It's so great to have you here, from wherever you are in the world My guest to start the year is Beck Feiner, Beck is an Aussie illustrator and designer based in Sydney, and a mum of 2. When Beck was growing up she was an avid drawer, keenly supported by her mum. Like many artists and creative people, when it came time to decide what career to pursue, Beck didn't think that being a working artist was possible, and turned to study design and became a graphic designer. After being inspired to create her own alphabet poster when her first child was young 8 years ago, she created her Aussie Legends Alphabet poster , this was subsequently turned into a book and from this she signed a publishing deal. Beck co-creates books with her husband Robin. With Beck illustrating and Robin writing. they have created 6 books together, Beck describes her style as vector-based conceptual illustrative art, embodying bold colours and punchy graphics. Beck uses her art to provide commentary on current social and political issues.. She is passionate about breaking down stereotypes and including children in the breaking down of cultural norms and encouraging kids to become more involved in political and leadership issues at a young age. Connect with Beck - website / instagram Podcast - instagram / website If today’s episode is triggering for you in any way I encourage you to seek help from those around you, medical professionals or from resources on line. I have compiled a list of international resources here Music used with permission from Alemjo my new age and ambient music trio. When chatting to my guests I greatly appreciate their openness and honestly in sharing their stories. If at any stage their information is found to be incorrect, the podcast bears no responsibility for guests' inaccuracies. Podcast transcript at the bottom of the page Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode of The Art of Being A Mum Podcast. I'm beyond honoured that you're here and would be grateful if you could take 2 minutes to leave me a 5-star review in iTunes or wherever you are listening. It really helps! This way together we can inspire, connect and bring in to the light even more stories from creative mums. Want to connect? Take a screenshot of this episode and share it on Instagram tagging me in with @art_of_being_a_mum_podcast I can't wait to connect. And remember if you or somebody you know would like to be a guest on the podcast, get in touch ! I love meeting and chatting to mammas from all creative backgrounds, from all around the world! Thank you! Alison acknowledges this Land of the Berrin (Mount Gambier) Region as the Traditional Lands of the Bungandidj People and acknowledge these First Nations people as the custodians of the Region. Ch eck out more episodes ..... Welcome to the Art of Being a mum podcast, where I Alison Newman, a singer songwriter, and Ozzy mum of two enjoys honest and inspiring conversations with artists and creators about the joys and issues they've encountered. While trying to be a mum and continue to create. You'll hear themes like the mental juggle, changes in identity, how their work has been influenced by motherhood, mum guilt, cultural norms, then we also strain to territory such as the patriarchy, feminism, and capitalism. You can find links to my guests and topics we discussed in the shownotes along with a link to the music played, how to get in touch, and a link to join our supportive and lively community on Instagram. I'll always put a trigger warning if we discuss sensitive topics on the podcast. But if at any time you're concerned about your mental health, I urge you to talk to those around you reach out to health professionals, or seek out resources online. I've compiled a list of international resources which can be accessed on the podcast landing page, Alison Newman dotnet slash podcast, the art of being a mum we'd like to acknowledge the traditional owners of the land and water which this podcast is recorded on has been the bone take people in the barren region of South Australia. I'm working on land that was never seen it. Welcome to season three. It's great to have you here from wherever you are in the world. I hope you are able to have a restful and loving holiday season. Whatever you celebrate, what do I celebrate? My guest to start the year is BEC finer. Beck is in Australian illustrator and designer based in Sydney, and she's a mother of two that speck was growing up. She was an avid drawer. Like many artists and creatives, when it came time to decide what career to pursue. Beck didn't think that being a working artist was possible and turned to study design and instead became a graphic designer after being inspired to create her own alphabet poster when her first child was young. Eight years ago, she created her Ozzie Legend's alphabet poster. This was subsequently turned into a book and from there she signed a publishing deal that CO creates books with her husband Robin, with Beck illustrating and Robin writing, and they have done six books together. Beck describes her style as vector based conceptual illustrative art, embodying bold colors, sharp lines, and back uses her art to provide commentary on current social and political issues. She's passionate about breaking down stereotypes, and including children in the breaking down of cultural norms, and encouraging kids to become more involved in political and leadership issues at a young age. Thank you for being here. And I hope you enjoy today's chat. Welcome to the podcast Beck it's absolute pleasure to welcome you and to have you today. Thanks for having me on. Yeah, it's a pleasure. So you're and Ozzy is lovely to hear a fellow Australian accent I've been talking to a lot of people from overseas. Really? Nice. We're about to you based in Sydney, right in the middle of Sydney. Oh, I always have to live in the hustle and bustle of everything everywhere. I mean, I've lived in London and few other places but I like to be in the grip of things. holding me gritty. I know it's very pretty but you know where the action is where exactly Yeah, that's exactly the opposite to me into CDs that Oh, really? It's so funny. I love to have a break but I can't have a Yeah, I'm either gonna be right in the action or like somewhere quite removed from it, you know, one or the other? I think because I grew up in the burbs the burbs kind of kills me a little bit No offense to anyone living in the burbs, but just for me, it was slightly boring. Oh, that's funny. Oh, good on Yes. So you're an illustrator. And how did you first get into drawing? Have you always been a draw as you grew up? Yeah, it was one of those things where, you know, right from when I was super young, I was just constantly drawing drawing drawing, illustrating, my parents had to ban me from I used to draw on the walls. I remember drawing on all the photographs and being utterly dismayed when I got into trouble. I remember thinking I just made it all better. And yeah, and it was interesting though, and I often reflect upon this as though as I got older, I still did loads of art, but I kind of got a bit. And I think this happens with a lot of people, you get a bit shy about your work, I remember signing to hide my drawings and just being a bit self conscious about it. And I always knew I wanted to be creative and in the arts and my parents really let me do that. But I stepped away from illustration, because I thought, being a traditional artist or an illustrator wasn't a job. Yeah. Yeah. So I did, I went to university and I did graphic design, because, you know, I thought, well, that's a can pay the bills kind of things. And I loved University, I did a Bachelor of design, I absolutely loved it. And I went into graphic design, which is, you know, a lot of my work is quite graphic and has a typographic influence on it. So I went into that. And, but when I got into being an actual graphic designer, I found it. I mean, I was working at a great agency, you know, one of the top agencies, but I just found it a bit. Like, I liked it, but I knew it wasn't me. I was always very conceptual. So I actually stepped into and then I went into art direction and advertising for a long time. Yeah. You know, ads, and, and again, I loved it. And I love the creative side, but I just knew something was missing. So it was actually it took to having my first child. And going freelance, because advertising doesn't sometimes know where to put. This was, it was about 10 years ago, but it's so funny. It's come a long way since then, but I had no idea what to do with. And I think I was one of the only women in the creative department. I had a baby. And I kind of stopped being on the the top projects because I couldn't do the pictures overnight. Yeah. You know, all that kind of stuff. And so when I started freelancing, I just started thinking, There's got to be more to life. And I've always been illustrating, so it was kind of in the back of my mind. Yeah. So yeah. So was it like your needs weren't being met in terms of you expressing yourself? Is that sort of you were doing it for someone else in their ideas? Yeah, I started getting really disillusioned with advertising. I loved it at first, like I was, and then I suddenly it was like, I'd taken off the rose colored glasses, maybe childbirth does that to you? I don't know. And yeah, and I just, I started thinking I needed to work for myself, because I, when you have a kid, you almost like apologize for leaving to go to daycare to get them or them being sick. And I hated apologizing for that. And being almost embarrassed about having a kid and I was like, Why do I need to do that? And, and what happened was, I was actually teaching my son that the alphabet and I, this idea popped into my head. What a like, it was all such boring stuff. And I was like, I could make my own illustrative alphabet, you know, and why don't I merge? Legends of Australia, like, you know, all these incredible characters, diverse characters and put them on the heads of all these alphabets. And I opened an Instagram account that was actually I know, we all put people on social media, but it was actually the start of me kind of coming out as an illustrator. You know, like my, my little sneaky side that no one knew about. So I learned a launch this, this alphabet series. I did one a night, because it was you know, there's 26 letters in the alphabet. So I needed to give myself a goal, you know, with two by then I had another baby and I thought, I'm going to do one legend at night. So he was that a good day, it was for Bob Hawke, you know of morphing them, and I started releasing them on my Instagram account and getting this really amazing feed that. Yeah, that's awesome. Because we don't get a lot of like that Australian, sort of that route cloak you stuff. It's not Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. There's like the animals or the birds or I don't know, but that and that's something that I've really enjoyed looking on your account is the way that you do bring to the fore these these Australian icons, and you say diverse, which is awesome. Like, you've got, like, at the moment, I saw you had a post about Costa, the garden, Australia, man, and you've done the caffeine came in and dealing all caught like, yes, it's great. And I guess that's why it would have resonated with people because it was different and traditionally Australian, you know, I know and again, it was, I think about what happened. Okay, so it was about eight years ago when I released this poster series, and Australia has come and you know, I go to the bookstore now and I see so many multicultural books out there, especially for First Nation people, which it was so lacking before, it was only in the last. It's crazy to think that because now I think people are far more aware of it. But but even like 10 years ago, there wasn't a lot of stuff out there. So especially with Yeah, it was kind of when celebrating people's. It was just happening more for kids and that was my whole life. aim was to show kids that no matter where you come from your background, your ethnicity, religion, you know, abilities you can do, you can be anything you want to be. Yeah. And that kind of led to the book deal the publishing deal. So I made this poster. And that's kind of it was really funny I was. It all went a bit viral. And I remember kind of putting down my advertising pin. It's an advertising ban, but I just was like, I quit. And I didn't do any more freelance. I was like, I'm out. Yeah, yeah. And it's to and to have, like, your passion. And you're the thing you're excited about to be recognized and rewarded and saying, We, you know, someone else validating that. Yeah, be tremendous. You go right. This is it. This is what I've been sort of wanting, you know, that. express your creativity outlet. Yeah. And to all the parents out there, like, I thought that by the time I was quite when I got when I first got pregnant. And I was I mean, I was young, I was 30, which is young male by today's parenting. I just thought my life I hadn't reached my potential. And it was too late now that I was becoming a parent. I remember feeling like so sad about that. And I only really came into I found my purpose at about 35. And I think that's quite young doing now that I think of it. But at the time, I thought, if I didn't hit my stride when I was like, 25, then I hadn't made it successfully. And it was just such a nice feeling to know that you don't have to, like with maturity comes so many more insights into the world. They've allowed me to be to create this poster, my kids, you know, that was great. Yeah, no, that's good advice. I think, yeah, we can get a bit hung up when we're younger, looking at the future thinking, Oh, we've got to get this done. We've got to get this done. And I think that, that notion of when you have a child, then everything you've ever done, or everything you are just has to go out the window, because now you're a mother, it's like, oh, I can't do this anymore. And that's actual bullshit. I know you've actually it. I think the maternity leave actually gave me the time. And when with the first one, I was so exhausted, you know, first baby, but the second baby, I wasn't so over, whelmed by motherhood. And I did actually use that time to do my creative pursuits, which I know doesn't happen for lots of people. But for me, it was kind of what it allowed me to take some time off and figure out what I wanted to do. Now it's really important. I think that's yeah, it's really good to share that with others. That season, it's never too late. No, you can make it look like people. You know, you can see actors coming into the full bloom in their 60s and 70s. And it took me Yeah, I just feel like this whole pressure to achieve so young is total bullshit. Yeah. And unfortunately, it's not until you get older that you realize, yeah. I mean, it was hard. It has always been quite hard. I mean, I work for myself now. And I did that to allow myself to have that flexibility to not have to apologize for getting my kid early. From work, but I mean, I probably work a lot harder. And and there's a lot of juggling going on. So yeah, that's it isn't it? So tell me about your children. You have two children. Yeah. Is my labor i 10. And seven, and, and my third child, my sport is charged with it. loves getting a dog is probably harder than having a newborn as I worked out. Yeah. So they Yeah, they're in school. But you know, school finishes. It's a short period. It's a short day. They're great. They're really great. And they always inspire me to do you know, a lot of our kids books have come again, from our inspiration of from our kids, which has been great work and my husband and I co create a lot of the content out there. So we come up with book ideas together. And then I illustrate and he writes it, so it's quite a good team. Oh, that's pretty cool. Do you? Is it a bit if I was doing with husband or wife is it like me? I always say to everyone, you know, you've got to maintain a very healthy relationship. So we work together collaborate on the ideas for the ball, and then we go out several ways. You can't be on top of each other too much. Yeah, yeah. And I guess that's thing you need. You've got your own, you know, creative and aspects that you're capable of doing. You don't need someone looking over your shoulder Oh, no that that differently or yeah, whatever. Well, we do critique each other's work at times, but like, it's in a very kind of small window. And then we have space. Yeah. If you're working, and he also works in, you know, he's in an out, he's doing other stuff too. So I just, I always tell people, it's really wonderful because you have, you can relate to each other. And you have these common projects that you're building together, which is amazing, but it's always good to also have your own space. I think that's very important. Oh, my God, don't get me started about that. How many books have you done together? Um, we've done. So I did all the legends myself. And then and then we've done about seven mod six, six, we've done together yet. So the next one we did off. So as the legend alphabet, which was my post that got turned into a book, which was amazing. And then we got an app. So we got a bit of a publishing deal, which was, you know, a lifelong dream of mine. And the second book we actually came up with, was called if I was Prime Minister. And it was all about what kids would do if they were Prime Minister of the country. They lead the country, sorry. And it was amazing. Because, yeah, my son, we were on a trip to Canberra and he started coming up with all the things he would do if he was Prime Minister. And we were like, Oh, we're going to unique that idea of you. So we've added support to loads of kids and their ideas were incredible. And it just kind of took shape. And it's, it's, it's I think it's my favorite book, it's, it just shows that the world is going to be okay. Because kids have the most incredible, thoughtful, caring ideas that unfortunately, get a bit watered down as they get older. But it's, it's really inspirational. And I think people and we wanted to encourage kids to become more involved with politics and leadership at a young age. I don't know about you, but I didn't really understand what was going on when I was young. Oh, no, it took me a while because my parents were very, and my, my Nana, who was very close to us in the family. They were very secretive about like, who they'd vote for, like, Oh, yeah. Never tell anyone who you voted for. And it wasn't till I got older. And I realized, you know, they were working class, you know, blue collar workers that they will ever voted. And luckily, I sort of, I resonated with that. But yeah, but now like, I talk to my kids about all about politics, like they know who everyone is, and I tell them about, like, I want to understand stuff. So they don't just all of a sudden get thrust into the world of voting and have to go, oh, my gosh, what is this? Who do I vote? Yes, you know, I know, I think they need to be more educated. But But and again, they are planning to teach it more at school, which I think is fantastic. I don't think we ever got taught it at school. We got taught about the history of other countries and French Revolution. We don't learn Australian history. Yeah, so that thing, goodness, that's all changing. But yeah, I'm really hot on that. And actually, I had a guest on last week's episode that, well, this, I was talking the wrong tense because your episode will come out at one point, and the other person's. So a few weeks ago, I had Elise Adlam on the podcast, and she's an Australian philosopher, and feminist. And she was talking about how you can include your children in these big ideas in a childlike way. But right from the start, you know, including them in discussions about social justice, and, you know, this sort of stuff, which I thought was amazing. I think a lot of us do it in some way anyway. But it's really nice to know that it's actually a thing and you feel like you're validated a little bit to go, oh, yeah, we're actually doing the right thing, which is a bad thing to say because, you know, that whole sort of, you know, not mum guilt, but the sort of doubting yourself. But yeah, politics love politics. And I don't know, I think that's really important because I think I mean, I've been involved in this project that's not come out yet. So I'm not going to say what it is, but it is about breaking down stereotypes. And I think that that on a really basic level, you can start with kids I've been just exploring what a child looks like. Like on a very basic level like not what does it look like like a girl that a boy that likes to dress up as a girl, you know, like a nun address of his girl but you know, put on girls clothes and all those things. I've just breaking down what we're just taught and you can teach kids at such a young age, you know, Oh, yeah. And like he was saying before about the the ideas that these kids have Like, unfortunately, us as adults put so much of our own beliefs and mis judgments and all this sort of stuff on the kids, and if they just had the chance to just keep believing what they believe, Yeah, amazing to see, I know, someone actually put when we, these books, we talked to a lot of kids, and we and there was some hilarious ideas about what they would do if they were Prime Minister, like, come up with an extra day of the week called yum day, you know, like, so it wasn't all like, Oh, we're gonna, you know, change the world it was. But there was amazing stuff about, you know, giving to the homeless and all those kinds of things. And, um, and so that's it to us. It's a very lifting book, isn't it? I said, most kids aren't quite that way until? I think so too, because they do have that natural sort of here for others, you know? Yeah, I don't I think all of us are that way to start with. And then for some reason, capitalism, and yes, the world gets involved. And people start to pick whatever they want, if they want to go down, I think my son's a bit of a capitalist doesn't naturally some kids gravitate towards something one way or the other, and just, you know, teaching them to have all these these ideas. You know, look at the kids protesting about climate change. These are getting involved. Yes, absolutely. Yeah, absolutely. And yeah, that's the thing that their parents aren't telling him to do this. That's, that's something that they've, I mean, the parents have done an amazing job to allow them to keep thinking that way, yeah. I think um, yeah, and all I want my work to do, and I think I just naturally gravitate towards, you know, trying to shine a spotlight on these messages. I do it on my Instagram and my illustrations in my book, and I just want to look at those, you know, I like to keep current, what's going on? I'm always illustrating kind of as things happen around me, because it just interests me. And hopefully, you know, and people are hopefully able to relate to it, which is, is great. Yeah. political cartoonists. Yeah, it's common, the commentary on on, you know, relevant issues. I was actually, I was gonna ask you, what, what is your sort of inspiration? Yeah, I just get so inspired by what's going on in the news in the world? How are people reacting to things, and it's always excites me to draw something really quickly about it. You know, I just kind of, and I guess, you know, again, I don't regret any of my advertising background, because it actually teaches me to conceptually come up with something interesting on the spot quite quickly, you know, we're used to having to write down these ideas or get these ads out there. So none of the stuff that I've done before it's been a waste it all. So I always Yeah, and I kind of use all those skills. And when I see something come up, I go, Oh, I'd love to do an illustration about this, about that. You know, something that's just happened on the news. So I kind of jump on that. Yeah, no, that's, that's really cool. And you said, like your children, obviously influenced your books. Do you look at things differently now that you have children in terms of what is happening in the world? Yes. Yeah. I think just just constantly Oh, can you just hold on one second? The dog walkers? Yeah, no worries. One second. I'll be one word. Let's hear me. Oh, my God is so funny. They're like, they're going in the round. They all love each other. They just had a bit of a fight. Is that uh, is that like, they pick up lots of dogs and take them all at once? Oh, favorite thing like, I can't he can't even he gets so excited when he hears like a voice isn't the dog or the dog Olga says that I know and Clyde actually, you know, speak. We were talking about my children and firing our book and then our latest book. It's about a rescue Greyhound and my dog inspired me for that book. We always think he's got a bit of Greyhound in him and yeah, and it's it we just launched it. It's called got Clyde the greyhound. Clyde doesn't realize I've named the book after him. But um, yeah. Really beautiful story about a risky gram that doesn't know how to fit into inner city lifestyle. It's so funny. I had so much fun I mean, if you want to think about my day, it was really funny. I spoke to my sister in law who's a doctor, you know? And she was talking about these life saving operations. And she said, What did you do today? And I said, I drew a dog party. It took me that whole day. It's just so much joy to meet kids. You know, this whole world? Oh, yes. Yes, I work in, in early childhood education. So I'm, I love going into work and just immersing myself in a different world of fun and just Yeah. And you can truly be yourself like you can't, you know, there's no hiding yourself straight through you like, it's wonderful to be able to just truly be yourself. And yeah, yeah, a lot of my illustrations too. I actually also add lazing because I want when the parent reads the book, or you have the childcare to also get, you know, like, I like kind of feeding in different messages, some to the kid some to the adult for the adults will have a laugh about it, too. So I think that's really important. Yeah, I love books like that. It's like it goes straight over the kid's head for the parents to say. I'm in the Prime Minister. But we've got this, we talk about what a prime minister does. So we show a picture of the PMs office. And then so on all the spines. I've just written really funny names of books that adults would laugh at. But there's one that's called that's not my PM. And there's another one. There's another book called How to be a pm for dummies. Being just like, really funny. All the all the leaders of the world in one phone book, like a little phone book section, and he had so much fun, right? Yeah, but I've got to say, too, with the book, that's the my favorite teacher. I I like the neutral nod to the, to the Beatles in the music teacher. Oh, I love that. Yeah. Because one of my favorite pages. Thank you so much. Yeah, it was. And, um, and the line was, you know, my favorite teacher is I can't remember the teacher's name, but it's we love seeing getting better all the time, because he thinks we're getting better. You know, parent would like that. So yeah, absolutely. Yeah. So I definitely appreciate the effort that you put into that. Oh, my God, I think I put in too much effort. Sometimes I just sweat over these little these pages on thing. Does anyone notice but I love hearing that type. Yeah. And that's really cool. Like to ask all my mums about this concept of mum guilt, and it's something that you've touched on a little bit when you were talking about having to feel sorry, like saying, Sorry, you'll feel bad because you had to leave when you're working in advertising, you know, for pickups, or whatever. Have you found that that's changed the way you think about that sort of stuff? Since you're, you're doing what you love? And you know what I mean? Yeah, that's a great question. I think that might now my mum guilt comes to you know, I do have that mum guilt towards my kids because I don't have that straightforward job. So I am often working in the evening. And I find that I have to be a bit more put my tools down when they're home because I could just work work quite a lot. Even what you know, when they're at home, which is not you know, sometimes, you know, you're gonna have to work it at nighttime or around but I do think they're aware of me constantly not being focused on them because my job doesn't have a nine to five. Always, uh, you know, get random emails and all that so I'm getting better at it. I think I was shocking at the beginning. And it depends, like if I hadn't been a really intense period where actually during COVID It was actually quite busy for me because a lot of people couldn't do photo shoots. So they would need illustrators and then you had kids homeschool. Are we saying to someone, what did you call the people that had to go to work? They were called essential work. Essential illustrator, I said to a friend. So that was really hard. Because yeah, I and I also saw I had that mum guilt, but I also know that I'm a happier person when I'm enjoying my work. So with that, you know, being balanced. We're never gonna get it right. Are we? Ah, I don't know if there is a right you know what I mean? Like, you feel bad no matter what you do too much time with the kids, and then you go on, I've been neglecting a lot of things. And then I think that I'm a good role model in terms of doing something that I think they can look at and go okay, so she's really loves what she does. So that's a really great thing. And, you know, I have toned back, you know, mealtimes and everything answering my phones and stuff, but I don't think I'm ever gonna get that perfect to be fair. So I yeah, I know. It's different that guilt because yeah, I think I do work harder now than I don't. I run it, you know, work in advertising. Because it for my business, and I want to be really successful. I think it's funny, when you go out and work for yourself, you kind of need to prove it so much that you are doing the right thing that I think sometimes you tend to actually go a bit too far. Like you're actually too, you know, you have to tick so many things off the list, yet. You feel accomplished. So I struggle with that a bit. Yeah, yeah, I can understand that. When you said before about doing something that you love, I think that is so important. And I feel like, because this society we're in is so driven by making money. It's like, a lot of people have lost that sort of, you know, in I don't know who said this quote, but you know, if you do, do something, if you work in something you love, you'll never work a day in your life. Like, I don't know that there'd be, you know, so many people out of 10 that could truly say, I know, and I can't be grateful that I you know, there's lots of people all around the world that have to go work in terrible work conditions. And how lucky am I that I get to? Yeah, I try and be grateful about that. It's funny being it's actually funny working from home, because I have this beautiful studio that I've kind of set up for myself, but then at the same time, I think I kind of do myself, I'm constantly putting the washing on or, yeah, you know, my day, sometimes I have really productive moments, and then I'm just around the house kind of trying to do both. It's we're in such a funny time period, as a woman, as women, you know, we are expected that whole, you can do it all. By us in the face a lot of the time, I think, yeah, because I am picking the kids up from school and not putting them in after school care, or anything like that. So I haven't really quite crazy a lot of the time. Both be there for them and also work and run a household. Yeah, and let alone you know, that's the physical stuff, but the mental, like, as an artist, like your brain doesn't stop in no creative mode, too. So you know, if you see something like especially you say you're inspired by current events, and what's happening, you know, you're taking that in, and then you might go, Oh, I've got this idea. It's like that little what's name needs something and you're like, oh, you know, it's this constant pool, constant push and pull from all sides. That's what I struggle with. Like, if I've got an idea, I need to write something down. But I'm in the middle of, I don't know, making lunches or something, you know, it's just like, how do you physically and mentally can do all this stuff. So true. And I also think that I've had a few when things are really truly gone a little sour is when I've, it's wet when everything is running perfectly, and there's no kids sick, there's nothing goes wrong with work, but if something say something happens during my work, we had something go wrong with one of our books. And so all those all those plates and I'm speeding, if one light, then everything can actually fall down. And so it's you have to be easier on yourself. And I think yeah, and be prepared for those moments. And I've had to learn how to rebound and not take all those moments to personally you know, my ego takes a bashing or any of those things and it sounds and I was yay if it's nice and calm, everything is fine but if things get hectic like a job I have to get out instantly things I mean it can go quite chaotic and I'm trying to learn you know through meditation a few other things I actually yeah, I've I've stopped drinking alcohol I was finding that too hard to balance with kids and locked down and all those kinds of things and it just I wasn't creatively feeling as well. You know, agile. So I've done a couple of things to actually be more present. And because it's you that was, yes, something I think was pulling me back a little bit and not and yeah, keeping all those plates spinning was hard work do you have like external support? And you have family around or Yeah, I can help. Yeah, yeah, I've got parents and I've got beautiful community around me and everything like that. So yeah, I do. And I'm learning to lean on everyone a bit more. Yeah. See, that's what I find that hard. Like, I've got people, but sometimes you feel bad for asking, because you think I should be able to do this myself. And, you know, and my ego, like, I can do this, I don't need to ask for help. But then it's like, Oh, my God, if I don't ask for help, like you said, the plates are gonna fall off, and then all the plates fall off and crash on the floor. And yeah, I know. And I also feel like having that time to myself to like, you know, I'll do exercise or something like I try and be quite rigid with when you work from home, you have to be quite rigid with your day, will fit in that exercise I have to in the morning or do meditate, because otherwise, I know, I've got to put the work in to kind of, you know, feel productive on those other sides of the equation here. Yeah, it's a common thing. A lot of moms I've spoken to that work from home, it's just there'll be, you know, doing something in their studio, and then they'll hear the, the, the dishwasher before the washing machine beeps or like, oh, just go do that, you know, and then you just, I don't know, if you think of, and I don't need to make the place perfect during the morning. Like, I can leave it a bit chaotic. And that's okay. Like, I don't have to clean up, you know, everything. So I'm trying to get better at doing things like that, I guess. Yeah. And just, and also leaving when you're in the creative world, it's, there's this time also, I just want to create for not for any commercial purposes, and just for myself, so I try and those times and then I try and be quite rigid with that other type of, you know, in the one that I still need to make money. Yeah. Yeah, that's it, isn't it? Because it's almost like going back to the advertising days where you had that conflict between, you know, creating for someone else. And then your own, your own needs to come out. Sort of wasn't getting met. Yeah. I don't mind creating, I do a lot of freelance projects and actually, like, doing things with a purpose that are not just art for for, so I don't I don't mind working on briefs. And I love that side. I just need to know that I can balance that out with some other stuff for that. But you know, what? When do you ever get it perfectly? I think that weight exists. overthinking everything too much. Like just going just going with the flow of it like a kid is gonna get sick and lie next to you while you work is not the end of the world. That's That's it? Isn't it, like these expectations, letting go of what you think it's supposed to be like, or what society is supposed to be and looking on Instagram? Well, I mean, as I said, like when I started social media, for me has been such an amazing outlet, but it also makes me think everyone's doing a lot better than I am. Yes, yeah. And that's something we talk about a lot on this podcast, actually. And the best advice someone gave me was, if someone if someone's feed makes you feel triggered or uncomfortable, just just unfollow them, like, yeah. Oh, it's so amazing doing that, isn't it? It is a great feeling. But that's the thing like most people will only show the best bits, right? You only seeing the best bits and you can't compare your entire life to their best bit. It's like it's just not I think it's not healthy hunterson And you know, what's actually really good is that instead of being like, so we're stuck in these little was we're often quite isolated, especially as moms if you're working from home, you're quite isolated. If you're working in the studio, but actually to get and talk to other people in your creative industry, and talk and not be scared or jealous about them and actually try to learn from each other, and you'll see also that they're also going through their own struggles. I mean, not that you want to or complain, but it's nice to talk to people, rather than just seeing them as a competition. Yeah. And I think that comes from from age as well. Like, I feel like myself as a younger singer, was very competitive and would get jealous of people. And now, I just think, oh, good on. Yeah. Like, everyone, you for doing that. Yeah, I might think, oh, jeez, I wish I could do that. But then I think, well, I'm doing this. So that's like, you know what I mean, like, you don't lose sight of what journey you're on? Yes, you're able to have that maturity to celebrate someone else's success. And that's actually brought me a lot of joy. I know. And people are so generous when it comes to like giving me beautiful feedback. I was like, just kind of work myself to give other people like not think about yourself so much like get out of your own. Yes. Yeah. Yeah, what's interesting, too, is like you constantly creating for that kind of to get that positive feedback. And if you get too addicted to that it's actually really negative. And it's something I have to fight all the time. Yeah, I don't need everyone giving me compliments to feel better as a person. Yeah, see, I'm the same. I'm the same, this is going off on a tangent now. But when I was younger, in my relationship, like my husband, I'm married. Now before we were married, my husband doesn't do public displays of affection. He's not big on the art, you look beautiful sort of thing. And he's really good in a crisis, like he's, you know, really steady level raising. And so when I was younger, and all my girlfriends were with these blokes that had always have their arm around them when they're fatigued, telling them how beautiful they are, think we should do that. I wish she did. And then at some point in my life, I realized that I could actually say that to myself, I could actually say, Allison, you're amazing, you look really great, or you've done a really good job. I didn't have to wait for someone else to give me that validation. And that was tremendously, like freeing, because now I don't give a shit. You know, me, like, I don't need someone else to make me feel good about myself. And that felt really nice, because I think my dad was the same. He'd never give you like, I worked with my dad for a long time. You'd never get any sort of real positive feedback. You'd never get those comments. And my mum used to say, Oh, he never tells you done a good job. And it's like, I just have to tell myself, I've done a good job. Yeah. Because the same comes from their upbringing about what their parents are actually said it to me. And I know. And it's really funny though. Now my dad if he ever does say like, Wow, he's really proud. Both moments means so much. Yes, absolutely. Because they say no. Yes. But then at the same time, though, I've got to say, my mom was so positive, this is actually goes back to my creativity. And I have to she was so encouraging about it. And it was really important. Yeah, I needed that. Like, I always used to laugh before I even showed my mom and our network. She would gasp being like, oh my god, it's amazing. I was like, I haven't even showed it to you. I need someone in your life though. As long as you've got some sort of that kind of person just in those early stages to give you that confidence in Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's it because he's like, you might not have ever gone down that path if he didn't have that. That encouragement, ality and now I'm with my kids, although I always laugh that I don't want them to go into the creative world. I was like, I just wanted to be a chartered accountant. Something really boring and regular. But I know it's so funny. But i my i was always allowed to kind of do my thing and go into my creative choices. I was never stopped. Yeah, and art classes in the afternoon, all those things that are really important to work to making sure that your kid is well rounded in life. And it really gave me the tools to I think just be able to kind of go for it. Even though it took me a few years to get back to like my initial that kid drawing on the walls and she had to go, she had to go a few years, making $1 or two out and actually not just being a pure artist. I think it was important. I kind of know how the world works a little bit more now. Yeah, yeah. And like you said, you picked up those skills of being able to like get an idea and really quickly and you know, turn things around like from the advertising. Gonna Yeah, I think that that it all it Yeah, it all helped Are you kids creative as well they drawing and it's so funny. I didn't see early on the same obsession as I did, but now it's kind of coming a bit later. I don't know. And it's funny. I don't know if I I push it as much as I should or, but this just naturally coming out in in interesting ways like drama and and all those things it's so funny you see them, um constantly growing. You just you can't ever peek what they're gonna become. And for my son is 10 now it's really exciting thing I'm kind of on the verge of going into teenagehood and who is going to be? Yeah. Oh no. Yeah, I feel like it's I'm on the cusp before they go into like really negative space. How old are you? Well, I've got a seven year old and a 14 year old. Oh, so you're a bit older. So I've got a seven or 10 year old. Yeah, well over the shop. But yeah, gosh, it's just odd. And I that before Alex, like Alex is my eldest before he became a teenager, I just didn't know what to expect. I thought because I hadn't I've had no brothers with a sister. So I didn't know what the boys were going to be like. But he's just, I don't know, just the most straightforward, logical, well adjusted, settled child. It's just a miracle. It's just lovely. And I like you talking about like pushing the drawing or the creativity. I both my husband and I play instruments in a musical. But Alex, I always said to him, do you wanna? You want me to teach you something? Do you want to know I don't wanna do not he's not a really sporty kid. But all of a sudden, about 12 months ago, he decided he wanted to play the recorder. Just out of nowhere. I'm like, great. The recorder I had to pick something out. And then it was a bit much for me. So I bought him a tin whistle and Irish tin whistle because I had a nicer sound. And then he decides he wants to play the bagpipes. Oh, my now but he's so he's actually he's picked it up so quickly. Like for kid that's done nothing musical. I think it was just any, you know, they just get get it through. The Jains picked it up so quick. And he's he's actually good at it. So it actually sounds nice. Coming through the house with four doors shut between him and us. It sounds lovely. I love that you didn't push anything on him too much. Like I think we pushed the piano on my oldest to he hated it in the classic thing of pushing it and then being able to step back and just letting him naturally. It scared me though, because people around me like I was singing in a vocal group when he was born and other mums were getting their kids to join this junior group that we had. And I was like, Oh, maybe I should be doing this. And I actually got him to come to a Christmas carol gig, just real casual just to sing Christmas carols with us. And he just said, I didn't really I don't want to do that again. I'll say okay, that's fine. Like you've had a go, you know, and I just I've just really had to step back, which was hard for me. Because I'm, you know, do you want to do this? Do you want to do that? Yeah, that can. It's also like you, you want to make sure. Just because, you know, you've got all that experience in the music world, but and you don't and then you're like, Oh, have I deprived them? Should I have pushed harder? Yeah, yeah. And all these mums are doing it. Should I be on that? Was that felt like I was? Yeah. Am I doing the right thing. And in the end, it's just happened the way it's happened. So it's lovely. But my other ones completely different. He just wants to do everything he wants to. Like he's really sporty. He's trying out all different things. So they're very different children. And I don't think we'll ever play a musical instrument. He's just too sporty. But that's fine. I've got my bag. Oh my god, amazing. I'll talk to you and like, you know, 10 years from now and you'll be like he's a professional bagpipe. I've always had one of my good friend of mine from down here. She's Scottish and she wants him to play at a wedding. Oh, there you go, mate. That'd be your first professional gig. Oh my god. You gotta get into the wedding circuit. Wedding weddings and funerals Oh my god. I JC a poor boy that I think has been exiled to the park up the road from us playing the bag Oh God I had just so loud and he hasn't even got all the stops out of all of these things yet like they can get louder sunlight. Oh god help is when he loves that he really loves it. You're listening to the art of being a mom with my mom, Alison. Wanted to ask to your children obviously must be aware that mom and dad are creators and make does that make you like excited and play? They know that you do stuff apart from being their parents. Yeah, it's so funny though I talk about this quite a bit. So I, you know, at their local school, we just got to a really lovely public school, I do a lot of reading and, you know, kids are aware, and it's just so I think they before they discover influences, they're really love our books, and they're always coming up to us to the playground and talking to us and just being amazing. And my kids are really proud of that. Like, it's almost like this. They get a bit of fame out of us, but they're like, I mean, yeah, as I said, you know, like a five year old then, before they've discovered YouTube. But they, ah, I laugh. If I go, I've done a new book, you know, it's pretty amazing to get a book published, and they don't even my kid. My son's read a latest book. And I go to a, I'm going to stop did I dedicate the books to them? I go, I'm gonna stop dedicating these books to you. This is the last one. I don't know. Look. He's, he kind of get some bit embarrassed now and all that kind of stuff. But I know he loves it. But then they're really not that excited whenever we got a new board is that she's done another one. Oh, I know. I know. And it's so funny. Because when sometimes when their friends come over, they want to watch me draw thing and they don't really know underneath. Yeah. Would you like me to come in and do a reading of my new book? No, no. Okay. That's fine. I'm not coming in. But yeah, it's funny. But yeah, as I said, and then then they'll do beautiful things like make their own books. Both things. It's just not a constant, because I think it's it's everywhere around them. I think that must be that must happen for a lot of parents who are doing these interesting vacations, like kids just kind of it kind of becomes quite normal, doesn't it? Hmm, yeah. And the excitement of it, like has gone out? Because I see it every day. And I see it. I know. I know. So but yeah, I'm sure later in life, they'll be really proud. Hopefully. I tell you funny. And then I dedicated another book, I think to my siblings. I don't think they got that excited. Maybe that's my big hint that I think it's so wonderful to dedicate a wall. But it's not actually to animate. Oh, yeah, that's quite funny. I when I did my first album, I did it. I have so many dedications on it. And I think the most excited with the ladies because I have the I used to teach Aqua classes at my local church. And it was beautiful bunch of of elderly ladies. And they were just like, like I had 20 Nana's like they were just beautiful. And so and they'd always be like, Oh, when's your next gig because none of them were online. So they had to work out how they were going to get their tickets and all this sort of stuff. But they'd come I had, you know, a table of them come to I put them in my dedications. And they were, I think, the most excited. None amazing partners, the charity sort of thing. Yeah. And that support and you know, what's amazing? Is those those type of people, you know, when I've had book launches, and the most interesting people that I never would have thought come more than your close friends come to these things. And it's just good to have those type of people in your life. Oh, yeah. It's very, it's very, I don't know what the word is. It's validating but it's lovely as well, like going past the ego. It's yeah. It's just to see you meet in your journey. You know, in the creative world, you meet so many interesting characters. And some people are just more attracted to what you do than others. I think that's just, yeah, I'm sure one of my kids is going to follow me more than my other kid. And then I might get an accountant if dreams do come true. Just a regular paycheck. attracted to that stability, because there's no stability in the work we do. At the same time, I'm so addicted to like, you know, the highs and the, you know, that an email can avail like, you know, the other day we were on the news, and Anthony Albanese was reading our prime minister, but yeah, I mean, that just does not happen. That's on the news. And you're like, Wow, this is just so crazy. So the other day we had on and someone read our book on Play Store, which was just, yeah, that's almost like the peak, isn't it? That's like the summer. Right. You know, what's interesting, though, is sorry, I always go you know, what's interesting to me, um, you have these new summers and you think, Well, that's it. I'm retiring that I mean, how can you get better and then this little thing called ambition? Get in or are you going comes in your head and guess what are you going to do next? It was like when I got my first book published, I was like, Oh, well, I've done it. I've achieved what I wanted to because that was always my greatest ambition was to do that. And then like, what about that next book, Becky? Oh, that's funny. I love that now. Good idea. But thank you so much for chatting with me today. It's so lovely. I've just enjoyed meeting you know me too and it's so nice talking to someone in the creative field but on a different spin on you know, I love talking to people like that I've got to I yeah reminds me not just talking to people in the book world or the the art world music or anything. The music you heard featured on today's episode was from LM Joe, which is my new age ambient music trio comprised of myself, my sister, Emma Anderson, and her husband, John. If you'd like to hear more, you can find a link to us in the show notes. Thanks for your company today. If you've enjoyed this episode, I'd love for you to consider leaving us a review, following or subscribing to the podcast, or even sharing it with a friend who you think might be interested. If you or someone you know would like to be a guest on the podcast. Please get in touch with us via the link in the show notes. I'll catch you again next week for another chat with an artistic mom