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Sarah Renzi Sanders US mixed media visual artist S1 Ep24 Listen and Subscribe on itunes , spotify and google podcasts Sarah Renzi Sanders is a visual artist from Kensington, Maryland a suburb of Washington D.C USA, and a mother of 3. Through surrealism and symbolism, and working with acrylics, oils, collage and mixed media, Sarah explores her various identities from a young child to a mother as well as the plethora of roles women play in society. Her work also brings light to the taboo subject of mental health, using the mask as a repeated symbol to hide the true self. Her work demonstrates her fascination with the mysteries of the human mind, memory, and imagination. Sarah’s own meditation practice and creative vision are intrinsically linked as seen through the metaphysical and spiritual symbolism in her work. We chat about how Sarah draws on this meditation practice to create her art challenging the patriarchy in art and life, being your true authentic self, judgement and generosity. **This episode contains discussion around anxiety, depression and autism** Connect with Sarah on her website and instagram Find Sarah"s new series here Find Sarah’s Mixed Media Madonna project here Find Sarah’s Kensington Artists profile here Podcast - instagram / website Music in this episode is used with permission from Alemjo When chatting to my guests I greatly appreciate their openness and honestly in sharing their stories. If at any stage their information is found to be incorrect, the podcast bears no responsibility for guests' inaccuracies. Podcast transcript at the bottom of the page Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode of The Art of Being A Mum Podcast. I'm beyond honoured that you're here and would be grateful if you could take 2 minutes to leave me a 5-star review in iTunes or wherever you are listening. It really helps! This way together we can inspire, connect and bring in to the light even more stories from creative mums. Want to connect? Take a screenshot of this episode and share it on Instagram tagging me in with @art_of_being_a_mum_podcast I can't wait to connect. And remember if you or somebody you know would like to be a guest on the podcast, get in touch ! I love meeting and chatting to mammas from all creative backgrounds, from all around the world! Thank you! Alison acknowledges this Land of the Berrin (Mount Gambier) Region as the Traditional Lands of the Bungandidj People and acknowledge these First Nations people as the custodians of the Region. Ch eck out more episodes ..... Welcome to the Art of Being a mum, the podcast where we hear from mothers who are artists and creators sharing their joys and issues around trying to be a mother and continue to make art. Regular topics include mum guilt, identity, the day to day juggle mental health, and how children manifest in their art. My name is Alison Newman. I'm a singer songwriter, and a mum of two boys from regional South Australia. I have a passion for mental wellness, and a background in early childhood education. You can find links to my guests, and topics they discuss in the show notes, along with music played a link to follow the podcast on Instagram, and how to get in touch. All music used on the podcast is done so with permission. The art of being a mom acknowledges the bone tech people as the traditional custodians of the land and water which this podcast is recorded on and pays respects to the relationship the traditional owners have with the land and water as well as acknowledging past present and emerging elders. Thanks for joining me. My guest today is Sarah Renzi Sanders. Sarah is a visual artist from Kensington, Maryland, a suburb of Washington, DC, United States, and she's a mom of three. Through surrealism and symbolism, and working with acrylics, oils, collage and mixed media, Sarah explores her various identities from a young child to a mother, as well as the plethora of other roles women play in society. Her work also brings light to the taboo subject of mental health. Using the mask is a repeated symbol to hide the truth self. Her work demonstrates her fascination with the mysteries of the human mind, memory, and imagination. Sarah's own meditation practice, and creative vision are intrinsically linked, as seen through the metaphysical and spiritual symbolism in her work. Today, we chat about how Sarah draws on that meditation practice, challenging the patriarchy in art and in life, being your true authentic self judgment and generosity. This episode contains discussion around anxiety, depression, and autism. Thank you so much for coming on today. Sarah, it's a pleasure to have you. Thank you so much. I'm so happy to be here. I'm right in saying Happy Thanksgiving. Yes, yes. Last night, so I'm very glad that it's a feeling a bit full silver. I am but you know what, I had leftovers for breakfast and, and it was great. D tell me is it? I'm not totally familiar with thanksgiving. But is it almost bigger than Christmas? For you guys over there. It's like it's a really significant holiday or it's not bigger than Christmas. But it's kind of the kickoff to the Christmas season two. So one Thanksgiving is over. Then we're bombarded with, you know, the Christmas commercials and the Christmas songs and the radio and like it's time to buy stuff. It's like right off you guys. It's exciting. So So you're in a place called Kensington in Yes, Dairyland. Can you tell me a bit about I did a bit of googling. I was actually really interested in your weather. I have this thing what people's weather's like. So you're in? You're in winter over there now? Yes, yes. So cold, windy. Every once in a while we'll have a nice day. That get air will get up to like 60 Because it's fall. But for the most part, it's pretty cold and windy. Like 30 degrees ish is the average at this point. Yeah, I'm just gonna do a quick conversion and see what that is in Celsius. Yeah. Oh, that's alright. Hang on. I'm gonna look it up. We're about 10 miles outside Washington DC. Maybe a little less than that. Yes. Yeah. So is that like, minus one? So? I mean, 32. Freezing? Yeah. So it's not terrible. It's actually been a pretty mild fall so far. But yeah, it hurts your face. Well, where I live, we do not get anywhere near that. Like, I'm complaining when it's like 13 degrees, which what would that be for you? Hang on, let me put that in proper. What you can 13 Celsius is like 55. Right. So really, so that's cool. That's our code. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, that's so nice. You probably be appreciating that right now. That's a beautiful day here. So Is it snowing there? Do you get saved? No, it's not snowing. So, um, I mean, today I think they said it was gonna be a high of 45 which is not too bad. I can still walk the dogs and be okay. Yeah, right. Yeah, so that hang on. I've got to look that up. That's seven. Okay, so that's, that's okay. So seven. Yeah, yeah. So your style of art is to realism and symbolism. Am I right in saying that? Can you explain for people like me who aren't into like, understand, what does that mean? So surrealism is you are creating work that looks realistic, but it's often an unrealistic setting. So sometimes the juxtaposition of things that don't really make sense together. Surrealism is often described as dreamlike. It looks like maybe it's came from my imagination, which it did. But in most instances of my work, I'm using my own experiences. And I'm kind of putting it together together in a way that makes sense to tell a story. So it's not an exact memory. It's not like a snapshot of a moment in time. It's more of, you know, how I was feeling in the moment and exploring how I can express those feelings visually, and put symbols in there that have sort of a deeper meaning. And my work, really, it is autobiographical, but I, I want people to be able to look at it and relate to these emotions. Yeah, lately. Yeah. So that's something that started out as something that that triggered from your life, but the themes are sort of common that anybody could relate to that from their own experience in life, I suppose. Yes. Yes. So I address a lot of anxiety, depression, mental health issues. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. That's very common theme, isn't it? For people? Yeah. Yeah. That's very hot right now. Yeah, for sure. So the symbolism I'm interested in because one of my guests I had earlier on was an art historian. And she was talking about how she looks here. Her specialty was the long 18th century. And she was talking about how she looks at the art and, you know, tries to decipher I suppose, what was going on, and all that sort of thing. So I guess that's the symbolism sort of ties in people could look at that. And I guess it's subjective to like, people could take it. However, they needed to, I guess, couldn't they? It's not necessarily everybody. Yeah. And that's why I like talking about my art. But a lot of times, I like people to tell me about what they see in my art and how it makes them feel and how it relates to their story. Because I think that's the most interesting part. Yeah. Yeah, that's really cool. So what sort of mediums do you use in your art, so I'm mostly an acrylic painter right now. I have used oils in the past but I am working out of a very small office space in my home. So acrylic is just the easier medium to use. And I try to I try to sometimes put things materials in there that wouldn't be expected. For example, I will stitch with embroidery floss directly on the canvas. So you may not see it as well in pictures but if you were to see the work in person, you can see that you know, this eye is stitched on with thread or these flowers are are sewn onto the canvas. The piece behind me as a piece has some lace on it. I also do use textural elements such as cracks. I use this paste called crackle paste and it kind of you put it on and as it dries, it creates these kinds of cracks and it reminds me of, you know, dried Earth maybe like a desert. So yeah, yeah, but And now we'll use a little bit of wash for details which Um, I recently discovered is very, very fun to work with. So yeah, what is that code? Wash? It's, um, so it's I recently discovered it, it's an acrylic medium, but it's, it works almost like an oil or a watercolor, it's very easy to blend. They're little tiny tubes. So it is quite expensive. You're not gonna like paint a whole painting. But a lot of people use it for works on paper and for realistic things. So I'll use it often on the face, or on the small details of a painting. Yeah, and it's just kind of a slightly different. It doesn't dry as fast as acrylic. So you are able to blend it. So it's kind of like almost like, like how oil you can it doesn't dry very fast. So you can keep blending it to make it look more realistic. Yeah, yeah. So that things like delays, I guess is sort of, sort of reflective of like emotions. And I don't know, it's like you're creating all these different elements. Yes. Make sense? No, yeah, totally. And I just, I do I mean, each kid has has a lot of layers, because I feel like each, like each person, especially when I'm addressing women and mothers, it's like, we all have these, like, layers that we keep putting on ourselves to cover our real selves and to hide who we really are. Maybe not to hide it, but you know, it just we get lost in there. You know, you're somewhere underneath all those layers. Yeah, yeah. That's quite, quite good way of putting it. Is that that identity? Is that Yeah, it's a massive thing, isn't it? This the concept that you're, you're a woman. And then all of a sudden you have a child and your entire life has changed the way you think about yourself changes the way society views you is changes. And it's also almost you can sort of get lost in that, I think, is that is that? Absolutely. Yes. And I actually had my first child when I was 20. And I was still in college, university. And so my daughter right now is 15. In high school, and so I felt like really, I didn't even know who I was. I mean, we all struggle with Who am I but but you know, at 20 You have no idea. Yeah. So I really didn't and, and so that did become so much of who I was. And my entire life. So I never really lived as an independent adult. Without being a mother. So I was a mother like, bam, and then yeah, I'm a grew up. Yes, that's right. No, I mean, I wouldn't change it for a thing. I mean, that was the you know, biggest growing experience of my entire life. So yeah, absolutely. Yeah. How did you first getting to your, your painting and your artwork? Um, so I actually I always was the artist at school, I always was doing little caricatures and drawings of teachers and, and people in my class and and I kind of hated it. Actually, I didn't like being the artist I wanted to be, you know, I wanted to be the athlete, or I wanted to be the singer. I didn't want to be the artist. I thought that was boring. So I kind of tried to like, downplay it and push it back. But when I got to high school, I had some really great art teachers. And I you know, all my lectures were art classes, gone to college actually got rejected for being an art major, because my portfolio is so disorder is not you know, me college was not, I wasn't if I completely understand why I was rejected. It was like, completely thrown together. I was probably like, late on it too. But I decided to become an art minor because I didn't need to be accepted into any program to do that. I just You declared art I was a history major and in our minor, yes. So I did work for those courses. And, you know, I loved it, but I wasn't going to, you know, become a full time artists because that just wasn't a realistic option ever. And then I got offered a job as an art teacher, by an old teacher of mine who I just happened to run into, and she's like, Oh, you're an artist, you want to teach art. And I was, yeah. That was my first job. I had a daughter's at that point. She was one. So I, you know, I had to take the job. I taught art, which was great. And I would do a little bit of drawing, you know, for lesson planning and my free time, but I really didn't have time to devote to my art as much. But you know, in the beginning, I was really painting just things that I thought people would like, everyone's well, some come to me with the condition and, oh, can you paint my house, like, a painting of my house? Or can you pay a portrait of my dog or things like that. So I wasn't really painting for myself, I was, I was just, you know, make a little extra money here and there. It really wasn't until the birth of my third my son Wallace that I started painting during his naptime. Because in the States, we don't have any type of maternity leave. So I, it was either I had my third child, it was either like go back to work, and pay an astronomical amount of childcare, or just stay at home with my kid. And, you know, so I stayed at home, and then, you know, he had a study naptime. And that was my, my time to paint. And that's when I really started to, you know, paint for myself and just paint for the pleasure of painting. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Was there a trigger at that point to, to encourage you to go back to painting or was just something, you sort of just thought, Oh, I just want to do this. Yeah, it was, it was, well, actually, there was an event we our basement flooded. And so we had a spare bedroom in the basement. And I had been kind of painting out of it. But you know, like I said, before, not really, painting work for myself, it was more of, you know, these little side jobs. And when the basement flooded, we had to completely refinished the basement, change the flooring, you know, like, pull everything up. And I told my husband, I was like, you know, I really think instead of a spare bedroom down there, let's just put some cheap tile down. And I'll make it my art studio. And so that was really what really pushed me to start creating and then I had this big space to create and, and experiment and just make a mess. And that was like, such an exciting time. For me. Oh, that sounds awesome. I'm really taken by the colors that you use in your AU. I mean, I get the vibes that you're a spiritual person. He's from like chakras or like, is it? Like head? Is there a connection there? Or is it just totally intuitive or so, um, it's interesting, I grew up Catholic and, like going to Catholic school for 13 years of my life and very strict upbringing. But as I you know, especially as became a mother and became more comfortable in myself and who I was, I have explored, you know, spirituality in a wider sense. I'm not restricted to any sort of traditional faith. And I do have my Reiki level one training so I do and really use the chakra colors. And I do you know, only I practice taro which you know, as a child was told that I was summoning the devil sort of thing. You know, as a as an adult woman. It's like I know what works for me spiritually. And I know how to explore my own intuition. And I'm not really like I'm not afraid of being judged anymore for those sorts of things. Yeah, but I do, I try to use the softer, more feminine girlish pinks. And because it reminds me of my childhood, and a lot of my work is trying to go back and find that inner child and find what she enjoyed and what brought her joy and made her happy and gave her life. Yeah, so so much of my work is going back in time. And it is sometimes dark or subject matter. So I use the the kind of bright colors to almost reframe it and make it a little more digestible. Because, you know, if the subjects I was painting, were painted in, you know, dark, gloomy colors, that's just for me, that's not life, life is a balance of light and dark. Yeah, so, you know, the bad things happen. But something, something is coming out of that some, some kind of treasure is coming out of a bad event, it's always going to even out. So I do try to make my you know, even if my subject matter is death, or, you know, fear or abandonment, or trauma, I do try to keep these kinds of inviting colors into the piece because I do want people to bring it in and kind of reframe their mindset about certain things. Yeah, that's really cool. Yeah, it's almost like you're saying, okay, so this is, this is gonna be tough. This is hard. But you know, what, you can look at it through different eyes, you don't have to see it as a, you know, a really big scary, massive negative thing. Right? Right. It's almost like it's almost like a form of therapy, you know? Yes. Yeah, absolutely is in creating, the series that I'm most known for is the unmasking the self. And it wasn't, it had nothing to do with COVID I started this. I did this series in 2019. But I do have the masks, because I feel like as young girls, from an early age, we're very much conditioned to wear masks to hide our emotions. And so my whole life, I've struggled with depression and anxiety and just, you know, put on the mask, smile, perform, be a good girl, you know, do all the things for everybody. And, you know, and so that's a lot of pressure. And I think that especially little girls are under enormous pressure, whereas boys are kind of given a pass and boys will be boys and, and but girls are there's a much higher standard that they're held to. There's an account that growing up and I feel it, I felt it for my daughter. And and I have to I have two boys that, you know. I mean, things are changing, obviously. But the series was really born out of that hole. Who am I? What is my identity? And did I ever really even have one even as a child, you know, like, it's something you really you are hidden under layers of masks and different personas and different identities that people depend on you. And as a mother, it just becomes heavy and you're aware. Yeah. Oh, that's so true. Yeah, that's, that's awesome. I love that. Yeah, I had a look on your website at the, at those pictures of your work. And it's just it's so profound, like when you start thinking about that stuff. Like it's how we start off the day starting with anything. Yeah, man, like, so you're right, having that. That attractive, sort of outside layer. It allows you to venture in without fear. I think you can sort of start to creep into it. And yeah, yes, it's very inviting. So you have three children. So your oldest 15. So I have a son who is nine. Yep. And then I have a son who is five. And my five year old is on the autism spectrum. So that was another big moment in our lives too. kind of reevaluate what it meant to raise a child. And because we had a two before who were semi nurse. But my middle one is, you know, we're still we're still getting evaluated. But the youngest CEO, he wasn't speaking. And he just, you know, would, he was quirkier, and you know, would have the meltdowns and so but when the diagnosis came back, it was very shocking to me, I was not expecting it. But, I mean, he is the most amazing human being in the world. And he is, he did a program for two years for children on the spectrum, intense therapy. And now he is in a neurotypical classroom with a teacher's aide, and he's doing fantastic. But yeah, that was a, you know, that was another dark period that I've illustrated in my work. And just the whole stigma around autism, and you know, something as something that needs to be cured. It's not something that needs to be cured. It's just a completely different, it's a different way that your brain works. And all of our brains work differently. And so I'm kind of, I do I am very passionate about, you know, autism advocacy, and just reframing it like, this isn't some tragedy, this is actually an amazing gift for my son. I mean, he's just the most amazing little human being sees the world in such a way that you I mean, that brings joy to him and brings joy to the people around him. And we all love Wallace. And he is so incredible. It's this, like, amazing little light being rainbow soul who just has these amazing ways of thinking and speaking and seeing the world and yeah, so it's really been such a great gift to us as a family. Yeah, absolutely. can sort of allows you to, to change your perspective on things or look at things in a different way. And, yeah, yeah. That's all always a you know, one of my fears. Because it's like it, like You're conditioned to think that it is, you know, so terrible. And in for some people, it is a big struggle. And I'm very lucky that we had him in early intervention therapy, and he has just grown so much. Yeah. And yeah, it's amazing. And his siblings are amazing. With him. Yeah. So it's really great. Yeah, that's awesome. Any of you children artistic as well? Do? You know, while this would be the most artistic it's, and my son Leo, my middle. He loves football. Loves in it. American football. Yep. So he loves to draw football fields from every NFL team. But that's kind of the center of it. He's not going to draw any other picture. He's not going to draw a family portrait. It's literally just binders full of different football fields. And then he'll have little numbers and scores are involved. Yeah, but then Wallace Wallace really does like to come into the studio with me and he likes the sensory aspect of he likes touching the knee, you know, the wetness the feelings. And then my daughter who's 15 is a brilliant musician. Yeah. So she's not really interested in you know, visual arts but she's pretty I mean, she's pretty amazing guitar piano she can pick anything up and yeah, good. That's awesome. So you recently created an Instagram page for artists in the Kensington area. So you're very passionate about sharing community? Yeah, tell us tell us how you came up decide to do that. You know, I I really just believe that we, we grow and we share and and it's good for all of us to kind of like rise by lifting each other up and I I feel like having a daughter in high school, you kind of are forced to go back into that dark period where girls are cutting each other down constantly. And I do live in this amazing community of Kensington, it's a very, it's a small town, outside of DC. And, you know, we can walk to all these small businesses, little boutiques, little antique stores, thrift stores, we've got a couple of food places, it's like, my kids can literally walk, if they want to, you know, pick up a sandwich for lunch or get a soda. And that's something that in the DC area isn't that common, you know, it's a lot of commuting, a lot of driving. And in our area, we have this nice little perfect place where we can walk everywhere, and the neighbors are so friendly, and everyone knows each other. And I know so many artists just in my community. And I realized that we were all working very independently, you know, everyone's we all give each other a shout out or whatever. But I really just wanted to, like bring us all together and be like, Guys, this is really special, you know, that we have so many artists in our little community. And I want to eventually create, curate some shows, do some public, you know, shows or maybe even open a gallery, two years down the road, but just kind of tapping into this creative economy that's in our community that's so valuable, but it's just not seen very much. And a lot of these women are mothers working out of their homes. So we don't have much studio space in the community. And I just kind of wanted to bring awareness to that. Because people you know, around the holidays, especially everybody's looking for this special gift, and everyone wants to buy from artists in our community. So I thought by putting this together and kind of having it be a landing page for everyone, and just promote everyone, all of them and, and just bring us together and have this kind of be like a united force in the community. So I love that. And I think also too, it shows, there's no, there's no ego of like, you're not competing with anyone, you know, it's like you're welcoming everybody. It's not saying, Oh, yours is better Rios there. It's like, it's just a supportive group, you know? Exactly. And I feel like that's what I really needed. Because I was finding that in, in the city in Washington, DC, I was finding communities of women that I would, you know, be a part of, and I would support and they would support me, but right in my backyard, you know, I can walk to, you know, five artists houses right now, you know, and I'm like, let's do it here. Let's do it here. I don't have to drive into the city to get my community of artists. I can build one right here. Yeah, absolutely. And it's so special. It's something that you know, you can you can help grow and foster that. And yes, yeah, I love that. Turning back to what we're talking about earlier about, you said something. Well, the way I'm remembering it might not be the exact words but it was to do with not worrying what people thought. And I want to just read out a quote that you wrote on your Instagram page. You said, after years of hating myself, I am proud of myself, I painted this huge effing painting behind me and I love it. I don't care if you like it, or anyone else likes it. I love it. My work is powerful and meaningful. And that's a really profound statement. That's like, it is so like, you just, it's just your truth. Yeah, it took me a long time to get there. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. But you know what I feel like once once the layers come off, and the ego comes off, and yeah, that sounds a little ego. You know, no, I'm with you. Yeah. But I you know, once you start worrying about people judging you and what others think of you when you more worry about like, No, I'm going to be true to myself and my authentic self and express that to people, you give other people permission to do this. Same. And if we are all, you know, trying to raise the vibration of humanity and, and work towards becoming our authentic selves and discovering our truth and our gifts and our talents, then everybody wins. So, you know, all the people walking around trying to people pleasing, be everything for everybody. And this kind of whole narrative of motherhood is the murderer, and sacrificing. And the first thing that sacrifice is like, your sense of self, right? It's just like you are not, you're just a vessel, and you're just a feeding machine and a maid and a cook. And, and all these things rolled into one that, like, you're so much more than that, like, they're everybody has their unique talents and gifts. And, you know, I did hide mine for so long, like, as a younger child, and even as an adult, not really finding out like what, oh, make a few bucks here, but what's the value of it, but I think that through Instagram, as annoyed as I get with him, it is a great, powerful tool to connect people and to, I mean, to inspire people, I'm so inspired by so many artists. And when I created an interview, I had no idea there were so many inspirational artists, so many artists that I could fall in love with their work, and just so moved by their work. And it just, it's amazing. And if we all just kind of get to a point where we can say, this is me. And this is my work. And if you don't like it, whatever. No, I didn't make it for you. I made it for me. Yeah, yeah. So I absolutely love that. I'm gonna, I'm gonna take that and put it in my quotes, because that honestly, I feel like I had a similar sort of Revelation. At some point. I'm not sure exactly when, but in. In my childhood, I did a lot of singing competitions, it was sort of something that we had to do. And there was this massive emphasis placed on getting a prize getting a place winning. So there was this. Yeah, this huge connection between for me between singing and being good or being better than someone or someone telling you, you were good. You know, this adjudicator this one person saying, I liked you better than that person, you know, this validation came from other people. And as I've gotten older, it's like, it's the same thing. What literally what you just said, I don't care if you don't like it, because I'm not doing it for you. I'm doing it for me. And I think, because like, any form of art is so subjective. You know, there's plenty of art that I might not necessarily like or love, but I can appreciate that the person that's done it is done an amazing job in creating that, and they've poured a piece of themselves into this, you know, whether it's music or dancing, or, you know, visual art, you know, so I think, yeah, I've come a long way, in, in many years of just accepting and, and I still put myself up for different competitions, but in different ways, like online or writing competitions. And if I don't win, it's like, that's fine. Because it wasn't my time, you know, I can see that everyone's on their own journey. And even just as recently as last last Thursday night, I was in Adelaide for a competition and, and I didn't win it, and I had no pangs of wish it was me, I mean, would have been nice to win. But I can see that that person, that one that was there on their journey, it's this is their time, you know, and it's other incredibly freeing and empowering to be able to take away that you just feel you feel unencumbered, you just feel light and, you know, yes. Once we remove the need to be validated by others, that is such a like, that is such a turning point. And obviously, of course, I still do get caught up in that a lot. It's not I'm on a journey and evolving and not yet. But I'm definitely like at the beginning when I first created my Instagram, it was like, I really was putting work online because I wanted people to like it. Obviously I wanted people to follow me I wanted people to buy my art and and that's the kind of work I was putting out and then a curator actually asked me who is Sarah Renzi Sanders, the artist. And I was like, I don't know. I it was a really hard question. It really caused me to like, like Who do I want to be? I can be any what I want. But I definitely don't want to be this person just creating, like boring abstracts that people like, so that they will sell. I want to be more than that, you know, so I want, I want my work to touch people, I want my work to inspire people, I want my work to move people, I don't just want to create something pretty to match someone's couch, you know? Yes. And I feel like I know a lot of artists who still aren't doing that and have been doing it for years. And that's their business model, and it works for them. But for me, I think I want to create more of a legacy than, you know, a financial IQ. I mean, obviously, I like I like money. There's nothing wrong with money, but I know what you mean. Yeah, it's not my first it's not my number one, you know, it's not my number one priority. So, yeah, I understand the journey, just the journey, every rejection is a stepping stone to getting where you want to be. So, you know, everybody's been rejected numerous, there's no one successful that hasn't been rejected 1000 times. So yeah, it's interesting, use that analogy. I interviewed a lady in Australia, just a couple of days ago. And she used the same sort of that imagery of she had to sort of she was saying that she was meeting getting to these like roadblocks then she'd have to change direction and, and someone said to her, why don't you look at that, instead of a block, you change direction, and you're going across like a lily pad and you have to go across you had to go to this one. It wasn't a straight line. And she said once she changed that in her mind, that way of looking at it just totally changed. And that's the same thing like the stepping stones. It's not you know, rarely is anything in life in a straight line. You know, we take that turns and and end up with Yeah, totally, totally. Growth is not linear. It's like a big ball of wool or something. It's just like. Topic that that I talk about a lot on my podcast is mommy guilt. And I believe it's something that probably is a resonates across all boundaries, like nationalities, countries, that kind of thing. Is that something is mum guilt, sort of a term that you've heard much of or you've got some opinions on? You know, I have heard it. And I do know women, estate's mostly women that are working full time, that have that mom guilt, I am lucky enough to, you know, be home and working while my kids are in school, and then I pick them up, and then I'm home with them for six more hours. And chauffeuring them to various activities. So um, I don't really have it, because I also feel like, it's, it's something that women need to sort of let go of, and allow themselves to look at it in a way that if I'm doing something for myself, I'm bettering myself so that I can be better for my children. So if I have an art show, and you know, I gotta, you know, my husband has to put the kids to bed and they don't get me singing them to sleep or whatever it's like, my kid is, is growing from that experience. They're not, it's not losing me for one night, they're not going to be traumatized by that. I mean, they're learning to be adaptable. And they're learning that yes, your mother has her own life and, and when you grow up and have kids, you're gonna have your own life too. And I think it sets an example for my daughter that you don't have to give up your entire life and you don't have to martyr yourself constantly. That you actually deserve to have a life on your own and it's gonna make you a better mom. So yeah, that's kind of how I feel about it. I could not have put that better myself. That is brilliant. Absolutely love that. Like, the more I talk to moms, the more that I think that society is the one driving this Mum, do you like the judgment? The judgment that you get from, you know, other mums and social media this perception of what a mum has to be done Um, yeah, and people are going hang on a minute, I don't buy into that, like, like you said, what I'm doing, I'm not neglecting my children, I'm, you know, I'm doing something for myself, that's going to make me, you know, feel better about my mothering role when I come back to them, you know, in a few I'm going to feel fulfilled, so that I can give myself more fully to my children. Exactly, exactly. And you're right about the social media pressure. And there's this whole culture, which I'm sure you know, about the mom influencers, and you know, and they're perfect little children, and they're perfect matching outfits, and, you know, and it's, to me, just so I feel like these women are, are sacrificing so much of themselves for this identity of perfection in motherhood. And I just don't understand how you could be authentically happy when your life is, you know, taking pictures of your children, making sure they look perfect. And you know, I'm not gonna send out Christmas cards this year. Sorry, I just know, I don't have any pictures of my kids like, altogether smiling. So you know, and I think that's okay. And I give myself permission to say, Yeah, you know, I do Christmas cards every other year. Yeah, yeah. And I just don't, I don't have the time to battle with my children until like, bribe them with candy and, and get maybe a mediocre picture of them sitting on the porch. And them all hate me for the rest of the day, because they had to sit in the cold and get a picture. You know, and like, I'm not the mom taking my kids to the pumpkin patch. And, you know, putting them on top of Tompkins. And you know what, I'm just not that person. Yes. And a lot of people, it's just like, they automatically think, well, if I don't do this, I'm not if I don't take my kid to the pumpkin, but it's just in the states. The Pumpkin Patch is a big fall activity. Yeah. Which I don't really buy into, because I'm like, I don't understand it. But it's a good photo op, I think for the moms. Yeah. And yeah, no, I we just don't do that. Yeah, yeah, I think a lot of a lot of it's like, people were coming back to that judgment thing. Like, people have to show that they're doing something or people who literally, if it didn't, if it's not on social media, it didn't happen. You know, everything's got to be on social media and, and it's almost like, Who are you trying to justify? Are you trying to make yourself feel better? Like, what are you why are you doing this? Like, yeah, justify your role as a mother that I Oh, I spend lots of time with my kids. I'm trying to make myself feel better about it. Or, you know, is it for other people to say, Oh, wow, they're doing lots of stuff, you know, like, my exhausting, you know, to me, like you're talking about these masks, like, it's a facade that they're putting up, they're creating this pretend life. Right? And that's, I mean, with my daughter, you know, now she's on social media, of course. And it's, it's just, I want to show her that no, this isn't like, this isn't real. These girls that you see with their filters on and perfectly dressed and posing places like, that's, that took that to take that picture, took a lot of work. And it's not like this perfectly, like little snapshot of my life, this is very much set up. This is a this is very curated. This, you know, this person in real life, they don't look like that. And I do like a lot of people that do it, it, it's almost like, I think with the motherhood thing, there's that loss of identity. And they maybe feel like by creating this diary of images that are perfect. It is like more concretely like, Oh, this is my identity. This is who I am, this is who I want to be. And this is where I want to show the world. But it doesn't come from a deep place. And that's where it becomes problematic. Yeah, that's it's not authentic. It's not. They're not living the truth, I suppose. Right. Right. Yeah, I think authentically, like you become your authentic self, and you express that and then the right people are attracted to you. I tell my daughter all the time, because you know, at 15 You're going through so many friend troubles and morphing of groups and, you know, drama, teenage drama, and I'm like, if you just be yourself, be true to yourself and the right people come to you and I didn't learn that until I was probably like, 33, you know, yeah. Yeah, it's, it's, it's a long journey to get there for sure. But when it happens, it happens. And yeah, I mean, I've so I went through a period of my life where I probably had no close friends for about 10 years. And then most recently, it's just like, I have all these people I really enjoy talking to. And we really connect. And it's, it's because I've done the internal work, it's because I'm expressing myself and who I am. And, you know, the people that are at that point in their life at that vibration are attracted to authentic people. So yeah, yeah. I've recently talking to other artists, mothers, it's hard to apply to things sometimes and not feel like there is an aspect of, you know, well, we mainly don't want a mother to be the artists resident, or we maybe don't want a mother to be the face of it just because she's always busy. Or she always has other things going on. Or her life so chaotic already, you know, like, there are these, like, certain excuses, I feel like that people make for not working with artists, mothers. And it wasn't until I talked to my friend the other day that I really realized that and she said something like, about posting her kids on her social media, like, maybe I shouldn't be doing this, like, doesn't man ever have to think about, you know, posting a picture of his child affecting his career? No, he doesn't. In fact, it probably it does boost his, you know, his like ability to get jobs because people are like, Oh, he's a dad, he has a family to provide for but for women, it's a totally different. It's like, oh, well, you know, she has all this work to do at home. And she has all these responsibilities. But I'm like, I mean, me anymore. We are the hardest working people on the planet. Saying I have the time to do this. I have the time to do it. I want to do it. Yeah, absolutely. Now when you talked about before the taro Have you ever done or thought about having, like creating a deck with your honor? Yes. That is probably what's coming next for me. Yeah, so the whole thing was, I had this really creepy story happen. And it's, it was a few years ago, and I was visiting my grandmother's grave, and my grandmother is very, very close to my house. So I do visit her quite often. And I went to her grave, and there was a little like walking path above above her grade. And on the walking path, there was this velvet blue bag, like a little pouch. And I was like, what is that and I kind of opened it and peeked inside and it was a deck of tarot cards. And I was, you know, I love that kind of stuff. But, um, but I was also a little bit like, am I supposed to take this or do I? So I texted my whole family like what do I do? They're like, don't take it, don't take it like that is not when you don't want that, you know? And so I was like okay, but I think it means something. So I I did take a picture of the first card on top and then I looked up the deck and I actually found it online and I ordered it and it is influenced so much of my work and it has been so spot on. But yeah, I think it's kind of like a psychological tool where Anybody can do it. And anybody can interpret what it means for them at that point in their lives. So it's not really this whole, you know, like I was taught in grade school, you know, summoning the devil or like, this tool of Satan, it's, it's, it's literally a card of beautiful pictures and you shuffle it and you choose some and then you decide how that relates to your life and if that's gonna give you guidance, or tell you what next step to take, or maybe just how to have how to change your mindset about something. So, so I do think that that is coming for me and I have sketched out a few things, but, you know, that's like a long term project. But, ya know, I definitely think my grandmother said that to me and was like, Hey, you should do this. Yeah, cuz you know what, when I started looking through your work, I was just instantly had this like, Oh, these need to be on tarot cards, because this is you know, that. Yeah. Like, there's I mean, there's definitely a big influence on my work. Yeah. Sorry, go. Now go. Oh, no, I was gonna say even before I was creating this body of work, I was creating like a more abstract, like, I don't know, if you're familiar with like, paint boring. It's very trendy right now. It's old, like, yeah, liquid paint boring. So I was doing a series of those. And I was naming them as for cards, you know, like two of cups are to me up because of the cards from my grandmother. And it was like, Oh, well, I did this one the day I found it. And that was the that was the card that was on top. So yeah, so I was even before I was creating the stuff that actually looks like Taro. Yeah, definitely going to do that. That is Yeah, no, I'm bored. And I will get some because that is beautiful connection as much. A lot of my work kind of addresses that tension between you growing up in a super Catholic environment and Hoekman and what? You know, those feelings of like, I'm doing something bad. Yeah, no, yeah. Like, we need thinking for myself and exploring my own spirituality is bad. I need to just do what the grownups you know, and my sister and I would be like, you know, locked in our we would have we had a little walk in closet that we shared no room and we would read each other's cards, and we had our crystal ball and, and I definitely grown up to be that person. Like, I have a crystal ball. And we make cards every day. And I meditate every day. Yeah, yeah. But it was something that you had to hide away because it's like, oh, yeah, yeah, yes. Totally. I wanted to ask you about your other project that you do you mix media Madonna, is that? Is there sort of a Yeah, to do with that traditional. You know, practice religion. It's so interesting, because i People often ask me, oh, are you like very Catholic and I was raised Catholic, and I am a part of I do believe that's part of my culture, and my cultural upbringing. You know, my grandparents came from Italy. And, you know, I grew up with, you know, the Madonna in these pictures in their houses in their homes and bring the rosary a lot. But I moved my mixed media data, I do try to kind of bring my own twist on Mary and make it more about worshiping the idea of the mother. You know, this is like, the mother is so often forgotten, and I really want to highlight the mother and I used to teach a big lesson on the the evolution of the way Mary was painted in art history. And she went from being you know, this kind of stoic, you know, very embellished icon. Due to being, you know, kind of like Raphael portraying her like a woman of the day, like during the Renaissance, like she was portrayed, she wasn't portrayed like, Mary traditionally in, you know, in her time she was portrayed, like, this is a mother or a normal woman that I'm painting, and I'm painting her in the clothes of the day with a very thin Halo, and she's becoming human. And relatable. Yeah. And so, I do, I just am fascinated by all the different cultures in all the different ways of, like, visualizing marry, and kind of making it my own and, and making it you know, more, more than the religion, I think it's like, the the Motherhood is the most simple and the spirituality of just connecting to the mother of all, you know, yeah, and I use, you know, prayer books and people send me like, literally antique postcards and things like that. And I'll find books in all bookstores. And it really is just like magic to kind of find all these pieces and put them together in a more beautiful way, because I feel like she was always always just seen as like, oh, it's Jesus's mom. It's Jesus's mom. And even in Catholicism, you know, we do elevate Mary a lot more than other religions, but I've wanted to be something more than that. And just something that every woman can kind of look at and be like, oh, yeah, like, I like I like this. You've had people that are like, I, you know, I'm Jewish. I'm not religious at all. But I really like this piece speaks to me. And that's kind of what I want it to be more of, like a, like, this isn't just for Catholic people. This is for everybody. Yeah. And that's, I mean, it's a hard balance. Because, you know, some people are like, whoa, like, I'm not religious. I'm, you know, but I think it's a little more than that. Yeah, absolutely. It's like that universal sort of message of Allah. It is. That's what it is. That's actually what it is. It's yeah. And that's how it came out. I mean, yeah, it was, like, totally born of love. And just, in me being a mother and just, this is another mother that I'm going to celebrate. And and you know, it is mostly mothers that buy a lot of people buy them for gifts for their mothers or for you know, yeah, but and they're all different. And I tried to make each one very, I mean, at this point, I've probably made around 50 of them, I would think that you know, are just out there in different places. But I just keep making them and even if I have the same image like I have a lot of Raphael because Raphael did a lot of Madonna's but if I have the same image I still want to make it like different different colors different flowers, different elements. Yeah, yeah. Oh, I love that. Thank you. Yeah, I'm just imagining them would look nice up here and we're making a whole dashes them right now. I was trying to get it done for you know, Black Friday which is this American holiday that everyone shops on but not finished yet. You could make make your own shopping I just want to have some for the holidays for people to buy, you know because because I don't sell my large pieces. So you know, the way I make a little bit of money is Prince would Madonna's release Have you got anything on the go at the moment any projects or series that you're working on? That you want to share? Tell us about her. Um, so I have started working on these large abstract pieces and they they're kind of could be described as more graphic abstract, sharper lines. And like, you know, boom, bright colors. I do a lot of third eye stuff, which I've done my entire career but it's way mo here. This one is in progress. So but you know, it's more of like Like, inspired by nature, but yeah, like more of a very symmetrical Yeah, structured vision. And I do get these when I meditate every day. And I do, sometimes, especially around the full moon, get these kind of like, very clear images in my head, that when I come out of meditation, I'll sketch them really quick. And then I just there they come, they come pretty quick, and it's easy to pick the colors. And I use kind of my standard color palette that I use for my other series just, I just decided I'm just going to always take with my favorite colors, and it makes it a lot easier because then everything looks kind of cohesive, even though you know, this, the style is so different. But you know, I've been I, I've submitted a few to some open calls, and I been rejected for those. So, you know, I mean, I've been rejected for every everything I've ever painted at some point, but so, you know, we're still working through that kind of my artists statement for those pieces and not try. You know, I tried to sound authentic, but at the same time, sometimes people are like, Sarah, like, bring it down a little bit. Like, with all the woowoo like, yeah, manifestation stuff, and I'm like, okay, to put that was actually meant to say that, like, you know, why should you have to tone yourself down? Like, maybe they're not the right people to talk to you absolutely true. Absolutely true. Yeah. I just think that my own art practice has made me a better mother, even if that means less time with my children, I think that we all need to figure out that balance and, and what we need to keep us sane, because it's very easy to just spiral into this kind of loss of self and just becoming shells of people as mothers. And I feel like having something of your own as a mom, and not just a career, but something of your own. More than a hobby, a passion, you know, is so important. And I just think every, every mother needs that outlet for themselves. And to remember that, like, I am a separate entity, I'm human in myself, I am not just, you know, because we often feel like we're just like, walking around with children attached to us. And, and with all of the, our, I've painted the woman, you know, with all the arms before balancing all the things and yeah, and and we're so much more than that. And I think once motherhood starts being more valued, because it shouldn't be valued. I mean, we are raising the future of society. So there should be more emphasis placed on the value of mothers. And I think I think we're getting there, I think. Yeah. Yeah, it seems like each each generation is sort of pushing those boundaries and pushing the, the expectations of I'm going to say the patriarchal expectations, because that's basically what it is. Yeah, so each generation moving forward, you know, breaking ground and, hopefully, yeah, no, I think it is, I really, really truly believe that. That each of us, you need all the other moms that are out there elevating other women and, and motherhood. We're making a difference. And, and I mean, we're making a difference to our daughters. They're seeing us do this, and they're gonna do even greater things. So yeah, I truly believe that. Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. Well, that's a that's a beautiful sentiment to end on. Thank you. Thank you. I appreciate your giving me all right. Thanks so much, Alison, is great talking to ya EJ. Thanks for your company today. If you've enjoyed this episode, I'd love you to consider leaving us a review, following or subscribing to the podcast, or even sharing it with a friend who you think might be interested. If you or someone you know would like to be a guest on the podcast. Please get in touch with us via the link in the show notes. I'll catch you again next week for another chat. We With an artistic mom

Alex Williams South Australian interior designer S1 Ep05 Listen and Subscribe on itunes , spotify and google podcasts Alex Williams is an interior stylist, creator, dancer and business owner from Mt Gambier South Australia, and a mum of 2. We chat about why it is so important for her to retain her self identity, how she is going against the mothering modelling that she was shown, and the importance of supporting your husband as much as they are supporting you.... as well as plenty of laughs and light hearted moments too! Alex instagram Check out Alex's infamous Instagram reel here - Podcast - instagram / website Music used with permission When chatting to my guests I greatly appreciate their openness and honestly in sharing their stories. If at any stage their information is found to be incorrect, the podcast bears no responsibility for my guests' inaccuracies. Podcast transcript at the bottom of the page Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode of The Art of Being A Mum Podcast. I'm beyond honoured that you're here and would be grateful if you could take 2 minutes to leave me a 5-star review in iTunes or wherever you are listening. It really helps! This way together we can inspire, connect and bring in to the light even more stories from creative mums. Want to connect? Take a screenshot of this episode and share it on Instagram tagging me in with @art_of_being_a_mum_podcast I can't wait to connect. And remember if you or somebody you know would like to be a guest on the podcast, get in touch ! I love meeting and chatting to mammas from all creative backgrounds, from all around the world! Thank you! Alison acknowledges this Land of the Berrin (Mount Gambier) Region as the Traditional Lands of the Bungandidj People and acknowledge these First Nations people as the custodians of the Region. Ch eck out more episodes ..... Welcome to the Art of Being a mum, the podcast where we hear from artists and creative mothers sharing their joys and issues around trying to be a mum and continue to make art. My name is Alison Newman. I'm a singer, songwriter and mother of two boys from regional South Australia. I have a passion for mental wellness and a background in early childhood education. Alex Williams has been a creative her whole life from writing songs and poetry as a teenager to dancing fashion, shooting to fame as an Instagram content creator and her current work as an interior designer. This mother of two hails from Matt Gambia, South Australia. Welcome along. Alex, it's wonderful to have you on the podcast today. Hi, thank you for having me. I'm very excited to be here. What is the best way to describe what you do? What do you like to sort of call yourself? Well I like to call myself an interior decorator interior stylist. Yeah, I love to create I love to style people's homes and create Yeah, interiors that make you very happy to walk into the room pretty much no matter what room that is. I like all kinds of you know, bedrooms and living rooms and office buildings and oh, yeah, at home offices and every all the all the interior kind of things that can be done. I love to do it. So yes, interior stylist. That's my name. Very good. And could I also call you a sort of a Instagram real superstar? I'm not gonna stop you. So funny. I put that reel up. And then my boss. I also worked for Ashley Lauren. And she messaged me and she were both obviously quite, you know, we're well aware of how Instagram works. And we're on it all the time. And she said, Oh my god, can you believe how many views you're getting on that reel? And I was like, No, I could not be more famous. And she was like I don't. And then she had Googled it. And she said apparently 3 million is when it's considered to go viral. And so now I'm up to 2.8 million, so I'm just waiting for it to take over. That is hilarious. Like, who knows how these things work. But I don't like I've done nothing. You know, it took no kind of smarts or skill. It just, you know, it did what it did. It was hilarious. But yeah, it's funny. And it's so funny because I didn't post it for ages because my husband didn't think that's funny. He's like, That's not funny. And I was like, Oh, really then I showed a couple of girlfriends and they're like, that's so funny. And really, because it's taking the piss out of him hit that. So I didn't like Absolutely. I have one single guy has liked it. And but all the women are on board, they're fully on my side. So it's definitely something that women can relate to, that's for sure. Exactly, exactly. I speak to the women, the women have you always been a very creative kind of person, like growing up and I've seen jobs in one way or another and that hasn't always been I mean, you know, growing up I was always the kid in my household that had the clean room and they had the nice things in the room you know that nice bedding and I wanted everything in its right place whereas my siblings were very messy. But that was pretty much it and I always loved I don't do it anymore but I used to love ride writing songs and poetry and then when I moved to mount Gambia I got a job at random country fashion retail store and I even fashion I think is such an creative and expressive you know things so I've always been into fashion and loved you know dressing up and finding you know things with if it's got a bit of leather or not, not real leather fake leather. Got a bit of sequins or fluff or you know anything that's just a little bit textural and catches my eye that I just love all that sort of stuff. So I think yes, on some kind of level I've always been I used to love making jewelry. Yeah, I think I have always been creative in one way or another. Yep. So it's a recurring theme throughout your life. Yeah, absolutely. So you work as as your former work as a an interior stylist. Is that something that you've formally started recently but have been doing for a while as well? Um, I have only been doing it for me before I obviously launched the business. I yeah, I I just pretty much did my own house and you know you have your friends That's a you need to be doing this as a job. It's you're so good at it, and can you come into my house and law, and I couldn't avoid brushed it off because it's just such a career change. And then one day, I just and this is me, I just decided I was going to do it. And that was it. And I. And then that's, that's all I think about now. So I started the business before I studied and I've been studying during, because I just, I'm, I'm Well, two reasons. I'm really impatient. And I love to just do it. I love to get my feet in the water and just start. And also, I believe the best teacher is experience. So I don't think I could have learned anything as valuable as what I have learned working with my clients so far. And then during working with them, I've been doing courses and master classes and things like that, which I have loved as well. So it's been full Bogo, just get into it. It's been awesome. But so that's that's how you tend to sort of do things you just like, right? I want to do it. So I'm doing it. Yeah, exactly. I think if anyone can do it, I can do what anyone else can do. And if I want to do it, I'm gonna do it. Love. So tell us, tell us about your family. Alex, you've got three children. I do a daughter, Savannah. She's five and a little boy named Luca. And he is three. So they're two years apart. And I have a husband, his name is Chris. He is very handy in my business as well. Because he's you know, good at the heavy lifting. He's a painter. So he is great. He you know, he's Williams Way second employee, even though he doesn't know it. The full thing gets worked quite well. So yeah, so yeah, that's my little family, too. And I'm done. I'm all set with them. Because most recently, you were doing doing a photo booth. So yeah. How did that sort of your creativity about fitting in with the kids? I suppose? Like, how, how did you find that the balance? I guess early on when they're little. And then as they've grown up, did you find that was a good kind of working hours that it suited? Yeah, that's pretty much that wasn't obviously that well, not obviously, that wasn't so much of a creative path of something like I have always dreamed of owning owning photos. Yeah. But that was purely, not purely a few different reasons why we open now. You're always in a fun environment you're never at, you know, you're at some of people's happiest days, their birthdays, their weddings. So we love that. And I'm such a people person I love you know, I'm a hot girl. I'm like, Yeah, I'm so excited. You look amazing. Like I'm all about that life. I don't care if I know you or not. So that was right up my alley. When I said before I had children, I worked all day at red gum at the retail store. And then I taught dance at nighttime until, you know, late hours of the night. So I was very busy. I love to be busy. I love to be doing things. So when I was pregnant with my daughter, obviously, both of those jobs stopped. The teaching wasn't something I loved teaching. But it wasn't something I wanted to continue because the hours after school hours into night, which is which in my mind was when I was only going to have time to send my kids because they'd be at school eventually. So that wasn't a career path I wanted to continue on. And I wasn't going back to retail that was just you know, I did like it while I was there. And I met some of my best friends working there. But that was a chapter to close as well. But I said to Chris, there's no way I can not work, like not do anything. So what can we do? And him and I were just brainstorming one night and he said we'd had a photo booth at our wedding. And he said, Why don't we open a photobooth business. There's only one there was only one in town I think at that time, possibly two. And they were blowing up and everyone wanted them and we've got a pretty big town here. So we knew a third could definitely be supported. So that was it. We decided to do that. I wanted something where I could still stay home with the kids during the week were with Savannah during the week. So that was perfect. It was it was nighttime work on a weekend where Chris's parents could watch her. So it just really fit well into our lives. That's what that's how that started. It just was one of those things that was just going to fit perfectly and still where I can earn my own money and you know, contribute to I just like to add I know I noticed one of your questions later is do you need your an identity besides being My mother and I'm like a billion times. Yes. Well, we can talk about that now, if you want. I couldn't just, I know just being mothers. That's that's the sentence that sounds a bit sad. I didn't want to just be a mother. That's not the way I think of a but I know the mother. When I say it, I sort of I like to do air quotes, because you're never just a mom. But yeah, it's, it's I didn't want to be just slave. That's what it's like at the start. Let's be honest. Yeah, you're getting nothing from this newborn. And you're giving every single thing that you've got to, to this little human. So yeah, I definitely needed something else that I could some adult interaction. So yes, that's how that happened. And we've recently just sold that business. Because that's it was weekend work. And now the kids are a bit older. I can work during the week. And we want our weekends free for the kids. So it's first served its purpose. Yeah. And really ideal for everybody at that time to eat satisfied your need for your outlet as well, which like, is just so important, as our Absolutely, yeah. So while we're on the topic, why don't we talk about that now, the concept of identity, it's obviously very important to you. Let me give you a little context of my life. When I was growing up, my mom was a stay at home mom, and my oldest sister. Oh, and you know, any other woman in my life was a stay at home mother. My sister had her firstborn when she was young. She's eight years older than me. But she was young. And so she went straight into motherhood as well. And no, I'd never seen anyone follow a career path. And so when I was young, I, that's all I wanted to do. I want to grow up and I want to be a mom and I want to get married. And Lola. Then when I moved to I moved from I grew up in Queensland, when I moved here, I was 18. I got a job at red gum with Wendy. And I just feel like my eyes were open though. These women, these working women, she got me very involved in the community. And I really, yeah, it's not like I've always felt like that I've always actually been opposite. When growing up, I wanted to be a mum. And now and then as I grew up from 18 onwards, I was the complete opposite. I loved being a part of the community. I loved getting out there. I love socializing. I loved doing my own thing and traveling and things like that. So now yeah, now I'm the complete opposite. Feel like that, then you're sort of role modeling to your own daughter that there are options out there for women now, it's not that 100% That's actually where I was going. Thank you for saying that, though. Was I read? them? Yeah, you really did. Yes, that was my point. So watching my of my people I'd seen that's all I wanted to do. And that's exactly what I don't want to teach my daughter or my son. I want him to see that. You know, maybe when he grows up, he's a stay at home dad and the mom is the one who goes and has the career and Savannah I want her to be the same. I never was taught that I could have a career or, you know, what are you going to do? And you know, nothing like that. And now I am yeah, if I had my time over again, I'd be definitely going straight into career first and and going all in. So I want to I want her to definitely learn and watch me take over the world find it very important that that your children see that you are argues that again? More than just the mother that you actually know Alex that has an existence that is outside of of that mothering role. That's important. Absolutely. Absolutely. Yeah. And I feel like when well from my personal experience when you think of like my mom, well she left when we were 12 so I didn't have her for very long but thinking of her from when I was younger. I always was very much like that. I was like mom's mom she's there to make me a sandwich and she's there to put me to bed and she's that's that I remember that being my thought process I never saw her do as she never socialized with any of her friends. I never saw her do anything. Obviously it was different back then as well that was definitely the culture you know the stay at home mom and that sort of thing. But yeah, I think that's a little indulgent for children to be able to think that way and and a little not selfish but yeah, I think it's important for them to know that they're not the be all and end all of the entire world. They're not the center of the universe. New love like obviously I love them more than life at Self no do anything for them. But I don't want them to think that my life revolves around them. You still think that there? Yeah, it's not going to set them up for real world? Yeah, no. That's it. You just it's it's unrealistic. It's unrealistic. It's like what your mum modeled to you. And then when you got out there you went, Oh, actually, there is something different. It's like you don't want your children to have that terrible realization all of a sudden that life could have been different for them. Right and some way Exactly. That's right. Yeah. Oh, now I want to touch on you mentioned that you're a dancer. Did you keep dancing through your pregnancies? i Yes. Yep. So I taught. I was still teaching with Savannah. So I taught up until I was I can't remember seven or eight months pregnant, I think, pretty pregnant. And I look back on some of the dance teaching videos. And I was like, Oh, I competed. I competed. I was six months pregnant when we won a Melbourne Hip Hop championships. So that was exciting. My photos of me holding a trophy with my little bumps are very, very cute. And yes, still dance with Luca. When I was pregnant with him. I was asked to be in swing with the stars that year, Kim Sela, who owns hot, one of the owners of hat. She asked me to be in and I hadn't told anyone I was pregnant. I said, you know, I'd love to but guess what, I'm actually pregnant. And this poor guy won't want to lift me by the time senior stuff comes around. He's gonna get good 20 kilos more than what he bargained for at the start. So, but yes, yes, I have never stopped anything. There hasn't been a year, I haven't danced since well, perhaps been open for 12 years. So since then. And again, that's something that you've got that, you know, satisfies your need, and then gives you that creative outlet as well. That's separate to the family side of life. Yeah, that's right. Another hobby? For sure. For sure. Yes, I can attribute a lot of my husband's amazing, he's very supportive. And you know, if I'm like, I'm going to the gym, or I've got dancing, or I'm just going to do a console or I'm doing this and that he's very supportive. He's like, yep, yep. And he knows what he married. So he doesn't not much surprised. And I'm saying with him, he's playing, he plays poorly. And he, you know, loves to go golfing. And we're very, we're very much like, we know, we need to go and do our own thing. And we need to be our own people. And so we try and definitely give each other as much time to do that as we can. When you first had Savannah, how how did you feel I was horrible. It was horrible. It was the hardest thing I have ever done. And it got no easy when I had Luca. When I had Savannah I think well, because I don't have I mean, my mum was here but we're obviously as I mentioned, she had left when we were quite young. So we're not we don't have a super close, you know, Mother Daughter bond that a lot of the people I see have. So I feel like possibly because I didn't have only Chris is literally my support. He's my support system. So I think because I only had him not only had him, he's great. But yeah, he doesn't know anything about being a mom, because he was doing that same time I was so yeah, I really struggled. I found the most difficult. Yeah, I don't know. I think the breastfeeding that that was I remember that being just I remember thinking that was gonna be so easy. They just latch not didn't even know the word latch. And they're just like, oh, and then you you have them and you're like, What the hell is this? Oh my God, everything hurts. Everything is so hard. Everyone's telling you different opinions. At one of I'd only had one other friend who had had a baby. So it was just Yeah, it was really difficult. I was very, very sad. Very sad for probably the first three months and then we decided to sleep train her. I know everyone's got different opinions on that. We decided to slip trainer took two nights was the best thing we've ever done and and yeah, I was just a different human once I started getting some sleep. Yeah, everything became a bit easier on a routine. So yeah, and then Luca came along two years later, and I fell in a heap again, I was just like, Oh God, this is no easier. I had a two year old running around and yeah, I don't know. I just wasn't for me, not the new bond thing. I love their ages now. But I would literally prefer to walk the depths of hell than have a newborn again. I'm not kidding. Yeah, you can I think I don't think enough people are honest about it's it's not all sunshine and roses and sparkles. It's it's bloody hard work and it's definitely not and it depends on your support system. I think I think it depends on who you've got around you to help you. And, and you know, people have good babies not good babies but people have different kinds of babies. Some babies are great. Some babies are just harder than others. Some are have colic, I don't know, you know, there's just so many variables that no one that's why no one can tell you what it's going to be like, because no one knows. We're just gonna have to wait and see. Yeah, surprise to go. Lucky no healthy and happy. Oh my God So were you able to then once we talk about Savannah, like you're able to, as she got older, you got more sleep able to return to some of the things that you really wanted to? Yes, see. So I never stopped dancing, which was great. But when I used to go, it would literally be I'd, I stopped teaching but I went just to I think I was doing two classes a week, when I could, you know, after the six weeks when I could go back and every every time for the first I can't even remember, maybe like two to three months, Chris would message me and say home as quick as you can. And find him with, you know, on the bathroom floor with a hairdryer going on the vacuum going just trying to cut them down until I'd got home. We were honestly like the blind leading the blind around here. Um, so, you know, but every week I was like good luck. So yeah, I'll be back. Like there was a one or two hours a week that I had. So I definitely kept doing that. And then probably she started going to childcare. And, um, I was that was pretty much just for me time I wasn't I did a little bit of photobooth work, but that pretty much that wasn't like a big you know, admin job that was mainly when you're at the events on the weekend. So yeah, look, just being able to eat lunch in peace and clean the house and you actually get a job finished that was I highly recommend that I feel like some parents or mums who don't have a job, they never have a day off from their child. And it's like, no, you need to be getting that child into childcare and having an idea so you might need to get your eyebrows down. You might want to cook a meal you might want to go out for lunch with someone and you know, absolutely that is so important teacher that I mean at some point they're gonna have to go to school and kindy so you might as well get them used to little kitten you know hanging out with other kids before they get so old that they no different you know, when they're young and they're you know, under two they're like, so palatable. Is that the world? Yeah, yeah, you can try to just make them do whatever. They don't have this little sass attitude where they'll tell you what's up so yes, I, I she started doing that. And then I can't remember I was I must have had Luca already. And I was at a women in business dinner and Kelly nodes who worked for Ash, who does still, she was pregnant. And so I walked over to the table. I didn't really know I knew ash and Kelly, but I didn't know them super well. But I was just like, I would love that job. What a time. Yes, that is right up my alley. And so I just walked over there and I was like, Hi girls. How are you? I'm just so you know, if you need someone to replace Kelly, I'm your girl. And that was it. She hired me straightaway. So that was fantastic. I love that and I've been there for a year and a half two years I think so yeah, that was another little I added because Luca Luca was probably a year old by that stage so I was ready to take on a bit more work and I yeah work there two days a week with her so yes, yes, it's great timing to sort of start something new and get a bit more back into the work work industry again. Yeah, absolutely. Another example of you deciding you want something and just going in doing it. Exactly yeah. I'm always I'm always scared but I'm very big on the just because like scared and can't be the reason you don't do something you can be scared three years scared as you're likely still got to do it. You still have to do it. So I was like, petrified to walk over to that table. You know, in front of everyone and I love it. I was like well you still have to do it though. Like you can't not do it just because you're a big scaredy cat like get to But So yeah, I went missing you just gotta you gotta take what you want. Like, yeah. weaken, and they're lucky to have you whoever you are. If you want to do something and you know you're good at it, go and do it. I'm definitely quote me on that one. For me, yeah. Sorry. Well, something else I'd like to explore with my guests is the concept of mum guilt? And I'm going to put that Yes. Once again. Yeah. What's your take on that? How do you feel about that? Oh, yeah, I feel like mom guilt is definitely a thing. Whether you want to call it that, or not, definitely, I feel I feel mom guilt. But I don't really let it weigh me down. I, I feel like, yeah, you know, I might not be so well, this is a great example. I've got my my son's home with me two days a week, he goes into care three days a week, and he stays home with me two days a week. And on those two days, I'm working from home for my business or for Ash, or I'm doing something, you know, around the house, I'm cleaning, or there's a million things to be done. If I hadn't taken on a second job, which is my interior design, I would have all this time in the world to spend with him. And, you know, whatever, you know, play. And sometimes I think he's getting the wrong end of the stick. But then I think he's not really he's so happy to be here, he's happy to have a couple of rest days. Because these are above the days, he's so busy and going and doing stuff. And I think at the end of the day, you might feel guilty doing something or going here and doing something for you. But you can take you can see that your child's happy, like I can see my kids are always happy. When I leave the house, I do leave the house a lot. Like I'll go to the gym, or I'll go dancing, or I'm going to consult or I'm going to see a client about something they're either going to do a job, and they're quite often, especially Savannah shoes, like please don't go again. Mom, please don't leave me. And you do you feel bad knitting, I'm sorry. But you know, what are you gonna do? personal message me and I won't have men down the down the end of the street? And he'll be like, she's fine. Hmm. And, and I always think this is what when I start to feel guilty, I think, Do I have any memories of my mom leaving to go and do something? No, because I happened every single day, it's not something that's gonna they're going to remember, it's not going to impact them, you know, it's not going to scar them for life that you've gone to the grocery store. Like, just yeah, I really, I'm really not into the Yeah, the guilt thing. I just, I mean, obviously, I feel it, but that's not going to stop me from doing whatever needs to be done that day. And you can definitely gauge those moments, you know, she's sick, or you know, or something. And they really do need you. Um, you know, they're the moments where you're like, no worries, like, I won't go today, or I can, I can skip that that's easy, you know, we'll stay home. And, you know, I think every mother can tell what their child really needs. And when the child is just putting on a show. Because they do it every day. So you just have to start to learn which shows you need to pay attention to. And also I think I've been home with you all day, or like we've been together, you know, we spent three hours this morning together. And then two hours this afternoon, your father's just walked in the door, you can spend half an hour with him before it while I'm gone. I think you can. Like it's not I'm not a one parent show. You've got to and you need to learn to enjoy both. Do you find that that experience that you have, as a mother might sort of sneak through into the way that you've reflected in the way that you might put a room together? I think definitely I think that the experience of being a parent and a mother probably affects everything. Every every way, everything I do in life, a great gives great perspective of on, you know, when you're when you're younger, and you don't have children and think I'm so tired. And now you think, Well, that was funny. Like it gives you such good perspective on actual what's really hard in life. And so it definitely is I yeah, I love the perspective it gives being a mother. And definitely in my design work, especially when doing family homes. If the family has children, it's always very handy because you just yeah, it gives me such a great insight as to what actually needs to be considered the height of a bench, how sharp it's going to be where coffee table is going to sit. They're going to be able to run through without you know, hitting a toy, you know, 10 different things, what their bedrooms are going to look like and how they're going to use them. So yes, definitely definitely handy. Having kids is gives great perspective on all things in life, whether you realize it or not probably. Yeah. And I guess you'd be able to maybe make recommendations to clients that might not have considered something because you've got that experience. So the Especially during like nurseries and things like that with new Yeah, when they, when they're new, I think my main thing is don't spend too much because it's gonna get covered in vomit. Don't make it too expensive, because if you want to throw it out and it's expensive you aren't, whereas it's not too bad, you just like, throw it out, donate, I don't want to look at it, let's not even bother with it. Ya know. And I guess too, because you've been there, you realize that maybe I don't want to say things, the things that they think are important, maybe aren't as important. I don't want to say in that way, but has a nice, I feel like it's always nice for someone to be able to give you some guidance. If from I am like this in life, if someone knows something more than me, and they've had more experience with something, I want them to share their, their opinions with me, I feel like a lot of people get their backup when someone tries to tell them. I mean, obviously, there's ways of doing it tries to tell them a certain way. But if someone has more experience in something than you do, and I'm loved, like, especially with my line of work with carpenters and things like that, they know so much. And I want to learn it all I, you know, learning how to use the drill for the first time a couple of years ago, like I don't do it for me, I want to learn how to do it. And I'm more than happy to take on the criticism and the constructive criticism, not just criticism. And you know, I'm happy to listen and tell me as many times as it's going to take for me to get it right. And I think that about everything. I think if someone knows more than you and obviously they're happy and willing to teach you in a kind way, then it's amazing. Like you can never learn too much and every everything in life is going to turn into a skill if you can learn it the right way. So thank you so much for coming on the show. Alex. It's been an absolute pleasure having you. Thank you so much for having me. This has been awesome. I look forward to chatting with you again soon.

Eleesa Howard Australian contemporary mixed media visual artist S1 Ep25 Listen and Subscribe on itunes , spotify and google podcasts In this final regular weekly episode for 2021 and Season 1, my guest is Eleesa Howard. Eleesa is a contemporary artist from the Mornington Peninsula in Victoria and a mum of 3. She works with multiple mediums including acrylics, oil pastels and collage, and is not afraid to experiment with any materials on hand. Eleesa approaches her expressionist style in an intuitive way, using her painting and collages as a way of letting go, of not over-thinking life and instead focusing on the positive and joyous in every day. Her works are reflective, exploring relationships, emotions, and connections to her family, community, and environment. Eleesa is currently focusing on exploring sentimental childhood memories, motherhood and the everyday moments. Today we chat about being clear and communicating your art making needs, using art to move through challenging transitions in life, drawing inspiration from strong female figures in her life and the joys of raising teenagers. Eleesa website / instagram View Eleesa’s latest series Memories Are Made Podcast instagram / website Music used with permission from Alemjo When chatting to my guests I greatly appreciate their openness and honestly in sharing their stories. If at any stage their information is found to be incorrect, the podcast bears no responsibility for guests' inaccuracies. Podcast transcript at the bottom of the page Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode of The Art of Being A Mum Podcast. I'm beyond honoured that you're here and would be grateful if you could take 2 minutes to leave me a 5-star review in iTunes or wherever you are listening. It really helps! This way together we can inspire, connect and bring in to the light even more stories from creative mums. Want to connect? Take a screenshot of this episode and share it on Instagram tagging me in with @art_of_being_a_mum_podcast I can't wait to connect. And remember if you or somebody you know would like to be a guest on the podcast, get in touch ! I love meeting and chatting to mammas from all creative backgrounds, from all around the world! Thank you! Alison acknowledges this Land of the Berrin (Mount Gambier) Region as the Traditional Lands of the Bungandidj People and acknowledge these First Nations people as the custodians of the Region. Ch eck out more episodes ..... Welcome to the Art of Being a mum, the podcast where we hear from mothers who are artists and creators sharing their joys and issues around trying to be a mother and continue to make art. Regular topics include mum guilt, identity, the day to day juggle mental health, and how children manifest in their heart. My name is Alison Newman. I'm a singer songwriter, and a mum of two boys from regional South Australia. I have a passion for mental wellness, and a background in early childhood education. You can find links to my guests, and topics they discuss in the show notes, along with music played a link to follow the podcast on Instagram, and how to get in touch. All music used on the podcast is done so with permission. The art of being a mom acknowledges the bone tech people as the traditional custodians of the land and water which this podcast is recorded on and pays respects to the relationship the traditional owners have with the land and water as well as acknowledging past present and emerging elders. Thanks so much for tuning in. In this final regular weekly episode for 2021 and Season One, my guest is Elisa Howard Elisa is a contemporary artist from the Mornington Peninsula in Victoria, and a mom of three. She works with multiple mediums including acrylics, oil, pastels and collage and is not afraid to experiment with any materials she has on hand. Elisa approaches her expressionist style in an intuitive way, using her painting and collages as a way of letting go of not overthinking life, and instead focusing on the positive and joyous in every day. Her works are reflective, exploring relationships, emotions and connections to her family, community and environment. Elisa is currently focusing on exploring sentimental childhood memories, motherhood, and the everyday moments. Today, we chat about being clear and communicating your art making needs using art to move through challenging transitions in life, drawing inspiration from strong female figures, and the joys of raising teenagers. Thank you so much for coming on today, Alisa. It's a real pleasure to meet you. Thank you so much for having me. It's a pleasure to be here. You're a visual artist. Tell us about the mediums that you work in and the sort of style that you do. Yeah, so I'm an abstract artists, I guess sort of more expressionism might say, I work with a bit of mixed media. So I use mostly acrylic paints, and collage oil pastels, pretty much have a go with anything that is sort of laying around really. And it seems to evolve. And chop, chop and change as you go along. So yeah, that sounds like a bit of fun, actually. It's like the sort of open to any sort of anything. I said, I think if I stick with one thing all the time, I sort of start overworking it and then overthinking it. So it's good to have a few different things. So I don't like even at the moment, I'm doing some paperwork with collage on timber. But I've also got some paintings on the go as well. So just to just to mix it up. Yeah, that's cool. So how did you first get into painting and creating? Well, I like so many people as a creative kid. Always having a go with things. Drawing and you know, I remember being sort of I think Musclemania that for and draw. I was really into like Holly hobby and last in the prairie. imagining myself in what boots and frilly dresses. Yeah, a bit of a daydreamer. So and I remember drawing I had, I was drawing these profiles of these girls in bonnets and stuff. And yeah, I had friends asking me, Can you tell me mine occasionally? Well, so that was pretty cute. But you're pretty much high school, I guess where you're exposed to opportunities to have a go at different things. And different mediums and that sort of thing. My grandmother was quite always creative as well. So should there was always sort of that influence. From the beginning to Yeah, yeah. High School. Really? I guess. Yeah. And then from then you sort of did you go. Did you have a say a day job, but did you? How did you sort of progress once you left school? Did you go? Well, no, I didn't. I am. I ended up. I was really, I really loved photography. Actually. That's where I was sort of my spy doing art, but I love photography. And I sort of had a dream of being a photographer. Didn't really work how I ended up getting married very young, so about 20 and had my daughter, my first child at 23 as well. So just you know, you're busy working. You know, there's always things tinkering in the background, but nothing sort of serious. And then yeah, always sort of been. And then as I got I had kids always trying to sort of keep up with painting here and there. But then things get messy and you can't always do that. So no formal training, always just sort of trained myself to hurry. When was it? In 2018? I did do a Diploma of visual arts so when my youngest was heading into high school, it was a bit of a Oh, geez, okay, he's, this is my last one. What? Maybe it's time for me. And I was a bit lost. And so I ended up going to an open day at the local TAFE. And she's, and I just worked, I just instantly they walked into the rooms and like, this is it, I've gotta go, I've just got to do this. I've got to come here. So even though I'm still working a day job, I'm working three days and three days there, I was flat out, but I just made it happen. And I absolutely loved it. Especially like learning printmaking, and even the sculpture I had to go out and found that just really fascinating. So So that sort of kick started it back up again, really, you know, I've always done other things sewing, and I used to have market stalls and making quilts and things like that, to always have a creative outlet. Just not so much the visual art side until really then again, which was Yeah, so I took on a bit of a studio space and just dedicated time to it. And try not to feel guilty about it. Think Yeah, the age challenge for mom. Yeah, exactly. Yes. So tell us about your children. So you mentioning. Yeah. How many children do you have? I've got three children. So my oldest now, Bonnie, she's 25. She still lives at home. And then I've got my son, Finn, who's 22. And he just moved to Geelong and actually just during lockdown, like in June. So we haven't seen him for five months, which has been a bit hard. And then my youngest is Salman, and he's in New Year. 10. Next year, so yeah. And he's just about 15. Yeah, right. So we're sort of like this, you sort of used that, that creative outlet to sort of help you through a transition, I suppose, is sort of a change to the and how you looked at yourself? Yeah. I think especially my, when I had my daughter, I did stop work. And was really like a mom at home. And but I used to just go a little bit, you know, crazy. So I'd always have things on the go. Whether it was painting furniture, or you know, sewing outfits for her, just actually remember cuz she used to just cry so much. And always wanted movement, too. And so I actually remember rocking her with my right foot, like in the pram and then saw me with my left foot. By like, no kidding, I was like, I've got to get some stuff done. It sounds like you would have made a good drummer. I'm like, she was just a shocker. I didn't know how I even had any more kids after that. I'd been in the shower, and I had she'd be like in a baby rocker thing. And I have to have my foot out of the shower while showering just issues hard work. But yeah, always kept up those sort of things. You know, just I needed something. And I used to love being creative with the kids too. You know, I'd always have as I got older craft tables and try to get kind of man to which I really enjoy. Yeah. So any of them sort of continued with any sort of, like art practice or not? Well, the only one really is my middle one. He's quite creative. He's a musician. So he loves his music. He's also a chef. And he also just likes at the moment he's actually been dabbling in some painting himself so I'm keen to get over then they can have a see what he's been doing. Yeah. My daughter did do art at school. And I hope that she sort of gets back to that as she gets older maybe Yeah, but yet at the moment, no, no, yeah, my youngest sporting so completely different. The kids are also different Your collection that was called sentimental. Yeah, I was just really taken by that. Yeah, the in particular was to that I really was drawn to soft kisses. And then it was what was it just called T? Is that right? Yes, that's right. Yeah. They were actually. They're actually about my husband. Yeah, I think during lockdown last year, I was in Victoria. And, you know, we've been through quite a bit of lockdown. And last year, we were all at home a lot. And we were trying to sort of survive, we're having our own little sort of stations where we could kind of go off to, to keep everyone on saying. And he always has actually, for a very long time, as always made me a cup of tea. And I just just was really appreciating it. You know, you take these things for granted, but I did really, I just thought, you know what, I'm really lucky to have someone that does that. And just those little morning kisses. So I think I was just in that zone of feeling quite sentimental about that. Yeah, so they came out in those paintings. Yeah. So was the whole was the rest of the collection. Yeah, it was there any about your children in there? Yeah, absolutely. So my son, Solomon, he was going, we were having a pretty hard time with him just at that particular age 14 is not fun for boys, or girls. Not all of them. He was really, he's my feisty one. He was pushing pushing buttons. And I was just like, Oh, my baby's going. And I'm finding it really hard. And so I had two paintings, which was almost called Let me go. And that was him. Basically saying to me, let me go. And the other one, which I've completely forgotten what it was called now, Archie's there's another one or two very similar. And they were both about him about pushing buttons and the push and pull. Oh, that was cool. Push and Pull. And yeah, that push and pull of wanting to him pushing us away, pulling, you know, all that sort of thing and kind of find that balance of teenagers and yeah, letting them grow into their own person. But yeah, it can be hard letting letting go too. So yeah, that was definitely about that. Yeah. I really, really enjoyed them, though. Just see. Yeah. And that's the thing like your style. Abstract. What was it? What was it? Yeah, expression is, um, I guess. I'm not an art person at all my backgrounds music, so I don't Yeah, things but it's amazing that you can, you can express how you feel, just through the strokes. Like it's not an actual depiction, you know what I mean? I just found that really amazing. I was really wrapped how they resonated with people, and even my sister who's in South Australia. And I hadn't told her anything sort of about the series was about and she's, she's in the she's got the little ones at the moment. She's got like a four year old two year old. And she's one of the pictures came up on Instagram. And she said, I just really love that it reminds me of something to do with motherhood, she said, and I said, Oh, that's amazing, because it's exactly what it's about. So that was really? Yeah, that really? Yeah, felt really great about that, that someone else could see that. Yeah, that is Oh, isn't it? Oh, it was really cool. I was talking to an artist over the weekend recording. And her style was very nice now, but it's basically like, oh, hang on, I've got to find it, or find money. Because I just didn't I just find it incredible that all the different styles that you can do, it's just me, she surrealism and symbolism. So incredible, like, you can basically look at it. And like decipher, it's a story, you know what I mean? Like, there's just, it's, it's incredible. And then oh, like for because I didn't really do art at school because I had this idea in my head that art had to be. I guess what I realized now is fine art. I suppose that's what I thought that had to fit in. So I thought, well, I can't do that. So I'm not going to do it, you know? And it's now it's like, all these different things you can do. It's just amazing. I love it. Yeah. We're often told that at school, you know, like if you can't You know, draw correctly or that sort of thing. Like, I'm not the greatest of drawers at all, you know, but I just love what I do. And, you know, don't have a big background and all that sort of real fine art sort of thing. But um, but I think that doesn't matter. Like you just go for it. If you feel passionate about it, that's the main thing. Yeah, that's it, isn't it? It's amazing the things that I'm learning doing. You were saying about how the works, you sent a manual series that are some that were inspired by Solomon. Does he know you that like, and how does he feel? He that he knew that actually, afterwards, when I showed them, show them to him. And he's the most he's really not sentimental. It's very Yeah, he's my least empathetic kind of one. And he's just kind of like, Oh, really? Oh, okay. And that's probably very, yeah, maybe later, he might sort of that might just touch him. And I know, he was sort of touch but he's not want to be gushy. And yeah. He was just like, Oh, Mom. Yeah, so yeah. Not not the biggest sort of reactions on AI, but that's the thing. I've got a 13 year old. So we're sort of into that territory. And, yeah, yeah, it's just the poor kids. It's like the hormones ago now. Adjusting because here in South Australia, next year is different. But this year was the last year that year eight was the first year of high school. Next year, they're going to take them for me seven. So he's just started high school this year, and just the whole transition of that entire different world and how you move school, and it's like, it's not such a big jump. And I think that's why I'm being so nervous about him going into high school, just because I just know how much change there is. And just how much they're exposed to. You've tried to sort of keep them a little bit sort of contained. And yeah, that's it. Yeah. All of a sudden, there's just this whole world to just, you know, get them through it. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, it's sort of it's funny, like, when, when I had them as babies, it's like you, you think this is going to be the hardest part. But then when they grow up? And I remember people saying that to me, you know, just make the most of it. And, you know, because it goes so fast. And then there's a teenage years, and I'm just thinking, oh, yeah, but I, you know, I do can't wait until they can do this and can't wait until they can do that. And then now I'm the person saying, Make the most of it goes really fast. I mean, yeah, yeah. And I wish I you know, like everyone, you do wish that you sort of could go back and sort of just really slow down. Yeah, and because, especially with my older two, I was young, I was young, I had all the energy, but I didn't have the patience as much. And then with Solomon, there was an eight year gap between the middle one and him. And I was quite, I was a lot more relaxed with him and a lot more patient, but he just wanted to grow up. And, you know, I was trying to keep him back. Like he started walking at nine months. I'm like, no, no, no, I was ready to go, ready to go. And of course, having the older siblings, he was just wanting to always be ahead. And I was, you know, so there. can't do much about that. But yeah, I did try to be a lot more relaxed and appreciating it. Definitely, especially those early months of newborn and I just tried to go really slow and enjoy it so you touched on briefly, we sort of talked about the identity shift and how you used your art to sort of work through that and I guess you've you've used it in other times, like you're talking about you your series that you've done, the new the push and the pull and letting go has it been really sort of integral to you to work through it in that way like that's been your outlet and your I don't want to say coping mechanism but you know, part of the tools that you've used to help you through different I think so and also I might own mother as well. And my own parents, I think dealing. My actually my, my new series I'm working on is sort of more about childhood as well. But you know, it's my children, I guess reminding me about things that happened to me in some way. Yeah, so I had a little bit of a, an up and down childhood, you know, parents divorcing early and to and fro and all that sort of thing. And yeah, I think it is, it is definitely a coping mechanism, I think is, again, cliche. People go, oh, when you get older, you really, when you think all the things from the past that you've pushed aside, just come out, like, whatever. I really do, and it sucks. Yeah. And I think is, as your kids get older or dear, it just reminds you of things. And maybe it's a way of holding on to them, as well. I'm not sure it's a bit confusing, really. But yeah, at the moment, it is sort of, I guess, just remembering how things were, and as a child, but also maybe appreciating how much how much what my parents would have gone through as well. So just relating it all back to that as well. So yeah, that's really interesting. Is it time you sort of you give your parents a bit of a bad rap, don't you? Sort of Yeah. And then when you experience it yourself, you sort of get ah, I can, okay. Like I had, like my stepmother. She was only in her mid 20s. And all of a sudden, she just had a one year old. And then she had three older kids like my dad. Yeah. And, you know, she just kind of the best way she could, she was quite firm, and strict, and, but that's probably the only way she could have could have done it. But I also learned so much from her. She's really industrious, and she's creative as well. We'll craft broidery, things like that. So always surrounded by she had a huge influence Actually, me on my life. This is a really industrious woman. My mother, my mother has bipolar. So she just growing up with that around to she didn't really ever get to do never worked. Because she was always really struggling. So I never had that sort of other influences. Um, woman that was working and doing things and juggling children all the time. Yeah. Huge impact on me. So yeah, so she really did. I don't think that was the question you asked. Oh, I can't really we just go off in our directions. So very, Oh, absolutely. Yeah. Other words, the was a big influence also on me. Just she was always another she was in. She didn't work. When she was younger, she did. She was a nurse and all sorts of things. But she was always creative, too. She She painted. So played the piano, cooking that certain too. So yeah, always that sort of always influenced on me as well. I wonder if women in that era would have felt the same sort of guilt that we feel now? Like, yeah, been a thing for them at all. Or it was just my grandmother's that era? Yeah. Yeah, I don't think so. I think because it was just the norm. You know, the mother stayed home. And that's just the norm. Yeah. Back then. Maybe they actually maybe it was the reverse. Maybe it was almost like if they were working. They felt the guilt of going to work. Yeah. Yeah, probably. Honestly, it's something that it's just a whole huge big thing. Like the guilt. It's just and I feel like, I don't know. I mean, everyone experiences it differently, or experiences or doesn't experience it, you know, and that's, it's so interesting. Like, no, I would I agree, man. The guilt I'm such an overthinking anyway, that I constantly analyzing everything. And motherhood and how you bring up your children. Am I doing it right the right way? And my Should I've done this and I try not to look back too much. Because really, you've got no control over that. But you just, you got to just try and do the best that you can in with what you've got, basically. But yeah, the mother guilt of putting yourself you know, ahead of you children sometimes. I've definitely learned over time not to have that quite so much. I think as the kids were younger I did. But especially that like when my youngest son in high school, I was like, No, you know what, I'm, I'm okay, I deserve to have some allocated time. And to actually let the whole family know, right, well, this is actually something that's really important to me, and I'm going to make this happen. And it was actually really nice to see the support that they gave me too. Right? Yeah, no, really, even my, my middle boyfriend, he would say he was actually said to me, I'm, I mean, really inspiring me with the work that you're doing. And, you know, that's the biggest compliment ever. And my husband's really supportive as well just, you know, constantly telling me that he's proud of me, which is really lovely. That definitely helps with not feeling guilty. Compliments. Yeah. But um, you know, especially like, I work as well. So you are juggling quite a few things. My studio is now home, which during lockdown that happened, which was really good, because I did that guilted me leaving the house. Because sometimes my son would call up my youngest and go, Oh, Mom, where are you? Have you got any food for this? And this and I'll have, can you can you give me this to eat? And you know, just you know, it was always about food? Um, yeah, so I'm at home now, which is lovely, because he can just come in coming in. And while I'm here, I can have a chip, especially during lockdown when we're all at home again. That was really important. I felt quite good doing that. Yeah, yes. That works. That's been working really? Well. Yeah, that's great. It's interesting. You say like, when you communicated that, this is what you're gonna do? It was like everyone went, Oh, good. Okay. You know, everyone's really clear on what's happening. Like you said, they can support you. I think there's a lot to be said for that, like actually articulating what you need. This is, this is what I'm going to be doing. Yeah, cuz I don't know that we do that enough. Probably years ago, I could have done it. Yeah. And I probably would have been still fine. But maybe it's just my, as a mom thinking, I shouldn't look and allow myself to or they should just know what's going on in my mind. Like, hello. What really, you know, see, I'm trying to do all these things. Doesn't Yeah. Doesn't make sense to you that that's what I want to keep doing instead of actually, like you said, articulating it and actually saying it out loud. So yeah, yeah, yeah, that's a real a real woman thing. I think, I don't think anyone would ever be afraid to just come in and say, right, this is what I'm doing. Okay. I think we're concerned about other people, because we're, you know, we're looking at for the ones in our care, are they going to be okay, you know, maybe worried about offending people or, you know, our own feelings of guilt. I shouldn't be doing this, you know, just like, just take the bull by the horns and go, right, this one I'm gonna do just set it out. Exactly. Exactly. So you know, no, that's absolutely the way to go. I think. Yeah, the needs to be flexible, you know? And be available, like, especially with a teenager. Yeah, just just being available. Not even that even like my 25 year old daughter was having a moment the other day, and she just said, you know, drop things and be ready to have a chat and that sort of thing, too. So, yeah, that's it, isn't it? It's like, you're always gonna be sort of juggling that role. You you might be doing your art or your whatever your interest. Is this at a moment's notice. quickly swap perhaps over and off you go in Monroe. It is yeah, it is. And that can be quite exhausting. It's exhausting doing that, you know, like you do. Yeah, I think you have to allow yourself rest. I think that's an important part of even the art practice. I've sort of learned that in the last year really only the last year of saying, Okay, I'm not going to feel guilty about even just resting and just thinking about At my art or just take taking some time away from it even just to refresh, refresh your brain. Yeah, that's, that's really true, isn't it? Because it would be like in any sort of creative pursuit? You're not. You're not always, you know, in that space all the time that you just, you know, it goes in, in waves, I suppose. And to recognize that and go, Okay. I'm just gonna step away for a bit. Yeah. Yeah, no, absolutely. I think it's necessary. Yeah, for sure. So you were talking about the series that you're working on at the moment? Is that what I can see behind you? Is that the little? Yeah. Yeah. So they're all on, like, recycled upcycle bits of timber. Yeah. And this is paper. So I've done some acrylic on paper. And then I've actually added collage, and I've got all these are crayons, actually, and pasta pens. So it's all about I sort of had this. I kept thinking about all these images of sort of old buildings and the feeling of the heat in the Adelaide Hills, because that's where I grew up. We lived on a property and my my stepmother was growing lavender and all sorts of things. And we had cows and we were always sort of out and about. We made mud bricks. So lots of lots of things that you were always using your hands. So the house was all hand built. I didn't do a great deal, because I was pretty lazy. And I hated the heat. So we're always doing this stuff. And I was always really hot and but they just kept doing it. And I really, you know, looking back I saw appreciate even being whatever I was involved in, but I do know that I was constantly come on Elisa sitting around and I was just like, Oh, but I even though at the time, I didn't appreciate it. I look back now and just think, Wow, that was such a fantastic experience. I know it was a lot of hard work, having property and all the things that they did. But it's really influenced me. We had just just sheds and anything like that I've just been really attracted to we would go on family holidays, and we'd stay and we'd go to the country and stay in old like I remember saying this massive old house and Bera you know, but my fascination was the actual building. And so I've just sort of been working through what all that means. And I think it is the stability of those structures and the longevity of them. Things that are built with your hands and how you know how meaningful that is. It lasts a lifetime. And I think I had a lot of sort of up and down in my childhood. So there was a bit of to and fro with my mother back and forth with my dad and I actually lived my grandparents for a year when I was about nine. So I think all these things around me that I absorbed is, is which is what made me feel grounded. And it's just come back up again. And so that's sort of what I'm working on at the moment is just how that's all influenced me, like all the structures and even the summer heat and the gun trees. And yeah, all these memories. I've just been looking through old photographs and just working through that. So yeah, yeah. So even though I, as a child, I feel a bit unsettled. They're the things I've gravitated to. So yeah, I want to try. I want to try and make sure it's a positive way of remembering things even though there was other things going on in the background that might have been negative or hard. As a child. I'm just trying to find those little strengths of positivity. Yeah. Yeah. That makes sense. That makes perfect sense. When you were just talking about that. It reminded me I'm not sure if you're into or heard of the chakras, like the chakras of the Oh my son's really into that my my finger He's just a hippie. He loves all that stuff. Yeah, he's telling he's been telling me a bit about that. So yeah, yeah, cuz when you were saying about that you needed to feel grounded. The things that you're talking about doing things with your hands, and like, the earth, and heat are all related to the base chakra, which is basically the one that keeps you grounded. That solid and all this other stuff might be going on. Yeah, and it's this, this core, this, it's basically your, it's in your, like, right down in your tailbone. So it's like, if you're seated, it's the part of your body. That's, that's touching the earth. And it just seemed to I just made that connection, as you were saying. Fascinating. Yeah. That's amazing. I have to look into that a bit more, actually. Yeah, I think it's that going into your own little bubble. Maybe that's even why I loved it as a kid, you sort of looking at everything else. And you're in your own little world. I mean, I used to even if my bedroom was my sanctuary, you know, as sort of that 12 1314. And I'd be constantly like, I painted and I'd be like, setting it all up in different ways all the time. And at one point, we lived in this little house, and I had to share a bedroom with my sister. And we're quite different bit of an age gap. And anyway, I was desperate for my own space. And we had this little hallway, like a little entryway that we never used, we would always go the back door. So I decided that I was going to set myself up in this entryway. Yes, I was so desperate for my own space. And literally, I could fit a chest of drawers. I had a hook for my school uniform, and I had a bed I posted around and that's where I slept. I don't even know how long I slept there for I think eventually they got a caravan and I slipped in the caravan. I asked permission I think I just did it. I was just so yeah, so definitely having my own space and I'd sit in there and I do whatever, you know, beading even you know necklaces and all I think I was into that at that time and yeah, so definitely, yeah, yeah, going into your own space Yeah. I remember helping my dad, Bertha lamb, you know, things like that we, you know, had animals and yeah, now I'd be like freaked out by that. But I'm really thankful for those experiences, because some are in my own kids haven't experienced things like that. So we're pretty, pretty lucky. Really? Yeah. Let's see, it's all about perspective. Yeah, yeah, just the way that you look at things. You could you could say it as negatives, but you've chosen to look at them as positives. That's yeah. And I think it is all coming out like because my kids are older. And what my youngest is. Yeah, just getting to that towards that end of high school heading towards their family a few more years left. So yeah, makes you just reassess things and all that sort of stuff. Yeah, that's it isn't it? It's like the these these particular moments that adopted throughout your life we have take stock and you know, recess and yeah. Do you think you stay at keeping your studio in your home? Or I actually think I just be really nice, like, even have an evening I can just go in there whereas I wasn't taking advantage of going have an evening where I was. And I'm quite a homey person. So I do really enjoy that. Yeah, so I think it'll just make me let me use the time a bit more wisely. In your face. So you know, if you've got it, all of a sudden, you just want to come in and quickly do something you can and then got blown working on cooking. I can go in and do something. And that's, that's perfect. That's how I've always done it. I don't even know what else you know, like that is how I've always done it. It's always in between life. Yeah. Yeah. The project that you're working on at the moment, is that do you have like a end goal? You're going to exhibition? Next year? Yeah. Is it gonna be going? This one might be I haven't got anything go. It's just a little series that I just thought I'd launch all together. Okay, I just have to find a graphic. Basically, it's finished. So just that next step, and then putting it on website. And that's, that's the part it's boring. But yeah, it is. And it's called memories are made. So it's basically they're made in your mind, but they're also made with your hands. Yeah. So hopefully, yeah, in the next week, maybe I can get my act together. Though, there'll be up so yeah. And it's something I haven't done before. I've got lots of little pieces on blocks of wood. And yeah, so we'll just see, I've really enjoyed doing it. So we'll see how it all goes. I'm thinking you're probably having an open studio in a couple of weeks. So that probably pushed to finish it off. And yeah, always good to have a bit of a goal. But yeah, look next to you. Maybe I might probably like to apply to a couple of different galleries and just see, see what happens there. But yeah, I try not to think too far ahead. Otherwise, I get a bit overwhelmed. And that stops the stops the making. Yeah, so that's the plan so far. Sounds good. Yeah, I responded quite well, to the materials, I guess, too. But this will just happen because we had some all these off cuts of timber and things and our families upcycle timber, and I was like, Oh, that will really look cool with this and just just having a go. Yeah, yeah. Other ideas I've been making. I made some paper mache bowls as well, a while ago, which I again, I'd like to sort of experiment with too. So too many ideas. There are the I love all these podcasts. And it's been fantastic. Listening to two other moms and how they all do it. And it's really, really good. So Oh, thank you for coming on. It's been a real pleasure. Thanks so much, Alison. Thanks so much for listening today. We'll be taking a well earned rest over the festive season and be back early in the new year. Have a great Christmas if you celebrate it, and we'll see you in 2022

Hannah Olson US artist S3 Ep90 Listen and subscribe on Spotify and itunes/Apple podcasts Hannah Olson is an artist and mother of 3 girls, living in Utah, USA. Originally from Luton England, she has enjoyed being creative from a very young age. In High School she had 2 really wonderful art teachers that pushed her and introduced her to many mediums like watercolour, charcoal and pencils, and encouraged her to pursue it. A high school teacher's words have remained with her "It doesn't matter what you do, but always stay creative." In College she decided to take all of the art classes she possibly could and discovered oil painting and fell in love with it. She tends not to stick to the same mediums, or subject matters, mixing it up between charcoal and watercolours, painting portraits, landscapes and still life's. Hannah really enjoys the challenge of working with new materials and subjects. She is inspired by many artists like William Bouguereau, Sargent, Van Gogh, Carl Rungius and more recent artists such as Jenedy Paige, Cesar Santos, and Andrew Tischler. While being a mum to three little ones is not easy, she finds time to paint and draw in between nappy changes, piles of wash, and endless messes. Although her children are her main focus right now she can't wait for the chance to create more and inspire others through her work. Today we are joined by Hannah's 5 month old daughter Millie today in the podcast. Hannah - website / instagram Podcast - instagram / website If today’s episode is triggering for you in any way I encourage you to seek help from those around you, medical professionals or from resources on line. I have compiled a list of great international resources here Music used with permission from Alemjo my new age and ambient music trio. When chatting to my guests I greatly appreciate their openness and honestly in sharing their stories. If at any stage their information is found to be incorrect, the podcast bears no responsibility for guests' inaccuracies. Podcast transcript at the bottom of the page Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode of The Art of Being A Mum Podcast. I'm beyond honoured that you're here and would be grateful if you could take 2 minutes to leave me a 5-star review in iTunes or wherever you are listening. It really helps! This way together we can inspire, connect and bring in to the light even more stories from creative mums. Want to connect? Take a screenshot of this episode and share it on Instagram tagging me in with @art_of_being_a_mum_podcast I can't wait to connect. And remember if you or somebody you know would like to be a guest on the podcast, get in touch ! I love meeting and chatting to mammas from all creative backgrounds, from all around the world! Thank you! Alison acknowledges this Land of the Berrin (Mount Gambier) Region as the Traditional Lands of the Bungandidj People and acknowledge these First Nations people as the custodians of the Region. Ch eck out more episodes ..... 1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:08,800 Being a Mum podcast where I, Alison Newman, a singer, songwriter and Aussie mum of two, 2 00:00:08,800 --> 00:00:13,800 enjoys honest and inspiring conversations with artists and creators about the joys and 3 00:00:13,800 --> 00:00:18,560 issues they've encountered while trying to be a mum and continue to create. 4 00:00:18,560 --> 00:00:23,280 You'll hear themes like the mental juggle, changes in identity, how their work's been 5 00:00:23,280 --> 00:00:29,080 influenced by motherhood, mum guilt, cultural norms and we also stray into territory such 6 00:00:29,080 --> 00:00:33,480 as the patriarchy, feminism and capitalism. 7 00:00:33,480 --> 00:00:37,920 You can find links to my guests and topics we discuss in the show notes along with a 8 00:00:37,920 --> 00:00:43,200 link to the music played, how to get in touch and a link to join our supportive and lively 9 00:00:43,200 --> 00:00:46,400 community on Instagram. 10 00:00:46,400 --> 00:00:50,960 I'll always put a trigger warning if we discuss sensitive topics on the podcast but if at 11 00:00:50,960 --> 00:00:55,840 any time you're concerned about your mental health I urge you to talk to those around 12 00:00:55,840 --> 00:01:00,640 you, reach out to health professionals or seek out resources online. 13 00:01:00,640 --> 00:01:05,160 I've compiled a list of international resources which can be accessed on the podcast landing 14 00:01:05,160 --> 00:01:08,800 page alisonnewman.net slash podcast. 15 00:01:08,800 --> 00:01:13,160 The art of being a mum would like to acknowledge the traditional owners of the land and water 16 00:01:13,160 --> 00:01:18,320 which this podcast is recorded on as being the Bowendig people in the Beren region. 17 00:01:18,320 --> 00:01:23,840 I'm working on land that was never ceded. 18 00:01:23,840 --> 00:01:27,640 Thank you so much for tuning in today, welcome to the podcast. 19 00:01:27,640 --> 00:01:32,520 My guest this week is Hannah Olson, she's an artist and a mother of three girls living 20 00:01:32,520 --> 00:01:35,680 in Utah in the United States. 21 00:01:35,680 --> 00:01:41,000 Originally from Luton in England, Hannah has enjoyed being creative from a very young age. 22 00:01:41,000 --> 00:01:45,720 In high school she had two really wonderful art teachers that pushed her and introduced 23 00:01:45,720 --> 00:01:50,880 her to many mediums like watercolour, charcoal and coloured pencils and encouraged her to 24 00:01:50,880 --> 00:01:52,340 pursue art. 25 00:01:52,340 --> 00:01:56,640 A high school teachers words have stayed with her ever since, it doesn't matter what you 26 00:01:56,640 --> 00:01:59,720 do but always stay creative. 27 00:01:59,720 --> 00:02:04,680 In college Hannah decided to take all of the art classes she possibly could and discovered 28 00:02:04,680 --> 00:02:07,640 oil painting and fell in love with it. 29 00:02:07,640 --> 00:02:12,840 Nowadays she tends not to stick to the same mediums or subject matters, mixing it up between 30 00:02:12,840 --> 00:02:18,720 charcoal and watercolours, painting portraits, landscapes and still lifes. 31 00:02:18,720 --> 00:02:24,080 Hannah really enjoys the challenge of working with new materials and subjects. 32 00:02:24,080 --> 00:02:29,840 She's inspired by many artists like Van Gogh and more recent artists such as Genity Page 33 00:02:29,840 --> 00:02:31,920 and Cesar Santos. 34 00:02:31,920 --> 00:02:36,320 And while being a mum to three little girls is not easy, Hannah finds the time to paint 35 00:02:36,320 --> 00:02:41,480 and draw in between nappy changes, piles of washing and endless messes. 36 00:02:41,480 --> 00:02:45,880 Although her children are her main focus right now, she can't wait for the chance to create 37 00:02:45,880 --> 00:02:50,240 more and inspire others through her work. 38 00:02:50,240 --> 00:03:00,440 Today on Hannah's chat you'll hear from her five month old daughter Millie who joins us. 39 00:03:00,440 --> 00:03:03,280 Thank you Hannah for coming on, it's such a pleasure to meet you today. 40 00:03:03,280 --> 00:03:07,120 It's a pleasure to meet you too, I'm excited to be here. 41 00:03:07,120 --> 00:03:08,640 Oh that's awesome. 42 00:03:08,640 --> 00:03:13,240 So where abouts are you at the moment and what time is it? 43 00:03:13,240 --> 00:03:20,440 So I currently live in Utah in the United States and it is 5.30 at night. 44 00:03:20,440 --> 00:03:24,240 So you would be in Monday still wouldn't you? 45 00:03:24,240 --> 00:03:27,160 Yes, it is still Monday here. 46 00:03:27,160 --> 00:03:31,680 That's the thing I find so fascinating about doing this is like the other day I was talking 47 00:03:31,680 --> 00:03:36,320 to someone, yeah it was their night before, I don't usually get people that are ahead 48 00:03:36,320 --> 00:03:42,360 of me just because where Australia is, we're sort of fairly close to the start of the day 49 00:03:42,360 --> 00:03:43,360 I suppose. 50 00:03:43,360 --> 00:03:49,440 Yeah but yeah I've had some fun ones, like yeah I don't know it's just I find it so fascinating 51 00:03:49,440 --> 00:03:56,000 that we're all here but we're all existing in these different times. 52 00:03:56,000 --> 00:04:00,000 And can we introduce your little visitor you've got sitting on your lap there if that's alright? 53 00:04:00,000 --> 00:04:05,960 Yes so this is Millie my youngest and she just turned five months old and she can be 54 00:04:05,960 --> 00:04:11,360 quite loud hopefully she'll not be too bad. 55 00:04:11,360 --> 00:04:15,320 That's cool if she wants to get involved in the chat that's fine with me. 56 00:04:15,320 --> 00:04:16,320 We love her. 57 00:04:16,320 --> 00:04:17,320 Oh she's adorable. 58 00:04:17,320 --> 00:04:23,120 Oh I love that blue headband you've got on her head, it really brings out her eyes like 59 00:04:23,120 --> 00:04:24,120 it's just gorgeous. 60 00:04:24,120 --> 00:04:28,520 I know my sister-in-law gave it to me, she gave me two of them and I'm like oh I need 61 00:04:28,520 --> 00:04:31,520 one in every colour they're so fun. 62 00:04:31,520 --> 00:04:57,640 I love it. 63 00:04:57,640 --> 00:05:02,720 Tell me how you got into your painting, is it something you've been doing for a long 64 00:05:02,720 --> 00:05:03,720 time? 65 00:05:03,720 --> 00:05:09,640 So yes and no I've been creative since I feel like everyone has been creative at some point 66 00:05:09,640 --> 00:05:13,520 growing up as a kid like you have your crayons and all that so it was something I always 67 00:05:13,520 --> 00:05:20,960 enjoyed and then it wasn't until I hit high school I had two really wonderful art teachers 68 00:05:20,960 --> 00:05:28,480 that pushed me and also introduced me to loads of different mediums mostly wash of colour 69 00:05:28,480 --> 00:05:33,480 and charcoal and coloured pencils were the main ones I did but I feel like in school 70 00:05:33,480 --> 00:05:40,080 they kind of show you a bunch of different kinds but they were the ones who really were 71 00:05:40,080 --> 00:05:45,640 like I think you have a knack for it like you could be really good if you wanted to 72 00:05:45,640 --> 00:05:50,840 and of course I had my mom who was very like thought everything I did was amazing which 73 00:05:50,840 --> 00:05:51,840 was very helpful. 74 00:05:51,840 --> 00:05:55,320 Yeah very supportive and encouraging. 75 00:05:55,320 --> 00:05:59,880 And so I just remember my one teacher in high school kind of pulled me aside one day and 76 00:05:59,880 --> 00:06:05,840 he's like it doesn't matter what you do but always stay creative and so I thought in my 77 00:06:05,840 --> 00:06:15,600 head I was like okay it's with me and I've always wanted to do it since then and then 78 00:06:15,600 --> 00:06:18,400 in college or I guess is it university over there? 79 00:06:18,400 --> 00:06:21,520 Oh yeah yeah yeah yeah. 80 00:06:21,520 --> 00:06:28,240 I decided to just take all of the art classes I possibly could so the way they have it over 81 00:06:28,240 --> 00:06:34,280 here is you have for your first few years like classes that you're required to take 82 00:06:34,280 --> 00:06:37,840 so you've got your maths and your english and all of that and then you get elective 83 00:06:37,840 --> 00:06:42,440 classes where you get to choose what you would like to do so I just filled them up with as 84 00:06:42,440 --> 00:06:47,720 many art classes as I possibly could because that's what I enjoyed the most and just had 85 00:06:47,720 --> 00:06:52,080 a blast and that's where I learned how to do oil painting. 86 00:06:52,080 --> 00:06:58,600 I had one oil painting class and I fell in love with it so primarily I oil paint at the 87 00:06:58,600 --> 00:07:04,800 moment but I do get a little bit bored every once in a while where I can't just stick to 88 00:07:04,800 --> 00:07:09,440 one thing so it's like I'll do a couple oil paintings and then I'm like oh I really want 89 00:07:09,440 --> 00:07:14,240 to do a watercolor so then I'll I'll do that and then oh I really want to do a charcoal 90 00:07:14,240 --> 00:07:19,040 so I kind of jump all over the place and I feel like that's also kind of the same with 91 00:07:19,040 --> 00:07:21,760 my my subject matter too. 92 00:07:21,760 --> 00:07:31,160 I love portraits yeah I really like like emotions and people and faces and but at the same time 93 00:07:31,160 --> 00:07:35,560 you know there's those there's good landscapes and still lifes that I'm like oh just you 94 00:07:35,560 --> 00:07:39,360 walk by and see things you're like oh I just I need to paint that or I need to draw that 95 00:07:39,360 --> 00:07:44,320 and so I kind of I hop all over the place which is why if you go on my Instagram it's 96 00:07:44,320 --> 00:07:51,120 very mixed there's not like one nice aesthetic it's just all over the place. 97 00:07:51,120 --> 00:07:56,320 Yeah I always like a good challenge so yeah there'll be times I'll be like scrolling through 98 00:07:56,320 --> 00:08:00,720 Instagram or I'll be talking to someone and I'll see that someone do something I'm like 99 00:08:00,720 --> 00:08:06,080 oh I want to try that I wonder if I can do that and so I think that's also something 100 00:08:06,080 --> 00:08:10,000 else that just makes me not stick to one thing. 101 00:08:10,000 --> 00:08:11,000 Yeah. 102 00:08:11,000 --> 00:08:12,000 I just have to try it all. 103 00:08:12,000 --> 00:08:38,680 I love that. 104 00:08:38,680 --> 00:08:41,720 You sound like you've got a UK accent going on. 105 00:08:41,720 --> 00:08:50,600 Yeah I'm originally from England and when I get nervous it comes out usually I've been 106 00:08:50,600 --> 00:08:56,080 in the States for quite a long time and even my husband is like I can't hear it anymore 107 00:08:56,080 --> 00:09:01,080 it's gone away yeah when I get nervous I guess it's still there. 108 00:09:01,080 --> 00:09:03,680 You revert back to your day to. 109 00:09:03,680 --> 00:09:07,520 So yeah when you first when you said watercolour for the first time I went hang on a second 110 00:09:07,520 --> 00:09:13,160 I can hear something in there so whereabouts were you from in England? 111 00:09:13,160 --> 00:09:19,640 So I was born in Luton just kind of right near London and then my mom was Irish and 112 00:09:19,640 --> 00:09:25,120 so we also lived in I lived in Ireland for a few years as well in my younger years and 113 00:09:25,120 --> 00:09:30,520 she was a single mom during the beginning portion of my younger years and then she got 114 00:09:30,520 --> 00:09:35,400 remarried and so we moved to Texas because that's where her my stepdad was living at 115 00:09:35,400 --> 00:09:41,040 the time and then we moved to Utah he got a job change and so that's kind of how we 116 00:09:41,040 --> 00:09:43,560 moved around and so I've just stayed here. 117 00:09:43,560 --> 00:09:48,280 So how long have you been in the US for? 118 00:09:48,280 --> 00:09:56,600 Oh let's see I'll do some quick math I'm not great at math probably about I don't know 119 00:09:56,600 --> 00:09:57,600 seven years maybe? 120 00:09:57,600 --> 00:09:58,600 Yeah right. 121 00:09:58,600 --> 00:10:02,600 I want to say it's been quite a while. 122 00:10:02,600 --> 00:10:07,680 Yeah I love that you've still got your accent though I think that's pretty cool but my best 123 00:10:07,680 --> 00:10:14,040 friend's Irish from Northern Ireland and she's been out here maybe 12 years 11 or 12 years 124 00:10:14,040 --> 00:10:18,040 and she's still thick as like I still have times where I have to ask her to repeat myself 125 00:10:18,040 --> 00:10:22,280 hello Helen if you're listening but and it sort of becomes a bit of a joke like what 126 00:10:22,280 --> 00:10:24,280 did you say say that again? 127 00:10:24,280 --> 00:10:28,200 That's great you know it's gonna be funny when my friends hear me over here they're 128 00:10:28,200 --> 00:10:32,200 like what's wrong with you you sound nothing like you did before. 129 00:10:32,200 --> 00:10:36,840 Yeah that's it isn't it it's all relative isn't it oh that's funny so um yeah back to 130 00:10:36,840 --> 00:10:41,120 you sorry I got off track then but I do have a bit of a thing for accents so I sort of 131 00:10:41,120 --> 00:10:43,840 that's another fun thing about chatting to people. 132 00:10:43,840 --> 00:10:51,880 So um the style that you do is quite like representative of the object that you're painting 133 00:10:51,880 --> 00:10:55,800 what do you call that style because I'm not very good at all that sort of technical form 134 00:10:55,800 --> 00:10:56,800 jargon. 135 00:10:56,800 --> 00:11:06,840 Honestly I don't really know I feel like slightly like it's contemporary realist thing like 136 00:11:06,840 --> 00:11:12,960 I like I like realism but I also like to see a little bit of a painterly touch to it if 137 00:11:12,960 --> 00:11:19,640 that makes sense so I don't yeah I don't I enjoy looking at other people's photo realism 138 00:11:19,640 --> 00:11:24,600 but that's not for me I'm I don't know if I have the patience to learn all the technical 139 00:11:24,600 --> 00:11:30,320 skills for that so I enjoy I don't know I think I would call it contemporary realism 140 00:11:30,320 --> 00:11:34,560 but I don't even know if that's a thing so yeah no well that I mean that that'll give 141 00:11:34,560 --> 00:11:38,200 people an idea when they're listening but it's like just having a look at the sort of 142 00:11:38,200 --> 00:11:42,360 the different styles like different things you've the subjects I guess there's a there's 143 00:11:42,360 --> 00:11:48,160 a gorgeous picture of a cow which I love that I mean I love cows yeah and this building 144 00:11:48,160 --> 00:11:54,560 that you posted a lot of posts about what what building is that the building so I don't 145 00:11:54,560 --> 00:12:02,520 know that is a temple for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints down here in Manzai 146 00:12:02,520 --> 00:12:08,760 and so that is just part of my religion and it was actually the place that I got married 147 00:12:08,760 --> 00:12:17,920 in and oh wow that's pretty spectacular yeah and my my husband's family they his I think 148 00:12:17,920 --> 00:12:23,640 it's third great grandfather was the master mason for building the temple and so it has 149 00:12:23,640 --> 00:12:52,760 a lot of family history connected to it and so yeah absolutely 150 00:12:52,760 --> 00:12:58,080 is this your second child you've got this is my third your third oh my apologies third 151 00:12:58,080 --> 00:13:08,360 I've got I've got three girls oh lovely that would keep you busy oh they do they do a whole 152 00:13:08,360 --> 00:13:15,240 new world when you have little ones running around so what's the the age the ages of them 153 00:13:15,240 --> 00:13:22,720 so my eldest is Shannon and she's five and then my middle is Oakley and she's three and 154 00:13:22,720 --> 00:13:27,120 then Millie here is five months little Millie oh I love the name Oakley that's a really 155 00:13:27,120 --> 00:13:36,160 that's a really cool name love that yeah we uh oh no oh bubba we uh had a funny story 156 00:13:36,160 --> 00:13:41,080 with that with my husband we have a really hard time picking out names especially for 157 00:13:41,080 --> 00:13:49,080 girls and of course we had all girls the one you know yeah those are the tough ones and 158 00:13:49,080 --> 00:13:54,600 I I was just scrolling through I think I was on Pinterest actually just looking at different 159 00:13:54,600 --> 00:13:58,720 names and I saw the name Oakley and I was like oh I kind of like that and I mean by 160 00:13:58,720 --> 00:14:04,680 this point I was already like I don't know 30 some odd weeks pregnant like it's a long 161 00:14:04,680 --> 00:14:10,120 time yeah it was coming close so we needed to make a decision and uh I turned to my husband 162 00:14:10,120 --> 00:14:14,560 I was like I like this name Oakley he's like I suggested that at the beginning and oh you 163 00:14:14,560 --> 00:14:20,360 like had you didn't say anything about it I'm like oh well I like it now I guess oh how 164 00:14:20,360 --> 00:14:29,440 funny oh dude hello look at that gorgeous smile hey hey darling oh goodness I worked 165 00:14:29,440 --> 00:14:33,880 in childcare for nine years and I was in the baby's room for most of that so and now I 166 00:14:33,880 --> 00:14:38,720 work in kindergarten so I miss out on the all the baby snuggles so it's nice to see 167 00:14:38,720 --> 00:14:42,640 the baby snuggles are the best they're my favorite 168 00:15:09,000 --> 00:15:13,840 So throughout the time when you had have had your girls have you have you've been able 169 00:15:13,840 --> 00:15:16,960 to maintain your art practice? 170 00:15:16,960 --> 00:15:23,160 I guess I should say it was different I guess I should say that it stopped it was just different 171 00:15:23,160 --> 00:15:34,080 and came in waves yeah I feel like when I had my first after you know after a month 172 00:15:34,080 --> 00:15:40,840 or so we kind of got in a little bit more of a rhythm and I was able to set aside like 173 00:15:40,840 --> 00:15:47,760 okay I'm gonna wake up an hour earlier and focus on myself and have an hour of painting 174 00:15:47,760 --> 00:15:52,920 and get that done and that was really helpful for me but I discovered the more kids you 175 00:15:52,920 --> 00:15:59,960 have the less you can plan it is so difficult to plan when you have three little minds completely 176 00:15:59,960 --> 00:16:08,280 different to yours and I don't know I feel like but I do feel like I have learned from 177 00:16:08,280 --> 00:16:15,320 having kids that not to waste time like I'm really good at not wasting my time when I 178 00:16:15,320 --> 00:16:20,920 have like oh I've got an hour that I can spend I could tell you exactly what I was gonna 179 00:16:20,920 --> 00:16:25,880 do with that hour right now whereas I feel like before I had kids I'd be like oh I've 180 00:16:25,880 --> 00:16:34,600 got all day I don't have work today so I can just you know I'll watch a show or maybe sleep 181 00:16:34,600 --> 00:16:39,000 in I'll do this and then by the time I got around to him like oh it's too late now like 182 00:16:39,000 --> 00:16:44,600 I should be going to bed and so I feel like I'm a lot better now with time management 183 00:16:44,600 --> 00:16:52,360 but I just have less time to work with so yeah yeah it kind of you know it just depends 184 00:16:52,360 --> 00:16:57,640 it does help sometimes having like I'll bring the kids in with me into my my little space 185 00:16:57,640 --> 00:17:03,560 and I'll set them up with their paints or their colors and that works out it works out 186 00:17:03,560 --> 00:17:08,200 decent however you don't get to get like in the zone because I don't know if you've been 187 00:17:08,200 --> 00:17:14,040 around little kids but they ask questions all day long and it's like I've answered that 188 00:17:14,040 --> 00:17:19,720 question 50 times but I will answer it again for you yeah and now give me five minutes 189 00:17:19,720 --> 00:17:24,280 so yeah that's it isn't it yeah but I feel like there's a difference between getting 190 00:17:24,280 --> 00:17:30,440 just time to yourself and also spending time with your kids doing your your craft yeah it's 191 00:17:30,440 --> 00:17:35,640 sort of like only half your your brain can work on what you want to do because they're there and 192 00:17:35,640 --> 00:17:40,360 you're sort of conscious of what they're up to and like you said the questions and they seem to you 193 00:17:40,360 --> 00:17:45,800 know their patience runs out so much quicker and you know it's like you just yeah like you said you 194 00:17:45,800 --> 00:17:51,720 can't get in that in that flow of letting letting yourself go but but that's but that's a really 195 00:17:51,720 --> 00:17:56,520 common thing that people say you know and I often say like when I didn't have kids I don't know what 196 00:17:56,520 --> 00:18:04,440 the hell I did with my time like I must have wasted so much time seriously I know yeah I 197 00:18:05,000 --> 00:18:11,640 I hear when my I have two younger sisters and I think back to when I was their age I'm like 198 00:18:11,640 --> 00:18:21,560 like what did I do with myself like yeah yeah I don't know yeah yeah that's not a whole answer 199 00:18:21,560 --> 00:18:26,360 but I I have no idea what I did because there's so many things I want to do now that I can't do and 200 00:18:26,360 --> 00:18:41,720 oh yeah you know what it's worth it 201 00:18:56,760 --> 00:19:06,040 So something I like to talk to my mums about is sort of the identity of you know when you're just 202 00:19:06,040 --> 00:19:11,080 you just yourself or you know with your partner and then you become a mum did you have sort of 203 00:19:11,080 --> 00:19:18,680 any sort of I don't know tricky emotions to work through when you changed to become a mum or were 204 00:19:18,680 --> 00:19:26,360 you did you sort of flow through really you know effortlessly I guess I mean I think it depends on 205 00:19:26,360 --> 00:19:35,320 the day because I feel like yes definitely there was an identity difference but I was lucky in that 206 00:19:35,320 --> 00:19:41,960 growing up I always wanted to be a mum and so it was something I almost wanted to do more than my 207 00:19:41,960 --> 00:19:48,920 art and I think that is helpful because I'm like I know that there's a time in a season with my 208 00:19:48,920 --> 00:19:54,360 girls at this age and that at some point you know they're going to be in school and I'm going to 209 00:19:54,360 --> 00:20:02,360 have that time back again so I think I think in that way it wasn't too hard but I mean you do get 210 00:20:02,360 --> 00:20:07,880 those days when you just don't feel like yourself and you're like I just I wish this day could just 211 00:20:07,880 --> 00:20:14,600 be me creating with no one else bothering me and I mean I feel like everyone's going to have a hard 212 00:20:14,600 --> 00:20:21,720 day sometime but the majority of the days I feel like no I'm doing what I want to be doing and 213 00:20:21,720 --> 00:20:27,320 yeah there will be will be time so yeah that's it it's a good way of looking at it like I um 214 00:20:27,320 --> 00:20:31,800 I was actually at a function on Saturday night and there were some people there whose daughter's just 215 00:20:31,800 --> 00:20:37,480 turned 20 and got a license and now they have no children to run around or take to places and 216 00:20:37,480 --> 00:20:42,600 they're like what do we do with ourselves now and I'm like that will come you know that's because 217 00:20:42,600 --> 00:20:47,800 my kids are seven and 15 so at some point in my life I won't have to do that and then I'll go oh 218 00:20:47,800 --> 00:20:54,360 my gosh this is my time now so yeah it's like don't don't stress too much because you know it's coming 219 00:20:54,360 --> 00:21:09,800 yeah yeah absolutely 220 00:21:09,800 --> 00:21:13,240 um 221 00:21:23,560 --> 00:21:27,960 with you creating and with the girls um something else I love to talk to my mums about is this 222 00:21:27,960 --> 00:21:33,240 concept of mum guilt and I've sort of put that in air quotes because I don't know it's a it's a 223 00:21:33,240 --> 00:21:38,600 made-up name I guess to that describes a lot of really deep and complex feelings it's not just 224 00:21:38,600 --> 00:21:46,600 as simple as you know hashtag mum guilt um yeah what are your thoughts on that so I 100% have mum 225 00:21:46,600 --> 00:21:53,960 guilt or whatever we want to call it and I think that's probably my number one struggle as a mom 226 00:21:53,960 --> 00:21:59,640 is just dealing with the emotions of feeling like oh I should be doing other things I should be with 227 00:21:59,640 --> 00:22:07,240 my children um I feel like for me it it almost clicks like as soon as I'm feeling happy about 228 00:22:07,240 --> 00:22:12,600 something it's like as soon as I'm enjoying what I'm doing I'm instantly like oh should I not be 229 00:22:12,600 --> 00:22:17,960 enjoying myself right now there's a pile of wash that needs to be done or I haven't played any 230 00:22:17,960 --> 00:22:23,000 games like children today or and it kind of it's just in the back of your head and it never goes 231 00:22:23,000 --> 00:22:31,160 away um and I I do have I do struggle with trying to figure out when it's okay to be like no this is 232 00:22:31,160 --> 00:22:38,760 me time I can focus on myself and do my craft right now and then also yes I have two weeks of 233 00:22:39,560 --> 00:22:45,720 wash that's in the laundry room and I've got dishes piled up and the floors are a mess and 234 00:22:45,720 --> 00:22:51,640 my kids are eating snacks off the floor I should probably stop and yeah you know like yeah yeah 235 00:22:51,640 --> 00:22:58,040 it's I have yet to figure out like the best oh uh is it possible I don't know 236 00:22:58,040 --> 00:23:03,880 oh that's the thing I feel like yeah I feel like getting it right and and that's also in 237 00:23:03,880 --> 00:23:07,640 air quotes too because I don't I don't think there is a right or wrong it's just whatever 238 00:23:07,640 --> 00:23:12,840 suits but it's really hard to get that balance constantly like I feel like sometimes you feel 239 00:23:12,840 --> 00:23:17,480 like it's going really good and then other times like the scales tip in this the other direction 240 00:23:17,480 --> 00:23:22,520 you go oh hang on a sec like that's literally me right now I've got so much washing to do 241 00:23:22,520 --> 00:23:26,760 so much tidying to do and I'm like actually I don't want to do that now I want to do this 242 00:23:26,760 --> 00:23:37,960 oh it was it was like me last night I was so I was so on top of it last night because I knew 243 00:23:37,960 --> 00:23:42,920 that I had this podcast and I was so excited about it that I was like I'm gonna clean my living room 244 00:23:42,920 --> 00:23:47,800 my kitchen while the kids are in bed and then tomorrow I can just focus and look at my notes 245 00:23:47,800 --> 00:23:53,480 and it's gonna be so smooth and so great never think you have a plan when you have kids you just 246 00:23:53,480 --> 00:23:58,600 can't because I woke up in the morning well I woke up about eight times last night well I think it 247 00:23:58,600 --> 00:24:03,000 was really only six but it felt like a lot because my little Millie who's usually a really good 248 00:24:03,000 --> 00:24:08,440 sleeper and sleeps through the night decided last night was the night to wake up and then 249 00:24:09,400 --> 00:24:16,840 I woke up really tired but I'm like oh you know what it's fine because I I cleaned and I was like 250 00:24:16,840 --> 00:24:21,880 the only thing I have to do today is clean the girls playroom because let's be honest it probably 251 00:24:21,880 --> 00:24:26,680 been about two months since I had cleaned it and it was a little bit disastrous so if I'm gonna 252 00:24:26,680 --> 00:24:31,960 bring stuff in here to record I need to have it clean but I was like that's grand and so I 253 00:24:31,960 --> 00:24:39,240 told my eldest I was like Shannon the only thing I need to do today is clean the playroom downstairs 254 00:24:39,240 --> 00:24:46,520 and have you girls keep upstairs tidy as well and so she's like okay and then she ran off and I 255 00:24:46,520 --> 00:24:51,800 started getting ready I was feeling so proud of myself for just like being on top of it and like 256 00:24:51,800 --> 00:24:56,440 oh it was eight in the morning and I was dressed and I was getting you know like I was on top of 257 00:24:56,440 --> 00:25:03,960 it today yeah and then of course she comes running in and goes mom mom I have a surprise for you 258 00:25:04,680 --> 00:25:12,040 I'm thinking okay I mean usually her surprises are like oh I tidied up the toys in the living 259 00:25:12,040 --> 00:25:16,200 room or I helped my sister put on her shoe you know they're usually good surprises 260 00:25:16,200 --> 00:25:20,520 so I'm not you know I'm like great thank you I'm gonna finish getting ready and then I would love 261 00:25:20,520 --> 00:25:26,520 to see your surprise yeah and then she leaves and then I keep getting ready and then she comes back 262 00:25:26,520 --> 00:25:33,560 again she's like are you ready yeah I'm ready to show you my surprise and I'm like well okay um not 263 00:25:33,560 --> 00:25:40,360 yet just give me one minute she's like it's either gonna be a good surprise but it could be a bad 264 00:25:40,360 --> 00:25:47,080 surprise oh no I hope it's a good surprise because you I don't for the most part they're good 265 00:25:47,080 --> 00:25:52,200 surprises she hardly ever gives me bad ones so I'm like okay just give me a minute but she was so 266 00:25:52,200 --> 00:25:57,000 excited to tell me so I'm like for sure she's done something great because she's so excited 267 00:25:57,000 --> 00:26:02,520 so excited finished getting ready and I call out and I'm like hey Shannon I'm ready for your surprise 268 00:26:02,520 --> 00:26:07,880 and she's like I'm downstairs like oh did she start cleaning because I told her I really wanted 269 00:26:07,880 --> 00:26:13,000 to clean and that would be like so sweet of her because you know she's so nice and I come down 270 00:26:13,000 --> 00:26:19,080 the stairs and the door of the playroom is closed and I'm like let's never close wonder why she 271 00:26:19,080 --> 00:26:28,280 closed it and I open the door and we have this it's like a shelving unit that's like steps that you 272 00:26:28,280 --> 00:26:37,000 can store toys inside and I don't know if you've seen them yet and so as I open the door she is 273 00:26:37,000 --> 00:26:44,360 standing proudly on the top part of this cabinet and all of the buckets have been taken out and 274 00:26:44,360 --> 00:26:53,800 dumped all over the floor oh she just looks at me with pure joy I've destroyed the place 275 00:26:54,360 --> 00:27:04,200 just so proud of herself and I'm like Shannon oh lord I wanted to clean and she's like are you so 276 00:27:04,200 --> 00:27:13,320 proud of my surprise I'm not proud of your surprise oh it's not a good surprise but you know I feel 277 00:27:13,320 --> 00:27:18,360 like that's just what it's like having kids yes you feel like you're on top of it and then they 278 00:27:18,360 --> 00:27:24,920 have to do something to show you no mom you're not on top of it I'm in charge today and let me 279 00:27:24,920 --> 00:27:31,080 show you how I feel about that so I mean I love that story oh Shannon they're fabulous 280 00:27:31,080 --> 00:27:40,680 but man they can be tough sometimes oh goodness oh she was helping wasn't she yeah 281 00:27:41,560 --> 00:27:46,920 yeah and she did tell me she did tell me she's like I'll help you clean it up it's okay and then I'm 282 00:27:46,920 --> 00:27:52,440 like okay that would be nice and as I'm cleaning she's like just in a minute and then she'd like 283 00:27:52,440 --> 00:27:57,000 pull more stuff out as I'm cleaning and I'm like Shannon we're trying to clean up and she's like 284 00:27:57,000 --> 00:28:02,360 yes but I'm making a soup and then she would like keep making a soup and then eventually we got the 285 00:28:02,360 --> 00:28:07,880 whole room clean and she's like see didn't I do such a good job cleaning that up mom and I was 286 00:28:07,880 --> 00:28:14,840 like I did a good job cleaning that up thank you you did a great job making more mess and making 287 00:28:14,840 --> 00:28:22,840 so it was okay oh my gosh I love that yeah you literally you never know what you're gonna get 288 00:28:22,840 --> 00:28:27,640 you literally you never know what you're gonna get do you like I feel like that it's sort of like 289 00:28:28,440 --> 00:28:32,440 the story like you know when you're about to go to work and your car doesn't start like I feel like 290 00:28:32,440 --> 00:28:36,520 that's parenting all the time but with your children like there's always something just gonna 291 00:28:37,160 --> 00:28:43,240 get thrown at you yeah 100% and it's always when you least expect it when you think you've got it 292 00:28:43,240 --> 00:28:48,120 that's when it yes yeah it's like it lulls you into this false sense of security it's like 293 00:28:48,120 --> 00:28:54,440 hmm no now we're gonna wreck it yeah oh god and then they keep coming they're just more and more 294 00:28:54,440 --> 00:29:06,840 you know yeah oh man it wears you out doesn't it 295 00:29:06,840 --> 00:29:14,200 so 296 00:29:15,400 --> 00:29:19,240 you're listening to the art of being a mom with my mom I was so 297 00:29:23,960 --> 00:29:27,560 do you have family nearby where you are like to help out with the girls 298 00:29:28,280 --> 00:29:34,920 I do yes so um my I have my mom and my stepdad and my two younger sisters and they live 299 00:29:34,920 --> 00:29:42,120 about 30 40 minute drive from our house so they're really close and then my husband all of his family 300 00:29:42,120 --> 00:29:50,360 live in Utah and so most of them are about an hour away but still close when we need them so yeah 301 00:29:50,760 --> 00:29:58,200 oh that's great isn't it yeah yeah we've got good support there yeah that's comes in handy my mom's 302 00:29:58,200 --> 00:30:05,560 the best what does your mom think now like because you said before she really encouraged your like 303 00:30:05,560 --> 00:30:09,320 when you made things when you were little like is she like look at what you do now and is like 304 00:30:09,320 --> 00:30:15,160 super proud of that you've been able to keep doing it oh yeah I mean I think so she's all she I mean 305 00:30:15,800 --> 00:30:22,840 is she allowed to say that I'm doing terrible I don't know she never does not to you she's she I 306 00:30:22,840 --> 00:30:28,520 mean anything I do she's like oh I think that's amazing and of course growing up I think I don't 307 00:30:28,520 --> 00:30:34,120 know if it was my last years of high school or when I was in college I painted a few paintings 308 00:30:34,120 --> 00:30:39,560 for fun and she bought them she was the first person to really buy some of my paintings and 309 00:30:39,560 --> 00:30:43,800 I'm sure it was for way more than they were actually worth but it made me feel so good inside 310 00:30:43,800 --> 00:30:48,920 that someone wanted to purchase my art instead of just look at it and I think that really that 311 00:30:48,920 --> 00:30:55,240 really helped and so lots of times when I'm feeling down on myself I can uh I'll give her a ring and 312 00:30:55,240 --> 00:31:03,160 ask for her advice or for her her love and support because she's more than happy to give it um yeah 313 00:31:03,160 --> 00:31:10,040 today my Shannon again uh I decided to ask her because I was like wouldn't it be nice for the 314 00:31:10,040 --> 00:31:16,920 podcast to have like this really sweet story of like asking my kids like oh like how do you feel 315 00:31:16,920 --> 00:31:22,360 about mom and her art and what kind of moment or am I you know because yeah yeah I just thought 316 00:31:22,360 --> 00:31:28,520 oh it'd be so nice and so I asked Shannon and I was like what kind of mom do you think I am like 317 00:31:28,520 --> 00:31:34,840 do you you know I was like am I doing a good job you know kind of yeah she looks at me she goes 318 00:31:34,840 --> 00:31:41,880 you're just a really frustrated mom all the time that was not what I was going for Shannon oh 319 00:31:41,880 --> 00:31:50,200 my gosh maybe she didn't understand it so I'm like what about like that I do art and that I'm kind of 320 00:31:50,200 --> 00:31:54,840 creative and I I teach you things do you like do you like doing art with me do you like my art 321 00:31:54,840 --> 00:31:59,400 what do you think of that and she's like well to be honest the last one you did I didn't really like 322 00:32:00,120 --> 00:32:07,640 and I just didn't want to tell you because you seem to really like it thank you oh my gosh 323 00:32:07,640 --> 00:32:15,640 she will forever be honest she's such a character isn't she yeah she's so funny she's so funny 324 00:32:15,640 --> 00:32:20,760 I feel like we need to have like a section of this podcast dedicated to Shannon she's like earned her place 325 00:32:20,760 --> 00:32:31,000 yeah oh I love her yeah but that's the thing like I love I love this this idea that you know 326 00:32:31,000 --> 00:32:36,600 we are as mothers we have this mothering role but we still have all these things 327 00:32:36,600 --> 00:32:41,720 that we do apart from that and that we did do before we had kids so it doesn't just stop you 328 00:32:41,720 --> 00:32:46,360 know all of a sudden we have a baby and this part of our lives just disappears into thin air so 329 00:32:46,360 --> 00:32:51,880 I think it's I don't know that holding on to that part of yourself and that identity 330 00:32:51,880 --> 00:32:57,240 I think is so important and Shannon's obviously seen it to be able to give her critique 331 00:32:57,240 --> 00:33:07,400 she gave me a piece of advice as well today where she was like it would be better if I could do it 332 00:33:07,400 --> 00:33:12,520 with you but sometimes you don't let me and I don't like that so I think she just wants to be more 333 00:33:12,520 --> 00:33:21,000 involved and yeah you know which is easy to say a little bit more difficult to do with you know 334 00:33:21,000 --> 00:33:28,040 yeah you're doing these um very detailed and yes yeah oh goodness 335 00:33:28,040 --> 00:33:51,480 now it sounds like a lot of fun in your house it is it's a bit of a madhouse but I wouldn't change it 336 00:33:58,040 --> 00:34:13,000 so online I noticed that you you sell like your prints and that sort of stuff do you have um 337 00:34:13,720 --> 00:34:17,640 and like you mentioned about your mum your mum purchasing you some of your early stuff that you 338 00:34:17,640 --> 00:34:24,040 made do you sort of have this idea about the value of your your art or the value of your 339 00:34:24,040 --> 00:34:32,040 your creativity that it's dependent on what you get for it or that society can still value art 340 00:34:32,040 --> 00:34:38,920 even if it doesn't have a monetary value attached to it um that's a good question I think 341 00:34:41,080 --> 00:34:47,480 I don't know I feel like deep in me I'm a little bit of a people pleaser so I feel like when 342 00:34:47,480 --> 00:34:54,760 when I do sell a work of art I get very excited especially because I don't sell very many I'm I 343 00:34:54,760 --> 00:34:59,400 don't have a whole lot of time and when I do do commissions they usually take me anywhere from 344 00:34:59,400 --> 00:35:03,720 like six to eight months to complete because I don't have a lot of time to work on them so 345 00:35:05,080 --> 00:35:15,160 those I do like I don't know it does make me happy however I do feel like um almost more so when I 346 00:35:15,160 --> 00:35:22,280 someone sees a work that I've done or when they purchase it and then they tell me how they feel 347 00:35:22,280 --> 00:35:30,440 about it like it makes it 10 times better like I would much rather have someone look at my work 348 00:35:30,440 --> 00:35:35,800 and say that really affected me or changed my life or really touched me then I would sell the 349 00:35:35,800 --> 00:35:40,680 work to someone that I don't even know if they appreciate it if that makes sense so yeah so I do 350 00:35:40,680 --> 00:35:50,040 I do feel like there's um I don't know there's a lot of worth in just the work without it being 351 00:35:50,040 --> 00:35:59,960 sold however it does you know I do like when it gets sold yeah yeah yeah no I could like a lady 352 00:35:59,960 --> 00:36:05,720 I spoke to the other day um put it really well said like as artists we sort of exist to be able 353 00:36:05,720 --> 00:36:12,440 to share and and like whatever things that have influenced or things we're going through that we 354 00:36:12,440 --> 00:36:18,840 put into our work it's so lovely if someone at the other end can relate to that in their own way um 355 00:36:18,840 --> 00:36:36,120 and then if they tell you about it that's even better you know yeah 100% agree with that yeah 356 00:36:48,840 --> 00:36:50,120 yeah 357 00:36:51,480 --> 00:36:56,600 did you notice after you had your girls after you became a mum that what influenced your work changed 358 00:36:59,560 --> 00:37:06,520 I mean yes yes it did there was an influence however I also feel like I have so many ideas 359 00:37:06,520 --> 00:37:10,840 of things that would show that a lot more I feel like in the work that's on my instagram 360 00:37:10,840 --> 00:37:19,000 there isn't a lot that's child related or any I don't know you know what I'm talking about 361 00:37:19,000 --> 00:37:25,080 anything like that however I have like I do have a picture of my girls that I've started painting 362 00:37:25,080 --> 00:37:32,920 that I just love and I love the idea of kids when they like discover new things like my 363 00:37:32,920 --> 00:37:38,440 littlest Millie here the other day found her toes and we she was just sitting just sitting in the 364 00:37:38,440 --> 00:37:43,400 bumbo just in like a little seat on my counter just playing with her toes and she was just so 365 00:37:43,400 --> 00:37:49,240 full of wonder and I'm like that would be just the perfect little like little picture of just 366 00:37:49,240 --> 00:37:55,320 her toes and her her cuteness and there's I don't know just when like kids go outside and they see 367 00:37:56,040 --> 00:38:01,720 I don't know birds or something my my middle child Oakley the other day we were on a drive 368 00:38:02,360 --> 00:38:07,080 and she was like birds I see birds there's two of them and she was just so thrilled at the idea of 369 00:38:07,080 --> 00:38:14,280 seeing birds I'm like I would love to capture just that happiness and that wonder of that just that 370 00:38:14,920 --> 00:38:21,400 that excitement so I feel like somewhere down the line there's going to be some works of mine that 371 00:38:21,400 --> 00:38:29,720 encompass just childhood wonder because I really I really enjoy that and I think also with some of my 372 00:38:30,600 --> 00:38:34,840 my religious pieces I have a few of those that I would like to work on and just to kind of share 373 00:38:34,840 --> 00:38:40,440 that with my girls and have that feeling in our household and share that with the world too would 374 00:38:40,440 --> 00:38:48,760 be would be really nice so yeah absolutely I feel like that because like I said I worked in in early 375 00:38:48,760 --> 00:38:53,960 childhood for a long time and that moment when kids discover something it's just this just when 376 00:38:53,960 --> 00:38:58,360 you were telling me about it then I was getting that that beautiful like warm feeling and almost 377 00:38:58,360 --> 00:39:04,040 like goosebumps like it's just I think as adults we just we've seen it all we take it all for granted 378 00:39:04,040 --> 00:39:09,960 and then when you're brought back to those minuscule tiny moments like toes you just it blows your mind 379 00:39:09,960 --> 00:39:17,640 and just it's wonderful yeah I love it I think we need to have more moments like that where we just 380 00:39:17,640 --> 00:39:27,800 stop and look at our toes and go oh my god the world's amazing yeah especially in this busy busy world 381 00:39:27,800 --> 00:39:31,560 yeah and that's it isn't it and then you know we've got all these distractions and things that 382 00:39:31,560 --> 00:39:37,480 are there to take our time up and you can we can sort of lose track of what's just you know the most 383 00:39:37,480 --> 00:39:41,400 important stuff no it's right in front of us and sometimes we don't see it 384 00:39:44,200 --> 00:39:46,200 sorry I'm getting all philosophical now 385 00:39:50,200 --> 00:39:54,440 by the way I love the way you said grand before because my Irish friends say grand all the time 386 00:39:54,440 --> 00:40:00,360 oh that's grand they say oh I love it probably my mom and me 387 00:40:00,360 --> 00:40:02,360 yeah no I love that 388 00:40:02,360 --> 00:40:04,360 I love that 389 00:40:04,360 --> 00:40:09,800 so have you got any pieces that you're working on anything you want to share about future works or 390 00:40:09,800 --> 00:40:33,560 anything at all so I mean I have really a lot of work to do and I'm really excited about it and 391 00:40:33,560 --> 00:40:40,520 I'm looking forward to it I'm looking forward to getting to do some of my own books or anything at all 392 00:40:42,440 --> 00:40:50,200 so I mean I have my one painting that you can see on my Instagram of a pioneer lady and for 393 00:40:50,840 --> 00:40:58,360 for me with that painting I really wanted to kind of symbolize the strength of women and just um 394 00:40:58,360 --> 00:41:06,840 the Mormon pioneers. I won't go into detail about it, but basically they came across the 395 00:41:06,840 --> 00:41:13,400 plains in hand carts during all types of weather and faced lots of hardships to arrive in Utah and 396 00:41:13,400 --> 00:41:22,280 eventually, you know, make their city and live and, what's the word I'm looking for, 397 00:41:22,280 --> 00:41:30,920 have their religion as they wanted to. But there's so many stories about just how strong those 398 00:41:30,920 --> 00:41:36,600 women were and what they went through. And I mean, they had children and family members who passed 399 00:41:36,600 --> 00:41:44,840 away and there was, I don't know, there's just a lot for me that I look up to in the pioneer women. 400 00:41:44,840 --> 00:41:49,480 And I just wanted to, I don't know, I just wanted to kind of capture that in a painting. And I don't 401 00:41:49,480 --> 00:41:56,680 think I'm there yet. I still feel like there's a few things that I need to add or do, but that is 402 00:41:56,680 --> 00:42:03,160 the main one that I'm working on is just, I want to paint a strong, powerful woman who's been through 403 00:42:03,160 --> 00:42:10,840 a lot, but also knows she's doing it for a purpose. So that's my main one. And then, 404 00:42:10,840 --> 00:42:18,200 I don't know, I had an idea the other day from a friend to do with my kids. She showed me 405 00:42:19,160 --> 00:42:24,760 someone painting a little, one of their little kids stuffed animals and all of my girls have a 406 00:42:24,760 --> 00:42:30,360 little stuffed animal that they just adore. In fact, they're kind of my eldest elder too, 407 00:42:30,360 --> 00:42:34,600 they're kind of torn to pieces. They get chewed on and they were loved. I mean, honestly, 408 00:42:34,600 --> 00:42:39,480 they're a little bit gross for anyone except for my girls, right? I'm like, how sweet would that be 409 00:42:39,480 --> 00:42:46,680 just to have all three of them on a shelf just to represent my children? And we'll see, but 410 00:42:47,560 --> 00:42:49,800 you know, got to get through this other one first. 411 00:42:51,320 --> 00:42:53,880 That's the thing when you've got so many ideas, it's like literally, 412 00:42:54,520 --> 00:42:58,840 yeah, you've got to actually have the time to do all these ideas. 413 00:42:58,840 --> 00:43:03,320 Yeah, well, I have a page in my sketchbook of like, oh, this is something I want to paint, 414 00:43:03,320 --> 00:43:07,960 this is something I want to paint or draw. And there's a whole long list of them. I will never 415 00:43:07,960 --> 00:43:15,320 be out of ideas. I just need a bit more time. Yeah, not short of ideas. I love that. 416 00:43:38,360 --> 00:43:44,280 Is it important to you that they see you as more than in your mothering role? And I don't say just 417 00:43:44,280 --> 00:43:49,080 a mum, I've got to stop saying that because we're not just a mum. But yeah, more of them the mothering 418 00:43:49,080 --> 00:43:59,880 role. Yes, I think anytime you can show your kids how you can be your own person, but also 419 00:43:59,880 --> 00:44:11,400 be a mum at the same time. I have an aunt who growing up, she was also a young mother and then 420 00:44:11,400 --> 00:44:15,800 also did art. And I came to stay with her for a little while and she showed me her portfolio. 421 00:44:15,800 --> 00:44:20,680 And I was just amazed at her skill and her talent and how she was still able to, 422 00:44:23,000 --> 00:44:27,400 you know, paint and draw and do the things she loved and also still have kids because I was like, 423 00:44:27,400 --> 00:44:32,760 that's what I want to be doing. And so it was nice to have someone to look up to, to be like, 424 00:44:32,760 --> 00:44:38,280 no, she can do it, I can do it too. And so I think it is good. Even if my children 425 00:44:39,480 --> 00:44:45,080 don't end up into art or don't want to be creative in something, I think just showing them that 426 00:44:45,640 --> 00:44:50,280 you don't have to be just one thing in your life. You can be a multitude of things, I think is 427 00:44:50,840 --> 00:44:55,640 important. Yeah, that's very well said. I like that. Because I think it doesn't have to be a 428 00:44:55,640 --> 00:45:00,360 thing in particular, like you said, doesn't, they don't have to take it on, but it's, it's saying 429 00:45:00,360 --> 00:45:07,080 that mums can do lots and lots of different things and things that don't necessarily revolve around 430 00:45:08,040 --> 00:45:13,560 that mothering role. Yeah, for sure. As I was, I don't know what question it was, as I was going 431 00:45:13,560 --> 00:45:19,480 through some stuff, I got thinking about myself, I think it was talking about like identity maybe, 432 00:45:19,480 --> 00:45:25,960 and just that there's my one aunt always tells me, she's like, there's a time in a season that, 433 00:45:26,520 --> 00:45:31,480 you know, right now you're raising your children and that's a beautiful, wonderful thing. And then 434 00:45:31,480 --> 00:45:35,480 later you're going to have an amazing time doing your art or whatever it is you'd like to do. 435 00:45:36,200 --> 00:45:42,920 And so I got thinking about how I sometimes feel, feel bad that, or like feel like I'm missing out 436 00:45:42,920 --> 00:45:47,400 because I haven't gotten myself out there. Like you scroll through Instagram or social media and 437 00:45:47,400 --> 00:45:53,240 you see like all of these moms doing it and more like accomplishing what you want to, but, or even 438 00:45:53,240 --> 00:45:59,240 people that aren't moms just, you know, being out there and doing things. And I think sometimes I 439 00:45:59,240 --> 00:46:05,400 get down on myself thinking like, Oh man, like, did I, did I mess up somewhere? Did I, you know, 440 00:46:05,400 --> 00:46:12,120 did I have kids too early? But then I realized like, I'm not, I'm not ruining my chances by having, 441 00:46:12,120 --> 00:46:17,720 by having kids. Cause there's still going to be, there's still going to be time. And I heard this 442 00:46:17,720 --> 00:46:26,600 analogy that it was, it was talking about how being creative is kind of like exercise. And it's like, 443 00:46:27,720 --> 00:46:35,000 it's preferable every day to exercise. I mean, if we could, it would be really great, wouldn't it? 444 00:46:35,000 --> 00:46:42,200 But it's not like a must has to be done. You have to exercise. And if you went to the doctor and 445 00:46:42,200 --> 00:46:48,440 you said, I am so sorry. It's been two years since I've exercised. I'm just going to quit because I 446 00:46:48,440 --> 00:46:56,520 can't do it anymore. I've forgotten how to do it. I'm done. Like, I'm sorry. I've given up. I can't 447 00:46:56,520 --> 00:47:03,480 do it. No doctor is going to be like, you're right. You haven't done, you haven't exercised in two 448 00:47:03,480 --> 00:47:08,600 years or five years or 10 years. You can't exercise anymore. It will not be good for you. I mean, 449 00:47:08,600 --> 00:47:14,120 that would just be, that would be ridiculous. So it's the same way with, with your craft, whatever 450 00:47:14,120 --> 00:47:20,920 it is that you choose to do. Like it doesn't matter if you've had a 10 year break, if you said, 451 00:47:20,920 --> 00:47:25,800 Hey, I have children and I want to raise them and I haven't done it in 10 years. You can always start 452 00:47:25,800 --> 00:47:33,720 back again. You can always do a little thing. Even just five minutes here and there, it's only going 453 00:47:33,720 --> 00:47:39,960 to make you better. It's not going to be any worse for you than just leaving it behind. 454 00:47:39,960 --> 00:47:47,320 Cause I feel like at one point when I had my first daughter, I didn't paint for a really long time 455 00:47:48,600 --> 00:47:54,440 because I just couldn't find time for it. And I just, you know, it's difficult because you're 456 00:47:54,440 --> 00:48:00,440 getting used to a whole new life with a little baby. And I thought to myself, is this it? Should 457 00:48:00,440 --> 00:48:08,680 I be, should I be done? Like, should I give it up? And that's just silly. I eventually learned like 458 00:48:08,680 --> 00:48:16,360 I go crazy if I don't paint. Like I, I can't not be creative. And when I try, I just, it's like, 459 00:48:16,360 --> 00:48:20,680 I'm about to explode. I get in this big bubble and then I'm like, I give up and just everything, 460 00:48:20,680 --> 00:48:25,720 you know, it kind of all goes to pot. And then I just, I spend all day painting and 461 00:48:26,520 --> 00:48:30,920 the house becomes a mess. And my husband wonders what happens. And I'm like, I'm sorry. It had been 462 00:48:30,920 --> 00:48:39,960 too long. He's so nice. He understands that some days that's how it's going to be. But anyway, 463 00:48:39,960 --> 00:48:43,800 but yeah, I just really liked that. It's like, it's just like exercise. Even if you've left it 464 00:48:43,800 --> 00:48:49,960 for a long time, you could always go back to it. And so what there will be days when you'll get 465 00:48:49,960 --> 00:48:54,120 you'll get, you won't do anything, but then there'll be other days where you'll get in the zone and 466 00:48:54,120 --> 00:48:59,160 get lots of work done and it'll be great. Yeah. No, I love that. That's really good. I've never 467 00:48:59,160 --> 00:49:04,280 heard anyone put it quite like that. That's really good. Love that. And I think it's so true. And a 468 00:49:04,280 --> 00:49:10,200 lot of moms say this, if, if they're not filled up, you know, the cups not filled up, the metaphor, 469 00:49:10,200 --> 00:49:14,920 you know, you can't pour from an empty cup. If you haven't done the things that make you regulated 470 00:49:14,920 --> 00:49:20,680 and fulfilled, then you're not going to go out into your family and project, you know, perhaps 471 00:49:20,680 --> 00:49:25,800 the person that you want to be. So it is so important to do these things for ourselves. And 472 00:49:25,800 --> 00:49:31,080 it just makes for an all rounder, you know, more harmonious household, I guess. 473 00:49:32,840 --> 00:49:40,520 Until Shannon does something in the play. I've just got a vision in my head of your daughter. 474 00:49:40,520 --> 00:49:47,240 I just love that. Oh, I do. Little Jim. Thank you so much for coming on Hannah. I loved your chat 475 00:49:47,240 --> 00:49:53,480 today. It's been gorgeous meeting little Miss Millie here. Hey, little darling. Thank you for 476 00:49:53,480 --> 00:49:59,320 having me. I feel really special that you let me join. I was going through all your podcasts and 477 00:49:59,320 --> 00:50:03,240 listening to all of these other wonderful women and their stories. And I'm like, I don't think I 478 00:50:03,240 --> 00:50:09,960 have anything to add on these people. Oh my gosh. No, you have so much to add. They have such good 479 00:50:09,960 --> 00:50:17,640 information. Oh, no, no, it was never feel like that. You've got so much to add. And honestly, 480 00:50:17,640 --> 00:50:25,240 that imposter syndrome too, you know, oh, yes. Yeah. Kick it to the curb. There you go. Bye bye. 481 00:50:25,240 --> 00:50:33,560 Imposter syndrome. Yeah. No, good on you. Thanks again. Thanks for your company today. If you've 482 00:50:33,560 --> 00:50:39,560 enjoyed this episode, I'd love you to consider leaving us a review following or subscribing to 483 00:50:39,560 --> 00:50:45,480 the podcast or even sharing it with a friend you think might be interested. If you or someone you 484 00:50:45,480 --> 00:50:50,040 know would like to be a guest on the podcast, please get in touch with us by the link in the 485 00:50:50,040 --> 00:50:57,720 show notes. The music you heard featured on today's episode was from Alem Joe, which is my new age 486 00:50:57,720 --> 00:51:03,080 ambient music trio comprised of myself, my sister, Emma Anderson and her husband, John. 487 00:51:03,960 --> 00:51:09,160 If you'd like to hear more, you can find a link to us in the show notes. I'll catch you again 488 00:51:09,160 --> 00:51:13,400 next week for another chat with an artistic mum.

Vian Lin Australian pianist and influencer S2 Ep33 Listen and Subscribe on itunes , spotify and google podcasts Vian Lin is a pianist, educator, businesswoman and influencer based in Brisbane QLD, and a mum of 4 children. Vian was born in Shanghai China and lived in Paris before arriving in Brisbane in 2002 to pursue her music studies. Vian started her piano journey at Shanghai Conservatory of Music when she was just 3 years old. She went on to win the Australian Yamaha Piano Competition at the age of 17 and performed at the Sydney Opera House. That same year Vian received a scholarship from University of Queensland, and went on to tour more than 10 countries, and performed a piano solo with her own piece – “Two Cities” at the 2014 G20 Summit in Brisbane. In the past decade, Vian has worked with lots of world class artists and musicians, including Dami Im, the Queensland and Sydney Symphony Orchestras, Yo-Yo Ma, and so many more. Vian has performed for Queensland Performing Arts Centre Brisbane Festival and other major festivals in Australia, and around the world. In 2011, Vian created Harmonie Music Centre and Harmonie International and started her new business chapter with a group of young Australian musicians who share the same goals. Vian is now the director and owner of these businesses. Over the past 11 years, Harmonie has brought household names from China, Japan, Korea, Hungary and Croatia, in over 300 performances to over 200,000 patrons in Melbourne, Sydney, Adelaide, Brisbane, Perth and Auckland. Her goal is to share Asian culture with every resident in Australia and all over the world. Vian is also an educator who has students over all over the world. Through her social media handle 'Not Just a Pianist' Vian shares her love of music, collaborates with fashions houses such as Burberry and seeks to change long held stereotypes about China and pianists. Vian facebook / Instagram / youtube Podcast - instagram / website Vian’s music is used throughout this episode with permission. When chatting to my guests I greatly appreciate their openness and honestly in sharing their stories. If at any stage their information is found to be incorrect, the podcast bears no responsibility for guests' inaccuracies. Podcast transcript at the bottom of the page Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode of The Art of Being A Mum Podcast. I'm beyond honoured that you're here and would be grateful if you could take 2 minutes to leave me a 5-star review in iTunes or wherever you are listening. It really helps! This way together we can inspire, connect and bring in to the light even more stories from creative mums. Want to connect? Take a screenshot of this episode and share it on Instagram tagging me in with @art_of_being_a_mum_podcast I can't wait to connect. And remember if you or somebody you know would like to be a guest on the podcast, get in touch ! I love meeting and chatting to mammas from all creative backgrounds, from all around the world! Thank you! Alison acknowledges this Land of the Berrin (Mount Gambier) Region as the Traditional Lands of the Bungandidj People and acknowledge these First Nations people as the custodians of the Region. Ch eck out more episodes ..... Welcome to the Art of Being a mum, the podcast where we hear from mothers who are artists and creators sharing their joys and issues around trying to be a mother and continue to make art. Regular topics include mum guilt, identity, the day to day juggle mental health, and how children manifest in their art. My name is Alison Newman. I'm a singer songwriter, and a mom of two boys from regional South Australia. I have a passion for mental wellness, and a background in early childhood education. You can find links to my guests, and topics they discuss in the show notes, along with music played a link to follow the podcast on Instagram, and how to get in touch. All music used on the podcast is done so with permission. The art of being a mom acknowledges the bowl antic people as the traditional custodians of the land and water, which this podcast is recorded on and pays respects to the relationship the traditional owners have with the land and water as well as acknowledging past present and emerging elders. Thanks so much for your company. Today my guest is vn Lin. Vn is a pianist, educator, businesswoman and influencer based in Brisbane, Queensland, and a mum of four children, then was born in Shanghai, China, and lived in Paris before arriving in Brisbane in 2002. To pursue her musical studies. Vn started her piano journey at Shanghai Conservatory of Music when she was just three years old. She went on to win the Australian Yamaha piano competition at the age of 17 and performed at the Sydney Opera House. That same year vn received a scholarship from the University of Queensland, and went on to tour more than 10 countries and performed a piano solo with our own piece two cities at the 2014 G 20. Summit held in Brisbane. In the past decade, vn has worked with lots of world class artists and musicians, including Dami in the Queensland and Sydney Symphony orchestras, Yo Yo Ma, and so many more. In 2011 vn created harmony Music Center, and how many international and started her new business chapter with a group of other young Australian musicians who shared the same goals. The end is now the director and owner of both these businesses. Over the past 11 years harmony has bought household names from China, Japan, Korea, Hungary and Croatia to Australia in over 300 performances and to over 200,000 patrons in Melbourne, Sydney, Adelaide, Brisbane, Perth and in Auckland, New Zealand. Her goal is to share Asian culture with every resident in Australia and all over the world. Vn is also an educator, and she has students from all across the world. Through her social media handle, not just a pianist vn shares her love of music collaborates with fashion houses such as Burberry and seeks to change long held stereotypes about China and pianists. I hope you enjoy our chat. Welcome, VN, thank you so much for coming on the podcast today. It's my pleasure. I really like your Instagram accounts. Yes, it's quite inspiring. That's great to hear. Thank you. So you're up in Brisbane? Yes, I am. Yeah. Yeah. Fantastic. Must be nice and warm up there this time here. And this is Clay warm today. Yes. So on your social media is your handle is not just a pianist. So can you tell me how you came up with that? And what are the things that you do in addition to play? Obviously, piano is this my career? And but, you know, I was thinking I should actually label myself not just the pianist because I'm also a mom, and also influenced. And also, you know, I'm still studying lots of things. So that's why I came up with some idea that I'm not just the pianist. Yeah. So that's cool. And it sort of makes people intrigued and sort of wonder, what are the things that you do? So that's really cool. Yeah, yeah. So tell me how did you get into playing the piano if you've been playing for a long time? Yeah, I've been playing for already, I think 35 years. I have to say, yes. 35 people are known. I've been playing for years. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So you started when you're quite young. I started when I was three. So it was like many many, many years ago and I've been playing and I was studying You know at the Conservatorium University of Queensland and I've been traveling from Australia to Austria and many different countries and you know, sharing music and learning from this person to the other. So music is basically the blood, you know? Yeah, for sure. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So did you grew up in a family that that played music as well. Surprisingly, actually, my dad is a businessman, and my mom is an author. So if and I don't have any family influence, but my mom is very, very supportive. When I was young, I remember because, you know, when you were young, you have no idea why you need to learn the music. So I always wanted to quit. And I always wanted to do something silly, but my mom always support me. And you know, call me back to the music and piano lesson and stuff. So yeah. So it's good that she did. Isn't it kept you going? Yeah, yeah. So did you grow up in Australia or we born overseas? I came here in the year of 2000. So that was 22 years ago, I believe. And I think I came here. even earlier than that, maybe 2018 Just for the exchange program as music students, so from China, so I've been in Brisbane. Quite a few years already. Yeah. And whereabouts in China. Are you from? Shanghai? Oh, yeah. That's a name that most people will recognize that. Yeah, that's right yeah. Tell us about your family. You have some children. I have four children. Yeah, I got Doremi. Far. You're not going to complete the scale. Hey, yeah, but that's already a lot. I come anymore. That's it. Yeah. So how What's the age range of view up children? Oh, my youngest just turned one. Oh, wow. And my oldest is 27. In April. So I basically had four children in five years. Well, already. Yeah. Yeah. And guess what? I didn't start my performance as well. So I was basically, you know, giving birth and having babies in a plane and he's fine. Oh, wow. So was obviously like, important to you to keep keep playing your music. You weren't going to stop that for anything. I think it's very difficult to you know, like, not stop. I mean, it's very difficult for women. I think parenting and pregnancy is very, such a big challenge. I have to say, it's a biggest challenge in my life, but I still wanted to do music. So this drives me to see balance. You know, being a mom and being a pianist, I have to say, so did you have, like some support, like family support? Or, you know, someone to help out? You know, with the practicalities of looking after the kids while you're able to perform? Um, yes, I do. I do. I do. But just during the pregnancy, it wasn't that pleasant because, you know, my third and fourth child, they are quite young, and they they around the COVID period. My first child is a call the baby basically. So no one help you. We don't have any any parents. We don't have anybody. You just have to rely on yourself and your family just to get through this. Yeah. Oh, good on you. Yeah, made it. Yeah. Congratulations. So do you do write your own music? As well as playing other people? I do write my own music on the piano. Yes, I do. Yeah. Great. I was gonna ask whether Have you noticed after you've had the children that you might have sort of, are you influenced by the kids like as being becoming a mother changed the way you write? Just in music, particularly before I become a mom, my music is always driven and I always wanted to challenge the speed and to showing off how fast I can play. Giving birth and having your child understand life is not about speed. It's about how relaxed you can be to handle all This scenario, so, email me so you can hear all this settled for flow. So I have changed a lot because of this parenting thing I have to say, Hmm, that's very interesting. Yeah, like that. So it kind of helps you helps you to slow down as well. And keep Yes. If you're sort of in that, that mood. Yeah. So in addition to doing your piano, you you do your influencing you do some modeling as well. Can you tell us about that? I started to do lots of collaborations with it was different brands from 2021. Um, before that, I do perform a lot and you know, friends and different brands, they didn't really, you know, push me to label as an influencer, because I think I was mainly focusing on the performance, then COVID hits. So obviously, your performance, opportunity or time everything else very, very limited, right? So as to think maybe I should do something different. So I start to do YouTube videos kind of became a YouTuber. Also, Instagram and Facebook. Plus, there is some very new Chinese channel called the Red Book. So I am professional Korea, music and also parenting. So I started to have more fans and audiences, then I start to do collaborations with different brands. So that must be fun, like getting to, to wear different clothes. And I've noticed in the campaign you did for Westfield, that you've got your family involved as well. Yes, that's right. We did a campaign was February. And it was kind of fun, because I get to choose the color combinations and my hair and everything. I really liked those kinds of things. Because I think I'm a I'm a canvas, which is very arty, you know, like how I want it to be creative. So I really enjoyed doing what I love. I have to say, this is really a blessing. Yeah. And it's good to be able to step away from the piano too. And show maybe a different side of your creativity because it can be really, yeah, yeah. And that everyone you did like having your hair in that the two little buttons and the bra was written was just very eye catching. Looks awesome. Thank you for your feedback. I love it, too. I recently had a hair cut so I can't go that up anymore. But they will grow to low bars boss who knows? Yeah, that's great. Yeah, I was I had a look at your YouTube, you've got some really fun things on YouTube, like you do the unboxing of your products. That the music side of things, which is really cool. Like, you actually explain the stories behind particular songs sort of educate, as well. Yeah, so you obviously enjoy sharing your knowledge that you have about music as well. Yeah, yeah. And also a fun one was when your husband did you make up that was a good one. Yeah, I have to say that. I think being America. But you know what? I'm so curious. If you look at all those top beauty cosmetic brands, you know, in that in nowadays, you know, all the top makeup artists, they're all male. You're interested. And you know, for this gender thing. Male nowadays they were makeups huh? Yeah, they can kiss and they are so conscious about how they look and how they can improve their appearance and stuff. So yeah, it's interesting so yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. has been having good had a good go. I didn't think he did a very bad job actually didn't do that. Very honest, because I like you very much. So it wasn't a good well, yeah, but you got to have fun. Don't Yeah, you've got to you got to have fun in life. Yeah, absolutely. Do your children play music as well? So actually my oldest daughter harmony, she's doing four instruments. Oh, well, he is doing three instruments. So they, they, they are lucky because they born in a musical family, you know, and I guess they're influenced by what we're doing. Because we also have our education institute, which operates and actually have music education, sort of program and stuff. So they basically when they were just six months, they start to grab, you know, triangle, bongo drums and anything you can think about. So they they love music. Yeah, absolutely. And do they enjoy watching you play or hearing you play? Yeah, especially how many because every time I go to a concert, she, she, she did attend. And I think for the reason why she even became my special guests. So she played the cello and we collaborate one song from the north cello exam syllabus, and I really enjoy it, you know, the opportunity to share the stage, not with five musicians, but also with fellow musicians, such as my daughter, this is not only the proud mom moment, it's just the moment that you understand. I am giving my child you know, a musically environment. And she enjoys it, and she's able to stand up and share the stage because I think at such a young age and then standing up on stage to play in front of so many people. It is a very frightening, you know, sort of experience. Absolutely. Yes. Because, you know, even even when I was 17, I came to a piano competition, I can tell that I was so shaky, and I was so nervous, you know, but what I saw my daughter's she's okay, actually, she's only six that time. So I'm so proud. I have to say, oh, yeah, absolutely. I can completely relate to that. Do you think though, because maybe because you've made music, such a normal thing in your life, and she's probably seen you perform. So she thinks it's not scary. It's not not that it's not a big deal. Like she understands that it's important, but it's sort of normalized it a bit for that. And she's sad for me to say. Yeah, because for me on the stage, she knows that our mommy is doing this when I'm going to do something similar to what my mom does. So she, Ellie she has got like, some like security, you know, font there. So she does feel like okay, I can do it. So even if she can't do perfectly it doesn't matter, right? Yeah, absolutely. That's I think that's a wonderful gift to be able to pass on to children that's really lovely. One thing I love to talk to my guests about is the concept of mum guilt. So this idea that mums should just be mums and then if you do anything else apart from being a mum, you should you should feel bad about it or that you know, society makes you feel bad about it. How do you feel about mongoose? I have to say I'm I'm a selfish I'm how to say it. I love my children, right? And I go for it. That's a lot of workload. You can you can't you can't imagine how much you have to do. But for example, now it is the cola period. I don't know about other city but but in particularly in Queensland. It's getting worse. So every bit every day there will be like an increased amount of ls 10,000 cases Imagine that. And if you any group chat, you will notice all the months or so panic, they will be like, I'm not going to send my kids to childcare. I'm not gonna write and this and that. But what I did, but I'm not saying that I'm putting my kids into risk, because they are in a very good school, which I attended when I was young, you know, and all of my four children, two of them are in primary school, one is seeing how to have the IERC, which is the Early Learning Center. So what I did is, every morning, I do send them to there. All right, I trust the teacher, I trust the facility will be able to give my child a healthy and safe environment. All right, because every, every institution, they have a call of a safe plan. So but you know, because some moms are so panicked, they don't believe they don't transmit So, but I'm the one who may be a bit selfish that I trust the institution. And I decided to leave my kids there. Because if they go the whole day, I'll be able to work. Hmm, do my own thing. All right. This is one thing. The other thing is, no matter what every week, I need to do do my yoga. Is this my relaxation moment? So if you want to sacrifice, I'm not going to sacrifice. If my daughter says that, Oh, Mommy, can you do this for me? I will say no, no, I so you can do that with Melody, or you can do that with you know, there are many people in our family. We are big family, you can do that with this or that I gave her options. But the option is not me. Because I told her mommy needs mommy's can. Yeah, yeah, I guess I'm very different. Especially in Asian culture. Because the Asian culture, I think, especially my mom's generation, family, kids, parenting is always the first priority. You never think about yourself. You just have to give everything to your family is a culture you know, huh? Yeah. That's interesting, isn't it? Yeah, yeah. But it's good that, like, you've recognized that you need particular things in your life, so that you feel good. You know, it's not all about pleasing everyone else all the time. Or maybe you've already passed to that stage because I'm, I'm turning 36 This year, so I don't feel like I wanted to please everybody anymore. Do you get what I'm saying? I do. Yeah. I always wanted to do my best. I want to show maybe my in laws how good I am in i and show my friends or show my kids. Kids. You know, Friends, Mom, you know, like how good I am stuff. I don't want to do that anymore. I just want to be happy. Yeah, that is so. Yeah. Yeah, it's funny. The other a few weeks ago, I had a chat with an author. And she said, It's like when you get to 40 You just think I just don't care about any of that other rubbish anymore. Like you just you get over the fact of, you know, comparison and judgment of other people. And like you said, you just want to be happy and yeah, I think that there's something that comes with with age, you sort of get this perspective of what's important in your life maybe. Yeah, absolutely. You're listening to the art of being a mom with my mom, I was when you had two children, how did the identity of yourself change? Did you sort of feel that that was challenged at all becoming a mother did you feel like you were losing part of yourself or if I look back, all of my, you know, for children and they gave birth and everything, I think that pregnancy is the most difficult part for me. I don't know about other women, but it wasn't a pleasant journey for me for each pregnancy. Maybe because of I push myself to be able to handle work and other men, as well as you know, having getting through this pregnancy. But I had lots of issues and lots of you know, problem problems and call the baby as well. No one helped and physically I was facing a lot of difficulties and also mentally when the baby was born, you know, I think it's all good. Like I don't you're tired anyway but I guess because the natural of myself I'm a very energetic person. Always uplifting you know, I'm just some people think that how come via you know, so always like So up in that high, I said, I'm not on drugs, I just I don't know I don't I don't drink. I can't get drunk. Because if you can one, one cup of anything, I just draw. And I don't smoke. So anything, the only cheat I get myself is maybe just Pepsi or some kids. I'm just having some kids. I'm very happy. So I guess my energy level is always very high. That's maybe why I have four children or because sometimes can I my phone company? Oh, I had one already had enough. Yeah. Oh, that's good. I have three more. If you got three more, you will be fine. I just, I think your energy level is very important. So when you asked me that question, when I look back to that question, I have to say pregnancy is really really bad. This is, this is something that I think every woman is really struggling with pregnancy because the baby is not out yet. You have to always check in you're not sure. And you know, the mom, really nice in your process and everything. You just have to wait. I think that's a period of time for a woman to get through. Both mentally and physically. Hmm, yeah, that's a really good point. So then when you actually had the childhood sort of already prepared yourself had gone through those changes. So then when you had your baby, you were sort of already at that point. I was so lucky. I had the best oil be so what happened is, you know, I my delivery was just so smooth, like didn't feel anything you know, at all, like no pain and no anything just like right hand right? Everything. So maybe because of my case, getting busted didn't really cost me any, you know, attention at all. So my attention Oh, jaws to the pregnancy. Yeah, for sure. Yeah, yeah. I want to say that I really like your channel, because you're trying to do something I think the society really needs. I think there will be no model about a month. Everyone is different, right? And yeah, I don't know how you feel about Australia. But I came here 2000. So it's already 22 years, it's already half passed off my entire life up to now. So I literally I spent more time in Australia than China. I think the Chinese social media recently really raised me up. Recently, there is a very famous Chinese pop sinner called Lee home, a Taiwanese scene, all right, and, and he betrayed his wife. And the wife gave birth three times and gave everything to the family and basically the popstar just betrayed and it became black and white in the society, they start to get to the court, things get very messy and stuff. And you can imagine, you know, the lady would know that the female the mom started to cry and, you know, mentally break down. It's just, I just feel that, when I look back, I have a very different perspective was that I just feel like everybody has a choice. If they don't want to be like that, you know, dependent on your husband, or you don't want to be betrayed by your husband, and think woman, you know, what do you want? Like, you need to really have a strong thing in yourself, then no matter people betray you or not no matter people, you know, do some bad thing or not, he still can move on. So I guess the social media label that women are in a very bad position and men always you know, money and they are they have, you know, strong ego in China. I'm not saying in Australia. You know, women, they need to depend on a man because they are the one who make money. You know that like, yeah, you know what? Yeah, so China In China Social Media, were they trying to say that woman needs to wake up, so I guess it's a bit late, but at least they are starting to have this slogan. Woman You have to wake up. You are not just a mom. You're also so I guess in Australia, this is so natural. Like I saw my friend like yesterday they gave us today they already you know, grabbing the baby just you know, like, at the workplace. Yeah, you cannot do that. You try not people are just like what are you crazy? And that's why I love Australia because I just feel like I can breathe and I can do whatever I want even have to rely on the Chinese social media and society Australia because I am influenced. I know I was born in China, but there are things I don't like. And what I'm doing now is I don't charge about the things I don't like I just support the things I like, and let more people know about it. And I want them to know that people may not know about it, no matter how many children I have. I'm still a woman. So the most important thing is yourself. That's it. Yeah. Children can wait no matter how many children because every time I find a lesson, yeah, you have four children as you saw what Josh's point if you want to have any more Yeah, that's that's really, really I love that no matter how many children I have. I'm still a woman. That's just really powerful. Yeah, yeah. Good for you. Yeah, I really like your channel because I think society needs this kind of thing rather than just label what is good mom. What is bad mom? And yeah, they need something like this. Yeah. Well, thank you. I appreciate that. Thanks for being a part of it. It's wonderful to have you on. Have you got anything coming up that you want to let us know? Maybe anyone that you're working with or anything musical that you've got coming? I do have something I got two things to share with everybody. So in Brisbane, from February the first where are we standing a festival called bris Asia festival. And I'm so honored to be able to work with very, very famous producer Anthony and I'm going to do lots of music making with different cultures and sound and, and one of the main theme of it is improvisations. And you can feel the music in the space with different instrumental player and a musician. So it's just going to be so beautiful. I'm so thrilled to share with you about February and one for the festival will go for a month. Yes, sir. Yes. Yes. And my show will be an awful amount. So I will put on my socials. Yeah. And also apart from that I'm working with Japanese jazz scene called Lisa Oh no, she's very famous in the jest field. And I'm going to host her international tour in Taiwan in May. So I'm going to flew sorry I'm going to fly down to Taiwan. Hopefully April and I'm going to do four shows with hiding different cities and this is the part I really looking forward to things called always stop all the international shows. And I can't wait to be physically in that theater the big you know, call with International Jazz Singer Lisa or not. So yes, that sounds fantastic. That is great. Good Anya. So you leave the like the kids will stay in Australia you won't take the kids with you nothing. Because I think they are doing a very good routine. I think consistency is very important for children's development. am I building harmony, my oldest child for her to explore because she's started aware of everything. But obviously though the other three younger ones. They will definitely stick with their daily routine. Yeah. Right. Your parents are still there in China. My dad passed away five years ago in Australia, and my mom is still in China. She's in Shanghai at the moment. We used to live in In Brisbane occasionally because she's that type. She wants her own life. Yeah, she told me. I'm your mom. But I don't have responsibility to take care of your daughter's he's done it hard work. Yes. He told me that she says she needs a life. So I guess that's something that, you know, she passed up to me. So, you know, the beginning, I can't understand that. But now I really enjoyed the distance because she's having her own life and I'm having my life. She's right. I chose to have four children. I have a big family, I've got responsibilities, then I will take care of everything. So you learn from it. Right? No one is perfect. So yeah. Yeah. So my mom is not here. Yep. Yep. So how does you talked before about in the Asian culture that it's sort of like the mums got to do everything and not do anything for herself? How does your mom feel about how you're not in a judgmental way? But just she sort of she recognized because you're in Australia, it's a bit different that you can do yoga and I guess there's reason my mom is not that kind of like sacrificing everything for her child type. Yeah, sure. Example, she decided to send me to Australia when I was very young because she's Spacey. I remember when I was six or seven. Everyone else like dad or mom or grandma, grandpa. They waited at the front of the school in China. They always pick up their kids like in front of it and all line up three o'clock. No one picked me up. My mom pulled a key just Oh, my neck. You go home yourself. I was raised up in that kind of family. You understand what I'm saying? Like? Yeah, yeah. Do you think my mom is even worse? No one can take care of me. I still remember when I was six or seven. I don't remember exactly what she right. There was one time my mom was sick. I was so shocked because my dad was interstate for something business. I don't know. You know what happened to me? I actually we have a lunch break. Every school eat China. You have lunch break. So I remember it's 45 minutes. I ran back home cook instant noodle for my mom. Because I was too young that time. I think if people don't eat, they would die. Oh. This is a no, no. I cooked it and leave it to mom. I said mommy to eat. Okay, then I ran back to school. I was only six or seven. raised up by a family that everybody sacrificed for me. It was well, it was offset, then that's what I'm in Brisbane. You know, in Queensland when I was a teenager. I dive into the culture quite quickly, because I think my family's belief is quite matching was, you know, Western culture a little bit. Not not 100% but majority of Yeah. Yeah, yeah. No, that makes sense. Yes. So in a way your mom was kind of not doing the normal trend for an Asian family. Yeah. Yeah. Did so when you when you sort of started to realize that. Did you think that was a really good thing. Like, did you think my mom was really cool? Because she's just doing whatever she wants. So was it the opposite? My mom is really cool. You know? And I tell her tonight, she's really cool. Because I think I still I see, I don't know, I think you have that kind of friends around you. I don't know if you know, that. Every day. If you send your kids to school, right? You bring lunch. And some moms, they are just amazing. Like everything you just opened their lunchbox like they can do the sushi like Panda. And you know, like, yeah, yeah, they can just talk like, oh, like a mastership Yeah, I can't. I can't it's basically that I don't have the time and I'd be honest, I don't have effort to really learn that then there will be people saying the odd vn doesn't love techies. Yeah, there will be like, because I'm an influencer. So people sometimes judge about me. Oh, she never cooks. Oh, she doesn't know how to cook. She doesn't feed her child. But they still eat so mom, you know, raised me and then my mom was just so cool. Do you know why? I'm still working and I'm working like so busy. You know, it's from my social media. So for example, reason why I had a shooting with Ross Ross. You know the conduct recap. Yeah, he's helped me with the scripts, scripts. And it seemed Mandarin English. Obviously. My mom is author. She's so cool. She can help my scripts. Yeah, yeah. Just imagine if my mom choose to be, you know, giving her Everything just raised me pick me up from school, cook about those food for me and give up her career. She won't be so good. I mean, I, I think I think when you just, I mean it's not yes or no right or wrong, but at the end of the day, you just have to ask yourself, what do you really want? Like a mom like, Oh, come on, can you bring me to your family? Can I live with you? I don't want to be like that kind of mom. I want them have their own life. So do I want to have my own life? So I guess maybe the best way is we do have a bit of boundaries. We do have the lines and to let my children know what does not mean. Like what does money don't like and what what moms can do well, mom want to so let's see. I'm not 100% Mom, you know what I mean? Like? Yeah, absolutely. No, that's wonderful. I really love that good on you. Because I think, I think a lot of moms feel like they have to do everything. And if you don't do it, then you're a bad mom, you know, but it's like yeah, no, that's not true. Yeah, absolutely. And this, this makes people sometimes a bit panic as well. I think this is a peer pressures as well. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The sort of competition of like you said about the lunch boxes, like, you know, and then you see things. And you know, how neat and tidy your uniform is, your hair is all sort of mark your child gets, you know, you know, that kind of things. Yeah. And then And then, with social media, too, there's all this, you know, you see what other mums doing and all the competition there. It's like you forever feel like you've been judged by somebody else. And yeah, gets a bit much. So your your story is very refreshing. I think a lot of people are going to be very inspired to hear to hear that. Yeah. Thanks for sharing that. So honestly. I really, really love chatting to you. It's been lovely. Thanks for your company today. If you've enjoyed this episode, I'd love you to consider leaving us a review, following or subscribing to the podcast, or even sharing it with a friend who you think might be interested. If you or someone you know would like to be a guest on the podcast. Please get in touch with us via the link in the show notes. I'll catch you again next week for another chat with an artistic mom

Danielle Kloberdanz Netherlands born author S2 Ep52 Listen and subscribe on Apple Podcasts (itunes) Spotify and Google Podcasts My guest this week is Danielle Kloberdanz, an author based in San Diego, California and a mother of 4. Danielle was born and raised in the Netherlands. A child of 3, Danielle was always interested in children, and began baby sitting the neighbours children when she was 12. She was drawn to big families, and the energy they bring. Danielle was fascinated with children's growth and development and went on to study Developmental Psychology at College, It was on a trip to the US for her sister's wedding that she met the man who was soon to be her husband, 9 months later in fact! They enjoyed a whirlwind romance, travelling Europe together, before being married and settling down. Her dream was to have 4 children, and Danielle was determined to make that happen, even in the face of health issues, bed rest, premature births and miscarriages. But when Danielle finally realised her lifelong dream of having 4 children, it was then that she slowly realised that she no longer existed as a person, and her idea of what being a 'good mum' meant, was challenged. Danielle released her first book Inner Compass Mom: Finding Peace and Purpose in the Midst of Motherhood in May 2021 which outlines her journey, and the life changing experience which lead to her new outlook on motherhood. **This episode contains discussions around miscarriage, premature birth, ** Connect with Danielle Podcast - instagram / website Music used with permission from Alemjo , Australian new age and ambient music trio. When chatting to my guests I greatly appreciate their openness and honestly in sharing their stories. If at any stage their information is found to be incorrect, the podcast bears no responsibility for guests' inaccuracies. Podcast transcript at the bottom of the page Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode of The Art of Being A Mum Podcast. I'm beyond honoured that you're here and would be grateful if you could take 2 minutes to leave me a 5-star review in iTunes or wherever you are listening. It really helps! This way together we can inspire, connect and bring in to the light even more stories from creative mums. Want to connect? Take a screenshot of this episode and share it on Instagram tagging me in with @art_of_being_a_mum_podcast I can't wait to connect. And remember if you or somebody you know would like to be a guest on the podcast, get in touch ! I love meeting and chatting to mammas from all creative backgrounds, from all around the world! Thank you! Alison acknowledges this Land of the Berrin (Mount Gambier) Region as the Traditional Lands of the Bungandidj People and acknowledge these First Nations people as the custodians of the Region. Ch eck out more episodes ..... Welcome to the Art of Being a mum, the podcast that's a platform for mothers who are artists and creatives to share the joys and issues they've encountered. While continuing to make art. Regular themes we explore include the day to day juggle, how mother's work is influenced by the children, mum guilt, how moms give themselves time to create within the role of mothering, and the value that mothers and others placed on their artistic selves. My name's Alison Newman. I'm a singer, songwriter, and a mom of two boys from regional South Australia. You can find links to my guests and topics we discuss in the show notes. Together with music played, how to gain touch, and a link to join our lively and supportive community on Instagram. The art of being a mum acknowledges the Bondic people as the traditional owners of the land, which this podcast is recorded on. Thanks so much for joining me. My guest this week is Danielle Clover Dan's an author based in San Diego, California, and a mum of four children. Danielle was born and raised in the Netherlands, a child of three. Danielle was always interested in children and babies, and she began babysitting the neighbor's children when she was 12. She was drawn to big families and the energy they bring. Danielle was fascinated with children's growth and development, and went on to study developmental psychology at college. It was on a trip to the US for her sister's wedding that she met the man who assumed to be your husband. Nine months later, in fact, they enjoyed a whirlwind romance traveling Europe together before being married and settling down. Her dream was always to have four children. And Danielle was determined to make that happen. Even in the face of health issues, bed rest, premature births and miscarriages. But when Daniel finally realized her lifelong dream of having those four children, it was then that she slowly realized that she no longer existed as a person. And her idea of what being a good mom meant was challenged. Danielle released her first book, inner compass mum finding peace and purpose in the midst of motherhood in May of 2021. The book outlines her journey and the life changing experience which led to her new outlook on motherhood. This episode contains discussions around miscarriage and premature birth. Music you'll hear today is from Australian ambient music trio LM Joe, featuring myself, my sister, Emma Anderson, and her husband, John N is used with permission. I hope you enjoyed today's episode. Welcome along today, Danielle, it's such a pleasure to meet you and to welcome you to the podcast. Well, thanks for having me. I am intrigued by your podcasts and listened to several and Oh, thank you. I was excited to be on this one. Awesome. Wow, what time is it in your your zone? Well, we've just gone past 11:30am So it's quite a nice Sunday morning. Just nice and lazy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Good. It looks sunny in your place. Yeah, I've had to close the blinds because the sun's coming in so much. It's like distorting, like how I look to you. Yes, I can see the glow. I have to do some artificial glow because the sun is going down here. So yeah. What's the what's the time there? It's 7pm. Right. Yeah. We just had the time change the, you know, daylight savings. Yeah, sorry. Yeah. Yeah. So we're about to you right now. In San Diego, San Diego, San Diego, California. Right now you're in San Diego. But whereabouts did you start out in life? Well, I was born and raised in Holland, in the Netherlands. And I well, I moved to San Diego or to actually to Orange County, California, at the age of 26, barely 26. But before I met my husband, I you know, just did the normal thing and went to college to study developmental psychology in Amsterdam. And then I, I had, you know, a job for about a year it was hard to find a job in my field actually. And I worked at a temp agency for a year and that's when I met my my husband during that time. But yeah, so I just I, to be honest, I never really cared about a career. I just wanted to have a family and but what do you do? You're not just gonna sit around wait for some guy to come along. Are you, you know, you got to make some of your life and then hopefully it all happen. So I went to college, and I always loved babysitting, I loved hanging out with kids, I loved watching their, you know, development and how they think and how they would learn. So I was intrigued by children's. So developmental psychology really seemed to fit fit me. And so that's what I pursued. And yeah, until I met my husband, when I was 25. Actually, he got married when I was 26. And then I moved over to the United States. Yeah. So that that interest in wanting to become a mom, that intense drive, was that something cultural or something that you'd been exposed to growing up? Was that sort of the norm that you would grow up? Women would have children? Or was that something innate in yourself? Do you think? Well, my mom was a stay at home mom, until I was and I'm, I'm the youngest of three, I have two older sisters, and we're all a couple of years apart. And then my mom started working when I was in my mid teens, so to say, but I always just I wanted to be a mom, I wasn't sure what I would. I wasn't really sure what I was good at. Like in school, I was kind of an average student, like, nothing really stood out. The actually the best the subject that was that was easiest for me, was actually English, English is mandatory middle school and high school. And that was the only subject that was kind of came more natural to me. It turned out came in handy later, for sure. But I was intrigued by by science, but I wasn't very good at it. You know, like math, oh, my gosh, you know, just just not my thing. So I was like, What am I good at? What is my passion. And then I started babysitting the family across the street from us when I was like, 12, just an hour. So mom could do groceries, and I just loved it. And they, they had a big family, they ended up having five kids. And the parents themselves were from large families. So whenever there was a birthday party, I was invited, and the whole house was just filled with this wonderful energy. People were laughing and having wonderful comfort stations. And everybody just seemed happy. And I just wanted to create a big happy family for myself. And that's all I really wanted. I just wanted to be a stay at home mom, and I thought I would thoroughly enjoy it. Well, we'll talk about that later how to, you know, the life that I wanted happen and then, you know, it turns out isn't really as fulfilling as I had hoped it would be. talking us through, you know, you met your husband, you got married? Was it then like straight away? Right, let's do this. We're gonna have this family that I've always dreamed of. How did how did it sort of go from there? Yes. So when? So I met my husband at my sister's wedding actually, she was able, I mean, we all grew up in Holland. You know, we my sister, so but she was able to get a two year visa to work in the US. And during that time she met a guy decided to marry him. And so we went to the wedding. And that's where I met my husband. And we so we dated for a while. I mean, nothing happened at the wedding. People can read the story in my mom, they can read all the details and how all that went down. But basically, because I was living in Holland, we basically dated internationally and we traveled in Europe and we dated in you know, Belgium like Bruges and Antwerp and Barcelona and then basically, seven months, but no, it was eight months after we met he proposed to me in in Prague, so and the next month we were married so like within like nine months out After we met, we were married. And we, we read it, and then a couple months later was able to emigrate. Yeah, we were married in February. And I emigrated in April. So that all happened really fast. And so we decided to wait a little bit with having kids because also, my husband wanted to get his master's in business. So we decided to just get that out of the way before we'd have kids and enjoy a little bit more freedom before you know, babies would arrive and get to know each other even better each other nine months. But I will say, when you travel together, you get to know each other really fast. And it's either going to work or it's not. And it was going to work. So we we were just both convinced, you know, once you know, you just know. And we just celebrated our 24th wedding anniversary. Stories isn't it's a real love story. I love that. Yeah. Yeah. My husband comes from a large family. By the way, I was thrilled to find out when I met him, and we get to know each other, that my husband is one of eight children. He's number five. And I just loved it. And his older siblings already had kids. And so every family get together was just filled with, you know, that same kind of energy. The laughter everybody's talking, and just having a great time and bringing up both stories from the past. And just I don't know, there's just something about big families that I just love. And yeah, so he's like, Okay, you want to have kids? Okay, well, three, or fours. What do you have in mind? Well, first half of what I grew up with, so I guess, we'll figure out how to manage that my mum managed to, you know, raise eight children. I don't know how she did it. Anyway, yeah. So yeah, so you're pretty happy with four. Four is a good number. Well, it's an even though it I was I was the last one of three. So sometimes I did feel like, you know, my two older sisters would, would play together. And I was always a little too young or third wheel basically. So I always figured, you know, if possible, even numbers, and my husband loves numbers. He loves even numbers. He's, he's his background is in accounting. He's not he does production now. But he, he loves even balance. And it worked out well actually. Having two sets of kids basically. Yeah, tell us about that. Yeah. Yeah. The first two are close in age. They're 19 months apart. And and then I felt tell you after the second one, because I always had complicated pregnancies. I was putting bedrest I had preterm labor with every every child. With the first one. I made it to 38 weeks, so I thought, well, maybe it wasn't that big of an issue. Maybe we'll be fine. So we tried for another one. And I, I got pregnant, fast. And so they're 90 months apart, but I was definitely put up that this again with the second one. So she was actually born five weeks, early at 35 weeks. But the fine she was in the NICU for like eight days, I think. And then she came home. So that was a bit like, oh, wow, that's, you know, you know, a second pregnancy and now you know, we are preterm here, but 90 months is is a bit challenging. I think any parent who has kids close in age knows that you probably will have to in diapers for a while. And then there's this sibling rivalry that really was an issue. And it's a lot. So I actually thought, oh, and at the time, my husband was really busy. Like he worked 60 hours a week. He traveled a lot. So I felt like I was a single mom. So after having to I thought there's no way You can have more kids, I can barely manage to what was I thinking, wanting to have all these kids, it's just no way. But as life went on, and the kids got to be a little bit older, and you know of the diaper phase and things like that, I did start secretly longing for another baby, there's just something in me that said, I don't want to be done, baby, there's something about having babies, and I don't know, I just didn't want to be done. And then actually, what happened was, I had, I had just regular you know, bloodwork done just a doctor's appointment to suit annual checkup, or whatever it was just like, hey, we haven't checked your blood. And while let's just see. And it turned out that my platelet count was really, really low. And so they sent me to a specialist. And the specialist said, this is this is not good. This is not a good situation, we got to figure out what's going on, because you could have an autoimmune disease disorder. It might be leukemia, it might be a mess. And I was just shocked. Because I mean, I did feel healthy, but you just never know what's going on, you just don't know. So I went back for several months to get checked and checked. And it turned out what probably happened was my birth control, which my naturopathic doctor said, like, why don't you stop taking birth control, because I had switched and sometimes that I guess, with some can be the cause of, you know, but the platelets start to stick anyway, not a doctor. So, but after several months, my blood started. So unlike normal levels again, and then I think it was like seven months. And my doctor said, Okay, I guess you're, you're healthy. It must have been that and, you know, you have a clean bill of health. And I remember sitting in my car after that appointment, and I just started crying like, oh my gosh, you know, like, this is like a miracle you because, you know, I had so much fear, like, what if I have a disease? What if I have something that's really life changing? Or, you know, potentially worse, so? And I remember it so well, that moment, because I think our youngest was about two or three, two years old. And I thought, Well, what do I want to do, you have a second chance of living healthy life. And I just remember, I know exactly what I want. And I want to I want to have more babies. And I want to stop living in fear. Because there are no guarantees in life. There really aren't, you don't know what tomorrow's gonna bring. So I figured I might as well go for my big dream and figure it out. And right at the time, I My husband was able to get the job in San Diego. And we ended up moving and everything became a lot more manageable and simple. And just a normal 40 hour workweek and a short commute. So that created space for us to have another baby and and then yeah, number girl number three came along and and then you know, I was ready like after yours ready paid. Let's do this. Let's have another one. Come on baby number four, right all in well. And then I think God or the Universe told me that so fast, not so fast. So I miscarried a couple of times, which was, which was really shocking to me that really, that really messed with me. Well woke me up actually, just to be the more I think the more grateful for how easy it was always for me to get pregnant. I would always get pregnant right away and the Healthy Kids and that's something you can never take for granted, you know. But I was going through a trying time of Wow. So I am feeling this really strong desire for a fourth child. That just felt so right to me like, No, we're gonna have four kids. This is what I wanted. This is what I'm gonna get. This is yeah, why wouldn't I Why wouldn't that happen to me or for me? And because of the two miscarriages and because I get pregnant And right away. I'm like, I need time I need to figure out, I need to get some answers. And I was already very spiritual. And what I do is I basically asked the universe guide me show me, what am I supposed to do? Give me some answers. And I knew I had to just give it some time and like, I'm not gonna, we're not going to try for a few months, several months, we're just going to wait and then try to think about it and just just give it maybe even half a year. And then we'll see if I get any signs if I changed my mind, I don't know. And then, pretty quickly after I decided actually, to just wait for a few months, I had this dream. I don't know if I should go to all these details. It's all in the book. But it basically was, I was at this convention. And there was this Native American Chief is very wise man that anybody had questions? He could answer like he was connected to God university could just channeled answers. And I was waiting patiently for my turn. And I kind of close my eyes kind of meditating is it was all in my dream. And, of course, I knew what I was going to ask like, are we meant to have a fourth child because I believe you can want something but I also believe it has to like, integrate with what maybe the universe wants for you. Or there's some mystery around that. Like, what is freewill? What is destiny? What are we meant to do here? So I just wasn't sure. Anyway, in my dream, when I finally it was my turn to ask this chief. I opened my eyes and it was kind of waiting. I had been it's gonna be kind of weird. The teeth was not there. But there was big poster that said, Yes, of course, you meant to have another child just don't wait. You need to try now. And I'm like, gosh, I woke up and I go, Oh, my gosh, it's here. This is it. And it's I don't know any any listener who who's worked with beans before and has had these guiding dreams, the energy that comes from these dreams. It's so different. You feel transformed, you wake up, and you know, this is different. This is not just oh, you're just processing your day today. Your worries, your anxieties. This is this is a lot more and you just know, this is it. I have to follow this. And yeah, sure enough, nine months later, we had our baby boy. It's like, I will live my life that way. If I if I'm stuck. I don't know. I throw my I know, there's an answer for me. And I throw it out there in the universe to God or whatever you want to call it. Just expect an answer to come and it always comes you got to learn to receive it. Yeah, that's it isn't about being open and allowing it to come and not questioning or not trying to second guess it's just what do you have to tell me and just waiting for it to come? Yeah, it does. If you Yeah, if you're open to it, you'll you'll get it? Yeah, I'm a big believer in that too. Yeah. So you hate we've got your four kids, you've got your dream. And how did things go from them? So I think moms who are listening can recognize that you know, the first couple of years the baby years toddler years, they're just intense It's physical. It's draining I mean, you don't sleep at night you're just chasing them they're starting to crawl I mean it's it's very demanding. And and then you think well, it's gonna get easier as they get a little older and it does it does get easier so that's what I thought you know, let's see had you know, first of all, after I had two kids that well it's gonna get easier it was very hard in the beginning with only 19 months apart, and then it got easier and then yeah, we added more kids so I thought okay, it's a lot I got a kid in elementary school and a preschool and then again, a toddler at home and a newborn but it's gonna get easier we're gonna get through this and many others have done this before me. And and and something Of course, they'll get easier. But there's also other things that got harder, you know, you're dealing with four kids with very different personalities, and every kid needs something else from you. And I think one of the frustrating parts is, you think you've figured something out with one kid, and you're like, Oh, this is great, it's working, this is working, my kid is actually doing what I needed to do, or everything is kind of flowing better, and you try to apply it to another kid forget, it's not going to work. Or two weeks later, a month later, the same system, same approach, it's just not working anymore. So you constantly have to, like reinvent yourself or something. And so, it, it was harder and or in different ways. And that feeling that I was looking for, and longing for, of like creating this, basically, this this house full of joy, these kids running around and being all happy and bringing me joy and liveliness, and you know, the whole purpose. It. Yeah, there were moments like that. Absolutely. You know, but not enough for me to say yes, now I have exactly what I wanted. Technically I did it looked like that on the outside, I have exactly a good list, a great husband, Healthy Kids, great neighborhood, beautiful home, good schools, and something was still missing. And I wasn't happy. And I, for the longest time I would beat myself up stuffing so ungrateful. Be grateful for all the gifts in your life. You should be happy, you should be happy, you should be happy. Why are you not happy. But at some point, when my youngest was in preschool, I realized, stop, you got to start listening to yourself. Because if you don't make a change, now, you're going to end up being bitter and unhappy and resentful, and you do not want to go. You don't want to be that person. So that's when I went on my my journey of getting some answers of how I would make some changes in my life. You're listening to the art of being a mom was my mom, I was naming four kids, you've outlined you know all the different stages. It's also demanding like weird. Did you actually fit in there? Did you feel like you were just that you existed only for your children? That was the only thing that you did was meet the needs of your children? Basically, yeah, I basically I was wanting to be moms. So now I know, the way I define being a good mom. And I'm connected to a lot of moms in especially in my neighborhood. And basically, I now know why I got so stuck and why I wasn't as fulfilled with my situations because I the way I defined what it means to be a good mom. And that's how we get stuck. That's how I got stuck. I will find being a good mom as someone who you got to give everything to your children and you just do everything, maybe not do everything for them. Because you know, they gotta learn to do things on their own. But, you know, you you create that family, you create the memories and you you know, you drop everything and you make sure to go to the birthday parties, and they go to try different sports and music and, and everything because you give give give because that's a bit mum. Because when you're a good mom, you make sure you you give them the right education and that they do really well in school. So you support all their education, their school, and if they need anything, you're right there talking to the teacher, whatever it takes to give this child and all these kids the best possible situation so that they can go to college and have a good career later on because then there'll be happy and then and I didn't realize that that's where it all came from until I had my spiritual awakening a few years ago. It was so because I thought if they did well and checked all the boxes, you know The boxes, graduating high school, going into college graduating, they're finding a good company to work for getting married, given me grandbabies, that will mean that I had done a good job as a mom. And when I had my spiritual awakening, I realized all the flaws in my thinking, because it's just not true. It's just not true. And it doesn't mean the opposite is true. Like, yeah, that. Because, yeah, we all influence our lives. Our kids, like they influence everybody that who we meet, who, whose lives we touch we do. But when I had my awakening, I saw that the picture is so much bigger than we experience in our day to day life, or at least that than what I had experienced in my day to day like, it's like, almost like I used to have tunnel vision. And then even the narrow vision I had of my life and life in general, was also tainted by this lens that was so colored by life experiences, by biases by judgments by your culture by a roll up. Yes. So when I had that, that awakening, which just basically happened in broad daylight in my kitchen, not being under the influence of anything, every reason? Why did you smoke? Me? And people can read about that in the compass. Mom, how that all went down? I won't go into details. Yeah, for sure. Yeah, definitely. Yeah. It shifted my perspective completely about everything that I believed was true, you know, waking up to all my false and limiting beliefs. Yeah, so when you had that, how did you then make the changes, I suppose like, it's, like you say, had this moment, and it's the sixth you've had this. I don't know what the word is epiphany, it's, you've realized how you can live your life in a different way to, to, to feel, you know, meet your needs, I guess, where you like practically, then like, how did you think, Oh, how am I actually going to do this? I suppose. That's a big question, I suppose. Yeah. Well, let me let me try to answer that. Because about a year before it had that awakening, I had already decided that I needed to make a change. I think my youngest my son was about three years old. And I already had recognized or acknowledged that. I'm not happy. Stop denying it. You need to make a change, because this is not going to get any better automatically. I have to, and I didn't know how I was going to make a change. But I realized what I was what I was craving was silence. I just needed solitude. Just silence. And not all that mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy, you know, it isn't just constant. They always need as soon as they see you for a while. This has just always been fascinating to me. They're playing nicely in their room, the doors open. So you walk by often they realize, oh, we need more. I'm like, No, he didn't need me for like half an hour. You didn't need me. And I'm walking by. And it's awesome. They need you. They need you for whatever, they'll come up with something. They make it up on the spot. They just need mom. So anyway, I was really craving just solitude and I was craving reading books again. I was never a big reader. But I was always interested in spirituality and psychology. And I hadn't read a book in 10 years or so. Because if you have kids, you don't even want to I mean, I talked to a lot of moms who are going through that now. I mean, I I published my book a year ago, almost. And a lot of moms with young ones. They say, I have your book. I just I just can't get to it. I am like I hear you. I hear you. So I actually recorded the audiobook because moms can listen to audiobooks or podcasts while they're folding laundry or commuting to work or whatever. So yeah, that'll help solve that. But yeah, I didn't. I didn't read a book for like 10 years and then it was Breathing, oh, information and getting that inspiration again, about you know, so I started reading. And then what actually happened was, I was so intrigued by what I read. In these books, I started taking notes, I started journaling about all these amazing insights, it was like, it was like I had been asleep for 10 years. And also, there's a whole new world out there, that doesn't really have kids in it. And it's like, so amazing. And I was just inspired again. And so yeah, I that's how I started to come alive. Again, reading and journaling, and even doing a little bit of art, drawing a little bit of painting again, and just taking time for myself. There's a quote in the book where you say that you discovered parts of yourself that you had forgotten about. And that would have been just an incredible thing, like you say, you got back to painting and creating, did that sort of take you back to a time where you didn't have children? That? Yes, yes. And I think the biggest thing that has to do with creating art is its flow. You need and you need time to get into that flow. And it's when you have you have kids at home, forget it, every few minutes, you're going to be interrupted. And that's you just can't have that flow. So when when my youngest started going into peaceful kindergarten, I had just more time and of course, I was very realistic, I was very lucky that I was able to stay at home with my kids and that I didn't have to have a job outside of the home, a paying job outside of the home. So I could actually do that and take some time. To myself and just schedule it. I had to schedule it like schedule a block of a couple of hours a week to make sure would happen because it's still busy. You know, you're doing all kinds of stuff. Yeah. Yeah, just because the children aren't there. It doesn't mean everything's that long and keeps on coming somehow. Yeah. That's why it's actually funny when you say about laundry. That's like the Bane I think every mother's existence, it just doesn't stop. And one day I was complaining about it to my own mom, and she said, You know, one day you're gonna miss doing their laundry. And I was like, Okay, mom. All right. Like, I could see that that was saying, you know, you grow up and you move out and we miss it. So I thought, right, I don't take it for granted. Like you're saying before, don't take things. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Let's do that. It's okay. Yeah, I hear that too. From I remember people saying, well, one day you're gonna miss this man. Yeah, but I still am struggling right now. Exactly. You still got to do it deprived and still and I think it's okay. For moms who are hearing this are overwhelmed because I think all moms go through this stage, but they're just overwhelmed. And when somebody tells them one day, you're gonna miss it. So try to enjoy it and it's like, no, you're not listening to me. I'm overwhelmed. It's okay to feel overwhelmed and and don't feel guilty about it. It's it's part of the journey it's it's okay it's a lot raising kids is a lot especially in today's world it can be overwhelming Yeah. comes down to even like 20 years ago like very different worlds. Yeah, that's for sure. You briefly mentioned guilt there. I'd love to bring you to one of the topics that I chat to my mom's about on this show is mom guilt and I always put it in air quotes because I know it's it's contrived word that I feel like our our social media society has made this this special word hashtag mom guilt. Yeah. That you know that experience for you. How do you How can you sort of relate to that? That mum guilt. I have definitely had my my share of mom guilt a lot, actually. Especially when you have four different kids and some some kids just need more support than other kids and it's kids don't come with a manual for First of all, and when you really think about it, I think somebody wants told me that there are more parenting books than dieting books. And to me, that only tells you one thing, nobody has really figured it out yet either. Otherwise, there would be one book, and we'd all be reading it. And so nobody has figured it all out. We have to just keep learning as we go, you can read all the books you want before you have that baby, and you will never be prepared for what is to come. Once that baby is there, you never will be you. So you just do the best you can you figure it out. But in the meantime, we definitely go through things. I can't imagine any mom and sister in law, and like mom's figured it all out. But I think all moms go through guilt. You go to bed at night, and you're like, Why did I raise my voice? Why did I bite my tongue? Why did I say this? Why did I? Or should I should have done this or should have done that? I've done this. You're constantly doubting yourself, like wondering if you should have done this or that. And you just feel guilty? Like? Because you're not sure what to do? Because nobody? Well, nobody will tell you that's not really the right thing. Because we don't even well, sometimes we want people to tell us but on the other hand, one size does not fit all. It's a thing that I've been frustrated with before when you see titles of books. And it sounds like Oh 10 steps to raise and that begins or well adjusted kids. And for some foster kids who have well integrated brains, for example, the the like the sticker system or the reward system, you know, to get kids to maybe clean up their room and do their chores. For kids who have well integrated brains and rebalance, it works like a charm. It really does work well. But for kids who are not forget it, it's not that easy. And it's frustrating when when you have a child that is, you know, a little more complex. And I know there's a lot of moms out there who struggled with that, like, well, it doesn't work for my kid, or you need to have a lot more layers to that system of support, to have somewhat of an effect. But anyway, I kind of digress here, but back to mom guilt. So yeah, it's real because we feel we're not sure if we're doing the right thing. But when I had my awakening, instantly, it was gone, all the guilt was gone. All the guilt, it was gone, all the should haves could have they were gone, be saved did not matter at all. What mattered was what I realized, as I was showered with this incredible, unconditional love that washed away anything negative. Whether it was guilt. I mean, I felt forgiven, even though forgiveness wasn't even really needed, because we're not guilty. We we just it's not easy being a human being. It's that's just the reality that because we live in our mental world, and that's it gets very conflicted. There's a lot of conflict happening in our mental world. And then when he was in that state, the guilt was gone, because I knew, I knew with every fiber of my being that all I needed to do was the best I could and it was enough. We're here to learn to grow and to evolve as individual souls and also as a collective and, and bold influence. You know, we influence the collective and the collective influences. As it turns out, there's just no way around that. It's hand in hand. And he, yeah, I realized I had such a narrow perspective before that experience. And all of a sudden, my perspective was so big. And I realized we are not born a blank slate. You know, we carry the DNA of our ancestors. We are influenced by our culture, our families, our teachers, society. And then I also believe we we carry energies from possibly past lives. And that all of that merges into one, individual. And so now, as a parent, we are trying to guide children who come with, let's call it baggage. And some have some lighter baggage and others have navvy baggage. And we think we can fix it, we think we can, we're supposed to fix it, we think we're supposed to pull them up on that mountaintop. And it's like an uphill battle. Because we don't realize that we actually have very little control, we actually have, like, no control, we can control anybody else really not really. And the thing was, I was completely surrendering to whatever was happening. I was completely in the moment, the past was just not important at all, they would just the past was just stories that got me to where I was now. And anything that I've ever maybe felt bad about. It didn't matter, because their stories. And what mattered was now I experienced the pure moment of awareness, which is now which is really all we have, because the past is gone. And when you really think about it, the future hasn't happened, we really only have the present moment. And I live purely in the moment, I didn't worry any more about the future, because there is no use to be worrying about anything. Life just unfolds moment by moment. And I just surrendered. And I had this profound trust, that life just evolves, and unfolds mysteriously. And you don't have to understand at all, that was a big thing. You don't have to understand that though. Because you will never understand all of life, you will never understand this incredible masterpiece that we are part of the end, it was fine, I was fine with it. I just had this deep trust, that somehow life will unfold. And I will always continue to exist as a soul or whatever energy level. So I didn't have a worry in the world. And that lasted almost for a week. And it was just amazing. Oh, my problems are gone. It was it was yeah, the most incredible experience that I ever could have imagined. And to get back to the practice of wanting an answer. And throwing it out there into the universe. That Spiritual Awakening was an answer to my burning question. At the time, I had become very spiritual. And I was already was energized. I felt better about myself. But what happened was, I felt like a spiritual island in my family. I couldn't connect to my family because they were not all that spiritual. And I knew I couldn't just preach to them. Well, it's this is how it is. And because it was my truth, but it doesn't mean that it's the ultimate truth. But who knows, you know, nobody can prove anything. I can't prove God exists. And I can't prove God doesn't exist. You know, it's one of those things that you believe what you believe. And you know, what do you know? But I felt very kind of isolated. And one day I realized, I don't have to put up with that. There's got to be an answer. And so I threw it out in the US into the universe. And I I do this thing where I follow signs, you can read about it in the book. And one day I had this deeper awareness and I'm like, Okay, that's a sign I got to follow this lead. And it was leading me to a book and once I read this paragraph, it took me through this whole process, this mental process of kind of analyzing some things from my past. And also it got me into this awakening. And basically the answer to my question, how do I connect at a deeper levels, more spiritual, conscious level of my family? And it was unconditional love. It was complete acceptance of my family members. They're all flawed. We're all flawed. That that's the Oh only way we can learn and evolve. It's through our shortcomings to our flaws and the Nadeen flaws. They're just imperfections, because that comes with being a human being. And I loved my family unconditionally, I was showered with an unconditional love. And I can see, I was made whole. That was the whole thing was made whole, I felt complete. And I could see that everybody was holed. Also, I could see it in my family members, anybody who I would run into in the supermarket, like it's, it's a weird, I can't even describe it. But I knew and I could see David Hall, complete already at that soul level. But the problem is, we live in our mental world, where there's all this inner conflict and these judgments and these limiting beliefs of how we think we should live life the best way and all that. But it's so flawed in prisons as really, but it's part of the whole human journey. But that Awakening was an answer to this burning question. So you do get answers, you just need to be really eager to get the answer. So then, how did your relationships with your family change? They would have been able to notice the way that you know, Mum was now things are a bit different did that? How did that sort of go? i To be honest, I hardly even really talked about it. During those days, I talked a little bit to my husband about it bit by bit because I it was such a kind of shocking experience that like, well, not even shocking, it was actually something that I recognized like, I remembered the state of being I had just forgotten about and like, how did I forget that this is another way of being but anyway, I couldn't find the words to describe what had happened to me, it took me a long time to figure out how to talk about it, and how to write about it. But basically, what happened was, I approached my kids differently I saw because I saw motherhood through completely new lens. And the lens was our children are born with their own purpose. They have to find their own purpose, and they have their own inner compass. to guide them, I realized I have my own inner compass, it's our intuition. It's listening to that own your inner voice that will guide you to life because your soul knows what you love what you're fascinated with what and that leads you to your purpose, just follow the path of inspiration, and you will find your purpose in purposeful life. And our kids have the same and has nothing to do with us really. It's not the way I defined motherhood being a good mom was like I said, you have to check the boxes to make sure they get a good education and you just invest in your family, you give, give give. But what I had learned was we all are responsible for our own happiness, we have to find our own purpose too. And raising kids is part of our purpose. That often there's more, there's more, and I knew there was more for me. And it's our own inner compass that will guide us there. And I realized our kids have their own inner compass, even though we still have to guide them in life when they're young. They know what they want in this lifetime. It's it often gets covered up that they know what they're passionate about. If the opening is there, if you if you let them and it might not look like high school, college, whatever. Yeah. Every kid has to follow their own path. And what we have to let go of is feeling like if a kid doesn't follow that path, that we were not good parents. It is the biggest BS in the world. Our kids are meant to follow their own path. And it might look completely different than what you had in mind because what you had in mind is likely has to do with what you want for for them because then you can feel good about yourself that you did a good job. Yeah, all we really have to do is our very best and they will find their path in life. But it's important that we as parents also create our own fulfilling life if we don't feel fulfilled, if you feel completely fulfilled with raising your parents, fantastic. But if you feel something is missing, I highly encourage anyone figure out what it is and add it to your life. Absolutely, I couldn't agree more. Yeah, I love that. So they would all be at the age where they would be aware that, you know, mums written a book mums put a book out mums or you know, published author. Yeah, how do they feel about that? They, it's kind of curious. They, they like it, they kind of accept it, or actually, for a while, because it took me six years to write it. Basically, I had, I had the funny thing is I had already started writing my book before I had this awakening, because I had done so much work, where I love myself to simply pursue what excited me. And I started thinking about, Gosh, I want to write a book, I want to integrate all these wonderful ideas about spirituality and psychology that I get from all these different books, and integrate it into my own book, and then write about my own experiences and insights and whatever. So then after you know, my ego, shut it down many times, like you're not going to write a book, forget about it, who do you think you are, you're going to be a failure, you'll never succeed. You know, one morning, I had a deeper awareness, and I knew you are going to write this book, this is what you're supposed to do. So we started slowly figuring out what I wanted to write about. And then a year later, I had the spiritual awakening. And for a while I thought there is no way I'm going to write about this, forget about it, there is no way I'm going to stick to what I wanted to write about in my book, and forget about it. This is impossible. People will think I'm crazy if I write about this stuff. And lo and behold, of course, I started realizing no, you need to find the courage to, to write about it. So the whole process basically was six years, so much of my youngest kids life is like mom is writing a book mom is writing. They were waiting and waiting. And finally the book is published and this and that. And it's kind of interesting, because we have a lot of families in our neighborhood. And then just the other day, my 13 year old, came home and she said yeah, a friend of mine. She said, Yeah, her mom had to read your book. And she really liked it and like, Oh, that's great. You know, like, it's kind of weird. It's like in our community and and yeah, so yeah, they like they just now think it's normal that Mom Mom wrote a book and doing a podcast and now she's got an audio book coming out and she's getting into life coaching which is really my passion. So yeah, it's interesting definitely. Is it important for you personally, for them to see that you're not just a mum, you're not just you don't just exist exist for them. You're capable your own passions and, you know, achievements. Absolutely. Yeah, absolutely. And what I what I realized during that awakening, and that's what I how I approach my kids now, like, you really have to sense what are you interested in? And listen to that. No. Yeah, we have a responsibility for ourselves and our kids one day when you know, they're adults, too. You do need to find actually take care of yourself. So, you know, if something is a hobby, and you know, it's not gonna make money, it might have to stay a hobby for a while you figure out how to, you know, pay the bills. And then over time, maybe you can see how you can make a living, you know. But it's very important to, to listen to that voice. And also, if you haven't figured it out yet, which is very common for 1618 year olds, like I want to do, you just trust you keep moving forward and trust, you will figure it out, you will keep trusting, just keep moving forward and just relax, you'll be fine. You'll figure it out. It's very important. Yeah, that that kids see that mom is not just mom, especially, I think, with having three daughters. If they ever want to have their own children, I think it's important that they will allow themselves also to not just be mom. And to figure out they're more than just mom. They're whatever they want to be however they want to feel that in. And it doesn't mean it takes away from being the best mom, you want to be. I think it adds I think it makes you even well, it makes you happier mom, you might not spend as much time like I spent time away from my kids, but they're older now. So it is easier, they're very independent. But I don't feel bad about it. Because I know it's good for them to spend time on their own figuring things out on their own. And I still spent plenty of time with them. And unhappier mom for it, and more fulfilled, and therefore also renewing more fulfilled as a parent, you actually give your kids a little more space to figure it out also, on their own. And I think it also shows that, you know, we're all responsible for our unhappiness, nobody can make you happy, you can't make your kids happy. You can make a happy for a day doing something fun. But do happiness, it really does come from within itself, fulfillment and purpose and meaning and only we ourselves can configure that out. Yeah, that is so true, isn't it? When you said before about kids not knowing what they want to do. I feel like over here anyway. The kids like my son, my oldest is 14. And they're already, you know, trying to decide the pathways for their, you know, their education for the job they want to do. And it's like, how can you possibly know at that age, what you want to do for the rest of your life, that is just an unreasonable thing to put on anyone. And I say to my son, you know, I've found my dream job when I was 35. You know, there's never, you're never gonna run out of time, you know, you're gonna go through experience in life, and maybe the thing you think you want to do, you start doing it and go, actually, this is not what I thought change to something else. So that, you know, there's there's no pressure to decide right this second. And that's something I'd love to see sort of change in schooling. I really think we need to have a cultural shift, Big time, big time and education, I see some of the shifts happening already. Because there's so many parents who say, we need to bring back the trades. You know, we're like, for so long, we have been preparing all these kids for higher education. But not all kids want to do higher education, they want to work with their hands, they don't, they don't want to dive into all these, these books and read and they're not all kids are meant to do that. And we have to change as a society really, and and put the same value on on a trades education and a four year college degree. Really, that's what's got to shift. And we also tell our kids that just keep moving forward, make the best decision at that moment. And just know that allow yourself to change your mind if there's a gift you can give yourself is to allow yourself to change course. If you get stuck like well, I want to be let's say I want to be a doctor and from a young age on and then you get older and you realize the reality of it is not really what do you want to do but now you've kind of painted yourself in a corner like I have told everybody for years, I want to be a doctor and then it becomes so hard to acknowledge you want to do something else because now you have to do maybe with family that's like but he was wanting to be a doctor. No, you want to be something else. So we tell our kids always be open minded and allow yourself to change course if you really feel this is not the right direction anymore. You know, and I do think it's just need more time. And they need to have more fun too. And more hands on classes. Yeah, they gotta bring the trades back into the classroom. You know, it's sorry that I'm seeing that shift a bit, but it needs to happen more. That's the thing. Like, you're always going to need someone to fix your roof or, you know, carpentry, you're always going to need people to create with the hands, you know, someone's got the toilet or Yeah, so yeah, that is a great saying some one of the ladies I had on my podcast said, we can't all be astronauts, we have to have a balance in life. Yeah, it's bad knowledge, and I've always found it fascinating. You say you're talking about how it's a different time for the kids. But then the parents like it's really hard to parent children at the moment. Because most of us depending on our age, we didn't have social media, when we were growing up. So it's like, how do you navigate that when you've had absolutely no experience of what it's like to be a teenager? And have that whole new world that you're dealing with? So I think that's something that's, it's really challenging for a lot of parents at the moment. And yeah, I'm so glad I didn't grow up with thank God. It's just a whole, just a whole extra thing you'd have to be worried about all the time. Like life was so simple. When I think back to my childhood and my teenage years. Absolutely, yeah, I think it's, it's a very challenging time for parents to be raising kids. Life, just even just just for adults, life has become so full and fast, are nervous, as soon as actually not wired to process so much information from the 24 hour news cycle, to social media, to all the emails. I always think our parents didn't get all those emails from the schools, you know, from teachers, from the principal, from, you know, the PTA and the fundraisers, and everything that comes our way, we have to process and it is so much more intense. And that's just for the parent. And now we have to manage our children and social media, and doing homework on their computers that we can't watch every second that they're on a computer, like how do we guide I will keep them safe. It's stressful. It's a lot. And we're the first generation of parents that has to figure this out. Our kids were guinea pigs. Yeah, really? Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. And, and it's still developing exponentially. All the apps and all the ways that they can figure out how to get online and we won't even know about it. Yeah. And so it's, yeah, some, I don't know, ever thought that social media was a good idea for for middle schoolers. I don't know, but that it's not. Talking about your coaching that you do now, do you want to just share a little bit about that with this, if you know anyone's listening that thinks that this is something that they'd you know, benefit from? Can you share a little bit about what you do? Yeah, absolutely. Yes, thanks. There's just so many moms who kind of feel stuck and it often has to do with that guilt again, they they feel guilty for not being happy because their lives are good this and that. They feel guilty if they even think about taking some time to themselves, or or pursuing something. And what I do is making people aware of all their beliefs that are tied to what it means to be a mom and kind of waking up to how they're thinking and sometimes it has to do with the culture they grew up in. Like, I remember one mom who I think Her background was Vietnamese. And she said, In my culture, the family comes first always you always give to the family, the family is the center, you give, give, give. So it, it just was conflicting with her wanting to have time to herself to pursue something. She didn't even know what it was. But she said, like, I gotta make a change, because I just, I'm just so stressed and whatever, I'm just not not happy. And I know there's she had a few ideas of what she wanted to do, but she just struggled with the guilt. And once we started talking about a different perspective, like, well, how are you now when your kids need you? When your husband needs you? Are you just happy to, you know, be there for them? Or are you like, oh, my gosh, what do they need? Now? What is it now? You know, it's like, the last I'm always like, Oh, my gosh, I never have time to myself. So I told her, Well, what if we reframe it, and you set aside some time for yourself, and then be inspired and enjoy, really be in it and enjoy what you do, guess what's gonna happen. Then when you're present with your family, you're much more present. And then you don't feel so drained. Because you know, every week, you've got this time for yourself. And it's coming every week, and you do what you love. And you keep pursuing different things that maybe it'll shift over time. And then you can just be there for your family even more and more present and more positive. And once you started seeing that, she's like, Oh, no, I get it. Okay. Okay, that's compatible, okay. I can still, like, honor my culture, and honor what I need, you know, so it's always about finding the right perspective. That is healing, because we're often just not seeing it. Right. You know, because we have ideas and beliefs and limits, limiting thoughts. It's about uncovering those. And I, yeah, that's definitely passionate mind to help moms find the right perspective, and then help them pursue what they want to pursue. Yeah, that's wonderful. Good for you. That is just Yeah, it's really wonderful that you can pass that gift on for the, you know, that amazing experience that you've had, and then you can, you know, help so many other moms and, and then that helps, you know, it goes down the line. Like you said, before, we're all connected. Yeah, no, it's further, because I had to change my perspective. I felt guilty taking time. So I know what these moms are going through. So I know, and I know how hard it is to change your perspective. And to break these patterns. I know how hard it is. But I also know the rewards are incredible, not just for yourself, but for your whole family, your whole family will benefit once you become happier. everybody around you is going to feel it. And also another thing when mom is happy, kids feel it. And now, they don't have to feel any responsibility to like, make mom happy. Some kids are sensitive that way. Yeah, they feel kind of responsible. And they don't have to worry about mom anymore, too. I've heard about that, too. Yeah. So yeah. Yeah, that's a really good point. It's always it's all good. You know, life might shift. Things might change. But it's always the fear of the change that holds us in place, but gradually integrate the changes. It can be so powerful. Absolutely. It's just it's finding that balance, isn't it? Like your your example of your client? You know, she's honoring what's important to her culturally, but then she's also honoring herself, which is so important. Yeah. Yeah. And getting that balance, right. And that'll be different for every single person. Exactly. That's the whole journey. But I do believe there's always a way in which we can gently integrate some changes. You don't have to make massive changes right away. You know, for some people, that's why they do or they quit their job and this and that, but most people can't do that. So I've done the way I've made it changes was gently integrating all the little changes over time and then, you know, you look back and it's it's a big shift, ultimately. Yeah, that's it. All these little, little tiny things add up to this massive, massive effect over time. Yeah. And then that makes it less daunting. Like you talk fear. Fear certainly holds us back, you know that. Oh, no, what if this doesn't happen or if this doesn't work, or you know, the what ifs that like you were talking before about, you know, we jump forward, we think about the future. But, you know, the only time we really have is, is the present. And there's, there's really no point in jumping forward. And we really only have now and, and what I also realized is, even though we want to make changes on the outside, like, we want to do something, do a hobby or start something, whatever it is, the shift always has to happen mentally, we have to shift our thinking. And sometimes it's a tiny little shift with our thinking. And you know, but then it starts to show on the outside and just a tiny little mental shift is huge, energetically you feel it, and then the world around, you starts to respond differently. It's a fascinating process, I've experienced it, all of a sudden, you need different people, you find yourself in different situations that actually support what you want to do. And it just opens everything up with just tiny little changes that you're making, basically, mentally, it's the mental shifts that you create, and then it starts showing up in your outfit and out for you know, in your world. Absolutely, yeah. Thank you so much for coming on today. Danielle, it's been so lovely to talk to you this. Wonderful, thank you so much for having me. I love chatting with you. Yeah, absolutely. I'll put the links for people to get in touch with you in the show notes. But do you have a website or somewhere you'd like to direct people to head to if they'd like to know more? Yes, the easiest one is inner compass. living.com. So inner compass living.com. And they can also reach me at inner compass. living@gmail.com . And if people want to know when my audiobook is coming out, it should be late April, early May. They can sign up for my newsletter that's on the website, and then they'll get my newsletters and a blog and whatever, they'll they'll be in the loop on the latest. So inner compass living.com Fantastic. Oh, wonderful. Look, good luck with it all. And I'm Yeah, excited to, to check out the audio book to because I mean, obviously I've read it on the page. But I think when you hear the person that wrote it, reading, it just adds a completely different dimension to it, you know? So yeah, I'll be excited to check that out, too. Yeah,

Tamara Seeley Australian singer songwriter S4Ep98 Listen and subscribe on Spotify and itunes/Apple podcasts My guest this week is Tamara Seeley a singer and songwriter from Mount Gambier, South Australia and a mum of 2. Tamara has been a singer since the age of 15, crediting her Scottish heritage as what brought her to singing as well as The Bodyguard movie. After leaving school she went to Melbourne to start her training, from then she has spent time living and performing in London, Doha and South Korea, being flown to from London to New Zealand to act in a commercial and performing on the Disney Cruise Ship in the Carribean Islands. Oh and she sang back up vocals for Right Said Fred of 90s "I'm too Sexy' fame and was an extra in a Bollywood movie too! Her philosophy at that time was to try anything she had the opportunity to. Tamara has 4 releases under her belt, her 2015 EP Gold Armour, singles Eileen and Old Skool Love, and her latest release of a 10 year special remix of her track Release Me which is out now. Even though she has seen some amazing places and travelled so widely, amongst her proudest career achievements is recording and producing her music video for her latest single in home town of Mount Gambier, a regional town of but 28000 people. Tamara - facebook / instagram / music Podcast transcript at the bottom of the page Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode of The Art of Being A Mum Podcast. I'm beyond honoured that you're here and would be grateful if you could take 2 minutes to leave me a 5-star review in iTunes or wherever you are listening. It really helps! This way together we can inspire, connect and bring in to the light even more stories from creative mums. Want to connect? Take a screenshot of this episode and share it on Instagram tagging me in with @art_of_being_a_mum_podcast I can't wait to connect. And remember if you or somebody you know would like to be a guest on the podcast, get in touch ! I love meeting and chatting to mammas from all creative backgrounds, from all around the world! Thank you! Alison acknowledges this Land of the Berrin (Mount Gambier) Region as the Traditional Lands of the Bungandidj People and acknowledge these First Nations people as the custodians of the Region. Ch eck out more episodes ..... Welcome to the Art of Being a mum podcast, where I Alison Newman, a singer songwriter, and Ozzy mum of two enjoys honest and inspiring conversations with artists and creators about the joys and issues they've encountered. While trying to be a mum and continue to create. You'll hear themes like the mental juggle, changes in identity, how their work has been influenced by motherhood, mum guilt, cultural norms, and we also strain to territory such as the patriarchy, feminism, and capitalism. You can find links to my guests and topics we discussed in the shownotes along with a link to the music played, how to get in touch, and a link to join our supportive and lively community on Instagram. I'll always put a trigger warning if we discuss sensitive topics on the podcast. But if at any time you're concerned about your mental health, I urge you to talk to those around you reach out to health professionals, or seek out resources online. I've compiled a list of international resources which can be accessed on the podcast landing page, Alison Newman dotnet slash podcast the art of being a mum we'd like to acknowledge the traditional owners of the land and water, which this podcast is recorded on as being the Bondic people in the barren region of South Australia. I'm working on land that was never seen it Welcome to another episode of the podcast it is so great to be back for episode 98 Lovely to welcome you from wherever you are around the world. My guest this week is Tamara Seeley. Tamara is a singer and songwriter from Matt Gambia in South Australia and she's a mom of two. Tamara has been a singer since the age of 15. crediting her Scottish heritage is what brought her to singing as well as Whitney Houston in The Bodyguard movie. After leaving school, she went to Melbourne to start her training. From there she spent time living and performing in London, Doha and South Korea. She's been flown from London to New Zealand to act in a commercial and she's performed on the Disney cruise ship in the Caribbean islands. And she sang backup vocals for right said Fred of 90s IMT sexy fame and was an extra in a Bollywood movie to her philosophy at that time was trying anything that she had the opportunity to, and she certainly did that. Tamara has four releases under her belt, her 2015 EP gold armor, singles Eileen and old school love and her latest release of a 10 year special remix of her track release me which is out now. Even though Tamara has seen some amazing places and traveled so widely. She credits amongst her proudest career achievements recording and producing her latest music video in her hometown of Mount Gambia, a regional town of about 28,000 people. Hope you enjoy today's episode. You'll hear tomorrow's music featured throughout thank you again for listening. The old tree welcome, Tamara, it is such a pleasure to have you on the podcast. Thank you for coming on today. And thank you for asking me this is my first podcast. So very excited. Even more exciting. That's awesome. And when you say thanks for asking me I have I have had you in my mind for a very long time. So I'm glad we were able to make it work. Yeah, it's great. You're actually one of the first people I thought of when I was starting to do this. And I thought Who do I know and I wanted to go with a an industry I felt comfortable with. So I was just reaching out to musicians to start with them like yep, tomorrow, tomorrow. And it's funny because I messaged you and you're like, Yeah, I'm not right now. You know, whatever was going on. And then Thankfully, he messaged me recently because I forget what's the message so thanks. And life just gets in the way cuz I think when you first asked me, I can I just had Jasper and I was working on my 90s mixtape show. So I was a bit like, Yep, it's all happening. Juggling a few things. So yeah, that's the main thing. Yes. And it's wonderful, wonderful to speak to you even though we're in the same town with zoom in it today just because it's good with the kids and in life. So making it work. Yeah, absolutely. Sorry. I have the internet. Yes. So before we jump in talk about exciting things that are happening right now. I want to go back to how did you first get into music? So my answer used to be that I stumbled into music because I came from a sporting background. So my mom's side of the family were very sporty. I was very much a tomboy. But I used to sing with my dad and my dad is Scottish. And his mother was a beautiful singer. And he was actually in a BGS tribute band. Oh, yeah, right. Yeah. So when they were living in while they did a few gigs, the karaoke machine still comes out at all of their, like family dues. And like, they're just amazing singers. So I sing because of my Scottish heritage. Like, that's just I do believe that that passes through. Yeah. Yeah. It's not a I just fell into it. Like, I think there's a deeper reason as to why I got into it. I really first connected with singing when I watched the bodyguard. Oh, yeah. Right. And I heard Whitney Houston sing. And I used to sing with that, but I never thought anything of it. And then I watched that, and I was like, singing her songs. And I was like, Yeah, this is pretty cool. But I didn't come from I don't come from like a stage school background. So I didn't do a Stanford's. I wasn't in a choir. So I just didn't, didn't even think that singing could be a possibility. So I just sort of would do it in my bedroom. I know that sounds cliche, but I would just, you know, sing along. And didn't think anything of it really, until I went to boarding school in Hamilton when I was 15. And they had, like a music and drama program, which wasn't, wasn't at Tennyson at the time. And a friend of mine overheard me sing and she's like, why didn't you audition? I'm like, Well, why are you got a really good voice? And I auditioned for it and just fell in love with it ever since then. So I think I was I think I was like, 15 or 16 when I had my first Singing Lesson. Yep. Yeah. But from then I was like, No, this is what I would like to do. Yeah. So it was like it. It was like an instant, like moment of oh my gosh, like, you can all this this singing that you've done your whole life. This can actually turn into something that you do in your future. Yeah, absolutely. And I think my family would get shocked because I was quite shy as a kid. And like I said, I came from that sporting background, though to then all of a sudden, like, you know, into year 12. I was like, Mom, I'm moving to Melbourne. I'm gonna have some singing lessons. I think that's what I want to do. And that's just how I got started. Yeah, right. This to me, led me me so I can stand Yeah, what happened when you move to Melbourne had it? Because I know you've you've been overseas, you've done things like gigs on cruise ships, like how did it sort of evolved from from that point on. So when I was 18, I moved to Melbourne had singing lessons. And I just practiced so hard. I was just like, I'm just loving this. And I'm actually wanting to get back to that point. Because I feel like the better you get, the further along in your career that you get, there's like, it feels like more of a job like and just because it's your passion doesn't mean that you'd love it all the time. So I just remember like, being right in the thick of just like singing to different styles and singing in different keys and just just showing up the craft, you know, without any sort of pressure or expectation. So I just did that solid for I reckon, two or three years. And then I had spent 12 months at dance world in Melbourne. Yeah, right. Yeah. Certificate no so random. They're like, Oh, this is a really good call. Most singers like it's dancing, but it's, you know, for singers, no, it was more the other way around. And I was like, way out of my depth, but I got so much out of it. And I think I'm comfortable on stage because I did that. Yeah, right. You know, you do notice that sometimes with singers that haven't had like a movement background that they can be, you know, a bit awkward. So even though I was never going to pursue dancing, I still, I feel like that's what you have to do is you just give things a go. And that all adds to how you're shaped as an artist. Yeah. Yeah. Makes sense. Yes. And then what happened? Then, then I moved back to Matt Gambia, actually. Yeah, so I was just like, broke all the time. Like I was in between, you know, doing shitty hospitality jobs. And also, I'm just going to move home for a bit and save some money. And I remember this clear as day I was at Holies, in Kmart, the Yes. And I've run into Dennis O'Carroll, who I hadn't seen in years and I went to went to school with his daughter, Chelsea. And he's like, oh, so he, you know, you've been doing a bit of singing. He's like, go to Dale Cleves, because Nick Aslan, who's in bariatric is looking for. They're looking for a new singer. And I'd never heard of heard of bass Rec. So I dropped in my my CD with it. I think it had a Christina Aguilera cover on there. And I auditioned to be in that band. Yeah. So that was what my first first paid gig. Yeah, right. Yes. Digging in that Gambia. Yeah. I remember those days, like go down and dance it away. So much fun. It was so and it was a thriving scene. Yeah, like you could not move in fine. Again. You could not move in shadows. The Gambia like, yeah, I was gigging a lot. And I think that was just such a huge learning curve because singing into in your bedroom. singing in a band. Yeah. And some of those songs were rock. So getting your voice to cut through but still using the right technique and then throw a few drunks in the mix. You know, like it's, it's and back then. People would have been able to smoke in pubs as well. So that would have been a horrible for your voice. Yeah, like not it's survived. Just like when he did he did get shadows. I think our set started at 1230 at night. Yeah. Three to four o'clock. Oh, god. Yeah, those days are long gone. That's okay. I'm not yearning for that time even though that was awesome. I'm like the thought of doing that and then having to you know deal with two toddlers not happening Sunday session by you know, finish. Finish by for six o'clock at night. Yeah. Back home for bedtime for the kids. witching hour started. God. Yes. So, how long did you spend doing like gigging you met Gambia before you moved away again. So that was, I reckon, two years. But whilst I was here, I went in my first trip overseas and my first overseas singing gig was in South Korea. Ah, so I reckon I was 21. Yeah, where I got a job in a trio singing covers six nights or six nights a week. Oh, Jesus. Yeah. How does your voice hold up during that? Like back to back to back to back? Not too bad. Yeah. I never really I'm lucky. I think if I tried to do it now, I think I would feel like I've because I was gigging a lot down here. And doing those like big pop rock songs as well. I felt like I was good fit for it. And not all of the songs were like, say your big, big numbers. They were like, you know, sometimes more like jazz ballads. So you could sort of go easy. Yeah. There was another singer as well. So it wasn't just all on me. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that would have been good. Old school memories and nothing like the modern days. Yeah, move back to my Gambia for 12 months. And I moved to London. Yeah, right. Yeah. So I was in London for five years. Working, you know, various jobs. I worked for the Halifax Bank of Scotland. Yeah. Right. Which ended up giving me an awesome opportunity. So every year, the Halifax Bank of Scotland would recruit colleagues for their TV commercials. TV commercials, and it used to be used to be you know, they'd get them to sing. Yep. The year that I auditioned, we had to do these stunts. I actually probably should post this advert that I was in because it was an absolute incredible experience. For us, they were like, are you scared of heights? I'm like, no, like, you know, I was quite sporty and we grew up in the country. That's not a problem. Like that's a bit random that you're asking that. Ended up getting. Getting selected to be in this TV advert got flown from London to New Zealand to film this advert. Oh, wow. And my part of the scene was leaping over these massive human pillars to pass someone a five pound note. Oh, his cat, Paula Halifax. Bank of Scotland was you know, giving you extra type thing. Oh, my God. But I had to like train for this. I worked with the stunt team that worked on Australia. Then the movie with Nicole Kidman like it was a huge production. The director has then gone on to be the director for Lion the movie. That's one? Oh, yeah. Because I've worked with him before. Like, that's what it was. Exactly like it was such an incredible experience. Yeah, I feel like I've seen it. I've recognized sight like you have shared it. And I reckon I've seen it but I can't I'm you know, vaguely remembering. So you didn't get to singing it. But you got to like throw yourself for it. Yeah, how to harness on was flying through the air. It was pretty cool. Experience. Oh, it really was like, I feel like I went to London. And I feel like I probably always had this attitude. I'm just going to show up and give things a go. You know, I was in my 20s. I was like, This is what it's all about. This is what the traveling life's all about. So I was in a Bollywood music video as an extra. Yeah, I just literally signed up to everything. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I love that. Actually studied music there as well. Yeah. Which was an incredible experience. So I did a diploma in popular music and tech, music schools, I think it's called something different now. But they also have. So they had tech vocals, drums, bass guitar. And once a week you had to, you'd have to learn a song. So the singers would have to learn the song, the drummer would have to learn the song guitar player, bass player, and you had to learn the backing vocals and you just have to get up and do it. Yeah, right. Yeah, so it was, yeah, it was pretty intense. But what a what a great discipline to be prepared. Probably lacked some of that in my early my early career not like being prepared for auditions for getting my words get becoming like overly nervous. And that was like a huge learning curve. Like not you need to learn your shit. So that when you can get up there, you can nail it, and you can be confident and I think that's the key to confidence. And this is what I when I was was teaching singing why you have to practice this, you know, you have people like, Oh, don't be nervous. Just get up there. Just be confident. Well, that doesn't really know does that. I find if I'm overly nervous about something, I've it's not the right thing, or I'm not prepared for him. Because I've made that mistake before so like I still to this day, like if I've got something coming up. I have to be prepared. Otherwise, I'll just be be an absolute wreck. Yeah, I can. I can relate to that. Like I had someone asked me once if I get nervous, and I said, I only get nervous if I don't know exactly what I'm doing. Like I feel like if you know what you're doing, and I don't know if you do this, but I visualize myself in whatever space it's going to be even if I haven't necessarily been there. I can just imagine myself being on stage. And then I sort of just feel comfortable that I know where I'm gonna be. I know what I'm doing. And so then there's really no need to feel nervous, you know, like, and that's not a conceited or an ego thing, but it's like, you know, your voice, you know what you're doing? You know? Yeah. So, yeah, but then I've heard other people say, are you if you're not nervous, it means it's not important enough to you? And it's like, well, I don't know about that, either. Because? I don't know. So yeah, I think you can channel nerve like it. I think it's normal to be nervous, but you're excited about it. Yeah. But this my moment, because I'm prepared. I've put in the work. I love to do this. And all I have to do now is be in the moment and enjoy it. Because if I'm enjoying it, everyone else is like, there's nothing worse than seeing another performer suffer on stage. And you can see it. Oh, yeah. Yes, yeah. Horrible. Because you know what that's like, you know, so it's, um, yeah, and it doesn't. And for me, it doesn't actually matter what the size of the gig is. Yeah. Yep. It's just what I have to put in place. So I can enjoy it. So I'm not an absolute, you know, nervous wreck, yeah. I'm gonna follow the slide. So we'll come back to you. other bits and bobs that you've done. But I want to ask that putting things in place. Now, as a mom of two. That would also be who's gonna look after the kids? And how am I going to rehearse when I've got two kids? Like, all that sort of stuff? Adds a massive new element to it, doesn't it? massive new element. But I think being a musician and artists, I can practice around them. Is it easy? No, it is not. You get to grab the moments when they're there. But yeah, I just do my best to work around them. I also don't get this right all the time. But I try to not have the old tomorrow head on. Like our before kids, I was able to work at this pace. I think that's where, you know, I can become undone. I think other mums can come undone as well because they're trying to perform at a level before motherhood. And it's pretty much an impossible task because your life is different. Yeah. And I'm not saying you can't still do what you love to do. And I think you need that to be you know, a good mom. I feel like I'm a better mom when I sing when I've got like side projects. I feel like I'm and I love that I can include my kids as well. Yeah, right. Yeah. Because quite often they'll come into band practices. I remember when they I can Jasper was four months old and Marie and I were practicing my 90s mixtape and or doing the chorus medley at the end, which was like 20 courses back to back in one song. The last songs absolutely everybody by Vanessa amorosi. And yeah, singing that note at the end. I'm breastfeeding Jasper at this time, like doing all the like, oh my gosh, but I actually felt really empowered. I'm like, I can do this. Yeah, it just is showing up differently. And that's okay. And not putting those, like you said, comparing yourself to the life you had before. So I feel like that just it just makes you feel bad or guilty or something. It's like there's no point trying to drag yourself back into that space. Absolutely. There's no going back whether you decide to be a mom or not. There's no going back, but how I feel like there's so many people that are so attached to their old life. Instead of embracing what's happening now and being in the moment now. Like I'm not, I'm not, you know, 25 in London anymore. I'm not, you know, seeing on a cruise ship anymore. I don't want to do that either. Because I have done that that chapter of my life was bloody awesome. But then you tapped out you The music's different now. And I'm showing up in a different way now, but I think that's exciting instead of being a I'm not my old self wasn't a man before. Yeah, I am. That's a great way to look at it. That is a great way to look at it some holidays down by the drink and lemon jello, making promises we won't. So you mentioned the cruise ships there. Let's have a quick chat about what you were doing and how long you were doing it for. Yep. So when I was living in London, I auditioned to be a lead singer in a band on Disney for Disney Cruise Line. Yeah. So I got so I got the I got the gig. And I spent three months traveling around the Caribbean. It was terrible. Would have been raining the whole time? No sunshine. Best and after that. A bit. Mean amazing. Yeah, it really was. And that was yeah, a huge learning curve, because it was Thursday night. So sometimes it was, you know, Motown jazz. We did one set a week in front of the goofy pool, and we'd perform with the Disney characters or Magica days we die. Allison, it was like, the joy on everyone's faces. And you would you know, get lost in the moment as well. It was. Yeah, it was a really, really good gig. Yeah. Though, living on the ship is not my cup of tea. I think I always knew that. But I was like, I want to do this once. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I'm glad I did it. But now I want to be living on the land. Not mindspace. Not in a cabin right down the bottom with no windows. Oh, oh, that'd be hard. Like did you get do you get seasick or like, queasy down there did a couple of times when it was rough. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But in the Caribbean are pretty calm. So it wasn't too bad. Yeah. Yeah. You wouldn't take a job like that if you suffered from. I can just imagine, like, I get pretty seasick as it is. But if you were down somewhere with no window, I recommended just do your heading. You just feel like you're in a box. That was the worst, I would say. Like, quite often. I'm just going up to the top deck. I just need some sunlight. Yes, not. Not great. Yeah. Oh, there you go. So sorry. How long did you do that for? You said three months? Yeah, right. Oh, that would have been amazing. Yeah. It's so good that you've got all these wonderful experiences you can look back on and just like you said, you can say that was amazing. I'm not doing that. Now. I've moved on life. But you've got all these awesome things and all these stories. I can that's so cool. Oh, love it. And I guess you would have probably learnt heaps like working with different people along the way to like picking up things from different musicians and, you know, just keeping them in your back pocket for next time sort of thing. Absolutely. I actually think it's a great masterclass for songwriting. Yeah. Right. You know, cuz you watch what the audience get into. So like, when does that when, you know, a song lifts or certain hooks and phrasing and styles, like just all those types of things? I find some, you know, in the singer songwriters really turned their nose down, you know, have a band singers, but I think, how are you meant to learn? If you don't try every flavor of ice cream, you know? And, you know, doing cover gigs? You do you have to sometimes sing songs you don't necessarily like sometimes you quite often will find songs that you really like and connect with that you didn't? Didn't think you would. So I actually think it was. Yeah, an amazing experience to do that. Yeah. Do you find that? I mean, this is my personal experience that I think the best way that I've learned my, what my voice can do and my range and what I'm capable of is singing other people's songs because I wouldn't write songs, like the other people that I sing their music, you know what I mean? So it's actually been really useful to be singing lots of songs over many years to sort of see what you can do and learn where you can push yourself and where you can learn more. Absolutely, and I I have loved doing that because I like I said, I love like Whitney, Mariah I'd never change the, like, I probably sound like a, you know, animal in the paddock that's practicing it. But how are you meant to know what you're capable of if you don't go there? Yeah, yeah, for sure. Yeah. So I runs Oh, how do you you know, seeing that height? Because I let myself go there and practice that. Yeah. You know, I mean, everyone's voices are different, like, I don't have a low voice. Like, I probably wouldn't ever tackle like a Tracy Chapman song in the original key because it you know, I just can't sing that low. So I think that's what makes us all you know, special and unique. That's the beauty Beauty and the voice, you know that everyone has different, you know, colors and textures and sounds and yeah, I love Yeah, absolutely. And I, I know, there's like, no, like, you talk about that sort of stigma of being a cover singer. But I don't know people. People love hearing songs that they know. And this is something I've struggled with placing original songs in sets over the years because people love and I do it too. When I go out. I love to hear some unknown, you know, tap a foot and sing along. So this this, people should stop bagging it. They probably love it too. Exactly. Like, I'm not ashamed to say that I'm, you know, my guilty pleasures are power ballads. Yeah. I went to say Celine Dion in Vegas. It was amazing. Yeah, right would have been pretty special. Do you know what you're not just one thing? Yeah. Oh, that's exciting thing, you know, with being a singer that you can decide what you want to do like you can. And I've seen that with the work that you do. You can sing on dance tracks, you can do jazz, you can do folk, you can do acoustic, you can do whatever the hell you want to do. Yep, that's it, isn't it? That's why sometimes hate that question. Who are you as an artist? Well, I don't, you're huge. I mean, yeah. Sometimes I want to sing this. And sometimes I want to sing that. And it's like, I don't like I don't think I'd put out an album that like the first song was a you know, it was death metal. And then it was a power ballad. Like, I think that would be a bit confused. But I'm just, I'm not into those labels. I've actually gotten less and less keen on, like labeling genres. And to the point where I'll start putting myself in competition. So as I want to know what your genre is, like, I can't tell you I just It depends what mood I'm in. But I feel I'm working with and you know, I know that sort of, say it's very restrictive. I wish there was less less of that sort of talk in the industry, but they've got an eye. It's like, they've got to work out how to deal with you. They've got to know what you do. And it's easy for them if they can pigeonhole you into something. And why do they need to know how old you are? Ya got you? Yes, yes. Yeah. I think the I think it's getting better. yet. I found like, you know, I when I was in Melbourne I can't remember what audition it was and I was like 18 or 19 Oh, no, you're too old for that. Oh, Lord. Oh my god. So young and I believed it for a long time. So I never really took myself like that seriously cuz I just thought like I'm never probably going to have a career in it because you clearly have to be to to get signed. It's bizarre what does it matter love has changed. Me You're listening to the art of being a mom with my mum, I listen. I think the older you get, the more life experience you have. And I've know personally, the better songwriting I'm doing as I get older. I think even since I've had kids, it's like this whole new perspective on your life. And it's so much richer, you know, and to be able to reflect on that and but they want us all to be young and I don't know single and not have kids and but that's mainstream say Eric and the amount of people I've talked to in the indie indie world. No one gives a shit like people, people if you've got a good song and you like people like what you're what you're putting out there. That's all that matters. And I feel like a lot of people, people that I to talk to anyway I just really not even bothering with mainstream stuff not even trying to knock down those doors. Because it's just the first thing. How old are you? They see you're a woman. Have you got kids? Like, that's the interview? Yeah, it's, yeah. And there's no point even like trying to go there. Like, I'm not trying to be the next Teen sensation to appeal to a younger audience, because there's actually some really amazing young artists coming through that are tapping into that market beautifully. Let them own that. I just think there's, you know, enough room for all of us. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. I need to be pegged up against each other. Yeah. We all have, you know, different stories to tell. Different songs to put out there. That can't really you can't compare it. Because they're not the same, you know? Yeah. Let's hear. So I just, yeah, I, it doesn't that doesn't bother me anymore. But it really did back then. And because I was so young when now. I don't I don't care. Yeah. Yeah, no. Heat. I think if I'm authentic to myself, and I'm proud of the work that I'm putting out there. And I get to work with all the amazing people in this community. And in you know, in the in the music world that I've connected with tech, you've already won. Could you proud of that? Yeah, that's a garment. You know, the followers the views? Yeah. Yeah. You could get 10,000 views on my YouTube. Yeah. It's it's a funny one. Yeah, that's it, isn't it? Yeah. So you're talking about songwriting. I want to talk to you about when did you start start writing your own songs? When I was studying in London, yeah. Right. So you know, we would take songwriting classes there, we perform original songs. Then I sort of stopped because I was getting quite a lot of, you know, cover band work. And that's when I went, you know, on the Disney ship. And from the Disney ship. I got a job seeing in the Middle East. Ah, that's was that Doha? Yes. Yeah, right. Yeah. Yep. So I got a job seeing six nights a week with that same band that I worked with on the on the Disney cruise ship. Yeah. At the Intercontinental Hotel in in Doha. Yeah. Right. And we were one of the first western bands there. Oh, wow. So like, we were treated like rock stars. Like that was my rock star moment. Oh, cool. Yeah, it was so cool. was so two weeks into the gig. They had the Big Day Out festival. On the beach. They had like home staying top loader. Like got in like a couple of other big bands. I can't remember off the top of my head. But it was like this massive Festival on the beach and like, Oh, can you open up for them? And we're like oh my god. It was just like a scene from a movie. Like it was just like, huge budget massive stage. Big audience. Like the sound was epic. It was just hot, balmy weather on the beach. I'm like, this is a vibe. Oh, man. Come home from what you learn to being in this industry. It's not all highs. Yeah, yeah. And it's very easy to fall into the trap and I'm guilty of it. of always wanting that feeling. Always wanting that high. And it's nice not like that. And it's not all about those big gigs. You know, I've done gigs where like literally playing to nobody tables and chairs. Singing everybody oh wait, there's no one there. You know, like it's just yeah. But you know, it makes you appreciate when you do get opportunities like that because they're not all you know, The showstoppers. Yeah, let's see. And that's, and that's okay. Because it's about it. This is what I've learned since having kids is enjoying the process more. Recently, did a music video and remix of my first single release me, it's gonna ask you about that. Let's talk about that now. Yeah, so I wrote that in Doha. That's, that was my first song I'd ever written, released. I was 28. Yeah, right. I was like, I've got to push myself here. You know, I've been doing this this cover band gig for a while, which I've enjoyed, but I wanted to challenge myself and the opportunity to work with a producer there. Came up and then a friend of mine who, who is a videographer, just out of the blue said, are you working on any originals? I might well, actually, I do want to shoot a music video. Sure. Um, and I think from that moment, I'm like, Oh, I really want to explore songwriting more, I really want to, you know, go down this path. Yeah. So when you were writing at that point, what was Where were you drawing your inspiration from as compared to now? I guess. So that's that song's about that's heartbreak. It's a ballad. It's about you know, an old find having a hold on your heart. So it was sort of weird singing it now. I'm happily married. I've got two kids. Like, life's cool. Live in Gambia. Very different to, you know, what I was going through at the time. But you can always put that hat back on, even if you're in that place. I don't know if you find that, Allison. Yes. And I think there's something beautiful about that type of vulnerability like that heartbreak. I think that's why people bloody love Adele. She's willing to go there. Yeah. And it's just so beautiful to you know, hear that vulnerability in music like I really connect with, with songs like that. Yeah. Yeah. And that's why I wanted to strip that song back a bit more as well. Yeah, congratulations on that. When I heard it. For the first time. I just thought, Oh, this is lovely. Because I actually listened to the original few days before I was driving at drive to Rome. And I thought, let's listen to the original just to prepare myself for for the change. And it's beautiful to our congratulations. Thank you, hopefully. And yeah, you talked about your film clip. Tell us about that. Because that is amazing. I'm gonna put a link to that in your show notes because people need to see this. It's a piece of art basically. It's DEVAR. Thank you. You know, it was a team effort. Yeah. You know, like my sister in law had that beautiful Roberto Cavalli game gown hanging you know, like, you know, so lucky to that was a, you know, an art piece that suited the venue. Unlike these dress and the venue belong together. You could not have done it any more perfectly seriously. It's just incredible. Yeah, and to film it. Yeah. Have you ever been to Yellin Park? I haven't actually ever been there. No. Didn't go. So Young Park is just outside of Panola it is one of I think it's Australia's best preserved Victorian home. Oh, really? I didn't know that. Let me rephrase that mansion. Yes. Absolutely spectacular. You know, the old piano, the furniture, the original wallpaper. That staircase with the stained glass window. Like it was just you feel the magic when you when you walk in there? Yeah. Yeah, it was, you know, because homes aren't built like that anymore. So just to, you know, feel like you're stepping back in time and like to do that down here is really important to me, because I always thought like, I don't know if I could ever live, you know, in Mount Gambier again, is this going to fill me enough because I, you know, lived in London and traveled a lot but it's actually been the best thing for me to be able to, like work with the people that I've been been able to work with in that time. But we're so lucky down here. Like, we don't have to go to the city. Sometimes you do. And you have to source that work outside of the community. But we're just so lucky. Yeah, there are some seriously talented people you won't get. Like, just, yeah, you don't have to go far to find someone that's got a skill that can help you with something fun. Like, you know, I've worked with Katy Fox, but yes, like, she's just so beautiful. And like, she's just so much fun on set. And we just have a laugh. And yeah, it was just yeah, really special to, to do that with all my, my favorite creative. Yeah, yeah, that's really nice. I've often thought of that, like, you think are now I've got kids, I can't go away and record in Melbourne for two weeks non stop, you know, all this sort of stuff. And you sort of think, yeah, it's actually you feel really proud when you do something down here. Because it's like almost saying, you know, and up yours to people that think you have to leave a small town to achieve things. You don't? You really don't look, logistically, is it a bit challenging? Like, I'm thinking off? I'm going to do a tour at some point. What's that gonna look like? But you can still make it happen. And I think sometimes making it happen in your own small way. It's not about you trying to be the biggest and the bestest, you know? Yeah, yeah, it's like what's achievable in your world, and it may not look like what it is for somebody else. But that's another thing that I've been talking before about, as you get older, not worrying so much about stuff. And like, I used to be really competitive, like think, Oh, someone's doing that, oh, I wish I could do that. In my 20s. And now it's like, well, good on them. Like you actually look at someone and appreciate what they've done and what they're doing. And it's it's a really great way to be because you're just, I know, you're not caught up in, you know, all this, especially on this on social media with all the things you see from people. But you can sort of just, you know, I can't remember where I was going with this. I've gotten there now. And I can't remember what my point was at the start of it. Might come back to me, but yeah, basically. Oh, yeah. Ego. You see, I've got to do this, too, in this way. Because such and such did this way. And this is how people expect you to do a tour but it's like no, actually break it down. What's worked for me, my family, my location, and just don't worry about what people think. Because it matters what you think. You have to live with you at the end of the day. Yeah. And why you go down a path that's not authentic to you. That's going to actually make you probably end up hating music, because you're not staying true to who you are. Yeah. Yeah. And I think you know, we're there. You know, we live in a society that's obsessed with busy and being hustled hard and do this and you want to, you know, like pulling you in, in directions that actually, you don't want to go. But that's, you know, what I've realized, especially since having kids I'm in the driver's seat here, I get to decide not people pulling me in other directions of where I you know, want to go Yeah, that's incredibly empowering. Isn't it? Really is like, you know, you don't have to be signed anymore. We have the internet so even though that's you know, with the streaming and making money's a little bit more challenging but your reach is absolutely endless so there's so many there's so many positives Yep. Yeah stands at the desk I want to take you on down different path. about this topic we have I love to talk to my guests about the Old Faithful mum guilt, which is something that it's an interesting one because I've had I think I haven't had two guests who genuinely didn't know what it was. And I thought this is amazing actually had one had to google it. And when asked me to explain it, and that that's all well and truly in the minority but yes, it is awesome. And there should be more like it going on. But yeah, share your thoughts what you think about monkey monkey. Mom guilt is very real. I've definitely experienced it. Do I believe in it? I don't I think it's toxic. Why would we should be shaming moms for taking time away from their family? To do something that they love to do? Or to go for a walk down the street? Or where are your kids? I can have time away from my kids, you know, but you don't say that to their father. Tell me about it. Why it's such Dustin is it really is. I feel guilty. If I'm feeling stressed about something and I take it out. And my kids, if I'm a bit short with them, that's when I feel bad. I'm you let them down in that way. But I don't feel I don't feel bad about being creative. I include my kids in that. I share my music with them. How is that a bad thing? I think it's just another layer of making moms feel like shit, putting them up on this ridiculous pedestal of trying to be absolutely everything to everybody. And it's an impossible standard to keep. And men are drowning because of it. Yeah, you know, it's Yeah, so I do feel it. It is there. But I don't spend much time going down that path because I don't genuinely believe in mom guilt. It's fair on mums. Yeah, that's so well said. It's like it is it is. It's like a thing that someone came up with, just to add another layer of you know, we don't feel bad enough about things. So let's just put something else on to moms. Yeah. It's horrible. It is horrible. It really good on you for fighting against it. Because it's crap. I think a lot a lot, a lot of women and a lot of mothers are speaking out about it in that way as well. Like, this is BS, it is. Why, why should I feel bad? It doesn't make any sense now. And like you said earlier, it actually helps you be a better person. And therefore a better mother, when you are being creative and your own needs are being met. It just, it sends you out in the world in a different headspace. Absolutely, and how cool that I get to share this with my sons. You know, motherhood and being creative can exist together doesn't have to be one or the other. And our kids are here to teach us a lesson or to look at their imagination. Look at them just being present in the moment. They're not going, Ah, I've got to go the supermarket by this time, and I've got to do this, I've got to do that there's something so special about being around young children. Oh, I totally agree with that, is I spend my days working in a kindergarten and it's just, it really humbles you. It's like, all the stuff that you thought in the world was I mean, it is some stuff is bad, but you know, the stuffs on your mind, like the trivial things. And then you've got a child who's looking at a leaf, and just studying the veins on the leaf. And it's just like, Ah, okay, right, get back to basics. You know, it just really brings you back down to earth. Absolutely. And it's, you know, it's about making big things out of the small things. It's not about this, you know, unachievable goal that's put that like that we're being fed this narrative that, oh, if you wake up at this time, and if you eat this food, and if you do this, if you do that, if you do that, and it's like, by the time I get through that bloody list over the last 24 hours, yeah, yeah. And if you read another list, it would be conflicting, it'd say, Don't eat that before such and such but do this before and it's just like, hello, we have to actually live our lives. Yes, on that as well. Like it's too much. We are consuming content at a rapid rate. We need to have those output days where we're just, you know, playing around on a keyboard writing a song right, you know, playing outside with our kids without being Oh, someone so said this on Instagram and I'm just going to watch this video. I'm just going to do this. I'm just going to do that and you're just not being in the moment and I think there's a huge disconnect in society. because it is. Yeah, I can the biggest scary thing for me is the, the like this tick tock era where the what's the word concentration spans are being shortened? Because you fed this information and it turns over so quick. So I see the mind kids, it's like they'll watch half of a, there's like a big long video, maybe I'd know half an hour and they'll only watch like 10 minutes and then decide they don't like that anymore. It's like, hang on, what about the rest of it? And like, be an hour day you're watching the television. That was all you had to watch channel eight, and ABC and you create a connection? Yes, good. Oh, gotcha connection. You know, it's like, they just they expect to have more and more and different and different constantly asked them, you know, and it's like, no, no, no, we have to stop this to scary. And now you know, artists are writing songs for Tik Tok. They're not even writing whole. Bloody Kylie Minogue. Did you see what she's done? I don't think she's even released her latest song, she's just put it out on Tik Tok, and basically got people to make a dance out of it. So that's what's getting the track viral is because they're all doing this dance. It's like she knows how to run the show. You don't need a record label anymore. You just say tick tock account online. And that's why it's important. I think as an artist to like I've said before, write songs that you're proud of. That you can connect to. Because what's going to be the next trend? I can't go there. I'm not gonna write a song for Tik Tok. I'm not gonna write a song in a you know, in hoping that it's gonna go viral. I can't go there. Yeah, you know if I can be vulnerable, authentic, like, I love writing about the human experience. You know, love loss, adversity, being brave that type of thing. I know that that story, those stories connect with other people because I've been through it as well. Yeah. So you know, I'm willing to dabble production wise do something a bit different. But I'm not I think yes, you're chasing your tail if you're trying to write songs just because this is you know, tic TOCs the latest thing or Instagram or do this do that? Like I think that's not gonna that's not an enjoyable process. Yeah, I was actually going to say that it did start to feel more like a chore and a job. And it's not meeting that the need that you have to express what you need to express, you know, yeah, so yeah. I don't even have I don't even have a tic tock account. I don't even want to go there. It's just I'll just find out have you Yeah. Yeah. I don't know how to use other major rookie here. Oh, goodness way. Change there was a quote that you had on your Facebook recently, and you said that, that it spoke like the process had sparked your creativity. And it was something that you thought was gone since having your kids so have you? Have you basically put this aside for How old's your oldest sorry, I haven't asked how old he So Max is three and a half and Jasper's Yeah, right. So for the past three and a half years have you done anything for yourself with your music? Not a lot. So that's why I was really nervous to put this out like I really enjoyed the process of you know, doing this remix during the video. But then when it came for the launch, I'm like I'm freaking out here. Like I haven't been in this headspace for Ohio have been you know, my mode so it was it was a challenge for me to do it. I wouldn't say that that was a walk in the park. You know because we all had plenty gastro two weeks before the release and all this shit basically literally. All this is so hard to try and do both. It's just feels like such an impossible task. But I was just had to keep reminding myself. You can only do your best you can do come and quiet the mind because there's so little but yeah, it was was a challenge. But I was also refreshing as well as well. I've needed this, huh? Yes, yeah, yeah. Because you like since you were 15 music has been pretty much your life. So then to have that big break from it that would have liked did you have times during that time where you're like, Oh, I really feel like I have to get back to it or like what was going through your mind at times. I made the point though, of always having a little project. So I'm was not back doing gigs to what I was doing previously. And at the moment, I'm not either and that is totally fine. But like always. Oh, my kids are back on that ground. Reality Check. When I fell pregnant with Max, I still had my mobile caravan business limoncello caravan bar, which was still operating. I had staff that would work in the van for me. And he was four months old. And I did the band Christmas show. I did a limoncello caravan bar cocktail Christmas party. So I I knew I could do two gigs. Right. I just made sure that I had a couple of little projects in the pipeline. Yeah. Yeah. And I think that has helped because if I didn't do that, well COVID kicked off in March. Yeah, yeah. And then I fell pregnant with Jasper in the June halfway through COVID. Yep. And then what I was working on my 90s mixtape, so we did that the part of the 2018 Matt Gander in Adelaide fringe. And we performed that again, but that I reckon that got Reese Yeah, that got rescheduled. Yeah, right. COVID. Yeah. A week. And then we finally did it again last year. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, man. Yeah, that was a long time goes by how much time has gone by Don't ya like Oh, my God isn't work. It's so funny though. Having kids in COVID Because we're like, Oh, how's how's your child going? I'm like, which one? They're like, did you have another one? I'm like, yeah. What else? Gotta keep busy somehow. Otherwise Oh, that's classic. Oh, that's so funny each and every day the distance the time is all we need your brain makes of release me is out. What do you see the cup coming up? Have you got anything sort of happening in your brain? Like, I want to do this and what indeed there are lots of things. That's the like I've, I've always been like this, like, going back to childhood like my imagination is wild. And Nick can tell when I'm off on one because it's like I'm talking to myself is that we're used to thinking something or doing something. I'm like, Yeah, I was I just go into this. This other world? Yeah. So on. Yeah. Got a few ideas in the pipeline. Yep. But I don't want to say what I'm going to do because it's very early stage. That's okay. You don't have to tell me all your secrets. I would like to drop a single by the end of the year, but if that happened, that's okay. The songs got to be right. Anyway, so I've started you know, penning a few ideas down so yeah, we'll just see what happens. Oh, good Anya, and yet look honestly, when I saw what you were wearing, and that the location for your film clip I was like, oh my god, like you could seriously not have found two more perfect things to put together like that dress. Oh my gosh, like did you feel like like, I don't know, like a goddess or something you met Jessica is it bloody hell? You look good. Like, I felt like a million bucks because like, you know, I've been in nursing tops, sweatpants. Rock Mumbai, been for the past two years like, actually not The cameras have my hair and makeup done. I'm like is this is what I needed at this moment in time? So like kickstarted, like you said, it's kickstarted that creativity. And now it's like the balls rolling and all these things are happening in your mind. It's exciting, isn't it? It is. But then it's like I'm dealing with two toddlers at the moment. So they, yeah, that's sort of stealing the show. Might be able to feature them in the next film clip just for a second. Yeah. Well, Maxis in one of my film clips. Oh, I see. Yeah. And I was pregnant with Jasper as well. So did you see Eileen? The Tribute? I did to my grandfather? I did. Yes. Yeah. Yes. Oh, I mean, like, my kids and family are a part of my music. Sound legacy and how bloody cool is that? Yeah. I love that. Like mom said to me, probably the best thing you'll ever do is sing with the kids. And at the time, I was probably quite young. I was that. Oh, really? And then I'm like, nah, this is cool. I call that I can cue on this journey. And like Max's like, Oh, mommy, you're gonna go singing now. And I want to come and see me is that as well as being their mom? is super cool. Oh, yeah. I feel like that is for me personally. That's where I find the most pride I think that they can see that their mother is not the mother still, Allison is still their own person, like mom still May. And and my life does not exist to solely do one. You know, role. I do all these other things. And I love that the kids know that. I think it's so important for like, I say feminism moving forward. But it's, it's I think it's really important for them to get that that women just because they have children. Does it make them obsolete in our society? Absolutely. And that's inspiring. And that success. You're allowed to say that. I feel like you can't say, oh, I love I love being a mom like I really do. Like I absolutely love it. Am I perfect? No. exist. Like and you know what? I don't want my kids to think that I'm perfect. So if I'm, you know, get a bit totally at them because they've you know, spilled my my load down the wall or put a golf club through the TV, like, and I get it across about it. Yeah. I apologize and go oh, sorry, I did get a B cross. Because we're all human. We're not perfect. I don't want to be put up on that pedestal. Yeah. Yep. So feel like you're sending your kids out with unrealistic, unrealistic expectations of what you know, relationships are and what you can expect from other people. That's like, we are actually allowed to get shitty and annoyed at each other feel these emotions, you're allowed to feel this stuff? I don't know. I feel like the previous like, when I was a kid, you know, you wouldn't see your parents in these ways of expressing themselves. They were just mom and dad. And they didn't know anything else about what they did. But, you know, I want my kids to know that I'm a full whole person with all these other elements to me. And I love you, regardless of what you show me. Yeah. You're angry. That's okay. I want you to come to me. My doors always open ask me anything. Yeah, I was by far the, you know, perfect teenager. I get it. Man that got the t shirt. You know, like, I don't? Yeah, I don't want them to strive for perfection. And I, I don't either. You know, how many moms are trying to be the perfect mom? Yeah. There's a really good Carrie. Oh, it is. And I had an episode with Sophie Brock, who's a Dr. Sophie Brock, who's a motherhood sociologist. And she said, the perfect mother myth, like the perfect mother does not exist, because there's an exercise she gets you to where you write down all the things that you think makes up a perfect mother and putting that in air quotes. And you'd when you look at that, and you read that back, it, that person cannot physically exist. But you know, we're all told we're meant to do these things and be certain ways and behave this and don't do that and make sure you do that. So what the hell. Well, you know what I hate, especially from people that don't have kids. Well, you chose to be a mom, or Yeah, yeah. No. It's like you're allowed to complain about your office job. Yeah. Like, you two feelings can exist at the same time. Mike, I'm grateful but also you're doing my bloody head in I'm sick of cleaning up all this food off the floor. This mess is making me feel good. overwhelmed and overstimulated, we're allowed to have these honest conversations. Yeah, you're allowed to say that. It's hard because it bloody is. Yeah. Yeah. But also, it's amazing. Yeah. Yeah. Like when you meet your child for the first time, like, how could I love something so much? Yeah, I experienced this before, you know. It's at all look that ambivalence that two thoughts at the same time that are both true is one something I find incredibly fascinating about being a mum. Like, I'd be like, Oh, geez, I could I could literally throw myself in front of a moving car to save your life. But could you just eat your bloody tea? Please? Stop it's you're at an eight you're totally extremes. It just it contains. It really is. Oh, man. Oh, that's funny. Yeah. The sorries we begin. Yeah, if you got anything else you wanted to share before I let you go because I'm conscious. We're rolling on to the witching hour. So screaming in the background, clearly someone's hungry. So I'm obsessed with flamingos. I love them. Ah, that's a lovely mug. And I found this amazing quote on Instagram about flamingos and I want to share with you just beautiful. So flamingos lose their pink when they're raising their babies. Because it's such an intense process. Eventually it comes back. If you're deep in postpartum motherhood right now, Mama, remember you will get your pink bag. Oh, I love that. Oh, yeah. Like, when you said that? Oh, but it's so true. Like it's actually okay. To surrender to to motherhood and being that because it is so full on you don't have to, you know, try and still have a full time career like it's, it's okay. Yeah, yes, you know, you and you will get your shine your shine back. Just to tell our listeners what you're wearing. I'm wearing a sequin bomber jacket. Yeah, that's serious. And like, yeah, being patient and knowing that time. Yeah, you know, we move through life and people get older. And I love people who say that the seasons change. You know, I'm in a different season in my life. Now. It's like, yeah, and sometimes it's hard to do that, you know, to, to go Oh, but I remember this. And I remember that. And it's okay to give yourself a break, you know, and, yeah, you Pinkel. I think art is better for it. Sometimes when you take a break. Why are we talking about this enough? Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. The stillness, that your priorities do change. Doesn't mean it's lost forever. Yeah. You know? Yeah. Yeah. Could you say some good things. I'm gonna have sandy quotes, but that Flamingo one isn't mine. I stole that one. That's okay. But you said it today. So that's cool. Like, I feel like as a mom, we're holding on to a lot of shame that's not necessary. Like pursuing our creative dreams. We're also carrying on like, these old stories and old narratives that don't that don't serve us. I think it's, you know, when sometimes they just shatter a legacy that's holding us back. That and that that's, you know, belief system. Doesn't doesn't work for me. And it's okay for me to and what's important is to do what's right for my family. And that might not be what some someone else would do, but that's okay. And I think you have to be comfortable in that, because everyone's got an opinion. Everyone will tell you what they think. And you know, especially, you know, I look at my grandmother's generation, they lived in a different time, of course, they're gonna have a different perspective on what motherhood should be or what life should be. Some of those values are amazing, but some of them don't hold up in, in modern society. So it's really important to stay in your lane, and to be comfortable in the choices that you make as a family. Yeah. You know, my kids feel loved. They're seeing, they're heard. They're happy, my husband's happy. I'm happy. Yeah. You know, that's the main thing. Yeah. That is, that is awesome. Yeah, I saw I saw a quote the other day, sort of similar to that, like, I'm not going to get this wrong, I'm going off by heart, but I can't remember was something about how were the really the first generation of mothers who have got this, this thing coming out and saying, Oh, you can do it, or you can do this, you could do that. So that, that sort of post feminist movement of that, you can do it all. But then our mothers didn't do it all, they probably had jobs, and then stopped working to have kids. And now we're at this point where we do want to express ourselves, and we do want to do other things apart from the mothering role. So we're just caught in limbo of how like, I don't wanna say, how do you get it right? Because I don't think you ever get it. Right. But how do you make it work? You know, like you were saying, like, for your family, and it's really hard not to look around and seeing what other people are doing listening to other voices. It's like, put your blinkers on and just do what works for you. Like you said, Stay in your lane. And if you if you're all happy, then that's all that matters. Absolutely. Yeah. Because you're always gonna feel that pool. Like how often do you hear or backing, backing out? And we didn't do this? Yeah, there was a different life completely different circumstances. Absolutely. And I want to make sure that when my kids, especially when they're a bit older, that I'm up to speed with what's going on in schooling. They're living through a different time than I did as a child. Yeah. Yeah. I think that's really important. Not projecting your experience onto your kids. Like our parents did. Like, you know, my my parents parents did. Yeah, some of those values were good, but some of those things are not. Yeah. Yeah, that's so true. That is a really good way to put it get that baby thank you so much for coming on tomorrow. I love chatting with you to save me. It's been lovely. It's nice to actually have a conversation because we always see each other in passing at gigs and shows and things. It's lovely to sit down and chat with you. And thank you for sharing on thanks for having me. Like this was such a safe space to have very, you know, a very open conversation. I've never done a podcast before, like, natural you have to do more of them. But I didn't you know you make it made me feel comfortable. Or Thank you. I appreciate that. And I do you know, follow your podcast and you've done a really good job to be proud of it. Oh, thank you. That's so nice of you to say. Thanks for your company today. If you've enjoyed this episode, I'd love you to consider leaving us a review following or subscribing to the podcast, or even sharing it with a friend who you think might be interested. If you or someone you know would like to be a guest on the podcast, please get in touch with us by the link in the show notes.

Jo Maloney Australian singer, songwriter and musician S3 Ep94 Listen and subscribe on Spotify and itunes/Apple podcasts My final guest for Season 3 is Jo Maloney, a singer, songwriter and musician from Melbourne Victoria, and a mum of 3 boys. As a child she saw any raised platform as a stage, and would love belting out a song or two for anyone who was around. On seeing Olivia Newton John in the movie Xanadu, it was the moment Jo knew she wanted to be a singer. Jo has enjoyed an extensive voice career that started when she competed in local talent quests from the age of 10 singing country music and anything on a backing track that she could get her teenage hands on before moving to Sydney. After 9 years of gigging the pub and corporate scene she relocated to London where eventually she found work in a number of cover bands on a full time basis. This also took her in the direction of band management for a number of years. It wasn’t until she moved to Melbourne in 2012 after 10 years in London with 3 kids in tow, that motherhood really took over and became all consuming. It was when she turned 40 that she decided that she wanted to try her luck at writing her own music. It’s only been in the last 4 years-just before Cover and now that her 3 children are older, that she really has decided to become accountable to herself and her dreams and put in 100% effort. Under the guise of Dragnfly Industri, her music weaves together creativity, thoughtful lyricism and eclectic pop- infused instrumentals, Jo released her debut single Ghost last year, it reflected Jo's life of once believing that dreams are risky and unattainable and only for the lucky few, to realising that they can come true. The track gained attention from industry and a core fanbase alike, winning the Real Songwriters of Melbourne Community Award, as well as earning a Top 5 spot in RSOM’s song of the year. 2023 will see Jo continue to embrace her development, set to release a self-produced debut EP in late 2023 as well as a slew of new singles. Jo exudes the philosophy that it's never too late to explore your passions, find your legacy and live your purpose every day. Jo - Instagram / Music Podcast - instagram / website Jo's music used with permission. Podcast transcript at the bottom of the page Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode of The Art of Being A Mum Podcast. I'm beyond honoured that you're here and would be grateful if you could take 2 minutes to leave me a 5-star review in iTunes or wherever you are listening. It really helps! This way together we can inspire, connect and bring in to the light even more stories from creative mums. Want to connect? Take a screenshot of this episode and share it on Instagram tagging me in with @art_of_being_a_mum_podcast I can't wait to connect. And remember if you or somebody you know would like to be a guest on the podcast, get in touch ! I love meeting and chatting to mammas from all creative backgrounds, from all around the world! Thank you! Alison acknowledges this Land of the Berrin (Mount Gambier) Region as the Traditional Lands of the Bungandidj People and acknowledge these First Nations people as the custodians of the Region. Ch eck out more episodes ..... Welcome to the Art of Being a mum podcast, where I Alison Newman, a singer songwriter, and Ozzy mum of two enjoys honest and inspiring conversations with artists and creators about the joys and issues they've encountered. While trying to be a mum and continue to create. You'll hear themes like the mental juggle, changes in identity, how their work has been influenced by motherhood, mum guilt, cultural norms, and we also strain to territory such as the patriarchy, feminism, and capitalism. You can find links to my guests and topics we discussed in the shownotes along with a link to the music played, how to get in touch, and a link to join our supportive and lively community on Instagram. I'll always put a trigger warning if we discuss sensitive topics on the podcast. But if at any time you're concerned about your mental health, I urge you to talk to those around you reach out to health professionals, or seek out resources online. I've compiled a list of international resources which can be accessed on the podcast landing page, Alison Newman dotnet slash podcast. The art of being a man would like to acknowledge the traditional owners of the land and water, which this podcast is recorded on has been the Bondic people in the barren region. I'm working on land that was never seen it. Hello, and welcome to the podcast. It is such a pleasure to have you here from wherever you're listening all around the world. My guest this week is Joe Maloney. Joe is a singer, songwriter and musician from Melbourne, Victoria in Australia, and she's a mom of three boys. As a child, Joe saw any race platform as an opportunity to perform. It was his stage, and she would love belting out a song or two for anyone who was around. On seeing Olivia Newton John in the movie Xanadu. Joe knew it was the moment that she wanted to be a singer. Joe has enjoyed an extensive vocal career that started when she competed in local talent quests from the age of 10 singing country music and anything on a backing track that she could get her teenage hands on before moving to Sydney. After nine years successfully gigging the pub and corporate scene in a covers band, she relocated to London, where she eventually found work in a number of cover bands on a full time basis. This also took her in the direction of band management for a number of years. It wasn't until Joe moved to Melbourne in 2012, after 10 years in London, with three kids in tow, that motherhood really took over and became all consuming. It was when she turned 40 That she decided that she wanted to try a look at writing her own music after being inspired as a 14 year old. By a 16 year old Debbie Gibson song lost in your eyes. It's only been in the last four years just before COVID And now that her three children are older, that she really has decided to become accountable to herself and her dreams and put in 100% effort under the guise of dragonfly industry. Her music weaves together creativity, thoughtful lyricism and eclectic pop infused instrumentals, Joe released her debut single ghost last year. It reflected Joe's life of once believing that dreams are risky, and unattainable, and only for the lucky few to realizing that they can come true. The track gained attention from industry and core fanbase alike, winning the real songwriters of Melbourne community Award, as well as earning a top five spot in the real songwriters of Melbourne Song of the Year. 2023 We'll see Joe continue to embrace her development. She's set to release a self produced debut EP in late 2023, as well as a slew of new singles. Joe exudes the philosophy that it's never too late to explore your passions. Find your legacy, and live your purpose every day. Throughout this episode, you'll hear Joe's music. I hope you enjoy today's episode. It's the final episode in Season Three of the podcast I know you walking through wilderness feeling lost on the ground, darkened scaly is a fever in chest cause you always thank you so much for coming on. Joe. It's such a pleasure to meet you and put a face to the to the voice. Thanks for having me. It's wonderful to be here Allison. Yeah, it's lovely. And your whereabouts are you in Australia? So I'm based in Melbourne? Yep. I just outside of Melbourne. Yeah, in Larabee. So I guess it's western suburbs. So yeah. My nana used to live in hoppers crossing. Okay. Yeah, there we go. How long have you been in? Where before? I only eight years. I'm not originally from Melbourne. I'm actually, I've kind of been all over really. But I guess I spent most of my childhood up in New South Wales, just south of Port Macquarie. Oh, beautiful. Yeah, really, really lovely spot. My mum and dad is still up there. And it's yeah, it's it's beautiful to go home. I wouldn't say to home, I've lived there for a long time. But it's beautiful to go and see them and have a holiday as well, because it's right by the beach. And so I've only been I've been in Melbourne for 10 years, but I've been in wherever for eight. Yeah, yeah. But isn't Port Macquarie, like the place in Australia that has the most number of like really good weather days or something? Is that salutely No idea. Someone told me that once because we're I mean, Matt Gambia and the weather is just fair. I mean, you'd be familiar with that being in Melbourne. It's pretty Yeah. Yeah. And I remember watching one day about the weather. And they said, I'm sure they said Portland quarry had like, because I said, I just want it to be like 25 degrees with sunshine. Like, is that too much to ask? And they're like, Yeah, I know. I don't think it's quite like that up there. Certainly not. Now. I think they get very, very hot and humid up there. Now. I think it's definitely a lot more humid than what it used to be when I was living there. So it might it may have been like that once upon a time. Tell me about your music. You are a musician, a singer songwriter? How did you first get into music? When do you have this moment of like recalling when you sort of first discovered music? Ah, I remember always being a show off. Right from sort of being kind of like three, four years old. I loved being the center of attention. And I think a lot to do with the fact that not only was I the oldest child, but I was the oldest grandchild on both sides of the family. Yeah. The distinct memory I really have is, every time I saw like a raised platform, I was singing, whether it be my grandparents balcony, or the front veranda of their house. So I can remember being in a shopping center and like seeing sticks somewhere. And I'd be on the steps thinking my little heart out because it felt like a page. And I don't think it was like, watch me, this is what I can do. It was just something that I gravitated towards. When I saw the movie Xanadu. That was the moment that it it clicked for me that I thought, ah, that's what I want to do. I want to sing I want to I want to just be this person that just sings and is beautiful and and I was obsessed with that movie for such a long time growing Yeah, absolutely obsessed. My, my whole family would still tell me to this day, how long I would spend swinging on a swing, singing Xanadu hours. The first time I think I felt like I really wanted to be a songwriter was when I was about 14 I think back in the late 80s. And there was a 14 year old singer songwriter named no she was 16 Sorry, Debbie Gibson. Oh yeah. And I fell in love with her song lost in your eyes. And I thought, Ah, I would love to play the piano and sing like that. And so I tried to emulate that for a few few years. And then I think I just got too nervous with writing and just fear of judgment. And so I just decided I was just going to be a singer. And I actually put away the songwriting for a really really long time and only identified as a vocalist. So it's only really been actually in the last three or four years that I've started who want more and think actually, I think there's more in me than just being a singer. And that was when I actually started to really take some writing seriously? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I can totally relate to what you're saying, like completely. You it's like, I don't know, like, it's almost like life's happening around you, like you have your kids and you're growing up, and there's all this other stuff happening. And it's like, you sort of have forget that you have these skills almost, excuse me, that you actually used to write when you're a kid, and then all of a sudden go, why am I doing that anymore? You know? Yeah, exactly, exactly. Yeah, because it comes writing comes from somewhere else. And singing and performing is such an outer thing. It's what's on the outside writing is what is on the inside. And it's learning. For me, it was learning to tap into that, because I had spent such a long time living outside of myself. And so that's been a whole new experience for me, which has been really, really exciting just to find my dip. With it all. And I still don't feel like I've quite gotten there yet. I think. I mean, no one really ever gets to that destination, do they? Where they're like, right? Yes. I've got it all figured out. Yeah. But that in itself is pretty exciting, isn't it that you've, you're on this journey. And I'll make for one of the better word. If one uses that with you. And you're like, you're learning these things about yourself. And you're discovering more and more and you know, like, from what you're just saying there, you know, there's more there. And that's pretty exciting. Isn't that? Absolutely. Yeah, it is it is. It's like going on an adventure. Yeah. And I try and use the word Safari because it can get pretty wild in there. That's a cool analogy. Dude. Cuz, yeah, stop, stop, stop. Stop, stop. Stop with the music that you're writing. Now, what's your sort of, I guess your inspiration coming from? Um, I think a lot of it is. From music theater, I've realized. I listen to a lot of music theater and a lot of power vocalists as a teenager as well. And I think I, at this point in time in my life, I think I try and write like that. Even though I don't feel like I have that kind of voice. It's just I suppose it makes it easy for me to concoct a story in my head and visualize what I'm trying to write about. So, yeah, I like to sort of think of it now as being a bit more music theory or music theater oriented. Yeah, quite dramatic. I think I have a bit of a dramatic voice very dynamic. So I tend to like to have lots of dynamics in my songs with lots of little quiet bits, and then really sort of loud. Yes. And, yes, so at this point in time, that's, that's the influence for me. And it took a little while for me to realize that because I was just writing, I was just writing what I was hearing in my head and not really attaching any label to what or any genre. And now the more I think about it, that's where it comes from, I think, yeah, cool. So I think that's the awesome thing about writing your own songs, you can pick where you want the key to B, you can pick the range, and like you said, you can really like accentuate those like really exciting parts of your voice like using the dynamics that's something I've think's really cool even though it I think, clicked into right most of my songs in the same key are so many people do and I I sometimes do as well. I think it just kind of puts because as being vocalist, you know where your voice naturally said. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it is it's a lot. It's really easy to fall into that trap of oh, just writing in D major. I know it sounds good. Yeah, that's pretty. Good sled down with a young Do you have a day job or is music, everything that you do in your life? Music, I'm very, I'm very, very fortunate that aside from mothering music is the other thing in my life, my husband, and has been insanely supportive of me focusing on music. Because he knows that's what makes me happy. And I, he, he actually wouldn't want me to, to go and do another job. Because every time I come to him and say, Hey, I've been offered this and I and he'll be just like, is that really it? Are you gonna have time? Like volunteering for my kids basketball, like to be the manager of my kids basketball team. And, like, seriously, it's not going to take that long and not take that much time out of my week. So he does get very quite protective of my music. Fear, I suppose you could say so yeah, I'm really, really fortunate that music is is the be all and end all for me, which is great. No hobby at this point in time. But I have I have done some gigs and earn a little bit of money from it, which has been nice. So it's just building on that. Yeah, absolutely. That's the thing, isn't it? It's a it is a constant. Like you said, it's a safari, it's like it's an adventure. So tell me about your kids. How many kids have you got? I've got three boys. One wants to remain nameless. So I have Max who just turned 13. Last week this week. And I've got twin boys. So Zach, and twin one. And they are 11. So three boys. Yeah. And a set of twins in there. Like that's pretty cool. in there as well. Yeah. So for a little while. I had three and a two for about six weeks. Straight. Oh, man. Yeah. Thankfully, for that whole time. We were over in London at the moment that at that point in time, the kids were all born over there. Were in hospital for three weeks, my husband had the luxury of working for himself and was able to take time off to be with Max while I had to go into the hospital every day. And then my parents actually flew over for six weeks as well. So I think really for the and then my husband was able to take some more time off work. So for the first three months of the life, I had help around me, which was amazing. And then everyone's life just kind of went back on track. And I was at home with three little ones. I can ask a question. So you had you had the twins, after you already had one child? Is it better or worse? Because some people have said this. It's better like their grandpa had twins first because I didn't know what they're in for. Is it better or not worse? Because you know what I mean? But what was the perspective? Yeah. For me, obviously, I can only go by my experience. For me. I am glad that I had the twin second. Because I felt like Max was a really tricky baby. I felt like he never really settled properly for the first six months anyway. And you know what it's like when you're a first time mom, and the moment they're crying, you're thinking, what's wrong? What what do I need to do? Yeah, when I had the twins, I had no choice sometimes, but to leave one of them to cry. I be kinda you know what, you're fine. I'm sort of elbow deep in your brother's nappy at the moment. And I felt it was more about micromanaging the three of them. Yeah, right. More than anything else, but in terms of them as babies and me as a mother and then being second. I feel very fortunate that they were actually second because I felt a lot calmer and a lot more confident as a mum. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. So I yeah, I don't I honestly having I do remember one night and I tell this this story a lot to people where I think one of the twins had been crying maybe for two hours, they just wouldn't settle. And just as he settled, his brother decided to kick off. And so when you think oh, great, awesome, you're about to go to sleep. That's great. It's midnight. Okay. Yeah, I can go to bed and the other one kicks off and, and I remember being upstairs and, and they were still in like my baskets. Picking up the basket, trudging downstairs to my husband, who was feeding the other twin who'd settled and just been saying to him, I am so sick and tired of crying babies. I'm just sick of it. And there were definitely moments like that where I just thought it's just too much the feeding I at night time. I remember not doing as the books telling you to do where if you feed one child, one twin wake the other one up to feed. I remember just thinking, oh my god, I'm so tired. The moment you fall asleep, I'm gonna go back to bed but which was so stupid, because half an hour later, the other ones woken up anyways. So I've never ever noticed sleep deprivation like that i So even as unsettled as Max was as a baby. I certainly didn't have the sleep deprivation with him like I did with Zach. I couldn't talk. I couldn't. I couldn't string a sentence together. I was just that tired. And that was yeah, that was pretty tough. Even with help for the first few months. Yeah, gosh, it's full on. Yeah, yeah. That's it. And also managing, as I said, managing the three of them. I did a lot of reading about that. Before that came along. And you have absolutely no control on managing your children. When you're out and about we look like an absolute circus. Walking around. It was just me and this wall of children I had, I'd usually have Max and Zach in the stroller. And I'd had because he was really tiny when he was born I'd had strapped to me. So it'd be like baby on my chest. Two little ones in front of me and just walking. And it wasn't a like a front and back pram. It was a side by side. Yeah. Yeah, I was literally a circus everywhere I went. And so people would often stop me obviously, as they do they see twins, or I'd have both twins in the stroller and Max, I'd be holding my hand, people would gravitate to the twins. And it's initially and oh twins and Lincoln, Irene, which is fine. But inevitably they score. How old are they and books but always say that this is going to happen. And to always include your oldest child first in the conversation and say, Well, I have max here. He's too Zakka. Whoever meant sold, they were but again, people would then say to max, oh, you're a fake brother, Aren't you lucky, you've got twin brothers. And he's not stupid. He wasn't stupid back then. And he knew immediately that this conversation is still about them. And it's about me. So for that first kind of 12 to 18 months for Max was very difficult as well, because he just hated being stopped. He got to a point where I'd pick him up and he'd be grabbing my face. And he'd be saying, Go, go, go, go now go because he just hated it. Yeah, totally understandable, because I left out and what what can you do as a mother in that situation when other people's actions are beyond you? And that's it. You're trying your best, you know, you're saying, you know, you're including him, but people are just still when, you know, twin land and all lost in our heads. And yeah, that's one isn't it for a little filler like that? Yeah, yes. He has he recovered from that, or does he still feel? Yeah, right. Now, yeah, he not that he would understand just yet but I think there is a lot of trauma in him. He doesn't he he, he really sometimes is quite venomous to to one of the twins in particular. And he, I mean, look, he's a teenager now and he's going through teenage angsty sort of stuff. Very like me. I'm in terms of trying to be the black sheep of the family, which he is. And that's fine. But I do sense that a lot of his actions and a lot of what he says is some very deep trauma that, like I said, he doesn't even know exists yet. And also to, I think, I obviously was doing my very best to cope. But I was tired, I was tired. And so when I had Max in bed and wanting me to stay in cuddle him, all I could think of was, I need some time out. I, you're in bed now. And I need to walk away and just be me for a couple of hours before I go to bed. And I look back on that now and I feel terrible. But but the thing you got to look after yourself, don't you? Well, you can't look after anybody say absolutely, absolutely. My husband, very early on after having Max. Five weeks into it, I was sort of wasn't really sort of singing at the time, but I was actually managing the band that I was singing in and, and I remember being a band of I was the only female and it was blokes. And obviously, they're not really understanding what it is to be a new mum. And trying to juggle that and trying to juggle having my first child and I just remember just falling in a heat one afternoon and my husband actually saying to me, remember when you're in a plane and you have a child and those oxygen masks come down, you have to put that oxygen mask on yourself before you put it on your child. Otherwise, you're useless. It's like it's an oxygen mask. And even now, he'll still say to me, you have to put your mask on first. And it makes my day just to know the aura around and it makes my day just to see your face, then a bullet in my body ricochets and it makes my day just to see you. And it makes my day just to know that you're around and it makes my day in those those early days when you're in the thick of it. Was there any music was there an outlet for you. Um, I was very lucky in those early years when I was in London. Even though I had no family around, I had an amazing support base with other mothers that I had met at a at an antenatal class. And they they were like family, I had a couple of other friends as well who lived a bit further away. But all I needed to do was just call them day and night if I needed to. And they they would do whatever they could to get to me. So I felt incredibly supported in that way. And because I had a really lovely network of other bands that I was working for as well, I was able to I was really lucky, I was able to actually pick and choose the gigs that I wanted to do so I was wasn't doing music on a full time basis like I had been. But yeah, I was in a really really fortunate position of still gigging when I wanted to gig. And I didn't have to travel very far if I didn't want to. So it was amazing. It was when I came back to Australia was when things got tough, and I did nothing. I didn't know anyone down here the two friends that I had, he lived right over the other side. So it wasn't like I was seeing them all the time. And it was me and four walls and three little babies. And my husband was working in town so he and he was doing long hours and they jet sack took a little bit of time to walk so they weren't really essentially very mobile when it came to getting out and about. I was going to a playgroup, but the playgroup the mothers, there really weren't the people, they weren't my people. And it was just something to do. And I set up a studio in the spare room, but I didn't really do anything with it at all hardly. And I think, because I didn't have the tools to write I knew that that's kind of where I wanted to head but I still had such incredible creatives create writer's block. Yeah. Yeah. Um, and so I didn't know how to access that either. So not only was I not really accessing it, physically, I didn't know how to access it mentally either. So it was really tricky and it wasn't really until I turned 40 And Max It started school. And I wasn't doing any singing at all. I wasn't gigging. And I thought, right. What do I want to do? What? It's come to a turning point for me now? What do I want to do? Do I want to just keep singing covers in cover bands? Or do I want to explore something a little bit further? And that was when I decided that I wanted to start exploring, creating for myself because I hadn't done it for such a long time that I wanted. Yeah. It felt scary. And as I said, it felt wild. But I it was just kind of this internal pool for me, I think, yeah, to do it. But again, I didn't know where to start. And I actually started, I found I realized I wanted to sing in a choir for the walk. harmonies, and I thought, ah, actually, singing in a choir may write a bit right about now would be incredible. And I think it was back in 2016, the stars aligned and I found on the ABC News website, this new choir that had started up called Melbourne indie voices. Oh, yeah. And yes, yeah. And they've only just started, I think they'd started the week before. And yeah. had was with being interviewed. And I thought, ah, that's what I want to do. I don't want to sing anything like that. I didn't want to go there. The whole idea of singing arrangements of songs by independent artists, I just thought, ah, that's it. That's what I want to do. Yeah. And, ah, it was so much fun. And I met some incredible people. And Sofia and Joshua partner were just so insanely or are so insanely talented. And it was just lovely to sing, again, sing with people. And so I did that for a few years. And that also did start to encourage me to start writing as well. And I was getting lots of inspiration just from seeing what fear had created with her arrangements for songs and, and yeah, that's it, that was a real inspiration to get moving with it and start just looking at how I can start, what are the tools that I can find to get me moving with it? And yeah, and then eventually, I thought, I don't, I moved on from singing in the choir, I thought I just want to invest in myself now. And COVID hips, and it was for me, it was probably the best thing ever creatively. I was able to actually, the boys were great with remote learning. And we had some hiccups with with Max the eldest for a while, but that just yeah, that just really gave me a chance to start really exploring and just through the power of social media, meeting people and yeah, so that's been that's been it really? Isn't it funny how things come to you at the right time? Like when you need stuff, and things just appear? I just love that. That's an awesome, yeah. Oh, it's something that I think I've I've really become really interested. I mean, I've been interested in it for a really, really long time. But now I'm really delving diving really deep into it is like manifestation and spirituality and meditation. And I find that I have a really, really amazing routine now of meditating in the morning and journaling and object writing and really learning about and harnessing the sun. I'm looking for just harnessing the energy to create and to open up that channel and be the antenna and take all conscious thought out of out of it all and just allow something else to take over. So yeah, so I really have this huge belief now that and as you you've probably read and adapted yourself where yeah, when you when you speak something out loud. And you have a feeling connected to that. That sentence or that voice. It does. It's an antenna. It comes to you. Yeah, it makes it real. Now Yeah, absolutely. I've had too many things in my life occur that I have wanted to happen for me to think this is not coincidence. Yeah, at all. I've called this into existence. Yeah. It's pretty powerful, isn't it? Like, I remember once I remember who it was, someone told me, because at this point, I was just doing gigs. I wasn't writing, but I was just doing gigs and doing whatever just sort of floating through not really, with any sort of purpose or whatever. And someone said to me, but what, like, what do you really want to do? What do you what do you what is your focus? And I sort of had to stop and think about it? Because actually didn't know. And I thought, well, actually, I'd really like to get back into my writing. And they said, Well, what do you want to sort of achieve with your writing? And I? And I said, Well, you know, I'd like to write a couple of songs, whatever. And they said, no, no, no. Think about what you want to happen. What do you want? Like, it was, it was almost like, visualize, see yourself, in this point, doing whatever. And I said, I'd really like to write some really good songs, and have someone that's going to produce them really well. So they sound really good. And it was just like, I don't know, I just something completely shifted in me. Yeah. And it's like, now I'm just about finished this album. And I'm so happy with it. Because it's just, I don't know, it just you Right? Like when you when you put it out there and you actually allow yourself to be open. And yeah, like taking away how it's going to happen. You know, necessarily planning things down to the nth degree, whatever, you just get clear with what you want. It's amazing. Like it is amazing. Yeah, blows my mind. It does. And this is something that I'm trying to teach my children as well. So the twins responding really well to it. Yeah, Max, not so much. Yeah. That teenage isn't? Yeah. And I think also, too, it is, as I said to you before, I think it is a little bit of that trauma that's in him because he at this point, and he was always a happy child, I look at photos and he had, he was always smiling and loving life. But I, he at the moment has sort of is walking in the dark path in terms of the world is a horrible place. And there's nothing good about it. And human beings are awful to each other. And what's the point and, and so he's not wanting. And it's just the stubbornness in him as well as he's not wanting to respond or taking anything that I say about, well, whatever you look for, it's what you're going to find if you're going to look for the bad stuff. That's what that's what's going to present to you if you if you look for the good, it works for the good stuff, too. But at the moment, he's he that's not the track that he wants. And I'm not worried at this point in time. Yeah, yeah, that's part of his outlier kind of persona that he likes to revel in. And he's always liked to be that type of person who wants to walk to the beat of his own drum, which is amazing. Like, it's something that I want him to continue on. And it's, I guess, I was like, That is a child to, like, you can't tell me what I need to learn and think and do and you've just got to make the mistakes yourself. And eventually, something will click and I know that will happen with him too. And it's just him knowing that they're here to be the place that he can learn. Hmm Yeah, but it's it's true, isn't it? Yet you call it into existence, you become accountable. I think that's what it is to like when you're I think as creatives just what you were saying it's, it's almost like you and you've probably had loads of other people say this to you as well. You have to give yourself permission, don't you? Which is so stupid. To want to have those things. Yeah, to want to be the songwriter to want to have that album released and to know that you're just as deserving of that as somebody else. And it's not folly. It's not stupid. It's something that you really want to do so why can't you do it? Yeah, yeah. When you say it like that it sounds so simple. gets in the way of that it's actually yeah. I'm conscious. Mr. Something else I've been really sort of studying as well as is brainwaves and and how they affect us in everyday life. And why is it that when we're about to fall asleep is when the songs come to us and and I think from what the minimum minimal amount of research that I've done, I think your brain way seems to have a lot to do with it. When you're in a better state is when you're the most relaxed. Yeah. Yeah. When you're relaxed is when the ideas and the creativity come to you. I find, like over the years, like, like you say, when you're about to fall asleep, but also, when you're in that meditative state where you're not thinking about anything in particular, I know how many times over the years, I did a lot of yoga. And I'd get up from Shavasana. And be like, Oh, I've got the best idea. It just literally. And I think, I don't know if it was Einstein that started it was the first person to talk about this theta state and your brain the way that your brain is, and you're just Oh, okay. I can't remember that just rang a bell. As soon as you said, I thought, oh, yeah, you're going to talk about the theta state. And for some reason, I've got Einstein in my head. But yeah, it's like, you literally change your brain. That's just I don't know, because that's the thing I've always, I always find so fascinating, is how you can literally just get stuff in your head, like, yeah, it just comes in and it and it doesn't just come in like one thing. It comes in, like an entire tune and all the words and you're like, where did this come from? Exactly. Right. Yeah. It doesn't it so when, when I'll, so for my single that I released last year, and and people say oh, so what was the process? Blah, blah, blah. And when you when I tell people, it sounds so simple. It's like, oh, yeah, it came to me in 10 minutes. And it's the living daylights out of me, because that's not that's not what happens. Usually, when you sit when you write a song or create it, it doesn't always happen to you in 10 minutes. But yeah, it's funny how you could just be doing like the simplest of tasks, like sweeping the floor, or vacuuming or whatever. And I find actually hanging out washing, I get lots of ideas on a hanging of washing. Yeah, yeah. It's like those simple repetitive moves that your body just does like that muscle memory. Yes. And then brains. It's like, a walking meditation basically, like, yeah. But your brain is in that other state. Because, you know, if you sort of switched off from that, you know, the consciousness. Yeah, I wrote a song about what it what it's like to write a song. Cool. music in my head. It's literally like, like, it just, it just comes to you. Like, I think there was something in there like, I could be walking or in the shower, or, you know, wherever and like, it just comes to me like, it's just, I find it amazing. It's the worst thing. It is, is it and it is just because we're relaxed. When we try too hard. It's like we're just blocking ourselves and you feel it internally as well, don't you? You feel like your stomach's just, and your heart space is just gonna drip. Yeah. And it's open to receiving anything. I was watching an interview very quickly. On a real yesterday actually about Jack White, what you were saying about as creatives we are or songwriters, we are antennas only. And Michael Jackson said something about the fact that when we're creating we have to let God in the room. Yeah, and I'm not religious, but I'm very spiritual. And I get that I get that. We have to just let the energy come to us all. Yeah, you can't force control. Yes, you can't. But as soon as you start to force stuff, it's like you're literally banging against that. Yeah. It's like, like you said, you close off. That vessel is is not a thing. Yeah. It's amazing. I love it. I do I, I am I over COVID. I remember giving myself a challenge to write a song in 24 hours, I was sort of all about the challenges at the time. And because it was it was making me accountable. And it was helping me manage my time. And I already had a bit of the chorus anyway, but I didn't know what to put around it. So I thought, right, I'm gonna write a song 24 hours. And the next day happened. And I was just like, oh my god, I'm gonna write a second verse. It was that dreaded second verse didn't know what to do. And I was putting so much pressure on myself. And eventually I just thought, right, I'm gonna go for a walk. Actually, no, I'm gonna go for a run. And I went for a run and I came back and bam, there was my second verse. All of it. I did certainly. Well, one time I was writing. Pardon me. I just went for a walk. And I don't usually take my phone with me like I leave at home because I like to not be distracted and I don't like to listen to music when I'm walking. I like to just appreciate the world and hear the birds and you know, whatever. Yeah, and I literally wrote the song. And I was like, Oh, damn, I don't have anything to write it down or Oh, no. So I was like, repeating repeating it repeating it repeating. The house was like Don't talk to me. Don't talk to me. Clearly good. All right, good. Oh, I can relate. I can that's a hard relate there. Yeah, it's, uh, I was talking to someone else on this podcast. Katie Callahan actually is a singer songwriter in in the United States. And we were sitting here. And like, sorry, like, in the middle of not the middle of the night, but that moment where you, you about to fall asleep, and you get stuff and you're like, I have to record that I have to get that down. And like she'd have a phone. And she'd like, be hiding in the bathroom something to remember. And then you listen back to it, and you let that understand myself. I've got so many little notes on my phone of just random. Random so or I'll whistle it or try and whistle blowing into the microphone. Oh, God. Oh, absolutely. Oh, gosh. Yeah, I do the same thing. I'm like, I write down to the lounge room and get settled the same thing. And then as you said, yeah, the next morning and like, Yeah, but that feeling when you finally get it down, and then you can relax is like the best feeling in the world. Like, I don't have to keep this in my head anymore. Oh, yeah, absolutely. I guess it's that that age old thing where like the tighter you grip onto something, the easier it is for it to slip out out every fingers. Want it to leave me? I get like that sometimes. I had one the other day where I literally had a song in a dream. I was singing the song in my dream. But do you think I could get it back? No. That's so frustrating, isn't it? Sure. It was a really really good song to cage that's around you. So locked inside there's a voiceless paradise to break them. And then he's the stories of like Paul McCartney dreaming yesterday. And that's how do you do that? I know that that's yeah, he's pretty special. I think he's awesome. I'm a big Beatles fan. But Paul's My face is Hey, see, I was listening to your I was listening to the episode with Georgia fields the other day. Yeah. And I heard the conversation between the two of you and and, and I thought to myself, John's always been my favorite. Yeah. Even though I know is that of there are things that may be called into question. Like now by Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I think that he was very I liked the fact that he was quite controversial. Yes, everything was very clear on the statement that he wanted to make. Yeah, yeah. He really pushed those boundaries. Sydney. Yeah. And just did not give a shit. Yeah. Why didn't anyone else thought at all? But but then looking at at just the talent of Paul and watching that that. Go back. Yeah. Yeah. That wasn't that amazing. Incredible. And, you know, you knew that obviously that they were kind of like the perceived powerhouse of the the writing side of things. But just to watch Paul, direct everybody. And it's almost like if he wasn't there. Yeah, they would just kind of be floating around and he was the focus. He was the one that was able to go right. Come on. Let's let's I tell you what, when I watched that, I watched it. And I just sat there thinking How the hell did these plugs ever get anything done? Because the amount of stuffing around I said to my husband, it's a miracle we've ever got any Beatles records because I know. Sometimes I thought, like you'd guys like I'm watching it like, you know, I've never seen footage like that, that extended footage, you know, just no learning, you know, not just cut out the nice bits or the productive bits, but just everything. It was like, holy moly. Like, I don't know, it just it really. I've just thought well, you got it friggin and then you've got Ringo sitting there on the drums virtually stoned out of his brain every day. Like, are we doing something now? Like I know exactly like him. I think but yeah, I think to like, when I was younger, before, you know, as you know, you sort of think as you grow up, you get more mature and you can understand people more, and you have more perspective, whatever. I was always really cross at Yokote. But the older I got, I just thought it was inevitable that they were going to part ways like I honestly was a miracle they did as much as they did together. Because yeah, I was so opposite. Like, the more that John basically enlightened himself. And the more that he was able to explore that there's no way he could have stayed with Paul. You know, it just made sense. And yeah, so I think any crutches anymore? Oh, absolutely. No, no, if you're listening, okay. Good. No, I 100% agree. And I think that just kind of, as you said, it comes with maturity and your own experiences as well. And understanding Oh, hang on a second. We, we aren't always the same person as we go through life. Yeah, and there are some people that we will remain in our lives, but potentially will remain in our lives in a different way or Yeah, so yeah, you do understand exactly what happened there. It was literally like, yeah, like a couple that grew apart. You know, like, yeah, that was it. But it did freak me out a bit. How she was just sitting right there when they were playing. No, I sort of felt that was, uh, yeah. I sort of and she was really sort of putting her two cents worth in from time to time who wasn't she was quite interesting. Yeah. I didn't like it. She hadn't been derangement. Yeah, I say, yeah. You had an inducement come in. Yeah. And she was the polar opposite. She's just sort of like this breath of fresh air that was just quite happy just to sort of sit there and have a chat and understand that it was Paul. Yeah. The space. Yeah, I think she's a creative, you know, with that photography side of things. So I think she got that. Boundaries, perhaps. Yeah. Yeah. Saying that Yoko is quite creative herself. I don't know. Maybe it was a cultural thing. I don't know. Now. I'm just, you know, making judgments about people that I have no idea. Anyway. Conntrack not what do you have to ask what's your favorite Beatles album? I think it's Abbey Road. Yeah, right. Yeah. It was probably the first exposure that I had to The Beatles. When I was young mum, mum, my mum had the album. And I used to love listening to octopuses garden. Yeah, love, love, love that as a kid. But as I got older, when I was a teenager, I really got into them as well. And I just I did like the fact that it was very two distinctive writing styles. Very much. John side and Paul side and, and my favorite part actually, in the whole album is Maxwell's silver hammer. I'm so glad you say that. That is my favorite. Because we actually used to think some of the Beatles songs to the boys. So we'd always sing, bang, bang Maxwell's silver hammer or Max's silver hammer. We would sing to Zack get sack. So it made me actually seem it made me listen to Maxwell's silver hammer quite intensely at a point in time. And there's this little moment. I think it's in the third second or the third verse. Paul singing it and you actually hear him laugh? Yes. Yeah. Have you heard that? Yes. You can just imagine. Yeah. What is the clowning around in the control room? Trying to make him laugh? Yeah. Oh, yes. I know. It's funny. Paul does that every now and then there's a few other songs. It sounds like he's laughing too. And I just think yeah, now that I've seen that whole you know, the whole thing, I think, oh my god, what were they doing? Like, seriously, someone's praying with their silver hammer been silly. But ya know, that happened just has some of my favorite Beatles songs. Yeah. Yeah, come together something. Oh, I just love something. And I know that was George Harrison. And the very end of the whole album with that medley Yeah, gold. I get goosebumps when I hear that like that. No, I'm getting goosebumps now. Just that that that Latin that last that last little line like the love you love you make is equal to you take it was like oh my god, it's so far cry. Yeah. And I love those last few. How many like the last few chords? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, just genius. Same Oh, absolutely. And I wanted to I knew I wanted to write a song. Maybe that was something that could be like the very last song in a concert or the closer of an album like just that song that just made you want to go wow, yeah, yeah, that that's big finish that big finale. Yes. Captured in that moment. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Have you done that? Have you written a song like that that you feel like you've cut I felt like I felt like my single last year was a bit like that. That was what I wanted to try and achieve with that even though it was my debut single that just huge. What was that song? Was that ghost? Yeah, that's those guys. Yep. Yep. Awesome. Yeah, so I I was a co produce with another producer, I sort of I wrote it and just produce the demo and the producer that I hired basically just tightened it up and just put on some better drums and some actual organic bass and guitar and that was it really the rest of it was was all me so. So do you do it on you play the instruments? Or is it you do it on the computer? Or how do you? How do you create that? So I will start on the piano. I'm not I'm a bit of a hack. When it comes to playing the piano. I'm not that confident with it. So I do find having the access to my DAW to be really being able to talk feeling like to be able to enunciate and articulate exactly, well not exactly because I'm still learning how to use it. But it I find it a lot easier to to express what I want to actually write with, with my songs through the through the studio and have access to the layer after layer and track after track rather than just relying on a piano. Yeah. But when I'm when I'm gigging and when I'm doing open mic nights, it is just me and my piano. So I do have to I do write, I will actually compose a song, a piano part on the song that I know that I'll be able to play when I'm singing rather than just being sort of the chords. Yay, me singing over the top. But it's certainly something that I don't naturally feel comfortable and confident. It's taken a lot of work. And I'm still working with that. I mean, I actually bought a, a headset. Oh, yes. Because I just find it's so stressful when I'm playing the piano and singing in public. So not only see where my hands are on the keys, like to remember where the microphone is, and being totally conscious of where that is. And if it's sort of slot starting to slip down, or oh, I've got it in the wrong position, but I can't move it. So I'm kind of playing and thinking and then I'm making mistakes, and I just find it just too difficult. So I thought get a headset don't matter what looks like stress out of it. And yeah, yeah. Because it's quite a spatial thing to like, knowing how far away you are from a mic, like how many times I've buddy hit a mic with my teeth or because like, I've just lost track of where it is. And you know, and that's not even playing as well. That's not accompanying myself. That's just me. Right? Yeah. You turn back around and go oh, there it is. Yeah, exactly. Every morning when I wake up, I keep my eyes closed as on picture in my day, all the carbons of my body and to the touch the phone. So I want to ask you, the rules songwriters of Melbourne that you've been doing some stuff with. Tell me about that. I have, ah real songwriters of Melbourne has been a lifeline. I first got exposed to them through COVID on Instagram, as I think a lot of people did. They've been going now for nine years. They're about to celebrate their ninth birthday. But do then are who started it? And is the CEO, I guess you could say CEO. She, it's her it probably didn't take off until COVID, either, because we were all looking for something outside of ourselves that as creatives helped us to feel like we weren't alone. And I mean, I was in a very fortunate position where I hadn't lost any money I knew lots of I got to know lots of people who lost so much work. And it started out as for me as being a way that I could meet other creatives because I had no, I knew no one. Yeah. I had other mums around, but they weren't singer songwriters, or anything like that. So it was lovely to be able to start to network online. And I guess because of of the confidence that I have in myself now, just, I guess, through getting older, I found it very easy to make myself stand out, but not in a bad way and not to tread on other people's toes. But just being friendly and being supportive of other people and wanting to get to know other people and wanting to get to know other people's stories and realizing that, hey, I've got a story to tell too. And I think I could actually, I think a lot of people could who are younger than me could benefit from listening to my story. And they are amazing at being able to point you in the right direction, to releasing a song or finding in through finding information for you about the industry, the networking nights that they put on, they always have a speaker. And they've had people from publishing companies have had people from Apple or m cos they've had people from music, which Toria just all these amazing people speaking that you would not even know where to start looking. Or you wouldn't have that personal contact with them. Even if it's through an email or sending a bunch of emails or getting on DMS or whatever, then you just, and sometimes you don't even know these people exist or what they do in the music industry, because it's so complicated. There's so many different different people that do different things. And that's yeah, like, that's the thing I find a bit frustrating, like, there's no straight line of how you do stuff. Like know, whenever, like I discovered all this stuff by accident. Like just by, you know, like you register yourself with a pram cost and you can get paid when you perform. I didn't know that before, you know, and put it on the air at stuff on the radio. So the community radio he's like can get access to. And so now if I ever come across anyone who's releasing something who like I just tell them all this stuff. I'm like, I don't know if you know this or not, but do this and do this and get this number and do that. And you know, like there's just absolutely, there's no way you can go that just says this is how you do it. Yep. No, that's right. And that's something that I have found with the real songwriters. They are that that's the Yeah, that's their role. And they have released academies where people can just basically be given that timeline of what to do from the moment you start recording or even like finding a producer or finding somebody to collaborate, collaborate with and right down to promotion and release dates. And yeah, so we've been we're really fortunate here in Melbourne and even regional Victoria as well, that there is that access to all the information that you need, particularly as an emerging songwriter who is doing it on their own. Yeah, yeah, I've learned that everybody has a place at the table that it's all about collaboration, not competition, like it used to be and that's been really reassuring. You're listening to the art of being a mom was my mom I was in need. I am not going to say this in a nice way because I'm a similar age. too, but do you feel like at some point, people think you're irrelevant in music? Because of your age? No, because I don't let them. Yeah, good on you. I don't let them at all. I refuse to believe that I'm irrelevant. I refuse to sit back now and go, nope, I'm too old. And I think actually, that it works in my favor. Because I do feel very strongly about the fact that as a woman, and as a mother. We aren't irrelevant. We still have so much to say. And we probably have more to say, because we have lived more. Yeah. And I think it's our responsibility as older women to forge the path for younger women, something that I've learned a lot just in conversations that I've had with lots of other younger female songwriters. And I mean, we only only had a conversation just really recently, at a performance that I did fall real songwriters. And it was one of the other artists that we sat down, unfortunately, the conversation was interrupted, but she was asking me how old I was, How many children do I have? How old was I when I first started having children. And she said to me, she said, It's just inspirational to listen to somebody who isn't who who has had children later on in life. I mean, I was 35 when I had Macs, and she said that she had just broken up with her boyfriend, she was 29. And there was a part of her that sort of wanted to go back to him because she felt like she was going to miss out on that whole, having a child experience. And I've had lots of conversations with lots of girls who have gone like, I'm seeing my friends getting married and having babies and I'm feeling like I'm missing out. And it's just like following your heart. I'm here to tell you, it doesn't matter. There is no linear timeline as to how you do things. If you want to keep creating, everything will just fall into place. Yeah. Yeah. So I Yeah, and that's been a big thing for me. Now is to just be that advocate to go pay. I started doing this seriously. When I was 44. Yep. So it's never too late. Yeah. Yeah. No, good on. Yeah, that's great. I guess maybe? I think probably I haven't, I haven't been, I haven't been in this side of the music industry long enough to see things occur with attitudes of, I guess, the patriarchy. Having an attitude that you're done by the time you're 21. And if you haven't made it by the time you're 25, then you're no one and I haven't been exposed to that side of things. So I'm lucky that I can remain optimistic. Whereas I think there's lots of other female artists who have been in the music industry who have seen a lot more than I have. And potentially find it a lot more difficult to, to keep going. Yeah, it's interesting, I've just started working with. I mean, I knew that the music industry was literally to business, right? The commercial radio, the signing, record labels, whatever, then just for this album that I'm releasing, I've just started working with a proper rep that I've never done, I'll never forget before, because I want this, I mean, this is what I say every time I don't know if this will be the last album I get to make, you know, so I want to do it properly, I guess. And and so it's amazing. When you they sent me this this like a you know, like you have a family tree with all the bits going everywhere. It was like that of the music industry. And it's like, if you can stay away from all that other bullshit and be independent, you've got so much more chance of remaining true to yourself, not having to do with all the the white men that make all the decisions for you. Making really great connections with people in community radio, and, and getting your music to the people who will genuinely be connected to it and be being flipped not influenced by that I'm affected by it and feel something by it. And it's like why the hell would anyone ever want to sign their life away? You know, to these big businesses like it doesn't make sense. And I was even saying so Max's has been wanting to play guitar now for the last 18 months, and he he's insanely good. Yeah. I mean, I know everyone says that about their kids. Yeah. But as a musician, you sort of know whether they are or not. Exactly, yeah. And just seeing the passion that he has for it. And he's still, because he's still so new at it in his little mind. He, he's thinking, it's all about sort of like getting the record company and signing the contract. And that's what it is. And I can't remember what we were watching. But we had a conversation very quickly about the music industry and, and the business behind it. And, and he was talking about, like, bands selling out and singles and blah, blah, blah. And I said, Look, this is what happens when you're signed to a record label, you actually don't get the voice, you don't get a voice, you don't get a choice as to what song you release, you are told and you are a product. And you are dispensable and disposable. And as you said, it is an asset. It's a business. That's why it is called business. Nothing to do with the music is just there a product it the music is the thing that you're selling, like if you sold shoes or something, you know, I hated shows like Australian Idol and that it's like you're literally trying to find someone who's going to make money for you. You know, and over the years, like my sister and I both sing and peoples are you guys should go on Australian, I was like, I was so firmly against it. Because I just was so cynical of that world with good reason that, you know, they're gonna take you they're gonna turn you into something else that they want, that's going to make more money that's more marketable, or, you know, and I just go night that that's not for me. I don't want. And I also I don't think, I don't know, I just want to be who I am. And that sounds like it's a cop out like, I don't know, no, no, no, no, not at all. I don't want to I don't want to go wear some clothes that I don't that don't suit me or change my hair. Like I just want to be who I am. That's it. And I think you're happier that way, too. Yeah, thank you for being like that, Oh, I hate those shows with an absolute passion. And yeah, and anyone who knows me know, who's how I don't like to rent I used to when I was younger, but I don't like to rent anymore. But if you really let me go, I'd be like, All right, let me tell you. But I guess to the general population who don't have the kind of access that we have, I mean, we're in a really privileged fortunate position where we have first hand experience. What it is, I mean to someone, there's so much to think about, like standing in a recording studio is just so beyond the realms of fantasy for most people. Whereas for people like you and I, it's nothing to die young going into the studio when she's dead. Yeah, like literally like, Yeah, ah, yeah, it's funny. And but that's the thing once you know, it freaks you out. Because you know that, you know, when I realized how songs got onto commercial radio, I was like, that they're paid. Like, it's to do with the deals that they make with the record companies to play this song, like, and I was like, There's no way I'm ever going to hear my music on that. And it's like, well, that's great. So I'll forget about that. And I'll just, you know, focus on the things that, that I can do. And it's like, yeah, when not everyone wouldn't know you that, you know, like, no, absolutely not, particularly, I think when you're younger, as well. And you do just have that. That idea of, that's what it is, and you're famous, like I remember teaching singing for a little while back in the late 90s, early 2000s. And, and I remember a couple of students sort of Britney Spears was massive at the time and I show my age and and I remember a lot of them sort of saying I want to record contract and and saying, You know what? It's not about having the record contract, and then everything falling in your lap and just explaining to them as best I could before they just sort of saw it has been white noise, what it actually entails and it's someone literally giving you a loan that you miss how you have to pay back. Yes. And if you don't pay it back a bit through record sales and touring, then you aren't you're still owing money. No thanks. Yeah. So yeah, it's just it's, that's what people are exposed to when they're young. They're watching Australian Idol and things like that on TV indefinitely. millionaire thinking oh, this is what it is to this. This is the way to become famous. And this is the way to to be a millionaire. And yeah, it's easy. Easy. Yeah, exactly. And I think what sort of makes me really annoyed about those those sorts of programs too is when they they lock on to say an old person who says, This is my last chance. That's like, yeah, so for bloody television play. Yeah, that'd be the less than about those shows about that. Yeah. And, look, I could, no, I'll stop now. I won't stop again. I know, saying that's the thing. I know, actually. Just Just to quickly, yeah, one more point, I do remember going on to the application form of the voice just to see what it was about. Because I, I remember googling about what the actual contractual obligations are of the contestants. And, and I went on to the onto the application form, and there is actually a bit on the application form that asks, Who would you dedicate this performance? To? So they're fishing? Yeah, for the story? Yeah. Yeah, that story? Yeah. And I thought, there it is. That's what they want. They want that sob story. Yeah. So like bullshit Sarah? We're changing tack slightly, I want to talk to you about something I like to talk to people about the value of their art or their creativity. And you mentioned before that your music is a hobby. How do you because you don't necessarily earn, you know, a massive income from your music? Does that, in your mind diminish at all? The value of it? Overall? No, not at all. Yeah, I think because I'm still learning how to do it with the object in mind that this is how I do want to earn money. So I think I'm still sort of walking up that ladder, to get it to that point, and to know that it's okay to want to earn money from it. But that it is, it's, I think, also, too, when you have that in the back of your mind, sometimes that puts a bit of pressure on I know, it puts pressure on me. So I'm quite happy to know that my art still has value, because I'm still putting out putting it out into the world. And it's something that comes uniquely from me. And it's wonderful If people hear it and relate to it, even if it's just one person. So no, I don't think it does diminish it at all. And I part of the reason why I wanted to start creating and learning how to access that part of myself was to show my children that it doesn't matter how old you are, you are always learning and you can always learn a new skill. And we are never taught at school, the process of learning at all. We're just expected to sit down and absorb information where it's not linear. It's not like once you've cracked something, oh, I can do this now. And you keep doing it. No, it's always two steps forward one step back. There's always frustrations there's always that feeling of oh, I did this yesterday. Why can't I do it today? Yeah, that feeling so I think that in and of itself is art. Yeah, that learning process. So it's all valuable. Yeah. in any form. Any money from modern art? Yes, that's I knew you were gonna say that. I sort of I've got to work out a way of wording that question so it's not so walking you into it? Yeah, no, that's fine. Oh, yeah. No my arts crap because I don't make money from it. and also to I see, I've got a cousin, who is a singer as well. But she is a completely different style to me. And we really, sadly don't have a lot to do with each other, which is quite sad. But at the same time, she still is in the old music industry mindset of competition. And I think that's potentially why we don't ever really get on. Or she sees me as a threat. I don't know. But I kind of feel like she's feeling like that we're in competition. And I see how much stress and pressure she has placed on herself in the past with making albums. And I think the last album that she made one of the songs that she did actually got a nomination for Best song for the golden guitars up in Tamworth, I think back in 2013. But she had placed so much pressure on herself that if this album didn't do any good, she wasn't going to do it anymore. No. And I think that's really, really sad. Yeah. That she was just it for me. That's not art. No, that's that's running a business isn't like, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I mean, I think now she is actually a surgical nurse. And I think like any creative, you put it on the shelf, we put it to bed for a number of years and kind of go up and up. But I don't want to I'm not ready to do that yet. It kind of hurt me a little bit. But I think now she's at that point where she's, she's wanting to start to get back into it. I know, she is actually singing in cover bands up in Tamworth now. So she's getting back into that side of things. But I think she's actually really from what I hear. She's actually really keen to get back into writing again. But yeah, just I think it's really sad when we placed pressure on ourselves that yes, we have to make money and this has to do really, really well. And yeah, no, not that's not for me. I think that that whole thing, it just takes away that ability to like we were talking before about being in those states or being in those, you know, mindset to be creative. It just shuts all that down. Yeah, exactly. Just doesn't doesn't work. That's it. I mean, it's it's gonna be fun. Yeah, absolutely. God, I can't be stressful. No, I want it to be stressful. That's the thing like you've got enough stress in your life with you know, families and kids and jobs and whatever else in the thing that you do for fun. You want it to be fun. Yeah, exactly. Stop stop. Your stub stub stub that you mentioned you, your boys there how you sort of showing them, you know, different things. Do you feel like it's good for them to see you as not just mom and I always say that Jasmine, because you're not just mom. So we're never just man, but that you do things outside of your mothering role, I guess? Absolutely. Yeah. It took them a long time to understand. They would see me go to choir. Yeah. And every every Monday night and it would be sort of quickly shoveling going down my throat and off I went. And for a long time it would be like lag and leaving. Why are you going and they just didn't understand that and I distinctly remember one day doing something writing something and and Max coming out I don't even know how old he was he probably about seven or eight coming into me and just going mom, you shouldn't be making music. You should be making my lunch so no, I think it's very important for them to see that. I have other interests outside of being a mum and I know lots of mums will agree when when you say that it makes you a better mum. Because you're happy and it will there will come a time when they will understand me they understand now I fully but yeah, when they were when they were little they didn't obviously but I I know after releasing my single last year, that they are our are very proud of me, even though Max probably wouldn't admit it, but it was one of the twins, Zach was always he's always telling people at school that I seen and he's always showing what I do on a showing Spotify and showing all his friends and everything that I'm doing. And I helped out at a cross country thing for one of the twins classes a few weeks ago, and a little girl came up to me and she's just like, you're on the internet. So, yeah, I think they need to see that I am doing something that I really enjoy. And it makes it makes me happy. It's part of who I am. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. So it is very important that I'm, I'm particularly too because I don't work. So it's, it's even more important for them that they see that I am, Mum, but I am also me, as well. And I have an identity, because you know what it's like when you when when you first got children, you're known as Max's mom. And it's like, I don't have a name. I was gonna say that earlier, actually, when you're talking about the twins, when you get to talk with in the street, like I recall, you know, people see you and they'd straightaway just latch on to the baby. And it's like, I'm actually here, you know, I'm the one that thinks like, I'm the one that's keeping them alive. But you know, to worry about me. And they'll be with the three of them get to like Florida. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah, absolutely. Oh, yeah. Yeah, you are, you do just kind of become this soulless figure, don't you when you first become a mother. And that's really, I think it's really, really difficult to reconcile with. Because so suddenly, everyone else's life, I remember being pregnant with Max and sitting in the lounge room one night, just in tears, because I just thought, I'm the first one in my friendship group to have a baby. I hadn't met my mom's group at this point in time. And everyone else's life will go on as normal. Even to a certain extent, my husband, he still gets to go to work and come home. Whereas my whole life in the blink of an eye is going to change. And I think that that was a really, really difficult realization for me. And I remember actually feeling very angry and very upset about that. A little while, and just feeling this is not fair. Yeah. But you get over it, don't you? In your arms, you're like, Oh, fine now? Well, not really. I know you made it. So fat in the end, eventually, I think it through the help of, you know, continuing your creativity, just to remind yourself that you still have these skills and abilities and gifts. It's like they don't just disappear suddenly, when the baby pops out. Like no, no. Exactly, absolutely. I was even. I've been doing some some tuition with with a producer over in the UK, Aubrey Whitfield, and she is just about to have her first child in June. And she is an incredibly busy producer. And she cannot get over the attitude towards her with some people in terms of if she, for example, isn't able to get a song to an artist on time because she's been tired or she's had morning sickness. And it's amazing just how unforgiving. People are like it's yeah, we know we're not sick. But you do just have to cut pregnant women a little bit of slack. And even when I was really heavily pregnant with the twins, I got onto the tube and the train. And I had a little like baby on board badge and I was quite big at this point in time. And there was a man sitting in the special seat. And he was surrounded by bags and I looked at him and I say Excuse me, could I please sit down? And he looked at me and he was French, just from the accent. He was just like, but I have all these bags and I was like bye Baby bags get off. Oh my god. Yeah, that's it, isn't it like, like a hug to someone else the other day like, we're literally continuing the human race, you know, without us having children birthing children, the world would end. But no, you can't sit down because my bags are on the floor. You know? That's it. I know. And I know that there are some people, some women that potentially do come across as being entitled, because they are mothers, and they have birthed children, and they feel entitled for the world. For them to park the seas and the world to revolve around them. I do get that. But at the same time, yeah, it's just like, rolling a person in me. My choice, but I just don't get that like that she couldn't happen. Like you lose sight of the of those the amazingness of the whole thing? I don't know. It's really sad to think that we're just not supported. Yes. Yeah. We should be. Yeah. And I think it's again, it's a it's a Patrick patriarchy thing, I suppose where we're, this is what we are meant to do. So yeah, why do we feel like we should be needing like, preferential treatments? And I think that's where it stems from? Yeah, I think so it is a lot going on there. But I'll stop myself. Because if I start Oh. Bla. Jana, you just I want to ask you, if you've had sort of anything experience with mum guilt, over the years, when it comes to your music it's funny because I've been thinking about this a lot. Um, maybe from time to time in the early days? I did. Because they were little. And they were needing me. And I didn't have the help around me. Where I didn't have like a mom close by or a sister close by who I could just be like, Look, can you take the kids for the day just so I can do this? And I'm fine. So I think in the early days, I did, particularly when I first started like doing choir, for example, and leaving them and thinking that yeah, I feel guilty for leaving them. But thankfully, with the help of my husband as well, I was able to let that go quite quickly and understand that I need to do this. And I'm not going to be a good mom, if I'm going to put that guilt on myself. Because they the kids get over it. Don't they like that? They might be like, Oh, Mom, where are you going? What are you doing? But then to seven years later, it's just like, Oh, look at that. It's like jewelry from off to the next thing distractions did exactly, exactly. i My eldest for quite a long time. Actually, it wasn't just the music thing, it would be like if I put into bed and then I'd quickly pop off up to the shops because it was easier to do it on my own obviously, because I didn't have to haul three kids out of the car. So it would just be ducking up to Kmart or something like that to do something and I would come home. And Max had been in bed for an hour or more and he'd be waiting for me to get home. And then the moment I'd walked through the door, he come out of his bedroom and give me a hug and say to me why Where did you go What I didn't, why are you leaving that kind of thing. And that happens a lot when he was little. And I couldn't work out why but my husband and I like why are you doing this? Like why Mom's coming home? And I spoke to my grandmother about it. And she said to me she she made a really good point. And she said to me, maybe because he's always told that if he goes out on his own, that he has to be careful and something might happen to him. Maybe he feels that something like that is going to happen to you and I thought oh my My goodness may potentially be what it is. Yeah, right element of worry of this is a date not a dangerous place because you don't want it to be just a dangerous place. But yeah, yeah, it's just like, I'm not allowed on Maya out on my own. So I don't want you Yeah. Which I've just thought that's a really valid point. And the moment I started to reframe it in that way, I became a lot more empathetic to him. Yeah, rather than getting frustrated with it. Yeah. Hmm. At the moment, my seven year old is going through this Age of Reason where he discovers that he's a, I don't know, a sentient being, and he's controlling his thoughts and also realizes that people die. And that when his parents who died, oh, wow, conversations of evenings, like, Oh, of course, at bedtime, you know, when when there's nothing else to do but think. So yeah, he's had a shocking few nights, I've actually had to be back in there with him, helping him to fall asleep, which I haven't, you know, years and years and years and years. Yeah. So to my husband, we have to be really kind to him and not tell him off. And even though we're frustrated that we've, you know, can't get some time to a sales, but you know, it'll pass but yeah, that's it, isn't it? And it's very easy to look at it from an adult perspective. And think, why you're doing this for like, yeah, you're being really illogical. And you're being silly. Like, it's, that's Yeah, but when you look at it from their point of view, and then I think that happens when you start to just be kind to them and understanding and Yeah, Mike appealing rational to us. Yeah, yeah. But it's a very real problem. Yeah, that's it. He said to me the other day, he just wanted to sit with me. So I just want to spend as much time as I can with you before you know. And then I thought back to my, my eldest who is 15. And when he he went through it a lot younger. He was like, everything he did was early, he talked early, like everything was early. And I remember thinking, God, you weren't like this. At seven. He was like, a lot earlier. And he said a thing to me, he said, are when you die, I don't want them to put you in the ground. I'll go in the ground with you. So I don't miss you. And I've always remembered that and I think oh my god. That's how that's how he's rationalizing. Losing, you know, people. Yeah, God, it's big. Isn't it? Like, being a little person and having that massive thing? So? Oh, yeah. That just reminded me when you're talking about your little man, yeah, it's a real version of an existential crisis read literally, isn't it? Yeah. All of a sudden, there's this whole extra thing happening. And you're aware of so many other things that you didn't really get like, you knew it was there. But you didn't understand the magnitude of it, I suppose. And how it would affect you and your your emotions related to it. Yeah, it's pretty Yeah, exactly. Wow. Yeah. Tell you what betimes makes you think it does bring you back as an adult to think about important things like that, I think to think, I don't know, you take that stuff for granted, I guess. And then, when someone little person says that you think Oh, Jesus. Yeah. Because I guess it feels like such a long way away for them to be dying. Yeah. Yeah. And I think it's when you sort of start to think, oh, hang on a second. You see your grandparents passed away. If you're lucky enough that you're an adult, you still have your grandparents. I mean, I'm lucky enough. I've still got one grandmother, she's 91. And I just think to myself, once she goes, then it's my parents, and they're in their 70s Now, and they are facing their mortality as well. And my dad had a cancer scare last year, and that's really changed him profoundly, as well. So just kind of thinking wow, like the last 20 years have gone really quickly. And if I'm lucky enough, I've still will have hopefully my parents in another 20 years but at the same time, what is their health going to be like? And it's sobering, isn't it? Yeah, that it just it's Yeah. And to be like my grandmother and think to yourself, I wonder how much longer I have left? Yeah, I do. We have haven't we've gone down this path. But I do that and I think I have these like every few few years. I guess you have this time. More, you just literally take stock and you like what you've just said they're like, Okay, so I'm 40 nearly 40 5am I halfway through or am I, you know, three quarters of the way through? Like, will I get to see my children to have children? You know, will I be grandmother? And you just think, oh my god, this is like life. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. And it makes you and I think when I turned 40, I thought to myself, I've tried not to sort of see the new decade as being this threatening thing. And I was fine leading up to my 40th birthday. But I remember when I did turn 40 All of a sudden, it just hit me. Oh, who am I? Who am I? I'm not this sort of bouncy little kind of like blond haired Jojo, that everyone has known me. I don't identify with her anymore, but I don't know who I am now. And it very, it was a real shock to the system to go. Whoa, I don't think I'm actually not having a midlife crisis. But I have actually hit the next chapter in my life. Like I am actually all grown up now. Yeah, yes. But yeah, with that sense of maturity, you you do stuff. Right. Well, I don't know how much longer I do actually have. Yeah, yeah, it's tremendously sort of start weightlifting. As I say when it's daring definitely. Right anything coming up that you'd like to share? I am. I haven't decided yet, which I'm going to actually release some singles or whether I'm actually going to release an EP. My goal for by the end of this year is to actually release some music, some more music, but I'll be doing it completely self released in terms of honing my own mixing and mastering skills, they're not getting any outside help. That's exciting. Yeah, I'm really excited about it. And just to, to have that catalog of songs on Spotify, a friend of mine did some research really recently. And I don't know what she was looking at. But it was basically saying that when people look at your Spotify profile, they actually want to see that there's more than one song, they want to see a catalog of songs, which I don't have. So that's what I want to do, I want to just have that catalog. And just, they don't have to be perfect. And I'm not going to promote them as heavily as what I did with my last single know that I have done it. And I've gotten more music out there that I've shared properly. And I will actually release another single where I will really promoted heavily like I did with my single last year, but and I will actually get some outside help with that. Because that particular song, I feel like I won't do it justice and I just doing it myself. It's not quite how I want it. And my skill set at this point in time can't elevate it to the level that I want it to be at. So yeah, I will do that, hopefully by the end of the year as well. But it's, as we all know, it's just finding the time to fit that kind of stuff in and in between like running the kids to basketball and volunteering at school and doing all that kind of stuff as well as running patients in the house. So yeah, so that's the goal. Stay tuned. Yes, that's exciting. That's it and I can appreciate that it's quite daunting to take that next step. and do stuff by yourself, then to trust that you have the skills to be able to do and believe in yourself, too. I think that what do they call it that? I always forget what it's called. Now this gone, but when you don't think you're good enough, you think that are important syndrome? Yeah, yeah. Get over that and say actually, no, I do know what I'm doing. And I am going to do it. I think that's awesome. Going on. Yeah. Well, I, I would like to start producing other people's songs as well, eventually, I'd love that. That's kind of the dream for me is to not only write and produce my own stuff, but to also help other people as well other artists and collaborate with other artists in that way. I'm and I feel like I'm a long way away from that at this particular point in time, but I think I've thought for a while now, I've always thought to myself, it's an expensive hobby, releasing music. And so if I can learn to do a lot of it myself, yeah, rather than spending $1,000 on someone else doing it for me, I'd rather spend that $1,000 and learn how to do it myself, as they say, teacher, give him give a person a fish, they'll eat for a day, teach a person to fish in the lake for the life for the lifetime. So that's how I see it. Yeah. And learning continuing to learn like that. So yeah, I think that's a very recurrent thing that I've heard just, you know, it's a theme that's coming through a lot today. It's great to keep, keep learning and yeah, not settling, I suppose. Yes, the hard part is not being distracted and thinking, Well, I'd like to learn how to do that too. And I was learning the drums. And I still want to keep learning. But I actually started to think you know what, I'm getting off way more than I can chew. I do need to start honing in on some things. The producing side of things under the belt first, and then we'll go back to learning the drums because that was fun. That was so much fun. with like, the, all of that sound engineering side of stuff, like does your brain work in that, that way? It's starting to, yeah, it's really starting to. It's starting to really listen to things now and think about like the frequency spectrum then. And I haven't really quite nailed down compression yet. I'm getting there. But these courses that I've been doing with this producer over in the UK, she's completely self taught. But just the way, she teaches everything, it just makes it sound so easy. And it is easy, the way she just kind of breaks things down. And articulate articulates it it just takes away any of the complicated stuff that you may find on YouTube, like it's taken me, it took me a really, really, really long time just through like YouTube tutorials to get a grip with a get a grip on lots of different things that I wanted to try and try and do in my studio. And I learned more in three months with Aubrey than and got more confident with it in three months. And what I did in three years is insane. Yeah. So now, I know that I can lift up the laptop. And I can listen to something now and be like, right, I want to have a little bit of delay at this point. And I know how to do it. Yeah, rather than Yeah. So it's learning another language and I find it fascinating. So now, the way I listened to music is totally different. Yes. So what I used to I used to just listen to it from a singers aspect. Words and Music words and Melody top line. Now, it's like, right, so how did they achieve the excitement in this space with the music? So what sounds did they use and how many layers and all this sort of stuff that I that I was I was being taught in high school, that at the time I didn't care about like, why is the cello there so but now it's like, oh, right, I can I can see the I can hear the intention behind why they're playing particular things. Like I'm probably a little bit too analytical. But I don't see that for myself as being a downside. If I I guess if my husband's sort of going I don't like this and I'm like yes, but you have to see why they don't. When you have that knowledge, it's almost too much. Yeah. Oh, I can I can relate to that. was just listening to the singer. And I was totally the same when I made my first album. When I was working with the producer I was working with he was like now what? What sort of sound Can you visualize for this? And I'm like, I was coming at it from my point of view. He's like, Oh, no, but what about the instruments? I'm like, I don't know. Isn't that what you do? Like it was, like saloon and understand. And now the second album, I'm like, telling them what I want. Because I can, it is another language like I can actually feel like I can communicate in that way. Now, it totally different, totally different and it's great. I love I love that, that awareness. But with this sound, sound engineering stuff, literally, I just go. I know how to make the things work that I know that I want to do. And then I don't fiddle with anything else, because I've got to touch things. I don't move things that don't fit. Oh, yeah, that's good. Leave it like that. Yeah. I know, it's funny. When I when I was working with with my producer, for my single, there was a certain part in the song that he must have sent it back to me maybe six times, and it still wasn't achieving the sound that I wanted it to achieve. And, and I kept sort of saying to him, like this naturally sort of pushed up further and this. And I mean, I know as producers, you do get so used to working with vocalists and artists who don't know how to get the desired effect that they want. Yeah. And it got to a point where I just thought, oh, you know what, it's just going to be so much easier if I just go back into the studio, and we actually just sit down. Yeah, and go through it. And I had this epiphany of thinking, Oh, my goodness, I'm trying to do more, more more. Why don't I actually figure out what can be taken out. So make this part stand out. And it was just a totally different perspective that I had never even it never even entered my mind that that's sometimes what you have to do. And so, we got it done in half an hour, I went into the studio, and I was like, right, I thought about it. What are the instruments that are there? What can we take away? And we worked out what it was and bam, the sound appeared. Oh, there you go. I love that. That's so yeah, but as as Bruce said, in the tutorials, she's she's, I'm doing actually funnily enough a vocal production thing now and like so getting up at like one in the morning because it's a live zoom session at four o'clock in the afternoon UK time. She had we did she did a whole module last weekend on how to work with singers who really don't know what they're doing. They, like don't even know how to sing to a metronome. And I I know Right, exactly. You just sort of think I could you know yeah, that's it. That boggles my mind. But she said she was actually saying that it happens more frequently than what you expect. Wow. So learning how to literally be prepared for anything. Whoa. I never thought about that before. Yeah, so there's there's been quite a few times where my I've gone to bed and then my alarms gone off at like 10 to two in the morning and then I'm up until 330. The couple of weeks ago actually I had a gig about an hour and a half away and we didn't finish until 1230 and I got home at two o'clock and the session was starting at two o'clock. Oh, like jumping in the shower because I was really really sweaty. Jumped in the shower and quickly logged on and got to bed at yeah at 330 Oh yeah. Have to ask your your Instagram is like Dragon Fly industry dragonfly industry. Yeah. Where did that name come from? Right. So I wanted to actually separate my identity of myself and the project because I felt if I had a little bit of detachment from that it wasn't it wasn't including my My whole identity in the project. Yeah, and, and I was fascinated with people who had artist names that weren't a name. And the one that kept coming to me was Japanese wallpaper. And and that's just one guy. I can't remember his name now. I thought it'd be really cool to have an artist name like that. I can hear it on the radio now, like, debut single by dragon flying industry. And I thought it had to be sort of something that potentially could be visual. And I wanted something that included like the idea of me taking off like growing wings and flying. Yeah. And I thought birds and butterflies, cliched overused. I wonder what else there is. And I meditated. When I just didn't remember this. I meditated one Saturday afternoon, it wasn't like I was meditating on it at all. But I was meditating. And I started having a discount, like just a conversation with my late grandfather, mid meditation, and was washing up maybe half an hour later. And then all of a sudden thought, Oh, my goodness dragonfly. I wonder if that has any symbolic meaning. And so I looked it up. That means things like maturity and adaptation, and let me have a look. It just it really, really just resonated to a point where I was just like, shot. Real? And yes, so then I thought, right. Dragonfly. Hmm. I'm building as well. And, and then I thought industry. I wonder what the Oxford Dictionary like I wonder what the actual definition of industry is. And it was something like manufacturing and building from raw supplies. And that just, Oh, that is perfect. And I had felt in the conventional way. And then I had someone say to me when they saw dragonfly industrial in a lineup for an open mic night, that he was really intrigued to find out what it was because when he looked at the words, it actually looked like it was something from the corporate world. No, I don't want that. I don't want no. Yes. So I thought I would change the spellings a little bit. But little did I realize that I was potentially shooting myself in the foot because I'm continually telling people out spell it will be okay. And every live it's all a dream. It's like exploring canvas on one screen. A Chat is the truth of broken lines. The bedtime story is that a threat has only drama. Thank you so much for coming on. Joe. It's been such a pleasure chatting with you. Yeah, thanks for sharing all your bits and bobs and, and indulging me where I've wandered off on the tangent. Oh, don't worry, I've done the same thing. That's been great. And yeah, I'll put all the gather up all your links and put them in the show notes. So people want to follow along with you. Safari. Here. Barry. Yeah, and all the best. I hope you Yeah, have a have a good time making new singles and or deciding it's an EP, whatever you just keep an eye out for. Yeah, thanks again. So much. It was great. It was so good fun. Thanks for your company today. If you've enjoyed this episode, I'd love you to consider leaving us a review, following or subscribing to the podcast, or even sharing it with a friend who you think might be interested. If you or someone you know would like to be a guest on the podcast. Please get in touch with us via the link in the show notes. I'll catch you again next week for another chat with an artistic mum.

Elise Addlem Australian philosopher + feminist S2 Ep75 Listen and subscribe on Spotify and itunes/Apple podcasts Today I am very pleased to welcome Elise Addlem to the podcast, a philosopher and feminist based in Europe, and a mum of 1. Elise is an Australian philosophy educator with a background in academic philosophy (MA) and Early Childhood Education. After teaching philosophy at an academic level and to the public, and working with kids, Elise became passionate about public philosophy. In particular, she is developing resources and courses on feminism, neoliberalism and general philosophy for parents. She believes that philosophical and intersectional feminism connects directly to our everyday, lived experience. Elise is passionate about sharing her ideas and encouraging others to challenge norms and think critically, and putting ideas into practise in realistic and achievable ways ... and bring to the public the academic ideas without the condescension and jargon. Connect with Elise Instagram / YouTube / Website Podcast - instagram / website If today’s episode is triggering for you in any way I encourage you to seek help from those around you, medical professionals or from resources on line. I have compiled a list of great international resources here Music used with permission from Alemjo my new age and ambient music trio. When chatting to my guests I greatly appreciate their openness and honestly in sharing their stories. If at any stage their information is found to be incorrect, the podcast bears no responsibility for guests' inaccuracies. Podcast transcript at the bottom of the page Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode of The Art of Being A Mum Podcast. I'm beyond honoured that you're here and would be grateful if you could take 2 minutes to leave me a 5-star review in iTunes or wherever you are listening. It really helps! This way together we can inspire, connect and bring in to the light even more stories from creative mums. Want to connect? Take a screenshot of this episode and share it on Instagram tagging me in with @art_of_being_a_mum_podcast I can't wait to connect. And remember if you or somebody you know would like to be a guest on the podcast, get in touch ! I love meeting and chatting to mammas from all creative backgrounds, from all around the world! Thank you! Alison acknowledges this Land of the Berrin (Mount Gambier) Region as the Traditional Lands of the Bungandidj People and acknowledge these First Nations people as the custodians of the Region. Ch eck out more episodes ..... Welcome to the Art of Being a mum, the podcast. It's a platform for mothers who are artists and creatives to share the joys and issues they've encountered. While continuing to make art. Regular themes we explore include the day to day juggler, how mothers work is influenced by their children. Mum guilt, how moms give themselves time to create within the role of mothering, and the value that mothers and others place on their artistic selves. My name's Alison Newman. I'm a singer, songwriter, and a mom of two boys from regional South Australia. You can find links to my guests and topics we discussed in the show notes. Together with music played, how to get in touch, and a link to join our lively and supportive community on Instagram. The art of being a mum acknowledges the Bondic people as the traditional owners of the land, which his podcast is recorded on. Thanks so much for tuning in. It's a pleasure to have you back if you're a regular listener. And if this is your first time, welcome. It is such a pleasure to have you here. Today I'm pleased to welcome Elise Adlam to the podcast. Elise is a philosopher, and a feminist based in Europe, and she's a mom of one. Elise is an Australian philosophy educator with a background in academic philosophy, and early childhood education. After teaching philosophy at an academic level, and to the public, and working with kids, Elise became passionate about public philosophy. In particular, she's developing resources and courses on feminism, neoliberalism, and general philosophy, parents, she believes that philosophical and intersectional feminism connects directly to our everyday lived experiences. Elise is passionate about sharing her ideas, and encouraging others to challenge the norms and to think critically. And to put those ideas into practice in realistic and achievable ways. And to bring to the public the academic ideas. Without the condescension and jargon. I discovered Elise by Instagram. And I really resonate with her thoughts, and her opinions and also the ways that she shares these. And I really hope you enjoy hearing from her today. And I encourage you to check her out on Instagram, her YouTube and her website. The music used on today's podcast is from LM Joe, which is my new age ambient music trio comprised of myself, my sister, M Anderson, and her husband, John, thanks so much for tuning in. I really hope you enjoy today's chat. Thanks so much for coming on. At least it's a real pleasure to meet you and to welcome you today. You're welcome. Thank you so much for having me on your Instagram. I'm sure you might be on other platforms. But I've come across you on Instagram. Yeah, what you're doing is awesome. And I just had to have you on the show. We're not going to spin it that you're an artist of any kind. Yeah, because you do creative to get your point across. But I just wanted to have you on because you're one of those people I really resonate with. I really love what you're sharing. And the way you share it too. It's very concise and straightforward. So without me blabbing on can you tell us what your sort of pedagogy and childcare? Your your? Yeah, like your one on one? Yeah. Yeah. So basically, my background is in childcare, I worked with kids for quite a long time. I studied it a little bit. And then I worked as a nanny for a long time. And that was at the same time as studying for a lot of years, I was studying philosophy. So I did my undergrad degree, that took me a long time, then I did my honours that we have in Australia. And then I did my masters overseas. And so yes, I was really interested in academia. But as I went on, I really came to become more interested in what I like to call public philosophy. So basically bringing philosophical ideas to the public. And I thought it was really important to do that in a way that's digestible in a way that people can understand. Because often it seems like philosophy is something that's really removed from society and people will purposely or not be talking about things in a way that's really hard for people to understand. I think that it doesn't need to be that way. And I really wanted to try and communicate things to people in a way that makes sense. Because why do we have all these big ideas, these ideas about society if we can't communicate them, as well as that? When I worked with kids, and then when I became a mother, I really got focused on this idea of how we can communicate these ideas to children and to parents because I think the children have these amazing minds where they're so so open minded. They don't have these constructs in their minds yet, like we come to Have which societally given to us, and which we are given through certain binary ideas through the schooling system, and just through the progression of, I guess how our, how our minds grow. So, yeah, that came to be really interesting to me. As well as that, obviously, the as well as that political philosophy and ethics is really important to me. And, obviously, so many problems with the capitalist system with patriarchy, and things like that affects parents, particularly mothers. And so all of that I kind of try and bring together in this way that I can, yeah, I can share with people on social media. What sort of got you first got, and it's interesting. I didn't realize you're in childcare before. That's my I was in childcare for nine years. Now, I'm in the kindy system. So I'm sort of switched into. Yeah, it's very interesting. But what got you interested in philosophy? Do you remember sort of what was the Yeah, I do. I do. So yeah, the childcare thing. I mean, to be honest, that was a way for me, because I always love kids. That was a way for me to work while studying because I mean, to be honest, I just didn't want to do retail or something like that. For years. I loved working with kids. And I thought, why not do that at the same time. And it's such meaningful work. It's really difficult work. But it's so meaningful, and impactful with the philosophy, so I grew up in a working class background, and I didn't even know philosophy existed until I went to uni. I was the first one to go to uni, my family. I'm the oldest of my siblings, my sister also ended up going. But yeah, I discovered it before that I was really interested in literature and writing. And they're really linked, I think, because it's both to do with ideas. So yeah, I took that first philosophy class in first year, and I kind of had my mind blown. I thought, well, you can talk about all these ideas and think about things. And then it took me a few years to sort of realize, yeah, this is something I'm really interested in and want to do. But it is quite a, it's quite a tough area to be in, in the, in the sense that I mean, you probably know, within neoliberalization of education, all levels of education, higher education, really, the number of positions in the humanities departments is very, very low. And like, the grind for academics is really, really hard. And so yeah, so actually, I'm completely obsessed with it. But I'm still wondering, Am I going to go on and do my PhD? I think I have this pardon me, you know, this academic part of me that really wants that, because that's like, you know, like to have that recognition from academia that I was trying so hard in. On the other hand, after I had my daughter, I really, you know, I thought, I don't want that life. I don't want the life where I'm just grinding away, barely seeing my daughter. And if we have more kids having to move everywhere, just for these jobs where you barely get paid anything. You don't have job security. So yeah. I think that I kind of had to work through my ideas of what it means to do philosophy. And and yeah, and I think this idea of public philosophy is kind of a white assault that I like that it's like, yeah, you're not completely consumed by that. Academia world where at night, it's almost like the outside world doesn't exist. You go to high school, you go to in you go to uni, and you stay in this system forever. You've come. Like, honestly, I had a few years out of it anyway. Because I, I went, I went straight from school to uni. And then I kind of had, I realized that because I initially thought I wanted to the journalism then I kind of dropped out ahead a few years and then I went back. And I kind of did it a slow way. Just because I had to work and things like this as well, you know, like, and then yeah, I, but what I've observed and experience with people, there's this there's a really insular quality to academia. I don't know about other departments, but particularly in philosophy, maybe because it's to do with ideas. It can become really abstract. And sometimes the things you hear are just not related to people's real lives, you know, like, there will be people should do this, or people should behave this way. It's just not recognizing the real nature of life, the real struggles people go through, you know, like, because there is a elitist quality to university, and there are still a lot of privileged people there. Mostly, of course, white men, especially philosophy has mostly white men. And I mean, I'm a white woman, you know, I'm not, I'm not a black or brown woman, I'm, I live in a smaller body. So I also don't experience I'm able bodied. So you know, even having said all of that, I feel like I experienced a lot of I don't know whether I would call, I wouldn't call it discrimination, but just little microaggressions and things like that, you know, you feel it, you feel that you're not the main type of person. So, yeah, so that's another one of the reasons why I think I maybe don't suit that, huh. Yeah. And like you said before, there can be this sort of particular way of speaking, like you said, whether it's deliberate or not, it's almost like a condescending way that like, you don't know this. So I'm going to say, I really, really dislike this. And I admit that I drank the Kool Aid as an undergrad. Because I think because when you're learning and you're thinking, wow, this is so exciting, I need to be, I need to be that person that I admire you who can talk in this way. So using all these neologisms, all the all these new words that have been made up? And, yes, sometimes, for sure, that can be helpful for the theory. But if you've made up a term, you can also then explain what that term means. And yeah, I just think, I guess that some, some people are, you know, really made for theorizing, and some people are made for teaching. And I feel like maybe teaching is my, my thing. You've got a very sort of down to earth approach with that, like, you can see that it's an important thing. And we've all got to, you know, challenge these, the norms, and this critical thinking is really important. But then you actually have to be able to put into practicing in your life in a realistic way. You can't just be barking theories and ideas at people. To be honest, yeah, I mean, some people do do that. And it frustrates me a lot. This is one gripe I have, of course, it's not everyone. There are some fantastic people there. And, you know, some just amazing people that are so down to earth, and that really are fantastic teachers and are able to communicate things in a really clear way. But there are also a lot of people that just aren't interested in doing that, to be honest. They're not interested in the real world in there. Yeah, exactly. Well, to be honest, the all the ones you know that the other ones they've never been in the real world things you hear from people, you know, these older men who their father was in academia, then they were in academia, and they literally maybe have never caught public transport. Or they've never, you know, they've never done a job, they've never had to, you know, serve someone at a takeaway plate, or MCAS or something, or they've never had to, you know, get yelled at by a boss in retail, or you know, just those everyday things that are part of life for most people. And so then to then theorize what a good life is, or what we need to fix in the world. Wanted to ask you about you mentioned Neo liberalism, and that's something that you do know about a lot on your Instagram. Can you explain to people who might not be familiar with what it's about? Of course, yeah. So I think it's important first to talk about what liberalism liberalism is, and then neoliberalism came after. So liberalism, generally came from the enlightenment. So this was a movement in France, in Germany in the UK, in the 17th century, that focused on the liberation of people from a kind of, I guess, cloud of closed thinking now. The idea was that we should be free to To govern our own lives. So, thinkers like Immanuel Kant, John Jacques Rousseau, who some people might have heard of, they had these ideas that people should be able to govern their own lives, they should be able to choose what they do insofar as it doesn't hurt, but as long as it doesn't hurt other people. And importantly, they should be free to think, in a free way, not restrained by outside ideas. Importantly, at this time, their context was a religious society. So it's important to mention that we're still religious men. And this is the interesting thing, perhaps because of the times, but they, they believe that these rules shouldn't govern all of society. So that was super important to be. So to have your thoughts led by reasoning, by thinking does this make sense? Instead of buy doctrine from the church. So this was an enormous moment, because really, at the time, you know, people still couldn't read. So a lot of people still couldn't read, only the elite could read. So that means that if you were told something by a religious leader, that is the truth, you didn't come to truth, by some sort of scientific process or some process of reasoning, it was just what you were told. So this was a huge, huge moment. Then we also have lived in come to have liberalism as a political system. So this is a system in which in which people should be free to do what, sorry, people should be free to do what they want. Or sorry, I'll say it again, people should be free to do what they want, insofar as it doesn't hurt other people. And people should have their rights protected to be free. Now, neoliberalism then, is a political system that began in the 1980s. So in America, you had Ronald Reagan in the UK had Margaret Thatcher, who people probably might have heard of these people's names, because they're pretty important. Australia, I don't remember who we had. So basically, they were really pushing for everything to be privatized. The idea of near liberalisation is that anything that is owned by the government, any sort of welfare state, so a welfare state is like, where the where the government will give people a pension, where they'll give people disability payment, they'll give people payment, if they are without a job, they will give and all these other things like they will fund the schooling system fund, hospitals, even some things we don't even think about, like the Postal Service, ambulances, everything that is public. The neoliberal process, made all of these things private. So that means that companies, some, some rich person bought it. And then that is now owned by a private person. That means that there's no longer this sort of idea that it's a public good, or it's something that everyone should be able to use just because they live in this society. Rather, it will be something that you have to pay for, and that will be based on whatever the company decides. So this process was a really ideological one. And it meant that so many things were privatized, to varying extents. So we've seen the we see in the UK, and particularly in America that so so many things have been privatized, that society comes to disintegrate. So in Australia as well, we had it. But America is really kind of the hallmark of this because in America, even things like the Postal Service has started to be privatized, we see that the schooling system has just been absolutely gutted. And you know, teachers even have to pay for their own resources and things like this sometimes. The other important thing that I do talk about a lot. I hope I'm not explaining in too much detail. No, this is great. Okay, so the other thing that's really central to this that I love talking about is the idea of the neoliberal individual. So going back to the enlightenment, the idea of individualism is really invented, at least in Western thought. So like I said before, enlightenment thinking and liberalism was based on this idea that we should be able to be free as individuals. So then we start to have this idea of an individual, I think that now we probably don't even think about it because, you know, we just think we're all people. We're all separated. But this is actually a really cultural thing and a really I really within our historical context, some societies today don't have this idea, you know, they're more collective societies they don't think always i. So this was brought to light through this enlightenment process. And this kind of shows how these ideas do affect real life, because first of all these thinkers came up with them, then they come to be proliferated, or, or they reach the world, through governments and through leaders through schooling. And eventually, it becomes common sense thinking that we are just all these individuals who are separated from one another. And the most important thing is that I get to choose what I do, and I am in competition with you. In neoliberalism, this becomes even harsher. So like, like I said, before, under neoliberalism, there's really this idea that the government should not infringe upon our rights. Because if the government is doing anything to it, if the government is telling us anything to do, then that is immediately an infringement upon our rights. And it's interesting, because in philosophy, we have these two ideas. They're called positive and negative freedom. So positive freedom is my ability to act. So I am free to do, I'm free to do something. Negative freedom is something that was completely forgotten in neoliberalism. But it's something that's also really important, it's when you are given some restrictions that allow you to be more free. So for example, they protect you. So for example, you can really think about it, I think, a really easy way is when you think about a toddler, right? With a toddler we're always trying to do, we were always having to protect them from doing certain things, or we're always having to sort of given the conditions in which they can flourish. Because if that if they are just if they're just allowed to do anything ever actually, they can't develop and they can't become self governing people. Because they can't become people that can look after themselves as human beings that you need these restrictions on yourself. So other ways. Other things that would be examples of negative freedoms are like a schooling system, you have to, you have to learn this in this, these in these things, mathematics, reading, and things like that. So that you will actually be able to be more free in the world, because you have then have this logical understanding of how things work. You can read and write, and so you can manage yourself in the world. Neoliberalism kind of completely did away with this idea. And I think that that's a real detriment. So everything is rather just seen as a intervening on an individual who, who really needs to be deciding 100% for themselves all the time, what they should do. Yeah, I think it's, I think it's also Yeah, it's also a huge mistake, because of course, we are still living in a society and we, everyone has roads, right? There's still a push for good. There's still a social thing, we still always have stuff that is part of society that actually taxes and the government has given us. So I think it's kind of misunderstanding the world. But yeah, this is so important to me, because I just think that this really impacts every everything we do, really every part of our lives. It seems to me, sorry, that's not a way to start a sentence that sounds like I'm gonna say something really profound, but I'm not. I've never really learned about this in like a steady kind of way like I'm aware of. But I sort of find it so interesting that it seemed to start out as a good idea that you question things and you learn things, but then at some point, it's just gone to the extreme kind of like, when did it become a good idea not to support people in our society that need help, like, yeah, it just and that's, I think worth, like Thatcher has got such a poor reputation in a lot of cultures. Yeah, in a lot of circles, because she just, it was like, I don't know if I enjoyed watching her portrayal on the crown on that series. Yeah, it was fantastic. Ryan, I really liked it. If anyone wants to learn about Aaron in an accessible way, that's a really good introduction. It's not all true, obviously. But I also I also really enjoyed that because I think they did portray really well. How Yeah, kind of the her really special nature because she was a very special person, I think an interesting political figure, not one that I agree with a lot. Yeah. Yeah, it's definitely an interesting path for now. And it was interesting to see the conflict between, you know, two women I'm taking this in a different direction now. But in the term feminism, something that I'm really all over I love the other day, it seems like the other day because I happen so quickly. But when, when Liz truss became prime minister in the Yeah. And everyone was like, Oh, it's so it's a woman, we should all be so happy. And I felt like saying, but will we all happy with, you know, Thatcher? And she was yeah, you know, this this? I don't know. Absolutely universal. I mean, just because it's a woman. You know, it's really a simplification, I think. And yeah, I really agree with you. I'm exactly the same. I think just because it's a woman, it doesn't mean it's suddenly going to be fantastic. And I we still have, and this is the importance of I think when when feminists are being intersectional, which has, you know, this idea that we look at all these different ways that people are disempowered, different power structures. So yeah, she's a woman. But she's already within this power system. You know, so she and she already has these values. So, you know, she just because she's a woman, doesn't mean that she's immediately going to stand up for women stand up for black and brown women stand up for trans women, you know, urge poor women? Yeah, exactly. Yeah. And I thought, yeah, there was a lot of that. That was funny. That was a funny, funny few weeks in the UK, wasn't it? My gosh, I listen to BBC Radio, like at night. Overnight, I have an EN. And gee whiz, even they were just, you know, for country that everything's meant to be proper and seem to be right from the Yeah, I? Yeah. Gosh, I mean, I think my husband and I were talking about a lot. And we, I don't know, I kind of have an idea that it's like a bit of a falling empire. Like in the, in the past, you know, it was this world empire that really, obviously colonized everywhere, you know, an empire and in a terrible sense, usually empires a lack of that they do a lot of colonizing and all these terrible things. But yeah, it was an empire. And you know, they thought, the leader of progression and it's not that anymore, and it's interesting. Yeah, it's not in a very good situation. So nearly realism, bad putting it? We don't like it. We don't like it. Yeah. What, what's the opposite to that? Is there a term that Yeah, yeah, tell me all about that. Look, I never, I never like to just prescribe and say, Look, this is 100%, what we should do, we always say, to look at the individual conditions of a particular society. So every society is different. But in general, I argue that a social welfare system would be much better for a system of government where there are these basic protections for everyone. So all these things we talked about. So you know, childcare would be affordable, the minimum wage would be really high so that everyone can afford to live. Health care would be really accessible to everyone, there'll be a universal health care system. They wouldn't schooling wouldn't have public and private schooling, you would just have a schooling system that was accessible to everyone. There would be less of a gap between rich and poor. And at the level of decide ideology, or the idea of the individual, there would be less of a sense that we all need to be completely separate from one another, and more of a sense that we do live in a collective and that we are as human beings, in our very nature. We are collective beings and that we do flourish, we live better lives when we're more connected to one another. So there would also be these grassroots and bigger level structures that really facilitate us always connecting with people. I think that then people would also be flourishing, they'd be leading better lives, but they would also hopefully be less lonely and less isolated. Hmm, yeah. Yeah, this sort of it's such a weird Student thing, isn't it that we've all got to be in tune, we've lost this sense of, you know, it takes a village, you know, that still rings dry. So many countries, it literally does take a village because you've got everyone around you look at even in even my husband's culture, he's not Australian. I just see how people behave. And it's so different. You know, like in Australia, we kind of have this idea that we'll all help each other. And it's kind of true. But when I see it in these small collective cultures, it's just a totally different thing. Like you don't even I don't know you, you don't people don't even think about it. It's just part of life, you know, that you everyone's always helping one another. You never really feel alone. Sometimes it's the opposite, you know, you feel feel smothered by people. But I don't know, even things like, look, I think when it comes to being a mother, which is obviously something that both you and I are really interested in being a mother, you know, mothers are so isolated. In Australia, America, Canada, these so called Western countries, because we've been told we have to do it all alone, it doesn't make any sense. Even. You know, we have that these ideas that grandparents, you know, they shouldn't be around the family all the time. And I'm not I'm not saying that they have to have to be some slave to their grandchild or something. You know, everyone has their individual circumstances. But but you know, that other cultures do have a different idea of family where, where you're just always together and you're, you're coming popping in and out. It's not the scheduled thing where you know, you're like, Okay, well, Grandma will look after you on set at Saturday from two to four. And then I don't know, it's more just like, more of a floor. Yeah. So yeah, I think we've kind of gone wrong in that way. It's really, it's really sad thing. Yeah, I can, I mean, people are becoming more aware. And I think it's something we can change, you know, you know, if we, if we recognize a problem, I think we can start to change it. Absolutely. And that's what I love about this, like, you know, so many people on social media, and through podcasts, and all sorts of things that are saying how they feel about things, and questioning, you know, just because we've always done this a certain way. Why do we have to keep doing it this way, is really important. The really important thing is we haven't always done it this way. And this is something that is really, really what happens with ideology, you know, an idea becomes the main idea about something. And then the best the way it works, the best is that everyone thinks, well, we've always done this, you know, I've heard people say, like, with capitalism, a woman and older woman said to me, we've always done it this way. University has always been, you know, really expensive. And I said to her in your life, it was free. Like, in your own life, not not only so it's amazing in the cultural imagination, how we can forget. Yes, that is very true. That is a good point. Yeah. And it's almost like, whatever idea is at the forefront of the time, that that idea wants us to forget everything else. Sort of going down. Yeah. Yeah. No. with critical thinking, because you know, this idea of thinking about things and picking apart why something is the way it is, particularly Yeah, for kids because I think that you know, if they grow up always picking things apart. I hope that then there'll be a little bit less, like you said, brainwashed or a little bit less accepting of everything. Yeah, absolutely. No, I love that. Talk about this idea of introducing children to these to the, to the notion of critical thinking and to social what is you had something really good on your Instagram? Social justice? Oh, social justice concepts? Yeah. I said, You should introduce them from the very beginning, rather than sort of when they're old enough to what we think old enough to understand them. Yeah, I guess my big thing for me is that we can really break this down into ways that kids can understand whether because, yeah, I worked with kids a lot. I have my own kid. And I think it's really fun to think about for me as a challenge. Think about how we can break them down into things Kids will understand. So you really got to bring them to their level. So, yeah, if we're going to talk about social justice concepts with little kids say toddlers, we got to think, what are we really talking about with social justice? You know, we're talking about inequalities in the world and the way that some people are prejudiced against other people. Some people don't get as good a life as other people. We're really talking about what's fair, aren't we, that's the basis and you know, actually, we talk all the time to kids about what's fair, anyway, because we're really, we're teaching them this, they don't sort of come out and have an idea we anyway, we have to teach them. So why not then bring it up already, you know, in ways, you know, when I've talked to people, um, for example, on my Instagram, I've collaborated a bit with this wonderful woman Kinesia, and she does work on anti racism. And she says that, you, you, you need to actually name the things you like pretending, not saying black, not saying that kid is black, that's not going to help anyone, if they are black. And there are differences, we need to point them out and point out how they're beautiful. And point out how they're great and interesting. So you know, from the very beginning, when we're reading books with kids, make sure that they're diverse books and say, Look, you know, that mommy has white skin, that Daddy has black skin, that mommy has red hair, that day has brown hair, it's sort of you know, everyone's different. And that's what's special about us. And that's what's beautiful. And then you can point out instances, you know, in the playground of like, people being, I don't know, maybe, you know, that kid was being mean to that other kid, because they're smaller than them. That's not nice. Because just because they're bigger than them, that doesn't mean that they should be allowed to push the person around. And they you're talking about power structures? Yeah, but it's not. Yeah, I think I'm not being naive when I say that all these things are connected, I think that you're, you're setting them up to think about these things. And I just think that children are so so capable of thinking, you know, the questions they come up with are just the most amazing questions. So we should just really kind of feed into that. Yeah. And, and you're right, like kids, they don't come out. Like, we were the same, you know, we were little the world has formed us into who we are by, you know, the concepts in the world about racism, and, you know, all those sorts of negative judgment of other people. Yeah. And if we can sort of be aware of that, and I don't know, not to that to our kids like, exactly, putting it. Yeah, like, Yeah, I think we can never be, you know, part of human nature is to group ourselves. That is something which, you know, I think there's always going to be, it's always going to be a process of learning and unlearning, and it's never going to be a thing where I'm like, now I don't, now I'm not prejudiced against anyone. I like to kind of pull myself I mean, take it that I'm always racist, you know, I have internally not on purpose, but I'm always gonna have inside me, or I'm always I always have misogynistic ideas. So I always have ideas about men and women that are based on their gender that I've learned, because these are internal, we're always going to kind of have them to a certain extent. And as much as we try for our kids, they will have different prejudices, or the same ones that continue. So it's also teaching them to constantly question those as well. And to say, it's not that not to feel guilty not to say that I'm a bad person, because of this, that doesn't help anyone. But just to say, look, I'm not perfect, no one is perfect, but we're trying to build a better world. And let's kind of all be vulnerable in saying that none of us you know, none of us have pure thoughts or something like this, you know, but we're all we're trying. Yeah, we were all doing our best. Exactly. We're all doing our best, be realistic and just try our best. Yeah, I think that children are capable of, you know, of taking on the complexity of the world. And you know, like, yeah, you're not gonna say, you're not gonna make it kids obsess about it, or something. You're not gonna be like, but also we, you know, and this is something that it's hard for all of us. It's hard for me, children are people and they're, you know, they have all different emotions, like everyone, they can't be happy all the time. And, you know, so it's not a bad thing that they feel sad. And I think when when we grew up often, there was this idea that you just shouldn't point these things out. You shouldn't talk about it. Yeah, at least where I grew up, and yeah, and yeah, but If you didn't see it, right, like, as a kid, you're kind of confused because you're like, why someone talking about this stuff? And then you think it's a bad thing to even address or talk about, I kind of feel like we're living in a different context now, because we live in a much more global society. And, you know, we have access, and our kids have access to people from all over the world via the internet, and, and I kind of knew that they might grow up having a more global sense. And having said that, yeah, I think the only way things really change in the end is kind of at a smaller level. So that's it, isn't it? Yeah. But I was gonna rely on it today, we decided it was a good idea not to use plastic straws. And on the, you know, it's just one straw said, you know, 13 million people, you know, so it's like, every single person and do something. And yeah, you know, it does start with little actions. And I don't think exactly, the value of those. Exactly. I'm always kind of the arguing that the minute that it needs to be we need to as individuals push for structural change, we need to stop, you know, governments and big companies from doing the things that they are because often with this, with our society being so focused on individuals, they, the dialogue on purpose is pushed towards these individual changes. So yeah, for us are important, but as long as they speak, all companies is still mining. And still, you know, as long as governments are still in Australia, you know, the government is heavily heavily embedded with a big mining companies. As long as this is the case, then, if we recycle, that's only going to do so much that's going to be both. Yeah, yeah, I definitely agree with that. Yeah, for sure. You're listening to the art of being a mom with my mom, Alison Newman. I want to read out one of the quotes that you have on your Instagram, completely relate to and I love it so much, I want to frame it and put on my wall, a mother's identity and sense of self is tied to the and then in brackets, lack of social recognition she receives for her labor. Now that basically in a nutshell, is how I felt. After I had my child, my identity went down the drain, because all I was expected to do was look after a child and I kept thinking, I'm so capable. I've worked full time I've done all this stuff. But now all society wants me to do is sit on the floor and play with this baby. And it just felt so weird. And I was challenged very much. So yes, yeah, that's, that's, um, yeah, I think so many of us go through this. And you know, on the one hand it is there are two sides to it. On the one hand, you have that. For some, for some women, this is so monotonous. And this is just, you know, women are told that they need to absolutely love being a mother every single moment. And this is a this is a patriarchal idea, because it's based on the idea that women are just naturally made to be nurturers. This is your God given role. And some women simply don't feel that and that's totally okay. And, you know, one person isn't meant to completely bring up a child. On the other hand, I think that capitalism really puts this emphasis on our job, and our identity is totally tied to our job. And I talked about that a little bit in the in the Instagram post. So identity is so tied to our job that when we go on maternity leave, have this complete identity crisis. You know, it's an existential crisis, that just means crisis related to our understanding of the meaning of life existentialism, yeah, meaning of life. So yeah, whole idea is what does my life actually mean? I'm not doing anything, and that's because doing is always within capitalism producing. Yeah, and also, I'm not earning a wage for this. And so therefore, this is meaningless. When actually what you are doing is you're contributing to society by bringing human beings into it. You know, you this is a huge part of it. I mean, this is one of the biggest ways that you are contributing to society, like babies fundamentally cannot look after themselves. So Yeah, so I think that we're kind of women and mothers are really put in this catch 22 situation you can't win either way, right? If you stay home, you want to be a stay at home mom, no, you're not doing anything meaningful, you're not producing. And then you're in your, you know, even some people will say, Are your bad feminists, which is completely not true, because feminism should be about women choosing what they do with their lives. So as they're not harming anyone else. And then on the other hand, you have, if you want to go back to work, you're abandoning your child, your your role as a woman is to look after your child. So yeah, women really can't win in this literally cannot win. I'm just looking for this quote, I had a guest last the last year or this year, I can't remember now. Charlotte Conde who's an an artist from the US, and she had a quote that I love, and I'm finding it because I've got to say it right? I can't, I can't not say it right, because it's awesome. Where is it? Hello, Charlotte, if you're listening, alright, here we go. This is it says, as mothers were asked to raise human beings and also contribute to society, as if those two things were different. It's exactly what's so well, what's because society somehow under capitalism has become the economic world. Yeah, it, it has become just that and not all these other aspects of society. Yeah, and, you know, sometimes the word care economy is used to talk about how this is that, you know, is also a sort of economy where we're producing but I think even we don't even need to use those terms. It's just the fact that nurturing one another is one of the main human acts in the way that we, you know, part of being human and living a good life. Not to mention that we, there's no way around it like either way. Either way, look after our children at home or other people look after children in a childcare center. It is still this care, right? Yeah. Yeah, people need that. So yeah, we is really the fact that they consider different things as a real problem. Hmm. And again, I think that's, yeah, this one off, like I sometimes bash men too much. But this whole it's not individual men. It's the snobbery. It's been going for hundreds and hundreds of years. It's not a new thing. But here's an interesting post. I can't remember who wrote it. Just last night, I was reading that. The whole idea of being a natural mother. Nurture is a concept that was created by men by the patriarchy. Exactly, I'm sure. Because that's yeah, I felt that when I was first giving my baby his very first bath, and did not know what to do. I thought, how, like, I remember saying to the nurse, I was verbally like, how do I push with the facewash? Like all these? You don't know, just your instincts. I'm like yeah, you got this tiny, tiny little, little alien looking thing. That's the funny thing. Yes. Somehow, when actually moms and dads Oh, parents, just learning the same as one another, you know, like, what? Yeah, when, when my daughter was born, my husband and I were both equally terrified of giving her a bath. Because you know this. So like, how do I hold them? What do I do? And it's like, yes, you're all learning together? Yeah. absolutely absurd. This idea. And you're right, it, of course, does come from patriarchy. Because there's this thing called Gender essentialism. I'm sure you kind of know the idea, or at least maybe not the term. So I was gonna say not probably not in those words, but I know, you would know it for sure. Yeah. So gender essentialism is basically just saying that certain qualities are inherently female, and certain qualities are inherently male. So the female ones would be nurturing, soft, emotional, kind of soft, and all these things and then the male ones would be hard reasoning. unemotional because of anger isn't an emotion in this context. And kind of separated from other people. And these ideas, yeah, are really fundamental to the way that we think about people of different genders and then yeah, becoming a mother. You're just so pushed into this. Because I guess in the workforce, you know, you can kind of there are a lot of still a lot of limits on women, but you can kind of go into a field that you're interested in that but with mothering, you're really, really pushed into that. I am a nurturer. I have to be a nurturer. And it's done. You know, like like with any things some people take more than that. And some people don't. And that's totally okay. And also, we're all learning mums and dads we all learn when none of us are just just born to be parents. Yeah, that's so true. And like, even with my two kids, like, I've adjusted the way I've parented them, because they're different people. So I'm learning as I go. Yeah, because not every child is the same everywhere, like every person is different. So it's an interesting concept, isn't it? I love all this creep. I love this stuff like this. Just why? Why do we think like this? When we started, get addicted to it, and sometimes people are, my friends are annoyed at me, because you know, you kind of have a normal conversation. You're like, Oh, I love that. Other things that you've sort of delved into, on your page? Obviously, politics, but diet culture? is a good one. Can you share some of your interesting thoughts about that about? Oh, yeah. And I noticed earlier, when you described yourself, you said, I've got a smaller body. Yeah, I live in a smaller body. Yeah, sorry, are you live in a smaller body? I'm not an expert on this whatsoever. The with this, just like, you know that I would never say that I am the person that everyone should be listening to about racism. I'm not the person that people should be fundamentally listening to about diet culture. But I do think that it's a really important thing to talk about. But look, it's women that are people that are living in larger bodies, that really the ones we should be listening to, because they're the ones that experience, the experience, prejudice, and fat shaming and all these things. So I'm trying, I'm really in the process of learning as well, I think. Because, you know, this idea that to be thin is good. And to be bigger is bad. This is something that's so deeply ingrained, you know, that like, somehow these are moral things. And also, somehow these are things that we can totally control. And, and if you're not, then you just need to try harder with them. So, yeah, so yeah, I like all of us, I grew up, just hearing from everyone around me, people are constantly criticizing themselves about their body, you know, and especially women, not only women, but especially women is such a collective thing we do you know. And then, of course, after you have a baby, it's the thing we do, and we just waste so much time focusing on our bodies, how much were the things we want to change and what we paid about our bodies and things like this. But the reason why I think it's important to talk about it as a diet culture, like as an ideology we have in societies because what we learn from fat people are people that are living in larger bodies. So I purposely use the word fat because, you know, when we grew up, we're taught you shouldn't use the word fat. It's like an insult to someone. And there are some activists like Aubrey Gooden who I don't know whether, you know, the podcast maintenance phase, it's one of my favorite podcasts. Yeah, yeah. You know, she, she kind of says this, this is a descriptive term. I believe that different people kind of have different ideas like about this. But what I've learned is that, yeah, it's just a descriptive term. And as well as that to say things like I'm living in a smaller body, I'm or someone who's living in a larger body with saying that this is just the body we live in. We're not. We kind of haven't chosen this. And we know, it's just based on genetics. It's based on, you know, our stress levels. It's based on what our social context is, you know, how much money we have the availability of food, how much time we have to prepare food or exercise, what sort of weather conditions, we have just so many things we cannot control, we fundamentally cannot control it. And so I think it's so important to talk about how there's so much prejudice against people who are not thin, just fundamentally and this is quite a new thing that is being talked about now. And there's so much pushback against it because we have so much obsession with thinness and, you know, the things that people talk about that they you know, the prejudice that they face, even just simple things like to get medical care you would know, from listening to maintenance phase, you know, the stuff that Aubrey Gordon talks about and how people you know, as kids, they will be put on diets. And everyone says that, well, that's okay. Because they just, you know, we just want them to be healthy. And the psychological effects of that are just terrible. So I think it's so important to talk about. So while Yeah, you know, while I, as a person, of course, have gone through a process of, you know, learning to have more neutrality toward my body, and things like this, and I am really trying to teach my kid to have a positive relationship with food. So for nothing, this is good food. This is bad food. Often Intuitive Eating is a term that's caught that's used around this. I think, really, though, the fundamental thing is that we need to think about these power structures and how fat people are just completely completely, you know, they really suffer from inequality in so many ways, because of this prejudice. And someone pointed out to me correctly that, you know, on social media on Instagram, so many people talking about intuitive eating and talking about diet culture, are people living in smaller bodies, and often white women, you know, so. So we, you know, I, we can only say so much about this, it's not really our authority, I think we need to really have a lot more diverse people talking about this, and, you know, to really listen to them. Yeah, I think that's really true. Similarly, with, like, we're talking about before about how I sort of speak to my children about things, we found weight, like I I'm a fat person, I'm not ashamed to say that because there it's like saying, I'm, I'm tall, and I'm fat. You know, they're descriptive. Exactly. This. Yeah, this is the thing. I think, also, it's like about everyone's own relationship with themselves, like, whatever, I guess whatever you choose to identify with. Yeah, is important. Yeah. But like, I explained to my kids that, you know, I showed my, my youngest son's never seen me, in a thin body, I was, I have a different time in my life. My weights fluctuated. But I showed him a picture the other day of when I was my lightest, and he couldn't believe it was me. And I said, I'm exactly the same person that I am, as I was, then like, I'm actually a happier and more settled person now. It doesn't change, like, you know, whether I'm good at something or bad at something, maybe, you know, Netflix is different. But you know, I'm still, but it's not like a moral a moral thing. It doesn't say that. Because, like, Okay, I live in a smaller body, but I'm not good, athletic, you know? And I'm not my diet isn't the best, you know, that's the other thing that like, no one ever is sort of looking at me eating pancakes or something and being like, oh, you know, gee, you should pick a healthier option or something. I mean, of course, like, maybe my grandma did, because, you know, like, that's that generation. And that was like, you know, just so ingrained for them that they're always kind of policing and worrying, maybe you will get bigger, maybe we'll you know, like as it but you know, no one, you know, for fat people that it's a public thing that can go in, you can go in public without being harassed in this way. And this constant microaggressions. And yeah, so I just don't think it makes sense. Because, yeah, people don't know what anyone's diet is. And also, it's irrelevant. totally irrelevant to other people what someone eats. I mean, I just think tying the moral thing as if it makes you a good or bad person is absolutely absurd. Like, how is it got to do with anyone else? Or whether you're a good person? Because like I said, it also depends on so many factors like, like, ultra if you're, you know, if you're tired parent, if you don't have much money, or so many things, and even if you even if you do have the ability to eat healthier and choose Not, not the word health isn't very good to eat more whole foods or something. If you don't, it's your own choice. You know, like, just like people choose to do different jobs, people choose to have leisure time doing different things. And it's funny, though, like, we talked before about this, neoliberalism is all about the self, but we're so obsessed with everybody else. It's like, yeah, there's you so big, like, has it always been? Yeah. People always. I think, I think it has, yeah, I don't like this something about, you know, like, I don't agree with the idea that, you know, society is worse than ever, in that sense. Because, you know, also even when we talk about neoliberalism, look, there were periods where we had greater social welfare and things like that, but fundamentally looking back In history, it was much worse, you know, because we were like, kings and staffs. We were there was just slaves and slave owners, you know. So that was funneling until there are still slaves in the world. You know, there are a lot. So, yeah, we have to put it in context like that. And when it comes to beat judging each other. Yeah, I think that now we just, it's more public because we have these avenues. But look, when we, I mean, I don't really know what happened before writing was a thing. But you know, you look at these old publications from few 100 years ago, newspapers, that it's all gossip there, it just does seem to be this human thing. to gossip about each other, and to compare and to judge. Yeah. Um, yeah, I mean, we, we kind of do do that. Yeah. And, but the difference is with this constant, it's more constant now. Because we just can't, I mean, think about the amount of different opinions and messages we're reading a day, or we're listening to a day, it's just so much. So I think that's why it can feel so overwhelming. Now, I'm gonna lead this into something that I talked to all my guests about, is this concept of, of guilt, or particularly mom guilt. Yeah. And the more that we talk about it, the more I believe that the whole culprit of it is this, what society expects us to be as mothers, so that we think we've got to do so we put these on ourselves, and when we don't meet them, then we feel bad about it. So it's an external construct. It's a thing that's coming at us. And I feel like, because of social media, it's just heightened the whole thing, because we can see so much more, you know, before we heard that, such and such down the road was doing such and we go, oh, shouldn't do that. Blah, blah, blah. There's she might not have known that. But now, it's, you know, people can tell each other what they think of them all the time. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. You're right. It's, it's just constant. And also, it's, it's really difficult, because I think as well, we seek out connection on social media. And I think, and I think that, you know, for isolated mothers, we do kind of want to see others that are in the position like us that are also mothers at home with their kids, especially when they're little you know, when you're on maternity leave, or when you're in that really difficult phase, then you really want to think like, and you and like you said before, you're thinking what is my life, all I'm doing is Baby Alive. So on the way Yeah, and that is kind of maybe part of the reason why we do also we're so vulnerable. And then, and then we look to these images of other people and social media. And I think that there is just there are parts that are really positive, and I kind of try and stay stick to them. There are parts that are really saying that, you know, we just need to be good enough parents, and you know, we're all doing our best. And then there are parts that you know, they'll have this really nicely curated feed where it just shows them doing this lovely activity with the kids and they're all wearing matching outfits, their hair is washed, and they're like, there's no mess. There's no crumbs on the ground. There's no like, and you know that it's not real. It's not real. It's not real. But on the other hand, like when you're in this vulnerable mental position, you kind of can think how can how can I live that way? And how come I don't? Yeah, exactly. Yeah, like, for me personally, I don't know. I think in those early days of being a mom, like in the newborn phase, I never I never thought that you know that that was real. I never thought I want it to be like that. But at the same time I I definitely did. And I still do experience mom guilt just thinking because we have these were socially conditioned, like you said, to have certain ideas about what a mom should do. We have. I think that this is ideal of a mother that it's not even it's not a person. It's like this thought, you know, that we all have in our cultural thinking. And we compare everything according to that. And it's this idea that's been perpetuated by patriarchy so not by men, but by this idea that women are a certain way and that women are meant to do this. And women play a big part in perpetuating it as well. You know, women also perpetuate patriarchy we all we all do. But because this is they are ingrained thinking. And yeah, so I, I would think, you know, I think I would compare a bit more with like other mothers I saw around, you know, like, why does she look so well dressed and I'm wearing trackies and haven't washed my hair and have stressed pimples or whatever, you know, like, or why do I feel? Yeah, or I don't know, when my daughter started becoming an older baby. You know, my daughter is on super energetic side is she's amazing. She, I mean, she's just full of life and ready to go all the time. And it's completely amazing. Like, people always comment on it, but it's tiring. Yeah. Like, I mean, even. And so once she started, I don't know, I was so obsessed in love with her and still am. But as a baby, I sort of said to my husband, like, do you think? What would you think if I took longer maternity leave? So I am in a really lucky position that we've sort of could choose how long I would stay home with it. I don't get paid for any of that. And we're not like, in a insanely good financial position. Like we sort of said, Then during this time, we won't save. But of course, having said that, compared to most women in the world, that's a hugely privileged position. Like for me, for us to even say that. So yeah, and he was like, Yeah, of course. But you can, however long you want, you know, maybe till two or whatever. And then she got close to one. And I was like, starting to think, Oh, my God, I cannot handle these days of constant energy, like, because it would just be like, if we were at home, she'd be running around, and she would be kind of annoyed. And it makes sense, because she's, like, pent up, she needs to get this energy out. There's not enough to do in it. We live in an apartment. That's not enough. You know, in Australia, houses are super common. And a lot of the world people live in apartments, and it's fine. But um, yeah, and we would, I would take it apart twice a day, and it wasn't enough. And I felt really guilty because I was, like, I love my daughter. I should be loving this, when actually it doesn't make sense. But just because I love her doesn't mean I need to love every second of it. Yeah, yeah, we ended up sending out a daycare. And we're all she asked if she is thriving, you know, I, and I'm a much better parent for that. Sometimes I do still feel guilty. You know, my husband has to remind me. And it's interesting that he reminds me, he's, he's a very good feminist. You know, he, he understands why he wouldn't say that, because I think he always he doesn't like to say, you know, like, as a man, he doesn't want to say that. But I think he is aware of all these things and sort of tries to think critically about it. But anyway, he says to me why you feel guilty? You know, she loves it. She wants to be there. But then I don't know just decide. I guess it is just this cultural ideas of like, oh, but she should be with me, even though it doesn't make sense. If she was like, the other day she was home sick with me. And we're both are not in. Too much. You know, she wants to be there playing with other friends and doing the million activities they do at daycare. Yeah, I can't provide her with like, 10 activities a day. Yeah. Yeah, look, what you're saying is so, so true, and so relatable. It's that notion that, like you said, we love our children, but we don't have to love every second of this mothering roles that were you know, an expectation. We love every moment. We don't love every moment of anything, but yet, but then he was coming back. We're hauled over the coals if we say, if we publicly you know, say, Oh, gee, this was really hard today. Well, you want to become a parent. Yeah. Many people whinge about their job. Like they love their job. But jeez, I had a hard day. Oh, well, you shouldn't winter is reserved for us. Of a year, this is our natural role. That's what we're supposed to be doing it. Yeah, it's absolutely ridiculous. And I think that, yeah, like, like, we really need this outlet to just say this is hard, sometimes just like everything, and also fundamentally that, like, society doesn't really support mothers. And so because we don't have that village, because we don't have the it makes it that much harder. That's for sure. I don't know how many of us do it, to be honest, when you think about everything we've got going against us. Yeah, I mean, I mean, I don't know. I feel like I'm, you know, in such a privileged position, and I'm really tired all the time. And like, you know, people do that so much harder, you know, and I had to know, it's, I'm just in awe, really, but they shouldn't have to, they shouldn't have to, you know, yeah, that's so true. It's frustrating, isn't it? Now I want to ask you, there's a great reel that you made a few weeks ago. It's great. I'm really that bad. This is a big thing for me, because I actually want to, I want to talk about this again, because this is like this obsession, absolute obsession with AD generation. I feel like all parents at the moment, and yeah, look, if you look at it, if you look at it in a historical context, like I say, I'll just kind of repeat what I said in the real because I mean, it's true that every generation has this crisis about some new technology that's going to destroy young people in the time of the ancient Greek philosophers like Plato, so this is like, about 2000 years ago, they thought that writing was going to destroy everyone, because the oral tradition was how we, how they communicated. And you know, through memorizing, that was a huge thing. Because of course, if you didn't memorize, then how were you going to ever remember anything? And how would ideas ever be passed on so that I will now we write it down, now the kids aren't going to remember anything, how, you know, this is going to be a catastrophe. And then, of course, then the printing press, we have books proliferated, that was a crisis. And then of course, the ones we know, which are like, radio, radio was a disaster. Now, of course, it's funny, because people think the radio is like a good alternative to screen time. Not watching. People just gonna be listening all the time. And then they're sitting there listening, and they're not moving around. And then TV, of course, which still goes on, and then the internet, you know, so I just think that yes, there are these recommendations that we have. But when we obsess over them, we're just really not thinking in context. Because we're, we're not thinking about the fact that, like, the alternative, we think that the alternative to screentime is like this, this 100% quality time with a parent or with some other caregiver, where they're just flourishing, and they're, you know, they're just absolutely taking everything in and learning. And, you know, for like, in the past, the alternative was probably working for a lot of children in the world. Now. The alternative is working, bored, either working in paid labor or working at home helping with the helping maintain the home. Or if it's not that, you know, it won't necessarily be this quality one on one time, all the time. And even if we talk about, even if we don't talk about that, we just talked about our own context. Then it, I just don't think it's the worst thing in the whole world. They don't. Kids don't need 100% quality time, all the time. It's impossible. And you're also going to have parents who are kind of regulated and feeling okay, and, and I really think it's part of this mom guilt, it feeds into this mom guilt thing again, because realistically, how are you going to cook dinner? With, you know, a few kids around you, especially if they're young? Or how are you gonna, you know, get all chores done? Or how are you audits? Maybe you just need to relax. It doesn't even need me that, you know, maybe you just need a minute. Yeah. You know, without them doing this. And I think that often the people that do do no screen time ever, at least the ones that I've heard are in a really privileged position, you know. And so then for people who have juggling so many things just feel so bad that their kids watching TV. I just think it just, I don't know, it's just guilt for nothing. And also, I just think that when we look back historically, like, maybe we won't be like, Oh, my God, look, they were staring at screens all the time. Maybe because that's just part of our world. Yeah, like springs are part of our world. Yeah. And the truth is, I think if you don't give your child a little bit of access to that technology, they're gonna get left behind at school. That's the other thing. Yeah. Because Because actually, they need to learn these skills. And that's kind of the approach we're taking that we're going to try and as soon as we can I don't know what age they started at, like four or five or I haven't looked into it yet, but it tries to do like kids coding for. Yeah, yeah. because, I mean, that's kind of gonna be really important. And yeah, that's the future. That's the world now, and I don't know anything about coding. And so I'm kind of like, in the dark already, you know. And so I just don't think that, yeah, that track, we're trying to protect our kids from things. I think rather, we just need to think how we can nurture them to safely and, and in a nice way, use those things. This is a really long bow to draw. But it's like, in the times when you'd say to teenagers don't have sex, it's like, well, they're gonna have sex, so teach them how to use a condom. Right? So Right, exactly, you just say just don't use it. And then they're gonna go on the internet themselves. Or watch shows? Well, anyway, they watch shows on the internet, go on social media, whatever themselves, and they're gonna have no understanding if you don't teach them, like how to tell if something is factually based How to tell if something is safe, you know, or something that is comfortable for them, you know? Or how to ask you if it's something uncomfortable on the internet happens to them to tell you and yeah, exactly like this creepy purple, they're selling to me or something. Instead, they'll just hide it. And then they're getting more on. Yeah, yeah. So I'd say waiting until they're teenagers to talk about their safety on the internet, and to let them have access. I think it doesn't make sense. That's not to say that I'm gonna let my kid sit there and do anything on the internet. Yeah, of course not. But but you got to, you've got to give them I think, begin was small levels of freedom and make it bigger and bigger in ways that they can cope with. Yeah, and it's no different to like, if you sent your kid out a little, a little toddler out into a big kid's playground, or, you know, just gonna go get run over and go sit and drink your coffee and not watch you know, it's, it's a part of life and trying to do it in a safe way. So your child's protected and, and if that's important, that communication to like, to bid for them to come to you and say, Hey, this happened, what do I do? Or how do I navigate this? Or, you know, it's so important that they keep talking to you? Yeah, I mean, I'm sure you, of course, would have so much more experience with this. For me, this is all theoretical, and just thinking about it. Because I know it's so hard for parents to work, navigate this whole online thing. But like you said, we just got to, we got to acknowledge this is the world this is the world they live in. They don't, you know, they don't remember a world before the internet. You know, we, you and I remember when it shows our age, but we remember, you know, I had the time before the internet. And so I really think of it as something that happened. They don't think like that. They're just like, yeah, that's the world like when I my toddler she has she's on a tablet. And I don't think that it's some huge disaster that she knows how to, like change the video or something. You know, she can press it as like, yeah, like, because that's just like she's learning all these other skills in the world. Yeah, just letting her do that. Yeah, of course. It's so much easier for her. Yeah. And yeah, it's a story I often reflect on my seven year old we were talking once about how we used to have our phones on the wall so you remember to pick up the phone it only went a certain distance like the cord was stuck to the curly cord Yeah, and he said how did you play your games while it was stuck on the wall? I'm like what? Because had it because he's imagining I've got my phone stuck on the game's amazing I love it. It's not normal world that didn't have this stuff in it and it got it blows my mind like how different because especially because we live in a time when technology progressed so rapidly and now it's kind of seems like it's a little bit plateauing again, like we haven't you know they're trying to do like VR and things like that now but but you know, within the last kind of 20 years it's just been massive with the smartphones and with how fast the internet is and things like this. But yeah, it's so funny. This is really good channel on YouTube, which is something like teenagers try out old technology or something. Yeah, yeah, I know what you're a funny how like they're trying to use a video player and they're trying to work out like how you would put it in. And the funniest thing is when you know that cord comes out, you know the tape or whatever. The real inside it comes out and every one of our generation discuss art because then you have to fix it with a pen. I love that. There's a post it's like what's the relationship and they show? Only certain faithful over certain days you'll know what you find mental part of our life and now like, yeah, they just have no idea what it is. And yeah, it's okay to because, you know, things change and we don't need to, like be romantic about it, but I think you know, because but yeah, it is funny. It is quite incredible, but I think that they're gonna be, you know, do amazing things with this technology is such capability. Yeah. Oh, absolutely. And again, I think if your kids not aware of it or understands or knows what even what it is like that is the future they will they will get left behind that's not present. It's literally sorry. Yes, it is. It's the present. It's happening right now. And if you can't engage in that way, you are just not going to be involved in the conversation, which is Yeah, yeah. Exactly. Bla bla what what platforms are you on? I know you're on Instagram. Are you on? Yeah. Yes, I'm on Instagram. I've just started a YouTube as well, because I wanted to do longer videos. Because obviously, all of these concepts. I think it's really fun. And I really like it that I can communicate things to people in a really short way on Instagram, but I'm, yeah, I'm on YouTube. So I'm, I'm, yeah, so you can find me there. And I'm on Twitter as well, if you use Twitter, and I'm just, I'm just developing my website, I hope that it will be out soon. And my kind of hope with this whole project is and this is why I started this whole thing is I wanted to move toward or incorporate doing courses for parents and really for people in general, but focusing on parents like feminism for parents and different critical thinking for parents things like that, and provide different resources. So yeah, I'm really working a lot on that at the moment. Yeah, excellent. I love that. I'll put all the links in the shownotes for people if they want to find you. I've just found that I mean, I'm still learning. I'm still learning. It's good fun. My. Yeah, it's good, fun. Look, thank you so much for sharing your ideas with the world and for communicating in a very non condescending manner. It's really lovely. Honestly, I think if there's one thing like, we're all learning, and I just, I don't know, we're all learning and yeah, and the more we can all talk about things, the better, I think but it's been so nice. Thank you so much. Yeah, no, no worries at all. Thank you. Thanks for your company today. If you've enjoyed this episode, I'd love you to consider leaving us a review, following or subscribing to the podcast, or even sharing it with a friend who you think might be interested. If you or someone you know would like to be a guest on the podcast. Please get in touch with us via the link in the show notes. I'll catch you again next week for another chat with an artistic mum. Helen Thompson is a childcare educator and baby massage instructor. And she knows being a parent for the first time is challenging and changes your life in every way imaginable. Join Helen each week in the first time mums chat podcast, where she'll help ease your transition into parenthood. Helen aims to offer supported holistic approaches and insights for mums of babies aged mainly from four weeks to 10 months of age. Helens goal is to assist you to become the most confident parents you can and smooth out the bumps along the way. Check out first time mums chat at my baby massage.net forward slash podcast

Fleur Harris Australian illustrator +designer S2 Ep63 Listen and subscribe on Spotify , Apple podcasts (itunes) and Google Podcasts Fleur Harris is a painter, illustrator, product designer, collaborator and mother of her son living in Melbourne Australia. Her detailed illustration can be described as whimsical and wonderous, and Fleur aims to bring joy and happiness to others through her artwork. Fleur was always a drawer throughout school, winning awards and gaining the admiration of her peers. After studying Fine Arts, Illustration and Interior Design in Australia and Italy, Fleur has forged a career as a prolific artist and creative collaborator for over 20 years. After working in design houses for many years, Fleur began working for herself 6 years ago and now designs full time, although she doesn't see it as a job. Fleur has collaborated with brands such as TuTu de Monde and 12 collections with Adairs Kids since 2013. Fleur is a truly passionate creative soul. She values quality over quantity and attention to detail. Fleur believes strongly in animal welfare, social justice and kindness. These beliefs guide much of her design work, decision making and her drive to do her part to make the world a better place. Fleur also donates portions of her work, time and profits to charities that align with her values, most recently The Great Barrier Reef Foundation. through the Better Worlds Projects Through her imaginative designs, detailed illustrations and design sensibility, she has built an artistic world brimming with wonder, whimsy, inspirational creativity and happiness. Fleur's world is a place where imaginations run free and anything is possible Fleur is excited to launch her own label, " Fleur Harris " clothing range coming later this year and has many exciting projects coming up including collaborations with namely co, and Adairs Kids. Connect with Fleur website / instagram / linktree Podcast - instagram / website The Divided Heart - Motherhood and Creativity Rachel Power on the podcast Music used with permission from Alemjo my new age and ambient music trio. When chatting to my guests I greatly appreciate their openness and honestly in sharing their stories. If at any stage their information is found to be incorrect, the podcast bears no responsibility for guests' inaccuracies. Podcast transcript at the bottom of the page Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode of The Art of Being A Mum Podcast. I'm beyond honoured that you're here and would be grateful if you could take 2 minutes to leave me a 5-star review in iTunes or wherever you are listening. It really helps! This way together we can inspire, connect and bring in to the light even more stories from creative mums. Want to connect? Take a screenshot of this episode and share it on Instagram tagging me in with @art_of_being_a_mum_podcast I can't wait to connect. And remember if you or somebody you know would like to be a guest on the podcast, get in touch ! I love meeting and chatting to mammas from all creative backgrounds, from all around the world! Thank you! Alison acknowledges this Land of the Berrin (Mount Gambier) Region as the Traditional Lands of the Bungandidj People and acknowledge these First Nations people as the custodians of the Region. Ch eck out more episodes ..... Welcome to the Art of Being a mum, the podcast that's a platform for mothers who are artists and creatives to share the joys and issues they've encountered, while continuing to make art. Regular themes we explore include the day to day juggle, how mother's work is influenced by the children, mum guilt, how mums give themselves time to create within the role of mothering, and the value that mothers and others place on their artistic selves. My name's Alison Newman. I'm a singer, songwriter, and a mom of two boys from regional South Australia. You can find links to my guests and topics we discussed in the show notes. Together with music played, how to get in touch, and a link to join our lively and supportive community on Instagram. The art of being a mum acknowledges the Bondic people as the traditional owners of the land, which his podcast is recorded on. Thank you so much for joining me today. It really is such a pleasure to welcome you. My guest today is FLIR Harris. Fleur is a painter, Illustrator, product designer, collaborator, and mother living in Melbourne, Australia. Her detailed illustration can be described as whimsical and wonderous and flow aims to bring joy and happiness to others through her artwork. Flow was always a draw throughout school, winning awards and gaining the admiration of her peers. After studying Fine Arts, illustration and interior design in Australia and Italy, Fleur has forged a career as a prolific artist and creative collaborator for over 20 years. After working in design houses for many years player began working for herself six years ago, and now designs full time. Although she doesn't see it as a job. Flo has collaborated with brands such as to to demand and it's released 12 collections with a dares kids since 2013. Flair is a truly passionate creative soul. She values quality over quantity and attention to detail. Flair believes strongly in animal welfare, social justice and kindness. These beliefs guide much of her design work, decision making and her drive to do her part to make the world a better place. Fleur also donates portions of her work time and profits to charities that align with her values. Most recently the Great Barrier Reef foundation through the better worlds projects. Through her imaginative designs detailed illustrations and design sensibility flow has built an artistic world brimming with wonder, whimsy, inspirational creativity, and happiness. Flers world is a place where imaginations run free, and anything is possible. Flair is excited to launch her own label clothing range coming later this year. And Fleur has many exciting projects coming up, including collaborations with namely code and today's kids. I really hope you enjoy today's podcast the music you'll hear is from my ambient music trio, LM J, which features myself, my sister Emma Anderson and her husband John. Thank you so much for coming on the podcast today. Flo. It's an absolute pleasure to meet you. The pleasure is mine. Allison, thank you for having me. And thank you for hosting what I think is a really beautiful podcast. Oh, thank you. That's lovely if you decide so you're in Melbourne, is that right? That's right. Yes. Just out of the city. I live here with my husband and our little boy bales who's six years old. Six, that's a great age. I've got a six year old it's it is good fun. It's beautiful. I feel like we've hit our stride as a as a good little team. It's been lovely. So yeah, your weather today you'd be a bit overcast and rainy out there. Yeah, a bit overcast. we've still been out in the garden late this morning. That hasn't stopped us and a bit chilly. But I quite liked the Melbourne winters it's a nice still day and it's beautiful. Yeah. Might we live in Mount Gambier? So we're sort of halfway between Adelaide and Melbourne. So whatever whatever weather you guys get, we've sort of had it first and my pop used to live in our tiny house over there. And you know, the the beachside suburb and when he moved he moved over here and he said it was the weather was worse here it was colder he met Gambia and we used to think it would be worse in Melbourne like near the beach he'd be cold and windy and he said not met Gambia is hard for three really. I was surprised by that. But now China's our time is a good part of the world. We duck over there sometimes to go to the beach. Oh yeah. I love this. The Ice Cream Shop and fish and chip shop down there. Like neither force or Yeah, it's beautiful over there and Williams town. I love that part of the world. Yeah. Beautiful place yet. All right, so let's talk about your creativity and your beautiful artwork. Can you describe your art form, what you create and sort of what sort of mediums you use? Yeah, sure. Well, my personal work is quite diverse. So I do everything from oil painting to more craft style projects. I quite enjoy just, you know, sketching in my sketchbook when I used to have a sewing machine until it broke, I used to sew a lot, so little toys and clothes. And I've just always been a sort of a maker, I guess you would say, creative person that just likes to make things. But over the years, I've really honed in on my illustration, and a particular style of illustration, especially that's quite detailed and whimsical. And I've been fortunate that that has resonated with quite a wide audience. And it's meant that I've been able to focus on that full time. And I've been doing that for six years now. Working for myself out of my home studio, and I absolutely love it the best job in the entire world. And I had many years prior to that of working in house as an artist for different brands. I didn't textile design for different clothing companies used to work on swimwear and sleep wear and all sorts of products. And then I definitely did my time when I was at uni, you know, working in retail and that kind of thing. But my for the last 15 years, it's always been a creative role that I've worked in, and then work for myself here for the last six years. I've always freelanced as I've been working in other jobs too. I've just found that a really helpful creative outlet. While I've had a full time job, to be able to be working on other projects that are a bit different on the side, I always found really helpful. So, so yeah, that's great. So I have a studio set up at home. Here, which is where I am now I took over the I think this was actually the piano room when we when we moved into this house, I had a beautiful old blue piano in here. Oh. And it was sitting in front of this big stained stained glass, Windows or lead light Windows or other. And when I walked in here, and so there's be high ceilings and the windows and this piano, I just thought this is the space for me. And I that was when we're inspecting the house and I called my husband I said, I'm just just letting you know, I'm gonna put an offer in. And it was, it was pretty much because of this room. Nevermind the rest of the house. And it's actually turned out to be fantastic because we have beautiful neighbors and it's really changed our lives for the better. So I think that this space kind of definitely led us in the right direction to just to a better, more fulfilling life all around. And it's certainly been brilliant for my creative practice. So I've got everything in here. I've got drawers full of paints, and I've got drawers full of papers, and there's just it's a minefield of art materials. I love it. And my little boy my little boy loves it too. That's pretty cool. Yeah, I can see behind you've got a clothing rack with some beautiful, really beautiful colored dresses. And I can see like, what's that? Nice sort of, is it true? Yeah. Can you tell us? Yeah. Last year I did a collaboration with a beautiful brand from Sydney called to to demand and we collaborated to create a 40 piece. Children's luxury apparel and accessories collection. Oh wow. And what they do is really special. Their attention to detail is is pretty explicit and working with them. was a lot of fun and the garments that we created a very covetable, so I couldn't not pack them away. They have to be on display in here. It's like having things in a frame, isn't it? It's like it has to be out there and yeah. And everyone like everyone that comes in loves to poke around in my studio. And that's, that's definitely a section that gets a lot of attention. Oh, that's lovely. Yeah, I love the colors. It's like, sort of purples and pinks. And yeah, it's beautiful. And there's lots of beautiful beadwork. And yeah, yeah, yeah, it's pretty, pretty beautiful stuff that they make. So that was a that was a collaboration that I, you know, I really cherished and Yeah, lovely one to do. And they were actually, every now and then I'd go through a phase where I'd say, I'd say, Okay, I need to sit down, think about what do I want to do next. And I'd written up a bit of a list of my dream brands, and they were my dream brand to work with. So when that collaboration came to life, that was really special. Oh, that's awesome. It's almost like you manifested that, like he put it out there. And I'd say a combination of manifest and dog and hard work. Yes, you actually have to do something to make things happen. I'd love to hear you describe there that when you've you've got work that you're doing for a company or a client, that you've also got your own work that you do, it's like, you've got to have that balance of things that are meeting your own needs, as a creative, sort of whatever, whatever that may be. Is that something you've always sort of done been really mindful of, of keeping your own needs met in that way? I guess. Yeah, I, I would say that, it's something that never leaves me this desire to be creating something. And, you know, we might go on a family holiday, and I'll say, I'll leave my sketchbook at home, I'll just have a break from from it. And you know, I won't do any of that, I'll just have a rest. And then in a couple of hours of being wherever we're going, I'll be like, I'm just gonna go to the newsagent. And see if I can find that sketchbook. I learned I'm, you know, and then I get it out of my sister, and we can get on with our holiday, but it's something that it's, it's all it's always there for me this desire to make something and it's not so much for me about the end goal, necessarily, it's actually just the process that I really enjoy, I think, you know, it's just as satisfying for me to create marks on paper that might not sort of come to be anything that looks particularly nice. I enjoy that process itself as much as when I do create something that actually does turn out nicely, you know, and, and either way I see its value. Whether it's just, you know, exploring some mediums, and as you know, sometimes I'll start a painting and five minutes, and I'll just get this feeling like, Oh, this isn't working. And the process is just not feeling right. And so I just grab it out and walk away and, you know, leave it and I actually went through a phase would have been about 15 years ago, where I didn't paint for about two years, and just kind of didn't need to I didn't have the desire, I was doing other things. I was selling little toys and I was you know, my creativity was coming out elsewhere. And then when I finally one day, I just got this, like tsunami internally that was like, You need to go and paint and I sort of went on this Bender I remember having canvases all over the floor and it was almost the word furious might be a bit dramatic, but it was a flurry of, of paint brushes and paint, it was like it was like it had been sitting there dormant. And then one day just the lid came off. And I made a whole lot of art, this sort of series of artworks that were kind of unusual for me, but a lot of them are still hanging, my mom is always first to put her hand up for an artwork that's going that needs a home. So her house over love, and it's and she lives into state. And so when I got there, I forgot about that. Painting and you know, actually brings back a lot of memories of that time and kind of reminds me about, you know, the importance of just giving time to process and to making and not being fixated on the outcome. Because I know that if I was worried about the painting, because you know, and you make better sometimes that's all right. Yeah, I'm fine with that quite happy to make a bad artwork, it's just about getting the paint or the or the pencil or whatever it is done on paper, letting it come out of my head and out my arm. And then it's, it's out. Yeah, do you think being able to continue doing that gives you then when you sit down to design something for you know, ideas, or a collection of someone you're working with, that allows the ideas to flow freely, because you're not uninhibited by your creativity comes out. Yeah, and in a way I does, I've got a lot of a lot of it out of my system. And so when it does come down to sitting down and creating a really detailed out, you know, that can take months to make, it definitely makes me I think it gives an ease to, to other things that I'm working on. Because I have those other needs, if you like out of my system, you know, there have, I've looked after them. The great thing is, though, that I enjoy the process of making those really detailed artworks too. So it doesn't feel ever like, you know, I, I've got that fun part out the way now I have to do this to me. It's, it's no, I mean, it's it's definitely time consuming and requires, you know, a huge amount of focus. But I love that like to sit there I can sit for hours and hours and hours and draw. I remember there was a day in my studio, where I think I'd sit there for about seven hours. And after a while I thought oh my gosh, I haven't kind of like a woke up. I haven't been to the toilet, I thought it had been about seven hours. And I'd really just, you know, I can get lost in that process. And so to have you know, to be able to play with all the different mediums and and explore that in parallel with my illustration work. Cuz I think the best way for me to work as an artist, it keeps my skills keeps my skills up. I feel like I maintain my skills that way and it also keeps me How would I describe it? It keeps things fresh. I never get tired of of the work I'm doing. Yeah, because I have that variety. Yeah, absolutely. And when it is your full time job, even though I don't really see it as a job but when it is what I do full time. I think it is important to to keep that variety there so that it doesn't become too monotonous because I would I don't know what I'd do if the day came where I didn't enjoy doing this anymore. I can't see that come in because it's I think it's just part of who I am. But you know, cross that bridge when we come to it. I think I haven't got a I haven't got a plan B. I'll be I think it'd be a landscape gardener. I'd be quite heavily heavily, quite happy doing garden maintenance. Just being like a person that comes around and pulls weeds out of the garden would be very happy doing that. Your process that you use, you talked about your illustration, do you sort of do you draw it out on your paper first and then you create it on a, like an iPad or a computer program. Sometimes I will have a little sketch in a sketchbook or it's usually on a bit of like, a grab a bit of paper out of the printer. And I'll just sort of sketch out some stuff. And it's really rough at that point, usually, and then I just start working digitally straightaway, because for me, a lot of my artworks end up being used to create products. So whether it's wallpaper or fabrics for bedding, or apparel, they do need to be able to be worked with by whoever's producing that product. And so the the format that they need to be supplied in for those people is digital. So I just find that it's much more straightforward to just start the artwork digitally. But the concept itself will usually I usually feel it out very roughly on paper so rough, like nearly unrecognizable work, you look at it, and you think that person actually can't draw. It's just very, you know, to me, it makes sense in my head, what I'm scribbling down. Yeah, I can send I can show you if you like like a before and after. I'd love to actually, yeah, that'd be brilliant. Yeah, so yeah, so I'm really, I love your, your style of the things that you put in your artworks and do birds and, like, there's a cute little one of a little bunny with like little butterfly wings, which is suede. Sort of like you say that whimsical. Little. It's just, it's so what the word is, it's relaxing, I don't know if that's the right word, but it's very comforting. Like, it's sort of, that's beautiful. It doesn't, it doesn't challenge you and makes you feel really nice and warm. Oh, that's beautiful feedback. Allison, thank you, I love it. Because sometimes you just want something that just makes you feel good, don't you like, I know, sometimes, like I go to art galleries and look at things and get quiet, you know, things are quite profound and quite in your face, and you get like that challenging feeling. And sometimes it's just really nice to look at something that makes you feel good and makes you smile. Yeah, and it's incredibly powerful. Art is an incredibly powerful vehicle for sharing of opinions and, and can be a great vehicle for making change and, and bringing issues to the forefront of you know, people's minds. And I think that that is one of the most fantastic things about it. For me, what I choose to use my or like to use my artwork for is actually to bring joy and happiness. And that's my the way I see my contribution has been the most. That's what I want to be able to contribute with my art, certainly at this point in time. Maybe that will, you know, maybe later down the track, I might start to use it for for other purposes. But for now I'm really in this beautiful world of fairytales and whimsy and joy and happiness and the connections that I've made with people who relate or relate to that in the artwork. Very, you know, along the lines of what you just spoke about, I can't express what beautiful people it's brought into my life and beautiful conversations, you know, I hear from people with them, telling me what the app has meant to them. And especially during difficult times where it's brought them comfort and hope even. And to me that is just more than I could ever ask for to be able to contribute to people's lives in that way. And I think it's I feel it's a very special thing to be able to do. And so I love to be able to nurture that and particularly to be able to share that with a wide age range of people. So while a lot of my work is the products are geared towards children, I do hear from adults and you know, people in older generations who have been moved or or connected with the artwork in some positive way. And I really and that's globally to you know, hear from people all around the world. And that is Just such that gives me such pause for thought about, you know, okay, what I'm doing is actually really important to people and I feel a deep sense of, you know, I take that seriously. It's a joy. It's a joyful seriousness. It's not lost on you. Not at all. Not at all. And it's at front of mine, when I'm creating artworks is, you know, Will this bring wonder and whimsy and joy to people? And that's almost sort of like the as a called a litmus litmus test. Yeah. Yes. And so yeah, I feel really fortunate to be in this space where there's this beautiful community of people around me that have been drawn in by the artwork and yeah, we all we all share in this sort of very kind and calm, you know, narrative together. It's lovely, if you if you did look through, you know, comments on my social media page on Instagram, people do everyone to my artwork, I just so lovely, you know, they are so forth. kind words and, and I just think I'm very grateful for that. Now, good on you. I think that's lovely. Because I don't know, there's so much crap going on in the world. Like, you know, there's stuff happening overseas and all these big powerful men going out at each other with bombs and thinking, I don't know, it's just lovely to just be in your own little world and feel good about things. And I, I really love there's a, there's a picture that you put up only must have been yesterday of just the image of Two little birds and a butterfly and sitting amongst these lovely flowers and leaves. And I'm really, really drawn to birds. That's just something I don't know. And even when I'm out walking, when I see birds, I think particularly think of particular relatives and people that have passed away. And whenever I see birds, I just go, oh, there's something really comforting. I don't know about birds, I just made me feel really secure and safe. And that's beautiful after. To me they are like little magic folks that are flitting about in the trees. I mean, they can fly. And they sing. I mean, yeah, it's pretty cool. To be a bird, like, even if just for a day. Yeah, that post was was interesting. I had some people message me privately about that some really beautiful messages as well, I think. Because the comment that, you know, I put with it was about had, the purpose of posting the artwork was to offer a moment of calm in what feels like at the moment is particularly, you know, a very busy world with a lot going on. And there's a lot of noise and a lot of it's quite unpleasant. You know, I personally find watching the news, I just mean, quiet despair, sometimes. Some of the stuff that's going on, and I just ponder, you know, as humans, we'll have to see what are we doing? about so many things. And, you know, I, I think that we can all make a difference and that the power of collective effort is important to never underestimate. I think, when I do see that, you know, there's awful things happening in the world, it gives me even more motivation to try to paint the kind of world that I want to live in. And that's a world of kindness and peacefulness and an empathy for each other. And a world of imagination, where we, you know, we have fun and we, yeah, we basically and we be, you know, we, we get carried away with our imaginations and it's so serious, you know, it's like, yeah, it's with butterfly wings, and you can have little creatures going along in boats in the air and, you know, it can just be whatever it needs to be. Yeah. And if that's, you know, to me, that is, I think, Okay, well, those people over there are gonna do that terrible stuff. You know, it's the wars and awful things that are happening, I think, well, I I'm gonna keep flying the flag for kindness and goodness. And you know, well, I don't have the stages of these people doing awful things. I do. I do. I do recognize that. There is a place for for what I'm doing in it and an audience for it because I think people do are drawn to kindness and good things, especially when all that awful stuff was going on. I think it's really lovely to because of where you're where your art appears, you know, it's on things that you can bring into your home. So like you said, it's on the wallpaper, it's on the bedspreads. It's on clothing or cushions, like you can surround yourself with that. So it's not just, you know, an image in a frame, you can actually, you know, make yourself comfortable with with that around you. Okay, that's pretty profound. Absolutely. And for children, especially, I mean, for me to my, my bed is one of my favorite places of getting into bed. Learn it's such a safe space, you know? Well, it is hopefully for most children, and it certainly should be a safe space and a place of comfort and to be able to, you know, help surround them with with beautiful things that will, will be, you know, perhaps the backdrop to their treasured childhood memories is something I don't take for granted at all, I think about when I grew up the doona covers in my life really stuck stick with me. I had a, I had the kintone doing a cover with the big butterflies and, and that, you know, is clear as day in my mind, and then my mom one day went ahead and decked out our room like, head to toe in this Laura Ashley, you know, the curtains and the wolfberries and the picture Owl and the whole shebang? Oh, my gosh, I loved it. And, and that print, you know, it was the same print on everything, the curtains and the dooner and everything. And that, that visual of that, that bedroom is such a big part of my childhood memories. And so to, to think that my artwork may also, you know, form that, you know, become part of special memories for people who will one day be grownups doing wonderful things in the world is, is pretty incredible to sort of try and get my head around. It's massive, isn't it? Good for you, that's just too beautiful attitude to have a lover Good on you? Have you always been able to draw that well? Or did you have to do lots of practice? Or does it just come naturally to you? I'm always practicing. And there's definitely different techniques where I produce better work than with other techniques. And it changes you know, I used to be a really good painter with acrylic paints and now and I use acrylic paints that just feels like I'm almost starting again. I don't use them very much anymore. But it's funny actually, because I was looking for some stuff. And I ended up going through an old file and I found, you know, like awards from primary school. And, you know, there's an award to me that's like the Picasso or the you know, I think it's definitely been something that was always my theme. Like its primary school, you know, like, oh, Fleur, she's the one that can draw. You know? It's it's funny kids. My, my memory in primary school is keeps held drawing on a pedestal like being able to draw is like a really cool thing. Yeah, yeah. Are you such a good drawer? It was always. Yeah, it keeps me sane. I don't know where that sort of falls off a bit. But kids and kids were really into celebrating people who are good at drawing. I was always like, pretty chuffed about. So yeah, it's something I look, I've always enjoyed it. And so I think as a result, I've done it a lot. And so that has meant, you know, yeah, you've refined and honed over the years by by default. I've had this Yeah, yeah. But I'm always practicing. It's the kind of thing where if you if you drop it for a bit you can when you finally get back to it feel a bit rusty. And so it's not like I don't really see it as being like riding a bike where you kind of never lose that skill. I do think it's something that needs to be maintained. So yeah, unfortunately that by working in it all the time, I'm always practicing. Yep, Now that's really cool. That that's something I'm discovering, because I'm not an artist by any means. But I like painting and fiddling around. And it's like, I realized you actually have to practice at it. Like, you can't expect to be good at it like, oh, I mean, there are people like, obviously yourself, you've always been able to draw, but it's like, I want to be able to draw, and I can't say that annoys me. Well, it depends what what sort of level of expectation, I've got pretty high, I've got pretty high levels of expectation where maybe we can have an online zoom during class. Give me a few little Oh, man, that'd be amazing. Because my touring is just rubbish. It's like, I'm sure it's not Oh, no, really? Seriously? No, I think I think anyone can do it. It's not like, like, the gift you have. It's very, you know, you need to feel secure, you can't this kind of black and white. And, you know, straightaway which one it is. Whereas withdrawing, you know, it's, it's a little bit more subjective. And there is a bit more wiggle room for, you know, being expressive and that not having having to look really steep, and all sorts of styles. Great, you know, yeah. Whereas I certainly will never be on the stage with a microphone. And thank goodness, so hopefully, hopefully in the room. You won't be going to karaoke. I actually don't mind karaoke. But even still, I know my limits so turning to your, yourself, you mentioned before that he likes to come into the studio does he does he take on your creativity as well? In little bursts. So he's like me with my painting break for two years, he might have a few weeks where he's just not interested in drawing or anything like that. And then suddenly, it's on you know, he just wants to be with me in here and writing stories and drawing pictures and, and I just facilitate that when he says that he wants that it's never something that I've tried to say, you know, come and sit with me, I'm gonna give you an art lesson or anything like that. I've always made it available to him, you know, if you want to do this, let's do it together. But I certainly have never tried to impress upon him my passions, but I've always made available to him. You know, what I do? In the materials, I have to do it and my passion for it. He knows they're always here, if he wants to, you know, get stuck into it. And when he does it, it's really special. Yeah, I've got up here on on my wall, little drawing I did of him. Well, he's a rabbit in the drawing, but of him as going after his first day of school. And he then came in, he's like, Can you can you do one of those for me, and I'll color it in. So I've got his little version next to it. In his little coloring, and next to my one of him, you know, drawing of him was beautiful little sweet things around my studio that he's drawn. Yeah. And we've got his little gallery in the hallway where we make sure we really celebrate any effort he makes creatively, you know, whether it's it all goes up on the wall, so that, you know, he feels confident in expressing himself in that way. Hmm. And like you said before, about things don't have to be for the end result. You know, I think a lot of times, I've my backgrounds in early childhood education, and I've seen over the years people, you know, almost judge little people's work, because it doesn't look how an adult thinks it should look, you know, which is incredibly damaging for a child. You know, it's about what they've made. And, and that's the end of it. You know, it's sort of about how we judge it through our eyes. Yeah, well, it's very reflective of their developmental process, especially in those early years up to seven years old, where there are sort of known stages that the children go through where they're exploring, you know, their understanding of shape and interpreting symbols and things like that. So I've always just felt it's important to encourage children as long as they're making an effort whatnot, well, let me say that again. I'm always I feel it's important to encourage children and celebrate whatever effort they make. Yeah, that's easy. It's not about judging, judging, it's about, you've done this. And that's fantastic. You know, like, I've got all around my studio, I have pictures the boys have made over the years. And some of it might just be, you know, a swipe of paint on a little piece of paper, but it's the meaning for it behind me, like my sorry, the meaning behind it. For me, it's like, and I get so inspired by that, because they're unencumbered in their creativity they're making because they're making something they're not thinking about what other people are going to think about this. And that's where I get stuck in my head when I attempt to do any sort of painting. So I find that really inspires me having their little pieces around me. Yeah. That they create. Gently without inhibition, that is the goal of as a grown up artist to be able to create that. And so I would never want to do anything that got in the way of that, you know, they hate my son has that now, and most children start with that, and I want to make sure it, I'll do what I can to nurture that. Yeah, that's it. Yeah. To not take that away or not. Not damping out that little light. Yeah, yeah, it's so precious. And I mean, just watching my son draw, I mean, seeing his little hand around the pencils enough, just to, you know, melts my hand. Just so beautiful to watch. And to then, you know, see how pleased he is when we pop something up on the on the wall. It's just, how could I not? See, it is it special for them to realize that what they're doing has meaning and other people appreciate it. And they're important, you know, they're seen, and they're valued. I'm getting, getting goosebumps now saying all that. But you know, it's just, it's so important, you know, that they feel like that they have a voice and, and they value their value. They don't use those words. But, you know, that's how they feel. Absolutely. And I also think that they have admirable imaginations. So the things that they come up with, I could only ever dream of still being able to come up with. And so I just don't mean or of what of their imaginations. And so I also love to just sort of observe what comes rather than my son's mind as he's drawing. You know, there's a new drawing that he's got on the wall, he found a bit of cotton wall, in my studio, and he stuck it to the page and created this character, Mr. kloudio. And Mr. kloudio is a magician and everything in his world is made out of magic wands. So he's got, you know, a chair made out of magic wands, and then his hats made out of magic wands, and I just, I love is the kloudio book character. Yeah, I feel really privileged to be, you know, have someone in my life that you know, has this amazing brain on them and all children have that capacity? And I think I think we are wise to celebrate that. Absolutely. Yes. You're listening to the art of being a mom was my mom I was naming. So on that, do you find yourself? I guess this can be for either the work that you're doing for clients or your own work? Do you get inspired by that? Sort of, does that give you sort of the feeling to let yourself go to with your creativity? Yes, absolutely. And I will often reflect on my own childhood and what things excited me and caused me to have my imagination run away on itself, and then they're the sorts of things that I then like to include in my artwork. So that inspiration of imaginative thinking is is what I like to try and encourage through my work in hence why I love you know, creating characters like the bunny has the butterfly wings. To me, that is just odd. I would have loved as a kid to find something like that in my garden, like, you know, and I. And as a kid, I thought that that was really possible, you know, and so, and the thought of things, berries was absolutely possible. And that just filled my days with hope, you know, peering through bushes and hoping to see that little twinkle that would, would be a fairy and like, the excitement and anticipation that that gave me it was just so delightful. And so I think about those feelings when I create my artwork and and what type of themes will inspire that same sort of delight? Yeah. Did you find that after you had your son, that things sort of changed, like, was that more intense, or the things that inspired you change slightly, when you became a mum, I would say that the whole reason that I'm doing what I'm doing is because because of my son, so when, when I found out that I was pregnant, I was working for a company, and I was about seven weeks pregnant. And I thought I've ever I'm going to go out on my own, I feel like this is the time because I'm going to, if I go on Matt leave, I'd be trying to start working for myself while having a newborn baby. And I couldn't see how that was going to work. So I thought, I'm probably best to use this time, while I'm pregnant, to start. Start working on, you know, being an artist that works for myself. And so I quit my job, and I just started came home. And I had a few weeks of like, Oh, dear, what have I done? I just threw away my mat leave, and I have no job. And I'm pregnant, right? I really got got myself in a situation here. And I think actually, that the the potential disaster situation I had put my self in, actually inspired me to really give it a good go. And so I guess I laid a lot of groundwork in that time while I was pregnant, so that once my baby was born, I would have a business started that I could nurture on my own terms, as I was, you know, learning how to be a mum. Rather than worry about, you know, for me, I didn't want to have to worry about how am I going to get back to work, you know, part time and the logistics of all that sort of stuff. I thought, not knowing myself. And what was going to work for me, if I was to be the best mom, I could be I thought working for myself was going to be the best option. And so, because, you know, I had a couple of weeks where I was making jams and doing some domestic things. And then I thought, okay, got that out of the way. Now I need to, I'm going to sit down and I'm just going to make some art that is really true to me. I've spent all these years working for different companies making the art they want me to make. And I just created with that reckless abandon If you lie, and reflected deeply on my own childhood, and that inspired the woodlands artwork. And so that was the first sort of big artwork I created in that time after I'd quit my job and, and I was pregnant, and I didn't know what was going to become of that artwork. Yeah. That particular artwork opened a lot of doors for me and has become very popular and he's had a timelessness about it that has meant, you know, it's enduring and is still loved by people all around the world. You know, we released it as a bedding collection with the dares. Four years ago, we're in our fifth year of working together now and they still sell that same original bedding collection because people really love it. And that has just been such an incredible experience to to see what happens when you do really just create in a way that's really true to yourself, to then see, to get that sort of response really form really gave me a lot of confidence in I guess, you know, believing in myself and believing in my abilities and brought home for me the importance of being true to yourself and not just in a creative way. And so that has, has really, you know, that then opened up this world of artworks that I've gone on to create sense ideas and I've done 12 collections together now. And there's lots of really exciting stuff in the pipeline, I just joined up with a fantastic brand agency last November, and they've, they've got me very busy. Which is good. Just getting my head around this new world of, you know, being pulled in lots of directions. And while also you know, needing to have being a mom as a priority, it's it's kind of new territory, territory for me being sort of this busy and being a mom. I am really fortunate though, that I have the most incredible husband, who is so supportive of me and my work and his best dad and he really keeps this ship afloat. It will be remiss of me not to acknowledge him and and that's not without huge effort on his behalf. He works full time too. He's got a job that keeps him really busy as well. But I think we make it really good team and between us we you know, we manage manage life, just the three of us because we don't have our parents around giving us a hand. Unfortunately, my my dad passed away 15 years ago, and my mom was interstate and my husband's parents are down on the Mornington peninsular, often traveling so it really is just us. But we yeah, we might work and much, much of that is due to his title. He's just a legend. I can't speak more highly. I'm really, yeah, he's great. I owe a lot of, you know, being able to do what I do to, to him and also to my son because they, you know, when I do need space and time to get work done, they're really incredible about it. Yeah, that's, that's awesome. And it's important, isn't it that, you know, you're valued. For what you do as a person, you know, I find a lot of stuff we talk about on this show is, you know, you're often seen as the mum that just does stuff for your family. So it's, it's brilliant, that, you know, obviously, you're more than that. And this, they can see that and they're helping you nurture that side of you too, which is really awesome. I think I agree. And I think I think my husband knows though that if I if I couldn't make my art, I probably wouldn't be a very happy person and then probably not as good a month. So I think he understands me, he understands me and understands that you know, this is actually a side of me and my personality and my soul that actually needs to be looked after and given time. And you know, he has things in his life that he you know, does as well that keep him balanced like particularly with exercise and things like that that he's really into and because he does understand that about me that's even more meaningful to me actually that he does really get that I've had to explain it to him but you know and they really got it he gets the it's cool so there's a couple of topics that I like to delve into on each of my episodes. Mum guilt and about identity. So with mum guilt. I know everybody either experiences or doesn't experiences or has their opinions about it and their thoughts. What's your take on molecule So I have a confession to make on mum guilt. And that is that I have heard of the word but I'm not, it's not a word that's really in my vernacular, or my, you know, my friends don't use it. And so I'm wasn't really confident in its true meaning. So I had to google it before I came on here, because I thought I'd need to get worded up just on what it is where to look, to be honest, I, I've never really felt particularly guilty about anything that I have or haven't done as a mom, because the one thing I am sure of is, I always try my best to do my best. And I'm certainly not a perfect mom, but my intentions are always for the best outcome for my son. And I do think that parenting is a learning process, you know, I didn't I never read any books or blogs or anything on parenting, I just kind of intentionally stayed away from a lot of that, I just sort of wanted to feel it out for myself, unfortunately, I've got a beautiful sister who she'd had her first child, six months before me. And then my brother had also had his first child, three months before me. So we all had our first baby within six months. And I kind of would just, yeah, it was beautiful. Now there's this, you know, free little cousins, these little boys that are all, you know, who love each other very much and close in age. It's really gorgeous. And for me that they were who I would, you know, check in with if I had questions or things like that. So? Yeah, look, I can't say that mom guilt is something it's actually ever really been on my radar too much. I certainly, I would say I have to be mindful of how much time I spend working. And, you know, I try to make sure that when my son gets home, like my studios, the first room on the left when he come into our house, and I love that, you know, when he comes home from school, if, if I haven't picked him up, usually I do pick him up. But if I haven't, you know, he'll make a beeline for this room. And we'll have a big hug, and I'll stop what I'm doing. And we'll you know, and then if I need to keep working, I'll either say to my husband, I need to do a little bit of extra work for half an hour or whatever. But I try to not let it extend much beyond that. If I can kind of do pens down when he gets home so that we can hang out. But yeah, I don't I don't know if that's disappointing that I don't have a lot to sort of offer on the mum, the mum guilty. And if anything, I I think I feel a bit sad that there's a word like that. Question, because I do feel like a word like that could offer a slippery slope for some people. Because if I'm having mom guilt, about what and where do you draw the line of you know, how much of something whatever it is time to you. So Mum guilt about how much? I don't know, where do you draw the line? Do you end up becoming paranoid that? I think isn't it? Yeah, I realized that taking taking time for myself is important. And, you know, a couple of times, I've said to my husband, you know what, I'm gonna go and get a hotel room in the city. And I'm gonna go out for dinner by myself, and I'll be home tomorrow. Look, I've only done it a couple of times, but it's been at those points where I've thought, oh my gosh, I am I'm really maxed out here, like, stress wise, or, you know, and I've gone and done that. And I've thought I haven't felt guilty but I actually need is for the sake of, you know, my sanity and and also, I'll come back, you know, better. And I almost feel like not doing those sorts of things is actually would actually be remiss of me in being a good member of my family and a good mom. So same with with exercise, you know, my husband I both prioritize giving each other time to exercise each day because we know that for it's important to burn off all that cortisol and keep your stress levels down and I think we're much happier for it and it's just kind of about negotiating times and and you know, taking over the reins on the domestic duties that we get those things done, as I think we both realized that that, that time to look after ourselves is important for us to be the best parents that we can be. And best, you know, husband and wife to each other to you know, it's not just about our son. Yeah, exactly. It's the whole package. Yeah, like you said, we were talking, I don't know if I'd press record yet or not. But we're talking there, hey, you feel like you've got a really good unit. It's like, you all exist, the three of you together, and it's not you're not isolated as making you. This makes you a better mom, this makes you better part of a unit. And you all have those feelings, I suppose that things contribute to making you feel like you're better part of that unit. So yeah, I definitely enjoy. And I think that it's not just about the mum stuff. Totally, I feel like we've got, you know, we're a great little female family. And I think that's because my husband and I put a conscious effort into doing things that that make it that way. You know, we always talk about how we're spending time, each day or on the weekend, like we'll say to each other. What do you need to get done this weekend is usually our first question to each other. And that that could be anything from like, leftover work that needs being tended to, or my husband just might really want to get in the garden and plant some seeds or, you know, whatever it is, he might want times, but he is an amazing Baker. And he he is is on a bit of a fruit life Bender at the moment. So he'll and that requires quite a bit of time, you know, it's gonna Yeah, the Eastern is starter, and all the things that that needs time. And so we often check in with each other. What do you want to get done this weekend around that, you know, to make sure everything gets done, and then that includes as well, whatever's going on with our son or whatever we think, you know, he might be needing pets, there's a lot of a lot of kind of negotiating in terms of, you know, how we plan and spend our time and making sure everyone's kind of what they need out of life. Really. Yeah, you know, if my husband wants to go hang out with his friends at the footy, and he'll give me that heads up. And I know that that's, you know, important for him to do and go and have that time with his friends. And I much prefer he go does it at the football ground at the MCG rather than at home because he gets quite stressed. I don't really want to be found anyway. So it's really like my dad, my God. It's something I just don't get either. You know, I'm not, I'm not a sports person. You know, it's when the sports part of the news comes on. That's my cue to life. Which I don't care. I have this little sort of, I wouldn't call it quite a chip on my shoulder. But I'm like, Why isn't there an Art section on the news? You know? Why is it all this? Awful? And cricket? I mean, come on, like, there's others. Right stuff going on? Why is it just like, first part is bad news. And then the second part is, who's what guys are kicking a ball around? Like, is that really what we've got? Yeah, the two choices you get. But did that annoy you then this is something that really got me frustrated through the pandemic, when in particular, you guys over there you you did it a lot harder than we did here with your lockdown for, you know, I don't know how many days it was, but it was big, that the sport kept going, and they get to keep traveling around the country and doing whatever they liked. But all that stopped and I don't know, that really annoyed me. Do you know I? Strangely, it's almost a little bit like a like, for me, that newborn phase of being a mom is a bit like a blur to me. I almost feel a bit the same about the lock downs. Yeah. Like when I think back, I'm trying to reflect on what you're talking about. I'm like, I don't even remember was this spot on? You know, I don't know. I think because we're all just kind of getting our head around, like, oh my gosh, what is happening? You know, like, it's this, this real? And so it just is like, you were living it whereas we were watching you guys live it like we you know, maybe that's why because because you're in the trenches dealing with it, you know, that could be why that? I don't know it was maybe it was just a survival of, you know, trying to stay sane. Part of me maybe it's just locked in section of it. I will say though, that there was parts about that lock down that I'm grateful for like, you know, we had some pretty beautiful family times. You know, we had to be inventive about how we had fun and how we, you know, spent time together and it to still enjoy ourselves and we came up with things we otherwise wouldn't have done. And so I do try to look back on that period as something that you know, I try to see the good in it because to look back on it with any sort of not regret, that's not the word to look back on it and annoyed about it. Skills doesn't do anyone any favors. So I try and see the good in it. Plus, I did enjoy. I don't love crafts, and I went into the city last night to see the amazing clay, Dorian Gray, the Art Center and was really good. And he was absolutely pumping and packed. And in my head, I was just like, oh, I want to get out of here like I did. I did like that quiet, but the lockdown actually offered. But boy, I'm certainly glad that you know, we're getting back to a type of normal to Yeah, that's it isn't it? All right, well, the other the other lovely topic I talked about is identity. And, again, this is completely individual to everyone. So everyone's take on this is different, too, which is good. Whether you sort of had a shift in the way you saw yourself, either positively or negatively, or how the concept of your own identity might have changed when you did become a mum. That's a really interesting one to think about. Because I feel like it was a it was a it's been a slow burn. And I feel like it's an evolving shifting identity because a mum of a newborn is a different mum to a mum of a six year old, in my experience, there's different there's different different things you have to navigate. And so what becomes you know, your focus is ever changing. And I feel like with that, you know, you're you're ever changing to kind of keep up with it as well. But I do remember having this was literally like a sliding door moment when because I was induced for my labor because I had a lot of anxiety around giving birth. And I was booked in to go and had my baby. And I remember walking out the front door of our house. And as I was walking towards the door, opening it and thinking, this is the last time I'll leave this house, not as a mum and shutting the door behind me and sort of thinking like that, like it really felt like closing a chapter. That was there's something really sad about that it felt like saying sort of goodbye to a part of myself, and myself. That was all I knew up until till that point. And but being very open to what lie ahead, but also slightly terrified. And then next thing you know, there's this little baby bear that you're you're responsible for, and oh my gosh, I can't even articulate the identity shift. Like it's, and I think, look, I can speak about it from an artist point of view because being an artist, or being a creative person has always been such a big part of my identity. And for me, that has always taken up a lot of time in my life. And so to then have that time less available because you know, a newborn is one is all consuming and trying to come to terms with that part of me being just maybe on hold for a little bit. But even still, I was I sort of I couldn't I couldn't keep it on hold for very long. You know, I was having meetings with clients fairly soon after and they'd come over because then you're not long ago I had a baby and I'd be sitting on the couch breastfeeding, you know, little two month old bye Maybe while we're having meetings about, you know, different stuff and the clients I had at the time, were awesome about it, actually, they were really supportive of, you know, me wanting to get back to work. And I felt really empowered actually working in and feeding a baby at the same time. Yeah, yeah, I remember, I remember taking bales on a photo shoot, that I was styling and producing. And I had him strapped to me and I was carrying around props. And I remember just thinking like, this is actually fun. Like, I'm actually I can work and have this baby and take care of him and be still being creative. And so I sort of just ease back into it, like, you know, one bit at a time and but I was quite quick to do that. But I didn't take a long break without making any art or doing anything creative at all. And I just sort of had to do it in a way where I sort of explored what was and wasn't possible with him. Yep. You know, I've got a I don't know why must have come up as a must have come up with a phone memory. A photo of bales in his little bouncer next to me while I'm hot glue gunning a hydrangea spike hydrangea to a headband for you for a headpiece for a friend. And I just thought, you know, that's actually looked back on that photo quite fondly, you know that I was still able to keep being creative and it's wasn't without its challenges. There were certainly would have been times of frustration, but they don't stick out in my memory. Yeah. I don't look back on that time as as being particularly challenging, but I don't I'm not suggesting that it wasn't. Yeah, it just doesn't stick out that way. Yeah, yeah. Because I think I feel like with parenting I can do I don't know if what your thoughts on this are, but you do tend to just remember the the parts you know, this, say having a newborn that's so hard. And there'd be times I remember where I was like, oh my god, like, is this day really happening? Could it be any worse, but they're not the days that stick out? It's the loves what sort of stick with me from those those times? So, yeah, so my identity, I think has I'd say I work pretty hard to try and maintain my sense of self, my creative sense of self. And that's had to be a conscious effort because Because being a parent is you know, becomes such a big focus to keep that creativity alive and nurtured you know, did require some conscious effort and planning. But I've certainly found it to be possible did you sort of have any thoughts or expectations of how the two worlds would coexist the day to day parenting and the creative work? Well, I was recommended. One book actually called I think it was called you probably know it. Motherhood and creativity is that well, it's home Rachel power of the divided heart. I think so. It's got all the like Clare Bowditch different creative people in it is that's cool. I had Rachel on that episode last season, because we've been recommending me this book. I've never read it. And I've felt really embarrassed that I'd never read it because it's amazing. And I can understand why it resonated with so many people. So I messaged her on Instagram and said, Can I have you on my podcast? And she came on and it was amazing. And it's one of the one of the most like amazing moments like that. Yeah. But yes, I know. A wonderful book. I'm sure a lot of people listening know the book, too. Yeah, so I did read that. Now. To be honest, I can't remember whether I read it before after I had had my son. But I look, I know that book had a lot more to offer than this. But at the time, my biggest take out from it was it sounds like I'm gonna need a nanny because I kept reading all these success stories of these creative women getting on with the creative practice. But there would seem to be many of those stories, you know, like a nanny or someone kind of. And at that time, I thought, Oh, I don't know, the thought of, I've never, I've never grown up with having a nanny, or, you know, it would just sort of wasn't kind of on my radar. So, it what that did though was it gave me the confidence and maybe green light, if you like, if I'd had any hesitation to, to get help, you know, I would have people come and look after my son, you know, that I would pay to come and look after him so I could get on with my work. And I did, that book did make me realize that that was, you know, perhaps as part of the reality of what might need to be done at certain times, if you do want to get on with your work. And look, my memory of that book is a little a little fuzzy, because it was some time ago that I read it. So I hope I'm not misrepresenting it. When I'm speaking about it, but that was my my biggest take out was that, you know, getting help is you know, was caring for your child is okay. And, yeah. And, you know, perhaps essential in the world that we live in, and with how, you know, our society is generally the primary carer and, and so on, you'd have expected that you take to village kind of philosophies from previous generations. Yeah. And when you don't have like, that much of a village around you, like I mentioned, you know, our parents are, you know, geographically away from us. You eat sometimes just might have to rent a village. Yeah. But, you know, that sort of gave me that, I don't want to say permission, but the reassurance that, you know, you don't have to do it all yourself, and you can, you can ask for help. And whether that's, you know, in people's situations are different, whether it's, you know, like you said, you can you, you pay someone to come in, or you've got your neighbor or whatever, it's, I think we've lost that feeling that we can ask for help. I think we've become a lot more insular in this, you know, particularly our generation that you've got to do it all yourself, you've got to be the super mum that handles everything. And then if you don't get it, right, oh, no, you haven't been a good mum, you know, whereas my mum, you know, they, they asked the neighbor to babysit, or, you know, it's changed a lot. Yeah, and I think that's it What have you got coming up that you can share that you're working on or anything that's, that's coming out in the future? Well, lots actually, it's been a very busy, very busy year. And the tricky thing with my work is often you know, I'm working six to sometimes 12 months in advance of when things actually coming to life. So I have to keep a lot of stuff, you know, quiet for a long time. And when I'm so excited about it can be really hard. But I've got some great things coming to life. So I've just worked on a beautiful collaboration with namely co so they do beautiful, custom knitted blankets and some beautiful little apparel pieces. And so we've done flow Harris, namely ko collaboration that is coming out very soon. And the team behind namely, is just fantastic. And I've been really enjoying that, you know, collaborative process with them. I've been really fortunate in general, actually, that the partners that I work with are such nice people and very clever and very creative and wonderful collaborators so that it's often a very joyful experience. So that's a really exciting collaboration that is coming out soon. And what is really massive news to me is that I'm launching my own label. So Fleur Harris, will be stocked in David Jones. come October. I've worked with him. Thank you. I've worked with an amazing team. To bring this to life. It's been months and months and months of hard work. Hard but fun work if it's been the most fantastic process and we've designed it is the most beautiful looking and beautiful quality apparel for babies up to eight years old. It's really exciting. And so that's that's kind of a milestone moment for me in my career. Because typically, I've always, you know, released, designed and release products through collaborations, whereas this is completely under my own name. So it's a big stepping stone and a little bit scary, but also very exciting because the product is so beautiful. So well done. Oh, thank you, thank you, it still doesn't feel real. So I think it won't be until I go in to David Jones and see it on the shelf that I'll be like, Oh, my gosh, there's a flyer section in Davy Jones, I can't believe another really exciting news is that Adairs kids and I are celebrating being in our fifth year of our collaboration together. And so we are re releasing some of the most popular prints, there's some new colorways there's some new products being added to some of the like, the more iconic collections, like the woodlands collection, we've got some new pieces coming out in that we've done a whole new photo shoots. And it's really nice to kind of just take a moment to pause and stop and celebrate, you know, what we've achieved together. And because it's not often that collaborations lasts so long, and it's so endearing. So to have built that relationship with them and created this world of beautiful products, children together is so nice to stop and celebrate, you know? Yeah. And I think that's something we don't do, too. We don't, we don't, I think we feel like we shouldn't, we shouldn't have that ego, to be proud of ourselves or celebrate, but definitely have to celebrate moments like that. It's easy to sometimes not be able to find the moment, you know, because because often different projects or different things you've got going on in your life happen in stages, you know, and so it can be hard to work out well, when is our champagne moment. And so it feels nice that we've actually decided to sort of mark that, that milestone and, and be grateful for it and happy about it. So that's really nice to be able to do to take stock in, you know, reflect on that. And they always do things in a really beautiful way. So I've had a peek at the photoshoot that they've put together, where they're actually mashed up quite a few different collections and put them all on in this one sheet. So this is one bed that's kind of got a bit of everything in it, which actually, actually looks really good. So yeah, it's nice to see ya. Good on. Yeah, that's congratulations on your successes. And so well, I think that the attitude, and like what you bring to your work is such a beautiful way of working. And I've just, I hope, wishing you so much success in the future. And I'm sure that your work will endure, as you've said, like five years with one collaboration is pretty significant. And I'm so looking forward to seeing what you put, like what comes out, you know, thank you, Alison can work you can keep bringing to the world. It's so wonderful. Sorry, lovely. Thank you, Alison. That is really very kind of you. And I must express my admiration and appreciation for what you do too, because you've got a lot going on in your life and a lot of your own creative projects going on. And this podcast and I know how much work must go into putting this together for you. And I think there's a lot to be said for women who aren't being proactive in uplifting and giving a platform to other women. You know, we have international women's day where you know, everyone posts on their social media, how good it is to support women. But you're an example of someone actually actively doing that. And I'm really, I have a lot of respect for that and very grateful for the opportunity to join in with the fantastic work you're doing. Thank you for It's so lovely for you to say that you're a great example of a great woman. Thank you. Yeah, good on you at all. I just love it. Love it so much. It's been really nice speaking today. It has it's been so lovely. Thank you so much for coming on. I've just really loved chatting. Thanks for your company today. If you've enjoyed this episode, I'd love you to connect either leaving us a review, following or subscribing to the podcast, or even sharing it with a friend who you think might be interested. If you or someone you know would like to be a guest on the podcast, please get in touch with us via the link in the show notes. I'll catch you again next week for another chat with an artistic mum.

Elora Viano UK based photographer S3 Ep91 Listen and subscribe on Spotify and itunes/Apple podcasts My guest this week is Elora Viona, a photographer based in Lincolnshire UK and a mum of 2. Originally from Canada, Elora spent a few years in Italy where she met her husband before moving to the UK. Growing up Elora loved being creative, but didnt have a natural affinity for drawing or art. She was looking for ways to be creative and express herself, and in high school she discovered photography and she finally found it! Elora has been photographing since back in the days of film, and has had this as a passionate hobby ever since. Elora enjoys experimenting in her work using different lenses. collages or light leak overlays. Six years ago she decided to turn it into a business, and got so sucked into making it a success that in the process she had forgotten about her love for personal projects. Having made active changes, she's proud to say she has managed to accomplish a number of personal projects and continue to do so, growing and challenging herself with this medium. She is a family photographer and enjoys a documentary style, her biggest passion is capturing emotion and movement in her subjects. Elora has won a number of awards and been published in magazines both in print and online. Elora's current project Kintsugi Mama aligns the Japanese art of repairing with gold, with stretchmarks, Through this project Elora is exploring the beauty of the so called “scarred” female body. This body where the skin stretches, breaks, and re-heals itself all while bringing a new life to this world – is an incredible feat of mother nature, and yet, somehow, we do not tend to look upon those stretch marks with love, but with distaste, hate even, because they are seen as imperfections. What if, instead of hiding those so called “imperfections” we celebrated them, repaired them with gold, the most precious element of them all? What if we took the time to see how glorious they truly are? Would we see ourselves differently? Would we revel in the power of womanhood? Elora - Personal Instagram / Website / The Daily Collective Website / Kintsugi project website Podcast - instagram / website If today’s episode is triggering for you in any way I encourage you to seek help from those around you, medical professionals or from resources on line. I have compiled a list of great international resources here Music used with permission from Alemjo my new age and ambient music trio. When chatting to my guests I greatly appreciate their openness and honestly in sharing their stories. If at any stage their information is found to be incorrect, the podcast bears no responsibility for guests' inaccuracies. Podcast transcript at the bottom of the page Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode of The Art of Being A Mum Podcast. I'm beyond honoured that you're here and would be grateful if you could take 2 minutes to leave me a 5-star review in iTunes or wherever you are listening. It really helps! This way together we can inspire, connect and bring in to the light even more stories from creative mums. Want to connect? Take a screenshot of this episode and share it on Instagram tagging me in with @art_of_being_a_mum_podcast I can't wait to connect. And remember if you or somebody you know would like to be a guest on the podcast, get in touch ! I love meeting and chatting to mammas from all creative backgrounds, from all around the world! Thank you! Alison acknowledges this Land of the Berrin (Mount Gambier) Region as the Traditional Lands of the Bungandidj People and acknowledge these First Nations people as the custodians of the Region. Ch eck out more episodes ..... Being a Mum podcast where I, Alison Newman, a singer, songwriter and Aussie mum of two, 2 00:00:08,700 --> 00:00:13,860 enjoys honest and inspiring conversations with artists and creators about the joys and 3 00:00:13,860 --> 00:00:18,600 issues they've encountered while trying to be a mum and continue to create. 4 00:00:18,600 --> 00:00:23,320 You'll hear themes like the mental juggle, changes in identity, how their work's been 5 00:00:23,320 --> 00:00:29,100 influenced by motherhood, mum guilt, cultural norms and we also stray into territory such 6 00:00:29,100 --> 00:00:33,520 as the patriarchy, feminism and capitalism. 7 00:00:33,520 --> 00:00:37,960 You can find links to my guests and topics we discuss in the show notes along with a 8 00:00:37,960 --> 00:00:43,220 link to the music played, how to get in touch and a link to join our supportive and lively 9 00:00:43,220 --> 00:00:46,440 community on Instagram. 10 00:00:46,440 --> 00:00:51,000 I'll always put a trigger warning if we discuss sensitive topics on the podcast but if at 11 00:00:51,000 --> 00:00:55,880 any time you're concerned about your mental health I urge you to talk to those around 12 00:00:55,880 --> 00:01:00,680 you, reach out to health professionals or seek out resources online. 13 00:01:00,680 --> 00:01:05,200 I've compiled a list of international resources which can be accessed on the podcast landing 14 00:01:05,200 --> 00:01:08,840 page alisonnewman.net slash podcast. 15 00:01:08,840 --> 00:01:13,200 The art of being a mum would like to acknowledge the traditional owners of the land and water 16 00:01:13,200 --> 00:01:18,360 which this podcast is recorded on as being the Bowendig people in the Beren region. 17 00:01:18,360 --> 00:01:25,360 I'm working on land that was never ceded. 18 00:01:25,360 --> 00:01:29,160 Hello and welcome to another episode of the podcast. 19 00:01:29,160 --> 00:01:35,760 This week we're up to 91, creeping ever closer to that magical 100. 20 00:01:35,760 --> 00:01:40,840 This week however my guest is Elora Villano, a photographer based in Lincolnshire in the 21 00:01:40,840 --> 00:01:43,680 UK and a mum of two. 22 00:01:43,680 --> 00:01:48,080 Elora's originally from Canada and she spent a few years in Italy where she met her husband 23 00:01:48,080 --> 00:01:50,880 before moving to the UK. 24 00:01:50,880 --> 00:01:55,440 Growing up Elora loved being creative but didn't have a natural affinity for drawing 25 00:01:55,440 --> 00:01:56,620 or painting. 26 00:01:56,620 --> 00:02:01,520 She was looking for ways to be creative and express herself and in high school she discovered 27 00:02:01,520 --> 00:02:02,920 photography. 28 00:02:02,920 --> 00:02:06,360 She finally found what she'd been looking for. 29 00:02:06,360 --> 00:02:11,120 Elora's been photographing since back in the days of film, the first time around and has 30 00:02:11,120 --> 00:02:14,000 enjoyed it as a passionate hobby ever since. 31 00:02:14,000 --> 00:02:20,640 She enjoys experimenting in her work using different lenses, collages or light leak overlays. 32 00:02:20,640 --> 00:02:26,360 Six years ago Elora decided to turn photography into a business and she got so sucked into 33 00:02:26,360 --> 00:02:32,000 making it a success in that process that she'd forgotten about her love for her personal 34 00:02:32,000 --> 00:02:33,480 projects. 35 00:02:33,480 --> 00:02:37,440 Having made active changes she's proud to say she's managed to accomplish a number of 36 00:02:37,440 --> 00:02:43,000 personal projects and continues to do so, growing and challenging herself with this 37 00:02:43,000 --> 00:02:44,000 medium. 38 00:02:44,000 --> 00:02:48,100 Elora is a family photographer and enjoys a documentary style. 39 00:02:48,100 --> 00:02:52,680 Her biggest passions are capturing emotion and movement in her subjects. 40 00:02:52,680 --> 00:02:58,600 She's won a number of awards and been published in magazines both in print and online. 41 00:02:58,600 --> 00:03:04,680 Elora's current project Kintsuki Mama aligns the Japanese art of repairing with gold, 42 00:03:04,680 --> 00:03:06,040 with stretch marks. 43 00:03:06,040 --> 00:03:11,800 Through this project Elora is exploring the beauty of the so called scarred female body, 44 00:03:11,800 --> 00:03:16,580 the body where the skin stretches, breaks and re-heals itself all while bringing a new 45 00:03:16,580 --> 00:03:18,520 life into this world. 46 00:03:18,520 --> 00:03:23,320 It's an incredible feat of mother nature and yet somehow we do not tend to look upon those 47 00:03:23,320 --> 00:03:27,400 stretch marks with love but with distaste, hate even. 48 00:03:27,400 --> 00:03:32,360 What if instead of hiding those imperfections we celebrated them, repaired them with gold, 49 00:03:32,360 --> 00:03:35,240 the most precious element of them all? 50 00:03:35,240 --> 00:03:39,080 What if we took the time to see how glorious they truly are? 51 00:03:39,080 --> 00:03:41,240 Would we see ourselves differently? 52 00:03:41,240 --> 00:03:49,160 Would we revel in the power of womanhood? 53 00:03:49,160 --> 00:03:50,800 Elora it's lovely to meet you. 54 00:03:50,800 --> 00:03:53,400 Thank you so much for coming on the podcast. 55 00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:54,880 Thank you so much for having me. 56 00:03:54,880 --> 00:03:55,880 It's good to meet you too. 57 00:03:55,880 --> 00:03:57,760 Yeah it's such a pleasure. 58 00:03:57,760 --> 00:04:00,240 So we're just chatting before I hit record. 59 00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:05,160 You're over in the UK and it is the morning there. 60 00:04:05,160 --> 00:04:09,720 Whereabouts in the UK are you? 61 00:04:09,720 --> 00:04:19,960 Lincolnshire which is East, Central East Coast type area of the country. 62 00:04:19,960 --> 00:04:20,960 Yeah right. 63 00:04:20,960 --> 00:04:27,840 So in relation to London which is about north, mostly where most people know. 64 00:04:27,840 --> 00:04:30,680 So it's north of London. 65 00:04:30,680 --> 00:04:32,800 Have you always lived there with your accent? 66 00:04:32,800 --> 00:04:35,680 No, no my accent is not British. 67 00:04:35,680 --> 00:04:36,680 It's Canadian. 68 00:04:36,680 --> 00:04:37,680 Yeah, yes. 69 00:04:37,680 --> 00:04:44,440 I was born and raised in Canada and then I spent a few years in Italy when I met my husband 70 00:04:44,440 --> 00:04:49,280 and then we ended up moving here for his work and so far this is where we're staying. 71 00:04:49,280 --> 00:04:50,280 Yeah right. 72 00:04:50,280 --> 00:05:17,420 So couldn't be more special than this. 73 00:05:17,420 --> 00:05:26,460 I'm a photographer, primarily. 74 00:05:26,460 --> 00:05:31,500 I like to dabble in other things, but just as a hobby, really. 75 00:05:31,500 --> 00:05:39,900 So I mostly do photography and I also run it as a business with family and personal 76 00:05:39,900 --> 00:05:42,540 branding here in Lincoln. 77 00:05:42,540 --> 00:05:53,580 And I also do it as personal work and therapy and just as the storyteller of the family 78 00:05:53,580 --> 00:05:57,900 as well as doing projects that are close to my heart. 79 00:05:57,900 --> 00:06:01,740 And I've also recently launched a podcast. 80 00:06:01,740 --> 00:06:02,740 Oh, exciting! 81 00:06:02,740 --> 00:06:06,220 Yeah, so it's all on. 82 00:06:06,220 --> 00:06:12,100 I'm all over the place as usual, doing 400 different things. 83 00:06:12,100 --> 00:06:13,100 All in good fun. 84 00:06:13,100 --> 00:06:14,100 Just to keep me busy. 85 00:06:14,100 --> 00:06:15,100 Yeah, that's awesome. 86 00:06:15,100 --> 00:06:20,620 Tell us about your style of photography that you like to take. 87 00:06:20,620 --> 00:06:28,080 I love doing more documentary type photography, so taking pictures as they are. 88 00:06:28,080 --> 00:06:36,260 My biggest passion is capturing emotion in my images and movement and love and connection 89 00:06:36,260 --> 00:06:41,740 and joy and just silliness in general. 90 00:06:41,740 --> 00:06:44,940 I just live for that. 91 00:06:44,940 --> 00:06:49,580 When I see one of those pictures, it's just like, that's the one for me. 92 00:06:49,580 --> 00:06:56,540 I also enjoy experimenting a bit with photography on the side, a personal side, using like creative 93 00:06:56,540 --> 00:07:00,300 lenses or sticking stuff in front of my lenses. 94 00:07:00,300 --> 00:07:05,620 Occasionally doing photomontage type stuff. 95 00:07:05,620 --> 00:07:10,300 Not very good, but it's fun to experiment. 96 00:07:10,300 --> 00:07:18,580 I like to try new things because then I see I can incorporate that into my work if it 97 00:07:18,580 --> 00:07:22,780 feels like it's in line with me. 98 00:07:22,780 --> 00:07:27,060 Otherwise I don't. 99 00:07:27,060 --> 00:07:31,340 Otherwise I just let it go because it's not my thing. 100 00:07:31,340 --> 00:07:38,300 I learned that the hard way by trying to be what I wasn't. 101 00:07:38,300 --> 00:07:47,940 I just, with age and maturity, as you do, I just said, you know what, that's not me. 102 00:07:47,940 --> 00:07:51,820 I've tried, it wasn't for me, I move on. 103 00:07:51,820 --> 00:07:54,580 Good on you. 104 00:07:54,580 --> 00:08:00,100 I actually had a bit of a squeeze on your webpage. 105 00:08:00,100 --> 00:08:01,100 I love that style. 106 00:08:01,100 --> 00:08:07,340 It's like you're not setting people in positions and poses and all that sort of stage sort 107 00:08:07,340 --> 00:08:13,820 of style of photography, which I, when I got married, I got married 20 years ago and I 108 00:08:13,820 --> 00:08:19,580 wanted the style of photography like that, like what you do, like this documentary style 109 00:08:19,580 --> 00:08:21,980 where you're just capturing things as they happen. 110 00:08:21,980 --> 00:08:26,300 The tent I live in, we've only got like 30,000 people. 111 00:08:26,300 --> 00:08:30,500 At that time there was maybe two professional photographers and this was back on the film 112 00:08:30,500 --> 00:08:31,500 days. 113 00:08:31,500 --> 00:08:34,700 No one did the style like that. 114 00:08:34,700 --> 00:08:37,740 It was all stand here and stand here and blah, blah, blah. 115 00:08:37,740 --> 00:08:39,780 And it's like, I had my time again. 116 00:08:39,780 --> 00:08:44,340 I probably would have pushed a bit harder. 117 00:08:44,340 --> 00:08:51,700 But you know, it's become more popular as a style over the last 20 years or so. 118 00:08:51,700 --> 00:08:57,900 I think it's evolved because there was a very distinct thing between reportage. 119 00:08:57,900 --> 00:09:05,580 Also like reporters and news things and Magnum photo kind of stuff and what family photography 120 00:09:05,580 --> 00:09:06,580 was supposed to be. 121 00:09:06,580 --> 00:09:15,060 So studio imposed and curated and made to look because it was a special occasion. 122 00:09:15,060 --> 00:09:21,260 But as things have changed, they've kind of all smushed together a lot and it's become 123 00:09:21,260 --> 00:09:27,340 very nice to see that there's a whole array of different styles for people to choose from 124 00:09:27,340 --> 00:09:30,060 and they can go with what they're drawn to. 125 00:09:30,060 --> 00:09:32,620 Yeah, that's so true, isn't it? 126 00:09:32,620 --> 00:09:33,620 And I love that. 127 00:09:33,620 --> 00:09:37,860 I think because like when digital came along, it just became so much more accessible to 128 00:09:37,860 --> 00:09:40,020 so many people. 129 00:09:40,020 --> 00:09:45,380 And I know, yeah, in where I live, like just about everybody can take photos, like, you 130 00:09:45,380 --> 00:09:47,260 know, whether they're good or not, it's another story. 131 00:09:47,260 --> 00:09:51,940 But there are a lot of photographers around now compared to what they used to be. 132 00:09:51,940 --> 00:09:57,260 Yeah, you're not sure of pretty much everyone's got a good camera these days. 133 00:09:57,260 --> 00:10:25,780 How did you first get into photography? 134 00:10:25,780 --> 00:10:28,780 Okay. 135 00:10:28,780 --> 00:10:34,100 So it's a story of how one person can really influence your life and change it. 136 00:10:34,100 --> 00:10:36,700 In this case, a teacher. 137 00:10:36,700 --> 00:10:44,980 I always liked being creative, but I suck at drawing like stick men, barely understandable. 138 00:10:44,980 --> 00:10:46,940 I mean, my kids draw better than I do. 139 00:10:46,940 --> 00:10:55,700 Their father, thankfully for them, but you know, I can't say that I'm not a good artist. 140 00:10:55,700 --> 00:10:56,700 I can't draw. 141 00:10:56,700 --> 00:10:57,700 I love being creative. 142 00:10:57,700 --> 00:10:58,900 I love doing crafty things. 143 00:10:58,900 --> 00:11:05,540 I really wanted to be able to express myself, but I could never find a medium that I liked. 144 00:11:05,540 --> 00:11:06,780 I kept taking art classes. 145 00:11:06,780 --> 00:11:10,780 I kept really doing badly at art classes and getting critiqued and getting pushed down, 146 00:11:10,780 --> 00:11:19,700 but I just kept going until about high school in grade 11, no, grade 12. 147 00:11:19,700 --> 00:11:26,820 So last year of high school, my art teacher introduced me to photography and she, we had 148 00:11:26,820 --> 00:11:28,500 a school camera and she gave it to me. 149 00:11:28,500 --> 00:11:33,340 She showed me how to put the film in, in the black bag, the way you used to do it in the 150 00:11:33,340 --> 00:11:34,340 olden days. 151 00:11:34,340 --> 00:11:41,340 And you know, she taught the whole module basically on how to use photography and I 152 00:11:41,340 --> 00:11:49,620 found it and I was like, it just opened my eyes as to how I could be creative and I could 153 00:11:49,620 --> 00:11:56,580 do that with people and things and how I see the world and how light is. 154 00:11:56,580 --> 00:12:00,060 And so I basically never stopped after that. 155 00:12:00,060 --> 00:12:02,420 I kept going as a hobby. 156 00:12:02,420 --> 00:12:08,380 You know, I'd take a little camera with me everywhere and photograph my trips, my travels, 157 00:12:08,380 --> 00:12:12,500 my friends, my family, the cats, everything. 158 00:12:12,500 --> 00:12:17,020 You know, I had stacks of pictures that I would go to the little one hour photo guy 159 00:12:17,020 --> 00:12:21,420 and print them out and have it done. 160 00:12:21,420 --> 00:12:26,940 And then there was a bit of a pause for a while while I was studying at university. 161 00:12:26,940 --> 00:12:32,740 I just didn't have the time to follow on a lot of hobbies. 162 00:12:32,740 --> 00:12:36,460 And in that meantime, everything kind of went digital. 163 00:12:36,460 --> 00:12:42,540 So it was like I had to learn it all again in a way. 164 00:12:42,540 --> 00:12:48,540 So I picked up a digital camera and I slowly started learning and got into that. 165 00:12:48,540 --> 00:12:54,500 And I just kept doing it, you know, just practicing and playing around as a hobby, never really 166 00:12:54,500 --> 00:13:01,180 thinking it could become a business or anything like that until I had my kids. 167 00:13:01,180 --> 00:13:07,220 And then with my first child, I realized that I wanted to have the flexibility of deciding 168 00:13:07,220 --> 00:13:08,700 my own times. 169 00:13:08,700 --> 00:13:12,180 And I was like, I wanted to still do something creative. 170 00:13:12,180 --> 00:13:14,820 I still wanted to do something I could work around my family. 171 00:13:14,820 --> 00:13:17,520 And it was like, well, this is pretty clear. 172 00:13:17,520 --> 00:13:21,700 So I decided to start up my business and that's it really. 173 00:13:21,700 --> 00:13:23,420 It's been going since then. 174 00:13:23,420 --> 00:13:24,420 Yeah, right. 175 00:13:24,420 --> 00:13:26,220 So how long is that? 176 00:13:26,220 --> 00:13:29,700 How old is that child? 177 00:13:29,700 --> 00:13:35,180 The oldest one is nine and the youngest is six, going on seven as she likes to point 178 00:13:35,180 --> 00:13:36,180 out every day. 179 00:13:36,180 --> 00:13:39,700 Six and a half mommy and only like three months until my birthday. 180 00:13:39,700 --> 00:13:42,780 You know, that kind of counting it down. 181 00:13:42,780 --> 00:13:46,580 Yeah, they're so detailed oriented. 182 00:13:46,580 --> 00:13:54,100 So, so yeah, sorry, I was saying. 183 00:13:54,100 --> 00:14:00,460 So yeah, it's been first year or so was kind of start and stop because I was learning all 184 00:14:00,460 --> 00:14:02,300 the things about business. 185 00:14:02,300 --> 00:14:07,740 And that's where I kind of fell into doing what other people were doing. 186 00:14:07,740 --> 00:14:11,340 So I thought has to be studio stuff. 187 00:14:11,340 --> 00:14:18,660 So I had to learn about lighting and backdrops and find a space and posing and and it was 188 00:14:18,660 --> 00:14:24,580 so hard for me to learn it and just do it. 189 00:14:24,580 --> 00:14:29,300 And anytime I had a session, the photos I found that I tended to be drawn to the most 190 00:14:29,300 --> 00:14:30,300 for the outtakes. 191 00:14:30,300 --> 00:14:31,300 Yeah. 192 00:14:31,300 --> 00:14:34,780 And and I was like, and I always included them. 193 00:14:34,780 --> 00:14:39,740 And then, you know, sometimes people wanted that posed look and sometimes they preferred 194 00:14:39,740 --> 00:14:42,220 the outtakes and and stuff like that. 195 00:14:42,220 --> 00:14:46,340 And then as I got into it and then I was just I kept on taking like courses and joining 196 00:14:46,340 --> 00:14:50,980 groups and communities and all that kind of stuff. 197 00:14:50,980 --> 00:14:58,780 And then I found lifestyle photography and I was like, oh, this is like an in between 198 00:14:58,780 --> 00:15:00,700 kind of thing. 199 00:15:00,700 --> 00:15:03,540 And it was being very popular in the States and Canada. 200 00:15:03,540 --> 00:15:06,460 It was not yet all the rage here. 201 00:15:06,460 --> 00:15:09,780 It was just starting kind of here in the UK. 202 00:15:09,780 --> 00:15:14,940 So it took a long time for me to kind of promote and get people to do it. 203 00:15:14,940 --> 00:15:20,100 But I did a few model calls, got a few model families in, started to change over the website 204 00:15:20,100 --> 00:15:22,980 and who I was focusing on. 205 00:15:22,980 --> 00:15:24,820 And in the meantime, we moved. 206 00:15:24,820 --> 00:15:30,380 So I had a completely new clean slate basically to work on with new clients. 207 00:15:30,380 --> 00:15:35,420 And I just promoted myself as that and then from lifestyle, I've gone more and more towards 208 00:15:35,420 --> 00:15:38,220 the documentary approach. 209 00:15:38,220 --> 00:15:44,740 And that's that seems to be where I have settled right now as it stands from a business standpoint. 210 00:15:44,740 --> 00:15:47,620 Personally, I've always been documentary. 211 00:15:47,620 --> 00:15:52,580 So I've always been doing, you know, just taking pictures of things as they are, nature 212 00:15:52,580 --> 00:15:56,700 landscapes or people in the street or that kind of thing. 213 00:15:56,700 --> 00:16:02,420 The kids as they were growing and that started me off on a series of personal projects as 214 00:16:02,420 --> 00:16:03,420 well. 215 00:16:03,420 --> 00:16:07,420 And yeah, that's pretty much it summed up. 216 00:16:07,420 --> 00:16:09,420 Yeah, no, that's awesome. 217 00:16:09,420 --> 00:16:11,140 I love that. 218 00:16:11,140 --> 00:16:14,780 Like you mentioned it earlier and then, you know, I'm going into some detail with it now. 219 00:16:14,780 --> 00:16:20,060 But I think a lot of people can relate to that, that when you start something new, there's 220 00:16:20,060 --> 00:16:24,700 this, you have this idea of what it's supposed to be like and you can find yourself sort 221 00:16:24,700 --> 00:16:30,260 of falling into that trap of not listening, maybe not listening to your heart because 222 00:16:30,260 --> 00:16:33,940 you think I've got to do it like that because that seems to be right. 223 00:16:33,940 --> 00:16:39,300 So then it's like, and you knew like, you didn't want to do it like that, but it was 224 00:16:39,300 --> 00:16:41,740 like, yeah, I could feel that it just wasn't my thing. 225 00:16:41,740 --> 00:16:42,740 Yeah. 226 00:16:42,740 --> 00:16:44,140 And I think a lot of people can relate to that. 227 00:16:44,140 --> 00:16:49,460 And it takes a lot of courage and a lot of sort of soul searching to sort of look at 228 00:16:49,460 --> 00:16:52,300 why do I want to do this? 229 00:16:52,300 --> 00:16:55,220 Why the reasons I want to do it that way or this way? 230 00:16:55,220 --> 00:16:56,220 Yeah. 231 00:16:56,220 --> 00:16:57,220 So I love that. 232 00:16:57,220 --> 00:16:58,220 That's really good. 233 00:16:58,220 --> 00:16:59,220 Oh, do you? 234 00:16:59,220 --> 00:17:03,740 I'm just thinking about myself when I say that. 235 00:17:03,740 --> 00:17:04,900 Oh, there you go. 236 00:17:04,900 --> 00:17:08,460 It's just, I know it's just, you know, you just, I don't know. 237 00:17:08,460 --> 00:17:10,460 You second guess yourself so much, I think. 238 00:17:10,460 --> 00:17:14,460 And so you don't trust yourself enough at different times. 239 00:17:14,460 --> 00:17:15,460 Yeah. 240 00:17:15,460 --> 00:17:16,460 So no, anyway. 241 00:17:16,460 --> 00:17:19,460 That's all right. 242 00:17:19,460 --> 00:17:24,140 I think it comes a bit more with age that you kind of just say, screw it, you know, 243 00:17:24,140 --> 00:17:26,420 at a certain point, I'm just going to do what I want to do. 244 00:17:26,420 --> 00:17:27,620 And if people like it, that's great. 245 00:17:27,620 --> 00:17:29,780 If they don't tell, you know, kind of thing. 246 00:17:29,780 --> 00:17:40,060 I think it's come to me as I've gotten older and felt more secure in my skills and my abilities, 247 00:17:40,060 --> 00:17:45,020 I think, and I have learned to say no to things. 248 00:17:45,020 --> 00:17:47,540 And at first I wouldn't, I refused to because I think I need the money. 249 00:17:47,540 --> 00:17:48,540 I need to do this. 250 00:17:48,540 --> 00:17:49,540 I need to practice. 251 00:17:49,540 --> 00:17:56,780 And then I found myself doing a lot of stuff I didn't want to do. 252 00:17:56,780 --> 00:18:01,580 And I was like, nah, life's too short. 253 00:18:01,580 --> 00:18:05,900 And so I've said, no, I have a wonderful network of other local photographers who do all sorts 254 00:18:05,900 --> 00:18:10,980 of different styles and events and types of photography and focusing on things. 255 00:18:10,980 --> 00:18:15,940 And I'm very happy to refer people over to them. 256 00:18:15,940 --> 00:18:20,940 And you know, sometimes we even share clients because they like both kinds of styles and 257 00:18:20,940 --> 00:18:22,380 stuff like that. 258 00:18:22,380 --> 00:18:26,400 So sometimes they go to one for one thing and me for another. 259 00:18:26,400 --> 00:18:27,400 And it's lovely. 260 00:18:27,400 --> 00:18:31,060 You know, it's nice to be able to do that. 261 00:18:31,060 --> 00:18:33,580 I love that. 262 00:18:33,580 --> 00:18:37,660 Something else I think we can get caught up is like that competitiveness. 263 00:18:37,660 --> 00:18:43,380 But when you genuinely sort of settled in yourself, which you obviously are, you can 264 00:18:43,380 --> 00:18:46,700 be open to that and you don't feel threatened by other people. 265 00:18:46,700 --> 00:18:48,740 You know, you're doing what you love. 266 00:18:48,740 --> 00:18:52,620 You're allowing your clients to come to you if they're drawn to that style. 267 00:18:52,620 --> 00:18:53,620 I just think that's awesome. 268 00:18:53,620 --> 00:18:54,620 Good on you. 269 00:18:54,620 --> 00:18:55,620 I love it. 270 00:18:55,620 --> 00:18:56,620 I love that. 271 00:18:56,620 --> 00:19:00,500 And I think, yeah, I agree with that. 272 00:19:00,500 --> 00:19:03,700 It's something that it takes time and experience. 273 00:19:03,700 --> 00:19:08,000 And I feel like I've said this to other people in the podcast, when you get into your forties, 274 00:19:08,000 --> 00:19:10,740 it's literally you do not care anymore. 275 00:19:10,740 --> 00:19:13,660 It's like everyone else can go jump and you're going to do what you want. 276 00:19:13,660 --> 00:19:14,660 Absolutely. 277 00:19:14,660 --> 00:19:18,620 The older I get, the more I'm like, yeah, do what you want. 278 00:19:18,620 --> 00:19:19,620 You do you. 279 00:19:19,620 --> 00:19:20,620 Yeah. 280 00:19:20,620 --> 00:19:21,620 I'm happy with it. 281 00:19:21,620 --> 00:19:22,620 Yeah. 282 00:19:22,620 --> 00:19:23,620 Yeah. 283 00:19:23,620 --> 00:19:51,180 Tell me about the Daily Collective. 284 00:19:51,180 --> 00:19:54,020 Yeah, Daily Collective. 285 00:19:54,020 --> 00:20:01,940 Basically, during lockdown, obviously, I was considered a non-essential service and I couldn't 286 00:20:01,940 --> 00:20:02,940 work. 287 00:20:02,940 --> 00:20:08,100 So I had to find something, you know, do something. 288 00:20:08,100 --> 00:20:12,540 And with my time and between the homeschooling and all the stuff that we all went through 289 00:20:12,540 --> 00:20:22,380 everywhere, I found a lot of wonderful photography communities that really came together. 290 00:20:22,380 --> 00:20:24,460 Some didn't and some did. 291 00:20:24,460 --> 00:20:29,660 And I let go of the ones that didn't and I stick with the ones that did. 292 00:20:29,660 --> 00:20:36,740 And I have found and made some amazing and inspirational friends through these communities. 293 00:20:36,740 --> 00:20:44,860 And so I wanted to create a similar type of community as well, but with a focus on just 294 00:20:44,860 --> 00:20:51,060 personal projects, because there are so many communities for businesses, business and marketing 295 00:20:51,060 --> 00:20:54,660 and a mix of all of it. 296 00:20:54,660 --> 00:21:01,300 But I really wanted to focus on that artistic and creative side to photography. 297 00:21:01,300 --> 00:21:02,740 So I made one rule. 298 00:21:02,740 --> 00:21:08,580 I said, I will share only personal work, so nothing you've done for a client, just for 299 00:21:08,580 --> 00:21:09,580 you. 300 00:21:09,580 --> 00:21:14,260 If it's for you or for a gallery exhibition or, you know, a theme that you're working 301 00:21:14,260 --> 00:21:19,700 towards or something, but it's a personal project that you're doing for you, then that's 302 00:21:19,700 --> 00:21:22,340 what I want to focus on and help with. 303 00:21:22,340 --> 00:21:24,840 So it started out just like as a feature hub. 304 00:21:24,840 --> 00:21:31,540 So I would share a picture every day from a different person who used the tag. 305 00:21:31,540 --> 00:21:36,420 And because that was the 365, so one picture a day for a year. 306 00:21:36,420 --> 00:21:41,380 But then as it kept going, I kept seeing such beautiful stuff. 307 00:21:41,380 --> 00:21:45,020 And so I kind of expanded it into like a membership. 308 00:21:45,020 --> 00:21:48,100 And I was like, you know what? 309 00:21:48,100 --> 00:21:49,100 Screw it. 310 00:21:49,100 --> 00:21:50,100 Let's just do a podcast and talk about it. 311 00:21:50,100 --> 00:21:51,100 So I did it for like 24 hours. 312 00:21:51,100 --> 00:21:52,100 I decided, let's just do that. 313 00:21:52,100 --> 00:21:53,100 And that's it. 314 00:21:53,100 --> 00:21:54,100 I did all my research. 315 00:21:54,100 --> 00:21:55,100 I found all this stuff. 316 00:21:55,100 --> 00:21:56,100 I'm like, that seems easy enough to start a podcast. 317 00:21:56,100 --> 00:21:57,100 And there you go. 318 00:21:57,100 --> 00:21:58,100 And I started just writing out my own story. 319 00:21:58,100 --> 00:21:59,100 And I was like, I'm going to do this. 320 00:21:59,100 --> 00:22:00,100 I'm going to do this. 321 00:22:00,100 --> 00:22:01,100 I'm going to do this. 322 00:22:01,100 --> 00:22:04,620 And I started writing out my little scripts or whatever. 323 00:22:04,620 --> 00:22:06,980 And I was like, so people, this is what I'm doing. 324 00:22:06,980 --> 00:22:07,980 And that was it. 325 00:22:07,980 --> 00:22:08,980 That is so great. 326 00:22:08,980 --> 00:22:16,260 So the Baby Collective has kind of expanded a little bit over the last year or so. 327 00:22:16,260 --> 00:22:22,900 I think I launched it around maybe April last year, April, May. 328 00:22:22,900 --> 00:22:29,260 So it's coming on a year of life, so to speak. 329 00:22:29,260 --> 00:22:33,460 So I've loved seeing the journey as it's expanding. 330 00:22:33,460 --> 00:22:34,460 It's a small community. 331 00:22:34,460 --> 00:22:38,740 It's a tiny community, but I don't mind. 332 00:22:38,740 --> 00:22:41,740 It's great if it expands, the more the merrier. 333 00:22:41,740 --> 00:22:45,540 But I like that it's small also because you get to really know the people that are in 334 00:22:45,540 --> 00:22:50,900 it and get to know their work and see how they express themselves and share that, which 335 00:22:50,900 --> 00:22:53,900 is really lovely. 336 00:22:53,900 --> 00:22:56,340 On the one hand, I'm tempted to just keep it small. 337 00:22:56,340 --> 00:22:59,500 On the other hand, I want it to grow, obviously. 338 00:22:59,500 --> 00:23:02,260 Kind of thing like that. 339 00:23:02,260 --> 00:23:06,820 But I'm hoping to manage to find a balance into letting it grow, but let it feel like 340 00:23:06,820 --> 00:23:15,620 it's close and a safe space for everyone to share their frustrations and their creative 341 00:23:15,620 --> 00:23:23,140 process or ask for advice or feedback or whatever, or just need somewhere to just have a cry 342 00:23:23,140 --> 00:23:28,220 because all creatives, we tend to just have our moments, don't we? 343 00:23:28,220 --> 00:23:33,780 And you just need to get it off your chest sometimes, just write it out and then it just 344 00:23:33,780 --> 00:23:34,780 feels so much better. 345 00:23:34,780 --> 00:23:39,740 And to have someone say, I understand you and I hear that. 346 00:23:39,740 --> 00:23:41,300 It's so powerful for you. 347 00:23:41,300 --> 00:23:43,900 And it's like a balm for the soul. 348 00:23:43,900 --> 00:23:45,020 You're like, now I can go on. 349 00:23:45,020 --> 00:23:49,060 I don't have to obsess about that because someone understands. 350 00:23:49,060 --> 00:23:53,340 And that's what I'd like to keep becoming and growing into. 351 00:23:53,340 --> 00:23:54,340 Yeah. 352 00:23:54,340 --> 00:23:55,340 Oh, great. 353 00:23:55,340 --> 00:23:56,340 Good for you. 354 00:23:56,340 --> 00:23:57,340 I really love that. 355 00:23:57,340 --> 00:24:01,940 And I love that you decided to do your podcast really quickly because that's literally what 356 00:24:01,940 --> 00:24:02,940 I did. 357 00:24:02,940 --> 00:24:05,220 And it's awesome. 358 00:24:05,220 --> 00:24:10,980 I had this conversation with someone on a podcast earlier in the year, or it might have 359 00:24:10,980 --> 00:24:11,980 been last year. 360 00:24:11,980 --> 00:24:12,980 I can't remember now. 361 00:24:12,980 --> 00:24:17,980 But we're talking about how obviously everyone's different and their creative process can be 362 00:24:17,980 --> 00:24:19,660 quite different. 363 00:24:19,660 --> 00:24:26,140 And how some people like you and I, we just get an idea and just go bang and just do it. 364 00:24:26,140 --> 00:24:31,100 And then some people will have to like research and research and prepare and plan. 365 00:24:31,100 --> 00:24:35,900 And it takes a certain amount of months before they're happy to let it go out. 366 00:24:35,900 --> 00:24:42,180 And it's like, I just find it really fascinating just how everyone's way of processing is so 367 00:24:42,180 --> 00:24:43,180 different. 368 00:24:43,180 --> 00:24:44,180 Like, I don't know. 369 00:24:44,180 --> 00:24:45,180 I just, I don't know. 370 00:24:45,180 --> 00:24:47,180 I just find that really, really cool. 371 00:24:47,180 --> 00:24:56,100 And it's probably no reflection on how successful something is or whatever. 372 00:24:56,100 --> 00:25:00,820 It's probably not measurable whether you do it this way or that way, what the end outcome 373 00:25:00,820 --> 00:25:01,820 is. 374 00:25:01,820 --> 00:25:02,820 So it's, I don't know. 375 00:25:02,820 --> 00:25:03,820 Sorry, I'm rambling now. 376 00:25:03,820 --> 00:25:04,820 I'm just kidding. 377 00:25:04,820 --> 00:25:05,820 Don't worry. 378 00:25:05,820 --> 00:25:06,820 I like a good ramble. 379 00:25:06,820 --> 00:25:07,820 Don't worry. 380 00:25:07,820 --> 00:25:08,820 I do it myself a lot. 381 00:25:08,820 --> 00:25:09,820 Oh, do you? 382 00:25:09,820 --> 00:25:10,820 Yeah. 383 00:25:10,820 --> 00:25:11,820 No, there you go. 384 00:25:11,820 --> 00:25:12,820 Well, that's cool. 385 00:25:12,820 --> 00:25:19,020 So I'm going to put the link for your, your predominantly on Instagram with that. 386 00:25:19,020 --> 00:25:20,020 Yeah. 387 00:25:20,020 --> 00:25:21,020 With that one. 388 00:25:21,020 --> 00:25:22,020 Yeah, cool. 389 00:25:22,020 --> 00:25:25,100 So I'll put a, I'll put a hyperlink in the show notes for people if they're interested 390 00:25:25,100 --> 00:25:27,980 in checking that out, because that is really cool. 391 00:25:27,980 --> 00:25:30,820 Inspire and learn a community for personal photography projects. 392 00:25:30,820 --> 00:25:31,820 I love it. 393 00:25:31,820 --> 00:25:33,660 Good on you. 394 00:25:33,660 --> 00:25:37,220 And I also noticed that you're a moderator for a couple of other photography. 395 00:25:37,220 --> 00:25:38,220 Yeah. 396 00:25:38,220 --> 00:25:39,220 Yeah. 397 00:25:39,220 --> 00:25:46,780 Yeah, I find it hard to know what to say on Instagram because it's like, it's not like 398 00:25:46,780 --> 00:25:47,780 a pay. 399 00:25:47,780 --> 00:25:48,780 You know what I mean? 400 00:25:48,780 --> 00:25:49,780 Yeah. 401 00:25:49,780 --> 00:25:50,780 Yeah. 402 00:25:50,780 --> 00:25:53,620 So that were they ones that you discovered through the pandemic as well? 403 00:25:53,620 --> 00:25:54,620 Yes. 404 00:25:54,620 --> 00:25:56,740 Yes, they were. 405 00:25:56,740 --> 00:26:05,620 So the two that I moderate for is flock and flock live and for the love of the photograph. 406 00:26:05,620 --> 00:26:10,540 So flock live is the one that came out just during the pandemic. 407 00:26:10,540 --> 00:26:17,540 It was, it started out as a, it was supposed to be like a show, a photography show, you 408 00:26:17,540 --> 00:26:26,220 know, kind of expo thing, but pandemic put that down and, but it was focused on the kind 409 00:26:26,220 --> 00:26:27,860 of photography that I love. 410 00:26:27,860 --> 00:26:28,860 Yeah. 411 00:26:28,860 --> 00:26:34,780 A lot of the shows that they have are very much like post newborns and their props and 412 00:26:34,780 --> 00:26:37,140 backdrops and business. 413 00:26:37,140 --> 00:26:41,780 And there isn't a lot of space for personal stuff. 414 00:26:41,780 --> 00:26:45,620 And this one seemed like it was going to be different already from the outset. 415 00:26:45,620 --> 00:26:47,420 So I was 100%. 416 00:26:47,420 --> 00:26:49,740 I was like their number one fan everywhere. 417 00:26:49,740 --> 00:26:53,380 I was totally fan girling over the whole thing. 418 00:26:53,380 --> 00:26:59,420 And then as the community grew and stuff overlocked down and I just wanted to become a part of 419 00:26:59,420 --> 00:27:00,420 it. 420 00:27:00,420 --> 00:27:05,620 And they asked for moderators for their Instagram and stuff like that. 421 00:27:05,620 --> 00:27:12,620 I jumped on board and I've been doing so since it has quieted down a lot now from the way 422 00:27:12,620 --> 00:27:14,620 it was, most of the groups have. 423 00:27:14,620 --> 00:27:16,620 Yeah, just the nature. 424 00:27:16,620 --> 00:27:19,980 Back to normal life, haven't we? 425 00:27:19,980 --> 00:27:25,420 But it's still for me, it was a very important part of my sanity during lockdown and a creative 426 00:27:25,420 --> 00:27:27,820 outlet and the community for me. 427 00:27:27,820 --> 00:27:31,380 And so I really wanted to give back in that way. 428 00:27:31,380 --> 00:27:38,660 And For the Love of the Photograph is actually based on a book that another photographer 429 00:27:38,660 --> 00:27:44,980 who's based in New Zealand, she wrote Chloe Lodge and she just wrote this book and it 430 00:27:44,980 --> 00:27:50,420 was all about personal photography and capturing your everyday and seeing the light and just 431 00:27:50,420 --> 00:27:53,340 letting it speak to you and having a slow process. 432 00:27:53,340 --> 00:27:56,060 And she started a group and of course the Instagram page. 433 00:27:56,060 --> 00:27:59,580 Of course I was also fangirling over that. 434 00:27:59,580 --> 00:28:04,620 And when she was looking for moderators and stuff, she asked, I was like, yes, absolutely. 435 00:28:04,620 --> 00:28:07,860 So I joined in on that as well. 436 00:28:07,860 --> 00:28:11,700 I am part of other groups as well, but I can't do everything. 437 00:28:11,700 --> 00:28:14,700 So I had to stop myself. 438 00:28:14,700 --> 00:28:19,740 Oh yeah, I know. 439 00:28:19,740 --> 00:28:24,740 It's hard to, is there, oh, this is what we're talking about this morning when I was chatting 440 00:28:24,740 --> 00:28:29,300 to someone else was this, we've got lists of things we want to do and there's only so 441 00:28:29,300 --> 00:28:34,500 much time that we've got, you know, and it's hard to pick the things to focus on. 442 00:28:34,500 --> 00:28:36,740 It's hard to weed it out. 443 00:28:36,740 --> 00:28:38,580 My list is extensively long. 444 00:28:38,580 --> 00:28:40,540 I actually, I'm going to record a podcast. 445 00:28:40,540 --> 00:28:45,980 I have written, I need to record a podcast about like the craziness of the creative mind 446 00:28:45,980 --> 00:28:54,100 and all the way that your thoughts from one thing can just become this huge thing. 447 00:28:54,100 --> 00:28:57,540 So yeah, that's funny that you mentioned that as well. 448 00:28:57,540 --> 00:29:00,980 It's just like, oh my gosh, it's like the list is so long. 449 00:29:00,980 --> 00:29:07,940 It's a book of its own of things that you want to do and learn and try and experiment 450 00:29:07,940 --> 00:29:10,100 and try and do it. 451 00:29:10,100 --> 00:29:12,500 It's just like, yeah, it really is. 452 00:29:12,500 --> 00:29:13,500 Isn't it? 453 00:29:13,500 --> 00:29:19,420 I find that sometimes I get a lot of my ideas in the shower or when I'm swimming, like there's 454 00:29:19,420 --> 00:29:25,660 something about being in water or movement that gets, I don't know, my ideas come really 455 00:29:25,660 --> 00:29:30,260 easily and often I'll like be in the shower and think, oh, that's a good idea for a song 456 00:29:30,260 --> 00:29:33,820 or I'll get a tune in my head and I'll have to jump out and quickly like record on my 457 00:29:33,820 --> 00:29:39,020 phone or quickly make notes and like, oh, I'm so, you know, inspired and invigorated. 458 00:29:39,020 --> 00:29:43,060 And then I go, oh, now I've got to go make the lunches for school, you know, just back 459 00:29:43,060 --> 00:29:44,060 to reality. 460 00:29:44,060 --> 00:29:48,740 That's the thing I find hardest when you get in a tangent or you're on a roll and then 461 00:29:48,740 --> 00:29:51,660 it's like you've brought back to earth so quickly. 462 00:29:51,660 --> 00:29:52,660 Yeah. 463 00:29:52,660 --> 00:29:55,660 By the scream of, Mum, I'm hungry. 464 00:29:55,660 --> 00:29:56,660 Yeah. 465 00:29:56,660 --> 00:29:57,660 That's mine usually. 466 00:29:57,660 --> 00:30:25,580 Oh, dear. 467 00:30:25,580 --> 00:30:28,020 So speaking of, Mum, I'm hungry. 468 00:30:28,020 --> 00:30:29,020 So you've got two children. 469 00:30:29,020 --> 00:30:32,020 That's a great segue, wasn't it? 470 00:30:32,020 --> 00:30:33,020 Sorry. 471 00:30:33,020 --> 00:30:35,460 So have you got two girls or a boy to girl? 472 00:30:35,460 --> 00:30:36,460 Two girls. 473 00:30:36,460 --> 00:30:37,460 Two girls. 474 00:30:37,460 --> 00:30:38,460 Well, that's fun. 475 00:30:38,460 --> 00:30:39,460 I haven't got any girls. 476 00:30:39,460 --> 00:30:40,460 I got two boys. 477 00:30:40,460 --> 00:30:41,460 There you go. 478 00:30:41,460 --> 00:30:44,460 It's either all or nothing. 479 00:30:44,460 --> 00:30:45,860 Oh, dear. 480 00:30:45,860 --> 00:30:56,260 So do you girls see that you do things for yourself that don't involve the mothering 481 00:30:56,260 --> 00:30:57,260 role? 482 00:30:57,260 --> 00:31:02,020 I guess your nine-year-old would probably be aware that you're, you know, you're a 483 00:31:02,020 --> 00:31:04,500 photographer and you do all these other really cool things. 484 00:31:04,500 --> 00:31:10,140 Is it important to you that they see that, that you still have an identity that's not 485 00:31:10,140 --> 00:31:11,140 related to them? 486 00:31:11,140 --> 00:31:12,140 Absolutely. 487 00:31:12,140 --> 00:31:13,140 In a nice way. 488 00:31:13,140 --> 00:31:14,140 Yeah. 489 00:31:14,140 --> 00:31:15,140 No, no, absolutely. 490 00:31:15,140 --> 00:31:18,260 I know exactly what you mean. 491 00:31:18,260 --> 00:31:23,140 And it is important for me to do that and have my space. 492 00:31:23,140 --> 00:31:25,540 I've always been a person that has needed her space. 493 00:31:25,540 --> 00:31:27,300 I love being with people. 494 00:31:27,300 --> 00:31:34,660 I call myself an extroverted introvert because I do enjoy being with people. 495 00:31:34,660 --> 00:31:36,820 I love being part of communities. 496 00:31:36,820 --> 00:31:42,340 I love going out and being creative and learning things and exploring things and travelling 497 00:31:42,340 --> 00:31:45,620 and seeing things and, you know, living life. 498 00:31:45,620 --> 00:31:47,180 But I also need time to recharge. 499 00:31:47,180 --> 00:31:51,660 And I always have needed times for me where it's just me alone. 500 00:31:51,660 --> 00:31:56,300 And even as a kid, I needed my space as a teenager, same thing. 501 00:31:56,300 --> 00:32:00,460 I always needed to like have a space where I could lock myself in and just do something 502 00:32:00,460 --> 00:32:05,860 for me, which usually ended up being something creative. 503 00:32:05,860 --> 00:32:13,020 But I kind of lost that for a while, especially when the girls were really little. 504 00:32:13,020 --> 00:32:18,540 It was just either I was mom and between naps, I was trying to get this business off the 505 00:32:18,540 --> 00:32:22,380 ground and then it was kids and then it was the business and then it was the kids and 506 00:32:22,380 --> 00:32:23,380 then it was the business. 507 00:32:23,380 --> 00:32:24,380 And that's all it was. 508 00:32:24,380 --> 00:32:27,180 It was either work or family. 509 00:32:27,180 --> 00:32:32,140 And for a while there and I was like at a certain point, I was like, I need something. 510 00:32:32,140 --> 00:32:34,300 I need to do creative outlet. 511 00:32:34,300 --> 00:32:36,340 I need to do something for me. 512 00:32:36,340 --> 00:32:41,500 And although I was doing like little photo project kind of mini things for me, like taking, 513 00:32:41,500 --> 00:32:45,820 you know, I have a 365 project, which is a photo a day basically. 514 00:32:45,820 --> 00:32:48,820 And then I put it in a little album at the end of the year. 515 00:32:48,820 --> 00:32:51,340 And it's just like the year in review kind of thing. 516 00:32:51,340 --> 00:32:58,940 So I was still I was kind of doing that, but I wasn't really doing anything else for me. 517 00:32:58,940 --> 00:33:06,140 So as soon as my oldest one started school, because here they start at four years old 518 00:33:06,140 --> 00:33:07,140 reception. 519 00:33:07,140 --> 00:33:12,020 It's like kindergarten kind of thing at four years old. 520 00:33:12,020 --> 00:33:15,140 And then the other one was starting preschool. 521 00:33:15,140 --> 00:33:19,140 So she was at nursery three days a week doing like preschool things. 522 00:33:19,140 --> 00:33:22,220 I found myself with more time. 523 00:33:22,220 --> 00:33:28,660 And first I threw it all into getting the business really going and self-sustaining. 524 00:33:28,660 --> 00:33:31,900 And I didn't time any of that for me. 525 00:33:31,900 --> 00:33:35,660 And I just work, work, work, work, work when they were there kids. 526 00:33:35,660 --> 00:33:36,940 But then I said, you know what? 527 00:33:36,940 --> 00:33:37,940 Damn it. 528 00:33:37,940 --> 00:33:39,660 I need 10 minutes for myself. 529 00:33:39,660 --> 00:33:42,420 So I started to go on a walk outside. 530 00:33:42,420 --> 00:33:44,940 I took my camera and I go we're in the countryside. 531 00:33:44,940 --> 00:33:50,380 We're in a small village, got tons of fields out there right now. 532 00:33:50,380 --> 00:33:53,700 And so I was like, I'm just going for a walk. 533 00:33:53,700 --> 00:33:55,700 And I felt so good. 534 00:33:55,700 --> 00:34:00,580 I started with 10 minutes, 10 minutes. 535 00:34:00,580 --> 00:34:06,460 And you know, I would do it when the kids were away, when they weren't around. 536 00:34:06,460 --> 00:34:14,580 But as things started to progress, I started to pick up and learn new creative things, 537 00:34:14,580 --> 00:34:15,580 new hobbies. 538 00:34:15,580 --> 00:34:16,580 Like I learned macrame. 539 00:34:16,580 --> 00:34:17,580 Yeah, yeah. 540 00:34:17,580 --> 00:34:21,060 Yeah, I learned how to macrame. 541 00:34:21,060 --> 00:34:25,540 And so I would sit down on the weekends and say to the kids, mommy's doing some crafty 542 00:34:25,540 --> 00:34:26,540 stuff. 543 00:34:26,540 --> 00:34:30,980 And I would macrame some wall hanging or something like that on the weekends. 544 00:34:30,980 --> 00:34:33,180 And they would watch me sometimes. 545 00:34:33,180 --> 00:34:35,300 And I was like, this is mommy time. 546 00:34:35,300 --> 00:34:42,220 And so I started to put that thing down there that this was mommy time. 547 00:34:42,220 --> 00:34:49,020 And it's slowly evolved into having an actual day in my schedule where it's my personal 548 00:34:49,020 --> 00:34:50,020 day. 549 00:34:50,020 --> 00:34:51,020 I love it. 550 00:34:51,020 --> 00:34:52,020 Yeah. 551 00:34:52,020 --> 00:34:54,900 So every Thursday is where I do stuff for me. 552 00:34:54,900 --> 00:34:57,260 So I go to my yoga lesson. 553 00:34:57,260 --> 00:35:05,840 I work on either a personal photography project or I work on learning a new skill on my long 554 00:35:05,840 --> 00:35:09,580 list of creative things I want to learn how to do. 555 00:35:09,580 --> 00:35:13,100 So I'll spend that's my time while they're at school. 556 00:35:13,100 --> 00:35:14,380 That's my time. 557 00:35:14,380 --> 00:35:19,760 And then on the weekends, I will, you know, I'll say I need an hour to work on my cross 558 00:35:19,760 --> 00:35:22,620 stitch or whatever I've been working on as a project. 559 00:35:22,620 --> 00:35:23,620 And they see me. 560 00:35:23,620 --> 00:35:24,620 I go off. 561 00:35:24,620 --> 00:35:25,620 I'm doing my own thing. 562 00:35:25,620 --> 00:35:29,380 And sometimes I involve them because especially with the older one, we have a lot of things 563 00:35:29,380 --> 00:35:36,220 in common that we like to do, like being out in nature and learning about natural things, 564 00:35:36,220 --> 00:35:37,220 foraging. 565 00:35:37,220 --> 00:35:40,380 So she'll come with me and we'll like forage some food and then we'll make it together 566 00:35:40,380 --> 00:35:43,820 and stuff like that, which I started for me. 567 00:35:43,820 --> 00:35:45,340 But then she seems involved in it. 568 00:35:45,340 --> 00:35:48,500 And I said to her, this is good because this is for you as well. 569 00:35:48,500 --> 00:35:51,260 And she's doing it without her sister, but without her friends. 570 00:35:51,260 --> 00:35:53,420 This is her thing that she likes to do. 571 00:35:53,420 --> 00:35:58,800 And I'm trying to also encourage my youngest slowly because she's still very young to kind 572 00:35:58,800 --> 00:36:00,580 of find her own thing as well. 573 00:36:00,580 --> 00:36:04,220 And it's just something that she likes and it's for her, but she doesn't have to do with 574 00:36:04,220 --> 00:36:08,940 her sister or her friends or me or her father or anyone. 575 00:36:08,940 --> 00:36:13,220 And yeah, so that's kind of how it's evolved. 576 00:36:13,220 --> 00:36:17,660 And so as it stands now, I have a day which I dedicate to things for me. 577 00:36:17,660 --> 00:36:18,660 And that's it. 578 00:36:18,660 --> 00:36:19,660 Good on you. 579 00:36:19,660 --> 00:36:25,540 And I love that you're instilling that in your girls from a young age that it's important 580 00:36:25,540 --> 00:36:46,700 to have that, you know, that thing that is yours. 581 00:36:46,700 --> 00:37:00,620 Did you find that when you weren't getting that time to do your own personal creativity, 582 00:37:00,620 --> 00:37:06,380 did you feel like your own identity was literally being taken away from you or threatened? 583 00:37:06,380 --> 00:37:10,620 I felt like I was just mom, mom or Elora the photographer. 584 00:37:10,620 --> 00:37:12,820 But I wasn't Elora. 585 00:37:12,820 --> 00:37:15,100 I was just mom. 586 00:37:15,100 --> 00:37:22,580 And yeah, and so I really, I felt like I was going down in this spiral of just stress and 587 00:37:22,580 --> 00:37:23,580 anxiety. 588 00:37:23,580 --> 00:37:27,340 I mean, I've always been a kind of anxious person, but you know, it was just getting 589 00:37:27,340 --> 00:37:28,340 worse. 590 00:37:28,340 --> 00:37:32,900 And I realized that there was one thing that had changed in my life besides becoming a 591 00:37:32,900 --> 00:37:34,660 mom. 592 00:37:34,660 --> 00:37:38,580 And it was that I had no space for me. 593 00:37:38,580 --> 00:37:43,380 So I started with those tiny little walks and I expanded it from there. 594 00:37:43,380 --> 00:37:47,340 And now I have a good check of time that's for me and I'm happy with that. 595 00:37:47,340 --> 00:37:54,460 And I feel like I am more balanced and I am a better mom to them as a consequence, because 596 00:37:54,460 --> 00:37:57,860 when it's time to be with them, I am with them. 597 00:37:57,860 --> 00:38:02,340 All of me is with them. 598 00:38:02,340 --> 00:38:07,580 And if you're anything like me, you feel quite sort of regulated and settled because you've 599 00:38:07,580 --> 00:38:10,180 had your needs met in the way that you need them. 600 00:38:10,180 --> 00:38:15,780 Like that sort of analogy of like your cup's full, like you can't pour from an empty cup. 601 00:38:15,780 --> 00:38:16,780 I just, I don't know. 602 00:38:16,780 --> 00:38:17,780 Do you feel that way? 603 00:38:17,780 --> 00:38:18,780 Yeah, no, I agree. 604 00:38:18,780 --> 00:38:27,380 Because, you know, for some people, it's like a spa day is what helps them to recharge and 605 00:38:27,380 --> 00:38:28,380 do their thing. 606 00:38:28,380 --> 00:38:29,380 That's not me. 607 00:38:29,380 --> 00:38:30,380 I am not. 608 00:38:30,380 --> 00:38:31,380 I get bored. 609 00:38:31,380 --> 00:38:32,380 I like it once in a while. 610 00:38:32,380 --> 00:38:33,380 Don't get me wrong. 611 00:38:33,380 --> 00:38:37,820 But the idea of going and having my nails done and stuff like that, it's just like, 612 00:38:37,820 --> 00:38:39,820 I've got better stuff to do with my time. 613 00:38:39,820 --> 00:38:40,820 Yeah. 614 00:38:40,820 --> 00:38:42,820 You've got a big long list of things you want to do. 615 00:38:42,820 --> 00:38:49,420 Yeah, I'd rather spend that on craft supplies, like, duh. 616 00:38:49,420 --> 00:38:52,420 Painting something else rather than someone painting your nails. 617 00:38:52,420 --> 00:38:54,420 No, I love that. 618 00:38:54,420 --> 00:38:56,420 No, good on you. 619 00:38:56,420 --> 00:38:58,420 We all have our things. 620 00:38:58,420 --> 00:38:59,420 Yeah. 621 00:38:59,420 --> 00:39:03,900 And that whole idea of actually communicating your needs, I feel like that's something that 622 00:39:03,900 --> 00:39:10,140 perhaps I might be generalizing, but women seem to not be that good at doing because 623 00:39:10,140 --> 00:39:12,860 we have all these expectations of what we're supposed to be. 624 00:39:12,860 --> 00:39:16,860 Society and the patriarchy encourages us to be a particular way. 625 00:39:16,860 --> 00:39:21,140 And so we think, oh, if I say that I need help with something or I want something, it's 626 00:39:21,140 --> 00:39:27,020 almost like we're not living up to that idealized, I'm putting these in air quotes, like this 627 00:39:27,020 --> 00:39:29,100 way we're supposed to be. 628 00:39:29,100 --> 00:39:30,100 Yeah. 629 00:39:30,100 --> 00:39:33,460 Do you feel like that's a fair assumption? 630 00:39:33,460 --> 00:39:34,780 Oh, I've had that. 631 00:39:34,780 --> 00:39:35,780 I've had that. 632 00:39:35,780 --> 00:39:41,940 And I still have moments where I have that, like the house is a bomb. 633 00:39:41,940 --> 00:39:44,420 I love looking at interior decorating magazines. 634 00:39:44,420 --> 00:39:51,500 Like, ah, the houses are so pretty and the color palette and it's so tidy and all these 635 00:39:51,500 --> 00:39:52,860 ideas for organization. 636 00:39:52,860 --> 00:39:55,220 I'm like, yeah, I'm totally doing that. 637 00:39:55,220 --> 00:39:57,220 And I'll buy all the stuff. 638 00:39:57,220 --> 00:40:02,420 I'll spend a whole day reorganizing the bookshelf only for three days later to look like it 639 00:40:02,420 --> 00:40:05,220 did before because nobody uses the system. 640 00:40:05,220 --> 00:40:09,380 And it's like, why am I incapable of doing that? 641 00:40:09,380 --> 00:40:13,500 Or just like the laundry kids ran out of uniforms. 642 00:40:13,500 --> 00:40:16,700 I'm like crap, just Febreze one from before. 643 00:40:16,700 --> 00:40:17,940 I can't do it. 644 00:40:17,940 --> 00:40:22,100 And then you see all the kids with their uniforms pressed and perfect and you're like, damn 645 00:40:22,100 --> 00:40:24,700 it, I suck at being a mom. 646 00:40:24,700 --> 00:40:26,380 And stuff like that. 647 00:40:26,380 --> 00:40:27,820 Or various things. 648 00:40:27,820 --> 00:40:33,540 I've forgotten to bring things into school or donate money for this or forgotten to take 649 00:40:33,540 --> 00:40:36,700 a child to this after school. 650 00:40:36,700 --> 00:40:37,700 All these things. 651 00:40:37,700 --> 00:40:39,420 And I'm like, I suck. 652 00:40:39,420 --> 00:40:40,420 I'm so bad. 653 00:40:40,420 --> 00:40:41,420 I am the worst mom ever. 654 00:40:41,420 --> 00:40:42,420 Oh my God. 655 00:40:42,420 --> 00:40:43,420 How many people do it? 656 00:40:43,420 --> 00:40:46,420 What's wrong with me that I can't do it? 657 00:40:46,420 --> 00:40:48,620 All these things. 658 00:40:48,620 --> 00:40:49,620 I get those moments. 659 00:40:49,620 --> 00:40:52,140 And then there's other days when I say, you know what? 660 00:40:52,140 --> 00:40:53,820 I only have 24 hours in a day. 661 00:40:53,820 --> 00:40:57,540 I need to sleep six, seven, preferably eight of them. 662 00:40:57,540 --> 00:41:04,900 And if I take away my actual work hours and I take away this and that, there's only this 663 00:41:04,900 --> 00:41:07,860 much left and I can only handle so much in my brain. 664 00:41:07,860 --> 00:41:08,860 And that's it. 665 00:41:08,860 --> 00:41:11,420 If it doesn't get done, I apologize to the kids. 666 00:41:11,420 --> 00:41:14,100 I'm like, kids, I'm sorry. 667 00:41:14,100 --> 00:41:15,100 Mommy didn't get to it. 668 00:41:15,100 --> 00:41:17,100 You'll have to just adjust. 669 00:41:17,100 --> 00:41:19,780 Next time maybe mommy will be better. 670 00:41:19,780 --> 00:41:20,780 You know? 671 00:41:20,780 --> 00:41:24,100 But even it's like, it's life, isn't it? 672 00:41:24,100 --> 00:41:26,340 Like there's just so much being thrown at us. 673 00:41:26,340 --> 00:41:30,740 And I feel like this, the mental load, which people are using this term a lot now, it's 674 00:41:30,740 --> 00:41:32,300 the perfect way to describe it. 675 00:41:32,300 --> 00:41:38,660 It's literally, you know, I used to wonder, you know, until I knew what that word meant 676 00:41:38,660 --> 00:41:43,540 or what, you know, the description behind it, I didn't know that's what I was feeling. 677 00:41:43,540 --> 00:41:47,340 When I got that description of what it is, I went, oh my God, no wonder I can't concentrate. 678 00:41:47,340 --> 00:41:48,540 No wonder I get distracted. 679 00:41:48,540 --> 00:41:54,140 No wonder, you know, things fall off the earth because there's just so much going on in my 680 00:41:54,140 --> 00:41:55,140 head. 681 00:41:55,140 --> 00:41:58,940 Whether I'm doing stuff or not, this head thing doesn't ever stop. 682 00:41:58,940 --> 00:42:01,100 You're always thinking, it stops. 683 00:42:01,100 --> 00:42:02,100 It's just insane. 684 00:42:02,100 --> 00:42:06,620 Swearing me out, just talking about it. 685 00:42:06,620 --> 00:42:09,020 Oh man. 686 00:42:09,020 --> 00:42:10,020 Yeah. 687 00:42:10,020 --> 00:42:13,020 No, no, no. 688 00:42:13,020 --> 00:42:16,580 Modern life, I guess, but anyway. 689 00:42:16,580 --> 00:42:17,580 So yeah, that's good. 690 00:42:17,580 --> 00:42:19,940 Cause I like to talk about identity. 691 00:42:19,940 --> 00:42:23,740 So I'm glad we've talked about that and I can definitely relate to what you're saying. 692 00:42:23,740 --> 00:42:27,060 I'm the sort of person that I need a lot of time on my own. 693 00:42:27,060 --> 00:42:28,060 Like same thing. 694 00:42:28,060 --> 00:42:29,060 I love being with people. 695 00:42:29,060 --> 00:42:30,060 I love socializing. 696 00:42:30,060 --> 00:42:36,980 I love doing stuff and going places, but damn, I need a bit of time to, to recompress, recompress 697 00:42:36,980 --> 00:42:39,900 afterwards. 698 00:42:39,900 --> 00:42:40,900 Just doing nothing. 699 00:42:40,900 --> 00:42:45,580 Actually, there was a post I shared on my Instagram a couple of days ago about like 700 00:42:45,580 --> 00:42:48,800 creative people need time to do nothing. 701 00:42:48,800 --> 00:42:51,380 It's literally a requirement of the creative brain. 702 00:42:51,380 --> 00:42:52,380 Yeah. 703 00:42:52,380 --> 00:42:56,020 So that's what I remind myself if I'm feeling like, Oh, I probably should fold that washing. 704 00:42:56,020 --> 00:42:58,260 It's like, no, you need time to just do nothing. 705 00:42:58,260 --> 00:42:59,260 It's okay. 706 00:42:59,260 --> 00:43:00,260 Yep. 707 00:43:00,260 --> 00:43:01,260 Just lay on the bed. 708 00:43:01,260 --> 00:43:27,860 Yeah. 709 00:43:27,860 --> 00:43:32,060 That actually brings me to another topic that I really like to talk to moms about, which 710 00:43:32,060 --> 00:43:34,020 is this whole mom guilt thing. 711 00:43:34,020 --> 00:43:36,700 And I'm putting that in air quotes again. 712 00:43:36,700 --> 00:43:44,180 Do you have any thoughts or feelings about the mom guilt conundrum? 713 00:43:44,180 --> 00:43:45,620 Conundrum, yeah. 714 00:43:45,620 --> 00:43:48,900 Mom guilt is real. 715 00:43:48,900 --> 00:43:49,900 There is no doubt. 716 00:43:49,900 --> 00:43:53,380 It's not just stuff that's made up. 717 00:43:53,380 --> 00:43:58,780 You know, it's a societal pressure to do it all and do it perfectly. 718 00:43:58,780 --> 00:44:04,460 And there are other moms who appear to do it all. 719 00:44:04,460 --> 00:44:08,900 But what we don't see is the stuff that they're struggling with on the other end, you know, 720 00:44:08,900 --> 00:44:14,820 so they're doing great on one side, but are they really doing great on the other? 721 00:44:14,820 --> 00:44:21,980 And I think it's something that I think it comes naturally as us because once you become 722 00:44:21,980 --> 00:44:24,900 a mother, it's like you change, right? 723 00:44:24,900 --> 00:44:32,220 You are, you become more nurturing and caring and you worry more. 724 00:44:32,220 --> 00:44:38,700 You worry more about your offspring because that's, I think, mother nature's way. 725 00:44:38,700 --> 00:44:40,620 That's how we survive as a species. 726 00:44:40,620 --> 00:44:44,980 We need to take care of our little ones so they can grow up and continue to procreate 727 00:44:44,980 --> 00:44:46,460 and keep the species going. 728 00:44:46,460 --> 00:44:52,660 And I think that something happens inside of us to most people. 729 00:44:52,660 --> 00:44:55,700 Not everyone's cut out to be a mom and that's your choice, right? 730 00:44:55,700 --> 00:45:03,780 But for most people, you tend to want to take care of and make everything perfect for your 731 00:45:03,780 --> 00:45:04,780 little people. 732 00:45:04,780 --> 00:45:07,300 You want to do the right thing. 733 00:45:07,300 --> 00:45:09,380 But what is the right thing? 734 00:45:09,380 --> 00:45:15,060 Because 10 different people will tell you 10 different things is the right thing. 735 00:45:15,060 --> 00:45:19,260 Like I think about when I was pregnant and I was researching and I was like, should I 736 00:45:19,260 --> 00:45:20,260 breastfeed? 737 00:45:20,260 --> 00:45:21,260 Should I not breastfeed? 738 00:45:21,260 --> 00:45:22,260 Is formula better? 739 00:45:22,260 --> 00:45:23,500 Is breast milk better? 740 00:45:23,500 --> 00:45:24,500 What happens if? 741 00:45:24,500 --> 00:45:25,500 What happens if? 742 00:45:25,500 --> 00:45:26,500 Blah, blah, blah. 743 00:45:26,500 --> 00:45:27,500 What's this probe? 744 00:45:27,500 --> 00:45:28,500 What's this con? 745 00:45:28,500 --> 00:45:32,260 And my head exploded and that was even before she was born. 746 00:45:32,260 --> 00:45:38,020 And then I made my choices and I managed with difficulty to go through that with the 747 00:45:38,020 --> 00:45:39,780 first one, especially. 748 00:45:39,780 --> 00:45:44,900 I wanted to breastfeed and I had trouble with my milk because we had a bit of a fun birth. 749 00:45:44,900 --> 00:45:49,020 So it was all things, but I persisted and we managed and then, you know, and then that 750 00:45:49,020 --> 00:45:52,980 screwed me over when she was older because I couldn't send her to nursery for a full 751 00:45:52,980 --> 00:45:55,860 day because she refused to take anything from milk in a bottle. 752 00:45:55,860 --> 00:45:56,860 Yeah. 753 00:45:56,860 --> 00:46:00,660 Even if it was my milk and I expressed it and I gave it to her in a bottle. 754 00:46:00,660 --> 00:46:01,660 Nope. 755 00:46:01,660 --> 00:46:02,660 Neither of them took bottles ever. 756 00:46:02,660 --> 00:46:06,100 So I screwed myself over in a way. 757 00:46:06,100 --> 00:46:09,380 But I felt at the time that that's what I should do. 758 00:46:09,380 --> 00:46:13,580 But then there was people like even my own mother, she's like, oh, just put some formula 759 00:46:13,580 --> 00:46:15,500 in a bottle, stick some pavlova in it. 760 00:46:15,500 --> 00:46:16,500 That's what I did with you. 761 00:46:16,500 --> 00:46:21,340 And I'm like, I'm like, you know, mom, things have changed. 762 00:46:21,340 --> 00:46:24,980 It's different parenting, isn't it? 763 00:46:24,980 --> 00:46:26,180 I prefer it this way. 764 00:46:26,180 --> 00:46:28,060 She's like, ah, rod for your own back. 765 00:46:28,060 --> 00:46:31,300 You know, the old saying, right? 766 00:46:31,300 --> 00:46:35,460 But you know, even within my own family, I had, you know, my mother-in-law saying one 767 00:46:35,460 --> 00:46:39,660 thing, my own mom saying another, my friend saying this, you know, my sister-in-law, that 768 00:46:39,660 --> 00:46:46,900 that friends this, you know, internet saying 400,000 things, the leading expert, the nurse, 769 00:46:46,900 --> 00:46:50,580 the midwife, everyone said something different. 770 00:46:50,580 --> 00:46:54,660 And it's like, you're going to feel guilty no matter what you choose. 771 00:46:54,660 --> 00:46:55,940 There's no other way. 772 00:46:55,940 --> 00:47:02,500 Yeah, because it's set up that way that no matter what you choose between A to Z, one 773 00:47:02,500 --> 00:47:06,020 of those things is going to be wrong for someone and you're going to feel guilty about it. 774 00:47:06,020 --> 00:47:08,020 And they're going to make you feel guilty about it. 775 00:47:08,020 --> 00:47:12,460 And for years and years, I let the guilt take over. 776 00:47:12,460 --> 00:47:17,460 I, you know, I said, you know, I have, I still have moments now where I'm like, oh, I'm such 777 00:47:17,460 --> 00:47:20,940 a terrible mom because I forgot this or forgot that. 778 00:47:20,940 --> 00:47:24,780 And then I'm trying to physically stop myself. 779 00:47:24,780 --> 00:47:32,340 You know, I'm really consciously trying to eradicate that guilt out of it because I realized 780 00:47:32,340 --> 00:47:34,660 that I say it out loud. 781 00:47:34,660 --> 00:47:37,500 You know, I'm like, oh, I'm such a bad mom. 782 00:47:37,500 --> 00:47:38,860 I totally forgot. 783 00:47:38,860 --> 00:47:40,780 I'm so sorry, kids. 784 00:47:40,780 --> 00:47:45,020 You know, mommy will try better next time. 785 00:47:45,020 --> 00:47:47,180 And then I'm like, I'm a bad mom? 786 00:47:47,180 --> 00:47:48,980 Why am I feeling guilty? 787 00:47:48,980 --> 00:47:53,060 Because I had to work and I couldn't take them to this birthday party or whatever. 788 00:47:53,060 --> 00:47:55,300 You know, I'm not bad. 789 00:47:55,300 --> 00:48:00,920 I happen to have to work, which is what lots of people do, to put food on the table to 790 00:48:00,920 --> 00:48:05,620 allow them to go to said parties to buy gifts for these friends. 791 00:48:05,620 --> 00:48:12,380 So I'm trying to consciously, if I hear myself say, oh, I'm such a bad mom, I say, actually, 792 00:48:12,380 --> 00:48:14,820 no, I'm just a little overwhelmed mom. 793 00:48:14,820 --> 00:48:15,820 Yeah. 794 00:48:15,820 --> 00:48:17,580 I try and rephrase it. 795 00:48:17,580 --> 00:48:22,980 And I tell them that I still apologize because I think it's right to, you know, recognize 796 00:48:22,980 --> 00:48:27,140 their feelings and that they're frustrated because they can't go to that party or whatever. 797 00:48:27,140 --> 00:48:33,580 But I still, I try and say to them, you know, I'm not a bad person and I shouldn't feel 798 00:48:33,580 --> 00:48:34,980 guilty about it. 799 00:48:34,980 --> 00:48:40,700 I feel sorry that I can't fulfill your desire today, but maybe we could do it tomorrow. 800 00:48:40,700 --> 00:48:42,700 Yeah, yeah. 801 00:48:42,700 --> 00:48:45,460 But you know, and I'm trying to consciously do that. 802 00:48:45,460 --> 00:48:49,460 It's like, you know, when you see yourself in the mirror, you're like, oh, the flab, 803 00:48:49,460 --> 00:48:53,380 you know, and it's like, no, this is my story. 804 00:48:53,380 --> 00:48:58,240 I had two kids, my belly has been stretched beyond compare and I'm impressed it's already 805 00:48:58,240 --> 00:49:00,740 gone back as much as it has. 806 00:49:00,740 --> 00:49:06,980 I should be impressed that I'm still not a watermelon, you know? 807 00:49:06,980 --> 00:49:09,260 Yeah, that's it, isn't it? 808 00:49:09,260 --> 00:49:10,260 Yeah. 809 00:49:10,260 --> 00:49:17,940 It's like, I'm trying to consciously change and reframe myself and my words because I 810 00:49:17,940 --> 00:49:20,260 know that they are going to affect them. 811 00:49:20,260 --> 00:49:26,160 And for when they decide to be moms, if they so choose to be moms, I don't want them to 812 00:49:26,160 --> 00:49:32,180 have to feel the weight of it from themselves because society is already going to put so 813 00:49:32,180 --> 00:49:33,180 much on them. 814 00:49:33,180 --> 00:49:35,180 Yeah, that's it, isn't it? 815 00:49:35,180 --> 00:49:36,180 Yeah. 816 00:49:36,180 --> 00:49:40,460 And I want them to feel safe in their own and safe in their own skin and in their own 817 00:49:40,460 --> 00:49:45,520 thoughts and being able to make their own choices and not feel bad that their choice 818 00:49:45,520 --> 00:49:50,180 is going to go against the grain for person X or person Y. 819 00:49:50,180 --> 00:49:53,900 Doesn't matter because it'll be fine for person A, you know? 820 00:49:53,900 --> 00:49:56,100 Yeah, no, I could on you. 821 00:49:56,100 --> 00:49:57,100 That's very inspiring. 822 00:49:57,100 --> 00:49:59,140 That was very long and rambly. 823 00:49:59,140 --> 00:50:02,980 No, no, that was great because yeah, that's the thing. 824 00:50:02,980 --> 00:50:07,300 If we're in tune enough to be able to catch these thoughts, whatever they may be, but 825 00:50:07,300 --> 00:50:11,520 particularly around guilt, I think is really important because we are literally fighting 826 00:50:11,520 --> 00:50:12,520 an uphill battle. 827 00:50:12,520 --> 00:50:17,300 Like you said, the scales are tipped against us. 828 00:50:17,300 --> 00:50:18,740 They're not in our favor. 829 00:50:18,740 --> 00:50:22,460 And anything we do is going to be judged by somebody else, whether it's in real life or 830 00:50:22,460 --> 00:50:28,860 on the internet or, you know, we judge ourselves by what we see someone's doing on Instagram. 831 00:50:28,860 --> 00:50:31,980 If we can catch that and go, actually hang on a minute. 832 00:50:31,980 --> 00:50:34,340 I'm actually a really good mom. 833 00:50:34,340 --> 00:50:38,740 And like I said, overwhelmed at the minute or I'm just having a bit of an off day or 834 00:50:38,740 --> 00:50:40,420 whoops, never mind. 835 00:50:40,420 --> 00:50:45,900 Like, you know, like just giving ourselves a break, cutting ourselves some slack and 836 00:50:45,900 --> 00:50:48,660 not being so hard on ourselves, I think. 837 00:50:48,660 --> 00:50:49,660 That's true. 838 00:50:49,660 --> 00:50:50,660 Yeah. 839 00:50:50,660 --> 00:50:52,780 It's frustrating because you want to do it all. 840 00:50:52,780 --> 00:50:57,500 Maybe your brain wants to do it all, but your body can't handle it and time constraints 841 00:50:57,500 --> 00:50:58,740 just can't do it. 842 00:50:58,740 --> 00:51:05,540 And it's also being kind to yourself and realizing that you can't juggle everything. 843 00:51:05,540 --> 00:51:11,380 And I think that's the first step is to recognize that we are not machines. 844 00:51:11,380 --> 00:51:17,740 We are human and we can only do so much with what we have. 845 00:51:17,740 --> 00:51:18,740 That's it, isn't it? 846 00:51:18,740 --> 00:51:23,900 And being mindful that, you know, when we're being told these things, you know, particularly 847 00:51:23,900 --> 00:51:31,580 from women or whoever's from other generations, when they raised children, it was a completely 848 00:51:31,580 --> 00:51:33,300 different social setup. 849 00:51:33,300 --> 00:51:37,340 You know, there wasn't two parents usually working. 850 00:51:37,340 --> 00:51:40,500 It was one parent at the home all the time. 851 00:51:40,500 --> 00:51:46,780 And so, you know, maybe things were different and achievable on different levels. 852 00:51:46,780 --> 00:51:51,660 So yeah, putting things in context, I think can be useful and not just taking somebody's 853 00:51:51,660 --> 00:51:54,340 advice and going, oh no, I can't do that. 854 00:51:54,340 --> 00:51:55,340 I must be really bad. 855 00:51:55,340 --> 00:51:59,820 It's like, actually, the world has changed a lot since then or whatever it might be, 856 00:51:59,820 --> 00:52:00,820 you know. 857 00:52:00,820 --> 00:52:01,820 Yeah. 858 00:52:01,820 --> 00:52:02,820 I don't know. 859 00:52:02,820 --> 00:52:05,980 You feel like you're damned if you do and you're damned if you don't, don't you? 860 00:52:05,980 --> 00:52:07,460 But it is, that's what it is. 861 00:52:07,460 --> 00:52:09,020 We have to do what's right for you. 862 00:52:09,020 --> 00:52:10,020 Yeah, you do. 863 00:52:10,020 --> 00:52:15,620 And as long as you're a good person overall, it shouldn't really matter how you do it. 864 00:52:15,620 --> 00:52:20,020 Yeah, as long as you and your family and your children are all happy. 865 00:52:20,020 --> 00:52:21,020 Yeah. 866 00:52:21,020 --> 00:52:22,020 Stuff for everyone else. 867 00:52:22,020 --> 00:52:23,020 Yeah, pretty much. 868 00:52:23,020 --> 00:52:50,020 Yeah. 869 00:52:50,020 --> 00:52:54,820 Okay, so in terms of like what influences you with your photography, like you talk about 870 00:52:54,820 --> 00:52:59,540 doing your own, you've done your own projects when you first sort of picked up the camera 871 00:52:59,540 --> 00:53:04,500 and you're taking pictures of nature or, you know, things in the world and things like 872 00:53:04,500 --> 00:53:06,740 just as from your perspective. 873 00:53:06,740 --> 00:53:11,740 Have you found that since you became a mum that maybe what you're looking at is different 874 00:53:11,740 --> 00:53:14,620 or what's influencing you is different? 875 00:53:14,620 --> 00:53:15,620 Absolutely. 876 00:53:15,620 --> 00:53:21,900 You know, if I had kids, I would go on lots of hikes and I was interested in taking pictures 877 00:53:21,900 --> 00:53:29,260 of butterflies and pretty flowers and light and landscapes and the water and whatever 878 00:53:29,260 --> 00:53:34,880 else happened by or when I was traveling, obviously, you know, there's like 4,000 pictures 879 00:53:34,880 --> 00:53:39,380 of the Eiffel Tower from when I went to Paris because that's what you do. 880 00:53:39,380 --> 00:53:44,780 And that's what I was doing, you know, different angles, random things, experimenting, everything. 881 00:53:44,780 --> 00:53:52,100 But you know, I would just kind of focused on that. 882 00:53:52,100 --> 00:53:58,500 Like I was thinking about taking pretty things, pretty pictures, and there wasn't really a 883 00:53:58,500 --> 00:54:03,780 meaning or anything deeper in the images. 884 00:54:03,780 --> 00:54:06,300 I just liked the photographic medium. 885 00:54:06,300 --> 00:54:11,260 I liked how I could express with it and play with it, but I didn't necessarily want to 886 00:54:11,260 --> 00:54:13,900 say anything with it. 887 00:54:13,900 --> 00:54:17,140 If that makes sense. 888 00:54:17,140 --> 00:54:23,900 I did have some brief moments when I turned 30 where I was like, oh, I'm getting old. 889 00:54:23,900 --> 00:54:30,940 And I wanted to, I started to experiment with some self-portraiture a little bit just to 890 00:54:30,940 --> 00:54:34,220 see how I was changing and how things were going. 891 00:54:34,220 --> 00:54:39,900 I was getting to that age where, you know, I had just gotten married and I was wanting 892 00:54:39,900 --> 00:54:45,820 to start a family, so I wanted to start kind of documenting me and how I was going to change. 893 00:54:45,820 --> 00:54:50,500 And so that's, I would say that 30 is when I started to try and say something with my 894 00:54:50,500 --> 00:54:54,580 photography, whether I was good at it or not, it's a whole different story. 895 00:54:54,580 --> 00:55:01,780 But I did try and do something specific with my work. 896 00:55:01,780 --> 00:55:06,540 And so I started kind of experimenting on, you know, trying to do self-portraits with 897 00:55:06,540 --> 00:55:10,340 what I had and all that kind of stuff. 898 00:55:10,340 --> 00:55:16,860 Then I had baby number one and baby number one became the center focus of everything. 899 00:55:16,860 --> 00:55:22,060 It was documenting every moment, you know, look at the spit bubble, how cute. 900 00:55:22,060 --> 00:55:27,900 And you know, it's like, you know, and then I started to follow like all these moms on 901 00:55:27,900 --> 00:55:31,660 Instagram doing all these cool things with their babies and these photographers, other 902 00:55:31,660 --> 00:55:32,900 things doing stuff. 903 00:55:32,900 --> 00:55:41,420 And also I was trying to launch the business and so my personal photography kind of got 904 00:55:41,420 --> 00:55:48,900 set aside and it was only just taking pictures of the kids as they started to grow and develop. 905 00:55:48,900 --> 00:55:51,820 And then at a certain point, something else clicked. 906 00:55:51,820 --> 00:55:56,580 And I think it's when they started to, you know, question things again, after they were 907 00:55:56,580 --> 00:56:02,300 that little needy ball of stuff that just needed you 100% when started to talk. 908 00:56:02,300 --> 00:56:06,180 And have tiny little conversations in their own way. 909 00:56:06,180 --> 00:56:14,340 And they started asking me things and I was like, you know, that's a very good question. 910 00:56:14,340 --> 00:56:18,460 Children have an unfiltered view of the world and they ask things they don't care about 911 00:56:18,460 --> 00:56:20,540 matters or whatever. 912 00:56:20,540 --> 00:56:26,380 And you know, and it really started when one of my daughters, she saw I was just getting 913 00:56:26,380 --> 00:56:31,300 changed and she saw my stretch marks on my belly and she's like, mommy, what are those? 914 00:56:31,300 --> 00:56:32,780 And I said, oh, they're stretch marks. 915 00:56:32,780 --> 00:56:34,340 And she's like, what's a stretch mark? 916 00:56:34,340 --> 00:56:35,340 Because as you do. 917 00:56:35,340 --> 00:56:39,860 And I said, oh, it's what happens when you have a, when your belly grows. 918 00:56:39,860 --> 00:56:43,580 And usually when you have a baby because your skin stretches, but it doesn't go back together 919 00:56:43,580 --> 00:56:44,580 again. 920 00:56:44,580 --> 00:56:48,260 And she's like, do you like them? 921 00:56:48,260 --> 00:56:51,780 And I was like, that is a very good question. 922 00:56:51,780 --> 00:56:53,300 Do I like them? 923 00:56:53,300 --> 00:56:54,640 And it got me thinking. 924 00:56:54,640 --> 00:56:59,220 And so I randomly took pictures of my stretch marks. 925 00:56:59,220 --> 00:57:08,060 You know, and I started this kind of idea of taking self portraits of me as I am now, 926 00:57:08,060 --> 00:57:14,060 you know, with the saggy belly, with the, you know, using it as like a therapy for my 927 00:57:14,060 --> 00:57:19,180 frustrations because as I said, I was all mom and business and I didn't do personal 928 00:57:19,180 --> 00:57:20,180 work. 929 00:57:20,180 --> 00:57:23,300 So this was one of my first steps was taking self portraits. 930 00:57:23,300 --> 00:57:28,660 And I started doing a series of self portraits, which are still ongoing. 931 00:57:28,660 --> 00:57:34,180 And I think I'll probably end up doing them my whole life because I will keep changing. 932 00:57:34,180 --> 00:57:38,820 And I love to see how they've changed and how I've changed. 933 00:57:38,820 --> 00:57:40,540 Even my body has changed. 934 00:57:40,540 --> 00:57:44,340 And sometimes you see yourself in a certain way and then you see yourself in a picture 935 00:57:44,340 --> 00:57:47,980 and you're like, wow, that's nothing like I see myself. 936 00:57:47,980 --> 00:57:50,060 And sometimes it's a good thing. 937 00:57:50,060 --> 00:57:53,020 Sometimes it's not such a good thing. 938 00:57:53,020 --> 00:57:57,500 You know, but, but it's still, it's made me think about, I can actually say something 939 00:57:57,500 --> 00:57:59,580 with what I want to do. 940 00:57:59,580 --> 00:58:06,140 So I started doing personal, just thinking of something on the theme and doing personal 941 00:58:06,140 --> 00:58:07,140 work. 942 00:58:07,140 --> 00:58:11,740 And so my self portraits has been a big ongoing one. 943 00:58:11,740 --> 00:58:20,460 Another one that I have been doing slowly is exploring the concept of what family is. 944 00:58:20,460 --> 00:58:22,380 And it's called the We Are Family Project. 945 00:58:22,380 --> 00:58:27,420 And basically I'm out photographing families using creative lenses, but families that are 946 00:58:27,420 --> 00:58:31,060 mom, dad, and 2.5 kids and a cat and dog. 947 00:58:31,060 --> 00:58:36,460 So yeah, of course there's a family with mom and dad and 2.5 kids and a dog. 948 00:58:36,460 --> 00:58:42,820 And then there's a family with just one mom, or there's a family with two moms, or there's 949 00:58:42,820 --> 00:58:48,260 a family with no kids, just the dog, or there's a family with a child with special needs, you 950 00:58:48,260 --> 00:58:55,580 know, and I'm trying to photograph as much diversity of what family is. 951 00:58:55,580 --> 00:58:59,900 And it reminds me of that episode of your podcast episode where you interviewed that 952 00:58:59,900 --> 00:59:03,700 lady that had IVF and she decided to be a mom. 953 00:59:03,700 --> 00:59:04,700 Yes, Alisha. 954 00:59:04,700 --> 00:59:05,700 It was Alisha. 955 00:59:05,700 --> 00:59:06,700 Yeah. 956 00:59:06,700 --> 00:59:12,740 And she talked about her IVF journey and how she was writing a book, I think, about normalizing 957 00:59:12,740 --> 00:59:13,740 family. 958 00:59:13,740 --> 00:59:18,580 And I was like, oh, and it's like, I was like, see, that's in the lines of my project. 959 00:59:18,580 --> 00:59:21,060 It's to normalize what family is. 960 00:59:21,060 --> 00:59:22,860 Family can be anything. 961 00:59:22,860 --> 00:59:24,340 Family can be multi-generations. 962 00:59:24,340 --> 00:59:30,020 I had a family where mom was living with her single daughter and her two kids, and that 963 00:59:30,020 --> 00:59:31,980 was the family. 964 00:59:31,980 --> 00:59:36,860 So I've been working on that project as well slowly over the years. 965 00:59:36,860 --> 00:59:43,100 I've done a few families and I'm recently starting a new one that I'm actually photographing 966 00:59:43,100 --> 00:59:47,180 my first model for today. 967 00:59:47,180 --> 00:59:51,620 And I'm calling it the Kintsugi Mama project and it has to do with stretch marks. 968 00:59:51,620 --> 00:59:53,140 Yeah, right. 969 00:59:53,140 --> 00:59:57,660 So it came from, and it's kind of been simmering in the back there for a few years, from when 970 00:59:57,660 --> 01:00:00,060 my daughter asked me about the stretch marks. 971 01:00:00,060 --> 01:00:05,460 And then one day I told her that, you know what, I thought about your question and I 972 01:00:05,460 --> 01:00:11,100 think I like my stretch marks because they're the story of you and your sister. 973 01:00:11,100 --> 01:00:14,700 And my skin broke, but it healed together. 974 01:00:14,700 --> 01:00:20,100 And then I found out about this Japanese practice of Kintsugi, which is repairing broken pottery 975 01:00:20,100 --> 01:00:21,100 with gold. 976 01:00:21,100 --> 01:00:22,700 I don't know if you've heard of it. 977 01:00:22,700 --> 01:00:23,700 Yeah. 978 01:00:23,700 --> 01:00:24,700 Yeah. 979 01:00:24,700 --> 01:00:28,220 And I was like, they work, they work together. 980 01:00:28,220 --> 01:00:32,260 So I got in touch with a friend of mine who's a face painter and I'm like, I need gold face 981 01:00:32,260 --> 01:00:34,300 paint that's safe and this and that. 982 01:00:34,300 --> 01:00:37,460 I've got this idea and I need to do it. 983 01:00:37,460 --> 01:00:43,820 And so I sat down and very trickly with a mirror painted my own stretch marks in gold 984 01:00:43,820 --> 01:00:46,180 face paint and I photographed it. 985 01:00:46,180 --> 01:00:48,900 And I said, this is the beginning of a new project. 986 01:00:48,900 --> 01:00:50,460 It's not just my stretch marks. 987 01:00:50,460 --> 01:00:58,180 All of our stretch marks, whether we have two or 4,000, they tell our story and they 988 01:00:58,180 --> 01:01:03,060 are when our body broke and it fixed itself and fixed itself in a beautiful way. 989 01:01:03,060 --> 01:01:04,620 And it's something I want to highlight. 990 01:01:04,620 --> 01:01:12,860 So I've called in a few moms of all shapes and sizes and I am painting their stretch 991 01:01:12,860 --> 01:01:15,740 marks in gold and photographing it. 992 01:01:15,740 --> 01:01:17,420 I love it. 993 01:01:17,420 --> 01:01:18,420 Photographing them. 994 01:01:18,420 --> 01:01:20,220 And so I'm super excited about this. 995 01:01:20,220 --> 01:01:21,220 I had to put it off. 996 01:01:21,220 --> 01:01:25,580 I was supposed to do it last week, but I had a surgery and recovery took way too long. 997 01:01:25,580 --> 01:01:30,020 And so I'm doing it again this week and I'm super excited to be doing that. 998 01:01:30,020 --> 01:01:35,380 And I have something to say and I think we all have something to say. 999 01:01:35,380 --> 01:01:36,820 And it goes into so many things. 1000 01:01:36,820 --> 01:01:43,820 It goes into Bosby positive and mom positive and empowering us to appreciate what our bodies 1001 01:01:43,820 --> 01:01:44,820 do. 1002 01:01:44,820 --> 01:01:52,100 Society is like we're all airbrushed and photoshopped and no, we aren't. 1003 01:01:52,100 --> 01:01:53,100 Yeah. 1004 01:01:53,100 --> 01:01:54,100 Yeah. 1005 01:01:54,100 --> 01:01:55,740 No, I absolutely love that. 1006 01:01:55,740 --> 01:01:59,620 I just, it's actually made me a little bit emotional to be honest, because I just think 1007 01:01:59,620 --> 01:02:06,020 I resonate with that so deeply that society wants us to fix, to be fixed and to not look 1008 01:02:06,020 --> 01:02:08,740 like we've ever gone through anything bad. 1009 01:02:08,740 --> 01:02:13,340 We have to hold up this perfect persona or perception of ourselves. 1010 01:02:13,340 --> 01:02:19,020 It's like, why are we so afraid to hide these parts of us that show the amazing things we've 1011 01:02:19,020 --> 01:02:20,020 done? 1012 01:02:20,020 --> 01:02:26,220 You know, it's pretty bloody amazing to have to carry a child and to birth a child. 1013 01:02:26,220 --> 01:02:31,660 It's just like, why do we have to hide that and be afraid of what people, I don't know. 1014 01:02:31,660 --> 01:02:34,940 To me it's patriarchy, but anyway, that's my take on it. 1015 01:02:34,940 --> 01:02:36,940 Cause we would have to be perfect. 1016 01:02:36,940 --> 01:02:38,940 We do it to ourselves as well. 1017 01:02:38,940 --> 01:02:39,940 Yeah, we do. 1018 01:02:39,940 --> 01:02:40,940 We play into that. 1019 01:02:40,940 --> 01:02:41,940 We do it. 1020 01:02:41,940 --> 01:02:42,940 It's not just men. 1021 01:02:42,940 --> 01:02:47,620 It was just men and the patriarchy and it's conditioned generations and generations and 1022 01:02:47,620 --> 01:02:51,100 generations of women, but we do it to ourselves. 1023 01:02:51,100 --> 01:02:57,980 I mean, I know lots of amazing photographers and I'm not to, you know, lessen their work 1024 01:02:57,980 --> 01:03:05,340 or anything, but they do these maternity photos that are, oh my God, they're stunning. 1025 01:03:05,340 --> 01:03:11,100 And these women have porcelain skin, smooth skin, not a blemish. 1026 01:03:11,100 --> 01:03:17,700 I mean, it looks, well, they're like models, beautiful models with flowing dresses and 1027 01:03:17,700 --> 01:03:19,740 a perfect bump. 1028 01:03:19,740 --> 01:03:22,100 And they look amazing. 1029 01:03:22,100 --> 01:03:25,020 And that's great because that's what they want them to look like. 1030 01:03:25,020 --> 01:03:28,520 These women have gone to these people because that's what they want to feel. 1031 01:03:28,520 --> 01:03:33,340 But then when you're done and you look at yourself and you look at that picture you 1032 01:03:33,340 --> 01:03:38,620 have on the wall, is that really you? 1033 01:03:38,620 --> 01:03:43,780 And are you appreciating you for you or are you appreciating you for that glorious portrait 1034 01:03:43,780 --> 01:03:46,700 that you've had done, which is beautiful. 1035 01:03:46,700 --> 01:03:53,420 And I love that, you know, we can as photographers do this and make someone feel how amazing 1036 01:03:53,420 --> 01:03:56,900 they truly are if they can look past their imperfections. 1037 01:03:56,900 --> 01:04:02,580 I think you can see that as one of the reasons behind that kind of very photoshopped kind 1038 01:04:02,580 --> 01:04:05,180 of photography. 1039 01:04:05,180 --> 01:04:08,020 But I prefer to say, I'm not, don't need to see past it. 1040 01:04:08,020 --> 01:04:09,380 I need to embrace it. 1041 01:04:09,380 --> 01:04:14,540 And it's been part of my own journey doing this and doing these projects and part of 1042 01:04:14,540 --> 01:04:20,620 my own personal journey as well to accepting my body for what it is and understanding that 1043 01:04:20,620 --> 01:04:25,520 it's a map of my life and it's my story and that of my children, it connects me to them. 1044 01:04:25,520 --> 01:04:31,420 Those stretch marks, each one of those connects me to one of my kids. 1045 01:04:31,420 --> 01:04:35,860 And I think that it's so important to help other people to understand that as well. 1046 01:04:35,860 --> 01:04:43,260 So I'm really hoping that this project will take off and become something a bit more and 1047 01:04:43,260 --> 01:04:47,940 take, you know, I don't know, I don't know where it's going to go, but I'm hoping that 1048 01:04:47,940 --> 01:04:50,340 it will make an impact on someone somewhere. 1049 01:04:50,340 --> 01:04:51,340 Oh, I love it. 1050 01:04:51,340 --> 01:04:53,500 I just think it's just so wonderful. 1051 01:04:53,500 --> 01:04:58,700 Honestly, I wish I was closer to you because I'd let you paint mine. 1052 01:04:58,700 --> 01:05:02,900 I would love to have you if you ever come and brought over this way and decided the 1053 01:05:02,900 --> 01:05:05,780 world stopped by and I will happily add you. 1054 01:05:05,780 --> 01:05:08,220 Yeah, no, I love, I just love that. 1055 01:05:08,220 --> 01:05:12,300 I think, yeah, like I said, sorry, I'm getting, I'm getting a bit emotional because I just 1056 01:05:12,300 --> 01:05:18,220 think it's, oh, I don't know, maybe it's because I'm getting tired, but you know what I mean? 1057 01:05:18,220 --> 01:05:19,220 I am sorry. 1058 01:05:19,220 --> 01:05:20,580 No, no, it's good. 1059 01:05:20,580 --> 01:05:28,380 I just, the more people that can do stuff like what you're doing and also the, your 1060 01:05:28,380 --> 01:05:34,540 models, you know, to be able to put themselves out there too, that's massive. 1061 01:05:34,540 --> 01:05:38,460 You know, like that takes, like you've said, you're, you know, through your work, it's 1062 01:05:38,460 --> 01:05:42,540 you working through things for someone to rock up and say, yep, no worries. 1063 01:05:42,540 --> 01:05:43,540 Here I am. 1064 01:05:43,540 --> 01:05:44,540 Put me out there. 1065 01:05:44,540 --> 01:05:46,540 You know, it's, it's a big thing. 1066 01:05:46,540 --> 01:05:53,540 I mean, when I did the model call, I posted and shared it in a local breastfeeding group 1067 01:05:53,540 --> 01:05:57,340 that I'm part of still from when I was feeding my girls. 1068 01:05:57,340 --> 01:06:01,860 And you know, I had a lot of people interested in the concept, but then when I explained 1069 01:06:01,860 --> 01:06:05,940 exactly what it was going to be, a lot of people said, I'm not ready for that yet. 1070 01:06:05,940 --> 01:06:06,940 And that's okay. 1071 01:06:06,940 --> 01:06:10,420 They said, I might be after, and I'm like, that's okay. 1072 01:06:10,420 --> 01:06:13,260 It doesn't matter when you're ready. 1073 01:06:13,260 --> 01:06:15,340 You let me know and we'll do this. 1074 01:06:15,340 --> 01:06:18,340 And I had others say, yeah, let's do it, man. 1075 01:06:18,340 --> 01:06:23,900 I'm totally wanting to work on my image and I want to, I want to help myself. 1076 01:06:23,900 --> 01:06:28,100 And they see it as part of something that they can work on together too. 1077 01:06:28,100 --> 01:06:29,380 And that's okay too. 1078 01:06:29,380 --> 01:06:35,020 And when you're ready, it's very hard for us to accept ourselves as we are, no matter 1079 01:06:35,020 --> 01:06:42,660 what shape, size we are, you know, how we see ourselves or how we want to see ourselves. 1080 01:06:42,660 --> 01:06:49,980 It's so, so very different from what we really are. 1081 01:06:49,980 --> 01:06:53,660 I don't know if that makes any sense at all, but yeah. 1082 01:06:53,660 --> 01:06:54,660 Yeah. 1083 01:06:54,660 --> 01:06:59,780 And the way that people actually see us, I think is it can be really different from how 1084 01:06:59,780 --> 01:07:01,700 we want to be seen. 1085 01:07:01,700 --> 01:07:08,020 So you know, we put these fields like Instagram or TikTok, I'm not on TikTok, but you know, 1086 01:07:08,020 --> 01:07:14,860 we put these filters on to try and, you know, create this artificial way of presenting ourselves 1087 01:07:14,860 --> 01:07:17,980 because we think people will like that more or you know what I mean? 1088 01:07:17,980 --> 01:07:22,820 Like it's just, I know it's a bit disturbing really, when you think about it, like we had, 1089 01:07:22,820 --> 01:07:29,300 oh, you could go down a rabbit hole with all that stuff, you know, and talk about it for 1090 01:07:29,300 --> 01:07:31,580 ages and debate and everything. 1091 01:07:31,580 --> 01:07:33,580 So I just, yeah. 1092 01:07:33,580 --> 01:07:38,100 I think it's a good way to be here all day. 1093 01:07:38,100 --> 01:07:39,100 I know. 1094 01:07:39,100 --> 01:07:41,580 No, but look, what you're doing is amazing. 1095 01:07:41,580 --> 01:07:42,580 It really is. 1096 01:07:42,580 --> 01:07:46,140 If there is anyone that's in your neck of the woods that would like to get involved 1097 01:07:46,140 --> 01:07:50,740 in that, is your Instagram the best place to go or do you have... 1098 01:07:50,740 --> 01:07:56,420 Yeah, I have, I've created a little account for it on my Instagram. 1099 01:07:56,420 --> 01:07:59,300 It's called Kintsugi Mama Project. 1100 01:07:59,300 --> 01:08:03,820 I can send it to you when I send you all the links and stuff. 1101 01:08:03,820 --> 01:08:05,740 Yeah, that would be great. 1102 01:08:05,740 --> 01:08:06,740 Yeah. 1103 01:08:06,740 --> 01:08:07,740 And it's on there. 1104 01:08:07,740 --> 01:08:11,940 Of course I've already, I've shared it also on my personal work profile, which is life 1105 01:08:11,940 --> 01:08:20,540 is wild and free, but Instagram took it down because it promoted, you know, something. 1106 01:08:20,540 --> 01:08:22,500 Oh for goodness sake. 1107 01:08:22,500 --> 01:08:25,220 That's part of the problem, isn't it? 1108 01:08:25,220 --> 01:08:26,940 Yeah, it is. 1109 01:08:26,940 --> 01:08:30,540 Because that account, I think, has more followers. 1110 01:08:30,540 --> 01:08:32,100 So someone must have reported it. 1111 01:08:32,100 --> 01:08:35,860 It must have bothered someone to see my belly in gold. 1112 01:08:35,860 --> 01:08:38,820 Oh for God's sake. 1113 01:08:38,820 --> 01:08:44,580 But that picture is still on the Kintsugi Mama one because it's a smaller number of 1114 01:08:44,580 --> 01:08:45,580 followers. 1115 01:08:45,580 --> 01:08:47,780 It probably hasn't peaked anyone's attention yet. 1116 01:08:47,780 --> 01:08:50,820 So at the moment, it's still there. 1117 01:08:50,820 --> 01:08:56,900 I can foresee that I will have some trouble sharing some of these pieces uncensored on 1118 01:08:56,900 --> 01:08:58,900 Instagram. 1119 01:08:58,900 --> 01:09:05,420 So I am going to be setting up a section on my website for it because that's mine and 1120 01:09:05,420 --> 01:09:09,940 I can decide what I share and what I don't and no one can take it down. 1121 01:09:09,940 --> 01:09:12,100 Yeah, as far as I know. 1122 01:09:12,100 --> 01:09:14,860 So I will be doing that to share a bit more of it. 1123 01:09:14,860 --> 01:09:21,300 But as it stands at the moment, it is just on Instagram and I have a little newsletter 1124 01:09:21,300 --> 01:09:26,020 that I started writing for the ones that answered the model call and stuff to keep them updated 1125 01:09:26,020 --> 01:09:28,140 on how the project is doing. 1126 01:09:28,140 --> 01:09:33,180 But I'll be developing that as it comes to help and also get subscribers on that list 1127 01:09:33,180 --> 01:09:38,780 so people can follow it without having to be worrying about what Facebook or Instagram 1128 01:09:38,780 --> 01:09:46,100 or TikTok or whatever platform you have as their personal opinion on a woman's body. 1129 01:09:46,100 --> 01:09:47,100 So yeah. 1130 01:09:47,100 --> 01:09:50,100 Yeah, but I don't know. 1131 01:09:50,100 --> 01:09:53,380 Yeah, we could talk about this or not. 1132 01:09:53,380 --> 01:09:56,300 It just really frustrates me. 1133 01:09:56,300 --> 01:10:02,220 Anyway, I'll put all the links in the show notes so people can click away and keep updated. 1134 01:10:02,220 --> 01:10:03,940 And I think that's wonderful and all the best with it. 1135 01:10:03,940 --> 01:10:06,820 I really think that is amazing. 1136 01:10:06,820 --> 01:10:08,860 I really like it is and I love the tie in. 1137 01:10:08,860 --> 01:10:12,620 I love how your mind went there to bring those two ideas together. 1138 01:10:12,620 --> 01:10:13,620 I think that's brilliant. 1139 01:10:13,620 --> 01:10:14,620 Oh yeah. 1140 01:10:14,620 --> 01:10:17,060 Oh, it's fun to follow the brain, isn't it? 1141 01:10:17,060 --> 01:10:21,060 It's just like these two random things like I can do something with that. 1142 01:10:21,060 --> 01:10:22,060 Oh yeah. 1143 01:10:22,060 --> 01:10:23,060 Yeah. 1144 01:10:23,060 --> 01:10:26,900 I love moments like that where you get something and then you sort of go, oh, now this is something, 1145 01:10:26,900 --> 01:10:29,540 you know, because you always got stuff going through your head. 1146 01:10:29,540 --> 01:10:33,620 And then it's like you stop and go, oh yeah, oh, I like that one. 1147 01:10:33,620 --> 01:10:36,020 You know what I mean? 1148 01:10:36,020 --> 01:10:37,420 That's the one I'm going to cling to. 1149 01:10:37,420 --> 01:10:38,420 Yeah. 1150 01:10:38,420 --> 01:10:40,580 Because you have so many things and it's like you can't do them all. 1151 01:10:40,580 --> 01:10:41,580 Yeah. 1152 01:10:41,580 --> 01:10:45,500 You can't do them all well, but the one that really sings to you, that all comes together 1153 01:10:45,500 --> 01:10:47,500 and you're like, that's the one. 1154 01:10:47,500 --> 01:10:48,940 That's the one you're doing. 1155 01:10:48,940 --> 01:10:49,940 Yeah. 1156 01:10:49,940 --> 01:10:50,940 So that's what I'm going with now. 1157 01:10:50,940 --> 01:10:51,940 Good on you. 1158 01:10:51,940 --> 01:10:52,940 I love that. 1159 01:10:52,940 --> 01:10:53,940 I actually had a moment like that. 1160 01:10:53,940 --> 01:10:59,420 I went to Adelaide, which is like the capital city of my state over the weekend by myself, 1161 01:10:59,420 --> 01:11:02,020 totally by myself, no children, no husband. 1162 01:11:02,020 --> 01:11:06,860 It was just amazing because I had a singing gig on in the city and driving home, I had 1163 01:11:06,860 --> 01:11:09,780 one of those moments where I just was listening to a song. 1164 01:11:09,780 --> 01:11:11,300 So I'm a massive Beatles fan. 1165 01:11:11,300 --> 01:11:14,900 So I was listening to the Beatles and all of a sudden I had this idea. 1166 01:11:14,900 --> 01:11:19,220 And by the time I'd gotten home, I'd planned this whole idea for my album I'm going to 1167 01:11:19,220 --> 01:11:20,940 do and all these songs I'm going to do. 1168 01:11:20,940 --> 01:11:25,020 And it's like, you know, just things just, once they start, they just go and go and go. 1169 01:11:25,020 --> 01:11:27,100 And now I've got to try and find time to do it. 1170 01:11:27,100 --> 01:11:28,100 That's the next thing. 1171 01:11:28,100 --> 01:11:29,100 Yeah, that's true. 1172 01:11:29,100 --> 01:11:30,100 Yeah. 1173 01:11:30,100 --> 01:11:35,420 I find that if I write it down, I'm able to get it out of my head and then I can actually 1174 01:11:35,420 --> 01:11:37,480 still remember the stuff. 1175 01:11:37,480 --> 01:11:42,460 So I have a notebook because mine come right before I'm about to fall asleep. 1176 01:11:42,460 --> 01:11:43,460 Yes. 1177 01:11:43,460 --> 01:11:44,460 Yep. 1178 01:11:44,460 --> 01:11:45,460 Yep. 1179 01:11:45,460 --> 01:11:46,460 Or when I'm driving, that's another one. 1180 01:11:46,460 --> 01:11:50,460 So I always have a little notebook and a pen near my bed. 1181 01:11:50,460 --> 01:11:54,220 And when I wake up with this great idea and I'm like, got to write it down, got to write 1182 01:11:54,220 --> 01:11:55,220 down before I forget it. 1183 01:11:55,220 --> 01:11:56,700 And then I'm like, I can sleep now. 1184 01:11:56,700 --> 01:12:02,260 And then the next day I could sit down and focus on it and just do what I got to do to 1185 01:12:02,260 --> 01:12:07,260 make it happen. 1186 01:12:07,260 --> 01:12:16,220 Yeah, no, thanks for sharing like what you've got coming up to the things you're working 1187 01:12:16,220 --> 01:12:17,220 on. 1188 01:12:17,220 --> 01:12:19,420 Cause that's something I think I like to know what people are up to. 1189 01:12:19,420 --> 01:12:24,300 And then people can, if they, you know, pique their interests, they can follow along and 1190 01:12:24,300 --> 01:12:25,300 see what's going on. 1191 01:12:25,300 --> 01:12:26,300 Yeah, absolutely. 1192 01:12:26,300 --> 01:12:28,100 And I'm sure you're following along on that project. 1193 01:12:28,100 --> 01:12:30,740 That's just spectacular. 1194 01:12:30,740 --> 01:12:34,860 I hope that it will speak to you and others as well. 1195 01:12:34,860 --> 01:12:40,020 And yeah, I hope that it will develop and grow into something a bit more than just an 1196 01:12:40,020 --> 01:12:41,020 Instagram account. 1197 01:12:41,020 --> 01:12:45,540 I could keep the account and don't get banned off of it. 1198 01:12:45,540 --> 01:12:49,060 Oh gee, now good on you. 1199 01:12:49,060 --> 01:12:51,580 Thank you so much for coming on. 1200 01:12:51,580 --> 01:12:52,580 I've just had such a... 1201 01:12:52,580 --> 01:12:53,580 Thank you so much for having me. 1202 01:12:53,580 --> 01:12:54,580 It's been an amazing impact. 1203 01:12:54,580 --> 01:12:55,580 It's been a pleasure. 1204 01:12:55,580 --> 01:12:56,580 It has, it's been lovely. 1205 01:12:56,580 --> 01:13:00,420 And I feel like now I'm starting to get like sore cheeks from laughing. 1206 01:13:00,420 --> 01:13:06,620 You know, you smile so much, you're like, which is a great sign of a great chat. 1207 01:13:06,620 --> 01:13:08,740 Thank you and all the best. 1208 01:13:08,740 --> 01:13:13,300 And I'm really inspired by what you're doing. 1209 01:13:13,300 --> 01:13:14,620 Good for you. 1210 01:13:14,620 --> 01:13:15,620 Really awesome. 1211 01:13:15,620 --> 01:13:16,620 That's awesome. 1212 01:13:16,620 --> 01:13:17,620 I'm so happy. 1213 01:13:17,620 --> 01:13:23,100 Cause you know, knowing that you can make just a difference for one person or to help 1214 01:13:23,100 --> 01:13:27,740 one person is huge and sometimes we forget about it because we're all like, oh, I need 1215 01:13:27,740 --> 01:13:32,820 to become like an established authority in my field and in order to be successful, right? 1216 01:13:32,820 --> 01:13:38,860 I need to have like millions of followers and have that little blue tick on my account. 1217 01:13:38,860 --> 01:13:41,740 And you know what? 1218 01:13:41,740 --> 01:13:42,740 It's all yes. 1219 01:13:42,740 --> 01:13:43,740 It is, isn't it? 1220 01:13:43,740 --> 01:13:44,740 It really is. 1221 01:13:44,740 --> 01:13:45,740 Yeah. 1222 01:13:45,740 --> 01:13:46,740 Yeah. 1223 01:13:46,740 --> 01:13:51,220 Because you can make a difference in your small, you're already making a difference 1224 01:13:51,220 --> 01:13:53,540 to someone in your family, aren't you? 1225 01:13:53,540 --> 01:13:54,540 You know? 1226 01:13:54,540 --> 01:13:55,540 I mean, yeah, that's so true. 1227 01:13:55,540 --> 01:13:57,020 I think we overlook that a lot, don't we? 1228 01:13:57,020 --> 01:14:03,380 We forget how powerful and how impactful we can be on that small circle of people that 1229 01:14:03,380 --> 01:14:04,380 live with us. 1230 01:14:04,380 --> 01:14:05,740 We don't need to be huge in the world. 1231 01:14:05,740 --> 01:14:09,860 I mean, it would be great to be able to make a huge difference, wouldn't it? 1232 01:14:09,860 --> 01:14:14,580 But even making it to like, you know, who would have thought my chat with you would 1233 01:14:14,580 --> 01:14:18,460 have helped inspire you all the way in Australia? 1234 01:14:18,460 --> 01:14:23,820 To maybe take that step and look at yourself in a different way. 1235 01:14:23,820 --> 01:14:25,860 I mean, who would have thought? 1236 01:14:25,860 --> 01:14:26,860 And yet there we go. 1237 01:14:26,860 --> 01:14:27,860 Yeah, that's it, isn't it? 1238 01:14:27,860 --> 01:14:31,340 And that makes me feel like I've accomplished today. 1239 01:14:31,340 --> 01:14:32,340 Yeah. 1240 01:14:32,340 --> 01:14:34,380 I love that. 1241 01:14:34,380 --> 01:14:40,140 It's another lesson on sort of adjusting our lens, I guess, of what our expectations 1242 01:14:40,140 --> 01:14:42,340 might be or what we want to achieve out of something. 1243 01:14:42,340 --> 01:14:43,620 Why are we doing what we're doing? 1244 01:14:43,620 --> 01:14:45,340 And yeah, I love that. 1245 01:14:45,340 --> 01:14:47,340 That's a whole other story, isn't it? 1246 01:14:47,340 --> 01:14:49,420 Just go on, go on, go on. 1247 01:14:49,420 --> 01:14:52,420 Oh my goodness. 1248 01:14:52,420 --> 01:14:54,300 Thanks for your company today. 1249 01:14:54,300 --> 01:14:59,700 If you've enjoyed this episode, I'd love you to consider leaving us a review, following 1250 01:14:59,700 --> 01:15:05,600 or subscribing to the podcast, or even sharing it with a friend you think might be interested. 1251 01:15:05,600 --> 01:15:09,600 If you or someone you know would like to be a guest on the podcast, please get in touch 1252 01:15:09,600 --> 01:15:12,220 with us by the link in the show notes. 1253 01:15:12,220 --> 01:15:18,220 The music you heard featured on today's episode was from Alemjo, which is my new age ambient 1254 01:15:18,220 --> 01:15:24,180 music trio comprised of myself, my sister Emma Anderson and her husband John. 1255 01:15:24,180 --> 01:15:28,380 If you'd like to hear more, you can find a link to us in the show notes. 1256 01:15:28,380 --> 01:15:43,820 I'll catch you again next week for another chat with an artistic mum.

Scott Maxwell Father's Day Ep - SA musician + educator S2 Ep61 Listen and subscribe on Spotify , Apple podcasts (itunes) and Google Podcasts Welcome to the first of 2 special episodes released to coincide with Father's Day here in Australia. Scott Maxwell is a musician and educator from Mount Gambier South Australia and a dad of 4 boys, including a set of twins. Scott's dad was a guitarist in a band, as an 8 year old he was listening to Tears for Fears and Duran Duran, the Shadows, surf pop and his dad taught him lead guitar. In his early high school years Scott created a band with his mates and his interest in music kept developing throughout high school. He wanted to get in the education system because he could see that it was broken and did not cater for all learners and wanted to be a force for change. He made a career of teaching music and did so for years. Scott was the winner of an ARIA Award in 2018 - , The Telstra Music Teacher Award . Scott left his class room teaching position in 2020 to begin a new adventure in sound, working as a mentor in a not=for=profit organisation that teaches transformative learning through creativity, enabling teachers to deliver music to their students. In addition to his day job Scott's experimentation in sound has evolved to him running fortnightly sound baths in Mount Gambier called "Frequency Fridays" with all the incredible instruments he has collected. Connect with Scott instagram youtube Podcast - instagram / website Music you'll hear today is from Scott and is used with permission. If today’s episode is triggering for you I encourage you to seek help from those around you, or from resources on line. I have compiled a list of international resources here . When chatting to my guests I greatly appreciate their openness and honestly in sharing their stories. If at any stage their information is found to be incorrect, the podcast bears no responsibility for guests' inaccuracies. Podcast transcript at the bottom of the page Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode of The Art of Being A Mum Podcast. I'm beyond honoured that you're here and would be grateful if you could take 2 minutes to leave me a 5-star review in iTunes or wherever you are listening. It really helps! This way together we can inspire, connect and bring in to the light even more stories from creative mums. Want to connect? Take a screenshot of this episode and share it on Instagram tagging me in with @art_of_being_a_mum_podcast I can't wait to connect. And remember if you or somebody you know would like to be a guest on the podcast, get in touch ! I love meeting and chatting to mammas from all creative backgrounds, from all around the world! Thank you! Alison acknowledges this Land of the Berrin (Mount Gambier) Region as the Traditional Lands of the Bungandidj People and acknowledge these First Nations people as the custodians of the Region. Ch eck out more episodes ..... Welcome to the Art of Being a mum, the podcast that's a platform for mothers who are artists and creatives to share the joys and issues they've encountered, while continuing to make art. Regular themes we explore include the day to day juggle, how mothers work is influenced by their children, mum guilt, how mums give themselves time to create within the role of mothering and the value that mothers and others place on their artistic selves. My name is Alison Newman. I'm a singer, songwriter, and a mom of two boys from regional South Australia. You can find links to my guests and topics we discussed in the show notes. Together with music played, how to get in touch, and a link to join our lively and supportive community on Instagram. The art of being a mum acknowledges the Bondic people as the traditional owners of the land, which his podcast is recorded on. Welcome to the first of two special episodes released to coincide with Father's Day here in Australia. Scott Maxwell is a musician and educator from Mount Gambier, South Australia and the dad of four boys, including a set of twins, Scott's dad was a guitarist in a band. As an eight year old Scott was listening to Tears for Fears and Duran Duran and the shadows. His dad taught him some lead guitar, he loved surf pop music, and in early high school, Scott created a band with his mates. His interest in music just kept developing throughout high school. Scott wanted to get into the education system because he could see that it was broken and did not cater for all learners, and he wanted to be a force for change. He made a career of teaching and did so for many years, and Scott was the winner of an aria award in 2018, winning the Telstra music teacher award. Scott left his classroom teaching position in 2020 to begin a new adventure in sound. He works as a mentor in a not for profit organization that teaches transformative learning through creativity, enabling teachers to deliver music to their students. In addition to his day job, Scott's experimentation in sound has evolved to him running fortnightly sound baths in Mount Gambia, called frequency Friday is explored meditation, new instruments, including crystal bowls, and gongs. And this has triggered a new Sonic obsession for him. Today, we chat about the place that music and sound holds in our culture and society. A little bit about partner guilt and the way that Scott wanted to make a difference in the educational system. The music that you hear throughout this episode is from Scott on all the amazing instruments that he has collected in recent years. I hope you enjoyed today's episode. Thank you so much for coming in. Scott. It's a real pleasure to welcome me and good to get the other side's perspective on the special fallacy episode. Yeah, thanks for having me. Awesome. This is a very unique opportunity. Indeed, it's actually unique that you're in my studio, because I kept many people in my studio. I spend most of my most of my my time in studios. There's nothing like being in a creative space with the Lego guy. Like I was creative. I tried to keep some of it at least nice. But it just That's not me at all. I have to have stuff around me. Like, just sort of, if there was a creative office that was clean, I'd be worried. Yeah, you know, yeah, the fact that this isn't clean, it's just staffing, stuff everywhere. Yeah. And yet most studios are saying this stuff everywhere. So yeah, that's how, you know. I mean, if you could, you know, open a door to inside my brain. That's how my brain looks as well as the stuff everywhere. I think that's most creative people have an idea there. And then there's something else there. And and I need to get to do that. And yeah, yeah. I know. That's right. And then you get so hyper focused on something that you just like, oh, well, what was I thinking? Oh, I don't even know. And then, you know, yeah, it's like, everything else just doesn't exist. And you just, yeah, I've done that many times in here. I've been editing or doing something and then I've sort of lifted my head up and gone. Ah, what are we having fatigue? You know, you just get so fixated on something. Yeah, you do. You do? What are the children doing? Yeah, it's like, I've got 15 minutes before I need to do something. I just gotta go out to my studio just to look at something. And you know, and then you look at the time and you're like, Oh, my God, where did the time go? You know, I'm five minutes late now. Yeah. It was very important is very important. Yeah. Yeah. So tell our listeners, obviously I know what you do. But I'm seeking to tell me more about what you do button, your studio. What do you do in your studio? So my studio is like it's like a rehearsal space. For me a practice space, it's a administration place for my day job. It's it's just a it's an it's like the center of my existence. Really? Yeah, I love it. I love it. I love it so much. And it wasn't until I was a parent, did I feel that I needed one? Because I needed a space that that was separate from the world that I was, I was living, I guess, you know, so that I could just be there with be present with, you know, my brain and the creative force. And yeah, so otherwise, it would have just been, you know, up until that stage was just my bedroom. So, you know, because that was a space where there was no one else anyway. So. Yeah, so I think that's, that's probably, that's, that's my studio. Yeah, it's a, it's, it's a spot where it's a spot where I Yeah, where I escaped the world, and I'd be present with myself and, and whatever, whatever I feel, needs to needs to come out. So it's quite a it's quite an unstructured zone. Unless that unless things are unless there's a time when I've got a deadline coming up, then it can be quite a focus structured area, but a lot of the time, it's me researching, it's me experimenting. It's me, yeah. Finding coming down, you know, rabbit holes, and because I'm, like, I'm a, I love sound. So anything to do with sound is really excites me. And, you know, I think as a culture that we could have, we could have easily not built our culture around money and capitalism, but instead built it around sound. Ah, what a cotton said, I know. Like, honestly, this this thing of capitalism. I have been on this for the last probably half a dozen episodes with people all of a sudden it just came to the forefront. And we've been talking about how not just creating mothers but anyone who creates that doesn't receive a monetary renumeration from that, why are they less important to society as people who earn money from their creativity? Like it's just been this massive topic? And we might come into that after? Yeah, I mean, that is something that I've been worried about. Yeah, it's, well, it's, you know, like sound has been at the center of what we do. And there's a school of thought that believes that sound and music was how civilization civilizations formed. Because there was that need for a group mentality there was a need for ritual and there was a need for people to be joining in with whatever whatever it was, but sound was what brought them together. And you think about that pre language stuff as well as sound communication. So you know, anything about humans on the earth have been here for you know, for we don't even know how long but it's only in this last sort of snippet of humanity where, you know, we're pushing the cache and returning the world into a giant shopping mall. Yeah. Yep. I feel like we can talk more about the company. You said your day job do you? Are you still involved in teaching? Are we doing something? Yeah, I am. I'm, I work for an organization called Sovereign or non for profit organization come in Victoria. And I'm involved in a program called transformative learning through creativity. And my job is to mentor primary school teachers in To feel uncomfortable about teaching music in their day to day classrooms, so incorporating music into the into their work, and helping them plan for lessons and deliver and play games and all that sort of stuff with the that music focus. So that's what I get to do I work at five schools in the area. And I go out and work with these work with these amazing teachers, with their wonderful kids. And yes, it's a blast. It's, it's it. Yeah, it's a really, really cool. It's a great job. And it's one where I have a lot of, I have a lot of creative scope as well. No one really tells me what it is that I need to do. So everyone sort of trusts my my own intuition. Yeah, it's that goal to achieve. But it's up to you. How are you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So. And there are challenges that come with the job. But you know, the, that's the challenges that come with any job, but it's usually teach teachers that move, and that sort of thing. So the teachings are very transient sort of occupation for a lot of people, some people stay in the same spot for X amount of years. But a lot of people do move over a lot of contracts going around and that sort of stuff. So yeah, that's what I get to do during the day. And, yeah, yeah, it's a pretty cool gig. So is that like, so the teachers that are sort of teaching the students they don't, it's not sort of like a formal education in music, they don't have to have like training in musical theater. It's about just as the incorporating it in sort of, I mean, I used to work in childcare. So yeah, we put music in, I'm just comparing it to that, like, yeah, anytime someone was doing something, and a child paid attention to one particular thing, or whatever you did, I know, there'd be a song that went with that, you know, like, I had a friend that used to do this, every time you'd say something, she could break out into a song lyric, it's like, you just, you just go off, you're picking up something, or let's sing the song about picking up, you know, that sort of that sort of way. It's like making it part of just everyday life sort of thing. Maybe not to that extreme, but it's probably not to that extreme, but there's no reason why it couldn't be is to sell. You know, that's because that childcare settings, is that a little bit younger? There's just, I mean, I don't have I actually don't have all those songs in those skills, but we have songs for making circles. And, you know, we do do lots of songs in class, in class time, and that sort of thing, but not necessarily those. You know, like the alphabet song, you know, only because, probably, me, you know, I could get skilled up in that area myself. You know, we used to call it the Play School. So yeah, actually, if someone was building it, start saying, build him up build anything a child? Yeah, there's a song that goes with it. And what I found really interesting was that some educators were just so natural at it, like you could tell they just grew up like that, or were really comfortable with it. Other people would get that certain level of judgment about I can't sing properly, so I won't do it or, you know, that confidence, and they feel like they're being judged by other people, not by the children, because they love it. They know, it's right. What are you saying? No, that's a very interesting sort of reflection on people's, you know, yeah. Well, you know, I tend to think the way I look at it is that you know, and you're right, that the majority of people that I teach, so no, it's best, they don't have any formal music education. Because if you did, then you should be able to teach music, you know, but, so these are people that weren't pretty much not teaching music in in their classrooms, maybe doing a few songs or doing assembly pieces or lattes sort of thing, but not really understanding. You know, I mean, most teachers don't even they can read the music curriculum. They wouldn't have ever had a clue of what some of these things are, like, the the elements of music, you know, they might not know what tambor or texture or you know, even pitch, most of them know what rhythm rhythm are. But that's pretty. That's pretty important. But coming to what you're saying. I think that's a really interesting point. Because, you know, I think you think about the education system and you think, Well, you know, it wasn't the education system that created that well. So that was it that a lot of the time when we as adults think about the education system, you know, we sort of there's a lot of trauma involved in schooling. For for all of us, as adults, we can trace that back to when we were kids. And, you know, sometimes schools are better at telling us what we feel like we're not good at and what we are good at, say, I mean, that I think the education system as a whole has a lot to answer for that. Like, it's, it's pretty, it's pretty nuts. Yeah. And certainly in Scotts perfect world, we wouldn't be doing it the way we're doing it. So that was a nice to be that little. And that's why I got into education anyways, because I knew it was broken. And I'd like to be a crack in the system. And I feel like, you know, this job gives me the opportunity to be a little bit of a crack in the system, because, you know, the kids really look forward to me coming in, even if I'm not taking a lesson to teach might be taking them because they know, this fun stuffs gonna happen, you know, they know that they're gonna have a license to be creative. They know that there's no, no, they don't have to be frightened that they're gonna get something wrong. The only time that happens is if you're playing a game, and they might get out. But that's all it is. Yeah. And they're probably not even aware that they're learning so much through the process through what you're, you know, giving Yeah, I'm thinking that it's that they've been taught to know, well, that's what learning learning should be like. Yeah. And, you know, and being a musician, it's challenging. You know, it's challenging, you've got to, you know, and you know, this yourself, there's this, there's this part, this is Part in music, where you have to grind. And if you don't grind, you don't, you don't get any better. And it's that rote repetition, which, unfortunately, the, you know, there's a lot of schools of thought that don't even, you know, right is like a dirty word universities was when I went to uni, that's for sure. However, that's the way I learned. And prep, perfect practice makes. I was interesting. I'm a great speller. So yeah, I think, I also think that one of one of our problems with people being hard on themselves, it's a cultural thing. So you know, I lived up in the ipy lands, for for a couple of years. And culturally there, you sort of, you stand out if you if you don't sing, because songs or songs are part of their daily life. That's, you know, the stories are all told through song. Like, it has been fun, you know, 10s of 1000s of years. So it's ingrained in their culture. Whereas we have, you know, flip it over to, to us, our urban culture. And, and, you know, the game shows the X factors, the voice and all that sort of thing, then all of a sudden, you know, is everyone that sings being judged, you know, by, you know, by Guy Sebastian? Yeah. That's, I think that's part of where we've got to. Also. Yeah, also, I know, through experience that, you know, kids, like kids like to sing, but sometimes, they may annoy their parents. And it might be just natural for the parents to tell them, hey, you know, you sound like a dying dog or something like that, you know, and that might sound like a dying dog, too. But that can really pay detrimental to that, the psyche of that. So, a lot of the times, you know, I like to tell parents that if your kids, if your kid is learning music, and it sounds horrible, then that's probably good, because they're actually probably trying something that they've never done before. And the only way you can do it, you know, if their practice if they're a piano player, and they're practicing a piece and it sounds beautiful, then then not nothing's happening. They're rehearsing they're not practicing. Yeah, that's some of my best singers. You know, I've spoken to their parents and their parents will say that they make really silly noises a lot. And that's that's experimentation of, of the voice or whatever it is. You can do your voices. That's part of what my studio is still. I'm still experimenting, you know? 50 years old, and I haven't stopped since I was like, 11 years old. I haven't stopped at all. Maybe Maybe there will still be Hi yeah, that's a that's a good question. You know, when I look back, I think, you know, definitely had something to do with my father and seeing a picture of him in his early 20s playing guitar in a band, I still remember the photo. And you know, I listened to music, but there was no, there was no depth. I did like the I did like the hooky, sort of minor stuff, you know, I knew that I liked it, because it had an emotion, like an emotional draw for me, and I knew anything and then these, these these minor keys, and this was the, you know, going to the early 80s. Here, you know, as sort of about eight, you know, 19 ADLs, I would have been eight years old. So, heading towards probably 10. Nine and 10 had some, some pretty big songs out there. I can't even think I mean, I know I used to love. Everybody Wants to Rule the world, but it is, it is. I mean, I remember that when that came out. And that was that was one of those jarring things. My first album was Duran Duran. It was an EP The wild boys EP, I'm not sure if that was my first that was my first album. And my first cassette was seven in the record, Tiger. So Duran Duran, there you go. They had some big minor hooks. And I was right into that. But yeah, my dad taught me a couple of things on the guitar and taught me some shadows. So Apache, and the benches walked around, so bit of surf, sort of style instrumental stuff. So it was the lead guitar. And I just took it from there, I just just didn't stop at a couple of mates, we got together at that transition stage from year seven to year eight, was high school for us. And we played we had this little band going on, and yeah, and then just did not stop from there. So we played those songs and then just kept developing throughout high school. And, yeah, that's how, that's how it started. You know, I can't, I can't pinpoint a particular there been moments that have completely blown my mind. But, you know, it was big becoming invested in music. And by invested in music, I mean, that, you know, when we talk about the first album, or your first cassette, like that, no longer exists. Yeah. So and that was an investment because you needed money to start off with, and however, you got your money back in the day, whether it was pocket money, or, you know, pleading to your folks or whatever it was, you had to there was something you had to do. And then you had to physically, you know, I had to walk down to Kmart, which is a couple of days down the road, go go to the local record store, look through all the staff and say, this is the one that I'm going to buy, take home, and listen to. And that investment in music was was, you know, that's what you get. You're accountable to the music, then you sit there and you look at the artwork, and yeah, play the final say, yeah, that was that was how musics sort of I got involved in music. And yeah, just on that, do you think it diminishes the importance or the value we put on music because it's so accessible now? Yeah, yeah, I do. I definitely do. So there's, there's there's positives and negatives. And, you know, it's such an exciting time for independent artists to be able to release stuff and have it so accessible and available. The I mean, the music industry's it's cutthroat you know, it's intense. And you've got artists now being able to bypass the industry. Yeah, so that's, that's amazing. So for the artists, it's, it's probably pretty cool but on a cultural level, having having that access unprecedented access to music is? Well, it's going to it's going to affect the monetization of artists. Tell me, I know. Exactly. Ah, but yeah, yeah, you've got that. If it's, you know, it's just like saying, hey, if if our roads were made of of diamonds, how precious would they be on your fingers? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. So that's, yeah, it's it's a it's an issue. It's an issue. Yeah, I can say like, I, as an independent musician, myself, like being able to release music is amazing. But then at the same time, you think, because there's so much there? It's just, you know, will it ever get listened to it? Or will anyone's ever get listened to unless you are within, you know, a big company that can provide stuff like there's just so much stuff out there? And I didn't realize. So, when I, when I did the ARIA stuff. Yes. Yeah. It was such an insight into industry that I'd never had before. And so you know, I remember I remember having a chat to this to this bloke outside outside the toilet at the areas. And he was asking me all about this staffing. I, this is at a this is sorry, at the areas I actually got presented the area at a what was the, what was it called? It was an industry meeting. So it was all the big it was all the CEOs of sonar, Warner, Music, Spotify, all that it was this, you know, huge thing Bob Geldof was there. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, chatter was amazing. I said, thank you for all you've done for music. You know, he picked up the award he's going he's a very weighty you're, he's like, you get back to school, tell them all the award should be this heavy. Yeah. But anyway, I was chatting to this guy. And he was saying how, you know, he wished that he continued learning whatever instrument and now that sort of dawned on me that these people aren't musicians, you know, they're business people, and are speaking to another guy, we're sort of moving from one place to the other. And he was talking to me, and he said, Well, you know, congratulations, and all that we're hoping for our first aria for I forget which one it was, was like the big one, like, Song of the Year or something like that. And I'm like, ik you know, who, whose team you're part of, and this is a there was about nine business guys in suits. And so that was Amy sharks team. So who knows? And she actually ended up winning that, so they got it. But I don't even know what they do. What are these guys in suits, they are just like, well, this is that's how I know that this is. This is massive industry. Yeah. And there's something that happens there. I don't know. It's secret. Squirrel. Yeah. Doors, things going on. Yeah. Yeah. And, you know, that's, that's the type of thing that I'd be bad at this. See, that's the thing that I sort of think, on one hand, having, having all the music in the world possible on a platform and letting people decide what they want to listen to, is good, because it sort of cuts that control that the commercial radio stations have because the people make deals with the execs are you give us that much. And we'll play the song four times a day, you know, takes out that like, that's why I love community radio so much because the only stipulation they have is they've got to play. I think it's only 20 something percent Australian music apart from that they can do whatever they like, you know, there's not that nice deal sort of being made. So I've just taken the conversation. I love community radio. Yeah, I think that's it's literally what it is. It's, you know, everyday ordinary people sharing their love and their community and yeah, the people think it's awesome. Yeah, no, you're right. And, you know, and today we have access to community radio from Hundreds and 1000s of community writers Yes, we would be would be ensnared. Yeah. So such an interesting, interesting concept. But yeah, so music is freely available as as we want it. But yeah, the power the Pat, the the actual power of music gets lost within within its within its easy access. You know? So getting back to your area, can you share with us that story and how you got involved and what the award was, and that kind of stuff for people who might not be aware? Yeah, so the story goes, the, there was a couple of teachers at my school who wanted to put me up for a nomination. And so they asked the kids to write some type of thing for for me, and it was voluntary, you know, kids could do it if they thought that I deserved that, blah, blah, blah. So I ended up getting nominated for this for an aria Award, which, which was really, really amazing. Yeah, it was like, awesome. And then it was up to a community vote. So the community had to get behind it. And, you know, I thought, you know, how I was, like, how I had to develop the campaign, which really helped me in my you know, because you're obviously, you know, there's five teachers, everyone's, everyone's an amazing teacher, everyone deserves the ARIA, you know, it's a, it wasn't about that it was just, for me, it was a childhood dream. You know, ever since ever since I started playing in bands and knew about what the area was. I thought, wow, you know, I'd love to win that. And there's funny stories that actually go go there now. Because so, I'm rewind, and I'm a good musician, um, you know, possibly 23 years old playing in bands. And I see some people that I was sort of involved in scene nosing. Getting this aria award? Yeah. Because their band was the super Jesus. Oh, yeah. And I remember watching it that day, and thinking, Oh, wow, maybe have made some real decisions in my musical path. Because I was playing. I was playing surf punk at the time, but I come from, you know, thrash metal. Really high energy. Yeah. angry music. Yeah. Which was, which was, which was cool. And I loved and that's why I did it. And that was the moment where I thought, Oh, maybe I should look at something else. And that was a moment where I signed up to do the stat test for uni. Yeah. And that's how I got to university. And that's how I became a teacher. So, you know, fast forward 2020 years, 25 years, or whatever it was, and there it was in front of me, like a carrot on the stick. And I'm like, Oh, yes, this is a childhood dream. I'm gonna go for it. So what I did is I recorded, I've written this song on guitar, and it was a real flashy guitar thing. And because I thought, I thought to myself, I thought, how could I? How can I get people up? I am one of those people, you know, like, I don't like asking for money, like from people, you know, or your vote. Vote for me vote for me. Yeah. So I thought, how can I do this, which isn't, you know, so I thought, well, what can I give, you know, how can I give something? And so I had this guitar thing that was really, really intense. And so I was able to just chop it up into little snippets. And as I build a Facebook page called riff of the day, yeah. And every day, I post a little bit of a riff, and with a vote for me, don't forget to vote. Yeah. And that's, that's basically, it was pretty popular. There was and that's how, that's how it works. So, you know, and that's, you know, that's how, obviously, the people, the people of this community really got behind me, and that's how I won the Aria. So, you know, it was it was a vote of confidence from the community, which was very, very humbling. Yeah, extremely humbling. So and going to the IRS was just you know a dream come true. Now I've done it now walk that red car. I've done. You know, I can cross that off my bucket list. Do you want to drop some names? Who else do you talk to? There was George Shepherd from shepherd he was he was my buddy. But who was sitting next to somebody really fast? I don't either. We're not listening. We really offended Oh, they weren't getting an hour. But yeah, I don't I don't I just I didn't speak to that many people. Like I was a little bit I say humbled by by everything. Who else did I speak to? I don't know. Yeah. Cuz it was like, everyone wanted to speak to me. Like that key rule rule is like, this was an up and coming out of spec thing. It's like 15 years into care come up to me and shake my hand and rule. I think it's a rule came out. So he shook my hand. And it was like, you know, munching on some Cheetos as you do when you're 15. Right. And he's just won an hour here as well. And, you know, there was like, you know, Troy QSI. Daily, you know, chatting to him at the end of the night, but we weren't chatting. We're chatting about school drop offs. Funny, Murray wiggle. He's gold. So yeah. And all the like, it was easy to be involved in meeting all the wiggles who were all there. So but Mary's Marisa, you know, he's a great musician. Yeah. He, he looks after these lads called the DZ death rays. I think they are. Yeah. And same sort of thing. Right. Yeah. So it was it was a it was just an amazing experience. I was. I was in the I was in the elevator. Oh, I got to sign I got to sign these posters. And, you know, my name was on with all the other ARIA award winners. It was so weird signing, you know, they took me to this vector, which is little room up, stay stays in there. Like, you get a photo. And then, which is the official RFID. And then you sign this and they follow you around with, like beers and stuff like that. Other beer said another beer. Yeah, that's what the arrows are. Like, there's like, every, every five rows, there's an esky. Oh, wow. And it's got like water and beer and champagne, whatever it is in there. And they fill it up. Just like, Whoa, yeah, there you go. This is an insight inside that. I could only because I was gonna say, like, people, I think I remember seeing the footage of you getting like the mayor with your award. And so people were so appreciative because you're literally, you know, bringing the future of musicians to life, you know, you're giving them the passion. And, you know, there's the actual skills, but you know, that love of music, and that appreciation for it is, you know, what's going to, you know, bring on the next generation of performance. So, yeah, you know, I think that's, that's important. Like, and it's, it's, it's the, for me, it's the musical experience, you know, it's the experience that you have with music. So, you know, so anyone listening out there now, you know, if you want to feel that power of the experience of music, you know, think back to think back to when you were 16. And there's some songs you're listening to, like you can you can latch on to memories, that, you know, that have been a part of the soundtrack to your life. That's how important music is. You know, there's not too many people will say, Oh, well, I wasn't really listening to music when I was whatever you know, about that. 1617 is when we start to really sort of capturing but you know, music has been, you know, think about how you felt after the last concert. You've you went to a big concert. Last because how did you feel that? That feeling stays with you for days and days, and then forever? Yeah. As you'll always remember those because there's this shared experience and that's part of the power of music is that it gives us the the the the opportunity to have amazing shared experiences. It's this real energy exchange. So and I tell students well, I used to tell the older students this, but this happens when I teach music anyway, but you I'm on stage. And you know, the energy that you give to the audience comes straight back at you, you know, and it doesn't necessarily matter how many people are in that audience. But you know, you get that energy times, whatever times whatever is close to you, you know, I don't know what it's like to pay. And like a big stadium or anything like that I think the most people ever paid to was about 4000. That's pretty rad. But it wasn't, yeah, the energy exchange was a little bit disjointed, because it was a big stage was lifted up. And it's not quite like, you know, I remember playing and I remember playing at the Tivoli in the Thrash band, and there were literally people running off the bar and jumping into the crowd. And now, we're sort of, I had to play with my back turn to the audience, so I could just push them out a little bit. So give me Oh, I was so cool. Yeah. So and that's, you know, you're in the midst of that energy. Just Just amazing. That's the power of music, you know, you know, music gives us an opportunity to express that energy. And music is energy in itself with sound energy, you know, we just can't see it. But it's, oh, it's there. You're listening to the art of being a mom, my mom, I was. Interesting story, fast forward, just passed the area. And I'm starting to think, oh, what next? You know, I've achieved this massive goal, where am I going? I don't want to go backwards. I don't want to turn into Oh, that was that guy that that was that teacher who won that area. And now, you know, now he's just like a cobweb in the corner. So really made me start to think. And then there was all this all this friction in my workplace as well. And then and say, all that all that stuff. There was a lot of stuff going on. And, and it boils down to that I felt like, you know, the arts were being attacked for being too popular. You know, yeah, it was, it was lit, it was literally, literally, kids aren't handing up their English assignments on time, because they're too involved in your musicals. And it's just like, what, and that's when it that's, and so that started to weigh real heavily on my shoulders. And, and I just went down, down with stemmer, you know, into it into, like, you know, into a really sort of horrible mental position where I wasn't sure what, where I was going, what I was doing, how I was going to combat this. And through that, I ended up I ended up looking into altered states of consciousness and, and meditation, that sort of stuff. And then I came across all these meditation instruments, I didn't even know they existed. So I came across a crystal ball. So I work a lot with digital. In the past, I've worked a lot with digital sound. And there's a thing called a VST, which is literally a virtual instrument. And so I ended up I was looking at this virtual instrument, they had all these meditation instruments. And I'm like, Well, I've never heard of these things before. And then I found this crystal ball, and it's literally a frosted crystal ball, and bigger than your normal salad bowl, and shaped a little bit differently, but it has a tone, pure tone. And I thought, Okay, what's this and I, I listened to one and it just it's one. It's like a sine. It's like a natural sine wave. And I was listening to her and it just, it was still it did not move. It was it's oscillates with itself. Yeah. That that beautiful. And I was like, oh my goodness, what, what is it and I felt I felt amazing. It was like, I'd spent my entire musical career trying to be as fast as I possibly could then never, never stopped to savor what it could be like to be still with a musical note. And it just drew me in and from that moment, Ain't unlike us hooked Yeah, absolutely hooked and two crystal balls together creating whatever how many you want in a room is yeah, it's just outstanding, you know, for me, for me and everyone, everyone would react different because everyone you know musics unique experience and listening to sound as well as a unique experience. So, you know, the person next to you would experience that sound differently. Some people those crystal balls are really activating this seat in the middle of the head, you know? And some people find them you know, they might need to move or whatever. Yeah. So that's what that's what started this journey and then it was you know, gongs, gongs are the opposite gongs are like, like opening a doorway to, you know, a million cosmic frequencies at once. Yeah, it's just like, there's they're everywhere. And, you know, the idea about I found the idea of a sound bath. And I like, I just love the term. It is sound, isn't it? It's like you luxuriating in. I mean, I've always loved I've always loved baths, myself, and sitting back and contemplating life and so forth. But to think that you could do it in sound, I'm like going, is this I'm really excited about it. And I did an online course. And, you know, which was okay, but sort of showed me the ins and outs of of what it's all about, I guess, like the practicalities, the practicalities of it, and your uses for it, and so forth. And then yeah, I just went down that rabbit hole. And I've now managed to bring my guitar into that space. And now I'm starting to, you know, do the sound baths and it's so cool. It's so cool. Like it is. It's, it's like unbridled creativity, you know, you really just you, you have to have a plan. Like, you know, like, like my life. You know, the plan is just there. It's not like, it's not like, I'm gonna, something bad's gonna happen if I don't follow up. But the plan is there that that's the, that's the plan is planned. But be. Yeah, it's so, but yeah, once you once you're in that zone, it's, it's so cool. And you know, it's such an individual experience, it can take, you know, you can take one person on this fantastic imaginative journey through time and space. And for others, it can, you know, it can give them the space to release emotions or whatever they, they need to. So, there's certainly been a lot of that at at the sound bars as well. And like I say, to people, you know, I'm going to fill this room with sound frequency, you know, the sound frequency itself is pretty neutral. You know, it's, they're just their frequencies there sound frequencies, there's research on how they affect the body. But if you want to, you can release negative thoughts outwards, into those frequencies. Or, you can allow those frequency if you are really enjoying them, and then they're, you know, they're turning you on or whatever, you can just let that evening and, and, you know, really switch on, which is, you know, it's just, it's just amazing. And you know, we've, the thing is with, that's the way that I listen to music as well, you know, that's, you know, if there's something that I let in, I'll let it in, but if the sub A lot of the time, it's letting out. Yeah, particularly. Yeah, you know, when I particularly like, you know, young kid listening to thrash music, you know, pretty, pretty upset with the state of the world. And the inequalities of the world and getting out all that angst with, with heart hard, fast, heavy music was the same type of thing. Just now, now, everything's a little bit different. And yeah, it sounds pretty cool. But, you know, along the way, I've learned so much about sound. And, you know, sound is one of those. It's one of those things, it's like, yeah, it's like gravity. It's always there. You know, very rarely do you sit in silence. And if when you are in silence, I swear you can hear something anyway, this this just the sound that's always there. Yeah, listen, that's just my brain tinnitus. But you know what I mean? Like, it's just the sound was very rarely get solid solids yet like proper silence. Yeah. And yeah, sound is Saturday, we said the weird thing about sound this is. So sound needs the human ear to be to perceive it. It's like if a tree falls in the forest. Now, is it too soon to make a sound? You know? Yeah, like I said no, because I produced it produced sound waves. And but if there's nothing to receive the sound waves, then it doesn't make a sound. So it's gonna be relative isn't it is it is really interesting. I love that one. It's like, that's, yeah, it's pretty cool every thing that I've done it always everything always comes back to music, you know? And, yeah, yeah. It's a wonderful way to live your life isn't to have that sort of piano reflect on it like that? Yeah, it's pretty awesome. Yeah, it is. It is. And, you know, it's funny, because you always ask myself, what is it about music? You know, what do what do i What is it that I want to get out? But you know, and you know, the answer I always, always came up with even at since I was a kid is that I want people to feel the way I feel when I'm listening to music. I want as many people to feel that because such a good feeling. And, you know, and it just reminds me of that. That, you know, it's like, you're holding up, like, a mirror to the universe. So that it may know itself better. But so that's that, you know, that's, that's that style of thinking? That I think that for me, you know, music. That's That's what music is? It's pretty profound isn't it is. And you sort of think something was simplified at all, but something so simple? Like I said, it's with us all the time, every day. That it's so he has so much meaning. Yeah, well, music is simple. Like, you know, and this is the thing, this is what my my job is to try and tell teachers that think that they don't know anything about music, it's like, well, you know, you only think you don't know anything about music. Because a lot there's a lot of a lot of people have hijacked music and music education. And they want to make it smarter than what it needs to be they want to make it more academic than what it needs to be. Doesn't need to be academic at all. You know, you don't need academics in music, you know, but there are people that like to what's the word? Academic, non academic, academic, I want to do that to everything. And you can, it can break something, you make it so inaccessible. To make it accessible, and I know that I know that the education departments had trouble with that, you know, trying to make the try and make your subject because music can be more complicated than physics. Yeah, of course. How complicated Do you want to it? Yeah, you can make it as complicated as you are. And this never stops. It's like a fractal. It's, you know, and it's exciting the other way it can be as simple as a drumbeat going. Yeah. Yeah, it can be as complex as the most weirdest harmonies in combination with strange texture. B, you know, there's, it's endless. It is it is it's like Yeah, yeah, find the ocean. Yeah, we've only we've only explored what is it 5% of the ocean or something like that. It's the same. It's the same with music. So I didn't and now we're finding sound. You know, I was reading an article from Stanford University the other day where you know, they're using acoustic technology and sound technology to pack heart cells into places where they can't that's the only technology that they that they can use. Yeah, they're also using sound as a deterrent for malaria carrying mosquitoes they found that there's sound that I heard Yeah, we'll send frequencies and frequencies Yeah, well, they do they use for dogs for like making them stop barking frequency collars. We can't hear it. Yeah. As you get those big, I mean, you've got those big Sonic Weapons was actually about to say yeah, see that's breaky. It's sort of freaky, it's freaky. So but, you know, people, I think people need to understand that, you know, from my understanding of what those those things are, is they're just very fucking loud speakers. Yeah, right. And this so loud that they're they are extremely and they're very focused on like, point them. So, you know, that's how they're using them and so that, you know, they can point it at you and say, Hey, you get out of it, and it will be so annoying and loud that you move. Yeah, because there's nothing else you can do. I sort of the way I mentioned, I don't know, this sounds terrible. I'm sorry to be little war. But you know, when surprised would seem really high and the glass would shatter. That's how I was imagining that like, like, just send this this frequency through and, and things would just go just like, explode. Yeah. You know, there's nothing to say that doesn't, you know, they couldn't have that power is, you know, if you could do it if the sopranos could do it. Wow. But yeah, you know, there's, there's all types of research to say that, you know, if you think about, think about things having frequency, and if you think about harmonic resonance, so for those people who don't know how might resonance is, you can take a particular notes, say, let's say for example, my crystal balls are great. So I could record a crystal bowl, and I can then apply it and record it. And if I play that, recording back to that crystal ball, it'll start making its own sound because it is resonating with the frequencies in the room. It's, it's unreal, it's unreal. It's just, well, it's just like, if you have guitars, if you have guitars, in your in your and you play the sound of a string loud enough, the strings will start to resonate. So like if I had my singing bowl? Yeah, like dinged it. Another one, if it was the same, would start to go. Possibly, possibly. Yeah. It's probably because it's because of that. Because of the bowl, it probably needs a little bit more to get it right. Like if it was bigger, it would go but it's because it's small. And it's contained. Yeah. But it might, you should try it. But that's how money, let's get this harmonic resonance. Like that's a thing. Just got a cold shiver. We go. It's amazing. So if you think about that, and if you think about everything is frequency, so my god, so people, like things can literally communicate with each other in a way? Well, that's really interesting, because I was reading an article. I was reading an article the other day, who they're looking into research saying that actually, cells communicate with each other through sound waves. Because it's the fastest way to travel through. It's not like a sound that we can hear. Yeah, it's a vibration. Yeah. So but that vibration, create contains information. There's so much we don't know, there is so much we don't know. I mean, I, I know. And you know, me, I'm sure there's people out there that don't call bullshit. But like, we don't know, we just we don't like anything, you know? And, you know, so where do you think this is gonna take you like, you're on this, this amazing sort of journey of you could go anywhere. It's really, yeah, could I sort of feel I do feel a little bit lost at the moment. Like, I want to, like, I would love to turn this type of thing into my day job, this exploration of sound because there's probably nothing that really makes me feel like I'm serving my purpose, or being me then offering that sound stuff to people. But then to do that, there's that there's that part of having the other side which is the business sense and, and you know, and looking at that, that that is as in that is like the inner wellness industry space as well so that I'm not particularly good at like, you're good at the creating stuff, so I'm not not 100% Sure, you know, of Yeah, I don't know where it's gonna take me so I'm gonna let it take me wherever it's gonna take me because I know when I started with all this stuff that that felt like that felt like home. It's like, right here we go. You know? Like, I think I've been looking for something like that ever since I started playing. Playing music and you know it was looking for something you it, I've sort of feel like I've found it. Yeah, it's almost like you had to as a, as a beam as a person had to experience something that was really going to challenge you and push up against you, for you to, to make a switch, I suppose and go nuts. This isn't right. And to go into that, like, almost like you had to come to a head. Yeah, yeah. And I'm bringing my hands together, like, you know, something had been had to happen. Yep. For that shift to take place. Yeah, yeah. And, you know, at a deep, and then there was the highs. And then there was the lows. And then there was the piecing back together. With with, with a new, a new outlook, I guess. So that's, it's been it's been such an such an interesting journey. Up to this point. And yeah, like, I'm really interested to see, you know, how well this type of this type of thing is going to be received, like, in our community, at the moment is really positive. So you know, I can see I can see it a lot of space for growth. It's such an interesting thing, you know, coming from, you know, playing in punk bands and all that sort of stuff. You know, which I'd still do if, you know if if there were the right people. But having people rock out with some blankets and pillows and beanbags. You know, maybe something that cover the eyes, and lay down and listen to music, like really listen to music is phenomenal, just like that, that concept. I love it so much. I mean, it's great to go out to venue and go and see live music and feel that high energy stuff. But it's also great to go within and to feel, you know, it's high, low energy, high energy stuff as well. And then there's also some more calming sort of energies. That yeah, so it's so amazing. And so mind blowing. It's a it's a thing, but yeah, I'm not glad that you had to go through what you had to go through to get there. But I'm very glad that you got that. Yeah, I mean, yeah. You know, I'm a very much very much, you know, you're gonna philosophize about, you know, the good and evil in the world. And you're sort of saying, Well, okay, well, there, there's, there can only be evil, if there's good, and there can only be good if there's evil. Otherwise, there's no any of that stuff. So yeah, I think that's that, that is sort of that. Yeah. You touched on earlier about having your studio. You only needed it since you became a parent. Yeah. Tell us about your your four lovely boys. Yes, sir. Thank you. I mean, incredibly exciting place to be. Yeah. Yeah. So my four boys are very energetic. They are very, very inquisitive. And they are very physical. Yeah, as well. So they can all play music. But whether they'll go down the music path, is there no, no one's chosen that as their main thing yet. That's so how do you feel about that? Well, I don't know. Well, you know, the eldest of 15. So I didn't really start playing. And, like, seriously until I was 12. My 12 year old can play as good as I could when I was 12. But, you know, whether he chooses, you have to have that. I mean, I had my friends, my friends were playing so I played, you know, so whether he can manage us to surround himself with other people that are thinking the same, which is going to be pretty difficult in the current state of music. In in the mount it's just that seems to be we were at this really high about two or three years ago, and now and now. Something's dropped out. And, and musics really taken a backseat and there's a there's a few there's definitely a few people in it in the education scene here that sort of don't see the importance of music and have seen that just sort of slip out from under us, which is quite significant. But you know, I'm not gonna blame it on the schools. You know, it's just it's just We'd have a cultural thing happening. What the way I sort of equation if you've got a town of our size, how many 1000? What are we got? 35? Last time I'll do is 2525. Okay, I'm getting excited. And we don't, yes, that's yours. We don't have a music shop anymore. You know, that just to me shows that we're the level of importance that, you know, that we play we're placing on it, you can't even go in the shop and get your guitar really strong anymore. You know, it's, it's a tough one, that one, you know, knowing the ins and outs of that business. And business business is, you know, we're talking about capitalism earlier. I know that's, you know, you can't give, give money away or, you know, lose money and just keep being a charity. But I just thought how can we not have a music show? You know, just Yeah. Really, it was it was? Yeah, it was heartbreaking for me to I mean, I remember looking at the Facebook posts and thinking, you know, it was almost like, lost, lost somebody. Yeah. Yeah. Had that had that feel about it? And because, you know, to me, the importance of, you know, a place like that is is, is for community. Yeah, but I understand, I understand. I mean, I fully understand what happened and why, you know, they had to shut up and close, but who knows. But that's not so bad community. Like we'd always put out if we had a gig, we put our posters up in there. We had our, like, my albums with Assange there. I could bring the guys when I, whenever I had trouble with our PA, I'd be like, Michael, why can't I get it to turn on? You know, they were just they're not just think. You know? Yeah, it does makes me sad. I mean, at the end there are they're all like students of mine. Yeah. Right. And yeah. You know, I've also, you know, they're not the first students to, you know, work there. So it gave them a bit of a rite of passage. I know that likes because you said like to do work experience there. And that's, yeah. Yeah, yeah, it's a it's a shame, but I feel I feel that, you know, there's 25,000 people here, but musics just not big enough to sustain that type of thing. You know, but it's all goes back to how much importance do we want to put on music? You know, so, you know, with, with my boys, I know, I know, it's not right, to force anything onto them, because it's nothing forced onto them by Daddy's going to be cool. Not once they like once they hit the teenage years. Yeah. So they played in a band when they were like, in year five. They did like a talent show and are really, really good. Did you watch it? Yeah, they're very good. To me when I watched I don't know if it was just like a proud parent thing. But they made it look so bloody effortless. I must say your your kids doing things? Like very natural. And like, No one. No one was there when I worked with them for, you know, maybe five weekends in a row of working on this Boulevard of Broken Dreams, whatever. Some yeah, there's Boulevard of Broken Dreams, I think it was and put the staff that like the the work and effort that went into making that look like that was huge. You know, it wasn't that that was this easy thing. It was it was difficult. There was a lot of that when we're talking before about, you know, grit, there was a lot of grit. And that was really tired, grumpy children at the end of those sessions. So, you know, I'm hoping that I didn't ruin the experience for music because they didn't get to perform and yeah, but they didn't win. Say they won. But yeah, I think they made it look so easy that it just like, Oh, these guys. They're good. But so yeah, that's it's interesting. But, you know, with anything with with kids, you've got to let them find find it themselves and find that passion rather than live out. Your passion, you know, that lands on last thing. I don't want to be that guy. I don't want to be that parent that is living through their children. I don't want to be that person. So they can, they can do whatever they they like and do they listen to you like and value what you tell them? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, definitely. I try until you know, Alex plays the bagpipes, right? Oh, yeah. And I think he chose that because neither Ben or I have any experience. Yeah. We kept doing this for years. I'd be like, Oh, do you want to play? You know, play the piano, and then be like, join play guitar? Nah, I don't want to do that. Now all of a sudden popped up the bagpipes. Yeah. Yeah, you know, it's funny because um, You know, I've spent a fair bit of time with with the kids lately, due to COVID. And due to, we went to went to Melbourne, the other the other week, just me and the boys drive up in the morning and drove back in the evening. And it's funny, you know, when I'm with them, the conversations that we have can be quite intense, like, the other day, we were driving a football, and the conversation was about how everything came to be, you know, it was that deep. Yeah, it was, you know, okay, so science says there was a big bang, what was before the Big Bang? That's that type those types of questions. Yeah. You know, and that's the type of, I love having those conversations with the kids the whole big, expansive, mysterious, inquisitive style of conversations where we sort of just riff over things. You know, I was having having a chat to one of the elders the other day, and he was talking about and, you know, he gets through that stage where, I mean, schools always push your career path, and what do you want to be and all this sort of stuff. And he was sort of riffing riffing on that. And I said to him, do you want to do you don't want to? Because he's going to be say, said, like, you know, what? Would you rather? Would you rather me be a millionaire? Or would you rather, and be like an asshole? Or would you rather me be the guy that people come up and shake their hand says back now he's a good bloke? And I said, Well, I can't say is that clear? Cap? Yeah, you know, I can say that. You should think about, you know, what you want to do in the world by asking yourself? What type of contribution can you make to humanity? And if you can answer that question, then that's going to put you on the right path to where you want to go. Because that's sort of you know, that's what it's all about. You know, so you could, you can become a millionaire doing that, or you can become a millionaire, being self centered and thinking, it's all about me, and just wanting to climb the ladder and step on whoever I need to decline that letter, wherever I'm going, you know. But at the end of the day, you know, you got to be happy with who you are, and, and what you're doing in the world. So, yeah, they listen to that side. That's a lot. I love that sort of stuff. They may not listen to me when I say you dirty, go and have shower, please. Yeah, it's time for bed. Or we just said he's ready. You know, they might not listen as much, but they certainly listened to those big questions, but they don't. They go off and they ponder, yeah, that sort of thing. And so I'm really impressed that particularly they do that. So that's, that's really good. And, you know, even my youngest, we talk about all different types of things. He's, he's, he's into wondrous things. So you know, if there's a great sunset, I'll call him out or so we're gonna go and have a look at it. We've been what we've been looking at how, you know, I mean, I can't because, I mean, the weather's shitty, but it's rainbow season. Yeah, you know, and been looking at the angle of the eyes compared to wherever the rain might be to the sun. You can you can predict where these rainbows are gonna come and then you can see them before they even arrive. Yeah, and we've been, you know, get excited. Over there. Is that is that is that going to turn into a rainbow? Yeah, is if you can, that's that's pretty cool. So I love doing that type of thing. You know, there's really really sporty so they're, they're very focused on sport. And I think you know, my wife's very, very that was her type of upbringing as well country sport. Where I was city kid, so I was into music and then hanging out with my mates and being hoodlums. There's plenty of that going on in the country. Yeah, there is there is bad The twins have got a year before they get a license. So yeah. I'll have I'll have less to worry about if they're more like their mother. stories with you from Ben. Yeah, So is it important to you that your boys see you as more than I don't say just dad, because, you know, you're not just you do a lot of other things is important that your children say that do you feel? I think I think if we talk about, I think if we talk about contributing to society, if there's one thing that I would like them to do is to, you know, contribute to helping others. Your positive. So, that's something that's important that they see me being that, that positive change that you want from other people, you know, and doing all those those things that, you know, that you put in being like a helpful client, you know, all that sort of thing. That's important to me, they see that and they take that bet on all those positive aspects to life, I guess, not worried about, you know, often think about, you know, winning in our head is that, how does that how does that how does that impact the kids, you know, they streamed it live in their classroom and all that sort of stuff. You know, because I don't put much emphasis on on awards, you know, for them, and grades and that sort of thing, because it's not really about that. But there I am winning this big award. Yeah. How does that how does that how does that factor in NSO competitive? So I don't have the answer to that. But it is something that I have thought about, like, ah, yeah, wow. I wonder how that's going to impact them. But I guess also, if they see how you deal with that, too, like, they don't see you wandering around the streets going, Hey, look at my art, you know, what I mean? Like that you can achieve something and receive something and be rewarded for your work, but not make a, you know, a song and dance about us? Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I mean, we have the odd conversation about how like, it's the best qualification ever. Looks good. I thought I can I can, I can literally argue to anyone about music now. What do you have in our particularly music education? Yeah, there's all these people that are way more trained than I am in music, education. They don't have an art. Here we are saying how modest I am. So always a joke. And it's always it's always it's always good fun. So, yeah, that's, that's, that's, that's important. You know, I want them to be I want them to be good people. And, yeah, I want to, yeah, I want them to make positive contributions, I think, you know, it's, it scares me that the world is so messed up. And that they, they are going into, they're going to grow up into a world that needs action. We've all we've all the, you know, all the crappy things that has been done to it. And, you know, it's still being done to it, you know, so, I'd love for them to be part of the solution of whatever that is. And I don't think shooting off to Mars is the solution. But yeah, but they're the types of things like humanity actually needs to look after each other and, you know, get back to relationships and don't get political. But, you know, we vote reverse voting in the Labour government and labor is for the people. I think there's this big change about, you know, looking after each other, you know, social housing and looking after elderly and childcare and like, just getting back to basics. Yeah, yeah, that's right. And, you know, there's a Yeah, yeah, there's a and there are a lot of there are just a lot of systems that, that aren't working, you know, in our society. And I think they need I think they, there's a lot of systems that need overhauls and they need to read they need rethinking? Yeah. So, you know, there's, there's so many, and, you know, if we, if we went into that mindset, you know, if of of looking after each other and humanity and relationships and not perpetuate the classes, which, you know, I believe that schools will perpetuate classes, you know, these people are going to go off and have these topics Little jobs in the majority of you probably the in the middle here, and then some of you fail and be down the bottom. And, you know, you'd be delegated to not having a job or having really low wage or whatever it is, you know, we can patch right that in the school, there's no need to do that, if we focused on relationships, and we were looking after each other, and that would be less likely to happen. Yeah, that's, that's pretty scary. That, you know, that that's literally meant probably begins before, but that's, you know, where people learn how to treat each other, and how, where they're going to be in the world. And that's a difficult thing to shake. If someone already thinks that they're wherever, you're not going to change from that. Yeah, I mean, any of us can think back to school. And, you know, like, once it's over, you've only got those, those bits and pieces that stick with you, you know, the rest of it sort of just falls away, you know, didn't matter. You know, it didn't matter. It didn't matter who was popular. It didn't matter what you learnt in geography, you know, but what mattered was how you felt. And that's what sticks with you. So oh, shoot at school. So did you have a good time? I feel good, right? Yeah, yeah. I failed. I did school at the end of year 11. First time, I went back and did the 12. But anyway, did shoot. I found music and they, they found easy. They should be telling people Yeah. Well, it's important to know, no, it's actually important. Because, like, if I had thought that, oh, my god, I gotta do music. I must be crap. If I had thought that, then I wouldn't have the life. You know, I just had the foresight to know that I was actually good at music, but I just didn't want to do what they wanted me to do. You know, I didn't. I wasn't interested in theory, because that's not what that's not what was, I was inquisitive about. I was inquisitive about the skill set. And I was inquisitive about how I could get better at playing my instrument. That's all I wanted to know. Yeah. And, you know, and I was a guitar player, so that that theory, stuff didn't have didn't bounce off me very well. And it was taught like shit, oh, my God. You know, theories theory is not very boring at all. But the teachers continue to teach it in such a boring fashion. It's actually really exciting theory is really musical theory is really, really exciting. But it's, it's, it's very, you know, you've got special teachers out there that can do it beautifully. But that's not how I was taught. So I just didn't listen and probably didn't go to class and that sort of thing. So that's how that's how it is, you know, so it was one of the, like I said, it's one of the reasons why I became a teacher to be because, like, I knew something had to be wrong with music, or I'm sorry, something had to be wrong. We let go because I was, I knew I was good at music. There was I wouldn't listen to my English class because I was too busy looking at the glossy pages of guitar magazine then again, same music and like, yeah, I just knew that that that wasn't me. That that was the system. Yeah, I was. Yeah, yeah. And I was just ready to give the whole world the middle finger then. And, and I didn't went up and got an apprenticeship and yeah, it just took me a little while to get back to I just need to spend my days you know, doing stuff and dreaming about songs. Yeah. So yeah, I drink Oh my God, when I get home, I'm gonna I'm gonna write this song. It's been in my head all day. But I wouldn't do it. But it was it was in my head. Yeah, yeah. You're listening to the art of being a mom with my mom. I also name and so when I talk to my moms on this show, we talk about this thing called mum guilt. So this idea that mums should exist for their children, and if they do something for themselves, they should feel guilty about that or they should feel bad if they don't think do things right and bring that in air quotes based on you know, society's expectations of what a mum should be when management. And I've been like asking deaths then. Do you have a Thoughts On a thing? Is there a thing of dead guilt? Do you experience those sort of emotions of You know, the pressure is on you as a dad, to whatever roles in your family, you've got to fulfill that. And if you don't, you know, how does it make you feel? Is that something that you've sort of never encountered? Um so I would say that I've never encountered dad guilt. But I've definitely encountered husband guilt. You know, it's a I know, I know, my wife is relentless in what she does around the house. You particularly washing is huge, because yeah, it was it was a big family. It's just It's endless cycle and you live in Mount Gambier, and there's no way to dry it and that sort of thing. So there's always washing hanging from the wherever, yeah, it's like a cave of washing all the time. So you know, there are times there are times where, you know, I think, oh, maybe I should pitch in there a little bit more, and that sort of thing. So that's it. But not as a parent, there's nothing, there's no, there's no, I don't feel, you know, I think I do as much as I can say, and then when I do as much as I can, as much as I think I can, that's probably a better way to explain it. So then I don't feel guilty when I'm out doing my own thing. Yeah. And also know that the important that like, see, it's a you know, you have to sacrifice your time, every now and then to do things for yourself, and you have to sacrifice time to do things for your kids. And, you know, time time is. Okay, and you're gonna get to this because you posted a really interesting post today about time or Yeah. Well, that's the time is three, but how do you spend it? Yeah. And then, and then, yeah, you talking about the quote that I posted? Yeah. Like it read that book. Yeah, the time is precious. Yes. Yeah. It's pretty cool. I love the quote from that book of the, the, the, the Emerald Tablets, and, and, you know, it's like, time does not move. But yet we move through time. It's like, whoa, that's pretty cool. You know, and, you know, we exist as events in time, our consciousness exists it as events in time. But yet, all time is at once. It's about Yeah, so it's, it's such a mind blowing time is mind blowing. And which is, this is the thing. So, you know, when we talk about music, and we talk about rhythm. So rhythm is just fractions of time divided. Okay. And then if we keep going, and we keep dividing and dividing and dividing, dividing, divided by the value, that we get pitch, and then pitch and how fast how fast, you do want to play with the sound waves, because you know, and it's like, and then you keep going, going, going, going, going, you'll get light. And so, you know, so that's, that's the thing, because quantum physics, this is a thing, like when we talk about light frequency, you know, we talk about sound frequency, we're talking about how fast things are vibrating. And, you know, so it's, that's pretty, pretty interesting. I love that sort of stuff is so cool spins. Yeah. I mean, and, you know, part of the reason why I've reposted that is is, you know, something that we really have to be mindful of, and I have to remind myself all the time, is the amount of distractions. You know, it's like, it's like, we almost live in a society that is just distractions, everything's a distraction. So you would have be, whether it be on TV or on your phone, definitely the Doom scrolling is a distraction, but it's not just the phones, it's, it's like, it's, it could be it's your job, it's whatever it is distracting you from me, you know, distract me from being present. And we're coming back to the relationship stuff before just being present with you know, and we're all guilty of, of being distracted while while a loved one wanted us. And, you know, we were so into it, we're into a rabbit hole. We're like, well, hang on, don't interrupt me because I'm so into this distraction. So, you know, I've been thinking about distractions a lot and being present and you know, and that fact that you can't, you know, you can't get you can't get that back. You can't get that time that being present with somebody. If you're fully there with somebody and you know who Oh, that person is, you know, you can, you know, that moment is going to be as precious as I said we're going to be. But if you're distracted, then you know, that moment. There's lost. Yeah. So and that's it and that you can't get that target time back. Yeah. Yeah, you can't get it back. It's gone. So, but you can be there with it when it's happening. And that's a that's a, that's such a, you know. That's they, that's what they should be teaching in schools. But instead, instead of my kid came home the other day, and he goes, Dad, that I learned something that at school, I'm like, Oh, what do you learn? He goes, if I have my left hand in my hoodie, I can actually be on my phone in the middle of the class and the teacher. Right? It was Yeah. And misaligned even sees and I'm like, Wow, you did learn something today. You know, it's like, yeah. So But isn't it great that I that now you're literally in the trenches? Now you're teaching the teacher? I'm gonna say teaching the teachers, you're sharing your experience with it? Yeah. Yeah. And allowing that to change it from the inside. Yeah, it's the ultimate sort of Gotcha. Isn't it? Like, haha, I'm right here now. Yeah, doing this, you know? Yeah. Yeah, it is. I mean, yeah, it's, it's, it was, it's, it's, it's, you know, we talk about, you talk about imagination. And if you, I was reading, I heard quote, the other day of something he was about, you know, if you're imagining something, you're literally bringing it into existence. So it's like a movie for the premiere of a movie. So just like that ARIA thing came into existence, you know, me being a crack in the system, sort of manifested over time, because that was where, you know, your life had some intellect. So if you have positive thoughts about about where the future could be, you know, then most more than likely, you're gonna end up, you know, in that in that scenario, some one way or another. Yeah, it just seems to be like that. But if you're if you're always, you know, negative, and you have that negative, and I was like, Oh, my God, I'm not gonna have anything after this finishes and blah, blah, blah, blah. And that's the type of thing you sort of manifest and then all of a sudden, you don't have anything. Yeah, you make your reality happen. It's like a self fulfilling prophecy. It is in positive ending, it is. You know? And, yeah, so yeah, that's, that's the way it is, there's always there's always someone that's going to have an easier path. There's always someone that's going to have a tougher path. Yeah, I'm going back to when you had to have the twins? And how did your sort of concept of yourself your own identity change when you became a dad? When I think back to those hazy times, it is a bit of a haze. We don't know what it was like to have one kid. So you know, it was always too. And. And, you know, it was just asking about Gambia, so there was no, there was no real like family network that was able to be here. So it was very tiring. And it was very, I don't think the concept of myself changed at all. One thing that I wasn't ready for is like, when my wife was pregnant. I remember. I mean, at first, the first looking after looking after this, this unborn baby here, scared that something was going to happen, you're scared that, you know, eat the wrong food, or whatever it was. We actually got a phone call from the doctor 20 weeks into the pregnancy, and it was something's something's happening this, we've got some results that are that don't look very, very promising. That's like the chromosome test. And so we had this conversation about, you know, what, what would happen if if this was the case, you know, and so and it was, it was quite foreign. But we hadn't had a ultrasound yet. And so when we went to the doctor, put on the ultrasound, and he goes, Well, you went for an amniocentesis that needle thing. And the doctor goes, well, here's your baby's heartbeat. It goes on. See this thing? Here's your other baby's heartbeat and he was gone. Oh my God, we've just gone from thinking something's wrong with the baby to we're having another baby. So it was in May. It was that was a roller coaster. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, really exciting. hugely exciting. I mean, I was excited to have twins. But me as a person It didn't change. I felt, I felt great because, you know, because I felt like me. I didn't feel any pressure to be a different person. I was already a teacher, so I had that experience with older kids. You know, I wasn't much of a colicky sort of guy, you know, sort of like the girls had a baby or something like that. I'd be like, Yeah, I can keep the baby. I still am that guy. I'm still around, you know. But yeah, it was different when when are my own? So you know, I guess you just have so much love for the kids that. I mean, yeah. So it was probably wasn't a thing. My identity probably wasn't much of a thing to me at that time. And that it was just his head down. You know, it was go, it was because it was go all the time. And there was no time to do anything else. But do parenting. Yeah, really. In that time there was work. And then there was parenting. And there's probably a little bit of sport that went on as well. And so there was a lot of juggling between my wife and I and all that stuff. But yeah, I think I remained reasonably intact. I still saw myself as an immature young boy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. It probably wasn't until I turned 50. Where I've gone might not be that little immature like 16 year old that you've always thought you'd been even in your 40s. Again, time it's a it's an interesting concept. Like, you just think I don't feel any different to how I've always felt my whole life. But I look different. People think you'd be different because you're getting older, but you just feel exactly the same. Yeah, it's such a weird thing. Yeah, it's yeah, it's still that same inside of your consciousness, you still that same person that you were, you know, you read my report, remember, read my report, when I was in primary school, still, they still that kid, probably distract the class less. You know, I still got the if I'm in a big crowd that when we have in front of someone who is trying to do something, you know, still feel the urge to distract people because I'm distracted. You know, I talked about distractions before, but my brain is distracted all the time. With whatever. Yes, yeah. Yeah. So when did you then we were able to point to things to sort of sit down with the boys and you're able to get back into your music. So what happened was it was being organic, really. I was just thinking, what? When was it that happened? So the what happened was, it was the first time where as for sort of, we'd bought a house, we bought a cheap house was getting a pretty good wage. And I remember buying a guitar. As a first it was a guitar that I wanted ever since I was a kid. And I had the money to buy it. And it was all systems go and bang, I bought it. That really sparked my, my interest. And then what I did was, as soon as, as soon as that comes back to you, you know, after you've had your head down for so long, and the kids were still, you know, that one, the red one then, and maybe a little bit younger. But you know, but the first six months is head down and get, you know, you're doing literally everything for kids. Yeah, everything except for breathing. Yeah. And I ended up enrolling in this online course at Berklee School of Music, which is orchestrating for film and TV. And that's where I did all my theory chops and all my orchestration skills and everything like that. And I found that, you know, in in looking back on that, that kitten that certainly kept me grounded through that period of parenting with music connected with music, and ended up landing me the job because then I had some sort of qualification behind me. That wasn't just education based. So, you know, that was sort of worked in really beautifully. And then we only had two years before we got the next one. So you know, and then it was head down again. And, you know, I don't remember, like the specifics of that time. I've kept a journal of that sort of stuff. And so, you know, you can look back at those times. I know looking at the videos that our house is trashed, like, you know, as soon as, you know what we had for under four under four, definitely for under five anyway, the house, you know, and my kids always doing shows and, you know, show means that you have to have a Stage and Stage means you have to have every blanket in the house draped over chairs, and you have to buy the tickets and all that. Oh, yeah. Yeah, it's a theatrical production. That's right. It's funny, it's funny, but it's and all the toys and you just get toys. And then they have a birthday and you get more toys. And they're like, you know, so. I know, when we had that first lockdown. Last, we decided that we tried to start to declutter, and so we had so much stuff that so much stuff. Oh, my God, particularly, particularly out toys and stuff like, that the kids really didn't really play with. There's a few toys they played with. But you know, there were there were definitely like cardboard box kids. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. So that's something that's. Yeah, that said, you know, we talk about capitalism and consumerism. And at the end of the day, all they needed was a cardboard box. It's the old joke, isn't it? Like you give the kid for the Christmas present. And I play with the wrapping bag. Like, it's just like, the whole thing just frustrates me. I was on the airplane come back from LA the other day, and I was thinking, how did it all start? Like, how did it actually start? That that became important? And then what role is advertising played in, in that to get inside people's minds and make people think they need to have this and they have to have this? And you know, I love madmen. That's one of my favorite TV shows. Okay. Some, it's based in the 50s. In the 60s, in New York City, it's an ad agency. And like, you sort of think, when you watch it, I don't know how much of its true. But you think, well, that's why we all want such and such because somebody told us we, you know, I just, I, I wish I would understand more about it. Like, yeah, it's, it's, it's, it's super powerful psychology, you know? Yeah. And it's all it's all to make make people money. You know, that's, that's what it is. It's about, you know, who wins, wins, wins the most whatever, you know, but, you know, it goes that I don't know how we got how we got there, you know, you know, it's a, it's a strange thing, you can have everything you want, without having that. But, you know, I heard a good story about that the other day, you guys can't put it into context of something about this guy's fishermen. And you know, he did official day, and get all this beautiful fish and take 100 His wife and make love to his wife and his beautiful, beautiful life. And one day, this other, this other person comes along and says, Well, why don't you? Why don't you fish like this. So you can then sell, you take some of the fish, and then you can sell some of the fish. And with that money you buy given so you buy a bigger boat, and then you can do more more fishing and get more efficient, and you can buy fleet of boats, and then you know, and the guy will go, okay, and then what would I do? Yeah, you know, then you can franchise it out. And you can, you know, have an international cooperation, you want to learn what I do? Yeah. But at the end of the day, you know, he already he goes, Why would I want to do that already? Has every you know, because yeah, then what would you do? Well, you can have everything you want, because I've already got everything I want. And that's that type of thing. Yeah. Where we don't think like that, as a society. You know, there's a lot of pressure. There's a lot of pressure to be thinking about, and schools do it. So let's do it right at the beginning, what are you going to be when you grow up? Yeah, you know, yeah, it's like, and the answer is, well, I'm going to be me, when I grow up. That's true. That's what I'm going to be I'm going to be me, you know, I'm not defined by what I do. You know, I'm not defined by I'm not defined by, you know, being working in a cafe or that doesn't define me, you know, not even being on stage defines me. I'm just me. You know, there's just trying to put my best self forward to the world and you know, that's, that's not what we teach. We teach, you know, you've got to get this job. If you don't do this, then your options are. Oh, you know, it's like, what complete bullshit. Actually, your options are. What Yeah, whatever you want to make them to be like and Your options can be anything you want to have to school. So that's why I keep telling Alex, like, he's at that point now, like choosing subjects for what you want to be when you grow up. And I just keep reminding him that I found the best job I'd had. Up until recently, only nine years ago. And about three months ago, I found the best job that I've ever had in my life. You know, like, you just cannot expect someone to know at that point in their life, anything about the job they're going to do? Because they haven't been in the world and experience things and seeing what they might like or might not like, yeah, how can you? How can it's all this towards this end goal? I can't, like have these experiences as they're going through, you know, each day be? What are we going to do today? That's going to be great, rather than let's look 30 years in the future and see what's gonna happen there. And you miss out on all this? What's in front of you? Yeah, yeah, that's right. And, you know, the subject selection in my eyes should be about whatever makes you happy. You know, what, what you think you can be, you have the most fun or that sort of stuff. You know, not because all your mates are doing it. But you know, kids want to do that they want to do something, because they might spend that not might not be the best thing for them to do. Not not not in every circumstance. And I my children would literally choose something because they might so doing it. But I'd rather than that I'd rather than go or what is my interests? Yeah. Where does that lie? Like, who cares about if it's going to lead to whatever, because you can do that later anyway? No, it's not. Nothing's finite. Oh, that's it isn't? Yeah. And that's what I did. You know, I 24 years old, or whatever I was did the stat test. So instead of slugging over a year of year 12, I did a two and a half hour test. And you want to know, yeah, I'm a teacher. Yeah. Got a degree? Yeah. Yeah. Now that's like, yeah, I say now, it's just he was saying, What do you want me to do when I grow up? And I'll say the same thing, like, whatever makes you happy, you know, been to financial planner. So he brings that other side of all, we have to have enough my live on? Yes. One that I know that. But you still have to enjoy yourself every day. You know, you have you actually have to have a reason to get out of bed and think What am I going to do today? That's, you know, contribute to the world? And I don't know. Yeah, well, that means I. Yeah, that's, uh, yeah, putting through and that's that thing about being an artist, you know, I'd love to be an artist, but I can't put the food on the table, the practicalities of you have mouths to feed. You know, I could do it. I could, you know, I'd be quite happy living out of like, a tiny house and off grid or whatever, just to start and just doing sound and stuff like that. But you know, when you have responsibilities, responsibilities, when they all move out? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I've kind of finished asking the main questions aren't cool. Do you have anything else you wanted to share? around this topic? That's sort of on your mind. Oh, we've been quite we've talked about life universe and everything. We have covered a lot. Yeah. I mean, it's probably important to it's probably important to note that you know, the partnership I have with with my wife is that she's, she's, she's not creative, you know, she's practical. And and that sort of makes for a you know, this stability in particularly in my sort of crazy stinking start type of thing so that's probably something that's that's worth that's worth mentioning that that sort of made it work may will gave me the the license to be creative as well. To know that that practical side of things getting looked after and you know, finances and all that little that type of thing so that's probably something that's that's helped a lot throughout the throughout the child rearing years as well and having you know, and also she's really good at this because the full boys there's so much stuff on and someone's got to be here and someone's got to be Oh, yeah, yeah. And and there's and there's excursion on this day, and then there's a carnival over here and then there's we have to go away for six hours or whatever it is all those types of things. You know, she manages all of that. I don't really want I'd just you know, it's literally Ah, you What's going what's happening? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. So that's been an important thing that's allowed me that's, that's, you know, I'm grateful that that's allowed me to have that. That license to think think out in the clouds and out in the cosmos wherever my brain goes while I'm trying to think of new ways to explore sound and music. So, yeah. Good on it. It to me it takes a team doesn't it? Like it's you know, yeah, yeah, yeah, it would, you know, it's obviously much. I mean, it has its challenges as well. So you got to gotta acknowledge that it's, you know, that takes work. And it's not just something that sort of is something you just breeze through. Yeah. Conversation certainly change from talking about stuff to talking about children. Yeah. And yeah, that's it. And then you just go to sleep because it's stuffed Yeah. Plenty of times now where sleep before? Tick, they're older children. Yeah. And, you know, they're not too bad though. They're, they're pretty good at getting themselves to sleep. But they say teenagers have a completely different body clock. Yeah, they do. They designed. They're designed to, they're designed to and this is, again, you know, this SSID is strange. But yeah, teenagers are designed to get up later and go to go to sleep later and get up later. Yeah, that's what they're there's Cayden rhythms. That's what they're designed to do. Who knows what that's for? I don't know what that's for. I read any research. This is the thing, right? Like, this is the I was reading about this the other week. Because same thing, Alex is up, I go to bed, and he's up for like, 14, it was up to me. And it's like, what special pair I have these kids got that were stifling, because we're making them get up and go to school at eight in the morning. Yeah. What are they supposed to be doing with this? Well, you know, if you think about the way I like to think about these things, is that, you know, if humans have been around for like, who knows? Like, I'm gonna just pull out 100,000 years, you know, we've spent the last, you know, say 90 90,000 years in this evolving as humans like, that tribal sort of situation. And what were they what were the what were teenagers? Doing? Yeah. What is their role late at night, up until about 12 o'clock, when someone else might have taken over from whatever they were doing? Yeah, keeping the community doing something. Who knows? I'm just guessing, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah. And then we've just gone shook. Yeah, yeah. Everything we have. And we've, we've, we've, it's good. The cookie cutter, you know? And, you know, but it's funny, because, you know, we look, you look back to Pink Floyd the wall. And that's what that was all about, you know, and we're still I mean, we wrote a musical about Mark back, we wrote a musical about that, you know, and we wrote a musical about, you know, music had been ousted in society. And if you were caught playing music you'd be asked to do to wastelands. And, you know, and that all came from the psychological damage that this the leader of the community had as a child. Right. And that's pretty deep in US. Classic. It's classic. Yeah. It was, it was it was a classic show will well, quite intense about, about the system and the education system. And, you know, and the way that sometimes it gives, it also gives people interesting positions of power as well. And they might not always be the right person for that particular role that they're doing. And, you know, and everyone, everyone listening would have had that experience in schools, you know, whether, you know, whether it was a teacher, or somebody else but someone that was just abusing their, their power. And that's another interesting thing about because they're the school models in the world where the kids actually choose Is the employment that happens that that the school including the principal and everything that yeah, Sudbury schools? Yeah. And they don't have to study anything. They can spend their time playing video games if they choose where are the sky? And I don't know if there are any in Australia or not say, wow, there's interviews with schools and so some kids are works and doesn't work for all kids. But yeah, see, that's the thing isn't nothing's going to because there's not a one size fits. It's not a one size fits all. Yeah, well, you know, yeah, like, yeah, yeah. So So were you able to use your platform as like, writing these musicals to, to sort of I don't want to say we're putting ideas into children's head, but you were you were getting your ideas across of your thoughts of the schooling system and challenging and perhaps getting the kids to think about things a bit differently? Oh, sure. Yeah, yeah. Probably didn't think of it like that. But yeah. You know, that. What are we going to tell the kids? No, we wanted. So what we wanted, what we really wanted, when we did our musicals was that we wanted to, because I was sick of seeing these musicals that were meant for adults, you know, they were and you just see kids playing out our roles. And it's like, Well, it'd be, it'd be much more appropriate if kids could play kids roles. And what we wanted to do was empower kids in the musical. So the heroes, we're always going to be the kids, the kids save the day. And then all three musicals that we write kids save the day, because it's empowering for the kids. And they are, you know, most of them are playing kids. There's some kids that play on this, because you can't get around that. So that was the main thing. But yes, we were talking about, we're talking about issues that that we liked to talk about, that we were passionate about, you know, and the first one was the education system. The second, the second one was the earth. Yeah. And it was built around this story about some, some indigenous people were talking about the effects of uranium mining in Central Australia. So it was built around that idea. And then the third one was a multi storey development going to be built on top of this beachfront. And the kids are worried about their Lou's gonna lose their fish and chip shop. So and of course, there was a local environmental problems as well. And it was all about plastic. And that's the stuff. So we had stuff that we were sort of really passionate about, we wanted the kids to know about. And we wanted, you know, we wanted them to know that this is this is this is the world you growing up in. And there's no reason why you can't be a hero in that world. And that's sort of where we giving them the eight ships of agency that they can have an impact, even though in in the world set up of the adults are in charge, and the adults do everything. But the kids actually, they have so much power that they can, you know, bring? Yeah, well, I mean, you know, literally the kids, the kids are the future. So, I mean, you know, and we're stuffing up their world. Yeah, I mean, seeing Whitney Houston, yeah. But she was right, she was in school rock, Jack Black says that the staff, you know, teach them well and let them lead the way. Frequency Fridays, every second Friday, I'm going to be offering some type of sound bath at the inner Sanctuary Collective and be super reasonably priced. And the idea is to build a community around sound, which is when price gets so reasonably. And there'll be different things. But at the end of the day, you know, the themes are just there for a framework, you can come for any type of experience. I like that. I might have a, I might have a stillness theme where everything is going to be a bit still or might have an electric theme or everything's going to be electric. You just see where it takes you. Yeah, that's exactly right. Yeah. And, yeah, I'm pretty excited about that. That's, you know, I think that for it to happen, I need to I have some consistency. So you know, try and offer it. Yeah, every fortnight. Yeah. And yeah. And if people want to find out which fortnight so you're just hitting me up on Instagram is the best thing to do. So, yeah, I'll put the links in the show notes. Yeah. today. Thank you so much for coming on, Scott. It's been an absolute pleasure. I've really enjoyed this chat. We've gone to some deep, interesting places, and I've really enjoyed that. Thank you. Yes, absolutely. My pleasure. Have a lovely day. You know, just have a feeling. Yeah, let the conversation sort of late itself. So yeah, very grateful. Thanks for your company today. If you've enjoyed this episode, I'd love you to consider leaving us a review, following or subscribing to the podcast, or even sharing it with a friend who you think might be interested. If you or someone you know would like to be a guest on the podcast. Please get in touch with us by the link in the show notes. I'll catch you again next week for another chat with an artistic mum.