Welcome to the Art of Being a mum podcast, where I Alison Newman, a singer songwriter, and Ozzy mum of two enjoys honest and inspiring conversations with artists and creators about the joys and issues they've encountered. While trying to be a mum and continue to create. You'll hear themes like the mental juggle, changes in identity, how their work has been influenced by motherhood, mum guilt, cultural norms, and we also strain to territory such as the patriarchy, feminism, and capitalism. You can find links to my guests and topics we discussed in the shownotes, along with a link to the music played, how to get in touch, and a link to join our supportive and lively community on Instagram. I'll always put a trigger warning if we discuss sensitive topics on the podcast. But if at any time you're concerned about your mental health, I urge you to talk to those around you reach out to health professionals, or seek out resources online, I've compiled a list of international resources which can be accessed on the podcast landing page, Alison Newman dotnet slash podcast, the art of being a mum we'd like to acknowledge the traditional owners of the land and water, which this podcast is recorded on as being the Bondic people in the barren region. I'm working on land that was never seen it.

Thank you so much for tuning in to this very special episode, a look back at season three of the podcast. I'm gonna take a short break over the next week. And then be back with season four. I hope you enjoy this recap, my favorite quotes from my guests of season three

Dec finer, Australian illustrator.

And to all the parents out there. Like I thought that by the time I was quite when I got when I first got pregnant. And I was I mean I was young was 30, which is young. Now by today's hearing. I just thought my luck, I hadn't reached my potential and it was too late now that I was becoming a parent, I remember feeling like so sad about that. And I only really came into I found my purpose at about 35. And I think that's quite young now that I think of it. But at the time, I thought if I didn't hit my stride when I was like 25 then I hadn't made it successfully. And it was just such a nice feeling to know that you don't have to, like with maturity comes so many more insights into the world they've allowed me to be to create this poster my kids you know. So that was great.

Lena George, a US author.

I was I think even from the beginning, I was thinking okay, when am I going to phase it back in before he was born. So I quit my job like a couple of months before he was born to finish the book that I was working on and you know, get do things for myself because I knew that that was going to be more difficult. But I also remember saying to someone, yeah, I'm thinking I'll take a couple of weeks totally off and then you know, I'll like get back get back into it. And now I tell people if they're expecting their first I'm like Alright, so this is what I thought was gonna happen. And it is so absurd I feel embarrassed even saying it now. Don't expect that of yourself at all, like the first three months are like just don't even it's it'll just be a black hole in your memory. And then the first year actually is like really hard and then it starts to get a little easier. But it's so the first year was that was a tricky negotiation. Because and I was I was kind of like full time parent, but I was still trying to like wedge the writing work in and it sometimes was not successful. And it's just as soon as I guess it's when my son was two. He started going to preschool two days a week and then three he went three days a week and now he's in school five days a week and I can have a much more like adult schedule

Rebecca McMartin Australian podcaster and mental health advocate.

Like even if you don't have mental ill health, it is okay to acknowledge that motherhood and especially that newborn stage can be shipped. Yes, it can be awesome. It can also be really, really hot and I think It's so important that we talk about that because there are mothers out there who feel alone, like, yes, they might not have a mental illness, but they still feel like they're suffering on their own. We don't want anyone to feel like that.

And that whole sort of pressure that society has on us that it's, like we've touched on, it's got to be a certain way, mothers should be able to do it. And if you ever complain about how hard it is, oh, well, you wanted to have children, you know, this way that society just shuts

lately, completely, like, oh, but you wanted to have a job? Why are you complaining about your job? Like, it's the same bullshit, but we don't say that to someone who's got a nine to five and is complaining in nine to five. You know, we, it is ridiculous.

Holly Norman, a professional musician, and wellness practitioner from Western Australia.

So I went away to Tasmania for 10 days. And I did a creative music intensive with the Australian Art orchestra. Which, when I applied for it, I mean, I started the year last year, like, I was still breastfeeding, like, I breastfed until she was just under two. And I just applied for it and thought, you know, what, if this is meant to happen, I'll get in, they'll give me a place, I'll rediscover what it was like to be a museum again, and like be a creative person, because I'm really deprioritized being a creative in my own right, that whole time, really, I'd say I was living in Melbourne, like I just really focused on festival work, and which is a different type of creative work and problem solving. But it's not writing and playing music. So that was a really, that was a really big thing, you know, going away for such a long time. And I'd waned her by then, but still, I remember right up until I got on the plane, I was like, I'm gonna turn around and go home. This is crazy. Like, who am I to take 10 days away from my child and to put that load onto my partner? And yeah, I did. I did have a lot of guilt for sure. About what, like I said before, what the cost of that was for everyone else. And, you know, we're lucky that we have so much family support, so I really just didn't have to worry about her. She could not have cared less than that was gone. Definitely was harder for me. But yeah, I it was, that was a big shift for me going on that trip. I'm so glad I did it.

Alicia burns, a podcaster. And author based in Australia,

I didn't realize how much I would love being a mum, and how much I became myself as a result. And it just made me really want to help other women make that choice as well. The amount of women that I met who are a bit older than me, will I wish that had been an option or that I'd gone down that path. I didn't want other people to be in that situation. So I thought this is a resource that I could help create. And what was most important was that there was an Australian voice for it, because there were many podcasts around the world, but not specifically with an Australian voice. And of course, every state is different what you go through and just want to provide a variety of stories, but also give people hope.

On a McCaskey, a US counselor and podcaster

point where you you don't know yourself. Yeah, it's really hard to trust yourself. And then you get caught in that compare game. Yeah. And it reinforces that feeling or that belief of being inadequate, or like never measuring up, right. And then we have these huge to do lists that also create this feeling of like, I'm never good enough, or I'm never enough. And so by removing that and recognizing, like collecting the evidence that says otherwise, because there's plenty of evidence that says that you are a good mom, right? Like you said, like looking at that definition. And you're like, No, like, why am I holding myself to this double standard, but you've got to be aware that you're doing that because so many times we do it in our mind. And we continue we compare ourselves to other people, we compare ourselves to this definition. And it's not getting us anywhere except feeling worse about ourselves. It keeps us in this like perpetuating cycle.

Eliza Howell, a musician, author, and disability advocate from Victoria in Australia.

I really don't like to feeling when I'm at an airport or in a different city. And I say, mother with a child. It's just like yeah, I'm just like, why am I not that mother? Why am I here? Why am I doing all of this? Like it just yeah, it feeds into that guilt can be really a horrible feeling. And then you kind of realize that who knows what that mother's reeling in that moment and maybe No, tomorrow she'll be going on a trip or you know, I guess it just for some reason you always think that you are doing the wrong thing.

I Lusamine Australian fiction author

write quite a lot in my job. But to have that sort of also hobby creative writing is so important. And I feel so much better. You know, I've had a bit of time to write, and usually, actually always my writing time, like, in bed with a baby on me writing on Google docs on my phone. How I wrote this book, the whole thing. So you know, it's just fit in somewhere, but then the rest of the afternoon is like, oh, you know, I've done something for myself. Yeah, can be a better mother for it. Definitely.

Bethany Kingsley garner a ballerina from the UK.

My first season back, I did the ballet called My scandal at Miley. And I play two roles. And one of the roles was a bride that actually was a you know, it was a bedroom scene, but it was extremely rough environment. And this is my first season back. Oh, after. So I felt a lot more in shade of where I was being touched. Right. And whereas pre birth, I guess, physically, I would have just ran into that not even second. And then it was yeah, it was a little bit more tentative. I wasn't in my own skin yet. Now I am. But this unit, you're talking maybe seven months after birth? So you're really like, is my leg coming with me? Or is it still on the other side of the room? On the floor today, or are they going to be touching? Like it was really sort of, but I had heart and soul in it. But yeah. So physically, that's, I'm not as carefree as I was, with my body, letting maybe awesome fight or flight mode. I'm a bit nervous being lifted, heavy. But now I have something to seriously not get injured for. You're listening to the art of being a mom with my mom, Alison Newman.

Poehler Bosetti, a mixed media visual artist from the US. Was that something that you were sort of? I know what I wanted her to say that I must put this in air quotes. You weren't just her mom, because we never just met.

But that you also doing things for yourself?

Yes, that was really important to me. Because I always wanted her to have a strong opinion of who she was as a person, and not other labels attached. And so I wanted her to know that, you know, I was more than, you know, I'm not just my job, I'm not just a mother, you know, I have things that I'm passionate about. And then I'm going to pursue those things, because those are the things that light us up and, and fulfill our lives. And so it's always worth chasing that dream. And that passion. And, and that other things, you know, may not be as important as we think they are, you know, so I wanted I always took her with me, she knew that I was doing other things. And on the other hand, on the flip side of that, though, when I was teaching and I had to go back to school a lot and be taking courses, you know, there was a time where I was going for my masters that it was weekend courses. So I would be gone Friday night, all day, Saturday and all day Sunday. And some of those weekends were birthdays, you know, her 10th birthday, I was in class and so I had that difference difficult time of trying to figure out you know, how do I balance this and make it okay. I can remember being in a class and giving a presentation and just cry, you know, like bursting into tears because it was her birthday and I wasn't there you know, to celebrate it with her but that mom guilt right.

Dwayne and messin Australian vocal loops artist and musician.

And the thing that I have struggled with the most is the fact that I used to spend my entire week, if I had any creative idea, I could write them in there, stick with it, and create. And that was just, oh my gosh, it was so hard for me to have to, like locking key ideas and be like, later, later, later, later, because I was that person that was like, I'd have an idea in the morning and it would be recorded in the evening. Yeah, yeah. So that's been something, the amount of creativity that I am able to do is significantly less but because I think I went from so much to nothing. I can two days a week feels like absolute heaven. I'm like, I'll take it. I'll take it. Oh, my God, one hour, fantastic. Like cam can take focus out for like, for an afternoon on the weekend. And I just get to stay home and do like anything to do with my art. And I feel like a different woman. Yes. And so it's been like, hard fought to get to this. And I'm, I think I'm, like very grateful. I'm really quick at doing stuff now. Like, even quicker than I was before. Because I go, Okay, you have four hours, and you have to get all this done. Go. Yeah, it's like, I don't I don't go with this work. I could trust the idea. Trust the idea.

Naturally, Harrison, a jewelry designer and maker from South Australia.

before I had kids are was very, very career oriented, orientated. And I remember feeling, you know, I'd go home at the end of the week, and I just couldn't wait to go back to work. Yeah, and it was just me and my partner and adults. So you know, it was nobody really kind of relying on me see, so I was very self centered in that respect, it was just, I just want to go back to work and, and, you know, I had projects that I was really passionate about, and I was trying to progress my career. And you know, I was feeling very successful, I guess, in my own right, in that sense. And then I had my daughter and I stayed home with her until she was about eight months old. And then it was at that point, I started kind of itching to go back to work. And I went back and it was just like, like, somebody flipped a switch. It was just I think when I, when I went back in the beginning, I thought it was just, you know, a transitional thing, because I was getting used to being away from my daughter all the time. And I was driving down into the city every day. And I kind of put it down to that. But then, after a while, I kind of realized my drive for my career had kind of stalled. And it wasn't everything to me anymore, um, for obvious reasons. And, yeah, that that whole being, you know, a single career driven woman. It just wasn't there anymore.

Hannah Olson, a painter based in the US

when I had my first after, you know, after a month or so, we kind of got in a little bit more of a rhythm. And I was able to set aside like a cat, I'm going to wake up an hour earlier, and focus on myself and have an hour of painting and get that done. And that was really helpful for me. But I discovered, the more kids you have, the less you can plan. It is so difficult to plan when you have three little mines, completely different to yours.

Elora VR, noi, a UK based photographer,

I always needed to like have a space where I could lock myself in and just do something for me, which usually ended up being something creative. Yeah, it happens. But I kind of lost that for a while. Especially when the girls were really little. It was just either I was mom. And between naps. I was trying to get this business off the ground. And then it was kid and then it was the business and then it was the kids and then it was the business and that's all it was it was either work or family. Yeah. And for a while there and I was like at a certain I was I need something I need to do creative outlet. I need to do something for me. And although I was doing like little photo project kind of mini things for me like taking you know, I have a 365 project, which is a photo a day basically and then I put it in a little album. Yeah, at the end of the year and it's just like the Year in Review kind of thing. So I was still I was kind of doing that, but I wasn't really doing anything else for me,

Jennifer Donahue, a painter and writer from Ireland,

I think it's important to address all the emotions. Motherhood isn't just joy, it is grief, there is loss, whether whether you've lost pregnancies or loss, or you know, I mean, there's a sense of, you know, like, you lose yourself a little bit because you gain a new you, it's important to talk about my journey because you know, that is very came from you there is loss and grief and stuff associated with being a parent being a modern with there's so many happy moments are so many nice moments, and it's just working on what never diminished and just, it's all flowers, it's like, it's based on I can't wait to meet you. So you know, all these like new moments that you have with your kids. So obviously, the first moment we've seen opened our newborn, and they just arrived what beach stepped into child's life is kind of a new step for you and your relationship with your kids, you know, and it's, it's amazing.

Sarah Higgins, an Australian podcaster

obviously, I can relate to mom guilt, but it's just this extension of like, woman guilt that I've had with my whole life. And, you know, a cousin's like, I've been a bit obsessed with that idea, since I read that a few weeks ago, and I just thought, oh my gosh, like, so much mental energy goes into being a woman that then is exacerbated as a mother because there's all these expectations on you. And we really have this, like, I'm not enough of the stuff that I should be, you know, focusing on too much of stuff. And, you know, we have this contradiction that we just sit in all the time. And yeah, like, just my own experience happened. And I still doubt it. Like I went through, and I was less evidence that it happened. And I still kind of go maybe I'm just thinking big deal. But like, yeah, I shouldn't have been deal with it. Because that's what it is. And that's the same of any story, like anything that's happened to you. It's important and relatable.

Joe Maloney, Australian singer, songwriter, and musician.

It took them a long time to understand. They would see me go to choir. Yeah. And every every Monday night, and it would be sort of quickly shoveling down my throat and off I went. And for a long time, it would be like like a movie. Why are you going and they just didn't understand that. And I distinctly remember one day doing something writing something and and Max coming out. I don't even know how old he was. He probably was about seven or eight coming into the end is going, Mom, you shouldn't be making music. You should be making my lunch

No, I think it's very important for them to see that. I have other interests outside of being a mum. And I know lots of mums will agree when when you say that. It makes you a better mum. Because you're happy.

Thanks for your company today. If you've enjoyed this episode, I'd love you to consider leaving us a review, following or subscribing to the podcast, or even sharing it with a friend who you think might be interested. The music you heard featured on today's episode was from LM Joe, which is my new age ambient music trio comprised of myself, my sister, Emma Anderson and her husband John. If you'd like to learn more, you can find a link to us in the show notes. If you or someone you know would like to be a guest on the podcast, please get in touch with us via the link in the show notes. I'll catch you again next week for another chat with an artistic mum.